My heart bleeds for all of us in this world.
As a coach through the years I have heard so many tales of horror, of trauma, abuse and misunderstandings.
I have witnessed so many unable to stand in their truth,
scared to speak up for themselves,
and allowing others to run all over them in so many areas of their lives.
For the last 10+ years I have had my practice focused on sex and relationship coaching, helping singles and couples. Couples work has been a passion for me however.
Today my coaching practice has moved more into abundance and prosperity coaching thanks to my beautiful clients who requested my focus to change as they noticed that they would come to me to heal their communication, intimacy and relationship challenges and they had the side benefit of watching their lives change in their finances as well.
They discovered that in doing work around their intimate relationships that they were also lacking in other subject areas and what I was teaching them about their intimacy and sex also applied to money and purpose.
Well, here I am today in 2019,
with a beautiful practice and lovely clients who I adore so much and find myself in gratitude for daily. I woke this morning feeling a wobble in my energy around my practice, in what direction I wanted to focus RIGHT NOW, what was needed from me, where was I to step next to best help these souls that I share with daily and in truth I was lost.
God is amazing I have found.
Always getting those who desire to be in alignment back on path softly when we remain open to the messages.
And so my day has brought me full circle.
Wobble has drifted off and I feel directed, guided and clearer.
Back to where I have ALWAYS been.
My niche is SOUL!
And today my message is just about that.
SOUL Niche is where it is at BABY!
I have heard my own mentor speak about no niche,
and I logically got what she was saying and truly believed that I was doing just that,
but today something different has come up from the sea of knowledge and I get it a tad bit more as to what she means when she say’s no niche.
I am a “SOUL Solutions Coach” helping people move through the miscommunications that this world causes for us in ALL subjects of our life.
Bringing it back to humanness.
Bringing it back to love.
Bring it back to what is right will feel right and will not carry with it anger or hatred but love and connection.
When we come into any subject in our lives from SOUL and not ego,
we do not feel threatened,
we do not feel like we must prove anything,
we do not have a desire to control,
to blame, guilt or shame.
And we do not hold putrid thoughts and feelings toward anyone on this planet because their truth is not our truth and they choose to speak it in any fashion.
SOUL is respect for all humans beliefs, ways of being, and showing up.
SOUL is focused on building trust by not attacking with words or actions.
SOUL understands that each individual has boundaries and that we don’t have to agree with them but we do need to respect them.
SOUL understands that our words and actions play a significant role on the emotional, physiological, spiritual and physical bodies of self and others.
SOUL knows that our life is not about segregation but instead unity. Between people and subjects in our lives.
SOUL is about being captivated. Not by control or shame or anything other than SOUL – This being captivated means that you will feel CALLED to what you need, to the steps that you should take, to the lessons that you are to learn and toward love and gratitude, beauty and worthiness.
And so I come full circle today to the realization that I had so many years back,
“One Heart – One Soul”
This is how our world elevates its consciousness.
This is how we elevate our individual lives in all subjects.
To truly understand Namaste.
“I honor the place in you in which the entire universe dwells. I honor the place in you which is of love, of truth, of light, and of peace. When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are one.”
And honoring the light of SOUL is all that we can ever do in some situations as some individuals are eaten up by hatred, fear of their own light and worthiness and desire to control, manipulate and terrify those they claim to love, those they desire to be like and those that test their beliefs and fears.
Still, the most beautiful thing that any of us can ever off is just this HONOR of SOUL.
Speak from here beautiful.
Look from here.
Touch from here.
Communicate from here.
Ignore the fear that your ego will toss before you on this path,
ignore the concept that anyone is better than another,
ignore the concept that you must bow to them and let them have their way even if they are the one you wake next too each morning.
Because the act of hatred will never be love.
The act of taking will never be love.
The act of shaming will never be love.
The act of blaming will never be love.
So never settle or allow yourself to believe that it is.
You are WORTHY.
You are LOVE.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers
You have a lack of boundaries with yourself beautiful.
Your boundaries for self SUCK.
You cannot even deny it.
You may be under the impression that you got all your shiz together,
that boundaries are goofy or not really needed,
I mean you hear people say all the time with pride that they have none,
or perhaps you have what you consider very hard boundaries,
but baby I got news for you.
Porous or solid,
your self- boundaries suck.
And here is my observation and reasoning for you.
You refuse to commit.
You refuse to stay consistent.
You refuse to do the DAMN THING that you KNOW you must do for yourself.
You keep turning your back on YOU.
And then you have the gumption to b*itch about it and proclaim,
I took that class…
I got that help…
I tried that…
I had patience…
I pushed myself…
I focused on that…
I did that meditation, journaling, “work”….
I did it,
“IT” did not help me.
“IT” did not give me the results that I wanted or expected it too.
you are full of crap right now.
This is all bullsh*t!
“IT” whatever “IT” is or was has NOTHING to do with you having success.
The thing that determines your success is YOU.
Doing this THING that you “tried” is not ever going to get you the results that you want.
“IT” is support, education, a new viewpoint, system, guidance to help you achieve what you want IF….
YOU do the damn THING that you need to do.
And that THING is COMMIT.
That thing is staying consistent.
COMMITMENT + CONSISTENCY
to YOU beautiful.
And what does that look like? 🤔
➡️It looks like you getting up in the morning and stretching,
breathing into your beautiful body and feeling the gratitude that your body supported your life all night without any conscious effort from you instead of dreading the day ahead.
➡️It looks like you NOT choosing to look at the money you do not have in your bank account before you drink your first morning coffee or shower.
➡️It looks like you applying your focus to positive affirmations instead of looking at the bank account.
➡️It looks like you expanding your knowledge around things that turn you on instead of spending your time with things that drain you.
➡️It looks like you believing that you are worthy of love, success, a beautiful body, abundance and safety instead of focusing your fear on the opposite.
➡️It looks like you committing to YOU and not being the people pleaser that you feel you need to be in order to feel connection, love and gain success in any subject of your life.
➡️ It looks like you not making excuses about your money, your emotions, your responsibilities, your health, your support, your time, your vibration or the economy and JUST DOING THE DAMN THING!
➡️It looks like you being strong in who you are and what you want instead making allowances for being weak and stupid and letting your fears and worries dictate you results.
That is what it looks like beautiful.
But no one,
no coach, educator, marketing system or therapist,
no healer or medication,
But your COMMITMENT + CONSISTENCY can get you this.
So back to those boundaries that you seem to be having issues with and you want to ignore so fiercely.
Back to making some things nonnegotiable to your life and how you choose to show up and claim it.
Back to getting real and raw,
that is the hard thing.
That is the challenge.
To recognize and accept that YOU.
you are the one holding the map.
It’s your decision what way to go each step of your path.
And even when you feel like you have some great reason as to why you are going a direction that you know is out of alignment,
that ONLY YOU are making that decision.
And it is NEVER forced on you.
You CHOOSE how you react to any given experience or moment in your timeline.
You CHOOSE what you apply your attention and energy too.
You CHOOSE what you commit too.
But always remember that…
YOU ARE COMMITTING TO SOMETHING.
Where does your commitment lie?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
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I have been in those shoes before all too many time.
But that fear is not going to stop you.
You are powerful.
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This is a once in a life time to work with me 1:1 from anywhere in the world.
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Stop letting everything be an excuse!
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Why I always called my ex-husband after having HIGH VIBE sex….
Okay today I am going to share an intimacy tale with you that I have shared with very few, but it is time for me to be vulnerable and share this as so often we are guilty of doing this very thing in different ways.
Let me paint you a picture.🌃
” My hands take his face and pulls him close for a kiss that not only is connective but penetrates my heart and soul. Our breath intertwines in this moment and becomes one. I can feel our souls dancing in this celebration of love and my body opens to him. My legs soften and open wider, my pelvis tilts as I pull him in. I can feel him enter me and we both gasp with pleasure from the sensation that pours through our beings, the sensation of coming home.
He moves his body in gentle thrusts while holding me. Hand in my hair, hand on my hip. My hips and whole body fluidly moves with each of his thrusts as we gaze deeply into each others eyes, amazed at how connected we are; how our hearts long to orgasm into rapture with each other. He presses deeper into my pussy as though he want to touch my heart with his cock. His pelvis rubs on my clit, his breath comes down on my neck and with each stroke I feel myself surrendering at intense levels. My pussy now wants to devour him, wants to swallow him as she pulls him to the deepest levels possible and the head of his cock rubs gently on my cervix.
Minutes turn into hours, orgasmic waves roll through my whole being and force me into greater ecstasy as he fiercely but gently fucks me open. Here we are two flesh’s, two hearts, two souls yet married together through our sexing. The spiritual dance and penetration that we give to each other is untouchable. Our breathing becomes united, my pussy clenches then pushes, quivers then squirts its sweet amrita. His cock becomes harder in these moments and the vibrations of his love expand out and penetrate my pelvis. I can feel the intensity of his love and the orgasmic energy coming up my spine. He pulls me in, holds my hands down and firmly whispers his demand in my ear, “ Give me your orgasm.“
“Give me your orgasm. Give it to me. I want to feel you cum on my cock.”
My body quivers, my breathing becomes short and tense for a moment. The building of climax that was there, is now at its peak. I can feel the sharpness of orgasm trying to escape from my clit as he rubs across it. My nipples are swollen and his chest hair is almost to much sensation, but as they tickle my flesh the shaking of my thighs and pussy bursts into bliss. Air is released from my mouth, my chest softens, my hands drop down to the bed and he continues to stroke.
Each stroke although soft and delicate in this moment does not let me relax but keeps my orgasm in a soft wave where he can play me like an instrument beneath him to his will and desire. Where he can command me with his divine masculine to give him my orgasm. Over and over again, he strokes me into submission.”
Okay so you get the picture, right?
It was hot.
It was intense.
It was f-cking AMAZING!
It was passionate, present, INTIMATE and HIGH VIBE!
So much so that with this particular lover,
we were in such alignment,
the love was so deep and penetrative,
we had many moments where the smell of roses would waft up from our love making as though were making love in a bed of them.
Not a rose in sight…🌹🌹🌹
~That is HIGH VIBE SEX~
Now here is where things get interesting though.
Here is where I sorta loose my mind.
After such a deeply intimate high vibe experience with my lover,
for a few years I felt drawn to call my ex-husband while driving home from my lovers house back to mine.
it was no matter the hour of the day or night,
I would find myself being guided off to call my ex.
Logically I would tell myself,
“You are on top of the world right now. You need to check in with him in regards to the children or what have you ANYWAY, and RIGHT NOW nothing can get you down. You can handle his low energy, and can maybe even give him a positive boost. Call.”
And so I would call him.
And we would speak. And we would talk about what ever.
He quickly picked up on the fact that I was calling after being with this particular lover who would have my heart and soul hanging from the heavens in ecstasy and I think he got to a point where he consciously allowed himself to bask in that turned on, pumped up HIGH VIBE I was offering.
But what it took me a few years to grasp was WHY I was being called to reach out to him after having these powerful emotional, sexual, energetic experiences with my lover?
You see, after I got about three quarts of the way in on a phone call to my ex-husband, my HIGH VIBE would not be nearly as HIGH.
My turned on state would not be turned on, it would be maybe comfortable, happy but not ecstatic any longer.
My focus, my clarity and creativity that the love making had opened up to me would dissipate.
I was in an essence GIVING MY POWER.
MY TURNED ON ENERGY.
MY HIGH VIBE away for free to him.
So why would I do this?
I did it because as much as I enjoyed all that I was feeling,
all the creative flow and open heartedness. The spiritual alignment.
I was UNCOMFORTABLE holding this energy in my being.
It was still foreign to feel so good.
I almost had shame wrapped up around my feel good.
Guilt in the fact that I was so happy, turned on, orgasmic.
As though I did not deserve it.
And because FEELING GOOD was so hard to hold in my body, I did what I had to do to get back into my comfort zone. I drained myself.
And this is the point I want to share with you today.
So often we humans are more comfortable with LOW VIBE than HIGH VIBE.
We may question ourselves or others as to,
“Why are you so happy?”
We make statements such as,
“What have you been smoking?”
If someone brags a little too much about themselves or shows a little too much pride in something of theirs our response is,
“Think much of yourself?”
We have been programmed to believe that being to happy,
being in love with ourselves,
being proud of ourselves,
Thus when we access these higher levels of vibration,
energy, emotion, alignment,
we feel uncomfortable.
We look for what is wrong with it.
We expect the bottom to drop out.
For it to be hoax.
It cannot be right, true or our norm.
And so, before we can experience a let down.
Before it is taken from us.
We subconsciously look for ways to off set it.
To level ourselves out.
When if we wanted to grow ourselves,
to be more comfortable in HIGH VIBE,
and live an ecstatic life,
that F-ck YES! Life I am always preaching about,
what one would need to do,
would instead of letting the energy out in some way,
would be to HOLD the experience.
Hold the FEELING.
Hold the EMOTION.
Hold the DESIRE to SHARE.
Build up your ENERGETIC Muscles you could say.
GROW your SPIRITUAL BODY.
And in growing your spiritual body and energetic muscles,
you get more and more comfortable with HIGH VIBE Living.
You grow to expect it.
To desire it.
And guess what?
You start to manifest more of it.
Because it becomes your norm.
And whatever your normal is,
Is exactly what you get more of.
Because it is what you expect to get.
Where are you draining your HIGH VIBE?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Why are you settling for a small lifeless life? Are you sitting back night after night, watching Netflix and the news, playing games on Facebook and scrolling through your feed, wishing that you knew what to do and how to achieve something MORE. In the back of your mind is there a small voice whispering that it is possible, but the world around you is screaming that it is absurd to want anything other than what you already have?
So do you continue on with your lifeless life and allow the beauty of what could be, to be stripped away from your soul yet another year?
Living for the weekends.
Living for the holidays.
Living for that 2 weeks of vacation.
Living for the 5 o’clock hour where we can dart off to our local little watering hole and sit with others who are in the same constricting shoes of this life.
This is NOT Orgasmic Freedom Based Living!
This sure the effing is NOT!
We have grown so comfortable to reside here in hell. We actually have brainwashed ourselves to BELIEVE that this is what living is. We have come to terms with the supposed facts of this delusional state of existing and many of us have no clue how to live outside of this illusion.
So we sign another year long lease and get comfortable in our suffering.
It does not have to be this way though. At any given moment in time we have the ability and choice to WAKE THE F*CK UP! and choose differently. God gave us free will so that we could overcome the evils of this land. The only thing asked of us is to BECOME CONSCIOUS. This is the only step needed to turn the corner to a new life and RECEIVE all the blessings that you crave.
YES! all you have to do to live in orgasm every day and in every moment is to become conscious and choose differently.
You must choose the higher ground which is the ground of not accepting a small life. Not accepting AVERAGE and ORDINARY. Not accepting what the evils of the world would have you believe is living.
*Thank you Photographyinwonderland. for the photoshoot
You don’t own my sex!
You think that you want to own my sex.
You believe that it is love based.
You have been told that if someone loves you that they will not need, desire or be with anyone else.
You think that ownership is love.
But since when is slavery of any sort love?
sexual slavery is no more love than is
to brand and tag another human being and sell them to the highest bidder as though they are live stock.
That may seem offensive to some.
It may seem extreme to others.
I am pretty sure that many are flabbergasted in this moment that anyone would say such a thing in today’s world.
But seriously, owning someone else in any fashion or form is NOT LOVE.
And I can tell you that you have no right to own another persons sex.
It’s far more than the genitals that I speak of here.
It is one’s core.
It is one’s creative energy.
It is one’s soul.
Their guidance system if they are tapped into it.
Our alignment to life,
to our path,
and all that we can be stems from this place within ourselves.
It hubs all that we are.
It is our primal,
And you think that it is loving to own.
That it is loving to sign over the papers to such a thing.
That it is someones duty,
or a rightful expectation to demand that one give this to anyone?
May I challenge those of you who read this and want to spout back some negative comment,
some biblical quote,
some moral statement as you believe it to be,
may I challenge you to ask yourself this….
“What do I get out of owning another person’s sex?”
You need to get real here.
Because the truth of your desire and your fake love is found in the answer to this question IF….
IF you can be truthful in your answer.
And for those of you who cannot let me answer it for you.
And guess what?
All of these are fake.
Just like the love that you are claiming that “makes” you do it.
Love has nothing to do with ownership.
Love has nothing to do with having power over someones anything.
Love has nothing to do with security.
Let alone demanding and trying to force security.
Love is a risk.
Love is powerful.
Love is freeing.
Love is unconditional.
And it has NOTHING to do with our sex.
Sure you have far better,
more connective and intimate,
sex with love at play then without.
It takes you from two bodies rubbing against each other and enjoying some friction to a true opening,
and blissed out state.
But love has nothing to do with sex.
And it DOES NOT mean that we love someone more or less if we have sex with them or not.
Sex is not a barometer for love.
Sex is about feeling ones self in a most pure, authentic, real capacity.
Through our sexing we meet ourselves.
We feel ourselves.
And we expand in who we can be.
Through our sexing we are offered a taste of intimacy into ourselves.
That is what makes sex so damn intimate.
It is not intimate because we see another person naked.
It is not intimate because we are physically connecting.
It is not intimate because this other being is feeling anything or not.
It is intimate because we are experiencing all of this about OURSELVES with the assistance of another who is doing the same.
But this form of intimacy.
INTO – ME- I- SEE
only comes about when we are present with ourselves and no longer hiding from our shadows.
When we are being responsible for ourselves and not looking for anyone else to fill us in any way.
Not wanting to be completed by anyone else,
not wanting to feel loved by anyone,
or gain our happiness from anyone else.
This sort of intimacy comes when we are NOT IN NEED.
But in LOVE.
Love of self.
Happy with self.
Intimacy with self.
Whole in self.
Worthy in self.
If you believe that you “need” anyone else to do any of these things for you and that equates love then you are far, far away from true love my dear.
So one more question for you to ask of yourself….
“Do I feel more loved by my partner if they do not have sex with anyone but me?”
okay maybe two questions.
“And if yes, then what about them only having sex with me, makes me feel loved, or guarantees a greater love in your opinion?”
The reality is that we harbor a lot of judgement around our sex and the sex of others.
We condemn people for wanting sex.
We condemn people for not wanting sex.
We judge and call names,
label and make opinions into facts that do not exist,
based on on our judgments to make ourselves feel safe.
Feel better than.
And if you loved.
The way love is to be,
which is unconditional.
Than you would see that your judgments on another’s sex and your desire to control it for them,
is not of love,
but of ego.
And your own insecurities around your sex and heart.
You aim to protect yourself by controlling another’s actions.
You aim to protect and make sure that pain and suffering does not befall on you,
as if you were meant to never feel the contrast of pain in your life,
and as if pain and growth was wrong,
when in fact when one can lean in,
and love through the pain.
Through the fear.
Through all that we paint in our illusions of our ego,
and SIMPLY LOVE.
and allow for the reality that we are to love many in many forms of the word.
That “relationship” in any aspect is all about LOVE.
And without love, the relationship should not even be.
So to try and control one’s love or how they choose to connect in any relationship is nothing more than an insecurity based in fear and desire to hide from one’s own expansion and feelings.
It is a fear to experience the beauty of true unconditional loving.
I challenge you today my love,
to feel your true heart and to expand yourself and do the inquiry work so that you can have relationship based not in need and thus control, but in the beauty of surrendering to unconditional love.
This is not written to give permission to those who lie and cheat,
who step out of integrity and say that they just cannot be themselves. No this is not written to give any such permission.
This is written to challenge all who read it about what sort of love they have based their relationships in and to bring up the empowering discussions of truth and honesty, coming from a place of love and intimacy.
Communicate in love.
Not in fear.
Stop allowing your past pains to mask your current heart.
Step out of your desire to have what is not possible,
that requires faith, grace and communication.
Step out of that desire,
the desire for security and guarantee’s,
where your “love” remains the same and tidy in a box that it was never meant to be kept in.
Because my dear,
relationship will never be something that does not cause you pain.
It will push you to your limits.
It will challenge your core.
It will make you question all that you have believed and known,
and it will ask you to stand in who you are,
not of who you were, or will be.
Yes my dear,
relationship is just this and nothing more.
It is a place where we meet ourselves in all,
where we get to embrace if we allow,
our hearts and heal our wounds.
Strengthen our love and KNOW our core.
You do not own my sex.
And your sex is not owned.
You are a free soul.
A free being.
Remember this my love.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers.”
**FUN FACT – There are five loves in this picture. And even though some are still beside me and some are no longer active roles in my life. All are still unconditionally loved by me.**
The man in my bed.
He is like no other man that has graced my sheets with splendor.
He is like no other man who has captured my essence,
if for a flicker in time.
He is like no one before him who thought they could penetrate my soul while f-cking my body.
This man in my bed is for sure like no other.
I could tell you it’s in his moans,
its in the way his tone changes during our sexing.
I could tell you that it’s about how he holds me,
how he takes my hand firmly to let me know he is leading.
I could tell you its about how he tells me what he wants,
how he wants me to wrap myself around him,
to open to him more,
I could tell you that its about how he massages my cervix,
and knows how to move just right.
Sure I could say all of that,
but none of that would be true.
The man in my bed.
He is certainly like no other,
and though his skill is far above most,
his body pleasing to my touch and eye,
it is not these things either.
I could tell you that its in his kiss,
and let me assure you that I might have to sit and ponder,
for his kiss is beyond measure.
I could tell you that its in his smooth conversation,
in his depth, or in his knowledge.
I could tell you that its because he is a good mind f-ck,
as he most certainly always make me think.
I could tell you that its because he makes me laugh,
as he always puts a smile on my face.
Yes I could tell you these things,
and they would add to the pool of reasons,
as why he is so yummy.
But it would still not scratch the surface,
as to why this man in my bed is like no other.
So let me tell you.
Tell you now I will.
This man in my bed is like no other,
he holds my respect.
he ignites my soul,
he turns me on with his presence,
and captivates me with his certainty.
This man in my bed,
is like no other,
he has me wanting more of him,
he has me wanting to show up for him.
This man in my bed makes me want to earn him,
all the while revealing to me how beautiful I am in his eyes.
this man must have read my journal,
he must have been given a copy by God,
because as we lay here in my bed,
I watch my desires unfold,
they are handed to me,
one by one,
and as he leans over and kisses my neck,
as he roams my flesh,
as he whispers his desires in my ear,
this man in my bed,
He looks at me with a smirk,
he inquires about my Mona Lisa smile,
he knows I am hiding something,
but how do I tell this man.
How do I tell him my truth?
And what is my truth anyway?
This man in my bed,
he wants my love,
he wants my mind,
he wants my flesh,
he wants me,
And he wonders.
This man in my bed is like no other,
and one day he may come to realise,
that all that he wants is already his.
This man who holds me so perfectly,
who I respect and admire,
who I feel penetrated by with each word,
with each look,
he is different than any other,
and I tell you right now,
he is very different.
I see more than this moment.
I desire the sunrise,
I desire more than a day,
or even a month or a year.
This man has me wanting him,
and that does not happen with such ease.
Yet this man,
this man in my bed,
smooth as velvet,
he has me wanting,
Wanting for more.
This goes out to all those men who want to turn their lady on,
who want to know they are wanted,
this goes out to all you gents who desire to conquer a woman’s heart and soul,
and wonder why another so effortlessly might do just that.
This goes out to you,
you who want to fully penetrate your woman.
And question how it can be done.
Let me tell you the secret,
that she will never confess.
Yes the answer sweet man is this,
it’s in your lead,
it’s about her respect,
and how you respect her back,
it amout how she can melt into you,
how you carry her heart,
and hold her in her emotions,
its about the silent moments,
and how present you remain,
it’s about how you touch her,
not her flesh but her mind.
Yes here is how you do it.
Here is how you make love to her.
Learn to stroke her this way,
And let her open.
And you too, ‘will have all that you want.
Stop Existing & Start Living
Hey there gents want to learn more about living as an extraordinary man? Want to gather the skills and confidence to show up for your woman like this?
Be that bad a*s man that you know that you are,
but have told not to reveal to this world?
Yes, I am talking to you.
Come explore my 1:1 men’s private coaching.
And until Christmas use code SANTAGIFT to get an additional 2-months for free.
Mmmmmmmm….. sounds good, huh?
Sounds like something you want.
That you desire more of in your life.
I sit here this morning contemplating so many things,
and I often find myself excavating past lessons so that I do not repeat them in current time and space.
As I analyze things, especially how I choose to do relationship I see how difficult I might be to have a serious one with.
And I do not believe that it is the fact that I enjoy multiple people in my life that is the difficult thing.
What is difficult for most is my integrity about it.
I share openly about my feelings.
About my past.
About my desires.
I share how I feel.
The issue is that we are taught that we should not want anything more than the relationship we have.
That the relationship we have is to complete us,
to make us happy, and to provide all our needs.
If it does not then under no conditions should you turn to someone else to get this met.
ESPECIALLY someone you may be attracted too or them to you.
I hear the statement,
” Be cautious of the situation you put yourself in.”
I hear the concern in this statement.
I hear the plea of if you hang around people you like, are attracted too then you may stray,
and straying equates to you leaving.
Because you have to make a choice.
Because there is ONLY so much love to go around.
Because you cannot have multiple relationships successfully.
Because it makes ME uncomfortable.
Okay, here is where I get a little uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable in my truth.
My truth is that I can NEVER go back to a way of living where I shut myself down from the world,
from other people,
and/or from men.
I f-cking love my male friends and lovers.
Whether current lovers of not, I may be enjoying time with them.
And when it is imposed on me that I need to not do this,
I feel shackles being put on me and on my emotions,
And YES you better believe I will be making a choice.
I am poly my nature.
In all things I do.
I do love many.
I do enjoy many.
And may be likely to have intimacies in multiple ways with a few.
The one’s who capture my heart,
capture my essence for a season of our lives dancing together,
are the one’s who are confident enough in themselves and who get the difference between love and need.
Who can embrace my feminine wave of love.
These are the ones or THE ONE that will hold me a lifetime.
Now I am not speaking on sex here.
When I say intimacy,
I mean depth in revealing.
Sex can be this intimacy,
however sexing will only be as deep and intimate as we allow ourselves to be revealed in it.
Sex can just be that, sex.
It can be friction based and meaningless.
Sex does not mean love.
Sex does not mean commitment.
Sex does not mean intimacy.
Sex is a communication tool,
a physical communication tool .
And if you show up at only a surface level in your daily interactions with a lover,
then your sexing will only mimic the same.
If you have depth, intimacy, surrender, authenticity in your daily interactions then your sex can go to this level as well,
or it can still be held in a place of disconnect if we are letting everything be heard in other ways but are scared to speak our truth in the bedroom.
Sex DOES NOT mean intimacy.
It can however deepen our intimacy and love.
It all depends on our level of surrender with our partner.
In the land of poly,
many believe that poly means to have multiple sexual partners. But this is not true,
poly is about something much more frightening than sex.
It is about LOVE.
And in love we can go deep with someone,
and we might open the gateway to sex.
Might I even say gourmet sex?
Because of the love,
because of the more authentic relating.
But poly DOES NOT equate to sex,
lot’s of sex,
or sex with many.
You can be monogamous in your sexing,
and polyamorous in your relating and intimacy sharing.
And you can have success in this.
Just like you can have success in an open relationship with open sexing, or a swinging relationship.
Just like you can have success in a monogamous relationship.
A successful relationship is not about the sexual labels you put on it.
It is based on the confidence that each party has in themselves first, the self-love they have, and their ability to show up authentically in the realtionship. Which means authentic communication.
Year spent together does not equate a successful relationship.
Unconditional love, and forward moving growth,
individually and together gives you opportunity to have this.
The most happy people on the planet are the one’s who have multiple close relationships. The healthiest people are the same.
Healthy mentally, emotionally and physically.
All requires intimacy shared.
Closing yourself off to the world is a death sentence in an essence.
Closing yourself off to the world and ONLY allowing intimacy to be shared with but ONE is putting all your eggs in one basket and putting an unrealistic expectation on the ONE. As well, as expecting that you as an individual can survive with only this one food source.
Because relationships are food.
They are emotional, mental, spiritual food.
They effect our body, mind and soul.
They impact us at a deep level.
And not having them does not mean that we are not effected.
Avoidance of relationship DOES equate avoidance of your heart and soul.
It is hiding from all the intimacy and truth that you are meant to share.
We hide out of fear of getting hurt.
We choose to not get involved,
to not catch feelings,
out of fear of getting burned.
If we do step into a relationship,
we then revamp our whole world and expect our partner to do the same, by not having relationship outside of the primary relationship. Often this simply means to pull away from anyone that there may potentially be “feelings” for.
And we do this out of fear.
Fear of loss.
Fear of being abandoned.
Fear of having too much love.
We close off because our ego’s affirm to us that it is not safe to love.
Love will not hurt you.
Love is not limited.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” ( 1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
So why do we fear it so?
Why do we handcuff it so?
Why do we cover it with our self-centered need?
Because we do not understand.
And we equate many a thing to be love.
We fear what we do not know.
We fear what we cannot control.
We fear that we will loose if we love,
therefore we choose to turn our backs on love,
as we embrace its doppelganger of lust and need.
is authentic relating.
come in many ways and are what brings joy and surrender to all relationship.
Sex is never a reason to fear loss.
Love will never create loss.
The only reasons we change seasons with a relationship is because we have either out grown the relationship or have not grown to the next level within it,
or it was based on need ( not love) and those needs are no longer being met.
Level up your love life,
by tapping into your authentic self.
Embody yourself and open to love.
This is the answer to your happily ever after.
Stop Existing & Start Living
If you are ready to make the leap then reach out to me today. I am running a Christmas special where you get 2-months of coaching for FREE. Check it out and use the SANTAGIFT code in the why you want to work with me section.