When Too Much isn’t Enough.

I am too much.
Truly I am.
The way I share,
the way I love,
the way I enjoy,
the way I act,
the way I sex,
the way I can let go,
the way I parent,
the way I live.
 
It is all too much and then some.
Yet I am happy being too much.
Even though it costs me relationships,
arguments, hurt feelings and lot’s of change.
I am too much,
and it is just who I am.
 
But my too much,
is still not enough,
because my too much,
won’t give you what you want and may need.
 
How can this be?
Too much is not enough???🤔
 
You see it is the very fact that in being too much,
I push the limits.
I push the limits on everything,
especially on love, on relationship, on sex and my over all way of living.
Too much means that I am demanding in these things.
Too much means that I know what I want,
and I am not afraid to go after it.
Too much means that if I feel like I need more of something or that I cannot achieve it in the way before me that I will go and get it another way,
and tell you about it.
Too much means that I share.
I share in massive amounts,
because I want you to know.
I want you to step into the pool of living with me,
in integrity.
I want to grow,
and experience,
and I want to do it with those who want it too.
The other too muchers out there.
 
Yes, too much means that I understand that life is very polyamorous in so many ways. I know that my heart can expand to the depths, to the horizons that I choose. I know that I can love many and deeply. And I do.
 
I do this daily.
I do it openly,
and it makes me too much.
For many.
 
My too much is not enough,
even though you proclaim it is everything.
My too much is not enough,
even though you claim not to want to change me.
My too much is not enough,
even though you enjoy when it suites your desires.
My too much is not enough,
because it will push you to your limits.
It will make you uncomfortable.
It will test your heart.
It will call to your soul.
It will demand for you to fly or to walk away.
 
I am too much,
and it is a life long heartache,
as I share of my too muchness,
with those who love it and then hate it.
I am too much and with it comes the pain of loss,
as people ebb and flow,
and say they cannot do it.
With feeble excuses,
they move into knew life choices,
they run away from my too much,
to all that is comforting and less challenging.
 
Here is the reality of life for anyone who is truly too much.
We share deeply of ourselves,
we love deeply of those who dance with us in moments of our lives,
and we know that our too much will burn them.
And with the fire they will run.
Run into the arms of another.
Run into the comforts of average.
Run into the excuses of ego,
of jealous,
pride,
fear.
Run.
Run.
Run.
 
Yes that is what will happen,
because my too much is not enough.
And it will push you into the pain of reality.
The pain that you cannot hold me.
You cannot control me.
You cannot conquer me.
You can only dance with me.
And dance I will for hours and days,
for months and years,
and even decades.
But it is ultimately your choice,
how long the dance lasts.
 
Grow and expand.
Breathe in the feelings.
Breathe in the beauty,
the boldness,
the joy,
the play,
the adventure.
But heed the desire to stop it’s flow,
for in that moment is when the dance will end.
 
As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
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Divine Marriage — kundalini and tantra

Throughout the annals of mythology and spirituality, the devi – Kunti – (the Yin/Shakti opposite Yang/Shiva) has taken many forms and faces; some of these are translated accurately, others are not. Many have become owned (over time) by some cannonisation, doctrine .. or set of dogmatic rules.

Wholeness and the first separation

At the deepest and most primordial, Yin and Yang .. deva and devi are the first separation but, they are never separate. In Hindi, she is Shakti, he is Shiva

deva : d’e’v’a is the primordial masculine principle; an essence or principle, originally; ‘a bright or shining one’ from *div– to shine; the “sign” or “omen” of the energy which pervades; bestowing, producing or imparting; as with hot fire or passion from “above” (as in Heavenly); sometimes seen as a “gift” with the concept of going inward, within or in; the life in-breath; as an aspect of Brahma

devi : dh’e’v’i is the primordial feminine principle; placement or holding; potential to go beyond or transcend; consciousness potential as in “hidden” or “the inner self” with wonder, awe; the energy which pervades ; bestowing, producing or imparting; as with cold fire or passion of receptivity; that which has the potential to ‘learn’ or evolve as the essence of compassion with the power to obtain or become something else

Yoga, itself, is the UNION of the deva and the devi — masculine and feminine — Yin and Yang — Shiva and Shakti

The Tibetans go one step further; they call it Tantra – describing it as the warp and weft of the cloth as in the “sacred” weaving

akin to Christianity’s “Divine Marriage” of the Heavenly Bride (Yin, the devi) and Bridegroom (Yang, the deva) .. for it is written:

Tao gave birth to One;
One gave birth to Two;
Two gave birth to Three;
Three gave birth to the ten thousand things.
The ten thousand things carry Yin and embrace Yang
The two primordial breaths blend and produce harmony.

The Tao or “The Way of All Things” is a flow, an inter-penetration, an omniscience and an omnipotence and a homeostasis of both masculine and feminine, positive and negative principles

7000 years of Kundalini and the divine marriage

The elements of the Force and the Field were inscribed on a tortise shell 5000 or so years ago; “k’un” is of the earth; the feminine; the energy of life.

Hindu’s derived the name Cunti/Kundi and all its variations that have formed the roots of Country, Kind and Kildare; Kundalini as it is propogated by the purveyors of “authentic Western Guru’s” is nothing more than a thought-form (Tulpa) far removed from the Sanskrit roots of the word.

But then, the Primordial Feminine the first separation from the void is something that the conscious mind cannot manipulate or control for the simple reason that this one bit computer is nothing more than the product of one’s dis-eased feminine .. a feminine that is separated from the Void.

The Divine Marriage — cross culturally

The feminine is the field in the pairing of the force and the field; she is sometimes represented as ‘of the manifestation‘ … ‘of the earth‘. In the Christian prayer, we find “Thy Will be done in Earth as it is in Heaven“.

To most, she is mysterious, deep, dark sultry ..

She is Serena (from the Latin serene) unagitated; without losing self-possession; calm; tranquil; fertile; she was a ‘Golden Hind‘ (female deer) in ‘Hercules: The Legendary Journeys

She is also Tara, the devi Hindu Mahavidya, the saving aspect of the Goddess who in Buddhist terms is the female deity (devi) representing enlightened activity and fearlessness.

In Polynesian Mythology, she is the ‘sea goddess’; the ruler of the element of water.

But, she is also Diana the virgin, the equivalent of the Greek Artemis born with her twin brother Apollo.

And so, before it was corrupted, we have the story of the Virgin Mary — so much a parallel to the story of Kunti in the Mahabaratra

She is Ishtar .. the Assyrian and Babylonian counterpart to the Sumerian Inanna and to the cognate northwest Semitic goddess Astarte

Divine mysteries of Islam

Before Muhammad brought the religion of Islam to Arabia, the Arabs polytheistic (many gods) people. Hindu merchants frequently passed through Makkah, (now Mekka) a major trading hub.

Ancient Indian Vedic texts refer to Makkah as a place where Alla the Mother Goddess was worshiped. In Sanskrit, Alla means “mother.”

This name was connected to the Hindu Goddess Ila. She was the consort of the Hindu God Sivain his form known as Il, and this form of Siva was known and worshiped in pre-Islamic Makkah. A great deal of cultural and spiritual interchange took place between the merchants of Makkah and India.

Rumi (1207 – 1273) writes:

“Woman is the radiance of God; she is not your beloved.
She is the Creator—you could say that she is not created.”

So, once again, we have a whore word .. Alla as the divine feminine, the “moon”, the goddess of Fertility, the symbol of womanhood .. transliterated from Ancient Aramaic as “sin“. Moon was worshipped in its threefold existence – waxing, (maiden), full (pregnant mother) and waning (old wise woman). The Virgin was the New Moon.

Muyiddin ibn al- ′Arabî (born 1165) wrote,

“To know woman is to know oneself,
Whoso knoweth his self, knoweth his Lord”

.. and,

“man′s supreme witnessing of Allâh
is in the form of the woman during
the act of sexual union ..”

In the Kabbalah, just below the first Sphere (sefirah) of divine emanation known as Keter(crown; summit; pinnacle), lie the two roots of masculine and feminine, known as Hokhmah andBinah.

Binah is the Kabbalistic feminine symbol for Understanding, a prelude to wisdom. “Binah, the Great Mother, sometimes also called Marah, the Great Sea, is, of course, the Mother of All Living. She is the archetypal womb through which life comes into manifestation.”

Fatima

Fatima (the daughter of the Prophet Muhammad) was considered to come from the level of angels. She is considered by many Muslims as divine in origin and several variations of a major hadith describe how she was conceived on the night of Mi′râj (ascension).

On this night Gabriel took Muhammad to Jerusalem and then to Heaven. While up in Heaven, he was offered some heavenly fruit, the seed of which was responsible for her conception, after the Prophet′s return on the same night and making love to his beloved wife Khadija.

Mohammad, in referring to Fatima as “The Mother of her Father”, understood that his gnosis was bestowed upon him from the Divine Feminine. Fatima’s own words,

“There is no God beside me, neither in divinity nor humanity, neither in the Heavens nor on earth, outside of me, who am Fatima – Creator.”

and what would all of this mean to a Rule whose sole purpose was the control and manipulation of all of its people through the establishment of a Patriarchal “God” — of course, you’d have to be born of original sin.

Isis and the Throne

Isis is the Greek form of more ancient names (Aset or Eset), and the name Isis is represented in hieroglyphics with a picture of a “throne”.

The throne represented the Feminine power of the Goddess, and the King when he ascends the throne, is actually drawing power from the throne upon which he sits.

The Wedding

To the pre-Christian Irish, water was the source of all life. Eire, after whom the country was named, was the superior Goddess of water and fertility, the island of Ireland being the body of the goddess. The Irish language has no word for the coronation of a king. This is because Irish kings were not crowned; they were married to the goddess in a ceremony called An Bainais – the wedding.

Therefore, we see the Divine Feminine, as the Source of Life, being expressed first by the means that humans may understand the Divine Feminine, in other words, Wisdom, being a feminine word, second, by the most holy names which express in a universal way (spanning cultures as varied as Egyptian, Hittitie and Celtic) that the Source of Life is the Divine Feminine.

Rumi again writes ..

“On Resurrection Day, the sun and moon are released from service:
and the eye beholds the Source of their radiance,
then it discerns the permanent possession from the loan,
and this passing caravan from the abiding home.
If for a while a wet nurse is needed,
Mother, return us to your breast.
I don′t want a nurse; my Mother is more fair.
I am like Moses whose nurse and Mother were the same.

Tantra

The basic tenet of Tantrism is that matter, and therefore the body, is also a manifestation of Sakti power, that is, the power emanating from the feminine aspect of Divine Reality. In the domain of the spiritual life, the same term Sakti signifies the devi that allows one to enter into contact with Enlightenment.

She is both the key and the mystery;
who can be decoded only through Muladhara …

The child is Brahma; the Goddess is Dakini

Muladhara bears the Sanskrit letters va, scha, sha, and sa and the seed sound in the centre is lam

I am … the mother of my father and the daughter of my son

Original Posting (No Longer Available)

Love & Marriage: It’s an institute you can’t disparage… or can you? by Scott Beauregard

wedding1Having been married in my past and when that marriage ended, as all too many in current society do, in divorce I was lost for a period of time.   I struggled with the concepts of what society says is the path to happiness.    I started to look deeper into my own thoughts and beliefs about marriage.   While It may seem in this piece that I’m condemning marriage that is not truly the case.   I’m not condemning marriage, but more condemning the reasons we enter into a marriage contract.  

In doing research based on this subject it quickly became apparent that there is not reliable historical information regarding marriage and rarely is the word “love” mentioned in all of the definitions and histories of marriage.   Let’s look at the current state of marriage and its role in keeping us disconnected from our true selves.   Although attitudes are starting to change slowly when it comes to the definition of marriage,  this is not going to turn into a political debate. It has been commonly held that marriage is the union of one man and one woman for quite sometime.    Look at that last statement again, specifically, “union of”.    What does that bring into your mind?    A partnership, a combining of equal parts?  If it is so that this union of, and we can even expand it out to two people, is an equal partnership then why are people so lost and looking, searching for that one connection that will “save” them.    The divorce rate is through the roof.    Domestic abuse and violence is at an all time high.    We don’t seem to be learning anything and making the same mistakes over and over.   

People both men and women, straight, gay, bi, have relationships with 6-10 different people in their lifetime.   All under the guise of finding “the one”.    The one that will allow me to be happy.   As those numbers point out there’s not “the one”, although in rare instances it does happen or at least appear on the surface.   That older couple that has been together for 50, 60, 70 years, we’ve all heard those stories about a love that endures.    It is obvious that these rare occurrences that the couple understands something about unconditional love or they hide the true nature of the relationship from even themselves.   

wedding-cows-heartlandboostMarriage is a contract not of equals, but of property.    That’s right property.    It is nothing more than a contract where the man agrees to provide security and physical property and  woman agrees to become property of the husband for the security and physical property that is or will be owned and for the purposes of procreation so the physical property is in the hands of known relations.    Men have through fear convinced women to give up their true feminine nature for stuff basically.    Women have accepted the mantle of chattel on the antiquated notion that they will be provided for.   If this is not true in this day and age why is it that more and more women have given up their feminine energetic natures and taken on more masculine natures in their lives.   

asian-couple-man-carrying-womanSo many people today still think that their happiness can come from another person.    This is a crazy notion.   One of the questions asked often in my counseling/coaching sessions is “Who can make you happy”, over 90% of the time the answer is “I can”.   Next question is can anyone else?   answer no.    This is followed up with a question creates a lot of confusion.     “Who can hurt you?” almost every person says “anybody”.    When that is questioned with “If you are the only one that can make you happy,  how is it that “anybody” can hurt you?”

If a good number of people can realize at this time that they are responsible for their own happiness why is it so difficult to accept that one is just as responsible for the hurts that come into one’s life.    They bring this perception into the marriage contract and that is a pretty good indicator of why the divorce rate is so high.    That and the fact that it is INSANE that women in this day and age would agree willingly to trade themselves for physical property and the illusion of security.  

It’s not all their fault.  The male has done a superb job of selling a bill of goods for hundreds or thousands of years that this is the only way it will work.    The old patriarchal paradigm of conquest, control, and ownership is still in full effect today.  Things are starting to change slowly.  People in general are starting to take off the blinders.    People are getting married for the first time later in life or choosing not to get married at all.    Society is growing up and women are starting to wake up to the fact that the male will not give up what they have gained easily and the woman will have to take responsibility for becoming whole again.  The male also bears responsibility in becoming whole but too many males still have that macho I need to conquer my world mentality.    Using tantra and coaching it is possible to heal individual males and females, and couples as well.

  When two people centered in the divine self, the unconditional love, the pure awareness, is it possible to create a union of equals.    This is not to be seen though as an answer to fix the marriage contract though.    It is only the understanding of what a relationship is supposed to be, for a reason, a season or on the rare occasions a lifetime.  This can be applied to any relationship, friends, lovers, parents, children, etc.  When we are centered in awareness and connected to that unconditional source, it becomes easier to love without attachment to thoughts of would, should, could.  Which puts expectations of action or inaction, on the other person which will just lead down a path of hurting the self or other person with those expectations.

While there will always be those that prefer the marriage contract to the alternative, if we can get to the point of being centered within ourselves we can more easily handle the points in time when the current relationship we are in no longer serve the highest and greatest good of either party while maintaining the unconditional love and respect of the other party.