NO ONE GETS TO DECIDE IF YOU ARE WORTHY! YOU JUST ARE ALREADY.
Yes that thing that you may think you are lacking in or don’t even have any of.
But the reality love is that you were born with a massive amount of it.
So much so that it’s not in question,
not even a smidgen in question.
Not by God love.
ONLY BY YOU.
And that is what is holding you back.
It’s your lack of belief in your worthiness.
You for some reason think that your worthiness is up for debate,
that you have to earn it somehow.
That if you run around like a chicken with its head cut off that you will get more of it.
That if you live for everyone else,
and put yourself behind them all that THEN ,
then you will be a step closer to earning a little worthiness.
But even then,
even after you have buried yourself in commitments and exhausted yourself in the keeping of everyone else’s expectations and idea’s of you and for them,
YOU STILL FEEL without it.
I get it love.
I truly do.
It’s a daily battle you could say,
to wake the f-ck up and KNOW YOU ARE WORTHY without question.
But if you want all that you want.
If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired.
If you are READY to BE READY.
Then it time that you accept that you were born WORTHY AF!!!
Don’t you get it love?
God moves through you and I.
God creates with your hands.
Unfolds the evolution of this planet and its people through you and I.
This world moves forward because of what we manifest into existence.
And we can only create what we do with the guidance of SOUL.
And soul is the voice of God in us.
Together we create all that is and all that ever will be.
But is a joint work.
And because of this very factor and the nature of you and I being co-creators with God,
makes us worthy of all of our desires.
The desires that you want to manifest into existence were put there by the creator.
It is your hands,
your voice and eye’s,
that make it happen though.
It is through you that God has concentrated focus.
It is by your viewing of the world,
and you feeling of life,
and how it unfolds,
that desire is birthed.
And opportunity is seen.
As you move through this existence,
and you feel the ebbs and flows of all that can be created,
you gain a hunger for something beautiful to unfold.
You crave more.
You smile and you cry.
You get frustrated and you excited.
These are the emotions of creation,
because they birth desire.
And in the desire becoming aware in YOU,
God see’s it,
and evolution happens.
YOU WILL NEVER BE CONTENT.
You will never reach a point in your life where you desire for no more.
You will always want to create MORE.
This is the desire of God,
The greatest artist.
Working with you,
to paint a breath taking picture,
And because you are breathing love.
You need not ever question your worthiness.
Because you are hungry,
you need not ever question your potential.
Because you are feeling pushed and pulled,
you need not ever question your footing.
God is there love.
You just need to surrender to the path that is before you.
It is yours.
And in your stepping forward,
God will paint the path.
God does not make unworthy things.
And God does not work hand in hand or through unworthy things.
God is working through you,
So stop questioning so much.
Allow your blessings to flow.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living – YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Want some extra support in co-creating your masterpiece?
That where God moves through me,
helping people like you who get that they are worthy AF and want to be conscious co-creators with God in the painting of a beautiful life but are still uncertain as to how to fully tap in and surrender that that they feel at their core.
Yes here is where I assist YOU.
Want to connect and say YES to YOU?
Let’s go! – You are worthy.
Message me for deet’s.
I got dropped.
Again and again.
Over and over.
In the mental health and spiritual community, we are taught to focus in on the fact that we are responsible for ourselves and also that we are the most important person in our lives.
The notion that we must take care of self first and foremost and that we can not control another person’s feelings.
All very true teachings.
Yet, like much of life… it’s not always clear cut.
Today I sit here wrestling with my ego.
Because although we are the center of our own universe and must take care of ourselves. There are also times as humans where I believe we DO take second fiddle and time where we ARE responsible to a certain level for someone.
In truth, there are times where we lend our trust to another and have an agreement that we won’t get dropped. There is a consent put into place that if someone steps into a certain level of vulnerability, trust, and openness that we will be held.
If you are asking for vulnerability… then you should be able and willing to hold the other person’s vulnerability.
If you are asking for someone to step into trust… then you should be willing to stand steady to hold their deepening.
If you want your partner to truly surrender in sex and fully open to their next level orgasmic energy then you ARE offering SPACE… and you are therefore responsible for holding that space if they allow that surrender. The time, the emotion, the energy, etc.
And so you DO hold a level of responsibility for that other human.
Does that take away their responsibility for self???
Of course not.
We are still responsible ultimately, as adults, for ourselves but from a base level of not being self-centered as*holes…
It is important that we hold ourselves responsible for situations in which we are stepping into.
And therefore, there are times in our lives when we are NOT the most important person. There are times when despite us being in emotion that we must learn impulse control and learn to breathe into our feelings. There are times when it is appropriate to put others needs before our own.
I know that many will say… “You’re the most important person in your life and it’s okay to be selfish”.
And I agree with this most of the time.
We live in a society where we don’t know how to truly take care of self and where we often try to be people pleasers. On a daily basis, this is not healthy and will drain us consistently.
Being focused on taking care of self is perfectly beautiful.
Though the issue happens when we are only self-focused to the detriment of others needs and consent.
This is particularly true in our sex… and where my personal focus on this topic seems to be today.
When your woman (or man) opens up, when you have asked them either verbally or non-verbally to step to that deeper level of surrender.…
Then you are a straight-up A**hole if you drop them!
This past weekend, I did a bi-annual Summer Orgasm Camp. It is my favorite workshop because of the different things that get brought up and the healing I see happening at the event.
The conversation ventures everywhere from energy, to shame, to tantric practices, to good old straight sex education that is missing.
But for this particular workshop, I am blessed to not just teach but also to be the model.
I got deep… I got vulnerable… I opened…
And I got my ass dropped no less than 6 times.
My orgasm got dropped
My boundaries got dropped
My deep-hearted requests
A moment where I, yes I, am the most important person in the room barring a MAJOR emergency.
Most of these drops were unintentional or unavoidable.
Welcome to putting on my big-girl panties!!!
Everyone is there at the event in a learning process.
I actually go in knowing that I will get dropped a few times… particularly in the orgasmic energy realm.
And it is a beautiful experience for me to work on taking care of myself energetically and asking for what I need.
Though there was a pivitol moment for me at the workshop that truly shows where we constantly drop people in sex, in relationship, and in life.
And more importantly, shows an example of when someone else’s needs come before our own.
At the event.
After the demo and lab are totally complete (and therefore the workshop), there is an aftercare process of bringing me back into my body and grounding me energetically that is an agreed-upon process with my co-teacher.
Giving me a few moments where I get to breathe… share any emotions coming up after being touched by many random strangers…and also to make sure I am physically doing alright.
This time I was feeling unusually ungrounded and dizzy from the energy. I was also experiencing a variety of emotions and had some physical issues arising as a result.
The pivitol moment happened the moment I sat up and a gentleman came up asking questions and continued to pull her away from me.
My co-teacher shared no less than three times that she needed to focus on supporting me and she would be happy to answer these at another time.
I overheard him state several times that he was needing to talk…
DEMANDING with his words and actions her attention.
DEMANDING that she refocus from me to him.
AND FORCING HER physically to leave my side.
NOT respecting boundaries she continued to state
NOT respecting my process after being vulnerable with him and the rest of the class
This is a beautiful example and a mirror for what we often do in the bedroom and life.
Not being present enough and confident in our own ability to hold our emotions that we vicariously walk over others and also in that lack of presence we DROP the other people in the situation.
Whether we realize it or not we send out self-centered vibes
A selfish person would have gone and taken care of self.
Would have asked if the other person was available and if they were not available would then find another tool in the self-care toolbox to manage.
Sometimes others needs do trump ours in certain moments.
This does not mean that our needs don’t matter!
Of course, our needs matter!
This just means that there are priorities in life and sometimes we can’t be the priority.
Sometimes the priority is in learning to hold ourselves
Sometimes the priority is in waiting until we can have true focused attention
Because I know for a fact that the gentleman this weekend did not get my co-teachers full attention and presence.
And in fact, becomes a “using” energy.
The orgasmic energy was used and appreciated and needed for the learning and then easily thrown away when it no longer was serving him.
And we all have done this at some point.
We are human and so therefore constantly dropping each other consciously and unconsciously.
Where could you be dropping the energy and stepping out of selfish energy and into self-centeredness today?
Love, Light, & Blessings,
When I think of you I smile.
You know it is true.
You know who you are.
And why it is so.
When I think of you I feel all warm and happy.
You can hear my joy in my voice.
You can feel me in our conversation.
You know who you are.
And why it is so.
When I stand in your presence,
my heart soars with love.
I know that you feel me.
I know that you want more.
And you know who you are.
And why it is so.
When I find myself in your arms,
head against your chest listening,
each beat of your heart makes me wish to go deeper.
The feeling of safety, the feeling of depth,
I value my surrender to you,
and I want more.
I know that you can feel me.
I sense it in everything you do and say.
I know that you crave me.
Your goal to penetrate.
My whole being.
When you touch me,
my flesh ignites with passion and joy.
My body wants to open,
I know you can feel me.
I know you want more.
And with those words,
delicate yet firm.
“Open for me.”
Is all I ever need to hear.
It is your confidence.
It is your desire.
It is in your expression.
I can feel you my love.
I do no doubt this journey.
I do not doubt this feeling.
I am reveling in all that we have.
This moment is all I desire.
I can see how you look at me.
I can see the wanting in your eye.
The words that you share,
that you think,
but hope I do not hear,
yes those words my love.
I have absorbed them.
As they are your’s ,
and revel in them too.
Oh my sweet love,
this moment can last us forever.
A thousand lifetimes if we allow it to be so.
This moment is all we have.
And I want to spend it with you.
But how can we move forward?
How can we say I do?
When fear still exists between us.
When we are lost in our hopes,
insisting on something new.
Your words keep me focused.
Your words are the key.
Yes my love,
the wisdom is right here before us.
It speaks to us when we unite.
“Open to me.”
Is all we must allow.
It is the answer to our love.
The answer to this moment.
And to the next one as well.
“Open to me.”
and let me receive you…
Here my love is where we will dance.
Here is where our home is.
No further than the space between our bodies,
our energy meets.
Our hearts are entangled.
It has been so for awhile.
Longer than we may admit.
Our hearts have a desire.
Our bodies yearn for more.
Our souls are guiding,
and so our minds have been made up.
But will our voices ever say the words?
Will we be heard by one another?
Or will be dance in this moment,
wanting for more,
but fearing we may never.
“Open to me.”
and let me receive you.
Receive you fully.
Drown me in your love.
As it is all I want to drink.
And revel in it I will.
The silence is deafening.
For all those lovers who have drank from the pools of their hearts,
who have longed to be felt as they feel their lovers.
Who have lost,
who have been absorbed,
who have danced and are still dancing.
The beauty of this thing called love.
Its desire to be present in our lives,
making itself known,
fleeting at times,
it is all that we humans crave.
All of the love.
We want it.
And we fear the loss of it.
The answer to having is so simple.
The answer is here in these words.
“Open to me.”
Open to the love.
To your lover.
and to yourself.
Surrender without reason.
And revel in the moment.
no matter how long it may last,
is always worth the moment.
Blessings to you my sweet,
may you enjoy a lifetime of love.
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
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He wants my surrender.
I can feel it at my greatest depths.
He wants me fully.
Open and inviting to his everything.
He wants my surrender,
and he is willing to work for it.
He is willing to take the journey into the depths of my being,
where he will uncover my hidden treasures,
which I fear may seem like dragons,
yet he assures me in his holding,
that he does not want to slay my dragons,
he only want to bask in their beauty,
he wants to sit with them in moments of stillness,
and he wants to just take them in.
He wants to see their beauty,
that beauty that only a deep understanding of love can handle,
that beauty that is so revealing of the soul.
Most are not strong enough within themselves to face this beauty,
Most fear being devoured by it.
What they begin in the courting process admiring from a afar,
they end with wanting to own and control.
Because it scares them.
It is wild,
it is fierce,
it is powerful beyond measure,
and desires to conquer the hearts of its admirers.
Few are able to hold themselves,
within the presence of this beast.
But, every now and then,
a gentleman comes about,
makes himself known,
and smiles in the presence of the magic he has found in caverns of the goddess.
And this gentleman,
ignites the goddesses soul.
Sets it on fire.
And she desires to dance for him.
She desires to open herself for him,
and let him in.
Yet she is scared beyond measure,
her past tells of beautiful love saga’s,
intense love and loss.
She is fearful to become vulnerable with this man.
Because of the pain,
the pain that her heart will endure.
Yet she desires it all.
The love and depth,
are worth the pain.
Are worth the standing before her own dragon,
and smiling within its flames.
She know’s that this man,
is rare, and unique.
That he is one who can hold her fire.
At least for a time.
And she wants to surrender.
She craves the intimacy.
She craves the revealing.
She craves the integrity.
And the opening.
She leans in.
And she drops into his arms,
resting in his strength.
Resting in his admiration.
She let’s her emotions be seen.
and she opens a bit more.
This cavern is deep.
And she realizes,
that her dragon is not to be feared.
She now understands what this gentleman has known,
the fire of her dragon will not harm when lifted in love,
it will only light the way to more caverns for them to explore.
The depths of their souls.
And so she looks at the gentleman,
with tears streaming from her eye’s,
and she say’s yes to the opening.
They lay together, enwrapped in the moment,
and they smile.
Blessed be to all of you who read this and venture into the depths of the goddesses caverns with hearts on fire,
and souls ignited.
Be wise in your journey and know that the dragon is there to protect the goddess from those that are unworthy,
and there to guild those who are,
into her surrender.
Stop Existing & Start Living
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You say you can hear my smile in my voice.
You say that you want an opportunity to court me.
You say so much…
It is not your words.
It is all in your actions.
In those looks you give me.
The way your lips turn slightly different with your smirk,
The way you take my hand,
the groans that you make when you are close.
You say so much,
in the way you stay present with me.
The way you always make sure to be the gentleman.
You lead me strong.
You lead me with love.
You say that you believe that people grow tired of each other,
and without saying,
you let me know you fear that I will grow tired of you.
You fear that I bore easily.
But your desire for me speaks,
in all the little things.
They do not go unnoticed.
You say that if we did it right,
then we would not grow tired,
because the thing that bores,
is that when two come together they do less than more.
You are right.
And so I lean into your lead.
I lean into all that you say.
With your words.
With your smirk.
With your groans.
With how you hold me.
With how you protect me.
With how you remain present,
dance in this beautiful energy.
This energy that we have danced in,
and we have paused from,
and find ourselves back in.
Yes you say so much.
So much I want to hold on too.
So much that causes my heart to quake.
So much that scares me,
because in your presence,
I feel beautiful.
In your arms I feel held.
In your embrace,
I feel loved.
And when you look at me,
with your everyday sultry eye’s,
I feel like your queen.
You say so much,
in so many ways.
And it is these things that captivates my soul.
It is these things that ignites my heart.
It is these things that opens me,
Open’s me to your love.
To the man that you are.
The man that I had tried to ignore.
The man that is patiently waiting.
Waiting for me to return,
return that look,
return that smirk,
return that holding,
To all the gentlemen who remain strong masculine,
leading in love, in compassion, and desire.
To all of you gentlemen, who understand that courting is vital, and leading is your part of the dance.
You are loved and needed.
Stop Existing & Start Living
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The message is that when we are in alignment, life will flow and FEEL GOOD.
Only in committing to yourself will you ever BECOME who you were BORN TO BE.
Leap this morning into the life that your heart desires.
It wants you!!!!
Stop Existing & Start Living!
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The last few months I have spent a great amount of time looking at my life. I have examined and prayed. I have cried out in joy and suffering. I have rejoiced and I have damned. However through it all I have held gratitude at my core.
It has taken me many a folly to truly understand that gratitude is the one true key to a life full of blessing.
Many years ago I came to realize that our callings, our purpose you might say are buried within our wounds. Those things in life that have caused us so much pain have also served to bring forth, if we allow ourselves to see and feel it, our greatest purpose. It is within these times of great mourning that we discover who we really are and how great the divine is. It is in these supposed weak moments in our lives where we feel perhaps like we have been cast into the shadows and are unwanted and undeserving that we can discover the greatest of love. It is here through the act of self- forgiveness and love that we meet our maker within ourselves.
When we practice the “F” word – FORGIVENESS, we open ourselves up to the miracle of love. Forgiveness is seated with gratitude, and in our ability to find gratitude for even the most evil of ills that our lives might be blessed with we discover our nature. We discover that which can either tear us apart or make us whole.
No two humans will ever suffer the same. We may walk in similar shoes of pain but we will never suffer the same. Therefore it is up to no one to cast judgement on another for how they choose to process through anything, whether it be the loss of a job, a relationship, a child, a rape or something else. But one thing is for certain, in these times of great depression and uncertainty we still have the ability to lean into love. Many of us choose, at least for a time frame to lean into victim-hood and hate. We choose to be conquered by these miseries and to cast an evilness out of ourselves to show our pain. Feeling that there is no love inside of us to attach to, that we had it coming or are not worthy of anything more than suffering we cower to the fear of the chaos that our lives have been thrown into and we lean into our egos. We swear off forgiveness, we turn away from love and we most certainly find no gratitude for the misery that we are sitting in.
This is a natural part of the process of recovering and healing. However shit happens to all of us. There is no one on this planet that will not suffer, and suffer greatly at some point in their existence here on earth. The one thing that we can control is how long we choose to sit in our pain and allow it to run our lives. The next thing that we have control over is how we choose to stand in it. We CAN make the conscious choice to find forgiveness and love or to remain caught in the grasp of hatred and suffering.
Our hatred may seem to make us strong, but it is a false strength. One that is only eating off of our own love and once it succeeds at killing our connection and joy it will parish like ash in a rain storm.
So why put your hope in something that does not serve you but only wishes to control you?
I write this article the day after Thanksgiving and my heart bears with it much pain from recent months and the years that have past. I grieve the loss of moments with my children, the loss of time with my mother who suffers from dementia, I grieve the loss of a love that opened me so wide and the loss of children I will never know. I feel the pain in my womb from a rape by a stranger of many years back and the fear that rolled through me when my lover became a monster and forced himself upon me. I feel the hatred toward my parents for ignoring my cries to be loved and seen, approved of and accepted. I feel the disappointment of loosing a house in foreclosure and having to rob my child’s piggy bank for change to buy milk. I feel the frustration and bitterness of looking a partner in the eye as they drank themselves into oblivion and said I was making it up. I feel the sorrow of having to put a beloved cat down. I feel the terror of breaking a heart that does not deserve to be broken. I feel the worry and fear of potentially loosing a child right in front of my eyes….
I feel all of this pain and more.
And yet I choose LOVE.
I choose GRATITUDE.
I choose FORGIVENESS.
I do not wake with thoughts of all of these things. No, instead I wake and before my feet hit the ground I call out a prayer to God from my heart center in gratitude for waking. I call out a prayer of gratitude for having slept and woke and have all my children do the same. I am thankful in the morning hours for the day that is set out before me filled with hope and opportunity. I set my feet on the floor with a knowing that it is up to me as to how my day goes. Things may test my faith, they may test my courage and love, but ultimately it is still my decision to make as to how my days goes.
Do you know what is said about desire?
It is said that those things that you desire, desire you as well.
The reason we have the desires that we have is because our desires are linked to our path, our purpose and they are waiting for us to reach them.
If we are to have the lives that we deserve and desire, then we must be willing to reach outside of our comfort zones of hatred and fear and lean into the territory of unconditional love, forgiveness and gratitude. We must do what is foreign to us and we must trust in the creator that our highest and greatest good is where we are headed. That anything that might feel as if it is an obstacle to this is actually just a guidance system that is moving us toward our truth. This truth is not that of the victim, it is that of the “blessed.”
We will be pushed by any and all means until we open to our soul vision. This vision is an alignment with our purpose. The divine vision that God has for each of our lives is right before us, yet we cannot see it and we fight it. We cover our eyes in fear to it. We hide in normalcy and we become complacent and numb to the callings of our spirit. The nudges that push on us to be more. Do more. Serve more. Radiate more.
Yet all we have to do is LET GO!
The glory of the creator is right there, waiting to wash us in blessings, love and all our desires if we would just LET GO.
We must let go of the belief that we need to control.
We must let go of the belief that surrender is weakness.
We must let go of our pain and suffering.
This is how we become the alchemist of our lives.
And the first step to letting go….
Make today a day of GRATITUDE and SURRENDER.
Make today GREAT.
Take the first step into the rest of your divine life.