Why We Want to Please Others So Badly and How It Eff’s Us Up.

People pleasing makes you wishy washy and unattractive.

People pleasing is NOT an endearing characteristic.
People pleasing is disrespectful to everyone in the relationship.
People pleasing is a manipulative act of insecurity and lack of self-worth and love.
It will only get you an illusion of what you desire.
Never will you truly gain what you want from any relationship by attempting to bend over backward and have pores boundaries just to avoid confrontation or rejection.

When we come into a relationship with the concept that we MUST do this or that in order to be worthy of …(fill in the blank) then we do a great disservice not only to ourselves but to the integrity of the relationship and the other person that we are acting in relationship with.

People pleasing is for those who believe that they MUST provide a result or response according to another’s desires at the cost of their very truth. It is a form of performance anxiety that those who get trapped in this concept that we are here to serve others and are in some fashion responsible for others feelings, actions or thoughts.

As one matures in relationship perspective and does the inner mindset work and healing work of releasing attachment to old traumas and belief structures one can come to terms with personal responsibility and being proactive for one’s own needs, thoughts, feelings and actions. As this comes about you can see that no other is ever responsible for making us do anything nor is it their assuring of an outcome for our lives or needs.

From this clearing perspective one can see with greater ease that we too are not at fault for another’s ideas that they may turn over to us.

When we demand of someone to be in alignment to what we want of them without any thought or inquiry as to their interest of being in alignment we do two things:

1) we attempt to take control or power of another’s feelings, responses, desires, etc.
2) we give our power away to them by giving them responsibility over our needs being met thus we relinquish our power in creating the happiness, connection or anything focused on as the ultimate goal.

Simply put by demanding that another please us we turn over our happiness to their control and in turn by being a people pleaser we turn over our power to our happiness by wagering our authentic answers and feelings to make another happy in hopes to gain happiness for ourselves.

It is a devaluing circle of not wanting to own responsibility of our own happiness.

Happiness, much like anything else that we strive for in life (i.e. freedom, intimacy, peace, love, etc) must come from within. No outside influence will ever guarantee any of these things to maintain in our life. It is up to each of us INDIVIDUALLY to guarantee them through our dedication of turning inward and finding them at our core, then revealing them to our lives through our energetic response to life.

When we choose to lower our vibration through the scarcity thinking that we are to earn these things instead of unveiling them from within…

(Because they are always with us and can never be taken from us)

we choose to use ourselves,
our time,
our finances,
our resources of any kind,
our sex,
our love,
our acts of service,
etc.

as commerce to BUY that which we are currently not feeling worthy of.

We trade ourselves,
our very truth,
for a false or temporary version of that which we desire to have.

By doing this we disrespect and attempt to manipulate the relationship and the beauty of what could potentially come through it.

You are worthy of happiness.
You are worthy of love.
You are worthy of freedom.
You are worthy of peace.
You are worthy of abundance.

You were born this way and these things are not goals to be earned. they are gifts given to us by the creator and are accessible at any moment on our life path when we so choose them over our fear and ego based concepts that have been instilled in us to prevent us from fully embrace our powerful nature as co-creators of this world and our lives.

You always have a choice,
and no one can ever take these gifts away from you.
It is your choice to live in bondage and fear which will lead you on a path of suffering and disconnection,
or you can choose to open up to love.
Open up to faith.
Open up to the freedom of your true self.

All these desires are FEELINGS that one wants to obtain,
but can not hold onto if the power of their creation is handed over to anyone but SELF.

KNOW your worth.
ALLOW yourself to receive your blessings,
through your Focus and commitment to living in INTEGRITY of SOUL.

And As Always,
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One Reply to “Why We Want to Please Others So Badly and How It Eff’s Us Up.”

  1. It is a really good article that brings us to think when we are being gentle, kind and giving something because we are moved by what we have in our hearts, which means, authentic unconditional love, and when we are actually doing all that, being gentle, trying to please others, giving something, because we are trying to buy them, to get a ticket to our way in their lives, which would be on lack of worthiness, as well written in this article, based on Absence of unconditional love. True worthiness comes from unconditional love, so whatever we send and offer to others, is TOTALLY regardless of what they have, what they do or don’t do, even from who they are. It is up to us to nurture that unconditional love, connect our soul to our Creator, leading to an amazing feeling of worthiness. Although not easy, it is simple: Have Faith. This article brings quite a lot to think about it, Kendal. I hope people feel the blessings coming from those words 🙂

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