I am looking for a girlfriend experience…
I can’t help it, men wake up with cum on the brain…
It’s your fault, you are so hot, I just cannot control myself…
You teach tantra, so that means that you will have sex with me…
I want to sex you…
So what do you think? (insert below average unsolicited dick pic here)
And so many other statements that we coaches, educators, tantra teachers and WOMEN GET DAILY.
And I have left some of the more raunchy ones off of this list.
If I shared what gets stated and shown to me frequently via Facebook messenger and other lines of social media and randomly to my email or phone I would get kicked off of Facebook. Funny little note here, if I report someone on Facebook for sexual harassment or aggressive statements or out of standard pictures I get to keep the pictures and messages, it is left up to me to dispose of them. But if I say one word that someone scrolling through see’s and is upset about then my posting is trashed and I am booted for three days…FAIR????🤔
My rant here is because I want to bring to light the ill ideas that so many have of women in general.
How so many (sorry men, but it is effing true) men think it okay, normal, ACCEPTABLE and even appreciated to message and make the comments that they do to random women they do not know or even ones that they do know.
The above leading statement, “I am looking for a girlfriend experience.” was recently messaged to me here on Facebook from an old client of mine who after yesterdays communications has been blocked and is on the cusp of having a restraining order served if he does not simmer his ass down.
YES! He took it that far.
It is hard to rattle me.
It is difficult to get to me with the distasteful pictures and comments.
I typically just delete after a good laugh. 🤣🤣🤣
With no message back.
Every now then when I am hormonal or just in a bitchy mood and had enough of the shenanigans that these pervs who seem to be dressed up as adult men send out,
on these days,
these days I get a little sarcastic.
And fire back something. 📣🤣🤦♀️
I consider it tossing my ego some breadcrumbs.
As I do so much work to keep light on my ego and stay aware of where it is and how it is trying to control me.
But then this shiz 💩happens.
An old client solicits me for sex.
Assuming it is okay.
Assuming that I would I guess be excited at his proud offer.
And then to his dismay, I say – NO! 😱
Sorry sir, I don’t do that.
I don’t sleep with my clients.
I don’t do sexual things with my clients.
If you want to do a coaching appointment over dinner, yes we can .
If you want and extended coaching session, yes we can do that too.
You want me to listen and give you connection that way, yes we can do that too.
You want a hug. – yes I will give you a hug if you need it.
Oh wait, you want me to come to your hotel room and stay the effing night????? ( scratching my head as I wonder where he got this idea from🤔)
Ummmmm…. let me see if that is in my pay grade? or desire grade?
And yet so many men out there think that we women will be ecstatic to just have a guy message and say, ” I wanna f-ck you.” or ” I love you. So lets have sex. Let me touch you here and there. Do this and that to you. I can show you want a real man is like.”
And we women are to go weak at the knees I guess.
And get wet, and be like “Oh my God, my soulmate has arrived! YES. YES. YES. Please, take me. Let me bend over for this two pump chump that I have been dreaming of.”
Oh I know what will make it better.
This chick she is hot and she teaches on sex.
I will offer to pay her for the two pumps.
That will be appealing.
That will seal the deal.
And these same men will proclaim themselves Conscious Men.
Emotionally Mature Men.
Understanding Women Men.
Of which none really apply.
I am a woman who loves men.
I love supporting men.
I love working with men.
I love seeing men become better men.
Having the love, the relationships, the sex and abundance that they want.
But with someone that is not me.
Unless you are my boyfriend. My lover.
Which FYI is NOT an easy place to get.
Women can be easy for sure.
Some more than others.
And this has a lot to do with a lot of things.
But most women who love themselves, respect themselves and KNOW WHAT THEY WANT.
Will not bed easy.
Or with just anyone.
And for certain not with these FOOLS!
Sorry wantabe gents, I only provide a girlfriend experience to my boyfriend.
And he is my boyfriend because he is at least wise enough to not make these stupid assumptions.
SO this rant, is for all you ladies out there.
Single or taken.
No matter your relationship status,
no matter your body type,
no matter your background,
or ethnic background.
I know we all get this SHIZ consistently and it sucks.
So the next time a dude sends you a unsolicited dick pic and says what do you think baby?
Simply say, ” I think you should not be sending me child pornography and I am reporting this.”
Guys, you can call me whatever name you want right now, and if you are calling me names and taking offense then you might be one of these dudes I am speaking of.
In Jeff Foxworthy terms, “Here’s Your Sign!”
This may be a controversial post…
This may have some anger and frustration attached,
and I am NOT claiming that all men are this way ( thank goodness you are not or we women would be very upset and lonely) What I am saying is that –
💩💩💩THIS SHIZ IS NOT OKAY!!!💩💩💩
Guy’s you have got to realize that if all you think you have to offer is that little picture and some fowl words, some begging and then some anger when you get NOTHING but crickets or go the eff away….
That YOU have got some inner work to do.
You have got to learn some things about women and life.
We don’t owe you anything, certainly not our sex.
Maybe a blocking on social media… but our thanks and appreciation for this crap is not owed.
You want to have a chance with a women,
appeal to her mind and heart.
Women DO NOT operate like men.
Your pictures will not captivate us and make us want you.
And we typically don’t let sex rule our lives.
Or our actions.
And if you really want a woman,
then you need to F-CKING EARN HER!
Become a man.
We are not babysitters.
We are not wanting the immaturity,
Your sexual comments are NOT A TURN ON.
I sure as eff hope so.
But sadly the men who need to read this,
And to the rest of you men out there,
who this does not apply too.
Keep doing you!
The world needs more GOOD MEN.
Okay rant over.
Stop Existing ( And settling for so little) & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
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You dishonor who I am.
You dishonor my life.
You dishonor the love I have felt.
You dishonor my choices.
You even dishonor yourself.
And for what?
To proclaim that you are better than,
That you know,
you are more of a man.
You proudly stand before me,
claiming your love.
Never stopping to realize that I have felt a greater love then you can even fathom.
You will never know the love that has captivated my heart,
my soul and carried me into the heavens.
You will never know of it,
or understand it because you refuse to accept that I have ever even been loved.
In your proclamations of how you can show me love.
You can reveal to me how a woman is to be cared for.
What “real dating, courting” is about.
That you, yes you are the gentlemen that knows this better than any other who has ever crossed my path.
As you stand there,
with that glimmer in your eye’s,
with that smirk on your face,
with that smugness in your body,
and you vocalize how it should be.
And how you aim to show me.
You do nothing more than dishonor me.
You state with each word of disbelief,
a declaring that I have never felt anything worth anything,
that I am naive,
and have poor taste in men.
If this is true,
if you truly believe that no man has ever really loved me.
If you really believe that,
then why should I believe that you are any better?
And realize that we all have fears around love and being lovable,
so when you make such assumptions,
in an essence you support this fear that I am just that.
So if I have felt this deep.
If I have opened up in vulnerability to this level,
surrendered my very soul over to another,
smelled of this loves sweetness and been blessed to inhale the intoxicating scent of roses in my love making.
But none of it is true…
Then what possibly could you offer me sir?
You say I was nothing more than a pretty piece on his arm.
You say he wanted me only for my sex.
You say that he had never an intent of going the distance.
You say that he never brought true life experience to me.
You say that he never romanced me properly,
dated me properly.
You say a lot for man that has no clue.
That is blind.
That is making a lot of judgments based on only your own hopes that this is such.
But I will tell you this sir.
I will tell you that you have not a clue.
And because you come at me in such dishonor,
preaching of your love,
trying to kill what I hold dear.
Realize that you will NEVER succeed at killing off this love.
You will never destroy my heart.
your desire to control,
will never compare to that which I hold dear.
I welcome your childish attempts.
They do nothing but strengthen what has always been.
And so I say this loud and true,
please hear me now blind sir,
you have not a chance at ever captivating this heart of mine.
You refuse to listen.
You refuse to truly feel me.
You refuse to accept that in order to come into my heart that you will have to top this love,
and trying to destroy,
or make light of what my soul has felt,
is not the way to penetrate my heart.
But I do assure you,
it is the way out of my life.
You dishonor me with your fear.
You dishonor me with your desire to make me small.
You dishonor me with your hatred of my love.
And so we say goodbye.
I share this intimacy from my heart and soul today to all of you gentlemen and women alike who find a need to discredit someone’s past relationships.
No matter your relationship with someone,
but for sure if you have romantic interest in them,
please take heed to this poem here.
Never try to captivate their heart by attempting to destroy a past love.
This only show’s your weakness.
Instead listen to the sweetness that that love has brought to them,
allow yourself to hear,
learn what another has done and what your lover wants more of.
Do not be foolish enough to believe that because this love they speak of is not present in the here and now,
that it is any less than potentially the love of this person’s life.
Not all love is meant to be held for a life time.
But all love does expand us and transform us.
Never make judgments on another’s heart.
You only weaken or destroy your place in theirs.
Instead be –
And cherish this moment with them.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
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You claim that you want a HIGH VIBE woman.
You claim that you want a woman that is confident, turned on, knows who she is, fun, loyal, no drama, non-manipulative, loves the things that a good life has to offer. Know’s her worth.
Is a Queen.
But your approach is that of a silly horny 16 year old boy who has not a clue about women, sex, relationship or life at all.
You think that by asking us to spread our legs for you,
or telling us that you know how to use your tongue,
That you will access this connection,
this love relationship with a HIGH VIBE woman.
You think that saying,
“Hi Babe,” or “You are sexy.”
That we will puddle in our panties over your words,
and drop what we are doing for your silly advances.
You think that deep inquiry,
the stuff that does attract a HIGH VIBE woman’s energy to start is about inquiring about things that you can easily find out by using that thing you seem to be forgetting about…
Yes the BIG Head.
And instead you think that asking,
“Are you married?”
“Are you single?”
“How old are you?”
“Where do you live?
“What do you do?
When you have access to this information and more at your fingertips,
and it only makes us irritated because you have no respect of our time,
and show’s that you have not really explored more than a pretty picture’s worth of us,
that this would make us swoon?
You want a HIGH VIBE woman?
Do you really?
You want that woman,
that’s fruits taste so wonderful
Her mystery will stir you for a lifetime.
Her smile will ignite your soul till the sun burns out.
Her smell will haunt you a thousand lifetimes.
Her mind will bewilder you and cause you to want to know more.
You claim you want that woman.
That woman that MAKES YOU WANT:
to conquer the world.
To live your purpose.
to make her proud.
To make her smile.
And for YOU TO BE A BETTER MAN.
Is it that woman that you search for?
Well sweet man…
Let me share this with you…
here and now.
You Cannot Handle this HIGH VIBE woman.
You may want her,
but your VIEW is not of her.
You belittle her when you treat her like a child.
Thinking she will dance for you,
just because you show her attention.
You think that you can grab her heart,
by speaking about her nipples or butt.
You think that it is endearing and special ,
that you are unique in some fashion,
to open her door and demand that she speak to you,
when all you do is stumble in with words that mean nothing.
You think that by saying “Hi”
that she owes you something.
Or should take the time,
to get to know yet another random bloke ( common man),
who has not a clue who he,
You are but a boy.
Trying to be a man.
Wanting to have a woman.
But not understanding.
A HIGH VIBE woman,
Bow to your desires of her,
she will never swoon over your words,
she will never be so easily lead,
by some simple little compliments,
A HIGH VIBE woman,
does not need you.
She is complete in herself.
She does not need your attention,
and she most certainly does not need your advances.
She is not interested.
Not in such a feet,
as you may think it is to say hi to her.
A HIGH VIBE woman,
will not drop her life for you,
because you bought her a Louis Vuitton handbag,
or want to take her around the world.
A HIGH VIBE woman,
will ONLY pay attention.
To a Conscious Mature Man.
A Man who KNOWS who he is.
Is on purpose.
Is centered in himself.
A man who does not need to be babysat with his emotions,
his time or energy.
A man who can stand in who he is while holding the space required for her to dance for him,
by the music of her choice.
A HIGH VIBE woman,
only desires a HIGH VIBE man.
with your advances,
and school boy tricks,
are no where near this man.
So please do us each a favor,
and realize where you are,
and that is not in our garden,
where we can share anything.
If you truly want that HIGH VIBE woman.
As you claim that you do.
Then LISTEN here sweet man,
and listen close.
You must dig deep.
And first discover who you are.
Find your purpose outside of your groin.
Fall in love with the man you can be,
get ignited in life,
and know your path.
Stand firm in who you are,
comfortable in your own flesh.
Be confident not cocky.
Be compassionate not sarcastic.
Be intelligent not irritating.
Be playful not stupid.
Be turned on to life not to just her lady lumps.
Be emotionally mature not an emotional drama queen.
Be responsible for your self not responsible for everyone else.
Be a Hero not a victim.
And above all else…
Be PRESENT in the Now.
Not in what you may want of tomorrow or fear from yesterday.
We do not want your sob stories,
we do not care about how you have been wronged.
What a HIGH VIBE woman desires,
is a HIGH VIBE man Who IS ON PURPOSE and IN LOVE with HIS LIFE.
and our fruit is yours to pick.
Don’t let the gate to our garden hit you too hard.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
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“I want a man who is faithful.
I want a man who is dependable.
A man who is kind.
Who loves my children.
And is strong in integrity.
I want a man who is confident.
I want a man who is passionate.
A man who makes me laugh.
And generous with his time,his resources, his love.
I want a man that listens, that I can tell anything too.
A man that is romantic.
Good in bed.
A man that will help around the house and can cook.
I want a man who has a purpose and is driven.
Is financially stable.
I want a man who is tall.
I want a man with a handsome face.
I want man who cares for his body.
Is muscular and makes me feel safe.
I want a man who has a good sense of style.
I want a man who loves the outdoors.
But also loves fine dining and has good etiquette.
I want a man who loves adventure.
Who wants and can travel the world with me.
I want a man that has freedom.
I want a man who will treat me like his queen.
I want a man who respects me.
I want a man who does not want to control me.
I want a man who is spiritually sound.
And I want it ALL from YOU!”
Read that list ladies and gents.
I could write it about what men want as well.
It’s hard to read that list and believe that one person could fulfill all of those desires.
It’s hard to believe because no one person can.
Sure we can fulfill some of those all of the time,
and other’s of those some of the time,
but can one person ever fulfill all of those all of the time?
And should it be put on someone to do such a thing?
A hefty list of expectations I do say.
And it’s my list.
And my list has about thirty more very specific things on it as well.
And what I am looking for at the end of my list is more important than any of the specific things on it.
And that is alignment.
I want a man who is aligned to his purpose.
I want a man that is SOUL ALIGNED.
What this desire will give is all of the above and then some, but in the perfect harmony that is right for him and for myself.
Perfect for the moment.
I also, do not expect for a man to have everything on my list.
There are things that I am willing to look at,
to not need because they are not high priorities.
And then there are the things that are CRUCIAL.
And how do I know that these things are crucial?
Because I am like Goldilocks in dating.
I have come to realize that dating is about figuring out what you like,
what you don’t like,
what is cool,
what is not cool,
what aligns to you or not.
Dating is about sampling everything you can at the buffet and figuring out what has that more flavor and what makes you want to puke.
The biggest challenge in dating is that it takes time and energy.
It requires patients.
It requires one getting to know yourself.
And getting right with who you are first, before trying to find someone else to fill in your gaps for you.
Dating offers you the ability to meet yourself in so many ways.
I f-cking LOVE dating!
And maybe that is why I am so good at it.
And why I have no issue finding incredible men of all types with a flip of my hair it seems.
It’s true though.
I am often shocked at how many people have difficulty with dating.
And often after speaking to them about it,
the basis of their issues is that they don’t really like people or they don’t really love themselves.
Often some combination of the two.
How are you to ever meet someone worth while,
someone that has anything you want from your list,
if you hate people.
All you will ever discover is characteristics that you hate.
Because that is what you are focused on.
Or if you don’t have self-esteem or love of self,
then how will you ever meet someone who is confident, passionate, loving, giving or takes care of themselves?
You have to be matching what you want to call in.
So back to the Goldilocks Mindset on Dating.
The concept here is simple.
Get to know what you want.
What you need.
What you desire.
And who the f-ck you are.
By dating many, many, people.
And DO NOT get committed quickly.
Dating is all about getting to know someone and letting yourself be revealed as you go.
These two things will never happen over night.
Matter a fact it has been proven that new relationship energy (NRE) takes about 18 months to 3 years to wear off. This is that energy that you feel when you are just getting to know someone one. Where the rose tinted glasses are still on. They can do hardly anything wrong and you make excuses for them left and right, make assumptions about things and don’t really see clearly the love that is before you. This is the time in a relationship that you are living a storybook.
And then one day you wake up and you meet this new person, you wonder where he/she has been hiding the last year or two, and who took away your beautiful mate that was oh so perfect. Now the real stuff comes out and you get to actually get into relationship with the person.
Well if you were dating like Goldilocks,
then you would not be putting all your hopes, needs and desires onto one person.
You would not be looking at the person you are just meeting with hungry eye’s of, “oh please be the one and make my misery of dating be over.”
You would not be so willing to sell yourself short of the quality of a mate that you so badly want.
You would not be so quick to change yourself to try and match someone who is not in alignment to your soul or heart,
and instead you would look at each person who you explored as a beautiful experience for the moment.
One that was there to reveal to you things about yourself.
About desires that you have.
About the life that you want to live.
The relationship that you want to have.
And you would be in gratitude for all the things brought to the table of you relating with them,
no matter how you perceived them in the moment.
If you were dating like Goldilocks,
you most certainly would not sell out to the first bowl of porridge that presented itself to you, or the first bed that looked good but maybe did not feel just right in some way.
No, you would love yourself enough to take your sweet time to get the relationship that was in SOUL ALIGNMENT.
You would try out many different scenarios.
You would explore lot’s of different flavors.
And you would allow yourself to gain clarity on what felt best to you.
You would be unconditional in your dating.
With limited expectations,
and only a desire to reveal and be revealed.
The Mindset of Goldilocks in dating is all about exploration.
It is a mindset of learning about self.
It is a mindset that does not entertain scarcity.
It is knowing that “The ONE” will come when you truly love self and know thy self. When you you are vibing at the level that you magnetize him/her to you.
Anything before then will be about seeing where you are vibing at and learning more about what you like or dislike.
And you would do it all in YOUR OWN TIME.
Not some predetermined social idea of when it should happen or guidelines as to what some story line says it “should.”
So for all you single’s out there who are looking for that special someone and believe that you are running out of time,
ready to give up or cut yourself short on what you want in a relationship,
let me share this concept with you and let me assure you that you are worth a beautiful relationship.
One that has so much of what you want and then some.
You can have it all.
And you will.
As long as you learn how to approach love and relationship with unconditional relating and a focus of self-love and honor first.
Remember that you call into your life that, that you focus on most.
So where has your focus gotten you?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
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You don’t own my sex!
You think that you want to own my sex.
You believe that it is love based.
You have been told that if someone loves you that they will not need, desire or be with anyone else.
You think that ownership is love.
But since when is slavery of any sort love?
sexual slavery is no more love than is
to brand and tag another human being and sell them to the highest bidder as though they are live stock.
That may seem offensive to some.
It may seem extreme to others.
I am pretty sure that many are flabbergasted in this moment that anyone would say such a thing in today’s world.
But seriously, owning someone else in any fashion or form is NOT LOVE.
And I can tell you that you have no right to own another persons sex.
It’s far more than the genitals that I speak of here.
It is one’s core.
It is one’s creative energy.
It is one’s soul.
Their guidance system if they are tapped into it.
Our alignment to life,
to our path,
and all that we can be stems from this place within ourselves.
It hubs all that we are.
It is our primal,
And you think that it is loving to own.
That it is loving to sign over the papers to such a thing.
That it is someones duty,
or a rightful expectation to demand that one give this to anyone?
May I challenge those of you who read this and want to spout back some negative comment,
some biblical quote,
some moral statement as you believe it to be,
may I challenge you to ask yourself this….
“What do I get out of owning another person’s sex?”
You need to get real here.
Because the truth of your desire and your fake love is found in the answer to this question IF….
IF you can be truthful in your answer.
And for those of you who cannot let me answer it for you.
And guess what?
All of these are fake.
Just like the love that you are claiming that “makes” you do it.
Love has nothing to do with ownership.
Love has nothing to do with having power over someones anything.
Love has nothing to do with security.
Let alone demanding and trying to force security.
Love is a risk.
Love is powerful.
Love is freeing.
Love is unconditional.
And it has NOTHING to do with our sex.
Sure you have far better,
more connective and intimate,
sex with love at play then without.
It takes you from two bodies rubbing against each other and enjoying some friction to a true opening,
and blissed out state.
But love has nothing to do with sex.
And it DOES NOT mean that we love someone more or less if we have sex with them or not.
Sex is not a barometer for love.
Sex is about feeling ones self in a most pure, authentic, real capacity.
Through our sexing we meet ourselves.
We feel ourselves.
And we expand in who we can be.
Through our sexing we are offered a taste of intimacy into ourselves.
That is what makes sex so damn intimate.
It is not intimate because we see another person naked.
It is not intimate because we are physically connecting.
It is not intimate because this other being is feeling anything or not.
It is intimate because we are experiencing all of this about OURSELVES with the assistance of another who is doing the same.
But this form of intimacy.
INTO – ME- I- SEE
only comes about when we are present with ourselves and no longer hiding from our shadows.
When we are being responsible for ourselves and not looking for anyone else to fill us in any way.
Not wanting to be completed by anyone else,
not wanting to feel loved by anyone,
or gain our happiness from anyone else.
This sort of intimacy comes when we are NOT IN NEED.
But in LOVE.
Love of self.
Happy with self.
Intimacy with self.
Whole in self.
Worthy in self.
If you believe that you “need” anyone else to do any of these things for you and that equates love then you are far, far away from true love my dear.
So one more question for you to ask of yourself….
“Do I feel more loved by my partner if they do not have sex with anyone but me?”
okay maybe two questions.
“And if yes, then what about them only having sex with me, makes me feel loved, or guarantees a greater love in your opinion?”
The reality is that we harbor a lot of judgement around our sex and the sex of others.
We condemn people for wanting sex.
We condemn people for not wanting sex.
We judge and call names,
label and make opinions into facts that do not exist,
based on on our judgments to make ourselves feel safe.
Feel better than.
And if you loved.
The way love is to be,
which is unconditional.
Than you would see that your judgments on another’s sex and your desire to control it for them,
is not of love,
but of ego.
And your own insecurities around your sex and heart.
You aim to protect yourself by controlling another’s actions.
You aim to protect and make sure that pain and suffering does not befall on you,
as if you were meant to never feel the contrast of pain in your life,
and as if pain and growth was wrong,
when in fact when one can lean in,
and love through the pain.
Through the fear.
Through all that we paint in our illusions of our ego,
and SIMPLY LOVE.
and allow for the reality that we are to love many in many forms of the word.
That “relationship” in any aspect is all about LOVE.
And without love, the relationship should not even be.
So to try and control one’s love or how they choose to connect in any relationship is nothing more than an insecurity based in fear and desire to hide from one’s own expansion and feelings.
It is a fear to experience the beauty of true unconditional loving.
I challenge you today my love,
to feel your true heart and to expand yourself and do the inquiry work so that you can have relationship based not in need and thus control, but in the beauty of surrendering to unconditional love.
This is not written to give permission to those who lie and cheat,
who step out of integrity and say that they just cannot be themselves. No this is not written to give any such permission.
This is written to challenge all who read it about what sort of love they have based their relationships in and to bring up the empowering discussions of truth and honesty, coming from a place of love and intimacy.
Communicate in love.
Not in fear.
Stop allowing your past pains to mask your current heart.
Step out of your desire to have what is not possible,
that requires faith, grace and communication.
Step out of that desire,
the desire for security and guarantee’s,
where your “love” remains the same and tidy in a box that it was never meant to be kept in.
Because my dear,
relationship will never be something that does not cause you pain.
It will push you to your limits.
It will challenge your core.
It will make you question all that you have believed and known,
and it will ask you to stand in who you are,
not of who you were, or will be.
Yes my dear,
relationship is just this and nothing more.
It is a place where we meet ourselves in all,
where we get to embrace if we allow,
our hearts and heal our wounds.
Strengthen our love and KNOW our core.
You do not own my sex.
And your sex is not owned.
You are a free soul.
A free being.
Remember this my love.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers.”
**FUN FACT – There are five loves in this picture. And even though some are still beside me and some are no longer active roles in my life. All are still unconditionally loved by me.**
From Guest Author Addison Bell
It’s all fun and games until you actually have to deal with the other side.
You sit and desire certain characteristics of those in your life, and especially out of a romantic partner. Yet, I daresay that many times you are asking for a mess of contradictions.
Its easy to look at some aspirational values and personality traits and think that this is exactly what you want to pull into your life but if you aren’t careful you will end up pulling in exactly what you don’t desire.
And the funny thing is that your Ego would probably throw a tantrum and say, “But I do do desire it, I do want that, I can hold that person” but in the end you really can’t handle it.
You might desire someone who is playful and has that flirty personality that makes you feel all bubbly inside… until they are flirty and playful with others and it smacks right into your jealousy and trust issues.
You might desire someone that knows how to act like a “lady” or “gentleman” when you are out in public and can hold the proper level of poise… until they are always poised and never able to let go of that persona (even in the bedroom).
You might desire someone that has their own life and is more free flowing with the relationship. Someone that isn’t that awful word “clingy”… until they can’t be there and support you the way that you need and you never truly feel held.
And really any trait that you desire in a partner is going to have the opposite side.
It is pretty commonly known from a psychological perspective that in relationships the aspects that often attract you to your partner are also the very same aspects that can cause the greatest struggle.
There is that old saying about how men should want a lady in the streets and a freak in the streets.
We want our partners to be both sides of a coin….
And most of the time it can mean the destruction of a relationship!
Now, thankfully we are complex beings and so are not one thing or the other. If you take the above example of having a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets… I know many women that are able to present one aspect of themselves when out at dinner parties and then turn around and have a mind-blowing sexual evening with a partner. Both are authentically them and both are aspects of who they ae.
Though these women have also worked through the stereotypes that come with both sides of the coin and know where they are authentically.
Though, lets be honest, yes I mean really honest here…
Most people are NOT doing deep personal work on a daily basis. And most people are not willing to look at when their ego’s arise in relationships. So when an aspect that is a turn on in one sense becomes a turn-off… we blame that other person. We don’t look at ourselves and where WE might be the ones that have unspoken expectations.
Many times we even struggle to admit where we struggle in relationships and where our ego’s simply can’t handle something.
You want a partner that is free, playful, open-minded but then when this pushes on your jealousy, your need for attention, and your belief that there is a certain way to “do” relationships…
Can you actually look yourself in the face or actually look that other person and say, “I don’t want you to be so free”. “I wish you weren’t so playful”, “I want you to be open-minded but just not about this topic”.
Most would look at the other person as the issue and not be able to truly say… “I am not able to hold this aspect of you”.
Again, we are complex and hold so many intricacies. Each person, situation, and experience will present a different expression of self. So what fits and is a desire with one partner or relationship could be entirely different than what fits and is a desire in another relationship.
In truth it all comes back (as always) to self and looking deep within ones self authentically. What are we desiring in our relationships? And then looking at if we truly could hold that characteristic in another if it presented to us. Where would our ego get shaken? What are non-negotiable in our relationships?
If you want freedom… how free?
If you want play… how playful?
If you want stable… how stable?
If you want sexy… how sexy?
What can you truly, honestly, at your core hold?
Get honest with yourself! And start doing your inner work to help you be able to look within when situations arise.
And more than even that…
Get honest with self when someone presents something that truly won’t fit with you and your life. Don’t pretend to be okay with something that is a hard NO. This will only push you further and further out of alignment from self.
Most importantly LOVE self first and foremost. When we do this we are most able to be authentic, honest, and love another. Even if the way we are loving that other is by letting them go and be who they are authentically.
Sending you all…
Love, Light, & Blessings,
If that truly impacts your life then I sure the f-ck don’t want that sorta life!
Sometimes people just send me over my edge. You know what I mean?
They b*tch, mone and complain about their work, their finances, their kids, their spouses, their parents and friends, their health and the cost of gasoline.
They sit around day in and day out paying attention to this stuff that does not matter in the end.
They get more excited about the price of a gallon of gasoline, the $5.00 Victoria Secret Pantie sale, and what our beloved president is doing or not doing then they do about things that really matter.
Things that will impact them RIGHT NOW.
And because it will impact them right now,
it will carry over to tomorrow and the next day,
the next month,
the next year even.
I was out earlier today,
taking my son to school,
and my other son to the dentist for a check up.
While I was out I stopped for a coffee.
Standing in line there were two women in front of me,
discussing the price of gasoline.
The one woman was exclaiming her excitement about the fact that it was under $2.00 a gallon. How it made it so much easier on her to go places now and how she hoped prices would stay low. The second woman, agreed. Then they started talking about local elections and politics. As they spoke about politics I watched them each shrink.
They became hunched over, and their faces which were joyous over the price of gasoline just moments before now looked sullen and upset.
As they spoke about politics, they became agitated with each other to the point that one woman could no longer carry on the conversation and politely removed herself from the line to go to the restroom mid sentence of the other woman.
There they were two women in their 40″s maybe.
Business women from the way they were dressed.
And they had allowed gasoline and politics to dictate issue’s in their friendship and set an overall tone for the moment.
Potentially the day.
Now, here is the thing….
I know that gas has dropped in price.
I know that elections just happened locally.
I know what is happening in our world in multiple ways.
But I never focus in on it.
I don’t drive by the gas station and look to see which station has a better price.
So I can save two cents or ten cents.
I get gas when I need gas.
I get it at the most convenient stop for me on my path.
Because the truth is,
I have far more important things to think about then the price of gasoline.
The same is true with politics.
I pay attention to the point that I need too,
to make a decision in my voting.
But at the end of the day,
I don’t let it ruffle a feather one.
Because this too shall pass.
Much like everything.
It shall pass.
Gasoline will rise and fall as it does every year.
Politicians will lie and cheat,
tell truths and do what they feel is fit,
with whatever judgements they deem right for themselves,
Governments will move forward with or without my emotional upset or excitement.
The average and ordinary person will allow these things to guide their feelings, their thoughts, their mindset and thus their actions.
The average and ordinary person will get caught up in the pennies and loose the millions, because they are in scarcity mindset.
The average and ordinary person will think it is responsible to know where the best sales are on underwear, milk, and potato chips.
The average person, will think it their duty to wake up and watch the news, then check in on it again that evening, to even get updates to their phones.
Yes this is effing AVERAGE.
Letting Media Lead.
Maybe I just don’t effing care.
Maybe that means that I am a bad person for not giving two sh*ts.
it means that I have discovered that when I choose to focus in on things that support my mindset to be positive,
my emotions to be stable, and my focus to be on being and doing the things that I can be in control of that I am…..
Wait for it…
Yep there I said it.
I am HAPPY.
Because if that sorta thing really matters to your life picture,
then I sure the f-ck don’t want your life.
If saving five cents at the pump,
a dollar on milk,
or fifty cents on Lay’s potato chips
is what makes or break your day,
then maybe you need a little bit of a check in on
what life purpose is about.
Well I can tell you one thing,
if you are like these two women that I saw this morning at the coffee shop,
then you are being a sheeple.
You are allowing this world to dictate your mindset.
Which also means that you are most likely buying into the bullsh*t belief structures that you have to live pay check to pay check.
That being happy is something only Hollywood can make happen in a movie.
That you have to sacrifice your desires,
and be responsible by never doing what you want.
You more than likely also think that government has your back.
That the reason gasoline is cheap right now is because there is suddenly an extra reserve of it.
That saving fifty cents on milk will change your retirement fund.
Well, that is all a bunch of non-sense.
The truth is,
you are so effing POWERFUL.
You can have your hearts desires.
You can have all the abundance that you want.
And YES you….
Can be happy.
The trick is simple.
Let the f-ck go of your belief that this above stuff matters to your happiness.
Let go of worrying about gasoline prices and who in the white house is sleeping with who.
Let go of the belief that you have to be average.
Or that average will ever bring you joy.
Sure it might be comfortable.
But has it ever REALLY made you happy?
no it has not made me happy?
You want for more?
CHANGE YOUR REALITY.
Change will always be uncomfortable at the start.
You will never have anything close to happiness,
close to abundance,
close to success,
in any area of your life,
if you value comfort over happiness.
There I said it.
You Value Comfort Over Happiness.
Don’t shake your head at me.
I feel you shaking your head in disagreement.
All the excuses and reasons popping up in your mind right now,
as to why you have not done what you know you need and want.
Why you cannot have what you want and need RIGHT NOW.
Yeah I get it.
I have been there.
I go there still for moments.
But you have chosen to set up camp there baby.
You have bought the package deal,
where you give your life,
for something that steals your precious time here on this planet.
With your families.
And this thing I speak of is NOT your job.
This thing is your AVERAGE Thinking.
Average drive for life.
And you are doing it right now,
by remaining comfortable.
By paying more attention to facebook threads,
the media blah-blah,
and the price of gasoline.
SO as always,
It is your choice.
It always is baby.
It is up to you to have the life you want or to ACCEPT what you got.
What will it be?
I know what I choose.
FREEDOM Based Living.
A F-ck YES! Lifestyle.
And saying YES,
Yes to me.
Yes to happiness.
and to being uncomfortable for a time,
so that I can have the blessings I want.
“Stop Existing & Start Living”
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