Why I always called my ex-husband after having HIGH VIBE sex….

Why I always called my ex-husband after having HIGH VIBE sex….

Say WHAT?🤯
Okay today I am going to share an intimacy tale with you that I have shared with very few, but it is time for me to be vulnerable and share this as so often we are guilty of doing this very thing in different ways.

Let me paint you a picture.🌃

” My hands take his face and pulls him close for a kiss that not only is connective but penetrates my heart and soul. Our breath intertwines in this moment and becomes one. I can feel our souls dancing in this celebration of love and my body opens to him. My legs soften and open wider, my pelvis tilts as I pull him in. I can feel him enter me and we both gasp with pleasure from the sensation that pours through our beings, the sensation of coming home.

He moves his body in gentle thrusts while holding me. Hand in my hair, hand on my hip. My hips and whole body fluidly moves with each of his thrusts as we gaze deeply into each others eyes, amazed at how connected we are; how our hearts long to orgasm into rapture with each other. He presses deeper into my pussy as though he want to touch my heart with his cock. His pelvis rubs on my clit, his breath comes down on my neck and with each stroke I feel myself surrendering at intense levels. My pussy now wants to devour him, wants to swallow him as she pulls him to the deepest levels possible and the head of his cock rubs gently on my cervix.

Minutes turn into hours, orgasmic waves roll through my whole being and force me into greater ecstasy as he fiercely but gently fucks me open. Here we are two flesh’s, two hearts, two souls yet married together through our sexing. The spiritual dance and penetration that we give to each other is untouchable. Our breathing becomes united, my pussy clenches then pushes, quivers then squirts its sweet amrita. His cock becomes harder in these moments and the vibrations of his love expand out and penetrate my pelvis. I can feel the intensity of his love and the orgasmic energy coming up my spine. He pulls me in, holds my hands down and firmly whispers his demand in my ear, “ Give me your orgasm.“

“Give me your orgasm. Give it to me. I want to feel you cum on my cock.”

My body quivers, my breathing becomes short and tense for a moment. The building of climax that was there, is now at its peak. I can feel the sharpness of orgasm trying to escape from my clit as he rubs across it. My nipples are swollen and his chest hair is almost to much sensation, but as they tickle my flesh the shaking of my thighs and pussy bursts into bliss. Air is released from my mouth, my chest softens, my hands drop down to the bed and he continues to stroke.

Each stroke although soft and delicate in this moment does not let me relax but keeps my orgasm in a soft wave where he can play me like an instrument beneath him to his will and desire. Where he can command me with his divine masculine to give him my orgasm. Over and over again, he strokes me into submission.”

Okay so you get the picture, right?
It was hot.
It was intense.
It was f-cking AMAZING!
It was passionate, present, INTIMATE and HIGH VIBE!
So much so that with this particular lover,
we were in such alignment,
the love was so deep and penetrative,
we had many moments where the smell of roses would waft up from our love making as though were making love in a bed of them.

Not a rose in sight…🌹🌹🌹
Though???

~That is HIGH VIBE SEX~

Now here is where things get interesting though.
Here is where I sorta loose my mind.

After such a deeply intimate high vibe experience with my lover,
for a few years I felt drawn to call my ex-husband while driving home from my lovers house back to mine.

Crazy huh?
Yet there,
it was no matter the hour of the day or night,
I would find myself being guided off to call my ex.
Logically I would tell myself,

“You are on top of the world right now. You need to check in with him in regards to the children or what have you ANYWAY, and RIGHT NOW nothing can get you down. You can handle his low energy, and can maybe even give him a positive boost. Call.”

And so I would call him.

And we would speak. And we would talk about what ever.
He quickly picked up on the fact that I was calling after being with this particular lover who would have my heart and soul hanging from the heavens in ecstasy and I think he got to a point where he consciously allowed himself to bask in that turned on, pumped up HIGH VIBE I was offering.

But what it took me a few years to grasp was WHY I was being called to reach out to him after having these powerful emotional, sexual, energetic experiences with my lover?

You see, after I got about three quarts of the way in on a phone call to my ex-husband, my HIGH VIBE would not be nearly as HIGH.

My turned on state would not be turned on, it would be maybe comfortable, happy but not ecstatic any longer.

My focus, my clarity and creativity that the love making had opened up to me would dissipate.

I was in an essence GIVING MY POWER.
My ORGASM.
MY TURNED ON ENERGY.
MY HIGH VIBE away for free to him.

So why would I do this?
Its crazy.

I did it because as much as I enjoyed all that I was feeling,
all the creative flow and open heartedness. The spiritual alignment.

I was UNCOMFORTABLE holding this energy in my being.
It was still foreign to feel so good.

I almost had shame wrapped up around my feel good.
Guilt in the fact that I was so happy, turned on, orgasmic.
As though I did not deserve it.

And because FEELING GOOD was so hard to hold in my body, I did what I had to do to get back into my comfort zone. I drained myself.

And this is the point I want to share with you today.

So often we humans are more comfortable with LOW VIBE than HIGH VIBE.

We may question ourselves or others as to,

“Why are you so happy?”

We make statements such as,
“What have you been smoking?”

If someone brags a little too much about themselves or shows a little too much pride in something of theirs our response is,

“Think much of yourself?”

We have been programmed to believe that being to happy,
being in love with ourselves,
being proud of ourselves,
is bad.

Thus when we access these higher levels of vibration,
energy, emotion, alignment,
we feel uncomfortable.
We look for what is wrong with it.
We expect the bottom to drop out.
For it to be hoax.
Or something.
It cannot be right, true or our norm.

And so, before we can experience a let down.
Before it is taken from us.
We subconsciously look for ways to off set it.
To level ourselves out.

When if we wanted to grow ourselves,
to be more comfortable in HIGH VIBE,
and live an ecstatic life,
that F-ck YES! Life I am always preaching about,
what one would need to do,
would instead of letting the energy out in some way,
would be to HOLD the experience.

Hold the FEELING.
Hold the EMOTION.
Hold the DESIRE to SHARE.
Hold speaking.

Build up your ENERGETIC Muscles you could say.
GROW your SPIRITUAL BODY.

And in growing your spiritual body and energetic muscles,
you get more and more comfortable with HIGH VIBE Living.

You grow to expect it.
To desire it.
And guess what?

You start to manifest more of it.
Because it becomes your norm.

And whatever your normal is,
Is exactly what you get more of.
Because it is what you expect to get.

Where are you draining your HIGH VIBE?

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Why are you settling for a small lifeless life? Are you sitting back night after night, watching Netflix and the news, playing games on Facebook and scrolling through your feed, wishing that you knew what to do and how to achieve something MORE. In the back of your mind is there a small voice whispering that it is possible, but the world around you is screaming that it is absurd to want anything other than what you already have?

So do you continue on with your lifeless life and allow the beauty of what could be, to be stripped away from your soul yet another year?

Living for the weekends.

Living for the holidays.

Living for that 2 weeks of vacation.

Living for the 5 o’clock hour where we can dart off to our local little watering hole and sit with others who are in the same constricting shoes of this life.

This is NOT Orgasmic Freedom Based Living!

This sure the effing is NOT!

We have grown so comfortable to reside here in hell. We actually have brainwashed ourselves to BELIEVE that this is what living is. We have come to terms with the supposed facts of this delusional state of existing and many of us have no clue how to live outside of this illusion.

So we sign another year long lease and get comfortable in our suffering.

It does not have to be this way though. At any given moment in time we have the ability and choice to WAKE THE F*CK UP! and choose differently. God gave us free will so that we could overcome the evils of this land. The only thing asked of us is to BECOME CONSCIOUS. This is the only step needed to turn the corner to a new life and RECEIVE all the blessings that you crave.

YES! all you have to do to live in orgasm every day and in every moment is to become conscious and choose differently.

You must choose the higher ground which is the ground of not accepting a small life. Not accepting AVERAGE and ORDINARY. Not accepting what the evils of the world would have you believe is living.

Explore Feel Good Now!

 

*Thank you Photographyinwonderland. for the photoshoot

You Don’t Own My Sex!

You don’t own my sex!
You think that you want to own my sex. 
You believe that it is love based.
You have been told that if someone loves you that they will not need, desire or be with anyone else. 
You think that ownership is love. 

But since when is slavery of any sort love?
Relationship slavery, 
sexual slavery is no more love than is
to brand and tag another human being and sell them to the highest bidder as though they are live stock.

That may seem offensive to some. 
It may seem extreme to others. 
I am pretty sure that many are flabbergasted in this moment that anyone would say such a thing in today’s world. 

But seriously, owning someone else in any fashion or form is NOT LOVE.

And I can tell you that you have no right to own another persons sex.

It’s far more than the genitals that I speak of here. 
It is one’s core.
It is one’s creative energy.
It is one’s soul.
Their guidance system if they are tapped into it. 
Our alignment to life, 
to our path, 
and all that we can be stems from this place within ourselves. 

Our sex. 
It hubs all that we are. 
It is our primal, 
passionate, 
truth.

Our GPS.

And you think that it is loving to own. 
That it is loving to sign over the papers to such a thing.
That it is someones duty, 
or a rightful expectation to demand that one give this to anyone?

Really?

May I challenge those of you who read this and want to spout back some negative comment, 
some biblical quote, 
some moral statement as you believe it to be, 
may I challenge you to ask yourself this….

“What do I get out of owning another person’s sex?”

You need to get real here.
Because the truth of your desire and your fake love is found in the answer to this question IF….

IF you can be truthful in your answer.

And for those of you who cannot let me answer it for you.

Power.
Control.
Security.

And guess what?
All of these are fake.
Just like the love that you are claiming that “makes” you do it.

Love has nothing to do with ownership.
Love has nothing to do with having power over someones anything.
Love has nothing to do with security.
Let alone demanding and trying to force security.

Love is a risk.
Love is powerful.
Love is freeing.
Love is unconditional. 
And it has NOTHING to do with our sex.

Sure you have far better, 
more orgasmic, 
more connective and intimate, 
sex with love at play then without.

It takes you from two bodies rubbing against each other and enjoying some friction to a true opening, 
and blissed out state. 

But love has nothing to do with sex.
And it DOES NOT mean that we love someone more or less if we have sex with them or not.

Sex is not a barometer for love.
Sex is about feeling ones self in a most pure, authentic, real capacity. 
Through our sexing we meet ourselves. 
We feel ourselves.
And we expand in who we can be. 
Through our sexing we are offered a taste of intimacy into ourselves. 
That is what makes sex so damn intimate.

It is not intimate because we see another person naked.
It is not intimate because we are physically connecting.
It is not intimate because this other being is feeling anything or not.

It is intimate because we are experiencing all of this about OURSELVES with the assistance of another who is doing the same. 

But this form of intimacy. 
INTO – ME- I- SEE
only comes about when we are present with ourselves and no longer hiding from our shadows. 
When we are being responsible for ourselves and not looking for anyone else to fill us in any way. 
Not wanting to be completed by anyone else, 
not wanting to feel loved by anyone, 
or gain our happiness from anyone else. 
This sort of intimacy comes when we are NOT IN NEED.
But in LOVE.

Love of self.
Happy with self.
Intimacy with self.
Whole in self.
Worthy in self.

If you believe that you “need” anyone else to do any of these things for you and that equates love then you are far, far away from true love my dear.

So one more question for you to ask of yourself….

“Do I feel more loved by my partner if they do not have sex with anyone but me?”

okay maybe two questions.

“And if yes, then what about them only having sex with me, makes me feel loved, or guarantees a greater love in your opinion?”

The reality is that we harbor a lot of judgement around our sex and the sex of others. 

We condemn people for wanting sex.
We condemn people for not wanting sex.
We judge and call names, 
label and make opinions into facts that do not exist, 
based on on our judgments to make ourselves feel safe.
Feel right.
Feel moral.
Feel better than.

And if you loved.
Truly loved. 
The way love is to be, 
which is unconditional. 
Than you would see that your judgments on another’s sex and your desire to control it for them, 
is not of love,
but of ego. 
And your own insecurities around your sex and heart.

You aim to protect yourself by controlling another’s actions.
You aim to protect and make sure that pain and suffering does not befall on you, 
as if you were meant to never feel the contrast of pain in your life, 
and as if pain and growth was wrong, 
when in fact when one can lean in, 
and love through the pain. 
Through the fear.
Through all that we paint in our illusions of our ego, 
and SIMPLY LOVE.
Unconditional, 
and allow for the reality that we are to love many in many forms of the word. 
That “relationship” in any aspect is all about LOVE.
And without love, the relationship should not even be. 

So to try and control one’s love or how they choose to connect in any relationship is nothing more than an insecurity based in fear and desire to hide from one’s own expansion and feelings.

It is a fear to experience the beauty of true unconditional loving.

I challenge you today my love, 
to feel your true heart and to expand yourself and do the inquiry work so that you can have relationship based not in need and thus control, but in the beauty of surrendering to unconditional love. 

This is not written to give permission to those who lie and cheat, 
who step out of integrity and say that they just cannot be themselves. No this is not written to give any such permission. 
This is written to challenge all who read it about what sort of love they have based their relationships in and to bring up the empowering discussions of truth and honesty, coming from a place of love and intimacy. 

Communicate in love. 
Not in fear.
Stop allowing your past pains to mask your current heart.
Step out of your desire to have what is not possible, 
that requires faith, grace and communication. 
Step out of that desire, 
the desire for security and guarantee’s, 
where your “love” remains the same and tidy in a box that it was never meant to be kept in.

Because my dear, 
relationship will never be something that does not cause you pain.
It will push you to your limits. 
It will challenge your core. 
It will make you question all that you have believed and known, 
and it will ask you to stand in who you are, 
not of who you were, or will be. 

Yes my dear, 
relationship is just this and nothing more. 
It is a place where we meet ourselves in all, 
where we get to embrace if we allow, 
our hearts and heal our wounds. 
Strengthen our love and KNOW our core. 

You do not own my sex.
And your sex is not owned. 
You are a free soul. 
A free being. 

Remember this my love. 
And….
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers.”

**FUN FACT – There are five loves in this picture. And even though some are still beside me and some are no longer active roles in my life. All are still unconditionally loved by me.**

This Man in My Bed.

The man in my bed. 
He is like no other man that has graced my sheets with splendor.
He is like no other man who has captured my essence, 
if for a flicker in time. 
He is like no one before him who thought they could penetrate my soul while f-cking my body.

No.

This man in my bed is for sure like no other.

I could tell you it’s in his moans, 
its in the way his tone changes during our sexing.
I could tell you that it’s about how he holds me, 
how he takes my hand firmly to let me know he is leading.
I could tell you its about how he tells me what he wants, 
how he wants me to wrap myself around him, 
to open to him more, 
I could tell you that its about how he massages my cervix, 
and knows how to move just right.

Sure I could say all of that, 
but none of that would be true.

The man in my bed. 
He is certainly like no other, 
and though his skill is far above most, 
his body pleasing to my touch and eye, 
it is not these things either.

I could tell you that its in his kiss, 
and let me assure you that I might have to sit and ponder, 
for his kiss is beyond measure.

I could tell you that its in his smooth conversation, 
in his depth, or in his knowledge.
I could tell you that its because he is a good mind f-ck, 
as he most certainly always make me think.

I could tell you that its because he makes me laugh, 
as he always puts a smile on my face.

Yes I could tell you these things, 
and they would add to the pool of reasons, 
as why he is so yummy.
But it would still not scratch the surface, 
as to why this man in my bed is like no other.

So let me tell you. 
Tell you now I will.

This man in my bed is like no other, 
he holds my respect.
he ignites my soul, 
he turns me on with his presence, 
and captivates me with his certainty.

This man in my bed, 
is like no other, 
he has me wanting more of him, 
he has me wanting to show up for him.

This man in my bed makes me want to earn him, 
all the while revealing to me how beautiful I am in his eyes.

This man, 
this man must have read my journal, 
he must have been given a copy by God, 
because as we lay here in my bed, 
I watch my desires unfold, 
they are handed to me, 
one by one, 
and as he leans over and kisses my neck, 
as he roams my flesh, 
as he whispers his desires in my ear, 
this man in my bed, 
in unaware.

He looks at me with a smirk, 
he inquires about my Mona Lisa smile, 
he knows I am hiding something, 
but how do I tell this man.

How do I tell him my truth?

And what is my truth anyway?

This man in my bed, 
he wants my love, 
he wants my mind, 
he wants my flesh, 
he wants me, 
fully.

And he wonders.

This man in my bed is like no other, 
and one day he may come to realise, 
that all that he wants is already his.

This man who holds me so perfectly, 
who I respect and admire, 
who I feel penetrated by with each word, 
with each look, 
this man, 
he is different than any other, 
and I tell you right now, 
he is very different.

I see more than this moment.
I desire the sunrise, 
and sunset, 
I desire more than a day, 
or even a month or a year. 
This man has me wanting him, 
and that does not happen with such ease.

Yet this man, 
this man in my bed, 
smooth as velvet, 
he has me wanting,

Wanting for more.

————————————————-
This goes out to all those men who want to turn their lady on, 
who want to know they are wanted, 
this goes out to all you gents who desire to conquer a woman’s heart and soul, 
and wonder why another so effortlessly might do just that. 
This goes out to you, 
you who want to fully penetrate your woman.
And question how it can be done.

Let me tell you the secret, 
that she will never confess.

Yes the answer sweet man is this, 
it’s in your lead, 
it’s about her respect, 
and how you respect her back, 
it amout how she can melt into you, 
how you carry her heart, 
and hold her in her emotions, 
its about the silent moments, 
and how present you remain, 
it’s about how you touch her, 
not her flesh but her mind.

Yes here is how you do it.
Here is how you make love to her. 
Learn to stroke her this way, 
whole being.
And let her open. 
And you too, ‘will have all that you want.

As Always, 
Stop Existing & Start Living

Hey there gents want to learn more about living as an extraordinary man? Want to gather the skills and confidence to show up for your woman like this?

Be that bad a*s man that you know that you are, 
but have told not to reveal to this world?

Yes, I am talking to you. 
Come explore my 1:1 men’s private coaching
And until Christmas use code SANTAGIFT to get an additional 2-months for free. 

Sex, Love and Fear.

Snuggles.
Intimacy.
Kisses.
Time shared.
SEX!

Mmmmmmmm….. sounds good, huh?
Sounds like something you want.
That you desire more of in your life.
Me too!

I sit here this morning contemplating so many things,
and I often find myself excavating past lessons so that I do not repeat them in current time and space.
As I analyze things, especially how I choose to do relationship I see how difficult I might be to have a serious one with.
And I do not believe that it is the fact that I enjoy multiple people in my life that is the difficult thing.
What is difficult for most is my integrity about it.
I share openly about my feelings.
About my past.
About my desires.
I share how I feel.

The issue is that we are taught that we should not want anything more than the relationship we have.
That the relationship we have is to complete us,
to make us happy, and to provide all our needs.
If it does not then under no conditions should you turn to someone else to get this met.
ESPECIALLY someone you may be attracted too or them to you.

I hear the statement,
” Be cautious of the situation you put yourself in.”

I hear the concern in this statement.
I hear the plea of if you hang around people you like, are attracted too then you may stray,
and straying equates to you leaving.
Because you have to make a choice.
Because there is ONLY so much love to go around.
Because you cannot have multiple relationships successfully.
Because it makes ME uncomfortable.

Okay, here is where I get a little uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable in my truth.

My truth is that I can NEVER go back to a way of living where I shut myself down from the world,
from other people,
and/or from men.
I f-cking love my male friends and lovers.
Whether current lovers of not, I may be enjoying time with them.
And when it is imposed on me that I need to not do this,
I feel shackles being put on me and on my emotions,
my heart,
my desires,
my energy.
And YES you better believe I will be making a choice.

I am poly my nature.
In all things I do.

I do love many.
I do enjoy many.
And may be likely to have intimacies in multiple ways with a few.

The one’s who capture my heart,
capture my essence for a season of our lives dancing together,
are the one’s who are confident enough in themselves and who get the difference between love and need.
Who can embrace my feminine wave of love.
These are the ones or THE ONE that will hold me a lifetime.

Now I am not speaking on sex here.
When I say intimacy,
I mean depth in revealing.
Sex can be this intimacy,
however sexing will only be as deep and intimate as we allow ourselves to be revealed in it.
Sex can just be that, sex.
It can be friction based and meaningless.

Sex does not mean love.
Sex does not mean commitment.
Sex does not mean intimacy.

Sex is a communication tool,
a physical communication tool .
And if you show up at only a surface level in your daily interactions with a lover,
then your sexing will only mimic the same.
Surface sex.
If you have depth, intimacy, surrender, authenticity in your daily interactions then your sex can go to this level as well,
or it can still be held in a place of disconnect if we are letting everything be heard in other ways but are scared to speak our truth in the bedroom.

Sex DOES NOT mean intimacy.
or love.

It can however deepen our intimacy and love.
It all depends on our level of surrender with our partner.

In the land of poly,
many believe that poly means to have multiple sexual partners. But this is not true,
poly is about something much more frightening than sex.
It is about LOVE.

Loving multiples.
And in love we can go deep with someone,
and we might open the gateway to sex.
Good sex.
Might I even say gourmet sex?
Because of the love,
because of the more authentic relating.

But poly DOES NOT equate to sex,
lot’s of sex,
or sex with many.

You can be monogamous in your sexing, 
and polyamorous in your relating and intimacy sharing.

And you can have success in this.
Just like you can have success in an open relationship with open sexing, or a swinging relationship.
Just like you can have success in a monogamous relationship.

A successful relationship is not about the sexual labels you put on it.

It is based on the confidence that each party has in themselves first, the self-love they have, and their ability to show up authentically in the realtionship. Which means authentic communication.

Year spent together does not equate a successful relationship.

Happiness does.
Unconditional love, and forward moving growth,
individually and together gives you opportunity to have this.

The most happy people on the planet are the one’s who have multiple close relationships. The healthiest people are the same.
Healthy mentally, emotionally and physically.
All requires intimacy shared.

Closing yourself off to the world is a death sentence in an essence.

Closing yourself off to the world and ONLY allowing intimacy to be shared with but ONE is putting all your eggs in one basket and putting an unrealistic expectation on the ONE. As well, as expecting that you as an individual can survive with only this one food source.

Because relationships are food.
They are emotional, mental, spiritual food.
They effect our body, mind and soul.
They impact us at a deep level.
And not having them does not mean that we are not effected.
Avoidance of relationship DOES equate avoidance of your heart and soul.
It is hiding from all the intimacy and truth that you are meant to share.

We hide out of fear of getting hurt.
We choose to not get involved,
to not catch feelings,
out of fear of getting burned.

If we do step into a relationship,
we then revamp our whole world and expect our partner to do the same, by not having relationship outside of the primary relationship. Often this simply means to pull away from anyone that there may potentially be “feelings” for.
And we do this out of fear.
Fear of loss.
Fear of being abandoned.
Fear of having too much love.
We close off because our ego’s affirm to us that it is not safe to love.

NEWSFLASH!
Love will not hurt you.
Love is not limited.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” ( 1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

So why do we fear it so?
Why do we handcuff it so?
Why do we cover it with our self-centered need?

Because we do not understand.
And we equate many a thing to be love.
We fear what we do not know.
We fear what we cannot control.
We fear that we will loose if we love,
therefore we choose to turn our backs on love,
as we embrace its doppelganger of lust and need.

Authentic loving,
is authentic relating.
Authentic intimacies,
come in many ways and are what brings joy and surrender to all relationship.

Sex is never a reason to fear loss.
Love will never create loss.

The only reasons we change seasons with a relationship is because we have either out grown the relationship or have not grown to the next level within it,
or it was based on need ( not love) and those needs are no longer being met.

Level up your love life,
by tapping into your authentic self.
Embody yourself and open to love.
This is the answer to your happily ever after.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

If you are ready to make the leap then reach out to me today. I am running a Christmas special where you get 2-months of coaching for FREE. Check it out and use the SANTAGIFT code in the why you want to work with me section.

Ageing Backward, Is That A Thing?

Some day’s I feel beautiful.
Someday’s I feel youthful.
Someday’s I feel vibrant.
And those someday’s are most day’s,
these day’s.
 
They say age is just a number.
They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
They say that wrinkles show character and wisdom.
They say a lot, don’t they…
whoever they are.
 
But what about aging backward?
Is it possible?
 
I believe it is.
 
I believe it because most day’s I live it.
Most day’s I glow,
I feel all the above.
Granted you could say it is because I am obsessive about skin care,
and this I am.
However, there is so much more to it.
 
Glowing youthfulness comes from being turned on to life.
Vibrancy comes from letting the universe f-ck you wide open.
Beauty comes from loving yourself.
 
Good orgasm,
plays a massive role too.
And I mean orgasm,
not just sex.
There are plenty of times in life where sex can drain your ass instead of give you an afterglow,
and the afterglow only comes from being filled up with all those yummie chemicals that ONLY orgasm can provide most effectively.
 
But on top of that,
youthful skin, appearance and radiance comes from being a tad bit selfish and making space for self-care practices.
It also comes from not polluting your mind with draining negative stinking thinking.
 
You can do all the right things with diet.
You can do all the right things with skin care.
If you’re mindset is wrong,
if you are not overflowing with orgasmic energy,
if you are not taking daily TLC time for you,
and most importantly,
if you are not living in your JOY.
 
Then guess what beautiful?
You will age.
and age quickly.
No matter what the years are for you,
your glow tells the truth of your state of being.
Of your VIBE.
 
Are you blah?
Are you pale?
Are you dried out?
Are you squinting and making angry faces,
when you are “not thinking about anything?”
 
What does your energy toward life say about your vibrance?
 
Are you ready to JUMP UP,
get a start on life and the day?
 
or are you a grumpy little dwarf?
 
Okay Beautiful,
you don’t have to wither away.
No one wishes this for you,
least of all God or your soul.
 
But when you look in the mirror,
when you truly stop and look,
look into your eye’s and feel your heart.
What does your soul have to say?
Is she happy?
 
Want to really get a clear answer?
cup your pussy with one hand,
and place your hand on your heart with the other.
Now look yourself in the eye.
Feel.
 
F-E-E-L into your body.
Feel past your body.
Tap into SOUL Baby.
 
What does she say?
Is she happy?
Is she turned on?
Is she ignited?
In love?
orgasmic?
 
Want to age backward without botox or surgery?
The answer is SOUL.
 
Soul Alignment.
 
That’s right sistar!
Your soul want’s you to take the plunge into her,
your soul desires to embody you,
she wants you to look in the mirror and truly feel your authentic self.
She wants you to stop caring what everyone else thinks,
or what you perceive they are thinking.
She wants you to claim your mother f-cking life as the badass bitch that you are and stop being the people pleasing pussy that you pretend to be.
 
You are worthing BABY!
It is high effing time that you just accept who you are,
who you were born to be,
and take that step into your greatness.
 
Afterall, you’re not getting any younger.
Or are you?
 
As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
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in sex,
in business.
 
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When Too Much isn’t Enough.

I am too much.
Truly I am.
The way I share,
the way I love,
the way I enjoy,
the way I act,
the way I sex,
the way I can let go,
the way I parent,
the way I live.
 
It is all too much and then some.
Yet I am happy being too much.
Even though it costs me relationships,
arguments, hurt feelings and lot’s of change.
I am too much,
and it is just who I am.
 
But my too much,
is still not enough,
because my too much,
won’t give you what you want and may need.
 
How can this be?
Too much is not enough???🤔
 
You see it is the very fact that in being too much,
I push the limits.
I push the limits on everything,
especially on love, on relationship, on sex and my over all way of living.
Too much means that I am demanding in these things.
Too much means that I know what I want,
and I am not afraid to go after it.
Too much means that if I feel like I need more of something or that I cannot achieve it in the way before me that I will go and get it another way,
and tell you about it.
Too much means that I share.
I share in massive amounts,
because I want you to know.
I want you to step into the pool of living with me,
in integrity.
I want to grow,
and experience,
and I want to do it with those who want it too.
The other too muchers out there.
 
Yes, too much means that I understand that life is very polyamorous in so many ways. I know that my heart can expand to the depths, to the horizons that I choose. I know that I can love many and deeply. And I do.
 
I do this daily.
I do it openly,
and it makes me too much.
For many.
 
My too much is not enough,
even though you proclaim it is everything.
My too much is not enough,
even though you claim not to want to change me.
My too much is not enough,
even though you enjoy when it suites your desires.
My too much is not enough,
because it will push you to your limits.
It will make you uncomfortable.
It will test your heart.
It will call to your soul.
It will demand for you to fly or to walk away.
 
I am too much,
and it is a life long heartache,
as I share of my too muchness,
with those who love it and then hate it.
I am too much and with it comes the pain of loss,
as people ebb and flow,
and say they cannot do it.
With feeble excuses,
they move into knew life choices,
they run away from my too much,
to all that is comforting and less challenging.
 
Here is the reality of life for anyone who is truly too much.
We share deeply of ourselves,
we love deeply of those who dance with us in moments of our lives,
and we know that our too much will burn them.
And with the fire they will run.
Run into the arms of another.
Run into the comforts of average.
Run into the excuses of ego,
of jealous,
pride,
fear.
Run.
Run.
Run.
 
Yes that is what will happen,
because my too much is not enough.
And it will push you into the pain of reality.
The pain that you cannot hold me.
You cannot control me.
You cannot conquer me.
You can only dance with me.
And dance I will for hours and days,
for months and years,
and even decades.
But it is ultimately your choice,
how long the dance lasts.
 
Grow and expand.
Breathe in the feelings.
Breathe in the beauty,
the boldness,
the joy,
the play,
the adventure.
But heed the desire to stop it’s flow,
for in that moment is when the dance will end.
 
As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebook for my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.
 

The Goddesses Dragon – My Tale of Surrender to the Masculine

He wants my surrender.
I can feel it at my greatest depths.

He wants me fully.
Open and inviting to his everything.
He wants my surrender,
and he is willing to work for it.
He is willing to take the journey into the depths of my being,
where he will uncover my hidden treasures,
which I fear may seem like dragons,
yet he assures me in his holding,
that he does not want to slay my dragons,
he only want to bask in their beauty,
he wants to sit with them in moments of stillness,
and he wants to just take them in.

He wants to see their beauty,
that beauty that only a deep understanding of love can handle,
that beauty that is so revealing of the soul.
Most are not strong enough within themselves to face this beauty,
this light,
this power,
the dragon.

Most fear being devoured by it.
What they begin in the courting process admiring from a afar,
they end with wanting to own and control.
Because it scares them.
It is wild,
it is fierce,
it is powerful beyond measure,
and desires to conquer the hearts of its admirers.

Few are able to hold themselves,
within the presence of this beast.

But, every now and then,
a gentleman comes about,
makes himself known,
and smiles in the presence of the magic he has found in caverns of the goddess.

And this gentleman,
this gentleman,
ignites the goddesses soul.
Sets it on fire.

And she desires to dance for him.
She desires to open herself for him,
and let him in.

Yet she is scared beyond measure,
her past tells of beautiful love saga’s,
intense love and loss.
She is fearful to become vulnerable with this man.
Because of the pain,
the pain that her heart will endure.
Yet she desires it all.
The love and depth,
are worth the pain.
Are worth the standing before her own dragon,
and smiling within its flames.

She know’s that this man,
is rare, and unique.
That he is one who can hold her fire.
At least for a time.
And she wants to surrender.
She craves the intimacy.
She craves the revealing.
She craves the integrity.
And the opening.

Physically.
Mentally.
Emotionally.

She leans in.
And she drops into his arms,
resting in his strength.
Resting in his admiration.
She let’s her emotions be seen.
She laughs,
she cries,
and she opens a bit more.

This cavern is deep.
And she realizes,
that her dragon is not to be feared.

She now understands what this gentleman has known,
the fire of her dragon will not harm when lifted in love,
it will only light the way to more caverns for them to explore.

Explore together.
The depths of their souls.

And so she looks at the gentleman,
with tears streaming from her eye’s,
and she say’s yes to the opening.

They lay together, enwrapped in the moment,
and they smile.

Blessed be to all of you who read this and venture into the depths of the goddesses caverns with hearts on fire,
and souls ignited.

Be wise in your journey and know that the dragon is there to protect the goddess from those that are unworthy,
and there to guild those who are,
into her surrender.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebook for my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.

An Ode to the Gentleman.

You say you can hear my smile in my voice.

You say that you want an opportunity to court me.
You say so much…

It is not your words.
It is all in your actions.
In those looks you give me.
The way your lips turn slightly different with your smirk,
The way you take my hand,
the groans that you make when you are close.

You say so much,
in the way you stay present with me.
The way you always make sure to be the gentleman.
You lead me strong.
You lead me with love.

You say that you believe that people grow tired of each other,
and without saying,
you let me know you fear that I will grow tired of you.
You fear that I bore easily.
But your desire for me speaks,
in all the little things.
They do not go unnoticed.

You say that if we did it right,
then we would not grow tired,
because the thing that bores,
is that when two come together they do less than more.

You are right.
And so I lean into your lead.
I lean into all that you say.
With your words.
With your smirk.
With your groans.
With how you hold me.
With how you protect me.
With how you remain present,
and
dance in this beautiful energy.
This energy that we have danced in,
and we have paused from,
and find ourselves back in.

Yes you say so much.
So much I want to hold on too.

So much that causes my heart to quake.
So much that scares me,
because in your presence,
I feel beautiful.

In your arms I feel held.
In your embrace,
I feel loved.

And when you look at me,
with your everyday sultry eye’s,
and smile.
I feel like your queen.

Cherished.
Adored.
and
Desired.

You say so much,
in so many ways.
And it is these things that captivates my soul.
It is these things that ignites my heart.
It is these things that opens me,
Open’s me to your love.

To the man that you are.
The man that I had tried to ignore.
The man that is patiently waiting.
Waiting for me to return,
return that look,
return that smirk,
return that holding,
and surrender,
once more.

To all the gentlemen who remain strong masculine,
leading in love, in compassion, and desire.
To all of you gentlemen, who understand that courting is vital, and leading is your part of the dance.
Thank you.

You are loved and needed.

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

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How Eating Pussy After You Cum Builds Intimacy.

He came hard and strong.
He came deep and long.
He vibrated my whole body with his orgasm and carried me deeper into my own.
My pussy twitched, squeezed and swallowed him up with her orgasmic sucking of his cum.
My heart raced,
as he pushed deeper,
pressing up against my cervix,
opening her,
quivers, convulsions, followed by moans.
The wetness intensified,
and he softened.
Still stroking,
allowing me to ride my own orgasmic wave,
as his cock relaxed within my warm embrace.
Together we breathe deep.
Hearts racing.
We kiss.
Without notice he moves in hast downward,
devouring me with his mouth.
Spreading open my legs,
his lips,
his tongue,
sucking, kissing and enjoying the cocktail of our juices together that flow from my flesh.
My pussy ignites at the comfort that he enjoys this with.
Teasing my clit,
nursing softly on her even,
as he penetrates my pussy with his fingers and licks her soft lips.
For a moment, my mind wonders,
panics even,
in fear that he will not be okay with our blended juices,
and will step away from me, leave me here on the verge of vulnerability.
Here where my body is opening and craving more.
But then I find myself in gratitude,
in love even with his confidence,
his comfort in himself,
as a man,
in our sex,
and with my body.
He does not stray away from the moment,
but instead hungers toward it.
His strength in his own acceptance is powerful,
is beautiful and refreshing.
He heals my soul and my sex at a deeper level in this moment without even realizing it.
The lesson he shares with me is to love yourself.
Accept yourself.
And with this acceptance of self,
others too will embrace and accept you at a deeper level.

Yes.
Yes.
Here is what we crave as humans.
Here is what we all want.
Acceptance.
Connection.
To be able to be raw, real and ourselves.
And to be embraced this way.

But how do we truly achieve acceptance in life,
with other human beings?
With our lovers?

We do it by accepting ourselves.
We do it by embracing ourselves.
We do it by being real and raw with who we are.
And learning to love our flaws,
our humanness.
We do it by being turned on to connection.

I hear from many people,
“I want depth in a realtionship.”
” I don’t want sex to just be friction. I want to be felt, seen and to really feel and see my partner”
” I want to feel love and connection.”
” I just wish I could be accepted for who I am.”

You will never have these things.
IF – You are not first accepting yourself.
and
IF – you are not truly turned on to connection.

What do I mean by turned on to connection?
Turned on to connection means that you need to actually appreciate, accept and even enjoy other human beings.
You need to WANT to connect.
Not just say that you want it and then turn around and bitch about it.
Or claim that you hate people.
If you hate people,
then how do you ever expect to have any of the above things?
If you hate people, then you more than likely are highly judgmental of people and thus of yourself,
which leads us back to self acceptance.

And if you cannot accept yourself fully,
then you will never be able to accept another.

Which will leave a feeling with others that you are judging them.
Because you are.

In our sex,
we are most critical,
judgmental,
and fearful of our humanness.
We fear that which we desire the most.
because it shows our humanness.
Our flaws.

My share above about an experience with a lover is one that I bring up because I have experienced the direct opposite as well.

Years ago, I had a lover that turned me on in so many amazing ways,
his scent,
his flavor,
his kiss,
his smile,
his voice,
his personality,
his body.

All were yummie as f-ck.
I could devour the man for hours if he would let me.
But then would come the moment where I might take him in my mouth and enjoy giving him pleasure. Afterward, my desire to be snuggled and kissed were high and I would lean into these, he on the reverse side would lean away.

Avoiding the post blow job kiss.
Avoiding the post sex snuggle.
Even if he had not cum in my mouth he was challenged by the fact that his cock had been there and would no longer deeply kiss me.
In our sex, after he came, he would retract himself quickly from my body,
he would never venture downward to make sure that I was fulfilled,
and he would want to shower afterward.

Any one of these things, let alone all of them together revealed a deep intimacy issue and acceptance issue.

Not with me primarily, although that was the side effect.
But with himself.

Never allowing him to fully embrace the beauty and turn on of what our relationship could have been and offered.

The end result was a break up.
And why?
Because his disconnect to himself created a space that left me feeling it was not safe to surrender to him,
that he found me nasty in some fashion,
and that our sex was not about connection or love,
not even healthy play and f-ck buddies,
but that I was just a masturbation toy to him,
a piece of meat,
that he used and then was disgusted by.

I felt like I was far from accepted.
I felt disgusting.

Yet, with other lovers like the one above,
where he embraced us both,
remained turned on throughout our whole experience,
and accepted us both in all our humanness,
left me feeling beautiful,
turned on,
wanting him more,
and open.

Here is intimacy.
Here is authenticity.
Here is love,
first with self, then with another.

And the ONLY way to have it….
Acceptance of self.

No matter what you may be desiring in life,
the first step toward it is based in this truth.
If we can not accept who we are,
then we do not really know ourselves either.
Therefore, we cannot move forward in soul alignment.
And we will not achieve our desired life.
Have our desired relationships.
Or enjoy the F-ck YES! Life that we crave at our core.

Take this moment to STOP and appreciate yourself.
Look in a mirror,
really look,
deep into your own eye’s,
tell yourself that you love yourself.
Notice where your self- criticisms come up, ‘where you harbor pain, anger, frustration about yourself,
and just lean into it with love.

Embrace yourself fully and life will embrace you.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebook for my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.

Why Are You Settling For Less?

Sitting here in my favorite salon in Dallas.
The only place I go to get my hair done, matter fact.
I love Marcos and Jo so much if I ever move someplace outside of the big D, I will be flying back every couple months to get my hair done.

Seriously love Delilahs.
But this is not a testimony share for my amazing beautician.
It is however a writing of awareness.
Awareness to the reality that in life there are those things that we simply cannot settle for anything less with.
Its about the connection.
Its about the service.
Its about the care.
Its about the quality.

And once we find our home in something,
We don’t want to change it up for any reason.
Much like myself when it comes to my hair.

I feel this way about many things.
Like my office building.
My health care providers.

Why would I settle for anything less than the greatness that these souls offer in their work and service?

Why would I ever desire to go with something less than GREATNESS?

Sure I could get the services for less.
Probably a lot less.
If we get real.

But at what cost would those dollars saved actually cost me?

This is the truth that we tend to over look.

I am reminded about the true cost of our decisions and choices often.
From my hair appointment in this moment,
To my children’s schooling and long term educational rewards or disabilities that can come from my parental choices,
To my choice to remain
Or separate in a relationship.

If we are willing to do whatever it takes to get the best hair care, dental work, or schooling for our children.
If we are willing to attain the best real estate agent, attorney or even find ourselves going to the same pub over and over again because the bar tender is phenomenal and great to talk too,
Then why the f-ck do we settle in love.
Settle in our work.
Settle with our health.
Settle with our financial situations.

Why do we in these important areas of life allow for less than ideal?

I believe that because these areas are so important to our overall well being and life happiness,
That we find ourselves not feeling worthy of the greatness that we desire.
So we remain quiet.
We accept whatever we get.
We maintain and allow the cards to fall wherever they will.
We make statements like:
” Our relationship is great everywhere else, its just this one area. We can make due.”

” I have responsibilities. I can’t just do what I want. Who would pay my bills?”

” I don’t have the time. The money. The resources to go do….. or have ….”

” He/she loves me though. Loves the kids. Are a good person. ”

These statements of justification as to why…
Why we are choosing to settle.

Why we are allowing less than greatness into our lives.
All the while,
not embracing our truth.

The truth that we are terrified of something more.
Terrified of who we might be if we allowed better into our lives.
If we not just allowed
But commanded it into our lives.

After all if we started asking for this level of F-ck Yes! In all areas of our lives
Including the important ones,
We would have to acknowledge our weaknesses,
Our shadows,
And all the places we clutter up with fear and ego.
We would,
If we started to demand greatness in,
Have to transform ourselves into the person
Who can handle it.
Who can open up to it
And say,
F-ck YES!! I deserve this blessing.
I deserve this fairy tale life.

I am more than average and ordinary.
I am a child of God,
And God wants for his greatness to manifest
In all things.

It is my choice to open up to this greatness
Or to close myself to it.

It is up to me
To CLAIM My Life.
And STOP SETTLING,
For anything less than what God would want for me.

When we settle,
When we walk in fear,
When we doubt our worth,
We deny the greatness of God.
We deny Gods ability to move mountains,
And instead we proclaim him weak.

Your worthiness is never in question.
It is only your acceptance of your worthiness that needs worked on.

Stop settling for anything less than,
Stop living a life of existence.

This is your time,
Your moment to say,
F-ck YES!!!
I am a child of God.
And I am worthy of blessing.
Of his favor.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

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