Some wounds never heal for a woman.
I have learned through the course of my 44 years on this planet thus far and who know how many lifetimes before ( if that’s even a thing) that some wounds live with us and carry forward no matter how we try to mask, hide, forget or “heal” them.
They are markings on our vessel that serve a purpose that we are to never fully turn away from.
And as a woman, I feel that the feminine perhaps emotionalizes and carries them even deeper than the masculine can ever comprehend.
Around the topics of love, sex and children,
we discover the potential for some of the most significant wounds.
And I believe that because a woman feels life move through herself in all of these areas that when a wound occurs here that it impacts deeper and on all fronts of her experience.
Think about it….
Sex happens inside a woman’s body.
When you have sex with a woman,
you are INSIDE her body.
You are actually inside another human being in these moments,
and inorder for her to enjoy the moment then she must not be in her mind,
but be able to surrender emotionally, mentally and physically to the experience.
Sex is an external expereince for a man for the most part.
Sure men have heart in it,
and the best lovers come from this space not just from their genitals,
but still sex is happening outside of the mans physical body, creating a certain level of detachment to the process.
Where for a woman,
it is the opposite. It is happening inside her actual body. She must open her body to her partner and in order for her to not be harmed she must trust that her partner will be present and honor that space of her being as well as her heart.
This is why, rape or anything in its nature is not just a physical act that can be physically healed through. It is far more impactful than that. It is mental/psychological and emotional.
And the repercussions are life long for many in these areas. It is something that will bear with it body memory FOREVER.
If we look at love, here too a woman goes deep. She loves with her whole being and she opens herself from this complete state. She is not just loving, ( when it is pure and real) from a place of mind or body. It is not a place of logic. It is the whole being. And when a woman enters into love from this space she melts into the relationship, she becomes one with her partner and she surrenders her fears, her doubts, her pain and armour. She puts it all down and opens herself to being conquered by her man.
Here she is truly vulnerable and knows that he can do great damage if he turns away or chooses to not stand strong in their love. But she enters love anyway.
This is a space that if wounds occur,
they never fully heal.
They remain with a a scar, a void underneath her shield for her lifetime,
always craving for what was had and then lost.
If a woman becomes a mother,
no matter the time that she is one,
She has forever surrendered to this new state of understanding about self and life.
Many women become mothers but are not with children.
Many women believe that these moments that they carried a child ( may it be weeks, months or years) that in the loss, whether chosen or not, that the impact can be overstepped and forgotten.
But once experienced they have to surrender their deepest heart to the truth that it will forever be carried with them.
The deepest of losses.
Men again have heart here,
feel loss here,
but cannot ever fully understand the impact emotionally, physically or mentally that it can have on a woman,
and the disconnect that occurs at this loss between the woman and her very soul and body.
Again this is because it is internal for the feminine and external for the masculine.
A man is told about what he helped create but he does not breathe each day of creation in the true essence and feeling of shared space with another soul 24/7. He does not experience the hormonal responses, the emotional tolls or the physical labor of the event.
And if that child is lost,
he can never comprehend the impact of the mind/body/heart or soul that it takes on the feminine,
because he is detached to the external experience.
All three of these wounds:
All three of these experiences awaken and shut down the very heart of a woman.
They are life altering.
From a cellular level they forever change who the woman is and how she chooses to walk through life.
They have the potential to make her blossom,
Not one of these life experiences can ever be fully healed or forgotten.
Many women experience all three wounds.
Many women do not pay proper honor to these transformation points but in turn shame, guilt and blame themselves for them.
The self-hatred and disgust that is often lived in for a lifetime to follow,
prevents the feminine from ever fully receiving herself again, and she walks through life fearing and doubting her truth.
It is difficult to get a woman who has experienced these wounds to ever set her armour fully down again and trust.
And if she does choose to do so,
she is quick to grab her sword and shield at the slightest sign of trouble.
She forever will walk on eggshells within herself, knowing how fragile she truly is.
And yet the answer is to trust herself and learn to love herself fully again,
despite the pain that she carries,
knowing our courage and strength as a woman is where we can once again enter into love with self and trust with God.
From this feminine heart to yours,
I feel your pain and fear,
I have walked all these wounded paths before,
and I speak today to you beautiful women of the world from that place of not healed,
but a knowing that in our honor of self that we find our breath,
we discover our life again,
and we live.
Stop Existing & Start Loving
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Ladies it’s time to own your power and learn to love again.
Love self again.
Honor self and live your F-ck Yes Life Now!
Reach out to me for my ladies only coaching opportunities now.
A few years ago I was out at a local pub that my ex and I would pop into and have a drink. It sorta was his “Cheers” for anyone who can remember the show.
You know a place where everyone knows your name.
And I was sitting down enjoying a martini with a woman that my ex was friends with her and her husband for years prior.
We were chatting about all sorts of stuff, among which was professionalism.
She informed me that she could NEVER work with someone who had tattoos.
She went on to tell me that tattoos make you unclean.
And that only under educated people had them.
Her passion about the subject was powerful,
She certainly had a hatred toward tattoos and it sounded like she looked down on anyone with them no matter whom they were.
Yet she counted me as someone to go out to see Andrea Bocelli with,
to kick back and enjoy drinks and dinner with by the pool,
to share her relationship issues with,
and amazingly she even hugged me to say hello and goodbye.
In the midst of her deep sharing on her hatred and disgust toward people with tattoos and how unprofessional and unclean they were,
I sat there with my hands and arms on the table not inches in front of her,
baring both arms with….
You guessed it.
TATTOOS on them…
Yeah, she was preaching her disgust to her friend.
I shared with her that I worked with many people who had tattoos, and she said yeah but those are people who need life coaching, help in life, not people who are professionals.
Because my clients have always been those who are professionals, business owners, CEO’s, doctor’s, attorney’s, poloticains, fellow coaches and therapists, etc.
85% of my clients are in the upper 2% of America.
And guess what?
They have tattoos.
Many of them do.
When I shared this with her,
she huffed and said,
“Well, if I ever found out that my doctor had a tattoo he would not be my doctor anymore. I cannot have someone like that touching me.”
Yet she hugged me hello and goodbye.
Her logic made no sense.
As most critical, judgemental people who are caught up in
“it’s my way or no way, and you are stupid and need to shut up or be removed from humanity if you think, feel or act differently then I do, ” rationalize.
These same people will turn and point fingers and call everyone who is not caving to their beliefs and fears self-centered, bad citizens, using their privilege, elitists.
In my line of work I get hate from time to time.
And I actually am grateful for it,
because it shows me area’s that I can improve my own inner world. It also show’s me that I am speaking from a perspective that is not average and ordinary.
And that thrills me because I do not want an average and ordinary life,
Living a F-ck Yes! Life and changing others lives to having that as well requires you to not go with the attitude of average and ordinary.
There ain’t now THRIVING in average and ordinary.
There is not GREATNESS in it either.
My mission is to help ignite as many people to their power and worthiness and tap into their abundance and flow with God as I possibly can in my lifetime,
and this unfortunately stirs many of the ordinary thinkers and perceivers of life out there to want to strike me down for many reasons.
“You need to shut up because…”
“You are not professional because..”
“You are wrong because….”
“I can’t trust you because….”
“You are stupid because….”
From my typo’s to my purple or blue hair,
from my open relating and tattoos to my I don’t give a f-ck what you think and use of the “F” word,
my authentic relating drives average folk crazy mad that they cannot control it and that despite all my flaws and my typo’s and tattoos I am THRIVING in relationship, money, health and making a positive mark in this world because I CHOOSE to do so.
I write this today,
because at waking my thread was bombarded with my fellow coaches and leaders out there being under attack for all the above reasons and more.
The judgment and criticism spewing around in hatred is like a storm that has no way to settle,
and it is sad to me that so many people in the world right now are living with such disgust and rage in their heads and hearts that they find a need to try to tear down another just because of differences of views, desires, beliefs or even looks.
This kind of stinking thinking WILL NEVER solve any problems.
It will only keep the fires burning and cause more pain and suffering.
When we can come back to actual critical thinking,
using logic and heart in harmony,
viewing our fellow human as just that,
another human with their own dreams, desires, fears, beliefs and opinions,
and that, that is perfect,
that being human does not mean that we are all cookie cutter the same,
then we will be able to heal ourselves and our world at a deeper level.
Until then we remain blind to love.
Blind to healing.
Blind to true world or local community.
Until then we have lost our humanity,
and are slaves to our fear of difference.
Where are you at in your judgements of your fellow humans and how are you desiring to control those who are the same as you?
Can you imagine what life would be like and who you would actually be if you put down all your fear based thinking and just allowed yourself to be YOU?
This is your truth love.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Ready to stop your stinking thinking and claim your true power now?
Let’s chat. Message me for deet’s on how to get started.
“CBD lovin’, anti-vaxxing, interracial family, sexually open and confident, slutty AF some may say, freedom focused, excepting of all.”
THIS is my lifestyle tagline.
THIS is my family tagline.
THIS is my belief’s tagline.
And why would this be my tag line?
Because I believe in freedom of speach, love, sex, religion,choices in life and believe that no matter who you are, ( race, religion, polical views, sex, sexual preferences, economic standing or other) that WE ARE ALL WORTHY.
Worthy of what you may ask?
Worthy of living.
Not just existing.
Worthy of all the things stated above.
Worthy of having our own opinions.
Worthy of not being shamed or stoned by others ideas, judgements, opinions or fears.
Worthy of just being us.
Many disagree with me on many topics.
And the thing that comes through the most in the conversations and debates is a desire to shush me.
To the point that recently I was multiple times told that I was a bad citizen for my views, that I was not compassionate and did not care for others, that I was a horrible human being, that I should shut up, and that if I get sick to not waste the medical systems time but to just die at home.
All of these statements came because of a disagreement in ideas and beliefs.
Differences of views.
All of these stones thrown had the strong feeling of wanting to shame, control and silence what did not align to their beliefs and views of current.
And as I read through comments of over a hundred plus,
I found myself sitting in gratitude for these individuals’ truth shares.
I am not a person that has an issue with seeing things differently then the masses,
differently then my lover, my child or my friend.
And I know that my views on life are a far cry from average and ordinary.
And it is beautiful to me that we humans are so diverse in our desires, our feelings and beliefs.
It’s what makes us each so unique.
But typically we deeply fear what is not like us.
What is not common or what we perceive as normal.
Our fear makes us want to eradicate whatever is not perceived the same as us.
And this has been our human nature forever.
The reason I do not lay claim to a religion is because religion is a prime example of this belief structure that there is ONLY ONE WAY.
I believe that we are all truly children of God no matter our race, belief, sex or preferences.
I believe that the creator moves through us all.
And that our differences are revealing how diverse God truly is.
I believe that “made in his image” does not refer to our race, sex or other but is actaully speaking of the energy, the life and consciousness, the love that resides in all of us.
I believe that we are each here to learn from one another and that one of our biggest life lessons is to learn to love our differences.
The only way that we can ever do this though is to learn to love ourselves at a deep level first.
To strip ourselves from this concept that we are here to please others ideas, views or beliefs about us.
Self-love comes from seeing our light and darkness and making peace with them both.
Self- love comes from knowing our own value.
Self- love comes from respecting ourselves enough to not sway to the worlds ideas and perceptions, nor to just give up ourselves because we make another uncomfortable with our views and beliefs.
Self- love is mandatory if we are to ever have true unconditional love for any other human as well.
And compassion can only come when we have it for ourselves first.
Same for any positive characteristic that we value such as respect or understanding.
If we believe that we are responsible for everyone elses everything and they for our feelings, fears and hopes then all we are showing is our lack of clarity within who we are.
To have understanding,
we need to listen,
we need to inquire,
we need to learn to breathe and not be so reactive,
jumping to conclusions.
We need to realize that this person that we want to have understand us,
desires the same.
The majority of our fights in our world and in our own homes comes about because we suck at communication skills.
And the ones listed above are the highlighted ones that need attention from all of us.
The radical conversations that are traveling around the world right now are just highlighting the true poison that resides within each of our lives.
It is fear.
And it is fear of differences more than anything else.
And so we run around pointing fingers and laying blame on everyone who thinks differently or looks differently proclaiming that we love unconditionally, stating that we are wanting peace, freedom, well being for all but continuing the blame game as we spew out our hatred and lack of toleration or desire to understand our fellow human beings.
All the while believing that we love ourselves and that is why we are fighting and hating.
When we speak such poison as some of the things I have heard the last few weeks it saddens my soul at how many people truly are lost within themselves and hold so much anger and hatred.
When we can get to a point where we can agree to disagree and still love our fellow human despite the difference,
then we will be in a place where we can heal and make true change in our world as well as in our communities and home.
But this will only happen when we can learn to love ourselves deeply. To look within ourselves and love all our flaws, all our sins, all our wounds as well as our beauty.
we will remain lost and hateful.
To all our beautiful differences.
Be the change, start loving unconditionally today, ‘starting with yourself.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn more about self-love practices that can transform your reality from average and ordinary to a F-ck Yes Life? Message me today.
I have sex probably 25 to 40 times a month.
How about you?
Sounds like a lot?
What is your opinion.
Not that your opinion matters to my sex life,
but it may matter to your sex life.
And here is what you need to be considering on this Valentine’s day….
💃Why do I have sex?
💃Why do I say no to sex?
💃What is it that I am hoping to achieve from sex?
💃How does sex serve me in life?
Sex causes us humans a bunch of problems in relationship.
And the main reason for the issues that it stirs is that we are focused on the scarcity of the sex in our lives.
Most relationships today have at least one partner if not both wanting for more of something…
More time together without distraction.
And this desire for something and the concentration we put on the evidence that we do not have it is what causes us to keep not having it.
Not having as much or the kind that we are wanting for with any of the above.
This feeling of lack then leads us to searching for it elsewhere.
Now this does not always mean an affair in the sort of sexual or even emotional with another human being….
Now sometimes we fill the void that has emerged (and we keep there with our certainty of it being there) with such things as work, exercise, hobbies, worry, booze, illegal and legal substances, etc.
Yeah you can “cheat” on your partner with any of these things.
We just don’t always view it as cheating because it is not sex and it is not another human that is taking our primary focus away from our intimate relationship or partner,
but in truth it’s possibly worse to “cheat” with one of these things then an actual human being.
I mean at least with another human you gain the possibility of filling up that void to some degree, where these items will only mask the real issues and keep you empty from the nutrient that you are searching for.
(Now, I am not saying go cheat on your partner in any fashion… I am just bringing some things to light and why people cheat to begin with.)
You may be wondering why I am choosing to discuss affairs on Valentines Day….
Well, today happens to be one of the BIGGEST days of the year that couple’s lie to each other.
Over fifty percent of couple’s have at least one partner stepping out of the relationship in secret to get their intimate needs met.
Over fifty percent of marriages are sexless.
Over 70% of women have said that they have had on multiple accounts sex they did not want with their partner, and many of them count this act as a sort of rape.
Sexual disease is on the rise…. with monogamous couples 🤔
Yeah… I just said that… do the math….
Studies have been done in recent times showing that over 20% of children in monogamous relationships are not the fathers.
And the statistics list just keeps going on.
So we lie to our partners about our intimate needs and desires.
We coddle them so as to not hurt their feelings, taking responsibility and stealing their power from them by making these choices to not speak our needs and truths to the very people we claim to be best friends with.
To claim that we want to live our lives with,
that we fully trust…
well fully as long as that mean’s that we don’t have to be vulnerable about sex to them.
That is pushing the envelope a tad bit too much.
So we refrain and lie.
Sex causes us humans a bunch of issues.
We are scared of our sex.
We are ashamed of it.
We even hate on it and don’t trust ourselves or our partners with it.
But we sure want more of it and are focused on not having enough of it, are we not?
It is beacuse sex equals:
👉 Makes us feel worthy – it affirms that we are worthy of someone else’s attention and feeling good.
👉Makes us feel lovable – it is evidence that our partner loves us.
👉Makes us feel desired – if our partner gives us sex then that means they want us.
👉Makes us feel happy – if we have an orgasm/climax then chemicals are released that help us to feel less stress and happy
I have heard many a man say, “Sex makes me feel powerful and that I am a man!”
I have heard a lot of women say, “Sex makes me feel used and that it is my duty.”
Do you see it?
I hope so.
And here is where sex causes us relationship issues at an even deeper level.
Here is where bitterness, resentment and anger,
as well as traum get stored up.
And where other problems ( such as the one’s at the beginning of this musing) get their roots for.
A sexless marriage did not start that way.
It became that way for this reason here above.
Partners are using each other to make themselves feel something that they have not emotionally mature enough to find withinside themselves,
and so they search outside of themselves and when it is given and then taken away,
it creates a sexual codependency.
And their very “worthiness” is rooted in their partners willingness to have sex with them.
In reverse, many partners fear stating their truth from early on because of the highly normal fear of abandonment or need of their mate in some fashion for survival.
So, at the end of the day when the truth is not spoken but is heard in the core of each, you find one if not both partners smiling, telling a lie and finding their fulfillment outside of their relationship.
Is there hope?
Is the answer having more sex or no sex with you rmate?
Yes there is hope.
If both partners are dedicated to the relationship and want healing for self first and relationship second,
then they can work toward a solution and happy intimacy path.
Is more or no sex the answer?
Forced sex on either spectrum is never going to be healing or supportive of the relationship.Getting in your truth and working together in compassion and love is the path to wher eyou want to get.
Changing your focus from scarcity and fear to love and appreciation can move mountains.
Want to learn more about stratigies to overcome affairs, build authentic communication and reelating and heal your sex life?
Reach out to me today to learn about coaching opportunities that can support you in love, sex and life.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers.”
*photography credit to Photography In Wonderland
It is frequently assumed that I go on many dates with many men..
It is assumed that to be a coach who teaches people how to have more, and deeper better sex that I must be loose or easy to bed.
That sex is something I am addicted too even.
Its often assumed that because I am the mother of seven that I am uncontrollable and quenchless in my thirst for sex or orgasm.
People often say to me,
” you would think that a sex coach would have figured out what causes pregnancy by now.”
Many look at me with horrified questioning eyes as they inquire if I will have any more children or why I am not currently married.
The assumptions roll through thier minds and almost escape thier lips.
Perhaps even you dear reader and follower wonder and question.
Perhaps you are among the assumers.
And I want you to know that I thank you.
I thank you for all that you feel.
All that you think.
And all that you sometimes goofily share in your assumptions.
I see your humanness.
And I do not judge it.
As you judge me.
I know what my truth is.
I know whom I love.
I know that my heart,
My message and my calling is felt and seen by those it is meant for.
Not everyone can be like a taco as my best friend would say.
And even though I may have a body part that resembles,
I am still not a taco.
I write this musing this evening to shed the light on how we judge what we do not understand.
How we cast stones with certainty,
But are enraged when they are thrown back without due reason in our opinion.
Today I share with you from a place I choose to call the labyrinth of mirrors.
This is the place where we can choose to see ourselves in ALL we come in contact with on our life journey,
Or we can turn away from them,
Look downward and become lost in the maze of our own fears and self criticism.
What do you choose my sweet human?
To be judge and jury to all in your life
And that you meet on your path.
Or to be human.
To be human means to be compassionate.
To self and to others.
To know that we do not know what anothers shoes are like.
What the path they have traveled took them through.
To be human means that you stand as witness not judge.
And to witness another is one of the greatest gifts we can ever offer.
To allow ourselves to be witnessed is the next.
Just yesterday I was working with a dear client of mine. This man has love streaming from every energy fiber he has. And yet he struggles with allowing himself the simple pleasure of recieving that love back.
I left him with the words,
” One day I hope you give me the gift of you allowing yourself to recieve my love.”
Now that statement may instantly bring up assumptions and judgments in you about me.
Or my coaching practice.
What does Kendal do with her clients?
Is she in romantic relations with them.
And you can assume.
You can judge.
And you can cast your head down and keep stubling through your maze.
Be my guest.
What I can tell you is that each day it is revealed and I am reminded of the deep intimacy I hold with these souls that are labled my clients.
They are not my clients.
They are my lovers.
I love each of them deeply.
The intimacy, vulnerability, rawness and depth that they trust me with is without messure one of the greatest gifts of this life time for me.
I love my clients.
I love them for thier willingness to stop bouncing off the walls of thier maze and instead to sit still and let them selves be revealed through the mirrors that are presented on thier path.
I love them for thier courage to catch thier inner judge and jury and fire them daily,
While loving themselves at a more intense level.
I love them for the tender moments that they give grace…
I love them for the humor and laughter as they learn how to skip through thier errors and self defeating patterns.
Yes they are my lovers.
And I love them for the blessings that they are.
Now back to that dating thing….
I have dated a few men in my time.
And I have dated many at the same time.
But the men of my current…
The men I choose daily.
These men you may or may never meet…
Some can be captured in picture.
Others in story.
More than one?
Yes in deed.
And does it matter whom they are to you?
Well lets just see if you have been listening.
They have your answer.
But the mirror will never lie.
As Always My Loves,
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers
It’s not your NORM.
But it feels like it is.
It may be common,
it may be abundant in your life,
But I swear to you…
It’s not your NORM.
And what am I referring too?
I am referring to that feeling of anger.
That feeling of fear.
That feeling of judgment, bitterness, shame, guilt,
Or even questioning.
Your worry is not normal.
Your suffering is not normal.
No matter how prevalent it may seem,
It’s still is not your NORM.
I tell you this with certainly,
That when you feel out of sorts,
when you are caught in negative emotion,
When you feel rageful, vengeful and vindictive.
This is not normal.
This is not who you are.
You sit in such comfort with your chronic ideas of what just is. Accepting life for how you have been told to view it. You watch your life drift by never fully engaging with ALL that you are.
Always searching for happiness,
But only ever gaining small morsels of it at best.
Believing that the drama is normal.
That its just how life is.
But you KNOW at your core its not true.
You know because you are looking for who you are always. You feel the seperation from your truth.
From your SOUL.
There is this strange calling inside of you.
A feeling of something more.
A sensation of your greatness.
But you are trapped under the misery that feels like the reality you must live.
It’s not your NORM.
Your norm is that of love.
Of feeling good.
Now that may sound a bit 60’s flowers child for you.
A little too new age even.
But its the actual truth of who you are and what your state of normal is to be and always is at your SOUL level.
The discord you feel is simply because you are not looking at any given situation through the eyes of God or SOUL. You are viewing it from the disadvantage point of forgetfulness of who YOU ARE.
You have turned your back and closed your eyes to love and THIS is what is causing your worry, fear and suffering.
But there is blessing in your pain
The blessing is the lesson of learning what you do mot want from life and the building of desire for what you do want.
All you need do to embrace the life you want so badly for is to STOP ACCEPTING this ill state of feeling.
Stop allowing yourself to fall prey to what you have always perceived as normal and instead see it for the blessing that it is.
There to reveal to you that you are out of alignment with SOUL.
That you are buying into a faulse reality instead of what is true and you are putting value on things that do not matter nearly as much as you believe.
Soul is not upset about that car cutting you off on the highway.
Soul is not upset that your child drew on the wall.
Soul is not upset that your spouse is not acting the way you want or think you need.
Soul is not upset that the government is doing what it is doing or that your friends said the things they said.
Soul knows that all happens for a reason.
That each event in life is stepping you closer to what you want and that the ONLY thing holding you back is this crazy concept of what you call normal.
Are you ready to embrace the truth?
Are you ready to finally say YES TO SOUL?
Then take the step needed.
The only step ever needed and let go of upur suffering.
Your worry and fear.
Your regrets and your shame.
Let go of your needing someone or something to be different then what it is.
Let go of your you negative vibe.
And JUST LET YOUR HEART BE FELT.
Your soul lead.
You know who you are.
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers “`