On This Ledge I Found Who I Was.

Stepping out on a ledge I found myself.
Sitting on the edge of everything I thought I knew,
but discovered was wrong.
Not true to who I really am or ever was.
Breathing deep into my flesh,
lost in this world of who I thought I was to be,
only to turn a corner as I fall into who I am.

Yes there,
there on this ledge,
this space where there is no room to move.
I found whom I was.
But it was not like this just yesterday.
Yesterday I was still lost in my shame,
I was lost in my judgments and fears of what others expectations were,
I knew not of who I was,
but only of whom I was to be,
for them.

And today,
as I stepped out on this ledge,
I met my truth.
I met my soul,
and I was blessed,
as if overcome by sweet raptures from deep within,
these messages from somewhere out there,
that space that we might perceive to be heaven,
but none know certain of what it is.
Yes, from this space emerged my truth.
It has always been here.

God, has been whispering my name,
whispering to me all that I am to be.
Calling out of my soul,
the music that must be set free.
Yes here on this ledge,
God has spoken.
And I have finally listened.
Not run.
As before,
when I went into hiding,
my soul screaming as I ran.
But today,
today I chose differently.
Today I chose to open my body,
my mind, and my heart.
I chose to be embraced by something more than self could ever realize.

Today I was awakened.
On this ledge as I over looked the woods that stood before me,
I saw not all that blocked my sight,
but instead saw the beauty.
The beauty of all that had been given.
The opportunities that asked to be taken.
The breaths that begged to be breathed,
deep into my soul,
and exhaled into the world.

Yes this ledge.
It has been a pivotal point upon my journey.
As I lean out and breath deep,
I know that it is time,
it is time that I set my shame free,
I set loose all those fears,
and instead turn and step forward as God has been asking.
To not walk another day,
in this misery,
to not remain allowing of such suffering,
but to step,
step forward into his guidance,
and command with certainty all that I am blessed with.
These blessings,
these blessings from somewhere out there.

Cascading down,
over my flesh,
onto my path,
these blessings.
They may only be held,
only retrieved,
when shame,
when judgement and fear,
expectations and doubt,
no longer rule this path that I was walking.
But instead,
looking out over this ledge,
I open my whole body,
I open my whole soul,
and ask to be penetrated deeply,
with faith,
with love,
the deep penetration of spirit.
Yes, embrace me now,
once and forever more.
I open myself to the mysteries,
to the calling,
of my SOUL.

————————————————————————–

I share this after a day of orgasmic rush,
after a day that I felt supported, loved and open, ‘but also met my fear, met my shame, and found hesitation on my path.

I realized today, the many blockages that still remain.
I realized today, the fear that I have been dragging around with me.

Today, I met my old self as I stood in the shoes of my new.
And I realized how certain I had become, of whom I am and all I am to be.

Now I share this poetry,
I share my intimacy,
I share myself with you,
like any given day,
but today I share from a place of deeper understanding.
A place that honors the shame,
honors the fear and the doubt,
and thanks it for all the protection that it has given,
but commands it on it way.
Expansion, growth and certainty.
Faith, compassion and love.
These are the things that take its place.
These are the things I ask you to embrace.

And remember,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grow A*s Believers”

Enjoying all that I share.
Enjoying my provocative thoughts, teaching and concepts?
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embrace the ledge that you may feel you are on,
learn how to step away from your shame,
your fear and all the expectations of this world?
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Playing Life Safe Will Kill You.

We try so hard to be something.
Something that many of us do not even know what it is.
We desire to be loved,
to be desired,
cherished.
We want to be accepted.
And we believe that our acceptance is based on the things that we do,
the way that we present ourselves and making others happy.
And so we keep trying to be this or that.
But the emptiness encompasses us,
and it drains our soul.
We loose ourselves in the attempt to make things right.
To be a good a person according to the standards of the world around us.
We find ourselves, wanting for things,
things that feel empty,
but sound exciting.
Things that will trigger our fears,
may even make us feel like we are bad in some sense,
but make us feel alive,
or successful in some fashion.
We see images plastered on billboards,
we see pictures and videos full of what success, happiness, love,
“the good life” is all about,
and we strive to make that happen.

And so we keep trying so hard to be something.
This thing that we do not know.
This thing that feels foreign to our soul.
This thing that our world picture tells us is success.
Tells us that we “should” be.

After all we are 18, 25, 35, 45, 55, 65 years old.
We should have it all figured out.
We should be living this way.
We should not be wanting any more.
We should just have it.
Be it.
This thing.

Or we fear that we will reach what ever age we have set in our mind without achieving this.
And we fear the missed opportunities.
We fear missing the boat,
this magical boat that has all of our dreams and desires on it,
where our hearts will want no more.

And then we will be at peace.
Then life will be perfect.
Then we will be successful.
Fulfilled.
Complete.

And that will be a good life.
That is the way life is to be.

The issue is that it does not happen.
The issue is that this concept,
of having some end point.
Some I am full on life point.
I have arrived point.
Is bullshit!

Life is not like that.
There is never an end point.
We are not designed to live for the end point.
We are designed to live for the journey.
And feast on life as we go.

We set the tone of our lives by how we develop our mind,
how we stay in tune to our emotions,
how we embody our beings.
We embrace life by paying more attention to the experience that we are being blessed with right now,
then fearing that we are making the wrong choice for this “perfect” scenario of age 85.

Those who live in fear do not live.
But those who live for the fleeting do not live either.

Life is about the complexity.
Life is about the depth.
Life is about feeling it all.
The up’s and the downs.
The highs and the low’s.

Those who live life to the fullest have discovered the secret,
that secret is to not run from life.

It is to not fear tomorrow,
you can plan for tomorrow, but to not hide from the possibilities of it and most certainly NOT let tomorrow steal your TODAY by holding you in your yesterday with some “shoulda, coulda, woulda.”

The secrets to a happy, abundant life are not difficult.
They deduce down to the simple truths.

And that is to be in integrity.
Can you look yourself in the eye?
Can you say that today I was the best person that I could be? Even if I were an asshole today, I caught myself and I learned from the moment. I accepted that I was human. I forgave. I loved. I accepted self and others.
Can you say that no matter how you were perceived that you were living from the alignment of your SOUL?
Can you say that you have no regrets from today?
And if you have a regret, do you understand what this regret is telling you? Why it is holding you and are you willing to let it all go, to have faith in something more than your viewpoint?

This is living.
This is embracing your day.
This is expansion.
Of self.

Truly living is not for the weak of mind, soul or heart.
It takes balls to live out loud.
To live from your truth and not hide behind some shield that someone else built for you and said here, if you do this and this and this then you will be safe. Then you will live a safe, good life.
You should fear anything that rattles your cage.

No, only a scared unfaithful soul fears rattling the cage or rocking the boat.

Those who live by faith do not fear this,
or the crap that you have been told,

You want to be something?
Then look no farther then your heart and soul for guidance.
You may say that you have not the foggiest of clues as to who you are, or what you can become or should become, but I call bullshit on you.
Lean past that fear my love,
lean past all that crap that you have been told you are or are not and allow yourself to be seen,
to be felt.
And KNOW THIS….
YOU ARE SOMEONE.

You are someone with a BIG f-cking purpose!
But you have to own yourself.
You have to STOP fearing yourself.
And stop searching for something that is not lost.

The answers you are looking for are within you.
I promise you this.
Still yourself.
Still the fear.
Still the worry.
And LISTEN.

Do YOU.

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

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She said I could fly… and so I did!

Becoming a child without a parent is a strange adventure in this life.

 
I say adventure, because it really is just that.
It is so much more than just an experience.
It is an adventure in the mind of life.
That may sound strange, but it is true. The adventure of the mind of life.
 
How little we understand about the human mind,
the human soul,
or about life at all.
 
I find myself wondering where my mother goes when she leaves.
I look at her with child like bewilderment of not understanding.
Yet, she is now the child and I the adult.
 
How strange to not have a mother to share my life stories with anymore.
 
How strange to not be able to have that woman who was there to comfort me in my youth and beyond,
 
who even though she may have not understood my beliefs, my ways or thoughts,
 
she always believed I could walk on water.
 
My mom always thought I could fly.
She believed in me like no other ever has.
 
No matter how angry she has made me through the years,
No matter the crazy a*s sh*t she has said, did or lied about doing.
No matter how much she has scared me with her wild woman ways.
No matter how badly she has hurt me with her words and actions at times.
No matter how I often knew she was manipulating me,
She has been my one trust cheerleader.
 
Actually cheerleader does not do her justice here.
She has always, until recent years been that faithful disciple.
 
I say disciple, because she did not lead.
She pushed me up.
She put me on the pedestal that she believed I should be on.
 
Like I said, she has always insisted that I could walk on water and fly.
 
She saw wings on my back and wind beneath them, when I thought I was trash.
 
All this attention and never being able to do wrong in my mother’s eye’s has made me who I am today.
 
I often think, “Wow, Kendal you sure think a lot of yourself.
Then I hear the programs of our society kick in and shame me for doing just that.

Then I realize that this is what I help people over come EVERY day.

 
If we do not love ourselves and think highly of ourselves, then who will?
 
If we do not believe we have wings, then how will we ever fly?
If we do not believe that we can perform miracles, then how can we?
If we do not believe that we are worthy, then we are not.
 
My mom has always pushed me in one way or another to BE ALL I CAN.
 
And supported me whenever I said, ” This does not feel right, good or in alignment to me.”
 
This is why it is so heavy on my heart to see this woman become the child.
 
I watch her daily deteriorate more and more.
I see her fear in her eyes.
I hear the anxiety of it in her voice.
I see her looking at her aging hands that now shake so badly that she can barely hold her coffee without dumping the whole thing.
I see her shocked at her gray hair,
At the hairs that grow on her chin.
 
I see her concern and worry when she realizes that she has no clue what day it is,
What she ate or if she ate.
 
I see her panic as she believes the nightmares that run through her as reality as she shares them in great detail with me.
 
I see her frustration as she realizes that she has no clue what her grand child’s name is anymore.
 
And I feel her pain, as she runs from the loss of herself and thus the loss of her life.
 
There is nothing like watching some one vanish before your eye’s while their physical body remains,
breathes,
heart beating,
but they are no more.
 
She is no more.
She is gone.
 
She is no longer that woman with wise words and tales.
She is no longer that woman that gave advice from her depths of experience.
She is no longer that woman who could hold space and let me cry or freak out.
She is no longer a mother.
 
Now I am in her role.
I hold space while she cries and freaks out from her loss of memory.
I give advice when she asks me, “”How am I going to over come this and have my own life again? Do you think it’s to late? I sound crazy.”
I share the wisdom I have gathered in my life and recall from her tales.
 
I am the mother.
She is the child.
 

Becoming a child without a parent is a strange adventure in this life,

For sure.

 
But this is the story that so many of us will live with our parents,
and perhaps with our children.
 
As we age,
as we grow,
as we awaken,
we too die.
 
Here is the tale of dying before death takes us.
The tale of living with dementia.
 
Here is the a tale of awakening one morning to this strange adventure.
 
I will not live like my mother.
For in her wisdom, that breaks free from its shackles of memory loss and fear,
 
” I wish I had lived more.”
” I wish I had loved more.”
” I wish I had had the courage that you do.”
 
“Honey, you can fly! I know you can. I see your wings.”
 

So what are you waiting for?

Come fly with me!

 

My mom say’s we can…

So let’s!

 

And remember,

Stop Existing & Start Living

 Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

Risk It All – You Are Worth It

This morning I find myself sitting here feeling some uncalled for tension in my shoulder and neck. I did not wake with it. I was not consciously thinking thoughts of stress, negativity or scarcity. Yet here I sit.
 
I sit in this place and even as I type, I feel tears wanting to come up and be released.
 
The more I inquire and search within for
 
where they are coming from?
why am I feeling this tension?
 
I discover an emptiness.
A lost-ness.
 
There is no answer rising to the surface. Just emotion and physical repercussions of the emotion.
 
So I write.
I turn on one of my favorite Binaural Beats music sound tracks and I listen.
 
Hoping to change my frequency.
Hoping to release this charge of energy that is causing this.
Hoping that my energy will switch back to where I was at waking.
 
So I share.
I share with you to share my intimacy of being human.
I share with you to show that we all have internal work to do.
I share with you to say, it’s okay.
 
It’s okay to get tripped up.
It’s okay to feel pain.
It’s okay to not have the answers.
 
So I feel.
I feel into this space of not knowing and even though it is scary to not know I do KNOW that everything always happens for a reason and works out for my highest and best good.
 
I feel into this dark closet of my emotions and breathe deep and MAKE A DECISION to hold space for myself.
 
I feel into this uncomfortable vibration and realize that it is here to tell me an important message.
 
The message?
The message is that I allowed myself to step out of alignment with God.
 
Out of alignment with my core.
Out of alignment with my joy and well-being.

 

The message is that when we are in alignment, life will flow and FEEL GOOD.

 
The message is that we are ALWAYS being guided,
We often do not see the path,
However we are ALWAYS being guided.
 
The message is to TRUST.
What does Alignment look and feel like?
 
It looks and feels like TRUST.
It looks and feels like SURRENDER.
It looks and feels like LETTING GO.
 
Alignment will appear as RISK.
On the front side I have noticed that anytime I lean in more, trust more, surrender more, that I feel like I am risking everything.
 
And I am risking EVERYTHING.
I am risking what I have ALWAYS KNOWN
for EVERYTHING I HAVE ALWAYS DESIRED.
 
So I write.
I write this to help myself come back into that space of KNOWING.
I write this to support my core and to see the steps that I must take, I am already taking.
I write this because my SOUL needed to SPEAK to my MIND.
 
So I share.
I share this with you this morning to GIVE YOU INSIGHT.
I share this with you this morning to remind you to have compassion for yourself.
I share this with you this morning to remind you that YOU HAVE ALL the answers within you.
 
Is it as easy as just making your mind up to TRUST
To SURRENDER,
To LET GO?
 

Yeppers.

It is!

 

Only in committing to yourself will you ever BECOME who you were BORN TO BE.

 
Trust in your day.
Trust in your heart.
Trust in your soul.
Trust in God.
 
And Risk all that you are COMFORTABLE with For ALL THAT YOU ARE.
 
Stop Settling for Less.
You are WORTH MORE.
 

Leap this morning into the life that your heart desires.

 

It wants you!!!!

 

And Remember,

Stop Existing & Start Living!

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

The New Human Lesson on Risk, Fear and Having It All.

I am often so captured by fear, I cannot move forward.

 
There are so many time’s in life where I find myself just pausing, procrastinating and what is without a doubt stuck in FEAR. Some of these instances are actually silly, other’s are understandable. Some I cannot avoid the event sand steps that I most certainly will be taking while yet, other’s I just ignore and act like they are not even there.
 
It’s funny as I write this I come back to the feeling of being pregnant.
 
Not just pregnant but due any day.
Then I slip into the thought of the moments after my water has broken and there is NO TURNING BACK. Once that water breaks your just a few short moments maybe 30 minutes away from contractions happening for real.
 
The clock start ticking on reality.
You realize that your going to have a baby.
And in order to birth this child that there WILL be pain, blood, sweat and tears.
There will be terror going through your veins.
There will be uncertainty mixed with excitement.
 
In this MOMENT you realize, well sh*t, I am stuck now.
Now I have to move through this birth, this transformation and just go with it.
 
Funny thing, I always tried to control it for the first portion of the labor process. Always, trying to act calm, cool and collected, like I had everything in order was superwomen.
 
And the interesting thing was that for the most part I did.
I was.
 
But there were moments in this that I felt great pain,
tears wanted to stream down my face and few choice words wanted to escape my lips.
 
It was NEVER as bad as i thought it was going to be though.
It was NEVER as severe as I had painted in my head those few short moments after my water broke or event the days leading up to that.
 
I often thought, it was going to steal my sanity,
make me look weak.
I often thought that I would not be strong enough to handle the process,
that I was for sure going to fall apart,
and my true self,
that self that I wanted no one to see,
would appear ,
and disappoint everyone,
including me.
 
But the moments came, and the labor built.

My body slowly let go of it’s need to control and prove itself and just accepted it’s GREATNESS.

 
My mind released it’s fear,
perhaps it was the rush of adrenaline,
perhaps it was the faith that God had my back.
Perhaps, I was actually as STRONG as I thought I was story I was trying to tell.
 
Who know’s.
 

What I do know is that I ALWAYS made it through.

I ALWAYS did it naturally.
I ALWAYS did it in GRACE.

I ALWAYS pushed through (pun intended).

 

And at the day, I got to meet a beautiful new little human.

And more importantly, they had introduced me to my SOUL.

 
My COURAGE.
My STRENGTH.
My POWER.
 
This new little human got me to meet myself at a new and more intimate place than before.
 
Experiencing this 7 time’s in my life I can tell you from experience and my heart that there is no difference between giving birth to a new little human being than there is to giving birth to your DREAMS.
 
I feel ALL the same fears, concerns, doubts and pains when I increase my coaching rates as I did when I gave birth.
 
I feel all the same things internally emotionally, when I step up to a new level of who I want to become and have to act on it.
 
I feel all the same things when I decide that I am NOT TURNING BACK from my mission, my calling, my purpose.
 
I feel all the same things when I COMMIT to doing more, BEING more, HAVING more.
 
I feel all the same things when I CLAIM MY LIFE as I did when I was Claiming the life of my new little human.
 
A long time ago a friend looked at me and said, ” Kendal, you are not afraid of anything, I wish I was more like you.”
 

OMFG!

Did she just say that?
 
I responded with, “What? I am afraid of everything, ALL the time.”
 
This was my epiphany.
 
So often fear STOP’s us from our dreams.
Stop’s us from birthing the life that we were born to live.
 
Even though, I was always afraid.
Uncertain.
and scared out of ever lovin’ mind,
 
I ALWAYS was COMMITTED to my SOUL.
I was always willing to step off that cliff and see where it my take me.
I was willing to fall so that I could learn how to get back up.
I was willing to look like a fool if it meant that I would grow.
I was willing to RISK.
 
I always understood that just living meant that we RISK.
And in that we were born to explore,
to discover,
to uncover,
to tap in
and get turned on,
to our hearts desires.
 

We were built to RISK.

And without that RISK, all we ever would be doing was to LIE TO OURSELVES and avoid our DREAMS.
 
Without discomfort, risk and fear.
We become NOTHING in a hurry.
We loose ourselves and our lives.
 
And thus we risk not just a ding to our ego,
but we RISK EVERYTHING.
 
Thank goodness for the little human’s that have guided me to feeling into this space and keeping it real with me every day.
 
Thank goodness that that I was willing to see the lesson,
and actually get it.
 
I want to share this lesson with YOU.
Because whether you have a little human you brought into this world or not is sorta beside the point now.
 

The point is, that YOU were BORN for GREATNESS.

You were meant to have more.
You were meant to STAND OUT.
You were meant to RISK.
 
That is what every BREATH is trying to tell you.
 

So WAKE THE F*CK UP!

 

And Remember to Stop Existing & Start Living.

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

 

Why Burn the Bridge?

Change Your World

by Brian Tracy

 

“You cannot change the world,

But you can present the world with one improved person –

Yourself.

You can go to work on yourself to make yourself

Into the kind of person you admire and respect.

You can become a role model and set a standard for others.

You can control and discipline yourself to resist acting

Or speaking in a negative way Toward anyone for any reason.

You can insist upon always doing things the loving way,

Rather than the hurtful way.

By doing these things each day,

You can continue on your journey

Toward becoming an exceptional human being.”

 

maythebridgesRecently I made a status update on facebook that said, “May the bridges I burn Light the way.” A response that I received was, “It would be tough to build a new bridge, why would you burn it?”  We have all heard the advice, Don’t burn your bridges, once burnt you can not cross them again. And this is true! for most cases. Sometimes though we have to STOP and look at what in our life is no longer serving us. What is holding us back? When we analyze this we may be shocked to discover the changes that we need to make. No soul that has ever made a significant impact on the world, a community or even in a business has heeded the advice of not burning a bridge that is no longer serving them. Granted it is wise advice it is also advice that stems from fear based thinking. Instead look at what changes need to unfold and allow the light of the burning bridges to guide your path. The bridges we may choose to burn may be big or small, they may be relationships, commitments that overwhelm us, business ventures that have been crashing for all too long and we have not had the courage to do what is needed, or they may be going cold turkey with a unhealthy habit. No matter if you have been feeling the need to “have the talk with someone” or putting in your resignation, know that true transformation and growth only come to those who have the courage to burn the bridges that are no longer needed.

 

Often we find that once a bridge is burned we can no longer return to the other side, but who wants to step backwards in life anyway?

 

burning-bridgesThere are times that what seems like burning of a bridge is actually not. It is actually the birthing of a new energy in the way we perceive or handle something. Many years ago when I was but a teenager I found myself madly in-love with a young man. We spent many an afternoon planning our future together. Every detail was a accounted for. There was NO WAY that we would ever part ways, life would surly be over if we did. One Spring afternoon my boyfriend came to me, walked with me as he did every day on his work break, we ate, talked and kissed. We walked back to where we would kiss and part for a few more hours and as he stepped onto the bus he was the driver for this day I could feel my heart squeeze tight. Something was different. Something was wrong. He was saying goodbye but not with his words or actions. His energy said it all. He smiled and drove away. I shoved my feelings to the side and went back to work myself. Later that day and for weeks to come I found myself calling him, going to his apartment, checking with his aunt, mother, grandmother, and roommates. Where was he? Was he okay? Alive? Arrested? No one would tell me anything. It was beyond my reason, to imagine that he had just left me without even a goodbye or explanation. We were soul mates. Lovers. Engaged.

 

holdinghandsTears pored from my eyes day in and day out. I could not eat. Sleep or communicate. My world had been shattered. I was depressed, wanted to die without him. I was raged by his weakness to not face me in person. I was scared that something horrible had happened to him. The bridge of our beautiful relationship and life together was on fire. It was burning and there was nothing I could do about it. He had set the fire and I had no way of saving it from turning to ash.

 

Over 10 years went by when one day we were magically brought back together.

 

Both living our lives, married, children, careers. Both still wondering about and loving the other. In our first speaking I knew that the bridge that was burnt had to be for each of us to grow and emerge into the people we are today. I knew that the course of our lives needed the light from that first bridge to help us find our way to a higher vibration. In the end because of the burning of the first bridge we today still find ourselves elevated in love with each other. We find ourselves in a deep relationship of understanding and friendship. The bridge we walk today is far grander  then the one of the past and we are far stronger souls because we allowed the old perceptions of the reality we thought we should have turn to ash and be carried in the winds of time to nurture and fertilize the reality we are living today. It has been over 5 years since the construction of the this new bridge and each day I count my blessings for the light shone to me from the original one’s fire.

 

Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, so can our soul paths on this spiritual journey called life.

“God has prepared a path for everyone to follow. You just have to read the omens that he left for you.” The Alchemist

 PhoenixRising