3 Men Showed Up.

Arms open wide.
His arms, so open.
So supportive.
So full love.
Of acceptance.
 
I welcomed his embrace with my whole heart and soul.
Needing to be held.
To be carried in this moment.
Needing his witnessing of my soul.
My heart.
My pain.
My fear.
My love.
My gratitude.
 
There we were, a moment that happens often in our relationship. Saying good bye at a car door in a parking lot. Embracing each other with love. With a tender holding of friendship. Of authentic connection.
 
Today was different though.
Today I was breaking in the wake of my life.
I was washed over by the storm of my life and I did not have the strength to hold space for myself.
 
Today, I needed his strength.
I needed the witnessing and loving support of the divine masculine to hold me.
 
A fatherly love.
A lovers love.
A deep friendship of years.
A kindred spirit.
 
I needed to feel God come through him and hold me. Assure me that I was going to not just be fine, but be able to fly again.
 

And here he was.

I love the way he showed up.

 
Present attention.
His inquiry was deep but open.
So understanding.
So empathetic. Compassionate.
Full of love.
 
Soft were his words.
Connective were his communications.
2000 miles may have separated us, but he was there holding my hand. Holding my heart. Sharing his.
 
Months had passed since we saw each other and spoke last, yet these two hours on the phone felt like no time had passed. There was zero distance between our beings.
 
It was perfect.
He was perfect.
His holding and witnessing made him so.
 
I had been able to gift him with this holding in years past, now he was offering it to me and sharing his tales and lessons equally. Together we rose. Together we embraced life in this moment.
 
Our pain.
Our broken hearts.
Our misunderstandings and uncertainty.
Our joy.
Our faith.
 
A fellow soul crusader’s empathy and love.
A lovers love.
A friendship of years.
A kindred spirit.
 
I needed to hear his lessons of love and compassion. I needed his truth in this moment. It supported my own. His words encouraged both of us. God was speaking through him. His statement of, ” I answer to something higher than the law of humankind.”
 
Yes. I too answer to this.
I too align to this.
Our laws of ego and shut down hearts are not my truth.
I needed to hear this. I needed him to assure me that I was not broken. That I would fly again.
 

And here he was.

I loved the way he showed up.

 
His smile.
His embrace.
He walked through the door and just smiled that smile.
He embraced me from behind while I cooked dinner.
Kissing my neck.
Telling me sweet everything’s.
 
Those words.
His arms open wide.
His heart beat assuring me.
His presence witnessing me.
The tears I had cried before, in the parking lot, on the phone. He could see their residue left from my mascara on my cheeks.
He could see my exhaustion.
My fear. My concern.
 
His holding. He shared his breath with me through a kiss.
He assured me that I could fly with his smile.
He cradled my heart as it wept with his presence.
He cradled my aching body with his strength, his warmth.
 
Silence.
Presence.
Love.
 
It was ours.
These were our tales.
This was our truth.
Our moment.
The only moment.
 
A fellow seeker of truth and healing.
A lovers love.
A new friendship.
A kindred spirit.
 
The look in his eye’s. The smile on his face. The laughter he brought into the moment. His light. Telling me that I could have it all. Telling me that I was strong. That I was a mother f*cking Goddess! Telling me that I was radiant. Telling me that I was needed and mattered. Assuring me that I could fly.
 

And here he was.

I loved the way he showed up.

 
This was my day yesterday.
These three gentlemen assuring me,
each in their own way that I could fly.
Each sharing their hearts.
Their love.
Their presence.
 
Helping to heal me.
And I helping to heal them.
Through authenticity and truth.
Through unconditional love and the offering of our presence and witnessing for each other.
 
Here is the dance of the divine masculine and feminine in it’s beauty. Here is the ying and the yang.
 
These three men in less than 24 hours have done more toward the healing of my heart and soul than I can ever communicate in my written words.
 
My gratitude for their love, support, compassion, empathy, connection, guidance, strength, and PRESENCE goes beyond words or actions to be shared.
 
All I can offer in return-
Is my heart and my wings.
 
Thank you for being the wind beneath my wings.
For carrying me to a new space.
Thank you for helping me take a step in restoring my faith in the masculine. In men.
 

Thank you.

 
This is my share today.
It is a share of compassion. Vulnerability and gratitude.
It a share of the great masculine and how it can when it chooses, hold space for the feminine and love her through her storms and messy emotions.
 
This is a share to show all men out there,
 
Thank you to these three men who chose in one day to gift me with their presence and hearts.
 

A remember,

Always –

Stop Existing – Start Living

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Reasons Why Group Sex Can Be an Attractive Option

kamasutra

Is group sex really as taboo as it seems?

Tradition holds that if we want to have sex, we’ve got to partner up. Once you find your mate, you can place A into B to create C. But what happens when you add someone to the party? And then another. And another, and another….

Group sex is one of those things that make some people go “hmm.” It’s seemingly taboo and kinky and yet, spontaneously attractive. There’s a reason why PornHub’s “Orgy” category holds over 7,000 videos. Most of the collection consists of thrusting bodies, flapping genitalia, oily messes, and tons of fingers — pretty much what you’d expect out of a “group sex” setting. And while that description may leave some a bit scandalized, it piques the interest of others.

In her book, The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace Through Pleasure, sex therapist Susan Block details a standard sexual environment in the life of our “long-lost kissing cousins,” the bonobo, writing, “Bonobo eroticism doesn’t discriminate between genders: all bonobos are, according to their fashion, bisexual or pansexual. Some bonobo sex is relatively private, but most is out in the open where others may watch or join in.”

Block’s description of group sex in humans sets a similar tone. She told me over the phone, “Group sex is not artificial. It’s very natural. And group sex is not particular. ”She added, “I think there’s something in all of us that responds to this idea of ‘more than one.’”

She brought up the notion of “collective joy” and introduced an argument made by Barbara Ehrenreich in her book, Dancing In the Street. Ehrenreich suggests that sporting arenas, nightclubs and dance halls function as some of the few spaces society has designated to this idea of “collective joy.” Block says sex may very well have been one of channels through which our ancestors experienced the phenomenon.

But just because something once was doesn’t make it relevant today. Those who don’t buy the “maybe nature made us this way” hypothesis may lean on another to explain the drive for group sex: it’s fun, and fun things make you happy.

Block told me, “The couple unit is great. I’m all for the couple unit. I’m in a couple unit myself: 23 years of marriage. I’m very romantic about the couple. And yet, it can be the most suffocating thing in the world, you know, to expect everything from one person. I mean, most of us are expected to meet all of our sexual and erotic needs within one relationship of marriage that is supposed to last our entire lives.”

She added, “And there’s nothing wrong with that, and mostly, that’s what we need to do to have a regular sex life. And it’s probably the most intimate form of sex. But, I think there is something very special and truly wonderful about communal ecstasy and opening up to the group that partnered sex just isn’t.”

“Just the smell. Just the intensity of people having sex around you is going to light up your libido. I can guarantee it.”

An online study conducted by the Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality polled 1,092 swingers to better understand the demographic. Of those who reported being in an “unhappy relationship” before swinging, 90.4% said their relationship became happier after entering the lifestyle. The study also found that swingers were more likely to report being in a “happy marriage” than the non-swingers interviewed. (Though some “experts” remain wary of the argument that swinging can actually improve marital happiness.)

Formal group sex takes place often in specific venues that follow a certain set of rules. They serve as one of the rare spaces where women truly call the shots. Couples and single women are welcome to play around in all areas of the club. Single men, if allowed in, are given limited access.

Block told me, “Male aggression is very toned down, and females are encouraged to be assertive… The sheer amount of estrogen just keeps things very peaceful.”

So long as you like group sex (and pussy) these places are where it’s at. Just make sure you’ve talked through the logistics with your partner beforehand. A lot of clubs have sections devoted to “dealing with jealousy” listed under the rules.

Intimacy coach Rebekah Beneteau told me, “The idea that you can have what you want, that you can be the center of attention, that you can go after pleasure is somewhat alien in our society but I really think that that is a healthy kind of selfishness.”

Beneteau runs the company Pleasure Evolution with her partner, Trevor Jones.

Of course, no conversation about group sex would be complete without mention of voyeurism. Jones told me, “Speaking as a man who’s had a fantasy of being with two women, voyeurism is definitely key. Very few men can keep up with two women who have a high sex drive. So at some point, you’re sitting back watching them. And that’s sort of the enjoyment. You get to see live what you’ve only fantasized about and watched in pornography.”

Beneteau added, “For a lot of women, what happens is once they start getting turned on, and they come once, the get revved up. They have a high need to keep coming. And having multiple guys means they can tag out when they get tired.”

It’s true, a lot of people would be hurt to see their partner having sex with another person. I’d probably fall into that category myself. But if you’re willing to enter into a group sex environment, there are some things you’ve got to understand. One is the idea of compersion.

Compersion is a concept frequently cited by those who practice polyamory. The term refers to deriving pleasure from your partner’s pleasure. This experience can take different forms. Beneteau told me, “For us personally, if he’s been with somebody else, I like to hear about it. It turns me on. But we have to be naked. And we have to be fooling around.”

That said, developing this idea of compersion isn’t easy for those of us who grew up under the umbrella of monogamy. If it’s not something you want to take on, don’t try it. To each their own.

If you are interested in dipping a toe into the group sex scene, however, don’t let fears about jealousy stop you. Block says, “A little bit of possessiveness is okay… But people that ride this wave of swinging or group sex or polyamory turn the jealousy into compersion,” adding, “Jealousy is a feeling of connectedness that goes bad. Compersion is a feeling of connectedness that blossoms into good feelings for you.”
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