Hell Hath No Fury.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

 
Or so the saying goes.
The past month of my life has forced me to step into a fury that I did not know existed to the level that it does. One event opening up the wounds to another. And that event opening up the wounds to another and another and another.
 
At first I sat with the events after they happened and was simply shocked.
Bewildered and lost.
 
Then I shut myself to the emotions that were coming up.
Then I opened.
Then I shut myself down again because under the emotions and the physical sensations of pain, fear and worry,
I discovered something much darker.
 
The darkness of a ghost that had been lingering in my midst for my life.
The darkness of a fear that I had been dancing with forever.
The darkness of my heart.
 
I found myself dancing with the feeling of being a victim and not wanting to be one, yet not being able escape the reality of what had happened and the knowing that in this moment, in this timeline, I was a
 
VICTIM.
 
I hate the word victim.
I don’t believe in being a victim.
I believe that no matter the situation that we are all spiritual volunteers here playing out our lessons in life. Expanding and evolving.
 
Evolving through pain.
Evolving through love.
Yet still evolving.
 
So to sit with the reality that I was a victim in this moment was something that hurt me to a point of rage in my emotions.
 
I am not a victim.
I am a strong mother F*cking Goddess!
I am the co-creator of my world.
I am a f*cking manifestor that creates her world with power, certainty and direction through my heart and by the guidance of God and my soul link.
 

I am not a victim damn it.

 
But yet, here I sit with the reality that in this part of my current time line,
 
Physically,
at very least I am just that ,
that I do not prescribe too.
 
A Victim.
 
And f*ck it hurts and is scary and shit to admit that yes,
I too could be feeling this fear.
Feeling this loss of the life that I new.
Feeling the uncertainty of the steps that I must take.
 
Yes, here I am, still feeling like somehow I deserved this.
I made it happen.
If I had not only done this or that.
Then surly things would not have escalated to the level that they did and I would not be physically hurt and broken.
That I would not be emotionally worn out and lost.
That my faith and trust in relationship would still be strong.
That what I believed or thought I knew as truth would still remain in tact and that my world would remain all that it had potential of being.
 
Yes certainly I must be at fault for all that has occurred.
Yes certainly I must have been the culprit of this disaster.
I was not good enough.
I was too much.
I wanted to much.
I cared to deep.
I spoke to much of my truth.
I should have coward in the face of the danger instead of standing to face it.
I should have just shut up and got in my place.
 
After all,
I am just a woman.
 
Who am I to think anything other than the reality that I am just a woman.
 
It is a man’s world.
He’s the boss.
It is his house.
His car.
His world.
His right.
 
His right to command.
To command me.
To command how things go.
To command my actions.
My thoughts.
My feelings.
My words.
 
If I had just not spoke.
If I had just not inquired.
If I had just not followed.
If I had just let it be.
If I had just been a good woman,
and did what I was told.
 
Told…
 
Yes told.
 

“You will STOP!”

 
He wanted me to stop,
he wanted me to be quiet,
he wanted me to not inquire,
follow,
speak my truth,
stand up for my child,
for myself.
He wanted me gone.
He wanted me deleted from his life.
He wanted me to STOP.
 
If I had just listened.
 
I am not a victim.
I am a mother F*cking Goddess!!!!
Goddesses are not commanded to STOP.
To not speak their hearts.
Their truth.
To break in the face of danger.
To run in the face of danger.
To feel shame about their humanness,
their love,
who they are or anything else.
 
Goddesses do not abandon their children when danger is present.
Goddesses do not fear the outcome.
They command the outcome.
The outcome is one that is ALWAYS one,
one that in the long run supports the beauty,
the love,
the truth,
the heart,
the soul, the power of God that moves through each of us.
 
He fell in love with the Goddess,
but he wanted to tame her.
He wanted to own her.
He wanted to control her.
To shut her up and be her ruler.
 
Goddesses only have one ruler.
The Great Divine.
The Almighty.
Lord.
God.
Creator of All.
That is the only ruler of a Goddess.
And we are lead by our hearts.
 
Those hearts lead us to follow when we see our lover is in pain.
When we see our child is hurt.
When we know we are not being heard, seen or felt,
Those hearts lead us to speak up not become quiet.
 
And certainly not become quiet because we are commanded too.
 

F*ck That!

 
Hell hath no fury like a Goddess scorned.
That is how the statement should go.
 
But he,
he is the lucky one.
He scorned a Goddess,
a woman who know’s who she is,
who is not afraid to speak out,
to be vulnerable,
to forgive but not forget,
 
he is the lucky one.
Because in his actions she FINALLY witnessed his truth.
 
And he may not be strong enough to see it but she is.
She see’s his pain,
his fear,
his lack of truth,
his lies not just to her,
but to himself.
 
She see’s how deeply he is hurting,
his feeling of not being worthy,
his discomfort with integrity.
 
She see’s his shame and how he hopes to shame her.
 
She see’s him.
She see’s herself.
 
Yes.
 
I am not a victim.
I am a F*cking Goddess.
 
No matter what the experience, I KNOW that God has my back.
No matter what the result I know that I am the co-creator of my reality.
No matter what the feelings, or the physical challenges that are upon me, I know that I
 
 
People come into our lives.
They serve their purpose as we do in theirs.
We often feel betrayed, hurt, scorned and victimized.
This is all part of our path.
 
Our evolution.
 
But even in evolution we get to choose,
choose our reactions,
which lead us to the next phase of our own personal reawakening.
 
We get to choose how we evolve.
Every action has a reaction.
 
We choose what those are.
We have conscious thought.
That conscious thought can trump our ego and our core beliefs if we want it to.
We can decided.
 
NOW.
In this moment,
To love fully.
To heal quickly.
To not break.
To expand.
To express.
To be vulnerable.
To be worthy.
 
To COMMAND our life to be the life that manifests our dreams.
 
I may be a victim in the essence of the physical and emotional abuse that I have experienced in the last short bit of time,
 
But I am NOT a victim to life.

 

I am a mother F*cking Goddess!!!

 
I may be scorned,
and scorned deeply from multiple sources,
 
But I am not a victim,
because I KNOW
I know I get to choose my outcome.
 
My path.
My reaction.
I know that God has my back.
 
And I surrender my heart to that.
 

What do you choose?

 

And remember,

Stop Existing & Start Living

Are you a woman that feel’s scorned? Hurt? Scared to step into her Mother F*cking Goddess Power? 
Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.
 
 
 

When Traffic Get’s You Down Try This….

I love TRAFFIC!

Seriously, I use to be one of those drivers that dreaded going anywhere because I was frustrated with the traffic issues, long before I ever got into the car. I was always making statements like,

“Oh god, its rush hour, you can’t get anywhere in this mess.”
“Why can’t people just merge?”
“These damn (fill in the state/city) drivers, how did they ever get their drivers license?”
“People can’t drive in the rain/snow…etc.”

And so on…

Then I became
ENLIGHTENED.

LOL, okay not really but sorta at the same time.

My enlightenment was finding my own guilt of these actions in myself.

My enlightenment came from the realization that everyone on the road was not just a car that was moving to fast or not fast enough, but a human being, with worries, fears, concerns, hope and desires.

My enlightenment came from seeing myself driving ALL these cars.

I realized that I was not a perfect driver.
I realized that I was not a perfect person.
I realized that I was perfectly human.

And with that came mishaps, silliness, stupidity even.
So who was I to cast a stone in the direction of any of my fellow drivers?

Who was I to assume that I knew what was happening in that person’s life to make them swerve the way they did, to zig or zag. To straddle the middle of the road or even slam on the brakes or not see that they needed to merge to exit.

Truth was I have no effing clue what is happening in their lives.
And the reality is that I have made some pretty poor choices behind the wheel in my life.

I am a good driver, a safe driver, a present driver.
For the most part.

But there are plenty of times that I am NONE of these things.

So who am I to cast that stone?

And why am I allowing what is happening in their life to negatively impact my day?

They are not “doing this to me.”
It is not a purposeful act.

And even if it was, it most likely was not for the intent that I believe.

Assumptions are never a good choice.
Giving our power over to others is also never a good choice and that mean’s in this case to become a victim to other people’s driving choices.

They are the drivers of their cars, their lives and they are making choices based on what they feel is best for them in that moment.

Behind the wheel of their car, they are doing what they need to feel like they are getting themselves where they need to be. How they need to be and in the speed they want to get there.

I love traffic!

Traffic carries with it so many life lessons.
Just this morning as I was driving to coffee with a friend I found myself in the center lane, there was this large pick up truck that came up fast on my tale. He had to slam on the breaks and as I looked in the rear-view mirror I saw him hit his steering wheel in frustration of my speed. We were in a 45 MPH zone and I was driving 40 with cars directly in front of me and on both sides.

Traffic was moving comfortably and smoothly.
This man behind me though wanted something different.
He wanted to force his desires onto the traffic and push his way through.

And so he did.
He moved to the left of me and the car in front of him speed up some so he could parallel me, then he decided that if he just leaned into my lane that I should drop my speed and let him in, only issue was that I did not react as fast enough for him, so he got closer to the car he was behind and they went faster, giving him just enough room to push his way between me and the car in front of me. I let off the gas so to not hit him. He quickly got more irritated because he was stuck in the middle lane and the three cars that took up the lanes in front of him were all side by side, driving equal speed’s. He moved himself between the right lane and the center repeatedly, as if saying look at me, I need through.

No one budged.

Finally one car moved to a turn lane and he jumped on the opening and whizzed around the others, only leading to the next snag in the tight but smoothly moving traffic. He continued this process and any opening in traffic allowing him to speed up he did, racing to the line up of cars, where he continued to zig and zag, lean on his horn even and slam his steering wheel in his frustration with traffic not doing what he wanted.

Meanwhile, I remained in the middle lane.
Driving 40mph.
Enjoying the smoothness of traffic and appreciating how I had not hit one red light but instead noticed that the speed I was driving was allowing me to move without stopping almost all the way to my destination.

I was in the FLOW.

It was in this moment that I came upon my first and only red light.
I merged over to the turn lane where I was turning and found myself beside the truck that had spent his whole time zigging and zagging in frustration. There he was flipping the man next to him off in total disgust and slamming his hand on his steering wheel still.

I could not help but just take a breath and smile.
I was not smiling at his frustration and pain,
I was not smiling and thinking, “Ha, that’s what you get.”

No I was smiling because of the lesson.
My lesson.

Just yesterday, my mentor left me a message on voxer reminding me about the importance of FLOW.

The message was to not get caught up in the actions of DOING so much.

To not get caught in the HOW.
To not get caught in the physical ACTIONS.
And the WHAT IS of the now.

But instead to find my soul’s flow and ALLOW it to take me.

I love traffic!

It’s all about FLOW, 
Or lack of it.

While so many zig and zag their way through life,
frustrated at the result they are getting,
those who find their flow,
find their soul.
There heart.
Their purpose.
Their JOY.

And create their own LUCK.
Create their own DESIRED LIFE.

FLOW + Gratitude = F*ck YES Life Creation!!!!

I love traffic!
Don’t You?

And remember,
Stop Existing & Start Living 

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.