The Power of Somatic Sex Coaching (Hands On Therapy Work)

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Our sexuality is a primary foundation to our lives. Sex in itself is a creative process of opening up to life and allowing it to breathe through us, however in today’s times (and it has been this way for many thousands of years now) the power of sex has been forbidden by ego baring religion that was more focused on controlling the masses then on uplifting them. After thousands of years of brainwashing, the once therapeutic form of sex work, known as humanistic sex therapy, has been virtually done away with and thought of as a sin even.  But for many researchers, educators and therapists who take the time to dig deep into our history of sexuality and relationship we discover a beautiful dynamic healing tool which is once again resurfacing and making a stand as the consciousness of our world shifts.

Through the use of somatic sex therapy and coaching practices a patient/client can once again capture and embody one of the most vital aspects of themselves: Their sex. They can start to heal life long wounds and investigate safe, loving ways to embrace their desires and authentic selves, thus teaching how to do the same for someone else, weather that be a person they share an intimate relationship with or otherwise. Somatic sex coaching opens up the interconnectedness of all of life, reestablishing the positive, healthy links between our sexuality and our emotional, mental, physical, psychological and spiritual selves.

Such a holistic healing approach was once common day use for many people. If we look back to Ancient Greece even, the Greek physician Galen (129 A.D.-200A.D.), historically, one of the most influential authors on medical subjects, focused on  the subject of women’s unmet sexual desire and defined it as a disease. Coining the term Hysteria (Greek for “Suffering Uterus”) to describe the anxiety, irritability, sexual fantasies, pelvic heaviness and excessive vaginal lubrication in sexually deprived or particularly passionate women. This should sound pretty common term even today, as we are a sexually deprived society and many women today complain of these sorts of issues and more.

Somatic Sex Coaching is a holistic healing approach that combines hands-on techniques (“bodywork”) with traditional sex coaching techniques. Like telling the story uses the “mind memory” to release pain and promote healing, “body memory” is used to assist in the healing process.

A key part of talk therapy is retraining the mind – letting go of old beliefs and experiences, and incorporating new ones. Somatic therapy is primarily about retraining the body, so it can respond differently. Combining the mental and physical aspects in therapy creates more opportunities for healing and change by facilitating integration of the entire experience.

Somatic Sex Therapy uses various kinds of touch to promote healing, including “laying on hands”, hugs, holds, massage, stroking and other kinds of contact, as appropriate to the client’s need. Somatic therapy has some things in common with what is popularly called “healing touch” or “therapeutic touch” but somatic therapy is not an “energy”-based therapy like Reiki and others that often involve limited touch or sometimes no touch at all. Somatic Sex Therapy could include receiving or giving the kinds of touch that you might actually experience in a sexual context. While Somatic Sex Therapy is generally done fully clothed, there are situations where (similar to therapeutic massage) removal of some or all clothing is appropriate.

There are a number of alternate titles and sub-specialties for a Somatic Sex Therapist, and many different approaches to combining the mental, physical and spiritual aspects of sexuality: Sexual-Somatic Therapist, Mind-Body Sex Therapist, Body-oriented Sex Therapist, Sexual Embodiment Therapist, Holistic Sex Therapist, Reichian Sex Therapist, Sexual Bioenergetic Analyst, Sexual Therapy Practitioner, Sexological Bodyworker, Sex Surrogate, Surrogate Partner, Sacred Intimate, Spiritual Sexuality Master, Sexual Energy Specialist, Sexual Shaman, Phoenix Fire Man/Woman, Qadishtu/Qadesh, Dakini/Daka, Tantrika, Tantric Master and Tantric Healer. Each of these professionals have a different focus and range of techniques. Some combine bodywork with psychotherapy, some are primarily bodyworkers and would work in conjunction with a traditional (no touch) Sex Therapist, and some focus on the spiritual aspects of sexuality.

Why would I want a Somatic Sex Therapist instead of a regular therapist?

Sometimes, “talk therapy” isn’t enough.

Somatic Sex Therapists help clients with a wide variety of problems, some of which have nothing to do with sex. What makes Somatic Sex Therapists different is their comfort level with sexuality and physical touch, and their ability to include an appropriate physical element to support you in achieving your goals. Consider the limitations of talk therapy in these example situations:

  • “I get really anxious when someone sits too close to me on the bus.”
  • “I’m lonely, but I can’t stand anyone touching me.”
  • “I was raped. I want to date, but whenever a man touches me, I panic.”
  • any problem where physical touch is a “trigger”

Somatic Sex Therapists are particularly helpful for resolving:

  • boundary and trust issues
  • body image problems
  • communication problems
  • anxiety or aversion to touch and/or intimacy
  • pain caused by “pelvic floor guarding”, e.g. vaginismus or vulvodynia
  • shame relating to fetishes or any other physical desires
  • arousal problems
  • lack of desire or lack of pleasure sensation
  • sexual addictions

By including the physical dimension in therapy, Somatic Sex Therapists have the ability to bring greater depth to your work, and often shorten the amount of time needed to achieve the change you want.

What should I expect in a session with a Somatic Sex Therapist or Sex Coach?

You should expect the same things you would expect from any other professional. The obvious difference is that in addition to the usual conversation, sessions could include physical touch. You may be guided and encouraged to explore, but you are always in control of the limits in a session from moment to moment.

Whether the context is verbal or physical, you can expect that your boundaries will be both challenged and respected. In coaching, this can mean trying out different points of view or doing something differently than you are accustomed to, and thereby developing greater choice and flexibility. In therapy, this often means going into your “discomfort zone” so that you can access an experience and your therapist can support your resolution or reframing of that experience. Generally, once you start having a reaction, your therapist will pause and help you work through that reaction before moving on.

Your feedback is an important part of any session, and especially important in sessions involving touch. You may experience subtle internal reactions that aren’t evident, or your reaction may be obvious but unexplained. Volunteering your inner experience, such as “I’m feeling ____” or “I’m thinking ____” or “I’m remembering ____” or “I want ____” is usually helpful, just as it is in any relationship.

At all times in any session, you have the choice of saying “no” and you can expect your therapist or coach to honour that boundary. You can also expect to explore why you’ve put up that boundary and – if it’s relevant to your goals – have it appropriately challenged again.

Therapists and coaches help you develop your emotional and spiritual self much like personal fitness instructors would help you develop your physical self. As your “personal trainer”, a therapist or coach will help you do the things you’ve had difficulty doing on your own. You may initially find those things somewhat awkward or unpleasant, and you may experience pain before you see the results you want. As you develop, your sessions will be adapted to meet your changing needs and desires.

Explore Expanded Orgasm Coaching for Men HERE

Explore Orgasm Coaching for Women HERE

The rise of the designer vagina….

 “I’d much prefer that she is comfortable with herself versus being neurotically insecure enough to get surgery.”

–Male response when asked in a survey

Over the course of the last 20 years since I first became sexually active at age 16 I have gone through many a cycle in the understanding and openness of my own body. Early on in life as a small child I was in love with my fleshy body and that of my male childhood friend’s. Both of us would have a blast sneaking off to one of our tree houses or under some bushes somewhere to explore each other’s “private regions.” I was accepting, curious and very eager to explore and be explored. My childhood boyfriend, Curtis, looking back was far more timid at our games then I was. I was always pushing to try to figure things out, asking for him to touch me here, or wanting to touch him there. Playing doctor was one of my favorite games.  As I grew though I developed an insecurity with my body and by the time I was 12 and had my first period I was almost scared of it. I constantly compared myself to my best friend Michelle who was already voluptuous in curves and I felt like I was this tall thin wall. Her body was beautiful in my eye’s and I wanted to look like her( after all she resembled the girls in the magazines my dad read). As time went on I found myself even more uncomfortable in my own skin yet boys were chasing. Even though I adored their attention I remained closed and did not accept any dates while my best friend Michelle was off and having the time of her teen years.

Finally at 15 I met a boy who was a few years older then me and I felt instantly connected to. With him, I longed that he would ask to be  the one to take my virginity, I quivered in each breath of anticipation hoping he would touch me, and desperately wanted that first kiss. Finally the kiss came and with it came months of what I now know was tantric training. After a year of dating and him teaching me that I was beautiful, could trust him, should enjoy my body and love it we finally made love. In this event I found myself birthed into a new reality of my sex energy. I discovered a rapture that I could not fathom before in all my masturbating and fantasies. Still uncomfortable to a degree with my female genitalia, I did slowly learn that it was a glorious event to make love in the sunshine in a field, or a meadow, under a bridge or in daylight in one of our beds. He taught me that being open and connected to myself was powerful and sexy. But, time changes and relationship serve their purpose, our paths were not to stay in this form and we parted ways. After that relationship I found myself shutting down and fearful, almost as though I were regressing to age 12. Even though I was married now and my husband said he loved my pussy and could not get enough of it, I found his hunger for it almost disgusting at times. He would describe how beautiful he found it in looks, taste and smell. He would tell me that I felt incredible wrapped around him. Unfortunately, I did not feel the same way about myself as he did about me. I was out of love within myself and could not see my beauty. It became so bad that I started to even walk pigeon toed, I could not make eye contact with anyone for a significant time and the thought of self pleasuring myself was not even in the same zip code. Even though I stayed sexually active, sex to me was about my duty to my husband, my contract, and keeping my security and family together. Sex was not for pleasure unless I had had too much to drink and needed a good hard fuck.

Detached from my body, disgusted at it matter a fact, I found myself craving a way that I could “fix” this ugly mess of a woman that I had become. After all I had kids and was aging by the day. I would look in the mirror and all I could see were a bunch of flaws. One day, I even took a mirror and looked into the forbidden zone of my pussy. OMFG! things were not the neat and tidy little  package that I recalled from age 6. How did this mess happen? Motherhood! Sex when I did not want it. Lack of vaginal exercises. And my boobs, let’s not even talk about it…

So I made up my mind, I had to have plastic surgery. I mentally fixated on it actually. My husband told me that he loved me and thought I was perfect just the way I was (in my mind, he was lying, he had to say that or he may never get lucky again). However I knew that plastic surgery would not be the only solution and this designer vagina surgery was not even heard of yet, at least not for the everyday woman. I figured that my best bet was to get physically fit, loose the baby weight, tone up, get a tan and then a boob job. In this I was kindly reminded about kegal exercises and vaginal weight-lifting balls. So it became my daily practice and once I reached all my goals I was off to get the finishing touches of “perfect” breasts. Or so I thought…

Years later- I was reawakened to sexual healing practices. Tantra crept back into my life as well as other spiritual practices and some psychology training. I had now developed a strong foundation of understanding about nutrition and the spiritual and psychological training filled my vessel with the knowledge that I needed and opened a pathway to real healing.

Instead of plastic surgery and constant roller coaster diets, depression medications and hopeless physical changes that came from doctors, I found a real cure for this self-disgust and un-comfort in my own flesh. I discovered how to fall in-love with myself again and in doing so I ended up manifesting some pretty incredible lovers into my life that all supported my new love for self.

Unlike before I actually believed and adored the loving comments and even though I really did not need them at this point, I still cherished each word. These men shared with me in great detail how they hungered for me, how wonderful I felt, tasted, smelt. How they wanted more and thought of me when we were apart. They shared that they adored my ability to be open, explorative, playful and confident in my own skin. Every now and then I would feel like maybe I should still get that boob job, so I would test the waters with a lovers reaction and share about how I was talking with someone and breast enhancement came up. I would ask my lover how he felt about it? Over and over again, each lover would say, ” All breasts are beautiful and good. I love them. Yours are perfect I am so glad that they are real, I love kissing and  touching them.”

Bye, bye breast insecurity. Hello breast love.

phone 7111 011-1The same thing is true with the vulva. Any woman who is feeling like her pussy is not as perfect as the porn stars or that she needs to change this part of her body needs to:

  • Get familiar with your pussy (look at it from every angle)
  • Get down and dirty with yourself (make love to yourself, allow your fingers to explore and taste yourself)
  • Get a confidence boost by making love to a partner in the day light
  • Ask your partner to slow down and look at your vulva. Ask your partner to describe what they see.
  • Get a real confidence boost by pleasuring yourself in front of a lover. It is amazing how you will quickly fall in love with yourself when you realize that your partner is getting really heated up by watching you and seeing this part of your being exposed in love and vulnerabilty.
  • Do Tantric Art Therapy to awaken your inner goddess and start your sexual healing
  • Get busy doing your vaginal workouts to strengthen your internal muscles and build confidence
  • Learn or go to a Tantric Coach/Practitioner that help re-establish the proper feeling, blood flow and energy to your vulva and vagina
  • Release stored trauma in your genital areas.
  • Get educated on ancient sexual healing knowledge that can help restore the appearance and feel of your vulva and vagina.

These are a few things that can change your life. Your confidence and love for self. And the best part is that No doctors, knives, or needles are needed. You won’t have a scare that will cause you other forms of insecurity and you will have learned that being authentically you is PERFECT!!!!

–KW

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 The rise of the designer vagina…

Genital surgery is one of the fastest growing areas of plastic surgery Nicola Conville looks at the reasons why demand has increased for labiaplasty surgeries In our quest for perfection and amid a growing obsession with body image, it seems women now have a new part of the anatomy to worry about – our vaginas. Genital plastic surgery is one of the fastest-growing areas in cosmetic surgery, and one of the most popular procedures being requested – mostly by young women – is a labiaplasty. A labiaplasty – or labial rejuvenation – is a procedure whereby the inner labia, or labia minora, get trimmed back so they look more “tucked in”. The surgery is generally done under a local anaesthetic, so the patient is awake while it is being performed. The process takes around 90 minutes and you can walk out of the surgery, returning to normal activities within a few days – except for sex, which you should hold off for four to six weeks.

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The reason for the rise

“There has been a huge surge in the past five years of people looking to get genital surgery, and the vast majority of these are getting a labiaplasty, vaginoplasty (vaginal tightening) or liposuction in the pelvic area or labia,” says Dr Laith Barnouti, a leading Sydney plastic surgeon. Barnouti says that currently around 20 per cent of his clients are coming in for genital surgery. The youngest to date was 14, the oldest in her mid-sixties. A 2010 report also found that the number of clinically necessary procedures   – that is, not solely for cosmetic reasons – performed by private practitioners nearly doubled in recent years. So why are women requesting this procedure? There are a few reasons, says Barnouti, including feeling “socially embarrassed… people can’t wear certain types of bathers, people feel embarrassed in intimate situations”. But the reasons go beyond the aesthetic, he claims. “Labiaplasty and vaginoplasty are often performed due to a medical condition – people actually have it for a functional reason,” Dr Barnouti says. “Labial hypertrophy – enlargement or sagging of the labia – can be unhealthy and unhygienic.” Vaginoplasty, which is usually performed on women who have a weakened perineum after giving birth, is a “restorative, reconstructive procedure”, says Barnouti. “This is something completely different from, say, liposuction, which is a purely cosmetic procedure.”

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What is normal?

But are women having genital surgery for other reasons – to please a boyfriend perhaps, or because they feel their vagina is not normal? Do women actually hate the appearance of their vulvas so much that they will have parts of them surgically removed? The 2008 UK documentary The Perfect Vagina explored the reasons why women opt for this type of surgery, and found that many do it because they’ve been teased by someone close to them about the way their genitals look, or have just decided their vagina looks abnormal. In the documentary, Professor Linda Cordoza, a leading UK gynaecologist, says while women are much more aware of what’s available in terms of plastic surgery procedures, it doesn’t necessarily mean they know what’s normal. “There’s been a huge trend towards bikini waxing, doing things with your pubic hair as well as the hair on your head. So [women think] if you can have cosmetic surgery done to your face, you can also have cosmetic surgery done on your genitals.” Cordoza says. “I sometimes get two or three generations of women in the same family coming in saying they want their labia trimmed.”

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The role of pornography

Our perception of what is normal is most definitely clouded by the proliferation of pornographic images featuring women with smaller, tucked in – and often heavily airbrushed – private parts. As women, we don’t often see vaginas other than our own, so if the only images we see are of highly airbrushed genitals, naturally many of us are going to assume that what we have is “different” or “abnormal”. Melinda Tankard Reist is a media commentator and author of Big Porn Inc and Getting Real – Challenging the Sexualisation of Girls (Spinifex Press). She believes pornography is a big driver in the rise in cosmetic surgery. “Girls are made to feel inadequate and think that there’s something wrong with their perfectly natural, healthy bodies. And boys are expecting girls to provide the porn star experience,” Reist says. Reist adds that it’s important women pass on positive body image messages to their daughters, and that cosmetic surgeons should play their part by refusing to operate on very young women, rather than “capitalising on the body angst of girls”. Barnouti says women contemplating any type of cosmetic surgery should be doing it for themselves, not anyone else. “What we do here is for the patient, not their partner,” Barnouti says. “If you’re going to have a procedure, have it for yourself. Just because someone makes a negative comment doesn’t mean you should change your whole body.”

Labiaplasty – the facts

The procedure: A labiaplasty takes around 90 minutes and patients are usually under twilight sedation – either local anaesthetic or IV sedation – meaning they are awake for the surgery. During the procedure the surgeon removes a wedge-shaped piece of tissue and re-attaches the labium so the inner lips no longer protrude beyond the outer lips. The recovery: Three to four days for normal activities, including going back to work, but avoid exerting yourself physically. You can’t run or jog for two weeks, and no sex for four to six weeks. The stitches used are usually dissolvable. The cost: Labiaplasty costs around $4000 to $5000 if you have private healthcare cover, otherwise you can expect to add another $2000. To be available under Medicare it must be deemed clinically necessary.

Original Post from Body and Soul

Do You Have Gratitude For Your Sex? by Nikki Lundberg

The World English Dictionary defines gratitude as “a feeling of thankfulness or appreciation, as for a gift or favors”.

Yes, gratitude is a feeling, but in my understanding it is so much more.  Gratitude can be an action and an attitude as well.  Now apply this to your sex.  Take a moment, a deep breath, and check in with your gut and your genitals.  When I do this I feel a sense of expansion in my pelvic region.

What do you feel? 

ball and chain of shameNow, reflect on your attitude toward your sex.  I have felt different ways about my sex at different times in my life.  Now is a time for noticing and not judging.  For most of my life and even sometimes nowadays I have not been grateful for my sex.  My desires don’t fit with what I’ve been trained to believe is good and acceptable.  There have been times that my appetite for sex and variety made me feel ashamed.  I’ve gotten very frustrated with myself for not being “normal”.  I’ve resented myself for a seeming inability to be satisfied with “normal”.  I’ve ignored my sex and tried to forget about it so I could be more “normal”.  I’ve settled for lackluster experiences so I wouldn’t hurt my partner.  I’ve compromised what was true for me so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the sometimes hard work of getting what I really want.  I’ve felt ashamed for using my sex to manipulate people.  I’ve been self conscious of the way my pussy looked or smelled and of how close it was to my anal area.

How has your attitude toward your sex and sexuality been? 

sex on the brainThink about your actions toward your sex.  My actions have not always shown my gratitude for my sex.  I’ve masturbated hard, even violently, to get it over and done with.  I’ve accepted touch from lovers that didn’t feel good – sometimes even hurt – and done nothing about it.

What have your actions toward your sex been?

5 Ways To Develop Gratitude For Your Sex

My path has been more extreme than some so I will share some of the principles and steps that I have integrated and taken along my journey to being grateful for my sex and sexuality.

  1. Willingness to have a better experience – Without the willingness to experiment and go through the experiences I never would have moved forward with my sexuality.
  2. Developing my relationship with my Higher Power – We have our own definitions of God.  Whether you subscribe to someone else’s definition or have developed your own, find a way to make your sex and sexuality right.
  3. Self reflection – looking inside myself and finding out how I felt about things.  Then, I look at the feeling and see where it’s from – it it’s really from within me or if it is something I feel because I think I should.  Getting honest with myself about what is okay with me and what is not.
  4. Sharing with others in a conscious way – There is a difference between doing something consciously vs. unconsciously.  For much of my life I was unconscious about my sex and when I did wake up about it a little bit I would quickly push it down so I wouldn’t have to deal with it.  I didn’t know how to deal with it.  Now I know that by sharing – verbally, in writing and in person – while staying consciously aware of myself – my feelings, my actions and reactions – I love my sex more and more all the time and part of that love is feeling gratitude.
  5. Experimentation And Education – The more I know the more I know I don’t know.  The learning can go on for infinity just like the expansion of pleasure.  The two – learning and expanding pleasure – also go hand in hand.  The more you know about your sex the more you will be able to enjoy it.

 

READ Original Article Post at Nikki Lundberg

Nikki is is an expert in the field of sex education for adults based out out of Las Vegas NV.