Crazy F-cking Gratitude + One Wild Ride.

I am so f-cking grateful.

Are You ⁉️⁉️

I sure the f-ck am.
Today I was driving home from the furniture store where I was buying a new couch for my front room plus bedroom furniture for my munchkins jungle themed room that if I can swing will look like a mini Rainforest Cafe,

And as I was driving I found myself in total gratitude for so many things.

I also found myself laughing out loud,
alone in my car,
over how crazy my year has been.

I mean really f-cking crazy.

Anyone who has been following me know’s the tales of this year but if you are new to the story line,
LET ME CATCH YOU UP…..

Started the year tripling my income after coming out of 2017 with massive emotional stress of figuring out how best to support my aging mom with dementia and all that comes with that.

Then entered the month of love (February) with my heart getting crushed from a man I never thought could ever take me to the low’s that he did in saying good bye abruptly.

Turned around and got my heart and body crushed by my other main man ( as you may have figured out, I am a polyamorous sorta girl on some days or years, and these two gents were my two leading men).

Had a pushed move into a new home, which I manifested in less than three days.

Found myself in a new neighborhood.
New home.
72 hours after a shocking experience.

Then had to deal with a summer of custody issues,
legal battles.

And had to buy a new car.
Furnish a home.
Heal my body.
Stay afloat.
And keep on coaching my beloved clients.

In the process of all of this,
my three eldest children ( age 23, 21 and 19) who were living in Maui moved home and needed to stay with me.

My eldest daughter conceived her first baby while in Maui,
So through all of this,
walking my baby girl through pregnancy as well.

Friendships have been tested.
Intimate relationships have been tested,
some new ones have been birthed,
some old one’s have been reignited in different ways.

And at the end of this day,
I find myself sitting here at my new breakfast nook table,
with my house under construction,
furniture being delivered tomorrow,
my baby boys coming home to me tomorrow,
my house not upside down,
but merging with the energy that I want.

I find my romantic life,
not healed or longing for what was,
but ignited to what can be.
And excited about the souls that have entered my world.

I find myself looking at my family,
as it shrinks in one way,
and expands in another.
Some children move out,
some are here,
some come and go according to a schedule that just is right and best for them and the situation,
while a grand baby ( a baby boy 😊) grows in my daughters womb.

I look at my business,
in its ebbs and flows of this year,
that impress and scare me.
Not because of a low,
but because the low is far higher than my high of last year. 🔥🔥🔥

I look at my life.
I look at my life.
Awe..
Yes in awe.

And my eye’s tear up.
I still feel all of the pain,
all of the trauma.

There is still much to heal.
Much to let go of.

And I SMILE.
In gratitude.
I sit here.

Knowing how f-cking blessed I am.
In gratitude I sit here.
Because sometimes the path to something better,
is painful beyond measure.

Sometimes the path to what we truly desire,
Is birthed on a road of loss and turbulence.

Sometimes the things that will bring us fully into who we are meant to be,
only come about because we had to grow ourselves through the storm that we were lost in.

Sometimes,
Yes, sometimes….

(and so it is in life, that the sometimes is actually most of the time.)

But you know what makes it all better?
You know what can set one out from the crowd?
You know what keeps you in alignment to all that you want,
all that you desire,
all that you know is on the other side?

GRATITUDE.

#1 KEY SECRET to manifesting miracles.
Living a happy life.
Being turned on.
And having it all, even in the storm.

IS GRATITUDE.

I had gratitude the morning I looked in the bank and my account had $32k in it – OVER NIGHT.

I had the same gratitude when the man I was deeply in love with said his goodbyes.

I had the same gratitude when my partner physically assaulted me.

I had gratitude when I paid the attorney.
I had gratitude when an old lover said he wanted to see a smile on my face.
I had gratitude when a new lover shared his heart with me.
I had gratitude when a dear friend told me I am the reason he is alive.
I had gratitude when my friend screamed in her pain at me.
I had gratitude when my daughter told me I was going to be a grandma.
And I had gratitude as I crumbled under the stress.
As I looked in my kindergartner’s eye’s as he screamed how he hated me, when I told him he had to change schools.

And so many more moments over this year.

GRATITUDE.
I am f-cking grateful.

Are you?

I encourage you to take a moment RIGHT NOW,
write down 20 things that you are grateful for.

Read them 3x.
and then repeat this process every morning and every night for 30 days.

See what manifests in your life.
See how you feel about your life.

And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

Join me November 18-21st for my 3 day intensive online workshop.
Ass In The Sand – Facebook Live Workshop for Entrepreneurs Who Want It All
If you are an entrepreneur and you want to know how to take your biz from zero to $100k quickly, for real – then this intensive class is for you.
Pre-registration coming out this next week.
Look for it or message me to get on the pre-launch list.

My False NEED to Control…

BOOM!!!! My Observation of the darkness and my truth…

“OMFG! Here is my ego. Here are my blocks.”

Last night I sat in bed listening to training video’s and working through mindset practices and journaling to level up my work. I know that I am not in full alignment at this moment with who I really am and my desires. So there I sat till almost 2AM doing the REAL effing work. You know what I am talking about. The INTERNAL work.
And because I am a mom of a 5 year old and a 3 year old, I found my bed invaded by little people who were struggling with their sleep. This made me keep my room dim where I could barely see the words that I was writing in my journal.
I noticed quickly my struggle for control.
My need to make sure that my words were forming correctly.
As though my soul would form them wrong…lol
I noticed that I was struggling to just go with my flow,
and ALLOW.
As I moved more into this observation, I started to desire to just LET IT GO.
But my EGO,
my effing EGO.
It fought.
It wanted me to control.
To think I was doing something incomplete,
not good enough,
not right.
All because I could not see clearly the space I was writing in and the entirety of what I was calling in through my words.
How eye opening this was.
My lesson of the early morning.
Here was a major block.
Here was how my EGO had me by the balls currently.
It was happening not just in my journaling,
but in my life.
My false NEED to know the path.
To see the STEPS.
To try and control what is not mine to control.
My lack of FAITH….
WOW!!!!
Time to let that shit go!
If you relate to this intimacy share on your blockages around manifesting your #fuckyeslifestlye then Comment and share your observations of your ego. Message me about how best to become more aware of your ego and create that F-ck Yes! Life NOW.

And As Always, 

Stop Existing & Start Living

11 Step’s to Accepting Your Best 2017

“We are Programmed to Resist Happiness and Love”

– Say What?????

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Dear Client – The Universe Really Does Have Your Back

2016 the year of the fire monkey for those of you that follow Chinese astrology or care to know this little fact. The year of the fire monkey has been focused on flipping over our boats of comfort and causing a stir of chaos in our lives so that the aspects,programs (mental frames), situations, people, careers that no longer serve our highest good can be cleared out.

You have heard me state in previous writings that this year I have seen so many people in my life and even experienced in my own life some rocky situations. A vast majority of people could say that the year has brought them what feels like more pain then joy.

All over FaceBook and other social media I see the meme’s saying “It’s FINALLY Over!” and “Be Gone, Go Fuck Yourself 2016.” – these meme’s share the irritation and struggle that has rose up for so many in this past 12 months. 2017 has meme’s stating with great anticipation, ” I declare 2017 to be an AMAZING year!”

But here is the thing that we have to remember, and we have to REALLY stay aware of this when we decide to get committed to transformation and healing.

The Universe ALWAYS has Our Back – No matter how we perceive it, the universe, God, the creator has ONLY the highest and best intentions for our lives. Unfortunately, we do not often trust this and want to control the situation. We feel that by taking things into our own hands that we can somehow guarantee the outcome that we desire. We also feel that we must pay some sort of price for having the life that we want.

These two beliefs are the reasons for us interpreting what the universe is doing as positive or negative. Often we pay more attention to the pain and suffering that we perceive is being placed in our lives and are quick to damn the universe then when perceived “good” happens and we should offer up our gratitude.

Here is the thing, good, bad or other. This view take on life does not matter. All that matters is how resistant we are and how quickly we can open up to a state of allowing. What does this really mean though?

It means we have to surrender to that which we do not fully understand. It means we have to trust our lives to the power of the universe verses our own strength based on fear of letting go.

This means that we have to open up to LOVE.

Not romantic, sexual, need based love. Not the love that we get from some outside source. The happiness we get from this sort of love is known as hedonic well-being, is happiness as the result of “consummatory self-gratification” or happiness not associated with a purpose but rather a response to a stimulus or behavior.

Much of the time our lives, emotions, fears circulate around hedonic happiness. This leads us to short lived joy. It also leads us to only moments of true connection if at best.

2016 had most of us focusing the majority of our time and energy on just this. We reacted out of fear instead of loving surrender. A Course in Miracle’s teaches, “The presence of fear is a sure sign you are trusting your own strength.” The issue with putting all our faith into our own strength and hands is that we forget that we are human and thus have only human abilities. There is no such thing as a self-created man or woman, every man or woman that has ever done something great in life, has been a game changer, a hope bearer or other has had to learn the power of vulnerability. The power of dropping down from the pedestal of ” I got this!” and has learned how to not just let go, but to truly surrender to his or her highest and best.

Our highest and greatest good and well-being comes from a core state of love without resistance.

What the heck do I mean by this you may ask? Love without resistance means that you are willing to see and change the programs, the thinking, the beliefs that you have freely taken on that most likely are not even your own but you have bought into none the less and realize that these things that feel safe, secure and like your core are nothing more than sabotaging ego that wants to hold you in a controlled state of anxiety, fear, depression, anger, and victim-hood. These same states of safety that you may believe are the ONLY path’s to success in whatever area of life that you are desiring may gain you limited success but they come with a price tag of often much more than we should be willing to pay. This being our sanity, or relationships, our self love, our joy, our pleasure, our health and sometimes even our lives.

Let me share a quick story with you; my son-in-law who is 23, fit, intelligent, good looking, successful and has a beautiful loving relationship with my daughter, recently found himself in the ER with a possible heart attack. There he was a whole day having test’s done on him, his mother panicking about loosing her baby, his love freaking out about loosing him. The doctor’s looking for what was going on and WHY? The answer was simple. He was suffering from chronic anxiety and work overload, STRESS to be a success. To NOT let anyone down, especially himself. To care and provide for the woman that he loved. To keep her safe and comfortable. He found himself striving for this hedonic happiness that left him so empty because of two things: 1) no or limited self care and 2) no purpose.

In his mind and upbringing he believes that the ONLY path is the path of self strength and control.

Truly the path that would serve him, you and me better in our lives is the path of SELF LOVE and SURRENDER.

Allow the universe to have your back. Show that you have the trust in god by opening yourself up to all the beauty, growth, clearing out of old undesired programs, habits, people, events, situations. Have the awareness through the conscious consistent decision to spend your day NOT in a state of fear but in a state of faith and if you can, push yourself to a state of certainty.

Tip’s to Show Your Faith:

Slow Down
Travel – travel provides us with more than a beautiful destination. It opens us up to spirit and consciousness. It reveals the world and teaches us about our internal landscapes.
Disconnect from Negative Outside Sources (News, media, etc.)
Self-Care – Pamper Yourself some!!!
Schedule in PLAY.
Find time to Laugh and connect with real, physical people. Clicking Like on FB does not count!!!!
Invest in yourself. (physical health, mental health, personal growth, relationship health, spiritual health.)
Start a “Plenty Left Over” fund. (Save 10% of your money in a savings fund or even in cash and resist the urge to say you need it for anything. You will be shocked at what you have at the end of the year. And you will still make it through the year.)
Discover Your Purpose if you have not already. And lean into it BIG time. This is where you will overcome hedonic happiness and replace it with eudaimonic happiness (happiness focused on the meaning of life and self purpose).
Get familiar with your EGO. – Catch that little bugger causing chaos around every corner and shine awareness on it so it has no power over you.
STOP looking for “Good and Bad” in life. – Realize that EVERYTHING that is happening is for your greatest good and pushing you toward what you said you wanted and desired.

January 28th, 2017 is the Chinese New Year. This next 12 month cycle is the year of the fire Rooster.

If 2017 follow’s it mascot of the Fire Rooster like 2016 did for the Fire Monkey then the words of wisdom for a happy, abundant New Year for all are: Consistency, Self-Investment and Beware the Ego.

2017 brings with it the energy of consistency. But we must still relax into it and allow for it to happen. Be cautious to not become rigid in the next 12 months, but instead allow for your humanness, allow for upset, be even grateful for it as it is there helping you remove the blockages in your life that do not serve you achieving your desires. Stay consistent to your desires and focus in on all that helps you to breathe into them more.

Happy Abundant New Year!

May all your desires happen and may you rest in certainty that the Universe wants ONLY Your best possible life to form.

Live Happy, Sexy and Free in 2017
-KW

What’s In It for Me? – Why Men OM. (Orgasmic Meditation)

whats in it for me

Why do Men OM? How “The 15-Minute Female Orgasm Changed My Life
FACT:
“Orgasmic Meditation is a wellness practice where two partners feel the sensation rising from a stroker (male or female) using their index finger to gently stroke the most sensitive part of the female anatomy for 15 minutes. There is no goal other than noticing the sensations that arise in the body. There is nothing extra.”- Trained OM Practitioners
Sounds great for the woman, but what about the guy? What’s in it for a man?

For me, the answer took a little over a year and a half to get clear on. According Tim Ferris’ book “The 4 Hour Body” (which I was reading to learn body hacking secrets) this practice called Orgasmic Meditation is claiming to give men and women access to a 15 minute Orgasm. Even though it sounded strange, I was curious.

However, after watching a couple of YouTube videos on the practice done by Deepak Chopra’s Channel and a Onetaste Men’s Panel, a thought persisted. What could I possible gain from a “meditation practice” where the presumed focal point is a clitoris?

I had a lot of discomfort around this puzzling question.
Was I missing out on something important?

So…out of pure curiosity, I choked up a couple hundred bucks and decided to get OM trained. Paying to have people show me how to stroke a clitoris for 15 minutes was a humbling stretch that sent me on a journey of unimaginable transformation and possibility.

The practice of OM has been both confronting and pleasurable. It exposed my shame and guilt around not only sexuality, but also being “a pleaser” who made decisions against himself in order to make others happy. This by and far was my most troubling self sabotage mechanism, and I had no clue of why it was or how to fix it.
So who was the old Kenny?

To keep it simple I was defensive and resistant to change. Always in my head… thinking too much, and feeling too little. These patterns lead to the demise of many otherwise amazing relationships and business opportunities. It was me against myself, and it was a war that I could not hope to sustain. Nobody wins in a war against one’s self.
Let me clarify what I meant by being a “pleaser”.
I mean that I desired nothing more than for others around me to be happy and find me acceptable. If you were happy, I felt great. If you were pissed I felt your displeasure. So I used my imagination to modify my behaviors to match others around me. I found out later that this was a survival tactic that has deeper roots; however you can ask me about that some other time. Bottom line is it felt like a curse because I could learn how to say things to make people feel better…even if those things were not in alignment with my truth. So I ended up putting myself in situations where I was angry with myself and others were perfectly happy. It was a problem that I would allow to fester and develop for about 20+ years.
The first step in Orgasmic Meditation is stating a desire.
It’s confronting to ask for what I want and be bold in that asking. The other person may not be receptive or they may be quite eager. This is the unknown about human interaction which kept me in my head imagining the safest thing to say. This is also the part of the practice that I and others have found to be the most transformative.
I had to face this unknown factor every time I would ask for an OM.
More importantly, I had to deal with what my partner desired every time she would ask for an adjustment in the middle of an Orgasmic Meditation. I was being worked by emotional desires of both my partner and I. Emotions that want so desperately to be expressed without being censored by our thoughts. I also encounter a usage for the lessons of OM when observing the question, “What would happen if other people found out that I OM?” then,” Why am I caring if they find out?” Damn, my shame and guilt is being challenged, I thought.
How do we learn to put the desires of others desires before our NEEDS? And yes…HUMAN TOUCH IS A NEED!

Well, if you are like me, then you probably learned sometime during childhood that certain emotions and desires were “inappropriate”. So there was this splitting off of desires between public desires that were ok to share, and private desires which we stopped ourselves from sharing due to fear. For me, those private desires led to experiencing shame and fear around not being good enough. It led to me desiring to please others ahead of myself.

Personally, my shame had always been intrigued by human sexuality since a friend brought a porno magazine to school in the 5th grade. I felt shameful from being turned on since I was taught that sex was a bad thing from sex education class and church sermons.
People who had sexual thoughts were sinners and deviants who got pregnant and ruined society with STD’s. If I was turned on, what does that mean about me? Does that make me a bad person? Would God disapprove and send me to hell? Does the woman I’m meeting think I only wanted to get to know her so I could sleep with her?
The result?
I now felt even more turned on and more awkward around emotions and women. No wonder… these beliefs while well meaning were fueling my fear, shame and guilt. The evil three which many of us carry around for way…way too long!
It’s these questions which led to me expressing my sexuality and emotions in unhealthy ways which ironically enough reinforced my guilt, shame and fear.

As mentioned earlier. I had a habit of meeting and then losing incredible women in my life. The response was the same from all the relationships; they loved the sexual connection, thought I was a good person…but wanted someone who was “emotionally available”.

I realized my sex/life was just repeating what I had seen in online porn/ TV/Hollywood movies and articles about sex/religion. I rarely had my own exploratory sexual/life experience and definitely didn’t feel comfortable around women/emotions. I couldn’t escape the judge making my every decision one that resulted in guilt. So I would suffer in the prison cell of my mind, just hoping that one day something or someone would magically come along to reverse my sentence and allow the guilt, shame, and fear to disappear.
I had no idea what it meant to be emotionally available, in the moment, or operating from desire.

I also had no female friends, because at my core…I did not understand how women could express the same emotions my shame had me to repress. Looking back… it’s obvious how I’ve grown and evolved as a man and human being from approaching Orgasmic Meditation as practice.

I’ve reversed nearly every challenge that I’ve had before learning this practice. I now operate from my core essence as a spiritual human being. I run on my intuition instead of running from it. I have strong female friends and partners with whom I share with, support, and aid in personal growth and clarification. I express my emotions raw and natural, instead of reacting to others. Most importantly I have exposed the mechanism behind guilt, fear, and shame.

So what is in it for men/women like me is the ability to be fully integrated as a present spiritual human. A human who lives with purpose and can be strong inside while being and sensitive to surroundings.
Now I smile on the inside when hearing this question after almost two years of making Orgasmic Meditation a practice. There are both men and women who consider OM to be something other than what it actually is, a wellness practice which exposes ignorance and heals shame.

Now if someone asks, “Why do I OM?”… The answer is simple.
It’s only 15 minutes and it feels great.
Why wouldn’t I?
Why wouldn’t anybody?

-Written By Kenny Jay, Member of the Dallas OM Community

Email Him at  kennyjay@connectedawakenings.com

kennyJayAbout Our Guest Contributor: 

Kenny Jay  has dedicated his life to uncovering deeper and more intuitive ways to connect with humanity from within. As an artist, lover, and agent of change, he enjoys sharing growth in all conscious forms.

In his 20’s he left the small town in Indiana where he grew up to travel all over the United States working on personal development. Constantly seeking to mentor and be mentored has led to a compassion and desire to for connecting humanity. Anyone growing up with him will tell you that he actually thought it would be cool to live the ultimate underdog story, because to him those make the best movies.

Thoughts on this Article from Kendal

KWdec2015

As a sex and relationship coach I share OM frequently with my clients. All of my clients, single men and women, as well as coupled men and women. I work with my clients using the OM practice on almost a daily basis. I would say that 95% of my client base is OMing either with me as the stroker or they have become part of the local community and have partners to OM with. I make sure that OM is a foundation practice taught to all of my couple clients as well. And the one thing I hear over and over again from everyone, male or female is, “What’s in it for the stroker? – typically the man.” I try and share from my perspective what the stroker gets as I do lot’s of stroking with those individuals who desire a female stroker and are working with me for greater empowerment and embracing of their sexuality and healing. But I never seem to really be able to express what a man get’s from this practice, as I am not a man clearly. And therefore with our social programming of how men think and what their needs and desires are we believe that if a man is not “getting off” in some way sexually then it is an empty experience for him. When in truth after working with literally a few thousand men over the course of my coaching and tantra practice, I have learned that men typically are far deeper than we expect and crave connection more than “getting off.” With this a smart man understands that if he cannot be in-touch fully with his body and be present then there is no way that he can be in-tune with his partners body or provide the intimacy that they both desire. He also knows that a woman’s orgasm is the ONLY thing that can take him to greater pleasure heights and it is through her release and surrender that he will be able to truly expereince bliss. Without this connection he will never have more then a pump-pump-eww-goo expereince. Blend these facts with the insights shared by our author Kenny here and I cannot imagine why men would not want to do this practice. In all honesty and rawness (which what else would you expect from me), if a man is struggling with being a stroker because he feels he is not getting anything from it other than turned on with no release than he is a sexually immature man and one who needs some harsh lessons in sexuality, relationships and self-growth and acceptance. He is far from being ready to tackle greater adventures of sexual growth and play that such things as Tantra can teach.

A Note About the Author

Yesterday Kenny shared this incredible article in a group on Facebook. I have been blessed to taste this man’s energy here and there over the last few years of his practice and will admit I look forward to getting to know him better as time moves on. Kenny Jay and I lost our OM virginity to each other as we were in the same training class together and from the first moments of walking through the classroom door my whole being was drawn to no one else in the room but him. I was certain that he was the one who had the energy that I could relax into and explore this practice with in a group setting. I was right, his presence level, vibrational pull, playfulness and just sheer desire was ever present in that first OM and every time I am around him since I feel it grow and expand. I would describe Kenny as a man on fire for life. A true blessing to this world. And I encourage any ladies who are in the OM practice or are just getting started and want a male stroker to please contact him. It is a rare man who can hold the attention and space the way he can.

Why I Pay My Wife for Sex…

sexy-woman

Maybe you should too. Not MY wife — yours.

I’m always anxious to read the latest advice from sex columnists about how to have amazing sex. My problem is that they often fail to speak to the reality of life after children. Of course I’d love to languish in those Halcion days when we spent nights doing nothing but worshiping each other. Those were the days.  But why doesn’t anyone talk about having amazing sex after children?

The sex advice people suggest spicing up your love life. I’d love to have a few hours to do yoni massage in a quiet room filled only with sitar music and the aroma of sandalwood wafting in my nostrils. Children present too many interruptions and distractions. We never had the money or the child care back-up to do weekend get-aways. Waiting until late at night usually means someone is sleeping. Lovemaking gets pushed to the back seat. It takes a toll.

I was involved with men’s spiritual development groups for years. We all took a pledge of silence like the Las Vegas code. On several occasions though my wife asked me if we talked about sex. I said married guys with children don’t want to talk about something that doesn’t exist—sex after children. I couldn’t tell them about my life or they’d kill me out of jealousy. I have had a great sex life after children. Actually it started before children as it does for most of us men, but for my wife and I it never stopped.

I’m in a second marriage. My first was a complete mulligan. Maybe some insights will be posted here down the line. Let me just say, to reinforce an observation about The Good Men Project, men are victims too. I was. Enough for now. Well, okay, a little more revelation.

I underwent a vasectomy in a desperate attempt to save my first marriage. My ex was so afraid of pregnancy that she would “forget” to take her pill. ( I know, it doesn’t make sense.)  She contrived ever possible excuse to avoid sex. I really didn’t want children either, so it was no big deal for me at the time—anything to get more sex. However, when I had the procedure in the late 70’s, the folks at the family planning clinic wanted to be sure I knew it was highly unlikely I would ever be able to conceive naturally. I signed off willingly.

Turns out I was duped. Can’t go there now. My marriage dissolved soon after.

Some time later, I met the woman who would become my soulmate, the love of my life, all the magical things that a good relationship should be about. In our single days we were like mink. However, I knew when I proposed that I was committing to having children as our relationship wouldn’t work if we stayed childless. My wife was born to be a mother. I loved her enough to take the risk.

I underwent vasectomy reversal. In the aftermath I became her sex slave, as she rigidly followed the procedures for a thirty-five year old woman to get pregnant — sex every day she was at the proper basal temperature. We were told it could take a long time. The rabbit died before I was even out of my surgical recovery period.

We had sex all though the pregnancy. In the last days of a difficult and uncomfortable pregnancy, it became too painful for her. Thankfully, her gynecologist told her the way out was the same way she got in. Sex late in pregnancy will induce labor. I love that man. We had sex and she went into labor the next day.

Our first child was a crisis baby, born with a formerly fatal congenital heat defect. We took him back from the arms of the angels on several occasions. You’re never out of the woods with a heart baby, but that too is another story. I lost my job just before our second child was  born. My father-in-law, my best scotch drinking buddy, died suddenly after the birth of #2. I think only a prison term is higher on the life stress levels. Still we held on to each other.

Okay, back to my opening point, the sex counsellors don’t acknowledge that sex after children comes in stolen moments. Foreplay becomes “Brace Yourself!” Children, for all their blessings, kill intimacy. It is the ruin of many marriages. Sexuality in marriage after children has to become a commitment and not an idle romantic indulgence.

Over the years my wife and I have stayed sexually engaged. Our sex life would not make a great XXX movie. A lot of it is under the covers, quietly in the dark, but still, a connection. Unable to have wild sexual fantasies played out, we have found our own means of fun. One of them involves me paying my wife for sex. It serves a dual purpose. Money has always been short in our situation—we have been a one income family—I’m the at-home dad. I have terrible money insecurities. My wife loves to shop and buy stuff—fortunately, she is frugal. Still, her spending has been a source of stress in our relationship. I think I own four pairs of shoes, she could supply a small nation with her collection. There is rarely a day when she doesn’t shop and buy herself something. The clutter has me tearing my hair out at times. But it’s the money fear that is most troubling for me, and I admit, irrational.

I do most of the cooking, cleaning and laundry, so lavishing those treats on her doesn’t open any romantic gateways. We needed something else.

Somehow we came up with the fun idea that I would pay her for sex. The money she “earns” she is free to spend without me nagging her. She has never denied me sex, but it has put a little naughty fun into a stressful situation that many couples face.

I don’t know if our little arrangement will work for you, I’m just saying don’t be discouraged by the sexologists, find a way to keep sex alive in your relationship, even if you have to “pay” for it.

—by  Original Post on Good Men Project

Photo: Flickr/J.K. Califf

– See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/why-i-pay-my-wife-for-sex-dg/#sthash.vtTU4kD8.dpuf

Why Burn the Bridge?

Change Your World

by Brian Tracy

 

“You cannot change the world,

But you can present the world with one improved person –

Yourself.

You can go to work on yourself to make yourself

Into the kind of person you admire and respect.

You can become a role model and set a standard for others.

You can control and discipline yourself to resist acting

Or speaking in a negative way Toward anyone for any reason.

You can insist upon always doing things the loving way,

Rather than the hurtful way.

By doing these things each day,

You can continue on your journey

Toward becoming an exceptional human being.”

 

maythebridgesRecently I made a status update on facebook that said, “May the bridges I burn Light the way.” A response that I received was, “It would be tough to build a new bridge, why would you burn it?”  We have all heard the advice, Don’t burn your bridges, once burnt you can not cross them again. And this is true! for most cases. Sometimes though we have to STOP and look at what in our life is no longer serving us. What is holding us back? When we analyze this we may be shocked to discover the changes that we need to make. No soul that has ever made a significant impact on the world, a community or even in a business has heeded the advice of not burning a bridge that is no longer serving them. Granted it is wise advice it is also advice that stems from fear based thinking. Instead look at what changes need to unfold and allow the light of the burning bridges to guide your path. The bridges we may choose to burn may be big or small, they may be relationships, commitments that overwhelm us, business ventures that have been crashing for all too long and we have not had the courage to do what is needed, or they may be going cold turkey with a unhealthy habit. No matter if you have been feeling the need to “have the talk with someone” or putting in your resignation, know that true transformation and growth only come to those who have the courage to burn the bridges that are no longer needed.

 

Often we find that once a bridge is burned we can no longer return to the other side, but who wants to step backwards in life anyway?

 

burning-bridgesThere are times that what seems like burning of a bridge is actually not. It is actually the birthing of a new energy in the way we perceive or handle something. Many years ago when I was but a teenager I found myself madly in-love with a young man. We spent many an afternoon planning our future together. Every detail was a accounted for. There was NO WAY that we would ever part ways, life would surly be over if we did. One Spring afternoon my boyfriend came to me, walked with me as he did every day on his work break, we ate, talked and kissed. We walked back to where we would kiss and part for a few more hours and as he stepped onto the bus he was the driver for this day I could feel my heart squeeze tight. Something was different. Something was wrong. He was saying goodbye but not with his words or actions. His energy said it all. He smiled and drove away. I shoved my feelings to the side and went back to work myself. Later that day and for weeks to come I found myself calling him, going to his apartment, checking with his aunt, mother, grandmother, and roommates. Where was he? Was he okay? Alive? Arrested? No one would tell me anything. It was beyond my reason, to imagine that he had just left me without even a goodbye or explanation. We were soul mates. Lovers. Engaged.

 

holdinghandsTears pored from my eyes day in and day out. I could not eat. Sleep or communicate. My world had been shattered. I was depressed, wanted to die without him. I was raged by his weakness to not face me in person. I was scared that something horrible had happened to him. The bridge of our beautiful relationship and life together was on fire. It was burning and there was nothing I could do about it. He had set the fire and I had no way of saving it from turning to ash.

 

Over 10 years went by when one day we were magically brought back together.

 

Both living our lives, married, children, careers. Both still wondering about and loving the other. In our first speaking I knew that the bridge that was burnt had to be for each of us to grow and emerge into the people we are today. I knew that the course of our lives needed the light from that first bridge to help us find our way to a higher vibration. In the end because of the burning of the first bridge we today still find ourselves elevated in love with each other. We find ourselves in a deep relationship of understanding and friendship. The bridge we walk today is far grander  then the one of the past and we are far stronger souls because we allowed the old perceptions of the reality we thought we should have turn to ash and be carried in the winds of time to nurture and fertilize the reality we are living today. It has been over 5 years since the construction of the this new bridge and each day I count my blessings for the light shone to me from the original one’s fire.

 

Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, so can our soul paths on this spiritual journey called life.

“God has prepared a path for everyone to follow. You just have to read the omens that he left for you.” The Alchemist

 PhoenixRising