You Make Me Want To Look Pretty

You make me want to look pretty.
You make me want to dress up and be my best in your presence.
You make me want to smile.
You make me want to be light in my heart.
Open.
and connected.
You make me want to be beautiful.
Because that is what I am.
I am all of this at my core love.
And I know that you can see it.
I know that you feel me at my deepest,
and that you hunger for me to give you more of myself.
You light me up.
You make me feel joyous.
You turn me on at a spiritual level.
You ignite my soul.
Your energy,
your support,
your words of encouragement,
the way you smile and say nothing at all.
You tell me that I am beautiful.
You make me want to reveal my all to you.
I want to spread my wings,
and let you in.
I want to be captured by the light that your eye’s reflect back to me.
I want all of this.
Because I am all of this.
And you see me.
You call me out in my dark hours.
You resist my attempts to hide my beauty.
You dig in my caves and you ask for more treasure.
And you know that it is treasure.
The treasure of my soul.
The treasure of my truth.
And you see me.
You are not blinded by the tales of others.
You are not hindered by the notions of the world around us.
No, you choose.
And you consistently choose,
to see me.
And for this my love,
You make me want to look pretty.
You make me want to dress up and be my best in your presence.
You make me want to smile.
You make me want to be light in my heart.
Open.
and connected.
You make me want to be beautiful.
I want to show you who I am.
I want you to feel me.
I want you to crave me.
To taste more of me.
I want to open,
open wide in love to you.
Because it is with your onlooking,
that I can see myself.
It is through your eye’s that I take down my masks.
The veils of my fear fall to the ground,
they are not needed,
in your embrace.
Yes, my love.
You have that way about you.
You have the presence.
The love.
The attention.
That my soul desires.
I want to suck you up and never let you go,
and I want you to do the same of me.
Absorb me love.
Hold me love.
And savor.
Because this is me.
This is my beauty.
This is my soul.
And it is naked before you.
asking for your presence.
Basking in your sight.
Becoming juicy at your touch.
Yes this my love is me.
And because you see me,
I am standing stronger.
Because the way that you look at me,
I know that you know me.
I know that you feel me.
I know that we are the same.
And so as I stand here,
eye to eye,
you look back from the mirror,
and you say,
” I love you. You are beautiful.”
And yes my love you are correct.
For this is me.
And this is you.
And we are one.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

The Goldilocks Mindset of Dating

“I want a man who is faithful.
I want a man who is dependable.
A man who is kind.
Who loves my children.
And is strong in integrity.

I want a man who is confident.
I want a man who is passionate.
A man who makes me laugh.
And generous with his time,his resources, his love.

I want a man that listens, that I can tell anything too.
A man that is romantic.
Good in bed.
A man that will help around the house and can cook.
I want a man who has a purpose and is driven.
Is financially stable.

I want a man who is tall.
I want a man with a handsome face.
I want man who cares for his body.
Is muscular and makes me feel safe.
I want a man who has a good sense of style.

I want a man who loves the outdoors.
But also loves fine dining and has good etiquette.
I want a man who loves adventure.
Who wants and can travel the world with me.

I want a man that has freedom.
I want a man who will treat me like his queen.
I want a man who respects me.
I want a man who does not want to control me.
I want a man who is spiritually sound.

I want….
And I want it ALL from YOU!”

Read that list ladies and gents.
I could write it about what men want as well.

It’s hard to read that list and believe that one person could fulfill all of those desires.
It’s hard to believe because no one person can.
Sure we can fulfill some of those all of the time,
and other’s of those some of the time,
but can one person ever fulfill all of those all of the time?
And should it be put on someone to do such a thing?

A hefty list of expectations I do say.
And it’s my list.
And my list has about thirty more very specific things on it as well.
And what I am looking for at the end of my list is more important than any of the specific things on it.
And that is alignment.

I want a man who is aligned to his purpose.
I want a man that is SOUL ALIGNED.

What this desire will give is all of the above and then some, but in the perfect harmony that is right for him and for myself.
Perfect for the moment.
I also, do not expect for a man to have everything on my list.
There are things that I am willing to look at,
to not need because they are not high priorities.
And then there are the things that are CRUCIAL.

And how do I know that these things are crucial?

Because I am like Goldilocks in dating.

I have come to realize that dating is about figuring out what you like,
what you don’t like,
what is cool,
what is not cool,
what aligns to you or not.

Dating is about sampling everything you can at the buffet and figuring out what has that more flavor and what makes you want to puke.

The biggest challenge in dating is that it takes time and energy.
It requires patients.
It requires one getting to know yourself.
And getting right with who you are first, before trying to find someone else to fill in your gaps for you.

Dating offers you the ability to meet yourself in so many ways.

I f-cking LOVE dating!
And maybe that is why I am so good at it.
And why I have no issue finding incredible men of all types with a flip of my hair it seems.

It’s true though.
I am often shocked at how many people have difficulty with dating.
And often after speaking to them about it,
the basis of their issues is that they don’t really like people or they don’t really love themselves.
Often some combination of the two.

How are you to ever meet someone worth while,
someone that has anything you want from your list,
if you hate people.
All you will ever discover is characteristics that you hate.
Because that is what you are focused on.
Or if you don’t have self-esteem or love of self,
then how will you ever meet someone who is confident, passionate, loving, giving or takes care of themselves?

You have to be matching what you want to call in.

So back to the Goldilocks Mindset on Dating.

The concept here is simple.
Get to know what you want.
What you need.
What you desire.
And who the f-ck you are.
By dating many, many, people.

And DO NOT get committed quickly.
Dating is all about getting to know someone and letting yourself be revealed as you go.
These two things will never happen over night.
Matter a fact it has been proven that new relationship energy (NRE) takes about 18 months to 3 years to wear off. This is that energy that you feel when you are just getting to know someone one. Where the rose tinted glasses are still on. They can do hardly anything wrong and you make excuses for them left and right, make assumptions about things and don’t really see clearly the love that is before you. This is the time in a relationship that you are living a storybook.

And then one day you wake up and you meet this new person, you wonder where he/she has been hiding the last year or two, and who took away your beautiful mate that was oh so perfect. Now the real stuff comes out and you get to actually get into relationship with the person.

Well if you were dating like Goldilocks,
then you would not be putting all your hopes, needs and desires onto one person.
You would not be looking at the person you are just meeting with hungry eye’s of, “oh please be the one and make my misery of dating be over.”
You would not be so willing to sell yourself short of the quality of a mate that you so badly want.
You would not be so quick to change yourself to try and match someone who is not in alignment to your soul or heart,
and instead you would look at each person who you explored as a beautiful experience for the moment.
One that was there to reveal to you things about yourself.
About desires that you have.
About the life that you want to live.
The relationship that you want to have.
And you would be in gratitude for all the things brought to the table of you relating with them,
no matter how you perceived them in the moment.

If you were dating like Goldilocks,
you most certainly would not sell out to the first bowl of porridge that presented itself to you, or the first bed that looked good but maybe did not feel just right in some way.

No, you would love yourself enough to take your sweet time to get the relationship that was in SOUL ALIGNMENT.

You would try out many different scenarios.
You would explore lot’s of different flavors.
And you would allow yourself to gain clarity on what felt best to you.

You would be unconditional in your dating.
With limited expectations,
and only a desire to reveal and be revealed.
Authentically.

The Mindset of Goldilocks in dating is all about exploration.
It is a mindset of learning about self.
It is a mindset that does not entertain scarcity.
It is knowing that “The ONE” will come when you truly love self and know thy self. When you you are vibing at the level that you magnetize him/her to you.
In ease.
Anything before then will be about seeing where you are vibing at and learning more about what you like or dislike.

And you would do it all in YOUR OWN TIME.
Not some predetermined social idea of when it should happen or guidelines as to what some story line says it “should.”

So for all you single’s out there who are looking for that special someone and believe that you are running out of time,
ready to give up or cut yourself short on what you want in a relationship,
let me share this concept with you and let me assure you that you are worth a beautiful relationship.
One that has so much of what you want and then some.
You can have it all.
And you will.
As long as you learn how to approach love and relationship with unconditional relating and a focus of self-love and honor first.

Remember that you call into your life that, that you focus on most.

So where has your focus gotten you?

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

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Watch Variety Creates Desire Now.

You Don’t Own My Sex!

You don’t own my sex!
You think that you want to own my sex. 
You believe that it is love based.
You have been told that if someone loves you that they will not need, desire or be with anyone else. 
You think that ownership is love. 

But since when is slavery of any sort love?
Relationship slavery, 
sexual slavery is no more love than is
to brand and tag another human being and sell them to the highest bidder as though they are live stock.

That may seem offensive to some. 
It may seem extreme to others. 
I am pretty sure that many are flabbergasted in this moment that anyone would say such a thing in today’s world. 

But seriously, owning someone else in any fashion or form is NOT LOVE.

And I can tell you that you have no right to own another persons sex.

It’s far more than the genitals that I speak of here. 
It is one’s core.
It is one’s creative energy.
It is one’s soul.
Their guidance system if they are tapped into it. 
Our alignment to life, 
to our path, 
and all that we can be stems from this place within ourselves. 

Our sex. 
It hubs all that we are. 
It is our primal, 
passionate, 
truth.

Our GPS.

And you think that it is loving to own. 
That it is loving to sign over the papers to such a thing.
That it is someones duty, 
or a rightful expectation to demand that one give this to anyone?

Really?

May I challenge those of you who read this and want to spout back some negative comment, 
some biblical quote, 
some moral statement as you believe it to be, 
may I challenge you to ask yourself this….

“What do I get out of owning another person’s sex?”

You need to get real here.
Because the truth of your desire and your fake love is found in the answer to this question IF….

IF you can be truthful in your answer.

And for those of you who cannot let me answer it for you.

Power.
Control.
Security.

And guess what?
All of these are fake.
Just like the love that you are claiming that “makes” you do it.

Love has nothing to do with ownership.
Love has nothing to do with having power over someones anything.
Love has nothing to do with security.
Let alone demanding and trying to force security.

Love is a risk.
Love is powerful.
Love is freeing.
Love is unconditional. 
And it has NOTHING to do with our sex.

Sure you have far better, 
more orgasmic, 
more connective and intimate, 
sex with love at play then without.

It takes you from two bodies rubbing against each other and enjoying some friction to a true opening, 
and blissed out state. 

But love has nothing to do with sex.
And it DOES NOT mean that we love someone more or less if we have sex with them or not.

Sex is not a barometer for love.
Sex is about feeling ones self in a most pure, authentic, real capacity. 
Through our sexing we meet ourselves. 
We feel ourselves.
And we expand in who we can be. 
Through our sexing we are offered a taste of intimacy into ourselves. 
That is what makes sex so damn intimate.

It is not intimate because we see another person naked.
It is not intimate because we are physically connecting.
It is not intimate because this other being is feeling anything or not.

It is intimate because we are experiencing all of this about OURSELVES with the assistance of another who is doing the same. 

But this form of intimacy. 
INTO – ME- I- SEE
only comes about when we are present with ourselves and no longer hiding from our shadows. 
When we are being responsible for ourselves and not looking for anyone else to fill us in any way. 
Not wanting to be completed by anyone else, 
not wanting to feel loved by anyone, 
or gain our happiness from anyone else. 
This sort of intimacy comes when we are NOT IN NEED.
But in LOVE.

Love of self.
Happy with self.
Intimacy with self.
Whole in self.
Worthy in self.

If you believe that you “need” anyone else to do any of these things for you and that equates love then you are far, far away from true love my dear.

So one more question for you to ask of yourself….

“Do I feel more loved by my partner if they do not have sex with anyone but me?”

okay maybe two questions.

“And if yes, then what about them only having sex with me, makes me feel loved, or guarantees a greater love in your opinion?”

The reality is that we harbor a lot of judgement around our sex and the sex of others. 

We condemn people for wanting sex.
We condemn people for not wanting sex.
We judge and call names, 
label and make opinions into facts that do not exist, 
based on on our judgments to make ourselves feel safe.
Feel right.
Feel moral.
Feel better than.

And if you loved.
Truly loved. 
The way love is to be, 
which is unconditional. 
Than you would see that your judgments on another’s sex and your desire to control it for them, 
is not of love,
but of ego. 
And your own insecurities around your sex and heart.

You aim to protect yourself by controlling another’s actions.
You aim to protect and make sure that pain and suffering does not befall on you, 
as if you were meant to never feel the contrast of pain in your life, 
and as if pain and growth was wrong, 
when in fact when one can lean in, 
and love through the pain. 
Through the fear.
Through all that we paint in our illusions of our ego, 
and SIMPLY LOVE.
Unconditional, 
and allow for the reality that we are to love many in many forms of the word. 
That “relationship” in any aspect is all about LOVE.
And without love, the relationship should not even be. 

So to try and control one’s love or how they choose to connect in any relationship is nothing more than an insecurity based in fear and desire to hide from one’s own expansion and feelings.

It is a fear to experience the beauty of true unconditional loving.

I challenge you today my love, 
to feel your true heart and to expand yourself and do the inquiry work so that you can have relationship based not in need and thus control, but in the beauty of surrendering to unconditional love. 

This is not written to give permission to those who lie and cheat, 
who step out of integrity and say that they just cannot be themselves. No this is not written to give any such permission. 
This is written to challenge all who read it about what sort of love they have based their relationships in and to bring up the empowering discussions of truth and honesty, coming from a place of love and intimacy. 

Communicate in love. 
Not in fear.
Stop allowing your past pains to mask your current heart.
Step out of your desire to have what is not possible, 
that requires faith, grace and communication. 
Step out of that desire, 
the desire for security and guarantee’s, 
where your “love” remains the same and tidy in a box that it was never meant to be kept in.

Because my dear, 
relationship will never be something that does not cause you pain.
It will push you to your limits. 
It will challenge your core. 
It will make you question all that you have believed and known, 
and it will ask you to stand in who you are, 
not of who you were, or will be. 

Yes my dear, 
relationship is just this and nothing more. 
It is a place where we meet ourselves in all, 
where we get to embrace if we allow, 
our hearts and heal our wounds. 
Strengthen our love and KNOW our core. 

You do not own my sex.
And your sex is not owned. 
You are a free soul. 
A free being. 

Remember this my love. 
And….
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers.”

**FUN FACT – There are five loves in this picture. And even though some are still beside me and some are no longer active roles in my life. All are still unconditionally loved by me.**

This is what you want in a partner.

From Guest Author Addison Bell

It’s all fun and games until you actually have to deal with the other side.

You sit and desire certain characteristics of those in your life, and especially out of a romantic partner. Yet, I daresay that many times you are asking for a mess of contradictions.

Its easy to look at some aspirational values and personality traits and think that this is exactly what you want to pull into your life but if you aren’t careful you will end up pulling in exactly what you don’t desire.

And the funny thing is that your Ego would probably throw a tantrum and say, “But I do do desire it, I do want that, I can hold that person” but in the end you really can’t handle it.

You might desire someone who is playful and has that flirty personality that makes you feel all bubbly inside… until they are flirty and playful with others and it smacks right into your jealousy and trust issues.

You might desire someone that knows how to act like a “lady” or “gentleman” when you are out in public and can hold the proper level of poise… until they are always poised and never able to let go of that persona (even in the bedroom).

You might desire someone that has their own life and is more free flowing with the relationship. Someone that isn’t that awful word “clingy”… until they can’t be there and support you the way that you need and you never truly feel held.

And really any trait that you desire in a partner is going to have the opposite side.

It is pretty commonly known from a psychological perspective that in relationships the aspects that often attract you to your partner are also the very same aspects that can cause the greatest struggle.

There is that old saying about how men should want a lady in the streets and a freak in the streets.

We want our partners to be both sides of a coin….
And most of the time it can mean the destruction of a relationship!

Now, thankfully we are complex beings and so are not one thing or the other. If you take the above example of having a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets… I know many women that are able to present one aspect of themselves when out at dinner parties and then turn around and have a mind-blowing sexual evening with a partner. Both are authentically them and both are aspects of who they ae.

Though these women have also worked through the stereotypes that come with both sides of the coin and know where they are authentically.

Though, lets be honest, yes I mean really honest here…

Most people are NOT doing deep personal work on a daily basis. And most people are not willing to look at when their ego’s arise in relationships. So when an aspect that is a turn on in one sense becomes a turn-off… we blame that other person. We don’t look at ourselves and where WE might be the ones that have unspoken expectations.

Many times we even struggle to admit where we struggle in relationships and where our ego’s simply can’t handle something.

You want a partner that is free, playful, open-minded but then when this pushes on your jealousy, your need for attention, and your belief that there is a certain way to “do” relationships…

Can you actually look yourself in the face or actually look that other person and say, “I don’t want you to be so free”. “I wish you weren’t so playful”, “I want you to be open-minded but just not about this topic”.

Most would look at the other person as the issue and not be able to truly say… “I am not able to hold this aspect of you”.

Again, we are complex and hold so many intricacies. Each person, situation, and experience will present a different expression of self. So what fits and is a desire with one partner or relationship could be entirely different than what fits and is a desire in another relationship.

In truth it all comes back (as always) to self and looking deep within ones self authentically. What are we desiring in our relationships? And then looking at if we truly could hold that characteristic in another if it presented to us. Where would our ego get shaken? What are non-negotiable in our relationships?

If you want freedom… how free?
If you want play… how playful?
If you want stable… how stable?
If you want sexy… how sexy?

What can you truly, honestly, at your core hold?
Get honest with yourself! And start doing your inner work to help you be able to look within when situations arise.

And more than even that…
Get honest with self when someone presents something that truly won’t fit with you and your life. Don’t pretend to be okay with something that is a hard NO. This will only push you further and further out of alignment from self.

Most importantly LOVE self first and foremost. When we do this we are most able to be authentic, honest, and love another. Even if the way we are loving that other is by letting them go and be who they are authentically.

Sending you all…

Love, Light, & Blessings,
Addison

Newsflash: You Value Comfort Over Happiness

If that truly impacts your life then I sure the f-ck don’t want that sorta life!

Sometimes people just send me over my edge. You know what I mean?

They b*tch, mone and complain about their work, their finances, their kids, their spouses, their parents and friends, their health and the cost of gasoline.

They sit around day in and day out paying attention to this stuff that does not matter in the end.

They get more excited about the price of a gallon of gasoline, the $5.00 Victoria Secret Pantie sale, and what our beloved president is doing or not doing then they do about things that really matter.

Things that will impact them RIGHT NOW.
And because it will impact them right now,
it will carry over to tomorrow and the next day,
the next month,
the next year even.

I was out earlier today,
taking my son to school,
and my other son to the dentist for a check up.
While I was out I stopped for a coffee.

Standing in line there were two women in front of me,
discussing the price of gasoline.
The one woman was exclaiming her excitement about the fact that it was under $2.00 a gallon. How it made it so much easier on her to go places now and how she hoped prices would stay low. The second woman, agreed. Then they started talking about local elections and politics. As they spoke about politics I watched them each shrink.
They became hunched over, and their faces which were joyous over the price of gasoline just moments before now looked sullen and upset.

As they spoke about politics, they became agitated with each other to the point that one woman could no longer carry on the conversation and politely removed herself from the line to go to the restroom mid sentence of the other woman.

There they were two women in their 40″s maybe.
Business women from the way they were dressed.
And they had allowed gasoline and politics to dictate issue’s in their friendship and set an overall tone for the moment.
Potentially the day.

Now, here is the thing….
I know that gas has dropped in price.
I know that elections just happened locally.
I know what is happening in our world in multiple ways.

But I never focus in on it.
I don’t drive by the gas station and look to see which station has a better price.
So I can save two cents or ten cents.
I get gas when I need gas.
I get it at the most convenient stop for me on my path.
Because the truth is,
I have far more important things to think about then the price of gasoline.
The same is true with politics.
I pay attention to the point that I need too,
to make a decision in my voting.
But at the end of the day,
I don’t let it ruffle a feather one.
Because this too shall pass.

Much like everything.
It shall pass.
Gasoline will rise and fall as it does every year.

Politicians will lie and cheat,
tell truths and do what they feel is fit,
with whatever judgements they deem right for themselves,
Governments will move forward with or without my emotional upset or excitement.

The average and ordinary person will allow these things to guide their feelings, their thoughts, their mindset and thus their actions.

The average and ordinary person will get caught up in the pennies and loose the millions, because they are in scarcity mindset.

The average and ordinary person will think it is responsible to know where the best sales are on underwear, milk, and potato chips.

The average person, will think it their duty to wake up and watch the news, then check in on it again that evening, to even get updates to their phones.

Yes this is effing AVERAGE.
Gasoline Concerns.
Political Worries.
Letting Media Lead.
Coupons.
News.
News.
News.

Maybe I just don’t effing care.
Maybe that means that I am a bad person for not giving two sh*ts.
Or MAYBE….
Just maybe,
it means that I have discovered that when I choose to focus in on things that support my mindset to be positive,
my emotions to be stable, and my focus to be on being and doing the things that I can be in control of that I am…..

Wait for it…

HAPPY.

Yep there I said it.
I am HAPPY.
Are you?

Because if that sorta thing really matters to your life picture,
then I sure the f-ck don’t want your life.
If saving five cents at the pump,
a dollar on milk,
or fifty cents on Lay’s potato chips
is what makes or break your day,
then maybe you need a little bit of a check in on
what life purpose is about.

Well I can tell you one thing,
if you are like these two women that I saw this morning at the coffee shop,
then you are being a sheeple.
You are allowing this world to dictate your mindset.
Your emotions.
and therefore,
your actions.

Which also means that you are most likely buying into the bullsh*t belief structures that you have to live pay check to pay check.
That being happy is something only Hollywood can make happen in a movie.
That you have to sacrifice your desires,
and be responsible by never doing what you want.

You more than likely also think that government has your back.
That the reason gasoline is cheap right now is because there is suddenly an extra reserve of it.

That saving fifty cents on milk will change your retirement fund.

Well, that is all a bunch of non-sense.
The truth is,
you are so effing POWERFUL.
You can have your hearts desires.
You can have all the abundance that you want.
And YES you….

YOU…
Can be happy.

The trick is simple.
Let the f-ck go of your belief that this above stuff matters to your happiness.

Let go of worrying about gasoline prices and who in the white house is sleeping with who.

Let go of the belief that you have to be average.
Or that average will ever bring you joy.

Sure it might be comfortable.
At times.
But has it ever REALLY made you happy?

You say,
no it has not made me happy?
You want for more?

Well then…
CHANGE YOUR REALITY.

And NEWSFLASH…..
Change will always be uncomfortable at the start.
You will never have anything close to happiness,
close to abundance,
close to success,
in any area of your life,
if you value comfort over happiness.

There I said it.
You Value Comfort Over Happiness.

Don’t shake your head at me.
I feel you shaking your head in disagreement.
All the excuses and reasons popping up in your mind right now,
as to why you have not done what you know you need and want.
Why you cannot have what you want and need RIGHT NOW.
Yeah I get it.
I have been there.
I go there still for moments.

But you have chosen to set up camp there baby.
You have bought the package deal,
where you give your life,
for something that steals your precious time here on this planet.
With your families.
In joy.

And this thing I speak of is NOT your job.
This thing is your AVERAGE Thinking.
Average allowing.
Average loving.
Average accepting.
Average beliefs.
Average drive for life.
And you are doing it right now,
by remaining comfortable.
By paying more attention to facebook threads,
the media blah-blah,
and the price of gasoline.

SO as always,
It is your choice.
It always is baby.
It is up to you to have the life you want or to ACCEPT what you got.

What will it be?

I know what I choose.
FREEDOM Based Living.
A F-ck YES! Lifestyle.
And saying YES,
Yes to me.
Yes to happiness.
to connection.
to love.
to abundance.
and to being uncomfortable for a time,
so that I can have the blessings I want.

As always,

“Stop Existing & Start Living”

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Warrior of the Goddesses Heart

I know what I want.
I know my desire.
I feel my heart yearning.
Calling for me to breathe,
breathe life back into it.
To not fear love.
Or to be loved.
To not belittle love,
offered at my doorway.

I hear my lovers words,
the sweetness they make,
the commitment they stand before,
the desire that erupts in them,
and the love.
The love that they are carried on.

I hear him share his heart,
I feel his soul hold space,
for me as I share in return.
I share my fear.
I share my struggle,
I share my desire.
And I want to run.

Can he be the one that can hold me?
Is he willing to really love me?
Or will he crumble
from my weight,
the weight of who I am
and all I want to become.

His words are nothing new to my ears.
Unfortunate tales that many a sailor in my feminine currents have sung before him.

They all long to be the one.
They long to capture my heart.

They enjoy my body,
they are intrigued by my mind,
they get lifted by my spirit,
but they know that the true battle,
the crusade is for my heart.

And it is a heart that has been scorned,
a heart that has been tossed away as it opened deeper.

My lover looks at me with loving eyes,
he aims to penetrate my soul,
he desires for me to feel his commitment,
his certainty,
he is confident that he can hold me
and dance in my fire.

His voice echos words of my past loves.
He shares he does not want me to change.
He does not want to control me.
That he,
yes he can love me and I am not to much.

I feel his heart,
I hear his belief,
but these words are easy to say,
while you sit by the fire and get caught up in its mystery.
What will he do when my fire escapes its container?
What will he do when it desires to over take his heart?
When it burns,
burns in its glory,
in its beauty.

Sure he will enjoy its dance,
but will he be able to handle it being ignited?

Through time and space we dance,
we open and close.
I look away but for a second,
as I sense him leaning in.
My soul wants to be taken.
My heart wants to be penetrated.
But alas,
the fear conquers them.
It masks the emotions that beg to be seen,
and it makes me retreat.

Retreat once again,
I will.
Back into my lonely cave.
Where I feel safe.
Safe in my not having.
Safe in my not being seen,
if even for a bit longer.
Yet he still see’s me.
And I know this.
He leans in further,
his lips softly open,
he asks for a kiss.

My heart shakes,
it rumbles in fear and excitement.
For all it ever wants,
wants to be chased,
wants to be desired,
wants to be opened,
wants to not be given up on.

In its wanting,
he steps a bit further into the fire,
and proclaims his presence.
Asking for my depth.
Asking for my emotion.
Asking for my fire.

And so it is,
that I breathe in.
Just one breath,
just one perhaps.

And answer him in the only way I can,
in this moment.
This perfect moment of our lives.

“As you wish.”
Comes from my lips as we meet once again.

————————–————————–

To all those who have loved and lost,
loved deeper than they can ever share,
who have tasted true love and will never settle for anything less than.

To all those who have stood in the goddesses fire,
who have been burned, who have been mesmerized by its flames and desired to conquer it.

To all those who want to feel its ignition,
who believe that they can hold it.
And dance with it.

Much love to you this day.
Open yourselves to love,
as it is what makes you feel alive.
It births your soul into all it desires,
all it needs and can be.

And let yourself be seen.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

 

Why Saying No to $60k May Keep You In Soul Alignment.

What would you give to make an extra $60,000 a year?
What would you sacrifice for this?
Would you be willing to step out of soul alignment for a good chunk of change?
 
Last week I was offered just this.
An extra $60k a year for really minimal time on my part.
It is an amazing opportunity to boot.
And I feel blessed to have it knock on my door.
 
But as I sit here over the week and feel into my heart.
Into my gut.
Into my core.
My soul…
 
I feel disgusted in truth.
I have been dancing around with this feeling all week,
telling myself this or that.
 
Telling myself that it was fear.
That maybe I had worthiness issues,
or even that I was being lazy.
 
However,
my gut feels nasty gross at the thought of saying yes to this opportunity.
I feel like my boundaries are being pushed on before they ever are.
I feel like I might have to fight for my boundaries and end up in a piss poor situation that could not only break open old wounds that I have done so much effing work around, but perhaps scar me even deeper.
 
I keep hearing certain statements made in my inquiry process that just do not sit well in my body and if I lean in to those feelings, I find myself being a f-ck no to the opportunity.
 
I feel edgy.
I feel nauseated.
I feel fear.
 
So what do I do?
Do I lean into a situation,
and opportunity,
because it appears to be so financially rewarding and even will help me in building my brand better potentially and gaining further exposure to potential clients and other opportunities?
 
OR…
 
Do I listen to my soul.
Listen to the reality that no matter how great it may appear from the outside, that my soul is not in alignment to it?
 
I tend to pause in moments like this.
I pause.
I do research.
And I sit with it a few days.
I understand the power of the ego,
and how it wants to raise havoc in our lives, preventing us from not stepping into all that we can be-do-have,
by getting us to embrace fear, shame, guilt, uncertainty or scarcity thinking.
Making us believe that something is something more or less than what our soul knows it to be.
 
The truth is simple.
Soul alignment is ALL that matters.
 
Whether,
you are looking at a relationship,
a job opportunity,
a new business,
a diet or workout,
or any life change or event,
right down to deciding on what you want for dinner.
 
Because even your dinner should be in soul alignment.
If you are willing to sacrifice and not be in alignment with the food you put into your body,
then where else are you willing to say yes or no when you mean the opposite.
 
When it just does not feel right,
but you feel shame, guilt, fear over stating your authentic answer?
 
Soul alignment at all cost is where it is at.
 
It can feel like the most challenging thing to do.
Which should,
when you think about it seem silly.
 
Silly because,
since when is saying yes to our soul,
yes to what we know to be right and good for us,
yes to alignment,
something that should be challenging?
 
It should not be challenging.
It should just be.
It should just be a no duh sorta thing.
 
RIGHT?
 
But it is not.
Reality is that ego has us all by the balls quiet frequently.
It has us jumping through hoops of fear and doubt,
acting from a place of scarcity and unworthiness,
instead of faith, love and abundance.
 
The things that feel good.
Even when they give us butterflies in our tummies.
 
The things that make our hearts smile.
And make our souls proud.
 
For me,
soul alignment is my only focus.
 
I won’t take on a new client even if I do not feel aligned to them.
 
And I certainly will not allow anyone into my personal life,
or my bed that I am not feeling aligned too.
 
If I step out of soul alignment,
which I do all too often on accident and because I am but only human at the end of the day,
I quickly look at where I stepped away from soul,
and do whatever it takes to get back into my flow.
 
If soul alignment is not your cup of tea,
you believe that it is just a pot a crap that all us new agey peep’s and supporters harp on because it is the hot topic,
bu that the real truth is that you just gotta compromise, shut up and bend over and take it, or that you have to spend all your time and energy doing what you don’t feel like doing because that is how life works and that is how success is achieved,
 
well then…
 
I am sorry.
 
Not really.
But I know that I cannot change your mind on this.
And that that very belief makes you out of alignment with my soul,
 
so why bother?
 
Back to the point of this share,
Soul Alignment.
 
You are either in it or you are not.
 
I can tell you that when I wake up to my munchkins jumping into bed with me,
snuggling up and saying, “Mommy, mommy I love you.”
And I feel good about who I am,
all that I do,
and all that I can provide.
I know that this feeling is what matters most.
Because as soon as I start to ignore my soul and the emotions and feelings that is guides me with,
I actually loose myself.
 
And in loosing myself,
I sacrifice my life.
In this sacrifice,
I also potentially sacrifice all that I can be-do-have,
and say no to the f-ck yes life that I desire.
 
So what are you willing to sacrifice for an opportunity,
a relationship,
or anything else that is not a f-ck yes to your soul?
 
Look at the true price of it.
 
It’s always your choice.
 
Praying you decide wisely and in favor of soul alignment.
 
As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
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My Orgasm Is Not Just Between My Legs.

My orgasm is not just between my legs!
 
My orgasm is so much more than I can share in words.
My orgasm is what I thrive on.
My orgasm is what radiates me,
it gives me the drive to keep going on when it seem’s as though I should not be able too.
My orgasm is what wakes me at 5:55am.
My orgasm is what keeps me up until 1:30am or later many nights.
My orgasm is why I smile.
It is why I make eye contact.
It is why I walk with ease and breathe deep.
My orgasm is what make my world go around.
 
And when I let go of my orgasm….
well my world effing shatters.
 
My soul screams at me.
 

“Girl!!!!!! WTF are you doing allowing your life to be non-orgasmic? GET YOUR ASS back on the orgasm band wagon and let it rip!”

 
Yes.
This is what my soul screams.
If I choose to ignore,
then I can only expect suffering.
I know for sure that my life will dwindle,
my mood will crash,
my drive for life, for sex, for anything that is beneficial will soften and will become numb.
 
I will no longer walk with certainty and ease.
I will no longer make eye contact in peace and love.
I will no longer feel myself interwoven with all that is and can be.
I will no longer feel the tingle, the throb of the desire.
And I will most certainly not have a genital orgasm.
Or an orgasm of the heart.
 
No I will walk in the land of the uncertain.
And I will fear.
 
SO why the f-ck would I ever let go of my orgasm?
 
I have lost it before.
And I occasionally loose it here and there.
It feel’s horrible to have this happen.
 
But when I do.
I come into the realization that in order for me to fully understand, appreciate and know my life of orgasm,
I must experience for a time frame here and there the polarities that life offers us.
 
Through these polarities,
through challenges and loss,
through feeling a low vibe,
is how we gain desire and appreciation for something more.
 
It is how we learn what brings us into orgasm.
 
Then when we find ourselves spread open in the gasps of the divine,
when we bask in the joy of our surrender,
we can then fully reap the orgasm.
 
And this we shall.
As long as we remain here,
in this allowing state,
we can maintain the orgasm for an eternity.
 
As long as we do not question the how?
As long as we do not examine and define the challenges,
but instead just move through them in grace and ease with no resistance,
then we will not be harmed by them,
but instead remain in joy and orgasm with our lives.
 
Remaining aligned to our soul.
And interwoven with all of the universe.
 
Here we can have all our desires.
Here we can enjoy the banquet table,
and breathe deeply.
 
Because there is no question of our worth.
There is no question of who we are,
or who we “should” be.
 
No all that is there is love.
And through this state of conscious allowing,
and leaning into the things that feel good to our souls,
we are led.
 
It is these things that capture us.
And it is these things that make us thrive.
 
So where is your orgasm?
Mine is not between my legs alone.
Mine is every breath.
Every heart beat.
It is brought in through my thoughts and my feelings,
and the awareness of them keep me in the vibe of my life orgasm.

 

What does your vibe say about your Orgasm?

 

As always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

 
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THIS is the THING that will prevent you from having it all.

The reason you will never have the relationships,
the lifestyle, the money or anything else that you really want is because your f-cking scared to death to call it in.
 
to ask for it.
To set the stage for it.
Your f-cking scared to death,
that if you actually just let it rip,
that the world would run away from you and that you would loose all that you have,
and having what you have is better than not having anything at all,
even though it is a long shot from what your soul desires.
 
 

Isn’t that right Baby?

 
So you sit there in your suffering.
In your fear of making changes,
taking steps,
and sharing your heart and soul.
 
 
The comforts of your dis-satisfaction and smallness with life,
is something that you cannot seem to let go of.
 
And THIS,
 

This is the THING,

that will will prevent you every God damn day from having what you really want in your:
 
Finances
Career
Relationships
Sex
Health
Lifestyle
Faith
 
 
This morning I sat down to checked into my email, like I do every morning around 10am. My phone had been popping off with text messages from five old lovers and I questioned what the heck was going on in my energy to call in all this attention from relationships of the past.
 
I questioned if I was stepping down in my vibe?
I questioned if I was feeling un-seen, unloved or something else?
Was I simply needing attention?
Or was I getting so TURNED ON TO LIFE that my vibe was magnetizing and calling in those who desired the turn on as well?
Who need the feminine creative flow and surrender to take them to that level of depth within themselves to manifest a life that they want more than what they have within the comforts of the now.
 
As I have been sitting here analyzing these messages,
these men, and all the emotion and feelings that come up for me, I see many things.
 
To start with my judgments.
My fears.
My patterns.
My love that I hold for each of them still today.
 
And all of these things play a role in my lessons.
And in who I have become.
In gratitude and with the help of each of these gentlemen.
 
SO as I sit here and look at what the potential message is,
I see that there are some factors to what I am needing in my current life that these men could fill for me,
 
However, the question comes,
Do I open an old door that did not work back then and try again or do I keep it shut?
 
It comes down to my current needs, desires and boundaries.
In this particular case I will focus in on my boundaries as boundaries are something that MUST be developed, reevaluated and adjusted often. What is a boundary in one case may not be in another and as we learn and grow,
as we come more into who we really are and get into greater alignment with our soul,
 
our boundaries change.
 
Boundaries are part of CALLING IN what we want into our lives.
 
Without healthy boundaries, we never gain the life that we really want. Instead we push it away from us in one way or another.
 
You know what I am speaking of,
Don’t you?
 
You are a doormat.
The go to person, who never feels appreciated,
just used.
 
This is boundary issue.
 
You are the center of attention, always.
You have no space.
You are fearful of saying no,
for whatever reason.
So you are fatigued and worn out emotionally, mentally and physically.
 
This is a boundary issue.
 
You feel alone.
You look around you and you have no real relationships.
You hate people, because in your view, “they are all stupid.”
So you sacrifice relationship for the most part to avoid the drama of others.
 
This is a boundary issue.
 
If it is going to be, it is up to me.
You cannot rely on anyone but yourself.
You don’t even want to.
So you keep things nice and tidy,
limited relationships, outings or anything.
And you play within your own means,
never asking for shit.
 
This is a boundary issue.
 
You expect that others should just do/act/love/need as you do.
You think that by always doing what is needed for another,
always making yourself available,
and being a yes, is good.
will get you what you want.
 
This is a boundary issue.
 
You don’t think that boundaries are that important.
You think that others need to just relax and chill.
Stop being so serious.
And you don’t see yourself over stepping,
getting shocked when someone claims you did.
 
This is a boundary issue.
 
To name a few.
 
We are all in need of understanding our boundaries and learning how to play within the multiple relationships of our lives, boundaries as well.
 
But the tale of today,
is to make you aware that BOUNDARIES are a vital part of your manifestation process.
 
It is important for you to explore what you are needing, wanting and feel good about in any given situation.
 
And here is the real kicker….
 
If you feel uncertain,
negative,
like you want to say no,
have fear, doubt or some other ill sensation or emotion,
then what you need to get right with is this:
 

THAT IS YOUR SOUL SAYING F-CK NO!!!!!

So Listen Damn It.

 
If you want to create that #freedombasedlife that #fuckyeslifestlye then you have to HONOR your boundaries.
 
You will NEVER call in what you want to manifest.
You will NEVER vibrate at the frequency that you want or need to have the life that you desire, as long as you are saying yes when you are actually a
 

F-CK NO!!!!

 
What will I do with these five old lovers?
I will listen to my soul.
 
That is what I will do.
Each man presents a different boundary to set,
to feel into,
to learn more about myself with.
 
Each man is here offering me an opportunity to get deeper into SOUL ALIGNMENT.
 
And so I will.
That is what I will do.
 
How about you?
What will you do with the boundary lessons offered you today?
 

And as always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

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YOU ARE THE MOTHER F-CKING BOSS OF YOUR WORLD!!!!

If your happy and you know it…

Oh baby you know it is exactly what you crave.

It is what your soul wants for you in every waking moment and with every breath you take.

It is your birth right.
It is how you were designed to be.

And yet you do not have it.

You instead choose to suffer.
You choose to ignore your truth.
You choose to say NO.

And you fall asleep at night wondering why this life does not support you the way you need or desire.

You wake in the mornings with thoughts of fear, stress, and frustration.

Never realizing that YOU,
Yes YOU…

have all the mother f-cking power.

You always have had it.
It has never been any other way.
You are the one.

You are the BOSS.
SO why do you keep allowing what you allow?

Why do you keep disapproving of everything that your soul craves,
that your heart wants.

Why do you turn away from what ignites you?

You know what I am speaking of,
that thing,

that thing that causes a great stir in your core,

that thing that makes your gut burn when you think about it,

that thing that if you leaning a little more into it and you admitted it,

TURNS YOU THE F-CK ON!!!!!

Yes that thing.
That thing that if you allow it to just f-cking sit there for the rest of your life like you have done since its conception so far, will LITERALLY
eat away at your soul.

So why are you willing to sacrifice your everything to avoid that which is your life mission?

Your calling.

Are you really the sort of person who is okay with walking away from your hearts truth?

Are you really good with dying with this sort of regret?

Are you really so f-cking content with your life of scarcity, fear and average and ordinary that you are going to continue to say no?

Or are you one of the .01% who decide to CLAIM THEIR LIVES?

I personally really don’t care what you decide,
I can hope for you,
like I do for everyone,
that you do what is best for your soul,
and in turn that will be best for everyone in your life,
and in our world.

But at the end of the day,
I know that there is no one that can get you to do it,

there is no one that can make a decision for you,

you can blame others,
you can sit around and say,
“Well if so and so had told me, had texted me, had spent more time with me, then I would have the passion, the drive, the knowing, the blah..blah..blah. that I need to embrace the life that I want. To do the things I know I need.”

The reality though is this:

YOU ARE THE MOTHER F-CKING BOSS OF YOUR WORLD!!!!

So start acting like it or don’t.
You can continue to sit around on your thumbs and blame, point fingers and cry in your whatever.

It won’t get you anywhere.
But you can certainly do it.

I can tell you that I won’t be there to support it though.

I won’t feel bad about it either.
I may empathize with you, as I have had plenty of moments like that myself,

but sympathy is a gift I will not bestow on you for your choice to remain a victim to your ego.

We all come into this world with the same opportunities.

You may disagree with me,
because you may look at the material world and think that just because someone is born into a life with money, more freedoms and liberties than another that they have some advantage over you.

But that is not so. 
That is not what I speak of this morning.

Sure those luxuries are nice and may help make one’s experience on the front side more pleasurable,
But they do not make a person

HAPPY.

And they do not guarantee that a person will live their

TRUTH
PURPOSE
or BLISS.

And these are the things your soul wants for you.

These are the things that keep you up,
make you feel the way that you do,
cause you pain, from not living.

Make you wonder if you know yourself,
or if happiness will ever happen for you,
have you feeling lost and though there is always something you must attain more of to try and fill this void that is with in you.

Baby you are wanting what all of us are wanting.

HAPPINESS.

And you are the only person who can provide it for yourself.

You must learn to allow it.
and here is another secret for you,
(since I like to share little secrets with you)

That happiness that you crave from a deep soul level is

THE THING

the very thing…
yeah remember that thing?

the thing that will give you all the abundance,

all the blessing,
that you desire as well.

You will not get the abundance and blessing first.

No you must first find your JOY.
Find your happiness.

And the money,
the sex,
the travel,
the material items,
the relationships,
will then follow.

It does not go the other way.
It is that simple.

SO why the f-ck are you denying yourself of what you were born to live?

Don’t worry, be happy 

Just be it.
Be it now.

And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

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