IS THIS THING CALLED LIFE EVEN WORTH IT?

SOME DAYS YOU QUESTION…

IS IT EVEN WORTH IT?

 

You know those days where your chest feels so tight it hurts to even try and take a shallow breath,

and you know that what you really need to do is to breathe deep and force yourself to just relax,

but you can’t.

It hurts too effing bad.

You feel like your chest is going to erupt at any second from the pressure that it is under and your heart is beating faster than it should,

you woke with enough anxiety for two countries of people,

and your mind won’t stick to anything positive.

The thoughts,

the fears,

worry dances around you assuring you that today is going to suck,

just like life is sucking. And you question….

 

Is any of this even worth it?

Does anyone really care?

Do I matter?

And if I do, is it just so I can be of service without support coming back? Am I only here on this planet to be used?

 

The blame game is a nasty one,

and you know it’s not even accurate,

but there you go anyway,

down that rabbit hole,

feeding yourself another solemn tail of defeat and suffering.

 

Your mind is a chatter with how you need to just put an end to your suffering,

you have no reason to continue so it appears,

your heart is shattered and no one sees it,

or cares.

 

You are lost.

Lost in your pain.

Lost in your inability to love yourself.

Lost in your fear of change.

Lost in desire to control and you cannot see it.

Your ego has you by the balls,

and there is a strange fulfillment in it.

 

Shhhh…. don’t tell anyone that in your pain you are comfortable.

 

But it is true.

 

You are happy here in this suffering,

it is serving you for the time.

It is gaining you the attention that you desire,

it is getting those who are around you to notice you somehow.

Your vibe is so low that they feel a need to check in on you,

to inquire and at very least pretend that they care.

 

And to this there is an inner smiling.

But not for long.

Quickly you dismiss it.

And move on to another thought of your inner suffering,

pointing more fingers,

spewing out hatred and pain to anyone who will listen.

Confirming your misery.

 

And controlling that it will not leave you.

 

Yes my love,

Did you catch that?

 

You are controlling  your pain.

You are forcing it to stay with you.

You are the one who is hanging on to it.

 

You are truly that powerful,

that you have chosen to put yourself into this bondage.

 

You are truly that genius to have devised a life of suffering that is so masterfully planned out that even you yourself can no longer see it for the mastery that it is in your power.

 

Choosing blindness over sight.

Choosing to remain harnessed to the inner demons that you feed with your thoughts and actions.

Choosing to control them,

through your dictatorship of what you cannot do.

 

But if you could just breathe.

If you could just allow yourself to settle down into that cavity of your heart and feel the beating of its beauty and power.

If you could if only for today allow yourself a moment to release all the emotion that resides there,

let the tears stream without attachment,

without a need to think about them,

but to just let them go.

 

If you could do this and breathe.

Deeper and deeper,

letting yourself feel yourself and love,

love you for all your humanness,

and your tender beauty and powerful soul,

then perhaps you would be able to turn the corner to this self inflicted suffering.

 

Perhaps then you could come from your strength.

From that place deep inside of you that knows its worthiness,

embraces its power and see’s how it is truly the creator of your life.

 

If you could do this for only one minute today,

just one focused minute imagine the glorious thing that could stem from this place?

 

Imagine what it would be like to ALLOW yourself to turn that corner and to STOP the suffering game that you are playing with yourself.

 

Imagine what life might be like if instead of denying yourself the ability to feel good,

you in turn started to say yes to yourself with the things that you know you desire, crave and need.

 

You question your worthiness…

yet you do not treat yourself with any worth.

 

You question if you should continue on…

yet you deny the allowance of living from a yes point to self.

 

You roll in the muddy contamination of your thoughts claiming that you are shackled there while holding the key to your freedom.

 

And the reality is the same for any of us…

 

We will only make a change when we are ready to make that change.

 

When we are done with the service that pain offers.

When we are done controlling from this vibrational level and we are ready to truly step into our power of self love.

Ready to surrender to your true nature,

to create a life of thriving.

 

But first you must question…..

 

How is this suffering serving me?

Why am I so attached to this pain?

How is controlling my life through pain supporting my current desires?

 

And you must go deep with yourself if you are to unblock yourself from what you claim you no longer want.

 

You must get authentically raw with yourself and be willing to see those inner shadows for what they are….

 

for how you….

YES YOU ARE THEIR MASTER.

 

Are you ready to turn the corner?

 

Because this world needs your light.

And you my dear,

YOU ARE WORTHY OF A LIFE OF THRIVING.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Stop with the mind f-ck games that you are playing with yourself and learn the secrets to thriving now.

 

You can create the life of your dreams in one minute a day.

 

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3 Men Showed Up.

Arms open wide.
His arms, so open.
So supportive.
So full love.
Of acceptance.
 
I welcomed his embrace with my whole heart and soul.
Needing to be held.
To be carried in this moment.
Needing his witnessing of my soul.
My heart.
My pain.
My fear.
My love.
My gratitude.
 
There we were, a moment that happens often in our relationship. Saying good bye at a car door in a parking lot. Embracing each other with love. With a tender holding of friendship. Of authentic connection.
 
Today was different though.
Today I was breaking in the wake of my life.
I was washed over by the storm of my life and I did not have the strength to hold space for myself.
 
Today, I needed his strength.
I needed the witnessing and loving support of the divine masculine to hold me.
 
A fatherly love.
A lovers love.
A deep friendship of years.
A kindred spirit.
 
I needed to feel God come through him and hold me. Assure me that I was going to not just be fine, but be able to fly again.
 

And here he was.

I love the way he showed up.

 
Present attention.
His inquiry was deep but open.
So understanding.
So empathetic. Compassionate.
Full of love.
 
Soft were his words.
Connective were his communications.
2000 miles may have separated us, but he was there holding my hand. Holding my heart. Sharing his.
 
Months had passed since we saw each other and spoke last, yet these two hours on the phone felt like no time had passed. There was zero distance between our beings.
 
It was perfect.
He was perfect.
His holding and witnessing made him so.
 
I had been able to gift him with this holding in years past, now he was offering it to me and sharing his tales and lessons equally. Together we rose. Together we embraced life in this moment.
 
Our pain.
Our broken hearts.
Our misunderstandings and uncertainty.
Our joy.
Our faith.
 
A fellow soul crusader’s empathy and love.
A lovers love.
A friendship of years.
A kindred spirit.
 
I needed to hear his lessons of love and compassion. I needed his truth in this moment. It supported my own. His words encouraged both of us. God was speaking through him. His statement of, ” I answer to something higher than the law of humankind.”
 
Yes. I too answer to this.
I too align to this.
Our laws of ego and shut down hearts are not my truth.
I needed to hear this. I needed him to assure me that I was not broken. That I would fly again.
 

And here he was.

I loved the way he showed up.

 
His smile.
His embrace.
He walked through the door and just smiled that smile.
He embraced me from behind while I cooked dinner.
Kissing my neck.
Telling me sweet everything’s.
 
Those words.
His arms open wide.
His heart beat assuring me.
His presence witnessing me.
The tears I had cried before, in the parking lot, on the phone. He could see their residue left from my mascara on my cheeks.
He could see my exhaustion.
My fear. My concern.
 
His holding. He shared his breath with me through a kiss.
He assured me that I could fly with his smile.
He cradled my heart as it wept with his presence.
He cradled my aching body with his strength, his warmth.
 
Silence.
Presence.
Love.
 
It was ours.
These were our tales.
This was our truth.
Our moment.
The only moment.
 
A fellow seeker of truth and healing.
A lovers love.
A new friendship.
A kindred spirit.
 
The look in his eye’s. The smile on his face. The laughter he brought into the moment. His light. Telling me that I could have it all. Telling me that I was strong. That I was a mother f*cking Goddess! Telling me that I was radiant. Telling me that I was needed and mattered. Assuring me that I could fly.
 

And here he was.

I loved the way he showed up.

 
This was my day yesterday.
These three gentlemen assuring me,
each in their own way that I could fly.
Each sharing their hearts.
Their love.
Their presence.
 
Helping to heal me.
And I helping to heal them.
Through authenticity and truth.
Through unconditional love and the offering of our presence and witnessing for each other.
 
Here is the dance of the divine masculine and feminine in it’s beauty. Here is the ying and the yang.
 
These three men in less than 24 hours have done more toward the healing of my heart and soul than I can ever communicate in my written words.
 
My gratitude for their love, support, compassion, empathy, connection, guidance, strength, and PRESENCE goes beyond words or actions to be shared.
 
All I can offer in return-
Is my heart and my wings.
 
Thank you for being the wind beneath my wings.
For carrying me to a new space.
Thank you for helping me take a step in restoring my faith in the masculine. In men.
 

Thank you.

 
This is my share today.
It is a share of compassion. Vulnerability and gratitude.
It a share of the great masculine and how it can when it chooses, hold space for the feminine and love her through her storms and messy emotions.
 
This is a share to show all men out there,
 
Thank you to these three men who chose in one day to gift me with their presence and hearts.
 

A remember,

Always –

Stop Existing – Start Living

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