Stop Lieing To Yourself- You Are Poly-monogomish FOREVER!

Poly-monogomish FOREVER!
Can’t help it.
Just the way I am wired.
This identification does not mean that I won’t be monogamous.
It does not mean I will cheat or get bored.
It does not mean that I believe I need more
or are unhappy in anyway.
It simply means that I love relationship.
Value intimacy.
And stand firm with my integrity.

It means that those I choose to be in relationship with hold an eternal and special space in my heart.
That if my soul leads me to engage in any fashion,
To explore another being however called too,
That I embrace this pull and understand that it is perfect and meant to be, without question.

Many believe that to be polyamorous means that you desire sex with multiples.
That you are dating and being physically intimate with many.
But what polyamorous truly means is to have love and to embrace love and relationship with more than one.
Anyone who has more that one child,
Has more than one friend,
Loves both parents,
And all thier siblings,
Is engaging in a polyamorous loving.

Many years ago a dear friend of mine looked at me and said,
” You are living a polyamorous lifestyle in everyway but your sex. Perhaps you should explore it.”

His words rang so very true to my core.
And he was accurate in his view.
So I ventured onto the sexual path of polyamory and all it could intale.

Now this is not a personal share of the romance, sexing and relations of multiple lovers.
Its also not a share on how amazing polyamory is or how fucked up it can be.

But it is a share on acceptance.
On embracing who you are at your core regardless of what the norms of society say they should be.
Its a post on knowing yourself enough to allow your own happiness to flow.
And to even ASK for it.

Its a share based on living authentically.
In integrity.
And not just using these words because they feel good or make you sound like an awakened soul.
No.
But to actually LIVE by them.

Yes what I share here is about living in conscious surrender to your HAPPINESS.

And to communicate your needs.
To communicate where you are at in any relationship.
Its a share about what loving self and having self respect really means.
Its a share about your truth.
Its about you not wanting to accept that you are polyamorous just like me.
The only difference is your lack in comfort to speak what you want.
What you need.
What you desire.
And your unwillingness to see WHO YOU ARE.
Living blind to all the love that you give.
To all the people that you care about.
That you are in relationship with.
Or that you wish to someday be.

Yes I am poly- monogamous ALWAYS.
I am polyamorous in my life in all ways.
Those seen and those only felt.
I make a decision in moments of my relationship experience to be monogamous or not.
But the S-E-X,
the sex never has anything to do with it.
Outside of a desire to connect, be seen, or enjoy self or another at a more raw level.
Its never about the orgasm.
Its always about the love.
The connection.
The happiness.

And the greatest happiness and deepest connection comes from integrity.

Integrity with self.
With God.
And with others.

The ultimate self love and respect as well comes from this place of not hiding.
Not story telling.
But breathing in ones own TRUTH.

And when we can do this.
We can also elevate our relationships.
Our love.
Our sex.
Our understanding.

As Always
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers

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Birth Control, Turn On, Surrender and The Truth on Female Sex

He asked if I would get on birth control for him.

We were really clicking.
The conversations,
the touch,
his kiss.
OMFG! it was hot and I wanted him so badly.
I wanted to move forward and I wanted to explore the sex.
But I did not want any more children.
I had five children already and I was not interested in having any more at this point,
especially not risking it this early in the game of a new relationship.
Plus, even though something inside of me truly trusted that this man was clean,
I knew that you just never know,
and disease is a serious thing.

Weeks went by and the desire for each other grew as the days passed. Finally I decided that I trusted him enough to go bare with him in sex and that I “should” just make sure that no babies came from this,
so I went and got myself on the pill.

I had not been on birth control for the last 5 plus years, my system was clear of anything of the sort and I was feeling good. I felt emotionally stable after having one of the lowest points in my life in a deep dive into depression prior to getting off of birth control. My body was strong and I felt great in my skin. My health was awesome.

What could go wrong?

I wanted this man.
I wanted this sex,
this expereince.
The intimacy of bare sex.

And so why not make sure to guard us against the one thing that I knew we did not want.

A child.

I got on the pill.
Everything seemed normal enough for a few months.
No big red flags waving.
My moods were normal, nothing too rocky.
No weight gain or fatigue.

But then I crossed over the 90 day mark.
Then I felt weepy.
Sad.
Depression was setting in again.
Weight started to slowly come on,
just a few poundss but I noticed it.
And my desire for sex,
the reason I had decided to start taking birth control again anyway,
yeah the desire for it was dwindling.
I was feeling each day more lost in who I was.
I felt the mask I had worked so hard at letting go of,
being picked back up again.
Now instead of laughing authentically and enjoying my life,
I found myself working ever so hard just to maintain composture and not get mad or cry for no reason.

My emotions were out of control.
I felt like I had time lapsed back a decade and I could not figure out what was happening or why.
Never did I think it was the birth control.

Months went by.
My sex dried up.
I was no longer the woman that he met,
and I also found myself to not be attracted to him any longer.
It was like we were completely different people,
and I for one was for sure.

The once beautiful possibility of a lovely relationship came to an end and I found myself bouncing around with a few other quick flings,
searching for the woman that I had lost somewhere along the line and wondereing why I was attracting these men that I really did not care for but seemed drawn too.

And then,
then I stoped taking the birth control.
I committed to my health and well being and I decided that if I were involved with someone sexually that I could just use a condom and not rely on this hormone imbalancer.
Not long there after I went in for my pap-smear and was told of cells on my cervix that were irregular.
The doctor let me know her concern of what this could mean.
I did some deep detoxing and investigating on what I could do to naturally irradicate these irregular cells.
I discovered that there was ton’s of studies done on birth control and the links to different types of cancer and cell mutation.

In my research I found out that it took up to 2-years to clear your system of birth control. To my plesent surprise I I was blessed with a clean bill of health again after crossing over the two year mark from taking the pill.
PLUS, guess who was back in her own flesh.
Emotionally stable again.
Focused.
Healthy weight.
And turned on,
plus able to have good orgasms again.
Yes! I was back.

And for the first time in my adult years I had fully digested the connection between how delicate my hormones were and how easily they could be set off,
causing massive issues from depression and lack of desire, to actual cancer.

PLUS, I discovered the science showing how birth control can and does change who we are attacked too. Explaining why so often we find ourselves with someone that we typically would not be attracted too without the extra hormones in our system.

And my question came,
“Why would a man who loves a woman ever desire to put her into this situation just so he did not have to wear a condom?”

“Why woudl a woman take this sort of risk with her health?”

“Why would we willingly put something in our bodies that could change who we are attacted too and expect it not to make that big of a difference in our relationship success?”

and finally….

“Why is this never spoken of? Not made public knowledge when the facts are out there and not that hard to discover?”

The answer is simple,
We just don’t know.
We have not been informed.
And we have been focused on population not on health.
An educated person will gaurd against having unwanted children and at the same time will want what is best for their own health and well being as well as their partners, as well as wanting to be attracted to people that are a match for them verses the opposite.

But the education is not there.
And the desiree to inquire,
to seek out the truth is spoken of often but hardly ever followed.

Today I ask you to STOP the insanity of living blind in your sex and relationships and to actually inquire, witness and do your work or learning yourself, and knowing what is good for you as well as those you merge with.

This is maturity.

As Always Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers’

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#1 Strategy to Deepening Any Relationship.

He held me in his vulnerability.
His heart racing.
His hands with a soft tremble.
I could feel heat radiating from his chest as he pressed firmly but in love into me.
His breath softly crossing over my neck as his face found itself burried in my long hair.
 
It was his vulnerability.
And yet it was ours.
 
There we stood,
embraced in a deeply connective hug under the stary sky.
The crisp air rustling the leaves as crickets chirped.
 
My soul was taking it all in.
It was a precious moment.
A moment of depth,
of truly connecting,
of holding space and of witnessing.
 
Not many words were needed,
the energy told everything.
And it was the energy of truth.
It was the energy of revealing.
It was the energy of unconditional love and acceptance.
 
The wounds that merged our souls,
the sharing that brought on this moment,
it was all as it should be.
And there we were,
two individuals,
barely knowing each other,
yet KNOWING one another deeper than we were willing to share with most.
 
My heart found gratitude,
my mind was silent.
There was no fear in this moment.
There was no blame or guilt,
no shame.
It was just a moment of acceptance.
 
Of BEING.
 
And so it was.
 
This moment was a lifetime connective piece to this relationship.
And the best thing was,
we both felt it.
 
Yet so many relationships,
of all labels never expereince this and if they do,
things tend to get a little weird after such a moment in time.
We suffer from what is known as vulnerability hangover,
where we have risked allowing our softer side, or our insecurities, fears, or what we perceive as weaknesses to be seen and then we wake up and feel SHAME for the reveal of our depths.
 
And that is what true vulnerability is,
uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.
 
But if we desire like Berne Brown speaks of,
greater clarity in our purpose or deeper or meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.
 
And this is seen just in this little tale of mine.
This lovely soul allowed himself to be exposed.
He risked revealing his emotional state,
and he did it because his soul wanted to be witnessed, ‘to be truly seen and held.
 
He stepped out with courage and desire,
and allowed for his vulnerability to be the path of connection in this moment.
 
And because he did so,
he gave us both the gift of authentic relating.
Of being able to come together in our humanness and hold each others hearts.
 
He created the space to receive grace.
Grace for self.
Grace for and from another,
thus grace from God.
Who asks us to love unconditionally,
ourselves,
our neighbours,
and to step forward in certainty,
with hearts of children.
 
And children are deeply couragous in their vulnerabilty.
 
As children we inately understand that in order to grow,
to transform and to connect that we must allow ourselves to be seen,
with no shame as to how we are being percieved,
with no judgment for what we are wanting or not wanting,
for how we are feeling.
As children,
we just are.
And in that state of being we dare to state our truth in any given moment.
But as we grow into adults,
we loose touch with the value of being seen.
We instead replace it with the normalcy of fearing what others will think.
We run too and fro,
never feeling like we are enough,
and believing that running in the hustle is the way to achieve this elusive thing called happiness.
 
And so we hide.
We mask and we cover ourselves in shrouds of uncertainty.
Pretending that we are untouchable.
That we are strong.
That we do not need help.
That we have it all figured out.
And we shake our heads at those let themselves be seen.
We believe that eotional displays are a sign of weakness.
 
All the while craving,
hungering for thi svery connection.
Wanting for nothing mpre than to be understood.
 
Vulnerability.
Can it be?
The thing,
the thing that must be birthed in order for us to no longer be chasing happiness and fulfillment,
and instead,
JUST BE IT.
 
 
Yes my beautiful,
here is what you do not want to hear,
but your soul knows true.
 
Taking the steps in vulnerabilty,
and allowing yourself to be held,
is the leaning into the path that leads to your joy.
 
I ask you today,
where can you show a deeper piece of yourself,
and lift the mask that you wear?
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Want to learn how to access that breathtaking life where you have clarity and certainty in the steps that you are called toward?
 
Ready to level up your relationships, money and life?
Let’s chat about 1:1 coaching opportunities now.
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Sex is Intimate, But Sex is NOT Intimacy.

GROWN A*S MEN NEED TO UNDERSTAND THIS SHIZ ABOUT WOMEN…and Sex!
 
Yesterday I read Johnie Jay’s World post on intimacy and I was like,
F-CK YES! – This is exactly what I coach and educate on ALL the time.
 
Men walk into my office so often unsatisfied with their woman.
Saying, ” Kendal, fix her. She has no interest in intimacy any more. I am starving for it and she just does not get into it.”
 
When asked what they mean by intimacy,
these men look at me puzzled and say, ” Well sex.”
And they follow it up with,
 
I want…
 
to be touched.
to snuggle.
to kiss.
to hold each other.
I want blow- jobs.
I want more sex.
 
And then when asked,
“How do you court your woman?”
 
Again they look bewildered.
They say…
 
Well we have been together for a 5 -10-20 years…
We are so busy…
We have kids…
She works long hours…
I work long hours…
 
“Okay, so what do you do to connect with her?”
Scratching his head….
 
Ummmm….
we eat dinner together.
We go to church together.
We watch ____________ show together.
 
And my response…
So how do you expect her to feel safe with you,
have desire for you,
be turned on to the idea of sex,
let alone have it with you if you cannot court her,
spend time connecting with her, create intimacy with her, learn about her, know whats going on in her internal or external worlds?
 
She is NOT YOUR PRIORITY.
Everything else is.
And she has met you after all this time with exactly what you have been giving to her,
NOW everything else in her life is priority over what you call intimacy.
Which is NOT intimacy.
It’s “getting off,”
It’s ” using her as your masturbation tool.”
 
If you want her to want sex with you…
Then sir,
you gotta take the time and let her feel you want her for more than her sex.
 
You have to start to give a shiz about her as a human being,
as someone that you claim that you care about,
love even.
 
And you need to get RIGHT WITH WHAT INTIMACY IS and IS NOT.
 
Sad truth of the matter is this…
Most supposed grown a*s men out there,
of all back grounds, nationalities, financial statures, education levels HAVE NO EFFING CLUE what intimacy is.
And Johnie Jay’s World stated it perfectly.
 
Let’s see how the grown a*s men who follow me out there who enjoy sex and woman and claim you want intimacy or connection feel about this…
 
“YES, SEX IS INTIMATE BUT SEX ISN’T INTIMACY. When she says she wants intimacy, it means she wants YOU. YOUR energy, YOUR time, YOUR patience, YOUR ear, YOUR voice, YOUR undivided attention, YOUR ( non-sexual) touch. Something is horribly wrong if the only time you want to be close to her is during intercourse. SHE DESERVES TO KNOW THAT SHE IS JUST AS IMPORTANT SIMPLY SITTING BESIDE YOU AS SHE IS WHEN YOU HAVE HER LYING ON HER BACK! #GrownManish
 
You see she ain’t broken.
She does not need fixed.
She is not crazy.
She is not being needy.
She is not hormonal.
She is not too old.
She is not..
is not…
not anything that you think.
 
She is however,
Hungry AF for true intimacy.
 
And if you man the F-ck Up and give it to her then she will be your MOFO dream girl,
and if you don’t…
 
Well then don’t be shocked when another supposed grown a*s man comes along and opens her heart.
 
And her legs.
 
Grow the F-ck Up Men.
Court Your Woman.
If you don’t have time to court her,
no matter how many years you have been together,
and if you have no desire to slow the f-ck down and take time to BE with her,
THEN YOU SHOULD NOT BE WITH HER.
 
Let Her Go.
She deserves better then what you are giving.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
” Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Working with couples and singles on have a F-ck Yes! sex and intimacy life is a passion of mine. I believe that YOU are worthy of that and more. Message me for deet’s on how I help you create a kick a*s love and financial life today. I work with people globally.
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/micro-consult/

YOUR NEGATIVE FEEDBACK SHOWS JUST HOW OUT OF ALIGNMENT YOU TRULY ARE.

YOUR NEGATIVE FEEDBACK SHOWS JUST HOW OUT OF ALIGNMENT YOU TRULY ARE.
 
But thank you anyway for sharing it.
 
Many moon’s ago I learned this little bit of spiritual wisdom and it has made all the difference in how I deal with others and has helped me to soften my reaction to other as well.
 
After learning it,
I became more compassionate as I simply saw their judgments, opinions, criticisms and ideas about my life and ways,
even who I was or was not,
as a message as to how they actually saw themselves and just did not recognize it.
 
It is always so much easier to witness in others,
that, that we have challenges with ourselves on the most.
 
We see this all the time while driving.
People with road rage,
or people who quickly get defensive or frustrated on the road typically are the one’s who are not wanting to drive,
believe that people are bad drivers always,
believe that there is always way too much traffic,
that people don’t know how to merge.
And you catch these individuals yelping about everything negative on the road.
They also are the one’s who will get right up on your ass and honk,
will flip you off for no good reason,
will pass you quickly and push their way in to exit instead of just moving with the flow of traffic.
 
They enter the experience of driving with an energy about them.
 
It is the energy of pissed off frustration.
And they drive accordingly.
And they see it in all their fellow drivers even more so.
 
And it is just this way,
because THIS is what they are FOCUSED ON.
 
Focused on the negativity.
Focused on the anger that they feel.
They will say, ” I just don’t like crowds or people.”
But what they are saying is, ” I don’t like myself.”
or ” I am nervous, insecure around people.”
 
And their focus on the negativity,
on the fear,
the uncertainty,
the control that they desire,
makes them judgmental of everyone around them and keeps their eye’s open to only THAT that they are looking most for.
 
WHAT IS WRONG IN THIS WORLD.
 
What is wrong with you.
What is wrong with anyone.
 
And to make matters even more worse,
these fine folks with their critical eye want to help FIX IT.
And they KNOW they have the answer needed,
because they have been on the outside looking in and they see how to go about it.
 
They see the TRUTH.
Your TRUTH.
They have it all figured out.
And they WANT TO HELP.
 
Never realizing that they cannot help from the place that they are witnessing from,
because they are witnessing an illusion,
or at best an old version of the situation or of you.
They are witnessing the events from a place of scarcity, doubt,
a need to control.
They are witnessing from a place that is not whole.
That place being themselves.
And because their focus in on the negative and a need to fix, control, change things,
they are revealing just how they feel about themselves at the deepest of levels.
 
Because you see a person who LOVES THEMSELVES,
a person who is connected and aligned to SOUL,
a person who is respectful of being human,
a person who is compassionate,
a person who has true confidence and self-esteem,
who know’s how powerful they really are,
that sort of person has…
 
NO DESIRE TO JUDGE OR CRITICIZE.
 
When we judge.
When we criticize.
When we try and change or tell another how or who they are.
When we try and convince another that they are wrong on their path.
We in fact are attempting to CONTROL them.
And not loving them for just who they are, as is.
 
When we do these things,
we may use tactics such as guilt, shame or fear to get the results that we feel are right,
and in so doing so,
we cut down the heart and soul of the other person.
And if you get right with yourself,
you will realize just how crappy that actually feels to bring someone down.
 
No matter how good your reasoning may be,
it does not feel good.
 
And that is because
YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR OWN SOUL ALIGNMENT
in these moments.
 
So what do you do when you find yourself wanting to fix, judge or change someone?
 
You breathe and look at what is really coming up for you.
Instead ask yourself,
 
” How do I truly feel about myself right now?”
 
I mean really go there.
Don’t take that first response of,
” I feel great!”
That your ego will spout off.
 
If you want to connect to people.
If you want to enjoy life.
Be happy.
Be received from others.
If you want to know yourself and feel good about who you are.
To be loved and to love.
 
Then you owe yourself the TRUTH.
 
How do you feel about the person you are right now?
How do you feel about the life that you have right now?
 
Start there beautiful.
And take your focus off of everyone’s challenges.
Because whether they have them or not,
it does not matter.
 
Those challenges and issues,
those problems and wrong doings or beings,
that you perceive.
Are NOT YOURS to fix in any other than YOURSELF.
 
Start There.
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Want more from your life and self?
Enjoy the shifting tales I share here but want that deep dive where you make the changes that you know you need to have the life that you know you were born for?
 
Message me for deet”s about my 1:1 coaching from anywhere in the world.
 
You are worthy to live a F-ck Yes! Life.

TO BE SOFT… What Does It Mean To Your Happiness?

TO BE SOFT IS TO BE POWERFUL. – Rupi Kaur
 
Last year I went out with my second oldest child, my daughter Rebekah to get tattoo’s. She had this beautiful quote that she was getting putting on the inside of her arm that her boyfriend had ended a love letter with. It was such lovely, powerful words of encouragement and I could easily understand why she desired to keep them for her lifetime.
 
I love ink. And getting inked is a THING.
If you are into ink, you get it.
If not, oh well, I am sorry.
 
SO I decided that I would get a tattoo as well, but I always want my tattoo’s to have meaning of some sort and I had not given much thought to this moment. There we were driving to the artist discussing what I should do. When Bek says mom,
“To be soft is to be powerful. – This is so you mom.”
 
I was bewildered, I do admit.
I felt like I sucked at being soft.
I felt like soft was scary.
I felt like soft was bad somehow, that I should be ashamed of it even.
I questioned what she meant by this.
And she explained,
“Mom you are always there for us. You always let us see you and you are always working on yourself. You make mistakes and you allow for our mistakes. You are the strongest person.”
 
What she was expressing to me was that I ALLOWED MYSELF TO FEEL LIFE.
 
The good.
The bad.
The painful.
The joy and orgasm.
The sweetness.
The bitterness.
The meh.
The void.
The fear.
The fullness.
 
I feel it all.
And I KNOW the BEAUTY of it, because I allow myself to experience it all.
 
And so, she was correct in her statement and much like her that day, I needed to keep with me the reminder of my power in my FEELS.
 
Through the course of this lifetime,
I have wanted so badly to run and hide from what I was feeling.
I have wanted to mask it,
cover it up and not allow it to be seen by self or others.
And when I did allow it to be seen or felt,
I was shamed of my humanness around my fears, my joy, my pain and void.
Something always seemed amiss in my feeling,
it was this voice in my head,
telling me that I should not be feeling this way.
It was this same voice telling me I was weak, pathetic and hopeless.
That it was this sort of crap that kept me disconnected from people.
That I was too much to handle.
I was broken.
 
 
And so I worked ever so hard to toughen up.
I focused on breathing in my emotions and “building a strong house” to hold them in.
In the belief that by not revealing them,
by holding them,
that I was being emotionally mature.
 
LMAO!!!!!
 
Looking back at this I feel silly.
Sweet in my desire to be mature with my emotions,
strong for the people in my life,
true.
But so wrong in truth,
this way of being,
of living was not LIVING.
It was hiding from life.
It was avoidance of who I was,
it was a shrinking of my heart center,
a closing to the one’s that I love.
It was a hardening or callousing of my ability to connect,
to be seen and to see another.
In this stifling of feeling,
I lost my ability to have intimacy with life, with others and with self.
I SHRUNK as a human.
 
And in this I lost.
I was the BIGGEST looser.
Because all I wanted was the intimacy,
the love,
the connection.
To be received and to hold space for another.
And what I gifted myself with in my “strength of holding my emotions so tight” was to shield LIFE.
 
The end result outside of loss of intimacy and ability to relate, connect and love, let alone be authentically compassionate or forgive self or others,
also led me to a shut down in my allowance to self to open and receive abundance.
 
My lesson in feeling,
was that in order to have my desires manifest in any fashion,
I needed to allow myself to “SOFTEN INTO THE FLOW OF FEELING LIFE.”
 
That my power came from this space,
You see in order for you to be able to KNOW YOUR PATH,
to FEEL what is right and good for YOU,
in order for you to be able to TRUST your judgement on any decision,
You must FEEL Your emotions, your physical reactions, your truth about it.
 
This means that if you are calloused to FEELING LIFE,
you will consistently make wrong choices for YOUR LIFE.
 
And this is not what living is about.
This is just existing.
 
And that is the WHY that you have been questioning.
WHY AM I NOT HAPPY?
Why does nothing make me happy?
 
Simple….
You are not FEELING LIFE.
 
Want to change this?
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 Coaching Today and level up your life experience to one of FEELING.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/micro-consult/

WHY I DO SEX DAILY.

WHY I DO SEX DAILY….
 
I have sex almost daily.
It’s just my THING.
I do sex daily yes because I love sex,
but more so for what sex gives me.
And I am not referring to the mind blowing orgasms that only happen here and there.
 
Okay so it’s truth time folks,
yes ME,
the sex expert and coach that helps thousands of people have better and more sex DOES NOT have mind blowing, earth shaking orgasm daily.
Actually most days, its pretty meh…
The sex is just normal,
and even boring at times.
But I still do sex almost daily,
and some days if the opportunity presents itself two or three times.
 
Just a week ago I spent about 7 hours out of 24 having sex.
Now that was yummy.
But why was it yummy?
Why did I want to have 7 hours of sex?
or have it daily, especially if I am not having mind blowing sex or even an orgasm most of the time?
 
The simple truth is that SEX ignites my creative juices.
Sex allows me a medative state, no matter the outcome to work on embodying myself,
sex allows me practice time to get out of my head and FEEL myself at a deep level.
I get to practice letting go,
I get to practice vulnerability,
I get to practice surrender,
I get to see where I am challenged and through the rhythm of my sex,
the consistent allowance of letting myself feel and stepping away from the idea of cumming,
but just BEING instead,
I get to connect to my CORE and thus feel my partner at a deeper level.
 
I have discovered through the years,
that our SEX is linked to so many things.
Self-confidence,
self-love,
boundaries,
ability to receive and give,
thinking patterns,
fear,
DESIRE,
passion,
VITALITY,
a feeling of freedom,
a feeling of peace,
centeredness,
physical well-being,
mental well-being,
and expanded spiritual depth.
 
To just name a few.
Yet we are taught to shame our sex,
to hide from it,
to ignore it,
to STARVE IT.
We are taught that our sex is evil.
And that it should only be used to make babies, or relieve stress QUICKLY.
 
And this way of thinking about our sex,
has us shut down,
fearful,
and not having sex.
It has us feeling disconnected from life, ourselves and the people we love.
It has us feeling insecure and angry,
depressed and lost.
And it has us trying to achieve what we have a void in through any means possible.
It has us acting out and traumatizing ourselves and others.
 
Instead of loving ourselves,
being responsible,
compassionate,
mature people,
we are like caged, starving, beaten wild animals.
This is what our world has become when we DO SEX.
And it’s all because we have such a limited, repressed view and understanding of this beautiful gift from God.
 
Sex and finances are the top two reasons marriages break up.
Sex actually out weights money,
because when the sex is crap,
when the sex is disconnected and toxic,
when sex is just about the get off,
then you have a partner being used and abused.
You have trauma setting in and the relationship is TOXIC.
No amount of money can heal that.
That is all about embodiment.
That is all about connection.
 
And you can ONLY CONNECT to your partner if you know how to connect to yourself first.
 
THAT IS WHY I DO SEX DAILY.
 
The consistent practice of leaning more into ME.
 
How does your sex feel to you?
Connected and deep?
Expansive and full?
or shallow, empty and about the release?
 
Want to learn how you have beautiful sexing all the time and access these states of peace, joy and connection.
Enjoy intimacy no matter what is going on in your life?
Reach out to me for information on my 1:1 coaching available globally today.
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Are Your Relationship Idea’s Making You A Prostitute?

Every woman wants a guy to have a rockin’ resume!

I mean all of us want that night in shining armor.
We want him to be tall, dark and handsome.
We want him to be rich.
We want him to be generous and compassionate.
We want him to be romantic and a good listener.
We want him to be world traveled.
We want him to be intelligent.
We want him to love our bodies as they are.
We want him to love our minds and hearts more.
We want him to just get us.
We want him to be passionate and playful.
We want him to be confident.
We want him to act like a grown up and take care of his responsibilities.
We want him to do everything right in the bedroom.
We want him to be a good kisser.
We want him to appreciate everything that we do.
We want him to respect us.
We want him to worship us.
We want him to be everything that we want him to be and just get it without us ever having to tell him what we want.

I mean if he just paid attention and was present,
if he inquired and asked the right question at the right times,
then he would know.

If he listened then all would be right in the relationship.
That is of course as long as he never pushed us to do or be anything that we did not want to do or be….

And he just accepted what he got for all that grandness that he is offering up.

Now we live in a world where sugar babies, paid hook ups and lies are just a way of relating.

We live in this world where if a woman wants something at work that she pretty much can get it for the right price.
And smart, well educated, go getter women EVERY DAY pay these prices with “respectable” bosses and elite men in power to advance themselves.

How can this be?
How can this be a designer relationship that anyone is happy with?
Its merely based in the man getting a place to stick his junk occasionally and release somewhere outside of the palm of his hand or the toilet and in return for this the woman gets taken care of financially or gains promotions, business advances, networking deals, or simply a monthly payment and some gifts and travel.

Either way its what many relationships for both single and married people are like.

I know many very affluent people who have mistresses of this nature. And I know many married women as well as single women who are gaining power and success in business and finances this way.

And its not even looked down on.
Where I live in North Texas just outside of Dallas,
its almost assumed that if you are a woman in her 20’s or 30’s that you have at least one if not two or three sugar daddy’s supporting your lifestyle, schooling and goals.

It is the sin that is not spoken of,
but is expected if you had an open raw unfiltered conversation with almost any man who makes decent earnings and if you sat with any woman who was “dating.”

That’s why such websites such as whats your price, sugar daddy, seeking arrangements and others of this nature are growing at the levels that they are.

So the question comes,
“What is the turn on to this style of relationship?”

Because obviously it may appear empty of true connection, love, friendship and a desire to be long standing. It is simply based on two people using each other to meet their needs.

Or is it?

Just last night this very topic came up on a double date I was on with a good friend. And as we conversed about it, the statement came around that these sort of relationships may perhaps be great examples of people doing what they “should” be doing no matter the relationship.

In such relationships, people:

* ask for their needs to be met
* set boundaries and non-negotiables
* discuss what the relationship is and what is not
* communicate about what is working and what is not
* keep a certain level of detachment
* lean in and trust the other to meet the proposed agreement
* don’t try and fake who they are or what they are there for

Unlike today’s marriages and committed relationships where both parties typically:

* don’t talk about needs unless they are fighting about them
* don’t understand boundaries and the only non-negotiable that is ever discussed is cheating
* Assume that the other side knows what they want from the relationship and assume they know what their partner wants
* don’t communicate about issues until its too late and therapy is needed, resentment has happened, one or both parties are feeling abandoned, misunderstood
* Think that co-dependency is love
* Have trust issues and use guilt and shame to try and control the other, the relationship and events
* Fake who they are and what they want on the front side of a relationship to get the relationship committed, then end up faking their intimacies with their partner and not willing to be authentic or have their partner be authentic
* Give surface level connection all the while saying they desire depth

Sounds exciting huh?

Yet it’s the truth of relationship in today’s world.

Today’s relationships certainly have their challenges no matter what labels , guidelines they may have set for them.

At the of the day what I want to focus you on is authenticity.
A good relationship is NOT based on that want list that a woman has.

A good relationship is not based on financials and quantity of sex or how adventurous the sex is even.

A good relationship,
a turned on, supportive, loving relationship is based in truth on the list that people who entertain “paid” relationships set.

The most important one being COMMUNICATION.

Because communication,
no matter how difficult it may be,
is the foundation to everything else.
The communication however, needs to be REAL.
And it needs to come from a centered place of KNOWING THY SELF first.

This will provide a level of maturity,
understanding and presence that the majority of people never achieve in their relationships.

But when we offer this sort of authentic relating we can then feel into the who we are even more, grow and expand mentally, emotionally and allow our partners the same.
We limit our expectations.
We speak our needs.
We respect boundaries,
and we take responsibility for our happiness.

Here is the ground to create a successful relationship based in unconditional love and respect instead of ego and need.

How does your relationship ideas, goals and ways of relating line up?

Are you exploring authentic relating or something else?

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Message me for deet’s on creating an authentic relationship, no matter its current status TODAY.

Forced Consent is Not Authentic Consent.

You can’t touch this….
Touch.
Hands on attention.
Something that is so needed,
so human, so intimate and connective.
 
Yes touch is something beautiful.
Unless it is not wanted.
Unless it is given when it is not appropriate.
Unless it is out of one’s boundaries or it is forced upon someone.
 
And it is this final statement that I want to address today.
As a woman who has experienced her fair share of trauma,
and speak about the healing process,
the psychological issue around and how to best prevent further trauma in life,
It has come to my attention over the last week the power of touch, yet again.
 
The same touch that can show love can also trigger fear.
Our hands and fingers can open in a hug and give one with deep care and no desire to harm another,
these same hands and fingers can penetrate another person with fear and trigger old wounds as well as cause new ones with the same action of a hug.
 
How can that be?
How is it possible?
Does that mean that we should just not touch anyone?
Yet here we are a touch deprived society.
Hungry for touch and the fact that we are so deprived has us uncertain as to what is healthy and what is not,
because we are deprived and not taught proper respect and boundaries,
permissions and body language signs,
because we want what we want and tend to overlook another person’s feelings or obvious gestures of not wanting to be touched,
we push ourselves onto others with great disregard to what we may actually be triggering in them or re-anchoring from a past wound.
 
Touch can be healing,
but it can also be harming.
 
Outside of the harmful touch of physical abuse which is what you may think when you read the words of touch can be harmful,
it can still be harmful with a loving, caring, even playful touch.
 
I will bring to the attention what our society is being taught.
 
Recently in America we have dealt with the conversation of touch with our very president being captured stating:
 
“Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.”
 
This is an extreme statement about touch.
About taking what you want with disregard to another human being. And I see the fall out of this statement in many relationship scenarios from parenting to lovers,
from friends to colleagues.
 
Every time we ask our child for a hug or a kiss and they say “no” and we respond with,
“Come on, mommy/daddy need’s a hug.”
” Give me hug and then you can go.”
“I will give you this if you give me a hug or a kiss.”
 
We are disrespecting our child’s space and answer.
We are teaching our child that it is okay to ignore a “no” and to even try and bribe, guilt or push further for what you want with total disrespect to another’s desire, boundary or need.
 
This then translates to adults who believe that it is okay to push for what they want with a spouse or partner.
 
It translates to adults who do not respect the space, time or feelings of another in any relationship situation.
 
It translates to adults who do not take responsibility for their actions, as they feel that they are doing what they are doing out of a “good” place or a “just or deserving” place, as though they have the right when in fact they do not,
and that no matter how good or right our actions may be,
if they are harming toward another’s boundaries or desires then we need to pause and respect what we are being told or what we are witnessing in energy,
body language coming from another person.
 
Touch.
It is so very powerful.
And our boundaries around it can ebb and flow within any relationship and moment by moment in our lives.
A touch that felt good yesterday may very well close us down to connection the next.
 
And the thing to remember about touch is that it extends past the physical.
 
Touch is about how we touch another person.
 
We can touch another person with our physical body,
we can touch them with our words,
we can touch them with the look from our eye’s,
the expression on our face.
We touch other’s all the time.
How you touch them is the question that I encourage you to review in your life today?
 
Are you honoring and respectful?
Do you listen to their body language as well as their words?
Can you hear their truth and accept it just as that,
without needing approval from them or needing a reason as to why they think, feel or need what they need?
 
Or are you operating from a place of self-centeredness?
A place of need and hunger?
 
When you are in relationship with anyone,
no matter the intimacy level or actual label on the relationship,
do you give…
do you touch…
do you speak…
do you act…
out of the place of unconditional respect and love or are you wanting something and wanting to feel a certain way,
with the belief that if this other person “supports” (gives) you what you are wanting by allowing you to act, speak, give, touch, etc… the way that you deem good in that moment,
that this is what “should” happen and it is “okay” because that is just the way that you want it to be?
 
We are all guilty of ignoring another and insisting that they feel or think a way that we want them too instead of how they may actually be feeling or thinking.
 
We are all guilty of wanting something from another at times.
We are all guilty of missing ques in body language or tones, even not hearing words fully and crossing over boundaries.
We are all guilty of being self-centered.
 
No one wants to feel rejected.
No one wants to feel like they have hurt someone that they care for.
 
The reality is that when in relationship,
we will hurt those we care for.
We will not always be present with them.
And we will have hidden expectations if nothing else that we are not aware of that may cause issues along the path.
 
But if we want to act out of love,
if we want to be emotionally mature,
and trustworthy,
if we want to expand and deepen a relationship,
then each of us MUST take responsibility for how we choose to touch those around us.
 
With our words.
With our physical bodies.
With our looks.
With our expectations.
And assumptions.
 
And we must learn to respect the “No” without question of why.
 
Because no one owes you an explanation of why they are feeling any way,
just like you do not owe anyone an explanation as to why you think or feel any particular way either.
 
But to push your will on another,
is a breaking of truth,
it is dishonoring to the relationship and to both parties in relationship,
and it shows the desperation of one’s need and lack of actual care for another.
Making it detrimental to the relationship.
 
Pay attention to what you are seeing,
to what you feel coming from another person,
not not what you want to feel or see.
 
Realize that your truth about any particular thing may not be the same as another’s and if you are interacting with another person you NEED their consent to involve them.
 
How are you toughing those in your life today?
 
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Let’s get you to your desired F-ck YES! NOW.
Applications for 1:1 available for a limited time. Message me for application.

The Importance of Social Media for Happiness Today.

Caught up in your phone.
Caught up with that small screen of yours.
It is so important isn’t it?
 
It holds your life.
Checking your bank account.
Checking your emails.
Personal and business.
It comes to this one small little world capturing device.
 
What’s happening on Facebook?
On Instagram?
Twitter?
Snap chat?
Whats new on Pinterest and what have you pinned today?
 
This world of ours it is all scrolling by on our wall and here we are missing each other for it.
 
I know how it is.
I really do.
I am oh so guilty of just this,
loosing myself to the mini screen in my hand.
 
And what I have noticed is that when I allow this screen to own my day,
my thoughts and time.
I am more anxious, I am more lost, more insecure.
It’s like my personal value and worth is somehow wrapped up in how many likes, loves or shares my messages gain.
 
I am curious as to what those I follow and learn from are doing, experiencing and enjoying.
 
I might be guilty even of comparing at times.
And here we go baby,
its the social media platform life.
It’s the modern world.
And its like never escaping high school on some days.
 
With all the communication,
all the personal shares and picture posting.
All the debates and livestreams,
you would think that we would grow to be a world society that loves deeper and greater and has better social skills because we have at our finger tips the world that so many of us will never actually be able to go explore to any level.
 
But what has actually occurred is a separation.
We have forgotten our humanness for all the distance between our screens.
 
We now think that it is okay to take the easy route and to be rude, hurtful, deceitful and immature.
We have forgotten that our actions, our words, and how we choose to show up impacts those around us,
and now more so than ever before those around us is a mass.
 
It is the WORLD beautiful that see’s you.
No matter how small a circle you have here in social media land,
your words have a bigger impact then they would have 50 years ago or even a decade.
Because we like, love, angry face and share.
We spread our infections to so many more then we use too.
 
It use to be just a small village that would hold space or burn us at the stake,
but today…
today the village is the WORLD.
 
Today it is even more important then ever before to sharpen up on your social skills.
 
Today it is even more vital to your business,
your personal life,
and the lives of those that you live and share your inner world with,
it is more important today to make sure as f-ck that YOU are being authentic and REAL.
That you are choosing to stand in your truth.
That you are confident in who you are and what you believe,
and that you are walking the path that your CORE,
your SOUL desires.
 
Because as this world has grown ever so disconnected.
The tribes that we build will only have loyalty beautiful,
if they can feel who you are.
 
And if you are weak in who you are,
you will get lost in today’s social media world,
washed up and lost beautiful.
 
And what will come of you,
will be suffering.
You will start to believe that what the WORLD thinks,
what the WORLD says of you is true.
And you will no more be your beautiful self.
 
So today commit to being YOU.
Authentically YOU in this crazy online world of ours.
Today commit to get up to speed on some old school social skills,
like being kind,
being respectful,
being YOU.
Stop with the manipulation, the lies and rude ways that you feel oh so safe in acting on because this small screen of yours is your shield.
 
Time to STEP UP and be Authentically YOU beautiful.
BE YOU and let your SOUL be felt.
Not your fear ego and jealousy.
 
This new world of ours will either make or break you.
 
Now like or love this musing beautiful and make me smile. 😁
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Let’s get you to your desired F-ck YES! NOW.
Applications for 1:1 available for a limited time. Message me for application.