“My body is tense and tight as are my emotions and heart. I feel little love, appreciation or compassion let alone toleration. Or perhaps that is all I feel. I am tolerating life. I am tolerating work. I am tolerating my family. There is no feeling of interconnectedness, no desire washing through me. I feel lost, alone, depressed without reason, fatigued and sore. I feel loveless and angry. I feel an ever growing panic inside of my soul. As if my life is being stolen and for what?
The smile on my face and my light-hearted attitude that everyone sees is far from my internal reality where it’s more like being trapped in the swamps of some limbo land of the forgotten. I am unseen, unheard and feeling unworthy. Unworthy of being seen, heard, loved, sexed properly, or even cuddled and nurtured. Sure, I can reach out to my children or girlfriends for emotional support and snuggles, but this is not what my soul craves to keep itself alive. No, my soul craves to be held safe in the arms of the masculine. To be loved, adored, cherished and ravished to the marrow in my bones and through every last cell of my physical being. My soul craves with ever expanding fear to be penetrated mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally by the masculine. It needs to weep and laugh while singing its orgasmic rapture before my lover. It needs to feel safe while opening into the darkest corners of vulnerability. It needs to feed like a ravenous vampire on the love that can be expressed and felt during gourmet sexing. It needs to be felt with every tilt and pulse of my pelvis as I wrap my legs around my lover and pull him deeper where he has no choice but to surrender and bow at my alter. Where he can no longer deny my passion, my thirst for him and for life. My soul needs to burn. It needs to be ignited and seen. It needs to be felt and embraced in return.
Alas, this is not the case. Instead my soul is dying. It is dim and lifeless. It lives in its own shadow of a time since gone. Instead I feel numbness that is not numb but painful. My body is over ridden with what feels like a plague. I question existence, purpose, and reason. I question my worth. Looking inward I see a woman who is lost and feels like life has been stripped away, yet there is still a glimmer of hope. This glimmer is hungry, it wants so badly to be strong and to push forward. It wants to feel again, to live again, to heal and most of all it wants to breathe.
90 days is a short time line. You can do anything for 90 days, right?
90 days is a extremely long time as well. It can change your whole chemical, molecular being. It can retrain your thoughts and it can open you up to the vastness that life has to offer, or it can shut you down and make you question life.
90 days can heal you.
90 days can torture you.
It only takes 90 days to turn a turned on woman into a woman who is under-fucked, bitter, numb and on the verge of hysteria. How do I know this? Because I am that woman. I am that turned on woman in the spot light, leading others to a turned on state of being and I am also that under-fucked woman crying out from the shadows of the dungeon of hysteria begging for mercy. That mercy being orgasm.
Orgasm use to come to me so easily. I could easily have 20+ orgasms in one love making session. I would experience clitoral, G-spot, cervical, female ejaculation and emotional orgasms just to name a few. They would course through my veins and roll through my body with ease, feeding me. Leaving me fulfilled and with so much to give to the people and world around me. I felt youthful, alive, confident, connected, passionate, full of desire and certainty. I could move through obstacles with faith and love. “
90 days of no orgasm sends you in another direction though.
29 things that 90 days of No Orgasm Gets You- My Personal Observation
- Irregular periods
- Heavier menstrual flow with more pain and moodiness
- A constant feeling of female blue balls- aching in my pelvis
- Less fluid stride in my walking
- Decreased confidence
- Headaches and body pain
- Decreased immune system- keep getting sick, always feel sick and cannot get well quickly
- Increased hunger
- Weight gain
- My once clear skin now has numerous acne breakouts
- Feeling of hopelessness
- Zero desire for anything
- A short fuse – limited patience/toleration and understanding
- Once clear head now has mental chatter
- Breast tenderness
- Zero libido
- Emotional out bursts
- Crying almost daily
- Anger that creeps into rage
- Fear to move forward with things
- Lumps and tender spots on or around my pussy
- Vaginal dryness
- Random Yeast infections
- Sensitive vaginal skin that tears easily
- Pain during and after any sexual play
- A feeling of disconnectedness to everything including my children, family, lover and friends. As well as G-d.
This may seem crazy to many who read this. How can all of that happen to a woman just from not having orgasm in her life?
But it does.
Science has been proving for a long time that orgasm is a vital nutrient to the feminine. It helps keep us women stabilized, positive and connected. In my practice I work with many women who have not had an orgasm for years, possibly even a life time. I also work with women who have become addicted to clitoral orgasms but believe or have not had anything deeper than this. Keeping them in a quick fix mode of orgasm which is often the case in female masturbation practices or even in our sexing.
Ancient spiritual based practices, dating back 7,000+ years spoke and taught on how important orgasm, real orgasm not just climax was to the feminine. It goes far past our physical well being and even our psychological well being. Orgasm is the well spring of creation and connection to the divine. To God. When we women do not have true orgasm in our lives and a space to surrender to our lover and our orgasm then we turn off to life. We disconnect from our partner, from our world and from ourselves. We move from the embodiment of self and radiance to living in our heads and just “dealing” with this thing called life. Life becomes about the duty instead of the living.
Unfortunately, we live in a world of under-fucked women. I say under-fucked not to sound crude and that women “should be” fucked, but to make the point that women do need to be held in a space for a long enough time frame with a safe masculine that can stand in her fires, in her tears and in her orgasm. This masculine can not be forced on her. He must earn her. Earn her trust. Her heart and her orgasm. This is not a space that many men are familiar with nor have they been taught about in todays society. However, when the chosen masculine is there holding this space then the woman can release into the greatest depths of surrender with herself and with him, thus creating the feeling that he has fucked her wide open to the universe. It is in this space that the feminine gets filled with love and with orgasm to her core. All other concepts of orgasm are nothing more than illusions and hoaxes.
Clitoral orgasm is a masculine orgasm. It is sharp, quick and what I call fast food. It feels good for the moment but that is all it gives you a moment and you find yourself hungry and feeling empty shortly thereafter. It also trains the body and mind to accept less than what is possible. Once we believe that this is all that orgasm is then many never think to venture further down the path to find true fulfillment.
But this is us settling for something that will never be anything more.
In todays society and way of thinking we claim to desire so much yet few are willing to go out and make their desires a reality. We settle for the lessor car because it is economical, the lessor house because the school district is what we think is better, the lessor relationship because it is better then no relationship and he/she is nice. We settle for the lessor orgasm because we don’t know that there is anything better and we don’t have the time to get it. So, we settle.
I could easily be writing this about masculine orgasm as well, however I am not. Focusing on the feminine because this topic is near and dear to my heart and my pussy. The above share is my truth about a time that I went longer than 90 days without orgasm. I had to learn how to surrender to myself in other ways to escape the lack of orgasm that I had in my sexing. I had to rediscover myself and my passion in other areas to ignite my orgasm again so that I could have it. I had to lean into my pain and fear and face them with love for self and life. I had to go back to the roots of my desires and start there. FRESH.
This is the path that every woman who is without true orgasm must take. The answer to connecting to an orgasmic life is to learn how to surrender to life. To embody yourself and to discover your core desires.
I share this musing with you in hopes that you will do just these three things and give yourself permission to live the orgasmic, turned-on life that you deserve.
3 Keys to Opening Up to Your Orgasm
- Daily practice pussy communication. This is a foundational practice to reconnect you to your pussy. If you are living in your head then you are not embodying yourself. If you do not get back into your body then you will have limited to no sensation and you are blocking yourself from your divine feminine as well. Meaning that you have muted your intuition. Intuition is an art of blending voice of spirit with feelings and physical sensations of the body. By focusing on communication with your pussy on a daily basis you will tap back into your truth and feel more led by your core. Things will start to work out in your favor more and you will also start hearing your voice of desire again. To do this exercise all you need is a quiet space and your hands. Take your left hand and place it on your heart, your right hand and place it on your pussy. Now just breathe deep into your stomach, pulling the breath down as far as you can to allow your tummy to expand. Hold the breath for a moment and inquire with your pussy, “What message do you have for me?” From here move into a dialogue with your pussy as you focus on your breathing and feel for the sensations that she has to share with you. Ask her questions such as, “How do you feel about this relationship? – This job? – This move?” etc. Then listen to the sensations in your body. Your body’s wisdom is your soul speaking to you about what is best for your highest and greatest good.
- Vulva Love Practice. Set aside time each day or at very lest 3 times a week to do this goddess practice. Set up a space that is pretty to all your senses. If possible, do this practice outside a few times with the sun shining down on your pussy. Create a sacred space with smells, music and different textures that you enjoy and find relaxing. Allow yourself to relax into this space as you gently massage your vulva with your favorite oil (I suggest unscented coconut oil). Make slow strokes and really allow yourself to feel all the sensations of your fingers running across your pubis mound and vaginal lips. Massage and stroke for feelings of pleasure NOT orgasm or climax. Notice how good it feels to just feel the soft, conscious touch. Next stroke with the intent of love and appreciation. With each stroke say out loud or internal words of love and appreciation to your pussy. Speak of her beauty. Her ability to receive pleasure and give pleasure. Her ability to manifest life. Speak of her warmth, her velvety softness. Remember to say thank you to your pussy for all that she has given you and that you value her guidance in your life.
- Pussify Your Life. In this exercise you only need to ask your pussy for her feelings about something. This is a beautiful practice to focus us women on embodiment to self, something that many of us have lost in our modern world. To start and give you a feel for this practice, take on your under-ware and bra drawers. Take each pair of panties out and one by one hold them up to your pussy. Now ask, “Do you like this pair of panties?” Then feel what sensations come up in your body. Notice your emotions around each garment. If you have anything other than a strong F-ck YES! To the garment then toss it without question into a get rid of pile. Do this with all your panties and then move to your bra’s. If you want to really pussify your world, move to your closet and clean it with the guidance of your pussy instead of your logical brain. The result is that you will find yourself with ONLY garment that make you feel good. You will clear out all the things that you thought you needed for some logical reason or have been holding onto to be smart or out of fear of not replacing it. When you do this, you will now not only be honoring yourself and your emotions, you find that you are more turned on to life and feeling better about what you look like as well.
You are a divine, beautiful woman who deserves orgasm in her life.
For you to have all the orgasm that you want, sexually and generally in life, you MUST own your ORGASM and open to fully receiving the blessings that the universe and your pussy have for you.
This is a decision though.
Do you want a Turned- On Life?
Do you desire a life full of rapture and blessing?
Do you crave a fairytale relationship?
Do you desire gourmet sex?
Then choose YOU!
Choose to EMBODY YOU.
Many of my clients and people who come to my workshops are aware that I am pregnant. Many know that to me the birthing process is an orgasmic experience and why I have chosen to make it as natural as I possibly can. Like my last pregnancy I will be blessed to be delivering in a small birthing center with a midwife, my partner and many of my children present. I will be able to labor the way my body and nature has intended and I will finish my process in a pool of warm waters. Instead of a white room, bright lights, feet in stirrups, nurses running to and fro and harsh energy, little Rowan (yes we are having a boy!) will be born into loving warm energies and within 3 hours after having him I will be home and resting instead of having to deal with constant interruptions from a nurse to check my bleeding, BP and other items. A day later the birthing center will do a house call and do all the follow up needed.
Needless to say this approach to the birth is an old one and is one that does not make use of traditional medicine and pain killers.
I hear from many people:
“OMG, no way I could do ALL natural. I have to have the med.s’, Give me the good stuff!”
“What if something goes wrong?”
“How can you handle that sort of pain?”
And so much more.
The fact is this.
I have experienced traditional birthing methods. I was induced, and had pain killers. I stayed all night and then some in a hospital. I did the normal muck up. And you know what I thought?
Labor and child birth are painful!
Now, here I am with my 7th child soon to enter this world. My second all natural birth. And you know what my last labor taught me?
Birth is all about:
* Connection to Self
* Connection to my Partner
* Body Presence
* Orgasm! – Orgasmic Wombman- hood
Similar to our love making and ability to open to love, intimacy, orgasm and pleasure. Labor and birth show how we choose to show up in our own lives.
What I was doing in previous experiences was choosing to disconnect and buy into the propaganda that life was pain. That labor and birth were terrifying and something we should try to mask with a drug. That our bodies are NOT designed to enjoy the process but to suffer.
WOW was I ever wrong!
Now, I will say that there are moments that are so intense that it you may feel like you will leave your own body. There are what many would say are painful moments. Intense moments. High pressure moments.
But all of these can happen in our sexing as well.
They should happen in our sexing.
It is in the intensity, the heat, the pressure and sometimes even what may scare us or feel uncomfortable that we learn to open fully and embrace what is on the other side. We choose ORGASM! We choose LIFE! We choose PLEASURE and POWER.
Or we say NO! and we shut down, close off and deny our power.
And why would we ever want to NOT choose these things?
Why do we so quickly hand over our rights to experience life in all it’s bliss, even when that bliss comes with some sharp points of climax that may test our courage to push forward and release into deeper sensation, more penetrative love and pleasure?
Yet this is what we do as a society.
We constantly deny ourselves life.
We say no to our power and we actually believe that by remaining small and powerless we are doing some humanly “good” thing.
We tell ourselves that we “should not” experience pain in the way that we do.
We tell ourselves that our emotions are not good or real.
We tell ourselves to not buy into our dreams.
We convince ourselves that pleasure is a sin even and that our bodies are to be denied.
Rarely do we say yes without guilt, shame or embarrassment.
Even more rarely do we learn how powerful our YES is and how our ORGASM effects our lives, right down to the people we associate with, the chaos or peace we bring in, our health and our financial state of being.
What if there were a way for you to learn how to orgasm through life even in the sharp points, the ones that make your breathe deep, make your heart clench, make your eye’s weep?
What if you understood how the sabotaging beliefs and patterns that you hold toward your sex are the same ones you hold toward your money?
What if you understood that the thoughts you hold during sex and who you are sexing with as well as how you show up in bed STRONGLY effect all areas of your life?
What if I shared with you that life is suppose to be an ORGASM!
So stop F–king around with the mechanics you think you should know and the shame for wanting more and go deeper with your sexing.
Make 2015 the YEAR that you say YES to an ORGASMIC LIFE!
Classes on The Link Between Sex & Money : How Our Beliefs of one effect the other.
“Jenny! I was supposed to meet you at the door naked!” the gorgeous woman standing before me said before flinging her arms around me. She was almost naked, wearing a thin, white tank that barely covered her behind. “I’m Carlin,” she said.
Carlin Ross is the business partner of famed sex educator Betty Dodson. Betty Dodson, of course, is the author of the insanely bestselling book Sex for One, and the consummate orgasm and masturbation guru since the ’70s. You might call her a founding mother of women’s sexual liberation. I certainly would.
“Come on, let’s get undressed,” Carlin said, like it was the most normal thing in the world. And if you’re there for one of Betty’s famous “BodySex” workshops, it is. I followed her back to the vestibule at the entryway of Betty’s Madison Avenue apartment, and I slipped out of my yoga pants and tee as she slipped out of her tank.
As Carlin greeted the other attendees coming in, I went into the main room, where back jacks were set up in a circle, each with a towel on it, a pillow behind it, and a tray next to it with a box of Kleenex, a glass of water, a bottle of almond oil, a Dodson Vaginal Barbell, and a Mystic Wand vibrator.
As I tried to decide where to sit, I heard someone say, “Jenny. You’re Jenny Block. We know each other.” I panicked for a minute. What if she was a PTA mom from my daughter’s school? What if we didn’t like one another? What if…
“I was at your book signing. In San Francisco. For Open. At Good Vibrations,” she said.
“Oh!” I said, incredibly relieved. She hugged me, and it took me a minute to remember that I didn’t have any clothes on. Already it seemed perfectly reasonable to be naked with strangers.
More women filled the room, and we all began to take our seats. It’s an interesting quandary, trying to decide how to sit naked in a room full of strangers. Legs straight out? Like a pretzel? One knee up? Before I could really decide, Betty entered the room.
I was in awe. Eighty-five years old and she walked in as naked as the rest of us and settled into her back jack as if this scenario were the most common thing in the world, which, to her, it was. Although she has taken a hiatus recently, Betty began doing these workshops in the ’70s.
Betty welcomed us and began sharing some of her philosophy about sex and orgasms and vulvas (not vaginas) and bodies. (Note: What we see externally is the vulva. The vagina is the internal canal. Period.)
We started out by going around the circle, talking about how we felt about our bodies and our orgasms, and then moved on to some breathing exercises.
After a few hours we took a short break, and then it was time. Time for genital show and tell. No need to read that again. It said exactly what you think it said.
It was perhaps one of the most profound moments of my life. Like so many other moments during the workshop, it felt tribal and ancient, as if we were gathered in the red tent to be gifted with the wisdom of our sister elder.
At the same time, I simply could not stop smiling to myself and thinking in my head about how nuts this was, all of us naked and peering between the legs of this famed octogenarian.
Betty went first, and then, one by one, we sat next to her and spread our legs as we looked into the mirror with Betty and admired our pussies. Betty would point out certain features and “style” each of our pussies for a photo.
I have a doughnut pussy, she told me as I sat with my knees falling open and my pussy lips spread wide. A doughnut because I have full outer lips that outline the inner lips.
“Your design is perfect,” she said. I’m quite sure I blushed. A perfect pussy, according to Betty Dodson. (“The Dodson,” as Carlin affectionately calls her, and as we began to refer to her too.) “A post-modern pussy,” she continued. I couldn’t help but grin. “And what about a name?” she asked. “Do you have a name for your pussy?”
“I don’t,” I told her.
“Cream Puff,” she said.
And somehow, something that seemed so impossible just a moment before was over and The Dodson was off on her next pussy review. I felt happy and safe and, yes, validated and empowered too. Having other women look at you, really look at you, is a powerful experience.
The next day we stripped down and circled up without pause.
“Play is the most important thing when you’re little,” Betty explained. “You don’t get enough of it when you’re an adult.”
And then, without any ado, Carlin, whom Betty affectionately refers to as her “stunt cunt,” demonstrated Betty’s “rock and roll” method of masturbation while Betty directed and commentated. The method includes vulvar massage, pelvic rocking, focused breathing, a vibrator for the clit and — most importantly, to my mind — slow penetration with Betty’s Vaginal Barbell.
“The body knows a lot more than your head,” Betty explained. “Trust your body. Our heads are monsters.”
After the demonstration and another short exercise, it was time for the main event.
Even right up to the moment where we stood in a circle in the center of the room, holding our Mystic Wands to our pussies with Betty directing us, “More pelvis; fuck forward,” I wasn’t sure I could do it.
But suddenly it seemed equal parts impossible and ridiculous to decline. How could I when I was literally going to be sitting at the feet of the master?
So I went to my towel. I followed the steps. And as time passed, I began to hear some of the other women in the room coming.
One of those women was Betty. I came to find out later that it’s quite rare for Betty to come during a workshop, and it had been two weeks since she had masturbated. I was thrilled that I could be part of the group that inspired her.
I staved off each orgasm that I felt coming up on me until my brain started to interrupt. Was I having performance anxiety? Was the girl writing a book about female orgasm unable to have one in this super-charged setting? Was I past the point of no return?
I raised my hand when I saw Betty stand up, as I had been told to do if I needed help. I figured she would hand me the high-powered Magic Wand and that would do the trick. But instead Betty Dodson, The Dodson, fucked me to orgasm.
She sat next to me, put her hand on my chest, and began to move the Vaginal Barbell in and out of my pussy. Instantly the sensations switched. She instructed me to keep rocking my pelvis, keep breathing, go with it.
She put her fist against my perineum. She looked right at me. She smiled and encouraged, and the tears began to fall as they sometimes do right before, during, and/or after an incredible orgasm. She stopped me from over-arching my back and blocking the power of the orgasm, as I am prone to do.
And then it happened.
Betty stayed with me the whole time, and I collapsed after I’m not sure how many small orgasms and then one grand finale to end all finales.
“Thank you,” I managed.
“Good girl,” she said, patting my chest.
I felt powerful and grateful, as if the greatest gift had just been given to me without the smallest breath of apology or shame.
The workshop ended with us splitting into two groups and performing a group massage on each participant.
I felt imbued with an energy that my body recognized as something for which it was desperately hungry. A sexual energy that could change the world if harnessed. I felt so lucky to have had this incredible experience with these truly incredible women
I went to the workshop because I’m researching female orgasm for my new book. I left the workshop feeling like I had been let in on the true secret of female empowerment: owning our orgasms.
And, yes, I had one hell of a chain of orgasms. Betty Dodson may be 85, but she’s right. She’s got skills. “Give me any woman, any age, and I’ll get ’em off,” Betty told us when the workshop began. Indeed.
WRITTEN BY Jenny Block
Check out her website HERE
“I remember the first time I sucked a man’s cock. I was 19 years old and desperate to explore my sexuality (the high school boys always seemed too “immature”).
I’d spent several days anticipating my upcoming tryst with this man and poured over the internet for hours looking for the best ways to give head.
After memorizing what seemed like countless “Top 10” articles, I deemed myself an expert and set out on my mission for fellatio.
The hungry little slut was born.
14 years and (*ahem*) several cocks later, I’ve found myself even more in love with sucking cock.
The soft folds in my mouth. The sweet-acrid taste. The way a man yields control with every flick of my tongue.
It’s one of the most erotic experiences for me.
The other day, I found a new level of joy in this practice. My partner kneeled upright and straddled my face, while I lay on my back underneath him. This way I could work the underbelly of his head, as well as delight in the gentle curve where his shaft met his testicles.
It was exquisite. Licking his balls while stroking him with my hands, I felt like I was at an endless buffet. He slipped his fingers in my pussy, pressing up, warming and wetting me, as I reached around to finger his asshole.
The more turned-on I got, the more I wanted him in my mouth.
I wanted him to fuck the back of my throat.
My back arched as my pussy reached for his hands. His fingers slipped in and out in sync with his own hips. It was as if his cock reached down my throat and made direct contact with my clit. The gagging, the spitting, the squirting – it was all an orgiastic delight that made me hungry for him. I wanted him more and more inside of me. I wanted to devour him.
Until I couldn’t take anymore. I cried out, my eyes rolled back and my whole body rocked and rippled in the choked agony of climax. I was in bliss.
There is an exquisite joy in sucking a man’s cock – something that I think more people could experience if we can let go of the idea that a man has power over us if we go down on him. Nothing could be further from the truth.
It takes an incredible amount of trust and surrender for a man to properly receive your mouth.
I suggest we give up the power struggle, admit our resentments, forgive each other and get back to the good, old-fashioned joy of fellatio.
And so, dear ones, I offer you …
3 delicious tips to help you discover the joy of sucking cock.
#1 Do it because you like it.
The moment you start doing it because you want him to think you’re nice or because he ate your pussy or bought you dinner, you are LYING, and therefore creating a barrier between yourself and your own (and his) pleasure.
Truth is always the biggest turn-on, so if you aren’t feeling it, that’s OK.
It’s always best to move from your own pleasure. You will know the difference and he will definitely feel the difference.
And the same goes for how you are sucking his cock. There are 1001 techniques (some helpful, some moronic) on how to give head, but if you are caught in the owner’s manual, you aren’t actually feeling him and you certainly aren’t surrendering into your own joy. Plus, your unbridled enthusiasm is what he wants most. So stay connected to what gives you the most pleasure in your own mouth and continue from there.
#2 Slow down.
Many women and men make the mistake of grabbing someone’s dick and going to town like a spasmodic porn star. But that’s usually no fun for most people. Imagine someone grabbing you and thrusting away without any warm up.
So take your time. Feel his curves. Invite him out to play. Discover him.
There is so much to be experienced in the in-between spaces. Maybe you don’t even start with his cock, but gently kiss your way up from his feet to his thighs. Your honest and curious exploration will help keep your attention on him, but we usually need to start slow to stay present.
Remember: the longer the anticipation, the sweeter the gratification.
#3 Communicate, communicate, communicate.
Did I mention communicate? It is so important, for everyone’s pleasure, that you remain in constant dialogue regarding your and your partner’s desires (just don’t talk with your mouth full).
Maybe you don’t want him to cum in your mouth. Tell him that ahead of time. Ask him if he has any areas he doesn’t want touched. Maybe you’d like him to wash up before you put your mouth on him. Maybe you need to work a little around his foreskin before pulling it down and exposing him (if he’s uncircumcised).
Whatever’s on your mind, say it – and invite him to do the same. As I said before, the truth is the biggest turn-on. And when you know each other’s boundaries and desires, you both can easily relax into the experience and delight in the joy of sucking cock.
#4 BONUS TIP!
Not so much a tip but just a gentle reminder to …
A: lube up (saliva or coconut oil work great) and
B: cover your teeth with your lips at all times (needs no explanation).
HAPPY COCK SUCKING!
Candice is currently crowdfunding for her upcoming book “From 6 to 9 and Beyond: Widening the Lens of Feminine Eroticism.” Support this unique writer HERE
Original Article Post on My Tiny Secrets – Get Great Tip’s and Education from this phenomenal site
“When a woman finds a man who gives good head, she’s found a treasure she’s not going to let go of too quickly. This is one rare customer and she knows it. She won’t even tell her girlfriends about it or that guy will become the most popular man in town.”
Hey, I have a lot of respect for all you guys who like to eat pussy because there are too few of you out there. And I’m not the only woman who says this. Furthermore, some of you guys who are giving it the old college try are not doing too well, so maybe this little lesson will help you out.
When a woman finds a man who gives good head, she’s found a treasure she’s not going to let go of too quickly. This is one rare customer and she knows it. She won’t even tell her girlfriends about it or that guy will become the most popular man in town. So, remember, most guys can fuck, and those who can usually do it satisfactorily, but the guy who gives good head, he’s got it made.
The Pussy-Licking-Guide for evolved people in 15 magical steps
#1: Tell her she is beautiful and mean it.
Most women are shy about their bodies. Even if you’ve got the world’s most gorgeous woman in bed with you, she’s going to worry about how you like her body. Tell her it’s beautiful, tell her which parts you like best, tell her anything, but get her to trust you enough to let you down between her legs.
#2 Stop and appreciate her unique flower
Now stop and look at what you see. Beautiful, isn’t it? There is nothing that makes a woman more unique than her pussy. I know. I’ve seen plenty of them. They come in all different sizes, colors and shapes; some are tucked inside like a little girl’s cunnie and some have thick luscious lips that come out to greet you. Some are nested in brushes of fur and others are covered with transparent fuzz. Appreciate your woman’s unique qualities and tell her what makes her special.
#3 Women are more verbal: Talk to her beautiful pussy
Women are a good deal more verbal than men, especially during love-making. They also respond more to verbal love, which means, the more you talk to her, the easier it will be to get her off. So all the time you’re petting and stroking her beautiful pussy, talk to her about it.
#4 Lick her outer lips, inner lips and find her clit
Now look at it again. Gently pull the lips apart and look at her inner lips, even lick them if you want to. Now spread the tops of her pussy up until you can find her clit. Women have clits in all different sizes, just like you guys have different sized cocks. It doesn’t mean a thing as far as her capacity for orgasm. All it means is more of her is hidden underneath her foreskin.
#5 Whenever you touch a woman’s pussy, make sure your finger is wet
Whenever you touch a woman’s pussy, make sure your finger is wet. You can lick it or moisten it with juices from inside her. Be sure, by all means, to wet it before you touch her clit because it doesn’t have any juices of it’s own and it’s extremely sensitive. Your finger will stick to it if it’s dry and that hurts. But you don’t want to touch her clit anyway. You have to work up to that. Before she becomes aroused, her clit is too delicate to be handled.
#6 Tease her & approach her pussy slowly
Approach her pussy slowly. Women, even more so than men, love to be teased. The inner part of her thigh is her most tender spot. Lick it, kiss it, make designs on it with the tip of your tongue. Come dangerously close to her pussy, then float away. Make her anticipate it.
#7 Play with her
Now lick the crease where her leg joins her pussy. Nuzzle your face into her bush. Brush your lips over her slit without pressing down on it to further excite her. After you’ve done this to the point where your lady is bucking up from her seat and she’s straining to get more of you closer to her, then put your lips right on top of her slit.
#8 Kiss her, gently, then harder
Kiss her, gently, then harder. Now use your tongue to separate her pussy lips and when she opens up, run your tongue up and down between the layers of pussy flesh. Gently spread her legs more with your hands. Everything you do with a woman you’re about to eat must be done gently.
#9 Tongue-fuck her
Tongue-fuck her. This feels divine. It also teases the hell out of her because by now she wants some attention given to her clit. Check it out. See if her clit has gotten hard enough to peek out of it’s covering. If so, lick it. If you can’t see it, it might still be waiting for you underneath. So bring your tongue up the top of her slit and feel for her clit. You may barely experience it’s presence. But even if you can’t feel the tiny pearl, you can make it rise by licking the skin that covers it. Lick hard now and press into her skin.
#10 Work her tip of the iceberg
Gently pull the pussy lips away and flick your tongue against the clit, hood covered or not. Do this quickly. This should cause her legs to shudder. When you sense she’s getting up there toward orgasm, make your lips into an O and take the clit into your mouth.
Start to suck gently and watch your lady’s face for her reaction. If she can handle it, begin to suck harder. If she digs it, suck even harder. Go with her. If she lifts her pelvis into the air with the tension of her rising orgasm, move with her, don’t fight her. Hang on, and keep your hot mouth on her clit. Don’t let go. That’s what she’ll be saying too: ‘Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop!’
There’s a reason for that, most men stop too soon. Just like with cock sucking, this is something worth learning about and worth learning to do well. I know a man who’s a lousy fuck, simply lousy, but he can eat pussy like nobody I know and he never has trouble getting a date. Girls are falling all over him.
#11 Finger-fuck her with TWO fingers
But back to your pussy eating session…There’s another thing you can do to intensify your woman’s pleasure. You can finger-fuck her while she’s enjoying your clit-licking talents. Before, during or after. She’ll really like it. In addition to the erogenous zones surrounding her clit, a woman has another extremely sensitive area at the roof of her vagina. This is what you rub up against when you’re fucking her. Well, since your cock is pretty far away from your mouth, your fingers will have to do the fucking.
Take two fingers. One is too skinny and three is too wide and therefore can’t get deep enough. Make sure they’re wet so you don’t irritate her skin. Slide them inside, slowly at first, then a little faster. Fuck her with them rhythmically. Speed up only when she does. Listen to her breathing.
She’ll let you know what to do. If you’re sucking her clit and finger-fucking her at the same time, you’re giving her far more stimulation than you would be giving her with your cock alone. So you can count on it that she’s getting high on this. If there’s any doubt, check her out for symptoms.
#12 Get to know her orgasmic symptoms to become even better
Each woman is unique.
- You may have one who’s nipples get hard when she’s excited
- or only when she’s having an orgasm.
- Your girl might flush red or
- begin to tremble.
Get to know her symptoms and you’ll be a more sensitive lover.
#13 Don’t let go of her clit when she starts to orgasm – The Multi-Orgasmic Woman
When she starts to have an orgasm, for heaven’s sakes, don’t let go of that clit. Hang in there for the duration. When she starts to come down from the first orgasm, press your tongue along the underside of the clit, leaving your lips covering the top. Move your tongue in and out of her cunt. If your fingers are inside, move them a little too, gently though, things are extremely sensitive just now.
If you play your cards right, you’ll get some multiple orgasms this way. A woman stays excited for a full hour after she’s had an orgasm. Do you realize the full impact of that information? The potential? One woman was clocked at 56 orgasms at one sitting. Do you know what effect you would have on a woman you gave 56 orgasms to? She’d be yours as long as you wanted her.
#14 The cherry on the cake
Some women like to have their man rub and enter their anal section with their finger while they are being eaten out!
#15 After the orgasmic wave: Keep making love to her quietly
The last advice I have for you is this: After you’ve made her come, made her your slave by giving her the best head she’s ever had, don’t leave her alone just yet. Talk to her, stroke her body, caress her breasts. Keep making love to her quietly until she’s come all the way down. A man can get off and go to sleep in the same breath and feel no remorse, no sense of loss. But a woman by nature requires some sensitivity from her lover in those first few moments after sex.
Oral sex can be the most exciting sexual experiences you can have. But it’s what you make it. Take your time, practice often, pay attention to your lover’s signals, and most of all, enjoy yourself.
Now get to it and make your partner smile and love you forever!
With Love, Tammy, Linda and Nicole
Original Posting on My Tiny Secrets
Image credit to the amazing NVM Illustration & Camille Damage (visit her blog – an intriguing photographer) Editors Note: Follow MyTinySecrets on facebook. Only for grown-ass people! If you dig this article, you might as well be intrigued by this tiny secret
One of the ideas you have that I find most interesting is this concept of a G-Spot Self Massage. What exactly is it and how does it benefit women?
The G-spot is located inside of the vagina. If you slip your finger inside and just up a little behind the pubic bone, you will feel an area that swells with excitement. Massaging this area will increase your orgasm. You’ll have an orgasm that comes from deep inside and rises all through the body. It’s a much deeper and longer orgasm than a clitoral orgasm.
Now the G-spot is just one area. There are other spots, called inter-vaginal points. This energy has been understood and used for thousands of years in all cultures around the world. Much of it can be traced back to the roots of Tantra, Taoism, the Shamans, Kahunas and healers. It is the most powerful energy we have and when directed it can increase a women’s overall wellness. During the ’70s and ’80s, chiropractors, osteopaths, body workers were all familiar with these points but due to the controversy of these points, few practitioners worked on people. It’s obviously controversial for someone to be working on these points. Practitioners I used to refer to do [vaginal massage] no longer exist, so for the last 20 years, I have been teaching women to do these points on themselves.
Talk to me about penetration.
Many women believe that penetration is not necessary for a healthy sex life; this seems to be especially true in the lesbian community. This belief is not true. These inter-vaginal points are extremely powerful, in terms of orgasm and women’s health and wellness. Lesbians could potentially have better orgasms and be healthier if they would learn to incorporate vaginal penetration into their sex lives. Healthy inter-vaginal points cause a healthier pelvis, spine elongation, which results in better posture, better energy, less discomfort of pain, better organ function so you have less menstrual and menopausal cramping, better bladder and bowel function, and it allows the pelvis to be in a better position for more fulfilling sex.
Where are these inter-vaginal points?
The inter-vaginal points line the walls of the vagina; you can have harder areas and softer areas. Much like your shoulders are probably tight because of stress, and the back of your arm, your triceps, is soft due to lack of tone.
Massaging these areas gently decreases the tightness and tones the areas that lack integrity, bringing an equal balance to the tissue.
How do you do a G-spot massage and how do you know if it’s working?
The easiest way to do this is with a G Spot stimulator. Gently explore the tissue, you may or may not feel or understand how the tissue feels or how it is changing but you will still notice a difference in your overall well-being. Look for changes in your posture, your attitude and how you feel. For those of you wanting to really practice and understand that, you [should look] for tissue changes. When you find a spot that feels like it does not let you sink in gently, do not push hard; instead just gently hold the G-spot stimulator over the spot and allow it to melt into the area. If you find areas that seem overly soft, then again hold the G-spot stimulator over the area pressing very gently and you will feel the tissue begin to gain firmness.
What’s the usual reaction when you tell women to do the G-spot self massage?
Many women are embarrassed at first and then they realize that it feels good to have a place to tell their story and ask questions. I find most women feel a bit isolated around these topics, and usually feel that everyone else understands but they do not. Having understanding and control over your own body makes a woman feel powerful and confident which of course leads to enthusiasm and fun. You can do this alone or with a supportive partner. Your healthcare practitioner will not be the one to do these points with you. It really comes down to legalities, which is why no one I know does these points on their clients any more.
Many women come into my practice by referral or, often, sent by their partner. I am doing bodywork on these women, working on them through the external muscles and energetically. I let them and the partner know that if I work on them they will start to feel—and is that OK? Women often say there body just doesn’t work anymore and they are not interested in sex. As we know this happens often in long-term relationships, but way too often in lesbian relationships. As many have said, It is not that I don’t want sex, I do not want the sex I am having. So by taking control of their body, they take control over their lives.
Do clients report back to you?
Women who have practiced these points usually come back with glowing reports. They speak of having experiences of less back pain or no pain, more control of their bladder, they have a swing back in their walk. They also begin to feel better about themselves, which leads to a better sex life. Many women begin to work out because they start to feel better resulting in weight loss and tone. I could tell you stories all day long. It is very rewarding to see the transformation in these women, their relationships and their lives.
Notes from Kendal:
The G-Spot as well as the internal vaginal walls are important focus points for women to open up to and heal from sexual trauma as well as many other life issues and blockages. In my Female Genital Massage Workshops and G-Spot Healing Workshops both men and women can experience a Live Demo. They can get questions answered by the instructors and learn in a safe and sacred space. This form of Show-N-Tell Sex Ed is a fundamental empowerment tool for many people on their path of sexuality and healing.
Why Show-N-Tell Sex Ed?
Why Live demo’s?
Why offer hands on training?
This is all to TABOO!!!!
Monkey See; Monkey Slam, Bam, Thank You, Ma’am!
It’s one thing for sex educators to talk about sex or show you pictures and graphs on a projector screen. It’s another thing entirely when sex educators show you how to do something, and invite you to ask questions… Especially when it’s not demonstrated on a piece of fruit, but on a real, live person!
Human beings are very much wired with a “monkey see, monkey do” mentality. Many of us learn best by watching. Because we are not allowed to learn about sex from watching others, our culture has turned to porn for tips and tricks in the sack.
With the ease and proliferation of free porn on the interwebs, now more than ever, porn is influencing how we behave behind closed doors (or in the back seat of our parent’s SUV). The problem with porn, in my opinion, isn’t that people are watching it; it’s that people are using porn as a How-To medium.s are very much wired with a “monkey see, monkey do” mentality. Many of us learn best by watching. Because we are not allowed to learn about sex from watching others, our culture has turned to porn for tips and tricks in the sack.
Watching porn isn’t the same as watching a qualified sex educator role model great communication techniques, ask permission, check in with their partner, get verbal permission from them before touching them, and then properly put a condom on while encouraging the spectators to ask questions.
There are several things when it comes to helping people learn about sex that are actually more easily learned if I show you the technique on a living, breathing human being and you can watch and ask us questions – an audience gets to see what “real sex” looks like. They can pick up the subtle nuances that aren’t always visible in pornography’s tightly choreographed and edited product. The more real the sex, the easier it is to grasp and transfer that feeling good and being respectful and safe has little to do with DD breasts, 12-inch cocks and squirting orgasms.
Yes, it’s a bit unorthodox by today’s standards to invite adults into a room to learn how to be a better lover by watching explicit, live demonstrations, but the simple fact is that even just talking openly about sex and intimacy in an honest and vulnerable manner is not the norm. There is so much work to be done! And there aren’t a lot of sex educators teaching explicit workshops.” — Reid Mihalko
Learn to feel your partner or any lover in a way never experienced before. These workshops are designed to help answer your most sensual questions. Each workshop is designed for Single’s or those in a relationship.
“This could not have been a better Event and Demo. It was given with both sensitivity and information enabling me to be much more loving, respectful and talented with the woman I am with in the future. Great Thanks, Alexander, Kendal and Sharon” — Sandy from Dallas (Dec.2012 Female Genital Massage Demo Workshop)
Over the course of my career as a Sex & Relationship Coach, Tantra Teacher I have explored many away to help my clients better grow in understanding, overcoming blockages, shame, fear, judgement’s, body image issues, relationship issues and pitfalls, and many intimate sexually related problems as well as learning how to manifest a life that they desire and deserve to live in total bliss and abundance. One of the most powerful events as a teacher is to see your student/client excel and reach past the boundaries that they thought they had to remain fearful off. To see someone achieve their dreams in life and live abundance in ALL ways not just one idea of it.
Show-N-Tell Sex Ed allows for barriers to be pushed, questions to be answered and understanding at a much deeper level to unfold through the experiential exercises and Live Demo’s provided in a workshop. The expansion that participant achieve is unlike no other. It is a perfect solution as well to those who want to explore but are not ready for one-on-one bodywork or even a couple’s session. The ability to view and possible do some hands on learning opens gateways of education. Although Show-N-Tell Sex Ed is still a taboo for many people in society I think an easy to digest way to look at it is through the artists eye not the pornographic eye.
Anyone who takes a college art class would not be surprised or feel it taboo to have a live nude model come in to the classroom for all the students to view and draw or mold a piece of art after. This is a NORM in the classroom, just as with many educational practices for doctors to view, handle and even explore on a nude or partially nude model. I mean do you really think that a Gyno just learns out of a book and from some video’s? No, hands on learning, show-n-tell experiences, this is where the true are of education and understanding happens.
” I did not know it was possible for a man to have a full body orgasm and not come. This workshop taught me techniques that I never knew about in all of my love-making history. Thank you Kendal and Alexander.” — Debbie (Jan. 2013 Male Genital Massage Demo Workshop)
Why is it that we as a society believe that we don’t need a deeper understanding of one of the most intimate, important and powerful parts of our lives as humans? Why do we put our sexuality and loving on the back burner? Why do we think a book is the only way to expand our sexual understanding? And who really believes that there is some set format to learning about these intimate matters of our human experience?
No matter where you are in the world if you have the opportunity to explore a Show-N-Tell Sex Ed Workshop from a Coach/teacher DO!!!! Your life will only improve as well as your love skills!
Let the Artist of your bedroom out to play TODAY!!!!
Over the last few years I have been working with men, women and couple’s. It has been an amazing path of self discovery for me as I work with everyone. One of many things that I have awoken to is how closed our society really is in the field of pleasure and sexuality. Yet we are over taken by these two things at the same time. How is that we can constantly be sold merchandise with the appeal that if we get this or that it will make us happier, sexier, more satisfied, increase our love/sex lives and bring us bliss, yet still say that pleasure and yes sexual pleasure is not good; we should not crave it? Yet we do.
At the core of pleasure and sex for many people are our genitals. Our pussies and cocks or those of our lovers. We long to touch, taste, penetrate and feel the deep orgasmic pleasure roll through our bodies and watch this pleasure as well as feel it accumulate and release throughout our lovers. Yet because sex and pleasure are so taboo in society we really have no idea what we are doing and how best to achieve maximum results from ourselves or with a partner(s). This is especially the case with women and their vajaja’s.
It has been statistically stated that over 60% of women say that they know VERY little about their vaginas. And if this is true then how is it possible for men to ever have a sound knowledge of how to please us or our vulvas/vaginas?
The main reason for us women to not have a strong understanding of our most intimate pleasure palace is because since we were small children our parents and society have been telling us that, “ladies, don’t touch themselves like that.” “Ladies, don’t sit like that, or think those things, eat like that, crave that, act like that, and so on and so forth.” Yet young boys can run around without a shirt on, and touch themselves, groan, grunt, fart, make jokes and even if they get busted masturbating we say as a society, “boy’s will be boy’s.” We assume that because a boy does not have fatty tissue and milk ducts in the same way that a girl does that his bare chest is not obscene. So why do we find our bodies obscene anyway? Do we find the body of our new born infant something that is grotesque and obscene? Do we look at a baby’s bottom as something that is yucky? NO. We adore these sweet “innocent” moments in our children’s youth. Girl or boy we see the beauty, we embrace the sweetness and we adore each moment, yet as a child ages we shame our children into believing that their flesh is something to feel bad about. We teach them this and yet they sit down and every underwear, perfume, condom, and even many food, travel and alcohol commercials tell them that the flesh is something to crave and pleasure. The mixed programming causes us to mistrust society, our peers, our lovers and most of all OURSELVES.
Somewhere in the middle of these two opposite messages is the truth of what we as humans NEED. There is nothing wrong, shameful, disgusting, obscene or otherwise ill about anyone’s body or longing to feel pleasure in any form of the sense. What is wrong is to suppress these longings and shun then as though they were demons, causing self-hatred and sexual dysfunctions. Only through self-love can we truly learn to open and love another. And in our self-loving we embrace our human needs and desires for pleasure. We learn to heal through pleasure, both giving and receiving it and we open the doorway to new paradigms of relationship in all areas of our life.
Opening My Petals to Shame
In my youth I was very inquisitive about my vulva and vagina and still am. I was amazed by every aspect of it. To the point that I would get my little boy friend to help me explore all of its petals. I wanted to experience what everything felt like. Much like a baby who puts everything in its mouth to discover what it is, I was playfully experiencing myself. I loved playing doctor or trying to reenact something that I had seen on the television in some movie or something. I was nosey as heck and dug through my father’s “personal” space and found some old Playboys that had beautiful pictures of naked or partially nude women. I adored looking at these pictures and of course even in my youth I compared what mine looked like to the models.
Luckily for me I grew up in a household where my mother was an older mom and was from Europe. My father was an out of the box thinker, whom often disagreed with societal norms even though he was extremely logical and programmed by a long genealogy of structure and societal standings. My mother was extremely open about sex with me and was more than willing to share her personal stories and answer any questions I might bring up. Yet, even though she was open about the topic she still was damaged and needed her own healing. She could only answer for me and share with me to the point of her understanding and level of consciousness about sex and pleasure. And because she was my mother, she also had the nurturing worry that goes with the god given job. She wanted my safety and she wanted me to be smart about things. So there were plenty of times that I experienced shame in my youth from just exploring myself. Each time I got caught playing house or doctor in the nude with my little boyfriend, I felt shame. Every time I was interrupted in my shower masturbation games or bathtub pleasuring acts, I felt shame and embarrassment. When I took one of my dad’s Playboy’s to school in the 4th grade (a parochial Catholic school) and got busted by my teacher, I felt tremendous embarrassment, now I had not only shamed myself but my parents as well. Each time I played up some steamy hot sex scenes with my barbies and my mom or dad walked in, I felt shame. Slowly as years past I learned that it was not acceptable to look at, touch, play with, explore or share these parts of myself. I became shameful and embarrassed of myself!!! My flesh, my internal word, my desires and my pleasures. So I suppressed them for the most part.
Even in my early sexual relationships I could not fully open to the pleasure and love that was before me. I was fearful that my lover would think poorly of my hungers. I was afraid that if I shared in great detail what I really wanted to experience or how I wanted or where I wanted to be touched, kissed, pleasured that my lover would think I was disgusting or crazy. I was concerned over the potential loss of this lover more then I was concerned about sharing pleasure in fullness with them. Of course, my lover would ask me, “What are your fantasies, your desires. How do you want to be touched? Does that feel good?” But I did not know if I could honestly answer and not be judged. And in a few occasions I did allow myself to be revealed and felt tremendous pleasure, but because of my back programs I woke the following morning questioning myself and feeling strange about my pleasure. As if it was wrong.
Healing through the Pleasure Palace
My story is similar to many women’s tales. Granted there is so much more to all of our stories and programming then this short overview and many of us women have suffered through some sort of sexual trauma that has only supported our shame, embarrassment and self-hatred or misunderstanding. Yet at some point in all of our lives we find ourselves at a crossroad, asking “What’s wrong with us?”
Why am I not happy?
Why does sex not feel good to me?
Why do I feel addicted to sex yet not satisfied from sex?
Why do I always attract the same type of man?
Why can I not love myself more, feel life more, connect more?
Why am I not getting over ________?
Why is that a good book or movie and bowl of my favorite yummieness is better than sex with my lover?
Why am I so emotionally unstable?
Why can’t I have an orgasm?
Why do I always fake it?
Does any of this really matter anyway?
The answer to these questions and many others can be discovered on a sexual healing path. One that leads us women into the depths of our vaginal canals where we can discover a great pool of self-love, healing, passion, feeling, intimacy and all sorts of forms of pleasure. Only through going into the source of where we store our repressed emotions, our shame and fears can we learn how to release them in a safe and loving fashion and fully except ourselves. By doing this we can call into our lives lovers, friends, and life partners that will except us and support us at the level that we need.
Any woman who finds the courage to take the step down a sexual healing path will quickly awaken to how powerful the path is and then to how powerful SHE is! In Tantra and many other sexuality practices such as One Taste, the first steps to healing come from revealing our petals and allowing another to actually accept us in a non-sexual, loving fashion. The immense healing energy of having yourself revealed fully, to be naked in every sense of the word in front of another human being and then to hear them say, “ You are beautiful, divine, perfect.” To hear them describe what they see in total acceptance and unconditional love as though they were marveling at some famous painters work. This step on the path to healing starts the opening of our hearts to ourselves. It allows for us to experience ourselves in a way many of us woman have not.
The sexual path of healing is a long and ever changing one. An individual has to be willing to not expect an outcome in any particular time-frame and has to be willing to face their inner darkness as well as their inner beauty within any given moment. The emotions, thoughts, ego and the soul of what comes up for us is something new each time. With each session we open ourselves a crack more and allow for more trauma to be released and greater pleasure to be expanded upon within us. We “clear” slowly the many levels of our psyche and physical blockages to pleasure and within time learn to open up the channels to our souls and heart.
As we walk this orgasmic path of healing we release shame of our vaginas. We learn to embrace our flesh and our desires. We come into communion with our higher selves. Here in the valley of our vagina we discover our pleasure, our truth.
In the unmasking of this truth we awaken to our divine nature. Through, its unveiling process of sexual healing practices we also open the book of personal knowledge and become that child again, exploring ourselves, giving ourselves permission to feel, to taste, to look, to act, to PLAY and to embrace others to do the same.
We stop fearing and we start living! Living the abundant, orgasmic, pleasurable life that we were intended on having. With our orgasm we gift this world with love and radiance. We increase happiness and connection. With our ability to receive pleasure we gift our lovers with an intensity of passion and creative energy. We reveal to them our self-love and acceptance and thus show them a vast horizon of pleasure, love and acceptance for them as well. Here is the gate of intimacy! Even if it is with a first time lover…
The World English Dictionary defines gratitude as “a feeling of thankfulness or appreciation, as for a gift or favors”.
Yes, gratitude is a feeling, but in my understanding it is so much more. Gratitude can be an action and an attitude as well. Now apply this to your sex. Take a moment, a deep breath, and check in with your gut and your genitals. When I do this I feel a sense of expansion in my pelvic region.
What do you feel?
Now, reflect on your attitude toward your sex. I have felt different ways about my sex at different times in my life. Now is a time for noticing and not judging. For most of my life and even sometimes nowadays I have not been grateful for my sex. My desires don’t fit with what I’ve been trained to believe is good and acceptable. There have been times that my appetite for sex and variety made me feel ashamed. I’ve gotten very frustrated with myself for not being “normal”. I’ve resented myself for a seeming inability to be satisfied with “normal”. I’ve ignored my sex and tried to forget about it so I could be more “normal”. I’ve settled for lackluster experiences so I wouldn’t hurt my partner. I’ve compromised what was true for me so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the sometimes hard work of getting what I really want. I’ve felt ashamed for using my sex to manipulate people. I’ve been self conscious of the way my pussy looked or smelled and of how close it was to my anal area.
How has your attitude toward your sex and sexuality been?
Think about your actions toward your sex. My actions have not always shown my gratitude for my sex. I’ve masturbated hard, even violently, to get it over and done with. I’ve accepted touch from lovers that didn’t feel good – sometimes even hurt – and done nothing about it.
What have your actions toward your sex been?
5 Ways To Develop Gratitude For Your Sex
My path has been more extreme than some so I will share some of the principles and steps that I have integrated and taken along my journey to being grateful for my sex and sexuality.
- Willingness to have a better experience – Without the willingness to experiment and go through the experiences I never would have moved forward with my sexuality.
- Developing my relationship with my Higher Power – We have our own definitions of God. Whether you subscribe to someone else’s definition or have developed your own, find a way to make your sex and sexuality right.
- Self reflection – looking inside myself and finding out how I felt about things. Then, I look at the feeling and see where it’s from – it it’s really from within me or if it is something I feel because I think I should. Getting honest with myself about what is okay with me and what is not.
- Sharing with others in a conscious way – There is a difference between doing something consciously vs. unconsciously. For much of my life I was unconscious about my sex and when I did wake up about it a little bit I would quickly push it down so I wouldn’t have to deal with it. I didn’t know how to deal with it. Now I know that by sharing – verbally, in writing and in person – while staying consciously aware of myself – my feelings, my actions and reactions – I love my sex more and more all the time and part of that love is feeling gratitude.
- Experimentation And Education – The more I know the more I know I don’t know. The learning can go on for infinity just like the expansion of pleasure. The two – learning and expanding pleasure – also go hand in hand. The more you know about your sex the more you will be able to enjoy it.
READ Original Article Post at Nikki Lundberg
Nikki is is an expert in the field of sex education for adults based out out of Las Vegas NV.