Edging and Ballooning: Two Exercises to Help Cure Premature Ejaculation

Premature ejaculation is a condition from which millions of men worldwide have suffered, but it’s a condition that is highly curable. In cases where the premature ejaculation is severe, it is highly advisable to see a medical professional. However, for milder cases, premature ejaculation exercises may help or reverse the condition. Premature ejaculation exercises can help you build stamina and learn control. Edging and ballooning are two premature ejaculation exercises that will help you strengthen your penis and improve your staying power during sex.

Edging
One of the best exercises to incorporate into your penis exercising routine is edging. Edging is masturbating and stopping right before you ejaculate. Once your urge to ejaculate has subsided, you repeat the process as many times as you’d like. By building up over and over again, you’re training your brain to learn how to gain complete control of your ejaculations and, thus, overcome any problem with premature ejaculation you may have.This “stop and go” build-up also can help you achieve even stronger orgasms Try to build up to twenty minutes per edging session before you ejaculate.

Ballooning

Similar to edging, ballooning involves masturbating and stopping right before you ejaculate. However, it doesn’t involve stroking the penis up and down. Ballooning helps with premature ejaculation by training your brain to learn how to become comfortable with feeling sexual pleasure without a release.To practice ballooning, find the super-sensitive “magic spot” on your penis (avoid the frenulum under the head at first, as it may be too sensitive) and rub over and over, using a circular motion until just before ejaculation. In a ballooning session, your goal is to stay at your maximum hardness for as long as possible without ejaculating. This practice can help you gradually increase your stamina.

Even if you find you need medical assistance in your fight against premature ejaculation, premature ejaculation exercises can help you increase your stamina and prowess over the long term. Like the rest of your body, your pelvic muscles and the smooth muscle tissue in your penis can become more “muscular” with training, allowing you ultimately to be able to sustain more powerful erections for longer. It is in the strength of your erection that you will find greater control over your climax.

  – Health & Fitness Solutions

Love & Marriage: It’s an institute you can’t disparage… or can you? by Scott Beauregard

wedding1Having been married in my past and when that marriage ended, as all too many in current society do, in divorce I was lost for a period of time.   I struggled with the concepts of what society says is the path to happiness.    I started to look deeper into my own thoughts and beliefs about marriage.   While It may seem in this piece that I’m condemning marriage that is not truly the case.   I’m not condemning marriage, but more condemning the reasons we enter into a marriage contract.  

In doing research based on this subject it quickly became apparent that there is not reliable historical information regarding marriage and rarely is the word “love” mentioned in all of the definitions and histories of marriage.   Let’s look at the current state of marriage and its role in keeping us disconnected from our true selves.   Although attitudes are starting to change slowly when it comes to the definition of marriage,  this is not going to turn into a political debate. It has been commonly held that marriage is the union of one man and one woman for quite sometime.    Look at that last statement again, specifically, “union of”.    What does that bring into your mind?    A partnership, a combining of equal parts?  If it is so that this union of, and we can even expand it out to two people, is an equal partnership then why are people so lost and looking, searching for that one connection that will “save” them.    The divorce rate is through the roof.    Domestic abuse and violence is at an all time high.    We don’t seem to be learning anything and making the same mistakes over and over.   

People both men and women, straight, gay, bi, have relationships with 6-10 different people in their lifetime.   All under the guise of finding “the one”.    The one that will allow me to be happy.   As those numbers point out there’s not “the one”, although in rare instances it does happen or at least appear on the surface.   That older couple that has been together for 50, 60, 70 years, we’ve all heard those stories about a love that endures.    It is obvious that these rare occurrences that the couple understands something about unconditional love or they hide the true nature of the relationship from even themselves.   

wedding-cows-heartlandboostMarriage is a contract not of equals, but of property.    That’s right property.    It is nothing more than a contract where the man agrees to provide security and physical property and  woman agrees to become property of the husband for the security and physical property that is or will be owned and for the purposes of procreation so the physical property is in the hands of known relations.    Men have through fear convinced women to give up their true feminine nature for stuff basically.    Women have accepted the mantle of chattel on the antiquated notion that they will be provided for.   If this is not true in this day and age why is it that more and more women have given up their feminine energetic natures and taken on more masculine natures in their lives.   

asian-couple-man-carrying-womanSo many people today still think that their happiness can come from another person.    This is a crazy notion.   One of the questions asked often in my counseling/coaching sessions is “Who can make you happy”, over 90% of the time the answer is “I can”.   Next question is can anyone else?   answer no.    This is followed up with a question creates a lot of confusion.     “Who can hurt you?” almost every person says “anybody”.    When that is questioned with “If you are the only one that can make you happy,  how is it that “anybody” can hurt you?”

If a good number of people can realize at this time that they are responsible for their own happiness why is it so difficult to accept that one is just as responsible for the hurts that come into one’s life.    They bring this perception into the marriage contract and that is a pretty good indicator of why the divorce rate is so high.    That and the fact that it is INSANE that women in this day and age would agree willingly to trade themselves for physical property and the illusion of security.  

It’s not all their fault.  The male has done a superb job of selling a bill of goods for hundreds or thousands of years that this is the only way it will work.    The old patriarchal paradigm of conquest, control, and ownership is still in full effect today.  Things are starting to change slowly.  People in general are starting to take off the blinders.    People are getting married for the first time later in life or choosing not to get married at all.    Society is growing up and women are starting to wake up to the fact that the male will not give up what they have gained easily and the woman will have to take responsibility for becoming whole again.  The male also bears responsibility in becoming whole but too many males still have that macho I need to conquer my world mentality.    Using tantra and coaching it is possible to heal individual males and females, and couples as well.

  When two people centered in the divine self, the unconditional love, the pure awareness, is it possible to create a union of equals.    This is not to be seen though as an answer to fix the marriage contract though.    It is only the understanding of what a relationship is supposed to be, for a reason, a season or on the rare occasions a lifetime.  This can be applied to any relationship, friends, lovers, parents, children, etc.  When we are centered in awareness and connected to that unconditional source, it becomes easier to love without attachment to thoughts of would, should, could.  Which puts expectations of action or inaction, on the other person which will just lead down a path of hurting the self or other person with those expectations.

While there will always be those that prefer the marriage contract to the alternative, if we can get to the point of being centered within ourselves we can more easily handle the points in time when the current relationship we are in no longer serve the highest and greatest good of either party while maintaining the unconditional love and respect of the other party.       

Balance or Harmony by Alexander Brighton

So many people that I’ve had conversations with have told me that they are seeking balance in their life.    I decided to go look up the word balance on dictionary.com.   It read a state of equilibrium.  Searching further equilibrium means a state of rest due to the equal action of opposing forces.     When you have two or more opposing forces that are exerting equal action you can develop balance.    As we move through our daily lives we have more than 2 opposing forces at any one time.    Rarely do these forces exert equal action or force.     So if you can only have balance with opposing forces exerting equal force then the realization of balance never develops.   

How many times have we been faced with opposing thoughts(forces)?  Here’s an example that we’ve all faced.   I have to go to work, however, I’d much rather stay home and spend time with a loved one.    These are not applying equal action on us.   If the need for money is greater it will exert greater force.     If the need for connection with the loved one is greater than the need  of money then taking the day off would be exerting greater force.   Balance or equilibrium needs opposing forces to be created.    Opposing forces create a duality within us.     That duality rarely ever has equal action on both sides, there for balance is missed and our lives are lopsided.    Like that shopping cart with the one flat spot on the wheel that goes clunk clunk clunk as we walk through the grocery store.

 Whats the alternative then? Harmony.

Again going back to dictionary.com harmony means a consistent, orderly, or pleasing arragment of parts.    When we move away from trying to get opposing forces to exert equal action at the same time, we can start to build harmony in our lives.   Instead of dealing with the duality of opposing forces, build your life so there is agreement with all the different forces in your life.    I will go to work today and then take my loved one out for a nice dinner, or make a nice dinner. Even when something is out of balance it can still be in harmony.    That shopping cart that I mentioned earlier.   If you are out of balance and out of harmony with your life that constant clunk might push you to the point of madness.   

However, if you are out of balance AND in harmony  you might notice that that clunk is in perfect time with the music playing in the store and smile.  Some that I have talked to want to find balance for every aspect of their life.    This is mostly impossible.    Just take gender as an example I hear people all the time state they want to balance their masculine and feminine energy.   These are opposing forms of energy.  Very complementary but opposite.   Whether  you are male or female you have both energies within you.    However they are rarely ever to the point that they are applying or exerting equal action in your life so then how can you balance them.    Working to get the masculine and feminine to be in harmony though, that’s beautiful.   They no longer have to be exerting equal action.   You could be 75% feminine and 25% masculine and still be in harmony.    The energies working in harmony to create the consistent, orderly, or pleasing arrangement of parts or energies in this case.  You give up the battle of duality of trying to be 50% feminine and 50% masculine.   

As you start to apply the harmony principle to your life you will start to find that things may come into balance naturally.   Harmony allows us to take a step back from the constant battle of duality.    It allows us to build ONE life that flows by taking these forces and into a simultaneous combination.    Where each force becomes a note on the music of your life.     A piece of music that you are the author of.  

What do you want the music of your life to sound like?

Bobcat Under the Dancing Stars

starbrightThe night air was warm and muggy, my flesh felt moist to the touch as the breeze blew across the grasses that lay beside my body.  Starring up into the heavens, begging something in this vast expression of god’s touch to speak to me, to guide me, to make the pain of my heart chakra stop and in the same moment tears of gratitude flooded my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.  As the tears caused distortion to my sight I latched onto one single star in the heavens. It seemed so alone in the night sky.  Alone and yet surrounded by billions of other energy bodies all dancing and flickering happily. This one solo star though radiated stronger then the majority of it relations.  My tears made the stars gleam blur and swim in colors. A beautiful solo dance had manifested itself just for me as I lay there. The universe was speaking as it always does if we are willing to listen. Just like the ocean that carries many stories and yet holds on to none, so was the message of love for me this night.  Love is meant to be ever expanding yet we try and control it, we try and box it up, protect the one’s we love and ourselves from the pain of the beauty of the light of love. When instead what we should be doing is embracing the moments and realizing that each soul that comes into our lives changes us. Quantum physics is discovering that our capacity of our energies to blend with other energies is never ending. As a result we all become a composite of EVERY soul we have ever encountered.  Showing us the importance to surround ourselves with people whose souls will nurture our own.  No man or woman is an island. We have no choice but to absorb the energies of others. It is natural and automatic. Weather you believe in quantum physics or not, just like breathing air.  It leaves us changed forever. OUR personalities are ALWAYS changing depending on who we choose to be around. We are never the same person from moment to moment!

If we were to except our love relationships as larger deposits of energy then a soul that we meet at the gas station or even our next door neighbor we would experience a deeper sense of gratitude for each soul that we chose to open our hearts too. It is these chosen few or many that emboss a new sense of self onto our hearts and souls. Impressions that may last life times.

As we look at the star from my midnight meditation, we see that even stars share energy (light) with one another. No matter how distant apart they are or how solo they may seem. Depending on where we are when we look up into the heavens, their dance speaks to us in different ways, ALWAYS. This universe is alive and conscious.  Our consciousness creates the material world making the universe self-aware. If we open up, as many ancient civilizations did to the Omens that is spirit speaking then we can adjust our consciousness, expand it and learn to be in love with what is instead of trying to dictate what we want. Through embracing our souls, our hearts and the divine flow of life we nurture ourselves, discover a more gentle understanding and can see that in everything there is pain and pleasure.  When we elevate to a point that we are loving the beauty of death and the pain of birth then we can simply breathe and be present in the moment.  This does not mean that we will not experience pain, grief, upset. It does not mean that we will only have bliss in every moment. It just means that we accept and realize that life is always flowing, ever changing, like a river.

As I stared up at this solo star with a smile on my face, tears were cascading down my cheek, my heart pounding as though I had just run a marathon and my hands feeling the beat of mother earth beneath them I remembered a warm summer day when Bobcat appeared to me.

image_BobcatSitting at a park bench with a young man that I had just recently met and found myself connected to instantly, my heart in that moment beating as though I had run a marathon, a smile on my face and the feel of mother earths pulse beneath my bare feet, I breathed in the energies that dance around the two of us. The moment was perfect. And the universe wanted to speak. There upon her flesh she sent a messenger.  In the distance I saw something walking our direction. It was a cat. I pointed to it because it seemed to be too large to be your average house cat but was shocked it could be much else since we were in a large community park just outside of Dallas. He approached confidently and before getting to close yet close enough for us to see the messengers name; he turned to the side revealing that he was Bobcat. ‘OMG! Is that a bobcat?” I said. “Let’s follow him, see where he takes us, what message he has.” This daring man agreed although I am certain he was convinced in this moment I was crazy. Bobcat walked the trail not far in front of us, occasionally stopping to look over his shoulder to see if we were following.  He slinked his swaying body along the tree lined path with us in step. Guiding us back to the car we had come in. Looking back at this Omen I can see now Bobcat’s message.  Similar to the dancing star.  Bobcats are animals of solitude; they walk between the veils of this world and the mystical. They trust their instincts, are willing to take risks, and are quiet and sensitive to their environments. They are mostly isolated but know that they need at times of life companionship. On this day Bobcat was sharing his message. It was time to allow someone into our hearts. Into our energy, our world.

funvidandegopicsfeb11 024Later that day I was surprised by yet another Omen. My beloved house cat of 10 years whom had disappeared almost a year before had suddenly returned home, safe and well.  Ecstatic I shared this message with the man from the park. It was a birth of a new cycle in life. My heart danced at the opportunity and the bliss I felt. Happy in the moment. My being glowed as though I was pregnant and in a way I was. My heart was opening; my soul was healing, my spirit dancing with the stars.  Yet all cycles have a transition point or what we call a death, an end.  Bobcat’s message is a two part one. It is a message of cycles. The acceptance that when the time of companionship is done blossoming, the petals of the flower will wilt and fall back to the earth.  Solitude will again reinstate itself and like the bobcat even though we may feel overwhelmed and sensitive to our new found world and the death of the cycle we must find the courage to do what soul requests. Discovering the beauty in death is the message and still being able to dance under the same starry night sky and be grateful for each breath, the energies exchanged and the love that was embossed upon our hearts.

The Universe speaks. The final Omen of this tale is my beloved house cat. When the dance was over he too parted ways yet again. Sharing the message” Letting go and loving what is is all we can do”.

In the expansion of love, of feeling pleasure, joy and happiness we expand our whole being. Meaning that our vessel will “feel more” of everything. This can be scary for many of us. As whom wants to feel more pain, grief, suffering, anger, etc.  We want to choose what we feel more of. In some ways we can. We do this through our thinking and paying attention to our consciousness and what we are feeling. Inquiry of our thoughts is important.  Discovering what is true in our thinking and what is false.  For example, “He/she does not love me or they would not do this.” Is that true? Can you be certain that they do not love you because they are not acting a certain way? No you cannot.  90% of our thoughts are not even real. They are assumptions based on our programming. They are our ego causing doubt, fear, and distortion of the truth. If we can learn to separate our thoughts from our feelings (which they are VERY separate, we just bulk them together) then we can  have greater certainty in what we are to do in life and what will make us happy.

At the end of your days when we are breathing in your final moments here on this planet, in this body what will you wish for? Will you be full of regrets? Will you look back at your life, your loved ones, all that you accomplished or did not accomplish and have peace in your soul? Will your soul say I lived this life, I loved deeply in this life, and I risked everything and cherished every breath taking moment? I expanded and pushed my boundaries, saw my divinity and danced openly in moments of bliss and pain. I allowed my heart to be revealed my spirit to speak and I listened to the wisdom of my body, the feelings of my heart and the Omens of the Universe. I have no regrets.

What will your soul song be on your last day?

If you want to change the world…Love a Woman – by Lisa Citore

If you want to change the world…love a woman….really love her. Find the one who calls to your soul, who doesn’t make sense. Throw away your check list and put your ear to her heart and listen. Hear the names, the prayers, the songs of every living thing…… If your eyes aren’t filled with tears, if you aren’t bowing at her feet, … you haven’t ever grieved having almost lost her.

If you want to change the world… love a woman…..one woman beyond yourself, beyond desire and reason. We have given ourselves so many choices we have forgotten that true liberation comes from standing in the middle of the soul’s fire and burning through our resistance to Love. There is only one Goddess. Look into Her eyes and see…..really see if she is the one to bring the axe to your head. to severe you from the old life so that you can enter the new.  

If you want to change the world… love a woman. Love her for life….beyond your fear of death, Don’t tell her you’re willing to die for her. Say you’re willing to LIVE with her, plant trees with her and watch them grow. Be her hero by telling her how beautiful she is in her vulnerable majesty, by helping her to remember every day that she IS a Goddess through your adoration and devotion.  

If you want to change the world… love a woman in all her faces, through all her seasons and she will heal you of your double-mindedness and half-heartedness which keeps your Spirit and body separate- which keeps you alone and always looking outside your Self for something to make your life worth living.  

If you want to change the world… love a woman, just one woman . Love and protect her as if she is the last holy vessel. Love her through her fear of abandonment which she has been holding for all of humanity. No, the wound is not hers to heal alone. No, she is not weak in her codependence.

If you want to change the world… love a woman all the way through until she believes you, until her instincts, her visions, her voice, her art, her passion, her wildness have returned to her- until she is a force of love more powerful than all the forces that seek to devalue and destroy her.  

If you want to change the world, lay down your causes, your guns Lay down your inner war, your righteous anger and love a woman… beyond all of your striving for greatness, beyond your tenacious quest for enlightenment. The holy grail stands before you if you would only take her in your arms and let go of searching for something beyond this intimacy.  

What if peace is a dream which can only be remembered through the heart of Woman? What if a man’s true love for Woman, the Way of the Feminine is the key to opening Her heart?

 If you want to change the world…love a woman to the depths of your shadow, to the highest reaches of your Being, back to the Garden where you first met her, to the gateway of the rainbow realm where you walk through together as One, to the point of no return, to the ends and the beginning of a new Earth.   Original Post Link

Female Bodies are Sexual Pleasure Machines

The human body is a sexual pleasure machine, and the female body even more so than the male. That may seem surprising if your concept of someone’s ‘level of sexuality’ is determined by their ‘level of libido’. We’re rather too libido-oriented in this society. The general belief is that sex is a response to feeling horny. Along with that belief comes the implicit assumption that the hornier you feel, the better sex will be.
Since women have bought into this model and believe that they should be horny before they have sex, given that women’s sexuality isn’t the ‘gagging-for-it’ type: they tend to give up, they don’t do what it takes to get in the mood, generally thinking that there’s something wrong with them (if they’ve got low self-esteem) or claiming they’re ‘normal’, declaring that ‘women don’t like sex’ and their parter is ‘sex-crazed’ (if they’re more assertive).

It’s true that women tend to have libidos like men. Women’s sexuality is not hormonally driven, it’s contextual. It depends so much on how a woman is feeling and what’s going on for, that determnes if she’s open and receptive to sex, not necessarily ‘horny’.
Once a women allows herself to get into the mood, and approaches sex in a more female-friendly way (ie not trying to be like a man) – wow, the places she can go! Because when it comes to the response side of sex (as opposed to the desire side) – well, women are far more superior then men!
Women can have orgasms that are more intense, more frequent and last longer than men’s. On top of the standard clitoral orgasm, which is similar in physiology and feel to the male ejaculatory orgasm, women can have orgasms through vaginal stimulation, g-spot (actually the urethral sponge) stimulation, AFE-spot stimulation, cervical stimulation, anal stimulation, nipple stimulation, in fact, from virtually any part of their body, and even without physical touch (either by being in the presence of a man who’s very present in his masculinity, or by bringing yourself to orgasm through breath and visualisation). Women can have multiple orgasms, wet orgasms (more commonly known by the dreadful male-centric term: female ejaculation), full body orgasms, and can stay in ecstatic states of arousal for very long periods of time.
Unfortuantely, most people don’t even realise what women’s sexual potential is. After a few decades of wondering why women are so sexual dysfunctional because they don’t function sexually like men, Western scientific research is only now starting to acknowledge that women’s sexuality is different. But it’s still way off realising just how wonderfully different women’s sexuality is.
Fortunately some people (like me!) are exploring beyond the boring limits of conventional models of sex in the West, taking on board the wisdom of older sexual traditions, such as the Tantric and Taoist, and doing a lot of personal research: I know all this is possible because I experience it.
When women realise it’s possible, they can start to experience it. When women have sexual responses like this, when they go to heaven, they take their man their with them. There is nothing a man likes more than to give his women this level of sexual pleasure. It satisfies him to his very core. It makes him feel like a Real Man. He may not be able to experience the level of feeling that she can, but he can feel fantastic for getting her there.
Female sexual response is extraordinary. It takes a while to get there, but like all good things, it takes time. The more time and attention you pay to something, generally the better the outcome.
Throw away the limiting beliefs, expand your possibilities to so much more – open yourself up to your glorious potential!

Original Posting On The Tantra Fusion Blog

Performance Anxiety vs. Presence

I’m worried about getting and maintaining my erections…

 By Mare Simone, Advanced Certified Tantra Educator

I frequently encounter clients who, as they mature and their hormone levels shift, they begin to lose faith in their own sexuality.

Men become victims of the myth of the Perpetual Erection.  It has always existed, but it’s become even more destructive because of the way in which the issue is treated in most pornography, which always features a purported Superman.   That’s not reality.  Often porn stars use Viagra or “fluffers”, women whose job it is to keep them aroused and hard for their performance.

 

It often seems as though performance anxiety and the pressure that goes along with it is the culprit that causes impotency and perpetuates it.  Often I’ve found that when a man doesn’t put pressure on himself nor does his partner, the problem resolves itself, just being present and thoroughly enjoying the moment.

In Tantric sex, it’s not so important how hard your erection is, how long it lasts, or whether or not you are even hard at all.

Not only is it possible to have an orgasm without ejaculating, I have also known men who have had profound full body orgasms and multiples, without even being erect!

There are many other delightful ways that you can join with your partner to create great pleasures together, using your hands or mouth that don’t require an erection.

Tantria teaches you: how to channel your sexual energy throughout your entire body and to your partner’s body…  How to have non-genital, full body orgasms…

How to enter into an exquisite spiritual/sexual state… to feel the energy flowing right through you, into your partner and back into you…  creating a continuous stream of energy that flows between you.  It’s incredibly satisfying!  And you can do all this without necessarily having an erection.

Interestingly I have found that when sexual partners are not so concerned about whether the man has a full erection or not, the problem often ceases on its own, without needing to be fixed.

Taking the pressure off and not having to perform gives way for a deeper more gratifying experience of relaxed arousal and tremendous pleasure.

Mare Simone is an Advanced Certified Tantra Educator through the Source School of Tantra Yoga and lives in Southern California.  She travels the world teaching Tantra.  You can read more about her at www.maresimone.com.

Article Originally Posted on Source Tantra Blog

The Ego's a Bitch

Throwing my almost naked body down on the bed, hair still wet from the shower I feel frustration, rage and sadness fighting with each other for their turn on my internal microphone. Tears rolling down my cheeks unstoppable…

“Girl, pull yourself together, “I say softly but firmly out loud to myself.

Moments before I stood in front of a mirror unable to even see myself. Ego had cast its ugly veil over my eyes. Unconscious of the very acts my physical body had made I found myself trapped in a vicious cyclone of thoughts. The internal witness finding herself running away with ego quick in toe. The witness becoming out of breath, fearful of being trampled and swallowed up by Satan (ego). Looking over witness’s shoulder one may see ego in rage, tears pouring down, yelling out remberences of negative events from a time gone by. As ego chases, the distance between lessons. Here and there ego grabs one trash bag after another full of past regrets, pains, traumas, and broken promises and lost hope. How is it possible for ego to carry and drag all this dark garbage and yet still gain on witness who runs toward the light of restriction?

Welcome to the land of ego!

And even better welcome to land of the female ego.

The disgusting swamp land of a woman’s rage is no place to hang out. It is a well of utter misery and any man who has ever tried to swim in these waters knows that it does not end good. Yet our husbands, beloveds, boyfriends and lovers even son’s or fathers sometimes try to logically ‘fix’ what we well divers do not want fixed. We understand that it is like having the anti-Christ in our kitchen yelling at us. Our irrational ego’s manifest destruction as we are forced to sit by the side lines and watch our love being shattered like a mirror.

Each moment our ego has control of our steering wheel we find ourselves thrown around another painful corner of memory. Unable to stop. This may appear as insanity to our men, it may appear as though we are ungrateful or truly unhappy. Some may actually believe we need medicine for our crazy spells. Amazingly none of this is true. Plates may be flying, fists pounding, breath gasping and hurtful words crossing our lips but if we are present enough in our spirit, we recognize that we are actually only truly fearful of opening up to love. We are scared of our own hearts and the path that they are presenting. Our constriction of self-love allows the deception of ego to pass over the threshold of our mind, body, soul connection.

David Deida would say, “If you open as you are now, a spacious and tender love abides, — the openness that is feeling — even if your body aches or your lover has spurned you. If you close now, turning in on yourself in an effort to avoid exposure, then you suffer your own separative cramp, even if you are surrounded by love.”

This separation causes a ripple effect in our lives. Sometimes the ripples last moments and sometimes they last life times. Some ripples are so strong that they rip apart our relationships and cause wounds that fester within our energetic fields. Should the internal witness be able to out run Satan (the ego) and find sanctuary in the light of restriction then we find ourselves turning to a new place within. One that many rarely walk in, we may feel we walk in this green pasture of restriction often but more than likely we are truly suppressing our feelings and actually not restricting our ego. If this is the case we will “feel” a nagging feeling in the pit of our stomach, a heavy sensation in our chest or even a hammer pounding in our heads. When we suppress what we are feeling instead of opening into the feeling and accepting it fully as us while restricting our ego response we again cause the ripple effect of separation, thus causing a volcanic eruption of misery to fall on us another day.

Now men have this same event happening to them, the main difference between the male ego and a female is this: WE WOMEN LOVE OUR LUGGAGE! Therefore we always make sure to have plenty of suitcases. All shapes and sizes. We are not good at parting with our hope chests or our scrapbooks.

I mean think about it, have you ever traveled with a woman who came unprepared for anything? How many pairs of shoes does one need for a two day trip anyway? LOL

Our internal luggage is the same! And we always have a few empty bags stashed somewhere just for YOU! And YOU… and YOU too!

On top of that we are very systematic about our packing. We organize our emotions and thoughts like we do our suitcases. Perhaps we pack each possible outfit needed as though we were getting ready to put it on or we make sure to keep all our panties over here, our shirts here and skirts/pants over there. Even a messy packer has a system to their madness…

Men, well they may pack better in some cases but they NEVER plan for all possibilities. They are more like a streamlined filing system. Only keep a hardcopy of what is absolutely necessary and even of that only keeping the cliff-notes version.

So when the ego of man and woman meet on the dance floor, you can always bet that the woman has her purse with her!

How do the sex’s deal with this bitch called EGO?

Restriction.

First it is up to man to have the courage, the balls to stand in the fire of woman. Then he must be willing to see her in love even when she is being hateful and ugly. If he manages to do this, he must then guard himself from himself. From what he believes is himself, that is. He must recognize and restrict his actions and words when they are coming from the dark-side. He must breathe into his belly and feel from his heart. Often woman will take this moment to test her man, she will probe him like he is her personal science specimen. She will open a suitcase or two or three and see what she can dig up on him. She will attack with minor forces at first and slowly pull in the big guns. A man has to know this. He has to know that his cliff-notes version does not hold a candle to her library. The male ego does not like this, but in these times your heart center, your love for her has to mean more then the attempt on the battle field. If you fall prey to her attacks you will run the risk of depolarizing your relationship in some way. Although it may seem minor at first this depolarization of the masculine/feminine will grow and in the end you will lose intimacy and connection. Perhaps forever!

As women, we must recognize our ego and how it is using our thoughts to create our emotions. How it is playing a movie with a bad ending for our personal misery in these moments. We may feel supported in our actions and words by our ego and the recognition of these repetitive cycles we are seeing in our man, but if we can STOP right here (even if our mouths are still moving), if we can stop our spirit from drinking the kool-aide of ego and pause, then we can allow space to form. When we allow space to form we allow our internal witness to move in. This witness (that man and woman both have, i.e. soul or true self/consciousness) can see the real lesson of the event unfolding. Our consciousness will be able to slowly restrict back ego and see the illusions that ego has painted for just that. Illusions.

When man and woman come into this new space of consciousness they naturally awaken to a deeper level of love. They allow themselves to be vulnerable, to fully feel what they are feeling and to not take each other so seriously. It is possible to have what might seem a nasty verbal fight in ego and have both parties consciously witnessing the drama play out but not attach to anything being said or even felt. Similar to going to the movies.

Through recognition, pausing and restriction we again find unconditional love for each other and for ourselves.

The ego may be a bitch but she has purpose in the school of life!

She is here to test our love for self and to be the coach we desperately need to strengthen our light forces. But much like anything that can accumulate too much power, she must NEVER be handed the golden key to our city gates.

What EVERY man & woman should know! – Why some women are closed to pleasure.

Vaginal pain is the number one reason why marriages are unconsummated, but treating and healing this condition is possible. Tinamarie discusses this all-to-common problem and reveals publically for the first time her experiences with a sexually debilitating condition.

For years, I thought I was a one of a kind freak, not knowing that there was a name for what ailed me or that twenty million American women suffering from the same condition. In my case, I can’t remember when it started, though by the time I was in my early thirties it had gone on for years and wrecked havoc with my sex life, self-esteem and marriage.
After that union dissolved, I recall crying to my therapist that as far as I was concerned, nothing bigger than a Q-tip was going to go near my tender parts ever again. As for orgasms, and their usual sidekicks like kissing, holding, touch and pleasure, my body was destined to perpetual skin-hunger.
Little did I know that healing was a few orgasms away…

Closed for Pleasure

First, however, I had to understand the etiology of my diagnosis, vulvar vestibulitis (say that three times fast), which is just one a form of dyspareunia (pain upon penetrative sex).  Sex that hurts for whatever reason is more prevalent than once thought – three in fifty adult women worldwide will be diagnosed – making dyspareunia almost as common as diabetes (8.6 percent) and cervical cancer (7.9 percent), though you are pressed to find many open discussions about the causes, treatments and cures of sex that hurts.
Seriously, who wants to admit their vagina had become a Do Not Enter zone? Sonia Borg, PhD, a clinical sexologist sex educator and author of several books including the upcoming Marathon Sex: Incredible Lovemaking Experiences Hotter and Longer Than You’ve Ever Done It Before (Quiver Books, January 2012), points out that for many, talking about sex is simply taboo. When it comes to sexual dysfunctions, confessions are rarer still.
“Talking about personal problems that we don’t know how to fix or manage can bring up emotions that are simply too overwhelming,” Borg explains. “Also, some imagined implications may be that the partner is being hurtful, insensitive, or that the couple just doesn’t know how to do it, ‘right.’”
This was the hardened terrain that stymied me from seeking help. When I wasn’t grimacing during sex, I’d yelp, push my husband off of me, and learned to live without affection, tampons and tight jeans.  For six years, shame silenced me, though really, I’m a lucky one. Most women’s private hell lasts an average of 10 years before they find answers and relief. Remissions are common, causes are speculative at best — sexual assault, pelvic surgery, guilt and allergies are all implicated culprits — and through it all, the agony is very, very real.

Yoni Whispers

I might have endured life with VV until my labia withered, except on a lark — a rare sexual encounter — I got pregnant and could no longer avoid the speculum or the fact that something was very, very amiss with my body.  My doctor, Dr. Lissa Rankin diagnosed me with the q-tip test (This involves using the sterilized tip to gently touch the vestibular glands just past the opening of the vagina. These glands produce vaginal lubrication, and just touching them with a q-tip can recreate the pelvic inferno). This was the start of a slow recovery that included buying sex toys (doctor’s orders!), and learning to be honest with myself, and future lovers.
Most importantly, my yoni was whispering something to me, one vaginal clench at a time, and it was time I paid attention to my secret erotic self if I ever wanted to experience bliss again.

I Heart My Vagina

Dr. Rankin is one of the rare medical voices who acknowledges how little medicine knows about painful sex or that the common treatments offer limited help. There is, “no quick fix, no pill to swallow, no surgery to cure the pain, no magic wand to make things different,” Rankin has written about her decade long bout with painful sex. “I knew I would have to do the work. But I also knew my condition was 100 percent curable,” she explained, “If I was brave enough to do whatever it would take.”
The scariest part of that journey was acknowledging that my body knew something long before I did — my relationship was toxic. Fear and resentment were the wrong bedfellows for any viable marriage, though these two had taken up residence before VV came knocking on the door. Spiritually speaking, I was bankrupt, and if my brain refused to acknowledge the obvious, my hooch was keen on setting the record straight. Move on, my dear, she was saying, to loving pastures.

Eradicating Shame

In a world that separates the soulful from the sexual and heaps on piles of guilt for enjoying the latter, it’s understandable that for many women, one common denominator is often “some form of sexual guilt,” says Borg who has worked with clients experiencing painful intercourse.
“We all have programming buried deep in our subconscious (which never forgets) and some of that programming no longer serves us.” It could be as simple as a parent teaching a child that ‘sex is naughty,’ she explains.  “The child grows into an adult, with normal natural desires for sex.  The adult now lives those desires out, but there are emotionalized triggers, which can turn a normally pleasurable experience into a painful one.”
While we use different language — I view the prism of my healing through a spiritual lens — the outcome is the same. “The subconscious mind has its own language and one of the ways it communicates is by showing signs and symptoms in the body,” says Borg.

Putting Pussy First

Over the years, I’ve spoken to a number of women, many of whom were healed almost ‘magically’ by discarding a relationship that no longer served them. In many cases, these are women who, like me, developed an, ‘allergic emotional reaction’ to an intimate partner. Once the relationship was dissolved we found of inner wantonness, and learned to pay attention to our bodies, knowing that pleasure is a corporal blessing. Honor our bodies, honor ourselves could be the motto for any woman post-diagnosis seeking to keep VV in remission.
I cannot imagine how difficult it might be for women whose experiences with painful sex are a result of sexual assault, violence, abuse and surgery; though Borg points out that regardless of etiology, sexual wounds can all respond to conscious love.  “We are holistic and energetic beings so everything affects everything else,” she points out.
It sounds cliché yet it’s true. Vulvar vestibulitis launched my erotic journey from sexual starvation to satisfaction. Listening to what my body was aching for helped me rediscover how important a robust sexuality is to emotional, physical and spiritual wellbeing. Against the backdrop of a culture that thrusts sex upon us, and glorifies physicality at the expense sometimes of real intimacy, VV helped me connect my primal needs with sacred sensuality.
After all, the soul craves ecstasy too and oftentimes our inner Goddess is just picky about whom she wants to explore it with.
Article Origin: EdenFantasys.com

Orgasmic Bliss

Does Tantra help to achieve a full body orgasm? Can both men and women enjoy multiple orgasms? Does tantric lovemaking last longer? These questions are asked often by individuals who are starting on the tantric path, and they have as many answers as there are people asking it.

We were born with the gear for making love and pleasuring ourselves, but “having it” doesn’t mean that we know how to use it to its fullest. Hardly anyone was fortunate enough to be taught the art of lovemaking. Luckily it’s never too late to learn and expand… whether you are 19 or 90…

In ordinary lovemaking, the feelings, attention, and energy are focused mainly in one area: the genitals. The sensations in our genitals are delightful, however, by being focused on “down there” there is a goal and when that goal is realized, this particular sexual episode is over.

In tantric lovemaking, movement, breath, sound and presence are the keys to expand our ecstatic energy and spread it throughout the whole body. Using these keys allows the expansion of bliss and ecstasy rather than release of energy. This is what we call “orgasmic bliss”.

The body can actually contain a vast sexual energy, and when this sexual energy is built up and held in the genitals, release is inevitable – the point of no return. Instead, you can consciously decide to distribute your energy throughout the whole body, thus increasing the body’s capacity for more energy and more pleasure.

And why not continue going higher and higher in lovemaking, even to the point where there is so much ecstasy in the whole body that you become bliss and you don’t have to do anything to stay in bliss? This can be a spiritual experience – you become one with God, yourself and your partner.

The One Big O and Many Little o’s
Orgasm is defined as “involuntary redistribution of energy”. For example, a sneeze falls into this category. So does the One Big O. And so do the many little o’s that we experience throughout the day. Observe yourself. Do you feel a tremor in your body when you taste chocolate mousse or smell a fragrant, perfect rose? Those are more subtle little o’s and they can be triggered by anything that is pleasurable to you.

Generally, orgasm is associated with genitals, as in “the One Big O”. We all know the delicious feeling when we have a Big O – either through self-pleasuring or lovemaking with our beloved. An incredible release of energy happens, our mind stops, our body contracts and lets go, contracts and lets go, undulating in uncontrollable orgasmic spasms. This orgasmic movement feels good.

And it does not have to be related to the genitals. Perhaps you have experienced the following: after a Big O, you relax deeply, you let go completely. This deep relaxation is a conduit through which your orgasmic energy flows into every cell of your being. The sensations could be shivers, your body shakes a little, and you feel as if streams of electrical currents rush through your body like lightning.

The energy moving from the base of the spine upward is what we call a “little o”. This reflex, or the little o’s can be activated anytime, independently of the genitals; for example by smelling that fragrant rose, or enjoying that chocolate mousse mentioned above, or by sharing an embrace. This experience is healing for mind, body and soul, and by cultivating it, pleasure will be abundant in life.

We are blessed to have this phenomenon built into our body. Unfortunately, Western culture has taught us to repress pleasure and our ecstatic self. Knowing this, we can now consciously begin to enjoy the day’s many little o’s and expand all aspects of our daily life into a truly orgasmic experience. Begin to notice this energy, however subtle it may be, welcome this sensuous part of yourself and validate yourself each time you experience a little o.

Our motto is: forget about the One Big O and enjoy the abundance of the little o’s!

This is a repost from Institute For Exstatic Living