Popcorn Moments

These moments… Popcorn Moments.

 
These moment’s they tend to drive me effing crazy while they are happening.
 
You most likely know the moments.
It is the times when you are focused, determined, aware and taking action,
 
But there is still no pop corn popped.
You can hear the sizzle in the pan of the kernels getting ready.
You can feel the heat of the fire that you have built and keep tending too.
 
You can smell the warming oil.
And feel the excitement of how good it will be when they pop.
 
Yes the yummieness of the fresh pop corn, its buttery flavor, its comfort and simple complexity.
 

Yes you know these popcorn moments.

 
Every time you make your mind up that you are going to
 
Get serious.
Make it happen.
Plant your stake.
Get COMMITTED.
Become more than what/who you are.
Access your FLOW.
And become ABUNDANT.
 
Yes these moments.
 
This is what I am speaking of.
 
And then what happen’s?
 

I will tell you what happen’s…

Your child comes to you and asks if he can purchase a game online. It is only this small amount of funds.
 
But you find yourself CLAIMING that you don’t have it.
 
Your kid comes to you and ask’s if they can go here or there with a friend and they need just $20, NOW.
 
But you find yourself CLAIMING that you don’t have it.
 
You open your refrigerator or pantry and see that it is time to go grocery shopping again, and you feel this drop in your gut.
 
Because you find yourself CLAIMING that you don’t have it.
 
Your friend say’s let’s grab lunch, and you really need away from everything and get excited about the connection and sharing.
 
But you find yourself CLAIMING that you don’t have it.
 
You really need to take a moment for some self-care and get a massage. You have been working so hard, and you know it is almost mandatory for you to do.
 
But you find yourself CLAIMING that you don’t have it.
 
Your lover snuggle’s up and say’s, “Let’s grab dinner and a movie, go for drinks and chat.” You see the sparkle and turn on in their eye, you feel the need for connection.
 
But you find yourself CLAIMING that you don’t have it.
 

Yes here is what happens.

 
We reach for our goals.
Our dreams and desires.
 
We PROCLAIM that we want them,
That we will DO ANYTHING to achieve them.
 
We send out our rockets of desire and watch as they his they pass through the atmosphere into the hands of God.
 
And then we promptly, swiftly,
 
CLAIM that we don’t have it.
 
It is in our words,
Our actions,
Our thoughts.
 
And all of this makes up our ENERGY.
 
If we are not in the energy of certainty,
the energy of enthusiasm,
the energy of allowing ourselves to receive our desired life.
 
Then can we ever REALLY expect that we will create it.
That the BLESSINGS will come down on us?
 
No, Because it is like looking at that popcorn, sizzling away.
Smelling it getting ready, hearing the kernels in the hot oil.
Even seeing and hearing a few pop,
 

And THEN…

 
Removing it from the heat,
And PROCLAIMING that it was NEVER going to happen.
 
In this we not just take our popcorn off the heat,
we toss it in the trash can.
 
And cry about the waist.
 
We blame the popcorn.
We blame the stove.
We blame the oil.
We say the oil got to hot or not hot enough.
 
And then we land on, ” I did not want popcorn anyway.”
 
Sound familiar?
 
We are all guilty of doing this somewhere.
I write this because I caught myself in my own little popcorn moment this morning.
 
Funny how we sabotage that, that we want so much.
So that we can continue to SETTLE for something less.
 
Our comfort is in the LESS though.
Our SUCCESS is in the MORE.
In the anticipation.
In the waiting with intent.
In the energy of IT IS ALREADY HERE.
 

Where are you coming from this day?

Will you ALLOW your popcorn to pop?

 

And Remember,

Stop Existing & Start Living

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

The New Human Lesson on Risk, Fear and Having It All.

I am often so captured by fear, I cannot move forward.

 
There are so many time’s in life where I find myself just pausing, procrastinating and what is without a doubt stuck in FEAR. Some of these instances are actually silly, other’s are understandable. Some I cannot avoid the event sand steps that I most certainly will be taking while yet, other’s I just ignore and act like they are not even there.
 
It’s funny as I write this I come back to the feeling of being pregnant.
 
Not just pregnant but due any day.
Then I slip into the thought of the moments after my water has broken and there is NO TURNING BACK. Once that water breaks your just a few short moments maybe 30 minutes away from contractions happening for real.
 
The clock start ticking on reality.
You realize that your going to have a baby.
And in order to birth this child that there WILL be pain, blood, sweat and tears.
There will be terror going through your veins.
There will be uncertainty mixed with excitement.
 
In this MOMENT you realize, well sh*t, I am stuck now.
Now I have to move through this birth, this transformation and just go with it.
 
Funny thing, I always tried to control it for the first portion of the labor process. Always, trying to act calm, cool and collected, like I had everything in order was superwomen.
 
And the interesting thing was that for the most part I did.
I was.
 
But there were moments in this that I felt great pain,
tears wanted to stream down my face and few choice words wanted to escape my lips.
 
It was NEVER as bad as i thought it was going to be though.
It was NEVER as severe as I had painted in my head those few short moments after my water broke or event the days leading up to that.
 
I often thought, it was going to steal my sanity,
make me look weak.
I often thought that I would not be strong enough to handle the process,
that I was for sure going to fall apart,
and my true self,
that self that I wanted no one to see,
would appear ,
and disappoint everyone,
including me.
 
But the moments came, and the labor built.

My body slowly let go of it’s need to control and prove itself and just accepted it’s GREATNESS.

 
My mind released it’s fear,
perhaps it was the rush of adrenaline,
perhaps it was the faith that God had my back.
Perhaps, I was actually as STRONG as I thought I was story I was trying to tell.
 
Who know’s.
 

What I do know is that I ALWAYS made it through.

I ALWAYS did it naturally.
I ALWAYS did it in GRACE.

I ALWAYS pushed through (pun intended).

 

And at the day, I got to meet a beautiful new little human.

And more importantly, they had introduced me to my SOUL.

 
My COURAGE.
My STRENGTH.
My POWER.
 
This new little human got me to meet myself at a new and more intimate place than before.
 
Experiencing this 7 time’s in my life I can tell you from experience and my heart that there is no difference between giving birth to a new little human being than there is to giving birth to your DREAMS.
 
I feel ALL the same fears, concerns, doubts and pains when I increase my coaching rates as I did when I gave birth.
 
I feel all the same things internally emotionally, when I step up to a new level of who I want to become and have to act on it.
 
I feel all the same things when I decide that I am NOT TURNING BACK from my mission, my calling, my purpose.
 
I feel all the same things when I COMMIT to doing more, BEING more, HAVING more.
 
I feel all the same things when I CLAIM MY LIFE as I did when I was Claiming the life of my new little human.
 
A long time ago a friend looked at me and said, ” Kendal, you are not afraid of anything, I wish I was more like you.”
 

OMFG!

Did she just say that?
 
I responded with, “What? I am afraid of everything, ALL the time.”
 
This was my epiphany.
 
So often fear STOP’s us from our dreams.
Stop’s us from birthing the life that we were born to live.
 
Even though, I was always afraid.
Uncertain.
and scared out of ever lovin’ mind,
 
I ALWAYS was COMMITTED to my SOUL.
I was always willing to step off that cliff and see where it my take me.
I was willing to fall so that I could learn how to get back up.
I was willing to look like a fool if it meant that I would grow.
I was willing to RISK.
 
I always understood that just living meant that we RISK.
And in that we were born to explore,
to discover,
to uncover,
to tap in
and get turned on,
to our hearts desires.
 

We were built to RISK.

And without that RISK, all we ever would be doing was to LIE TO OURSELVES and avoid our DREAMS.
 
Without discomfort, risk and fear.
We become NOTHING in a hurry.
We loose ourselves and our lives.
 
And thus we risk not just a ding to our ego,
but we RISK EVERYTHING.
 
Thank goodness for the little human’s that have guided me to feeling into this space and keeping it real with me every day.
 
Thank goodness that that I was willing to see the lesson,
and actually get it.
 
I want to share this lesson with YOU.
Because whether you have a little human you brought into this world or not is sorta beside the point now.
 

The point is, that YOU were BORN for GREATNESS.

You were meant to have more.
You were meant to STAND OUT.
You were meant to RISK.
 
That is what every BREATH is trying to tell you.
 

So WAKE THE F*CK UP!

 

And Remember to Stop Existing & Start Living.

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

 

I think your a sex addict… are you though?

fantasy sex

So, can sex be a true addiction? I can’t tell you how often people not only ask me this question but also how often I’ll hear people throw the words “Sex Addict” around.

Lately I have seen several articles and been involved in a few conversations with colleagues about Sex Addiction. In my experience people tend to have strong feelings around this topic.

Some people say that sex addiction is just another way to pathologize people and label them. Others say that sex is like a drug and can be used/abused, can be dangerous, and something to be approached with care. I believe both can be and are true.

I personally have worked in the past with people that have been labeled as sex addicts. Some of these individuals I believe were indeed mislabeled and yet others had created severe damage in their lives in the pursuit of sex. I’ve listened to stories from my past clients about going broke, ruining relationships, ending up in jail, and ruining their health in order to find sex.

So to me, the question is not if Sex Addiction (or abuse of sex) is real because I have seen the damage in my clients’ lives. I think the question is what is and what is not sex addiction!

What is Sex Addiction?

            Technically there is no such thing as sex addiction in terms of medical terminology. An addiction of any form is simply a laymen’s term for what the medical and psychological community call abuse/dependence. The closest medical term that has been offered for what society considers Sex Addiction is “Hypersexual Disorder” which was not approved for usage in the latest addition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel (DSM 5), which is where all diagnoses of psychological disorders come from. Some also consider withholding sex a form of sex addition (“Sexual Anorexia”), which would fall under the category of Hypo-sexual disorder. Also, medical professionals have been unable to even determine what sex addiction is because it is often used to define any behavior that deviates from societal norms. This includes “excessive” sexual intercourse, masturbation, viewing of pornography, partners, etc.

            The National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity has defined sexual addiction as “engaging in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior acted out despite increasing negative consequences to self and others.” Since there is no agreed upon definition of what a sex addiction is, I would like to offer what I use with my clients to determine when someone has entered an unhealthy territory in the way of sexual behaviors.

•           Are you able to function in your daily life? (Going to work, taking care of adult     responsibilities, taking care of physical health, etc.)

•           Are you continuing to engage in behaviors despite intense dangers to your physical           health, career, or financial well-being?

•           Are you unable to stop the behaviors despite them no longer bringing you pleasure?

If someone says, “Yes,” to the above situation, then they very well might be stuck in an addictive cycle with sex, porn, or masturbation. Thankfully there are many wonderful therapists/coaches that work with sex addiction and can help determine what emotional needs are trying to be met through these behaviors.

What Sex Addiction is NOT!

Often Sex Addiction is used as a scapegoat for Cheating, Lying, Jealousy, and Taboo behaviors. As long as the below behaviors are not stopping normal adult functioning, a sex addiction is not:

•           Cheating: Just because a partner is enjoying sex with another person(s) does not mean    they are addicted. It means that there is a breakdown somewhere in the communication and the relationship. Often women particularly will struggle emotionally with the thought of a partner cheating and so will label that other person a sex addict. I believe people often see it as a more acceptable/ less embarrassing than having to admit their partner  cheated OR the person engaging in the infidelity finds it easier than having to manage the repercussions of infidelity.  Cheating can cause emotional turmoil on both sides but   that does not make it a sex addiction

•           Polyamory/Open Relationships: Just because a person chooses a different lifestyle does not make them have an addiction. Often people are under the impression that people in   these types of relationships are “sex crazed” and are constantly engaging in dangerous sexual experiences. Research studies have actually shown the exact opposite, that people in these relationships communicate and take more precautions for safety in sex than single/monogamous couples. However, instead of learning about these lifestyles, it is easier to smack a label on a person or think they are just choosing that lifestyle for the sex.

•           Pornography: I do not personally like pornography because I think it can push unhealthy standards but a person does not have an addiction just because they enjoy viewing  pornography. Viewing porn can be a healthy part of adult sexual experiences. Many couples pursue pornography to add spice into a relationship and many single people use it to meet their basic human needs in a safe and healthy manner.

•           Enjoying Sex/Sex-ploration: Many times I will hear people throw the word sex addict out when they hear about a person engaging in more sex then they deem “appropriate.” Based on religious beliefs, upbringing, and our society, many people have strong ideals on what is and is not okay. The truth is we have no right to tell others when their desires/needs have been met or to limit them according to our personal ideals of sex. A person could have a new sex partner every night for a year and still not be a sex addict!

•           Masturbation: Again, masturbation is a super healthy aspect of human sexuality and does not mean a person is a sex addict. Our bodies are meant to be enjoyed and so we don’t get to tell others how often that is okay.

•           Taboo Sex: As we expand as a society, more and more people are venturing into new       sexual territory. There is a reason why 50 Shades of Grey took the nation by storm! In our ignorance of a sexual preference we often label people as having a “problem.” As adults we have the right to explore whatever we like in the privacy of our own bedroom (outside of illegal preferences such as child abuse or animal abuse).  Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t make it an addiction.

Sex Addiction is serious and can very much ruin a person’s life. If a person truly has a sex addiction then they do need help to put their lives back together. In true sexual addiction, the person needs to explore the pain and patterns that are keeping them stuck in a destructive cycle. There are some amazing therapy and treatment centers out there to help these individuals. Though beware because there are some other treatment centers that turn this addiction into a moral issue and will try to shame the addiction out of a person or suggest taking on habits such as celibacy. These treatments are not effective and will often just drive the addict deeper into the addiction long-term.

Sex Addiction is not a scapegoat phrase or something to be thrown around in order to express your dislike of a person’s sexual behaviors. It’s not an excuse for infidelity and not a rationale for someone having a high sexual appetite.

Original Article  by Addison Bell, Tantric Practitioner & Coach