WHEN YOU DON’T WANT TO FACE WHO YOU ARE.

WHEN YOU DON’T WANT TO FACE WHO YOU ARE.
 
You find yourself out of MF Alignment in your life left and right.
Nothing works for you.
 
People get super judgy,
you cannot seem to do anything right,
and the more you focus on how you are not getting it right,
you mess it up even more and you find yourself overwhelmed,
overworked, depressed, anxious and lost.
 
You try everything it seems,
but nothing fits right.
You tell yourself that you are in alignment with your love life,
with your finances,
your passion and your work,
You claim to love who you are even though you still know you have work to do,
and you understand from a mental space how important your thoughts and feelings are to manifesting your desired life.
 
YOU GET IT.
You really do,
but you are still fucking it up somehow.
 
And this makes you crazy on the inside.
This makes you feel unworthy,
makes you feel like no one cares,
and your ego runs wild with its success of overtaking you in all areas.
But you don’t see it clearly.
Instead you go into self-loathing,
you dance in the land of feeling not good enough,
and you beat yourself down even more.
 
You are caught in the tidle wave of ego owning your ass.
And you are drowning.
 
And strangly you are enjoying it.
As crazy as that seems,
I mean why in the world would you focus on making yourself feel bad?
why would you support manifesting hell in your life?
Its not fun.
Its not making you happy.
Its not serving you at all.
But yet YOU ARE DOING IT.
 
And you are loving it.
It feels good to be right about something.
It feels good to manifest exactly what you have always received and keeping things the way that you are familiar with,
the way that you expect,
keeps you comfortable.
 
It won’t rattle your cage.
It keeps you safe because you KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT what you are getting.
 
And if you had chosen to drop all this shitty shit and allow yourself joy, happiness and love to flow in instead,
you would have then to much to loose.
 
I mean if you allow yourself to actually be happy and abundant,
then what if it changes back to what you have always known to be true?
 
Then you will find yourself possibly in worse shoes then where you are now,
comfortable with your suffering that you have set up residence in.
 
And so you make sure that before you can actually enjoy the blessings that are on thier way to you from all these years of desiring a better life,
that you push it all away from you.
 
You run away from it and cause a scene so that you can point fingers and say,
“See I knew that was going to happen, because that is the way it always is. “
 
You commit to your suffering.
You commit to keeping yourself right where you have always been.
You are one MF loyal AF human to your undesired life.
 
Good job my dear powerhouse manifestor.
You rock in your ability to get what you ask for.
In calling in what you focus on.
 
You are a MF magician.
That is for sure.
 
So stop bitching about the shitty shit that you got going on.
You have been focused on it showing up and being here all this time and so it has to show up and be here.
 
And the funnier thing is,
you think that by acting like someone that you are not,
by providing life a fake smile,
by focusing in on actions that are not in alignment to you authentically,
by looking at the world and those who are aligned and making good shit happen,
that if you copy cat them that life will just magically give you what they have,
well…
 
Your are stupid.
 
Cuz, life will never give you another humans expereinces.
Life will ONLY give you your expereinces.
 
Your energy is yours.
And you can have everything that you want and that you see others creating as well,
but you gotta get aligned to YOU first and be MF HAPPY with who you are first.
 
Or not…..
 
You can also just keep doing what you have been and getting what you have been and pointing fingers,
getting triggered and have knee jerk reactions to everything that you are not happy with,
and just keep that beautiful focus on getting what you don’t want by talking about it to everyone you can,
by waking up and daydreaming about your misery and how rough life has been,
by being jelly over others,
and by effing duplicating what you think will get you there,
but ignoring WHO THE FUCK YOU REALLY ARE.
 
Because you are afraid of your power,
afriad of your happiness and abundance,
afraid of the opinions, judgements and ideas of others if you actually JUST BE BEAUTIFUL YOU.
 
And because of you not facing this truth my dear MF Manifestor,
you will continue to put yourself on repeat to everything that you do not want.
 
As long as you keep denying your truth and trying to make others truth yours,
you will never have what you want.
But you will continue to get what you focus on.
 
That is for sure.
becaus ethat is how it works.
 
Life does nolt give a shit about what you think is fair or not.
Life does not hear that you do not want this or that.
Life does not care about your forced actions.
 
Life gives you what you focus on.
Life gives you what you are commited too.
And THAT,
THAT is why you got everything that you expect.
 
So what are you going to do about it?
 
We will all find out soon enough,
your life will show us.
Your manifestations will certainly show exactly what you have been commited too.
 
COMMIT WISELY.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start living
“Coaching for Grown Ass Believers”
 
Want ro get clear focus to over coming the struggles of life?
Take advantage if Asskickery October.
Where I will Lovington kick your ASS into alignment of your goals.
No mattwr where you are in this world.
Reach out to me.
Offer is limited.
 

YOU WILL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN.

YOU WILL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN.
Goodbye.
To you and you and you…..
“So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night
I hate to go and leave this pretty sight
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu
Adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and yieu
So long, farewell, au revoir, auf wiedersehen.
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye
I leave and heave a sigh and say goodbye
Goodbye!
I’m glad to go, I cannot tell a lie
I flit, I float, I fleetly flee, I fly.”
THAT’S IT!
And so we must part.
And part repeatedly we do.
Yet you long to hold me here in this moment,
forever captured by your desires.
But, neither of us can expand as long as we hold so tight.
Our power, our freedom and happiness,
comes from letting go.
Each moment that we are alive,
we are always transforming,
expanding or shrinking,
longing to be close, to merge and entwine,
or push away and fly free in who we are in the moment.
Goodbye feels permanent.
It is like the feeling of death, is it not?
And so we strive to avoid it.
We fear it.
And we try our damndest to make sure that things remain the same.
However in our attempts to keep all the same,
we destroy the beauty of our lives,
of our relationships,
we squash what was so dear.
And we then sit back and wonder why we feel such suffering.
We question why things went the way they did,
and why those that we wanted to hold precious to us turned and walked away without notice.
The answer my dear is in your desire to control.
To prevent your own pain.
You fear goodbye.
You fear transformation.
You fear your growth and the expansion of others.
You are living so far from your truth and from God in this moment that you cannot feel the love that is in store for you.
Love does not fear change or growth.
Love knows that this is an attraction based universe,
not a universe based on exertion and force of your will over everything.
Love knows no suffering.
Love never feels alone or jealous.
Love does not point fingers of blame and hatred.
Love does not look for reasons to not be love anymore but in turn become anger or drama.
There are things that we can be certain of in this life of ours.
1) All things change. Movement and expansion is a guarantee.
2) Everything is energy and operating at a frequency of its own.
3) You attract and keep in your sphere of vibration ONLY those things that are the same frequency, all other things will cause disturbance and cause separation between you and them.
Put simply,
Goodbye simply means that the energy was no longer there.
And goodbye is one of the most beautiful blessings that we are given in our lives.
It allows for all parties to be true to themselves if open to it.
We get what we need from the time spent together and then when our energies no longer connect ( vibe at the same frequency) we are set free from the engagement.
This is far from a sad event.
No matter what we are speaking of, may that be an intimate relationship, a friendship, a job or career, a home or car, etc.
This letting go of anything is only creating an opportunity for ALL PARTIES involved to move forward toward their highest and best version and experiences instead of being forever trapped with something that no longer serves their best self.
Can you imagine being trapped as a twelve year old you? Just held in all time as that version of self, with all the bondage that you most likely felt from family and society? Having longings and desires, wanting for more but knowing that you would never be able to have any of it because here is where you are eternally?
Sounds like hell, right?
And your suffering would be far greater than that of saying goodbye to your greatest love even.
Every moment that you are living.
Every person that you come in contact with,
every thought that you think and feeling that you have.
Changes who you are.
And you are never the same person you were just moments ago.
Therefore you are always saying goodbye to a version of you and to a version of whomever you are moving through life with.
Although these changes are subtle,
over time they transform us.
And create the energy gorge between us and others.
Our holding on to old versions of self and of others only causes damage to our souls expansion.
Because it creates separation between our TRUTH which is linked to God, and our life experience ( what we are perceiving here and now). This is where our anger and pain will stem from.
When we are feeling such anger and pain, blame, jealousy, worthlessness and fear we are being offered the gift of realization that we are NOT IN ALIGNMENT TO SELF.
Self is God in essence.
God consciousness moving through us.
Spirit. The divine.
And to be aligned to self,
knowing self which is pure love,
shows our alignment to God.
We cannot be aligned to God when operating from ego/fear.
And this causes constriction in the physical body and world ( our life experience).
We will start to experience chaos,
negative events, frustration and suffering.
Signs of separation.
You are powerful.
We all are powerful and worthy.
And we access this power through letting go in love not fear.
We reconnect ourselves to self and God by looking the demons of fear in the eyes and telling them to be gone,
that they are not our truth.
They are not of God.
They are not of self.
And we turn our focus to love.
To appreciation for EVERYTHING that was shared with us in moments past.
We focus in on the beauty,
the expansion and the greatness of what we have learned.
All relationship…
All relationships transform and change and say goodbye.
We all will say goodbye to each other in big ways and small ways in this lifetime.
Nothing is forever.
It was not designed to be such,
and you would ultimately not be fulfilled and happy if it all remained the same.
Look at your life,
at those in your world,
in your vibrational sphere.
And ask yourself,
” Am I holding onto this energy in love or fear?”
“Am I grasping for it wanting to control it? Or am I breathing into it and allowing it to wash through me, whirl around me and carry me to my next highest level of self?”
One is ego based.
One is aligned to God and self.
You get to choose your path and write this chapter of your novel.
What does this chapter close like?
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
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Enter Sensual Surrender For Your Magical Expereince.

I WAS FLOATING IN A SEA OF SENSATION.
 
There I was,
our flesh touching.
The water lapping around my breasts and shoulders.
I was breathing the moment and all the feeling of floating into my being.
Taking it in,
devouring it.
feeling as though the universe was asking for me to open even more and allow the deep penetration of my soul to occur.
 
There he was,
resting next to me, his hand on my thigh.
I could feel his breathing as it caused ripples in the water.
His body was smooth and his desire was present.
 
There he was,
on my other side,
breathing in the wind.
His arm touching mine,
soft and smooth.
 
And the water washed over all of us.
The wind in the trees before us was dancing and asking for our surrender.
 
My desire was to touch,
to exchange breath,
to become entwined.
 
I wanted to allow myself to be seen and felt with both of them,
I wanted to feel thier hands caressing me.
I wanted to touch and let my love be felt through the sensaul stroking and playing of our skins enveloping each other.
 
I wanted to feel.
Feel past this phyiscal state of being.
Feel through the emotions,
the fears and the concern.
I wanted to penetrate life by embodying this moment fully and dropping deeper into surrender.
 
 
My hunger was present,
a ravonous beast rumbling within my groin,
within my heart my soul rattled in the cage it felt placed about it.
I breathed.
Breathed into this container known as my physical body and asked my chest to relax,
I asked my soul what it was desiring to achieve from such a state of vulnerability and desire?
 
And my heart leaped,
it called out to the winds,
it wanted to dance naked in the moon light,
it wanted to swing in the hammuc and howl at the moon.
It wanted to be taken.
Taken into the galaxies and be blasted from every startling.
It wanted to be shed of its chains,
its fears and its silly conditions.
It wanted to defy society and relationship labeling.
It wanted to love.
 
It wanted to love fully and authentically.
and it wanted to tap back into that space,
that yummy space that it had known once before and SURRENDER to the call of this wild woman that wanted to open her wings.
Her legs.
Her heart.
Her vessel.
 
My soul knew as it knows today in this moment the power that can transend from moments of bliss,
moments of utter transendence.
It knows that when you can come together with another,
when you can drop into truth without fear or need to control,
when you can access love,
that you hold all the power.
 
That here in this space you are the key master.
And all one ever needs to do is choose a door.
 
This space I speak of is not found in sex.
It is not found in meditation nor prayer.
It is not found in work or what we might refer to as purpose.
It is not found in any relationship or nutritional plan.
It is not found in text books or doctrin.
 
This place I speak of is ONLY discovered through the greatness of your ability to soften and let the universe take you.
In the sensualness that moves through you at times like this,
no matter what the act that you might be performing,
you are moving with the magical essence and flow of the divine.
 
Here from this state of embodiment you are using all your senses.
You are not trapped prisioner to your thoughts,
not holding your emotions out of fear,
you are not touching or acting from a state of control or even desire,
you are just being.
Fully.
 
This is the expanded expression of the human expereince.
This is what we are meant to explore.
 
But we bunker down,
we armour up,
we hide and we fear.
 
In our hiding and fearing we feel loss and suffering.
We gain the illionary belief that we own one another and that we are to remain small.
We buy into the concepts of not enough and control.
ANd we search for purpose,
he hunt for joy and connection,
and we do it all with limited connection to self.
We come into our life moments with with zero to no understanding of self and we lay blame to all those we dance with for the way that we feel.
 
We hide our hearts out of fear of getting hurt,
we shut down our voices and our expressions as to not damage anyone else.
We lift up th eheavy shileds in hope that we can prevent future wounding….
 
And we feel EMPTY.
We feel lost.
Undesired,
disconnected.
And we question why?
Why can I never be happy?
Why do I always end up right back here?
 
It is the shield.
That armour that you carry.
The weight of fear and judgement.
The sword of control.
Those are what keeps you from receiving all that you want for.
Those are the demons that you bare.
 
Soft and subtle.
Fluid and entwined.
The sensaulness of a soul surrendered,
a heart opened and body unburrdened.
 
Here is your bliss.
Here is your power.
Here is the naked truth.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
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A LETTER TO THE MAN I SHOULD HAVE MADE LOVE TO…

A LETTER TO THE MAN I SHOULD HAVE MADE LOVE TO…
 
Open.
Connective.
With eyes like a stormy sky.
Your smile greets me in warm anticipation everytime that we meet.
 
I feel your heartbeat,
It radiates from across the room,
Your masculine energy engulfs my every move,
And I feel you watching me.
My attention is on the funny crook of my smile,
Wondering if you notice.
I breathe deep,
Taking in this moment with you.
 
I feel the stir inside my being,
A hunger from deep within.
My thoughts wonder,
My attention is now on your breath.
I feel your restriction,
I see you grip you hands,
Controlling your hunger,
As you smile and breathe me in.
 
I can feel you absorb my very essence as I come close,
My body tingles,
My pulse intensifies,
And I wonder.
 
I watch the rise and fall,
Of your body as we connect,
I listen to your nervousness,
To your desire,
That you speak through the silence,
And I smile.
I smile at our connection.
I smile at your willingness.
I smile at your adoration,
And respect.
 
I see how you fear fucking this up.
How you want for more,
For all of me.
And yet settle for the glimmer of my eyes looking back into yours.
 
You are the man,
The man who shows his heart through the silence of this moment,
You are the man,
Who feels ever so deeply,
And denies his hunger.
You are the man,
The man that can ignite me.
In your own unique fashion,
You get me.
And I know I am seen by you,
Like no other has witnessed.
 
Your depth,
Your reveal,
The way you share this moment.
 
You are the man I should have made love to.
 
You are the man that deserves to be felt at this level.
 
You are the man who I know has gone a thousand years without the depth deserved,
This hunger that is rising,
This connection you offer,
Its been a lifetime in the waiting,
And most women deny.
 
I see your pain my sweet man,
I feel your hearts surrender,
And your bodies desire to open,
As it opens mine,
To shared ecstasy.
 
You are not wanting surface level relating,
You crave the deepest penetration,
You want the dancing of heart, soul and body,
And the unbridled passion they bring forth.
 
How long has it been sweet man?
How long have you waited to be absorbed into the gulf of the true feminine,
Where you get lost in the currents of bliss?
 
Where you have seen and been seen,
Where you elevate your lover,
As she pulls you in deeper and together you rise to the heavens in a dance?
 
You are the man I should have made love to,
The man who is waiting still.
 
Tender.
Strong.
And passionate
Your hesitation in my presence says it all.
You look deeply into my eyes,
As your soul captures this moment.
 
—-‐————————————————————————
 
To all the men of the 🌎 world,
The men who desire connection over surface level fucking and relating.
 
The men who want more from self and woman,
The men who crave to be captivated in her caverns,
And enjoy the journey of revealing.
 
To all the men who value the feminine.
Who do not fear her power,
But instead support and respect it.
Nuture her heart,
As you adorn her body,
And protect her from this worlds craze
To all the men,
Who have gone so long without a woman who sees your truth and honesty,
Your love for something more than paychecks and quick sex.
Who has squashed his masculine,
And feels unsafe to share.
I see you sweet man,
As more conscious women will too.
 
You are worthy of a goddess,
You are second to no other,
Its time sweet man you recognize that you have been accepting far too little.
 
Open yourself to being made love to.
Slow down,
And ask her too as well.
Don’t rush this beautiful process,
And limit your pleasure,
You are a man that deserves to me made love to.
A man that is worthy of being lifted.
Lifted to her alters,
And recieved.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers “

Random Morning Conversations – Pedophiles to Compliments That Trigger.

There I was sitting on my bed naked with my morning cup of coffee when he said it….

 

I know what he was saying was to be a compliment.

I know that what he meant was that I was amazing and that he loved me.

I logically understand.

But that’s not how it translated after it got grabbed up by a wound from my past.

 

Okay so let me explain about what I am saying here.

You see in my house we have this thing,

“Morning Conversations”

and you simply never know where these conversations will go,

nor how they will get stirred up and be birthed either.

It is drastically different each day.

 

Yesterday morning,

after some decent sexing,

I found my lover and I in bed,

I was naked drinking my morning cup of coffee,

I opened my phone and saw something on all the pedphillia conversations that are currently bouncing around. It struck a chord with me instantly and I shared with him my utter disgust and anger on the concept that pedaphillia should be accepted as a representation of love. I showed him an image that is being put up in Denver, Colorado right now of a rainbow background and silhouette of a man and small child that might be four years at best chasing butterflies, the image says, 

 

” Pedophiles are people too. Because Love is Love.”

 

My share to him on this topic was that yeah, pedophiles are people too, but having sexual feelings or engagement toward a child, especially a small child is not love and that a child does not have the emotional/mental or physical maturity to understand. These “people” are stealing not just the innocents of our children but actually causing emotional/mental and physical damage to the child.

 

And that sure AF is not okay and  is NOT love.

 

After that conversation and agreement on the topic, I told him I needed to get to work and write a musing for the day and that my topic was going to be,

 

“My boyfriend would be perceived a sex addict if he was dating someone else…”

 

To this he smiled at me and said,

 

“If you were with you, you would be a sex addict too.”

 

And this is where it all went dark folks.

In his compliment he unknowingly triggered an old wound.

Now an average and normal woman would have said something coy, kicked the statement out without too much attention, or done whatever she could to change topics if she were triggered,

but not I…..

 

I paused,

took a deep breath and allowed myself to feel the trigger.

To feel this wound that just got scratched.

I looked at the wound,

identified that it was not in current and that he had no ill will in his statement.

However, the truth was it triggered me.

And I did not want to spend my day retracted from him or life in general with this trigger and wound playing tennis in my psyche.

So I spoke up.

I said,

“That was a triggering statement you just made.”

And then I shared why.

I shared that four years prior when I was in an open relationship,

I found myself in a threesome with my primary two lovers,

who’s intent was to create a yummie experience one day for me where they would both ravish me and we would play and enjoy one another.

However my ex got so excited he did not apply the time or attention needed to my physical body that I needed him to take.

Even though I was highly turned on,

my physical being was not caught up to my mental and emotional turn on for the experience.

And he quickly grabbed a glass dildo with no lube on it and penetrated me with it,

unfortunately it was rough at entry and because I was not organically lubricated yet it tore the delicate skin of my vaginal lining,

leaving me feeling torn and burning for days to come.

He did not take much time going down on me as he was too excited about the whole event and penetrated me quickly after removing the glass dildo.

His hast and excitement level created the scenario of him being a two pump chump in this moment,

and he came so quickly that I barely even knew what had happened.

He then looked at me and said,

 

“If you were not so hot I could withhold it better.”

 

Again, I believe that his intent was to compliment,

but what he actually was doing was blaming me,

making me responsible for his inability to last,

to be in control of his body,

his thoughts and feelings,

his sexual energy.

And he tossed his power over to me and made me responsible.

My feeling after hearing this was,

” I need to not be me.”

I felt like if I did not moan that way,

if I was not playful like I am,

If my body did not look like this,

If I was not open the way I am,

If…

If…

If…

 

Then he would be able to stay with me longer,

last longer and I too could engage in pleasure in these moments.

It was my fault that my partner has premature ejaculation issues.

 

Fast forward to current moment and my partner telling me that if I was with me, I would be a sex addict too….

 

This too speaks that I am responsible for my partners thoughts, actions, desires, habits, feelings, etc.

 

He is not responsible.

He is innocent and cannot help himself.

It’s my fault for being me the way that i am that causes the issues,

So what should I do if I am not okay with an issue?

 

Well I need to shut my shit down.

I need to not be as turned on.

I need to guard my moans.

I need to go limp.

I need to not engage in sex.

I need to not dress this way or that.

I need to not be as playful.

I need to change myself so that he can handle being around me.

 

But THIS is not what men want their women to do in truth.

And most men don’t actually believe that it’s the woman’s fault that they have weak stamina or high turn on.

Not fully that is.

They do however blame her to a degree,

just like she takes responsibility.

 

It’s because of how we were raised.

Girls are told from a young age that we are responsible for how boys look at us.

How they speak to us.

That if we wear yoga pants then we are at fault for a guy thinking things or desiring things.

If a girl or woman gets raped or any sexual harassment then its her fault typically because she was asking for it based on her looks, choice in clothes, attitude, playfulness, how she blinked or smiled, etc.

 

And guys are told that,

“Boys will be boys and that they cannot help it.”

 

This all steals one’s individual power from them. 

Men become disempowered by escaping responsibility for their own consciousness or lack thereof, their feelings, desires and actions, they get to turn away from and hand the reins of power over to the woman. 

 

Women lose their power by believing this responsibility transfer and shutting themselves down, changing who they are so to not cause issues. 

 

I believe that Namaste Moore puts its so well, 

And her statement is true for ALL subjects of our life.

 

“People who are not conscious about their OWN power will always sound the alarm about other people’s power. People who recognize their own power… understand that no one has power over them and they have power over no one else. Freedom.”

 

It’s easy to see the truth in this statement when we look at some of the political and world topics of current, 

But can you see its truth in our sexing and relationships as well. 

Because it’s there too. 

 

In owning that we get triggered, 

In speaking up about what is stirring in us as to prevent separation from self and thus another and life, 

We reclaim our power. 

In pausing on our words and asking ourselves, 

“Is this a statement of love or of fear?”

In looking at what our words are actually speaking, 

Because often we try to compliment but in truth a transfer of our power to another is happening. 

And when these transfers in power happen we create chaos in our relationships, 

In communication we thus create contrast that feels uncomfortable because we are not consciously processing and taking responsibility for our own inner shadow lands. 

 

Today look at your relationships. 

Look at your sexing. 

Look at your expectations and desires. 

And ask yourself if you are owning your power or handing it over to someone else?

 

As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to learn how you can claim your power and have a turned on life and relationship?

Reach out to me today for deet’s on couples or individual coaching now.

Who Have You Chosen To Be?

WHO HAVE YOU CHOSEN TO BE?
This is a question I believe that we all need to ask of ourselves.
Especially at this time in our world.
On my left thumb I wear a ring with Ghandi’s quote,
“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
Imagine if we all came at life from this perspective that Ghandi shared so many years ago?
Imagine we started to ask,
are we spreading love and compassion, understanding and grace or are we spreading fear, hatred, control and darkness to our fellow humans and this beautiful world of ours?
How would our actions change?
How would we start to view ourselves and others?
How would we feel about who we were?
It’s always a choice.
Each of us no matter our backgrounds, have choices.
We all have the ability to change what we are thinking and how we are relating.
We all have the ability to be proactive or reactive.
We all have the choice to be kind and act, speak and feel from a place of love (God, soul) or to cast out evil from our lips and actions while swimming in a pool of negative based thinking.
These things NO ONE,
NO GOVERNMENT,
Nothing can steal from us.
And if we started to come at life from this perspective instead of the control based thinking out of fear of others not doing what we deem right or wrong,
or our fear of losing,
or our fear of not having enough,
or being too much,
then perhaps we would actually see the changes in the world that we want so badly for.
Because what are we all wanting for truly?
*Happiness
*Health and wellbeing
*Safety
*Community
*Peace
*Love
*Abundance
*No suffering
But here we are,
fearing that we will not have these things and hating on our neighbours and family if they think or feel differently then we do.
And as we sit in our hatred and fear,
throwing stones at each other and wanting to be understood,
refusing to listen to each other or feel how desperately our fellow human is only wanting for the same as us,
just saying it from their vantage point,
we become part of the problem.
We feed the fear.
We feed the hatred.
We feed the separation.
We feed the hell that is rising up that we all are so terrified of.
And as we fear it we attract more of it into our world and lives.
And as we stand in our fear,
on all sides of the coin of difference,
each side proclaiming they believe, they have faith, they are focused on the truth, that the truth will set them free, etc, etc….
What are we actually focused on?
Who are we choosing to be in these moments?
People of FAITH?
People of COMPASSION and KINDNESS?
People with OPEN MINDS?
People that are SOUL ALIGNED?
People who LOVE THEMSELVES? or others?
People who believe in FREEDOM?
Or are we faithless, fearful, control hungry, out of alignment, closed minded, hateful, judgemental, critical, and thinking that freedom can only be served up according to our rules and guidelines or its not right?
I write this message today to ask you to inquire within yourself these questions and to be honest with yourself.
You will NEVER know the truth until you can find it within first, and this means that you have to love yourself enough to embrace your shadows and get vulnerable in who you really are and that you are fearful.
Because we all have fear right now.
We are all blind in some way.
We are all lost to a degree.
And in shock.
But warring has never made any problem go away.
It has only made the fire bigger.
And this fire has been burning for centuries already.
It is the problem of fear.
It is a tool that controls our spirit and separates us from our truth,
from our worthiness and ability to see clearly and love unconditionally.
Who are you choosing to be?
And where are your thoughts taking you?
Be the change you wish to see in this world by starting with loving yourself first.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Hi, I Am Kendal’s P-ssy and THIS Is My Tale.

Hi, I am Kendal’s P-ssy….

I have a story to share with you.

It is my personal tale of a p-ssies struggles and come back to love and orgasm.

 

When Kendal was a small girl,

she discovered me. She loved to explore me and learn all about me in the shower and it felt wonderful.

We were so bonded and comfortable with each other,

and as Kendal grew and became a young adult,

she could hear me speaking to her about everything that I felt was good for us. She listened to some of my words and sought to help me have some of my desires,

but then one day Kendaal met a young man that I absolutely adored.

This young man knew how to treat Kendal.

He looked at her with eye full of love,

he touched her skin with the same adoration.

And months down the road she allowed him to touch me too.

 

It was an exciting day.

I can still feel those first touches.

I had never been seen by a boy before like this,

I had never been allowed to be touched by anyone other than Kendal until now,

and here he was.

 

Loving on me.

Delicately.

Focused.

and passionate.

 

I grew so hungry for the boy to do more than just touch me,

but he was respecting Kendal and wanted to move slowly.

And let me tell you,

He moved slowly.

It took him a year to finally make sweet love to us,

and when he did,

He remained in us for hours.

Rubbing, touching, kissing and sucking.

It was a loving moment and I felt so free and open.

I never wanted to part ways with this young man,

and Kendal was so happy,

so full of sexual light.

And confidence.

They shared dreams and ideas of the future,

talked as though thousands of years would go by with them together.

 

I was so excited about the endless possibilities of what they were discussing.

 

But one day,

the boy changed his mind.

He decided that he needed to venture out into the world without us. He kissed Kendal goodbye after lunch and vanished without a word.

 

Kendal cried for months,

she felt so lost and in agony over this relationship.

She became upset with me too in the process and blamed me for the pain that her heart was feeling.

So she distanced herself from me,

she did not touch me.

She did not want to have anyone else touch me.

She felt trapped in her surroundings and lost at her core.

 

A few months went by and all she could think of was escaping the world that she was existing in.

She met a man a decade older than her,

she could tell he had eyes for her and that is all that mattered.

She knew he was her ticket out of this mess that she was in.

And so she acted quickly and offered us up a tribute to the man,

she moaned and screamed, scratched and acted like I was enjoying it, acted like she was into it,

but I was not.

I felt saddened at her actions.

Before I knew it, the man had proposed  to her and she said yes,

I was lost at why she would do this when she did not have the feeling in her heart for him,

and I was not on board with the idea,

yet she said yes.

 

And years went by.

We had children,

and I kept being offered up for tribute,

to keep life normal and “happy” as she always said.

She believed that this is what adulting was about and that it just was.

She told us that the joy and love we shared with the boy so many years before was a fluke and that I needed to accept that we were not here to enjoy the sex anymore,

that we were here to have babies, make her husband happy and carry on.

 

And so I allowed her to use and abuse us.

But I shut myself down from the possibilities of pleasure,

I could not feel her heart anymore,

all I could feel was her anger and hatred.

 

Until, one day a man who was a friend of theirs started flirting with her. He grabbed her hand one afternoon and kissed her palm. I got excited.

I began to heat up and throb.

I was screaming,  “Do you feel that?”

I wanted her to recognize the look in this man’s eyes.

It was love.

And if she would stop waring with me she could feel the warmth of it at her core.

 

I was hopeful that this man could reconnect us.

And I pushed for her to do what she never thought possible,

go outside her marriage and tap back into me.

 

And she did.

And there were some fun adventures,

until that crazy mind of hers kicked back into the driver’s seat and told her to feel shame and guilt,

that her sex did not matter and that she was evil for venturing off and listening to me.

 

And so she locked us out again.

She blamed us for even more pain and loss in her life.

And we carried on being offered up as tribute to her husband for a decade more.

 

Over the years I went to work on other aspects of her,

trying to get them to side with me,

trying to get them to connect with me so that we could get her to listen to the fact that she was walking down the wrong path in her life and that the happiness that she craved and desired,

was never going to happen under these conditions of trauma.

And FINALLY I had a breakthrough with her intestines.

We devised a plan that would certainly cause her to pay attention….

 

One day while at an event with friends,

when she was laughing and masking her pain with alcohol we set our plan into action.

The intestines began to bleed everywhere!

She had white shorts on and was in a crowd of strangers and friends,

it was perfect.

She panicked.

She knew it was not me bleeding from her period,

and she knew it was serious.

It was a sobering moment for Kendal.

We had her attention.

And with some discovery she uncovered that she was now suffering from Crohn’s Disease.

 

She spent the next few years focusing on her body,

on her health, on her thoughts,

and even though she still ignored me,

she was on the right path to coming back into communication with me and after doing everything that she could to heal,

she came to the conclusion,  (thanks to me who made sure to kick Crohn’s into high gear after sex frequently) that there was alink between her sex, her p-ssy (me) and the disease.

 

And so she went back to her roots,

she went back to what the boy from so many years before had taught her,

to thier conversations about sex, body and soul.

And she realized that what she needed was sexual healing.

That all these years she had been living in her sexual shadow,

disconnected from who she really was and her desires,

disconnected from your intuition, her GPS (ME).

 

And one day she went to her husband and told him her discovery only to be told that she was crazy.

But, she was done with the pain and suffering.

She was done with feeling lost and moody.

She was done with pleasureless sex,

limited connection and not being happy in her life.

She was sick and tired of not living.

And she told her husband, “too bad, I am doing it anyway.”

 

And she did.

And it was amazing.

She started the very next week by connecting with a tantra coach, and she dug in deep quickly and did the emotional and psychological work that he offered her to remove the wounds and trauma and move past them, she did the physical release work to let the tension go from the body, and from me.

And she started to feel herself again.

She started to appreciate me again.

She started to love me again and feed me again with touch,

and then on day she decided that it was time to let me play some and she ventured out and found a man,

a man that looked at her the way that I like,

and she listened to me and they had beautiful intimate, healing moments,

and he opened her up to hearing me even more and feeling me more and deeper,

and from there she found more lovers for me,

and more,

and I felt loved and appreciated, full.

But all stories have some down points, right?

And so does mine.

 

One day Kendal did not listen like she should to me and she disregarded my screaming that we were in a bad situation,

and without notice a male client of hers attacked her in her office and forced himself on her,

and into us.

He had his way and she felt paraylzed in the moment during and directly following. He tossed $600 down on her limp body on the floor and said,

“Thank you for making me feel like a man.”

She wept and hid herself.

Blaming me again,

if I had not taken her down this path,

then perhaps this trauma would not have been,

she should have stayed safe,

but here she was.

And disconnected we were again.

It took her some time,

it took her some convincing from a few wonderful men that loved her deeply,

but she finally came back around and allowed me my voice again.

 

From there we have had many struggles in our communication,

we have made some wrong turns but we have many more right then wrong.

 

She has learned the value of my voice,

and when the old wounds sprout up from nowhere she sees them.

She desires to remain in connection with me,

and together we work at our loving relationship daily.

 

Today, I am happy with my journey.

I am happy with my life.

I feel the disconnect that her and I have,

as does she,

but our desire is the same.

To open and connect me fully back up to her heart where I belong,

so that we each can reap the wonderful rewards of pleasure and juicy intimacy again.

 

There have been so many moments through the years that Kendal and I have shared touching the big toe of God in our sex, feeling the bliss of an emotional orgasm as tears pour from her eye’s and I pulsate and vibrate in rapture, and swallowing up our lover to the depth of the earths core.

 

These moments are what I crave as a p-ssy.

These moments are only possible when I am connected to her heart,

and feel that she loves me and herself fully.

These moments can only occur when she is listening to me and letting guide her to the lovers that are at one with us,

and this is what makes me happy.

 

This is what all p-ssies in the world crave and desire for happiness.

 

Ladies of the world…

are you listening to her?

She has a message for you,

she wants to connect and open your heart.

Your p-ssy is your guidance, your intuition and knowing.

It is time that you reconnect and stop blaming and fearing her.

 

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to learn more about how you as a woman can tap back into your female GPS and power? To live a life of rapture and truth?  Message me for deet’s on just how to do this.

There Are Only Two Kinds Of People… Which Are You?

WTF Did you do over the weekend?

Did you live?

Did you THRIVE?

 

Each day we gain a new opportunity to do just these things.

And each day so many people choose to just get by.

To survive the day.

Does that sound fun to you?

 

“I am going to survive this day.”

 

What have you got going on?

“Nothin’ much.”

 

So you see luv,

if you desire to live that F-ck Yes Life,

then you have to flip the switch to living it….

cuz surviving your life is never going to happen,

and no moment is ever promised to us.

 

If you don’t choose to flip that switch to living the life of your dreams,

regardless of what your friends and family say or think,

no matter what is happening in our governments, economy, or what debates are up,

then you will simply NEVER,

let me repeat that for you….

 

NEVER have the life that you claim that you desire.

 

Matter of fact you may even find yourself among the many who sit back and dissect and analyze all those who are out there living.

 

You may discover yourself so far out of alignment with your truth and your worthiness that you get caught up being a judgy, critical and even upset about others lives, person.

About what they choose to do or not to do.

 

You may discover that you are caught in the drama and chaos of the world that is always around us,

falling prey to its life stealing ways,

believing that, that is what you are to focus on.

Never realizing that it’s sabotaging you from the gift that you were given from God….

 

YOUR LIFE TO LIVE.

 

And living is not about just getting through the day and paying your bills,

about appearing to do what is expected,

or about people pleasing to the degree that you have nothing left to give to yourself.

 

Living is not about you doing anything that someone else deems appropriate or right for you.

 

Did you get that luv?

 

Living IS NOT about you doing what someone else “thinks or believes” is right for you.

 

They are not living your life.

And if you believe that you are here to please and be liked by everyone else,

then you’re simply being silly.

 

This way of “wantabe living” will only land you in a depression, exhaustion, emptiness, lost, and feeling unworthy, unloved, and broken.

 

It may feel good to help others,

and don’t get me wrong,

It’s a damn good thing to be compassionate and helpful.

But, if you are being helpful to the point that you have lost your boundaries and value,

then you are not helping anymore.

You cannot help those around you when you yourself are empty.

 

And the way that you fill yourself is by LIVING.

Is by THRIVING.

 

The more you do this,

the more you have to give.

The more you can be compassionate and in love with all.

 

I am a firm believer that the reason there is so much anger, hatred and jealousy in our world,

is because we have been raised to believe that loving ourselves, giving to ourselves, taking care of self first makes us a bad person. However, we crave just that at our core.

And so we hate ourselves.

ANd when we feel this shitty about ourselves we have no space for love for someone else.

We have no tolerance for our differences,

no ability to agree that we can disagree and still remain friends or lovers.

 

You see it is impossible to see clearly the world around us, when we are not thriving.

 

Any point outside of thriving, (which BTW is exactly what your life was intended to be about, it’s your set point if you allow it),

 

Any point other than thriving is you viewing the world from your pain body. From your trauma, your fear, your ego, your need to control, because you cannot fathom letting go of the suffering.

 

Thriving is a foregin concept to the majority of the world.

To the point that we finger point, try and shame, hate on and dissect those that are doing it. It scares our ego’s.

Because thriving means that you fully accept yourself, love yourself and KNOW WHO YOU ARE. You also, get that you cannot control others, nor should you desire too, that’s not loving….

 

That you cannot give to the point of exhaustion and crossing your own boundaries.

 

You understand that the best you,

is the you that loves you.

And that you are not going to be a wonderful person to the majority, simply because you are not doing what they want you to do.

 

THRIVING my love is about you expanding horizons,

getting to know yourself and falling in love with that amazing soul who looks back at you in the mirror,

NO EFFING matters what anyone else says or thinks about you on this planet.

 

THRIVING is about you surrendering to your heart,

and enjoying your life to the fullest.

 

THRIVING is about you accessing your DESIRE and knowing that you can have it,

that what you desire, desires you as well.

 

THRIVING is about being in alignment to God/Universe.

 

There are only two kinds of people on this planet….

 

Those that are in alignment.

and….

Those that are not in alignment.

 

We are all both of these at times, the true question comes down to where to reside most of your life?

 

If you have no clue….

look at your world.

Let yourself get real with how you perceive this world,

your life,

how you truly feel about it.

Are you in love with your life?

or something other than?

 

It’s time to JUMP INTO THRIVING.

You are so worthy.

You are so ready.

 

Make the leap now and claim it for yourself.

The magic is all you baby.

 

——————————————————————————-

***Side note: This picture was taken yesterday during my first jump, such a thrilling experience that I aim to repeat in the near future 🙂 but the weekend was loaded with adventure, from doing a ghost hunt in an 1845 jail, to exploring deep connection with my lover, staying in VRBO chicken coop, just because it sounded interesting, showering outside under the starry sky and more…No matter your life situation love, you can live an adventure, I know because I have done so. I have had to raise five children on $17k a year, I have been homeless and camped for months pretending that we were just having a summer adventure when in truth I could not afford a roof over our head or food, I have stood over the ER bed of my child who was in a sever accident and wondered if there were a God, I have been diagnosed with painful illnesses, been through miscarriages, years of depression, divorce, rape, physical violence that broke my body, and more…. and you know what? My spirit said, “LETS THRIVE! You are worthy.”

And today, my life is totally different. So different that people dislike and judge me for THRIVING and sharing it.

So much so different, that I think about something and it easily manifests in days. My life is now magical because I get that thriving is who I AM.

 

And you are too.

———————————————————————————-

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Ready to leap into a life that you love?

Lets connect and get you expanding and saying F-ck Yes! to your thriving life now.

It’s time you stop just getting by.

 

You are worth so much.

Message me for deet’s.

One World Topic – Bringing Awareness Home

Photo Credit NBC12.com

SO, WHAT HAS PROTESTING ACCOMPLISHED??

Within 10 days of sustained protests:
👉🏾 Minneapolis bans use of choke holds.

👉🏾Charges are upgraded against Officer Chauvin, and his accomplices are arrested and charged.

👉🏾Dallas adopts a “duty to intervene” rule that requires officers to stop other cops who are engaging in inappropriate use of force.

👉🏾New Jersey’s attorney general said the state will update its use-of-force guidelines for the first time in two decades.

👉🏾In Maryland, a bipartisan work group of state lawmakers announced a police reform work group.

👉🏾Los Angeles City Council introduces motion to reduce LAPD’s $1.8 billion operating budget.

👉🏾MBTA in Boston agrees to stop using public buses to transport police officers to protests.

👉🏾Police brutality captured on cameras leads to near-immediate suspensions and firings of officers in several cities (e.g., Buffalo, Ft. Lauderdale).

👉🏾Monuments celebrating confederates are removed in cities in Virginia, Alabama, and other states.

👉🏾Street in front of the White House is renamed “Black Lives Matter Plaza.”
Military forces begin to withdraw from D.C.

Then, there’s all the other stuff that’s hard to measure:

💓The really difficult public and private conversations that are happening about race and privilege.

💓The realizations some white people are coming to about racism and the role of policing in this country.

💓The self-reflection.

💓The internal battles exploding within organizations over issues that have been simmering or ignored for a long time. Some organizations will end as a result, others will be forever changed or replaced with something stronger and fairer.

Globally:

🌎 Protests against racial inequality sparked by the police killing of George Floyd are taking place all over the world.

🌎 Rallies and memorials have been held in cities across Europe, as well as in Mexico, Canada, Brazil, Australia, and New Zealand.

🌎 As the US contends with its second week of protests, issues of racism, police brutality, and oppression have been brought to light across the globe.

🌎 People all over the world understand that their own fights for human rights, for equality and fairness, will become so much more difficult to win if we are going to lose America as the place where ‘I have a dream’ is a real and universal political program,” Wolfgang Ischinger, a former German ambassador to the US, told the New Yorker.

🌎 In France, protesters marched holding signs that said “I can’t breathe” to signify both the words of Floyd, and the last words of Adama Traoré, a 24-year-old black man who was subdued by police officers and gasped the sentence before he died outside Paris in 2016.

🌎 Cities across Europe have come together after the death of George Floyd:

✊🏽 In Amsterdam, an estimated 10,000 people filled the Dam square on Monday, holding signs and shouting popular chants like “Black lives matter,” and “No justice, no peace.”

✊🏽 In Germany, people gathered in multiple locations throughout Berlin to demand justice for Floyd and fight against police brutality.

✊🏾 A mural dedicated to Floyd was also spray-painted on a stretch of wall in Berlin that once divided the German capital during the Cold War.

✊🏿 In Ireland, protesters held a peaceful demonstration outside of Belfast City Hall, and others gathered outside of the US embassy in Dublin.

✊🏿In Italy, protesters gathered and marched with signs that said “Stop killing black people,” “Say his name,” and “We will not be silent.”

✊🏾 In Spain, people gathered to march and hold up signs throughout Barcelona and Madrid.

✊🏾 In Athens, Greece, protesters took to the streets to collectively hold up a sign that read “I can’t breathe.”

✊🏾 In Brussels, protesters were seen sitting in a peaceful demonstration in front of an opera house in the center of the city.

✊🏾In Denmark, protesters were heard chanting “No justice, no peace!” throughout the streets of Copenhagen, while others gathered outside the US embassy.

✊🏾 In Canada, protesters were also grieving for Regis Korchinski-Paquet, a 29-year-old black woman who died on Wednesday after falling from her balcony during a police investigation at her building.

✊🏾 And in New Zealand, roughly 2,000 people marched to the US embassy in Auckland, chanting and carrying signs demanding justice.

💐 Memorials have been built for Floyd around the world, too. In Mexico City, portraits of him were hung outside the US embassy with roses, candles, and signs.

💐 In Poland, candles and flowers were laid out next to photos of Floyd outside the US consulate.

💐 And in Syria, two artists created a mural depicting Floyd in the northwestern town of Binnish, “on a wall destroyed by military planes.”

Before the assassination of George Floyd some of you were able to say whatever the hell you wanted and the world didn’t say anything to you…

THERE HAS BEEN A SHIFT, AN AWAKENING…MANY OF YOU ARE BEING EXPOSED FOR WHO YOU REALLY ARE. #readthatagain

Don’t wake up tomorrow on the wrong side of this issue. Its not to late to SAY,

“maybe I need to look at this from a different perspective.

Maybe I don’t know what its like to be Black in America…

Maybe, just maybe, I have been taught wrong.”

There is still so much work to be done. It’s been a really dark, raw week. This could still end badly. But all we can do is keep doing the work.

Keep protesting.

The War on Humanity

There is a massive amount of fear, war, and destruction upon our world right now.

Its hard to come in contact with someone that is not caught up in the overwhelming negativity of our current world events.
And everyone has a view point on the events,
Of which many of which do not match anothers.

I have sat back witnessing all of these desperately sad and toxic messages that are being batted back and forth between races, political groups, and more.
All wanting thier voices to be heard.
To matter.
But none wanting to take a breather and witness the other.
Yelling, screaming, shooting,
Burning down the walls of innocents as well as antagonizers.
So many getting caught in the middle.
So many good hearted, loving, people.

But the waring continues.
The desire to hunt down what is seen as wrong and destroy it.
For some that means that the simple act of being born with a skin color that they don’t deem acceptable makes for cause to war.

For others,
The fear of those who hate on them,
Who hunt them like animals,
Who harm the innocent as well as the criminals,
Equates to war.

Neither see the other side.
Both can only view what they fear.
And here is where they act from.

FEAR.

I want to say that our world 🌎 is under attack.
Our humanity is under attack.

And THIS is not something new.
This has been about us humans forever.
We have wared against other clans,
Since other clans became a thing.

We have feared other families,
Feared strangers,
And ANYTHING or ANYONE that is not of our own since the coming of human kind.

This war on humanity is nothing new.
It is a cry of pain masked under the egos hatred for what it does not understand

It will remain alive and rampant until we HUMANS… of all nations, all sexes, all religions choose to not let our egos of fear rule us. Until we humans choose to stop the insanity of letting the few master the many.

When we can step into our humanity,
When we can look in the mirror and at our core as an individual KNOW that today we acted toward all others as we would desire to have done to us,
When we can embrace that the killing,
The beating and all abuse,
The victimization of anyone,

IS NOT OKAY.

When we can look into our fellow humans eyes,
No matter thier beliefs, skin tone or sex,
And see God looking back at us in love,

Then here…
Here is where the war will stop ✋.
Here is where we will see a change.
Here is where we will start to acknowledge our truth as a world society.

And until then,
We will war.

We will hate.
We will abuse and be abused.
We will point fingers.
We will victimize.
And we will let our egos rule our lives.
We will let our egos rule our sight,
Our words and our actions.
And we will believe that we are acting from the right space of our hearts as we continue to condemn all that we fear.

We will remain blind to our stupidity,
Because we will continue to be unconscious of our truth.

And the war between our clans will remain.

But I tell you this…
All lives do matter.
All of us matter.
All of us humans are worthy of love, respect, abundance, and safety.

This should be a no duh to you.

At this time in our world however,
No matter what your beliefs may be,
There is a segregation happening,
No matter the reason for it,
Whether its a polical ploy or not,
There is a group of our fellow humans who ARE and have been for centuries hunted.

We live in this beautiful modern time,
Where so many believe themselves to be intelligent and consciously aware,
Yet we have this war still happening.

And it IS POINTED….
if you cannot see that truth,
You are blinded by your own wounds and fear.

And if it were you and your family that were under attack,
That did not feel safe in the simplest of situations,
Then perhaps you would perceive differently.
Perhaps your heart would have its words heard a bit louder.

Or perhaps not.
This war is upon all of us my love.
It is a war on our humanity.
A war against our soul knowing,
And it is based in ego.

Where do you stand?
Let your actions and words show.
Instead of your wounds, fear and opinions.

#blacklivesmatter

Wake Up Lovely.

And As Always,
Stop Existing and Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers “