IT’S YOUR BITCHIN’ MOANING AND COMPLAINING.
Truth Time Baby!
I get that 2020 has been a rocky sorta year so far and it looks like the fun is not coming to a stop anytime soon.
I get that you have been just surviving up to this point,
that the news you are listening too has you scared shitless most days,
and questioning what is going on in our world.
Are these the end of days?
Is this how our world goes down?
How humanity comes to an end?
I get that you have been watching all the negative reports about COVID spikes,
about racial issues and wrong doings,
about possible wars,
and let’s not forget the horrors of child sex trafficing and Hollywood.
It’s all just a bunch of hopeless suffering that causes you upset and torment,
makes your heart crumble and makes you want to not believe that it is so.
And so it is that you are finding yourself in 2020 saying that it is a raging shit show of a year,
feeling like our economy is forever changed ( and it is),
and not knowing if you will make it through or if you will become one of the millions who find themselves drowning in the hysteria,
in the loss of a job, savings, house, car and relationship,
and maybe even health.
There is one thing though that can change all of this for you.
It’s something that no one can ever take away,
it’s something that you can always be in control of,
and it is the deciding factor if you are in SOUL ALIGNMENT or NOT.
And that is your ATTITUDE.
Your attitude dictates your emotional response patterns to outside events and to what you are thinking.
Most people react from an emotional level,
they live in a reactive state instead of a proactive state of living.
Most people never realize that they can choose their emotional response to situations,
Including how 2020 is manifesting for our world.
Choosing to focus on feeling good,
on living a life of thriving and love,
abundance and connection,
living your TRUTH is nothing more than a commitment to SELF and a TRUST in the universe/God to deliver it outside of what the world is moving through.
It is choosing to not fall prey to all the negativity.
Now, don’t get me wrong this is not saying to close your eyes and ignore the world topics that are at hand,
often we believe that positivity means to ignore pain, stress and issues and to just put our attention on the good or the desire for good,
but that is not realistic.
You can choose to have an attitude of love, beauty and good vibes and still be AWARE and even outspoken about issues and causes that tug at your heart and soul.
You can still spread knowledge,
be a crusader,
and see the changes that need to occur.
But you will find yourself coming at these things from a different space than those who are focused on complaining, bitching, moaning and fearing about life.
You will be able to stand strong in knowing that YOU…
you are the co-creator of your life expression,
that you get to choose your thoughts,
you get to choose what you apply your focus too,
you get to choose your reactions,
and your feelings.
And you will KNOW that by staying in SOUL ALIGNMENT that your life will be evidence that none of us were ever born to live a life of suffering.
Because you will be walking through this year,
seeing all of its horrors,
counting your blessings from a place of love and gratitude,
not from a place of fear.
You will be connecting to loved ones and strangers,
you will be exploring life as it was always intended in its newness of each day,
you will not be terrified to wake up and feel like you must hide from your life to survive,
but instead you will see the sun shining and breathe deep in the crisp morning air.
You will be making plans of travels and community,
looking at family events and business possibilities,
you will know that you are supported in your TRUST that God/Universe has your back and that by making your ALIGNMENT the most important thing,
that your life will be one of THRIVING in this time of chaos.
But the THRIVING only comes from the alignment to the soul.
And your state of mind and emotion tells you EXACTLY where you are at at any given moment in time.
If you are among the millions who are bitchin’, moaning and complaining,
who are pointing fingers and shaming,
judging and hating,
fearing their neighbours and relatives,
looking at anyone who comes within eyesight range as though they have a gun to your head,
then it’s time that you get real about where your alignment is actually at.
DO YOU FEEL THAT FEAR AND UNREST IN YOUR BEING?
That is a sign that your SOUL feels differently than your fear based ego mind.
That is a sign that you are calling to you all that you do not want for,
but what you fear instead.
That is sign that it’s time love to start TRUSTING in God,
trusting in the laws of the universe,
and in your deepest self wisdom.
It is a sign to stop the insanity and stop adding to the pot of chaos and suffering for 2020 and the future.
It is your bitchin, moaning and complaining that is keeping your desired life of abundance, joy, pleasure, connection and heath at bay.
And you love…
YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN CHANGE IT.
Are you ready to take responsibility for your life and what your experiences are or are you content in the comforts of your suffering?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to know how one minute each day can create the life of your dreams quickly? Reach out to me about the Magick Minute Program to manifest your dream life in 2020.
IT TAKES COURAGE TO HAVE AN AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIP.
I have this belief that ALL…
Yes ALL people who are in an intimate relationship with another need to go through the inquiry and inner work as well and relating work that those who have successful open relationships do.
I believe that no matter how you label your relationship,
that you should explore authentic relating for what it really means.
Most monogamous couples “think” they know each other.
“Think” they love each other unconditionally.
“Think” they are best friends and trust each other.
“Think” they are doing it right and will have success.
Most people who decide to open up their relationships choose to do so at a low period in their primary relationship and “think” that opening up will fix something.
“Think” that you can just overnight shift gears and that this thing called inner work and couples work to set agreements, learn each other and communicate are not needed.
That you can go zero to 100 overnight so to speak.
Both cases are detrimental to the relationship.
And it’s because the number one issue in relationships is communication.
And I am sure you may be among the many who believes that you communicate well with your partner.
You may think that you got this fully taken care of ,
but I ask you, is this true?
98% of couples that I have worked with over the last 15+ years come in telling me that they are good if not great communicators,
that their partner is their bestie and they can tell them anything.
But not three sessions into coaching and the truth is discovered.
They suck at communication.
Because they keep it at a surface level.
There is no depth in relating.
And if they touch on depth,
it causes confrontation,
triggers old wounds and fears,
and both parties end up dancing in their ego’s and speaking from their pain bodies instead of their heart centers.
So they avoid it.
They shut their truth down,
they tell their partners a softer version or nothing at all,
and they hide the best they can from themselves for as long as they can as to not rock the perfect picture of a loving connected relationship that they are wanting to paint.
When the hard fact is that they have challenges.
It takes courage to speak up in a relationship.
It takes courage to be real in a relationship.
It takes courage to listen without trying to change, control or freak out about what might be being shared in a relationship.
It takes courage to remain stable inside yourself when living authentically with another.
And it takes courage to be raw and real with yourself so you can do all the above.
But f-ck is it worth it,
just like you are worth it and so is your relationship.
You see, if you are among the many who are not operating at this level of authentic relationship but desire open communication, unconditional love, acceptance, honesty and truth in the relationship and from your partner,
then how is it ever going to be possible if you live hiding from yourself and basing your feelings and actions in fear of losing your partner?
If you are making your partner responsible for your happiness and worthiness then how can they ever just be themselves and state their truth to you?
If you are holding expectations as to what they need to do, how they need to act then how can they share their truth with you about anything that may pose a difficult conversation? And how is this unconditional love?
If you define yourself based on your relationship,
which simply means you are not strong in WHO YOU ARE,
then how can you be truthful with another?
To be authentic, truthful and honest with another you first must KNOW YOURSELF and be strong at your core so you are not rocked by another.
Remember that humans are fickle.
We ebb and flow,
we all are live waves in our feelings, emotions, thoughts and that we get caught in our wounds as well as our desires.
In authentic relating we understand that
there is your business,
there is my business,
and there is God’s business,
and that we each are ONLY RESPONSIBLE for one of those.
Anything else is sticking our noses where they are not needed.
The most unconditional loving person is the person who knows themselves, loves themselves first, and can embrace their shadow self as well as their glorious light.
They know their worth and it is not dependent on any outside source.
This is a person who can love deeply and unconditionally.
This is a person who can truly be honest and real.
This is a person who is self-empowered and therefore has the ability to allow for their partner to grow, to speak, to change.
As it is so intended.
relationships need to evolve over time.
This means that both parties need to do the same.
Expecting ourselves, our partners or the relationship to remain the same,
causes stagnation to our individual growth and the evolution of our love and relationships.
This is the coward’s path.
And it typically results in two things:
It takes courage to relate authentically.
It takes courage to relate in unconditional love.
It takes courage to catch our control issues in a relationship.
It takes courage to see our fear based actions, feelings and thoughts for what they are… fear of our own inadequacies, fear of our worthiness and lack of value, the lack of personal acceptance cast onto our partner, and fear of abandonment.
But when we stand in courage and face our truth,
love ourselves through our fears,
we open the gates to deep, penetrative love and acceptance with our partner.
THIS is what we all crave and desire.
You are worthy of this beauty.
You are worthy of this sort of love.
Offer it to yourself and your partner today,
by starting with seeing YOURSELF authentically and leaning into those difficult conversations.
Reach out to me if you want information on how to go about just this and more.
Learn authentic relating no matter your relationship title to create an evolved loving relationship that fits your soul’s path now.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Hi, I am Kendal’s P-ssy….
I have a story to share with you.
It is my personal tale of a p-ssies struggles and come back to love and orgasm.
When Kendal was a small girl,
she discovered me. She loved to explore me and learn all about me in the shower and it felt wonderful.
We were so bonded and comfortable with each other,
and as Kendal grew and became a young adult,
she could hear me speaking to her about everything that I felt was good for us. She listened to some of my words and sought to help me have some of my desires,
but then one day Kendaal met a young man that I absolutely adored.
This young man knew how to treat Kendal.
He looked at her with eye full of love,
he touched her skin with the same adoration.
And months down the road she allowed him to touch me too.
It was an exciting day.
I can still feel those first touches.
I had never been seen by a boy before like this,
I had never been allowed to be touched by anyone other than Kendal until now,
and here he was.
Loving on me.
I grew so hungry for the boy to do more than just touch me,
but he was respecting Kendal and wanted to move slowly.
And let me tell you,
He moved slowly.
It took him a year to finally make sweet love to us,
and when he did,
He remained in us for hours.
Rubbing, touching, kissing and sucking.
It was a loving moment and I felt so free and open.
I never wanted to part ways with this young man,
and Kendal was so happy,
so full of sexual light.
They shared dreams and ideas of the future,
talked as though thousands of years would go by with them together.
I was so excited about the endless possibilities of what they were discussing.
But one day,
the boy changed his mind.
He decided that he needed to venture out into the world without us. He kissed Kendal goodbye after lunch and vanished without a word.
Kendal cried for months,
she felt so lost and in agony over this relationship.
She became upset with me too in the process and blamed me for the pain that her heart was feeling.
So she distanced herself from me,
she did not touch me.
She did not want to have anyone else touch me.
She felt trapped in her surroundings and lost at her core.
A few months went by and all she could think of was escaping the world that she was existing in.
She met a man a decade older than her,
she could tell he had eyes for her and that is all that mattered.
She knew he was her ticket out of this mess that she was in.
And so she acted quickly and offered us up a tribute to the man,
she moaned and screamed, scratched and acted like I was enjoying it, acted like she was into it,
but I was not.
I felt saddened at her actions.
Before I knew it, the man had proposed to her and she said yes,
I was lost at why she would do this when she did not have the feeling in her heart for him,
and I was not on board with the idea,
yet she said yes.
And years went by.
We had children,
and I kept being offered up for tribute,
to keep life normal and “happy” as she always said.
She believed that this is what adulting was about and that it just was.
She told us that the joy and love we shared with the boy so many years before was a fluke and that I needed to accept that we were not here to enjoy the sex anymore,
that we were here to have babies, make her husband happy and carry on.
And so I allowed her to use and abuse us.
But I shut myself down from the possibilities of pleasure,
I could not feel her heart anymore,
all I could feel was her anger and hatred.
Until, one day a man who was a friend of theirs started flirting with her. He grabbed her hand one afternoon and kissed her palm. I got excited.
I began to heat up and throb.
I was screaming, “Do you feel that?”
I wanted her to recognize the look in this man’s eyes.
It was love.
And if she would stop waring with me she could feel the warmth of it at her core.
I was hopeful that this man could reconnect us.
And I pushed for her to do what she never thought possible,
go outside her marriage and tap back into me.
And she did.
And there were some fun adventures,
until that crazy mind of hers kicked back into the driver’s seat and told her to feel shame and guilt,
that her sex did not matter and that she was evil for venturing off and listening to me.
And so she locked us out again.
She blamed us for even more pain and loss in her life.
And we carried on being offered up as tribute to her husband for a decade more.
Over the years I went to work on other aspects of her,
trying to get them to side with me,
trying to get them to connect with me so that we could get her to listen to the fact that she was walking down the wrong path in her life and that the happiness that she craved and desired,
was never going to happen under these conditions of trauma.
And FINALLY I had a breakthrough with her intestines.
We devised a plan that would certainly cause her to pay attention….
One day while at an event with friends,
when she was laughing and masking her pain with alcohol we set our plan into action.
The intestines began to bleed everywhere!
She had white shorts on and was in a crowd of strangers and friends,
it was perfect.
She knew it was not me bleeding from her period,
and she knew it was serious.
It was a sobering moment for Kendal.
We had her attention.
And with some discovery she uncovered that she was now suffering from Crohn’s Disease.
She spent the next few years focusing on her body,
on her health, on her thoughts,
and even though she still ignored me,
she was on the right path to coming back into communication with me and after doing everything that she could to heal,
she came to the conclusion, (thanks to me who made sure to kick Crohn’s into high gear after sex frequently) that there was alink between her sex, her p-ssy (me) and the disease.
And so she went back to her roots,
she went back to what the boy from so many years before had taught her,
to thier conversations about sex, body and soul.
And she realized that what she needed was sexual healing.
That all these years she had been living in her sexual shadow,
disconnected from who she really was and her desires,
disconnected from your intuition, her GPS (ME).
And one day she went to her husband and told him her discovery only to be told that she was crazy.
But, she was done with the pain and suffering.
She was done with feeling lost and moody.
She was done with pleasureless sex,
limited connection and not being happy in her life.
She was sick and tired of not living.
And she told her husband, “too bad, I am doing it anyway.”
And she did.
And it was amazing.
She started the very next week by connecting with a tantra coach, and she dug in deep quickly and did the emotional and psychological work that he offered her to remove the wounds and trauma and move past them, she did the physical release work to let the tension go from the body, and from me.
And she started to feel herself again.
She started to appreciate me again.
She started to love me again and feed me again with touch,
and then on day she decided that it was time to let me play some and she ventured out and found a man,
a man that looked at her the way that I like,
and she listened to me and they had beautiful intimate, healing moments,
and he opened her up to hearing me even more and feeling me more and deeper,
and from there she found more lovers for me,
and I felt loved and appreciated, full.
But all stories have some down points, right?
And so does mine.
One day Kendal did not listen like she should to me and she disregarded my screaming that we were in a bad situation,
and without notice a male client of hers attacked her in her office and forced himself on her,
and into us.
He had his way and she felt paraylzed in the moment during and directly following. He tossed $600 down on her limp body on the floor and said,
“Thank you for making me feel like a man.”
She wept and hid herself.
Blaming me again,
if I had not taken her down this path,
then perhaps this trauma would not have been,
she should have stayed safe,
but here she was.
And disconnected we were again.
It took her some time,
it took her some convincing from a few wonderful men that loved her deeply,
but she finally came back around and allowed me my voice again.
From there we have had many struggles in our communication,
we have made some wrong turns but we have many more right then wrong.
She has learned the value of my voice,
and when the old wounds sprout up from nowhere she sees them.
She desires to remain in connection with me,
and together we work at our loving relationship daily.
Today, I am happy with my journey.
I am happy with my life.
I feel the disconnect that her and I have,
as does she,
but our desire is the same.
To open and connect me fully back up to her heart where I belong,
so that we each can reap the wonderful rewards of pleasure and juicy intimacy again.
There have been so many moments through the years that Kendal and I have shared touching the big toe of God in our sex, feeling the bliss of an emotional orgasm as tears pour from her eye’s and I pulsate and vibrate in rapture, and swallowing up our lover to the depth of the earths core.
These moments are what I crave as a p-ssy.
These moments are only possible when I am connected to her heart,
and feel that she loves me and herself fully.
These moments can only occur when she is listening to me and letting guide her to the lovers that are at one with us,
and this is what makes me happy.
This is what all p-ssies in the world crave and desire for happiness.
Ladies of the world…
are you listening to her?
She has a message for you,
she wants to connect and open your heart.
Your p-ssy is your guidance, your intuition and knowing.
It is time that you reconnect and stop blaming and fearing her.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn more about how you as a woman can tap back into your female GPS and power? To live a life of rapture and truth? Message me for deet’s on just how to do this.
❄️❄️❄️ I put five ice cubes and peppermint oil in my vagina last night…❄️❄️❄️
and then I mounted my man who had no clue of what he was getting entered into….
Aren’t surprises fun.
They certainly can be.
And being playful in our sexing is required for gourmet experiences.
But sometimes, we enter our partners and selves alike into experiences that may take us to depths of meeting new aspects of self that were not anticipated.
Sometimes our surprises back fire and cause a shut down,
a turning away, or trigger trauma from past wounds that we had forgotten about or did not think to link to current moments of play or joy.
Sometimes we end up freezing up emotionally in the midst of an experience and find ourselves trapped in a land of desire,
but not knowing how to express it or what to do with it.
We humans are not only fickle,
And we often do not give ourselves enough compassion or grace to process our feelings and love on our wounds from a higher perspective,
we in turn beat ourselves up more,
and build up more barriers of shame and bitterness,
dropping our hearts deeper into a frozen state of hibernation,
so that we do not have to deal with the emotions that surge fear through us to the core.
Freezing up is never a good idea,
Emotional frostbite is a thing.
And it is a thing that is about as pleasant to move through as its physical twin.
It causes a numbing,
and massive constriction of our flow.
It prevents us from being flexible in love, life, thinking and feeling.
It locks us down to the creation of the life that we crave for.
And when we sit with emotional frostbite,
any amount of warmth burns and scares us.
But that is what the prescription is to heal it.
That, that we fear.
That. that burns,
that hurts to lean into.
It is the defrosting of our core.
It is the warming of our hearts,
and listening to our soul.
And it is activated with DESIRE.
But desire feels too provocative a thing when you are frozen.
Desire feels edgy, feels dangerous and makes us have to deal with our fears.
And fear stands firm in its cover of guilt and shame, jealousy even.
Fear yells at us to control the situation.
Fear tells us that we must have expectations.
Fear wraps us up in its belief of scarcity.
And it tells us that desire is evil.
It tells us to not listen to desire,
to not feel its warm embrace.
Fear wants us to remain “safe” and stay frozen.
Deny your soul.
Deny your heart.
Because that is where desire is birthed from.
It comes from your truth,
to heal you,
to guide you,
to defrost you.
and open you up to who you truly are.
And without it….
You will never know the wonders of this life.
You will never fully tap into your purpose.
You will never feel the depths of love ripping you open into surrender.
You will never see the light of God in your rapture,
and you will never live an expanded life.
Nothing is possible without desire.
But we must make sure that our desire is based in our heart,
not in our ego.
For the desire of our ego, may mask itself as our hearts,
may ride the very waves of our heartbeat even,
and make us feel as though we cannot exist without it,
but from this sort of desire we feel its need,
its need to control.
It needs to master us.
Its need to force.
to be hasty in the gaining of our desires.
And it does this through the emotions of worry, fear,
envy, judgement, bitterness and anxiety.
Where desire that comes from our heart,
does none of this.
It only defrosts our streams and rivers,
bares its truth through love, compassion and excitement,
releases us from our once thought eternal winter,
and renews our hunger to live.
Neither feel safe.
But desire from the heart is soul led.
It is what each of us must step into and embrace with eagerness if we are to ever know God.
Know life and love.
And heal our wounds.
It is through this desire that we learn to embody ourselves once again and trust in our hearts.
It is here in the warmth of our desire that we awaken to our worthiness and greatness.
And it is from this eruption of desire that KNOW OURSELVES.
But if you choose to ignore,
choose to hide behind the shame and guilt,
the excuses and your pride,
then you choose to remain in an eternal state of cryonics.
And you can bear hope to bring life back to yourself at some point, but in order to do it my love….
You must choose it.
You must choose to defrost and to allow yourself to feel again.
To feel everything.
And know that it is perfect.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Don’t let another moment pass living in a chronic state of frozen.
Limiting your life experience,
limiting your love and connection,
limiting your abundance.
You were born worthy of so much more than what you are allowing right now.
It is time that you say YES to you.
Join me in a 4 week 1:1 mastermind intensive to learn the 7 keys to creating the life of your dreams no matter the chaos of the world.
Message me for deet’s now before the special ends on May 3rd, 2020.
So there I was leg up on the lip of my shower,
shaving the back of my thigh,
hot water washing down my back,
irritating me because it was washing out my conditioner prematurely,
when it came to me.
I figured out why I have a resistance to love.
Not just to love,
but to allowing myself to fall deeply,
penetratively in love with my man,
with my life,
I was flabbergasted at my realization. 🤦♀️
How could I be so silly to not have caught this before.
Perhaps I was just unwilling to see it.
Perhaps I was not ready to fully let go.
Perhaps a whole lot of shit to be frank about it,
and the reality is simple.
have been holding myself back from the feelings and experiences that I have desired for the last two plus years almost.
Crazy as it sounds.
It is true.
And thanks to my shower today and now nicely shaved legs,
I was blessed with the ability to change it.
Because you see you cannot change something until you awaken to the fact that it needs changed in the first place.
Which is why life is the way that it is.
Sure we get ample opportunity to see what needs to happen,
we feel it at our cores often,
but we humans tend to disregard anything that is not smack dab in our faces presenting a challenge.
AKA a PROBLEM.
Which is why we create problems for ourselves.
We need them to expand.
To grow and to create the life that we are called to live.
Problems allow us to witness what needs attention,
what needs improvement,
And often they rise up from our “feelings”
yes those nasty things that we are told to not pay much attention too because they will misguide us.
But the reality is that our feelings are there to guide us.
They are there to tell us when we are not in alignment to our souls path.
And that causes us pain.
Of some sort.
So what do we do?
We get into a sticky painful situation,
and we COMMIT to change our evil ways.
We commit to work harder.
To not trust so easily.
To take better care of our bodies and our hearts.
We commit to trying harder.
And the list goes on.
And don’t get me wrong, commitments make our realities.
However, the trick is knowing what you committed to and if the commitment is in alignment with your soul’s desire.
You see, this commitment that I made about two and half years ago, was not ultimately in alignment with my heart or soul. It was a commitment made out of pain.
Intense pain, my heart was breaking and I was scared and angry at this for happening. I was not understanding why it was happening or how this could even be. And in my suffering I stated to the person who I blamed with great emotional attachment,
” I will NEVER love again.”
I went on to tell him that I would never trust a man again or surrender the way I had with him, that if this is what it got me then it was too big a price to pay and I was committing to not not allow myself to get hurt again at this level.
You may think that those were just words,
that I could just ignore and carry on.
That someone awesome could turn around and walk into my life and change my commitment.
perhaps that might be so.
But it has not been so for me.
Instead my other commitments to myself that I wrote down prior to this one above, started to knock heads with this commitment and even though I had manifested a wonderful man into my world,
not just any man BTW,
but a man that I scripted out in my journal and who has 75% of my list of desires in a man,
yeah… not bad for a day’s worth of journaling work.
Yeah, not even he could break through this commitment to love.
And so, it has been that the last two years I have consistently kept myself “safe from love” not allowing myself to feel what I have wanted to feel fully and getting repeatedly upset with the world and my life and soul because of it but not catching the root of my issue.
This morning as I thought about it,
and as life would have it all week long,
I have had plenty of opportunity to read through old journal entries as I clean up areas of my home.
My soul most certainly is on a mission to CONFIRM to me that I am really great at holding commitment to myself.
Especially commitments made with strong emotional attachment.
A few years back,
when I was struggling financially to get over the $100k a year mark in my practice, I committed to myself and wrote it faithfully for months on end in my journal that,
“I commit to make no less than $95,000 a year from this moment forward.”
That year I made $146k.
And I have not looked back since.
I also wrote,
” I commit to having my schedule booking out 4 months in advance.”
And it still remains so that my schedule is booking 4 to 6 month in advance.
” I commit to being recognized on TV.”
And shortly thereafter, was called by Lifetime TV to work on an episode of Married at First Sight.
My list of commitments is long.
My list of emotionally supported commitments is long.
Some emotions however, support my soul’s desires.
And some do not.
My shower realization is that although commitments are thought to be a good thing,
and they most certainly do mean the world.
That what we as individuals need to understand,
is the true power of our words.
Of our commitments to self.
And what we say in passion sticks with us and sometimes can get buried under our day to day lives and thoughts.
Sometimes these commitments we carry for a lifetime,
and they can be the root cause to us not thriving no matter how hard we work,
to not feeling love, no matter how hard we love,
to not feeling safe,
no matter how hard we try and make ourselves trust.
Commitments make our realities.
Let’s start being conscious of them,
and changing the ones that no longer serve.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Watch: Say It With Me!Commit to NOT Lick Your Phone
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I would do anything for love!
But, I won’t do THAT.
Just like the song,
so our relationships unwind.
We have these THINGS in relationship that we refuse to do,
and some with good reason,
some because they are personal boundaries,
some because it is totally self-sacrificial to do and will only create far worse repercussions than saying, “No.”
Relationships are most certainly not about one partner always caving to the other.
It is not about always getting what you want.
Relationships are not about even making you feel happy, safe or comfortable.
Love just an FYI, is not about comfort.
Or getting what we want.
It is about getting what we need.
And when we think about what we need,
it is not that we “need” the other person to act, do, be some specific way for us.
No the “need” that relationship provides, is the support for us to expand and grow into who we truly are as souls.
Therefore, often us getting what we need will feel like a challenge in the relationship.
It will feel uncomfortable.
It will feel testing, scary even and we will feel pushed to breathe into events and moments with our partner.
We will be asked to face our internal structures and inquire,
“Is this true?”
Is this really how I feel or am I living according to societal structures that have been put on me?
Am I leaning into my fear right now? or am I truly coming from my truth?
Love is testing.
Love will require us to have courage.
To have blind faith.
To open the door to trust.
And to evolve our beliefs.
So often though, we address love differently.
We tell our beloveds that we are:
👉Unconditional in our love – when in fact it is built on conditions.
👉That we would do “ANYTHING” for them – when in fact that means anything within my comfort box only, ask me to push myself a little into uncharted waters, well forget about that, I won’t do it.
👉That we want for their happiness no matter the cost – when in fact we require that happiness to fit into the picture that we have painted instead of holding space for what our partner actually needs
👉That we want them to grow, to be empowered, feel safe – when in fact yet again we only want this IF it is how we perceive that to be, NOT PUSHING US OUT OF COMFORT.
👉That we want to support them, help them achieve their dreams and become so much – when in fact even though that sounds great and groovy, we are not willing or understanding that if our partner chooses to grow and be all that, that it will require us as well to step in and do the same if we desire to keep the relationship. If one partner grows and the other does not, then the relationship WILL end.
👉That we want them to heal – I love this one. Over almost two decades I have sat with thousands of couples who proclaim how they desire their partner to heal. How they just want the best life for them, for them to not live in the emotional/psychological and event physical pain/trauma anymore. But when faced with the road it will require to get their partner there, they instead choose to shame, guilt, even abandon and divorce. Proclaiming that they can’t do that. They cannot support that sort of healing and there has to be some other way.
Many years ago,
I had a lovely couple come to me.
I will never forget their consultation…
The man sat there,
so wild eyed and excited about the possibilities that laid before them as a couple.
He spoke of his desire to support his wife to become empowered,
to tap into her feminine energy again as their polarities were out of whack and she was more the man then he,
he excitedly shared how he wanted deep intimacy with her,
how he wanted to have connective sex again,
and have her into it.
He wanted her to have less stress in life and with family and that he wanted the opportunity to support her here as well,
he wanted her to have passion for life,
purpose in something she loved,
and of course he wanted her to be the sexual goddess that he knew was in there.
They signed up for my couple’s coaching and so the process began to “fix” his wife….lol
No such thing as fixing your partner people.
There is only unveiling and that is something only they can do for themselves.
The coaching process is about offering tools and guidance to achieve and support someone in their efforts to rebirth themselves.
Anyway, they became my clients and we started doing the deep awakening work to help them and her get the results that they wanted.
Fast forward 18 months,
I met with the couple and she was now glowing, radiant and happy, laughing and so full of life.
Where once I looked into eyes that were lost, empty and on the cusp of death of soul, with no ability to answer clearly anything or speak her truth,
now sat a woman on fire for life.
I looked at him,
He was still bubbly and happy in appearance.
He was still supporting her,
but he too was different.
He had, had an awakening of his own.
and was still in his desire to assist his beloved to heal and grow,
to come out of her shell, ‘to see her own worth and radiate the beauty that she had,
that he had to take on the mission to become the man that could hold that space for her.
Meaning he had to rebirth himself as well.
He had to face his inner demons head on,
and get real with the fact that he was not good often with what it was being required of him and them to get her to where she was going.
I watched this couple struggle for three years with this birthing process.
They came close a few times to divorce and throwing the towel in.
He weeped to me in session repeatedly about how he just could not support what she was doing.
He swore that it was not okay.
That if she loved him, that she would stop doing these things to him.
And yet, he saw her more radiant than ever before.
He saw her thriving.
But her thriving, (well what it took to get her there) went against almost EVERY cellular belief structure that this man had about life, relationship, marriage, men, women, love,and healing.
Now this couple is a success story,
he stuck it out.
She stuck it out.
They pushed through and each expanded, grew as individuals and challenged themselves to reprogram the beliefs that were holding them back in so many areas.
And today when I check up on them a decade or so later they are deeply in love, happy, connected and have gotten there because they chose LOVE.
They chose each other and they chose to not get stuck in the quicksand of old habits, fears and societal beliefs.
That being said,
This is not the case for most relationships proclaiming that they would do anything for love.
Most relationships are like the Meatloaf song.
They will do anything for love, but they won’t do THAT.
THAT thing that the song speaks of is different for all,
yet the same.
THAT is fear.
THAT is ego.
THAT is getting out of the box of comfort.
THAT is letting go of the concept that controlling our beloveds actions through our fear and not opening up to the possibilities of “What if, or maybe…”
Yes most relationships,
won’t do THAT.
Instead they will finger point,
blame and guilt, shame and play victim.
They will turn things around and say,
“But if YOU loved me then you would not need to do/be/act that way.”
They refuse to let go of past,
they refuse to compromise,
they refuse to just love their partner and trust in them,
and in God/Universe.
Most relationships opt for supporting old patterns of sabotage and trauma.
Supporting their triggers around abandonment,
around need instead of love.
And they try to force their beloveds hand, heart and life back into that comfortable little box that feels so good.
The logical mind in these moments support with tons of evidence as to why you want to keep that box,
it tells us why the growth,
The change is so dangerous.
And so the mission of saving self,
saving themselves from a feeling of discomfort,
turns into war with partner,
guilting and often separation.
My question to you today sweet reader,
is if you would do anything for love,
and you fear that by doing THAT thing that causes your heart to feel like it may stop beating if you do,
but your beloved is asking it of you so they can become full again, healed, and who they really are, so they can find their truth,
if THAT thing in your mind is going to kill the relationship,
but you saying “NO I won’t do that for love” will certainly kill the relationship, or you would rather opt for the death of relationship then doing THAT thing…
Then why not,
I mean let’s just go out on a limb here today….
Why not at least DO THAT THING and see where it takes you?
Worst case scenario is that you land where you were willing to go anyway.
Call me crazy,
but if you truly love and not need the person and the relationship,
then you have nothing to lose and everything to gain in exploring this life a bit and expanding yourself and your relationship through the support of your beloved.
What would you do for love?
stop Existing & Start living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
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