Dropping the Orgasmic Ball Makes You an A-Hole (Guest Post Addison Bell)

I got dropped.
Again and again.
Over and over.

In the mental health and spiritual community, we are taught to focus in on the fact that we are responsible for ourselves and also that we are the most important person in our lives.

The notion that we must take care of self first and foremost and that we can not control another person’s feelings.

All very true teachings.

Yet, like much of life… it’s not always clear cut.

Today I sit here wrestling with my ego.

Because although we are the center of our own universe and must take care of ourselves. There are also times as humans where I believe we DO take second fiddle and time where we ARE responsible to a certain level for someone.

In truth, there are times where we lend our trust to another and have an agreement that we won’t get dropped. There is a consent put into place that if someone steps into a certain level of vulnerability, trust, and openness that we will be held.

If you are asking for vulnerability… then you should be able and willing to hold the other person’s vulnerability.

If you are asking for someone to step into trust… then you should be willing to stand steady to hold their deepening.

If you want your partner to truly surrender in sex and fully open to their next level orgasmic energy then you ARE offering SPACE… and you are therefore responsible for holding that space if they allow that surrender. The time, the emotion, the energy, etc.

And so you DO hold a level of responsibility for that other human.
Does that take away their responsibility for self???
Of course not.
We are still responsible ultimately, as adults, for ourselves but from a base level of not being self-centered as*holes…

It is important that we hold ourselves responsible for situations in which we are stepping into.

And therefore, there are times in our lives when we are NOT the most important person. There are times when despite us being in emotion that we must learn impulse control and learn to breathe into our feelings. There are times when it is appropriate to put others needs before our own.

I know that many will say… “You’re the most important person in your life and it’s okay to be selfish”.

And I agree with this most of the time.
We live in a society where we don’t know how to truly take care of self and where we often try to be people pleasers. On a daily basis, this is not healthy and will drain us consistently.

Being focused on taking care of self is perfectly beautiful.

Though the issue happens when we are only self-focused to the detriment of others needs and consent.

This is particularly true in our sex… and where my personal focus on this topic seems to be today.

When your woman (or man) opens up, when you have asked them either verbally or non-verbally to step to that deeper level of surrender.

Then you are a straight-up A**hole if you drop them!

This past weekend, I did a bi-annual Summer Orgasm Camp. It is my favorite workshop because of the different things that get brought up and the healing I see happening at the event.

The conversation ventures everywhere from energy, to shame, to tantric practices, to good old straight sex education that is missing.

But for this particular workshop, I am blessed to not just teach but also to be the model.

I got deep… I got vulnerable… I opened…
And I got my ass dropped no less than 6 times.
My orgasm got dropped
My boundaries got dropped
My deep-hearted requests

A moment where I, yes I, am the most important person in the room barring a MAJOR emergency.

Most of these drops were unintentional or unavoidable.
Welcome to putting on my big-girl panties!!!

Everyone is there at the event in a learning process.
I actually go in knowing that I will get dropped a few times… particularly in the orgasmic energy realm.

And it is a beautiful experience for me to work on taking care of myself energetically and asking for what I need.

Though there was a pivitol moment for me at the workshop that truly shows where we constantly drop people in sex, in relationship, and in life.

And more importantly, shows an example of when someone else’s needs come before our own.

At the event.
After the demo and lab are totally complete (and therefore the workshop), there is an aftercare process of bringing me back into my body and grounding me energetically that is an agreed-upon process with my co-teacher.

Giving me a few moments where I get to breathe… share any emotions coming up after being touched by many random strangers…and also to make sure I am physically doing alright.

This time I was feeling unusually ungrounded and dizzy from the energy. I was also experiencing a variety of emotions and had some physical issues arising as a result.

The pivitol moment happened the moment I sat up and a gentleman came up asking questions and continued to pull her away from me.

My co-teacher shared no less than three times that she needed to focus on supporting me and she would be happy to answer these at another time.

I overheard him state several times that he was needing to talk…
DEMANDING with his words and actions her attention.
DEMANDING that she refocus from me to him.
AND FORCING HER physically to leave my side.
NOT respecting boundaries she continued to state
NOT respecting my process after being vulnerable with him and the rest of the class

This is a beautiful example and a mirror for what we often do in the bedroom and life.

Not being present enough and confident in our own ability to hold our emotions that we vicariously walk over others and also in that lack of presence we DROP the other people in the situation.

Whether we realize it or not we send out self-centered vibes
A selfish person would have gone and taken care of self.
Would have asked if the other person was available and if they were not available would then find another tool in the self-care toolbox to manage.

Sometimes others needs do trump ours in certain moments.
This does not mean that our needs don’t matter!
Of course, our needs matter!
This just means that there are priorities in life and sometimes we can’t be the priority.

Sometimes the priority is in learning to hold ourselves
Sometimes the priority is in waiting until we can have true focused attention

Because I know for a fact that the gentleman this weekend did not get my co-teachers full attention and presence.

And in fact, becomes a “using” energy.
The orgasmic energy was used and appreciated and needed for the learning and then easily thrown away when it no longer was serving him.

And we all have done this at some point.

We are human and so therefore constantly dropping each other consciously and unconsciously.

Where could you be dropping the energy and stepping out of selfish energy and into self-centeredness today?

Love, Light, & Blessings,
Addison

www.addisonbell.net

Your Waiting Around Energy Is Killing Your Dreams

Someday?
 
This morning I am going to tell you a little tale about a beautiful soul that said someday.
 
Every morning at waking,
stretching their arms open wide and yawning they would smile to themselves about the day ahead,
about their hopes and aspirations.
They would lay there thinking about everything they wanted for and believed that they could have but found themselves waiting on because of this reason or that.
 
Everyday they moved purposefully as possible,
they spoke the right lingo,
they read and listened to all the greats sharing with them the things to do to have what they wanted.
 
Everyday, they believed that it was coming.
This life that they were building.
 
Everyday they said,
“Someday, I will have that.”
 
 
And with each someday,
their dreams and goals just seeped through their fingers.
 
For you see,
with each “someday I will have that.”
with each “someday I will have the time.”
with each ” I am waiting for this or that.”
with each moment that they resisted their calling,
not realizing what they were doing,
they pushed all that wanted them as much as they wanted it away.
 
And soon,
someday turned into forever gone.
 
This way of believing that you may find yourself trapped in.
This way of thinking that if you work hard enough,
or wait long enough,
or push through this hurdle or that one,
and THEN….
 
then your magical life will happen.
 
Then all that you have been waiting on will just appear.
 
But first,
first you must get through this or that.
first you must learn this or that,
first you must prove yourself to be worthy.
 
It’s all utter bullsh*t BABY!
 
There is no waiting for your dream life.
There is no waiting for that THING…
that THING that is wanting you as much as you want it.
 
All there is is living as though it already is.
 
Don’t you get it?
 
Someday never happens.
Your life is playing out RIGHT NOW.
 
And in your belief of someday,
you hold your desires at bay.
You say no to calling them.
You remain in the belief that they are not with you now.
And THIS BELIEF is saying that you do not have.
 
There fore,
YOU DO NOT HAVE.
 
and all those objections, reasons, excuses, habits, fears and blind spots that are you holding you back from your desired life,
they are your forever company.
 
NOT YOUR DREAMS.
 
Saying someday,
pushes your dreams away,
and says clearly that you are not ready.
Not ready to RECEIVE.
 
So the question is not,
“When will I live this life?”
 
The question is,
“How can I start to feel this life today?”
 
Let go of your WAITING energy baby.
Let go of your belief that you are not ready.
Let go of the concept that it takes a certain period of time.
Let go of your need to believe that you have something to prove to earn it.
 
You can have it today.
I tell you that you can have your dream life.
It is wanting you to just open up to it and let it come to you.
 
But for you to do this,
you MUST ALLOW.
 
And allowing is one of the most challenging things.
Is it not?
 
It is scary to just allow things to flow to you.
It is terrifying to go what feels like blindly step by step on your path.
It is anxiety causing to say YES to that nudge in your gut or or that pull from your SOUL and not have any evidence that it will work out.
It is freaky as shiz to trust in the universe/God.
And just LET GO and ALLOW.
 
 
I know.
I feel you beautiful.
 
However this SOMEDAY shiz that you are sporting around is not getting you anywhere,
and perhaps…
perhaps, just maybe,
your SOUL knows a tad bit more than what your logical 2D – 3D mind can wrap its head around.
 
It’s a quantum thing baby.
And the quantum thing is about letting go and trusting the energy to carry you to your dream life.
 
So LET THE F-CK GO OF YOUR WAITING ENERGY!
 
You can be unstoppable and powerful beautiful.
You can open those wings and fly now.
 
Ready?
GO.
 
As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
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Open to Me.

When I think of you I smile.

You know it is true.

You know who you are.

And why it is so.


When I think of you I feel all warm and happy.

You can hear my joy in my voice.

You can feel me in our conversation.

You know who you are.

And why it is so.


When I stand in your presence,

my heart soars with love.

I know that you feel me.

I know that you want more.

And you know who you are.

And why it is so.


When I find myself in your arms,

head against your chest listening,

each beat of your heart makes me wish to go deeper.

The feeling of safety, the feeling of depth,

I value my surrender to you,

and I want more.


I know that you can feel me.

I sense it in everything you do and say.

I know that you crave me.

Your goal to penetrate.

mind.

heart.

soul.

My whole being.


When you touch me,

my flesh ignites with passion and joy.

My body wants to open,

I know you can feel me.

I know you want more.

And with those words,

delicate yet firm.


“Open for me.”


Is all I ever need to hear.

It is your confidence.

It is your desire.

It is in your expression.


I can feel you my love.

I do no doubt this journey.

I do not doubt this feeling.

I am reveling in all that we have.


This moment is all I desire.


I can see how you look at me.

I can see the wanting in your eye.

The words that you share,

that you think,

but hope I do not hear,

yes those words my love.

I have absorbed them.

As they are your’s ,

and revel in them too.


Oh my sweet love,

this moment can last us forever.

A thousand lifetimes if we allow it to be so.


This moment is all we have.

And I want to spend it with you.


But how can we move forward?

How can we say I do?

When fear still exists between us.

When we are lost in our hopes,

insisting on something new.


Your words keep me focused.

Your words are the key.

Yes my love,

the wisdom is right here before us.

It speaks to us when we unite.


“Open to me.”


Is all we must allow.

It is the answer to our love.

The answer to this moment.

And to the next one as well.


“Open to me.”


and let me receive you…


Here my love is where we will dance.

Here is where our home is.

No further than the space between our bodies,

our energy meets.

Our hearts are entangled.

It has been so for awhile.


Longer than we may admit.

Our hearts have a desire.

Our bodies yearn for more.

Our souls are guiding,

and so our minds have been made up.


But will our voices ever say the words?

Will we be heard by one another?

Or will be dance in this moment,

wanting for more,

but fearing we may never.


“Open to me.”

and let me receive you.


Receive you fully.

Drown me in your love.

As it is all I want to drink.


And revel in it I will.

This moment.

This lifetime.


The silence is deafening.


——————————————————————————
For all those lovers who have drank from the pools of their hearts,

who have longed to be felt as they feel their lovers.


Who have lost,

who have been absorbed,

who have danced and are still dancing.


The beauty of this thing called love.

Its desire to be present in our lives,

making itself known,

fleeting at times,

it is all that we humans crave.


The unconditional.

The passionate.

The intriguing.

The deep.

The vulnerable.

The romantic.


All of the love.

We want it.

And we fear the loss of it.


The answer to having is so simple.

The answer is here in these words.


“Open to me.”


Yes open.

Open to the love.

To your lover.

and to yourself.


Surrender without reason.

And revel in the moment.


For love,

no matter how long it may last,

is always worth the moment.


Blessings to you my sweet,

may you enjoy a lifetime of love.


And as always,

Stop Existing & Start Living


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Stop giving excuses.

Stop saying you can’t do it for whatever reason.

Just stop with all the crazy nonsense that your fear has you blabbing and

SAY F-CK YES! to yourself baby.


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Claim your life right now.


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The Goddesses Dragon – My Tale of Surrender to the Masculine

He wants my surrender.
I can feel it at my greatest depths.

He wants me fully.
Open and inviting to his everything.
He wants my surrender,
and he is willing to work for it.
He is willing to take the journey into the depths of my being,
where he will uncover my hidden treasures,
which I fear may seem like dragons,
yet he assures me in his holding,
that he does not want to slay my dragons,
he only want to bask in their beauty,
he wants to sit with them in moments of stillness,
and he wants to just take them in.

He wants to see their beauty,
that beauty that only a deep understanding of love can handle,
that beauty that is so revealing of the soul.
Most are not strong enough within themselves to face this beauty,
this light,
this power,
the dragon.

Most fear being devoured by it.
What they begin in the courting process admiring from a afar,
they end with wanting to own and control.
Because it scares them.
It is wild,
it is fierce,
it is powerful beyond measure,
and desires to conquer the hearts of its admirers.

Few are able to hold themselves,
within the presence of this beast.

But, every now and then,
a gentleman comes about,
makes himself known,
and smiles in the presence of the magic he has found in caverns of the goddess.

And this gentleman,
this gentleman,
ignites the goddesses soul.
Sets it on fire.

And she desires to dance for him.
She desires to open herself for him,
and let him in.

Yet she is scared beyond measure,
her past tells of beautiful love saga’s,
intense love and loss.
She is fearful to become vulnerable with this man.
Because of the pain,
the pain that her heart will endure.
Yet she desires it all.
The love and depth,
are worth the pain.
Are worth the standing before her own dragon,
and smiling within its flames.

She know’s that this man,
is rare, and unique.
That he is one who can hold her fire.
At least for a time.
And she wants to surrender.
She craves the intimacy.
She craves the revealing.
She craves the integrity.
And the opening.

Physically.
Mentally.
Emotionally.

She leans in.
And she drops into his arms,
resting in his strength.
Resting in his admiration.
She let’s her emotions be seen.
She laughs,
she cries,
and she opens a bit more.

This cavern is deep.
And she realizes,
that her dragon is not to be feared.

She now understands what this gentleman has known,
the fire of her dragon will not harm when lifted in love,
it will only light the way to more caverns for them to explore.

Explore together.
The depths of their souls.

And so she looks at the gentleman,
with tears streaming from her eye’s,
and she say’s yes to the opening.

They lay together, enwrapped in the moment,
and they smile.

Blessed be to all of you who read this and venture into the depths of the goddesses caverns with hearts on fire,
and souls ignited.

Be wise in your journey and know that the dragon is there to protect the goddess from those that are unworthy,
and there to guild those who are,
into her surrender.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebook for my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.

An Ode to the Gentleman.

You say you can hear my smile in my voice.

You say that you want an opportunity to court me.
You say so much…

It is not your words.
It is all in your actions.
In those looks you give me.
The way your lips turn slightly different with your smirk,
The way you take my hand,
the groans that you make when you are close.

You say so much,
in the way you stay present with me.
The way you always make sure to be the gentleman.
You lead me strong.
You lead me with love.

You say that you believe that people grow tired of each other,
and without saying,
you let me know you fear that I will grow tired of you.
You fear that I bore easily.
But your desire for me speaks,
in all the little things.
They do not go unnoticed.

You say that if we did it right,
then we would not grow tired,
because the thing that bores,
is that when two come together they do less than more.

You are right.
And so I lean into your lead.
I lean into all that you say.
With your words.
With your smirk.
With your groans.
With how you hold me.
With how you protect me.
With how you remain present,
and
dance in this beautiful energy.
This energy that we have danced in,
and we have paused from,
and find ourselves back in.

Yes you say so much.
So much I want to hold on too.

So much that causes my heart to quake.
So much that scares me,
because in your presence,
I feel beautiful.

In your arms I feel held.
In your embrace,
I feel loved.

And when you look at me,
with your everyday sultry eye’s,
and smile.
I feel like your queen.

Cherished.
Adored.
and
Desired.

You say so much,
in so many ways.
And it is these things that captivates my soul.
It is these things that ignites my heart.
It is these things that opens me,
Open’s me to your love.

To the man that you are.
The man that I had tried to ignore.
The man that is patiently waiting.
Waiting for me to return,
return that look,
return that smirk,
return that holding,
and surrender,
once more.

To all the gentlemen who remain strong masculine,
leading in love, in compassion, and desire.
To all of you gentlemen, who understand that courting is vital, and leading is your part of the dance.
Thank you.

You are loved and needed.

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

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Risk It All – You Are Worth It

This morning I find myself sitting here feeling some uncalled for tension in my shoulder and neck. I did not wake with it. I was not consciously thinking thoughts of stress, negativity or scarcity. Yet here I sit.
 
I sit in this place and even as I type, I feel tears wanting to come up and be released.
 
The more I inquire and search within for
 
where they are coming from?
why am I feeling this tension?
 
I discover an emptiness.
A lost-ness.
 
There is no answer rising to the surface. Just emotion and physical repercussions of the emotion.
 
So I write.
I turn on one of my favorite Binaural Beats music sound tracks and I listen.
 
Hoping to change my frequency.
Hoping to release this charge of energy that is causing this.
Hoping that my energy will switch back to where I was at waking.
 
So I share.
I share with you to share my intimacy of being human.
I share with you to show that we all have internal work to do.
I share with you to say, it’s okay.
 
It’s okay to get tripped up.
It’s okay to feel pain.
It’s okay to not have the answers.
 
So I feel.
I feel into this space of not knowing and even though it is scary to not know I do KNOW that everything always happens for a reason and works out for my highest and best good.
 
I feel into this dark closet of my emotions and breathe deep and MAKE A DECISION to hold space for myself.
 
I feel into this uncomfortable vibration and realize that it is here to tell me an important message.
 
The message?
The message is that I allowed myself to step out of alignment with God.
 
Out of alignment with my core.
Out of alignment with my joy and well-being.

 

The message is that when we are in alignment, life will flow and FEEL GOOD.

 
The message is that we are ALWAYS being guided,
We often do not see the path,
However we are ALWAYS being guided.
 
The message is to TRUST.
What does Alignment look and feel like?
 
It looks and feels like TRUST.
It looks and feels like SURRENDER.
It looks and feels like LETTING GO.
 
Alignment will appear as RISK.
On the front side I have noticed that anytime I lean in more, trust more, surrender more, that I feel like I am risking everything.
 
And I am risking EVERYTHING.
I am risking what I have ALWAYS KNOWN
for EVERYTHING I HAVE ALWAYS DESIRED.
 
So I write.
I write this to help myself come back into that space of KNOWING.
I write this to support my core and to see the steps that I must take, I am already taking.
I write this because my SOUL needed to SPEAK to my MIND.
 
So I share.
I share this with you this morning to GIVE YOU INSIGHT.
I share this with you this morning to remind you to have compassion for yourself.
I share this with you this morning to remind you that YOU HAVE ALL the answers within you.
 
Is it as easy as just making your mind up to TRUST
To SURRENDER,
To LET GO?
 

Yeppers.

It is!

 

Only in committing to yourself will you ever BECOME who you were BORN TO BE.

 
Trust in your day.
Trust in your heart.
Trust in your soul.
Trust in God.
 
And Risk all that you are COMFORTABLE with For ALL THAT YOU ARE.
 
Stop Settling for Less.
You are WORTH MORE.
 

Leap this morning into the life that your heart desires.

 

It wants you!!!!

 

And Remember,

Stop Existing & Start Living!

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#1 Key to the Life You Desire to Live.

The last few months I have spent a great amount of time looking at my life. I have examined and prayed. I have cried out in joy and suffering.  I have rejoiced and I have damned.  However through it all I have held gratitude at my core.

It has taken me many a folly to truly understand that gratitude is the one true key to a life full of blessing.

Many years ago I came to realize that our callings, our purpose you might say are buried within our wounds. Those things in life that have caused us so much pain have also served to bring forth, if we allow ourselves to see and feel it, our greatest purpose. It is within these times of great mourning that we discover who we really are and how great the divine is. It is in these supposed weak moments in our lives where we feel perhaps like we have been cast into the shadows and are unwanted and undeserving that we can discover the greatest of love. It is here through the act of self- forgiveness and love that we meet our maker within ourselves.

When we practice the “F” word – FORGIVENESS, we open ourselves up to the miracle of love.  Forgiveness is seated with gratitude, and in our ability to find gratitude for even the most evil of ills that our lives might be blessed with we discover our nature. We discover that which can either tear us apart or make us whole.

No two humans will ever suffer the same. We may walk in similar shoes of pain but we will never suffer the same. Therefore it is up to no one to cast judgement on another for how they choose to process through anything, whether it be the loss of a job, a relationship, a child, a rape or something else. But one thing is for certain, in these times of great  depression and uncertainty we still have the ability to lean into love. Many of us choose, at least for a time frame to lean into victim-hood and hate. We choose to be conquered by these miseries and to cast an evilness out of ourselves to show our pain. Feeling that there is no love inside of us to attach to, that we had it coming or are not worthy of anything more than suffering we cower to the fear of the chaos that our lives have been  thrown into and we lean into our egos. We swear off forgiveness, we turn away from love and we most certainly find no gratitude for the misery that we are sitting in.

This is a natural part of the process of recovering and healing.  However shit  happens to all of us. There is no one on this planet that will not suffer, and suffer greatly at some point in their existence here on earth. The one thing that we can control is how long we choose to sit in our pain and allow it to run our lives. The next thing that we have control over is how we choose to stand in it. We CAN make the conscious choice to find forgiveness and love or to remain caught in the grasp of hatred and suffering.

Our hatred may  seem to make us strong, but it is a false strength. One that is only eating off of our own love and once it succeeds at killing our connection and joy it will parish like ash in a rain storm.

So why put your hope in something that does not serve you but only wishes to control you?

I write this article the day after Thanksgiving and my heart bears with it much pain from recent months and the years that have past.  I grieve the loss of moments with my children, the loss of time with my mother who suffers from dementia, I grieve the loss of a love that opened me so wide and the loss of children I will never know. I feel the pain in my womb from a rape by a stranger of many years back and the fear that rolled through me when my lover became a monster and forced himself upon me. I feel the hatred toward my parents for ignoring my cries to be loved and seen, approved of and accepted. I feel the disappointment of loosing a house in foreclosure and having to rob my child’s piggy bank for change to buy milk. I feel the frustration and bitterness of looking a partner in the eye as they drank themselves into oblivion and said I was making it up. I feel the sorrow of having to put a beloved cat down. I feel the terror of breaking a heart that does not deserve to be broken. I feel the worry and fear of potentially loosing a child right in front of my eyes….

I feel all of this pain and more.

And yet I choose LOVE.

I choose GRATITUDE.

I choose FORGIVENESS.

I do not wake with thoughts of all of these things. No, instead I wake and before my feet hit the ground I call out a prayer to God from my heart center in gratitude for waking. I call out a prayer of gratitude for having slept and woke and have all my children do the same. I am thankful in the morning hours for the day that is set out before me filled with hope and opportunity. I set my feet on the floor with a knowing that it is up to me as to how my day goes.  Things may test my faith, they may test my courage and love, but ultimately it is still my decision to make as to how my days goes.

Do you know what is said about desire?

It is said that those things that you desire, desire you as well.

The reason we have the desires that we have is because our desires are linked to our path, our purpose and they are waiting for us to reach them.

If we are to have the lives that we deserve and desire, then we must be willing to reach outside of our comfort zones of hatred and fear and lean into the territory of unconditional love, forgiveness and gratitude. We must do what is foreign to us and we must trust in the creator that our highest and greatest good is where we are headed. That anything that might feel as if it is an obstacle to this is actually just a guidance system that is moving us toward our truth.  This truth is not that of the victim, it is that of the “blessed.”

We will be pushed by any and all means until we open to our  soul vision. This vision is an alignment with our purpose. The divine vision that God has for each of our lives is right before us, yet we cannot see it and we fight it. We cover our eyes in fear to it. We hide in normalcy and we become complacent and numb to the callings of our spirit. The nudges that push on us to be more. Do more. Serve more. Radiate more.

Yet all we have to do is LET GO!

The glory of the creator is right there, waiting to wash us in blessings, love and all our desires if we would just LET GO.

We must let go of the belief that we need to control.

We must let go of the belief that surrender is weakness.

We must let go of our pain and suffering.

This is how we become the alchemist of our lives. 

And the first step to letting go….

GRATITUDE.

Make today a day of GRATITUDE and SURRENDER.

Make today GREAT.

Take the first step into the rest of your divine life.

-KW

Give Me Your Orgasm- A gift of submission.

” My hands take his face and pulls him close for a kiss that not only is connective but penetrates my heart and soul. Our breath intertwines in this moment and becomes one. I can feel our souls dancing in this celebration of love and my body opens to him. My legs soften and open wider, my pelvis tilts as I pull him in. I can feel him enter me and we both gasp with pleasure from the sensation that pours through our beings, the sensation of coming home.
 
He moves his body in gentle thrusts while holding me. Hand in my hair, hand on my hip. My hips and whole body fluidly moves with each of his thrusts as we gaze deeply into each others eyes, amazed at how connected we are; how our hearts long to orgasm into rapture with each other. He presses deeper into my pussy as though he want to touch my heart  with his cock. His pelvis rubs on my clit, his breath comes down on my neck and with each stroke I feel myself surrendering at intense levels. My pussy now wants to devour him, wants to swallow him as she pulls him to the deepest levels possible and the head of his cock rubs gently on my cervix. 
 
Minutes turn into hours, orgasmic waves roll through my whole being and force me into greater ecstasy as he fiercely but gently fucks me open. Here we are two flesh’s, two hearts, two souls yet married together through our sexing. The spiritual dance and penetration that we give to each other is untouchable. Our breathing becomes united, my pussy clenches then pushes, quivers then squirts its sweet amrita. His cock becomes harder in these moments and the vibrations of his love expand out and penetrate my pelvis. I can feel the intensity of his love and the orgasmic energy coming up my spine. He pulls me in, holds my hands down and firmly whispers his demand in my ear, “ Give me your orgasm. 
 
“Give me your orgasm. Give it to me. I want to feel you cum on my cock.”
 
My body quivers, my breathing becomes short and tense for a moment. The building of climax that was there, is now at its peak. I can feel the sharpness of orgasm trying to escape from my clit as he rubs across it. My nipples are swollen and his chest hair is almost to much sensation, but as they tickle my flesh the shaking of my thighs and pussy bursts into bliss. Air is released from my mouth, my chest softens, my hands drop down to the bed and he continues to stroke. 
 
Each stroke although soft and delicate in this moment does not let me relax but keeps my orgasm in a soft wave where he can play me like an instrument beneath him to his will and desire. Where he can command me with his divine masculine to give him my orgasm. Over and over again, he strokes me into submission.”
Using words such as surrender and submission might make one think of BDSM which is often thought to be about power, dominance, and even abuse. Some do play in this arena with the intent of controlling another to make themselves feel stronger or more of something that they cannot reveal in the real world. However in the above account of sexing I am not referring to any of these. I am sharing a real life account of being fucked wide open by a lover. Not just a lover but a man that holds my heart and soul. He is not a random man, a man that I am just “playing” with but a man that has established himself in my life and allowed me into his for years. There is a depth, an intimacy and connection that you cannot experience with casual sex partners. It is love based. Soul based fucking and it is this sort of gourmet sexing that creates the space for this deep surrender where one looses themselves fully, where the only thing you can do is feel and be lifted up as though you are a sensual sacrifice to the gods. David Deida refers to this as ” Touching the big toe of God,” and he could not be any more correct.
What comes from this state is a gift that I wish all men could experience from their female lover, but few do as few women ever experience being fucked wide open. It takes a man who is connected to himself, his emotions, and thus can open up to his own vulnerability and fully feel his woman. Remember that much like love, you can only feel your partner as deeply as you are willing to feel yourself. You cannot get your partner to this full state of surrender and vulnerability with the depth of trust that it takes to venture into this land if you, yourself are not willing to be that vulnerable and surrender yourself.
When a woman is fucked open to this profound level and her whole body swallows you, takes you in to the greatest depth and begs you with each heart beat to go deeper, she is submitting. Her very soul is saying fuck me open more. Penetrate my heart more. My soul more. Rise up my emotions and hold space for me to crumble, to release, to dance and to carry us both to heaven in this orgasm. Through her orgasm you as a man can experience the soft beauty, peace and communion not just with her, but with your core, your spirit and the spirit of god. This is why in tantra and other ancient spiritual practices, sex is known to be a sacred act.
When a woman surrenders to her lover like this, she opens the door to his greatness. It is through her vulnerability, her love, and her power to let him lead that inspires him to move in the world with confidence, purpose and his own surrender to the divine. Only through his woman can a man meet himself fully. It is our sexing that decides weather we act from our hearts or our minds. Weather we come at life from a mechanical view or the realization that life is interconnected. Everything we do creates a wave and these waves move away from us in delicate ripples touching everything in the universe. Our sexing impacts the world at its deepest level and the more we recognize the importance of being fucked wide open by each other thus being fucked wide open by life the more we can experience how life graciously will move with us instead of against us.
From the darkness that many of us feel, we can be birthed into loving light which is acceptance, joy, authenticity and orgasm. This orgasm expands past the bedroom, past our genitals and encompasses our whole life and being. It is this state of orgasmic living that we each are called to live but often fear. Because with this state of bliss comes great responsibility. We have with it the understanding that if we are to lead a life of orgasm then we are not expected but obligated to live unapologetically raw and full of integrity.
 
This is surrender.
This is authenticity.
This is vulnerability.
This is ORGASM.
 
Only you can create your orgasmic life. It is your responsibility if you have the desire to live unbound, whether  you are male or female does not matter. It is your right to submit fully to the  greatest gift given to humanity: ORGASM.
 
Live sexy and free. Live a Fuck Yes Life because anything else is Fuck No!

Compliments from a Gorgeous Cock Owner

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“There I was more wet and turned on then I had been during the course of our hour and half of love making. It was in this moment of exasperated passion that he chose to introduce a new toy to our adventure. A large microphone looking vibrator that when he powered it on I could hear the clinging of the ring on his finger. At first he teased my nipples with its pulses and then slowly moved it down the front on my body, crossing my abdomen and then resting it on my pubic bone. My breathing  quickened and I had to remind myself to remain present and breathe deeper. As I lay there focusing on my breath and trying to allow myself to be penetrated by the orgasmic vibration  my lover moved this pulsing toy down a notch more to where it now would rest on and tease my clit.  It’s vibration was so intense  I could feel an orgasm arising  within only seconds. My muscles tightened and quivered. I could feel my body wanting to let go into this rapture, but something was stopping me. Something was holding me in my mind and not allowing me to be fully expressed in this pleasure.  He could sense that I was not surrendering completely and without a remark he moved from where he was resting between my legs to standing by my head that was almost hanging off the side of the bed. His thick gorgeous cock erect and strong now teasing my lips and mouth as his hand guided my hand to holding the vibrator. Softly encouraging me to place it where it felt most pleasurable. There I lay naked on these white sheets, full frontal view exposed, vibrator in hand and on my pussy, pulsating  its lips and clit while devouring his ‘wand of light.’  My body begging me to just release into the orgasm, my mind wandering,  unable to just let go. My thoughts bouncing from:

“OMG, I really needed this, Mmmmmmm….” 

To “I wonder if he is really enjoying this. What is he thinking right now? God I must look horrible in this light, legs open wide and quivering like this, Lord I hope I don’t have anything in my nose, this is the wrong angle to be seen in…Should I look into his eye’s right now?”

Fearing I was making an ill face, that my stretch marks or the slight sag of my breasts might be a turn off I found myself unable to connect to the fact that I was being gifted with a most blissful moment with one of my favorite men. I could feel the orgasm growing tired of fighting for its life and on the cusp of giving way to numbed out flesh. It was in this moment that my lover chose to push me over the orgasmic edge and bring my focus to only one thing.

“God, you look so sexy, so arousing. I love watching your body. I could do this forever.”

With his complimenting words of how he was turned on and getting pleasure from just seeing me and how he enjoyed our sexing, I was able to release my mind and all the worry, fear and insecurity that was holding me back. I relaxed and opened myself to the moment therefore being penetrated fully by the orgasm. Heart thumping faster, blood rushing to my genitals, and my mouth getting as wet as my pussy. I wanted to feel him pressing into me in every way. I wanted to feel the earth move within my being while wrapped around him. I heard him moan with each flick of my tongue and suck of my mouth. Each moan injecting into my body more arousal, until I could no longer with hold the eruption. “

Truly we have no concept how powerful our words can be to another. Our messages shared in times of sexing can bring extra connection, depth and intimacy into the moment. Our statements of love and appreciation, our compliments and encouragements can free our lovers to fully experience themselves and us alike. Supportive love filled words can give your partner the nudge needed  to surrender to bliss and open them to feeling the complexity and beauty of the moment.

Men and women alike dance with shame, guilt, stress and fear when they are revealed during sex and often our concerns fall toward how we are performing, what we are appearing like to our partner and if we are “making” them happy.  We also experience times when stress from work, family, health, or finances might keep us mind focused and not in our body where we can taste the juiciness of life.  Many people even though they hunger for good and frequent sexing are shameful of their cravings because of their religious up-bringing or the ill perceptions that society holds. Often in the course of a long standing relationship or marriage partners will perform in the bedroom out of a feeling of duty causing their ‘love making’ to not be pleasurable to the body, mind or soul and instead their sexing becomes one of even more stress.

In relationships where NRE (New Relationship Energy) is still strong lovers may find it easier to go deeper in their love making and most likely are far more willing, excited and present in it as well. However, with any intimate moment that people find themselves vulnerable to another they may experience certain shut downs or at times difficulty surrendering to their partner and the orgasm. These moments when experienced can lead to many sexual issues for both men and women and if one allows this disconnect to persist for a long enough course of time they will experience (for a man) ejaculation without orgasm or limited feeling, erectile dysfunction, inability to come and an overall unconnected sensation from themselves, life and their partner. Women who consistently disconnect during sex start to experience more masculine energy in themselves, the soft, flexible, sensual nature of the feminine subsides and makes way for the harsher, direct masculine energy that men normally express.  This energy will take the female into the mindset of performance and a need to just “get off” from the moment instead of surrendering into the sensual dance or full body orgasm and connection to not only her lover but to herself and all of life. If allowed to persist women will slowly loose feeling or become over sensitive in their genitals thus causing them to feel a numbness or pain during sexual contact. Their mind will constantly be in a state of worry, stress or concern.  The natural luscious sexy nature of the woman will dwindle to a faint light and her mood will go from pleasant to harsh and insensitive or depressed and scared causing FOD (female orgasm disorder).

In current times these are frequent issues for both men and women alike, issues that CAN be healed. Pharmaceutical companies see the great opportunity that these issues bring forth and are quickly doing multiple studies on the sexual dysfunction epidemics that we in the western world are experiencing in greater mass. But the solutions to these problems are not going to be healed by popping another pill. Pills do not heal or fix a problem for the most part, they mask the symptoms and further burry the real issues at heart. Key world being HEART and anyone willing to do the work and develop the skills can experience a holistic therapeutic healing for such dysfunction. Matter a fact through the practice of holistic sexual healing individuals can experience greater sexual pleasure, longer lasting experiences, deeper intimacy, psychological as well as physical and emotional release of past traumatic abuse and more life satisfaction in general. A large part of sexual therapy is the reprogramming of our internal belief structure. This is done in varies ways but one of the most powerful forms of therapy is to be authentically seen.

What do I mean by being authentically seen?

A client will reveal themselves in an emotional, physical or mental fashion to the practitioner (possibly in all forms at once if doing advanced work and often all areas merge together once a client becomes strong enough to be vulnerable in one area). The practitioner will give the gift of sacred space, meaning that they will hold focus on only the client and be completely present with them, providing a safety net to just be themselves.  Naked in every way, the client opens themselves to being seen authentically and the practitioner shares empowering words, affirmations, and even touch in some cases.  Many clients are amazed at the healing and revelations that they have in these moments. Often people have not experienced this sort of honest, authentic caring and unconditional acceptance in their lives since they were small children. Coming from this space individuals begin to experience themselves and are able to release much of the negative dominant programs that have been running for many years. We can experience a degree of this holistic sexual therapy within our own personal relationships by practicing mindful authentic communication. Part of sexual communication is sharing compliments in intimate moments with our lovers. Such positive words work toward affirming that our partner is divine, beautiful, arousing, sensual, sexy and helps to support them in allowing themselves to surrender further into the moment and express themselves as fully as possible with us. Our compliments in times of sexing can help heal years of shame, guilt, negative self-talk, fear, self-judgment and pain.  Compliments not only fertilize your lovers heart but water your lovers genitals and over all sexual arousal and connection.

What Men Wish Women Knew- Definition of a Heart-True Man, David Deida

What do men wish women knew? That depends on the kind of man. We’ll look at the three stages men grow through as they evolve spiritually as lovers. At each stage, men want something different from women.

1. “My way or the highway.” You may recognize this attitude, or maybe your man has actually said these words to you. Some men want a woman to be obedient, and that’s that. We’ll call this kind of man a “me-man,” because his priority is getting his own way, being king of the castle.

2. “Let’s share our feelings and be fair.” When a man grows beyond his need to dominate a relationship, then he is careful to divide the pie evenly. He agrees to do the dishes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and you agree do them on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. He takes the children to school in the morning, and you pick them up in the afternoon. We’ll call this kind of man a “50/50 man” because his priorities include equality, independence, and sharing.

3. “Let’s open our hearts, surrender to love, and give our deepest gifts.” When a man grows beyond his need to be in charge and his need to create safety, then he has become a “heart-true man.” The priority in his life is no longer about self-centered achievement. Nor is his priority to create a comfortable home and a relationship centered on fairness. Instead, like an artist learning to open and express his deepest heart, his priority is to live as love and give his deepest gift. He wants to be with a woman who is willing to surrender, as he has, to the force of divine or sacred love. And this kind of openness can be risky business.

 SEX

1. A me-man wants a woman to know how to give him physical pleasure whenever he wants it.

2. A 50/50 man wants a woman to know how to share her emotions with him, talk with him during sex, tell him what she likes and doesn’t like, and express her sexual desires freely. He wants to give her pleasure as much as he wants to receive pleasure. He wants to be careful so they both feel comfortable.

3. A heart-true man’s priority is not to give and receive physical pleasure or emotional comfort, but to dissolve with his lover in the ecstasy of unbounded love. He wants her body and heart to open so wide that he is drawn into her love, and through her love, into an openness of love without bounds. He wants to let go of his sense of separation and meld with his woman, opening with her as one radiant heart of bliss. In this vulnerable, unprotected embrace, he wants to consciously ravish his woman with so much love that she has no choice — that they have no choice — but to surrender open as infinite love.

DEPENDENCE, INDEPENDENCE, AND COMMUNICATION

1. A me-man wants a woman to depend on him, emotionally and financially, so he can feel good about himself and enjoy a strong sense of self-worth. Likewise, his woman wants to feel special, depended on for the pleasure, affection, and love that she gives her man. This is the least mature form of relationship, in which lovers are co-dependent, craving to be appreciated and seen as strong or beautiful in the eyes of the other.

2. A 50/50 man wants a woman who is independent and can stand on her own two feet. He doesn’t want to always be responsible for her, emotionally or financially, but expects her to be able to take care of herself. He wants “space” to live his own life, and he is more than happy to give her space to live hers. This results in a modern, 50/50 style of relationship, in which two independent people share a life together out of choice rather than neediness. Although better than a relationship of co-dependence or abuse, this 50/50 relationship soon begins to feel shallow and empty of passion, almost like a business relationship, although it is fair and safe.

3. A heart-true man doesn’t want a woman who depends on him. He also doesn’t want a woman who stands separate, heart-guarded, and independent. He wants a woman who has grown enough to surrender her boundaries of safety, allowing her heart to open and be absolutely ravished to its depth by love — sexually and in everyday life.

Although she can easily stand by herself, her heart yearns for more than the self-sufficiency she has achieved. Her enjoyment of heart-oneness is greater than her need for heart-safety. Her bliss in communion is greater than her need for deliberate communication. Her living art is to be free, surrendered open as her true power, the flow of infinite love.

 Dependent neediness and independent self-responsibility were only stages on the way to this utter heart-fullness. She no longer needs a man’s love, and she no longer needs to give herself love, because now she is learning to open and live as love. She is learning to breathe love with every breath and offer love through every gesture. No longer waiting for a White Knight or her own success to save her, her artful practice is to live as a blessing force of love, with or without her man.

CRITICISM

1. A me-man doesn’t like to be criticized. No matter what he is doing, he wants his woman’s support. Even if she has a good idea, he can’t receive it unless he convinces himself that it was his idea.

2. A 50/50 man respects his woman’s ideas and gives them as much weight as his own. If they disagree about something, he is very willing to meet her half way. This often results in a mutual compromise, so that neither partner lives true to their deepest heart desire, but at least they honor each other’s opinions.

3. A heart-true man knows that his life feels shallow unless he acts in alignment with his deepest purpose. He cherishes his woman’s criticism — he realizes that in many ways her intuition is far deeper than his own — but in the end he takes full responsibility for his decisions.

If his woman suggests something that changes his perspective, then he makes a new decision. But he never compromises his heart’s deepest truth in order to please his woman or “go along” with her. He knows that if he gives up his heart’s true decision to follow his woman’s, then he will blame her if she is wrong and feel disempowered if she is right, having denied himself the opportunity to act from his deep heart and grow from his mistakes. By listening carefully to his woman and then taking total responsibility for his actions, he is free to offer her love unencumbered by resentment.

THE MASCULINE MISSION

1. A me-man uses his woman to fill the voids of his life. When he is not working, watching TV, playing golf, or reading the newspaper, he is willing to “tolerate” his woman enough to get what he needs from her.

2. A 50/50 man is willing to spend time shopping and chatting with his woman, just as she is willing to watch football games and violent action movies with him. Sometimes he listens to her talking even though he is bored and uninterested. After all, he wants to be fair, and what she has to say is every bit as important as what he has to say. He is careful to set aside his current project and spend enough time with his woman so she doesn’t complain, even though deep down he may begin to resent her for distracting him from his sense of purpose.

3. A heart-true man’s priority is to open in love and give his deepest gift, just as he wants his woman to do, too. He doesn’t require that she sit through a violent movie if she has to close her heart to handle it, and he doesn’t want to be required to sit through a conversation if he has to fake his interest. Rather than blab about the day, there are times when he would rather sit in silence and gaze deeply into his woman’s eyes, or touch her with tenderness, or ravish her with loving passion.

A heart-true man wants to be with his woman without distraction, closure, or impatience. He spends his workday acting in alignment with his deepest purpose — financial, artistic, political, or spiritual — so that when he is with his woman he can offer his love undividedly and completely; he is with her wholeheartedly. She can receive his total presence, and he can receive her abundant radiance. He wants his woman to understand that even though she may be the most important person in his life, his life’s mission is not necessarily centered around, nor dependent on, their relationship.

FEMININE RADIANCE

1. A me-man wants to be nurtured by mommy and seduced by a vixen, so he expects his woman to cook, clean, and look sexy. To him, feminine radiance means nice cleavage, tight pants, and an alluring smile.

2. A 50/50 man wants his woman to share equally in all responsibilities. He’ll share with the cooking and cleaning as along as she carries her weight financially. He wants his lover to wield her masculine directionality while she smiles her feminine shine. He wants her to stay on schedule, meet her goals, and say exactly what she means while at the same time looking relaxed and radiant. She wonders, “How can he expect me to be an accountant, a word-warrior, and a goddess, all at the same time?” He wonders, “Why can’t a woman be more like a man?”

3. A heart-true man may do business with his woman, but he acknowledges that he isn’t with her for that reason; nor is he with her only for love, which he freely enjoys with his friends and entire family. He has uniquely chosen his woman to be his most intimate feminine source, the only person with whom he opens in full sexual expression and gifting.

A heart-true man understands that the most glorious feminine radiance is a gift borne of open heart, relaxed body, and fulfilled soul. Therefore, he does his best to create a sanctuary in which his woman’s love can bloom through a trusting heart, a blissful body, and a soul entered by his deep presence. Even if she is a corporate CEO, in their intimate time together he honors her deepest feminine desire, which is to open in love so fully, to surrender in trust so completely, that she is filled by the divine bliss that flows from her heart’s deepest chambers. He wants to open and surrender with her, so that her radiance bathes his life in glory as his presence swoons her naked soul in divine delight.

THE BOTTOM LINE

1. A me-man wants his woman to know how to bolster his self-image and pleasurize his body.

2. A 50/50 man wants his woman to know how to communicate clearly, stand independently, and be half-and-half, willing to change the car’s oil or remove the dead mouse from the trap and then wear lace and silk to bed.

3. A heart-true man wants his woman to know how to give her soul’s deepest gifts, and how to open her heart and body with him in a surrendered merger of unprotected fullness so they flow freely with, and dissolve in, the boundless love that is their heart’s deepest desire.