LIVING FOR SELF.

LIVING FOR SELF.

One of the hardest lessons I keep learning in this lifetime is just this.

The constant reminder that we are truly not here for anyone’s else’s happiness but our own.

Its a difficult lesson,
Because we are trained from our birth forward that putting others feelings, well being and happiness “should” always come before our own.

However the reality is not so.
You will never find happiness or fulfillment in putting yourself on the back burner of your own life.

We are all here for the same reason,
To expand and thrive.
Through our wanting for more in our life experiences we expand the universe.
It is through our conscious creation and desire that life manifests and we create everything that is, that was and ever will be.

We grow this desire and our wanting by experience of all that we do not want for,
Such as lack in any subject area that we want abundance in.

But for us to have the life that we are desiring we MUST become the person who can take hold of it. Meaning WE have to grow ourselves.
We have to become our truest self and get into alignment with out desires.

As vibrational beings this means that we HAVE TOO PUT OUR HAPPINESS FIRST.

No more playing around and taking responsibility for everyone else’s joy while we sit in toxity of giving our last drop of us to this other who at the end of the day cannot even fully gain happiness through our exhaustion.

Sure we can offset anothers sadness or life issues to a degree,
But cannot eternally fix anyone else’s shit.
We cannot actually make anyone else happy for the long haul.

Happiness,
Just like gratitude, love and the feeling of abundance is an inside job. All we can do is assist someone feeling those things in the short term, but if they do not find it within and know thier own worthiness then at the slighted retraction of our energy,
They will fall the fuck apart.

This is how you know that someone has become dependent on your energy.
Not realizing it often when we are in this state of dependence we are actually being what is known as an energy vampire,
One you must feed on the kindness,
The love, the empathy, and even the sadness or anger of another to keep themselves stable in life.

Those who are not acting from thier authentic selves, who are out of alignment with God thus thier own soul and who do not know themselves, love themselves, often are guilty consciously and subconsciously of doing this.

And they can make those around them feel guilty for thier life misery. They will play and toil with others emotions, acting the victim and helpless lost soul just to get thier feeding.

But this is where we all must realize that NONE OF US are here to save anyone else.

And we cannot even help them save themselves if we do not care for self first.

Its just like the speech we have all heard on the airplane at take off about the oxygen masks.

“Put it on yourself first before helping anyone else, including your child.”

This is because you are of zero help if you can’t breathe, if you are passed out or worse dead.

And the same applies to our day to day life and relationships.

You are of zero use if you exhaust yourself to the point of fatigue, disease and illness, depression all under the belief structure that you need to put every other asshole on this planet in front of self.

You MUST LIVE FOR SELF.
You must get selfish and love yourself enough to say no to everyone,
Even when,
Especially when they are playing on your emotions and hoping you will feed them.

Fuck them.
They need to learn how to love themselves enough to align the fuck up to source and not need your beautiful ass anymore.

They need to take fucking responsibility for thier own lives and energy.
For thier emotions.

And stop handing over the reigns to each and every Joe that passes by.

And you my dear,
You need to just do the same.

Its time to take back your power.
Take back your life.
Take back your energy and LOVE YOU.

Because baby you are so worthy of being in alignment and feeling fucking awesome.

You are worthy of living the life that you desire.
You are worthy of happiness, love and abundance.
Well being and satisfaction of who you are.

But you will never get any of this as long as you keep sacrificing your energy for all the vampires that you love.

Stop enabling them,
And start being you.

With all my love on this transitional day.

Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers

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Photo credit

DandelionImages

 

HOLDING SPACE FOR SELF AND DESIRES IS F-CKING HARD SH*T!

HOLDING SPACE FOR SELF AND DESIRES IS F-CKING HARD SH*T!
Man is it ever.
And most people are not strong enough to do just that.
They want to sorta throw up all their desires and fears on anyone who will listen.
Especially their fears.
And then later ,
IF they are doing internal work they want to share, share, share their desires.
All because they are learning to “speak their truth.”
And you know what?
That is true.
Anyone of us who have ventured down this path of self-awareness and love knows how hard it is to learn harmony in this boat of new found territory where we are given permission to ASK FOR WHAT WE WANT.
And it seems that we should be able to just ask,
and then any logical soul knows that whomever we are asking of will then answer.
And in a perfect world they will answer the way that WE WANT THEM TOO….
Every time of course.
LOL.
Okay maybe not every time but most of the time, right?
Because if we are feeling this,
then certainly they are as well.
And if we are both feeling this,
then it just makes sense that it can easily happen.
However, often this is not the case.
Often even if everyone feels it, thinks it and may want it,
frequently the universe has set a different course for the time being and we have to learn the lesson of ACCEPTANCE.
Turning our expectations that we claim we do not have,
but secretly always do,
into acceptance of what is and that we are always being given EXACTLY what we need in life at any given moment.
And you know what?
That right there is some hard a*s sh*t!
But it is worth it.
When we are accessing new areas of self,
becoming more embodied,
awake as some would say.
and present in life and who we are,
At first it is a beautiful land of mystery.
There Is adventure and sizzling, scary yet fun highs and lows that we easily become almost addicted to.
We learn to ride our waves of pain and pleasure,
because we start to understand this is so opening to our truth.
And it feels phenomenal to surf through these new waters and learn SELF.
The adventure of birthing into ourselves is a powerful, yummy experience.
Although not always fun.
It carries with it pain and agony.
We learn that inorder to grow and expand that we have to let go of somethings that no longer serve us,
and sometimes that can even mean relationships that we cherish.
Or jobs that pay our bills.
Because even though we enjoy them,
they are not feeding our souls journey any longer and holding on only means that we will sink our own ship.
This is some hard a*s sh*t to move through!
But it is worth it.
Then we have the internal world of our emotions.
OMFG! Don’t even let me get started here.
This subject of our human experience is among the hardest of the hard sh*t.
And that is because we are never taught how to hold space.
Not truly for someone else,
and most certainly not for self.
We get derailed by our ego’s at every corner of our path.
At first we chitter chat in our heads about fairness,
lostness, how we wish for this or that,
then when the pity party of the inverted ego starts to wear down we turn to,
look at what I am doing and how far I have come.
Pat myself on the back,
cause no one else is here to do it.
Or let me spout off about my good work,
my good deeds,
etc. etc.
The work of the extraverted ego here.
And we bounce around with our pride and our happiness.
But when no one notices right back to the inverted ego we go.
Holding those unannounced expectations on others still.
Catching ourselves.
Witnessing our ego’s is some hard AF sh*t.
And you know what is a hundred times more challenging?
Giving yourself GRACE.
COMPASSION for self to be human.
Say what?
Now I know that I have lost my marbles somewhere here in my kitchen on this rainy day.
Compassion for self?
Seriously.
May sound nice,
but there is no way that we can do that, right.
I mean I don’t want to let myself off the hook.
I am an awakened soul.
I am growing and want to make sure that I don’t mess up.
Mmmmmhmmmmm….
just like every other self proclaimed awakened soul.
But here is a little news flash my dear awakening soul,
YOU ARE STILL HUMAN.
And being human means that you may ultimately know everything,
because God consciousness does reside inside of you and moves through you,
the consciousness that creates universes is in you.
But you only get to be perfect and 100% accurate when you are in full alignment with God.
That is when you are on point.
And in order to do this,
you have to learn how to hold space for self which simply means that you have to learn how to not get trapped in your stinking thinking, criticizing and pity.
You have to not let yourself overthink everything.
You have to learn to hold your emotions in love like you would a precious baby,
without a need to try to do anything but hold them,
love them,
and APPRECIATE them.
This is ACCEPTANCE.
And this my dear is what we all must practice surrendering to each and every day of our human lives.
Because when we practice this we are practicing compassion,
GRACE for self.
And if you are looking for grace from anything else,
including God,
then check your expectations.
God always gives you grace.
God always gives you unconditional love.
God always trusts you to do what feels best to you.
God never turns away from you.
Can you say that you do the same for yourself?
Bet not.
And guess how you get into alignment with God?
Yeppers,
by gosh by golly I think you may have guessed it correctly.
By offering the same to self.
And to others second.
And that is some hard AF Sh*t to do!
But it is worth it.
You are worth it.
God knows this.
It is time though for you to KNOW THIS.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Many years ago I learned how to witness these hard AF things in self, and I spent a few years highly challenged by them. But after practicing and practicing, what I learned and was able to achieve was priceless.
Today what used to take me months and even years to move through I can successfully move through in hours or minutes even.
Can you imagine how much more fulfilling and fun life could be if you did not have to fill your mind and heart with so much chaos and worry?
Let me teach you my secrets.
reach out to me about 1:1 and online events now.

 

 

 

 

THE ABSENCE OF WHO I AM, REALLY SUCKS!

THE ABSENCE OF WHO I AM, REALLY SUCKS! 🤯🤯🤯

 

Hating on self?

Or maybe you say that you don’t hate yourself.

You don’t dislike yourself even,

you are just frustrated.

Irritated.

Down on self because you are not feeling great in your skin.

 

And I get it.

I truly do.

We all go through these times.

 

And hey here is a little secret for you….🤫

I am currently in one of those moments in life where I am a bit down on myself. I am not in this moment in love with my body.

I am not in love with how I am feeling in my own skin,

and I am having issues looking myself in the mirror.

and even feeling sexy.

 

I sorta feel a bit grossed out by myself.

The way I got here is not really important.

And that is a tough concept to get through our human minds,

because we want to have our reasons, we want to analyze and figure out the reason behind the problem.

But that will never get the solving that we desire of the problem.

Because we are stating that we have a problem to begin with instead of just letting go of all this self-judgement and turning back to our truth.

Now it is important to be aware of habit changes,

of sabotaging thing that we have introduced into our lives,

into our thoughts and emotions,

that may be contributing to the support of this self-disgust.

The reality is that you can say that you love yourself all damn day long but if you are not loving your body enough to get it moving and consuming healthy foods, staying hydrated and getting enough sleep,

plus if you are choosing to stay in toxic relationship that are not feeding your heart and soul,

and you are not leaning into YOU…

then you simply are lieing your f-cking ass off to yourself about loving yourself.

 

You have to fall in love with yourself.

You have to own up to your power and stop making yourself so damn small.

Stop fearing the impressive, expansive person that YOU ARE.

 

And that my love is why you are so full of this yuckiness to yourself.

👉The reason that you don’t like yourself is because you’re not up to speed with yourself. 🛸🤯💃

 

You got that love?

YOU WERE BORN TO BE MARVELOUS.

You were created powerful, worthy and came into this world knowing such,

but it got stolen from you by the “good” lessons that your parents and the adults in your life taught you,

what society and school/church showed you,

and you started to believe that you were not powerful, worthy and abundant.

 

You started to believe that your light was dim.

and this means that you let go of being marvelous.

And that my dear was YOU.

 

So now the absence of you, really sucks!

It really does not have you feeling your best.

You are struggling to look into the mirror or make eye contact.

You are feeling frumpy and negative,

hating on your fleshy suit and hating on who you have allowed yourself to become.

 

When the answer to your problem…

if you want to call it that…

cause us humans love to solve problems, right?

 

Is that the reason that you are not liking yourself,

let alone in love with yourself ( an me too here),

is because you’re not ALLOWING yourself to be yourself.

You have cast your truth out.

 

And you sit back in your disgust over who you are right now,

and you maintain powerful focus on what needs to change, needs fixed, where you f-cked it all up at.

 

The worst thing that you can do though is just this.

Holding yourself in focus and finding a critical thought about you.

Because that action,

that manifestation that you are creating,

 

TAKES YOU AWAY FROM WHO YOU REALLY ARE.

 

And you are powerful AF!

You are deserving.

You are beautiful and strong.

You are courageous and loving.

You are intuitive and caring.

You are worthy and abundant.

 

That is who you are.

That is what you are to be living, RIGHT NOW!

 

And it is up to only you love to take yourself from this absence of self and get the f-ck lined back up.

Synchronize to your TRUTH.

YOUR SOUL.

 

GOD.

Here is where you will fall in love with you and become mesmerized by staring into your own eyes,

lost in the sea of you.

You will be captivated at your heart and your beauty and you will not just think that you are worthy,

you will KNOW without a doubt that you are,

because your soul knows.

Your souls never has questioned your worthiness or your power.

That is why you are feeling so bad love,

because you are questioning what your soul deeply is certain of.

 

And when you come back to YOU and who YOU REALLY ARE,

well that is when whatever the problems you are having with your body and life right now, will just wash away with ease.

 

Time to start loving on the most important person in your world wouldn’t you say?

 

And STOP trying to be all this or that for everyone else that is not you.

 

With all my love, beautiful.

Remember Who You Are.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to know more about living an abundant life?

Want to know the secrets to overcoming these little obstacles that can turn into mountains if left in the corners of our minds and rustling around in our energy? Reach out to me about my Asskickery Month of Private 1:1 Global Coaching now, where I will share with you how to overcome and have success in one subject area of your life in the next 4 to 6 weeks.

CAN WE JUST F-CKING STOP WITH BEAUTIFUL.

CAN WE JUST F-CKING STOP WITH BEAUTIFUL.

Seriously,

you say that word so often I do not think it is achieving the results that you think it is achieving.

 

On any day of the week,

I get the comment of “Beautiful” at least ten times from random people ( mostly men) who want to share it with me.

 

And the reality is this,

The statement of “Beautiful.”

Is a surface AF statement.

It will get you nowhere in a hurry with a woman who values herself,

who understands that her true beauty is not something you appreciate just from her skin that is barred or the clothes that she has on,

it has nothing to do with the smile on her face,

or if she is nice to you.

Beauty is something so much deeper.

It comes from a place of knowing oneself.

Of loving oneself,

even the shadow lands of our character.

Beauty comes from feeling good in our own skin,

and when someone over uses such a compliment,

it actually starts to rub raw,

and cause you to not take in the compliment.

 

Every human being NEEDS to have words of affirmation.

Every human being needs to learn how to breathe into compliments and own their worth,

but surface AF statement that are easy to say and show that you know NOTHING about the person,

are not anything to sport about saying.

 

Especially with a woman.

 

SO this musing is going out to all you gents who tell me and other amazing AF powerful women that you find us BEAUTIFUL.

 

That you would love to show us what you can do with your whatever you desire to touch and taste us with,

That you love how our hair looks,

our clothes fit us,

or the angle we opted to take a picture from.

 

Yeah those comments that you believe will land you in our panties and hearts,

HA! We think not.

 

For a true compliment is spoken from a place of presence,

it is stated about a person’s depth and light.

A compliment that makes you stand out in the crowd of all those fools who think that some cartoon dog blowing random AF kisses, or I love you’s is going to get somewhere other than an eye roll and quickening in our scroll,

if you truly desire to make an impression…

 

THEN SLOW THE F-CK DOWN….

and pay some attention.

 

You need to actually listen,

watch and read,

you need to make statements that show that you were into what that person was sharing,

you need to let yourself absorb who you are watching,

and not from a place where she gets me off to watch.

 

This also applies to anyone who is taking a woman to bed,

if you are so lucky to have her open herself to you,

then remember this….

 

You can leave a good impression,

a bad impression ,

or a F-cking Spectacular impression.

 

The choice is yours.

And it all comes down to how you slow the f-ck down and get present with her.

 

If you think you know a woman,

and how to f-ck her wide open,

awesome…. but I question your cockiness.

Because I know women,

and we bore easily and rarely want to hurt your delicate ego’s, so we let you believe that you know,

and then roll our eyes and share our frustrations with our friends about how clueless you are,

and how surface AF our sex is with you.

 

A woman who loves herself and knows her value,

will not keep around a man or partner for any amount of real time who cannot prove that they can go deep with her.

If our partner is not willing to slow the f-ck down and value us the way that we know we should be,

then “bye, bye… don’t let the door hit you on your way out of my life.”

 

A woman who keeps a surface level lover around,

is a woman who does not know herself yet and has not learned her value.

 

The facts are simple and they start with how we relate outside the bedroom.

 

Ladies if you feel all fluttery and excited about that want to be average joe who said beautiful on one of your pictures,

then I question how much love you have for self.

Because that man… that man is a little boy who has not learned how to be with a woman yet and cannot handle his own depth or the light that you have to offer.

 

And gents,

if you are one of these dudes that offer up easy to spell one word comments, but then turn around and ask a woman a question that you already have access to the answer of…

 

(by taking the time in our social media world… and I mean like maybe 2 minutes of time….you can discover how old someone is, where they are from or live, if they are single or coupled, open or not, kids, what they do and even their likes)

 

THEN JUST F-CKING STOP ALREADY.

 

Your words are wasted on those of us who value ourselves.

 

We do not need your statements of beautiful or what you desire to do to us or with us,

we laugh at you,

we shake our heads at your silliness and we keep scrolling.

You don’t have a chance,

so go find someone who may better suit you.

 

There is someone for everyone,

or so they say.

 

But I,

I am not the one who will fall prey to your mediocre compliments with no depth or care.

 

Just like all the other queens out there who get what I am sharing here in this musing today.

 

Level up your relating guys!

Level up who you are.

You want to attract a MF Queen….

Then you cannot just pretend to play King….

You gotta be one.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to learn how to attract your Queen?

Want to know what it means to be a King in life and relationships.

It’s a vibrational thing baby.

It’s about embracing your worthiness and loving yourself.

male or female,

This is where our power comes from.

 

Let me share with you the journey to THRIVING.

F-ck Yes!

Message me for deet’s.

THIS is My Tagline To Life and HERE IS WHY.

“CBD lovin’, anti-vaxxing, interracial family, sexually open and confident, slutty AF some may say, freedom focused, excepting of all.”

 

THIS is my lifestyle tagline.

THIS is my family tagline.

THIS is my belief’s tagline.

 

And why would this be my tag line?

Because I believe in freedom of speach, love, sex, religion,choices in life and believe that no matter who you are, ( race, religion, polical views, sex, sexual preferences, economic standing or other) that WE ARE ALL WORTHY.

 

Worthy of what you may ask?

 

Worthy of  living.

Not just existing.

Worthy of all the things stated above.

Worthy of having our own opinions.

Worthy of not being shamed or stoned by others ideas, judgements, opinions or fears.

Worthy of just being us.

 

Many disagree with me on many topics.

And the thing that comes through the most in the conversations and debates is a desire to shush me.

To the point that recently I was multiple times told that I was a bad citizen for my views, that I was not compassionate and did not care for others, that I was a horrible human being, that I should shut up, and that if I get sick to not waste the medical systems time but to just die at home.

 

All of these statements came because of a disagreement in ideas and beliefs.

 

Differences of views.

 

All of these stones thrown had the strong feeling of wanting to shame, control and silence what did not align to their beliefs and views of current.

 

And as I read through comments of over a hundred plus,

I found myself sitting in gratitude for these individuals’ truth shares.

 

I am not a person that has an issue with seeing things differently then the masses,

differently then my lover, my child or my friend.

And I know that my views on life are a far cry from average and ordinary.

 

And it is beautiful to me that we humans are so diverse in our desires, our feelings and beliefs.

It’s what makes us each so unique.

But typically we deeply fear what is not like us.

What is not common or what we perceive as normal.

Our fear makes us want to eradicate whatever is not perceived the same as us.

 

And this has been our human nature forever.

The reason I do not lay claim to a religion is because religion is a prime example of this belief structure that there is ONLY ONE WAY.

 

I believe that we are all truly children of God no matter our race, belief, sex or preferences.

I believe that the creator moves through us all.

And that our differences are revealing how diverse God truly is.

I believe that “made in his image” does not refer to our race, sex or other but is actaully speaking of the energy, the life and consciousness, the love that resides in all of us.

 

I believe that we are each here to learn from one another and that one of our biggest life lessons is to learn to love our differences.

 

The only way that we can ever do this though is to learn to love ourselves at a deep level first.

To strip ourselves from this concept that we are here to please others ideas, views or beliefs about us.

Self-love comes from seeing our light and darkness and making peace with them both.

Self- love comes from knowing our own value.

Self- love comes from respecting ourselves enough to not sway to the worlds ideas and perceptions, nor to just give up ourselves because we make another uncomfortable with our views and beliefs.

Self- love is mandatory if we are to ever have true unconditional love for any other human as well.

And compassion can only come when we have it for ourselves first.

Same for any positive characteristic that we value such as respect or understanding.

 

If we believe that we are responsible for everyone elses everything and they for our feelings, fears and hopes then all we are showing is our lack of clarity within who we are.

 

To have understanding,

we need to listen,

we need to inquire,

we need to learn to breathe and not be so reactive,

jumping to conclusions.

We need to realize that this person that we want to have understand us,

desires the same.

The majority of our fights in our world and in our own homes comes about because we suck at communication skills.

And the ones listed above are the highlighted ones that need attention from all of us.

 

The radical conversations that are traveling around the world right now are just highlighting the true poison that resides within each of our lives.

 

It is fear.

And it is fear of differences more than anything else.

And so we run around pointing fingers and laying blame on everyone who thinks differently or looks differently proclaiming that we love unconditionally, stating that we are wanting peace, freedom, well being for all but continuing the blame game as we spew out our hatred and lack of toleration or desire to understand our fellow human beings.

 

All the while believing that we love ourselves and that is why we are fighting and hating.

 

When we speak such poison as some of the things I have heard the last few weeks it saddens my soul at how many people truly are lost within themselves and hold so much anger and hatred.

 

When we can get to a point where we can agree to disagree and still love our fellow human despite the difference,

then we will be in a place where we can heal and make true change in our world as well as in our communities and home.

 

But this will only happen when we can learn to love ourselves deeply. To look within ourselves and love all our flaws, all our sins, all our wounds as well as our beauty.

 

Until then,

we will remain lost and hateful.

 

To freedom.

To love.

To all our beautiful differences.

 

Be the change, start loving unconditionally today, ‘starting with yourself.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to learn more about self-love practices that can transform your reality from average and ordinary to a F-ck Yes Life? Message me today.

 

Hi, I Am Kendal’s P-ssy and THIS Is My Tale.

Hi, I am Kendal’s P-ssy….

I have a story to share with you.

It is my personal tale of a p-ssies struggles and come back to love and orgasm.

 

When Kendal was a small girl,

she discovered me. She loved to explore me and learn all about me in the shower and it felt wonderful.

We were so bonded and comfortable with each other,

and as Kendal grew and became a young adult,

she could hear me speaking to her about everything that I felt was good for us. She listened to some of my words and sought to help me have some of my desires,

but then one day Kendaal met a young man that I absolutely adored.

This young man knew how to treat Kendal.

He looked at her with eye full of love,

he touched her skin with the same adoration.

And months down the road she allowed him to touch me too.

 

It was an exciting day.

I can still feel those first touches.

I had never been seen by a boy before like this,

I had never been allowed to be touched by anyone other than Kendal until now,

and here he was.

 

Loving on me.

Delicately.

Focused.

and passionate.

 

I grew so hungry for the boy to do more than just touch me,

but he was respecting Kendal and wanted to move slowly.

And let me tell you,

He moved slowly.

It took him a year to finally make sweet love to us,

and when he did,

He remained in us for hours.

Rubbing, touching, kissing and sucking.

It was a loving moment and I felt so free and open.

I never wanted to part ways with this young man,

and Kendal was so happy,

so full of sexual light.

And confidence.

They shared dreams and ideas of the future,

talked as though thousands of years would go by with them together.

 

I was so excited about the endless possibilities of what they were discussing.

 

But one day,

the boy changed his mind.

He decided that he needed to venture out into the world without us. He kissed Kendal goodbye after lunch and vanished without a word.

 

Kendal cried for months,

she felt so lost and in agony over this relationship.

She became upset with me too in the process and blamed me for the pain that her heart was feeling.

So she distanced herself from me,

she did not touch me.

She did not want to have anyone else touch me.

She felt trapped in her surroundings and lost at her core.

 

A few months went by and all she could think of was escaping the world that she was existing in.

She met a man a decade older than her,

she could tell he had eyes for her and that is all that mattered.

She knew he was her ticket out of this mess that she was in.

And so she acted quickly and offered us up a tribute to the man,

she moaned and screamed, scratched and acted like I was enjoying it, acted like she was into it,

but I was not.

I felt saddened at her actions.

Before I knew it, the man had proposed  to her and she said yes,

I was lost at why she would do this when she did not have the feeling in her heart for him,

and I was not on board with the idea,

yet she said yes.

 

And years went by.

We had children,

and I kept being offered up for tribute,

to keep life normal and “happy” as she always said.

She believed that this is what adulting was about and that it just was.

She told us that the joy and love we shared with the boy so many years before was a fluke and that I needed to accept that we were not here to enjoy the sex anymore,

that we were here to have babies, make her husband happy and carry on.

 

And so I allowed her to use and abuse us.

But I shut myself down from the possibilities of pleasure,

I could not feel her heart anymore,

all I could feel was her anger and hatred.

 

Until, one day a man who was a friend of theirs started flirting with her. He grabbed her hand one afternoon and kissed her palm. I got excited.

I began to heat up and throb.

I was screaming,  “Do you feel that?”

I wanted her to recognize the look in this man’s eyes.

It was love.

And if she would stop waring with me she could feel the warmth of it at her core.

 

I was hopeful that this man could reconnect us.

And I pushed for her to do what she never thought possible,

go outside her marriage and tap back into me.

 

And she did.

And there were some fun adventures,

until that crazy mind of hers kicked back into the driver’s seat and told her to feel shame and guilt,

that her sex did not matter and that she was evil for venturing off and listening to me.

 

And so she locked us out again.

She blamed us for even more pain and loss in her life.

And we carried on being offered up as tribute to her husband for a decade more.

 

Over the years I went to work on other aspects of her,

trying to get them to side with me,

trying to get them to connect with me so that we could get her to listen to the fact that she was walking down the wrong path in her life and that the happiness that she craved and desired,

was never going to happen under these conditions of trauma.

And FINALLY I had a breakthrough with her intestines.

We devised a plan that would certainly cause her to pay attention….

 

One day while at an event with friends,

when she was laughing and masking her pain with alcohol we set our plan into action.

The intestines began to bleed everywhere!

She had white shorts on and was in a crowd of strangers and friends,

it was perfect.

She panicked.

She knew it was not me bleeding from her period,

and she knew it was serious.

It was a sobering moment for Kendal.

We had her attention.

And with some discovery she uncovered that she was now suffering from Crohn’s Disease.

 

She spent the next few years focusing on her body,

on her health, on her thoughts,

and even though she still ignored me,

she was on the right path to coming back into communication with me and after doing everything that she could to heal,

she came to the conclusion,  (thanks to me who made sure to kick Crohn’s into high gear after sex frequently) that there was alink between her sex, her p-ssy (me) and the disease.

 

And so she went back to her roots,

she went back to what the boy from so many years before had taught her,

to thier conversations about sex, body and soul.

And she realized that what she needed was sexual healing.

That all these years she had been living in her sexual shadow,

disconnected from who she really was and her desires,

disconnected from your intuition, her GPS (ME).

 

And one day she went to her husband and told him her discovery only to be told that she was crazy.

But, she was done with the pain and suffering.

She was done with feeling lost and moody.

She was done with pleasureless sex,

limited connection and not being happy in her life.

She was sick and tired of not living.

And she told her husband, “too bad, I am doing it anyway.”

 

And she did.

And it was amazing.

She started the very next week by connecting with a tantra coach, and she dug in deep quickly and did the emotional and psychological work that he offered her to remove the wounds and trauma and move past them, she did the physical release work to let the tension go from the body, and from me.

And she started to feel herself again.

She started to appreciate me again.

She started to love me again and feed me again with touch,

and then on day she decided that it was time to let me play some and she ventured out and found a man,

a man that looked at her the way that I like,

and she listened to me and they had beautiful intimate, healing moments,

and he opened her up to hearing me even more and feeling me more and deeper,

and from there she found more lovers for me,

and more,

and I felt loved and appreciated, full.

But all stories have some down points, right?

And so does mine.

 

One day Kendal did not listen like she should to me and she disregarded my screaming that we were in a bad situation,

and without notice a male client of hers attacked her in her office and forced himself on her,

and into us.

He had his way and she felt paraylzed in the moment during and directly following. He tossed $600 down on her limp body on the floor and said,

“Thank you for making me feel like a man.”

She wept and hid herself.

Blaming me again,

if I had not taken her down this path,

then perhaps this trauma would not have been,

she should have stayed safe,

but here she was.

And disconnected we were again.

It took her some time,

it took her some convincing from a few wonderful men that loved her deeply,

but she finally came back around and allowed me my voice again.

 

From there we have had many struggles in our communication,

we have made some wrong turns but we have many more right then wrong.

 

She has learned the value of my voice,

and when the old wounds sprout up from nowhere she sees them.

She desires to remain in connection with me,

and together we work at our loving relationship daily.

 

Today, I am happy with my journey.

I am happy with my life.

I feel the disconnect that her and I have,

as does she,

but our desire is the same.

To open and connect me fully back up to her heart where I belong,

so that we each can reap the wonderful rewards of pleasure and juicy intimacy again.

 

There have been so many moments through the years that Kendal and I have shared touching the big toe of God in our sex, feeling the bliss of an emotional orgasm as tears pour from her eye’s and I pulsate and vibrate in rapture, and swallowing up our lover to the depth of the earths core.

 

These moments are what I crave as a p-ssy.

These moments are only possible when I am connected to her heart,

and feel that she loves me and herself fully.

These moments can only occur when she is listening to me and letting guide her to the lovers that are at one with us,

and this is what makes me happy.

 

This is what all p-ssies in the world crave and desire for happiness.

 

Ladies of the world…

are you listening to her?

She has a message for you,

she wants to connect and open your heart.

Your p-ssy is your guidance, your intuition and knowing.

It is time that you reconnect and stop blaming and fearing her.

 

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to learn more about how you as a woman can tap back into your female GPS and power? To live a life of rapture and truth?  Message me for deet’s on just how to do this.

The Land Of Nobody…

Good Morning Beautiful!

How did you sleep?

Were your slumbers restful and pleasant or did they have you tossing in your bed?

 

Did you wake refreshed, vibrant and charged for this day or are you among the many of the walking dead,

those who cannot bear the idea of waking because it’s just another groundhog day?

 

Day in and day out,

the same events,

the same stories,

the same people.

 

Waking with a feeling of “why?”

And does any of it,

Especially me, even matter?

 

Looking about your life and questioning if anyone truly cares.

Or are they only there for what you have to offer,

at their convenience.

 

Yes, you know that feeling.

That feeling of,

“Nobody sees me. Nobody loves me. Nobody cares.”

 

This beautiful is the Land of Nobody.

 

And it is not a pretty place to reside.

It is not a place that you can manifest your dreams from,

it will never call into your life your ideal lover,

the money that you crave for,

the health or success.

It will never bear the fruit of happiness.

Because  you see beautiful,

the Land of Nobody,

is a fictitious land that you have created your misery from.

It is a land that you have bought into,

because it is what you feel comfortable in.

 

Oh yes,

I just said that beautiful.

 

The Land of Nobody is one that brings you comfort.

That is a hard pill to swallow I know.

But it is so true.

Just as true as it is that this land will not bring you what you claim you want for,

and most certainly will not bring you what your soul is calling you toward,

and you see THAT is exactly why you are feeling so lost in yourself,

so alone,

so unloved,

so fearful,

so unseen,

unheard,

uncared for or valued.

 

And it is from this place of “UN” that you keep calling in the evidence to support your comfort in suffering.

 

You feel all the “UN” because IT IS NOT TRUE.

 

Your soul KNOWS differently.

Your soul see’s who you really are and what your life has to offer,

but you are withholding yourself from all your glory by focusing in on the finding of the evidence,

the proving to yourself and anyone who will listen,

that you are in the Land of Nobody wants me.

 

And the sad truth beautiful is that as long as you sit here,

focused on the “UN” and the nobody with such passion,

you will NEVER be able to “fix” the problem of what you are manifesting.

 

You will never feel loved.

You will never feel valued.

You will never feel wanted.

 

From this space.

And you will certainly not attract anyone into your world that will “MAKE YOU” feel that way.

 

Because you have created and keep creating a great momentum around not having it show up for you,

that even when the universe/God sends things into your life,

to show you how abundant and loved you really are,

you reject them by looking the other way,

or pushing your will onto life in an attempt to control it and “make it” happen,

thus supporting your need to show that you can’t have it without a fight.

 

Your belief is that life is hard.

That you must suffer.

That you have to work hard to get things that you want.

Your belief is that life is out to get you in some fashion and does not have your back.

 

But that belief is just a thought that you keep active by focusing on finding evidence for it.

 

You “think” it is such and therefore it is.

But you have to change the thoughts in your head,

and the way you are feeling about your life.

You have the WAKE THE F-CK UP.

And start witnessing what could be by putting your focus on that and then not trying to force it into existence.

 

God/Universe does not like being controlled like that,

Does not like having its hands tied,

and if you keep tieing them then you will keep getting what you have been,

because what you want for gets offered day in and day out,

opportunities to have it knock at your door,

but you keep your door locked up tight not allowing the Universe/God to reveal to you your value, your worthiness.

 

So if you won’t let the energy that has created universes to show you a brilliant life worth living and enjoying,

and all your dreams manifesting,

then how the f-ck do you ever expect the people in your life to show it to you?

 

YOU BEAUTIFUL have to open up to it.

You are the only one who can access any of it.

Putting your needs and desires onto others and then getting mad that they won;t do what you want,

when you want,

how you want,

is a self-centered, spoiled, egotistical action.

And will only keep providing you with not having.

 

So if you are among the millions who woke up today,

focused on not having what you want in life,

feeling like you are unloved,

unappreciated,

“UN” somethinged….

 

Then this message is directed at you.

Because I fully understand that feeling of “UN”

that feeling of walking around the Land of Nobody,

and I can tell you that no solution or joy ever came from this place.

 

And we each may venture into this land every now and then,

but it is up to us,

and ONLY US,

venture right back out.

 

So take back your power beautiful,

stop handing it over to the ebbs of your life,

stop looking to not be supported,

and instead KNOW that you are with certainty.

Know that you are loved,

because you love yourself enough to wake the f-ck up and feel it for yourself,

you love yourself enough to stop disrespecting your life,

and instead to open up to it and receive its glory.

 

 

You are worthy beautiful.

You are loved.

You are appreciated and valued.

 

Venture In Certainty for what you want not what you fear.

 

And As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

 

Let’s do this!

You and me,

this summer.

Break free from your shiz once and for all and fall in love with the dynamic, powerhouse that YOU are.

No one is like you.

And you have a life worth sharing,

worth enjoying.

You have one life love.

One.

Let’s make it a F-ck Yes! One NOW.

Message me for deet’s on how to do this.

If You Don’t Have Courage You Are F-cked!

OMG! I am so addicted to Ozark.

I have been just loving this Netflix series and a person like myself that never really sits down to watch television of any sort. It’s perfect to find a series that is a few seasons in so I can binge watch it at points in my life when I am in the groove to do just that.

 

And that is what I have been doing in the evenings a few nights a week over the last month.

 

So I am on Season 3 of Ozark,

and don’t worry all you peep’s who are on previous seasons,

I am not going to spoil anything  for you in this share today.

But this season for sure does some twists and turns and leaves you going, “well that is about time” at points and then has you saying, “OMFG! did that just happen?” at other points.

 

The other night though, Wendy the main female lead for Ozark was putting on an event for this politician. As they were walking around the event site discussing things they end up in a conversation about what people want from a leader, and Wendy with her background in politics says to this man, “If you don’t have courage you are f-cked!”

 

This man’s face was questioning and curious to her statement, and she goes on to explain simply to him that the people want to see and will only follow and respect someone who has the balls to stand out there and speak up.

 

Which made me think about the truth of this statement.

And what it means to you and me,

the common folk (lol… I am far from f-cking common…and I hope that you are too.)

 

To be courageous in life.

To be courageous in our desires.

To be courageous in our relationships,

and with our health and well-being.

To be courageous in our work,

in our play,

in our spiritual paths.

 

Courageous equates to this simple truth,

Fortune or even better Well-Being and Abundance of all things wanted for favors the BOLD.

 

AKA – COURAGEOUS.

 

SO what Wendy in Ozark stated is true for any of us,

if we wanat for a life that manifests our dreams,

that provides us with the love and money,

the health and purpose,

the connection and respect,

the fulfillment that we want for,

then we must be couragous or we are f-cked.

 

In not being courageous we sacrifice EVERYTHING.

We turn it over to the luck of the draw you could say and our draw will remain of unsatisfactory measures because we are throwing our hands up and being a victim to the world instead of boldly standing in our dream, in our passion, in our truth.

 

People come to me all the time,

and even just this last few days in my dozen or so client appointment that I did 1:1 with beautiful peep’s,

I was presented the common statement of,

 

” I just can’t stop thinking this way.”

” I am just stuck right here and I don’t know what to do.”

“Everything I try doing does not work.”

“You said just turn my attention to something that feels better and that only works for a few moments then I am right back to the crazy, crazy in my head where I am caught in a negative loop.”

 

Well, my soul response to these statements,

these beliefs that are being verbalized is simple,

“It takes f-cking courage to catch yourself and to stay the course of loving yourself enough to see when you are down this rabbit hole and know that there is not a damn thing that you can do about it because you have built too much momentum around it.

 

It takes courage to see this truth, to take responsibility for it and love yourself out of it by dropping that ball of momentum and focusing in on something that feels totally off topic and silly,

even meaningless, but has no negative charge to it. Is easy. and then apply playful focus to this meaningless thought that actually feels good.

 

It takes courage to do this.

Because it goes against everything that we have been taught in our human experience by those who we love and respect, who have our best interest in heart and who have lived more than us. It takes courage to go against the concept that we have to dig more into an issue to resolve it and change it.

 

But when you truly think about it it’s crazy to keep adding more attention to that, that we do not desire to manifest. Focusing in on it will only guarantee our failure, or the same results that we have been getting and will only assure us more negative feelings and fear. It will only solidify the evidence against us.

 

You can not fix a problem as long as you are part of it.

You can not change negative thoughts and feelings that have a ton of momentum as long as you remain in them,

being in the middle of the thought and trying to think yourself out of it from that space of negativity and focus on the subject that you have resistance, thus pain wrapped up around will NEVER,

I mean never get you what you want.

You will never change your stinking thinking this way.

 

You will only expand and grow in it to create more of it and bounce around from negative thought to negative thought with a split second of relief here and there, only to give it back up again to what you are comfortable in,

the negative.

 

So if you are wanting to change your physical, mental and emotional experiences in your life to something that feels more fulfilling, loving, connective, joyful and abundant than you have to be courageous enough to catch yourself in your crap and then courageous enough to to drop it where it is and just except that that though path is going to run a muck, but you don’t have to keep playing with it, you don’t have to keep it active. And your best bet is to find something that is almost meaningless to play with, but is easy to think good about, to feel good about.

 

Create momentum around that and watch the other fizzle out.

 

It’s a bold move love.

It’s going to require you to step away from the comfort of chaos and drama,

away from your normal feelings,

away from what you perceive as your truth,

and to instead stand in courage and do what is right for you.

 

And when you do this consistently the rewards will be phenomenal.

Your life picture will change,

your path will expand and your dreams will start to emerge before your eyes like magic.

 

What you want for, wants you too.

But you have to have the courage to level up yourself and your life to manifest it with ease.

 

You are so worthy of this and more.

Have courage today to soothe yourself instead of beat yourself.

 

In love to you always.

And As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

You were born worthy of so much more than what you are allowing right now.

 

It is time that you say YES to you.

Message Me for deet’s on 1:1 coaching now.

I can kick your a*s from anywhere globally.

The Story You Need To Tell Yourself Daily.

I am worthy!

The story of today that I choose to focus on and expand in.

 

I am worthy!

It often feels like a lie to write those words and there is resistance in my claiming of them.

 

I am worthy!

At writing them my gut turns over,

I feel butterflies and my heart feels constricted.

 

I am worthy!

I can hear the yelling in my head that it is not so.

Who am I to try and claim such nonsense.

 

I am worthy!

My eyes tear up as I write the statement more and more.

I feel the emotion attached.

 

I am worthy!

Breathing deep, allowing my chest to expand,

my heart says allow,

my mind screams in opposition.

 

I am worthy!

The struggle is real.

And I am at war within myself.

It’s crazy to listen to the clambering of my negativity.

 

I am worthy!

The seed has been planted.

Its taking root,

perhaps a sprout will appear.

There is hope.

 

I am worthy!

Anxiety in the possibility.

I can feel a tug at my core pulling me to something.

Something I want to label the truth,

but scares me still.

 

I am worthy!

I breathe deep again.

Feeling my body rise and fall.

The tears are there,

but now I feel a gentle comfort as though I am being held by something I cannot see.

 

I am worthy!

I want to be.

And so we have the breaking of the soil and a sprout.

 

I am worthy!

Looking around,

I see my material world,

my home that I love and maintain with ease,

my car that I am grateful for,

a house full of comforts, luxuries and food.

All that seems stable,

and constant in my life experience.

I do not struggle.

I move with ease.

Life always is providing for me.

There is proof around every corner.

 

I am worthy!

Perhaps I already know it is true?

Perhaps, I have known forever even.

Perhaps under all the chaos and noise of outside influences,

of fear and judgement,

there is a knowing.

Can it be true?

 

I am worthy!

Of course I am.

Just look and feel.

Breathe deeper and let the body speak,

move past the reservation,

the constriction,

and feel the heart.

The soul.

There is a budding there.

There is truth.

God does not give to us a desire that cannot be.

And what we desire is already granted,

we must just believe to receive.

 

I am worthy!

And so are you.

 

Say it with me this morning…..

 

I AM WORTHY!

I AM WORTHY!

I AM WORTHY!

 

YES YOU ARE.

 

And As Always,

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

 

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

 

You were born worthy of so much more than what you are allowing right now.

 

It is time that you say YES to you.

 

Join me in a 4 week 1:1 mastermind intensive to learn the 7 keys to creating the life of your dreams no matter the chaos of the world.

 

Message me for deet’s now before the special ends on May 3rd, 2020.

It’s Time To Give Yourself THIS.

Give yourself permission….
It is time that you give yourself permission to have the life that you desire now.
It is time that you give yourself permission to have the love that you want for now.
It is time that you give yourself permission to have the health and body that you crave for now.
It is time that you give yourself permission to receive all the blessings and abundance that God has in store for you now.
It is time that you give yourself permission to speak from your soul and listen with your heart now.
It is time that you give yourself permission to be you without shame or guilt.
It is time that you give yourself permission to feel and know your worthiness.
It is time that you give yourself permission to smile and laugh.
It is time that you give yourself permission to focus on what you want.
It is time that you give yourself permission to walk in faith.
It is time that you give yourself permission to relax into your natural flow.
It is time that you give yourself permission to communicate your truth.
It is time that you give yourself permission to live according to your path.
It is time that you give yourself permission to trust yourself.
It is time that you give yourself permission to forgive yourself and others.
It is time that you give yourself permission to let go of your past.
It is time that you give yourself credit for all that you do.
It is time that you allow yourself to love yourself.
It is time that you give yourself compassion.
It is time that you give yourself grace.
It is time that you give yourself permission.

Because NO ONE else will ever do so.

We live in a world that we feel compelled to always listen to what others think.
To take into account their feelings and beliefs.
To give more credit to others views of the world and of our lives then what our own hearts know of us.
We live in this world where it is said that others are more important than self,
and that, that is what defines a good person or not.
This world that we have created will never serve our highest good in this format however.
It will never help us reap the dynamic loving relationships that we all crave for.
It will never support true happiness,
nor will it support our life callings and purpose.
Because if we are to live the life that we were born to live,
if we are to speak in integrity and from a place of strength and deep compassion and love,
then we must first be able to offer this to ourselves.

Just yesterday I did a call with a beautiful man,
I could feel his deep heart and depth of desire to become truly himself. To know who he is and to offer it to this world.
But what he was lacking from being able to do this,
although seemingly so simple,
is one of the most challenging things to obtain.
And that is self-love and acceptance.
The knowing of one’s worthiness.
Not just worthiness for material items or the amount they get paid each year,
but true worthiness.
The worthiness of love, of living a shameless life.
The worthiness of forgiveness and compassion.
The worthiness to have grace.

And all of this must first be birthed from within.
It is a challenge for each of us,
in many different ways.
But today I offer you the thought to ponder here my dear reader,
I offer you the thought of,
” Am I living according to my worthiness or according to what this world thinks of me?”

The latter will never serve you and it most certainly will not serve your alignment to God.
It will never bring you closer to your truth.
It will never paint you an accurate picture of who you are or what you can do.
It will never support your creative genius,
or your intuitive path.
It will never prove to you your worthiness,
or make you a believer that you are lovable.
You will never gain confidence or accurate guidance from the latter.

The only path that you can choose if you desire to have the permission to live the life that your soul keeps calling out for you to have is the path of self-love.

To offer to self what you offer your closest friend or lover.
To offer to self the shoulder,
the emotional support and understanding.

The only thing that any of us can do to have the life that we want for,
that we know is ours to have,
or that we find ourselves searching for,
craving.

Is to allow ourselves the permission to say YES.
Yes to what we know is true.
Yes to what feels right and to learn what is not.
Yes to make mistakes.
Yes to explore and try new things.
Yes to speaking our hearts.
Yes to being scared or getting stuck.
Yes to wanting for more.
Yes to being human,
with all of its imperfections.

This is the only path that any of us can find ourselves and have a successful life that brings us vitality and love to the utmost degree.

This is the path that God desires for us each.
And it is on this path that we find our alignment.

But to walk this path,
you must first say YES to taking the step.

Are you ready?

Your time is now.
Never tomorrow.

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Message me for deets on my “Step Up Now – 4 week mastermind” to level up your life during quarantine and come out of this space refreshed, charged and guided.

Photo credit to Photographyinwonderland.