I have sex probably 25 to 40 times a month.
How about you?
Sounds like a lot?
What is your opinion.
Not that your opinion matters to my sex life,
but it may matter to your sex life.
And here is what you need to be considering on this Valentine’s day….
💃Why do I have sex?
💃Why do I say no to sex?
💃What is it that I am hoping to achieve from sex?
💃How does sex serve me in life?
Sex causes us humans a bunch of problems in relationship.
And the main reason for the issues that it stirs is that we are focused on the scarcity of the sex in our lives.
Most relationships today have at least one partner if not both wanting for more of something…
More time together without distraction.
And this desire for something and the concentration we put on the evidence that we do not have it is what causes us to keep not having it.
Not having as much or the kind that we are wanting for with any of the above.
This feeling of lack then leads us to searching for it elsewhere.
Now this does not always mean an affair in the sort of sexual or even emotional with another human being….
Now sometimes we fill the void that has emerged (and we keep there with our certainty of it being there) with such things as work, exercise, hobbies, worry, booze, illegal and legal substances, etc.
Yeah you can “cheat” on your partner with any of these things.
We just don’t always view it as cheating because it is not sex and it is not another human that is taking our primary focus away from our intimate relationship or partner,
but in truth it’s possibly worse to “cheat” with one of these things then an actual human being.
I mean at least with another human you gain the possibility of filling up that void to some degree, where these items will only mask the real issues and keep you empty from the nutrient that you are searching for.
(Now, I am not saying go cheat on your partner in any fashion… I am just bringing some things to light and why people cheat to begin with.)
You may be wondering why I am choosing to discuss affairs on Valentines Day….
Well, today happens to be one of the BIGGEST days of the year that couple’s lie to each other.
Over fifty percent of couple’s have at least one partner stepping out of the relationship in secret to get their intimate needs met.
Over fifty percent of marriages are sexless.
Over 70% of women have said that they have had on multiple accounts sex they did not want with their partner, and many of them count this act as a sort of rape.
Sexual disease is on the rise…. with monogamous couples 🤔
Yeah… I just said that… do the math….
Studies have been done in recent times showing that over 20% of children in monogamous relationships are not the fathers.
And the statistics list just keeps going on.
So we lie to our partners about our intimate needs and desires.
We coddle them so as to not hurt their feelings, taking responsibility and stealing their power from them by making these choices to not speak our needs and truths to the very people we claim to be best friends with.
To claim that we want to live our lives with,
that we fully trust…
well fully as long as that mean’s that we don’t have to be vulnerable about sex to them.
That is pushing the envelope a tad bit too much.
So we refrain and lie.
Sex causes us humans a bunch of issues.
We are scared of our sex.
We are ashamed of it.
We even hate on it and don’t trust ourselves or our partners with it.
But we sure want more of it and are focused on not having enough of it, are we not?
It is beacuse sex equals:
👉 Makes us feel worthy – it affirms that we are worthy of someone else’s attention and feeling good.
👉Makes us feel lovable – it is evidence that our partner loves us.
👉Makes us feel desired – if our partner gives us sex then that means they want us.
👉Makes us feel happy – if we have an orgasm/climax then chemicals are released that help us to feel less stress and happy
I have heard many a man say, “Sex makes me feel powerful and that I am a man!”
I have heard a lot of women say, “Sex makes me feel used and that it is my duty.”
Do you see it?
I hope so.
And here is where sex causes us relationship issues at an even deeper level.
Here is where bitterness, resentment and anger,
as well as traum get stored up.
And where other problems ( such as the one’s at the beginning of this musing) get their roots for.
A sexless marriage did not start that way.
It became that way for this reason here above.
Partners are using each other to make themselves feel something that they have not emotionally mature enough to find withinside themselves,
and so they search outside of themselves and when it is given and then taken away,
it creates a sexual codependency.
And their very “worthiness” is rooted in their partners willingness to have sex with them.
In reverse, many partners fear stating their truth from early on because of the highly normal fear of abandonment or need of their mate in some fashion for survival.
So, at the end of the day when the truth is not spoken but is heard in the core of each, you find one if not both partners smiling, telling a lie and finding their fulfillment outside of their relationship.
Is there hope?
Is the answer having more sex or no sex with you rmate?
Yes there is hope.
If both partners are dedicated to the relationship and want healing for self first and relationship second,
then they can work toward a solution and happy intimacy path.
Is more or no sex the answer?
Forced sex on either spectrum is never going to be healing or supportive of the relationship.Getting in your truth and working together in compassion and love is the path to wher eyou want to get.
Changing your focus from scarcity and fear to love and appreciation can move mountains.
Want to learn more about stratigies to overcome affairs, build authentic communication and reelating and heal your sex life?
Reach out to me today to learn about coaching opportunities that can support you in love, sex and life.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers.”
*photography credit to Photography In Wonderland
It is frequently assumed that I go on many dates with many men..
It is assumed that to be a coach who teaches people how to have more, and deeper better sex that I must be loose or easy to bed.
That sex is something I am addicted too even.
Its often assumed that because I am the mother of seven that I am uncontrollable and quenchless in my thirst for sex or orgasm.
People often say to me,
” you would think that a sex coach would have figured out what causes pregnancy by now.”
Many look at me with horrified questioning eyes as they inquire if I will have any more children or why I am not currently married.
The assumptions roll through thier minds and almost escape thier lips.
Perhaps even you dear reader and follower wonder and question.
Perhaps you are among the assumers.
And I want you to know that I thank you.
I thank you for all that you feel.
All that you think.
And all that you sometimes goofily share in your assumptions.
I see your humanness.
And I do not judge it.
As you judge me.
I know what my truth is.
I know whom I love.
I know that my heart,
My message and my calling is felt and seen by those it is meant for.
Not everyone can be like a taco as my best friend would say.
And even though I may have a body part that resembles,
I am still not a taco.
I write this musing this evening to shed the light on how we judge what we do not understand.
How we cast stones with certainty,
But are enraged when they are thrown back without due reason in our opinion.
Today I share with you from a place I choose to call the labyrinth of mirrors.
This is the place where we can choose to see ourselves in ALL we come in contact with on our life journey,
Or we can turn away from them,
Look downward and become lost in the maze of our own fears and self criticism.
What do you choose my sweet human?
To be judge and jury to all in your life
And that you meet on your path.
Or to be human.
To be human means to be compassionate.
To self and to others.
To know that we do not know what anothers shoes are like.
What the path they have traveled took them through.
To be human means that you stand as witness not judge.
And to witness another is one of the greatest gifts we can ever offer.
To allow ourselves to be witnessed is the next.
Just yesterday I was working with a dear client of mine. This man has love streaming from every energy fiber he has. And yet he struggles with allowing himself the simple pleasure of recieving that love back.
I left him with the words,
” One day I hope you give me the gift of you allowing yourself to recieve my love.”
Now that statement may instantly bring up assumptions and judgments in you about me.
Or my coaching practice.
What does Kendal do with her clients?
Is she in romantic relations with them.
And you can assume.
You can judge.
And you can cast your head down and keep stubling through your maze.
Be my guest.
What I can tell you is that each day it is revealed and I am reminded of the deep intimacy I hold with these souls that are labled my clients.
They are not my clients.
They are my lovers.
I love each of them deeply.
The intimacy, vulnerability, rawness and depth that they trust me with is without messure one of the greatest gifts of this life time for me.
I love my clients.
I love them for thier willingness to stop bouncing off the walls of thier maze and instead to sit still and let them selves be revealed through the mirrors that are presented on thier path.
I love them for thier courage to catch thier inner judge and jury and fire them daily,
While loving themselves at a more intense level.
I love them for the tender moments that they give grace…
I love them for the humor and laughter as they learn how to skip through thier errors and self defeating patterns.
Yes they are my lovers.
And I love them for the blessings that they are.
Now back to that dating thing….
I have dated a few men in my time.
And I have dated many at the same time.
But the men of my current…
The men I choose daily.
These men you may or may never meet…
Some can be captured in picture.
Others in story.
More than one?
Yes in deed.
And does it matter whom they are to you?
Well lets just see if you have been listening.
They have your answer.
But the mirror will never lie.
As Always My Loves,
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers
It’s not your NORM.
But it feels like it is.
It may be common,
it may be abundant in your life,
But I swear to you…
It’s not your NORM.
And what am I referring too?
I am referring to that feeling of anger.
That feeling of fear.
That feeling of judgment, bitterness, shame, guilt,
Or even questioning.
Your worry is not normal.
Your suffering is not normal.
No matter how prevalent it may seem,
It’s still is not your NORM.
I tell you this with certainly,
That when you feel out of sorts,
when you are caught in negative emotion,
When you feel rageful, vengeful and vindictive.
This is not normal.
This is not who you are.
You sit in such comfort with your chronic ideas of what just is. Accepting life for how you have been told to view it. You watch your life drift by never fully engaging with ALL that you are.
Always searching for happiness,
But only ever gaining small morsels of it at best.
Believing that the drama is normal.
That its just how life is.
But you KNOW at your core its not true.
You know because you are looking for who you are always. You feel the seperation from your truth.
From your SOUL.
There is this strange calling inside of you.
A feeling of something more.
A sensation of your greatness.
But you are trapped under the misery that feels like the reality you must live.
It’s not your NORM.
Your norm is that of love.
Of feeling good.
Now that may sound a bit 60’s flowers child for you.
A little too new age even.
But its the actual truth of who you are and what your state of normal is to be and always is at your SOUL level.
The discord you feel is simply because you are not looking at any given situation through the eyes of God or SOUL. You are viewing it from the disadvantage point of forgetfulness of who YOU ARE.
You have turned your back and closed your eyes to love and THIS is what is causing your worry, fear and suffering.
But there is blessing in your pain
The blessing is the lesson of learning what you do mot want from life and the building of desire for what you do want.
All you need do to embrace the life you want so badly for is to STOP ACCEPTING this ill state of feeling.
Stop allowing yourself to fall prey to what you have always perceived as normal and instead see it for the blessing that it is.
There to reveal to you that you are out of alignment with SOUL.
That you are buying into a faulse reality instead of what is true and you are putting value on things that do not matter nearly as much as you believe.
Soul is not upset about that car cutting you off on the highway.
Soul is not upset that your child drew on the wall.
Soul is not upset that your spouse is not acting the way you want or think you need.
Soul is not upset that the government is doing what it is doing or that your friends said the things they said.
Soul knows that all happens for a reason.
That each event in life is stepping you closer to what you want and that the ONLY thing holding you back is this crazy concept of what you call normal.
Are you ready to embrace the truth?
Are you ready to finally say YES TO SOUL?
Then take the step needed.
The only step ever needed and let go of upur suffering.
Your worry and fear.
Your regrets and your shame.
Let go of your needing someone or something to be different then what it is.
Let go of your you negative vibe.
And JUST LET YOUR HEART BE FELT.
Your soul lead.
You know who you are.
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers “`
NO ONE GETS TO DECIDE IF YOU ARE WORTHY! YOU JUST ARE ALREADY.
Yes that thing that you may think you are lacking in or don’t even have any of.
But the reality love is that you were born with a massive amount of it.
So much so that it’s not in question,
not even a smidgen in question.
Not by God love.
ONLY BY YOU.
And that is what is holding you back.
It’s your lack of belief in your worthiness.
You for some reason think that your worthiness is up for debate,
that you have to earn it somehow.
That if you run around like a chicken with its head cut off that you will get more of it.
That if you live for everyone else,
and put yourself behind them all that THEN ,
then you will be a step closer to earning a little worthiness.
But even then,
even after you have buried yourself in commitments and exhausted yourself in the keeping of everyone else’s expectations and idea’s of you and for them,
YOU STILL FEEL without it.
I get it love.
I truly do.
It’s a daily battle you could say,
to wake the f-ck up and KNOW YOU ARE WORTHY without question.
But if you want all that you want.
If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired.
If you are READY to BE READY.
Then it time that you accept that you were born WORTHY AF!!!
Don’t you get it love?
God moves through you and I.
God creates with your hands.
Unfolds the evolution of this planet and its people through you and I.
This world moves forward because of what we manifest into existence.
And we can only create what we do with the guidance of SOUL.
And soul is the voice of God in us.
Together we create all that is and all that ever will be.
But is a joint work.
And because of this very factor and the nature of you and I being co-creators with God,
makes us worthy of all of our desires.
The desires that you want to manifest into existence were put there by the creator.
It is your hands,
your voice and eye’s,
that make it happen though.
It is through you that God has concentrated focus.
It is by your viewing of the world,
and you feeling of life,
and how it unfolds,
that desire is birthed.
And opportunity is seen.
As you move through this existence,
and you feel the ebbs and flows of all that can be created,
you gain a hunger for something beautiful to unfold.
You crave more.
You smile and you cry.
You get frustrated and you excited.
These are the emotions of creation,
because they birth desire.
And in the desire becoming aware in YOU,
God see’s it,
and evolution happens.
YOU WILL NEVER BE CONTENT.
You will never reach a point in your life where you desire for no more.
You will always want to create MORE.
This is the desire of God,
The greatest artist.
Working with you,
to paint a breath taking picture,
And because you are breathing love.
You need not ever question your worthiness.
Because you are hungry,
you need not ever question your potential.
Because you are feeling pushed and pulled,
you need not ever question your footing.
God is there love.
You just need to surrender to the path that is before you.
It is yours.
And in your stepping forward,
God will paint the path.
God does not make unworthy things.
And God does not work hand in hand or through unworthy things.
God is working through you,
So stop questioning so much.
Allow your blessings to flow.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living – YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Want some extra support in co-creating your masterpiece?
That where God moves through me,
helping people like you who get that they are worthy AF and want to be conscious co-creators with God in the painting of a beautiful life but are still uncertain as to how to fully tap in and surrender that that they feel at their core.
Yes here is where I assist YOU.
Want to connect and say YES to YOU?
Let’s go! – You are worthy.
Message me for deet’s.