Have you ever noticed how much time and energy you spend arguing for your limitations?
Even after you get what you want.
Yesterday I co-taught a class for men on consciousness and development of their masculine energy in their relationships, sex and life.
A running theme that I heard come from the men’s mouths was the clarification and owning of excuses as to WHY they could not have what they wanted for.
Later in the day,
I worked with a few clients/friends on similar issues.
As I sat listening to them I found myself internally shaking my head in amazement at how they could not see their fear over getting and having exactly what they had been wanting for all these years.
And so they in turn argued for their limitations in having it.
Putting up roadblocks everywhere and getting angry about the roadblocks.
I was doing a coaching session with a client,
and in our conversation his verbiage about life and self was focused on the inability to say yes to himself,
yes to life,
yes to his desires and dreams,
and how he fully owned that he was not worthy of such good things because he felt that he had not done what he needed to do to receive it.
His every other word was condemning himself for basically being human,
and he sat there convinced that it just could not be so.
As I brought this verbiage into light for him and inquired,
“How is this serving you?”
He would agree with me on topics and even the awareness of what he was speaking into manifestation,
but then without a second thought fall right back into speaking the shit that was not serving as though it must be this way.
All the while admitting that he had a great life,
full of blessing,
but that he was unable to see it or feel his own happiness in it,
because he did not deserve it for this or that childish reasoning of a need to be perfect and not be human.
That what he wanted was for sure there,
but not showing up the exact way that he wanted it too.
I was chatting with close friends about their relationship and some of the things that are coming up for them in their communication and sex.
they were arguing for their limitations in their love and connection.
Now they were not arguing with each other,
As of yet at least,
but the argument to find what they did not want for was there and ever present.
So much so that they had each retracted back into their critical minds, away from their heart centers and were viewsing their relationship and love from a place of fear.
Fear of not getting it right,
fear that they are broken,
fear that the other is at fault or will do what a past lover has done,
fear that they are not worthy of what they have called into manifestation.
And so they sat there with me,
terrified of self and of each other.
In ways pointing fingers at one another energetically,
recreating old wounds through the applied fear in thought of triggers,
their energy was shut down and snippy even.
At points I was feeling like I was tapping on a bed of needles in trying to share what I witnessed and help them to open to love and their own humanness.
The emotion on all fronts of my day yesterday was immense.
The room of men who shared from their deepest heart centers and revealed such beautiful vulnerability to a group of strangers. Their tales of truth and challenges.
My client who danced in his ego proudly while fighting for why it was not okay for him to be human or to be happy,
and his pain and fear around allowing himself to have what he wanted for.
My friends, who love each other dearly and manifested this incredible connection and fairytale romance,
who are fighting internally to keep distance from their hearts and desires,
by literally creating roadblocks inside self to prevent connection and getting angry about it.
All of the tales of yesterday had three things in common:
1) A wanting/desire to manifest what they already had
2) An arguing for the limitations that they felt they needed somehow
3) Anger around having what they wanted for but not having it exactly the way they wanted it
And so it is.
These are the common issues with us humans.
In all subject areas of our lives we do these things.
We want, we manifest, we argue for limitations, and we get mad that what we want is not exact to plan.
And even when it is exact to plan we get pissy about it because we feel like we are not worthy of it coming to us with ease,
or at all often.
we throw away what we want so badly for while making excuses as to why we must get rid of it.
We humans spend more time arguing about getting what we want while it is present in our lives then appreciating what we want and how it is already here with us,
so that we can live our lives in bliss and happiness.
Imagine if we just stopped this shit.
And got grateful for how amazing we are at manifesting what we want.
Instead of trying to kill our dreams and desires when they arrive like they are some sort of evil that is invading our homes in the middle of the night.
Why do we do this?
Why do we fight with our manifestations with such insistence that we cannot have or keep them?
It’s really quite simple.
We fear our worthiness.
If we stop fighting for our limitations,
we have to own our worthiness,
which means that we have to embrace the fact that we are powerful.
We can no longer point fingers of blame to God and other people and outside influences for us not being happy or having the life that we want,
we have to actually own ourselves and be responsible.
And so it is the easier path to toss the towel in frequently and say it did not work,
or that we are not good enough,
we don’t have the time or understanding,
that someone else is not doing their part,
that the economy sucks or government prevented us from it,
our church, family and state are to blame,
But this is what cowards do frankly.
Make excuses and argue for limitations.
I don’t believe that any soul that I sat with yesterday is a coward.
Nor do I believe that if you are reading this today,
that you are either.
I do believe that we are all guilty of not knowing how to SURRENDER to receiving.
We fear it truthfully.
We look at surrender,
we feel a tad into what we perceive it to be and it feels dangerous and triggers us to old wounds from our past so we find ourselves constantly saying no to the life that we want and to our happiness,
even when we have successfully manifested it.
Today I ask you to do one thing.
Today I ask that you bring attention to where you are arguing for your limitations in receiving the happiness and things you desire for.
I ask that you just begin the process of witnessing those thoughts and the feeling they create for what they truly are…
your rebuttal against your joy and receiving.
In doing this you will start the process of letting them go.
And create a new space to open the door to having.
You may find yourself shocked at what you discover,
and the truth that in many ways the life that you are craving for is knocking at your door and may already be with you in some ways,
but your insistence of not having it is blinding you to its manifestation.
So stop being snippy with your dreams.
Stop denying your joy in your pursuit for suffering.
You are worthy.
God/universe does not create anything that is not worthy and your life is not meant to be one of struggle.
That is a lie we humans tell ourselves to entertain our ego’s.
Your soul knows the truth.
Trust, surrender, and breathe deep,
your desired life is happening now.
THEY ARE CALLED YOUR EMOTIONS FOR A REASON.
Truth Bomb Here.
Are you like most of the world that believe that others are responsible for your emotional state,
for the feelings that YOU are having about any subject in your life?
Or are you self-aware enough and proactive enough to understand that they are YOUR emotions, meaning that YOU and only you are responsible for them.
No one else can make you feel any way.
You get to choose how you feel about something.
You get to choose how you react to something.
This is by far one of the most challenging things to grasp in life,
We are taught that we need to act, speak and even think through everything in ways to not harm or cause anyone else to feel bad.
We are told that we are not good enough,
that we are too much,
that we are RESPONSIBLE for how others feel about themselves,
about situations and how they perceive us.
to a degree we are responsible.
Our actions and words most certainly can trigger other’s into a negative or positive spiral.
Our actions do contribute to how we are perceived.
But we are not solely responsible for another’s feels, views or perceptions.
We each have an ability to be proactive in our thinking,
which leads to us being proactive in our feeling,
and to pause before we assume anything.
Becoming self-aware means to become authentic with self.
It means that we are willing to get real and raw with ourselves, and to acknowledge that anothers words or actions have only triggered an old program or wound,
and once triggered that we are now feeling this old emotion as though it is current.
The insecurities that we hold about ourselves,
the hatred that we have for ourselves,
the self- judgement, and shame…
All of these play a role in our emotions that can get triggered by an event or person.
But these internal landscapes that we all have,
are not another’s responsibility to cautiously thread through.
It is each of our own responsibility to self and to our lives,
to do the deep personal work to heal and become aware of.
If we do not do our own inner work,
then we are destined to walk through life feeling disempowered,
feeling a victim,
not understood and always attacked.
We will continue to view life as though we have no control and point fingers in blame at those we love,
at life experiences,
our governments, churches, schools, work.
However, when we choose to get real with self,
to practice self- love, healthy boundaries, knowing our desire’s, speaking our truth and RELEASING OURSELVES from the responsibility of everyone else’s feelings,
as well as taking responsibility for our own thoughts, feelings and actions,
we become EMPOWERED.
By doing this, we walk through life with less shame, guilt, blame, judgement on self or others and we approach life from a healthier state of relating.
We can now speak in confidence our needs,
state clearly our yes and no and also accept another’s
without falling into an old wound or fear and needing to control an outcome.
We release the world and especially our loved one’s from the driver’s seat of our lives.
They are called your emotions for a reason.
They are all your’s.
And when we had them over to someone else,
we hold an expectation that the other person will and “should” always put us before them.
And if they do not,
then we are hurt and feel as though they do not love us, that they are selfish and heartless,
that we are not safe with them.
When in fact,
what we are asking for by turning over our power to another,
by making them responsible for our emotions is what is self-centered.
And if the other does always hold us before them,
guarding us and never letting us feel any uncomfort,
then what they are doing is hiding themselves from us.
The relationship is NOT authentic.
We have successfully required this other person, to mute themselves, change who they are, pretend at all cost and hide from us and themselves,
so that we can feel secure.
How is this love?
How is this respect?
How is this authentic relating?
Life is a risk.
24/7 you risk if you are breathing.
It’s an illusion.
Love is risky.
And you can choose to lean into it and enjoy its bliss however long it lasts,
or you can shut it down and try and control it so that you can live in a mirage for however long it lasts.
One allows for growth and truth.
The other, causes bitterness and wounds that may never get repaired between people.
Which do you choose?
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn how you can move into a truly authentic, loving relationship and heal the wounds of your past so you can have a F-ck Yes life and relationship?
Message me today for deet’s on global and local coaching now.
“CBD lovin’, anti-vaxxing, interracial family, sexually open and confident, slutty AF some may say, freedom focused, excepting of all.”
THIS is my lifestyle tagline.
THIS is my family tagline.
THIS is my belief’s tagline.
And why would this be my tag line?
Because I believe in freedom of speach, love, sex, religion,choices in life and believe that no matter who you are, ( race, religion, polical views, sex, sexual preferences, economic standing or other) that WE ARE ALL WORTHY.
Worthy of what you may ask?
Worthy of living.
Not just existing.
Worthy of all the things stated above.
Worthy of having our own opinions.
Worthy of not being shamed or stoned by others ideas, judgements, opinions or fears.
Worthy of just being us.
Many disagree with me on many topics.
And the thing that comes through the most in the conversations and debates is a desire to shush me.
To the point that recently I was multiple times told that I was a bad citizen for my views, that I was not compassionate and did not care for others, that I was a horrible human being, that I should shut up, and that if I get sick to not waste the medical systems time but to just die at home.
All of these statements came because of a disagreement in ideas and beliefs.
Differences of views.
All of these stones thrown had the strong feeling of wanting to shame, control and silence what did not align to their beliefs and views of current.
And as I read through comments of over a hundred plus,
I found myself sitting in gratitude for these individuals’ truth shares.
I am not a person that has an issue with seeing things differently then the masses,
differently then my lover, my child or my friend.
And I know that my views on life are a far cry from average and ordinary.
And it is beautiful to me that we humans are so diverse in our desires, our feelings and beliefs.
It’s what makes us each so unique.
But typically we deeply fear what is not like us.
What is not common or what we perceive as normal.
Our fear makes us want to eradicate whatever is not perceived the same as us.
And this has been our human nature forever.
The reason I do not lay claim to a religion is because religion is a prime example of this belief structure that there is ONLY ONE WAY.
I believe that we are all truly children of God no matter our race, belief, sex or preferences.
I believe that the creator moves through us all.
And that our differences are revealing how diverse God truly is.
I believe that “made in his image” does not refer to our race, sex or other but is actaully speaking of the energy, the life and consciousness, the love that resides in all of us.
I believe that we are each here to learn from one another and that one of our biggest life lessons is to learn to love our differences.
The only way that we can ever do this though is to learn to love ourselves at a deep level first.
To strip ourselves from this concept that we are here to please others ideas, views or beliefs about us.
Self-love comes from seeing our light and darkness and making peace with them both.
Self- love comes from knowing our own value.
Self- love comes from respecting ourselves enough to not sway to the worlds ideas and perceptions, nor to just give up ourselves because we make another uncomfortable with our views and beliefs.
Self- love is mandatory if we are to ever have true unconditional love for any other human as well.
And compassion can only come when we have it for ourselves first.
Same for any positive characteristic that we value such as respect or understanding.
If we believe that we are responsible for everyone elses everything and they for our feelings, fears and hopes then all we are showing is our lack of clarity within who we are.
To have understanding,
we need to listen,
we need to inquire,
we need to learn to breathe and not be so reactive,
jumping to conclusions.
We need to realize that this person that we want to have understand us,
desires the same.
The majority of our fights in our world and in our own homes comes about because we suck at communication skills.
And the ones listed above are the highlighted ones that need attention from all of us.
The radical conversations that are traveling around the world right now are just highlighting the true poison that resides within each of our lives.
It is fear.
And it is fear of differences more than anything else.
And so we run around pointing fingers and laying blame on everyone who thinks differently or looks differently proclaiming that we love unconditionally, stating that we are wanting peace, freedom, well being for all but continuing the blame game as we spew out our hatred and lack of toleration or desire to understand our fellow human beings.
All the while believing that we love ourselves and that is why we are fighting and hating.
When we speak such poison as some of the things I have heard the last few weeks it saddens my soul at how many people truly are lost within themselves and hold so much anger and hatred.
When we can get to a point where we can agree to disagree and still love our fellow human despite the difference,
then we will be in a place where we can heal and make true change in our world as well as in our communities and home.
But this will only happen when we can learn to love ourselves deeply. To look within ourselves and love all our flaws, all our sins, all our wounds as well as our beauty.
we will remain lost and hateful.
To all our beautiful differences.
Be the change, start loving unconditionally today, ‘starting with yourself.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn more about self-love practices that can transform your reality from average and ordinary to a F-ck Yes Life? Message me today.
Hi, I am Kendal’s P-ssy….
I have a story to share with you.
It is my personal tale of a p-ssies struggles and come back to love and orgasm.
When Kendal was a small girl,
she discovered me. She loved to explore me and learn all about me in the shower and it felt wonderful.
We were so bonded and comfortable with each other,
and as Kendal grew and became a young adult,
she could hear me speaking to her about everything that I felt was good for us. She listened to some of my words and sought to help me have some of my desires,
but then one day Kendaal met a young man that I absolutely adored.
This young man knew how to treat Kendal.
He looked at her with eye full of love,
he touched her skin with the same adoration.
And months down the road she allowed him to touch me too.
It was an exciting day.
I can still feel those first touches.
I had never been seen by a boy before like this,
I had never been allowed to be touched by anyone other than Kendal until now,
and here he was.
Loving on me.
I grew so hungry for the boy to do more than just touch me,
but he was respecting Kendal and wanted to move slowly.
And let me tell you,
He moved slowly.
It took him a year to finally make sweet love to us,
and when he did,
He remained in us for hours.
Rubbing, touching, kissing and sucking.
It was a loving moment and I felt so free and open.
I never wanted to part ways with this young man,
and Kendal was so happy,
so full of sexual light.
They shared dreams and ideas of the future,
talked as though thousands of years would go by with them together.
I was so excited about the endless possibilities of what they were discussing.
But one day,
the boy changed his mind.
He decided that he needed to venture out into the world without us. He kissed Kendal goodbye after lunch and vanished without a word.
Kendal cried for months,
she felt so lost and in agony over this relationship.
She became upset with me too in the process and blamed me for the pain that her heart was feeling.
So she distanced herself from me,
she did not touch me.
She did not want to have anyone else touch me.
She felt trapped in her surroundings and lost at her core.
A few months went by and all she could think of was escaping the world that she was existing in.
She met a man a decade older than her,
she could tell he had eyes for her and that is all that mattered.
She knew he was her ticket out of this mess that she was in.
And so she acted quickly and offered us up a tribute to the man,
she moaned and screamed, scratched and acted like I was enjoying it, acted like she was into it,
but I was not.
I felt saddened at her actions.
Before I knew it, the man had proposed to her and she said yes,
I was lost at why she would do this when she did not have the feeling in her heart for him,
and I was not on board with the idea,
yet she said yes.
And years went by.
We had children,
and I kept being offered up for tribute,
to keep life normal and “happy” as she always said.
She believed that this is what adulting was about and that it just was.
She told us that the joy and love we shared with the boy so many years before was a fluke and that I needed to accept that we were not here to enjoy the sex anymore,
that we were here to have babies, make her husband happy and carry on.
And so I allowed her to use and abuse us.
But I shut myself down from the possibilities of pleasure,
I could not feel her heart anymore,
all I could feel was her anger and hatred.
Until, one day a man who was a friend of theirs started flirting with her. He grabbed her hand one afternoon and kissed her palm. I got excited.
I began to heat up and throb.
I was screaming, “Do you feel that?”
I wanted her to recognize the look in this man’s eyes.
It was love.
And if she would stop waring with me she could feel the warmth of it at her core.
I was hopeful that this man could reconnect us.
And I pushed for her to do what she never thought possible,
go outside her marriage and tap back into me.
And she did.
And there were some fun adventures,
until that crazy mind of hers kicked back into the driver’s seat and told her to feel shame and guilt,
that her sex did not matter and that she was evil for venturing off and listening to me.
And so she locked us out again.
She blamed us for even more pain and loss in her life.
And we carried on being offered up as tribute to her husband for a decade more.
Over the years I went to work on other aspects of her,
trying to get them to side with me,
trying to get them to connect with me so that we could get her to listen to the fact that she was walking down the wrong path in her life and that the happiness that she craved and desired,
was never going to happen under these conditions of trauma.
And FINALLY I had a breakthrough with her intestines.
We devised a plan that would certainly cause her to pay attention….
One day while at an event with friends,
when she was laughing and masking her pain with alcohol we set our plan into action.
The intestines began to bleed everywhere!
She had white shorts on and was in a crowd of strangers and friends,
it was perfect.
She knew it was not me bleeding from her period,
and she knew it was serious.
It was a sobering moment for Kendal.
We had her attention.
And with some discovery she uncovered that she was now suffering from Crohn’s Disease.
She spent the next few years focusing on her body,
on her health, on her thoughts,
and even though she still ignored me,
she was on the right path to coming back into communication with me and after doing everything that she could to heal,
she came to the conclusion, (thanks to me who made sure to kick Crohn’s into high gear after sex frequently) that there was alink between her sex, her p-ssy (me) and the disease.
And so she went back to her roots,
she went back to what the boy from so many years before had taught her,
to thier conversations about sex, body and soul.
And she realized that what she needed was sexual healing.
That all these years she had been living in her sexual shadow,
disconnected from who she really was and her desires,
disconnected from your intuition, her GPS (ME).
And one day she went to her husband and told him her discovery only to be told that she was crazy.
But, she was done with the pain and suffering.
She was done with feeling lost and moody.
She was done with pleasureless sex,
limited connection and not being happy in her life.
She was sick and tired of not living.
And she told her husband, “too bad, I am doing it anyway.”
And she did.
And it was amazing.
She started the very next week by connecting with a tantra coach, and she dug in deep quickly and did the emotional and psychological work that he offered her to remove the wounds and trauma and move past them, she did the physical release work to let the tension go from the body, and from me.
And she started to feel herself again.
She started to appreciate me again.
She started to love me again and feed me again with touch,
and then on day she decided that it was time to let me play some and she ventured out and found a man,
a man that looked at her the way that I like,
and she listened to me and they had beautiful intimate, healing moments,
and he opened her up to hearing me even more and feeling me more and deeper,
and from there she found more lovers for me,
and I felt loved and appreciated, full.
But all stories have some down points, right?
And so does mine.
One day Kendal did not listen like she should to me and she disregarded my screaming that we were in a bad situation,
and without notice a male client of hers attacked her in her office and forced himself on her,
and into us.
He had his way and she felt paraylzed in the moment during and directly following. He tossed $600 down on her limp body on the floor and said,
“Thank you for making me feel like a man.”
She wept and hid herself.
Blaming me again,
if I had not taken her down this path,
then perhaps this trauma would not have been,
she should have stayed safe,
but here she was.
And disconnected we were again.
It took her some time,
it took her some convincing from a few wonderful men that loved her deeply,
but she finally came back around and allowed me my voice again.
From there we have had many struggles in our communication,
we have made some wrong turns but we have many more right then wrong.
She has learned the value of my voice,
and when the old wounds sprout up from nowhere she sees them.
She desires to remain in connection with me,
and together we work at our loving relationship daily.
Today, I am happy with my journey.
I am happy with my life.
I feel the disconnect that her and I have,
as does she,
but our desire is the same.
To open and connect me fully back up to her heart where I belong,
so that we each can reap the wonderful rewards of pleasure and juicy intimacy again.
There have been so many moments through the years that Kendal and I have shared touching the big toe of God in our sex, feeling the bliss of an emotional orgasm as tears pour from her eye’s and I pulsate and vibrate in rapture, and swallowing up our lover to the depth of the earths core.
These moments are what I crave as a p-ssy.
These moments are only possible when I am connected to her heart,
and feel that she loves me and herself fully.
These moments can only occur when she is listening to me and letting guide her to the lovers that are at one with us,
and this is what makes me happy.
This is what all p-ssies in the world crave and desire for happiness.
Ladies of the world…
are you listening to her?
She has a message for you,
she wants to connect and open your heart.
Your p-ssy is your guidance, your intuition and knowing.
It is time that you reconnect and stop blaming and fearing her.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn more about how you as a woman can tap back into your female GPS and power? To live a life of rapture and truth? Message me for deet’s on just how to do this.
Today I stayed in my nighty till 1pm.
Why? Because that’s what felt good for this moment.
Seems like a who the eff cares sorta thing, right?
Cuz’ it does not ultimately effect anything.
But that’s not true.
It effects everything.
Because its all about my vibe.
About how I am feeling right now.
The other day I was out at my community pool…
(And f-ck yes! We are happy our community is opening back up.)
And the water 💧 was so freaking cold.
My youngest two kids were yelping for me to get in the water and play and I was really not wanting too.
But wanting…. not so much 😕.
I did want them to be happy.
I wanted to enjoy a fun moment with them.
But as I ventured into the cold depths of the pool I felt my body tense. My limbs tightened,
My heart ❤ starting beating faster and I found myself holding my breath.
I was now constricting my energy.
I was withholding my truth.
I was locking myself up.
And I felt frustrated that I was in this coldness.
My ego instantly started to play its games with me…
“You need to smile and bear this, don’t let them see your pain, frustration, or lack of wanting to be here.”
“You have to do this.”
“F-ck! This is too cold. Wish they did not want to do this.”
And my emotion to these statements?
And as I got splashed, and jumped on,
I grew sad because my body was hurting.
And I was feeling trapped.
I was feeling like I had no choice or that if I stated my truth that I would upset my loved ones.
Which was NOT the emotion that I started this afternoon with.
It was however the emotion I was choosing for this moment,
By the actions I was allowing myself to take that I was not a 💯 percent too.
I also, in this action 🎬 allowed my vibe 😎 to totally be changed.
And if left unacknowledged,
And consistent action to follow where I chose to what perhaps I was willing to do,
But not willing,
Then my mood would stay low vibe.
My emotions would be darker, full of blame,
It would remain constricted like my body was feeling from the 🥶 cold.
I would remain tense to life.
Tense to my desires.
Tense to those I am around and love.
Tense to my truth.
And then you know what 😳 happens?
I end up magnitizing and manifesting more things into my life that cause me to remain constricted.
More things that I may be WILLING to do…
But am not WANTING to do.
And so instead of living this life the way I enjoy 😉 the most,
Which is in ease and flow,
With tons of laughter, play, connection, joy, love, abundance of good shit…
I would shut it all out.
Granted my little tale to you today is only that…
It was a flicker of thought and emotion that went through my being and announced the path that I was potentially stepping on.
But I recognized it.
I saw what those seemingly meaningless thoughts and emotions were saying.
And so I got my booty out of the 🥶 cold.
I went and did what felt good.
Laying in the 🌞 sun.
And my week has been gentle with me.
Full of what I enjoy.
It could have been different.
And often people come to me with a desire to live their f-ck yes life, and they want to know HOW 🤔.
It always comes down to these seemingly meaningless moments.
These thoughts and emotions that are left uncensored,
And how they will lead us astray.
So if my tale speaks to you today.
Here is your HOW.
Here is what you MUST start to realize.
And what is most important.
Do what you enjoy.
Don’t be led astray by what you “think” you need to do to appear a certain way to anyone else,
Or to make someone else happy,
Especially if you are a F-CK NO!
Time to get really baby.
Time to know your truth.
Its with you always,
You just have to listen and act from there.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers ”
Let’s do this thing luv.
You and me.
Stepping into who you really are and claiming your F-ck Yes!Life now.
Message me for deets.
I have too many tabs open.
I cannot compute any longer.
My breaker box is on overload and it’s causing me to numb out.
Just this morning I was explaining to my lover that I am a person who does not do well with a bunch of unfinished projects just sitting around. It causes me stress and if I cannot get them completed by myself, if they are out of my control then I end up numbing myself out to them and thus to life.
I love dreaming things into reality.
There is no better feeling than to witness the birth of a dream being realized.
I love seeing things being built.
watching the walls of a project go up and picking out all the little details to make it my own.
I love seeing something come into reality.
It feels good.
It feels fulfilling.
It has a certain charge to it.
And it makes you want to explore more,
dream more, feel more, witness more.
But when you get too many tabs open,
you end up with chaos.
And I don’t know about you but when my outside world has too many projects to complete and I look around,
I feel overwhelmed and anxious.
I don’t know where to start and I start to doubt myself.
All my self sabotage programs come up and I start to hear the roar of you are not good enough, there is not enough of you to go around, get your shit together, you are messy, you are scattered, you are lost.
And to a degree these programs are damn f-cking correct.
I am feeling chaotic, lost and like there is not enough of me to go around.
And so, I turn myself off to feeling it.
These thoughts create a mindset that I know at my core will not do me any favors, so it is best to just disconnect from them. Shut that shit down or go into a panic or a rage about the mess of life.
My head in these times gets so overloaded with thoughts and my internal check list is longer than you can imagine.
So I attempt to shut it all down and turn away from it.
But there is a mighty big issue with this attitude that I am prone to.
You see you don’t get to just shut down one feeling.
or one thought line.
You don’t get to just turn away from this one thing,
or detach from it and look another direction without the same distancing happening there too.
That background thought processor is on overdrive and it’s running crazy.
The checklist is flashing warning lights at you when you close your eyes.
And you wake up and what are you greeted with?
All the tabs that you left open that were draining your energy even though you closed the lid to the computer to let it rest.
Closing the lid, or detaching yourself from the list of chaos that is causing you overwhelm and anxiety can work in short spurts IF…
IF you open back up shortly thereafter and get the shit taken care of.
But if you just bounce from project to project ( tab to tab)
and never finish it up you drain yourself and never allow yourself to shut fully down to recharge.
In this case recharging means,
projects complete to you can be PRESENT in the moment with whatever you are doing to relax, to step away, to charge yourself.
This includes your sex life,
playful events, dates, experiences and just chilling with the family or friends.
Lately, I have noticed that I have too many tabs open.
And it’s causing me to numb out to everything because I am burned out mentally and emotionally with things.
I am starting to feel the spin of constant thoughts that won’t leave me to rest no matter what I try to do to step away and give myself a break.
My mind is on hyper drive.
And without rest I am having trouble being present in my life,
in my sex, in my work, in my daily yoga or just watching a movie.
This lack of presence and hyperdrive of thoughts has the nasty effect of stunting desire.
And leaves you with a feeling of, “I am bored.”
And when you are bored and desireless,
you don’t have much motivation,
much turn on for life or love or creation,
you don’t really care because caring would start up those engines of anxiety and overwhelm and your tank is empty to why bother.
So hands go up to the heaven,
you drop to your knees,
leane back on the floor and say….
Too many tabs open.
It’s not a great space.
But right now in our world, I believe that many of us are feeling this way. We have been busy entertaining ourselves with home repairs, projects galore, picking up extra work, etc, etc,
and we have been more aware of all the spots in our life that we are not satisfied, that perhaps we feel blaise, or that we are just settling, just getting by.
Our souls are not designed for blaise or getting by.
We were not born with the desire to settle in life.
We are all creators.
We are all born to LIVE.
So what is the answer to, too many tabs open and what it causes in the long haul?
Close the effing tabs!
Deal with your shit.
and then allow yourself a reboot.
Give your mental, emotional and physical bodies a break.
It does not take long to recharge,
but if you keep those tabs open and just go through the motions of taking a break then you are doing yourself a disservice.
Today I encourage you to take things off your mental list by delegating, writing it down and hiring out what you can. Looking at what you actually need to get done and what you “think” you need to get done and letting go of anything that is causing you mental or emotional stress that is NOT NEEDED.
Then DO THE DAMN THINGS that will clear your tabs.
Once that’s done, go find humor.
Go find play.
And make your work be about being present in your body.
You have not allowed yourself to embody yourself all this time because your internal space was taken up with chaos and overwhelm, but now you can.
Give yourself permission to breathe into YOU.
You are worthy of THRIVING.
Stop Existing & Start Living
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