It’s Complicated! – Challenges of Couple-hood Overcome. ( Global – LIVE – Online Workshop)

IS YOUR SEX LIFE SUFFERING?

Do you have all sorts of questions about sex but don’t know where to turn or who to trust?
Are you in an intimate relationship but feeling like things may be getting rocky or stale?
Are you concerned that this relationship may end the same as your last?
Do you wish you felt more passion in your relationship the way you did in the “honeymoon” phase?

Sex, relationships, marriage.

How do you keep things hot? What about when the fire dies down?
Why do some people manage to sustain a “hot, sexy, full of passion relationship when other’s can’t ?

Learn about good sexual communication and how to overcome the major sexual challenges of couple-hood so you can enjoy a juicy relations NOW and ALWAYS.

Kendal Williams will be covering the biggest sources of misunderstanding  seen  in intimate relationships around sexuality, intimacy and love and will teach you as to why these things happen and what to do about them.

Live Global Training on Facebook in Private Closed Group Setting.

Stop Allowing Average and Ordinary into Your Love Life Any Longer?

LEARN MORE AND REGISTER for Class and preliminary Course Material NOW

 

 *Time for LIVE Training is CST

 

The Day the Earth Stood Still.

” There must be alternatives. You must have technology that could solve our problem.”  – Quoted from the 1951 Movie The Day the Earth Stood Still

Breathless I feel my heart clenching, holding on for dear life. My ego throwing a fit beyond measure, wanting to rage and destroy, cry and break beneath the pressure of the pain.  I sit there, just  reading over and over again the words that every cell in my being feared the most. How could this be? Why would this happen? How could the love not withstand, and God deny something so beautiful, powerful, and divine? Why would God not desire for our worship of him to come through our relationship and be a path of grace for others. An example of the blessings and beauty that he desires for us?

Ego chanting words of anger, pain, and fear. The primitive mind running a muck and taunting me to react out of this fear and charge forward, saying things I would be sure to regret and did not mean in my heart or soul. No just the wound would be speaking in this moment and it was just the wound of this drastic blow to my heart that I was standing in the epicenter of.  The storm that blew around me keeping me from feeling my truth, my love. Shrouding me in a darkness that spoke of never leaving.  Monsters lurking, screaming out my fears of abandonment, never being able to hold on to love, not being lovable, not being worthy, not being enough and being to much. Telling me IF I had only done this or that then things would be different. The pain, the shame, the guilt and the feeling of being so naive to love again.

After all it was my stupid little girl who was hopeful and certain that this time things would be different. How could they not? I had never gone so deep with someone before. I had never revealed and explored the layers of my soul like I had in this love. I had never trusted anyone to surrender the way that I had with him.

Perhaps it was to much.

Or I was too much.

My eye’s skimming back across the word, “Goodbye.” Almost meditating on it and watching the sky fall outside the window.  My heart not beating fast at all, in fact feeling like there is no beating at all. Am I dead Lord? Where is my breathe? Where is my heart? I am left with neither, only the haunting of my crazed mind and the laughter from something deep in me, taunting that it knew all along that he would do this.

Only sheer seconds passed I am sure, but it felt like a thousand lifetimes flickered their emptiness before me without him.

Yes today, today the earth stands still.

And with it my heart and soul, withering in a corner unable to move, finding that there is no purpose to hold out for hope, for love, or for life. What reason should I move forward. I have no heart for it in his hands, my soul bound to his and now in darkness lost. There is no purpose to moving forward, no purpose to standing up and going on.

And yet, I must.

There in my chair, I look into the eye’s of the corpse that use to be full of love and life. Realizing that I must dress it up and spray perfume on it to hide its rot so that my children and all those I see will not see my pain, my suffering, my self-hatred for not being worthy and now being a sham too boot.

Authenticity. HA!

Love. HA!

Certainty. HA!

Blessing. HA!

These words that we bask in when things are going great, they do nothing for the broken. They get trampled by the pain, the rage, and the fear. They drown in the sludge of our ego’s as we hide.

Our world does not allow us to embrace our range of emotions. It is only socially acceptable to be “okay and fine” or happy. We hide from mourning. We hide from anger and even condemn it. So, what am I to do here on this day that ended the world as I knew it?

Smile.

Make my list.

Control what I can.

Try to breathe a false breath.

Ignore the pain. That is what one is to do in this situation. Ignore it and carry on. Just as he suggested in his goodbye, it is time for me to walk my own path without him. I suppose I could go off and go on a few dates, have some crazy sexual encounters and try and connect to someone else by the use of my physical body. I could hide by grabbing a bottle or two of my favorite drink. I could crash on the couch and veg in front of Netflix for the next century. I could hide my tears and I could stand strong and act like none of this was happening, just throw myself into my work and my children and carry on.

Or…. I could jump in my car and go and scream in his face. Burst into tears and beg. I could let the wild woman out that loves deeply and passionately and will go to war for her love when he is not strong enough to see his heart from all the mist about him. I could make my case and then that for sure would change everything. Perhaps I would at very least feel better in having him stand there and be the persecutor to my victim in hopes that he would decide to rescue me.

But both of those are based in ego. This is not what my spirit desires and knows to be love or my strength.

No, instead it is time to PAUSE.

It is time to go within and allow myself to feel fully. To embrace the rawness of the wound and the beauty of the love that was shared. It is time, on this day that the earth stands still to take a cue from the divine.

LISTEN.

Listen to the stillness.

Listen to the rhythm of this life.

Listen to the voice off in the distance that is speaking. That voice that sounds of truth and love eternal.

Here there is still hope. There is hope for this broken soul of today to heal and to move forward. It will not happen on my timeline, or on anyone’s.  It will not occur because of pushing through. It will not be touched by my masks, my over analyzation or my fear of the future.

No the only thing that will support it is my surrender.

So here you go kind folks, heartbreak is unavoidable. It chases us all down like ravenous wolves and makes us fear it. We dance around and try our hardest to avoid. We believe that by settling for something less than what our hearts and souls desire that we will be safe.

We hide our faces every day of our lives, we shut our hearts to the love and joy that crave to bless us. We speak words of logic in the face of that that we can never grasp. We follow the darkness as it masks itself as light, telling us that we do this or that and behave that we will avoid.

Avoid pain.

What this enemy does not share is that by being average and ordinary and hiding from our passion to bask in the blessings of God and all the beauty of this physical existence that comes with that, that we forfeit our desire NOT just for this life, but for God as well.

True we are not to worship things of this physical world in place of our worship for the Creator, but things of this world can be used as our worship of God. The simple act of kissing a lover can be an act of worship of God. It is the intent of the heart that is behind it that reveals the beauty.

If we choose to live in fear in our physical world then we show no trust of God. We may claim that we are believers, but do true believers fear this world? Or do they embrace it in desire and on fire with the backing of God?

God wants you to desire life.

God wants you to desire love.

God wants you to desire him.

 

Our fear of stepping forward in faith, is nothing more than blasphemy.

Ask yourself today if you have faith or fear ruling your life?

One is of God the other is the enemy.

“Stop Existing – Start Living.”

If that is honor… F*ck It!

Weep for yourself, my man,
You’ll never be what is in your heart
Weep little lion man,
You’re not as brave as you were at the start
Rate yourself and rake yourself,
Take all the courage you have left
Wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head
But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn’t I, my dear?
 
– Little Lion Man, Mumford and Sons

This one is for the ladies in the house!

Isn’t love just glorious? We find someone that we just seem to click with and something says, YES.  Next thing we know we have invested not just moments of our lives with this someone but we have also given away pieces of ourselves. We have modified ourselves  to make sure that this one does not  get away. Yet something inside of us is leery and uncertain. We are hopeful but full of fear at the same time. It is like we just know that this one too will leave us.
Months go by and sometimes years, we start to get comfortable and the fear of the loss fades for the most part only popping up in moments when we catch him looking at another woman or watching porn, when he starts to pay more attention to his facebook then to what we have to share about our day.  Our fear shows its face when we find ourselves questioning if he still loves us or if we are pretty any more?  Yes here, here we meet our fear of loss. Here we stand face to face with it.  We become yet again certain that this one too will someday break our hearts. Even though he started out so strong, so full of love and desire for us and with a fierce passion and connection that was beyond measure, we just know.  His promises that he would never leave, that he wants to do whatever he can to make us happy and he feels like he does not deserve us only tear away at our core, because we know the truth.

Oh those sweet words.

They kill the heart with each breath of sharing. They have us trapped on the end of a hook that we cannot pull out of our hearts and that we desire so badly to believe.
“I think your the one.”
” I have never loved like this.”
“I love you fiercely and with every part of me.”
” I want to watch you sleep for the rest our lives.”
” I love you so much, there is nothing I would not do for you.”

Yes those words.

All of us have heard them, probably a few times over.  Inevitably though, they are followed somewhere down the path with:
” I need space.”
“I won’t leave you, but I fully understand if you want to break up.”
” I love you enough to let you go.”
and my all time favorite….

” I just want you to be happy.”

OMFG!!! are you sh*ting me right now? Yes I love you enough to let you go.

I recall a few times that men have told me that, matter a fact ALL the men that I have ever opened my heart to from my father, to the boy I loved and lost my virginity too, to the man that holds my heart today and can crush me without notice, and even those that I have thought I trusted fully and loved deeply but knew that they only could have pieces of me.  EVERY man, that I have become close too in m y 41 years of life has stated at some point these words.
On the front side these words feel and look beautiful. After all the man is honoring you and your wishes. He only wants you happy and even if that costs him his happiness then he is willing to suffer.  It will most likely be a most agonizing pain and he may never recover, but as long as you are happy, then the price is not to high to bare.

How sweet.

When we dig a little deeper into these words what I have discovered is that on the face of it, these men truly do believe and desire for our happiness and are buying into their own weakness as being a strength and an act of love.  It is sad that our society has been unbelievably successful at raising multiple generations of men out there that believe this bullsh*t.  And we women just keep embracing it and saying, ” yeah, he really loves me, so much he would give me up and suffer the rest of his days, just so I could be happy.”

This is CRAZY!

He would give you up?

And suffer so you can be happy?

F*ck NO! Ladies and gentlemen who dare read this, lord I hope a few do dare, every time a man says these words to a woman he is calling out to her worst nightmare, her worst fear and that is, ” I am not worth your love.”  Perhaps we are all a bunch of silly school girls caught up in our favorite love story by wanting a knight in shinning armor to come whisk us off our feet, but here is the thing, we don’t really want saved. We live in a time where we women are powerful in our masculine and we can earn the big bucks, we can buy the house and the car, we can raise the kids on our own. Shit we can even have great sexual climaxes with ourselves. Sex is more open these days. We can have as many partners as we desire and we can explore all aspects of ourselves. We most certainly do NOT need the knight to come rescue us, but it would be nice to find a man who did not turn into a scared little boy and hide when shit got hard and just let us go so easily.

This is not a statement of strength men, this is a statement of LAZINESS!

Our society has raised lazy in love, lazy in sex, lazy in connection men.  The men of today only know how to work hard for a degree and a work promotion or how to get the abs they want, if that. They do not nor do many of them have the desire to do the work and stand in the flames of authentic relating with a woman. They feel that they cannot fight for her because that may appear as though they are asserting their masculine power over her in some way and trying to force her to do something she does not want, they feel that if they fight that they will harm the feminine.

And in turn what they are doing is destroying the feminine heart and our trust in the masculine.

To fight for your lady love, does not mean that you don’t take her no for a no. It means that you wake the F*ck UP and start paying attention before things get to the goodbye. It means that you be her knight every day, by slowing down in the bedroom and making love to her instead of asking for the quickie which only says, ” Come here honey, let me use you as a masturbation toy, your physical body and emotions don’t mean enough to me to take the time.”
It means that you take the time to court her and date her even if you just celebrated your 40th anniversary, because you  never have her, you always need to earn her.  It means that you take care of yourself, of your health and your well being because you want to live a long time to be with her. It means that you stop and listen to her, that you inquire and show that you care what is happening in her day. It means that when the goodbye comes that you don’t just sluff it off and say, “I will do whatever you want as long as you are happy,” but instead ask how  can  I capture her heart again?

” A woman does not want to be an object of duty, she wants to be desired.“- John Eldredge, Journey of Desire

We have come to a point in time where men have forgotten how to be men. They have forgotten how to court, how to peruse, and how to desire and love their women.  We women have caused much of this with our desires to be equal and to prove ourselves to the world and to our selves. Our new found feminist superhero forms have us conquering everything like a man but never being conquered through desire or in the bedroom. Here  we are still women with energetic cocks flaunting all over the place and keeping ourselves supposedly safe in our heads where our grand fortresses cannot be overtaken. We control our relationships and we control our sex. Thus we control our lack of true orgasm and we suffer the consequences by raising a male population that believes that they are being mature and good honoring men by avoiding their desire. By not courting and instead suggesting , “Let’s go dutch,” while they let the lady grab the door and carry all the groceries.
“If you are with a man you don’t trust, it is only because you prefer unsurrendered love to surrendering wide open in total trust. It feels safe. You are afraid to let go of control–part of you doesn’t trust love’s command–so you have chosen a man who doesn’t demand your surrender with his depth of integrity. If you did trust the command of love, you would only settle for a deep man capable of opening you more deeply than you could instruct him.” — David Deida, Way of the Superior Man
The issue here is not over doors and groceries, physical strength or even courtesy, no the issue is that men are NOT LEADING. Men are not COURTING. Men are not PERSUING.
Men are HOWEVER going against their true nature and living outside of their integrity, everyday. They are doing this with their woman and they are doing this all areas of life.

“The way you penetrate your woman, is the way you penetrate life.” – David Deida

Men in today’s world are scared to lead and have no concept of what leading looks like especially when it comes to intimate relationship.  So they screw up left and right by being overly direct or skittish.  They have no middle ground where they lead.  Today many men suffer, yes this they do, they suffer from a lack of desire,  a lack of leadership, a lack of manhood. Today men do things in hopes that it will be honoring and respectful, show the women how they feel, but in turn they only end up hurting the woman, the relationship and loosing the girl.
They will loose her every time too, until they awaken to their truth.
Women must stop accepting men at this level and we must STOP encouraging it by continuing with this superchick mentality of , ” I got this!” Men must on the other hand learn to go to their deepest levels of self and feel into themselves. They must feel their  desire, they must feel their deep love, they must feel their fear and breathe into it, not past it but into it.  It is through the fear, the deep love and the desire that their purpose is and it is NOT until they embrace their purpose as a man that they can keep the girl.
A woman WILL NEVER respect a man who does not have purpose. She will NEVER trust a man who cannot feel himself fully and her fully, and she WILL NEVER surrender to a man who cannot LEAD.

” I love you enough to let you go.” Is a statement of a broken masculine.

Ladies, embrace your men with love and wild abandon. Do this through demanding him to stand in his leadership role.  STOP feeling like he is trying to conquer you with control and start seeing how his desire is your surrender.  If you love your man, TEST YOUR MAN.  Without your tests and fires he will never embrace his heart. Until he embraces his heart he will remain lost. Here is where the feminine leads the masculine. We lead him into his heart by opening our own.

In order to do this though….

We women must first regain our connection to our hearts and pussies and become the divine feminine that God created us to be.  We women have forgotten our hearts as well and are mad at the masculine for not feeling us, when we ourselves have forgotten our hearts desire and are fearful of receive the blessings that lye there.

The first step to true honoring is this…

LEAN INTO YOUR DEEPEST LOVING HEART.

LEAN INTO YOUR DESIRE.

And F*ck this false version of honor!

–KW

90 Days of No Orgasm- Say What?

“My body is tense and tight as are my emotions and heart. I feel little love, appreciation or compassion let alone toleration. Or perhaps that is all I feel. I am tolerating life. I am tolerating work. I am tolerating my family.  There is no feeling of interconnectedness, no desire washing through me.  I feel lost, alone, depressed without reason, fatigued and sore. I feel loveless and angry. I feel an ever growing panic inside of my soul. As if my life is being stolen and for what?

The smile on my face and my light-hearted attitude that everyone sees is far from my internal reality where it’s more like being trapped in the swamps of some limbo land of the forgotten. I am unseen, unheard and feeling unworthy. Unworthy of being seen, heard, loved, sexed properly, or even cuddled and nurtured. Sure, I can reach out to my children or girlfriends for emotional support and snuggles, but this is not what my soul craves to keep itself alive. No, my soul craves to be held safe in the arms of the masculine. To be loved, adored, cherished and ravished to the marrow in my bones and through every last cell of my physical being. My soul craves with ever expanding fear to be penetrated mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally by the masculine. It needs to weep and laugh while singing its orgasmic rapture before my lover. It needs to feel safe while opening into the darkest corners of vulnerability. It needs to feed like a ravenous vampire on the love that can be expressed and felt during gourmet sexing. It needs to be felt with every tilt and pulse of my pelvis as I wrap my legs around my lover and pull him deeper where he has no choice but to surrender and bow at my alter. Where he can no longer deny my passion, my thirst for him and for life. My soul needs to burn. It needs to be ignited and seen. It needs to be felt and embraced in return.

Alas, this is not the case. Instead my soul is dying. It is dim and lifeless. It lives in its own shadow of a time since gone. Instead I feel numbness that is not numb but painful. My body is over ridden with what feels like a plague. I question existence, purpose, and reason. I question my worth. Looking inward I see a woman who is lost and feels like life has been stripped away, yet there is still a glimmer of hope. This glimmer is hungry, it wants so badly to be strong and to push forward. It wants to feel again, to live again, to heal and most of all it wants to breathe.

 

90 days is a short time line. You can do anything for 90 days, right?

90 days is a extremely long time as well. It can change your whole chemical, molecular being. It can retrain your thoughts and it can open you up to the vastness that life has to offer, or it can shut you down and make you question life.

90 days can heal you.

90 days can torture you.

It only takes 90 days to turn a turned on woman into a woman who is under-fucked, bitter, numb and on the verge of hysteria. How do I know this? Because I am that woman.  I am that turned on woman in the spot light, leading others to a turned on state of being and I am also that under-fucked woman crying out from the shadows of the dungeon of hysteria begging for mercy. That mercy being orgasm.

Orgasm use to come to me so easily. I could easily have 20+ orgasms in one love making session. I would experience clitoral, G-spot, cervical, female ejaculation and emotional orgasms just to name a few. They would course through my veins and roll through my body with ease, feeding me. Leaving me fulfilled and with so much to give to the people and world around me. I felt youthful, alive, confident, connected, passionate, full of desire and certainty. I could move through obstacles with faith and love. “

 

90 days of no orgasm sends you in another direction though.

29 things that 90 days of No Orgasm Gets You- My Personal Observation

  • Irregular periods
  • Heavier menstrual flow with more pain and moodiness
  • A constant feeling of female blue balls- aching in my pelvis
  • Less fluid stride in my walking
  • Decreased confidence
  • Depressed
  • Anxious
  • Headaches and body pain
  • Decreased immune system- keep getting sick, always feel sick and cannot get well quickly
  • Fatigue
  • Increased hunger
  • Weight gain
  • My once clear skin now has numerous acne breakouts
  • Feeling of hopelessness
  • Zero desire for anything
  • A short fuse – limited patience/toleration and understanding
  • Once clear head now has mental chatter
  • Breast tenderness
  • Zero libido
  • Emotional out bursts
  • Crying almost daily
  • Anger that creeps into rage
  • Fear to move forward with things
  • Lumps and tender spots on or around my pussy
  • Vaginal dryness
  • Random Yeast infections
  • Sensitive vaginal skin that tears easily
  • Pain during and after any sexual play
  • A feeling of disconnectedness to everything including my children, family, lover and friends. As well as G-d.

 

 

This may seem crazy to many who read this. How can all of that happen to a woman just from not having orgasm in her life?

But it does.

 

Science has been proving for a long time that orgasm is a vital nutrient to the feminine. It helps keep us women stabilized, positive and connected. In my practice I work with many women who have not had an orgasm for years, possibly even a life time. I also work with women who have become addicted to clitoral orgasms but believe or have not had anything deeper than this. Keeping them in a quick fix mode of orgasm which is often the case in female masturbation practices or even in our sexing.

 

Ancient spiritual based practices, dating back 7,000+ years spoke and taught on how important orgasm, real orgasm not just climax was to the feminine. It goes far past our physical well being and even our psychological well being. Orgasm is the well spring of creation and connection to the divine. To God. When we women do not have true orgasm in our lives and a space to surrender to our lover and our orgasm then we turn off to life. We disconnect from our partner, from our world and from ourselves. We move from the embodiment of self and radiance to living in our heads and just “dealing” with this thing called life. Life becomes about the duty instead of the living.

 

Unfortunately, we live in a world of under-fucked women. I say under-fucked not to sound crude and that women “should be” fucked, but to make the point that women do need to be held in a space for a long enough time frame with a safe masculine that can stand in her fires, in her tears and in her orgasm. This masculine can not be forced on her. He must earn her. Earn her trust. Her heart and her orgasm. This is not a space that many men are familiar with nor have they been taught about in todays society. However, when the chosen masculine is there holding this space then the woman can release into the greatest depths of surrender with herself and with him, thus creating the feeling that he has fucked her wide open to the universe. It is in this space that the feminine gets filled with love and with orgasm to her core. All other concepts of orgasm are nothing more than illusions and hoaxes.

 

Clitoral orgasm is a masculine orgasm. It is sharp, quick and what I call fast food. It feels good for the moment but that is all it gives you a moment and you find yourself hungry and feeling empty shortly thereafter. It also trains the body and mind to accept less than what is possible. Once we believe that this is all that orgasm is then many never think to venture further down the path to find true fulfillment.

But this is us settling for something that will never be anything more.

 

In todays society and way of thinking we claim to desire so much yet few are willing to go out and make their desires a reality. We settle for the lessor car because it is economical, the lessor house because the school district is what we think is better, the lessor relationship because it is better then no relationship and he/she is nice. We settle for the lessor orgasm because we don’t know that there is anything better and we don’t have the time to get it. So, we settle.

 

I could easily be writing this about masculine orgasm as well, however I am not. Focusing on the feminine because this topic is near and dear to my heart and my pussy. The above share is my truth about a time that I went longer than 90 days without orgasm. I had to learn how to surrender to myself in other ways to escape the lack of orgasm that I had in my sexing. I had to rediscover myself and my passion in other areas to ignite my orgasm again so that I could have it. I had to lean into my pain and fear and face them with love for self and life. I had to go back to the roots of my desires and start there. FRESH.

 

This is the path that every woman who is without true orgasm must take. The answer to connecting to an orgasmic life is to learn how to surrender to life. To embody yourself and to discover your core desires.

 

I share this musing with you in hopes that you will do just these three things and give yourself permission to live the orgasmic, turned-on life that you deserve.

3 Keys to Opening Up to Your Orgasm

  • Daily practice pussy communication. This is a foundational practice to reconnect you to your pussy. If you are living in your head then you are not embodying yourself. If you do not get back into your body then you will have limited to no sensation and you are blocking yourself from your divine feminine as well. Meaning that you have muted your intuition. Intuition is an art of blending voice of spirit with feelings and physical sensations of the body. By focusing on communication with your pussy on a daily basis you will tap back into your truth and feel more led by your core. Things will start to work out in your favor more and you will also start hearing your voice of desire again. To do this exercise all you need is a quiet space and your hands. Take your left hand and place it on your heart, your right hand and place it on your pussy. Now just breathe deep into your stomach, pulling the breath down as far as you can to allow your tummy to expand. Hold the breath for a moment and inquire with your pussy, “What message do you have for me?” From here move into a dialogue with your pussy as you focus on your breathing and feel for the sensations that she has to share with you. Ask her questions such as, “How do you feel about this relationship? – This job? – This move?” etc. Then listen to the sensations in your body. Your body’s wisdom is your soul speaking to you about what is best for your highest and greatest good.
  • Vulva Love Practice. Set aside time each day or at very lest 3 times a week to do this goddess practice. Set up a space that is pretty to all your senses. If possible, do this practice outside a few times with the sun shining down on your pussy. Create a sacred space with smells, music and different textures that you enjoy and find relaxing. Allow yourself to relax into this space as you gently massage your vulva with your favorite oil (I suggest unscented coconut oil). Make slow strokes and really allow yourself to feel all the sensations of your fingers running across your pubis mound and vaginal lips. Massage and stroke for feelings of pleasure NOT orgasm or climax.  Notice how good it feels to just feel the soft, conscious touch.  Next stroke with the intent of love and appreciation. With each stroke say out loud or internal words of love and appreciation to your pussy. Speak of her beauty. Her ability to receive pleasure and give pleasure. Her ability to manifest life. Speak of her warmth, her velvety softness. Remember to say thank you to your pussy for all that she has given you and that you value her guidance in your life.
  • Pussify Your Life. In this exercise you only need to ask your pussy for her feelings about something. This is a beautiful practice to focus us women on embodiment to self, something that many of us have lost in our modern world. To start and give you a feel for this practice, take on your under-ware and bra drawers. Take each pair of panties out and one by one hold them up to your pussy. Now ask, “Do you like this pair of panties?” Then feel what sensations come up in your body. Notice your emotions around each garment. If you have anything other than a strong F-ck YES! To the garment then toss it without question into a get rid of pile. Do this with all your panties and then move to your bra’s. If you want to really pussify your world, move to your closet and clean it with the guidance of your pussy instead of your logical brain. The result is that you will find yourself with ONLY garment that make you feel good. You will clear out all the things that you thought you needed for some logical reason or have been holding onto to be smart or out of fear of not replacing it. When you do this, you will now not only be honoring yourself and your emotions, you find that you are more turned on to life and feeling better about what you look like as well.

You are a divine, beautiful woman who deserves orgasm in her life.

For you to have all the orgasm that you want, sexually and generally in life, you MUST own your ORGASM and open to fully receiving the blessings that the universe and your pussy have for you.

This is a decision though.

 

Do you want a Turned- On Life?

Do you desire a life full of rapture and blessing?

Do you crave a fairytale relationship?

Do you desire gourmet sex?

 

Then choose YOU!

Choose Orgasm.

Choose to EMBODY YOU.

 

–KW

Looking for Mr. Forever – The pressure we SHOULD NOT feel.

I know you want someone to hold you close and handle your heart gently, but put love on hold. You don’t need someone to fall asleep beside. Not yet. You can wait for that.

Finding your forever person shouldn’t be your main priority. Finding yourself should come first.

Find out what brings your passionate side to the surface. Find out what stirs the adrenaline that’s been hibernating in your veins. Find out what convinces you to stay up until 3 AM and wake up at 5 AM. Find out what puts the suicidal thoughts to rest and gives you a burst of appreciation for the living.

Find out why the girl in the mirror looks so sad when she’s alone. What does she want? What is she missing? If it’s a who, what type of person would fill the gap where her smile is supposed to be? Is it a best friend that can make her laugh when she only has the impulse to scream? Is it a semi-stranger to drink with to erase the pain? Is it a mystery voice that tells her they believe in her, that they’re proud of her?

Find out what squeezes your heart until it skips a beat. Find out what sends flutters through your spine. Find out what awakens the butterflies in your stomach. Find out what makes the cliches come to life.

Find out who you are and what you want out of this chaotic world, because you’ve only scratched the surface of your cravings. You want a house in the Hamptons, but what will make that house a home? Degrees to hang on the wall, a baby girl, a puppy flopping through the yard? You want a job in journalism, but what are you hoping to gain from it? Aside from money. Aside from security. What is it you’re hoping life blesses you with?

Find out what you want this universe to deliver to you. And don’t be afraid to sound greedy or selfish or unrealistic. Don’t restrain yourself from having oversized fantasies, because you’ll find important pieces of yourself hidden amongst those dreams. You’ll find out what drives you. What type of human you truly are.

Find out what inspires you, motivates you. Find out what gives you the energy to push through on your worst days. Find out what you’re doing here on this earth, because no matter how worthless you feel, you have a purpose. You have a reason you exist — and it’s beautiful. You’re beautiful.

You have a lifetime to find your forever person, so find yourself first. You deserve to meet her.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE– You Have A Lifetime To Find Your Person, So Find Yourself First by Holly Riordan

Release Pelvic Pain, Sexual Dysfunctioncs, Trauma & More in 2-3 months with Pelvic Floor Release

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Many evidence based studies prove that pelvic floor physical therapy is an effective treatment approach for men and women suffering from pelvic pain caused by tight muscles and restricted tissues.  The pelvic floor muscles, namely the levator ani, coccygeus and obturator internus can develop adhesions, tension or trigger points which restrict movement and cause pain.  Trigger points are palpable spasms/knots within muscle tissue and can occur in pelvic floor muscles.  Trigger points can lead to adhesions of fascia/connective tissue of the abdomen, groin, pelvic floor and even restrict the viscera (colon, uterus, bladder, prostate gland) within the pelvic bowl.

The pudendal nerves and its branches, traveling from the sacrum (back of the pelvis) and running all through the pelvic floor region innervates the vaginal/penile and rectal areas. The nerves can become squeezed as it travels through tight muscles and fascia, which then decreases optimum pelvic floor function and increases pain.

The pelvic floor muscles are located INSIDE our bodies, in women the muscles are approximately 1-2 inches up from the vaginal/rectal region and in men, the muscles are approximately 1-2 inches up from the base of the penis/rectal region.

The pelvic floor muscles are key for four functions of the body:

1) lower back/core stabilization; 2)  normal urinary function; 3) good bowel function; 4) satisfying sexual function.

As a core stabilizer, the pelvic floor works with 3 other core muscles, the Transversus Abdominus (deepest stomach muscle), Multifidus- (deep low back extensor muscle), and deep fibers of the Iliopsoas (hip flexor muscle). These 4 muscles work together to keep our core strong, flexible and prevents lower back pain. If one of the 4 core stabilizer muscles becomes weak or injured, then the other 3 muscles have to work harder to compensate. Over time this puts great strain on the whole core, which leads to back pain/stiffness/weakness.

The pelvic floor muscles are directly involved with three bodily functions, urinary, bowel and sexual.

For functional urination, the pelvic floor muscles surround the urethral opening and should relax when you are voiding and maintain closure or tension when you are not voiding.   If the muscles are in spasm, urinary symptoms such as leaking,  or feeling a strong urge to void, or having to go to the bathroom multiple times a day (called urinary frequency) and/or being awoken at night to void more than once (called nocturia), can occur.   Women using public restrooms should not “hover” over the toilet, as this sustained half squat creates tension in the pelvis and does not allow full relaxation of the sphincters around the urethra to allow full urination. Best to use the protective toilet seat covers and sit comfortably.

For normal bowel movements, the pelvic floor muscles should be able to open and widen to allow the full passage of stool. When not having a BM, the pelvic floor maintains tension at the rectal opening to prevent leakage.  If the pelvic floor is weak, leakage can occur.  If the pelvic floor is tight, constipation resulting in sitting too long at the toilet, straining to defecate can occur. Toileting should take no longer than 5 minutes following the urge to void.  Even though you may not feel completely empty, it’s better to stand and leave the bathroom  versus continue to sit and strain. Constant straining can result in hemorrhoids and/or the development of a rectocele, which further impedes good function.

For satisfying sexual function, the toned and flexible pelvic floor allows for more intense orgasms in men and women.  A fully relaxed pelvic floor helps women experience pain free intercourse with their male partners.  Many patients who are experiencing sexual pain may experience difficulty with partner relationships or even avoid them due feeling of shame or inadequacy.

Pelvic pain due to restricted muscles can be released and return to normal function, no matter how long a person has been experiencing symptoms.

Physical therapists trained and mentored in pelvic floor work can:

  • apply targeted manual therapies to rid muscles of trigger points
  • utilize biofeedback therapy to help patients learn how to either downtrain (relax) their pelvic floor or to uptrain (strengthen) the pelvic floor
  • perform visceral mobilization to improve the mobility of organs lying within the pelvic bowl
  • mobilize and teach a patient self-connective tissue (skin rolling) techniques to abolish tight skin and fascia of the inner thighs and abdomen
  • teach patients gentle stretching techniques with foam rollers, tennis balls, knobbles, Theracane,  S –wands and dilators
  • educate in exercises for a strong core
  • teach diaphragmatic breathing and visualization to help lower tension of the pelvis and to increase oxygenation to the body and decreased stress
  • guidance in cardiovascular exercise to pump more oxygen and nutrients to the tissues
  • teach proper bladder and bowel techniques and habits

Most people start to feel better after 2 months of consistent, twice a week therapy which incorporates many of the above techniques. Some reach goals sooner; others may take up to 3 months.  By attending regular pelvic floor physical therapy and performing all the home exercises, faulty pattern are reversed and many people are pain free within 2-3 months.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE

A Too Tight Pelvic Floor

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Hypertonus of the pelvic floor is extremely common and often treated incorrectly (as general pelvic floor weakness) because many do not understand the biomechanical functions of muscle well. The problem lies here:

1. There is some sort of pelvic floor or low back or hip issue.

2. The pelvic floor is evaluated for “strength” because it is well understood that in order to maintain correct skeletal orientation and pressures on nerves and ligaments and stuff, the pelvic floor is really important.

3. The pelvic floor evaluation comes back as NOT CONTRACTING WELL, as measured by EMG (electromyograph) or by good old fashioned pressure on a finger.

4. The low-force producing pelvic floor is deemed weak and one is typically given strengthening exercises.

This is all very logical, but unfortunately the very large oversight is that tight or hypertonic pelvic floor muscle will register as “weak” because it is unable to generate force due to the fact that this muscle is already in its tightest (and shortest) position.

Currently there is no agreed-upon clinical standard for measurement (i.e. value of EMG or the finger test) that indicates, when the pelvic floor is not performing correctly, if it’s because it is too tight (read: short) or too loose (read: long). The general misunderstanding seems to be that all a weak muscle needs is a little EXERCISE to fix it up. In actuality, research shows that MORE KEGELS, MORE CORE TENSION, AND MORE SUCKING IN THE GUT MAKE THIS PROBLEM WORSE AND NOT BETTER.

Most pelvic floor issues are created not by one-time events like pregnancy or a skiing accident (like falling on a hip), but by habits that accumulate over time — especially those habits we all share — sitting in chairs the bulk of every day, not using a squat throughout a lifetime, exposure to chronic stress, and then, of course, doing extreme correctives and overdeveloping tension in the abdomen and pelvic floor.

This is a letter from my inbox, which the author gave me permission to share with ya’ll:

Dear Katy,

I was hoping the Pelvic Floor Guru in you would have some pearls of wisdom for me. I am 35, a virgin (sad as that may be, it’s not my main problem!), and have a steel trap for a pelvic floor–not in a good way. There have been times when a pap smear/etc. were in order, but no doctor has been able to get a speculum in. Not even an “infant” size. The smallest of tampons is uncomfortable. You can imagine the implications this has on my life.

If you think of the vagina like a clock, 3 and 9 o’clock (hip to hip) seem fine, but there is NO give at 12 and 6 (front to back). Does that make sense?

I have several of your DVDs and do the “Down There” stretches every day. I’ve talked to a RN, who is also a physical therapist specializing in the female zone, and she says there are some things she could try to help get those muscles to unclench, but, frankly, it sounds the opposite of delightful.

Boy-howdy, do I hope you have some ideas for me! Thank you for any thoughts you may have!

First of all, thank you for writing, lovely reader. Your description of front-to-back tension is very clear — thank you for that. When you have tension in this direction, it is key to learn about the sacrum and how the pelvic floor can act upon it (read more here) as well as understand that the butt muscles are strong force generators that should be keeping the PF muscles supple in the front-to-back direction.

Understanding the roll of the bum to keep the pelvic floor healthy, full-of-blood (not in a vampire/Halloween way, but in a “hey, I’m healthy, used, and full-of-blood kind of way”), and to provide appropriate leverage for the pelvic floor is essential.

No butt, no pelvic floor. Know butt, know pelvic floor.

Someone should make that a bumper sticker. You’d put that on your car’s rear end, yeah?

Anyhow. When hypertonus is diagnosed correctly, there’s usually one option when it comes to what your insurance will cover and that is physical therapy, but most specifically, “internal work.”Internal as in

Checking your oil.

Going under the hood.

Gettin’ one’s hands dirty.

And, a bunch of other euphemisms that seem to relate to cars.

P.S. Isn’t this a great book cover? I just found it on Amazon (click) and think a Do-It-Herself Guide a great graduation gift for any women heading off to the next steps in life!

So, what’s the problem with internal work? Well, if your pelvic floor has developed some sort of chronic issue that is causing you grief, chances you, like the writer of the email, are not very enthralled with the idea of some stranger poking around in your goods.

Because I am the Queen of Down Under,

I will attempt to shed a bit of light on both the process of internal work, my personal experience with it, as well as things you can do that can also improve hypertonus if you’re not ready to get down with your bad self. To help me out, I’ve brought in Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist Susan McLaughlin.

Susan is not only a bad-ass therapist, she’s also a graduate and Master-Teacher-in-Training of our Restorative Exercise™ Whole-Body Alignment program. She does internal work a lot, so I’m going to have her explain what the process is “like” for those who want to know.

So, Susan. Is internal work as creepy as it sounds?

There is a lot of taboo in our culture about genitalia, incontinence and sex and so first of all, it can be an uncomfortable experience to share your pelvic floor issue with your friends or even health care provider. Don’t let that stop you, please! For me, as a practitioner, internal work is a key component to understanding the state and function of the muscles, fascia, potential scar tissue and nerves. So, no, not creepy.

I don’t know, Susan. The word “genitalia” is kind of creepy. But then again, so is the word “creepy,” so I might just be overreacting.

Can you explain a bit about the actual process of internal work?  Once when I was getting a facial, I was all relaxed and my face was  warm and wet and I had a small fluffy animal placed over my eyes to  really make it a spa-like, relaxing experience you know? Then, out  of the blue, I hear this sound like someone is being electrocuted,  and then I realize that the buzzing and zapping electricity thing is  now touching my face, which is wet and my eyes are covered… I had  a major freak out that ruined the facial. Even though the therapist  knew that the electrical-zappy thing wouldn’t hurt me, I didn’t.

Wow, that was a long story.

But important! Because I, like most people, don’t like to be  startled in a session, so I want to know everything that’s going to  happen. What is a session with internal work like?

Prior to the internal exam, a superficial assessment is performed.

Sorry to interrupt. Just wanted to clarify that a superficial  assessment does not in anyway imply that the practitioner is a shallow person, but that before going in, they take a look around at the surface. You many continue.

The practitioner visually inspects the skin (identifying redness due to inflammation, discoloration, swelling, etc) and observes the perineum for tissue integrity/responsiveness during a pelvic floor  contraction, cough and bearing down, as well as palpation of the  superficial muscle for tenderness, symmetry. The internal exam is a one finger vaginal (or rectal) assessment. The client is asked to perform a pelvic floor contraction. The quality and strength of the contraction is assessed as well as the ability to return to resting  position. If a person is not in a painful state, it is good to assess the endurance of the muscle by having the person hold a  pelvic contraction for 10 seconds and then repeat as many repetitions as they can until they fatigue. Quick contractions are assessed by having the client repeat as many as they can in 10  seconds. Again the quality of the muscle activity is important. Some people contract, but never go back to resting position…that is not good. Also the muscles are  palpated for tone, tenderness, trigger points. The process is then repeated on the other side.

You sound smart and all clinically and stuff. Do you wear a white coat while you do this?

A lab coat is not my style, though many PTs wear them.

Well, so far it sounds swell. Like a massage, only not ;) But this  is what everyone really wants to know: Does it hurt?

Initially, the evaluation and some follow-up visits may be painful. As the muscles and fascia begin to release, the holding patterns let go and many people experience pain relief during the internal work.

As a biomechanist, I’d like to chime in here for a second about the pain thing. Knowing how sensory receptors work and having had internal work myself, would you agree that the amount of pain felt is equal to the amount of tension or resistance to the pressure being applied? Meaning, the therapist might not be pushing at all, it’s the muscles pushing BACK that cause pain. And if one could use the pain as a mental signal — “oh, here is a place that  needs to soften” — instead of just thinking — “Damn Woman, stop hurting me!”, wouldn’t the sensation of “pain” instantly lessen?

Yes, actually.  I have people practice breathing and mindfully letting the muscles go.  I can feel the change in the muscle instantaneously if they are able to do that… and most people can.

Ok. So you’re really just helping people become aware of tension patterns they didn’t even know they had, and open their eyes to a situation that they can actually fix themselves! With a little help, of course…

How does an internal work session compare to a Pap exam? This one time, I thought I’d schedule my annual Pap on my birthday. Which, I  just wanted to let everyone know, is not as good of an idea as it sounds.  But anyhow, please continue. I just thought you might be interested in knowing the highlights of my Pap history.

Thanks. The sessions are different than a Pap because there is no speculum used. And internal sessions are focused on the re-education of muscles, habits, movements, alignment. If a person is experiencing pain, it is important to teach them how to relax the pelvic muscles. Because these muscle have been held in tension it can be difficult to know how to relax. I have found it very helpful to use a finger inserted at the vaginal opening to assist with the cue to “drop” the pelvic muscle downward/backward. A slight pressure onto the muscle provides stimulus to tell the muscle to let go. This can be helpful for the first few visits until the person has confidence in  performing the relaxation on their own. Each therapist has their own manual therapy skills to assist in releasing the muscle/fascia/joint dysfunction.

It sounds very clinical and not that fun. Do you ever laugh at all?  I mean, not tell dumb jokes or anything (like me), but would you recommend we pick a therapist they feel comfortable with? To me, a therapist is like a pair of shoes in the store. If they don’t quite fit in the beginning, does the relationship improve? Or, better yet, do people  have the right to “interview” an internal therapist for maybe 5 minutes to see if they feel relaxed in general? What are your thoughts?

I am being very clinical right now, my bad. I do actually have a sense of humor and am able to help people feel at ease. I like to explain to people what I will be doing so people know what it going to happen and they can choose whether they feel comfortable or not. Comfort is a big deal. It’s a good idea to call a clinic before you make an appointment and have a quick chat with the therapist to see if it would be a good fit.

Ha ha. You said make sure your vagina therapist is a good fit. Get it? (P.S. If you didn’t laugh at that, then pause, take a breath or two, and see if you can relax your pelvic floor muscles Right Now and read it again!)

Anyways. Do you use equipment? Wires? Electrodes? Headlamps?

Currently I don’t use any equipment.  However, many therapists utilize biofeedback, electrical stimulation or TENS.

Oh, right. A TENS. Um, do you want to tell us what a TENS is?

A TENS unit (transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation) is something that clients can use at home for pain. There are external electrodes that stick to your sacral/low back area or on your abdomen. The electric impulses travel through the nerves to the spinal cord and block the pain impulses that go to the brain (basically keeping the secretary busy so she can’t relay the message to the boss that something is going on). This doesn’t hurt and can actually allow some temporary pain relief. You can buy them off of Amazon for like 40 bucks.

Thanks for explaining the TENS. Although I think many people find a nightly glass or two of wine to be effective :)

Ok, back to internal therapy. How long does it take to work?

Generally, it may take anywhere from  6-8 visits.  Of course, this depends on many factors: is the client doing their home play, how  long they have experienced the issue, etc.

Ok. So how does internal work work. (Seems like a lot of work.) Are  you fixing my muscles for me? What am I supposed to do/feel/change?

Physical therapy can help facilitate joint mobility and release of fascia and muscle trigger points. The client should begin to become  more aware of the pelvic floor muscles as well as all muscles. Notice habits like holding breath, sucking in, excessive sitting and begin changing dysfunctional patterns. The key to lasting change is held by the client. In all of my sessions I emphasize whole-body alignment principles, stress reduction/management, exercise and movement, and nutrition when appropriate.

Is there homework?

Always homework! Restorative Exercise™ and every-day alignment principles.

I’d like to jump in and offer my favorite, get-the-heck-off-your-sacrum, you are damaging your pelvic floor tip  here — make sure you are sitting in neutral pelvis and not on a slightly tucked one.

What’s internal work like for a practitioner? What are you feeling for?

The practitioner is feeling for muscle tone/twitch, connective tissue mobility, dense thickened bands in the tissue, adhesion, and symmetry between sides.

Most people think of pelvic floor as just the vaj, but after my vaginal delivery, I developed a hematoma that burst and it seemed to send my deep hip rotator on that side into a spasm. No amount of  stretching or specific correctives could get to it and I could still feel that something was off in my hips, even though my vaj was fine. During my session, through help in “finding” the tension I was carrying, I was able to let go of the protective mode I’d been in for almost a year. It made me cry, and not because it hurt. It didn’t!  But I just had all this feelings — tense, sad, worried, joy, relief  — tied up with this one tiny spot and the event of my son’s birth and, who knows what else! Do other people cry or do seemingly unrelated things?

One of our deep hip rotator muscles called the obturator internus can be palpated and accessed easily through the vagina. This muscle can be a key site in pelvic pain syndromes due to the close connection with the pudendal nerve. The pudendal nerve is the nerve to the muscles of the pelvic floor. Its course of travel runs right over this hip rotator muscle. Tension in the hip rotators can cause irritation of the nerve, and then pain.

And the crying?

Candace Pert, MD was the first to scientifically prove the biochemical basis of emotions.  And these emotions, she found are neuropeptides residing not just in the limbic system, but flow throughout the whole body in the nervous, musculoskeletal, immune and cardiovascular systems.

You experienced an emotional release through the fascial and muscle memory!  It’s cool stuff and I witness this in my office on a regular basis. This is normal and very liberating. I applaud anyone who is able to feel safe enough to let the emotional release happen.

Word.

So Susan, tell me. How did you get into vaginas? I mean pelvic floor health?

I landed a job as a spine specialist and they asked me if I had any  interest in women’s health and I said “Hell Yes!” I started taking  courses toward my specialization. When I was an anatomy teacher’s  assistant I had a fascination with the sacrum. I felt that it was a  powerful bone and I felt that, because the pelvis is the area of our  center of mass, that there has to be a lot going on in there. Also,  my favorite color is orange, the color of the second chakra, the pelvic area…my fate was set!

Orange is your favorite color? Mine too! I never thought about it like that, although I’ve been fascinated by the pelvis ever since taking anatomy as an undergraduate. Do you think or natural interest in orange pelvises and vaginas is why we get along so well?

That and our high sense of fashion! <—— This is a very funny joke that is probably only funny if you spent a week going through our similar wardrobes of sweats, track pants, yoga pants, and fancy yoga pants for formal occasions.

What do you love the most about women’s health work? What do you wish more people understood about their pelves?

I love that the pelvis is our center. It is the house of our womb and bowels. I would like women and men to feel more comfortable expressing themselves to healthcare workers and friends, so pain and  dysfunction doesn’t go on for years.

Also, I wish people understood that their daily habits and movement  patterns contribute to pelvic pain and that there is a way out of  pain without meds and surgery, through awareness and movement.

I really love that. The solution to chronic pain — pelvic, in this case, but of course, it’s the same for all tissues — is through awareness and movement. Beautiful.

Ok, last question. To be crystal clear, internal work is not just for women, right? Men develop hypertonicity with the same frequency (if not more) than women and it’s a risk factor for not only pelvic pain but  prostatitis, ya?

The pelvic floor and the obturator internus are easily accessed through the rectum. I see men in my practice as well. Prostatitis is usually the diagnosis they get from the urologist, when in fact, the painful symptom and urinary dysfunction is caused by the hypertonicity of the pelvic floor and other alignment factors.

YES! Fellas, don’t let your PF tension get out of control. It’s a major contributing factor to issues of the colon and prostate. This post is just as much for you as it is the ladies. (Hi Dad!)

Thanks for your time in answering my questions! If you’re in the SLC area of Utah, you’re lucky to have Susan as a potential therapist. Find more info about her practice, her classes, and her pregnancy/pelvic health workshops here: www.alignintegrationandmovement.com

Now let’s say for a moment that someone with a pelvic floor issue  just can’t bring themselves to sign up for internal work yet. Susan and I have each come up with a few tips that can help with habits that create or perpetuate hypertonus. I’ll post those in the next day or so, because this post is too long already!

 

The True Influence of Our Sexual Partners

We Become the People We Have Sex With

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I once read an article where the author said: “Never sleep with someone you don’t want to be.” Such a profound statement. In Tantric teachings it is also taught that all the people with whom we make love to, leave a trace into our being.

It’s likely that many have noticed how they have experienced varying degrees of pleasure, different orgasms and excitement with different partners in their life. Why is it though that with one partner we experience really powerful orgasms while with another partner the orgasms are either weak or non-existent? Usually it is said that it’s not a good match physically. Physical compatibility is of course important, but there’s a lot more in play here.

All of us hold both feminine and masculine energy and for our whole lives we seek to keep these two energies in balance. We are attracted to the opposite sex because they have what we need. Women share their feminine energy with men and men share their masculine energy with women. Those on the spiritual path aspire to the same experience through various practices like yoga, meditation, etc. We all subconsciously seek for it. Whenever we spend time with or have sex with the opposite gender the energies get balanced for a moment. The moment we experience an orgasm is the moment when masculine and feminine energies in our being are balanced – the plus and the minus have become zero. And this zero-point is different with different partners.

Our inner masculine

Let’s take a closer look at this process. As a woman my feminine side is more active and my masculine side is asleep, so to say. To awaken the masculine energy that lies dormant in me I need a man. Not every man though can awaken the masculine energy in me. The masculine in me is of a certain type – tantric teachings describe that he is the whole of our past lives that we lived as men and affected by men with whom we’ve had close relations with in this life. This means that my inner male has certain features and an appearance. To connect with my inner male it’s enough for me to look at what kind of men I’m attracted to – those who best match my inner male also awaken him the most in me.

Suppose there are two men: Marc and Dave. Marc awakens my inner man 50% and Dave 90%. We don’t experience powerful orgasms with Marc, but with Dave the sex is simply glorious. This means that Dave is very similar to my inner male. This shows for example that if I attract so called bad boys, my inner male also carries a similar energy. So if I’m more with the so-called good guys, my inner male is good as well. This means, that if we wish to attract a different type of a partner, we need to consciously work with changing our inner male.

The inner male can be changed through spiritual practices. For example if I purify my being, then my inner male gets purified with it. Or we can change our inner male by knowingly starting to spend time with the types of men we want to be like. This can be problematic at first as these types of men might not seem very attractive initially. This is why this needs to be a very conscious decision. If we consistently spend more time with good guys, then soon they won’t appear as boring, because our inner male has started to change. You don’t always need to have intercourse with these people; even spending time as friends is enough for our inner male to start picking up features from them. One moment you might notice that your taste in men has changed completely.
Exactly the same description of the process goes for men and their inner females. And naturally our inner male or female is similar to our father or mother, as people with whom we’ve spent a lot of time together. Oftentimes men seek for a woman similar to their mother as women seek for men similar to their father.

Women are receptive

There’s another important topic here that is good for women to know. When we live with certain types of men, our own being starts become like them – due to a simple principle that women receive and men give. This goes much deeper though. One of the re-occurring topics of relationships is women’s emotionality. It is as if men don’t have any emotions at all, they are peaceful and stable, while women have a constant storm of emotions. Both partners play an important role in all relationship situations. Women are by nature more sensitive and also more receptive. Many women have surely noticed how they are calm and balanced when living alone. Then they meet a man, spend some time together and suddenly it’s as if she’s another woman. How so? There is of course personal development in relationships and we push each other’s buttons, but there is more to this.

Men who have been taught to suppress their feelings since young have learned other ways to unload their emotions and one of those ways is sex. So where will they unload their emotions during sex? Into the woman of course, who energetically receives the man’s storm of emotions and stores it in her. The man feels relief while the woman can’t keep the storm inside her as it would damage the woman. The woman ends up expressing the man’s emotional storm and gets blamed for it.

Women who don’t express their emotions though, might get health problems. Cervical cancer is one example. This is the second most common cause of death for women after breast cancer, while there are only 30-40 cases per a large state of men dying due to penile cancer.

In an energetical level men release their stress into women, thus grounding themselves with sex, and women in their receptivity take it in. Our cervix is very receptive and delicate as our center of our femininity. This makes it important to check with whom to have intercourse with, what the underlying energy-exchange might be like and what will we be taking into our being. If it seems that the man uses sex only to discharge themselves, then a smart woman would decline of such sex.

Sexual intercourse is for balancing each other – where a woman gives tenderness, gentleness, sensitivity to the man and the man on his part offers balance, grounding and inner direction to the woman. Sexual energy should be used consciously for strengthening the relationship bond and creating more love energy. This is one of the differenciating characteristics of a tantric couple when compared to a so-called regular relationship – the tantric couple is conscious in both their relationship and their sexuality.

Sexual slackness is rather common in our society and has little to do with being conscious. When partners cheat on each other in a relationship, then even if they don’t understand it, they’ll be bringing energy from other people into their relationship. By having affairs, one collects other people’s energetic baggage and this ends up affecting their everyone and the relationship.

Successful businessman and author Jim Rohn has said: „You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Next time you’re about to have intercourse with someone ask yourself: would I want to be this person? Do I respect them or not? Do the qualities they carry in themselves make me a better person? How well do I even know this person?

Tantric Therapy, Katrin

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Kendal’s Notes on This Article

When a friend shared this article with me, I knew it was something I had to pass along to everyone. Tantric Practitioner, Katrin hits the nail on the head in this blog post.

I could do a workshop just on this concept it is so powerful and the true understanding goes into the spiritual and quantum physical realms. It is an ancient concept and one that I personally have prescribed to since I started my own healing work on myself many years ago in the land of sexuality.

Quick story: There is a man, he might even be reading this newsletter right now…lol – This man from the first time I met him rocked my sexual energy world. My body ignited from looking at him, from the smell of his scent, from his kiss and when he spoke with that Mathew McConaughey voice my knees quaked and my pussy got wetter. Our talks were always good, we laughed and enjoyed so many things in common. I spent almost 5 years trying to make the relationship work. I wanted truly nothing other than his friendship and some hot sex, which one would assume would be a slam dunk when the turn on is so high as it is and was with this man. However, the problem was that every time we went there I literally could not feel him and then the after math of our sexing was that I would become extremely hormonal, angry, depressed and even physically sick. My body would ache. I felt like a used old shoe that had been kicked under the bed to be forgotten. I felt like I was just that a “fuck” and not even a fuck buddy, but just some place for him to jack off into. I felt like a container for his stress and all the negativity and chaos he had going on in his life would just cast a nasty shadow on me for a few weeks after.

Why was this?
Because women are receptive. And because in all actuality I was nothing more than this for him, my heart and soul knew from the first time we had sex and my body tried to warn me, but my stubbornness persisted and I kept trying to fix what was never meant to be.

Try explaining that to someone when your breaking up….

Another quick tale: I was married for 17 years to the same man. Him and I had 5 children together, worked on building a business together, did the whole through tough times, sickness and health thing. We stuck it out the best we could in the face of everything that we created and tried running from. Around year 11 or 12 of our marriage things became really toxic. We had had issues in the past but we were now really lost at sea and it appeared that I had developed a case of some really bad depression, even bi-polarness and everyone told me that I needed medicine. I would fly off the handle at seemingly little things, I did not want anything to do with sex and then I was a raging horn dog, I would develop yeast infections, bladder infections, kidney infections, sinus infections and had migraines. I was constantly tired, over weight, and hated life. I was sad all the time and could not find the light at the end of any tunnel because there was no tunnel, the darkness had just consumed me. I did some really crazy ass shit in this 3 year time frame. I burned my wedding dress and ring, I axed our garage refrigerator, I got mad so took it out on a toilet and almost lost my finger, I karate chopped the Christmas tree with all the ornaments on it. I stripped and dared the cops to come get me as I walked sown the street. And I woke up everyday wishing I had not woke up. I was lost in misery.

Today, most people who know me would have a tough time believing I could ever do that. Looking back I can hardly believe that I did that stuff, because it is not inside me at all to act like that. So what was the cause of my chaos, depression and bi-polarness?

It’s what I was being down loaded with in my sex life from mu husband. Not blaming him here, for we both had no clue. But looking back, my body was begging me to stop infecting it with this chaos. It rebelled by giving me yeast infections, bladder infections and other chronic issues. It was trying to protect me. But I did my wifely duty and had sex.

Today, I lead a calm, turned on life. My ex- husband, still living in the chaos, depression and bi-polarness. He is still confused and lost .

Today I look at the men I choose to share myself with and they all are of higher vibrations, they are determined, driven, clear, smooth energy men. They love playfulness, the adore learning, they avoid chaos and drama, they maintain their emotions and work on themselves before pointing the finger outward. They are extraordinary gentlemen and they download into me with our sexing and orgasms a life that I want to live, a life that is full, harmonious and on purpose.

So, yes we DO become like the people we have sex with. So be cautious as to who you are regularly enjoying intimate moments with, because there is no other place like the bedroom where association means so much.

Not Just a Sexy New Fad. – Orgasmic Living is the Answer for Women & Men Alike

mirrorwomanLooking for a sexual awakening?

Every day I work with sexual unsatisfied men and women. Year’s ago when I started my practice 85% of  my clients were men in search of help for some sexual issue or looking for an intimacy surrogate.

I remember longing for the day that my clients would be more balanced between the sexes. As I worked with hundred’s of starving men who felt shameful  for their desires I learned repeatedly that the one true cure to these men’s issues were for them to find empowered women. Women who were strong, confident and very much in the feminine instead of what our society supports where women are to be more like men. Which only causes disconnectedness, more shame, irritation, divorce, lack of libido for both sexes, health issues, sexless marriages/relationships and shear sexual frustration.

What these men needed was a Turned On Woman!

When a woman is authentically turned on by life and confident in herself as she is, she can support the divine masculine. She has no need to compete with the men in her life nor does she have a need to be jealous over other women. She is powerful at her core and is lead by her pussy not her mind.

Now, I am sure some who read this wonder why the hell a woman would want to be lead by her pussy or why we should encourage this even? After all that sounds like I am saying that a woman should go out and live promiscuously. It sounds as though I am saying that her sexing is more important then her trade, morals, or family status even. It sounds as though I am saying BECOME A SLUT to women.

And in an essence, this is exactly what I am saying.

But why?

By embracing your inner slut through educated sexing and learning what true orgasm is as well as what true turn on is, a woman can become for better terms, enlightened. When she allows her pussy to lead she will be more creative in life, she will discover her authentic yes and no, she will feel interconnected, vibrant, hormonally balanced, and dare do I say HAPPY.

And what does every man desire his woman to be? Yeppers, happy. The only issue is that normally he is lead to believe that it is his responsibility to make her happy instead of her knowing how to make herself happy. Plain and simple, no one can make another person happy nor is it their responsibility to do this. An emotionally mature, empowered person (male or female)  who is proactive understands this reality.

So can a woman of our time become empowered, happy, hormonally balanced (without drugs), emotionally stable, and in love with life among other things?

 

“For those open to trying the latest new-age craze, orgasmic meditation may be just for you. OM, as it’s called among its followers, is a holistic practice between two people where a woman has her clitoris gently stroked for 15 minutes in a non-sexual way by a partner with a goal to building connections and prolonging therapeutic orgasms.

The stroking is said to activate the limbic system in the body ie. the emotional nervous system, releasing a flood of oxytocin—“the cuddle hormone”—which cultivates an orgasm. However, the practice is not about the destination, or reaching orgasm, but rather experiencing the journey and whatever sensation may arise. Thus, according to its founding company OneTaste, OM expands the most pleasurable part of the climax as part of a “goal-listed” practice.

“You wouldn’t expect accessing your clitoris could change your life, but it does,” OneTaste New York office director Kim Howerton told AlterNet. “OM involves a sexual practice that includes pleasure at times, but it’s not a practice that is designed simply about pleasure. It’s designed for enjoyment, living a better life and having a better experience. It’s the opposite of hedonistic—more of a personal growth path, than a pleasure-seeking path,” Howerton explained.

While OM has been around for 13 years, people only recently started to sit up and take notice of the offbeat practice after founder and guru Nicole Daedone appeared on a popular TED Talk. Daedone, a former Buddhist nun-in-training with her own semi-twisted story to enlightenment, established OneTaste with a mission to teach OM to the world after being introduced to it by a random man at a party.

Following Daedone’s TED appearance, OneTaste was able to get a host of celebrities on board to promote its cause. It was subsequently featured on Deepak Chopra’s 30 Days of Intent on the Chopra Well YouTube Channel,where the practice, targeted at “tired and wired women,” has been viewed over a million times. Daedone says that like Vitamin C, orgasm is a nutrient that has been missing from the standard human diet for centuries. On the scientific side of the process, OM shares a lot of the same traits as Zen Buddhism.”

(— Full Article can be read at Alternet.org)

IMG_2902 editWhy I Use Orgasmic Meditation in My Practice with Clients

Orgasmic Meditation (OM) has become a foundational practice for my work with clients. I truly view it as the beginning stages to helping a woman and even a man who learns how to stroke start to shed the many veils of illusion and shame from their lives. Blended with coaching (talk therapy) and bodywork this practice become a beautiful piece to an Orgasmic Life.

In working with men, women and couple’s, I teach the concept as well as the practice of Orgasmic Meditation (OM) to almost everyone of my clients. Many of my female clients who are healing body image issues, shame, guilt and trauma while they learn how to harvest a healthy relationship not only with themselves but with men again learn to desire their weekly OM Coaching session. This 90 minute appointment consists of 45-60 minutes of talk therapy then a 15 minute OM followed with 15 minutes grounding. During the course of this appointment we work through many exercises to help empower a woman and help her connect to her pussy, her desire.  Women who believe they have no desire to women who believe they cannot have an orgasm discover that they have an inner slut who wants to be heard. She is there and she can be very loud. As a woman learns to release the “good girl” image and get comfortable with her inner slut, she also discovers a desire to enjoy ALL of life orgasmically.

Embracing the inner slut can be one of the most scary things a woman can do in her life time. It takes great courage and desire for healing to go against the grain of everything that has been programmed in her from societies need to slut shame to church, state and family as well as even lovers conditioning her to see and think of herself in certain ways. All the programs that women fight with are not new, but thousands of years old, set in motion to prevent women from acknowledging their true gift.

Their Sex!

When we learn to embrace our sex, we learn that desire is healthy. Love is unconditional.

We get see the world and reality in a new light. One that reveals how fucking AMAZING life really can and should be.

Today 65% of my clients are future Turned On women. Will you be one?

Join me along with many other Turned On people on this empowering mission of living life, not just fully but Orgasmically!

 

 

 

Composing My New Life- Testimony on Orgasmic Meditation (OM)

openlotus2 years have gone by…

and the place where I have landed to begin again feels fresh, exciting, real, scary, joyful, and full!  Looking back, I can see how each of my experiences prepared me for this new world.  I have learned humility, resilience, forgiveness, strength, resourcefulness.

Just a few weeks ago, I received a list of things for homework from a life coach.  One of the first items on the list was to OM.  To learn and practice Orgasmic Meditation.  This practice is re-shaping me, literally!  I feel like an artichoke; with the prickly outer leaves falling away, sensation begins to return to my body and my mind, revealing the softer, fuller leaves on the inside.

I am discovering things about me that have obviously been there all along, just tucked and hidden far from the outer shell that is visible.  Music sounds richer, relationships more authentic, eye contact more often, smiles and laughter more abundant, joy more often and in so many little things, feelings more noticeable, activities more purposeful.

All this sounds too good to be true?  That’s what I thought, too.  At first….but then, slowly, these changes started stacking up, demanding to be noticed.  I am so grateful for those trudging steps out of my car into a small coffee shop on a dark cold evening!  I am so thankful for a cOMmunity that lives authentically!  I am so excited to be peeling away the layers that reveal the center of the artichoke, my heart!

 

Yes, I am alive, and my heart is beating, and feeling, and brave, and oh, so real!

–Patricia G. Dallas, TX. (Orgasm Coaching for Women Client 2014)