I AM POWERFUL… But I Can’t Do THAT.

I AM POWERFUL.
I AM THE CREATOR OF MY WORLD.
I AM MY OWN BOSS.
I AM ALIGNED.
 
BUT….
I can’t do that.
 
Yeah THAT thing that you suggested.
THAT thing that scares me a little, that shakes my soul.
THAT thing that is calling me.
THAT thing that is appealing, that pulls me, but cost money.
THAT thing where I step out of this comfort.
THIS comfort of all that I AM.
THIS comfort that holds me right here, in the NOW.
THIS eternal NOW.
This eternal NOW that I desepratly crave to change,
because it does not feed me.
It does not satsify my soul.
It is NOT me.
And yet, I AM.
 
I AM…
 
I cannot say it.
I will not admit it.
I will avoid it at all cost.
Instead let’s discuss my limitations.
Hear my plea for these beautiful, justifiable limitations.
You see them.
You see my struggle.
You know I am not making these up.
 
Yes these are what rule me.
These are my obstacles.
These are my burdens, my wounds and my chains.
Yes, that is the comfort that I cannot let go of.
That is the comfort that I will argue for.
That is what I CHOOSE for my NOW.
 
BUT…
I can’t do that.
 
I can’t do this.
I can’t.
 
Do you understand?
Do you see my struggle.
Do you feel my soul, my heart.
 
I want so badly to be aligned.
I crave to have the life that I know is for me.
I want to feel my power.
My worthiness.
I want to love myself.
I want to be SEEN.
 
THIS expression of me that I AM right now,
THIS is not me.
And yet, it is.
 
Because I allow it.
Beacause I am use to it.
It is familiar.
It is safe,
even in its misery,
it is still all I know.
And therefore I believe that it is so.
When you tell me that I can be so much more than THIS.
When you look through to my CORE,
and you witness my light and smile,
I want to run and at the same time I want to strip myself further down,
to be fully revealed.
To embrace ALL THAT I AM.
 
And this finite version of me that I am familiar with and allow all to see,
this version it needs to be embraced and expanded.
I do not long to run from this version,
to hide it, or destroy it,
but to encorporate it into all THAT I AM.
 
It’s funny is it not?
But it is already so.
I AM already every piece of what I desire to be.
There is no encorporation to achieve.
But instead all that is required,
all that ever is required,
is to ALLOW.
 
And to KNOW….
THAT I AM POWERFUL.
 
But in order to fully become what I already AM….
I must let go all the practicle defiance of all THAT I AM.
 
And that means I must STOP making excuses.
I must own WHO I AM.
I must FEEL my worthiness without a need to prove anything.
I must step forward and push these false boundaries of time, money and space.
Of health, support and focus.
 
Yes.
I must command my universe to open itself to my expansion.
I must step forward into trusting all THAT I AM.
And NOW…
NOW I KNOW.
 
I must make what is familiar unfamiliar,
and what is unfamiliar familiar.
 
THIS…
THIS is my path.
 
I AM POWERFUL.
NO MORE EXCUSES- JUST ACCEPTANCE.
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
It’s time for you to say yes to who you really are beautiful. It s time for you to commit to who you are,
to your soul and say YES.
Let’s work together 1:1 to bring you into the next decade of your life, the next year of your life fully embodied and activated.
Message me for deets on 1:1 coaching now.

NOT REALLY 100% INVESTED ARE YOU? AT LEAST NOT THIS YEAR – Maybe Next???

NOT REALLY 100% INVESTED ARE YOU? AT LEAST NOT THIS YEAR – Maybe Next???

I ask a question of people on my applications to work with me, it goes like this:

Are you willing to invest in your coaching process fully if we decide to work together?

And the options are:

*Yes! Absolutely. I fully understand the power of investing into myself and committing to the process.

* I am unsure as to what I want or my commitment level.
* No, I am just exploring options at this time.

The majority of the people who fill out my application, no matter what their truth may be click on option one.
They proclaim that they understand the power of investing in themselves FULLY and what commitment is.

Funny thing happens though once they are faced with their truth. Or their financial situation. Or their lack of worth. Or their FEAR. This is a big effing one.
They retreat.
They make excuses.
They do everything they can to hide from the f-cking fact that they don’t want it bad enough for themselves.

Now you most likely are thinking,
“That’s not me, Kendal, I want it. I want it more than anything. I am 100% invested in whatever I need to do or make happen to have the life that I desire and know I was born to live. ”

Are you sure?

Because I am willing to wager that you are not as invested or committed to self as you believe that you are.
I am saying this because I see you.
I see you making the statements.
And proclaiming that you want this, and this and this too.
And I see you getting side tracked.
I see life getting in your way.
I see your beautiful,
logical reasons that you are offering up as to why you have not done this or that.
Yeah I see you.
I see how you are short changing yourself.

And here is the real deal beautiful,
YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN WHAT YOU ARE ALLOWING FOR YOURSELF.

But you will NEVER have it if you do not stop effing around and avoiding the opportunities to have it because you are scared of having it.

You are scared aren’t you?

Its manifesting itself as concern.
Its coming up as worry, and fatigue, and chaos.
And you continue to pretend that everything is okay.
You run along and just keep acting like life is all groovy,
that you got your shiz in order and that you don’t really need the help. But then you say I need help. I don’t understand. I cannot get movement here, this is sucking over here.

You proclaim, “I AM READY FOR A CHANGE.”

And so you call in the opportunity.
And then you cry about the commitment.
You turn your nose up at the investment.
You make an excuse.

You know what matters more to you then your desire,
than your happiness,
than whatever it is that you are claiming you want?

The bottom dollar means more.
The what’s this going to cost me.
You walk into the land of change with the objection of price, and you are under some damn idea that it should be gifted to you and Oh Yeah It should not mean that you have to apply yourself to making the change.

Let’s not forget that.

You want me to do what?
Spend how much time on my inner work?
Commit to what with my partner/spouse?
You want me to actually take action?

Nah, I don’t want it that bad this year.
Maybe next.
When I have made my million dollars then I will revisit this.
When I am stable emotionally, financially, physically then I will explore this.

I don’t have (fill in the blank) right now to do this.

Honey, if this is you I am writing about realize that with that sort of mindset and lack of commitment the thing you are wanting to have happen WILL NEVER HAPPEN.

Do you get how miracles happen?
They happen when we expect them too.
When we open ourselves through faith and putting ourselves up to the test. You have to not just step but LEAP if you want a miracle.

Making excuses will never get you this or the life that you want.
Matter a fact, if you want to know how much something of this potency is going to cost you here is the actual answer that you need to digest and sit with:

If you don’t do it – It will cost you YOUR LIFE. Your EVERYTHING.

Because you know what you have been doing,
You know where it has gotten you,
You feel what it feel’s like to be living this way,
and you are hungry.
So if you keep doing what you have always done,
YOU WILL STARVE!

So may people are under the assumption that if you just sit in a certain position,
think great thoughts and breathe a certain way that you never have to actually get off your ass and do something to manifest your dreams and goals.

So many other people, believe that if they just keep doing what they have been doing and work harder, scrimp more and freak out more that they will be successful in time and have the life that they want.

MOFO – NEWSFLASH!

Neither is accurate.
Neither will lead to your greatest, happiest life.

You are out of alignment in both cases,
and you are not taking the action that your SOUL wants you too.

So WTF do you do beautiful?

This is up to YOU!

My suggestion is get REAL.
Get COMMITTED.
Make the MOFO INVESTMENT.
Stop making excuses and continuing to do the same things expecting different results,
this is crazy.

But what do I know?

I don’t know you, and perhaps you don’t know you.
That is most likely the root of your issue beautiful.

And As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching For Grwon A*s Believers

It’s time that you start to say YES to the most important person in the room beautiful. It’s time that you accept your worth, and step onto this path that your SOUL is calling you too.

I know how hard the steps may appear.
I know that you are fearful, that you doubt if you have what it takes to make this shiz happen for you or not.

But I promise you that YOU can do it.
You can have it.The first step though is to recognize that you must let go and have faith in your process of getting there.

Listen to your SOUL and follow it’s lead.

Imagine having a coach who has been on a similar path guide you, help you discover the deeper meanings of what soul is wanting you to know.

What would it feel like to have that sort of support and guidance?

You can have this.
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 Private mentoring and coaching today.

Life Evidence Says This.

Life.
Life is one of the funniest, scariest, most exciting adventures you will ever get to travel through.

Its also one of the most complex, dramatic movie sets that you will ever venture onto.

As well as one of the most educational schools that you can ever attend.

Life.
You gotta have it!
You cannot escape it.
You cannot avoid it.
We love life.
We hate life.
We are bored with life.
And we lose our lives each day.

And yet we keep breathing. 
We keep dancing with all the things that steal life from us.

You know what I mean.
You know what you do to avoid life.

Yes the alcohol.
The drugs.
The pharmaceuticals. 
The addictions to sex, to gambling, to work, to anything that can occupy the mind so that life can be stolen.

And then you find yourself not able to look in the mirror, 
you find yourself still not numb enough to your suffering. 
And you question, 
you question all that you do, 
and what the point of this thing called life really is.

You look around, 
and sure you have the house, the car, maybe even the family and the body. 
You may have retirement taken care of and be debt free.
But something is missing.
Something is lacking.
There is this void, 
deep inside of your being.

The thought of exploring what is the cause of this feeling terrifies you.

I get it.
I do.
I too have spent countless hours avoiding this void.
Avoiding my emotions, 
my fears.

Sitting in what felt like the loneliest of spaces, 
while my family and friends scurried around me.

I was far from alone.
And yet there I was lonely.
Sad.
Depressed.
Fearful of my future.
And lost within myself.

In life we sometimes find ourselves in these spaces, 
where life just does not seem to be offering us what we want.

Instead we consistently get experiences that we do not desire. 
And we ask, 
we ask the time old question of “Why?”

The answer is one that we have a tough time wrapping our head around. 
It is a concept that we may logically get, 
we may be able to scientifically support, 
historically support, 
and may have even experienced from time to time.
But even with all of that, 
we miss the reality of it.

The reality that we are focused on our lack of happiness.
We are focused on the scarcity of love, of connection and authenticity in our lives. 
We are focused on all that we do not have and how poorly we feel.

And with this more evidence through our life experiences and the people that come into our story lines show up.

It is inevitable really.

And we just keep doing more of it. 
All the while insisting that we are not. 
Blind to our own illness, 
our own addiction to suffering and our pain body, 
we remain trapped in the vicious cycle of small splashes of joy followed up with long periods of suffering.

And we tell ourselves that we had that coming.
That we should have known better, 
that if its too good to be true than it most likely is.
We tell ourselves that we have bad luck, 
that people suck.
That love is not real.
We tell ourselves that no one can be happy all the time, 
and that we are not good enough. 
That we are too much to handle.

And the cycle continues.

We say all of these things to ourselves constantly even when we are trying to be positive.

How is this the case you may ask?
Why would someone speak such illness into their lives if they knew that they could manifest their dreams with the same voice that they create their nightmares?

Look at your words luv.
Look at how you speak to yourself.
Look at what you say.

” I can’t afford that.”
“That cost too much.”
” I am sick and tired.”
“This always happens to me.”
“Someday I will have that, maybe.”
“Money is coming to me.”
“My prince charming is somewhere out there.”
“Someday”
“In May I will do…..”
“I am working at having…”
” I am hoping to get this done by….”

These and so many more statements are commonplace internal conversation. And we even speak them to our friends and family, even strangers.

The words I hope.
I am praying for.
My goals are.

Positive?
Yes?
Maybe?
No?

They all focus on the not having.
They bring the attention to our future not having and we emotionalize them from our current state of not having and attach to the void.

And here is more nightmare painting.
All scarcity focused.
Fear based.
Feel what comes inside of you when you speak of the life that you want.
Does it feel good?
Do you get excited?
Turned on?
Or is there still a current of fear, doubt, bullshit calling on yourself that resides under the excitement.

That feeling of hope is tainted with doubt is it not?
Yes, 
yes it is.

And this my sweet is the very reason that you are challenged in your having.

This is why the evidence of not having keeps presenting itself to you.

This is why you manifest and then stop.
the sabotage is an inside game, 
caused by your emotionalized thoughts.

But there is a solution.
There is a way to take charge of your thoughts, 
of your feelings. 
And maintain the flow of blessings into your life. 
It’s call consciousness.
Awareness.
Presence.
It’s called getting aligned to soul
and shutting up all that monkey brain chatter of your ego, 
and instead turning your focus to your desire. 
And to what truly makes you feel good at your core.

The answer is in finding stillness.
Stillness within yourself, 
just for 15 minutes a day.

Here in the space of nothing, 
where you learn how to remain present, 
how to listen to your soul messages, 
how to step forward into your authentic self, 
is the land of the living.

And remember I started this whole little speech on life.
So if you are wanting to start living again, 
or maybe for the first time ever, 
then it is time for you to learn about the power of your own inner world of silence. 
The world where miracles happen, 
where magic occurs daily.
Where revelations are abound, 
and your truth is present.
Here in this land, if you dare journey into it is the path, 
the path that you have been looking for my luv.

Your path to home.
To self discovery, 
self-love and acceptance.
Your path to not just imagining your dreams but living them.

As always, 
Stop Existing & Start Living

Want to take 2019 by storm?
Want to create a F-ck YES! Life in 2019?
Want to get that VIP coaching, but have not been able to afford it?

No problem mon’
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Let 2019 be all you desire.

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The only question any morning is…

One of those mornings where it’s to freaking’ cold to get out of bed.

Where I just find myself not wanting to even venture to the bathroom to pee.

Brrrrrrr….

Talked Levi my 12 year old son into going downstairs and making mom coffee.
Such a sweet boy.
He made it, brought it up to bed side and kissed my forehead as he asked if he could snuggle after school with me some and then left to make it to class on time.

Yes it is one of those mornings.

It is one of those mornings, where I feel hormonal, tired and non-productive. My lower back is aching and my ovaries are screaming at me.

I can feel my energy drained even though I have not even started my day yet.

I can feel my temperament a little off as well.
I am sensitive.

Yes it is one of those mornings.

It is one of those mornings, where I lay here focusing in on my gratitude’s in life, on the blessings and the joys. I snuggle under my covers and think of all the beauty God has given me. The opportunity and the love.

I am grateful.
Yes it one of those mornings.

It is one of those mornings where my Our Family Wizard buzzes and I see that my baby daddy has messaged me bright and early, thinking our son is still ill like yesterday, I open the message to see what’s up and discover that I have a boundary being pushed on. That his desire is to control my world and dictate my day to me despite what I have already shared. My ego flares and my heart aches. Fear rises up inside of me as I feel suddenly overwhelmed and lost in life.

Yes it is one of those mornings.

Brrrrr….

It is a day of turning inward.
It is a day of standing up.
It is a day of honoring my body.
It is a day to remain present.

Like every day.
It is a day in life.

And the truth behind today,
is nothing greater than the truth of yesterday or a day last week or last year.

It is just a day.

Perhaps you have noticed that in life we are always offered many options as to how our day will unfold.
Thus how our week,
our month,
our year
and our lives,
will unfold.

It comes down to the thoughts we choose to attach too.
It comes down to the games we decide to enter into with our ego’s.
It comes down to what we choose to focus on.

This is what makes all the difference.

I am often asked, ” But how do I stop thinking about this or that? It’s so bad, so stressful. It worries me. I am fearful of it.I cannot just not think about it.”

No you may not be able to stop the thoughts from coming through.
You may still feel the concern, the worry, the fear.
But here is the truth,
YOU and ONLY YOU make the choice to focus on it or not.
You are the one who chooses to attach to that thought, to that emotion and allow it to guide and even control your actions, your future thoughts, your future feelings and your life.

If you want to live a Freedom Based Life,
If you want to wake up every morning and feel in charge and in harmony with life,
In flow with your life and purpose.
And most importantly in love with who you are and where you are.

Then you must let go of the need to attach to these unsupportive thoughts.

You must let go of the idea that you are a victim to the thoughts.

Or a victim to anything.
You must let go of the idea that someone else or something outside of yourself has any control of how you choose to show in life,
to feel,
to think.

If you want a F-ck Yes Life!

And baby you deserve this.
Then you HAVE to LET GO!
You have to KNOW that the only thing you can ever do,
is stay present and do everything within your power to focus on what makes you feel good.

This is your ONLY work.

So yes….

It is one of those mornings.
It is a morning of snuggles,
a morning of sweet gestures,
a morning of love and kindness,

It is a morning of hormones,
of back aches and fatigue,
a morning of frustration,
of ego trying grab hold,

It is a morning of gratitude.
It is a morning of power.
It is a morning of self-love and acceptance.

It is a morning where once again the opportunity to Claim the life we want is at our bedside.

The only thing to decide this morning is,
Am I F-ck YES or a F-ck NO.

Will You Embrace Your Power and Claim Your Freedom Based Life?

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

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Low Vibe Peeps – Goodbye.

Low Vibing Peeps.
You know who you are.
But what you may not know is that you are in charge of your VIBE.

I hate when I am low vibing,
And I must say I can be AMAZING at it
Cause when I low vibe
I go all the effing way to the bottom
Of my well.
I drown myself in that shit
Until I cannot breathe.
I bath in the muck
Until i feel destroyed
And have blown up my own world.

I really hate myself when I go there.
Yet life has taught me that we all go there,
It is part of our cycle.
No one can remain HIGH VIBE ALWAYS.
Because shit happens.
And shit piled on shit can most certainly send our vibe crashing.
Its moments of total overwhelm that can draw us down the low vibe rabbit hole. Its when fear sets in and convinces us that life is against us.
Its moments when we question our faith.
Question our hearts.
Question who we are
And discover we are lost.

This LOST feeling causes us to low vibe.
And once we set up camp…

OMFG!
Now we are f-cked.
And we have done it to ourselves.
In these challenging times of life we walk hand in hand with our self for filling prophecies.
We discover what our core beliefs
And expectations are.

Because what manifests in our world?
Exactly what we truly believe and expect.

And as our prophecies manifest before our very eyes we find ourselves embracing with a nod of certainty the evidence that we know at our core.

The evidence that
I am not good enough
Not lovable
Not worthy
Not pretty enough
Not smart enough
Not…
Not…
Not…

And our head lowers
And our heart sinks

Our frustration grows as we witness another negative event manifest in our lives.
We feel sorrow and pain.
We suffer and we cry.
We grow angry and point fingers.

All in a pursuit to understand
But still hiding from the REALITY that all our pain is ONLY caused because of our LOW VIBE.

VIBRATION.
It is the cause of all that we experience.

I hate it when I am low vibing.
But in the same I am grateful for it because it shows me where my work still resides.
It shows me my ego.
And it blesses me with the opportunity to LIFT MYSELF UP.

Because at the end of the day
No one is going to come to the bottom of my well and pick me up. Make me do anything. Or think successful thoughts. Or feel good.

No one can get me to love myself.
No one can help me know myself.
Or have the intimacy i need with self or God.

No.
No f-cking soul on this planet can save my ass but me.

So here is my question to you.
You knew at some point I was going to loop back to YOU.

Why are you expecting others to lift you up?
Why are you still acting in fear of loosing anything?
Why are you allowing yourself to low vibe?

You are effing looking to be correct.
You are wanting to prove your point.
You are wanting to wallow in your ego’s shit so you can play the victim yet again.

Thats why.
Well NEWS FLASH!!!

You can have all of that.
But without me.
Without any high vibe peeps.
Without the high vibe things you crave and claim you want.

Don’t f-cking lie to me or yourself anymore.
Just STOP.

STOP with the effing lip service.
Your vibe says it all.

You can’t have both.
You cannot low vibe and live a F-ck YES! Life.

So choose.
Just choose.
It truly is that simple.
Its just an effing decision.
But you have to want it more than what you have experienced thus far in life, more than what makes you feel comfortable.

We all low vibe here and there.
It is normal.

Setting up camp there and claiming you did not that, that my dears is denial of your truth.

It’s time to get REAL.
It’s time to decide.

I don’t f-cking care what way you go.
I KNOW MY PATH.
I KNOW MY DESIRES.
MY EXPECTATIONS.

I will NEVER low vibe for long periods.
But if thats what you truly want
Than God bless.

I wish you well.
I love you.
But I will not join you.

Claim your life beautiful one.
Claim your beauty.
Your light.
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

Touched By Heaven in the Chilliest of Hours

2017-12-02 07.05.49

The weather has certainly changed here in North Texas. On my 6:45-am walks the bitter cold seem’s to go through all my layers of clothes. The chill of the morning breeze feels fresh though and after breaking into the day with a prayer of gratitude and my morning 6-AM Facebook Live session of Conscious Coffee for about 20 to 30 minutes every day I am pumped and ready to get my heart rate up as I listen to an hour of power motivational education and then end with one of my favorite up beat songs as I find myself skipping home.

But then again, how can one NOT be pumped about life and where they are headed when they have a great expectation for the blessings that are but right before them?

The other morning half way through my walk during my 15 minutes of power yoga on the hillside I found myself viewing the beauty of nature. The sunrise (see picture in this note here) was simply amazing. I could in this moment find myself singing the lyrics to the song, Testify by NeedtoBreathe….

There’s no denying beauty makes a sound
We can’t escape it
There’s no way to doubt
Mist on the mountain rising all around
Give me your heart give me your song
Sing it with all your might
Come to the fountain and
You can be satisfied
There is a peace, there is a love
You can get lost inside
Come to the fountain and
Let me hear you testify

I was thinking as I kneeled into pigeon pose staring at the sunrise that I was truly in gratitude for all the tests of my last year. All the the sorrow, pain, and frustration was actually the foundation for a great testimony. I could hear Les Brown saying, “With no test there is no testimony.”

My heart soared with not just gratitude at the comfort that came down on me in this moment but I found myself feeling like a small child who was anxiously awaiting Christmas morning but not truly understanding when Christmas was coming. Just a knowing that it was coming. This knowing filled me to my soul and I could not help but smile.

Looking back over the last year to 18 months I can almost see the path from heavens eyes and how things have been at play long before I caught on. I can now see how things that in the moment felt miserable were actually setting the stage and clearing out what was needed to free me into what my true desires are and always have been.

I have had moments of doubt creep in on my being and set me back here and there, but they last for just a flicker in time. The universe always has a way of speaking its commitment to me, its love for me and its backing of my desires. I have said many a time that I am a deeply spiritual person who believes that God is always present and communicating. It is us who choose not to listen.Not because we don’t want to hear the messages but because we are not yet ready to handle the blessings. We must grow our vessel you could say to the capacity to actually hold the blessings so that we don’t loose what is given.

Here is where what we humans perceive as suffering comes in.

Suffering is in our lives to bring us awareness that we are not in alignment to our desires. Suffering teaches us the most valuable lesson. The lesson of letting go of our ego’s need to try and control, even the hands of God, and instead open to surrender through love, gratitude, forgiveness and AWARENESS.

If we want something we must first become aware of how we are blocking our blessings.

Often they sit right in front of us and it is like we have a heavy cloak over our heads so that we do not see them as we stubble and turn away, fearing that God is not there. Fearing that we are not worthy. Fearing that this presence of a creator that has been so highly spoken of and taught about is nothing more than a fairy tale.

In our fear we place dead lines and we try and force the GPS system of the Divine to take the course that we believe is best for us instead of moving forward in courageous certainty and love.

However, every now and then someone stops FEARING the “What If’s” and the “Yeah But’s…” and just Let’s Go and Follows.

raianbowclouds

It is this sort of moment, you find yourself on a crisp morning in pigeon pose on a damp grassy knoll, staring up at the sunrise and see a rainbow beaming from behind the clouds. The cool breeze of the winter morning no longer chilling but instead invigorating and joy beaming from the depth of your soul.

In moments like this you STOP your own self-inflicted crucification of pain and not receiving and open your arms to all that is to come…

Open your arms to the KNOWING!

Will You Open Up To Your Blessings for Now and 2018?

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On Becoming a Real Man (And How to Find One)

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Below are the choices that I believe define a man, and contribute to healthier relationships in all forms, especially with self. This list is based on my experiences as a friend, son, brother, boyfriend, husband, and therapist.

I don’t claim to posses all of these traits. I actually struggle with most of them. You may or may not agree with my stance. Some are light. Some are heavy. They are in no particular order.

My intent is to create a dialogue. Nothing else. My hope is that if you are a man, it encourages you to think about who you want to be. If you are a woman, to think about whom you want to be with.

We live in a fatherless nation. Many of our fathers were or are physically or emotionally absent. I’ve seen the effects of this in the men and women who come to me for life-coaching, as well as the kids I’ve treated in residential rehab for substance abuse. The absent father contributes to eating disorders, addictions, dysfunctional or abusive relationships, codependency, low self-esteem, depression, and suicide.

Most men are not aware of their impact.

Most men are oblivious to the emotional destruction they leave behind. And women must raise the bar and set a standard for the kind of men they want in their lives.

I want to thank all the men out there who have decided to look at themselves with courage to change, all the men making an honest effort to be good fathers, better husbands, and kinder friends — men who have sacrificed for their family, neighbors, and country.

I want to thank men working in mental health, hospitals, and classrooms, men who wear uniforms, police officers, firefighters, and soldiers. These are the true leaders of our world and I hope to follow in their footsteps. We are not born men. Becoming a man requires reflection, pain, courage, and sometimes a rebirth. It is a process that never ends.

How To Be A Real Man & How To Find One

DON’T argue.

Arguments are usually about two hurt people not being heard. Instead of hearing each other and addressing the hurt, we compete to see who can pull out the most shit from the past.

MEN: Break the cycle. She’s arguing with you because she’s not feeling heard. So put your point aside and focus on making her feel heard. Do this by practicing empathy, putting yourself in her shoes.

Once she feels heard, the argument can turn into a discussion. Express your point. If it gets heated again, don’t argue. Go back to addressing her feelings, making her feel heard. Make it a nonnegotiable that you will not argue. It takes two people to have a tug of war. If you refuse to hold the rope, there is no war.

You might be thinking, “Well, why should I back down first?”

What do you get from being right other than resentment and a stiff back from sleeping on the couch?

WOMEN: Exactly the same thing I said to the men.

DON’T be a bully.

Bullies aren’t just angry kids on the playground. They’re grownups. They run companies, wear uniforms, and raise families. They exist at work, home, and church. You may be sleeping with one.

The act of bullying comes in many forms, not just physical. There is emotional bullying, financial bullying, spiritual bullying, and mental bullying to name a few.

Ultimately, a bully is someone who tries to take away someone else’s power so that they can feel like they have more. For them, this feeling of being powerless creates fear and it’s this fear that drives them to be manipulative, controlling, aggressive, and abusive. Simply put, bullies are cowards. They are afraid to face their own defects and deficiencies, so they make others aware of their own.

MEN: Bullies were bullied. Break the cycle. You’re not bad. You’re hurt. This behavior does not make you powerful. It makes you powerless. Take the power back by taking responsibility for your actions and how they impact others.

WOMEN: Do you want a bully as a husband, father, or friend?

DON’T be creepy.

Being creepy comes from a false belief that one is not good enough. That builds up a fear of rejection, which engages the fight or flight mechanism. The fear can manifest as rubbing against women in dark clubs, stalking on Facebook, driving by the coffee shop to make sure she is with who she said she would be with, and, of course, overthinking everything.

MEN: First, know that being creepy repels women more than Ed Hardy shirts. Second, know that you can’t just stop being creepy. In order to stop, you must explore your wiring, your fear, and begin a process of acceptance. Simply put, you must grow.

WOMEN: When you run into someone who’s being creepy, imagine that person as Peter Pan. An adult child. Know that this person is immature, not evil. It’s a behavior men revert to because they lack certain tools.

I understand that that doesn’t make you any more attracted to them, but understanding allows empathy. My wish is that you empathize instead of criticize. Use their stunted growth to promote yours.

DO walk with mirrors.

Walking with mirrors means shattering the version of you that is false. In order to know which version is false, we must examine our thoughts, behaviors, and the effect we have on others. It also means taking responsibility for them by making a choice to choose differently if necessary. To walk with mirrors means to constantly examine self and to seek growth and truth.

MEN: Think about all the men you admire, from professional athletes to CEOs to musicians to your favorite grandfather. Who do you admire and why? You may be in awe of a man’s ability. The way Donald Trump makes money, Tiger woods sinks balls, and Tony Robbins motivates millions.

But the person you admire the most is probably the one who admits his defects and does something about it. The man who is vulnerable, transparent, and nondefensive. The man who is humble and honest.

WOMEN: Any man can build abs. Any man can make money. Find a man who walks with mirrors and you will not only find a man, but you will find a leader, a hero.

DO make your bed.

MEN: Why fix something that’s just going to get messed up in 10 hours? On the surface, making your bed shows that you’re clean, responsible, and willing to contribute to the household chores. But on a deeper level, you’re announcing to your partner, and to yourself, that you are going somewhere. You are now leaving to conquer the world. You have direction, a dream in your head, a fire in your belly.

I know you’re rolling your eyes, but humor me for a moment. Women want a man with direction. Without it, she will begin to doubt her man, and a woman in doubt means a relationship in trouble. The chemistry will change for the worse and she won’t know why. She’ll blame it on surface things like your dirty socks and why you “need” HBO.

Making your bed is about the subtext you’re sending out. You are saying you have direction, and you’re going out to conquer. So make your bed, or the only thing you’ll be doing on it is sleeping.

WOMEN: You don’t want him to make the bed. You want him to want to make the bed. How do you do this? Support him in his endeavors and make him feel invincible. Let him know that what he gets up to do every single morning is important and that you’re proud of him. Be consistent and mean it.

DO be humble.

The common thread in all great leaders is humility. When we are humble, we are open. There is space for self-understanding, awareness, and reflection. Only when we have accepted our imperfections can we be truly powerful. Unity is formed, which then builds trust. Trust allows people to feel safe, which creates cohesion, which creates change.

If a leader is self-centered, he are closed. There is no discussion. Only pointed fingers. This does not allow space for understanding or awareness or responsibility. No responsibility means no unity which means no trust, which ultimately means no growth.

MEN: When you think about all the men you respect and admire, how many of them display a sense of superiority, or talk at you instead of to you? You may respect and admire someone’s ability but that does not mean you respect and admire that person.

WOMEN: Don’t confuse humility with a lack of confidence. A man who listens more than speaks, observes first, and responds instead of reacts, may appear insecure and not sure of himself. But he’s actually being open. This ability requires courage. A humble man is a confident man.

DO kiss like you mean it.

Do you remember your first kiss? Of course you do. You know exactly where you were and what you were wearing. You remember wondering if you should use your tongue, and how long you should keep your eyes shut. But what you remember the most isn’t how it went. It’s how you felt. The butterflies in your stomach, the fear in your heart. The feeling you received, the energy you gave back. You don’t remember because you were curious. You remember because you wanted it to mean something.

Do you remember your 2,123rd kiss?

Of course you don’t.

When we kiss someone new, it’s exciting. It’s our first conduit into experiencing the other person intimately. It’s exciting.

Once we’re in a relationship, however, kissing becomes routine. Rarely do we kiss to discover. We forget the meaning behind kissing. Kissing means to express, connect, validate, assure, give, share, and explore.

MEN: Hold her face, touch her lips, look into her soul. Kiss her as if nothing else matters, as if time doesn’t exist, as if it’s the only way you could express yourself.

WOMEN: Kiss him how you want to be kissed. Show, don’t tell. Grab his head, pull his hair, reach deep into his heart with your mouth. Show him how it’s done.

Photo Credit: Shutterstock

ORIGINAL ARTICLE by John Kim of Mind, Body, Green

“Growth is not a light switch. It’s a lifestyle. “

Kendal’s Note’s on this Article:

Most men are not aware of their impact.

kendalcali2015-1“Most men are oblivious to the emotional destruction they leave behind. And women must raise the bar and set a standard for the kind of men they want in their lives.” WOW, this is so true. Over and over again I am shocked at how little men understand about their impact on other’s emotionally. I would like to blame it on our rape culture or the fact that we have all been raised to put the responsibility on the women for the relationship in many ways, I would also like to stand strong here and say that “No one can hurt you unless you allow them to and that you make your mind up on how you are emotionally impacted by an event, that would be very Byron Katie or Abraham Hicks of me. However, being on the receiving end of this topic and also on the giving end a few times in my life I know that sometimes this is not the case. Sure we have choice as to how we cope and get through and how quickly we decide to put on a smile and move forward, but the emotional destruction that one person (male or female) can leave on another’s path can be detrimental and at very least can put that person into a state of chaos and need for extended healing. It is vital in our relationships with lovers and our children for sure that we do not shun the reality that we play a significant role in emotional harmony and health. Our action CAN and DO effect those in our lives and we have a responsibility to be conscious about what that looks like. Feelings may just be “feelings” but they also are the connection blocks to how our lives play out. It is through our emotional state that we attract our future. Our emotions set our energtic vibration and it here that we create our lives. 

So gentlemen, be cautious as to what you set up as expectations. Realize that sex is not the same energy and emotional frequency as scratching your back, for a woman it is emotional and if you want to be a superior man, one who is full of passion and on purpose then sex needs to be emotional for you as well. Learn to connect here and you will find connection EVERYWHERE!!!

Ladies, DO NOT accept a man who say’s “Oop’s, I can’t help it. That is sort of like when your having sex and a guy pauses for second in doggy position and then pulls out and penetrates your ass then says  Oop’s my bad wrong hole. Bullshit! A real man needs to take responsibility, needs to become conscious and accept that he may have made a mistake but should want to heal it and do the work to do just this. ” If you ladies are calling into your lives men who are not mature enough to be a real man, then you need to take a moment and really embrace what you as a woman are accepting and feeling (valuing) for yourself. You deserve more!

Arguing, Bullying and Being Creepy Oh My!!!!

Most arguments could be avoided if one party caught their ego at the front end and realized that it takes two to tango. Often women just need to vent and we DO NOT want Mr. Fix it to speak but instead we just need to literally be held. We need not to be made feel small or incapable in these moments and certainly not told that we are acting crazy or hormonal. We get this and we feel horrible already for acting out and opening up at this vulnerable place to our men. But we have to here and there or we will become calloused, cold, aloof and non-feeling. This will only cause us to dis-trust, not feel safe or supported and in the end you will find yourself at the very least in a sexless relationship because we can no longer feel you and our libido and attraction to you will be gone. So it may be easier and better all around if you as a man just learn to “Hold Space.”

If your a Bully, well I got nothing to say other then learn to check your EGO at the door or loose in life in general. If you feel like you need to work on this and many of us do, then studying Kabbalah would be a great start for awakening and healing. And Yoga.

Being Creepy, this is one of those hard things to understand for men. I know that many men just do not understand that they are doing it. But I can tell you that if you are face booking a woman repeatedly or messaging her on a dating site or other and she is not responding then you may have sent out the creepy feel. Its pretty simple, women need and want connection, this means authentic inquiry. Not whats your relationship status and I love you in your first comments. If you are desperate then chances are you are coming across creepy. If you have confidence issues, then you most likely are coming across creepy. If you are easily insulted or are quick to accuse then you most likely are coming across creepy. If you lean in too far when talking to a woman, creepy. If you make comments about our bodies before you are dating us, creepy. If you send a dick pic and we did not ask for it, creepy. If you stand there and stare at us for more then 30 seconds but never walk over and communicate, creepy. If you follow us out of a public place, VERY creepy!!!! And STOP that Shit! Us women want men in our lives and bed’s but we don’t want CREEPY!!!! BULLY or ASSHOLE!

Mirrors, Making Your Bed and Humility. Key’s to Success!

A man who is willing to do the internal work on himself, admit he does not have all the answers and see’s that he needs healing is a man that is aligned with transformation, love and success. The trick is not to just talk about it or think about it but to actually take the steps to achieving this and searching out the people who can help. Your actions ALWAYS speak louder than your words! Remember this!!! Be willing to break your mold repeatedly and GROW!

Kissing!!! Truly the TRUTH About A Man’s Purpose, Passion and Self-Love/Acceptance.

It’s in his kiss is how the song goes and it is so very true. Guys, this is the one thing that can reveal the deeper layers of a man’s being. Its more then how the kiss makes you feel as a woman. It’s about what the kiss is saying about the man. My first husband had bad teeth, he was insecure about lot’s of things. He had lofty goals but did not want to do the work to achieve them. He procrastinated, made excuses and carried anger and resentment. He said so much but not really anything. He said far more then he should about things that were sacred or held in trust but he held back in life and only allowed the surface and ego shit to rule during our marriage. He believed he was dedicated to self growth but in reality he was lazy to it and it scared him much like his power and purpose did. He NEVER would kiss me fully. He never would passionately let me feel him. He would not embrace me and penetrate my whole being with his soul, mind and mouth. I spend 18 years feeling alone and disconnected. Then left.

I currently have a lover of 5 years who from the first kiss bared his soul to me in divine passion. His kiss makes me dripping wet and kick starts my sex no matter how dreary a mood I am in. He always tells me that he loves that I am always smiling. That I am always turned on and laugh so much around him. He tell’s me that I make him feel like a man. Like he can do anything. He grabs me and passionately opens himself to me. He is present and on purpose. He is driven in his life in many ways and does not procrastinate. He puts health and play as focus points and takes care of business. He has his set of insecurities but he does not focus on them and he lives life from purpose and and desires instead of allowing the bad stuff that happens to us all to get him down for very long. He is not afraid to share his heart and emotions, but also does not allow them to carry him off.

It’s in his kiss ladies and gent’s. And if you want to know where a man is at with his purpose, passion and self-love/acceptance and even his presence level then here is where you can figure it out!

If you are not penetrating her and making her weak at the knee’s with your kiss then look back at how you feel about yourself, life, where you are at and what you are doing and go do the internal work as well as the physical work to change this. Don’t  just think your a bad kisser and need lesson’s. What you need is PURPOSE! Find yours and open.

Explore my Male Coaching today to become a Real Man

–KW

Why Being Selfish Is Actually a Good Thing

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Okay folks, here we go! This is one of my favourite topics to talk about – probably because it is the corner stone of a very important life lesson that has been one of the most important in my life thus far. Today we are going to talk about why it’s not only okay, but also why it is essential to your health and wellbeing to be self-’ish’.

Now, before you go all crazy on me and send me angry emails, let me explain what I mean.

As you can see from the graphic I have created above, I have illustrated a spectrum; on one end is selflessness and on the other there is self centeredness. And right in the middle there is selfishness.

Let’s explore these three terms shall we?

Selflessness: This one is a doozy! This term is used to describe someone who has little or no concern for oneself. This is someone who puts others and their needs before their own. They do not consider their happiness to be important, but live to make others happy. This display of altruism is often regarded as pious and honourable. The idea of putting others before yourself is something that is celebrated by some. While it is indeed virtuous to display kindness and generosity to others (I’m not denying this), I want to talk to you about the unhealthy side of selflessness. I want to talk about how, over time, it can actually be the leading cause of burnout and unhappiness in many of our lives.

There are many of us (particularly us women) who have grown up believing that it is important (even essential) to please others and put their needs before our own. This is how many of us have learnt to survive in our relationships – by making others happy. Selflessness has been our ‘currency’ for love and feeling important. This pattern of behaviour, however, has also led us to unhealthy patterns of codependency and the ever life-sucking YES-syndrome.

Do you know what I mean when I say YES-syndrome? It’s when you say yes to everyone else and their needs so often, that you end up saying no to yourself and your needs by default. Worse yet, you become convinced that saying yes to your needs is a bad thing and you feel guilty for any act of self love or self care that you may display.In fact, for some this unbridled benevolence can become pathological to the point of martyrdom. Where some believe that the suffering they feel by putting others first is a righteous thing and that they do not deserve to feel happiness or joy.

To be self-less, implies that there is no self or that you deny yourself. You act as if you do not exist and deny your own wants, needs and desires. To the point that you lose touch with who you really are. Hence why so many of us end up unhappy because we have lost touch with who we are and deprived ourselves of much needed self love and self care. While it is important to love others and show generosity and kindness, it is not healthy to do so to the detriment of oneself.

Selflessness in my opinion, is just as unhealthy as being self-centered.

To be self-centered is the exact opposite of being selfless. It is when you are so self absorbed that you solely focus on your own needs to the detriment of others. This is someone who does what they want and does not care how their actions may affect others. Ironically, the selfless person and the self-centered person make for a match made in dysfunctional relationship heaven!

Now let’s talk about being self-’ish’.

In my mind this is the balance between the two extremes; selflessness and self-centeredness. It is a healthy balance between being considerate of others and their needs, but not sacrificing our own needs. The reality is that if you don’t take care of yourself, you can experience a vast array of health problems, depression, burnout, stress, unhappiness, fatigue, reduced mental functioning, anxiety, frustration, inability to sleep and even death. No joke.

You have to make sure there’s gas in the car if you want to drive it and you can’t get very far driving on fumes.

A great example of this concept is when you fly in an airplane and the flight attendant instructs you to put your oxygen mask on first before helping the person seated next to you. Now for the selfless person, they would think, “But shouldn’t I help the other person first? That seems like the right thing to do.”

The self-centered person thinks, “Heck yeah, I’ll put the mask on myself and only myself. I don’t care about the other person.”

The self-“ish” person puts the oxygen mask on themselves first because they know that they need to take care of themselves to survive. And then, once their needs are taken care of, they can help the person seated next to them. The self-‘ish’ person knows that if you are 10,000ft in the air and run out of oxygen, that they are never going to be able to help anyone else, let along help themselves??!!

All jokes aside, this is an important metaphor for those of us who run around taking care of everything and everyone else except ourselves.

It’s time to ask yourself honestly where you fall on the spectrum. Let go of the excuses and the guilt, and genuinely commit to being more self-“ish”. Because if you are healthy and happy and taken care of, everyone else around you will benefit.

byRachel Corradetti