Accessing the Light Of Your Desire.

I woke with a hunger.
My sex was on fire and I knew what I needed.
I rolled over, spread my legs and moaned a sigh of desire.
Here my turn on was,
igniting me in this moment,
making me yearn for something deeper.
Yes deeper in my sex,
but deeper in my life as well.
A feeling of fear moved through my body and I could feel myself leaning toward contraction of all this yumminess.
As I pondered the sensations,
the hunger,
the cravings and creatve juices of what was birthing from this ignition,
I also feared loosing all that I had created.
Could I survive my turn on?
Could my relationships survive my turn on?
Could the life that I had created thus far survive,
and if so how would all be transformed?
 
This is the agony of turn on.
We touch on it at moments in our life and as we feel its heat upon our flesh and in our hearts,
we fear its power.
Our power.
And question if we can survive accessing a deeper level of who we truly are.
The majority of people choose safety and mediocrety.
They step back from the flames of their SOUL ignited and they choose to ignore it.
To just maybe crack the door to their soul but a hair, so they can see its radiant light flickering through the crack,
but not enough to actual feel its essence in their lives.
 
This is the SOUL.
The soul is that of fire and freedom.
It longs to have ignition.
The oxygen of the soul is the revival of turn on and when we allow ourselves a moment to breathe into our truth,
when we ask why we are settling for so much less sthan what we know is possible,
we wake up the coals of this desire.
Each inquiry of our hearts,
each questioning of our happiness,
each moment we look a little deeper is a stoking of the fire that is hungry to be seen again.
To breathe into life.
 
The only question remains,
“Will you open to your hungers or will you hide once more form them?”
 
The hiding comes through the fear of loss,
the fear of being left alone in your fire,
and being forced to sacrifice all that you have come to love and have.
 
The truth is,
all that you love and have come to have is not stagnet energy.
It moves with time and space and in our effort to try and keep it just as it is,
we squash its life and potential as well as our own.
If what we love and have is meant to be and in alignment to our SOUL,
our heart and truth,
then it will transform with us,
embracing our desires and needs and all that we are revealing,
and if it is not of soul alignment then it must move into a new dimension of relationship with us and that may feel like its ending.
 
Is there ANYTHING in this life that is truly worthy of you stepping away from your power and truth?
 
And if you say yes to this question,
then if it is truly worthy of your sacrifice of YOU,
then would it demand this of you?
And if so , is that love?
 
When we love,
truly love,
we want for the best of another.
When we love,
truly love ourselves,
we understand that we must stand in our power and want for the best for ourselves.
We must not hide our flames of desire,
we must not squelch our turn on.
Because it is this turned on desire for life,
for joy,
for love,
for sex,
for play, connection, revealing, and truth.
That is the ignition of our empowerment.
 
A candle cannot burn when in a closed container.
Yet you may believe that yours can.
Are you living life with this idea?
Are you living in fear of you rturn on and squelching your pleasure, your truth, your power?
 
Or ar eyou asking another to live in this state with the concept that if they loved you,
if they understood your fears and pain that they would just live in a constainer?
The container that you deem safe.
 
This is a year of change.
It is a year of EMPOWERMENT my love,
and you may claim that you want fo rit,
that you want for love and freedom,
but I question if you can truly handle it.
I ask you today to sit with your fear.
To ask yourself if your fear is worth you not living truely YOU.
 
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Are you ready for a Year Of YOU?
Availble to a limited VIP group of powerful manifestors and individuals who want to rock out and Kick A*s in 2020 I am doing a private 1:1 opportunity to change your inner world to one of high vibration, focused intention, release of fear and self- sabotaging patterns, and development of abundance skills for life, love and money.
Message me for full deet’s on this VIP 6 -week opportunity to work 1:1 with me and make 2020 a Year of Me!
Start of 2020 and activiating your Yes year to You by saying YES to this potent opportunity today.

The State Of You and Your Business.

Your business.
My business.
God’s business.
 
If we could only keep this in mind in our relationships, work and life expereinces.
Life becomes so much more pleasent and in flow when we live according to this understanding about business.
 
As we start off this new year,
this new decade I am already being faced with so many people coming to me caught up in the nets of anothers business,
or that of God’s.
The desire is to try and to control an outcome of something that makes one feel nervouse or frustrated because it is not happening the way they “think it should go,” but the reality is that 80% of the business happening in our lives in all subject areas, we have zero control over because it is not actually our business but that of another individual or that of God.
 
Now our ego may try and brainwash us into the idea that we can control it,
that our opinion, ideas, judgements and fears mean something in the face of the events happening,
but the reality is the opposite.
 
I use to give way to many f-cks over other people’s business or that of God’s.
I would get my panties in a wad over so many things and find myself sitting in frustration, suffering, fear, worry and exhaustion from it all.
I believed that my state of worry and desire to change things or people was worth something to me,
worth something to others,
to life or the outcome.
 
It took seven children and two ex husbands to teach me otherwise plus a a couple lovers who openned me up to the reality that all I was ever in charge of or had any amount of control over was ME.
 
My business.
 
And what is the “my business” portion of this life?
 
My business is really simple.
And the simplicity is what allows us to let go of all the chains of the need to control.
Keeping it simple is how we access our natural state of flow and well-being.
 
The state of My Business is:
👉Staying present within self and the moment.
👉Recognizing that we are all individuals that have free will and make our own choices.
👉Realizing that your need to control is a fear based reaction.
👉Realize that the ONLY things that you can control are your own thoughts, feelings and actions.
👉Underestand that a request that you make is just that, a request, not a commandment or law.
👉Know that you are the ONLY one that can make YOU happy. Happiness is an inside event first.
👉Know that you are NOT responsible for any other person’s thoughts, feelings or actions on this planet.
👉Know that everything happens for a reason and that even sometimes hardest of events is teaching each player a valuable lesson of their own.
👉Know that God does not expect you to fix it for everyone or have all the answers. Just to look within and know you are worthy of a good life and of love.
 
I still get caught up in the desire to control events and other people’s reactions or actions.
I still get caught up in the concept that I am responsible some how for what another person chooses to do,
as if I forced them into the action or feeling by doing something on my side.
I still fear loosing people in my life by stepping forward and just being me and not getting caught up in their shiz.
I still fear looking aloof,
like I do not care or love because I am choosing to do me instead of getting lost in someone else’s business.
 
But, I am here to share with you on this beautiful January morning in 2020 that all of that and more,
most likely anything that you can come up with for a reason as to how you are ceratin that you CAN ACTUALLY control something or someone,
or that you “should” sit and worry about anothers actions, ideas, etc.
are all in reality based in fear.
Based in your ego.
And are only there not because you care so much about the other or event,
but that at your core you are fearful of what it means to you.
How it will imapct you.
And what you are loosing because of this event or action.
 
It is a YOU based action to worry.
It is a YOU based action to control.
It is a YOU based action to get your panties in a wad over what someone said, did, etc.
 
And all of this is keeping YOU seperated from your happiness.
Seperated from your SOUL truth.
 
How do I know this?
Because worry feels like shit.
 
Because fear is not of our soul or of God.
Because power may feel good in the essence of having it for a moment,
but it bares with it the void of true connection, love and acceptance.
All the things that every human being desires.
 
The Business of YOU need not go any futher than the acceptance of the reality that YOU can only control YOU.
 
And the most loving thing you can do for another,
the most powerful impact that you can have on an event,
is to KNOW YOUR TRUTH.
 
Know who you are and what you are charge of.
 
Anything else is an opinion based on your life expereinces and perception which is not like any other soul on this planet.
Anything else is based on your own fears, programmed thoughts and views, hopes, desires and can never be expected to be like any other person’s.
You have no effing clue what anyone is ever feeling, thinking or what they have actually lived.
You have no concept of the path that God has set up for anyone or what thier life lessons are.
 
But by trying to step into the midst of anothers business or that of God’s you block your own truth,
your own happiness and abundance.
You cause speration.
And seperation does not feel good.
 
It feels like worry.
It feels like fear.
It feels like you are out of control.
It feels like you have lost.
It feels like a disappointment.
It feels like you are being emptied out and tied up.
 
This is not your true state of being.
 
And if you make the choice to stay in your own business from this moment forward the best you can and when you accidently step into anothers business or God’s out of an old habit to just pause and step back out of it and back into what you can have impact on,
 
Your business.
You will discover an inner peace.
A love like you have never known before.
Self- love.
And through this your reactions and ability to connect will forever be changed.
 
I wish you a year of YOU.
A year of a powerful you.
 
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Are you ready for a Year Of YOU?
Availble to a limited VIP group of powerful manifestors and individuals who want to rock out and Kick A*s in 2020 I am doing a private 1:1 opportunity to change your inner world to one of high vibration, focused intention, release of fear and self- sabotaging patterns, and development of abundance skills for life, love and money.
 
Message me for full deet’s on this VIP 6 -week opportunity to work 1:1 with me and make 2020 a Year of Me!
 
Start of 2020 and activiating your Yes year to You by saying YES to this potent opportunity today.

Your New Decade Will Go How You Want It Too. Gauranteed.

Happy New Decade!
2020 is HERE! I am so excited and I got to ring in the new year just outside of Tahoe.
This year is more than just a another New Year.
It is a New Decade.
It is the start of the roaring 20’s all over again.
Just think about it.
A hundred years ago, the world went into the roaring 20’s and we the people wanted to know oursleves more. We wanted to set ourselves free from our bondage in different ways.
Women started speaking out more.
War was in the back drop,
people were struggling from a shit economy state.
Things were in upheaval,
but the people,
the people wanted for more.
And even in the midsst of everything going on in the world,
they craved MORE.
And they wanted laughter.
They wanted fun.
They wanted connection.
And they had something that many of us today struggle with.
 
They had DETERMINATION and a FAITH.
That it could happen.
That life could be better.
And they were willing to work for a better life.
 
Here we are yet again in an era where there is struggle,
war, a change in governments, uncertainty.
The rich get richer,
the poor get poorer,
and many cast their eye’s downward in fear of today and tomorrow.
 
But you do not have to be among these who fear.
You can CHOOSE differently.
You can walk your own path.
You can have an aundant life.
A turned on life.
A life where you live by your soul’s calling,
and your hearts desire.
You can.
 
I know it is possible, ‘because I have done it myself.
I have come from out of my inner depths of fear and worry.
I have learned how to face my inner dragons and not slay them but rule them and use them for what they were intended.
 
To give us a choice.
To provide us with certainty in who we are.
To teach us about our light.
 
This year is a new dacade.
It is YOUR decade love.
But you cannot have a decade of all your soul’s desires if you don’t set the tone for calling it in RIGHT NOW.
 
You have been given the free will to have the life that you want.
And that simply means to realize that you are powerful.
Your thoughts, actions and feelings determine your life.
 
Be aware in 2020 of your power.
Be aware of your TRUE feelings about things,
and act from there.
Be aware of the thoughts that you get lost in when you are daydreaming,
are you day dreaming or day nightmaring?
You have a choice.
 
But FIRST…..
You must make that choice love.
You must OWN your WORTH.
And want for that future in the roaring 20’s of now like there is no tomorrow.
But,
wanting is not enough.
You must FEEL what you want as though you already have it.
You must think the thoughts that you who has that life would be thinking.
You must be taking ACTION like the you who is already living that life would be taking.
And you MUST…
you absolutely MUST say YES! to your SOUL.
Without doubt.
Without fear of others judgements.
 
This decade is for YOU my love.
OWN it.
 
2020 demands that you have 2020 vision into what you desire for.
Into the person that you want to be and that you must become in order to have the life that you want for.
 
2020 requires YOU to be a YES to YOU.
Are you ready?
 
Let’s get goin…
 
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
Make thi sdecade GREAT by being a YES TO YOU.
 
Message me for deet’s on my 2020 January Special for A Year of Me!

Fortune Favors the BOLD – But Why?

It is said that fortune favors the BOLD.
And from my experience this is an accurate assessment.
I know who you are,
Wanting to be bold.
Looking for opportunities to “let your hair down” and prove to the world and yourself that you can be comfortable in your boldness.
Or at least what you currently perceive as bold.
Stripping yourself bare,
Doing things that feel seductive in their discomfort.
Pushing your boundaries with the hope and belief that your actions will PROVE that you are comfortable being you.
That you are your own boss.
That you are owned by no one.
Yes,
You know who you are.
You know you feel that hunger deep inside your soul
and you are looking for a way to feed it.
A way to connect to what you know is at your core,
To whom you pray at night to find,
And cross your fingers is truly you.
But you are still lost,
Aren’t you?
You are still searching my love.
And THIS…
THIS is why you struggle.
THIS is why you are still chasing your desires.
THIS is why you feel that inner wobble.

You know what I speak of.
That feeling of uncertainty.
That feeling of not knowing.
That sensation of not yet being steady
But instead still full of questions.

Is this correct?
Am I doing it right?
Am I enough or maybe too much?
Am I worthy, truly worthy without reason to have the life that I want?

You feel it calling you.
You feel the drawing in like a lover across the room,
Wanting you.
And you want it too.
You try to not let yourself daydream about what could be.
About how it could feel.
But when you do…

You get wet and tingly.
You get aroused by this seductress.
You want it.
You know you do.
But do you dare?

It will require you to do what you have never done before.
It will require you to be BOLD like never before.
To move past the need to prove,
To ignore your need to show you can,
Or to walk or talk the way you “think” confidence walks or talks.
To stop trying to force it to happen.
To stop trying to force yourself to grow.
To be something or someway.
To stop trying in general.
Boldness is nothing more than just BEING YOU.
And daring to LIVE.

The fact you are searching so hard,
Feeling so lost,
Caught in your wobble.
Shows how out of alignment to your SOUL you really are.
Shows your lostness.
And the fortunes that you crave will never materialize while you remain out of alignment.
While you continue to be BOLD.

Fortune favores the BOLD.
The BOLD who dare to LIVE.

That is.
Which is one of the rarest events in this world.

Ask yourself today..

Am I truly living?
Or just pretending?

And remember
Stop Existing & Start Existing
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers ”

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Stop Lieing To Yourself- You Are Poly-monogomish FOREVER!

Poly-monogomish FOREVER!
Can’t help it.
Just the way I am wired.
This identification does not mean that I won’t be monogamous.
It does not mean I will cheat or get bored.
It does not mean that I believe I need more
or are unhappy in anyway.
It simply means that I love relationship.
Value intimacy.
And stand firm with my integrity.

It means that those I choose to be in relationship with hold an eternal and special space in my heart.
That if my soul leads me to engage in any fashion,
To explore another being however called too,
That I embrace this pull and understand that it is perfect and meant to be, without question.

Many believe that to be polyamorous means that you desire sex with multiples.
That you are dating and being physically intimate with many.
But what polyamorous truly means is to have love and to embrace love and relationship with more than one.
Anyone who has more that one child,
Has more than one friend,
Loves both parents,
And all thier siblings,
Is engaging in a polyamorous loving.

Many years ago a dear friend of mine looked at me and said,
” You are living a polyamorous lifestyle in everyway but your sex. Perhaps you should explore it.”

His words rang so very true to my core.
And he was accurate in his view.
So I ventured onto the sexual path of polyamory and all it could intale.

Now this is not a personal share of the romance, sexing and relations of multiple lovers.
Its also not a share on how amazing polyamory is or how fucked up it can be.

But it is a share on acceptance.
On embracing who you are at your core regardless of what the norms of society say they should be.
Its a post on knowing yourself enough to allow your own happiness to flow.
And to even ASK for it.

Its a share based on living authentically.
In integrity.
And not just using these words because they feel good or make you sound like an awakened soul.
No.
But to actually LIVE by them.

Yes what I share here is about living in conscious surrender to your HAPPINESS.

And to communicate your needs.
To communicate where you are at in any relationship.
Its a share about what loving self and having self respect really means.
Its a share about your truth.
Its about you not wanting to accept that you are polyamorous just like me.
The only difference is your lack in comfort to speak what you want.
What you need.
What you desire.
And your unwillingness to see WHO YOU ARE.
Living blind to all the love that you give.
To all the people that you care about.
That you are in relationship with.
Or that you wish to someday be.

Yes I am poly- monogamous ALWAYS.
I am polyamorous in my life in all ways.
Those seen and those only felt.
I make a decision in moments of my relationship experience to be monogamous or not.
But the S-E-X,
the sex never has anything to do with it.
Outside of a desire to connect, be seen, or enjoy self or another at a more raw level.
Its never about the orgasm.
Its always about the love.
The connection.
The happiness.

And the greatest happiness and deepest connection comes from integrity.

Integrity with self.
With God.
And with others.

The ultimate self love and respect as well comes from this place of not hiding.
Not story telling.
But breathing in ones own TRUTH.

And when we can do this.
We can also elevate our relationships.
Our love.
Our sex.
Our understanding.

As Always
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers

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Birth Control, Turn On, Surrender and The Truth on Female Sex

He asked if I would get on birth control for him.

We were really clicking.
The conversations,
the touch,
his kiss.
OMFG! it was hot and I wanted him so badly.
I wanted to move forward and I wanted to explore the sex.
But I did not want any more children.
I had five children already and I was not interested in having any more at this point,
especially not risking it this early in the game of a new relationship.
Plus, even though something inside of me truly trusted that this man was clean,
I knew that you just never know,
and disease is a serious thing.

Weeks went by and the desire for each other grew as the days passed. Finally I decided that I trusted him enough to go bare with him in sex and that I “should” just make sure that no babies came from this,
so I went and got myself on the pill.

I had not been on birth control for the last 5 plus years, my system was clear of anything of the sort and I was feeling good. I felt emotionally stable after having one of the lowest points in my life in a deep dive into depression prior to getting off of birth control. My body was strong and I felt great in my skin. My health was awesome.

What could go wrong?

I wanted this man.
I wanted this sex,
this expereince.
The intimacy of bare sex.

And so why not make sure to guard us against the one thing that I knew we did not want.

A child.

I got on the pill.
Everything seemed normal enough for a few months.
No big red flags waving.
My moods were normal, nothing too rocky.
No weight gain or fatigue.

But then I crossed over the 90 day mark.
Then I felt weepy.
Sad.
Depression was setting in again.
Weight started to slowly come on,
just a few poundss but I noticed it.
And my desire for sex,
the reason I had decided to start taking birth control again anyway,
yeah the desire for it was dwindling.
I was feeling each day more lost in who I was.
I felt the mask I had worked so hard at letting go of,
being picked back up again.
Now instead of laughing authentically and enjoying my life,
I found myself working ever so hard just to maintain composture and not get mad or cry for no reason.

My emotions were out of control.
I felt like I had time lapsed back a decade and I could not figure out what was happening or why.
Never did I think it was the birth control.

Months went by.
My sex dried up.
I was no longer the woman that he met,
and I also found myself to not be attracted to him any longer.
It was like we were completely different people,
and I for one was for sure.

The once beautiful possibility of a lovely relationship came to an end and I found myself bouncing around with a few other quick flings,
searching for the woman that I had lost somewhere along the line and wondereing why I was attracting these men that I really did not care for but seemed drawn too.

And then,
then I stoped taking the birth control.
I committed to my health and well being and I decided that if I were involved with someone sexually that I could just use a condom and not rely on this hormone imbalancer.
Not long there after I went in for my pap-smear and was told of cells on my cervix that were irregular.
The doctor let me know her concern of what this could mean.
I did some deep detoxing and investigating on what I could do to naturally irradicate these irregular cells.
I discovered that there was ton’s of studies done on birth control and the links to different types of cancer and cell mutation.

In my research I found out that it took up to 2-years to clear your system of birth control. To my plesent surprise I I was blessed with a clean bill of health again after crossing over the two year mark from taking the pill.
PLUS, guess who was back in her own flesh.
Emotionally stable again.
Focused.
Healthy weight.
And turned on,
plus able to have good orgasms again.
Yes! I was back.

And for the first time in my adult years I had fully digested the connection between how delicate my hormones were and how easily they could be set off,
causing massive issues from depression and lack of desire, to actual cancer.

PLUS, I discovered the science showing how birth control can and does change who we are attacked too. Explaining why so often we find ourselves with someone that we typically would not be attracted too without the extra hormones in our system.

And my question came,
“Why would a man who loves a woman ever desire to put her into this situation just so he did not have to wear a condom?”

“Why woudl a woman take this sort of risk with her health?”

“Why would we willingly put something in our bodies that could change who we are attacted too and expect it not to make that big of a difference in our relationship success?”

and finally….

“Why is this never spoken of? Not made public knowledge when the facts are out there and not that hard to discover?”

The answer is simple,
We just don’t know.
We have not been informed.
And we have been focused on population not on health.
An educated person will gaurd against having unwanted children and at the same time will want what is best for their own health and well being as well as their partners, as well as wanting to be attracted to people that are a match for them verses the opposite.

But the education is not there.
And the desiree to inquire,
to seek out the truth is spoken of often but hardly ever followed.

Today I ask you to STOP the insanity of living blind in your sex and relationships and to actually inquire, witness and do your work or learning yourself, and knowing what is good for you as well as those you merge with.

This is maturity.

As Always Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers’

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What You Are Accpeting For Your Norm, Is NOT Who You Are.

It’s not your NORM.
But it feels like it is.
It may be common,
it may be abundant in your life,
But I swear to you…

It’s not your NORM.

And what am I referring too?
I am referring to that feeling of anger.
That feeling of fear.
That feeling of judgment, bitterness, shame, guilt,
Or even questioning.

Your worry is not normal.
Your suffering is not normal.
No matter how prevalent it may seem,
It’s still is not your NORM.

I tell you this with certainly,
That when you feel out of sorts,
when you are caught in negative emotion,
When you feel rageful, vengeful and vindictive.
This is not normal.
This is not who you are.

You sit in such comfort with your chronic ideas of what just is. Accepting life for how you have been told to view it. You watch your life drift by never fully engaging with ALL that you are.

Always searching for happiness,
But only ever gaining small morsels of it at best.

Believing that the drama is normal.
That its just how life is.

But you KNOW at your core its not true.
You know because you are looking for who you are always. You feel the seperation from your truth.
From your SOUL.

There is this strange calling inside of you.
A feeling of something more.
A sensation of your greatness.
But you are trapped under the misery that feels like the reality you must live.

It’s not your NORM.
Your norm is that of love.
Of feeling good.

Now that may sound a bit 60’s flowers child for you.
A little too new age even.
But its the actual truth of who you are and what your state of normal is to be and always is at your SOUL level.
The discord you feel is simply because you are not looking at any given situation through the eyes of God or SOUL. You are viewing it from the disadvantage point of forgetfulness of who YOU ARE.

You have turned your back and closed your eyes to love and THIS is what is causing your worry, fear and suffering.

But there is blessing in your pain

The blessing is the lesson of learning what you do mot want from life and the building of desire for what you do want.

All you need do to embrace the life you want so badly for is to STOP ACCEPTING this ill state of feeling.
Stop allowing yourself to fall prey to what you have always perceived as normal and instead see it for the blessing that it is.

There to reveal to you that you are out of alignment with SOUL.

That you are buying into a faulse reality instead of what is true and you are putting value on things that do not matter nearly as much as you believe.

Soul is not upset about that car cutting you off on the highway.
Soul is not upset that your child drew on the wall.
Soul is not upset that your spouse is not acting the way you want or think you need.
Soul is not upset that the government is doing what it is doing or that your friends said the things they said.

Soul knows that all happens for a reason.
That each event in life is stepping you closer to what you want and that the ONLY thing holding you back is this crazy concept of what you call normal.

Are you ready to embrace the truth?
Are you ready to finally say YES TO SOUL?
Then take the step needed.
The only step ever needed and let go of upur suffering.
Your worry and fear.
Your regrets and your shame.
Let go of your needing someone or something to be different then what it is.
Let go of your you negative vibe.
And JUST LET YOUR HEART BE FELT.
Your soul lead.

You know who you are.
Be you.

And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers “`

TO BE SOFT… What Does It Mean To Your Happiness?

TO BE SOFT IS TO BE POWERFUL. – Rupi Kaur
 
Last year I went out with my second oldest child, my daughter Rebekah to get tattoo’s. She had this beautiful quote that she was getting putting on the inside of her arm that her boyfriend had ended a love letter with. It was such lovely, powerful words of encouragement and I could easily understand why she desired to keep them for her lifetime.
 
I love ink. And getting inked is a THING.
If you are into ink, you get it.
If not, oh well, I am sorry.
 
SO I decided that I would get a tattoo as well, but I always want my tattoo’s to have meaning of some sort and I had not given much thought to this moment. There we were driving to the artist discussing what I should do. When Bek says mom,
“To be soft is to be powerful. – This is so you mom.”
 
I was bewildered, I do admit.
I felt like I sucked at being soft.
I felt like soft was scary.
I felt like soft was bad somehow, that I should be ashamed of it even.
I questioned what she meant by this.
And she explained,
“Mom you are always there for us. You always let us see you and you are always working on yourself. You make mistakes and you allow for our mistakes. You are the strongest person.”
 
What she was expressing to me was that I ALLOWED MYSELF TO FEEL LIFE.
 
The good.
The bad.
The painful.
The joy and orgasm.
The sweetness.
The bitterness.
The meh.
The void.
The fear.
The fullness.
 
I feel it all.
And I KNOW the BEAUTY of it, because I allow myself to experience it all.
 
And so, she was correct in her statement and much like her that day, I needed to keep with me the reminder of my power in my FEELS.
 
Through the course of this lifetime,
I have wanted so badly to run and hide from what I was feeling.
I have wanted to mask it,
cover it up and not allow it to be seen by self or others.
And when I did allow it to be seen or felt,
I was shamed of my humanness around my fears, my joy, my pain and void.
Something always seemed amiss in my feeling,
it was this voice in my head,
telling me that I should not be feeling this way.
It was this same voice telling me I was weak, pathetic and hopeless.
That it was this sort of crap that kept me disconnected from people.
That I was too much to handle.
I was broken.
 
 
And so I worked ever so hard to toughen up.
I focused on breathing in my emotions and “building a strong house” to hold them in.
In the belief that by not revealing them,
by holding them,
that I was being emotionally mature.
 
LMAO!!!!!
 
Looking back at this I feel silly.
Sweet in my desire to be mature with my emotions,
strong for the people in my life,
true.
But so wrong in truth,
this way of being,
of living was not LIVING.
It was hiding from life.
It was avoidance of who I was,
it was a shrinking of my heart center,
a closing to the one’s that I love.
It was a hardening or callousing of my ability to connect,
to be seen and to see another.
In this stifling of feeling,
I lost my ability to have intimacy with life, with others and with self.
I SHRUNK as a human.
 
And in this I lost.
I was the BIGGEST looser.
Because all I wanted was the intimacy,
the love,
the connection.
To be received and to hold space for another.
And what I gifted myself with in my “strength of holding my emotions so tight” was to shield LIFE.
 
The end result outside of loss of intimacy and ability to relate, connect and love, let alone be authentically compassionate or forgive self or others,
also led me to a shut down in my allowance to self to open and receive abundance.
 
My lesson in feeling,
was that in order to have my desires manifest in any fashion,
I needed to allow myself to “SOFTEN INTO THE FLOW OF FEELING LIFE.”
 
That my power came from this space,
You see in order for you to be able to KNOW YOUR PATH,
to FEEL what is right and good for YOU,
in order for you to be able to TRUST your judgement on any decision,
You must FEEL Your emotions, your physical reactions, your truth about it.
 
This means that if you are calloused to FEELING LIFE,
you will consistently make wrong choices for YOUR LIFE.
 
And this is not what living is about.
This is just existing.
 
And that is the WHY that you have been questioning.
WHY AM I NOT HAPPY?
Why does nothing make me happy?
 
Simple….
You are not FEELING LIFE.
 
Want to change this?
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 Coaching Today and level up your life experience to one of FEELING.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/micro-consult/

Just Another Day in Paradise… Or Is It? Not for all OBVIOUSLY. ( Is This YOU?)

Just another day in paradise.
Just another day living,
breathing.
Nothing happening here.
Or is there?
 
I think there is luv.
I think there is so much happening here.
 
And what is happening here is something that I know you long for.
I know that if you knew how to achieve it,
how to have more of it,
how to keep it,
YOU WOULD.
 
or would you luv?
 
Because maybe you would not.
Maybe you would say,
“yeah, yeah… that’s nice for her, but…..”
 
Maybe you just don’t think you can have it.
Maybe you believe that it is something you only capture small moments of in this life.
Maybe you think it requires ton’s of money.
Or sex.
or something else outside of yourself.
 
I don’t know.
But I wonder if I told you the God’s honest truth about it,
and I shared the secrets to obtain it,
would you go after it?
 
Or would you shrug your shoulders,
frown and carry on as is?
 
Here I am in paradise.
Here I am with an amazing man.
This resort we are staying is so beautiful,
the people are sweet and personable,
I have nothing to complain about except that I would like to say a few days longer than planned originally.
But that is always the case when you are enjoying a new destination and escaping all that troubles you, right?
 
Laughing and playing is easier here.
Lounging and letting go is simpler.
Smiling and being care free comes more naturally.
Connecting and just being present just is.
And is beautiful.
 
Or at least it should be.
But so many people I watch from a far,
and they frown,
they walk slumped and humped over,
they look bored,
stressed,
anxiety ridden still.
or even just dead.
They are not laughing and enjoying.
They are not connecting and letting go.
They do not look happy.
 
How can this be?
 
It just is because these folks who refuse to let the joy in here,
here in paradise,
have no idea how to open up to joy in any way.
They are so accustom to pain and suffering that even when attempting to enjoy life they still manage to not.
 
And then there is the crowd who is drinking themselves into laughter and letting go.
The one’s who are still running from their pain even here.
Who cannot let go of the stress,
they live in their minds,
in their fear,
and they drink to mask their worry.
They bake themselves mentally and physically,
they eat all the food they can,
to make sure they get their full dollars worth.
In scarcity they live and remain.
Even here in paradise.
 
This luv is not healthy.
This is not THRIVING.
This is far from living at all.
And it does not encompass joy.
 
I share with you this because today,
today my lover asked me while sitting on the beach watching the waves roll in,
he asked me if there was anything that I wanted to change in my life?
 
He said, ” I know you have goals on your income and stress level, your time and what you want to create, but outside of that do you want to change anything?”
 
My answer:
 
NO!
 
I love my life just as it is.
I love my life even if my goals are not met with my business, finances, time or physical body.
I am HAPPY just as I am and if I remain in these very shoes the next decade I am happy.
 
I want for so much and I am building with great intent and focus just for those dreams and desires.
Each day I feel my life moving the direction that I want.
Steady and strong.
I do not fear tomorrow.
I appreciate yesterday.
I adore today.
 
And no matter what,
TODAY I AM HAPPY.
 
Today my heart is full of joy.
Today my heart is in gratitude.
The new people that walk into my life,
the experiences,
the love,
the connection.
The opportunity.
Each and every day is a new day.
It is a new opportunity to have it all.
and all of it is not somewhere out there,
out there where I don’t have it…
 
No.
It is not out there at all.
It is RIGHT HERE.
In my mind,
in my heart,
it is soul lead.
And it is felt.
 
My eye’s radiate with this joy.
My face beams with it as well.
My calmness,
my flow.
It is all because,
I have committed to it.
But luv,
the answer to having it is not some riddle or maze through all of time and space,
it is not found buy the purchase of something great,
or by the search even of the very thing that it is.
 
No luv,
to have this JOY.
To have this HAPPINESS.
 
All you ever need to is commit.
It is here.
Here within you right now.
You must learn to feel it.
You must learn to love yourself.
To trust in this life,
in God and your SOUL.
 
Here you will discover all that you wish.
But you must commit.
 
COMMIT TO YOU.
To JOY.
 
Will you commit?
Let’s Go.
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Ask me about 1:1 coaching to achieve you happiness and goals today.
Joy is waiting for YOU.
Message me for deet’s on getting the support you need to achieve it.

This Is Why Your Woman Will Not Pursue You.

Can you imagine starving?
Can you imagine what it must be like to be so hungry and not have food available,
or to not be able to consume the food that is there close to you?
Now I have been hungry before,
there are actually many days that happen where I almost forget about eating. I get so caught up in what I am doing and who I am working with or enjoying,
that food does not cross my mind.
My body though is still hungry.
I might occasionally feel the pains and grumblings of my hunger,
but unless I focus in on it, I can resist it and carry on about what I am doing.
Over time though, my blood sugar get’s low.
My head starts to pound.
I get moody, feel light headed and tired.
I can’t keep focused.
And funny enough, in moments like this, the last thing on my mind is eating.
Instead I wonder about, wondering what’s wrong with me?
Because in the not eating, I forget about food.
 
It never fails though in these moments.
Someone comes along, with something that awakens me to my hunger.
 
I am sure you have had this experience.
You are hungry.
You get side tracked.
You get more hungry.
You ignore the hunger pain.
You dull your senses.
You feel off.
AND THEN……
you smell a burger and fries.
 
Yes, it’s that moment.
You can maybe even smell that burger and fries right now.
You pass that restaurant and you smell it.
 
YUM!!!!!
Your body ignites.
Your stomach yells at you.
Your gut gurgles and says, STOP.
EAT.
 
Okay,
so you can understand this right?
 
Now imagine these two scenarios.
 
1) You are hungry like this. Starving. You catch a whiff of something yummy. Someone walks by you with that burger or steak. You follow them. You smell its juiciness. You can taste it almost. You are so hungry all you desire is a bite. You wish to just taste it. And they look at you and say, “No – my food!”
What are you feeling? What do you do?
 
2) You are hungry like this. Starving. You smell that burger and you decide to run through the drive trough. You order it plus the fries and a soda. You inhale it without thought because of your level of hunger. It’s a piss poor quality burger. It lands in your gut like cement. You feel sick. You feel even worse than before you ate it. You know how bad it was for you and you start to overthink your haste. Now you are upset with yourself for doing what you know you should not have done. You should have waited and taken better care of yourself but the hunger was REAL. What are you feeling? What do you do?
 
In either of these situations,
you are not being fed.
You are not being fulfilled.
There is no real satisfaction.
You just get frustrated.
Irritated.
And want for more, but find yourself KNOWING that what you want is not what you got.
 
Many people when they make poor food choices that make them feel yucky, commit in that moment to not do it again. Or at least not do it to soon again.
 
Many people who are hungry like this, do not choose then to hunt down all the fast food that makes them feel less than good.
 
Many people when they see a link to something causing them issues, choose to either avoid it, or limit their exposure to it.
 
Right?
That seems normal and within logical reason, wouldn’t you agree?
 
Well, here is the thing love.
This tale of starving. Of fast food.
It is actually not about food at all.
It is about satisfaction. Desire. or lack there of.
It is about STARVING.
 
But what I speak of here is the starving of good sex.
The starving of gourmet fulfillment.
I speak here what almost every woman would agree upon if they were raw and real about it.
 
That they are STARVING.
Hungry for something that they hardly get.
 
Can you imagine that 75-80% of the time that you have sex that you do not feel good from it?
That you actually feel yucky.
 
Can you imagine that you feel 75-80% of the time like it was a waist of time, energy and you feel disconnected and more empty then before you went into the situation?
 
Can you imagine that 75-80% of the time that you had sex that you did not enjoy it, have an orgasm?
 
All of this and more is accurate when we truly look into female sexual experience.
 
Gentlemen,
You get fed every time you eat.
You eat what you want and you like it most of the time, because shiz,
it’s food and who does not like food.
 
Well us ladies,
75-80% of the time we eat,
we feel sick from it. And we are not really eating,
we are just getting that whiff of the food.
So who wants to sit in their hunger and just catch a whiff at best 75-80% of the time?
 
Who in their right mind would desire,
pursue, look for or even be excited in the least to have that experience?
 
Not too many people I am guessing.
Yet, our partners ( and I say this as a woman who has had a partner want me to desire just this that I speak on plus the hundreds of couple’s that I have worked with over time who have the male partner wanting to be pursued, desired and frustrated with the woman on not doing so)….
 
Our partners, want us to want this for ourselves.
And they wonder why…
why we women shut down.
Why the sex turns from hot to Anniversary, birthday and Christmas sex.
They wonder what is wrong with their female partner to not want such a wonderful, connective, fulfilling thing such as sexual intimacy.
 
And I tell you in my rawest truth here,
THIS IS ONE MAJOR CONTRIBUTING FACTOR.
 
So what is the answer?
How can you fix her issues?
How can you make sure that she get’s fed?
 
 
These are the questions that are asked in couple-hood.
 
First, it is a two way street.
Both parties need to work on it individually and together, communication MUST happen. Things must change in order to get the results desired.
 
Second, You cannot fix her. She is not broken. And she is not a toy for your fixing Mr. Fix It. So effing STOP! You can however become a better lover. You can gain presence, compassion. You can inquire with skill. You can slow the F-ck down. You can actually want her to enjoy and there fore not get irritated and bored with the time she needs to take. You can do your own internal work, emotionally and mentally.
 
Third, you can do the above two.
And of course, if you need more help.
You still don’t know what to do,
to change.
You can seek outside help.
Like mine, ( Yes my shameless plug there…. but it’s true, you have been doing what you have been doing and you have been blind to what is happening until this moment or you have been really good at ignoring it all and hoping that it would just fix itself. That has not worked though. So… insert my shameless plug again please.)
 
And here are the facts,
sex is important. No matter how we try to discredit it.
Sex and money are the two major factors in relationship breakup and happiness.
 
Many people think they have a successful relationship because they look at the longevity of that relationship. The years spent together.
 
However, the truth is that relationship success is not about the years together,
it’s about the joy. The happiness. The over all feeling that the relationship leaves you with.
 
And most relationships under this mindset of success are far from successful.
 
So I ask you today,
are you content having and providing a fast food sex life at best to your relationship? The person you love and cherish?
 
Or is it time that you discover how to truly feed her?
 
Yes the gourmet variety.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
‘Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Message me for deet’s on my 1:1 global coaching opportunities and more.
 
You deserve a deeply connective, turned on bedroom life and more.