IF YOU EVER LOVED ME.

IF YOU EVER LOVED ME.

 

If you ever loved me you would not let me hurt like this.

If you ever loved me you would rethink your actions.

If you ever loved me you would take the time to hear me.

If you ever loved me you would want to share.

If you ever loved me you would give me closure.

If you ever loved me you would make this all go away.

 

And so many other if you ever statements.

 

Boy, oh boy  do I ever understand the pain of loss.

The pain of break up, divorce, seperation, being lied to and abandoned.

 

I understand how it feels when our worlds crash,

when our beautiful plans seize to exist,

and it all seems like it happens within a flash of time.

 

How can this other person who loves us,

or at least proclaimed that they did,

or at very least said that they cared,

just walk away?

 

How can they turn their backs to us and just keep on living their lives?

 

Don’t they care?

 

And so the story of love and loss goes on throughout all time.

And so our hearts expand and we are elated when those that we love are turned toward us,

and when they are no longer by our side we crash into pain and suffering. Feeling abandoned.

Feeling as though we spent all this time in a lie.

 

It just cannot be so.

It certainly is not fair or right,

and we don’t have it coming to us.

 

Right?

I mean how is it possible that this sort of thing could be of our own doing?

 

“THAT” other person made those decisions,

acted that way, said those things and lied to us,

after all.  We would not bring this upon ourselves.

 

Well I can tell you this beautiful,

YOU MOST CERTAINLY DID BRING IT UPON YOURSELF.

 

One of two things happened.

Your vibe either went up past the other person or it crashed below them.

Either way it held there for a long enough period of time and was a great enough difference in frequency that the two of you were no longer in alignment and thus the relationship had to end.

 

So which direction did you go?

This is actually the important thing to question if you truly give a sh*t about your future and who you are.

 

If you love yourself that is.

And so many people just don’t.

Hope that this is not you though.

 

You can tell what direction you went by looking at your thoughts,

your feelings and your actions.

 

If you are the one who leveled up your frequency then this relationship transition will be pretty smooth and easy. You may be in pain, you may feel a tad lost, you may want closure even but at the end of the day you will recognize that the most loving this you can ever offer someone is space to expand, to be them and to have a beautiful life with or without you and in this case it means without you. That may be a stinger, but a high vibe soul will walk away in love and know that the lessons offered in that relationship were powerful, perfect and have helped them gain clarity in who they are and what they want. A high vibe soul will know that what they need to do now is turn their full attention to themselves and clearing out anything that no longer serves them from within.

 

A high vibe soul will be in appreciation and gratitude for the relationship and the break up.

 

Yep I said that.

Gratitude for the break up,

because they see its purpose.

 

However, a low vibe soul will flounder in pain, suffering and blame.

They will demand attention and stomp around like a three year old having a tantrum. They will act out in childish ways, trying to cause pain in hope of gaining attention from the one they lost. They will not be able to take responsibility for their part in the transition and they will feel as though they simply cannot move forward until the other person does this or that to clear things up for them.

They will focus on fear and they will want the other to feel pain as well.

 

They will not see the growth and opportunity that the transition brings with it, but instead see destruction and attack.

A low vibe soul cannot see past their own ego to find the love that was there in the relationship and still remains.

A low vibe soul is caught in their own inner hell where they will reside until they choose to view life differently and take responsibility for the events, thoughts and feelings that are all thiers. They will be destined to repeat the drama that they believe is happening to them over and over again, where they will mask themselves from their beauty, their core and alignment to God all in the concept that “it’s not fair.”

 

So you see beautiful,

It is very important that you know what direction you went in the transition. It says bundles as to where you are now and what you are manifesting for your future.

It shows just how much love you have for yourself and whether you  understand how powerful you are.

 

Because you are powerful.

You co-created this transition for the purpose of becoming more of WHO YOU REALLY ARE.

 

No matter the direction you went ( up or down in frequency) this fact remains the same.

 

Now the only thing you need worry about is not if the other loved you, or still does, but if you love you enough to let go and thrive.

 

You are so f-cking worthy of a F-ck Yes! Life.

It’s time that you recognize that and see that ALL relationships are here to elevate you, educate you and clarify what you want and who you really are.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Want to kick 2021 off with a high vibe and call in the relationship of your dreams? Meet your soulmate and know that you really got this? Message me for deet’s on what I have in store to make just this happen and more for YOU.

I HATE YOU… YOU EVIL PIECE OF SH*T!

I HATE YOU…. YOU EVIL PIECE OF SH*T!

 

I will show you my pain.

I will make you feel how badly you have hurt me.

I can’t believe you ever loved me.

I can’t trust you ever again.

You need to pay for what you have done.

I am broken because of you.

You owe me closure, explanations.

I want to hear it from your lips.

How dare you do this to us.

 

 

And so many other things that we say in the midst of break up and tossing our pain out there in the world at the ones that we proclaim to have loved and lost.

 

Often in break up we fall prey to the belief that we need to be a victim in the break up.

 

We want to appear the victim.

Or at least we think that we are the victim,

that we are not an active game player in the relationship destruction.

 

After all WE DID EVERYTHING POSSIBLE to make it work.

 

It is the other person’s doing that things are crashing down.

It is the other person’s fault that we are hurting, lost, angry.

We blame the other person for the chaos, the violence, the hatred.

 

And something inside of us wants the other to feel piss poor about the break up and show their pain to us, fight us, antagonize us, maybe even beg for the relationship and want us.

 

Yes we want often in relationship break up to do the most painful thing we can think,

and that is to get our partner to want us back,

to get them to see their wrongs and then we want to CRUSH THEM.

 

And if they do not stand in the fight with us then we do everything in our power to instigate their pain and anger.

We antagonize, and we fully step out of alignment with who we really are.

 

In all of these ego based reactions to break up,

we forget the most important thing in the relationship.

 

We forget the two people who love each other.

We forget our hearts.

We forget our cores.

And we hand over ALL our personal power and self- respect by acting immaturely and acting out in rage and hatred.

 

We believe that we need to show how badly we are hurting,

how much our hearts desire to be united with this other person or how much we want and need them by leaning fully into our pain bodies and stepping away from WHO WE TRULY ARE.

 

And so we become a Taylor Swift song and we slash tires, throw bricks, carve our names in furniture and cars, flatten tires, destroy our lovers property, try to deface them through slander and attempt to destroy their worlds, their relationships by letting the world know our pain.

 

We act out and we attack.

 

Whether we are the one’s doing the breaking up or the one’s getting broken up with, often at least one party if not both believe that break up can only happen if they turn the other into a persecutor and themselves into a victim.

 

But folks THIS IS NOT LOVE.

 

And if you truly ever loved someone,

if you wanted and could see a life with that person,

if you had a life blossoming with them,

if you found yourself in your heart,

expanding, growing, exploring love and relationship,

and you want to do so much good for that person and for yourself then WHY do you want to dishonor the relationship, yourself, them and most importantly LOVE in this fashion of becoming a victim?

 

Emotional maturity in relationship is a powerful tool,

no matter the events occuring in the relationship.

If we have a strong standing in who we are as individuals and if we truly have self- love and respect then we may feel the anger, the pain but having emotional maturity and respect for self and for the love will guide us. We will also be able to see our role in the relationship break up.

 

Because there are no such things as victims in a relationship break up. Even in the worst break ups, where physical violence has occured ( and I have had this happen in my lifetime) we each play a role. We are active participants in the events that are happening to us.

 

Emotional maturity, spiritual maturity, maturity in general is about taking responsibility for self.

 

If you think you did not have that coming….

Think again love.

You are a co-manifestor to your reality.

You are an active creator to your life.

Your thoughts.

Your fears.

Your actions.

Your lack of knowing yourself and upholding who you are,

not doing your own internal work and getting right with YOU,

loving you unconditionally, accepting you unconditionally, lying to yourself and using your partner and others, life as a mask to your own internal issues,

 

PLAYED A MF BIG A*S ROLE IN THIS MOMENT.

In your pain.

 

The reality is this love…..

 

Break ups MUST happen in relationships that are OUT OF ALIGNMENT with the people who are in the relationship.

 

Relationships have expiration dates.

 

A reason.

A season.

A lifetime.

 

Even the lifetime one’s come to a physical end.

The sooner we humans get right with the fact that all relationships end, the better our relationships can be. The more fulfilling, loving and the more harmonious our breakups can be.

 

Imagine ending a relationship in love instead of hatred and pain?

 

Imagine two people loving themselves so much so that their love for each other and the relationship allowed them to end it in love as well.

 

In honor.

In respect.

And did not mean that they needed to destroy the other to prove their love.

 

Because destroying the other IS NOT LOVE.

It is ego.

And it is not love to self or honor of self either.

It is fear.

It is not soul based.

It is ego based and immature.

 

But instead imagine realizing that the relationship has served its time and purpose, finding gratitude for all this it taught you, openned you up too, brought into your life and helped you gain clarity around.

Imagine being in love with the time and lessons that were shared.

And knowing that its expiration was upon your doorstep, but that it did not  mean that you had to be in pain or anger.

Instead that you could love this other person and yourself so much that you could let go and move forward in confidence that all things happen for a reason.

 

This is love.

And ending relationship in love uplifts both parties.

Ending relationships in love supports the lives and future relationships of both parties.

Ending relationship in love expands who we are,

heals us, opens us and is one of the greatest gifts that we can offer OURSELVES.

 

Imagine this relationship break up and ask yourself today,

How mature am I my relationships?

Do I take responsibility for myself in them?

Do I truly act from love or do I let my ego get in the way and become a victim?

 

And As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Ready to elevate your love and life in 2021?

 

Ready to call in that soul aligned relationship that you cannot see past?

 

Let’s get you aligned to your core love.

 

Reach out to me for information on my 1:1 and group coaching programs starting in January 2021 and the early bird discounts for those coming later this month.

Why Gratitude for 2020 & You.

SO MUCH GRATITUDE…
==========
SO MUCH LOVE…
———-
2020 has been the year where I am reminded that life is not prejudice.
Life does not look at us humans and say you are more deserving or less deserving of anything.
Good or bad,
no matter how we may perceive the story of what we are living,
life does not care.
Life just is.
Life just corrisponds to our energy,
to our emotions, our fears, our thoughts and even in the midst of that,
sometimes shit happens to good people.
Life brings with it a deep suffering until we learn how to let go and let God.
Until we release our need to try and control any situation,
because all situations are out of our control in truth.
The truth of anything is subjective depending on whom is looking at it and how they choose to feel about it.
Life pushes us to reach our limits with strength,
in our courage and in our faith.
Life expands us past the containers we understand to be love and into greater vessels where we learn to hold even more by accessing our core selves and embracing them fully.
When we do this something miraculous happens,
something unexpected happens,
we find reinforcement from something outside of ourselves,
a knowing that there is so much more then what we perceive.
2020 has been the greatest of teachers in this for many people of our world.
It has brought us to our knees,
it has made us question our health policies and organizations,
it has made us examine our world leaders,
and it has shown a light of the illness that still plauges our beautiful home lands.
Life is not prejudice even though we people are often,
and more so then prejudice,
we humans are fickle AF!
We are fickle in everything we live for and desire.
We are fickle in our love,
in our wantings,
we are fickle with our beliefs and our truth.
we will stand and look someone in the eye and tell them that we are there for them,
and when they do not do as we desire we shun and persicute.
We fall in and out of love like we change our under garments.
We change our beliefs, our ideas and our feelings just as quickly,
wagering them on how we feel we should appear to be accepted,
to gain the connection, the support or appreciation that we desire.
And here we fall prey to the human condition of not standing rock solid in our core.
Not knowing whom we are as a person.
And not KNOWING that there is so much more out there for us.
We each were born worthy,
there is nothing more for us to do.
You never become unworthy.
You just choose to hide from your beauty,
to hide from your truth and knowing that God is always there.
That miracles can happen and that they should be expected.
2020 is a year where so many people have lived in fear and shut down.
A year that many are eager to have pass in hopes that 2021 will not say,
“Hold my bear 2020.”
———-
2020 has certainly taken its toll on my family.
It has brought with it pain, suffering, heart pounding moments of fear and agony.
Events that none would ever have believed possible have occured,
and yet in the same turn it has brought with it a beauty,
a stillness and a rendering of the soul that is breathtaking.
Love has been found,
deep wounds have been healed,
spiritual connections of lifetimes past have been reunited,
there is a dance of beauty amidst the suffering and pain.
And I am reminded each day as I light a candle for my grandson who remains in critical care, and as I sit in meditation and breathe in the cool autumn breezes and ponder the darkness of some peoples souls,
that my pondering of the darkness,
my fear over a loss,
that my pain as a mother who can do nothing to but sit in silence and hold space for her daughter, for her son-in-law and for her granbaby that my suffering,
their suffering has a purpose.
The anger that surges through me in moments.
The fear of what tomorrow brings,
the agony of that and so much more is beyond measuring some days,
and yet…
here in this moment of 2020,
where I never thought this nor the other sufferings of the year that have come could ever be so,
I find myself breathing in and turning it all over.
Because what can any of us do but surrender to life in these moments and know that in our surrender,
where we have met the edge of our strength and our courage that this is the space for something magnificent to occur.
This is the space where if we can get out of our own way,
and do so in deep love and certainty,
that we create the space for miracles.
THERE IS SO MUCH MORE LIGHT THAN DARKNESS IN OUR WORLD.
Our only challenege is that we humans choose to focus in on the shadows,
we choose to bring attention and power to everything that we fear and do not want for.
We spend more time focusing, nightmaring and emotionalizing the darkness then we do the light.
Many people have come to me the last month and asked me how I was doing with everything happening with my eldest two daughters and thier families and the recent break-up of myself and my three year relationship.
My truth is such,
I am at peace.
I am in love.
I am elated.
Despite the suffering and pain,
the fear and the anger.
My core knows its truth.
And that the truth of my core is that the ONLY THING ANY OF US CAN DO IS STAY ALIGNED TO SOUL.
Stay aligned to God.
To Source.
Because when we do this we will feel peace and love and we can then hold loving unconditional space for those in our lives and in this world.
When we feel anything outside of love and peace,
joy and happiness,
it is a sign that we are not aligned to who we really are and that we are focused on ill perceptions of the truth instead of what could be.
Miracles happen when we believe that our reality can shift and that we are worthy of that shift.
This Thanksgiving I encourage you to look at your life,
to look at this world and ask yourself where you are being a victim?
Where are you choosing to view life in darkness instead of light?
Where are you stomping your feet and pounding your fists with a concept that it is not fair and that you had nothing to do with the suffering that may be upon you?
And realize this….
YOU PLAY A MAJOR ROLE.
In EVERYTHING.
There are no victims,
we are all volunteers,
no matter how dark the day may seem,
you have a choice to get your thoughts and emotions aligned TODAY to what you truly desire.
Aligned to happiness.
And it starts with GRATITUDE and RESPONSIBILITY.
What do you choose to focus on.
In loving gratitude to 2020 and to you my sweet follower for today,
for your soul lighting up this planet at this time in our history and for your beautiful heart that you choose to share with those in your life.
Happy Thanksgiving!
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
— Lets crank out 2021 in a spectacular way.
Reach out to me about abundance minset and life coaching for next year today.
Let’s make 2021 a F-ck Yes! Year.

Randevuing With The Sweetest Parts Of Life – No Matter The Pain they Cause Us.

LATELY I WAS GIFTED THE FREEDOM TO FULLY FEEL BACK INTO ME, BACK INTO WHAT I WANT FOR, CRAVE FOR, DEMAND IN LIFE AND RELATIONSHIP.
I have been sitting with this feeling of peace with elation now for a couple of weeks,
where if you had asked me a few weeks prior what I was feeling I would have shared that I felt like I was on uncertain grounds, a feeling of egg shells and anxiety which is nothing of the sort of person I am or in alignment to the life that I desire.
I knew that things were about to change,
This shift was upon me.
My energy had been quaking for months to be set free.
Transformation was in the cards you could say and I knew that when the momentum was fully upon it that there would be no turning back,
no side stepping out of the way and that my world would forever change.
I felt fear and doubt.
I felt as though I should try and hide,
to shut down this immense urge to just run forward and let gravity take me.
I had been restricting for so long,
putting up walls and barriers as to hold in place the container that I had built.
A beautiful, fun and loving container,
but one that had become harnessing of the energy that was birthing in me.
And so I felt the doubt rise up in me,
I felt afraid to move forward.
I thought that I had it under control…lol
And like every soul who says “I got this,” and turns their back on transformation, God steps in and reminds us that we have so much more to live for, so much more to do and share and that our turn away is unacceptable, for we are his chosen one’s. We are the ones that must feel into our hearts and face the fears, expand our vessels and step forward in faith, in truth and with our core desires.
And here I am…
A few weeks later after yet another beautiful upheaval of revealing truth, authenticity and power.
Leaning into the new territory which bears with it an awakening of my past revelations of self that I had closed myself off too.
All my excuses, all my denials, all my “hope that things could be or would be,” –GONE!
Replaced with peace,
replaced with elation,
replaced with love, true love and allowance of the self.
Replaced with desire.
Replaced with direction.
And guess what…
a feeling of ease and flow,
the realization that all that other stuff that I had been doing for the last little bit of my life was me trying to make something happen,
trying to fit in a container that did not fit me,
trying to push things to my will,
or sacrifice myself despite my core.
No f-cking big shocker there as to why there was anxiety, constraint and egg shells.
No wonder I was not expanding, stretching and feeling fully seen or accepted.
I had settled in certain ways for something less of myself then what and who I am.
The revelation that when we are in alignment to soul and God that our worlds just collide with exactly what we need and desire,
that things manifest with ease and f-cking speed.
It is us that slows it down.
Through our fear.
Through our attempts to control it and make it fit prettily in a box that is not even our own.
And then God comes through with a clean up crew,
he strikes us down so it often appears so that we can rise stronger,
more certain and knowing in who we are.
And our rise stems from how we choose to handle the strike down.
It is here in the randevu with something that is less than wonderful appearing, that we discover the sweetest of gifts that life has to offer us.
Because it is here that we experience expansion.
So it always comes down to how we take the sweetness of all of it and not freak the f-ck out in what could feel terrifying, scary, painful and not what we had necessarily wanted for.
You see it is the freaking out in these soul appointments with expansion that feel like the absence of something that we want for that can hold us in a setback. That can lock us into a wound and keep our pain anchored and us unable to move forward and breathe into the gift that is being offered.
Our capacity to randevu with the sweetest parts of life is immense,
but we have to be willing to let go of the things that we hold onto out of fear that we will receive no more than just that.
And here my dear reader is where I find myself the last two plus weeks of my world.
Breathing into this space,
receiving in truth every f-cking thing that my heart has wanted for for some time,
stepping back into what I know is true and my core,
asking for life to give me my desires and being willing to see them manifest before my eyes in ease and with great speed,
putting down the “what if splat scenarios” and just leaning into it.
Showing up in all areas,
my business…
my health…
my family…
my relationships….
my sex and love…
in FAITH.
And actually more than faith….
CERTAINTY that as long as I stay true to my core,
and aligned to my heart which is my communication source to my soul and thus to God,
that everything,
every aspect of life is perfect and sweet.
And that the sweetest moments are here before me just awaiting my sipping of them.
I bring this 6-AM revelation to you now.
I bring to you the possibility that what you have been feeling to push on, to make happen, to direct and do the work around is actually the reason that you are still locked down where you are at.
I bring to you the concept that sometimes it’s in the letting go,
truly letting go and letting yourself fall so that you can rise again renewed that is the things we must do to have the life that we want for.
I speak to you the idea,
that maybe, just maybe everything is perfect. Even though you are scared, feeling lost, in pain, sitting in suffering that it is just what you need to become exactly who you were meant to be,
and that your power is just there under the surface of that dynamic beautiful person that you are.
Perhaps it is time that you allow yourself opportunities to be, have and do what your soul craves for.
Perhaps it is time to give yourself permission, love to know yourself and love yourself fully.
So that forever more you will be able to lean into the gravity that calls you forward and not fear the surrender but welcome the lifting.
In deep love for you today,
during our worlds topsy turvy energies and changes,
I share this little tale and pray that you take a moment in your busy day to be with the most important person in your world and ask yourself, “Who am I truly? and what do a want for sincerely?”
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
— Ready to get started on 2021 before it takes you by storm like 2020? Let’s get you moving today toward your F-ck Yes! Life and enjoying all the sweetest randevu that life has to offer you on your journey. Message me today for opportunities to say YES to YOU Now!
 
Photo Credit to my amazing photographer Rebekah Lynn DandelionImages

Coming Together in the Wound

COMING TOGETHER IN THE WOUND…

OR TOGETHER IN THE HEALING…

We meet our mirrors at different points in time on our life journey.
We are intrigued, even aroused by these meetings.
We sometimes catch the feels,
And get committed.
And often this is the exact case that creates a defined relationship in today’s society.
Two people living thier own life experiences,
Meeting and connecting from thier wounded selves. From a space of feeling broken, fearful, unworthy and incomplete.
And they find themselves drawn into another who is just this as well.
They find this other lost soul who has all these similarities and hopes.
They share thier pain, thier saga and desire to have something more.
And so like magnets they connect.
They feel supported feeding each other the understanding and love that they crave.
They feel seen, heard and like thier mate gets them.
And they do.
Because both are operating from the wound.

Time passes,
The wound remains to a degree for both,
It gets triggered here and there,
Bringing doubt and fear into the hearts of the couple.
But they come together and assure each other that they are there.

And then it happens…
One of them starts to feel better.
Stops masking thier pain,
Stops hiding in thier guilt and suffering and chooses to open up again.
Chooses to breathe life in again.
Choose to heal,
To grow and become whole yet again.
And when this happens thier mate is provided an opportunity to do the same or to burrow themselves into more sadness.
More frustration and fear.
And thus end the relationship.
Because you see when one grows and heals and the other does not then it is the destiny of the relationship to end.

Growth and healing increases your vibration.
It will have you feeling full, in love with life, good about yourself and have you desiring for more in all of your life.

When vibrations increase for one partner but the other does not match vibration any longer then the two will start to experience challenges in connection, understanding each other, there will become an irritation between them like sandpaper and unless one of them does something to change thier frequency then its inevitable that they will split.

Now granted the one who started to grow, heal, transform certainly could hault thier opening. They could work on shrinking themselves again, and grow slower but typically even though this is a possibility it rarely happens because the momentum of growth becomes intoxicating and neither party want a shrinkage to happen.

Even though it quickly becomes evident as to what will occur.

So obviously the best choice to maintain the relationship is for the other partner to take self- responsibility and lean into the scary land of transformation. But its tricky.
They have to lean in because they want the growth for self…
Not just to save the relationship,
Otherwise the vibration will become needy and cause even more irritation between the two.

You cannot lie about your vibration.
And you cannot manipulate your vibration.

On the other spectrum,
Coming together in healing…
Or in growing.

When we meet someone in this place,
Where we are each doing our work,
Learning to take responsibility for self, emotions and actions.
Leaning into our hearts and souls and catching the ego,
When we meet from a place of expansion we find ourselves again feeling deep connection, understanding, love and catching the feels for this other person who is meeting us where we are.

And it feels beautiful.
It feels supportive but not like the crutch of the wounded connection,
Instead supportive from a sense of freedom to be self and to be witnessed just as we are.
This sort of bonding,
As long as both parties continue to love self first, own thier emotions, thoughts and actions and keep leaning into thier individual expansions,
Then they together will connect deeper,
Be witnessed from a truly authentic level,
Experience a quickening in personal growth as well as a melding and accelerated joint growth and transformation which will with its individual vibrational increases also create a worm hole of momentum toward the couples unity.

Here a couple can experience the highest of relationship connectedness in vulnerability, intimacy and authentic unconditional love.

They will be able to cross through challenging waters together because they both built strong individual boats first and are sailing the choppy seas of life side by side, supporting each other but not trying to glue thier boats together in need which only creates instability and weakness in self and relationship.

True mature loving relationship understand and value self and growth first.
They choose to journey together because its a beautiful transformational path to share but they do not need someone by thier side to love the path they are on.
They do what they do because it feels good to them and for them,
Not because they aim to please anyone else.

Look at your relationships of today and yesterday,
Were they founded in the wound or in healing and growth?

What is your desire in your relationship story?
And how is the founding of your current expanding you or holding you back?

Time to get clear.
Time to be real.
Time to connect from strength.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers ”

Reach out to me to discover how you can call in a high vibe relationship today.

What Fear, Anxiety and Pain Are Saying To You.

My heart felt like it was being crushed.

My chest had a weight on it that no matter how I tried to calm my breathing,

no matter the stretching and massaging that I provided my chest,

the pressure and constriction simply would not stop.

There was this low grade level of anxiety rising in my system as I could feel my body fighting with me.

 

But why was this happening?

I was not fearful of travel.

I was not feeling out of sorts with my lover who was sitting right there with me.

There was nothing that I could consciously come up with in this moment that would support the pain that I was in.

 

Fast forward a few hours….

 

We had landed. Gotten our car. And made it to the fauntleroy ferry in West Seattle. I was feeling far calmer now then just a few hours prior in the Uber ride to the airport.

 

However as soon as our Jeep rolled onto the ferry and we got parked the overwhelming feelings of being crushed and the anxiety made themselves known again.

 

Breathing deep as I could in the moment I quickly walked myself to the upper deck of the ferry and called my breath as I looked out over the harbor to Vashon Island. The wind encompassed me with the soft smell of sea salt in it,

the waves crashed up against the sides of the ferry, the sun let me feel delicate moments of warmth on the skin that was revealed and here I was in this moment,

 

crumbling.

 

There was no reason in this moment to stand here on this ferry and cry,

yet the tears came anyway.

And as they did the release into whatever was holding in my chest and begging me to let it go left with them.

 

Here on the ferry overlooking the water I surrendered to the unknown.

I let myself go into what logically made no sense.

 

I was happy.

I was excited to share my love of Washington with my lover for a few days.

I was feeling relaxed until I was not.

And my mind wanted answers.

My mind wanted to become Sherlock Holmes and figure it all out,

make reason for the pain,

the fear,

and my holding of it.

 

But my soul and heart understood its truth.

 

My body and mind had been arguing you could say.

They were not in alignment.

And THAT is what was causing me to suffer.

 

 

WIthout realizing it I was not surrendering to the beauty and release of this trip.  I was holding onto an old concept,

I was holding onto the version of me who used to live here in Seattle all those years ago and STRUGGLE in life.

who missed so much of the greatness of this place.

 

Here I was 15 years later, holding onto these fragments of self.

Not letting myself release fully into who I have become.

Who I have grown into being and the life that I have today.

 

The fear of the old me was actually creating physical pain in the current.  The old thought programs and beliefs around money and relationships that I use to try to exist in life were being unmasked in my energy and my current state of who I AM was being asked by my old sabotaging thoughts and ideas to lay down and shut up.

 

HA!

 

And here was the significant constriction that I was feeling.

The feeling like I could not breathe.

The feeling like my chest was going to explode and my ribs were being broken from the inside out.

The agony in my gut.

And the intense headache that came with it all as my whole being just wanted to flee the idea of this trip I had planned.

 

I was not surrendering to me.

I was not surrendering to this moment.

I was not surrendering to life or what it was blessing me with.

And I was not surrendering all because of an old concept and old beliefs that were trying to make themselves current.

 

I was out of alignment.

 

The issue with my alignment was causing me the pain and the fear.

 

The only thing that could save me was my own surrender into the depths of the unknown,

into self.

into this moment.

into this experience.

into life and what it was offering me.

And as I did so,

the tears streamed down my face,

the wind whipped itself around me,

the waves crashed against the ferry boat,

the sun shone through the clouds and asked to warm my skin,

and I took a deep breath letting it all go.

 

My world was right again.

My body let go of everything that it was holding,

and it let go of the need to falsely try and control what it could not control.

It let go of this moment in life and allowed the moment to JUST BE.

 

BEAUTIFUL.

Without question.

Without a need to know what was going to come next.

Without the need to hold onto the moment and ask that it never change or leave.

My SOUL was again in the driver’s seat,

and in it I was aligned.

Fully feeling.

Fully embracing.

And ENJOYING.

 

Some would look at moments like this or times that they feel these same constrictions and fears, anxiety and “gut reactions” as signs to turn and go another direction.

and sometimes they can mean just that for sure,

However often they are signs that we are on the tipping edge of everything that we desire to be birthed into our world and our old versions of self are there testing us.

Asking us if we are sure that we truly want everything that we have proclaimed that we do.

 

Many people at this moment misread what their body, mind and emotions are speaking to them and they turn away from EVERYTHING.

 

They will say,

“That’s just too risky.”

“I need to see it to believe it.”

“I need to know that this person is as invested as I am.”

” I don’t want to hurt so and so or get hurt.”

“Timing is wrong, I can feel it.”

 

And they step away from life.

They step away from some of the best moments of living.

They turn away from the experiences that will grow them into that next version and they do it all in the name of “having a feeling.”

 

They do it based on logic.

They do it because they look at the suffering and pain,

the anxiety as a symbol that THIS IS NOT THE PATH.

When that is not at all what is being said.

 

Your SOUL is saying this FEAR that you are having right now is here telling you that THIS….

 

THIS is the perfect path that will transform you into that next beautiful version of who you were born to become.

This fear that you are having is here because you have control issues and life is not for controlling, it is here for you to love and enjoy,

and in your loving and enjoying of each delicate moment and your release into the unknown you BIRTH YOURSELF.

 

And you BECOME.

 

But you must SURRENDER.

In the small moments as well as the big ones.

Because the universe/God is not looking at the size of the moments,

but at your ability to be in alignment with SOURCE.

 

IN ALL.

 

That is the meaning of FAITH.

That is having CERTAINTY that you will always get what you want for and need.

That is how you make MAGICK in your life and THRIVE.

 

Can you surrender to life?

We are all being asked to do just this.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Message me for deets on the Magick Minute.

IS THIS THING CALLED LIFE EVEN WORTH IT?

SOME DAYS YOU QUESTION…

IS IT EVEN WORTH IT?

 

You know those days where your chest feels so tight it hurts to even try and take a shallow breath,

and you know that what you really need to do is to breathe deep and force yourself to just relax,

but you can’t.

It hurts too effing bad.

You feel like your chest is going to erupt at any second from the pressure that it is under and your heart is beating faster than it should,

you woke with enough anxiety for two countries of people,

and your mind won’t stick to anything positive.

The thoughts,

the fears,

worry dances around you assuring you that today is going to suck,

just like life is sucking. And you question….

 

Is any of this even worth it?

Does anyone really care?

Do I matter?

And if I do, is it just so I can be of service without support coming back? Am I only here on this planet to be used?

 

The blame game is a nasty one,

and you know it’s not even accurate,

but there you go anyway,

down that rabbit hole,

feeding yourself another solemn tail of defeat and suffering.

 

Your mind is a chatter with how you need to just put an end to your suffering,

you have no reason to continue so it appears,

your heart is shattered and no one sees it,

or cares.

 

You are lost.

Lost in your pain.

Lost in your inability to love yourself.

Lost in your fear of change.

Lost in desire to control and you cannot see it.

Your ego has you by the balls,

and there is a strange fulfillment in it.

 

Shhhh…. don’t tell anyone that in your pain you are comfortable.

 

But it is true.

 

You are happy here in this suffering,

it is serving you for the time.

It is gaining you the attention that you desire,

it is getting those who are around you to notice you somehow.

Your vibe is so low that they feel a need to check in on you,

to inquire and at very least pretend that they care.

 

And to this there is an inner smiling.

But not for long.

Quickly you dismiss it.

And move on to another thought of your inner suffering,

pointing more fingers,

spewing out hatred and pain to anyone who will listen.

Confirming your misery.

 

And controlling that it will not leave you.

 

Yes my love,

Did you catch that?

 

You are controlling  your pain.

You are forcing it to stay with you.

You are the one who is hanging on to it.

 

You are truly that powerful,

that you have chosen to put yourself into this bondage.

 

You are truly that genius to have devised a life of suffering that is so masterfully planned out that even you yourself can no longer see it for the mastery that it is in your power.

 

Choosing blindness over sight.

Choosing to remain harnessed to the inner demons that you feed with your thoughts and actions.

Choosing to control them,

through your dictatorship of what you cannot do.

 

But if you could just breathe.

If you could just allow yourself to settle down into that cavity of your heart and feel the beating of its beauty and power.

If you could if only for today allow yourself a moment to release all the emotion that resides there,

let the tears stream without attachment,

without a need to think about them,

but to just let them go.

 

If you could do this and breathe.

Deeper and deeper,

letting yourself feel yourself and love,

love you for all your humanness,

and your tender beauty and powerful soul,

then perhaps you would be able to turn the corner to this self inflicted suffering.

 

Perhaps then you could come from your strength.

From that place deep inside of you that knows its worthiness,

embraces its power and see’s how it is truly the creator of your life.

 

If you could do this for only one minute today,

just one focused minute imagine the glorious thing that could stem from this place?

 

Imagine what it would be like to ALLOW yourself to turn that corner and to STOP the suffering game that you are playing with yourself.

 

Imagine what life might be like if instead of denying yourself the ability to feel good,

you in turn started to say yes to yourself with the things that you know you desire, crave and need.

 

You question your worthiness…

yet you do not treat yourself with any worth.

 

You question if you should continue on…

yet you deny the allowance of living from a yes point to self.

 

You roll in the muddy contamination of your thoughts claiming that you are shackled there while holding the key to your freedom.

 

And the reality is the same for any of us…

 

We will only make a change when we are ready to make that change.

 

When we are done with the service that pain offers.

When we are done controlling from this vibrational level and we are ready to truly step into our power of self love.

Ready to surrender to your true nature,

to create a life of thriving.

 

But first you must question…..

 

How is this suffering serving me?

Why am I so attached to this pain?

How is controlling my life through pain supporting my current desires?

 

And you must go deep with yourself if you are to unblock yourself from what you claim you no longer want.

 

You must get authentically raw with yourself and be willing to see those inner shadows for what they are….

 

for how you….

YES YOU ARE THEIR MASTER.

 

Are you ready to turn the corner?

 

Because this world needs your light.

And you my dear,

YOU ARE WORTHY OF A LIFE OF THRIVING.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Stop with the mind f-ck games that you are playing with yourself and learn the secrets to thriving now.

 

You can create the life of your dreams in one minute a day.

 

Message me for deet’s on the Magick Minute Program.

Are You Falling Prey To This Lie Like Millions?

 

THERE IS  A LIE WE BELIEVE THAT CHANGES ALL OF OUR UNDERSTANDING….

 

With all the worlds chaos and turbulence,

I am witnessing a massive amount of said “lightworkers,” christians, believers of faith and LOA, genuianly “good” souls fall prey to the misconception around a lie that they have bought full heartedly into,

 

and that lie is AWARENESS = ALWAYS BEING POSITIVE

 

It is funny how we humans are so eager to jump down one another’s throats in ego and pain,

we point fingers of blame and cuddle up in our victimhood statues of reasoning,

quick to accuse others of being blind, low vibe or even spiritually bypassing issues and feelings,

but then in the same turn of spewing out all these negative charges,

show frustration and even fear toward truth that does hurt.

Toward truth and awareness that does not fit into what we call “spiritual” or “high vibe.”

 

We shun the concept of awareness that is not always uplifting.

As if seeing the true pain, sorrow, or darkness that does mask each of us in it’s own way and the world in general can just be ignored fully and by ignoring and ONLY focusing in on the good that we will somehow make the evils go away.

 

It is sort of like the child who is afraid of monsters in the closet so they hide their head under the blankets of their bed and tell themselves as long as I think happy thoughts then there will be no monsters,

but in reality the monsters they are hiding from are their abusive parents fighting in the hallway.

 

We will never make the evils of this world go away.

That is the truth.

What we perceive as evil is here for a reason,

it is upon this planet to create contrast.

 

Without contrast in our world we can never know what we desire or want for,

we would not evolve and expand.

It is only through contrast that we fully experience living.

 

But here is the conundrum for humanity,

how are we to manifest good if we witness the bad and get caught in it?

 

The key is getting caught in it or not.

 

There is this concept that feeling sad, angry, upset or any emotion that is not even keel is not good, is not natural.

It is encouraged in many belief structures and in how we raise our children to hold in the pain and anger and not let it out unless we want to be perceived as weak.

 

This is a falsity and one of the most unhealthy programs that we teach.

 

WIth this we have enwrapped ourselves in the idea that AWARENESS ….

 

AKA Consciousness,

is only and always to be UPLIFTING.

 

And when we share awareness that is not uplifting that we are in turn trying to fear monger.

 

Now don’t get me wrong, what we are all witnessing in our world of current and for many generations is just that from our leaders and media,

we are for sure being programmed by our trust in them and through television programming systems,

just as planned by those that control.

 

I am not speaking of the agendas of those who crave more power and are corrupt to the core,

I am speaking about the rest of society waking up to the truths that these dark souls are hiding in plain sight from us.

 

I am speaking about the fact that in order for you to heal anything or make powerful uplifting changes that you must….

 

First, become AWARE of the issue. And this may not be uplifting to awaken to the reality of a nightmare.

 

And second, see what the contrast that this nightmare is offering to your level of desire.

 

 

From here we can make significant change.

And yes focusing in on it after this point,

getting caught in all its entrappings of fear and darkness will not change it to what you desire for instead but, rather help it to gain power through the momentum of your fear around any such troublesome topic.

 

Your awareness transformed to true sight of what the opportunity that is actually being offered,

 

which is a desire for something better,

for healing,

for love and peace,

equality and safety,

etc.

can then be fully embraced.

 

It is here in this AWARENESS which is uplifting when we  empower ourselves with our true heart,

that what we focus on grows.

Here we can now CONSCIOUSLY move ourselves from witnessing the nightmare to putting our focus on what is good in our world.

 

When we consciously choose to move our focus and experience onto good we create more good.

And we do not get caught in the nightmare although we are aware of it existing.

 

This is not spiritual bypassing or ignoring of any sort,

it is being proactive with our life expression, thoughts and feelings.

 

It is not just hiding our heads under the covers and “trying” to think good thoughts,

but in turn moving ourselves authentically into good feeling experiences which means to focus on the sun coming up each day, the people in our lives who love us, our dog excited we are playing fetch, our child hugging us, our lover desiring us, the food in our fridge, that our car works, our heart is beating, the birds are chirping, Ozarks has a season 4….lol

 

Whatever makes you genuinely feel good.

That is the ticket.

And to hold this good feeling though for just one minute each day without doubt.

 

Did you catch that?

 

Without doubt.

 

Doubt destroys the feeling.

Doubt pulls us back to the fear and the hiding,

and from there we fall into our pain bodies and fight amongst ourselves which in turn keeps the fires of our world burning ever so more greatly.

 

To create the world and the life that we desire most for,

we must become AWARE and we MUST learn to find the beauty and empowerment in our own darkness,

When we can be grateful for our darkness we will then be able to see its truth in its offering to us and make conscious choices to breathe into life the world we crave most for.

 

Embrace the contrast.

 

And AS Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

www.kendalwilliams.com

Learn to manifest an unbound life today.

Speak Up Your Life.

Speak Your Vibe Up!
Speak it,
yell it,
talk about it.
You speak things into existence.
So be effing conscious of what you are manifesting.
The last few days I have been working with a bunch of people,
beautiful souls each and every one of them,
intelligent, courageous, strong, passionate, spiritual, loving people.
This is my tribe.
These are my clients.
And I am so proud of where each of them are and how they keep witnessing themselves and loving themselves into greatness.
However, the last few weeks there is a running theme.
And the theme is shitty talking,
I mean trash talk. Not smut talk, not crazy sexual talk,
but sheer trash thoughts that don’t make them feel good about life or self.
I see them getting caught up in loops of pain and suffering,
using terms such as,
“I can’t.”
“I tried.”
“I am stuck.”
And so many others.
These words are speaking them down.
Down in vibration.
Down in thought.
Down in emotion.
Down in movement and growth,
healing.
My response typically lands me a middle finger response or a “F – You!” as they don’t enjoy being told to STOP IT.
It’s not that easy to just STOP IT.
Beacuse these words are so natural and they are clarity based on relaity. There is passion around these words of “I can’t and I tried.”
It is a natural statement and feels so authentic.
But I want to bring you into a different reality,
the reality that if you are going through something similar as my client shere and feel like you are struggling, that you have been working your butt off but barely making it, that you have tried and tried and tried, but life just keeps showing you pain and struggle,
that you can change it.
You can speak up your vibration.
You can focus your words into creating a different reality for you to observe.
So instead of saying “I can’t”
Try saying “OMG! this _______________ is so amazing. It is the most magnificent thing.”
Skip the I can and go straight to the creation of what you are wanting.
For instance….
Say you are making $50,000 a year but you want to make more. You are putting in the time and effort but you are not seeing any change in income yet,
instead of saying,
” I am trying to figure out a way to make extra money to offset things but nothing seems to be popping for me.”
Say…(to yourself outloud in the mirror)
“I am so excited, I just made an extra $500 this week!”
“I am earning $75,000) this year, it’s magnificent.”
When we use words such as magnificent, fantastic, wonderful, beautiful, incredible they carry with them a higher vibration. We instantly change our energy.
But what is more important to realize here is that our words,
all of them CREATE.
They are the nails, the boards and the glue of our lives manifestations. From our words we build what our life experience is. And this is why so many people are struggling with their health, wealth and relationships.
Just yesterday I was speaking with a beautiful young woman that I am currently working with and I shared with her that when I turned 30 years old everyone around me told me how it was all downhill from here. That I was going to feel the age, I was going to gain weight and could not lose it, that I would start to get sick more and end up on medications and that I was now old.
I laughed about that and said, “That’s not my reality. My 30’s are going to be magnificent. Playful, healthy and strong.” I told myself how beautiful I was and how great I felt.
And guess what, it was so.
When I turned 40 I heard all the same shiz.
Except people told me that I was lucky that it did not happen in my 30’s, but now….
now it was for sure going to happen.
I was on the back side of my life.
And here I am at 44, mother to seven, and I feel great.
I get told all the time I don’t look my age,
I have vitality.
I take no medications.
And I still speak up my vibration to,
“That’s not my reality.”
I keep speaking my reality to what I want and I speak it daily in my thoughts,
to myself in the mirror,
I allow myself to act youthful,
I play,
I enjoy adventures,
I enjoy life.
And so it is that my life experience corresponds to what I am speaking into existence.
So many folks do the opposite though and they grow old and sickly just because they believe that when they hit a certain number of age that that’s the way it is supposed to be and they speak their lives down.
This is true with any subject area of our lives.
We can speak it up or we can speak it down.
So if you are one of the naysayers to your life and you are speaking about how you can’t, or how you are struggling,
how life is hard, how much pain you are in, how much crap keeps happening to you,
then all I can say is….
STOP IT!
Stop creating your misery.
Life is not doing anything to you that you are not asking for.
That you are not speaking into your experience.
And the more you play those negative records on replay,
the more you emotionalize the fear and pain, the struggle and drama,
and believe that its normal,
that its just the way it is because of your age, your income status, your sex, your country or religion,
the more you create with certainty.
It does not have to be that way though.
You can SPEAK UP YOUR VIBRATION,
thus the things that attract into your life expereince.
But you have to be willing to take responsibility for what you are saying to self and to everyone you come into conversation with.
You must watch your words.
They have power.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Want to learn how to Speak Up Your Vibe to Manifest the Life that You Really want to be living?
Message me on deet’s for my 1:1 coaching opportunities now.

Here is How God is Using You and What To Do About It.

The universe is using you.

 

Yes you read that right.

The universe is using you.

You could say God is using you even.

 

But what are these forces greater than you using you for?

 

Creation.

And I am not talking about making babies.

I am talking about making life, yes…

but not not babies.

The universe is using you to experience life.

To experience creation.

To create and to expand.

If you are not expanding then the universe is not expanding.

Therefore, you are always expanding.

 

And you do this through pain and pleasure.

You get to choose though how you expand.

You get to open yourself to the expansion and have the universe penetrate you in one of these ways.

 

When we struggle,

when we feel anxiety and great resistance to the good things that life has to offer us,

we are choosing pain over pleasure.

But the pain is not a bad thing,

it is not comfortable for sure to be in a state of pain and struggle, but it is not a bad thing because it creates desire.

And in the birthing of our desires we expand.

Desire for something more,

something better and grander,

is what we are here for.

That desire is what breeds life to happen.

That desire is what stokes our creative fires and gets us moving.

That desire is what ignites us to let go of our pain.

And when we let go of our pain and struggle,

when we realize that we have always had it,

that whatever we desire is already with us,

and that we are worthy of it,

our letting go of the pain is us letting go of the resistance to having that, that we want for.

 

Did you catch that?

You are not getting what you want in your life because you are not letting go of the pain of not having it.

So you are resisting having what you want.

You are applying your power, your ability to manifest to not having your desired outcome.

And therefore, that is what is given to you.

 

But with that resistance you expand your desire and hunger for what you are wanting for, giving it more power.

Creating more momentum.

 

The universe is there supporting your expansion in desire to create.

To birth this desire into play.

And to enjoy it.

 

And you will have it once you get your belief that you can have it on board with your desire to have it.

 

By doing this you become aligned.

And in getting aligned you receive it,

quickly.

 

But the belief is shown from your ability to let go of the struggle, the fear, the anxiety, the worry, the pain.

 

Can you put it all down and look at your right now,

see the blessings and the joy of the right now,

no matter how small they may be?

 

Can you feel good right now by thinking a thought that opens your heart to love or to beauty?

 

Can you slow down right now enough to loosen your grip on the idea that you are sinking so that you can float?

 

This is what it takes.

This is what it requires for you to have the life and desires that you are wanting for.

And by letting go,

the universe will move through you with great momentum and miracles will occur.

 

You get to choose how long it takes to create your desired life.

You get to choose what you have in this life of yours.

You get to choose how abundant you are in love, in money and wellbeing.

 

You are such a powerful love.

It is true that when you ask it is given.

 

Your only job is to let go of the reigns of fear.

 

Are you ready to step on the gas in manifesting the life that you want for?

 

And Remember,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

 

Take advantage right now of a lifetime opportunity to work with me in my intensive 4 week mastermind where you get to work 1:1 with me to learn the keys that I woke up to back in 2009 and changed my whole life outcome with.  Let me guide you through the turbulence of the storms and show you the power of letting go of fear so that you can create the life of dreams, you know that you desire and deserve it. Let’s make it happen. Message me for deet’s