WOMEN WHO ARE BAD IN BED SHOW SIMILAR SIGNS.

WOMEN WHO ARE BAD IN BED SHOW SIMILAR SIGNS.

Sex is fucking fun to me.
If with the right person that is.
I can be really fun and adventurous in bed and I can be boring as well.
It really depends on how into the person I am,
if I am caught up in my head,
if I can trust the person I am having sex with and to what level,
if I feel like they can handle all aspects of me.
and of course the chemistry, the connection, that energetic spark.
If it is there then I am more than likely going to be far more “fun” than if I am trying to create a spark that is not really there for whatever reason,
like seeing how great a guy is or how awesome a catch he is but not having that natural primal spark.

When I have all the stars aligned,
and am with someone then it’s certainly adventurous and playful,
There is communication happening from body to voice and desires are shared and asked for.

Which I have found not a ton of men expereince in sex with women.
I have been told repeatedly by just a few hands full of men,
lol… we are not getting into my body count today.
That I make sex extra enjoyable.
That my partner can feel me fully with them.

So I decided to start to inquire with my current and past lovers about this topic to get a greater depth,
wanting to know what it is about my sexing and relating style that keeps guys hooked for decades and knocking at my door to see if I am open to more with them. What has landed me with many men wanting to commit so eagerly?

Here is what I came up with:

WHEN I AM INTO A MAN I TURN UP MY KISSING –
I have been told that I am a bad kisser by a few guys over the years, or meh kisser, nothing special and I have been told that I made a guy cum just from a kiss and left mystery and desire with a kiss. The difference that I have figured out is my openness to the man and my attraction to him, my desire for him. If I am not feeling it then I am a shitty kisser, and if I am feeling it then get ready for mind blowing. I believe that this is true for many people of both sexes however. Then there are the people who are just crappy kissers in general, they have no rhythm, they show no passion, they do not know how to get fully engaged in a kiss. An old lover/friend of mine who is from the UK always has told me that I understand snogging, (kissing with intent). I believe that this is a key secret to mind blowing kissing, can you make your partner feel as though you are ravishing them in bed just by kissing them? Women who suck in bed cannot.

I LET MY LOVER KNOW WHAT I WANT IN BED NON-VERBALLY PRETTY GOOD… AND IF HE DOES NOT GET IT I SPEAK IT!
When I have good or great chemistry with someone then our non-verbal communication is on point. I have learned and have pretty much always been that woman who is not afraid to take a man’s hand or cock and put them right where I want, let alone wrap myself however feels best to me and grind how I desire. Recently an old lover/friend of mine said to me, “You know you are a switch.” For those of you who are not familiar with this term it means that I switch from dominant to submissive in sex. And yes I am just that. I love a good power play in bed. It also requires one to have pretty good non-vevrbal communication skills and a sense of playfulness and confidence.

Women who are bad in bed have trouble communicating verbally and nonverbally. They fumble and feel insecure, often presenting a rag doll or limp noodle version of themselves because they are uncertain as to how or what to do. Women who cannot communicate non-verbally in bed are not good at increasing sexual tension through their eye contact, body language, breathing and actions. I have found that non-verbal communication in bed is a great sign as to how good chemistry and energetic connection is with a partner. One of my longest sexual relationships would always share with me that he loved how our bodies engaged and I always moved with him in perfect rhythm.

I AM EXTREMELY VERBAL ABOUT MY SEXING AND DESIRES, PAST, PRESENT AND WANTING FOR THE FUTURE.

I read awhile back about a study done about women who could not talk about sex opennly and how that related to their sexual confidence. It was stated that open relating about sex showed a persons comfort with their sexuality and desires. Which would also lead to a sign that someone is more likely to be fun and tuned into sex better. I have heard from many men over the course of the years how they wish women would share more about what they want, need and desire sexually and how so many women shut down around actual communication or questioning. Funny how us ladies will talk to our girl friends about what is happening in the bedroom but we won’t talk to the people we are actually having sex with in such candid fashion. Women who talk about sex are more confident in bed. Not to mention sex is just better if you can get a little vocal and not freak the fuck out about someone hearing you or what anyone thinks.

I LOVE BEING NAKED AS WELL AS CLOTHED.
Sexual confidence can be seen outside of the bedroom and it is not just about nudity, however it certainly can show up here most because women in general have a massive amount of body images. Self included. But can you let go of the insecurities that you have and surrender to the moment. Can you learn to truly love yourself no matter your imperfections. A woman who shows signs of insecurity in other areas of her life will more than likely have insecurities in the bedroom. If she is struggling with money, health, body, feeling worthy or lovable, then you will see this come out in her sexing as well. She will struggle to drop down and be able to connect at any real level. Your sexing will feel shallow with her, making for a poor lover.

I LOVE AN ADVENTURE.
Adventurous women are sexually fun women I believe and so I have been told by men. Just the other day a man looked at me and said, ” You are one of those fun women.” This was said after we had shared a deeply profound and passion driven few hours together without any sex. When we are open to experimenting, to play and adventure in our lives we are more likely to explore in the bedroom as well. Having sex in the same manor all the time, getting into the same routine or not being open to oral sex, exploration of any sort shows a person who is boring in bed. Women are more known to shut this arena down then men, making for a dimmer sex life.

SEX IS ABOUT HUMOR AS WELL AS PASSION.

I laugh a lot in sex. I laugh about the very human things that can take place such as queefing, passing gas, burping, sweating and accidents that cause things to break like your bed or a lamp. When I have had a few orgasms I get a real high and laughter rolls from me easily in my sex, I giggle like a school girl as I am cumming sometimes and may throw myself into a sneezing fit, I have been known to cough or sneeze my partner right out of my body as well as squirt so much female ejaculate that the whole bed had to be replaced ( that happened for reals in Mexico one time). Sex is messy. There is no space for OCD, there is no space for fear of being human, and there is no space in good sex for insecurities around sex related humor. I am very serious when I say if your woman is playful then you are more than likely going to have fun in bed, if she is overly caught up in fear of being seen or making a mistake then you will most likely not be happy in bed with her.

A woman who is passionate about life will be more likely to show passion in bed as well.
If your woman is lost in life and uncertain about who she is or her life purpose, then she will show this in bed too and be uncertain and cautious with her passion. She may even not be able to feel passion in sex as it is such a foregin things for her.

WHAT YOU EAT YOUR PARTNER CONSUMES TOO.

Diet and exercise. OMFG! Don’t get me started. This is vitally important and I cannot image sex with a woman who does not take care of her diet and exercise being very pleasent let a lone good. To put it simply, why would you ever expect your man to desire you sexually if your pH is all sorts of out of whack, making your vaginal juices and body odor to breath nasty. What we eat plays such a big role in our sex and as I just recenlt told one man, ” Clean eating is sexy.” Our diets say a lot about our overall health, emotional and mental as well and physical. Eating healthy helps to stabilize hormones and guarantees a healthy gut which is where 80% of our immune system comes from. Eating shit foods causes yeast infections, bacterial infections and more. Not fun for sexing for sure. And exercise provides us with the ability to have better stamina and flexibility, so that we can comfortably maintain a playful moment with our partner.
Women who disregaurd their health for whatever reason are uncaring of their sex as well.
An older lover of mine would often say to me that I had a pampered pussy. When I asked what he meant by this he shared that he loved going down on me because he knew how I pampered her with my diet choices, hygiene and exercise for my whole body as well as my vaginal exercises that I consistently do. He made it clear that he loved what he was enjoying and he shared it was not normal.

I have heard from many men over the years that they are fearful of going down on a woman because of hygiene and bodily smells and tastes. This applies to men as well, no fun for us ladies if you guys are not conscientious. Clean eating is fucking sexy!

Okay, so there is my little share from what I have learned from current and past lovers.

Everything shared here pertains to men as well.
A man who is good in bed will be aware of these things as well.
Where a man who is not good in his sexing and does not have the consciousness to be aware of these things will prove to have all the same challenges that a woman does who sucks in bed.

Making your sex life gourmet has more to do with your confidence, ability to find humor in life and let things go, play and explore, be adventourous and knowi yourself as well as a desire to take care of yourself and communicate then it does with what you choose to wear, what your body figure is actually like, your age or how great you deem your physical skills.

A great lover knows that CONNECTION is primary,
COMMUNICATION is secondary,
and KNOWING YOURSELF AND LOVING YOURSELF is key.

How do you rate your sex?

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

October Asskickery Month is almost upon us.
Are you wanting to make some changes in your life, love or sex?
Want to take action but do not know where to start?
Need a swift kick to get what you want?
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THE NAMES MEN CALL WOMEN AND THE EFFECT THEY CAN HAVE.

SWEETIE. BABY GIRL. CUTIE. LITTLE LADY.
These are among some of my most hated terms.
When a man speaks these words to me,
they send me running energetically away from him.
Nothing is more disgusting than being referred to as a small cute child like soul when you are a grown ass woman.
It certainly is not sexy to be called these things,
unless you are among the pedofilies in the world who get off on such things.
And I guess according to laws that are being tossed around for approval right now,
pedofilia is “natural.”
So maybe I am wrong here in my views.
Maybe I just believe that sexual relationship and sexual come ons should be directed at consenting adults,
and to call a woman a girl is something belittling.
Perhaps.
Or perhaps the term “girl” “sweetie” or “baby girl” is conducive for women who are not comfortable in their sexuality, in their flesh and their stature as a woman.
Perhaps some appreciate to be called such names because they find safety in a man holding the power over them as such.
And believe me, I can understand the beauty and turn on in power play and that a woman in her feminine may appear more ditzy at times, lighthearted and playful. Almost a child like innocence to her character,
but calling a woman,
“little, cute, or girl” is certainly not words of affirmation about her powerful being, or strong sexuality, or sensualness.
Terms that relate to children in my opinion should just remain out of adult sexual play or courting.
But THAT is just me.
That is just what I am turned off too.
And the reality is that if you are turned on to it and you are a woman who loves to be be called “girl” for whatever reason,
then fucking go for it.
YOU DO YOU.
I stand firm in my opinion that there is not really anything that is abnormal or unhealthy about our sexual desires or differences.
Nothing except for when we wrap in children or animals.
Neither of these can authentically consent or have the mental/emotional capability of making a decision based on sound understanding, nor are they physically built for such acts.
But that is a whole different story,
one I could go deeply passionate about because of the shit transpiring in our world that everyone is wanting to hide and turn their attention from,
but it is so fucking real.
Anyway back to the name calling.
The thing I want to point out is a level of respect that names share.
The names that we choose to call people by telling a story of how we see that person, how we feel or think of them.
And then you have the flip side of that,
The names that we call people impact that person based on their past, and can trigger many emotions and responses.
Some can be wonderful and deep.
Some can be painful and shameful.
Some can trigger feelings of “You have no right.”
In other words,
you need to get to know the person you are calling on with such terms prior to just assuming that it is okay.
For example,
I hate being called “honey” but I allow one friend/lover to do such because it is his word with me. It has been built up over a decade of a deep friendship and intimacy and I actually feel an endearing to him when he checks in on me and says,
“honey.” But anyone else, OMFG! Just shut up and get away from me. Not okay.
I have a handful of men that I feel good about being called “babe” with, these men have a certain masculine vibe with me that it works. And they do not over use it. But when I get random messages on social media or a text from someone that is not at this level of my inner circle saying that, they get bitch-tood right back at them or ignored.
And the word “sweetie,” or “baby girl” or “cutie” — WELL THROW UP!
I don’t care who you are, it’s not working. Makes me want to grab someone by the balls and do not so nice things.
WHY?
Just because that is how I personally feel about these words.
They are fighting words to me if anything.
Many men like to call women “love” and it is a pretty general term these days,
I even catch myself saying it to people.
But not random people I have never met or do not know well enough to exchange terms of endearment with,
and I always make sure that the feelings are mutual and I am not crossing any lines.
But again,
many men tend to think it okay to approach out the gates with this comment,
believing that women will be captivated and I guess drop to their knees and say, “OMG where have you been all my life, I feel so much love coming from you, I just can’t control myself. I must get with you.” —- REALLY?
Said no confident woman ever to a man who drops a cheap ass line like that or any of the ones above.
Name calling is a big deal,
weather you want to believe it or not,
agree with my feelings on these names or not,
I can promise you one thing,
when someone calls you a name,
or you call someone a name,
you feel something,
and that impression that you feel sets a boundary.
Sets a tone to the whole relationship.
Just the other day a dear man in my life messaged me,
“Good morning Kendal.”
I have chosen to allow this man into my more intimate world,
into my inner circle and life and connect deeper with me. This has occurred over a year of deep relating and learning each other,
and so I responded back and said,
“Please call me Rene ( my middle name) it’s the name I choose to go by with those close to my heart.”
Now first, dear men reading this, if you are not this man or the few, and I mean VERY FUCKING few people that I am down for using my middle name, then please DO NOT message me saying “hey Rene”
that will not get you any brownie points.
Second, what I was sharing with him was my trust.
My heart and that I was wanting and willing to be more vulnerable, more seen with him.
That he had earned it by being a man that respected me in so many ways.
Had he played his cards different and called me by any of the names above on my DO NOT USE list,
well this would not have happened.
And then we would not be as close as we are either.
Name calling holds energy.
And this is what you need to understand.
Name calling says a ton about both sides.
Respecting someone,
loving someone means that you get to know them first and listen to their needs.
And guess what the first exchange in any relationship typically is?
Yes our name exchange.
So to make an assumption and start off with your choice of name just because that’s what you like,
that’s what you feel comfortable with,
is you disregarding the others feelings and doing potentially exactly what some of these names lay evidence too.
Make small of that person.
So get to know a person.
Respect a person.
And realize this,
WORDS HAVE POWER.
 
 
 
 
As Always,
 
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
 
 
 
What are you waiting for my love?
 
Let’s get you your power back.
 
October Asskickery Month is upon us almost and you are not signed up for 4 powerful asskickery sessions with me, where you get to take back the life that you have always desired.
 
 
 
 
Reach out to me for the 1:1 coaching opportunity TODAY and save almost $1000.00 Now.
 
 
 
 

YOU LOVE HER POWER BUT YOU FEAR IT AS WELL.

YOU LOVE HER POWER BUT YOU FEAR IT AS WELL.

 

The wild woman.

The seductress.

The lover.

Her beauty and mystery,

something that you desire to taste more of.

The way she moves,

the curl of her lips as she speaks.

You watch her every move wanting more.

She is free and open,

she laughs and plays as though she has an innocent heart,

but the fire in her eyes reveals a woman who knows herself,

a woman who was born to lead and command great army’s if need be.

You feel her power by just standing in her presence.

You feel her hunger when you come near.

She is wild and crazy,

she is untamable and unfiltered,

She is coy, collected and breathless.

 

And you want her.

You want to experience her touch,

her kiss, the smell of her soft skin.

You want to hold her gently as well passionately.

She tests your manliness,

she toys with your thoughts and energy.

She is deliberate.

And you know this.

But you want more.

 

Believing that you can hold her.

Believing that you can carry her.

Believing that you want nothing more than her radiant light to expand through all the heavens,

you cannot imagine a world without her beaming beauty and strength,

and yet you fear it.

 

Deep inside your being there is terror.

It is unsettling and true.

You do not feel worthy of her,

you question if you are strong enough.

She rattles your inner most cages and shakes you to your soul,

can you conquer this greatness of the wild woman,

and do you even truly want to?

 

Will she let you penetrate her soul?

Or will you just be among the many who have tried and only fell by entering her body?

 

You want to be the one.

You desire her so.

You want to be the one that takes her breath away,

the way she does yours.

 

And so you try….

you stand firm in her fires,

you open yourself to utter destruction.

You know that you love her,

and feel confident if just for this moment in time that you can hold strong and breathe her in and hold her.

But the wilderness of the wild woman’s soul is not to be captured nor contained by any.

She was born free and free she must remain.

She is a goddess,

she is a witch,

she is a siren,

and a Queen.

She knows her power and will allow for it only to be pushed down for so long,

and then you will feel her rise once again and claim her rightful throne,

and under her foot will fall many.

All those who wanted to own her,

to conquer and control.

These are the boys who thought they were men.

These are the men who thought they were kings.

But they shunned her light as they spoke sweet words of love.

They harnessed her joy as they held her tight in their insecurities.

They jailed her passion, her sensualness and power with their jealousy and fear.

And she allowed them.

She let them rule her for a time,

in hope that she could be happy.

Here in the misery of her weakened state,

her shadow.

 

She is a wild woman.

And in her beauty you will be lost,

you will desire and crave,

you will want for her light to never dim,

but will you be like all the rest who have fallen?

Claiming her as your own.

Trapping her power.

Wanting it all for yourself.

As if it were something that you could take or understand.

 

Far from average she is.

She was never meant to be tamed.

There is no domesticating a wild woman,

you would be wiser to destroy the most beautiful of stain glass windows, then to try.

If you love her let her remain free.

In spirit.

In power.

In love.

Watch her dance for you as she will.

She will make you laugh and feel full in her intoxicating ways.

Let her move you as only the wild can.

But never,  never hold on too tight.

Or know that her light may be put out with your hand.

 

Delicate and strong,

the wilderness will always call her.

She is a wild woman,

and you are but a man.

 

————————————————————————–

To all my beautiful wild women out there.

You know who you are. 🙂

My sisters you are deserving of kings,

enjoy all the men that you want,

but never settle for a throne that is not yours.

 

Hold your power and joy before you.

Feel into your hearts and pussies for answers,

ignore the trumpting judgments of those who do not see your truth and radiance,

they are blinded by the shadows of their own fear.

 

You are a wild woman and always will remain.

Open yourself to the universe,

open yourself once again to the gift of receiving.

It is here in your womb that you know your truth.

Listen with your heart of the wild.

 

Now run forward my fellow Queen.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

What are you waiting for my love?

Let’s get you your power back.

October Asskickery Month is upon us almost and you are not signed up for 4 powerful asskickery sessions with me, where you get to take back the life that you have always desired.

 

Reach out to me for the 1:1 coaching opportunity TODAY and save almost $1000.00 Now.

 

PHOTO CREDIT @DANDELION iMAGES

I FUCKING LOVE MEN!

I FUCKING LOVE MEN!
I do.
I always have,
Always will.
No matter how they bring my heart pain sometimes,
To me men are amazing in so many ways.
Everywhere, from a man who knows truly how to touch a woman,
Deeper then the flesh,
To the soul.
Letting her feel his heart,
To a man’s ability to lead.
To direct and see the pathways needed to solve a challenge.
Men are truly wonderful.
When they are conscious.
When they are confident.
When they are open and playful.
When they know thier worth,
When they allow themselves to be true to themselves.
Men are wonderful.
This week has been filled with so many yummy men for me.
I have had the pleasure of dancing in at least a dozen men’s masculine light,
Feeling thier joy, their fear, their pain and desire.
And in spending these moments with these men,
My heart expands.
My desire grows to be penetrated deeply by the masculine.
I am not referring to sexual penetration here,
Although that’s awesome as well.
But what I am speaking of is the deep heart penetration that a man can offer a woman in his surrender to himself.
That revealing he can gift a woman with when he drops his guards and trusts, if just for a moment in time her presence.
Allowing himself to be grounded there with her.
Giving himself permission to breathe and recieve her light.
Yes this is the deep penetration that I desire to expand,
And this week has gifted me with quiet a few moments that ignite this desire.
This week has offered me just this level of depth with the masculine and it makes me crave more.
To witness the playful heart of a man as he steps himself into feeling his turn on,
As he embraces his love for what appears to be just out of reach.
To listen to the divine masculine speak its truth about his pain of not being enough,
About not feeling appreciated,
And his truth in his desire for so much more in life.
To feel the juiciest of his passion,
His hunger to conquer and be seen fully.
This is the masculine I love deeply.
This is the masculine that arouses me at a soul level and has me craving.
I fucking love men.
When they are actually men.
Because you see a man who is all of this yumminess,
Is a man that drops me into surrender.
A man who can conquer me in the moment of passion because he knows how to penetrate me not just enter me.
And THIS is rare.
Most men enter a woman and believe that’s penetration.
And then wonder why thier woman will not soften or surrender.
Why she will not TRUST him.
Or let herself fully be seen and expressed.
But I tell you,
Its because he has not learned how to truly penetrate.
Not his woman.
Not his purpose.
Not this world.
And means he has no clue of what it means to be a man.
A conscious, dynamic, powerful man.
He is eternally stuck in boyhood.
Playing the victim in his life.
Blaming and feeling jealous.
Anxious and uncomfortable with his heart.
When a man discovers his worthiness and learns to truly love himself,
This all changes however.
And this is the masculine I love.
This is the masculine who turns my soul on.
Men are wonderful.
Men are so desirable.
Men when they are conscious and mature,
When they know how to play and make love to life,
Are the divine masculine.
The healing agent.
The leaders and fathers,
The lovers and protectors,
That our world so desperately needs.
I fucking love men.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers “
Are you a man who wants to ignite and penetrate the feminine and this world like I shared above but have little idea as to how to do this?
Reach out now and let’s discuss 1:1 opportunities now.

Enter Sensual Surrender For Your Magical Expereince.

I WAS FLOATING IN A SEA OF SENSATION.
 
There I was,
our flesh touching.
The water lapping around my breasts and shoulders.
I was breathing the moment and all the feeling of floating into my being.
Taking it in,
devouring it.
feeling as though the universe was asking for me to open even more and allow the deep penetration of my soul to occur.
 
There he was,
resting next to me, his hand on my thigh.
I could feel his breathing as it caused ripples in the water.
His body was smooth and his desire was present.
 
There he was,
on my other side,
breathing in the wind.
His arm touching mine,
soft and smooth.
 
And the water washed over all of us.
The wind in the trees before us was dancing and asking for our surrender.
 
My desire was to touch,
to exchange breath,
to become entwined.
 
I wanted to allow myself to be seen and felt with both of them,
I wanted to feel thier hands caressing me.
I wanted to touch and let my love be felt through the sensaul stroking and playing of our skins enveloping each other.
 
I wanted to feel.
Feel past this phyiscal state of being.
Feel through the emotions,
the fears and the concern.
I wanted to penetrate life by embodying this moment fully and dropping deeper into surrender.
 
 
My hunger was present,
a ravonous beast rumbling within my groin,
within my heart my soul rattled in the cage it felt placed about it.
I breathed.
Breathed into this container known as my physical body and asked my chest to relax,
I asked my soul what it was desiring to achieve from such a state of vulnerability and desire?
 
And my heart leaped,
it called out to the winds,
it wanted to dance naked in the moon light,
it wanted to swing in the hammuc and howl at the moon.
It wanted to be taken.
Taken into the galaxies and be blasted from every startling.
It wanted to be shed of its chains,
its fears and its silly conditions.
It wanted to defy society and relationship labeling.
It wanted to love.
 
It wanted to love fully and authentically.
and it wanted to tap back into that space,
that yummy space that it had known once before and SURRENDER to the call of this wild woman that wanted to open her wings.
Her legs.
Her heart.
Her vessel.
 
My soul knew as it knows today in this moment the power that can transend from moments of bliss,
moments of utter transendence.
It knows that when you can come together with another,
when you can drop into truth without fear or need to control,
when you can access love,
that you hold all the power.
 
That here in this space you are the key master.
And all one ever needs to do is choose a door.
 
This space I speak of is not found in sex.
It is not found in meditation nor prayer.
It is not found in work or what we might refer to as purpose.
It is not found in any relationship or nutritional plan.
It is not found in text books or doctrin.
 
This place I speak of is ONLY discovered through the greatness of your ability to soften and let the universe take you.
In the sensualness that moves through you at times like this,
no matter what the act that you might be performing,
you are moving with the magical essence and flow of the divine.
 
Here from this state of embodiment you are using all your senses.
You are not trapped prisioner to your thoughts,
not holding your emotions out of fear,
you are not touching or acting from a state of control or even desire,
you are just being.
Fully.
 
This is the expanded expression of the human expereince.
This is what we are meant to explore.
 
But we bunker down,
we armour up,
we hide and we fear.
 
In our hiding and fearing we feel loss and suffering.
We gain the illionary belief that we own one another and that we are to remain small.
We buy into the concepts of not enough and control.
ANd we search for purpose,
he hunt for joy and connection,
and we do it all with limited connection to self.
We come into our life moments with with zero to no understanding of self and we lay blame to all those we dance with for the way that we feel.
 
We hide our hearts out of fear of getting hurt,
we shut down our voices and our expressions as to not damage anyone else.
We lift up th eheavy shileds in hope that we can prevent future wounding….
 
And we feel EMPTY.
We feel lost.
Undesired,
disconnected.
And we question why?
Why can I never be happy?
Why do I always end up right back here?
 
It is the shield.
That armour that you carry.
The weight of fear and judgement.
The sword of control.
Those are what keeps you from receiving all that you want for.
Those are the demons that you bare.
 
Soft and subtle.
Fluid and entwined.
The sensaulness of a soul surrendered,
a heart opened and body unburrdened.
 
Here is your bliss.
Here is your power.
Here is the naked truth.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
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CAN WE JUST F-CKING STOP WITH BEAUTIFUL.

CAN WE JUST F-CKING STOP WITH BEAUTIFUL.

Seriously,

you say that word so often I do not think it is achieving the results that you think it is achieving.

 

On any day of the week,

I get the comment of “Beautiful” at least ten times from random people ( mostly men) who want to share it with me.

 

And the reality is this,

The statement of “Beautiful.”

Is a surface AF statement.

It will get you nowhere in a hurry with a woman who values herself,

who understands that her true beauty is not something you appreciate just from her skin that is barred or the clothes that she has on,

it has nothing to do with the smile on her face,

or if she is nice to you.

Beauty is something so much deeper.

It comes from a place of knowing oneself.

Of loving oneself,

even the shadow lands of our character.

Beauty comes from feeling good in our own skin,

and when someone over uses such a compliment,

it actually starts to rub raw,

and cause you to not take in the compliment.

 

Every human being NEEDS to have words of affirmation.

Every human being needs to learn how to breathe into compliments and own their worth,

but surface AF statement that are easy to say and show that you know NOTHING about the person,

are not anything to sport about saying.

 

Especially with a woman.

 

SO this musing is going out to all you gents who tell me and other amazing AF powerful women that you find us BEAUTIFUL.

 

That you would love to show us what you can do with your whatever you desire to touch and taste us with,

That you love how our hair looks,

our clothes fit us,

or the angle we opted to take a picture from.

 

Yeah those comments that you believe will land you in our panties and hearts,

HA! We think not.

 

For a true compliment is spoken from a place of presence,

it is stated about a person’s depth and light.

A compliment that makes you stand out in the crowd of all those fools who think that some cartoon dog blowing random AF kisses, or I love you’s is going to get somewhere other than an eye roll and quickening in our scroll,

if you truly desire to make an impression…

 

THEN SLOW THE F-CK DOWN….

and pay some attention.

 

You need to actually listen,

watch and read,

you need to make statements that show that you were into what that person was sharing,

you need to let yourself absorb who you are watching,

and not from a place where she gets me off to watch.

 

This also applies to anyone who is taking a woman to bed,

if you are so lucky to have her open herself to you,

then remember this….

 

You can leave a good impression,

a bad impression ,

or a F-cking Spectacular impression.

 

The choice is yours.

And it all comes down to how you slow the f-ck down and get present with her.

 

If you think you know a woman,

and how to f-ck her wide open,

awesome…. but I question your cockiness.

Because I know women,

and we bore easily and rarely want to hurt your delicate ego’s, so we let you believe that you know,

and then roll our eyes and share our frustrations with our friends about how clueless you are,

and how surface AF our sex is with you.

 

A woman who loves herself and knows her value,

will not keep around a man or partner for any amount of real time who cannot prove that they can go deep with her.

If our partner is not willing to slow the f-ck down and value us the way that we know we should be,

then “bye, bye… don’t let the door hit you on your way out of my life.”

 

A woman who keeps a surface level lover around,

is a woman who does not know herself yet and has not learned her value.

 

The facts are simple and they start with how we relate outside the bedroom.

 

Ladies if you feel all fluttery and excited about that want to be average joe who said beautiful on one of your pictures,

then I question how much love you have for self.

Because that man… that man is a little boy who has not learned how to be with a woman yet and cannot handle his own depth or the light that you have to offer.

 

And gents,

if you are one of these dudes that offer up easy to spell one word comments, but then turn around and ask a woman a question that you already have access to the answer of…

 

(by taking the time in our social media world… and I mean like maybe 2 minutes of time….you can discover how old someone is, where they are from or live, if they are single or coupled, open or not, kids, what they do and even their likes)

 

THEN JUST F-CKING STOP ALREADY.

 

Your words are wasted on those of us who value ourselves.

 

We do not need your statements of beautiful or what you desire to do to us or with us,

we laugh at you,

we shake our heads at your silliness and we keep scrolling.

You don’t have a chance,

so go find someone who may better suit you.

 

There is someone for everyone,

or so they say.

 

But I,

I am not the one who will fall prey to your mediocre compliments with no depth or care.

 

Just like all the other queens out there who get what I am sharing here in this musing today.

 

Level up your relating guys!

Level up who you are.

You want to attract a MF Queen….

Then you cannot just pretend to play King….

You gotta be one.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to learn how to attract your Queen?

Want to know what it means to be a King in life and relationships.

It’s a vibrational thing baby.

It’s about embracing your worthiness and loving yourself.

male or female,

This is where our power comes from.

 

Let me share with you the journey to THRIVING.

F-ck Yes!

Message me for deet’s.

A LETTER TO THE MAN I SHOULD HAVE MADE LOVE TO…

A LETTER TO THE MAN I SHOULD HAVE MADE LOVE TO…
 
Open.
Connective.
With eyes like a stormy sky.
Your smile greets me in warm anticipation everytime that we meet.
 
I feel your heartbeat,
It radiates from across the room,
Your masculine energy engulfs my every move,
And I feel you watching me.
My attention is on the funny crook of my smile,
Wondering if you notice.
I breathe deep,
Taking in this moment with you.
 
I feel the stir inside my being,
A hunger from deep within.
My thoughts wonder,
My attention is now on your breath.
I feel your restriction,
I see you grip you hands,
Controlling your hunger,
As you smile and breathe me in.
 
I can feel you absorb my very essence as I come close,
My body tingles,
My pulse intensifies,
And I wonder.
 
I watch the rise and fall,
Of your body as we connect,
I listen to your nervousness,
To your desire,
That you speak through the silence,
And I smile.
I smile at our connection.
I smile at your willingness.
I smile at your adoration,
And respect.
 
I see how you fear fucking this up.
How you want for more,
For all of me.
And yet settle for the glimmer of my eyes looking back into yours.
 
You are the man,
The man who shows his heart through the silence of this moment,
You are the man,
Who feels ever so deeply,
And denies his hunger.
You are the man,
The man that can ignite me.
In your own unique fashion,
You get me.
And I know I am seen by you,
Like no other has witnessed.
 
Your depth,
Your reveal,
The way you share this moment.
 
You are the man I should have made love to.
 
You are the man that deserves to be felt at this level.
 
You are the man who I know has gone a thousand years without the depth deserved,
This hunger that is rising,
This connection you offer,
Its been a lifetime in the waiting,
And most women deny.
 
I see your pain my sweet man,
I feel your hearts surrender,
And your bodies desire to open,
As it opens mine,
To shared ecstasy.
 
You are not wanting surface level relating,
You crave the deepest penetration,
You want the dancing of heart, soul and body,
And the unbridled passion they bring forth.
 
How long has it been sweet man?
How long have you waited to be absorbed into the gulf of the true feminine,
Where you get lost in the currents of bliss?
 
Where you have seen and been seen,
Where you elevate your lover,
As she pulls you in deeper and together you rise to the heavens in a dance?
 
You are the man I should have made love to,
The man who is waiting still.
 
Tender.
Strong.
And passionate
Your hesitation in my presence says it all.
You look deeply into my eyes,
As your soul captures this moment.
 
—-‐————————————————————————
 
To all the men of the 🌎 world,
The men who desire connection over surface level fucking and relating.
 
The men who want more from self and woman,
The men who crave to be captivated in her caverns,
And enjoy the journey of revealing.
 
To all the men who value the feminine.
Who do not fear her power,
But instead support and respect it.
Nuture her heart,
As you adorn her body,
And protect her from this worlds craze
To all the men,
Who have gone so long without a woman who sees your truth and honesty,
Your love for something more than paychecks and quick sex.
Who has squashed his masculine,
And feels unsafe to share.
I see you sweet man,
As more conscious women will too.
 
You are worthy of a goddess,
You are second to no other,
Its time sweet man you recognize that you have been accepting far too little.
 
Open yourself to being made love to.
Slow down,
And ask her too as well.
Don’t rush this beautiful process,
And limit your pleasure,
You are a man that deserves to me made love to.
A man that is worthy of being lifted.
Lifted to her alters,
And recieved.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers “

The Feminine Carries Wounds For A Lifetime.

Some wounds never heal for a woman.

 

I have learned through the course of my 44 years on this planet thus far and who know how many lifetimes before ( if that’s even a thing) that some wounds live with us and carry forward no matter how we try to mask, hide, forget or “heal” them.

 

They are markings on our vessel that serve a purpose that we are to never fully turn away from.

And as a woman, I feel that the feminine perhaps emotionalizes and carries them even deeper than the masculine can ever comprehend.

 

Around the topics of love, sex and children,

we discover the potential for some of the most significant wounds.

And I believe that because a woman feels life move through herself in all of these areas that when a wound occurs here that it impacts deeper and on all fronts of her experience.

 

Think about it….

Sex happens inside a woman’s body.

When you have sex with a woman,

you are INSIDE her body.

You are actually inside another human being in these moments,

and inorder for her to enjoy the moment then she must not be in her mind,

but be able to surrender emotionally, mentally and physically to the experience.

Sex is an external expereince for a man for the most part.

Sure men have heart in it,

and the best lovers come from this space not just from their genitals,

but still sex is happening outside of the mans physical body, creating a certain level of detachment to the process.

Where for a woman,

it is the opposite. It is happening inside her actual body. She must open her body to her partner and in order for her to not be harmed she must trust that her partner will be present and honor that space of her being as well as her heart.

 

This is why, rape or anything in its nature is not just a physical act that can be physically healed through. It is far more impactful than that. It is mental/psychological and emotional.

And the repercussions are life long for many in these areas. It is something that will bear with it body memory FOREVER.

 

If we look at love, here too a woman goes deep. She loves with her whole being and she opens herself from this complete state. She is not just loving, ( when it is pure and real) from a place of mind or body. It is not a place of logic. It is the whole being. And when a woman enters into love from this space she melts into the relationship, she becomes one with her partner and she surrenders her fears, her doubts, her pain and armour. She puts it all down and opens herself to being conquered by her man.

Here she is truly vulnerable and knows that he can do great damage if he turns away or chooses to not stand strong in their love. But she enters love anyway.

This is a space that if wounds occur,

they never fully heal.

They remain with a a scar, a void underneath her shield for her lifetime,

always tugging,

always craving for what was had and then lost.

 

 

If a woman becomes a mother,

no matter the time that she is one,

She has forever surrendered to this new state of understanding about self and life.

Many women become mothers but are not with children.

Many women believe that these moments that they carried a child ( may it be weeks, months or years) that in the loss, whether chosen or not, that the impact can be overstepped and forgotten.

But once experienced they have to surrender their deepest heart to the truth that it will forever be carried with them.

The deepest of losses.

Men again have heart here,

feel loss here,

but cannot ever fully understand the impact emotionally, physically or mentally that it can have on a woman,

and the disconnect that occurs at this loss between the woman and her very soul and body.

 

Again this is because it is internal for the feminine and external for the masculine.

A man is told about what he helped create but he does not breathe each day of creation in the true essence and feeling of shared space with another soul 24/7. He does not experience the hormonal responses, the emotional tolls or the physical labor of the event.

And if that child is lost,

he can never comprehend the impact of the mind/body/heart or soul that it takes on the feminine,

because he is detached to the external experience.

 

All three of these wounds:

sex-love-children

 

All three of these experiences awaken and shut down the very heart of a woman.

They are life altering.

Personality shifting.

From a cellular level they forever change who the woman is and how she chooses to walk through life.

They have the potential to make her blossom,

or implode.

Not one of these life experiences can ever be fully healed or forgotten.

 

Many women experience all three wounds.

Many women do not pay proper honor to these transformation points but in turn shame, guilt and blame themselves for them.

The self-hatred and disgust that is often lived in for a lifetime to follow,

prevents the feminine from ever fully receiving herself again, and she walks through life fearing and doubting her truth.

It is difficult to get a woman who has experienced these wounds to ever set her armour fully down again and trust.

 

And if she does choose to do so,

she is quick to grab her sword and shield at the slightest sign of trouble.

She forever will walk on eggshells within herself, knowing how fragile she truly is.

 

And yet the answer is to trust herself and learn to love herself fully again,

despite the pain that she carries,

knowing our courage and strength as a woman is where we can once again enter into love with self and trust with God.

 

From this feminine heart to yours,

I feel your pain and fear,

I have walked all these wounded paths before,

and I speak today to you beautiful women of the world from that place of not healed,

but a knowing that in our honor of self that we find our breath,

we discover our life again,

and we live.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Loving

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Ladies it’s time to own your power and learn to love again.

Love self again.

Honor self and live your F-ck Yes Life Now!

Reach out to me for my ladies only coaching opportunities now.

 

Random Morning Conversations – Pedophiles to Compliments That Trigger.

There I was sitting on my bed naked with my morning cup of coffee when he said it….

 

I know what he was saying was to be a compliment.

I know that what he meant was that I was amazing and that he loved me.

I logically understand.

But that’s not how it translated after it got grabbed up by a wound from my past.

 

Okay so let me explain about what I am saying here.

You see in my house we have this thing,

“Morning Conversations”

and you simply never know where these conversations will go,

nor how they will get stirred up and be birthed either.

It is drastically different each day.

 

Yesterday morning,

after some decent sexing,

I found my lover and I in bed,

I was naked drinking my morning cup of coffee,

I opened my phone and saw something on all the pedphillia conversations that are currently bouncing around. It struck a chord with me instantly and I shared with him my utter disgust and anger on the concept that pedaphillia should be accepted as a representation of love. I showed him an image that is being put up in Denver, Colorado right now of a rainbow background and silhouette of a man and small child that might be four years at best chasing butterflies, the image says, 

 

” Pedophiles are people too. Because Love is Love.”

 

My share to him on this topic was that yeah, pedophiles are people too, but having sexual feelings or engagement toward a child, especially a small child is not love and that a child does not have the emotional/mental or physical maturity to understand. These “people” are stealing not just the innocents of our children but actually causing emotional/mental and physical damage to the child.

 

And that sure AF is not okay and  is NOT love.

 

After that conversation and agreement on the topic, I told him I needed to get to work and write a musing for the day and that my topic was going to be,

 

“My boyfriend would be perceived a sex addict if he was dating someone else…”

 

To this he smiled at me and said,

 

“If you were with you, you would be a sex addict too.”

 

And this is where it all went dark folks.

In his compliment he unknowingly triggered an old wound.

Now an average and normal woman would have said something coy, kicked the statement out without too much attention, or done whatever she could to change topics if she were triggered,

but not I…..

 

I paused,

took a deep breath and allowed myself to feel the trigger.

To feel this wound that just got scratched.

I looked at the wound,

identified that it was not in current and that he had no ill will in his statement.

However, the truth was it triggered me.

And I did not want to spend my day retracted from him or life in general with this trigger and wound playing tennis in my psyche.

So I spoke up.

I said,

“That was a triggering statement you just made.”

And then I shared why.

I shared that four years prior when I was in an open relationship,

I found myself in a threesome with my primary two lovers,

who’s intent was to create a yummie experience one day for me where they would both ravish me and we would play and enjoy one another.

However my ex got so excited he did not apply the time or attention needed to my physical body that I needed him to take.

Even though I was highly turned on,

my physical being was not caught up to my mental and emotional turn on for the experience.

And he quickly grabbed a glass dildo with no lube on it and penetrated me with it,

unfortunately it was rough at entry and because I was not organically lubricated yet it tore the delicate skin of my vaginal lining,

leaving me feeling torn and burning for days to come.

He did not take much time going down on me as he was too excited about the whole event and penetrated me quickly after removing the glass dildo.

His hast and excitement level created the scenario of him being a two pump chump in this moment,

and he came so quickly that I barely even knew what had happened.

He then looked at me and said,

 

“If you were not so hot I could withhold it better.”

 

Again, I believe that his intent was to compliment,

but what he actually was doing was blaming me,

making me responsible for his inability to last,

to be in control of his body,

his thoughts and feelings,

his sexual energy.

And he tossed his power over to me and made me responsible.

My feeling after hearing this was,

” I need to not be me.”

I felt like if I did not moan that way,

if I was not playful like I am,

If my body did not look like this,

If I was not open the way I am,

If…

If…

If…

 

Then he would be able to stay with me longer,

last longer and I too could engage in pleasure in these moments.

It was my fault that my partner has premature ejaculation issues.

 

Fast forward to current moment and my partner telling me that if I was with me, I would be a sex addict too….

 

This too speaks that I am responsible for my partners thoughts, actions, desires, habits, feelings, etc.

 

He is not responsible.

He is innocent and cannot help himself.

It’s my fault for being me the way that i am that causes the issues,

So what should I do if I am not okay with an issue?

 

Well I need to shut my shit down.

I need to not be as turned on.

I need to guard my moans.

I need to go limp.

I need to not engage in sex.

I need to not dress this way or that.

I need to not be as playful.

I need to change myself so that he can handle being around me.

 

But THIS is not what men want their women to do in truth.

And most men don’t actually believe that it’s the woman’s fault that they have weak stamina or high turn on.

Not fully that is.

They do however blame her to a degree,

just like she takes responsibility.

 

It’s because of how we were raised.

Girls are told from a young age that we are responsible for how boys look at us.

How they speak to us.

That if we wear yoga pants then we are at fault for a guy thinking things or desiring things.

If a girl or woman gets raped or any sexual harassment then its her fault typically because she was asking for it based on her looks, choice in clothes, attitude, playfulness, how she blinked or smiled, etc.

 

And guys are told that,

“Boys will be boys and that they cannot help it.”

 

This all steals one’s individual power from them. 

Men become disempowered by escaping responsibility for their own consciousness or lack thereof, their feelings, desires and actions, they get to turn away from and hand the reins of power over to the woman. 

 

Women lose their power by believing this responsibility transfer and shutting themselves down, changing who they are so to not cause issues. 

 

I believe that Namaste Moore puts its so well, 

And her statement is true for ALL subjects of our life.

 

“People who are not conscious about their OWN power will always sound the alarm about other people’s power. People who recognize their own power… understand that no one has power over them and they have power over no one else. Freedom.”

 

It’s easy to see the truth in this statement when we look at some of the political and world topics of current, 

But can you see its truth in our sexing and relationships as well. 

Because it’s there too. 

 

In owning that we get triggered, 

In speaking up about what is stirring in us as to prevent separation from self and thus another and life, 

We reclaim our power. 

In pausing on our words and asking ourselves, 

“Is this a statement of love or of fear?”

In looking at what our words are actually speaking, 

Because often we try to compliment but in truth a transfer of our power to another is happening. 

And when these transfers in power happen we create chaos in our relationships, 

In communication we thus create contrast that feels uncomfortable because we are not consciously processing and taking responsibility for our own inner shadow lands. 

 

Today look at your relationships. 

Look at your sexing. 

Look at your expectations and desires. 

And ask yourself if you are owning your power or handing it over to someone else?

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to learn how you can claim your power and have a turned on life and relationship?

Reach out to me today for deet’s on couples or individual coaching now.

To The Man Who’s Sleeping With My Wife.

Adobe Stock Photo.
Dear Brother –
I am in joy. I am also scared.
First, thank you.
Thank you for showing up in her life in the way that you have. You’ll be exchanging eye gazes, sweet energy, laughter, meals, and touch with her. I know this will bring her joy. And her joy is my joy. I know it’s hard to believe, but the freedom for her to explore with you is evidence of my unconditional love for her.
To me, true love means wishing for my beloved to be fulfilled in every possible way, even if that fulfillment comes with some emotional work for me.
You see, we men have existed in a double standard narrative for thousands of years. Men have been mostly respected (or at least tolerated) for having more than one lover. Women have been slut-shamed, punished, and even murdered in some countries for loving more than one.
There is a revolution of this narrative taking place and we can join this wave of change together.
Brother, you are something I can never be. You are other. You are her novelty, her adventure. You are not me. When she shares her life story with you (the story I know oh so well) she will have the chance to be mirrored back with a new
curiosity.
And that feels amazing for me to know.
To try to take this experience away from her would be to exercise a conditional love, a selfish love. If exploring new love can bring her immense joy, then who am I to interfere? Conventional love is conditional love. It says… “I love you, except for this one condition: I will not share you for as long as you are with me.”
So I choose unconventional love, which says… “I love you unconditionally, therefore, your joy is my joy, even if that joy does not come from me.”
If you are reading this, then you likely have shown up in my life as a true brother, open-hearted and caring. She wouldn’t have it any other way. You honor the roots she and I have intertwined and the commitments we have made
to each other. Like us, you’ve done the work to transcend most of your conditioned insecurities.
You’ve aligned yourself with the idea that our core human needs (certainty, love, significance, variety, growth and service) are served by the ideal that we all have the capacity to love more than one, if we do so in a conscious way.
She is a divine feminine goddess. She is beautiful inside and out. She lights up any room she walks into. Her heart is enormous. She is committed to her own personal growth and to leaving this world better than she found it.
She is a woman that I am sworn to protect, yet one that I do not possess.
Despite my patriarchal conditioning, keeping all of her goodness to myself would be a sin. I have chosen the path less traveled in that I honor her freedom to radiate out love and take in love, to be seen for all the good that she is, by other than just me. This freedom means more mirrors to mirror back, which leads to more growth, more healing, and more service for her to experience. All of this makes me happy to imagine.
Still, I am scared.
The little boy in me is scared of being abandoned. The high school kid who was dumped by his girlfriend for the star soccer player right before Prom. And the man who lost two big loves to other men on this road less traveled. This is my wounding.
I am keenly aware that there are many wounded men out there who have not been able to show up for women in the ways they need to flourish. I am afraid that someone new may upset all the healing work we’ve done together, or worse, re-wound her. While I don’t know you well (yet) and only time will tell, I trust that everything will unfold the way it’s meant to unfold. I also trust in her judgment.
I persist with this love-style because it remains my deepest truth. I push forward with the faith that there are others out there (hopefully you) who share in our freedom to love more than one for life. Others who no longer wish to exist in a competitive landscape of disposable relationships or a “zero-sum game” where one’s gain is often another’s loss.
Brother, we are not adversaries, nor are we competing for the heart of this woman. You know this. Her heart belongs to no one but her. This goddess, with her free will, gets to choose how to share her space and her time. If you are ever confused, scared, or not fully expressed, please know that you’re in good company. It will always be my intention to uphold a safe container that is full of heart-centered, open, peaceful communication for everyone involved.
So I thank you for the joy. I thank you for coming into her (and my) world, and I ask that we see each other, love each other, and build our brotherhood from our common ground… this beautiful soul. While nothing is expected from you, I do wish to know you, learn from you, and share with you. I look forward to playing together, creating together and exploring all possibilities in friendship.
AND thank you for scaring me.
Thank you for allowing me to do the work I still need to do. I am human and am still shedding the discomforts that we’ve all been conditioned to carry for many generations. It is my mission to release these discomforts and I am grateful to have you (and her) on this journey with me. Thank you in advance for being patient and for being gentle with me.
Treat her well, brother. She is worthy of and will expect nothing but excellent care, high-quality love, and mindful communication. One benefit of our love-style is that no one gets to settle for mediocrity or complacency. We all are motivated to grow each day and show up as the best versions of ourselves.
Lastly, please remember this: your joy is also my joy. Genuinely.
Love,
Your Brother,
* This essay is a companion to my love’s Letter To The Woman Whose Man I’m Sleeping With. Both letters were inspired by the exquisitely vulnerable essay “A Letter To The Women Who Sleep With My Man” by Wilrieke Sophia. Visit https://freelovediaries.com/all-entries/ for more.
Here to serve,
xoxo
Shai Fishman from LEVELED UP LOVE