Mother F*cker Messed Up My Orgasm.

 
I sit here this morning not wanting to open up my text thread with my ex.
The negativity,
the control,
the anger that comes from it,
and that I feel inside just at reading the last words on the thread.
 
“Really?”
 
I already know the tone.
The comments and commands.
I feel disgust at this thread.
 
Late last night I saw his final words,
they hit me like lead in my gut,
Sorrow,
Distrust,
Bitterness,
Anger.
 
It is all here.
Stepping away from an enviroment,
a relationship for a few weeks or months
 

“Really”

 
does show you a person’s truth.
While in the relationship we make excuses,
get caught up in the day to day,
and simply just don’t want change.
We don’t want to have a relationship fail.
We want to make it work.
We want to be accepted, loved and connected.
Even at the cost of our well-being,
Our happiness,
Joy,
Health and freedom.
 
SO we ignore,
hide, ‘cover that shit up and act like it is not there.
 
Truth never stays hidden forever though.
A person’s true color’s ALWAYS come out.
And in my saga, the color’s are not so pretty in this relationship.
 
The truth of the reality is that I masked from myself my partners need to control and dominate. I knew he was an alpha personality walking in, and loved that about him. His strength and ability to hold boundaries was attractive. His assertiveness and masculine power was what I needed and desired. I needed the security of this. I needed the foundation of this. I also loved his calm, cool, collected stance. I loved his seemingly open mindedness and playfulness. He offered what I needed in the moment.
 
It was a season.
There was a reason.
 
Now those were gone.
Now I am left with the flip side.
The control freak, the aggressor, the one who when he does not get his way acts like a 3 year old and retracts himself, his love and says, ” I hate you.” Takes his ball and goes home.
 
Now I am left with his need to try and control me through our children. I wonder if he even notices it, if he is aware of his pattern’s, his actions or if he is just playing the role that is comfortable to him and feel’s safe.
 
Now I am left with the residue of his energy as it wafts through the text message, the facetime, the phone calls and emails.
 
Now I am left with him just ignoring anything he does not want to discuss because of the discomfort and his knowing that it will be emotional and I will speak my truth and he can do nothing to stop it.
 
Now I am left with him proving what his priorities are.
His bottom line is focused on his bank account and not on relationship.
His priority is to pretend that none of his actions had anything to do with anything.
His priority is to run and hide behind his masks, not seeing that he is turning into his worst nightmare. The people he always claimed he did not want to be like he is now mimicking them. He is now becoming the one’s that have since passed and he is honoring the patterns that they taught him as a little boy. He is now honoring a closed heart, a barren soul, a disconnected life.
 
In his desire to control, he does nothing more than share his rage and hatred. His fear.
 

But none of this is reason for him to steal my orgasm.

 
No, that is on me.
 
But I want to cast blame onto him.
I want to point the finger and say he did this to me.
 
Yes, this morning I sit here not wanting to open this thread of text messages between us because I feel all of it.
 
Last night, I did not open it in hopes to avoid it.
I wanted to avoid the negativity of his control.
I wanted to avoid looking at him on facetime with our nightly call for our kids.
I wanted to just not feel him for just one night, one day.
I wanted the freedom that flickers through my days.
I wanted to breathe.
 
But that last statement attached itself to me,
the thread just lingered and my ego ran and played with it.
 

“Really?”

He was inquiring why I had not answered I am sure,
he was frustrated that in his grand attempt to contact everyone in my home to get me to contact him had not worked,
he was upset that he could not control the situation and that I had made a stance to just say no.
 
Our children had not asked to speak to him so I felt no guilt in not speaking tonight.
 
We were busy having fun, connecting and laughing.
We were snuggling.
So why wreck a good moment.
A good memory for his desire to control?
 
Yes, this is the question of the morning.
Why allow him to steal it?
I held firm for my children.
For that moment.
But then I allowed that word, that thread to infiltrate my soul.
I allowed it to poke at me.
And I allowed it to steal the depth of orgasm that I was offered in the night hours with my lover.
 
I pushed myself to open,
I felt pain from doing this.
I shut myself in fear,
fear I would reveal to much.
I got captured by that damn text thread,
over and over again.
 
Into my head,
out of my body.
Away from my deep orgasm.
Keeping it surface.
All the while desiring what I had just tasted 24 hours before.
 

That mother f*cker messed up my orgasm.

F-*-C-K!!!!!!

 
I allowed him to.
Just like I allowed him to control to much of my life in our relationship. Just like I allowed him the power to act the way he did. Just like I allowed myself to stay,
to stay in the enviroment that was not conducive to my purpose,
my heart, my life.
 
YES
 
That mother f*cker messed up my orgasm.
But I made the choice to not release,
to breathe in.
To hold him and his energy
instead of leaning in to my lovers thrusts of passion,
my lovers presence,
my bliss.
 
He only messed it up because I allowed it.
And this morning, I sit here witnessing my ego, my pain, my rage, my holding.
 
Here I sit with my body breaking down.
My body screaming at me, “STOP! – Let that shit go!”
 
Here I sit, witnessing that he not only physically hurt me,
controlled me in ways that I was not aware of,
hid his truth from me,
Held anger toward me and lied to my face about it,
He not only did not love me and may have never,
but he continued to punch me in the heart.
He was willing to try and dominate my life,
the children’s life,
through textbook tactics of an abuser.
 
It is shocking to me.
It is on going.
It is healing to see things from this vantage point.
 

That mother f*cker messed up my orgasm.

And I am in gratitude for it.

 
Thank you Mother F*cker for being you and showing me my strength.
Thank you Mother F*cker for showing who you really are so that I could claim whom I am more.
Thank you Mother F*cker for the season, the reason and the blessings that we shared.
Thank you Mother F*cker for coming into my life and being EXACTLY what I needed.
 
With out you, I would not be me.
Empowered.
Guided.
Desiring more.
Certain.
 
Thank you for supporting my determination and drive.
Thank you for your disconnect to your emotions and heart, and showing what that does to a human, to a relationship, to a life and making me aware of where I meet you there and that…
 
I CHOOSE.
I choose to STOP meeting you there.
I choose instead to open up my heart.
To feel my emotions.
To forgive.
To heal.
To laugh.
To connect.
 

I choose to LIVE.

Unbound, free and on purpose.

 
Cut loose from the chains that you tried to hold me with.
Cut loose from the chains that I held myself with.
Cut loose from the fear.
 
YES
I choose.
I choose to…
 

Stop Existing & Start Living

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

Dear God, Please Fix Them…

“Dear God please help heal them so that I will feel better.”

“Dear God please get them to change so that I can feel better.”

 

“Dear God please send your angels down to comfort them so that I can get on with my life, they are bugging me.”

 
Yeah God, can you get on that?
 
Right now, PLEASE!
 
They are not doing what I want.
They are not acting the way that makes me feel good.
They are making choices that make me upset.
 
OMFG!
 
How many times if you get right with yourself do you have to admit that this is exactly what you are meaning when you are praying for someone else, or when you are dealing with a relationship?
 
You may have laughed or found yourself bewildered at my statements above, but if you dare dig into your heart you might be surprised at what you discover.
 
You might have to actually REALIZE that these statements are not far from home for you.
 
I know they are not to far from home for me.
I continuously work at letting go of my need to control a situation and other people’s choices, however I still fall into my ego and catch myself doing just this.
 
I find myself in this pile of sh*t,
a.k.a. DRAMA
 
And then somewhere in the shifting through it I come to realize that I have done it yet again.
 
I went and stuck my nose into someone else’s business or tried to interfere with God’s business.
 
Seem’s goofy, but it is true.

 

If you think you are above this but you:

 
Find yourself worried about the outcome of something,
Find yourself worried or concerned about what choice/action someone else is going to take,
Find yourself sad or in anxiety over a choice or action that someone else did,
Find yourself angry at how someone is not seeing, hearing or understanding you,
Find yourself constantly getting people to show up in your life telling you that you should do this or that,
Or you have constant interactions with people who are, well let’s just call them “haters”

Then GUESS WHAT…

 
You are caught in someone else’s or God’s business.
You are NOT tapping into WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
 
Yesterday, I was on the phone with a young man who I care about, but am very upset with the choices that he has recently made in his life and how they have impacted someone very close to me.
 
I had been requested to reach out to him and hold space, as he was going through some really tough events and needed a “sesh with mom” as it was put to me ( although he is not actually my child, I have the ability to show up and mom him, he will hear it from me).
 
Initially when this request was made of me, I instantly felt myself stepping to ego and thinking to myself, “well he just needs to change because I mad at him for this, this, and this.”
 
I felt VERY JUSTIFIED in my anger toward him too.
Thank goodness for doing your inner work,
because I quickly saw my ego and realized that this was not a reaction from my core, my soul.
 
So I said, yes to the request and asked if there was any insight that I needed before calling him,
 
the response was simple, ” I am going to respect him and let him share everything.”
 
This statement came to me with a gut wrenching feeling and thought that I had no reason to think. It was one of those moments when you find yourself questioning, WHY? would I even think that.
 
Yet, I had this feeling in my gut and this VERY BAD thought of what he was going to share with me. So I texted back the person asking me to hold space for this young man, with okay and I shared quickly what had come into me in that moment. Then said that I prayed I was wrong. The response back gave no answer to my feeling, just said call him.
 
Well, I quickly found out that my feeling and thought were accurate.
 
I had been given a psychic message.
My intuition was dead on correct.
My heart dropped as I listened to the tears, the words and the energy.
 
All my anger still sat there with me for the actions that I was mad about prior, but now I felt deep empathy, compassion and even sadness for what he had been through.
 
My ego tried to creep in here and there with, “Karma is a bitch.”
And perhaps it can be.
 
The truth is that due to a lack of alignment is why this event happened.
It was not punishment.
It was not karma.
It was lack of alignment to himself.
 
And here is the thing…
 
We all get out of alignment.
Matter a fact, many of us are out of alignment MOST OF THE TIME.
 
When we are out of alignment with our core.
Our soul.
Our heart.
we are out of alignment with GOD.
 
From here stems ALL of our pain and suffering.
From here comes our neediness and expectation of others to be some other way to make us happy.
From here comes our sabotage.
From here we finger point, blame, shame and guilt.
From here we reside in ego
NOT in love.
 
When we are in alignment, we can open up to love and compassion.
 
For self and others.
We do not expect ANYONE to fix us,
make us feel someway or another.
 
We do not hate, or even really see the ugliness of humanity.
We see that we are all human.
We see that we are all guilty of all the same shit, just at different levels.
We see our lostness in another.
We see our non-alignment in another.
We see our beauty in another.
We see our divinity in another.
 

No matter how that person is choosing to show up, we see our REFLECTION.

 
I chose to reflect love, compassion, forgiveness and presence for this young man yesterday.
 
I chose to instead of judge and damn, to open my heart and risk.
I chose to instead of shut down and armor up to lean in and hold space.
 
I chose to see myself, feel my pain as well as my GREATNESS and beauty. My fear and trust.
 
In choosing these things,
Perhaps,
just perhaps,
I cracked open a door to healing for this young man.
 
Here is to a day,
a day of living from your heart.
From your core.
From your soul
From alignment.
 

And remember,

Stop Existing & Start Living

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

I think your a sex addict… are you though?

fantasy sex

So, can sex be a true addiction? I can’t tell you how often people not only ask me this question but also how often I’ll hear people throw the words “Sex Addict” around.

Lately I have seen several articles and been involved in a few conversations with colleagues about Sex Addiction. In my experience people tend to have strong feelings around this topic.

Some people say that sex addiction is just another way to pathologize people and label them. Others say that sex is like a drug and can be used/abused, can be dangerous, and something to be approached with care. I believe both can be and are true.

I personally have worked in the past with people that have been labeled as sex addicts. Some of these individuals I believe were indeed mislabeled and yet others had created severe damage in their lives in the pursuit of sex. I’ve listened to stories from my past clients about going broke, ruining relationships, ending up in jail, and ruining their health in order to find sex.

So to me, the question is not if Sex Addiction (or abuse of sex) is real because I have seen the damage in my clients’ lives. I think the question is what is and what is not sex addiction!

What is Sex Addiction?

            Technically there is no such thing as sex addiction in terms of medical terminology. An addiction of any form is simply a laymen’s term for what the medical and psychological community call abuse/dependence. The closest medical term that has been offered for what society considers Sex Addiction is “Hypersexual Disorder” which was not approved for usage in the latest addition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel (DSM 5), which is where all diagnoses of psychological disorders come from. Some also consider withholding sex a form of sex addition (“Sexual Anorexia”), which would fall under the category of Hypo-sexual disorder. Also, medical professionals have been unable to even determine what sex addiction is because it is often used to define any behavior that deviates from societal norms. This includes “excessive” sexual intercourse, masturbation, viewing of pornography, partners, etc.

            The National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity has defined sexual addiction as “engaging in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior acted out despite increasing negative consequences to self and others.” Since there is no agreed upon definition of what a sex addiction is, I would like to offer what I use with my clients to determine when someone has entered an unhealthy territory in the way of sexual behaviors.

•           Are you able to function in your daily life? (Going to work, taking care of adult     responsibilities, taking care of physical health, etc.)

•           Are you continuing to engage in behaviors despite intense dangers to your physical           health, career, or financial well-being?

•           Are you unable to stop the behaviors despite them no longer bringing you pleasure?

If someone says, “Yes,” to the above situation, then they very well might be stuck in an addictive cycle with sex, porn, or masturbation. Thankfully there are many wonderful therapists/coaches that work with sex addiction and can help determine what emotional needs are trying to be met through these behaviors.

What Sex Addiction is NOT!

Often Sex Addiction is used as a scapegoat for Cheating, Lying, Jealousy, and Taboo behaviors. As long as the below behaviors are not stopping normal adult functioning, a sex addiction is not:

•           Cheating: Just because a partner is enjoying sex with another person(s) does not mean    they are addicted. It means that there is a breakdown somewhere in the communication and the relationship. Often women particularly will struggle emotionally with the thought of a partner cheating and so will label that other person a sex addict. I believe people often see it as a more acceptable/ less embarrassing than having to admit their partner  cheated OR the person engaging in the infidelity finds it easier than having to manage the repercussions of infidelity.  Cheating can cause emotional turmoil on both sides but   that does not make it a sex addiction

•           Polyamory/Open Relationships: Just because a person chooses a different lifestyle does not make them have an addiction. Often people are under the impression that people in   these types of relationships are “sex crazed” and are constantly engaging in dangerous sexual experiences. Research studies have actually shown the exact opposite, that people in these relationships communicate and take more precautions for safety in sex than single/monogamous couples. However, instead of learning about these lifestyles, it is easier to smack a label on a person or think they are just choosing that lifestyle for the sex.

•           Pornography: I do not personally like pornography because I think it can push unhealthy standards but a person does not have an addiction just because they enjoy viewing  pornography. Viewing porn can be a healthy part of adult sexual experiences. Many couples pursue pornography to add spice into a relationship and many single people use it to meet their basic human needs in a safe and healthy manner.

•           Enjoying Sex/Sex-ploration: Many times I will hear people throw the word sex addict out when they hear about a person engaging in more sex then they deem “appropriate.” Based on religious beliefs, upbringing, and our society, many people have strong ideals on what is and is not okay. The truth is we have no right to tell others when their desires/needs have been met or to limit them according to our personal ideals of sex. A person could have a new sex partner every night for a year and still not be a sex addict!

•           Masturbation: Again, masturbation is a super healthy aspect of human sexuality and does not mean a person is a sex addict. Our bodies are meant to be enjoyed and so we don’t get to tell others how often that is okay.

•           Taboo Sex: As we expand as a society, more and more people are venturing into new       sexual territory. There is a reason why 50 Shades of Grey took the nation by storm! In our ignorance of a sexual preference we often label people as having a “problem.” As adults we have the right to explore whatever we like in the privacy of our own bedroom (outside of illegal preferences such as child abuse or animal abuse).  Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t make it an addiction.

Sex Addiction is serious and can very much ruin a person’s life. If a person truly has a sex addiction then they do need help to put their lives back together. In true sexual addiction, the person needs to explore the pain and patterns that are keeping them stuck in a destructive cycle. There are some amazing therapy and treatment centers out there to help these individuals. Though beware because there are some other treatment centers that turn this addiction into a moral issue and will try to shame the addiction out of a person or suggest taking on habits such as celibacy. These treatments are not effective and will often just drive the addict deeper into the addiction long-term.

Sex Addiction is not a scapegoat phrase or something to be thrown around in order to express your dislike of a person’s sexual behaviors. It’s not an excuse for infidelity and not a rationale for someone having a high sexual appetite.

Original Article  by Addison Bell, Tantric Practitioner & Coach

Are you stuck in story?

are-you-stuck-on-story

Why do you need stories? Stories give shape to experience and allow you to go through life with clarity. Without stories, life events and experiences would float around in some nebulous cloud and none of it would mean anything. When you have a particular viewpoint of what happened, the wonderful aspects of being human can come into play. You can laugh, feel inspired, be compassionate, become outraged, and become motivated to change things. They help you connect and feel less alone. They are your guidepost, your prayers, your history and the vehicle to discovering and expressing your soul. There are stories that celebrate and others that offer you a challenge.

Stories reflect your perception of events, experiences and the world. They influence your interactions with others, the quality of your relationships, your sense of emotional well-being, and even your physical health. They shape your expectations, who you believe you can become, or can achieve in life. Your story affects how easily you steer through change, and it can keep you stuck in cycles of stress, worry, and fear. It is your interpretation of what you believe to be true. This rendition is based on your beliefs and weave together to create a story about who you are and how the world works.

If these perceptions and interpretations are reinforced by your environment, the more real they appear and the truer the story seems. The story becomes so engrained that you believe it is the only one that could exist. Your perspective then becomes your truth. The question is, does it support you?

Why do you stay in the stories you create? Story helps you understand the world and assimilate your experience of it, providing you with a view point. Sometimes that becomes contorted. Your unconscious beliefs are like an invisible story line that you carry around all the time. For example, if you adopted the belief that you are not significant, you carry the “I’m insignificant” story. Everywhere you go you are projecting, “This is the story of who I am and how the world works for me. You are requesting others to assume the illusion is true, and help sustain it.” There are plenty of people who are willing to cooperate with you.

How do you change the story? Einstein said that you can’t solve a problem at the same level of consciousness that created it. To change the story you need to look at reality in an entirely new way. Transformation comes when you change the question from “what is this person doing to create this feeling I am experiencing?” This inquiry does not claim ownership of your perception which might be flawed. A more self-aware question might be, “If this reaction is occurring, what story line am I carrying?” Doing this you become aware of the story line, and it gives you the opportunity to change it. You can choose to let go of a limiting belief and respond differently. When you look at your “reality” in a new way. You get less stuck in reacting, and you learn how to clear the beliefs that make up the story. Your awareness grows and you learn to participate in the story you are creating. As a result, the story no longer rules you and your experience of reality changes. I encourage those wanting to explore this further to read Byron Katie’s book Loving What Is.

Lynn Zambrano R.N. is an energy intuitive, healer and life coach. Her sessions are filled with compassion and designed to reveal your personalized, heart-centered guidance. Connect with her on Twitter and Facebook, or email Lynn at Lightminded1@yahoo.com. You can also visit her website at www.Light-Minded.com Lynn is co-host with TrustClaire on her BTR show on Mondays at 5:30 EST, and is also highlighted on Top American Healers .

References:

http://www.nieman.harvard.edu/reports/article/101486/Why-We-Need-St…

http://www.powerctr.com/

ORIGINAL POST on OM Times

Are you okay?

The moment of relief is when you drop the oars and let the stream turn you. Surrender and ask for what you need.” –Abraham Hick

are-you-ok-700x458The question that we all use often and that truly has a different meaning then the words used. Are you okay is a question asked of someone when someone else is feeling a societal need, a duty, a face to uphold. It is asked of someone when another party feels as if they should inquire but is not really committed to knowing the truth of the other. It is often asked in closer relationships when one party is feeling that there is something not okay but is not at peace with really hearing the answer. Because of our psychological programming, our fear of loss, our unstable emotional blockages  we naturally answer this question when posed it, “Yes, yes I am okay. – Yes, I am fine. – Yes, all is good.” These responses are not accurate in most cases. These responses come with mixed feelings. “Yes, I am okay.” Actually says, “No, I am not okay but I am scared to share where I really am with you. I don’t trust you will handle where I am so I am going to give you the answer that you want and that will allow you to stop further inquiry and not feel guilty about it.” This answer at the same time is saying,” I know you feel something and I want you to dig deeper. I want to express fully but don’t know how or am unsure if I can trust you to hold space for me and where I am. I hope you can feel me calling through and asking you to go deeper with me. I want to be loved unconditionally and heard/seen.”

Our need to be heard, seen, truly felt and space held for us is a vital aspect of our human experience and healing, however because we all come with our own baggage we are fearful of opening ourselves at these levels and in turn give and accept these bullshit inquiries and responses.

not okayThis is one of the main questions posed in society, in all of our relationships.  Through this question we actually convince ourselves that we care, that we want to know, that we have done our part in helping the one being asked, but stop and analyze this within yourself deeper. The last time you were asked this question, how did you respond? Did you feel heard? Felt? Seen? Did you feel any true connection or concern coming from the asking party or did you feel as though you and the other side had fulfilled a obligation of some sort  in the brief inquiry? The last time you asked this question of someone did you get the response you had hoped for and was good with it so left it at that surface inquiry or did you hear a lack of integrity from the person asked? Did you hear their programmed answer and take it to a deeper level where you opened the door to real authentic love and empathy? If you did this did you hold space for the other person or did you open that door with a need to prove that you could “fix” them or show them the right path. What was YOUR underlying agenda in the inquiry no matter how deep you chose to take it?

Communication; Heart-felt and accepted communication is what we are all craving and yet we are scared shitless of embracing. We become involved in many relationships in our life times and even in the most committed, loving and connected ones we prevent this from happening. We fall prey to our programming and to our egos.  Perhaps it is because we know that opening this doorway is like opening Pandora’s Box. Once opened we in truth  are forever changed and we run the risk of looking silly, weak, psychologically messed up, selfish, insecure, possibly even suicidal if we really got down to the nitty gritty in some cases. We run into the possibility of sharing more of ourselves then we ever have trusted share before and this may cause our friend, lover, family member to shut down because they are not equipped with the skills and the maturity to hear our truth.  Perhaps it is because we are all walking around with some amount of shame and distrust. We have been told from a young age to suck it up, that sharing these shadow lands of our internal selves is not healthy and it is actually selfish. We are told over and over again that emotion is meaningless, it is something that we need to learn to control and not embrace. We are told to hold it in, suppress it and move forward. Our society is programmed to believe that any emotional state of being that “Is NOT Okay,” is ill, wrong and should be suppressed in any way possible. Even medicated.  But does this mean that it is right?

When we block one emotional state and stop living in heart integrity we naturally start blocking others. In what can be a very short period of time we find ourselves completely masking life, our hearts, our souls and all that we have to offer. Our love even becomes muted and you can feel or see the radiant light that was once present draining away from our living corpse.  Our relationships, no matter how intimate become distant and we find ourselves alone, prisoners in this thing called life that we have no understanding of really.

Over and over again, I have heard from couple’s, especially men:

“She use to smile so much. Her smile could light up a room, if only she would do that now.”

“ When __________ is turned on she is the most extraordinary woman I have ever seen, I wish I knew how to get her into that state more.”

“She use to be so happy.”

“ I miss us talking about everything.  I use to think that together we could do anything in this world, but that was then. Reality has set in and life is hard. We were young and dumb.”

“ People change. I don’t make her happy anymore.”

“I wish she could share with me more.”

“I don’t think she loves me anymore.”

“ I wish we could just talk without her getting so over emotional.”

“Women are too emotional. Your hormones mess everything up, we men cannot take what you say, do or are acting like for reality. I wish women could just be more stable minded.”

On the reverse I hear:

“ He use to make me smile in how he handled everything and supported me.”

“I wish he would just open up and share what is bugging him so much instead of ignoring me.”

“ I know he knows that we have not been right for some time now, but he won’t hear me out.”

“ I feel so alone.”

“Its just my hormones that are acting up.  (It’s my period, I just got over my period, I am going through the change of life, I have the baby blues, etc)”

“It’s this new medication I am on.”

“I wish we could talk and he would just let me cry if I needed.”

These are all common statements made and felt. How sad it is that on both sides of the coin we feel a responsibility, a shame, a deep longing even to have more, embrace more but allow our egos to prevent the beauty of this soul communication by making us believe that if we express these “meaningless” emotions that we will sacrifice our relationship, ourselves and our image. If we open Pandora’s Box we are weak and immature, we are not cut out for this thing called life because the successful are strong and emotionless.

By opening this box though we do run the risk of seeing other souls at a deeper level and connecting with them in the space that they are at, we possibly may fall more in love with them, ourselves and with life by allowing both their humanness and our own to be revealed. We also run the risk of walking in a land that we have not traveled before ever or very much and see aspects of ourselves mirrored back at us that we are not fully ready to accept and heal. We may be asked to hold space or to support this other soul in a way that we are uncomfortable with. There may be nothing in return for us by opening at this level except a pain in our heart center that we cannot explain but feel great alignment with and wish we had someone that could hold this space for us.

gilrcatokayOur interconnectedness as humans is amazing, but the interconnected, soul lessons that we are blessed with at a greater depth with those that we are physically connected to (our children, lovers, parents, siblings and close friends) are all the more intense. Our egos would have us believe that we should ignore and close ourselves off to even these people but is this the right and healthy thing to do or just the easy way out?

The next time you ask someone, “Are you okay?” Stop and ask if you are really ready to hold space for this person and whatever their truth is? Ask yourself if you are ready to inquire deeper when they give you the socially acceptable and expected answer of, ‘yes, I am okay.”? If you are not ready to do these two things, then DON’T ask. Smile at them, take  a deep breath and walk away or ask a different surface question that will allow for idle communication without soul depth. If you choose to ask this question, be willing to embrace the other soul without judgment the best you can. Go as deep as you can with them in the moment. Know that most of us have never been allowed to express or experience deep communication and sharing and even though we crave it like the air we breathe, we will attempt over and over again to shut down the valves so that we won’t get hurt. Fear will be standing guard and the one who is being inquired of will look for ANY reason, any disconnect, any distance or fear within the inquirer to support the shut down. Past programs will be running at high speed in these intimate times and if a trigger is engaged you may have to recalculate, breathe and even allow for space to form to a degree before going deeper.

True authentic communication and acceptance is NOT easy or without risk. It takes a deep love and courage on both sides to reveal and be revealed into so much nakedness of self.

Do you have what it takes to love or be loved at this level?

–KW

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