CATCH ME IN THE EXHALE
The exchange of more than breath.
The release of more than just air.
The letting go.
The exchange that can only be experienced when a deep intimacy is present.
We crave to experience it,
We value and fear it.
We know its worth,
But we have little concept of it.
True intimacy eludes us in our relationships and often throughout our lives..
We hear the tales of intimate love,
Intimacy in our sex,
With God and spirit.
But we hardly grasp what it legitimately is.
That is until we have it upon us.
Breathing its existence into every fiber of our being.
And then we know.
Then it is unquestioned.
Intimacy is the most powerful energy connection that two people can share.
It exceeds the physical dimensions.
It can be felt from opposite sides of the planet,
It is a breathtaking connection of the rarest form.
But why is it so elusive to the majority of people,
For the majority of our lives?
Especially when we crave it,
Work toward it,
Value it and believe that we have it often to only discover that we are not even touching its rim when our reality awakens us to how distant we are in our lives from self, lovers and mates as well as God?
How do we so easily mistaken intimacy for the physical,
Or for communication or time shared?
How do we believe that intimacy is a physical sexual act,
Or something that can only be held in a container with just one?
When intimacy is expansive.
Just like the exhale,
It’s in the letting go and allowing of.
It’s in the leaning into its ebb and flow,
It’s in the energy of the exchange.
The crossing of energetic paths and the meeting of souls that are aligned.
It is the energetics of connection.
It is the depth that we journey into,
That exceeds words, actions and thought.
There is no distance that can prevent us from touching our lover intimately,
Through our sexual energy when we have this connection.
We can go there on the waves of emotion felt,
The visions we share,
The heartbeat of our combined ripples in time.
It is the exhale to our lovemaking,
It is the exhale from our running toward,
It is the exhale in our surrender,
And the exaltation of our joy in our meeting.
Intimacy is an energetic connection that has no reason to the ordinary.
It has no explanation as to why we have it with some and why no matter how hard we work to achieve it with others that it can never be.
There is no true methodology to create it.
It balances on the tightrope of vulnerability and unconditional love.
It needs witnessing and embracing for its truth.
And it can never live when it is controlled, harnessed or demanded to exist when it is not in its natural state.
You must catch it in the exhale of your very existence,
And in the exhale of all that you know and have known.
Because here is the only place where you can discover its beauty and strength.
Its depth and value,
It is the only place that you will be able to appreciate it for what it is and see that it is nothing like that, that you have experienced thus far.
When you release into the exhale of intimacy you will allow yourself to drift without question. You will enjoy the simplest of things and find yourself speaking without a need for words.
The silence of your energetic communication will be met with eye’s of knowing and hearts abound with love.
You will fall in trust into intimacy,
Because it is there to soothe you.
It is there to comfort and hold you in the knowing.
Can you feel it?
Have you felt it?
Or are you still captivated by the illusion of what you believe it should be and unhappy with the results of what you have?
Do you find yourself scratching your head in bewilderment at what I speak of.
Unable to grasp its power.
Unwilling still to lean into the challenging space of the unknown.
And let go.
Exhale into all that you crave with life,
With your lover or mate,
Your child and friend,
With God and self.
Intimacy is about the revealing of your deepest self.
It is about taking down all the barriers and being seen.
Intimacy has no boundaries.
Not physical nor space.
And that is the challenge of the human mind.
We resist the inability to control.
We fear what we have no say in.
And so we turn our backs on the beauty of what we crave.
We hide and complain,
We fight for the limitations of it and we disregard the fact that it us that is setting up the walls to this beautiful energetic connection.
It is our eyes that are blinded by fear.
Hidden from our sight by ego.
We can not recognize under the veils that we cover ourselves with the falsities of fear.
And so it remains elusive.
And we sit in our inner chaos,
desiring what we believe it is,
Wanting always for more.
And never satisfied.
Always lost and empty to some degree in the relationship of life.
With our lovers, ourselves and God.
But it is time my love.
It is time to let go and exhale.
That is where you will catch me at.
That is the space that I choose to surrender into and meet you there.
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about.” Rumi.
Here my love.
Here is where you will find me,
Witnessing self and life.
Exhaling into intimacy.
Will you catch me in the exhale?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
It’s time to receive the lover of your dreams.
It’s time to stop fearing the what ifs.
It’s time to say yes to your F-ck Yes Life,
Now and forever more.
Reach out to me for coaching opportunities globally.
My heart felt like it was being crushed.
My chest had a weight on it that no matter how I tried to calm my breathing,
no matter the stretching and massaging that I provided my chest,
the pressure and constriction simply would not stop.
There was this low grade level of anxiety rising in my system as I could feel my body fighting with me.
But why was this happening?
I was not fearful of travel.
I was not feeling out of sorts with my lover who was sitting right there with me.
There was nothing that I could consciously come up with in this moment that would support the pain that I was in.
Fast forward a few hours….
We had landed. Gotten our car. And made it to the fauntleroy ferry in West Seattle. I was feeling far calmer now then just a few hours prior in the Uber ride to the airport.
However as soon as our Jeep rolled onto the ferry and we got parked the overwhelming feelings of being crushed and the anxiety made themselves known again.
Breathing deep as I could in the moment I quickly walked myself to the upper deck of the ferry and called my breath as I looked out over the harbor to Vashon Island. The wind encompassed me with the soft smell of sea salt in it,
the waves crashed up against the sides of the ferry, the sun let me feel delicate moments of warmth on the skin that was revealed and here I was in this moment,
There was no reason in this moment to stand here on this ferry and cry,
yet the tears came anyway.
And as they did the release into whatever was holding in my chest and begging me to let it go left with them.
Here on the ferry overlooking the water I surrendered to the unknown.
I let myself go into what logically made no sense.
I was happy.
I was excited to share my love of Washington with my lover for a few days.
I was feeling relaxed until I was not.
And my mind wanted answers.
My mind wanted to become Sherlock Holmes and figure it all out,
make reason for the pain,
and my holding of it.
But my soul and heart understood its truth.
My body and mind had been arguing you could say.
They were not in alignment.
And THAT is what was causing me to suffer.
WIthout realizing it I was not surrendering to the beauty and release of this trip. I was holding onto an old concept,
I was holding onto the version of me who used to live here in Seattle all those years ago and STRUGGLE in life.
who missed so much of the greatness of this place.
Here I was 15 years later, holding onto these fragments of self.
Not letting myself release fully into who I have become.
Who I have grown into being and the life that I have today.
The fear of the old me was actually creating physical pain in the current. The old thought programs and beliefs around money and relationships that I use to try to exist in life were being unmasked in my energy and my current state of who I AM was being asked by my old sabotaging thoughts and ideas to lay down and shut up.
And here was the significant constriction that I was feeling.
The feeling like I could not breathe.
The feeling like my chest was going to explode and my ribs were being broken from the inside out.
The agony in my gut.
And the intense headache that came with it all as my whole being just wanted to flee the idea of this trip I had planned.
I was not surrendering to me.
I was not surrendering to this moment.
I was not surrendering to life or what it was blessing me with.
And I was not surrendering all because of an old concept and old beliefs that were trying to make themselves current.
I was out of alignment.
The issue with my alignment was causing me the pain and the fear.
The only thing that could save me was my own surrender into the depths of the unknown,
into this moment.
into this experience.
into life and what it was offering me.
And as I did so,
the tears streamed down my face,
the wind whipped itself around me,
the waves crashed against the ferry boat,
the sun shone through the clouds and asked to warm my skin,
and I took a deep breath letting it all go.
My world was right again.
My body let go of everything that it was holding,
and it let go of the need to falsely try and control what it could not control.
It let go of this moment in life and allowed the moment to JUST BE.
Without a need to know what was going to come next.
Without the need to hold onto the moment and ask that it never change or leave.
My SOUL was again in the driver’s seat,
and in it I was aligned.
Some would look at moments like this or times that they feel these same constrictions and fears, anxiety and “gut reactions” as signs to turn and go another direction.
and sometimes they can mean just that for sure,
However often they are signs that we are on the tipping edge of everything that we desire to be birthed into our world and our old versions of self are there testing us.
Asking us if we are sure that we truly want everything that we have proclaimed that we do.
Many people at this moment misread what their body, mind and emotions are speaking to them and they turn away from EVERYTHING.
They will say,
“That’s just too risky.”
“I need to see it to believe it.”
“I need to know that this person is as invested as I am.”
” I don’t want to hurt so and so or get hurt.”
“Timing is wrong, I can feel it.”
And they step away from life.
They step away from some of the best moments of living.
They turn away from the experiences that will grow them into that next version and they do it all in the name of “having a feeling.”
They do it based on logic.
They do it because they look at the suffering and pain,
the anxiety as a symbol that THIS IS NOT THE PATH.
When that is not at all what is being said.
Your SOUL is saying this FEAR that you are having right now is here telling you that THIS….
THIS is the perfect path that will transform you into that next beautiful version of who you were born to become.
This fear that you are having is here because you have control issues and life is not for controlling, it is here for you to love and enjoy,
and in your loving and enjoying of each delicate moment and your release into the unknown you BIRTH YOURSELF.
And you BECOME.
But you must SURRENDER.
In the small moments as well as the big ones.
Because the universe/God is not looking at the size of the moments,
but at your ability to be in alignment with SOURCE.
That is the meaning of FAITH.
That is having CERTAINTY that you will always get what you want for and need.
That is how you make MAGICK in your life and THRIVE.
Can you surrender to life?
We are all being asked to do just this.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Message me for deets on the Magick Minute.
One of those days when my energy goes to left field…
Or maybe it’s right field.
Or maybe right at the pitcher.
It’s always interesting though on days like this where I feel the arousal of life moving through me,
I feel the hunger to devour every moment,
and the tugs of the past that will always sway around in my soul, reminding me of what I thirst still for.
On days like today,
the universe is quick to remind me of my energetic connections,
of how those fleeting yet powerful thoughts evoke response,
and how quick I can manifest many opportunities into my life to experience everything that I am thirsting for.
This quenching comes through multiple sources however,
and me being human just like you want it the way I want it and all in one package.
Even though I fully understand, appreciate and even value the multiple packages that can show up in my life,
There are some things that I crave for that I JUST WANT IN THE WAY I WANT.
And I know without a doubt that I can have them too.
I have tasted of these delicacies before.
I have been overtaken by the depth of fulfillment that can be experienced all from one source.
And it is truly intoxicating.
AND I WANT THAT!
I don’t really have a ton of patience to wait for it.
I question if I am just wasting time,
or if I just imagined it before.
Or perhaps the truth is that those sorts of things only come once in life,
and when gone they leave us with this beautiful suffering of knowing that it will never be again.
Perhaps they are only so lovely as to walk through our lives because of the deep pain that they bare on our soul.
they are there to make us question ourselves, or to learn how to be better. As if to present a lesson for us to spend the rest of our days unraveling.
I truly don’t know.
But what I do know is that these blessed little and big moments in my life are a feast that I will always run toward and sit at the table of.
I know that when presented I am eager and hungry to explore IF….
and perhaps, this is yet another one of those life moments that will forever leave its mark,
and no matter how deep it may scratch into my flesh and heart,
I know for sure one thing.
IT IS WORTH IT.
How can something that can be such an achilles heel to us be worth anything other than pain and cause us anything other than a major stumbling block in our life?
These things can be like quicksand to us if we get to caught up in them,
and yet we dive in,
and we search for them.
It is because without them,
without the knowing and the deep dive into the ravines of everything that they offer us,
we will NEVER KNOW OURSELVES FULLY.
and with that we can never know love.
We can never feel that true sense of abandon,
where we surrender into nothingness that is everything.
Where all that we are is seen and unraveled like the lessons that we gain from these moments and people who allow us time to bask in the enjoyment of the experience of life with them.
And so we wander through our days,
lost in search for yet this experience again. Ever so hungry to find it,
ever so thirsty to be drowned by it,
and we find our hearts feeling broken.
We find our minds screaming at us in dissatisfaction,
that we are so silly as to be hunting for yet another moment.
Trying to convince ourselves that, that was all the sampling of happiness, connection, love and joy that we get for this lifetime.
Giving all of our power over to just this one moment.
And feeling like we have been shredded into a million pieces and no one cares,
no one sees,
no one hears our pleas to be held yet again in this beauty,
this agonizing beauty that we fear and hunger for all in the same.
What do we crazy fickle humans do?
We manifest into our lives….
That is what we do.
We call it in and we choose to disregard it.
Because we fear its wrath on our lives.
We fear the pain.
We fear the heartache and the loss.
The death of something.
And so we deny allowing it into formation.
We say no to the very thing that we hunger for.
And we choose to sit in agony that we have chosen out of the fear of if we said yes to our dreams and our desires,
if we allowed ourselves to transform and become everything that we need to become to fully merge with this new exploration and blessing,
and we convince ourselves that this sort of suffering is better than the having of yet another altering beautiful moment that we run the risk of losing somewhere down the road.
And so we sit idle in our today,
and stay that way,
Never allowing our thirst to be quenched by the waterfalls that can carry us away to our own divinity.
To the uniting of self and love.
To the potential of who we are and how we can dance in the currents of our transformation.
Yes this is the journey of the fickle human being.
That you and I both are.
We will forever be captivated by our hungers,
our wanting and earning,
and to those we must awaken to our nature to torment ourselves in the not having.
Because when we seek…
when we ask…
It is always granted.
It is never denied by God/universe.
The denying is all up to us.
So what will we choose?
Or to have not?
It is up to you and it is up to me,
and this is how powerful we truly are.
We have the power to shackle ourselves from EVERYTHING,
yes everything that we want for.
What do you choose?
I know my answer.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn how you can one and for all get out of your own way? I get how difficult it can be.
How it feels like there is no way that you can ever achieve the life, the relationship,
the abundance and health that you crave so deeply for.
I understand how easy it is to contribute all that beauty and love from your past to one person,
But I tell you this,
you are the creator of your life and you are worthy of thriving.
Let me show you the path to living unbound and turned on today.
*Photo Credit @ #DandeLionImages
So there I was leg up on the lip of my shower,
shaving the back of my thigh,
hot water washing down my back,
irritating me because it was washing out my conditioner prematurely,
when it came to me.
I figured out why I have a resistance to love.
Not just to love,
but to allowing myself to fall deeply,
penetratively in love with my man,
with my life,
I was flabbergasted at my realization. 🤦♀️
How could I be so silly to not have caught this before.
Perhaps I was just unwilling to see it.
Perhaps I was not ready to fully let go.
Perhaps a whole lot of shit to be frank about it,
and the reality is simple.
have been holding myself back from the feelings and experiences that I have desired for the last two plus years almost.
Crazy as it sounds.
It is true.
And thanks to my shower today and now nicely shaved legs,
I was blessed with the ability to change it.
Because you see you cannot change something until you awaken to the fact that it needs changed in the first place.
Which is why life is the way that it is.
Sure we get ample opportunity to see what needs to happen,
we feel it at our cores often,
but we humans tend to disregard anything that is not smack dab in our faces presenting a challenge.
AKA a PROBLEM.
Which is why we create problems for ourselves.
We need them to expand.
To grow and to create the life that we are called to live.
Problems allow us to witness what needs attention,
what needs improvement,
And often they rise up from our “feelings”
yes those nasty things that we are told to not pay much attention too because they will misguide us.
But the reality is that our feelings are there to guide us.
They are there to tell us when we are not in alignment to our souls path.
And that causes us pain.
Of some sort.
So what do we do?
We get into a sticky painful situation,
and we COMMIT to change our evil ways.
We commit to work harder.
To not trust so easily.
To take better care of our bodies and our hearts.
We commit to trying harder.
And the list goes on.
And don’t get me wrong, commitments make our realities.
However, the trick is knowing what you committed to and if the commitment is in alignment with your soul’s desire.
You see, this commitment that I made about two and half years ago, was not ultimately in alignment with my heart or soul. It was a commitment made out of pain.
Intense pain, my heart was breaking and I was scared and angry at this for happening. I was not understanding why it was happening or how this could even be. And in my suffering I stated to the person who I blamed with great emotional attachment,
” I will NEVER love again.”
I went on to tell him that I would never trust a man again or surrender the way I had with him, that if this is what it got me then it was too big a price to pay and I was committing to not not allow myself to get hurt again at this level.
You may think that those were just words,
that I could just ignore and carry on.
That someone awesome could turn around and walk into my life and change my commitment.
perhaps that might be so.
But it has not been so for me.
Instead my other commitments to myself that I wrote down prior to this one above, started to knock heads with this commitment and even though I had manifested a wonderful man into my world,
not just any man BTW,
but a man that I scripted out in my journal and who has 75% of my list of desires in a man,
yeah… not bad for a day’s worth of journaling work.
Yeah, not even he could break through this commitment to love.
And so, it has been that the last two years I have consistently kept myself “safe from love” not allowing myself to feel what I have wanted to feel fully and getting repeatedly upset with the world and my life and soul because of it but not catching the root of my issue.
This morning as I thought about it,
and as life would have it all week long,
I have had plenty of opportunity to read through old journal entries as I clean up areas of my home.
My soul most certainly is on a mission to CONFIRM to me that I am really great at holding commitment to myself.
Especially commitments made with strong emotional attachment.
A few years back,
when I was struggling financially to get over the $100k a year mark in my practice, I committed to myself and wrote it faithfully for months on end in my journal that,
“I commit to make no less than $95,000 a year from this moment forward.”
That year I made $146k.
And I have not looked back since.
I also wrote,
” I commit to having my schedule booking out 4 months in advance.”
And it still remains so that my schedule is booking 4 to 6 month in advance.
” I commit to being recognized on TV.”
And shortly thereafter, was called by Lifetime TV to work on an episode of Married at First Sight.
My list of commitments is long.
My list of emotionally supported commitments is long.
Some emotions however, support my soul’s desires.
And some do not.
My shower realization is that although commitments are thought to be a good thing,
and they most certainly do mean the world.
That what we as individuals need to understand,
is the true power of our words.
Of our commitments to self.
And what we say in passion sticks with us and sometimes can get buried under our day to day lives and thoughts.
Sometimes these commitments we carry for a lifetime,
and they can be the root cause to us not thriving no matter how hard we work,
to not feeling love, no matter how hard we love,
to not feeling safe,
no matter how hard we try and make ourselves trust.
Commitments make our realities.
Let’s start being conscious of them,
and changing the ones that no longer serve.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Watch: Say It With Me!Commit to NOT Lick Your Phone
Take advantage right now of a lifetime opportunity to work with me in my intensive 4 week mastermind where you get to work 1:1 with me to learn the keys that I woke up to back in 2009 and changed my whole life outcome with. Let me guide you through the turbulence of the storms and show you the power of letting go of fear so that you can create the life of dreams, you know that you desire and deserve it. Let’s make it happen. Message me for deet’s
NO ONE GETS TO DECIDE IF YOU ARE WORTHY! YOU JUST ARE ALREADY.
Yes that thing that you may think you are lacking in or don’t even have any of.
But the reality love is that you were born with a massive amount of it.
So much so that it’s not in question,
not even a smidgen in question.
Not by God love.
ONLY BY YOU.
And that is what is holding you back.
It’s your lack of belief in your worthiness.
You for some reason think that your worthiness is up for debate,
that you have to earn it somehow.
That if you run around like a chicken with its head cut off that you will get more of it.
That if you live for everyone else,
and put yourself behind them all that THEN ,
then you will be a step closer to earning a little worthiness.
But even then,
even after you have buried yourself in commitments and exhausted yourself in the keeping of everyone else’s expectations and idea’s of you and for them,
YOU STILL FEEL without it.
I get it love.
I truly do.
It’s a daily battle you could say,
to wake the f-ck up and KNOW YOU ARE WORTHY without question.
But if you want all that you want.
If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired.
If you are READY to BE READY.
Then it time that you accept that you were born WORTHY AF!!!
Don’t you get it love?
God moves through you and I.
God creates with your hands.
Unfolds the evolution of this planet and its people through you and I.
This world moves forward because of what we manifest into existence.
And we can only create what we do with the guidance of SOUL.
And soul is the voice of God in us.
Together we create all that is and all that ever will be.
But is a joint work.
And because of this very factor and the nature of you and I being co-creators with God,
makes us worthy of all of our desires.
The desires that you want to manifest into existence were put there by the creator.
It is your hands,
your voice and eye’s,
that make it happen though.
It is through you that God has concentrated focus.
It is by your viewing of the world,
and you feeling of life,
and how it unfolds,
that desire is birthed.
And opportunity is seen.
As you move through this existence,
and you feel the ebbs and flows of all that can be created,
you gain a hunger for something beautiful to unfold.
You crave more.
You smile and you cry.
You get frustrated and you excited.
These are the emotions of creation,
because they birth desire.
And in the desire becoming aware in YOU,
God see’s it,
and evolution happens.
YOU WILL NEVER BE CONTENT.
You will never reach a point in your life where you desire for no more.
You will always want to create MORE.
This is the desire of God,
The greatest artist.
Working with you,
to paint a breath taking picture,
And because you are breathing love.
You need not ever question your worthiness.
Because you are hungry,
you need not ever question your potential.
Because you are feeling pushed and pulled,
you need not ever question your footing.
God is there love.
You just need to surrender to the path that is before you.
It is yours.
And in your stepping forward,
God will paint the path.
God does not make unworthy things.
And God does not work hand in hand or through unworthy things.
God is working through you,
So stop questioning so much.
Allow your blessings to flow.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living – YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Want some extra support in co-creating your masterpiece?
That where God moves through me,
helping people like you who get that they are worthy AF and want to be conscious co-creators with God in the painting of a beautiful life but are still uncertain as to how to fully tap in and surrender that that they feel at their core.
Yes here is where I assist YOU.
Want to connect and say YES to YOU?
Let’s go! – You are worthy.
Message me for deet’s.
I got dropped.
Again and again.
Over and over.
In the mental health and spiritual community, we are taught to focus in on the fact that we are responsible for ourselves and also that we are the most important person in our lives.
The notion that we must take care of self first and foremost and that we can not control another person’s feelings.
All very true teachings.
Yet, like much of life… it’s not always clear cut.
Today I sit here wrestling with my ego.
Because although we are the center of our own universe and must take care of ourselves. There are also times as humans where I believe we DO take second fiddle and time where we ARE responsible to a certain level for someone.
In truth, there are times where we lend our trust to another and have an agreement that we won’t get dropped. There is a consent put into place that if someone steps into a certain level of vulnerability, trust, and openness that we will be held.
If you are asking for vulnerability… then you should be able and willing to hold the other person’s vulnerability.
If you are asking for someone to step into trust… then you should be willing to stand steady to hold their deepening.
If you want your partner to truly surrender in sex and fully open to their next level orgasmic energy then you ARE offering SPACE… and you are therefore responsible for holding that space if they allow that surrender. The time, the emotion, the energy, etc.
And so you DO hold a level of responsibility for that other human.
Does that take away their responsibility for self???
Of course not.
We are still responsible ultimately, as adults, for ourselves but from a base level of not being self-centered as*holes…
It is important that we hold ourselves responsible for situations in which we are stepping into.
And therefore, there are times in our lives when we are NOT the most important person. There are times when despite us being in emotion that we must learn impulse control and learn to breathe into our feelings. There are times when it is appropriate to put others needs before our own.
I know that many will say… “You’re the most important person in your life and it’s okay to be selfish”.
And I agree with this most of the time.
We live in a society where we don’t know how to truly take care of self and where we often try to be people pleasers. On a daily basis, this is not healthy and will drain us consistently.
Being focused on taking care of self is perfectly beautiful.
Though the issue happens when we are only self-focused to the detriment of others needs and consent.
This is particularly true in our sex… and where my personal focus on this topic seems to be today.
When your woman (or man) opens up, when you have asked them either verbally or non-verbally to step to that deeper level of surrender.…
Then you are a straight-up A**hole if you drop them!
This past weekend, I did a bi-annual Summer Orgasm Camp. It is my favorite workshop because of the different things that get brought up and the healing I see happening at the event.
The conversation ventures everywhere from energy, to shame, to tantric practices, to good old straight sex education that is missing.
But for this particular workshop, I am blessed to not just teach but also to be the model.
I got deep… I got vulnerable… I opened…
And I got my ass dropped no less than 6 times.
My orgasm got dropped
My boundaries got dropped
My deep-hearted requests
A moment where I, yes I, am the most important person in the room barring a MAJOR emergency.
Most of these drops were unintentional or unavoidable.
Welcome to putting on my big-girl panties!!!
Everyone is there at the event in a learning process.
I actually go in knowing that I will get dropped a few times… particularly in the orgasmic energy realm.
And it is a beautiful experience for me to work on taking care of myself energetically and asking for what I need.
Though there was a pivitol moment for me at the workshop that truly shows where we constantly drop people in sex, in relationship, and in life.
And more importantly, shows an example of when someone else’s needs come before our own.
At the event.
After the demo and lab are totally complete (and therefore the workshop), there is an aftercare process of bringing me back into my body and grounding me energetically that is an agreed-upon process with my co-teacher.
Giving me a few moments where I get to breathe… share any emotions coming up after being touched by many random strangers…and also to make sure I am physically doing alright.
This time I was feeling unusually ungrounded and dizzy from the energy. I was also experiencing a variety of emotions and had some physical issues arising as a result.
The pivitol moment happened the moment I sat up and a gentleman came up asking questions and continued to pull her away from me.
My co-teacher shared no less than three times that she needed to focus on supporting me and she would be happy to answer these at another time.
I overheard him state several times that he was needing to talk…
DEMANDING with his words and actions her attention.
DEMANDING that she refocus from me to him.
AND FORCING HER physically to leave my side.
NOT respecting boundaries she continued to state
NOT respecting my process after being vulnerable with him and the rest of the class
This is a beautiful example and a mirror for what we often do in the bedroom and life.
Not being present enough and confident in our own ability to hold our emotions that we vicariously walk over others and also in that lack of presence we DROP the other people in the situation.
Whether we realize it or not we send out self-centered vibes
A selfish person would have gone and taken care of self.
Would have asked if the other person was available and if they were not available would then find another tool in the self-care toolbox to manage.
Sometimes others needs do trump ours in certain moments.
This does not mean that our needs don’t matter!
Of course, our needs matter!
This just means that there are priorities in life and sometimes we can’t be the priority.
Sometimes the priority is in learning to hold ourselves
Sometimes the priority is in waiting until we can have true focused attention
Because I know for a fact that the gentleman this weekend did not get my co-teachers full attention and presence.
And in fact, becomes a “using” energy.
The orgasmic energy was used and appreciated and needed for the learning and then easily thrown away when it no longer was serving him.
And we all have done this at some point.
We are human and so therefore constantly dropping each other consciously and unconsciously.
Where could you be dropping the energy and stepping out of selfish energy and into self-centeredness today?
Love, Light, & Blessings,