CAN WE JUST F-CKING STOP WITH BEAUTIFUL.
you say that word so often I do not think it is achieving the results that you think it is achieving.
On any day of the week,
I get the comment of “Beautiful” at least ten times from random people ( mostly men) who want to share it with me.
And the reality is this,
The statement of “Beautiful.”
Is a surface AF statement.
It will get you nowhere in a hurry with a woman who values herself,
who understands that her true beauty is not something you appreciate just from her skin that is barred or the clothes that she has on,
it has nothing to do with the smile on her face,
or if she is nice to you.
Beauty is something so much deeper.
It comes from a place of knowing oneself.
Of loving oneself,
even the shadow lands of our character.
Beauty comes from feeling good in our own skin,
and when someone over uses such a compliment,
it actually starts to rub raw,
and cause you to not take in the compliment.
Every human being NEEDS to have words of affirmation.
Every human being needs to learn how to breathe into compliments and own their worth,
but surface AF statement that are easy to say and show that you know NOTHING about the person,
are not anything to sport about saying.
Especially with a woman.
SO this musing is going out to all you gents who tell me and other amazing AF powerful women that you find us BEAUTIFUL.
That you would love to show us what you can do with your whatever you desire to touch and taste us with,
That you love how our hair looks,
our clothes fit us,
or the angle we opted to take a picture from.
Yeah those comments that you believe will land you in our panties and hearts,
HA! We think not.
For a true compliment is spoken from a place of presence,
it is stated about a person’s depth and light.
A compliment that makes you stand out in the crowd of all those fools who think that some cartoon dog blowing random AF kisses, or I love you’s is going to get somewhere other than an eye roll and quickening in our scroll,
if you truly desire to make an impression…
THEN SLOW THE F-CK DOWN….
and pay some attention.
You need to actually listen,
watch and read,
you need to make statements that show that you were into what that person was sharing,
you need to let yourself absorb who you are watching,
and not from a place where she gets me off to watch.
This also applies to anyone who is taking a woman to bed,
if you are so lucky to have her open herself to you,
then remember this….
You can leave a good impression,
a bad impression ,
or a F-cking Spectacular impression.
The choice is yours.
And it all comes down to how you slow the f-ck down and get present with her.
If you think you know a woman,
and how to f-ck her wide open,
awesome…. but I question your cockiness.
Because I know women,
and we bore easily and rarely want to hurt your delicate ego’s, so we let you believe that you know,
and then roll our eyes and share our frustrations with our friends about how clueless you are,
and how surface AF our sex is with you.
A woman who loves herself and knows her value,
will not keep around a man or partner for any amount of real time who cannot prove that they can go deep with her.
If our partner is not willing to slow the f-ck down and value us the way that we know we should be,
then “bye, bye… don’t let the door hit you on your way out of my life.”
A woman who keeps a surface level lover around,
is a woman who does not know herself yet and has not learned her value.
The facts are simple and they start with how we relate outside the bedroom.
Ladies if you feel all fluttery and excited about that want to be average joe who said beautiful on one of your pictures,
then I question how much love you have for self.
Because that man… that man is a little boy who has not learned how to be with a woman yet and cannot handle his own depth or the light that you have to offer.
if you are one of these dudes that offer up easy to spell one word comments, but then turn around and ask a woman a question that you already have access to the answer of…
(by taking the time in our social media world… and I mean like maybe 2 minutes of time….you can discover how old someone is, where they are from or live, if they are single or coupled, open or not, kids, what they do and even their likes)
THEN JUST F-CKING STOP ALREADY.
Your words are wasted on those of us who value ourselves.
We do not need your statements of beautiful or what you desire to do to us or with us,
we laugh at you,
we shake our heads at your silliness and we keep scrolling.
You don’t have a chance,
so go find someone who may better suit you.
There is someone for everyone,
or so they say.
I am not the one who will fall prey to your mediocre compliments with no depth or care.
Just like all the other queens out there who get what I am sharing here in this musing today.
Level up your relating guys!
Level up who you are.
You want to attract a MF Queen….
Then you cannot just pretend to play King….
You gotta be one.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn how to attract your Queen?
Want to know what it means to be a King in life and relationships.
It’s a vibrational thing baby.
It’s about embracing your worthiness and loving yourself.
male or female,
This is where our power comes from.
Let me share with you the journey to THRIVING.
Message me for deet’s.
THEY ARE CALLED YOUR EMOTIONS FOR A REASON.
Truth Bomb Here.
Are you like most of the world that believe that others are responsible for your emotional state,
for the feelings that YOU are having about any subject in your life?
Or are you self-aware enough and proactive enough to understand that they are YOUR emotions, meaning that YOU and only you are responsible for them.
No one else can make you feel any way.
You get to choose how you feel about something.
You get to choose how you react to something.
This is by far one of the most challenging things to grasp in life,
We are taught that we need to act, speak and even think through everything in ways to not harm or cause anyone else to feel bad.
We are told that we are not good enough,
that we are too much,
that we are RESPONSIBLE for how others feel about themselves,
about situations and how they perceive us.
to a degree we are responsible.
Our actions and words most certainly can trigger other’s into a negative or positive spiral.
Our actions do contribute to how we are perceived.
But we are not solely responsible for another’s feels, views or perceptions.
We each have an ability to be proactive in our thinking,
which leads to us being proactive in our feeling,
and to pause before we assume anything.
Becoming self-aware means to become authentic with self.
It means that we are willing to get real and raw with ourselves, and to acknowledge that anothers words or actions have only triggered an old program or wound,
and once triggered that we are now feeling this old emotion as though it is current.
The insecurities that we hold about ourselves,
the hatred that we have for ourselves,
the self- judgement, and shame…
All of these play a role in our emotions that can get triggered by an event or person.
But these internal landscapes that we all have,
are not another’s responsibility to cautiously thread through.
It is each of our own responsibility to self and to our lives,
to do the deep personal work to heal and become aware of.
If we do not do our own inner work,
then we are destined to walk through life feeling disempowered,
feeling a victim,
not understood and always attacked.
We will continue to view life as though we have no control and point fingers in blame at those we love,
at life experiences,
our governments, churches, schools, work.
However, when we choose to get real with self,
to practice self- love, healthy boundaries, knowing our desire’s, speaking our truth and RELEASING OURSELVES from the responsibility of everyone else’s feelings,
as well as taking responsibility for our own thoughts, feelings and actions,
we become EMPOWERED.
By doing this, we walk through life with less shame, guilt, blame, judgement on self or others and we approach life from a healthier state of relating.
We can now speak in confidence our needs,
state clearly our yes and no and also accept another’s
without falling into an old wound or fear and needing to control an outcome.
We release the world and especially our loved one’s from the driver’s seat of our lives.
They are called your emotions for a reason.
They are all your’s.
And when we had them over to someone else,
we hold an expectation that the other person will and “should” always put us before them.
And if they do not,
then we are hurt and feel as though they do not love us, that they are selfish and heartless,
that we are not safe with them.
When in fact,
what we are asking for by turning over our power to another,
by making them responsible for our emotions is what is self-centered.
And if the other does always hold us before them,
guarding us and never letting us feel any uncomfort,
then what they are doing is hiding themselves from us.
The relationship is NOT authentic.
We have successfully required this other person, to mute themselves, change who they are, pretend at all cost and hide from us and themselves,
so that we can feel secure.
How is this love?
How is this respect?
How is this authentic relating?
Life is a risk.
24/7 you risk if you are breathing.
It’s an illusion.
Love is risky.
And you can choose to lean into it and enjoy its bliss however long it lasts,
or you can shut it down and try and control it so that you can live in a mirage for however long it lasts.
One allows for growth and truth.
The other, causes bitterness and wounds that may never get repaired between people.
Which do you choose?
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn how you can move into a truly authentic, loving relationship and heal the wounds of your past so you can have a F-ck Yes life and relationship?
Message me today for deet’s on global and local coaching now.
It is frequently assumed that I go on many dates with many men..
It is assumed that to be a coach who teaches people how to have more, and deeper better sex that I must be loose or easy to bed.
That sex is something I am addicted too even.
Its often assumed that because I am the mother of seven that I am uncontrollable and quenchless in my thirst for sex or orgasm.
People often say to me,
” you would think that a sex coach would have figured out what causes pregnancy by now.”
Many look at me with horrified questioning eyes as they inquire if I will have any more children or why I am not currently married.
The assumptions roll through thier minds and almost escape thier lips.
Perhaps even you dear reader and follower wonder and question.
Perhaps you are among the assumers.
And I want you to know that I thank you.
I thank you for all that you feel.
All that you think.
And all that you sometimes goofily share in your assumptions.
I see your humanness.
And I do not judge it.
As you judge me.
I know what my truth is.
I know whom I love.
I know that my heart,
My message and my calling is felt and seen by those it is meant for.
Not everyone can be like a taco as my best friend would say.
And even though I may have a body part that resembles,
I am still not a taco.
I write this musing this evening to shed the light on how we judge what we do not understand.
How we cast stones with certainty,
But are enraged when they are thrown back without due reason in our opinion.
Today I share with you from a place I choose to call the labyrinth of mirrors.
This is the place where we can choose to see ourselves in ALL we come in contact with on our life journey,
Or we can turn away from them,
Look downward and become lost in the maze of our own fears and self criticism.
What do you choose my sweet human?
To be judge and jury to all in your life
And that you meet on your path.
Or to be human.
To be human means to be compassionate.
To self and to others.
To know that we do not know what anothers shoes are like.
What the path they have traveled took them through.
To be human means that you stand as witness not judge.
And to witness another is one of the greatest gifts we can ever offer.
To allow ourselves to be witnessed is the next.
Just yesterday I was working with a dear client of mine. This man has love streaming from every energy fiber he has. And yet he struggles with allowing himself the simple pleasure of recieving that love back.
I left him with the words,
” One day I hope you give me the gift of you allowing yourself to recieve my love.”
Now that statement may instantly bring up assumptions and judgments in you about me.
Or my coaching practice.
What does Kendal do with her clients?
Is she in romantic relations with them.
And you can assume.
You can judge.
And you can cast your head down and keep stubling through your maze.
Be my guest.
What I can tell you is that each day it is revealed and I am reminded of the deep intimacy I hold with these souls that are labled my clients.
They are not my clients.
They are my lovers.
I love each of them deeply.
The intimacy, vulnerability, rawness and depth that they trust me with is without messure one of the greatest gifts of this life time for me.
I love my clients.
I love them for thier willingness to stop bouncing off the walls of thier maze and instead to sit still and let them selves be revealed through the mirrors that are presented on thier path.
I love them for thier courage to catch thier inner judge and jury and fire them daily,
While loving themselves at a more intense level.
I love them for the tender moments that they give grace…
I love them for the humor and laughter as they learn how to skip through thier errors and self defeating patterns.
Yes they are my lovers.
And I love them for the blessings that they are.
Now back to that dating thing….
I have dated a few men in my time.
And I have dated many at the same time.
But the men of my current…
The men I choose daily.
These men you may or may never meet…
Some can be captured in picture.
Others in story.
More than one?
Yes in deed.
And does it matter whom they are to you?
Well lets just see if you have been listening.
They have your answer.
But the mirror will never lie.
As Always My Loves,
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers
STOP BEING A YES WHORE.
Wow! Kendal that is a harsh statement for a Friday morning.
What do you mean by, “Yes Whore?”
You are guilty beautiful of doing just this.
I am guilty too.
There is not a soul on this planet that has not fallen into the illusion of being a yes whore and believing that it is the road to our happiness.
Every time you say YES to someone and you actually mean NO, you are in an essence whoring yourself out and dishonoring self and the relationship that you are YESSING all over.
Every time that inauthentic YES pops out of your mouth and you find yourself swallowing your own needs, desires, ideas, and value because you feel that you “should” do this or that to be a nice person, to be helpful, to offer support, to show you love, etc. etc.
You sabotage yourself!
You sabotage the relationship.
And you loose respect.
I have been in the business of relationship coaching in one facet or another for two decades now and the one thing that I hear repeatedly is, ” I can’t say no, that would be mean.”
“He is my husband… I love him, I can’t say no.”
“She is so sweet and working so hard, she needs this/needs me… I can’t say no.”
“They are really struggling right now, I can’t say no.”
“They need me.”
“I don’t know how I am going to do it but I can’t say no.”
And following these wonderful words of what seem’s like love and support come…
” I am so exhausted, I just don’t have anything left to give, why can’t they/he/she see that?”
“I just feel like a all people ever want me for is ___________________.”
“You know, I have had it… I have been busting myself open here, doing everything I can, to show how much I care and I ask for one small thing and get told no after everything that I have done.”
“Doesn’t he/she see that I really don’t want to do that/feel like it?
“I would be all alone if I said what I really want or need.”
These and so many other things in so many subjects of our lives.
Just think about all the moments that you actually wanted to respond with NO but opted to say yes because you did not want to hurt the relationship, the other persons feelings or damage your value in the relationship.
Think of all those moments that if you get real with yourself you answered YES because you were answering out of fear and/or lack of self-worth.
Well you see beautiful,
these are the times that you were whoring yourself out.
There is no honor or respect in being out of integrity and not being honest with your answer.
You answered YES in exchange for something that you wanted or needed. You put little value on what is so precious and worth so much in hopes that you could,
if but only for a short time,
buy someones love, time, appreciation,
so that you would feel good.
But the funny thing is,
much like a whore who is just selling off their sex and not looking for anything real, lasting or of value,
you find yourself having to consistently whore yourself out to the point of being used up just to get a taste of what you are actually wanting.
And much like the client of the whore who is trying to fill a void and is just buying the illusion of the intimacy and connection,
you are finding yourself feeling used, abused and alone.
The relationships that you are doing this with are the relationships that you need to GET REAL with yourself on.
If you want to experience true happiness.
If you want to be respected.
If you want to have that soulmate relationship based in love,
if you want to feel supported, safe, understood,
If you want to stop questioning yourself and the relationships that you have,
and just BE YOU-
if you want that F-ck YES! Life…
Well is starts by you STOPPING YOURSELF FROM BEING A YES WHORE.
The ONLY person you need to answer YES to ALWAYS….
And you see, if you answer yes to you 100% of the time,
you will find that you will be living authentically and in integrity.
And guess what that means beautiful?
It means you will gain trust, respect, real love and support.
It means that you will NOT ALWAYS make someone else happy,
that you will respect and love yourself enough to know that you are not responsible for anyone else’s emotional response, mental thoughts or even physical actions.
It means that you will no longer be enabling another’s victim mindset in their unconscious maneuver to control you and feel loved themselves.
It means that you will be one step closer to manifesting the life that you are worthy of.
So Stop Being a YES WHORE and Release Yourself from That Which Binds You.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Been thinking about your happiness and success?
Wanting to SAY YES! To Yourself?
Let’s Make it happen beautiful in work, love and life.
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