It is frequently assumed that I go on many dates with many men..
It is assumed that to be a coach who teaches people how to have more, and deeper better sex that I must be loose or easy to bed.
That sex is something I am addicted too even.
Its often assumed that because I am the mother of seven that I am uncontrollable and quenchless in my thirst for sex or orgasm.
People often say to me,
” you would think that a sex coach would have figured out what causes pregnancy by now.”
Many look at me with horrified questioning eyes as they inquire if I will have any more children or why I am not currently married.
The assumptions roll through thier minds and almost escape thier lips.
Perhaps even you dear reader and follower wonder and question.
Perhaps you are among the assumers.
And I want you to know that I thank you.
I thank you for all that you feel.
All that you think.
And all that you sometimes goofily share in your assumptions.
I see your humanness.
And I do not judge it.
As you judge me.
I know what my truth is.
I know whom I love.
I know that my heart,
My message and my calling is felt and seen by those it is meant for.
Not everyone can be like a taco as my best friend would say.
And even though I may have a body part that resembles,
I am still not a taco.
I write this musing this evening to shed the light on how we judge what we do not understand.
How we cast stones with certainty,
But are enraged when they are thrown back without due reason in our opinion.
Today I share with you from a place I choose to call the labyrinth of mirrors.
This is the place where we can choose to see ourselves in ALL we come in contact with on our life journey,
Or we can turn away from them,
Look downward and become lost in the maze of our own fears and self criticism.
What do you choose my sweet human?
To be judge and jury to all in your life
And that you meet on your path.
Or to be human.
To be human means to be compassionate.
To self and to others.
To know that we do not know what anothers shoes are like.
What the path they have traveled took them through.
To be human means that you stand as witness not judge.
And to witness another is one of the greatest gifts we can ever offer.
To allow ourselves to be witnessed is the next.
Just yesterday I was working with a dear client of mine. This man has love streaming from every energy fiber he has. And yet he struggles with allowing himself the simple pleasure of recieving that love back.
I left him with the words,
” One day I hope you give me the gift of you allowing yourself to recieve my love.”
Now that statement may instantly bring up assumptions and judgments in you about me.
Or my coaching practice.
What does Kendal do with her clients?
Is she in romantic relations with them.
And you can assume.
You can judge.
And you can cast your head down and keep stubling through your maze.
Be my guest.
What I can tell you is that each day it is revealed and I am reminded of the deep intimacy I hold with these souls that are labled my clients.
They are not my clients.
They are my lovers.
I love each of them deeply.
The intimacy, vulnerability, rawness and depth that they trust me with is without messure one of the greatest gifts of this life time for me.
I love my clients.
I love them for thier willingness to stop bouncing off the walls of thier maze and instead to sit still and let them selves be revealed through the mirrors that are presented on thier path.
I love them for thier courage to catch thier inner judge and jury and fire them daily,
While loving themselves at a more intense level.
I love them for the tender moments that they give grace…
I love them for the humor and laughter as they learn how to skip through thier errors and self defeating patterns.
Yes they are my lovers.
And I love them for the blessings that they are.
Now back to that dating thing….
I have dated a few men in my time.
And I have dated many at the same time.
But the men of my current…
The men I choose daily.
These men you may or may never meet…
Some can be captured in picture.
Others in story.
More than one?
Yes in deed.
And does it matter whom they are to you?
Well lets just see if you have been listening.
They have your answer.
But the mirror will never lie.
As Always My Loves,
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers
STOP BEING A YES WHORE.
Wow! Kendal that is a harsh statement for a Friday morning.
What do you mean by, “Yes Whore?”
You are guilty beautiful of doing just this.
I am guilty too.
There is not a soul on this planet that has not fallen into the illusion of being a yes whore and believing that it is the road to our happiness.
Every time you say YES to someone and you actually mean NO, you are in an essence whoring yourself out and dishonoring self and the relationship that you are YESSING all over.
Every time that inauthentic YES pops out of your mouth and you find yourself swallowing your own needs, desires, ideas, and value because you feel that you “should” do this or that to be a nice person, to be helpful, to offer support, to show you love, etc. etc.
You sabotage yourself!
You sabotage the relationship.
And you loose respect.
I have been in the business of relationship coaching in one facet or another for two decades now and the one thing that I hear repeatedly is, ” I can’t say no, that would be mean.”
“He is my husband… I love him, I can’t say no.”
“She is so sweet and working so hard, she needs this/needs me… I can’t say no.”
“They are really struggling right now, I can’t say no.”
“They need me.”
“I don’t know how I am going to do it but I can’t say no.”
And following these wonderful words of what seem’s like love and support come…
” I am so exhausted, I just don’t have anything left to give, why can’t they/he/she see that?”
“I just feel like a all people ever want me for is ___________________.”
“You know, I have had it… I have been busting myself open here, doing everything I can, to show how much I care and I ask for one small thing and get told no after everything that I have done.”
“Doesn’t he/she see that I really don’t want to do that/feel like it?
“I would be all alone if I said what I really want or need.”
These and so many other things in so many subjects of our lives.
Just think about all the moments that you actually wanted to respond with NO but opted to say yes because you did not want to hurt the relationship, the other persons feelings or damage your value in the relationship.
Think of all those moments that if you get real with yourself you answered YES because you were answering out of fear and/or lack of self-worth.
Well you see beautiful,
these are the times that you were whoring yourself out.
There is no honor or respect in being out of integrity and not being honest with your answer.
You answered YES in exchange for something that you wanted or needed. You put little value on what is so precious and worth so much in hopes that you could,
if but only for a short time,
buy someones love, time, appreciation,
so that you would feel good.
But the funny thing is,
much like a whore who is just selling off their sex and not looking for anything real, lasting or of value,
you find yourself having to consistently whore yourself out to the point of being used up just to get a taste of what you are actually wanting.
And much like the client of the whore who is trying to fill a void and is just buying the illusion of the intimacy and connection,
you are finding yourself feeling used, abused and alone.
The relationships that you are doing this with are the relationships that you need to GET REAL with yourself on.
If you want to experience true happiness.
If you want to be respected.
If you want to have that soulmate relationship based in love,
if you want to feel supported, safe, understood,
If you want to stop questioning yourself and the relationships that you have,
and just BE YOU-
if you want that F-ck YES! Life…
Well is starts by you STOPPING YOURSELF FROM BEING A YES WHORE.
The ONLY person you need to answer YES to ALWAYS….
And you see, if you answer yes to you 100% of the time,
you will find that you will be living authentically and in integrity.
And guess what that means beautiful?
It means you will gain trust, respect, real love and support.
It means that you will NOT ALWAYS make someone else happy,
that you will respect and love yourself enough to know that you are not responsible for anyone else’s emotional response, mental thoughts or even physical actions.
It means that you will no longer be enabling another’s victim mindset in their unconscious maneuver to control you and feel loved themselves.
It means that you will be one step closer to manifesting the life that you are worthy of.
So Stop Being a YES WHORE and Release Yourself from That Which Binds You.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Been thinking about your happiness and success?
Wanting to SAY YES! To Yourself?
Let’s Make it happen beautiful in work, love and life.
Accepting 1:1 applications to work with me for a limited time.
Open and Shut.
The lesson of my year.
When this year got started I looked at it and just knew that it was going to be transformational.
Now I am not an overly superstitious person or one that listens strongly to “hocus pocus” sorts of things, but I do pay attention to energy and take it all in.
Born in the year of the fire dragon according to Chinese astrology, the year of the dog that we are in typically brings in relationship transformation items for me.
You can call this bogus, and I often do myself in my own head.
Questioning things as they do not line up to my logical, scientific, realist thinking and understanding, however there are times that I see that these “mystical, spiritual” sorts of things actually do shine a light on potential energy of the moment.
This all being said, the year of the dog has proven once again to be a year that is reorganizing my life in ways I never anticipated.
The last year of the dog I told my now ex-husband that I wanted a divorce.
This year both my over 6 year intimate relationships came to an end suddenly and friendships are changing right before my eye’s as well. My family is growing in number, orchestrating itself, I feel pulled away from my mother and I am questioning some relationships that are lingering.
The year of the dog is all about relationship.
And for us dragon’s it reveals the truth in these areas.
Change is always difficult.
The feeling of loosing those who have been closest to you is never easy and is painful at a level that I do not believe I have words to express.
Yet I am reminded in these times of relationship transformation, the wisdom and comfort of Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8
” To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace.”
As I move through this year,
I feel my ego wanting me to shut the doorways on life,
to fully retract from things that I enjoy,
form the relationships that I do have,
or to shut down from the people that I am in a relationship transformation with.
I have observed that as these changes occur that my fellow transformation warriors often choose to shut themselves down and out.
Making what seem’s like a public display of their pain by closing the doors to what not is, but what could be.
The pain of transformation effects everyone differently,
and I am not proclaiming that there is any right or wrong way to go about it.
It is nothing more than a noticing of these times.
My way has always been about opening.
Just because a relationship is evolving,
just because new boundaries are being established,
just because truths have been spoken,
and hearts revealed,
that in my humble opinion does not mean that one must shut down to the relationship and close it fully out UNLESS,
That is that the vibration between souls is so great of a difference that they cannot co-habitat in any fashion or sense.
Then a full closing must happen.
At least for a time frame.
In this case, I am reminded of the wisdom ,
“Time heals all wounds.”
I use to say this was rubbish.
But now in my 40’s I know that it is truth.
I have had my heart broken in many ways,
by those I never thought would and I have done my fair share of breaking of other’s.
This process will never end,
but what I have learned is that over the course of time,
Time will heal the woulds.
Time allows for us to move if we desire from a state of closed to a state of open.
It allows us to educate ourselves about the lessons that we practiced in these past relationships and to expand ourselves more, yet always offering a deeper realization of ourselves.
Relationship is all about us meeting ourselves at a more intimate level.
Our relationships with others reveals to us our internal relationship with ourselves and with God.
As we step forward on this path of transformation,
we find our guidance here.
The steps we are to take will be lit by blessings that will guide us and desires that will call to us.
Do we choose to open or shut to them?
The answer to this question makes all the difference on our path of understanding and healing.
We are always being offered a choice.
It is always ours to make.
What manifests in our life experience comes from these choices and the energy of opening or shutting in any given moment.
It is truly only by leaning into love,
and remaining open through the pain of the transofmration,
that we expand to our deeper self.
In loving gratitude for all those relationships through my life that have offered these lessons and I have been able to take part in. May we all move toward a deeper union with our truth.
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
I am F-cking Sick and tired of all your bullshit!
That was how I approached a group of 50+ people last night who have reached out to me about getting help with their sex, their relationships and their wantabe f-ck yes lives.
My lover read the title and said, I don’t know too many people who can get away with making that their subject line of an email and get a positive response back.
The truth is, not too many people can.
The reason is that most people, coaches included are masking their truth.
Are scared of saying something to piss someone off.
Of not appearing “professional“.
Then you have this .01% of us out there that are living our raw, authentic truth and have no shame for just being ourselves and stating the truth.
After sharing my thoughts with 50+ people last night and hopefully providing them with a good asskickery, it came to me that I should share with you as well. Because many of you too, reach out in many forms asking for help. Guidance and coaching but seem to never follow through for yourselves.
So here is an incomplete taste of what my message to these peeps was and now it is going out to you as well.
Kendal’s Thoughts on Not Claiming Your Life. – The decisions we sometimes make and why.
“Yes you reached out to me.
Maybe you have forgotten even that you wanted help around those delicate matters that cause you stress, make your life a little less pleasurable and you secretly wish you had not chickened out or copped some lame ass excuse for not taking by them by horns and dealing with them once and for all.
Maybe you simple believe that by ignoring your issues, they will some how magically just be gone and everything will fix itself.
Maybe you think that you got it all dealt with now, and you don’t need help.
Maybe you feel like:
You don’t have the time
You don’t have the money
You don’t have the energy
You don’t have the support
It does not matter anyway.
You will be FINE.
Okay, you keep telling yourself all that bull bunk, and the rest of us who instead have chosen to push the play button for our lives will go live.
Go have a F-ck YES! Life and enjoy the bliss that we want, not just fantasize about it.
Right about now you are most likely asking yourself:
Who the f-ck is this chick with attitude and why is she dropping in on my doorstep?
Well, if you recall or care to refresh your memory,
my name is Kendal Williams.
You reached out to me because I have the ability to take you from where you are at,
to where you want to be.
I am a coach that specializes in an intimate part of life,
one of the parts of life that we all wish was better, or we had more going on in.
That would be,
SEX and Relationship.
Now granted over 2018, I have taken the last 20+ years of my coaching practice where I have helped countless people with many things from nutrition, parenting, body image, dreams, spiritual life, business, sex, relationship, to orgasm issues and have started converting my strategies, education and skills over to a passion of mine.
Prosperity Coaching, focused on Abundance, Success, Money, Business + Sex and Play.
I call it F-ck YES Life Coaching and Freedom Based Life Coaching.
But you contacted me for the sex and relationship, ‘and sex and relationship is a vital piece of life and plays a significant role in all areas of our life including these above. That is why I can never stop coaching on it.
With that said,
By the first of the year you will see my coaching totally merge over to the above and I will no longer be claiming the title of Sex & Relationship Coach.
That is WHY I am sending this email out to you.
RIGHT NOW – I am collecting my end of the year VIP clients to work with for the remainder of 2018 and into the beginning of 2019. These VIP clients will have the dedicated focus and attention around the above matters. Around what you originally reached out to me to discuss.
And after that?
Well you will have to work withing the new perimeters of my practice.
It’s NEVER to late to start.
It is never too late to say YES to yourself,
to your dreams.
The ONLY thing ever stopping any of us,
So, yes I am tired of everyone’s bullsh*t of stating what they do not have and focusing in on the shit. I am exhausted from having hundreds of people reach out to me, but not TAKE ACTION.
How the eff do you expect to be happy,
truly happy and to have the life that you desire IF you refuse to make the changes, get the help and lean in?
Let’s get real.
And tell ourselves the truth.
You got SCARED.
Doubt popped into your head.
Hopelessness stands at your gate.
And you are SETTLING.
Settling for what you have,
You know what to expect.
But are you HAPPY?
This is the ONLY Question You need address.
If you answer it honestly,
then you effing NEED TO message me back ASAP.
Before things have fully transformed over here in my green pasture of pleasure.
SO take that step to your desired life.
You are worth it.
Don’t be like so many poor saps out there that thinks you have time,
thinks it can wait till next year,
thinks its all okay and you don’t need help.
Those people never really live.
They die long before their bodies ever give out on them.
I pray you will not be that person.
But if you do,
email me back and let’s get you ROCKIN’ out your life now!!!!”
So where the F-ck Are You At?
Are you ready to claim your life, your orgasm, your abundance?
Or are you SETTLING?
Stop Existing & Start Living
For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebook for my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.
Think about this for a moment: Why would you ever choose to be with someone who is not excited to be with you?
There’s a grey area in dating many people get hung up on — a grey area where feelings are ambiguous or one person has stronger feelings than the other. This grey area causes real, tangible issues. As a man, a huge question is often whether to be persistent and continue pursuing a woman even when she seems lukewarm or hot/cold on your advances. For women, a common question is what to do with men who make their feelings ambiguous.
“She said she’s not interested, but she still flirts with me, so what do I need to do to get her?”
“Well, I know she likes me, but she didn’t call me back last weekend, what should I do?”
“He treats me well when he’s around, but he’s hardly around. What does that mean?”
Most dating advice exists to “solve” this grey area for people. Say this line. Text her this. Call him this many times. Wear that.
Much of it gets exceedingly analytical, to the point where some men and women actually spend more time analyzing behaviors than actually, you know, behaving.
Frustration with this grey area also drives many people to unnecessary manipulation, drama and game-playing. This is where you get rules about making men pay for this many dates before you can become intimate. Or how men need to transition from attraction phase to comfort phase by qualifying three times before they’re allowed to commence an escalation ladder.
These things may seem clever and exciting to some people who are stuck or frustrated. But this dating advice misses the point. If you’re in the grey area to begin with, you’ve already lost.
Let me ask again: Why would you ever be excited to be with someone who is not excited to be with you? If they’re not happy with you now, what makes you think they’ll be happy to be with you later? Why do you make an effort to convince someone to date you when they make no effort to convince you?
What does that say about you? That you believe you need to convince people to be with you?
You wouldn’t buy a dog that bites you all the time. And you wouldn’t be friends with someone who regularly ditches you. You wouldn’t work a job that doesn’t pay you. Then why the hell are you trying to make a girlfriend out of a woman who doesn’t want to date you? Where’s your self-respect?
The entrepreneur Derek Sivers once wrote a blog post where he said, “If I’m not saying ‘Hell Yeah!’ to something, then I say no.” It served him well in the business world and now I’d like to apply it to the dating world. And because I’m more of a vulgar asshole than Derek is, I’ll christen mine The Law of “Fuck Yes or No.”
The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.
The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” also states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, THEY must respond with a “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.
As you can see, The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” implies that both parties must be enthusiastic about the prospect of one another’s company. Why? Because attractive, non-needy, high self-worth people don’t have time for people who they are not excited to be with and who are not excited to be with them.
This may sound a bit idealistic to some. But The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” has many tangible benefits on your dating life:
- No longer be strung along by people who aren’t that into you. End all of the headaches. End the wishing and hoping. End the disappoint and anger that inevitably follows. Start practicing self-respect. Become the rejector, not the rejected.
- No longer pursue people you are so-so on for ego purposes. We’ve all been there. We were so-so about somebody, but we went along with it because nothing better was around. And we all have a few we’d like to take back. No more.
- Consent issues are instantly resolved. If someone is playing games with you, playing hard to get, or pressuring you into doing something you’re unsure about, your answer is now easy. Or as I often like to say in regards to dating, “If you have to ask, then that’s your answer.”
- Establish strong personal boundaries and enforce them. Maintaining strong boundaries not only makes one more confident and attractive, but also helps to preserve one’s sanity in the long-run.
- Always know where you stand with the other person. Since you’re now freeing up so much time and energy from people you’re not that into, and people who are not that into you, you now find yourself perpetually in interactions where people’s intentions are clear and enthusiastic. Sweet!
The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” is applicable to dating, sex, relationships, even friendships. You may have absolutely nothing in common with that bartender. But they’re hot and are interested in getting down. Is it a “Fuck Yes!” for sex? It is? Then game on.
Wrapped up in that sweet guy who treats you so well, except goes weeks without calling you and suddenly disappears after a couple drinks and a round of the horizontal polka? Been wondering if he really likes you? Do his excuses of being so busy all the time seem legit? It doesn’t sound like the answer is a “Fuck yes.” Then it’s time to move on.
Making out with a girl at your house and every time you go to take her shirt off she swats your hands away? That is not a “Fuck Yes,” my friend, therefore, it’s a no and you shouldn’t pressure her. The best sex is “Fuck Yes” sex — i.e., both people are shouting “Fuck Yes” as they hop between the sheets together. If she’s not hopping, then there’s no fucking.
(Hint Fellas: This is a great time to ask the girl why she’s not comfortable, and what she’s looking for from you. That, by itself — you know, treating her like a human and empathizing with her — often solves this “problem.”)
Want to date that woman you met last weekend but she keeps ignoring your texts and calls? Not sure what to say or do, especially since she seemed so happy to go out with you when you initially met her? Well, my friend, this is obviously not a “Fuck Yes.” Therefore, it is a “No.” Delete her number and move on.
Fuck Yes or No applies to relationships as well. My girlfriend works with a guy who got married because “it seemed like the right thing to do.” Four years later, he was cheating on his wife every chance he got. The marriage was not a Fuck Yes for him, therefore it should have been a No.
Sometimes The Law of Fuck Yes or No will apply differently on different levels. You may be a “Fuck Yes” for friendship with someone, but mildly excited to have sex with them. Therefore, it’s a no. You may be a “Fuck Yes” on banging someone’s brains out, but a definite “No” on actually spending any time with them. Apply the law to your decision-making as it suits your current needs.
Fuck Yes or No doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be falling in knee-wobbling love at first sight. It doesn’t even mean you have be completely convinced that someone is right for you. You can be “Fuck Yes” about getting to know someone better. You can be “Fuck Yes” about seeing someone again because you think there’s something there. You can be “Fuck Yes” about giving things a few months to pan out and see if you can fix the problems in the relationship.
The point is: both you and the other person need to be fuck yes about something, otherwise you’re just wasting your time.
But the real beauty of The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” is that it simplifies the problems you can have in your dating life. When applying the Law of “Fuck Yes or No,” there are really only two problems one can have.
The first problem is people who never feel a “Fuck Yes” for anybody they meet. If you are lukewarm on absolutely everyone you meet, then either your demographics are way off, or you suffer from a lack of vulnerability and are protecting yourself by remaining indifferent and unenthused by all of those around you.
Remember, it’s your job to look for something cool in everyone you meet; it’s not their job to show you. This is life, not a fucking sales convention. Learning to appreciate people you meet is a skill you cultivate. So get on it. This doesn’t mean you have to fall in love with everyone who breathes in your direction. It just means you need to take responsibility for your ability to connect with the people you are meeting.
The second problem is people who never meet others who feel a “Fuck Yes” for them. If all of the people you pursue give you a mild response, or outright rejections, then it’s time to focus on improving yourself. Ask yourself, what is it about yourself that would inspire others to say “Fuck Yes” about you? If the answer is not obvious, then you get to work. Build yourself into a person others would say “Fuck Yes” to.
And this is the ultimate dating advice lesson — man, woman, gay, straight, trans, furry, whatever — the only real dating advice is self improvement. Everything else is a distraction, a futile battle in the grey area, a prolonged ego trip. Because, yes, with the right tools and performance, you may be able to con somebody into sleeping with you, dating you, even marrying you. But you will have won the battle by sacrificing the war, the war of long-term happiness.