Throne-tood! – Get Some.

Throne-tood!

It’s a THING.

And it’s a thing that you gotta get some of if you want to have the life that you claim that you want.

 

We have been raised to have shame over loving ourselves.

We have been raised to believe that it is wrong or even bad to think highly of ourselves,

or to brag.

And it is “selfish” ( meaning bad) to ask for what we want, need or desire.

 

But instead the correct path to happiness is to look like this so we have been raised to believe…

 

Talk like shit about yourself,

hate on your body,

on your thoughts,

in your life.

 

Be SUPER effing critical about everything and never admit to your glory.

 

Downplay everything good and hype up everything that is not perfect in your life.

 

Make sure that you are NEVER offending everyone else,

because YOU….

yes you are  responsible for everyone else’s feelings, ideas, perceptions, thoughts and actions,

so make sure to never mess up or have an opinion that does not match whomever you are with.

 

Put others before yourself at all costs.

Exhaust yourself and keep giving,

but don’t bitch that you are at your breaking point.

 

Suck it up.

Don’t show your emotions,

any of them but “blase.”

Indifference is the best path,

even if it’s not true.

 

Your anger,

your sadness,

your joy,

hide because it is too effing much for the world around you.

 

Fear everything.

And know that you are most likely at fault for the crap no matter what,

and if it’s not you then feel offended instantly,

if anyone says different or God forbid

goes against all of these rules of how to live a happy successful life.

 

And just be happy with it already,

‘cus this baby is what life is all about.

 

This is living the dream.

This is success.

 

F-cking crazy as all hell is’nt it?

I mean when I write it out  like that,

unless you are blind, dumb and stupid,

then you have to admit that anyone who actually thinks or feels this way is NEVER going to be thriving,

going to experience success or empowerment,

never going to feel confident.

Most likely only be used and hurt frequently,

will have a crappy backbone,

will not know themselves or anyone else for that matter,

and will simply not ever touch happiness.

 

So what is the answer?

 

Get a f-cking THRONE-TOOD!

 

There I said it.

It is high time that you started to value yourself.

Claiming your life, ‘calling in your blessings,

being a conscious co-creator,

manifesting a life that is full of wonder, love and success,

REQUIRES YOU TO PUT YOUR CROWN ON.

 

 

As long as you keep disrespecting God’s glory and power and not allowing his power and will to move through your life,

then you will keep falling prey to this stinking thinking love.

 

As long as you keep believing that God wants you to walk looking down at the ground,

tripping in misery over all that you have lost and ignoring the joy that your life could be,

then you will never feel the wonder of walking with you head held high,

your eyes meeting others in unconditional love and acceptance,

or the witnessing of the miracles that happen daily,

IN YOUR LIFE.

 

As long as you keep being available for scarcity,

and never picking up that crown that God has handed you,

then you will continue to suffer by your own hand.

 

And you will forever remain a slave to the enemy known as fear.

 

Oh, beautiful, don’t you see the path that you are too walk.

Can you not feel the call in your soul?

 

Now in our world we need more than ever before for you to RISE UP….

SPEAK UP…

LIGHT UP….

 

But that means that you have to accept that many who choose to remain in darkness and pain will be disgusted by your choice.

 

They will call you names,

they will hate on you and shame you,

they will want to tear you down in any way they can,

and they will make you doubt your path.

 

It will require you to have courage,

to love yourself more than you thought possible and to walk in FAITH.

 

And if you choose to step away from the many who still remain in fear,

if you choose to instead embrace your power,

and the love that the universe/God has for you,

then your life will be one of bliss and glory.

 

And THAT…

THAT is what we are each to do.

That is how we celebrate life,

honor God,

and THRIVE.

 

Are you ready, love?

Are you ready to finally say F-ck Yes! to yourself and your dreams and stop making excuses and sharing the thousands of reasons as to why you cannot do/be/have?

But instead just step firmly in faith on this path before you that is calling you?

 

Are you ready to stop giving your power just lip service but acting in faith on it?

 

I can tell you that many people say they are light workers,

they claim to be abundant,

they proclaim their faith,

and they say they believe in magic and miracles,

they even proudly state that they get manifesting and that they are powerful manifestors….

 

and they are.

For sure.

 

But, if you are struggling,

if you are suffering,

if you are feeling lost, tired and lonely…

 

Then baby, you are not really claiming your crown.

If you are not happy, (truly)

then you still have not figured it out,

and it YOU that this is written for.

It is you that need to KNOW YOUR WORTH.

 

It’s time to pick that crown up and have a THRONE-TOOD….

Because the life that you want for DEMANDS IT!

 

So Get One.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Ready to step forward and say yes to your crown love?

Ready to stop being available for suffering, pain and misfortune?

 

Let’s speak today about no more reasons and excuses,

and get that crown picked up and put where it rightfully goes.

 

Message for deet’s.

Let’s Get Real About What Define The Relationship Really Means.

 

“I like you pretty good, let’s see where this goes.”

 

Maybe I have commitment issues some would say,

and I have been told this from past lovers.

They were convinced that because I refused to be labeled,

because I refused to DTR ( define the relationship) that I was not good with commitment.

 

They could not just accept my looks of love and desire for what they were.

They could not accept the sweet and tender vulnerable moments shared for what they were,

They could not just go with the passion shared and the hours and days or even weeks spent enthralled with each other.

 

No, they wanted the MF LABEL.

And for some reason, the label is what made everything real.

Not the actual effing relationship that was presenting itself each day, each moment.

No, they could not trust that.

They needed the words spoken,

just how they wanted to hear them too mind you,

for it to actually be real.

 

Nothing mattered but the label.

 

And because I am a person who understands what labels are actually about,

I have a really tough time getting down with defining any relationship for that matter.

 

And here is why.

 

You see labels and definitions of relationships have NOTHING to do with love or commitment for that matter.

 

They don’t have anything to do with trust either,

and they are not offering any more security for either party as well.

 

What they do is allow us to compartmentalize the relationship, cause separation because now we segregate this relationship from the rest of our lives.

 

Labels allow us to define what the relationship “should” look and feel like. How it “should” play out and what the expectations are within the pretty little box that we have put it into allows for.

 

Labels are often asked for because one party or both are wanting validation for their existence and level of importance in the relationship.

 

This validation gives a false sense of security.

Which makes the partners feel safe and believe that NOW since the relationship has been properly defined that neither party will step out of the box that it has been filed in.

 

And that is what DTR is all about folks.

Validation of self through another, false security and control.

 

Because with this DTR what we are wanting is the safety ultimately of knowing ( well believing) that our partner is now “OUR PROPERTY” as defined by the label provided.

And of course they are down with abiding by the rules of this definition.

 

Funny little note, most people just assume that other people’s definitions and rules of the label are exactly what their own are and never stop to discuss these important things with the person that they are trying to do a relationship with and get a label on.

 

In my opinion,

(and maybe…. just maybe… I have worked with just a few couples over the last few decades) that one of the major reasons so many couples are not satisfied or in full alignment with their partner is because they miss this vitally important conversation on the front side.

 

The conversation around, “Why do you do relationships? And what are your needs/desires/expectations within a relationship?”

 

Can you imagine if we started having these inquiries between ourselves and our lovers?

 

And what if….

what if our lovers answered authentically.

 

OMFG! That would be amazing.

But often because so many have limited worth and self- esteem issues,

they find themselves needing to feel safe through the validation of their partner instead and therefore answer accordingly to get the result that they want from their partner instead of being truthful and having a truly intimate conversation around their differences.

 

All relationships at some point come to a place where the definition sorta just manifests organically.

But it is an energy that a couple will grow into as time and depth in the relationship is established,

not some words stated because partners feel pressure from what they have been told is important to ask for come date three or month six, or whatever the f-ck timeline you are working on.

 

If you are among the many people out there that feels that need the label to lean and trust more,

or to not have your jealousy anymore,

or to be able to be more vulnerable or intimate with your partner,

and believes that the label is a sign of love,

then you truly need to explore what your definition of love really is about.

 

And ask yourself if this label is truly what you are wanting or if you are actually requesting to set up agreements with your partner as to what your relationship rules are and are not.

 

Then ask yourself how this desire to label and set up these tidy little box homes for your relationship to get cramped in is actually serving the relationship or your supposed love for this other person?

 

What if you became extremely present with your partner and chose to focus on all their good traits each time you were together?

 

What if instead of fearing them doing something that might destroy the relationship, you chose to commit to look for how well they are showing up in it right now and how much beauty you are enjoying with them right now?

 

What if you opted to actually practice authentic unconditional love with them and just wanted to enjoy them in all their radiance because your desire for them was to be that person who can hold loving space without a need to contain their soul and own them?

 

What if you chose to just allow them to be them and you to be you?

 

What if you choose consciously to come into the relationship each new day as though it was a new relationship that you were excited and appreciative of?

 

What if you started to define your relationship by saying,

” I like you pretty good, let’s see where this goes.”

 

Can you imagine how much more depth, love, compassion, witnessing, love, trust, and joy would come through your partner and the relationship?

 

Or continue on your path,

you know the one.

The one that has you believing that controlling your partner and defining your relationship and owning them as property in any f-cking fashion is LOVE.

 

And enjoy all the trauma that creates and the broken expectations and pain.

 

Because that is the result when we attempt to control the human spirit and not allow others to live authentically.

 

Not to mention,

When we do this it is only supporting our fear and at our core we feel the out of alignment that is caused with God and our soul.

 

Level Up Your Love Now.

 

And Remember,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to level up your relationship or learn more on authentic relating skills that can rekindle, ignite and bring average relationships into Enlightened?

 

Reach out to me about my Passion Coaching for Couples Program today.

Looking For A Reason To Just F-cking Be You? Here is the Answer Luv.

I absolutely HATE being controlled.
I dislike having to seek approval from another to just f-cking be me.

You know what I mean?

How do you feel about that?
Needing validation from another to be/do/have the things in your life that you just want.
That you enjoy.
That makes your life yours.
That make you,
you?

But this is how we live out our lives.
We run around seeking for validation,
which is just another way of saying that we are asking for others permission to live our life,
or to be us.

And that has ALWAYS seemed a bit crazy to me.
10 year old Kendal, did not want to do this.
16 year old Kendal, certainly did not want to do this,
to the point that I found away to get homeschooled when homeschool was not a thing.
20 year old Kendal, figuring out the adulting thing did not enjoy this and quit her job because of this.
34 year old Kendal hated it so much that she left her husband for it.
And today,
well yeah… that shiz just don’t fly.

I still hate being controlled,
if you want me to do something,
control me in the opposite and I am sure to move the direction away from the control ( unless I see the manipulation and that is a totally different story),
But in truth what I dislike is not so much the control, but having to do what I don’t want to do.

I do not like having to do things that do not feel good to me for where I am at RIGHT NOW.

If it feels good and in alignment,
THEN SIGN ME THE F-CK UP!

If not then know I will change directions on you so quick your head will spin.
And I have been guilty of this all my life.
I have been called naive,
I have been told that I am flighty and flaky,
that I have commitment issues,
that I am lost.

The reality is far simpler than any of these options,
the truth is, I know, like I have always known that if I am not a F-ck Yes! to it then why do it.
And I change gears based on my authentic yes or no to something.

Sometimes that means that I cancel things.
Sometimes that means that I say I am going to get something done and then I do something else.
Sometimes it means that I have to own where I am at that I simply am no longer in alignment to whatever it was that I had agreed too.

And I get that the world does not like it when people operate on these sort of guidelines that I do.,
I understand that it goes compleletly against what we are taught.

But it works.
And for those of us out there that are self learners and thinkers,
that know beyond a doubt that our feelings and thoughts are what create our reality, that are not average and ordinary,
well guess what?

This is often what you will get.

What is often perceived as:

*IRRESPONSIBLE
*IRRATIONAL
*CHAOTIC
*NIEVE
*FLIGHTY
*FLAKY
*COMMITMENT ISSUES
*ATTITUDE
*SELFISH

Because we get that what makes us feel good,
that living according to our souls calling and being fully in alignment to that,
is ALL the F-ck that matters.

We get that being selfish is where it is at.
Because selfishness is not evil,
What is evil is living in fear and scarcity.
That is not of God.

We understand that yes it takes courage to live like this, because the world has not been raised to handle our kind,
the world focused on the sheeple mentality,
the mentality of keeping you in fear and scarcity.
On the concept that you are to put EVERYONE before you and that some effing way THIS will bring you joy, happiness and all your heart desires,
But don’t you ask for anything because that’s wrong.
Think of others ALWAYS first.

Drain yourself.
Take from self until you have nothing more to give.
Until your vessel is so empty you are lost.

This is what you are here for.

And that is all wrong I tell you.

God does not want you living in fear and scarcity.
God wants you to be wanting.
It is in your wanting that the universe expands and evolves,
it is through you that we all grow.

And if you fall prey to the concept that living your life based on the permission of someone else is what you are to do,
that validating yourself through the ideas, beliefs and desires of another is what you are here for,
to be servant to them and cast yourself aside,
then well baby you are simply wrong.

You can never fill another’s glass from your empty pitcher.

This means you MUST approach life from a more selfish manner and learn how to take care of you.

You say that you want to manifest all this abundance,
the love and connection,
the freedom and opportunities,
you say that you want to be able to make a massive impact on the world,
to touch lives,
to help others heal,
or to lead the people in your life to a happy way of being.

Well then you gotta quit on this concept of living from the permission of others.

You will NEVER know your own worthiness or value if you rely on somelese to tell it to you.

If you are looking for the pat on the head from another to tell you that you are on the right path or doing good,
needing that validation,
then you will forever fall for whatever someone else deems acceptable for your life.

Sad but true.

Cuz’ you see baby,
it’s all up to you loving you enough to stop the crazy concept that you need validated and permission for being you.

You were born worthy luv.
You were.
But you gotta accept that.
And it starts with you knowing that by doing all the damn things that you keep doing that you hate,
that makes you feel like shit about yourself,
that makes you fear,
that causes you separation from your truth,
is the culprit to the suffering and void that you feel.

You must start living according to you.
For you.

And no one else.

You see when you feel those negative emotions,
you know,
shame
guilt
anger
jealousy
bitterness
fear
loss
confusion
prejudice
blame
suffering

those emotions are ONLY there to tell you one MF thing.

YOU ARE NOT IN YOUR TRUTH.
YOU ARE NOT LIVING ACCORDING TO YOUR SOUL.
YOU ARE OUT OF ALIGNMENT WITH GOD.

These are not you and they are not for you,
that is why you are feeling like shit baby.

But you have to start interpreting these emotions correctly in order to navigate yourself the right direction.

You must realize that you are here to want and desire.
You are here to love.
You are here to experience.
You are here to connect.
You are here to share.
You are here to BE YOU.

And if you can get this point, ‘then you join the 0.01% of the world that gets it.

You join those of us who are THRIVING and LIVING as intended.

And if you continue to choose otherwise,
but expect different results,
well let’s just say that, that might be kind of silly, right?

Because as long as you keep doing your stinking thinking and needing someone else to validate your existence for you then you will remain unhappy and lost and most likely not very successful in many subject areas of your life.

And I don’t want that for you.
I believe you are worthy.
That we all are worthy.

And that God wants you to THRIVE.

But you have to believe it too.
And want it.
And have the COURAGE to claim it.

SAY AMEN OR YES IN THE COMMENTS IF YOU WANT TO CLAIM THAT LIFE OF YES FOR YOU NOW.

And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Let’s get you saying yes to you once and for all .
You can have it.
You can.
Message me for deet’s on my coaching opportunities available worldwide now.

Watch: HUSTLE ENERGY! This is where the MAGIC is.

To The Man Who’s Sleeping With My Wife.

Adobe Stock Photo.
Dear Brother –
I am in joy. I am also scared.
First, thank you.
Thank you for showing up in her life in the way that you have. You’ll be exchanging eye gazes, sweet energy, laughter, meals, and touch with her. I know this will bring her joy. And her joy is my joy. I know it’s hard to believe, but the freedom for her to explore with you is evidence of my unconditional love for her.
To me, true love means wishing for my beloved to be fulfilled in every possible way, even if that fulfillment comes with some emotional work for me.
You see, we men have existed in a double standard narrative for thousands of years. Men have been mostly respected (or at least tolerated) for having more than one lover. Women have been slut-shamed, punished, and even murdered in some countries for loving more than one.
There is a revolution of this narrative taking place and we can join this wave of change together.
Brother, you are something I can never be. You are other. You are her novelty, her adventure. You are not me. When she shares her life story with you (the story I know oh so well) she will have the chance to be mirrored back with a new
curiosity.
And that feels amazing for me to know.
To try to take this experience away from her would be to exercise a conditional love, a selfish love. If exploring new love can bring her immense joy, then who am I to interfere? Conventional love is conditional love. It says… “I love you, except for this one condition: I will not share you for as long as you are with me.”
So I choose unconventional love, which says… “I love you unconditionally, therefore, your joy is my joy, even if that joy does not come from me.”
If you are reading this, then you likely have shown up in my life as a true brother, open-hearted and caring. She wouldn’t have it any other way. You honor the roots she and I have intertwined and the commitments we have made
to each other. Like us, you’ve done the work to transcend most of your conditioned insecurities.
You’ve aligned yourself with the idea that our core human needs (certainty, love, significance, variety, growth and service) are served by the ideal that we all have the capacity to love more than one, if we do so in a conscious way.
She is a divine feminine goddess. She is beautiful inside and out. She lights up any room she walks into. Her heart is enormous. She is committed to her own personal growth and to leaving this world better than she found it.
She is a woman that I am sworn to protect, yet one that I do not possess.
Despite my patriarchal conditioning, keeping all of her goodness to myself would be a sin. I have chosen the path less traveled in that I honor her freedom to radiate out love and take in love, to be seen for all the good that she is, by other than just me. This freedom means more mirrors to mirror back, which leads to more growth, more healing, and more service for her to experience. All of this makes me happy to imagine.
Still, I am scared.
The little boy in me is scared of being abandoned. The high school kid who was dumped by his girlfriend for the star soccer player right before Prom. And the man who lost two big loves to other men on this road less traveled. This is my wounding.
I am keenly aware that there are many wounded men out there who have not been able to show up for women in the ways they need to flourish. I am afraid that someone new may upset all the healing work we’ve done together, or worse, re-wound her. While I don’t know you well (yet) and only time will tell, I trust that everything will unfold the way it’s meant to unfold. I also trust in her judgment.
I persist with this love-style because it remains my deepest truth. I push forward with the faith that there are others out there (hopefully you) who share in our freedom to love more than one for life. Others who no longer wish to exist in a competitive landscape of disposable relationships or a “zero-sum game” where one’s gain is often another’s loss.
Brother, we are not adversaries, nor are we competing for the heart of this woman. You know this. Her heart belongs to no one but her. This goddess, with her free will, gets to choose how to share her space and her time. If you are ever confused, scared, or not fully expressed, please know that you’re in good company. It will always be my intention to uphold a safe container that is full of heart-centered, open, peaceful communication for everyone involved.
So I thank you for the joy. I thank you for coming into her (and my) world, and I ask that we see each other, love each other, and build our brotherhood from our common ground… this beautiful soul. While nothing is expected from you, I do wish to know you, learn from you, and share with you. I look forward to playing together, creating together and exploring all possibilities in friendship.
AND thank you for scaring me.
Thank you for allowing me to do the work I still need to do. I am human and am still shedding the discomforts that we’ve all been conditioned to carry for many generations. It is my mission to release these discomforts and I am grateful to have you (and her) on this journey with me. Thank you in advance for being patient and for being gentle with me.
Treat her well, brother. She is worthy of and will expect nothing but excellent care, high-quality love, and mindful communication. One benefit of our love-style is that no one gets to settle for mediocrity or complacency. We all are motivated to grow each day and show up as the best versions of ourselves.
Lastly, please remember this: your joy is also my joy. Genuinely.
Love,
Your Brother,
* This essay is a companion to my love’s Letter To The Woman Whose Man I’m Sleeping With. Both letters were inspired by the exquisitely vulnerable essay “A Letter To The Women Who Sleep With My Man” by Wilrieke Sophia. Visit https://freelovediaries.com/all-entries/ for more.
Here to serve,
xoxo
Shai Fishman from LEVELED UP LOVE

Hi, I Am Kendal’s P-ssy and THIS Is My Tale.

Hi, I am Kendal’s P-ssy….

I have a story to share with you.

It is my personal tale of a p-ssies struggles and come back to love and orgasm.

 

When Kendal was a small girl,

she discovered me. She loved to explore me and learn all about me in the shower and it felt wonderful.

We were so bonded and comfortable with each other,

and as Kendal grew and became a young adult,

she could hear me speaking to her about everything that I felt was good for us. She listened to some of my words and sought to help me have some of my desires,

but then one day Kendaal met a young man that I absolutely adored.

This young man knew how to treat Kendal.

He looked at her with eye full of love,

he touched her skin with the same adoration.

And months down the road she allowed him to touch me too.

 

It was an exciting day.

I can still feel those first touches.

I had never been seen by a boy before like this,

I had never been allowed to be touched by anyone other than Kendal until now,

and here he was.

 

Loving on me.

Delicately.

Focused.

and passionate.

 

I grew so hungry for the boy to do more than just touch me,

but he was respecting Kendal and wanted to move slowly.

And let me tell you,

He moved slowly.

It took him a year to finally make sweet love to us,

and when he did,

He remained in us for hours.

Rubbing, touching, kissing and sucking.

It was a loving moment and I felt so free and open.

I never wanted to part ways with this young man,

and Kendal was so happy,

so full of sexual light.

And confidence.

They shared dreams and ideas of the future,

talked as though thousands of years would go by with them together.

 

I was so excited about the endless possibilities of what they were discussing.

 

But one day,

the boy changed his mind.

He decided that he needed to venture out into the world without us. He kissed Kendal goodbye after lunch and vanished without a word.

 

Kendal cried for months,

she felt so lost and in agony over this relationship.

She became upset with me too in the process and blamed me for the pain that her heart was feeling.

So she distanced herself from me,

she did not touch me.

She did not want to have anyone else touch me.

She felt trapped in her surroundings and lost at her core.

 

A few months went by and all she could think of was escaping the world that she was existing in.

She met a man a decade older than her,

she could tell he had eyes for her and that is all that mattered.

She knew he was her ticket out of this mess that she was in.

And so she acted quickly and offered us up a tribute to the man,

she moaned and screamed, scratched and acted like I was enjoying it, acted like she was into it,

but I was not.

I felt saddened at her actions.

Before I knew it, the man had proposed  to her and she said yes,

I was lost at why she would do this when she did not have the feeling in her heart for him,

and I was not on board with the idea,

yet she said yes.

 

And years went by.

We had children,

and I kept being offered up for tribute,

to keep life normal and “happy” as she always said.

She believed that this is what adulting was about and that it just was.

She told us that the joy and love we shared with the boy so many years before was a fluke and that I needed to accept that we were not here to enjoy the sex anymore,

that we were here to have babies, make her husband happy and carry on.

 

And so I allowed her to use and abuse us.

But I shut myself down from the possibilities of pleasure,

I could not feel her heart anymore,

all I could feel was her anger and hatred.

 

Until, one day a man who was a friend of theirs started flirting with her. He grabbed her hand one afternoon and kissed her palm. I got excited.

I began to heat up and throb.

I was screaming,  “Do you feel that?”

I wanted her to recognize the look in this man’s eyes.

It was love.

And if she would stop waring with me she could feel the warmth of it at her core.

 

I was hopeful that this man could reconnect us.

And I pushed for her to do what she never thought possible,

go outside her marriage and tap back into me.

 

And she did.

And there were some fun adventures,

until that crazy mind of hers kicked back into the driver’s seat and told her to feel shame and guilt,

that her sex did not matter and that she was evil for venturing off and listening to me.

 

And so she locked us out again.

She blamed us for even more pain and loss in her life.

And we carried on being offered up as tribute to her husband for a decade more.

 

Over the years I went to work on other aspects of her,

trying to get them to side with me,

trying to get them to connect with me so that we could get her to listen to the fact that she was walking down the wrong path in her life and that the happiness that she craved and desired,

was never going to happen under these conditions of trauma.

And FINALLY I had a breakthrough with her intestines.

We devised a plan that would certainly cause her to pay attention….

 

One day while at an event with friends,

when she was laughing and masking her pain with alcohol we set our plan into action.

The intestines began to bleed everywhere!

She had white shorts on and was in a crowd of strangers and friends,

it was perfect.

She panicked.

She knew it was not me bleeding from her period,

and she knew it was serious.

It was a sobering moment for Kendal.

We had her attention.

And with some discovery she uncovered that she was now suffering from Crohn’s Disease.

 

She spent the next few years focusing on her body,

on her health, on her thoughts,

and even though she still ignored me,

she was on the right path to coming back into communication with me and after doing everything that she could to heal,

she came to the conclusion,  (thanks to me who made sure to kick Crohn’s into high gear after sex frequently) that there was alink between her sex, her p-ssy (me) and the disease.

 

And so she went back to her roots,

she went back to what the boy from so many years before had taught her,

to thier conversations about sex, body and soul.

And she realized that what she needed was sexual healing.

That all these years she had been living in her sexual shadow,

disconnected from who she really was and her desires,

disconnected from your intuition, her GPS (ME).

 

And one day she went to her husband and told him her discovery only to be told that she was crazy.

But, she was done with the pain and suffering.

She was done with feeling lost and moody.

She was done with pleasureless sex,

limited connection and not being happy in her life.

She was sick and tired of not living.

And she told her husband, “too bad, I am doing it anyway.”

 

And she did.

And it was amazing.

She started the very next week by connecting with a tantra coach, and she dug in deep quickly and did the emotional and psychological work that he offered her to remove the wounds and trauma and move past them, she did the physical release work to let the tension go from the body, and from me.

And she started to feel herself again.

She started to appreciate me again.

She started to love me again and feed me again with touch,

and then on day she decided that it was time to let me play some and she ventured out and found a man,

a man that looked at her the way that I like,

and she listened to me and they had beautiful intimate, healing moments,

and he opened her up to hearing me even more and feeling me more and deeper,

and from there she found more lovers for me,

and more,

and I felt loved and appreciated, full.

But all stories have some down points, right?

And so does mine.

 

One day Kendal did not listen like she should to me and she disregarded my screaming that we were in a bad situation,

and without notice a male client of hers attacked her in her office and forced himself on her,

and into us.

He had his way and she felt paraylzed in the moment during and directly following. He tossed $600 down on her limp body on the floor and said,

“Thank you for making me feel like a man.”

She wept and hid herself.

Blaming me again,

if I had not taken her down this path,

then perhaps this trauma would not have been,

she should have stayed safe,

but here she was.

And disconnected we were again.

It took her some time,

it took her some convincing from a few wonderful men that loved her deeply,

but she finally came back around and allowed me my voice again.

 

From there we have had many struggles in our communication,

we have made some wrong turns but we have many more right then wrong.

 

She has learned the value of my voice,

and when the old wounds sprout up from nowhere she sees them.

She desires to remain in connection with me,

and together we work at our loving relationship daily.

 

Today, I am happy with my journey.

I am happy with my life.

I feel the disconnect that her and I have,

as does she,

but our desire is the same.

To open and connect me fully back up to her heart where I belong,

so that we each can reap the wonderful rewards of pleasure and juicy intimacy again.

 

There have been so many moments through the years that Kendal and I have shared touching the big toe of God in our sex, feeling the bliss of an emotional orgasm as tears pour from her eye’s and I pulsate and vibrate in rapture, and swallowing up our lover to the depth of the earths core.

 

These moments are what I crave as a p-ssy.

These moments are only possible when I am connected to her heart,

and feel that she loves me and herself fully.

These moments can only occur when she is listening to me and letting guide her to the lovers that are at one with us,

and this is what makes me happy.

 

This is what all p-ssies in the world crave and desire for happiness.

 

Ladies of the world…

are you listening to her?

She has a message for you,

she wants to connect and open your heart.

Your p-ssy is your guidance, your intuition and knowing.

It is time that you reconnect and stop blaming and fearing her.

 

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to learn more about how you as a woman can tap back into your female GPS and power? To live a life of rapture and truth?  Message me for deet’s on just how to do this.

THIS IS HOW YOU MOVE THE MOUNTAINS IN YOUR LIFE.

YOU ARE NEVER CALLED TO DO SOMETHING THAT YOU ARE NOT READY TO DO!

 

That’s right luv,

I am speaking to you.

 

You say that you are feeling called to make that change.

You know the change….

That DAMN THING in your life that is NOT “fine.”

That you are not happy with,

that has been causing you remorse for so long,

and you just cannot seem to change it.

 

You say that you are WILLING and motivated to make the change,

that you know that if you do not do something now then life will just continue to be the same and that you are not good with that.

 

You say that you are sick and tired of being sick and tired.

That this shiz has got to stop!

 

But is that true luv?

 

Is it?

 

 

Let’s be real…..

 

All this claiming.

All this believing that you are actually wanting it.

All this knowing that now is the effing time.

And yet….

 

What do you do?

 

Make excuses. Want it to be handed to you on a silver plate without you having to actually step the f-ck up and claim it?

 

Really?

 

Are you being for real right now, luv?

Cuz’ that is sheer crazy thinking.

 

ANd so what do you believe?

What do you tell yourself?

 

“It must not be the right time.”

“If it were the right time then everything would just fall into place. I would not have to show up like this for it. I would not have to make that commitment to my calling like that.”

 

Well luv,

that is nothing but utter bullshiz right there.

 

The thing sthat you feel the most called too,

will show up for you in the perfect time.

However the perfect time does not mean that you won’t have to show up and commit yourself to them in some fashion that WILL TEST your desire.

 

Test your courage and your faith.

 

If you want to move the mountains in your life then you are going to have to do the DAMN THING that you feel challenged by to get them to move,

you are going to have to commit your energy, your time, your money, your focus to them.

 

And you are going to feel a tug and a push.

You are going to doubt if its possible,

if you can do it or if the time or situation is right.

You are going to question a hell of a lot of things luv.

 

But those of us who have done the DAMN THING,

KNOW….

 

we KNOW that if you are feeling called to do something then

IT IS TIME to act on it without reservation or hesitation.

 

That is your SOUL knocking and guiding you to your desired life and dreams.

 

It has certainty that you can do it and that the path is set before you.

You may not be able to see it from where you stand right now,

but the path is there and everything that you need to accomplish your dreams,

that f-ck yes life that you want for….

 

it’s all right there waiting for you to COMMIT yourself to taking that step toward it.

 

But as long as you choose the reasons and excuses as to why you cannot take that step,

then all you will ever succeed at is having what you have.

 

So get use to the world that you are living in baby,

cuz’ it won’t change till you take action and commit to making it happen.

To do the damn work.

To step out in faith and lean toward what you are feeling called toward.

 

This is your moment luv.

You are so worthy of that life,

that love,

the success and money,

the health that you desire and feel called toward.

It is there waiting on you to say YES to it.

 

 

So what are you going to do?

 

Say yes to the reasons and excuses or yes to the life that you want?

 

 

It’s decision time.

 

And As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

 

Ready to take that step luv?

Let me guide you through the simple process of saying YES to your SOUL based life.  Message me for deet’s on coaching today.

Too Many Tabs Open Will Cause You To Stop Feeling Your Life.

I have too many tabs open.

I cannot compute any longer.

My breaker box is on overload and it’s causing me to numb out.

 

Just this morning I was explaining to my lover that I am a person who does not do well with a bunch of unfinished projects just sitting around. It causes me stress and if I cannot get them completed by myself, if they are out of my control then I end up numbing myself out to them and thus to life.

 

I love dreaming things into reality.

There is no better feeling than to witness the birth of a dream being realized.

 

I love seeing things being built.

Coming together,

watching the walls of a project go up and picking out all the little details to make it my own.

I love seeing something come into reality.

 

Don’t you?

 

It feels good.

It feels fulfilling.

It has a certain charge to it.

And it makes you want to explore more,

dream more, feel more, witness more.

 

But when you get too many tabs open,

you end up with chaos.

And I don’t know about you but when my outside world has too many projects to complete and I look around,

I feel overwhelmed and anxious.

I don’t know where to start and I start to doubt myself.

All my self sabotage programs come up and I start to hear the roar of you are not good enough, there is not enough of you to go around, get your shit together, you are messy, you are scattered, you are lost.

 

And to a degree these programs are damn f-cking correct.

 

I am feeling chaotic, lost and like there  is not enough of me to go around.

 

And so, I turn myself off to feeling it.

These thoughts create a mindset that I know at my core will not do me any favors, so it is best to just disconnect from them. Shut that shit down or go into a panic or a rage about the mess of life.

 

My head in these times gets so overloaded with thoughts and my internal check list is longer than you can imagine.

 

So I attempt to shut it all down and turn away from it.

But there is a mighty big issue with this attitude that I am prone to.

 

You see you don’t get to just shut down one feeling.

or one thought line.

You don’t get to just turn away from this one thing,

or detach from it and look another direction without the same distancing happening there too.

 

That background thought processor is on overdrive and it’s running crazy.

The checklist is flashing warning lights at you when you close your eyes.

And you wake up and what are you greeted with?

 

The chaos.

All the tabs that you left open that were draining your energy even though you closed the lid to the computer to let it rest.

 

Closing the lid,  or detaching yourself from the list of chaos that is causing you overwhelm and anxiety can work in short spurts IF…

 

IF you open back up shortly thereafter and get the shit taken care of.

 

But if you just bounce from project to project ( tab to tab)

and never finish it up you drain yourself and never allow yourself to shut fully down to recharge.

 

In this case recharging means,

projects complete to you can be PRESENT in the moment with whatever you are doing to relax, to step away, to charge yourself.

 

This includes your sex life,

playful events, dates, experiences and just chilling with the family or friends.

 

Lately, I have noticed that I have too many tabs open.

And it’s causing me to numb out to everything because I am burned out mentally and emotionally with things.

I am starting to feel the spin of constant thoughts that won’t leave me to rest no matter what I try to do to step away and give myself a break.

 

My mind is on hyper drive.

And without rest I am having trouble being present in my life,

in my sex, in my work, in my daily yoga or just watching a movie.

 

This lack of presence and hyperdrive of thoughts has the nasty effect of stunting desire.

And leaves you with a feeling of, “I am bored.”

 

And when you are bored and desireless,

you don’t have much motivation,

much turn on for life or love or creation,

you don’t really care because caring would start up those engines of anxiety and overwhelm and your tank is empty to why bother.

 

So hands go up to the heaven,

you drop to your knees,

leane back on the floor and say….

 

“F-ck It!”

 

Too many tabs open.

It’s not a great space.

But right now in our world, I believe that many of us are feeling this way. We have been busy entertaining ourselves with home repairs, projects galore, picking up extra work, etc, etc,

and we have been more aware of all the spots in our life that we are not satisfied, that perhaps we feel blaise, or that we are just settling, just getting by.

 

Our souls are not designed for blaise or getting by.

We were not born with the desire to settle in life.

We are all creators.

We are all born to LIVE.

 

So what is the answer to, too many tabs open and what it causes in the long haul?

 

Close the effing tabs!

Deal with your shit.

and then allow yourself a reboot.

Give your mental, emotional and physical bodies a break.

It does not take long to recharge,

but if you keep those tabs open and just go through the motions of taking a break then you are doing yourself a disservice.

 

Today I encourage you to take things off your mental list by delegating, writing it down and hiring out what you can. Looking at what you actually need to get done and what you “think” you need to get done and letting go of anything that is causing you mental or emotional stress that is NOT NEEDED.

Then DO THE DAMN THINGS that will clear your tabs.

Once that’s done, go find humor.

Go find play.

Laugh.

And make your work be about being present in your body.

You have not allowed yourself to embody yourself all this time because your internal space was taken up with chaos and overwhelm, but now you can.

 

Give yourself permission to breathe into YOU.

 

You are worthy of THRIVING.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Learn the secrets of rebooting your life and thriving with 1:1 global access coaching now. It’s time you started living fully.

Message me for deet’s on my private coaching now.

Speak Up Your Life.

Speak Your Vibe Up!
Speak it,
yell it,
talk about it.
You speak things into existence.
So be effing conscious of what you are manifesting.
The last few days I have been working with a bunch of people,
beautiful souls each and every one of them,
intelligent, courageous, strong, passionate, spiritual, loving people.
This is my tribe.
These are my clients.
And I am so proud of where each of them are and how they keep witnessing themselves and loving themselves into greatness.
However, the last few weeks there is a running theme.
And the theme is shitty talking,
I mean trash talk. Not smut talk, not crazy sexual talk,
but sheer trash thoughts that don’t make them feel good about life or self.
I see them getting caught up in loops of pain and suffering,
using terms such as,
“I can’t.”
“I tried.”
“I am stuck.”
And so many others.
These words are speaking them down.
Down in vibration.
Down in thought.
Down in emotion.
Down in movement and growth,
healing.
My response typically lands me a middle finger response or a “F – You!” as they don’t enjoy being told to STOP IT.
It’s not that easy to just STOP IT.
Beacuse these words are so natural and they are clarity based on relaity. There is passion around these words of “I can’t and I tried.”
It is a natural statement and feels so authentic.
But I want to bring you into a different reality,
the reality that if you are going through something similar as my client shere and feel like you are struggling, that you have been working your butt off but barely making it, that you have tried and tried and tried, but life just keeps showing you pain and struggle,
that you can change it.
You can speak up your vibration.
You can focus your words into creating a different reality for you to observe.
So instead of saying “I can’t”
Try saying “OMG! this _______________ is so amazing. It is the most magnificent thing.”
Skip the I can and go straight to the creation of what you are wanting.
For instance….
Say you are making $50,000 a year but you want to make more. You are putting in the time and effort but you are not seeing any change in income yet,
instead of saying,
” I am trying to figure out a way to make extra money to offset things but nothing seems to be popping for me.”
Say…(to yourself outloud in the mirror)
“I am so excited, I just made an extra $500 this week!”
“I am earning $75,000) this year, it’s magnificent.”
When we use words such as magnificent, fantastic, wonderful, beautiful, incredible they carry with them a higher vibration. We instantly change our energy.
But what is more important to realize here is that our words,
all of them CREATE.
They are the nails, the boards and the glue of our lives manifestations. From our words we build what our life experience is. And this is why so many people are struggling with their health, wealth and relationships.
Just yesterday I was speaking with a beautiful young woman that I am currently working with and I shared with her that when I turned 30 years old everyone around me told me how it was all downhill from here. That I was going to feel the age, I was going to gain weight and could not lose it, that I would start to get sick more and end up on medications and that I was now old.
I laughed about that and said, “That’s not my reality. My 30’s are going to be magnificent. Playful, healthy and strong.” I told myself how beautiful I was and how great I felt.
And guess what, it was so.
When I turned 40 I heard all the same shiz.
Except people told me that I was lucky that it did not happen in my 30’s, but now….
now it was for sure going to happen.
I was on the back side of my life.
And here I am at 44, mother to seven, and I feel great.
I get told all the time I don’t look my age,
I have vitality.
I take no medications.
And I still speak up my vibration to,
“That’s not my reality.”
I keep speaking my reality to what I want and I speak it daily in my thoughts,
to myself in the mirror,
I allow myself to act youthful,
I play,
I enjoy adventures,
I enjoy life.
And so it is that my life experience corresponds to what I am speaking into existence.
So many folks do the opposite though and they grow old and sickly just because they believe that when they hit a certain number of age that that’s the way it is supposed to be and they speak their lives down.
This is true with any subject area of our lives.
We can speak it up or we can speak it down.
So if you are one of the naysayers to your life and you are speaking about how you can’t, or how you are struggling,
how life is hard, how much pain you are in, how much crap keeps happening to you,
then all I can say is….
STOP IT!
Stop creating your misery.
Life is not doing anything to you that you are not asking for.
That you are not speaking into your experience.
And the more you play those negative records on replay,
the more you emotionalize the fear and pain, the struggle and drama,
and believe that its normal,
that its just the way it is because of your age, your income status, your sex, your country or religion,
the more you create with certainty.
It does not have to be that way though.
You can SPEAK UP YOUR VIBRATION,
thus the things that attract into your life expereince.
But you have to be willing to take responsibility for what you are saying to self and to everyone you come into conversation with.
You must watch your words.
They have power.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Want to learn how to Speak Up Your Vibe to Manifest the Life that You Really want to be living?
Message me on deet’s for my 1:1 coaching opportunities now.

I Am Unavailable for That and You Should Be Too.

Driving to Corpus Christie for Mothers Day weekend and as I sit here a passenger in my own car,
looking out the window at the fields and rolling hills of southern Texas,
cars passing by,
children chit chatting and humming in the back seat,
spouts of laughter with an occasional,
“Stop it! Don’t touch me.”
I realize that I am simply unavailable for not living my life the way I desire.

So much so, that I have created a new belief structure around what is my normal.

Even in the midst of a world pandemic,
My world remains unrocked.
My home is happy, stable and full of life.
There is laughter, joy, deep connection and adventure in each day.
We plan for the day and for our future.
We laugh and delight in the little moments together,
Never allowing space for just existing or getting by.

I was looking through pictures that I have taken over the last 90 days and it shows a life lived.
It shows many lives lived and enjoyed.

And I realize I am not available for just getting by, nor are my children or my man.

No, this idea that our lives must go on hold for a pandemic, for stay at home laws, masks, and at the base of it all for fear,
It does not stand in my life,
In my world or family.
Because at my core I have become unavailable for anything less than what feels good and in my life flow.

It was not always this way though,
Not all that long ago I was still available for chaos, for scarcity and even the belief that I must sacrifice myself to get by.

Before that I believed that life was a struggle,
That money was hard to come by,
That stability was something you long for but would never be,
That marriage, relationship was blah and that was normal,
That sex was non-orgasmic and that what I wanted did not matter. My words were never heard, my heart never felt, and that this was just normal.

I believed that I was an option,
And an option that I could never choose.

I believed that happiness was an option,
And one that I could never choose.

I believed that stability was an option,
And wealth was too,
But I could never choose these options because life was against me.

Life dictated my outcomes,
And it seemed like the harder I tried to achieve them, the more distant they became.

I believed that I had not suffered enough or proven myself enough, to have these luxuries.

And so it was,
Because back then…
I was so very available to all that I did not want.

I was available to making things an option,
And making them an option that I could not choose.

Life experiences and the people in my world supported this belief.

I never had to look far to see the evidence that what I thought was true,
Was.

But today…
Today this belief does not hold water.

Today I know different.
Today the evidence reveals something different,
Because that truth of before changed.

And I was the alchemist who changed it.

I did it by simply becoming unavailable to the things that I did not enjoy or want.

I did it by not making myself,
Or money, or happiness a choice.

They became mandatory.
They became what was natural and normal to my life.

I chose differently.
I went against my grain,
That, that I was taught.

I decided to create my own truth.
Can you believe that?

How ridiculous.
I chose my own truth.
I decided to stop buying into what this world wanted me to believe,
I decided to not let others ideas, beliefs, fears, perceptions define my truth.

And when I took back my truth,
And chose to not make myself or my happiness an option any longer,
My world changed and with it my life experiences that provided me the evidence that I was worthy without sacrificing my soul,
Without the need to suffer.

Yeah crazy I know.
But true.

And the even crazier thing is it truly happened over night almost.
My life results shifted instantly.

So I ask you today,
What are you available too?
And what are you unavailable too?

Perhaps these things need to flip flop so you can start living your truth,
Your happiness.

But what do I know?
It’s just my reality and I believe it could be yours too.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
” Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Ready to get your a*s kicked in the direction of your truth? Message me for deets.

“I love You. Just As You Are.”

 

Bob Marley once said:

“You may not be her first,

her last, or her only.

 

She loved before she may love again.

But if she loves you now, what else matters?

 

She’s not perfect—you aren’t either,

and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh,

cause you to think twice,

and admit to being human and making mistakes,

hold onto her and give her the most you can.

 

She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break—her heart.

 

So don’t hurt her,

don’t change her,

don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give.

 

Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

 

And he was a wise man in his lyrics.

The Jamaican artist who grew up on the concept of One Love,

and to love without fear,

without reservation,

and condition,

spoke the truth in his words about loving a woman,

but his words ring true in general.

 

His words on love are words that we could all gain wisdom from when looking at relationships in general.

 

Can you imagine a world where we spoke our truth.

Where we told our feelings without expectation,

where we related because that is what humans do…

 

Can you imagine a world where love was not based on what you can do for me,

or I for you,

but on the actual feeling of love.

 

Can you imagine a world where love was not captivated and crucified at every upset in the day,

a world where loving each other was normal and not judged or shamed,

can you imagine a world where we each had respect for self,

compassion for self,

love for self,

and thus could freely offer the same to another.

 

Can you imagine a world where saying “I love you” did not bear with it the weight of marriage, commitment of a lifetime, legal documents or looks of concern.

 

Can you imagine being loved just for being you?

 

This is the love that Marley was speaking of.

This is the message that we all need to hear,

 

and this morning as I sit here and am blessed with the words,

 

“I love you.”

 

I feel called to share the importance that they actually hold.

 

I love you is a statement of acceptance.

A statement of respect and care,

 

I love you means that I do not want to control you,

that I appreciate you JUST AS YOU ARE.

 

I love you means that I am not expecting anything in return,

there are no conditions,

there are no rules or obligations,

 

I love you means that I SEE YOU.

 

JUST AS YOU ARE.

 

And when these words are uttered,

they should not hold the reins on our heart,

they should not be spoken in shame or in fear,

but instead be words that frees our soul.

 

I love you means that I love me too.

Because I could not feel this feeling,

pure and authentically,

if you were not mirroring the love that I feel for self.

 

That is what it is a message of.

When we feel deep love for another,

without control or possession of any sort,

without jealousy or fear of losing,

without expectation,

 

we are feeling true love.

 

And true love can only emerge when we feel the same for self.

Others that we feel this radiance for,

ignite the truth of our souls,

allow us to embrace our bigness,

our beauty, and truth.

 

When love is authentic and not based in need,

It is a sign of who we really are.

 

And at our cores,

WE ARE LOVE.

 

We taste it juiciness.

We bathe in its sweetness,

We dance freely in its light,

and we expand within its breath.

 

Without love life is empty.

And with false love,

control masked as such,

we hunger to hold on,

we fear its loss,

we hand over our power to whomever we deem our point of focus,

and lose who we are.

 

To love someone…

 

You may not be the first person to love them,

or the last,

not even the only one.

 

They have loved before,

they will love again,

But if they are loving you now,

What else matters?

 

They are not perfect – you aren’t either,

and the two of you may never have the perfect relationship together, no matter its label,

but if they make you smile and laugh,

cause you to think twice,

and admit to being human and making mistakes,

hold onto that love and give it the most you have.

 

They may not be thinking of you every moment of the day,

but that love will open you to your life,

that love will offer you something special,

something that you must respect, — your truth.

 

So don’t judge and shame your love,

don’t try and change it,

don’t analyze and

don’t expect more than what is shown.

 

Smile when you are happy,

let your feelings be known, even when mad,

let your words and actions be authentic.

 

Love with your whole being when you receive love,

Know that it is available at any moment,

it is your truth,

there is no such thing as perfect,

but there will always be love,

and it is all that matters.

 

How are you penetrating your life,

this world with your love?

 

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

 

 

You were born worthy of so much more than what you are allowing right now.

 

It is time that you say YES to you.

 

Join me in a 4 week 1:1 mastermind intensive to learn the 7 keys to creating the life of your dreams no matter the chaos of the world.

 

 

Message me for deet’s now before the special ends on May 3rd, 2020.