Some wounds never heal for a woman.
I have learned through the course of my 44 years on this planet thus far and who know how many lifetimes before ( if that’s even a thing) that some wounds live with us and carry forward no matter how we try to mask, hide, forget or “heal” them.
They are markings on our vessel that serve a purpose that we are to never fully turn away from.
And as a woman, I feel that the feminine perhaps emotionalizes and carries them even deeper than the masculine can ever comprehend.
Around the topics of love, sex and children,
we discover the potential for some of the most significant wounds.
And I believe that because a woman feels life move through herself in all of these areas that when a wound occurs here that it impacts deeper and on all fronts of her experience.
Think about it….
Sex happens inside a woman’s body.
When you have sex with a woman,
you are INSIDE her body.
You are actually inside another human being in these moments,
and inorder for her to enjoy the moment then she must not be in her mind,
but be able to surrender emotionally, mentally and physically to the experience.
Sex is an external expereince for a man for the most part.
Sure men have heart in it,
and the best lovers come from this space not just from their genitals,
but still sex is happening outside of the mans physical body, creating a certain level of detachment to the process.
Where for a woman,
it is the opposite. It is happening inside her actual body. She must open her body to her partner and in order for her to not be harmed she must trust that her partner will be present and honor that space of her being as well as her heart.
This is why, rape or anything in its nature is not just a physical act that can be physically healed through. It is far more impactful than that. It is mental/psychological and emotional.
And the repercussions are life long for many in these areas. It is something that will bear with it body memory FOREVER.
If we look at love, here too a woman goes deep. She loves with her whole being and she opens herself from this complete state. She is not just loving, ( when it is pure and real) from a place of mind or body. It is not a place of logic. It is the whole being. And when a woman enters into love from this space she melts into the relationship, she becomes one with her partner and she surrenders her fears, her doubts, her pain and armour. She puts it all down and opens herself to being conquered by her man.
Here she is truly vulnerable and knows that he can do great damage if he turns away or chooses to not stand strong in their love. But she enters love anyway.
This is a space that if wounds occur,
they never fully heal.
They remain with a a scar, a void underneath her shield for her lifetime,
always craving for what was had and then lost.
If a woman becomes a mother,
no matter the time that she is one,
She has forever surrendered to this new state of understanding about self and life.
Many women become mothers but are not with children.
Many women believe that these moments that they carried a child ( may it be weeks, months or years) that in the loss, whether chosen or not, that the impact can be overstepped and forgotten.
But once experienced they have to surrender their deepest heart to the truth that it will forever be carried with them.
The deepest of losses.
Men again have heart here,
feel loss here,
but cannot ever fully understand the impact emotionally, physically or mentally that it can have on a woman,
and the disconnect that occurs at this loss between the woman and her very soul and body.
Again this is because it is internal for the feminine and external for the masculine.
A man is told about what he helped create but he does not breathe each day of creation in the true essence and feeling of shared space with another soul 24/7. He does not experience the hormonal responses, the emotional tolls or the physical labor of the event.
And if that child is lost,
he can never comprehend the impact of the mind/body/heart or soul that it takes on the feminine,
because he is detached to the external experience.
All three of these wounds:
All three of these experiences awaken and shut down the very heart of a woman.
They are life altering.
From a cellular level they forever change who the woman is and how she chooses to walk through life.
They have the potential to make her blossom,
Not one of these life experiences can ever be fully healed or forgotten.
Many women experience all three wounds.
Many women do not pay proper honor to these transformation points but in turn shame, guilt and blame themselves for them.
The self-hatred and disgust that is often lived in for a lifetime to follow,
prevents the feminine from ever fully receiving herself again, and she walks through life fearing and doubting her truth.
It is difficult to get a woman who has experienced these wounds to ever set her armour fully down again and trust.
And if she does choose to do so,
she is quick to grab her sword and shield at the slightest sign of trouble.
She forever will walk on eggshells within herself, knowing how fragile she truly is.
And yet the answer is to trust herself and learn to love herself fully again,
despite the pain that she carries,
knowing our courage and strength as a woman is where we can once again enter into love with self and trust with God.
From this feminine heart to yours,
I feel your pain and fear,
I have walked all these wounded paths before,
and I speak today to you beautiful women of the world from that place of not healed,
but a knowing that in our honor of self that we find our breath,
we discover our life again,
and we live.
Stop Existing & Start Loving
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Ladies it’s time to own your power and learn to love again.
Love self again.
Honor self and live your F-ck Yes Life Now!
Reach out to me for my ladies only coaching opportunities now.
There I was sitting on my bed naked with my morning cup of coffee when he said it….
I know what he was saying was to be a compliment.
I know that what he meant was that I was amazing and that he loved me.
I logically understand.
But that’s not how it translated after it got grabbed up by a wound from my past.
Okay so let me explain about what I am saying here.
You see in my house we have this thing,
and you simply never know where these conversations will go,
nor how they will get stirred up and be birthed either.
It is drastically different each day.
after some decent sexing,
I found my lover and I in bed,
I was naked drinking my morning cup of coffee,
I opened my phone and saw something on all the pedphillia conversations that are currently bouncing around. It struck a chord with me instantly and I shared with him my utter disgust and anger on the concept that pedaphillia should be accepted as a representation of love. I showed him an image that is being put up in Denver, Colorado right now of a rainbow background and silhouette of a man and small child that might be four years at best chasing butterflies, the image says,
” Pedophiles are people too. Because Love is Love.”
My share to him on this topic was that yeah, pedophiles are people too, but having sexual feelings or engagement toward a child, especially a small child is not love and that a child does not have the emotional/mental or physical maturity to understand. These “people” are stealing not just the innocents of our children but actually causing emotional/mental and physical damage to the child.
And that sure AF is not okay and is NOT love.
After that conversation and agreement on the topic, I told him I needed to get to work and write a musing for the day and that my topic was going to be,
“My boyfriend would be perceived a sex addict if he was dating someone else…”
To this he smiled at me and said,
“If you were with you, you would be a sex addict too.”
And this is where it all went dark folks.
In his compliment he unknowingly triggered an old wound.
Now an average and normal woman would have said something coy, kicked the statement out without too much attention, or done whatever she could to change topics if she were triggered,
but not I…..
took a deep breath and allowed myself to feel the trigger.
To feel this wound that just got scratched.
I looked at the wound,
identified that it was not in current and that he had no ill will in his statement.
However, the truth was it triggered me.
And I did not want to spend my day retracted from him or life in general with this trigger and wound playing tennis in my psyche.
So I spoke up.
“That was a triggering statement you just made.”
And then I shared why.
I shared that four years prior when I was in an open relationship,
I found myself in a threesome with my primary two lovers,
who’s intent was to create a yummie experience one day for me where they would both ravish me and we would play and enjoy one another.
However my ex got so excited he did not apply the time or attention needed to my physical body that I needed him to take.
Even though I was highly turned on,
my physical being was not caught up to my mental and emotional turn on for the experience.
And he quickly grabbed a glass dildo with no lube on it and penetrated me with it,
unfortunately it was rough at entry and because I was not organically lubricated yet it tore the delicate skin of my vaginal lining,
leaving me feeling torn and burning for days to come.
He did not take much time going down on me as he was too excited about the whole event and penetrated me quickly after removing the glass dildo.
His hast and excitement level created the scenario of him being a two pump chump in this moment,
and he came so quickly that I barely even knew what had happened.
He then looked at me and said,
“If you were not so hot I could withhold it better.”
Again, I believe that his intent was to compliment,
but what he actually was doing was blaming me,
making me responsible for his inability to last,
to be in control of his body,
his thoughts and feelings,
his sexual energy.
And he tossed his power over to me and made me responsible.
My feeling after hearing this was,
” I need to not be me.”
I felt like if I did not moan that way,
if I was not playful like I am,
If my body did not look like this,
If I was not open the way I am,
Then he would be able to stay with me longer,
last longer and I too could engage in pleasure in these moments.
It was my fault that my partner has premature ejaculation issues.
Fast forward to current moment and my partner telling me that if I was with me, I would be a sex addict too….
This too speaks that I am responsible for my partners thoughts, actions, desires, habits, feelings, etc.
He is not responsible.
He is innocent and cannot help himself.
It’s my fault for being me the way that i am that causes the issues,
So what should I do if I am not okay with an issue?
Well I need to shut my shit down.
I need to not be as turned on.
I need to guard my moans.
I need to go limp.
I need to not engage in sex.
I need to not dress this way or that.
I need to not be as playful.
I need to change myself so that he can handle being around me.
But THIS is not what men want their women to do in truth.
And most men don’t actually believe that it’s the woman’s fault that they have weak stamina or high turn on.
Not fully that is.
They do however blame her to a degree,
just like she takes responsibility.
It’s because of how we were raised.
Girls are told from a young age that we are responsible for how boys look at us.
How they speak to us.
That if we wear yoga pants then we are at fault for a guy thinking things or desiring things.
If a girl or woman gets raped or any sexual harassment then its her fault typically because she was asking for it based on her looks, choice in clothes, attitude, playfulness, how she blinked or smiled, etc.
And guys are told that,
“Boys will be boys and that they cannot help it.”
This all steals one’s individual power from them.
Men become disempowered by escaping responsibility for their own consciousness or lack thereof, their feelings, desires and actions, they get to turn away from and hand the reins of power over to the woman.
Women lose their power by believing this responsibility transfer and shutting themselves down, changing who they are so to not cause issues.
I believe that Namaste Moore puts its so well,
And her statement is true for ALL subjects of our life.
“People who are not conscious about their OWN power will always sound the alarm about other people’s power. People who recognize their own power… understand that no one has power over them and they have power over no one else. Freedom.”
It’s easy to see the truth in this statement when we look at some of the political and world topics of current,
But can you see its truth in our sexing and relationships as well.
Because it’s there too.
In owning that we get triggered,
In speaking up about what is stirring in us as to prevent separation from self and thus another and life,
We reclaim our power.
In pausing on our words and asking ourselves,
“Is this a statement of love or of fear?”
In looking at what our words are actually speaking,
Because often we try to compliment but in truth a transfer of our power to another is happening.
And when these transfers in power happen we create chaos in our relationships,
In communication we thus create contrast that feels uncomfortable because we are not consciously processing and taking responsibility for our own inner shadow lands.
Today look at your relationships.
Look at your sexing.
Look at your expectations and desires.
And ask yourself if you are owning your power or handing it over to someone else?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn how you can claim your power and have a turned on life and relationship?
Reach out to me today for deet’s on couples or individual coaching now.