Not All Gifts Are Gifts, You See.

I got this for you.
I got you this thing.
I got you this thing that I had to get you.
I am sure you will love it.
I know you will.
I got this for you.
It’s my favorite,
and is your’s now too.

Oh you said that you like that.
And so I it is true.
That now all you want,
is this thing.
Over and over,
I will never venture out.
I am not looking at what you say,
or do,
all I can focus on is making sure that you have this thing till you want it no more.

I love you.
I like you.
I adore you.
I cannot get enough of you.
And so it must be so,
that you too,
feel this thing I am feeling,
and want it as much.

I desire this to happen,
I crave it so much,
My mind wants to devour you,
as my body wants to taste and feel.
I cannot hear your words of denial,
I cannot allow myself to pay heed,
no you,
you must want this too.

It is a gift that I give you.
And even though you say no,
I know that you want this.
Because it is true.

Your words are like nails on a chalk board,
why do you argue with me?
Your silence is deafening,
why don’t you give thanks for all that I do?

It must mean more to you.
I must be with you.
I know that you feel something,
you say it is nothing,
you say it cannot be so.
But,
I love you.
I adore you.
I want more of you.
So it is this way.

My desire has me blinded.
My hunger has me deaf.
My heart pains at your denial,
so I will show you,
yes I will.

I know that you will love it.
I know it will be so.
Just give me this moment.
To absorb all you are.
Stop making such a big deal of it.
Why are you hiding over there?
I know that you will love it.
So let me show you my dear.

You make me feel so alive.
You make me smile with your presence.
You make me feel superhuman,
so accept this gift I am giving.
Accept this “love” I am offering.
Stop denying it.
You know you want it.
You know you love it.
You like it.
You want it.
You do.
—————————————————————————

A tale I hardly speak of is the tale of being a rape survivor,
however I wish to express this today as when I walk through this world, I see so many rapes in so many different fashions.

The above is a share that was activated by a trigger from someone in my life recently.

Although there was no harm done,
although I am certain that there was no intent of such,
not even a trigger.
I find it my mission, to speak out loud and have a voice for all those who cannot.

So bare with me here,
as what I am saying may possibly cause you ill feelings,
for your guilt as much as any other human for the rape offenses that we all have made and played down without notice to the messages of ego shared.

No matter what it is.
No matter the gift.
Realize this…
Not all gifts are gifts you see,
for a gift can only truly be received in love when the receiver desires the gift,
wants for it some way,
or truly is something that speaks their name.
But, many a gift has nothing to do with the receiver,
and everything to do about the giver,
who longs to be seen.
To be accepted.
To be loved.
At all cost they will go.
Not noticing the one that they love.
They place their hunger before the heart of another.

No matter the event,
no matter the intimacy shared.
If it is not two sided in wanting,
then it is nothing more than a taking.
You think it is romantic,
you think is sweet,
you think is no big deal,
but when we steal an intimacy with another,
we ignore all that they are.
We crave more for our desire.
We fear more about our pain,
our rejection of not getting,
of not having or experiencing,
what we want is all that matters,
and so we paint a picture of what will be and ignore all the strokes of anything different.

A kiss,
a hug,
a tender touch you see.
All can be innocent and precious,
but when not wanted they are a trespass.
Just as the gift that one might give that is not desired,
can be nothing more than a nuisance.
A problem you see.
We trespass others in so many ways.
From touches to things.

Be aware is all that is stated here.
A lesson for me and you.
We all are guilty of taking.

Ask yourself this,
“This action, this thing, these words that I share: are they from my desire to have what I want or give what is wanted?”

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Level up your life.
Level up your relationships.
Explore 1:1 elite coaching or Passion Coaching for Couples today. Applications available now.

 

Why I always called my ex-husband after having HIGH VIBE sex….

Why I always called my ex-husband after having HIGH VIBE sex….

Say WHAT?🤯
Okay today I am going to share an intimacy tale with you that I have shared with very few, but it is time for me to be vulnerable and share this as so often we are guilty of doing this very thing in different ways.

Let me paint you a picture.🌃

” My hands take his face and pulls him close for a kiss that not only is connective but penetrates my heart and soul. Our breath intertwines in this moment and becomes one. I can feel our souls dancing in this celebration of love and my body opens to him. My legs soften and open wider, my pelvis tilts as I pull him in. I can feel him enter me and we both gasp with pleasure from the sensation that pours through our beings, the sensation of coming home.

He moves his body in gentle thrusts while holding me. Hand in my hair, hand on my hip. My hips and whole body fluidly moves with each of his thrusts as we gaze deeply into each others eyes, amazed at how connected we are; how our hearts long to orgasm into rapture with each other. He presses deeper into my pussy as though he want to touch my heart with his cock. His pelvis rubs on my clit, his breath comes down on my neck and with each stroke I feel myself surrendering at intense levels. My pussy now wants to devour him, wants to swallow him as she pulls him to the deepest levels possible and the head of his cock rubs gently on my cervix.

Minutes turn into hours, orgasmic waves roll through my whole being and force me into greater ecstasy as he fiercely but gently fucks me open. Here we are two flesh’s, two hearts, two souls yet married together through our sexing. The spiritual dance and penetration that we give to each other is untouchable. Our breathing becomes united, my pussy clenches then pushes, quivers then squirts its sweet amrita. His cock becomes harder in these moments and the vibrations of his love expand out and penetrate my pelvis. I can feel the intensity of his love and the orgasmic energy coming up my spine. He pulls me in, holds my hands down and firmly whispers his demand in my ear, “ Give me your orgasm.“

“Give me your orgasm. Give it to me. I want to feel you cum on my cock.”

My body quivers, my breathing becomes short and tense for a moment. The building of climax that was there, is now at its peak. I can feel the sharpness of orgasm trying to escape from my clit as he rubs across it. My nipples are swollen and his chest hair is almost to much sensation, but as they tickle my flesh the shaking of my thighs and pussy bursts into bliss. Air is released from my mouth, my chest softens, my hands drop down to the bed and he continues to stroke.

Each stroke although soft and delicate in this moment does not let me relax but keeps my orgasm in a soft wave where he can play me like an instrument beneath him to his will and desire. Where he can command me with his divine masculine to give him my orgasm. Over and over again, he strokes me into submission.”

Okay so you get the picture, right?
It was hot.
It was intense.
It was f-cking AMAZING!
It was passionate, present, INTIMATE and HIGH VIBE!
So much so that with this particular lover,
we were in such alignment,
the love was so deep and penetrative,
we had many moments where the smell of roses would waft up from our love making as though were making love in a bed of them.

Not a rose in sight…🌹🌹🌹
Though???

~That is HIGH VIBE SEX~

Now here is where things get interesting though.
Here is where I sorta loose my mind.

After such a deeply intimate high vibe experience with my lover,
for a few years I felt drawn to call my ex-husband while driving home from my lovers house back to mine.

Crazy huh?
Yet there,
it was no matter the hour of the day or night,
I would find myself being guided off to call my ex.
Logically I would tell myself,

“You are on top of the world right now. You need to check in with him in regards to the children or what have you ANYWAY, and RIGHT NOW nothing can get you down. You can handle his low energy, and can maybe even give him a positive boost. Call.”

And so I would call him.

And we would speak. And we would talk about what ever.
He quickly picked up on the fact that I was calling after being with this particular lover who would have my heart and soul hanging from the heavens in ecstasy and I think he got to a point where he consciously allowed himself to bask in that turned on, pumped up HIGH VIBE I was offering.

But what it took me a few years to grasp was WHY I was being called to reach out to him after having these powerful emotional, sexual, energetic experiences with my lover?

You see, after I got about three quarts of the way in on a phone call to my ex-husband, my HIGH VIBE would not be nearly as HIGH.

My turned on state would not be turned on, it would be maybe comfortable, happy but not ecstatic any longer.

My focus, my clarity and creativity that the love making had opened up to me would dissipate.

I was in an essence GIVING MY POWER.
My ORGASM.
MY TURNED ON ENERGY.
MY HIGH VIBE away for free to him.

So why would I do this?
Its crazy.

I did it because as much as I enjoyed all that I was feeling,
all the creative flow and open heartedness. The spiritual alignment.

I was UNCOMFORTABLE holding this energy in my being.
It was still foreign to feel so good.

I almost had shame wrapped up around my feel good.
Guilt in the fact that I was so happy, turned on, orgasmic.
As though I did not deserve it.

And because FEELING GOOD was so hard to hold in my body, I did what I had to do to get back into my comfort zone. I drained myself.

And this is the point I want to share with you today.

So often we humans are more comfortable with LOW VIBE than HIGH VIBE.

We may question ourselves or others as to,

“Why are you so happy?”

We make statements such as,
“What have you been smoking?”

If someone brags a little too much about themselves or shows a little too much pride in something of theirs our response is,

“Think much of yourself?”

We have been programmed to believe that being to happy,
being in love with ourselves,
being proud of ourselves,
is bad.

Thus when we access these higher levels of vibration,
energy, emotion, alignment,
we feel uncomfortable.
We look for what is wrong with it.
We expect the bottom to drop out.
For it to be hoax.
Or something.
It cannot be right, true or our norm.

And so, before we can experience a let down.
Before it is taken from us.
We subconsciously look for ways to off set it.
To level ourselves out.

When if we wanted to grow ourselves,
to be more comfortable in HIGH VIBE,
and live an ecstatic life,
that F-ck YES! Life I am always preaching about,
what one would need to do,
would instead of letting the energy out in some way,
would be to HOLD the experience.

Hold the FEELING.
Hold the EMOTION.
Hold the DESIRE to SHARE.
Hold speaking.

Build up your ENERGETIC Muscles you could say.
GROW your SPIRITUAL BODY.

And in growing your spiritual body and energetic muscles,
you get more and more comfortable with HIGH VIBE Living.

You grow to expect it.
To desire it.
And guess what?

You start to manifest more of it.
Because it becomes your norm.

And whatever your normal is,
Is exactly what you get more of.
Because it is what you expect to get.

Where are you draining your HIGH VIBE?

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Why are you settling for a small lifeless life? Are you sitting back night after night, watching Netflix and the news, playing games on Facebook and scrolling through your feed, wishing that you knew what to do and how to achieve something MORE. In the back of your mind is there a small voice whispering that it is possible, but the world around you is screaming that it is absurd to want anything other than what you already have?

So do you continue on with your lifeless life and allow the beauty of what could be, to be stripped away from your soul yet another year?

Living for the weekends.

Living for the holidays.

Living for that 2 weeks of vacation.

Living for the 5 o’clock hour where we can dart off to our local little watering hole and sit with others who are in the same constricting shoes of this life.

This is NOT Orgasmic Freedom Based Living!

This sure the effing is NOT!

We have grown so comfortable to reside here in hell. We actually have brainwashed ourselves to BELIEVE that this is what living is. We have come to terms with the supposed facts of this delusional state of existing and many of us have no clue how to live outside of this illusion.

So we sign another year long lease and get comfortable in our suffering.

It does not have to be this way though. At any given moment in time we have the ability and choice to WAKE THE F*CK UP! and choose differently. God gave us free will so that we could overcome the evils of this land. The only thing asked of us is to BECOME CONSCIOUS. This is the only step needed to turn the corner to a new life and RECEIVE all the blessings that you crave.

YES! all you have to do to live in orgasm every day and in every moment is to become conscious and choose differently.

You must choose the higher ground which is the ground of not accepting a small life. Not accepting AVERAGE and ORDINARY. Not accepting what the evils of the world would have you believe is living.

Explore Feel Good Now!

 

*Thank you Photographyinwonderland. for the photoshoot

((Don’t Dry F-ck Your Woman’s Emotions – Rare Is The Man Who Understands This))

Dry F-cking My Emotion’s.
This is the statement of today that resonates it’s eerie truth about my heart and soul. And if it lingers and speaks to me,
I am sure that it will call to many others as well.
 
((The Depths Of The Goddess Can Only Be Revealed In Trust – Rare Is The Man Who Understands This))
 
We open ourselves up,
full body, mind and soul.
We awaken in beauty,
ready to receive love and be love,
and we long to dance.
We want to be breathless in the arms of our lover.
We want to be carried away.
At a woman’s core,
there is something that know’s that it wants her lover to take her.
Take her not in some dominant fashion of control.
But take her into her depths,
where she can open,
surrender and devour life more fully.
We know that we have this inside of us.
We feel our passion,
our truth,
our goddesshood,
but to fully tap in we must venture out into the seas of the unknown.
We must trust.
We must be willing to expand,
reveal and surrender.
These waters that we must dive into allow our true beauty to be seen and felt,
are filled with emotion,
filled with desire,
filled with our dreams, hopes and fears.
These are the waters of vulnerability.
Where a woman can only venture when she fully trusts at a deep level her lover and herself.
 
However, when she does expand into these pools of deep soul and reveal herself she offers more than just a vision of ecstasy.
She offers her truth.
She offers her core.
She gives her very heart over and trusts that it will be adored and loved as much as she is loving her mate.
Here her lover will experience what he may never have known existed.
Here her lover may see beauty that only he had read about once upon a time in a poem or fable.
Here he will feel himself,
at a level that he has never tasted before.
And he will find it intoxicating.
 
Not knowing exactly how he arrived in this strange land of the divine feminine,
he finds himself in a candlelit setting,
a room where his soul has always wanted to be,
but uncertain as to his worthiness of being there,
he may question it or not even truly see where he is at.
 
As he dances with her,
swimming beside her in these emotions of love and freedom, fire and passion, he fears what he has never tasted before and yet craves for more.
Until he can handle no more.
These waters are strange,
they are dark and light,
he is uncertain at to where the tides will carry him,
and often he chooses to abandon the dance before he is carried too far out from his shore of comfort.
And so,
without even trying he finds himself asking for her depth.
Asking her to reveal more of her beauty.
Asking her to trust him more fully.
To allow him to carry her.
Hold her.
And go deeper.
But doing so as he swims away.
Back further and further he swims.
With each backward stroke he moves himself away.
Wondering why she turns around.
Why her beauty is fading.
Why her truth is harder to hear.
And as they drift apart,
he remembers her not any more as the goddess that opened him to his rapture,
he no longer longs to dive into her waters and explore or caverns of mystery,
he no longer desires to discover what lies beneath and makes her swirl.
No he quickly forgets her mystery.
He looses himself in the comforts of what he had known before.
Where life was just about the shore.
Where he sat and looked out at the waters,
unable to feel them.
 
And the goddess,
left to drown in her own waters,
seeing the dryness of his shoreline,
realizes how he will never truly be able to hold her.
Never truly be able to carry her heart.
For the sand can never hold water forever.
It can only appear too.
and then it will sink.
Sink into its own space.
And rest there.
 
The goddess finds herself.
Because this is the only one who can ever hold her.
Who can carry her.
She knows of the beauty of love,
she craves it all the same.
As deeply as the pain may bury itself in her heart,
she knows of its bliss.
She loves its dance.
She will never stop searching the shorelines.
 
And as these shore’s cut into her waters,
asking for her depth,
wanting her to reveal all the mysteries in freedom to them,
she moves forward,
swallowing them up for moments and sending them back to the land they call home,
leaving them with a faint memory.
A calling from her soul.
And she searches.
Searches for the ONE.
The ONE that can swim in her waters.
The ONE that can watch the sunset and rise on her waters,
bask in her reflection,
never tire of her expanding depth,
never run from her tide pools,
never sink into his fear.
 
Rare is the man who understands this truth of a woman.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Want to learn more about how to reveal your woman’s heart and soul?
 
Want to understand the true nature of a woman?
What opens her up?
Turns her on?
And draws her near?
Well then gentlemen,
Don’t wait for her storms to devour you.

You Have Not Earned Her Depth! ( Guest Author Post)

You can’t jump right in!

You have to make her feel you
You have to slowly earn her trust
You have to stroke her heart until she opens

And when you think she is open and you have found your way in… keep going because you’re not even halfway there.

There are a million barriers and blocks that are still in place and your ability to hold her in every sense of the word, earn her true trust, and expand her heart are the only way past these walls.

You think that because you’ve had her body that you have her heart. You are a fool.

You haven’t even tasted a drop of her sexual depth and you won’t until you hold her…

I mean really hold her!
Stand in the heat of her fire and don’t run

You spout pretty words but these words mean nothing to a heart that has heard them before. The feminine doesn’t want your false promises. The feminine wants your presence, your truth, and to be explored in all ways.

You MUST keep the dance going.
You MUST keep diving deeper
You MUST throw her into ecstatic bliss outside of the bedroom as much as inside the bedroom.

You say you want her…. prove it.
You say you desire her… show it.
You say you hunger for her depth… then stop being lazy AF with her heart!

You can’t just walk into a woman’s world and expect her to give herself to you. The beauty of a woman is also her complexity. There are so many layers and they won’t be shown to you until you have proven yourself trustworthy to be shown these depths. And then…. SURPRISE!!! You will find more depths to be explored.

Let me share a quick story.

I was with a man that I had known lightly at an intimate level. In all honesty, we didn’t know each other at any great depth but the energy was intriguing and so we explored.

Though in conversation one day he told me he wanted me to share the depths with him of things that had been going on… to trust him, to rip my heart open for him, to see behind my walls.

I got PISSED!!! Yes, I was severely angry at this moment.

How DARE he ask this of me!!!
He hadn’t done a bit of work to earn my heart.
What made him think he was worthy of my trust when there was no stroking at all.

He wanted to “Dry F*ck” my emotions.
No thank you!
That doesn’t sound pleasant.

So I could be left sore, bleeding, and damaged on the ground when he walked away for months not to speak to me again?

He spoke beautiful words
He was amazingly attractive
He was seductive in his touch
He was playful

But I wasn’t into games with my heart
And he didn’t put the effort in of truly stroking my depth
Allowing the true awakening of my arousal.

And if you drop a woman… you close her off even deeper and put your own barriers in the way.

This isn’t about sex… a woman can give you sex. We can easily go in and have what appears to be amazing sex but it’s only the tip of the iceberg of what you could have.

If you want her and I mean really and truly want her…
You have to be willing to go all in.
You have to take the time to open her up.
And I promise you that when you think she is opened to you, that there is more to still be explored.
And the second you stop exploring is the second you will be locked out of heaven!

Go explore your woman’s depth and I promise you will find your depth.
But unless you want to release her fire towards you…
Don’t expect or demand a depth you have not earned.
Yes, you have to earn it!

Sending you all …

Love, Light & Blessings,

Addison Bell

Bored with Yourself? Here is How To Tell.

Oh girl you look out into your life and you just feel no sizzle.
You just feel little excitement.
You think to yourself,
why?
As you look around and you see all this good shit happening but it just seems sorta boring.
You know what I mean.
The more comfortable you seem to get the more average and ordinary tends to seep into your daily life and practices.
And the more average your life is,
the more it looses its luster.
But that’s what you have wanted for so long…

NOT the average.
NOT the ordinary.
F-ck NO!!!!!
Never!

But you want the comfort.
The stability.

And now you have it.
So now what?

There is not a whole lot happening is there?
There is just your daily tasks.
That thousand long list of things to get done.
The bills to pay,
and they are on auto pilot so no real interaction there.
They just seem to happen.
Your kids come and go from school.
There is the grocery shopping.
The sports events.
Choir.
The gym.
Woohoo!!!

Oh yeah, there is this guy or that guy.
You know the one’s that hold your attention for a second.
Or even longer.
They are great…
Sometimes.
They are sweet and all wrapped up in you.
But seriously…

You are bored!
You are F-CKING BORED with BEING YOU.

And it is showing up in how you react to experiences.
It is revealing itself in how you choose to show up each day of your life.
It is making itself know in your lack of orgasmic sex,
your lack of depth and surface level blah blah in intimacy…

HaHa… Intimacy.

What is that these days?
It is nothing.
Because you are bored with the level of life that you have been allowing yourself to play at.

You are lusterless.
You are not shining.
You are dull.
And YOU my beautiful are the ONLY mother f-cker that can do anything about it.

It’s high f-cking time that you STOP accepting so little from yourself.
You know you have so much more inside of you.
You know that your voice was meant to be heard.
That your words were meant to touch millions.
You know that you get things at a different level than most.
And this is your effing SUPER POWER.

Yet you keep choosing to play is safe.
To focus on stability.
To be comfortable.
And that is leaving you with this bland taste in your mouth.
It is leaving you wanting for more.
And what once seemed like so much to desire,
now is nothing.
And you are almost ready to shake the boat and if you have to,
tip the mother f-cking thing over so that you can clean yourself off from all of the shit that you have been feeding yourself and crap that you have been living.

Because you were born for so much more.
And many say that they are,
but few actually believe it to a level to do something with it.
To actually make a mother f-cking decision to and CLAIM IT.

And this has somehow become you.
But it hurts.
It is agonizing at a deep soul level.
As it should be.

You know too much.
You understand too much.
You have see the magic that life has to offer.
And you KNOW YOUR POWER.

Turning your back on your power and on your core,
stepping out of your SOULS light is what is causing all this muckiness in your energy.

So just stop it already!

Yes you are bored.
Yes you are bored with yourself.
Yes you are too comfortable.
Even in the bad shit, you are comfortable.
Yes ALLOWING who you really are to be seen is scary.
Yes you want it and you doubt.
But YOU KNOW.

And if you know then all you need do is SAY F-CK YES!!!!! To YOU.

So what is holding you back beautiful?
This comfort of average and ordinary.
This entrapment of what you have.
The fear of loosing what you have so far,
OR….
of becoming EVERYTHING you WANT?

I double dog dare ( yes I just said that… because our 4th grade selves had it right about something, DARE…)
you to SHINE.
To fully step into who you are and stop accepting this piss poor version of you.
Because sure it may feel safer to linger here and be real nice and comfortable,
but I promise you this,
it won’t last.
Because what you are not aware of is that reality that in your comfort you are also fearful of loosing it all.
And this fear will out weigh everything else and make itself a reality.

At the end of the day,
you might as well just step the f-ck up and claim what you want,
take the risk to loose it by asking for it all,
then sitting around and spinning on your average and ordinary f-cking thumbs and loosing it anyway,
because honey,
that is what can happen.
And does OFTEN.
We get stable.
We start to play it safe.
Too safe.
And we get comfortable.
We settle.
And we start to take it all for granted.
Then we fear loosing it.
And BAM as if someone cast some magic spell on us or cursed us,
it is all gone.

But you my love have a choice.
You can grab this magic moment and you can step all the f-ck in on your life.
Without hesitation.
You can get CLEAR.
NOW.

You can set the tone of your day.
Of your mood.
Your week.
And your whole life.
But playing small,
playing safe,
is for those who are pansies.
Who enjoy the average and ordinary,
not YOU!

Your soul wants to take that dare.
It wants to show itself off.
Stand out.
Be BRIGHT.
STUNNING like the diamond that it is.
And it wants it all NOW.

Your SOUL does not need faith.
It resides in the greatness of the eternal.
It KNOWS its power.
Its purpose.

Will you follow your SOULS LEAD?
Claim Your Life Today.

And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Don’t wait another one, two, five, ten years to start THRIVING.
Make 2019 the year of you claiming YOU.
Explore VIP elite coaching today.

That melancholy feeling.

A state of nothing.
Yep that is where I am today.

One could view it as a peaceful place.
There is not a lot happening.
Except for all those crazy ass thoughts. 
Those fears and frustrations.
Oh yeah those things that prevented me from even having a good meditation today. 
Those things that for some reason I am insisting on carrying around today.

You know, 
when I first awoke at 7-am today none of this crap was with me. I woke up, felt great and then fell back asleep. 
That was the issue. 
I feel asleep. 
Perhaps this melancholy feeling is coming from some dream that I am not recalling. 
Perhaps it is because of the events of my morning. 
Maybe it is not even mine.

I have no clue. 
All I can share is that I am in a mood. 
I am in this mood of melancholy.
Where my brain will not shut up about how I will fail. 
How bad of a person I am. 
How I should do this or that. 
And will not allow me the space to just breathe. 
To just be and to have some freaking clarity. 
Or hope.

You know as I sit here this afternoon and write this message to you, I also realize that i am bored.

Yes bored and melancholy. 
Ooooh… it’s getting better is it not. 
Can you feel me love?

Can you feel the lull of my energy. 
Can you recognize it within yourself?

What is up with this new year?
I am seeing so many of my clients right now simply getting side tracked. 
Not wanting to do their work. 
Claiming they have no time. 
No energy. 
No direction. 
No drive.

And I get it!

I really do. 
I am feeling it too. 
But you know what?

It is still a choice.

Last week I joined a millionaire mastermind group. 
I took a stand for myself. 
For the life I want to have .
For my family. 
For my freedom.

I know that the only way that I can expand into the person that I want to be, to have the relationships that I want to have and to be free in all ways that I desire that I have to be willing to level up my life RIGHT NOW.

I have to be willing to say YES even though I am feeling bored and melancholy.

—————————————————————————

This was my intimate share Saturday that never made its way live to you.

I spent the day in this state. 
I did a a powerful workshop for a beautiful group of souls in this state of being.
I stayed raw, authentic and in my truth, 
about this state of being.

And you know what. 
It is still slightly lingering.

It is holding on to all that it can. 
It is begging for me to keep it alive today by focusing in on yesterday.

Well F-ck That!

Yet this is where we get to make a choice. 
Yes you and I, 
we can each choose what we want in our lives by deciding RIGHT NOW what we really want. 
And all we have to do is FOCUS on that that we desire. 
And focus with the intent and feeling that we already have it.

That state of melancholy is nothing more than our soul saying WAKE THE F-CK UP LOVE!!!

You have grown tired of the life you are living and the way that you are living it.

You are tired because it is no longer who you really are. 
Sure it may be comfortable to live this life, 
but is there passion in it?

Do you feel called?
Curious?
Challenged?

If you are anything like me,
and I am going to go out a limb and say you must be something like me if you are following me and reading this, 
then you need to feel challenged. 
You crave the playfulness. 
The possibilities. 
You want to feel your heart beat rise a tad as you lean in a bit further to your AUTHENTIC self.

You want to step in and you want to feel the breeze under your beautiful wings.

But something has changed over the year.
Sure 2018 was powerful. 
It had lots of turbulence, chaos and transformation. 
It most certainly got you clear on what you no longer vibe with and what you do not want to create in your life. 
It got you to see what you do want and has you focused on that. 
But something is different.
The lull is here. 
In your heart. 
In your mind.
In your actions.

And that is no good. 
You will get no where in the lull, RIGHT?

No the lull is perfect love.
It is space that is needed for you to clean your internal house up. For you to take a moment to breathe and get things sorted.

The lull is Gods precious gift to you to realign. 
And that is what you are doing.

You are being requested to PAUSE.
To know that 2018 was setting you free, 
and now all you need do is rest into the lull and have FAITH.

Let God carry you for this next segment of the trail as you get things settled and organized. As you take the rest of the trash out and step back from the PUSH.

You are safe.
You are loved. 
You are worthy.
And you can FLY.

Have FAITH baby that those wings you have been building all these years will open and carry you.

And they will.
The way through the melancholy is to LEAP into FAITH.

Here is the action.
You must do.

As always, 
Stop Existing & Start Living
” Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

This Man in My Bed.

The man in my bed. 
He is like no other man that has graced my sheets with splendor.
He is like no other man who has captured my essence, 
if for a flicker in time. 
He is like no one before him who thought they could penetrate my soul while f-cking my body.

No.

This man in my bed is for sure like no other.

I could tell you it’s in his moans, 
its in the way his tone changes during our sexing.
I could tell you that it’s about how he holds me, 
how he takes my hand firmly to let me know he is leading.
I could tell you its about how he tells me what he wants, 
how he wants me to wrap myself around him, 
to open to him more, 
I could tell you that its about how he massages my cervix, 
and knows how to move just right.

Sure I could say all of that, 
but none of that would be true.

The man in my bed. 
He is certainly like no other, 
and though his skill is far above most, 
his body pleasing to my touch and eye, 
it is not these things either.

I could tell you that its in his kiss, 
and let me assure you that I might have to sit and ponder, 
for his kiss is beyond measure.

I could tell you that its in his smooth conversation, 
in his depth, or in his knowledge.
I could tell you that its because he is a good mind f-ck, 
as he most certainly always make me think.

I could tell you that its because he makes me laugh, 
as he always puts a smile on my face.

Yes I could tell you these things, 
and they would add to the pool of reasons, 
as why he is so yummy.
But it would still not scratch the surface, 
as to why this man in my bed is like no other.

So let me tell you. 
Tell you now I will.

This man in my bed is like no other, 
he holds my respect.
he ignites my soul, 
he turns me on with his presence, 
and captivates me with his certainty.

This man in my bed, 
is like no other, 
he has me wanting more of him, 
he has me wanting to show up for him.

This man in my bed makes me want to earn him, 
all the while revealing to me how beautiful I am in his eyes.

This man, 
this man must have read my journal, 
he must have been given a copy by God, 
because as we lay here in my bed, 
I watch my desires unfold, 
they are handed to me, 
one by one, 
and as he leans over and kisses my neck, 
as he roams my flesh, 
as he whispers his desires in my ear, 
this man in my bed, 
in unaware.

He looks at me with a smirk, 
he inquires about my Mona Lisa smile, 
he knows I am hiding something, 
but how do I tell this man.

How do I tell him my truth?

And what is my truth anyway?

This man in my bed, 
he wants my love, 
he wants my mind, 
he wants my flesh, 
he wants me, 
fully.

And he wonders.

This man in my bed is like no other, 
and one day he may come to realise, 
that all that he wants is already his.

This man who holds me so perfectly, 
who I respect and admire, 
who I feel penetrated by with each word, 
with each look, 
this man, 
he is different than any other, 
and I tell you right now, 
he is very different.

I see more than this moment.
I desire the sunrise, 
and sunset, 
I desire more than a day, 
or even a month or a year. 
This man has me wanting him, 
and that does not happen with such ease.

Yet this man, 
this man in my bed, 
smooth as velvet, 
he has me wanting,

Wanting for more.

————————————————-
This goes out to all those men who want to turn their lady on, 
who want to know they are wanted, 
this goes out to all you gents who desire to conquer a woman’s heart and soul, 
and wonder why another so effortlessly might do just that. 
This goes out to you, 
you who want to fully penetrate your woman.
And question how it can be done.

Let me tell you the secret, 
that she will never confess.

Yes the answer sweet man is this, 
it’s in your lead, 
it’s about her respect, 
and how you respect her back, 
it amout how she can melt into you, 
how you carry her heart, 
and hold her in her emotions, 
its about the silent moments, 
and how present you remain, 
it’s about how you touch her, 
not her flesh but her mind.

Yes here is how you do it.
Here is how you make love to her. 
Learn to stroke her this way, 
whole being.
And let her open. 
And you too, ‘will have all that you want.

As Always, 
Stop Existing & Start Living

Hey there gents want to learn more about living as an extraordinary man? Want to gather the skills and confidence to show up for your woman like this?

Be that bad a*s man that you know that you are, 
but have told not to reveal to this world?

Yes, I am talking to you. 
Come explore my 1:1 men’s private coaching
And until Christmas use code SANTAGIFT to get an additional 2-months for free. 

You Must Change Up Your Vibe Tribe.

Am I vibing with you?

I sure hope I am.

Or maybe I hope I am not.


It really depends on where you are vibing at.And I say this, because we often do not pay attention to our vibe, let alone other people’s vibe.
But I can tell you this. VIBE is where it is at baby!
If you want to have that F-ck Yes Life, If you want to call in THE ONE, If you want to have blessings wash all over you, then you better be vibing in the same frequency as them. The things we desire the most are often high hanging fruit, and this high hanging fruit will not come down to us.

And if it does…..
Then it has lowered its VIBE.And you most likely won’t want it so much anymore.
This happens in relationship all the time.
We humans have the power to increase or decrease our vibe in no time flat.
It all stems from the thoughts we are thinking, the emotions we are feeling, and thus the actions we are taking.
High vibing people, you know the one’s…

You may even be one of the one’s.
And I hope that you are luv.But either way, you may want to know how to determine if someone is high vibe or low vibe.
RIGHT?


High Vibe peep’s are radiant,

they are turned on to life,

they are self-motivated,

they do not mask life or the experiences that life offers them.

They are not living in a victim mentality.

They are proactive.

They love forward movement,

They value alone time.

They know that more is always possible.

They see the interconnectedness of things.

They are grateful.

They are grounded.

They bounce out of negative thinking quickly.

They smile – A LOT!

They are easy to be around.

They have healthy, strong boundaries.

They don’t give a sh*t what you think of them.

They are abundant.

Blessings flow to them with ease.

They are not needy, but they do desire much.

They are in integrity with self.


High VIBE is where it is at baby!

Living a high VIBE life is what you were born to do.


It is where you will discover everything that you want the most.
And you can get there.This you can.
But you are not going to get there, if you are still trying to get your needs met by everyone else who is low vibing it.
You won’t get there if you are caught in worry, or anxiety and fear.
You won’t get there if you are giving to many f-cks about everyone else’s opinions and judgements.


You won’t get there if you insist on hanging with low vibing friends, family and lovers.
And this can cause some mighty BIG issues in life, the main one being that you MUST realize that many of the people you have in your life RIGHT NOW,
won’t follow you up in VIBE.


And you will loose these people in some fashion.

So that alone may stop you.

You may not want to loose this person, or that one.

You may say it’s not worth it.

You may think I am wrong and try and drag their sweet ass along.

And you can for a bit, although the dragging of dead weight will certainly drain you at some point,

and then you will either drop them, or surrender to creeping back down into lower vibe, where life was…..


well….


BLAH.

And difficult.

Where you were not happy.

And you may say that it is worth it.

As long as you can keep these peep’s in your life, then it is worth it to be low VIBE.
And that is fine.

That is your choice.

And you will make this choice many, many multiple times throughout your life.
Just know though, that if you want to have that F-ck Yes! Lifestyle, you want abundance, deep love, and happiness.

That you will have to make changes in whom you choose to hang around.
Because the saying is so true,

“You become like those you hang around.”


So if you look at your top five people in your life, how are they VIBING?


And if we look just at the income of these five…how abundant are they?

You want to know where you are headed in the next 12 months.You will be about 50-70% of the median of these five in total.
Is that satisfactory to you?Then great.
carry on.
If not.

Time to change your VIBE TRIBE.


We all have to level up our relationships as we grow, some come back around as they grow with us in vibe, some we revisit and feel the constriction in our bodies.

While others are lost forever.
And still others Climb beside us.


What does your VIBE TRIBE say about you?


As always, Stop Existing & Start Living

If you are ready to make the leap then reach out to me today. I am running a Christmas special where you get 2-months of coaching for FREE. Check it out and use the SANTAGIFT code in the why you want to work with me HERE

Sex, Love and Fear.

Snuggles.
Intimacy.
Kisses.
Time shared.
SEX!

Mmmmmmmm….. sounds good, huh?
Sounds like something you want.
That you desire more of in your life.
Me too!

I sit here this morning contemplating so many things,
and I often find myself excavating past lessons so that I do not repeat them in current time and space.
As I analyze things, especially how I choose to do relationship I see how difficult I might be to have a serious one with.
And I do not believe that it is the fact that I enjoy multiple people in my life that is the difficult thing.
What is difficult for most is my integrity about it.
I share openly about my feelings.
About my past.
About my desires.
I share how I feel.

The issue is that we are taught that we should not want anything more than the relationship we have.
That the relationship we have is to complete us,
to make us happy, and to provide all our needs.
If it does not then under no conditions should you turn to someone else to get this met.
ESPECIALLY someone you may be attracted too or them to you.

I hear the statement,
” Be cautious of the situation you put yourself in.”

I hear the concern in this statement.
I hear the plea of if you hang around people you like, are attracted too then you may stray,
and straying equates to you leaving.
Because you have to make a choice.
Because there is ONLY so much love to go around.
Because you cannot have multiple relationships successfully.
Because it makes ME uncomfortable.

Okay, here is where I get a little uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable in my truth.

My truth is that I can NEVER go back to a way of living where I shut myself down from the world,
from other people,
and/or from men.
I f-cking love my male friends and lovers.
Whether current lovers of not, I may be enjoying time with them.
And when it is imposed on me that I need to not do this,
I feel shackles being put on me and on my emotions,
my heart,
my desires,
my energy.
And YES you better believe I will be making a choice.

I am poly my nature.
In all things I do.

I do love many.
I do enjoy many.
And may be likely to have intimacies in multiple ways with a few.

The one’s who capture my heart,
capture my essence for a season of our lives dancing together,
are the one’s who are confident enough in themselves and who get the difference between love and need.
Who can embrace my feminine wave of love.
These are the ones or THE ONE that will hold me a lifetime.

Now I am not speaking on sex here.
When I say intimacy,
I mean depth in revealing.
Sex can be this intimacy,
however sexing will only be as deep and intimate as we allow ourselves to be revealed in it.
Sex can just be that, sex.
It can be friction based and meaningless.

Sex does not mean love.
Sex does not mean commitment.
Sex does not mean intimacy.

Sex is a communication tool,
a physical communication tool .
And if you show up at only a surface level in your daily interactions with a lover,
then your sexing will only mimic the same.
Surface sex.
If you have depth, intimacy, surrender, authenticity in your daily interactions then your sex can go to this level as well,
or it can still be held in a place of disconnect if we are letting everything be heard in other ways but are scared to speak our truth in the bedroom.

Sex DOES NOT mean intimacy.
or love.

It can however deepen our intimacy and love.
It all depends on our level of surrender with our partner.

In the land of poly,
many believe that poly means to have multiple sexual partners. But this is not true,
poly is about something much more frightening than sex.
It is about LOVE.

Loving multiples.
And in love we can go deep with someone,
and we might open the gateway to sex.
Good sex.
Might I even say gourmet sex?
Because of the love,
because of the more authentic relating.

But poly DOES NOT equate to sex,
lot’s of sex,
or sex with many.

You can be monogamous in your sexing, 
and polyamorous in your relating and intimacy sharing.

And you can have success in this.
Just like you can have success in an open relationship with open sexing, or a swinging relationship.
Just like you can have success in a monogamous relationship.

A successful relationship is not about the sexual labels you put on it.

It is based on the confidence that each party has in themselves first, the self-love they have, and their ability to show up authentically in the realtionship. Which means authentic communication.

Year spent together does not equate a successful relationship.

Happiness does.
Unconditional love, and forward moving growth,
individually and together gives you opportunity to have this.

The most happy people on the planet are the one’s who have multiple close relationships. The healthiest people are the same.
Healthy mentally, emotionally and physically.
All requires intimacy shared.

Closing yourself off to the world is a death sentence in an essence.

Closing yourself off to the world and ONLY allowing intimacy to be shared with but ONE is putting all your eggs in one basket and putting an unrealistic expectation on the ONE. As well, as expecting that you as an individual can survive with only this one food source.

Because relationships are food.
They are emotional, mental, spiritual food.
They effect our body, mind and soul.
They impact us at a deep level.
And not having them does not mean that we are not effected.
Avoidance of relationship DOES equate avoidance of your heart and soul.
It is hiding from all the intimacy and truth that you are meant to share.

We hide out of fear of getting hurt.
We choose to not get involved,
to not catch feelings,
out of fear of getting burned.

If we do step into a relationship,
we then revamp our whole world and expect our partner to do the same, by not having relationship outside of the primary relationship. Often this simply means to pull away from anyone that there may potentially be “feelings” for.
And we do this out of fear.
Fear of loss.
Fear of being abandoned.
Fear of having too much love.
We close off because our ego’s affirm to us that it is not safe to love.

NEWSFLASH!
Love will not hurt you.
Love is not limited.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” ( 1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

So why do we fear it so?
Why do we handcuff it so?
Why do we cover it with our self-centered need?

Because we do not understand.
And we equate many a thing to be love.
We fear what we do not know.
We fear what we cannot control.
We fear that we will loose if we love,
therefore we choose to turn our backs on love,
as we embrace its doppelganger of lust and need.

Authentic loving,
is authentic relating.
Authentic intimacies,
come in many ways and are what brings joy and surrender to all relationship.

Sex is never a reason to fear loss.
Love will never create loss.

The only reasons we change seasons with a relationship is because we have either out grown the relationship or have not grown to the next level within it,
or it was based on need ( not love) and those needs are no longer being met.

Level up your love life,
by tapping into your authentic self.
Embody yourself and open to love.
This is the answer to your happily ever after.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

If you are ready to make the leap then reach out to me today. I am running a Christmas special where you get 2-months of coaching for FREE. Check it out and use the SANTAGIFT code in the why you want to work with me section.

The Small Things Are The BIG Things In Your Success.

Success happens with in the small things.

The small things is what makes all the difference,
because the small things are actually BIG mother f-cking things.

Have you noticed this?
I sure have luv.
I am sure that you have noticed how you can focus in on all these BIG ass boulders and you can spend your life trying to push those damn boulders up the mountain you are climbing,
with little to no movement,
and THEN,
then you do thi sone little thing,
that seem’s like nothing really.
It’s a no-duh sorta thing even,
it’s a thing that you wonder,
“Why did I never think of that?”
and you do it,
and it MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE.

Yes success happens with in the small things.

Failure happens in the small things too.
You may understand this one a bit better.
Think about the relationships that you have had that have failed.
Was it big things or a pile up of small things that destroyed the intimacy,
the connection,
the trust,
even the love?

It was the small things , right?
Small things.
They seem so small
and so unimportant often.
They appear as though they should be easy to move through,
to avoid,
to conquer even.
And we most certainly should get over them quickly.
Small things are small hurdles after all.

And they are!
They are IF,
IF….

we let them be just that,
and we are proactive about discovering them,
and doing whatever it is that we need,
to clear the small hurdle.

Often this means,
small actions.

And in the land of success,
and moving those boulders with ease,
you have to be willing to look into things that are in your shadow,
into things that you may already be doing, ‘but are not doing where,
with whom,
or exactly how you need to be doing them.

These sort of things, are the things that can take you from zero to 60 in under a minute flat.

These sort of things,
can make or break you.

The issue always come’s back to realization of them,
and how we choose to perceive them.
It comes back to ego.
It comes back to heart.
It comes back to alignment.
Which means…..

What feels good,
and yet pushes your comfort zone.

The answer though is always in it feeling good.
Anything that does not feel good will create a low vibe in you and create chaos and destruction.
So NEVER….
NEVER EVER do that which you “think” you should do for anyone else, if it makes you feel bad in shape.
Especially if it scares you ass it may be dangerous,
it may cause some emotional or psychological issue within you, such as shame. Or it leaves you with a feeling of bitterness or fear of loss if you don’t do it.

This is not following your joy.
This is not alignment.
This is not jumping over a small hurdle to some success of moving that boulder up the mountain.

NO.
It most certainly is not.
Instead this sort of pushing through will add other boulders to your process and prevent you from success.

So put simple,
Just don’t do it.

It is okay to be selfish and say no to something or someone,
as saying now is saying f-ck yes,
to ourselves.

And being a f-ck yes to yourself will keep you high vibing!

Guess what luv,
saying yes to yourself at all cost,
is one of the most important small things you can do too.
It is the one small things that is the BIGGEST thing you can ever do to get that boulder up the mountain with ease.

But it will take courage.
It will take compassion for self first.
It will take passion,
and it will take a hell of a lot of self- love.

But YOU ARE WORTH it.

You are!

So focus in on the small things that will make all the difference today.
Focus in on the self-love that you have been denying yourself.
Focus in on the things that make you feel high vibe, make you laugh, make you smile.
Focus in on the small things as they are not small at all,
they are the BIG things.

And your success is going to totally rock out of the ethers because of these things.

Just say yes.
Say YES…
TO YOU.

And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

—————————————————————————–
If you are ready to make the leap then reach out to me today. I am running a Christmas special where you get 2-months of coaching for FREE. Check it out and use the SANTAGIFT code in the why you want to work with me section.
HERE