MEN ARE AFRAID OF SEX

hotcouplessexMen are mystified by women’s sexuality – actually we’re terrified of it. Our greatest fear? That we’ll disappoint you, that you’ll dream about or find someone is better or bigger than us and that you’ll never open yourself to us again.

As a woman, you make yourself vulnerable by revealing an experience or describing a fantasy. As men, we hear the details as a challenge to us to deliver it precisely as described. We think you’re like us and that every detail is something you want in real life exactly as you imagined it.

Your romantic fantasies have us mentally calculating the expense of the trip to the exotic location and the legalities of being arrested on the beach or in the waterfall. Your more vivid ones make us fear we need to be some kind of endowed gymnast to avoid disappointing you.

What men don’t realize is that the most desirable quality for a woman isn’t muscles, sexual gymnastics or impressive endowment, it’s a partner that a woman trusts enough to simply EXPRESS herself openly to.

The reason 50 Shades of Grey was popular wasn’t because it was well written (it wasn’t) or the specific sex it described, it was because the man described was confident and utterly unembarrassed about his own sexuality and created a safe space for the woman to express both her curiosity and limitations.

Most men are stuck – we don’t intend to be, we just have fewer places than women to have healthy conversations about sexuality.

We grew up on a diet of dirty jokes and pornography with the guys while publicly the puritanical beliefs from our families, our churches and sex Ed classes made us think everything we wanted was dirty.

We’re terrified that someone will discover that we’re deviants if we reveal out fantasies or inadequate lovers if we open up about our insecurities.

At our core we suspect that women don’t want sex, that we have to convince you to like it so that we can get it. It’s almost inconceivable to us that it’s something you’d actually want or think about.

Because they fear your sexuality, Nice Guys lack bravado inside or outside the bedroom while Bad Boys try to keep up their ‘show’ when their clothes come off or reveal themselves as the timid boys they really are when things become genuinely intimate.

A conscious man realizes that a woman is open when she feels seen, safe, respected and supported. An exceptionally conscious man understands that foreplay for a woman begins the moment sex ends and that she will be open to him as long as she continues to feel seen, respected and supported.

A conscious man doesn’t disconnect (roll over, turn on the TV, leave her alone to clean up). He knows that as long as he adores her and never stops showing that he supports her that she never turns *off*.

She might not think about sex the casual way he does, but if he proves to be magnificent in her *little* things he’ll find her magnificently available with his *big* things.

Graham R White

If you want to change the world love a man…

If you want to change the world love a man; really love him
Choose the one whose soul calls to yours clearly who sees you; who is brave enough to be afraid
Accept his hand and guide him gently to your hearts blood
Where he can feel your warmth upon him and rest there
And burn his heavy load in your fires
Look into his eyes look deep within and see what lies dormant or awake or shy or expectant there
Look into his eyes and see there his fathers and grandfathers and all the wars and madness their spirits fought in some distant land, some distant time

Look upon their pains and struggles and torments and guilt; without judgment
And let it all go
Feel into his ancestral burden
And know that what he seeks is safe refuge in you
Let him melt in your steady gaze
And know that you need not mirror that rage
Because you have a womb, a sweet, deep gateway to wash and renew old wounds

If you want to change the world love a man, really love him
Sit before him, in the full majesty of your woman in the breath of your vulnerability
In the play of your child innocence in the depths of your death
Flowering invitation, softly yielding, allowing his power as a man
To step forward towards you…and swim in the Earth’s womb, in silent knowing, together
And when he retreats…because he will…flees in fear to his cave…
Gather your grandmothers around you…envelope in their wisdoms
Hear their gentle shusshhhed whispers, calm your frightened girls’ heart
Urging you to be still…and wait patiently for his return
Sit and sing by his door, a song of remembrance, that he may be soothed, once more

If you want to change the world, love a man, really love him
Do not coax out his little boy
With guiles and wiles and seduction and trickery
Only to lure him…to a web of destruction
To a place of chaos and hatred
More terrible than any war fought by his brothers
This is not feminine this is revenge
This is the poison of the twisted lines
Of the abuse of the ages, the rape of our world
And this gives no power to woman it reduces her as she cuts off his balls
And it kills us all
And whether his mother held him or could not
Show him the true mother now
Hold him and guide him in your grace and your depth
Smoldering in the center of the Earth’s core
Do not punish him for his wounds that you think don’t meet your needs or criteria
Cry for him sweet rivers
Bleed it all back home

If you want to change the world love a man, really love him
Love him enough to be naked and free
Love him enough to open your body and soul to the cycle of birth and of death
And thank him for the opportunity
As you dance together through the raging winds and silent woods
Be brave enough to be fragile and let him drink in the soft, heady petals of your being
Let him know he can hold you stand up and protect you
Fall back into his arms and trust him to catch you
Even if you’ve been dropped a thousand times before
Teach him how to surrender by surrendering yourself
And merge into the sweet nothing, of this worlds’ heart

If you want to change the world, love a man, really love him
Encourage him, feed him, allow him, hear him, hold him, heal him
And you, in turn, will be nourished and supported and protected
By strong arms and clear thoughts and focused arrows
Because he can, if you let him, be all that you dream

If you want to love a man, love yourself, love your father
Love your brother, your son, your ex-partner; from the first boy you kissed,
To the last one you wept over
Give thanks for the gifts; of your unraveling to this meeting
Of the one who stands before you now
And find in him the seed to all that’s new and solar
A seed that you can feed to help direct the planting
To grow a new world, together
~Anonymous~