Birth Control, Turn On, Surrender and The Truth on Female Sex

He asked if I would get on birth control for him.

We were really clicking.
The conversations,
the touch,
his kiss.
OMFG! it was hot and I wanted him so badly.
I wanted to move forward and I wanted to explore the sex.
But I did not want any more children.
I had five children already and I was not interested in having any more at this point,
especially not risking it this early in the game of a new relationship.
Plus, even though something inside of me truly trusted that this man was clean,
I knew that you just never know,
and disease is a serious thing.

Weeks went by and the desire for each other grew as the days passed. Finally I decided that I trusted him enough to go bare with him in sex and that I “should” just make sure that no babies came from this,
so I went and got myself on the pill.

I had not been on birth control for the last 5 plus years, my system was clear of anything of the sort and I was feeling good. I felt emotionally stable after having one of the lowest points in my life in a deep dive into depression prior to getting off of birth control. My body was strong and I felt great in my skin. My health was awesome.

What could go wrong?

I wanted this man.
I wanted this sex,
this expereince.
The intimacy of bare sex.

And so why not make sure to guard us against the one thing that I knew we did not want.

A child.

I got on the pill.
Everything seemed normal enough for a few months.
No big red flags waving.
My moods were normal, nothing too rocky.
No weight gain or fatigue.

But then I crossed over the 90 day mark.
Then I felt weepy.
Sad.
Depression was setting in again.
Weight started to slowly come on,
just a few poundss but I noticed it.
And my desire for sex,
the reason I had decided to start taking birth control again anyway,
yeah the desire for it was dwindling.
I was feeling each day more lost in who I was.
I felt the mask I had worked so hard at letting go of,
being picked back up again.
Now instead of laughing authentically and enjoying my life,
I found myself working ever so hard just to maintain composture and not get mad or cry for no reason.

My emotions were out of control.
I felt like I had time lapsed back a decade and I could not figure out what was happening or why.
Never did I think it was the birth control.

Months went by.
My sex dried up.
I was no longer the woman that he met,
and I also found myself to not be attracted to him any longer.
It was like we were completely different people,
and I for one was for sure.

The once beautiful possibility of a lovely relationship came to an end and I found myself bouncing around with a few other quick flings,
searching for the woman that I had lost somewhere along the line and wondereing why I was attracting these men that I really did not care for but seemed drawn too.

And then,
then I stoped taking the birth control.
I committed to my health and well being and I decided that if I were involved with someone sexually that I could just use a condom and not rely on this hormone imbalancer.
Not long there after I went in for my pap-smear and was told of cells on my cervix that were irregular.
The doctor let me know her concern of what this could mean.
I did some deep detoxing and investigating on what I could do to naturally irradicate these irregular cells.
I discovered that there was ton’s of studies done on birth control and the links to different types of cancer and cell mutation.

In my research I found out that it took up to 2-years to clear your system of birth control. To my plesent surprise I I was blessed with a clean bill of health again after crossing over the two year mark from taking the pill.
PLUS, guess who was back in her own flesh.
Emotionally stable again.
Focused.
Healthy weight.
And turned on,
plus able to have good orgasms again.
Yes! I was back.

And for the first time in my adult years I had fully digested the connection between how delicate my hormones were and how easily they could be set off,
causing massive issues from depression and lack of desire, to actual cancer.

PLUS, I discovered the science showing how birth control can and does change who we are attacked too. Explaining why so often we find ourselves with someone that we typically would not be attracted too without the extra hormones in our system.

And my question came,
“Why would a man who loves a woman ever desire to put her into this situation just so he did not have to wear a condom?”

“Why woudl a woman take this sort of risk with her health?”

“Why would we willingly put something in our bodies that could change who we are attacted too and expect it not to make that big of a difference in our relationship success?”

and finally….

“Why is this never spoken of? Not made public knowledge when the facts are out there and not that hard to discover?”

The answer is simple,
We just don’t know.
We have not been informed.
And we have been focused on population not on health.
An educated person will gaurd against having unwanted children and at the same time will want what is best for their own health and well being as well as their partners, as well as wanting to be attracted to people that are a match for them verses the opposite.

But the education is not there.
And the desiree to inquire,
to seek out the truth is spoken of often but hardly ever followed.

Today I ask you to STOP the insanity of living blind in your sex and relationships and to actually inquire, witness and do your work or learning yourself, and knowing what is good for you as well as those you merge with.

This is maturity.

As Always Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers’

Message me for deets on 1:1 coaching and education today.

 

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TO BE SOFT… What Does It Mean To Your Happiness?

TO BE SOFT IS TO BE POWERFUL. – Rupi Kaur
 
Last year I went out with my second oldest child, my daughter Rebekah to get tattoo’s. She had this beautiful quote that she was getting putting on the inside of her arm that her boyfriend had ended a love letter with. It was such lovely, powerful words of encouragement and I could easily understand why she desired to keep them for her lifetime.
 
I love ink. And getting inked is a THING.
If you are into ink, you get it.
If not, oh well, I am sorry.
 
SO I decided that I would get a tattoo as well, but I always want my tattoo’s to have meaning of some sort and I had not given much thought to this moment. There we were driving to the artist discussing what I should do. When Bek says mom,
“To be soft is to be powerful. – This is so you mom.”
 
I was bewildered, I do admit.
I felt like I sucked at being soft.
I felt like soft was scary.
I felt like soft was bad somehow, that I should be ashamed of it even.
I questioned what she meant by this.
And she explained,
“Mom you are always there for us. You always let us see you and you are always working on yourself. You make mistakes and you allow for our mistakes. You are the strongest person.”
 
What she was expressing to me was that I ALLOWED MYSELF TO FEEL LIFE.
 
The good.
The bad.
The painful.
The joy and orgasm.
The sweetness.
The bitterness.
The meh.
The void.
The fear.
The fullness.
 
I feel it all.
And I KNOW the BEAUTY of it, because I allow myself to experience it all.
 
And so, she was correct in her statement and much like her that day, I needed to keep with me the reminder of my power in my FEELS.
 
Through the course of this lifetime,
I have wanted so badly to run and hide from what I was feeling.
I have wanted to mask it,
cover it up and not allow it to be seen by self or others.
And when I did allow it to be seen or felt,
I was shamed of my humanness around my fears, my joy, my pain and void.
Something always seemed amiss in my feeling,
it was this voice in my head,
telling me that I should not be feeling this way.
It was this same voice telling me I was weak, pathetic and hopeless.
That it was this sort of crap that kept me disconnected from people.
That I was too much to handle.
I was broken.
 
 
And so I worked ever so hard to toughen up.
I focused on breathing in my emotions and “building a strong house” to hold them in.
In the belief that by not revealing them,
by holding them,
that I was being emotionally mature.
 
LMAO!!!!!
 
Looking back at this I feel silly.
Sweet in my desire to be mature with my emotions,
strong for the people in my life,
true.
But so wrong in truth,
this way of being,
of living was not LIVING.
It was hiding from life.
It was avoidance of who I was,
it was a shrinking of my heart center,
a closing to the one’s that I love.
It was a hardening or callousing of my ability to connect,
to be seen and to see another.
In this stifling of feeling,
I lost my ability to have intimacy with life, with others and with self.
I SHRUNK as a human.
 
And in this I lost.
I was the BIGGEST looser.
Because all I wanted was the intimacy,
the love,
the connection.
To be received and to hold space for another.
And what I gifted myself with in my “strength of holding my emotions so tight” was to shield LIFE.
 
The end result outside of loss of intimacy and ability to relate, connect and love, let alone be authentically compassionate or forgive self or others,
also led me to a shut down in my allowance to self to open and receive abundance.
 
My lesson in feeling,
was that in order to have my desires manifest in any fashion,
I needed to allow myself to “SOFTEN INTO THE FLOW OF FEELING LIFE.”
 
That my power came from this space,
You see in order for you to be able to KNOW YOUR PATH,
to FEEL what is right and good for YOU,
in order for you to be able to TRUST your judgement on any decision,
You must FEEL Your emotions, your physical reactions, your truth about it.
 
This means that if you are calloused to FEELING LIFE,
you will consistently make wrong choices for YOUR LIFE.
 
And this is not what living is about.
This is just existing.
 
And that is the WHY that you have been questioning.
WHY AM I NOT HAPPY?
Why does nothing make me happy?
 
Simple….
You are not FEELING LIFE.
 
Want to change this?
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 Coaching Today and level up your life experience to one of FEELING.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/micro-consult/

So You Think You Know Me….

SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME….
 
I mean we have been dating for sometime now after all.
And you are such a sweet person.
I love how you make me feel.
I love the looks you give at different times.
I love listening to your stories.
I just love the way that you are.
You make me smile.
You make my heart race and jump for joy when I see you.
I just love you for just how you are.
 
 
Mmmmmm……
Hmmmmm…….
 
And so because you feel all this you have now proclaimed that YOU KNOW ME?
 
 
I saw you sitting there,
looking oh so nice.
This conversation we are having has me feeling really good.
I have this desire rising up to kiss you.
I know that I want more.
You seem really great.
Good looking,
clean,
intelligent.
My gut tells me that I can trust you.
I mean you say that you don’t ever do this sort of thing.
You say that you are safe and clean.
You say that you have not been with anyone for so long.
I feel that I can trust you.
 
Mmmmmm……
Hmmmmm……
 
And so because you feel all this you have now proclaimed that YOU KNOW ME?
 
So we have been chatting for some time,
I have been sharing pieces of myself with you and you with I.
I feel so close to you.
I feel like I know your SOUL.
It’s beautiful and yummy to feel this side of you.
I have seen you go through some things.
I have seen tears wash down your cheeks.
And heard your laughter rise from your chest.
Everything you do,
makes me yearn to know you more.
But I feel like I really know you NOW.
 
Mmmmmm……
Hmmmmm…..
 
We have been together for all these years,
raised a family,
moved a few states,
been through ups and downs.
I have felt you at your best and worst.
I know what pains you and what brings you joy.
I see you daily and rest my head next yours.
We have our goals.
We have our commitment.
And we communicate,
or so I feel.
And so I KNOW YOU like no one else could.
 
Mmmmmmm…….
Hmmmmmm……
 
And so because you feel all this you have now proclaimed that YOU KNOW ME?
 
LOL…
Such a laughable idea is all of this.
I tell you that YOU HAVE NOT THE KNOWING you believe.
Not in any such way of any of these relationships.
 
For no matter what I share,
or who you witness me to be.
No matter the time spent together or not,
YOU DO NOT KNOW ME.
 
You know the version of me that you want to know.
You know the image of me that feels safe to you.
But you do not KNOW ME.
 
You see that thing you feel is knowing,
that thing is actually your ideas about me.
That version of me that you see,
it is part me of yesterday,
part me of today,
and part me that you wish me to be.
It is NOT ME.
 
And if you think that you know me,
after such a short time,
if you think that you get me when you have no idea whats inside,
if you think that you understand me,
that you want to be with me or enjoy me,
then know that whatever you perceive of me is not mine.
Because honey,
YOU DO NOT KNOW ME.
 
You cannot know if someone is true,
if they are trustworthy,
if they are who they say they are,
or you desire them to be,
from just one meeting.
 
The same is true my dear after three or ten dates.
No matter how much sexing, kissing and holding,
if you have not seen me at my worst,
been in the trenches of my pain.
rolled in the grasses of life in my joy,
or caught in my rain.
If you have not fought till 3 am,
or held me in fear of loosing me,
then you cannot know me.
 
If you believe that knowing me is what you perceive,
if you believe that our relationship is deeper than you can imagine,
but you have no clue what my greatest fear is or my grandest joy,
then you cannot know me.
You may FEEL LIKE YOU DO,
but honey it’s not true.
 
This relationship is sweet,
it is short of depth or truth,
if you choose to believe me,
those pictures I paint,
those tales that I tell,
then honey you are silly,
you are hungry for my love,
my attention and your perception,
but YOU DO NOT KNOW ME.
 
 
This poem is for all those out there that believe that they can trust someone after a first date, or commit to a life with someone after 2, 3 or 6 months.
This poem is for all those who feel like they want to rush into relationship,
rush into commitment,
rush into bare sex,
rush into love.
 
I promise you this, that feeling that you are having is nothing more than a honeymoon feeling, new relationship energy.
And it will fade and your perceptions will change,
your hungers as well.
For in 6, 12, 18 months you will see something more.
And when year three comes to pass, you will START to meet your mate.
The truth will come about and you may discover the stranger that resides by you at night.
 
Hire Slow.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
To learn more valuable relationship success concepts and truths and how to call in that SOULMATE, reach out to me for deet’s on 1:1 coaching today.
 
 
 
 
 

Do You Feel Worthy Of Your Dreams?

NO ONE GETS TO DECIDE IF YOU ARE WORTHY! YOU JUST ARE ALREADY.

Worthiness.
Your worthiness.
Yes that thing that you may think you are lacking in or don’t even have any of.

But the reality love is that you were born with a massive amount of it.
So much so that it’s not in question,
not even a smidgen in question.
Not by God love.

ONLY BY YOU.

And that is what is holding you back.
It’s your lack of belief in your worthiness.
You for some reason think that your worthiness is up for debate,
that you have to earn it somehow.
That if you run around like a chicken with its head cut off that you will get more of it.
That if you live for everyone else,
and put yourself behind them all that THEN ,
then you will be a step closer to earning a little worthiness.
But even then,
even after you have buried yourself in commitments and exhausted yourself in the keeping of everyone else’s expectations and idea’s of you and for them,
YOU STILL FEEL without it.

I get it love.
I truly do.
It’s a daily battle you could say,
to wake the f-ck up and KNOW YOU ARE WORTHY without question.

But if you want all that you want.
If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired.
If you are READY to BE READY.
Then it time that you accept that you were born WORTHY AF!!!

Don’t you get it love?
God moves through you and I.
God creates with your hands.
Unfolds the evolution of this planet and its people through you and I.

This world moves forward because of what we manifest into existence.
And we can only create what we do with the guidance of SOUL.
And soul is the voice of God in us.

Together we create all that is and all that ever will be.
But is a joint work.
And because of this very factor and the nature of you and I being co-creators with God,
makes us worthy of all of our desires.

The desires that you want to manifest into existence were put there by the creator.
It is your hands,
your attention,
your focus,
your voice and eye’s,
that make it happen though.

It is through you that God has concentrated focus.
It is by your viewing of the world,
your world,
and you feeling of life,
and how it unfolds,
that desire is birthed.
And opportunity is seen.
As you move through this existence,
and you feel the ebbs and flows of all that can be created,
you gain a hunger for something beautiful to unfold.
You crave more.
You smile and you cry.
You get frustrated and you excited.
These are the emotions of creation,
because they birth desire.
And in the desire becoming aware in YOU,
God see’s it,
and evolution happens.

YOU WILL NEVER BE CONTENT.
You will never reach a point in your life where you desire for no more.
You will always want to create MORE.
This is the desire of God,
to CREATE.

The greatest artist.
Working with you,
through you,
to paint a breath taking picture,
called….

YOUR LIFE.

And because you are breathing love.
You need not ever question your worthiness.

Because you are hungry,
you need not ever question your potential.

Because you are feeling pushed and pulled,
you need not ever question your footing.

God is there love.
You just need to surrender to the path that is before you.
It is yours.

And in your stepping forward,
God will paint the path.

God does not make unworthy things.
And God does not work hand in hand or through unworthy things.

God is working through you,
FOR YOU.

So stop questioning so much.
Allow your blessings to flow.

BREATHE.
FEEL.
FOCUS.
STEP.

And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living – YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Want some extra support in co-creating your masterpiece?
That where God moves through me,
helping people like you who get that they are worthy AF and want to be conscious co-creators with God in the painting of a beautiful life but are still uncertain as to how to fully tap in and surrender that that they feel at their core.

Yes here is where I assist YOU.
Want to connect and say YES to YOU?
Let’s go! – You are worthy.
Message me for deet’s.

WHAT YOU WANT YOU CAN’T GIVE 100% OF THE TIME.

You know what you are looking for in your life?
You know what you are wanting in your relationships?
 
It’s the very thing that is so hard to give.
We all have trouble offering it 100% of the time.
And in truth we simply will never be it 100%.
 
We can’t be it all the time,
because we are works in progress,
always getting to know ourselves a tad bit deeper.
And it is a scary ground to walk on.
But geeze do our souls desire it so.
 
What could I be speaking of beautiful?
 
Well its not more sex.
It’s not even love.
It’s not a pat on the back.
Or more money.
 
No.
 
The thing that we often desire is a little thing that you can not hold in your hands,
you can feel with your skin,
you cannot guarantee ever.
But you want it.
You want it, this I am sure.
 
That thing I speak of beautiful is:
 
TRUTH.
INTEGRITY.
HONESTY.
AUTHENTICITY.
 
So often I hear people say,
” I am an honest person.”
 
” All I want is to know the truth.”
” I hate drama and manipulation.”
” I am a person of their word.”
” I am just being me.”
 
Mmmm- Hmmmmm….
 
Is that so?
Is that true?
 
Perhaps it may feel that way to you.
And perhaps you may actually believe that you are.
And in many moments you most likely are.
But today I offer up the pondering of the possibility that maybe, just maybe you are not as authentically honest and truthful as you believe you are.
 
Perhaps you are human,
just like the rest of us out here.
Perhaps you are on a journey to discover who you are and even though you think you know,
you still find yourself waking up to new aspects of who you actually are each time the shiz hits the fan and you are triggered.
 
Every time someone asks something of you and you make an excuse.
Every time, someone shares something with you in confidence and you share it just once with this good friend over here.
Every time you get triggered and your words escape your mouth before you have thought them through.
Every time you blame and point that finger.
Every time you weep in feeling you are alone and story tell to yourself the lies that support.
Every time someone does not react the way that you desire and so you say something to make them change their mind…
 
Yes every time.
 
Every time you tell your lover something that is not true.
Every time you look down from yourself in the mirror.
Every time you shut down your heart from feeling what you said.
Every time YOU ARE ASKED TO STEP UP and speak your truth.
 
Oh, beautiful every time.
 
These are all moments when we choose to step back from that which we desire so deeply to have.
 
And by stepping back from our own truth,
we lean just a tad into that vibe of illusion.
And we lie to ourselves.
We lie to others as well.
It often feel’s so small,
it should not matter.
But each time we step away from our truth,
we close off AUTHENTIC COMMUNICATION.
 
We shut ourselves down to love.
Because often beautiful,
in moment like these,
love is there.
Just on the other side of our illusions,
where we choose to lift our head,
say no to the ego of trying to get out of something or to manipulate.
 
Yes on the other side we find love.
We find freedom.
We find confidence.
And we regain trust.
 
You will never be a trustworthy person if you cannot stand in your own integrity,
even when you have fallen,
to stand in integrity is to give yourself grace enough to say,
“I was wrong.”
 
Where have you stepped away from that which you desire so much?
 
And how can you step back into authentic relating with those you love and care for?
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Let’s get you to your desired F-ck YES! NOW.
Applications for 1:1 available for a limited time. Message me for application.

Your Waiting Around Energy Is Killing Your Dreams

Someday?
 
This morning I am going to tell you a little tale about a beautiful soul that said someday.
 
Every morning at waking,
stretching their arms open wide and yawning they would smile to themselves about the day ahead,
about their hopes and aspirations.
They would lay there thinking about everything they wanted for and believed that they could have but found themselves waiting on because of this reason or that.
 
Everyday they moved purposefully as possible,
they spoke the right lingo,
they read and listened to all the greats sharing with them the things to do to have what they wanted.
 
Everyday, they believed that it was coming.
This life that they were building.
 
Everyday they said,
“Someday, I will have that.”
 
 
And with each someday,
their dreams and goals just seeped through their fingers.
 
For you see,
with each “someday I will have that.”
with each “someday I will have the time.”
with each ” I am waiting for this or that.”
with each moment that they resisted their calling,
not realizing what they were doing,
they pushed all that wanted them as much as they wanted it away.
 
And soon,
someday turned into forever gone.
 
This way of believing that you may find yourself trapped in.
This way of thinking that if you work hard enough,
or wait long enough,
or push through this hurdle or that one,
and THEN….
 
then your magical life will happen.
 
Then all that you have been waiting on will just appear.
 
But first,
first you must get through this or that.
first you must learn this or that,
first you must prove yourself to be worthy.
 
It’s all utter bullsh*t BABY!
 
There is no waiting for your dream life.
There is no waiting for that THING…
that THING that is wanting you as much as you want it.
 
All there is is living as though it already is.
 
Don’t you get it?
 
Someday never happens.
Your life is playing out RIGHT NOW.
 
And in your belief of someday,
you hold your desires at bay.
You say no to calling them.
You remain in the belief that they are not with you now.
And THIS BELIEF is saying that you do not have.
 
There fore,
YOU DO NOT HAVE.
 
and all those objections, reasons, excuses, habits, fears and blind spots that are you holding you back from your desired life,
they are your forever company.
 
NOT YOUR DREAMS.
 
Saying someday,
pushes your dreams away,
and says clearly that you are not ready.
Not ready to RECEIVE.
 
So the question is not,
“When will I live this life?”
 
The question is,
“How can I start to feel this life today?”
 
Let go of your WAITING energy baby.
Let go of your belief that you are not ready.
Let go of the concept that it takes a certain period of time.
Let go of your need to believe that you have something to prove to earn it.
 
You can have it today.
I tell you that you can have your dream life.
It is wanting you to just open up to it and let it come to you.
 
But for you to do this,
you MUST ALLOW.
 
And allowing is one of the most challenging things.
Is it not?
 
It is scary to just allow things to flow to you.
It is terrifying to go what feels like blindly step by step on your path.
It is anxiety causing to say YES to that nudge in your gut or or that pull from your SOUL and not have any evidence that it will work out.
It is freaky as shiz to trust in the universe/God.
And just LET GO and ALLOW.
 
 
I know.
I feel you beautiful.
 
However this SOMEDAY shiz that you are sporting around is not getting you anywhere,
and perhaps…
perhaps, just maybe,
your SOUL knows a tad bit more than what your logical 2D – 3D mind can wrap its head around.
 
It’s a quantum thing baby.
And the quantum thing is about letting go and trusting the energy to carry you to your dream life.
 
So LET THE F-CK GO OF YOUR WAITING ENERGY!
 
You can be unstoppable and powerful beautiful.
You can open those wings and fly now.
 
Ready?
GO.
 
As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
I know that you may be scared.
I have been in those shoes before all too many time.
But that fear is not going to stop you.
You are powerful.
Introducing 12- weeks of “Unstoppable Power – It’s My Time To Fly!”
This is a once in a life time to work with me 1:1 from anywhere in the world.
If you are a man or a woman who is looking for a powerful game-changing opportunity to claim the life that you desire in FAITH and learn how you can access your dreams quickly by releasing old programs based in fear and shame around your worthiness, joy and abundance then this 12-weeks is for you.
Stop letting everything be an excuse!
You deserve better than those reasons you have to stay trapped in your comfort bubble of suffering.
Let’s level up your life over summer.
Message me for deet’s or leave a comment here.

Stop Gripping Your THING.

What are you holding on for?
Why won’t you just simply let go and let it flow?
It really is not that difficult.
But NO….

No, there you are fighting it.
There you are hanging on because you cannot let go.
You say that you are in flow,
you say that you got this alignment thing down.
You say that you are feeling good about it.

Blissed out!
Right?

WRONG!!!

Don’t be trying to fool the world,
cuz’ the world sees you.
You know how you are seen?
Through the eye’s that you see yourself with,
this is how the world sees you too.
It’s in your walk,
it’s in your talk,
your body language,
how you sit,
how you shake hands,
the faces you make,
the tone of voice you have.

You think no one can see that constriction?
LOL

Okay.

Whatever.

Let’s be real,
let’s have some respect for each other and self here,
and just state the facts.

You are scared that if you let go,
and let life catch you,
that you just trust that God has your back,
that you will fall.
That you will fail.
That you will die somehow.

You feel the pain,
the suffering right now,
from this fear.

Don’t you?

I mean look here it is the day after Thanksgiving,
it’s the coming of the end of the year.
The holiday’s are upon you,
the demands are many,
the fininances required to make it through the next 30, 45, or 60 days is massive.
You have choices.
You can go into debt some more,
you can just say,
“No, I am broke, I can’t.”
You can ignore the whole damn thing and drink,
or you can figure out a way to make sh*t happen.

And you want to make sh*t happen.
You want to have a killer holiday season.
You don’t want it to be last year,
or the last ten years.
You want it be fantastic.

You want to wake up on Christmas morning to the faces of your loved one’s and feel good,
you want to experience the love,
the joy,
the excitement.

You want to feel proud.

Don’t you?

But what will it take?
What will it cost you?

Money?
Time?
Energy?

Yeah, all of that is true.
The real cost though is not these things.
The real cost is something far greater.
The cost is why you are not doing it yet.
Why you feel that tugging in your gut,
that constriction in your chest,
that anxiety,
the reason why you are not sleeping so well,
the reason why you are drinking more,
the reason you are distant,

YES.
That is the reason.
That is the THING.

And you know the THING.
The THING that is bringing you the suffering.
That premature suffering for things that have not manifested yet.

Yeppers, that is it.

So why are you giving yourself,
your life to this THING?

Oh you say you have too.
You say that if you let go of that THING that you would perish for sure,
you say that focusing in on this THING is what is going to guarantee you not to experience it?

Mmmmmmmm- Hmmmmmmmmm….

Okay.
Whatever you say.

And with that we have the truth.
It is whatever you say,
REPEATEDLY…
In your own f-cking head.
Yes, that is what shall be.

And what are you saying?
Oh, you are worried about that THING are you.
That beast that you have yet to come up against.
That event that will take you out,
destroy you,
well NEWS FLASH!!!!!!!

It already has destroyed you.

Look at you.
You are stressed out to the max,
and all over that THING that has not happened,
and guess what most likely an 80% + chance that it won’t ever happen either.

But it has already knocked you down.
Because you are sitting around agonizing over IT.

Yes.
So STOP that Mother F-cking Sh*t,
and LET GO.

Instead,
go DO-BE-HAVE the life that you know you crave.
It is all up to you.
It is all up to where you choose to apply your focus.

You want the glass to be half empty,
then so be it.
And you know what that will get you…
the same thing you have been suffering through already.

Or….
You can opt to look at all that you have,
all the blessings,
all the joys,
all the love,
all the abundance.

It is all over you.
If you will just open up to it.
So change that stinking thinking,
and EMBRACE your TRUTH.

The CHOICE is up to you,
It always has been.

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebookfor my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.

The Goddesses Dragon – My Tale of Surrender to the Masculine

He wants my surrender.
I can feel it at my greatest depths.

He wants me fully.
Open and inviting to his everything.
He wants my surrender,
and he is willing to work for it.
He is willing to take the journey into the depths of my being,
where he will uncover my hidden treasures,
which I fear may seem like dragons,
yet he assures me in his holding,
that he does not want to slay my dragons,
he only want to bask in their beauty,
he wants to sit with them in moments of stillness,
and he wants to just take them in.

He wants to see their beauty,
that beauty that only a deep understanding of love can handle,
that beauty that is so revealing of the soul.
Most are not strong enough within themselves to face this beauty,
this light,
this power,
the dragon.

Most fear being devoured by it.
What they begin in the courting process admiring from a afar,
they end with wanting to own and control.
Because it scares them.
It is wild,
it is fierce,
it is powerful beyond measure,
and desires to conquer the hearts of its admirers.

Few are able to hold themselves,
within the presence of this beast.

But, every now and then,
a gentleman comes about,
makes himself known,
and smiles in the presence of the magic he has found in caverns of the goddess.

And this gentleman,
this gentleman,
ignites the goddesses soul.
Sets it on fire.

And she desires to dance for him.
She desires to open herself for him,
and let him in.

Yet she is scared beyond measure,
her past tells of beautiful love saga’s,
intense love and loss.
She is fearful to become vulnerable with this man.
Because of the pain,
the pain that her heart will endure.
Yet she desires it all.
The love and depth,
are worth the pain.
Are worth the standing before her own dragon,
and smiling within its flames.

She know’s that this man,
is rare, and unique.
That he is one who can hold her fire.
At least for a time.
And she wants to surrender.
She craves the intimacy.
She craves the revealing.
She craves the integrity.
And the opening.

Physically.
Mentally.
Emotionally.

She leans in.
And she drops into his arms,
resting in his strength.
Resting in his admiration.
She let’s her emotions be seen.
She laughs,
she cries,
and she opens a bit more.

This cavern is deep.
And she realizes,
that her dragon is not to be feared.

She now understands what this gentleman has known,
the fire of her dragon will not harm when lifted in love,
it will only light the way to more caverns for them to explore.

Explore together.
The depths of their souls.

And so she looks at the gentleman,
with tears streaming from her eye’s,
and she say’s yes to the opening.

They lay together, enwrapped in the moment,
and they smile.

Blessed be to all of you who read this and venture into the depths of the goddesses caverns with hearts on fire,
and souls ignited.

Be wise in your journey and know that the dragon is there to protect the goddess from those that are unworthy,
and there to guild those who are,
into her surrender.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebook for my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.

Trust, Faith and Soul Alignment

Tears are on the cusp of escaping my eye’s today.
I feel this heaviness on my chest,
my heart feels constricted and tight, like it is being held in a metal clasp with daggers penetrating it.

I want to cry.
I want to be washed clean of this pain.
My mind keeps running through all the memories,
all the experiences. Those seemingly precious moments where intimacies were shared. Where I felt like I was being held in a new place of truth and love.

Those moments where I found myself exploring adventures and concepts that I never would have thought up on my own.
I find myself in gratitude and disgust.
I find myself in fear and disbelief.

How is it possible that two people can come together,
experience such beauty, and at the end of the cycle wish to destroy?

How can love and friendship turn to hatred and rage?

How can you one moment proclaim that you love someone more than you have ever loved before and then moments later turn around and speak disgust about them behind their backs.

Telling lies,
creating false realities and condemning,
all the while pretending that you want to be with them?

Why?
Why?
Why?

This is my morning of tears.
This is my morning of reality as I uncover the truth of all that I thought that was,
that NEVER was.

The issue with these events is not the break up.
The issue is not even the lies and pain that they cause.
The issues is not the physical damage that we may take on from it or the new reality that we are thrown into at the awareness that the love was all fake.

No the issue is TRUST.
And the trust breech that we face and fear even more when we come face to face with things is OUR OWN.

How could we not see it?
How could we be so blind?

If we could not pick up on this then how will we protect ourselves from it in the future?

The writing is always on the walls. And if I am horribly honest with myself then even I have to admit that in my case, I KNEW.

I knew the sort of man he was.
I new his need to control.
I knew his closed down heart.
I new his disrespect for emotions.
I knew his hatred toward women.
I knew his insecurities as a man.

But I believed that I could love him through it.
I believed that he just had never been given the opportunity to heal these things before and that I was STRONG enough, OPEN enough and PATIENT enough.

All of these things only made him feel weaker.
All of these things only back fired on me and made him hate me more, destroy me more.

And so the rumors fly.
And so he attempts to crush what he hates in all the ways his ego directs. Standing firm in his right to make a point, be right, to control the situation, he alpha dogs yet again.

remaining true to his character.
True to his past.
True to all that he believes of himself.

And I….
I remain in LOVE.
STRONG.
OPEN.
PATIENT.

And I dig a little deeper into my pain.
And yet deeper into my fear.
And even deeper into my wound.

This wound that keeps being carved open further as the days go by and the lies make themselves known.

At the bottom of it all still remains my TRUST.
Do I allow this moment…
this lost soul…
this realty….

to destroy the beauty of my FAITH in God?
Or…
Do I CHOOSE to allow it to take me further into a DEEPER TRUST?

A fuller FAITH.

It is always our choice what we do with the drama and trauma of our lives.

Many of us choose to allow it to harbor us from the joy and bliss that is on the other side.

Many of us choose to allow it to mask our hearts and souls.
Many of us choose to pretend it never happened even.
Hoping that if we just ignore it will somehow magically go away.

This never works.
It only turns us into what we are fearful of.
It turns us into those that create this sort of shit.

Life is about owning your own crap but KNOWING what is ours and what is not.

Every event in our life is an OPPORTUNITY to get closer to God or to turn away from God.

It is in our CHOOSING that we decide our futures.
It is our CHOOSING that we manifest our curses or our blessings.

Choose TRUST.
Choose LOVE.
Choose STRENGTH.
Choose PATIENCE.
Choose GOD.

This is SOUL ALIGNMENT.
This is where you decide what you want to call into the next chapter of your life.

Falling into the arms of HATRED, ANGER, EGO and CONTROL will always only lead you one place….

The DARKNESS.
A land of self made misery.
One’s own inner hell where no one can help you escape but yourself.

Ask yourself this:
“Am I happy with whom I am TODAY?”

Now look into your eye’s in the mirror and ask:
” Is this true?”

Wait for the response from your soul.
That soul that is quiet and meek, but strong and truthful.

Here is your path.

Stop Existing & Start Living

Here Comes the KNOWING

Have you ever had one of the moments where you feel like you just KNOW what is going to happen before it does?

One of those moments where you could swear you were psychic even?

Where for whatever reason, God blessed you with a KNOWING?

I get these often in life.
Always have.
The more alignment I get with my soul,
the more they happen too.
I should be grateful for them,
and often I am.

However the pain that comes from some of them is never much fun.

In some crazy way, it does allow for me to prepare for storms.
The thing that many of my “psychic” moments predict is a loss of integrity in relationships.

It is as though those that are the closest to me, also believe that they will not be seen for their truth. And perhaps they would not if there were not these messages being received.

I am amazed in moment’s like this, of how accurate and quick formulating some things are.

It never fails, I always think I am having some crazy ass thought, that makes no sense. I question myself as to where the heck such an image or thought would come from, and then BAM just hours or a few days later these events come to pass. And i am given confirmation.

This KNOWING.
It is soul alignment.
It is a message from soul, alerting us to become more of a witness.
To pay closer attention to what is happening in our midst, and to TRUST.
Trust out intuition.
Trust our gut reactions.
And lean in.

These messages are here to help us prepare.
Help guide us.
So that we are not always operating from a place reaction,
but can become more proactive and on purpose in our dealings.

Now, I get these messages, these soul observations on “good” and “bad”events.

They come through in feelings,
They come through in visions,
They come through in dreams,
They come through in written words,
or even what you could say are signs.

I believe that God is always speaking to us.
His guidance is always with us.

We close ourselves to these messages because they make zero to no sense to our logical mind,
We cannot understand how they are possible so we disregard them,
then act in shock when things come to pass.

These KNOWING moments.
They are a blessings.
Even when they hurt.

It is said that all the great visionaries, leaders and game changers of time learned to trust these events.

SO why don’t we?

Why do we hide from our inner knowing?
Allowing our ego’s to mask what our soul knows.

Here is yet, one more thing.
One more opening,
for evolution.
For personal growth.
For FAITH.

God has our back and speaks to us daily.
The only question to ever ask is,
“Am I open to hear what God has to share?”

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living