I got dropped.
Again and again.
Over and over.
In the mental health and spiritual community, we are taught to focus in on the fact that we are responsible for ourselves and also that we are the most important person in our lives.
The notion that we must take care of self first and foremost and that we can not control another person’s feelings.
All very true teachings.
Yet, like much of life… it’s not always clear cut.
Today I sit here wrestling with my ego.
Because although we are the center of our own universe and must take care of ourselves. There are also times as humans where I believe we DO take second fiddle and time where we ARE responsible to a certain level for someone.
In truth, there are times where we lend our trust to another and have an agreement that we won’t get dropped. There is a consent put into place that if someone steps into a certain level of vulnerability, trust, and openness that we will be held.
If you are asking for vulnerability… then you should be able and willing to hold the other person’s vulnerability.
If you are asking for someone to step into trust… then you should be willing to stand steady to hold their deepening.
If you want your partner to truly surrender in sex and fully open to their next level orgasmic energy then you ARE offering SPACE… and you are therefore responsible for holding that space if they allow that surrender. The time, the emotion, the energy, etc.
And so you DO hold a level of responsibility for that other human.
Does that take away their responsibility for self???
Of course not.
We are still responsible ultimately, as adults, for ourselves but from a base level of not being self-centered as*holes…
It is important that we hold ourselves responsible for situations in which we are stepping into.
And therefore, there are times in our lives when we are NOT the most important person. There are times when despite us being in emotion that we must learn impulse control and learn to breathe into our feelings. There are times when it is appropriate to put others needs before our own.
I know that many will say… “You’re the most important person in your life and it’s okay to be selfish”.
And I agree with this most of the time.
We live in a society where we don’t know how to truly take care of self and where we often try to be people pleasers. On a daily basis, this is not healthy and will drain us consistently.
Being focused on taking care of self is perfectly beautiful.
Though the issue happens when we are only self-focused to the detriment of others needs and consent.
This is particularly true in our sex… and where my personal focus on this topic seems to be today.
When your woman (or man) opens up, when you have asked them either verbally or non-verbally to step to that deeper level of surrender.…
Then you are a straight-up A**hole if you drop them!
This past weekend, I did a bi-annual Summer Orgasm Camp. It is my favorite workshop because of the different things that get brought up and the healing I see happening at the event.
The conversation ventures everywhere from energy, to shame, to tantric practices, to good old straight sex education that is missing.
But for this particular workshop, I am blessed to not just teach but also to be the model.
I got deep… I got vulnerable… I opened…
And I got my ass dropped no less than 6 times.
My orgasm got dropped
My boundaries got dropped
My deep-hearted requests
A moment where I, yes I, am the most important person in the room barring a MAJOR emergency.
Most of these drops were unintentional or unavoidable.
Welcome to putting on my big-girl panties!!!
Everyone is there at the event in a learning process.
I actually go in knowing that I will get dropped a few times… particularly in the orgasmic energy realm.
And it is a beautiful experience for me to work on taking care of myself energetically and asking for what I need.
Though there was a pivitol moment for me at the workshop that truly shows where we constantly drop people in sex, in relationship, and in life.
And more importantly, shows an example of when someone else’s needs come before our own.
At the event.
After the demo and lab are totally complete (and therefore the workshop), there is an aftercare process of bringing me back into my body and grounding me energetically that is an agreed-upon process with my co-teacher.
Giving me a few moments where I get to breathe… share any emotions coming up after being touched by many random strangers…and also to make sure I am physically doing alright.
This time I was feeling unusually ungrounded and dizzy from the energy. I was also experiencing a variety of emotions and had some physical issues arising as a result.
The pivitol moment happened the moment I sat up and a gentleman came up asking questions and continued to pull her away from me.
My co-teacher shared no less than three times that she needed to focus on supporting me and she would be happy to answer these at another time.
I overheard him state several times that he was needing to talk…
DEMANDING with his words and actions her attention.
DEMANDING that she refocus from me to him.
AND FORCING HER physically to leave my side.
NOT respecting boundaries she continued to state
NOT respecting my process after being vulnerable with him and the rest of the class
This is a beautiful example and a mirror for what we often do in the bedroom and life.
Not being present enough and confident in our own ability to hold our emotions that we vicariously walk over others and also in that lack of presence we DROP the other people in the situation.
Whether we realize it or not we send out self-centered vibes
A selfish person would have gone and taken care of self.
Would have asked if the other person was available and if they were not available would then find another tool in the self-care toolbox to manage.
Sometimes others needs do trump ours in certain moments.
This does not mean that our needs don’t matter!
Of course, our needs matter!
This just means that there are priorities in life and sometimes we can’t be the priority.
Sometimes the priority is in learning to hold ourselves
Sometimes the priority is in waiting until we can have true focused attention
Because I know for a fact that the gentleman this weekend did not get my co-teachers full attention and presence.
And in fact, becomes a “using” energy.
The orgasmic energy was used and appreciated and needed for the learning and then easily thrown away when it no longer was serving him.
And we all have done this at some point.
We are human and so therefore constantly dropping each other consciously and unconsciously.
Where could you be dropping the energy and stepping out of selfish energy and into self-centeredness today?
Love, Light, & Blessings,
He came hard and strong.
He came deep and long.
He vibrated my whole body with his orgasm and carried me deeper into my own.
My pussy twitched, squeezed and swallowed him up with her orgasmic sucking of his cum.
My heart raced,
as he pushed deeper,
pressing up against my cervix,
quivers, convulsions, followed by moans.
The wetness intensified,
and he softened.
allowing me to ride my own orgasmic wave,
as his cock relaxed within my warm embrace.
Together we breathe deep.
Without notice he moves in hast downward,
devouring me with his mouth.
Spreading open my legs,
sucking, kissing and enjoying the cocktail of our juices together that flow from my flesh.
My pussy ignites at the comfort that he enjoys this with.
Teasing my clit,
nursing softly on her even,
as he penetrates my pussy with his fingers and licks her soft lips.
For a moment, my mind wonders,
in fear that he will not be okay with our blended juices,
and will step away from me, leave me here on the verge of vulnerability.
Here where my body is opening and craving more.
But then I find myself in gratitude,
in love even with his confidence,
his comfort in himself,
as a man,
in our sex,
and with my body.
He does not stray away from the moment,
but instead hungers toward it.
His strength in his own acceptance is powerful,
is beautiful and refreshing.
He heals my soul and my sex at a deeper level in this moment without even realizing it.
The lesson he shares with me is to love yourself.
And with this acceptance of self,
others too will embrace and accept you at a deeper level.
Here is what we crave as humans.
Here is what we all want.
To be able to be raw, real and ourselves.
And to be embraced this way.
But how do we truly achieve acceptance in life,
with other human beings?
With our lovers?
We do it by accepting ourselves.
We do it by embracing ourselves.
We do it by being real and raw with who we are.
And learning to love our flaws,
We do it by being turned on to connection.
I hear from many people,
“I want depth in a realtionship.”
” I don’t want sex to just be friction. I want to be felt, seen and to really feel and see my partner”
” I want to feel love and connection.”
” I just wish I could be accepted for who I am.”
You will never have these things.
IF – You are not first accepting yourself.
IF – you are not truly turned on to connection.
What do I mean by turned on to connection?
Turned on to connection means that you need to actually appreciate, accept and even enjoy other human beings.
You need to WANT to connect.
Not just say that you want it and then turn around and bitch about it.
Or claim that you hate people.
If you hate people,
then how do you ever expect to have any of the above things?
If you hate people, then you more than likely are highly judgmental of people and thus of yourself,
which leads us back to self acceptance.
And if you cannot accept yourself fully,
then you will never be able to accept another.
Which will leave a feeling with others that you are judging them.
Because you are.
In our sex,
we are most critical,
and fearful of our humanness.
We fear that which we desire the most.
because it shows our humanness.
My share above about an experience with a lover is one that I bring up because I have experienced the direct opposite as well.
Years ago, I had a lover that turned me on in so many amazing ways,
All were yummie as f-ck.
I could devour the man for hours if he would let me.
But then would come the moment where I might take him in my mouth and enjoy giving him pleasure. Afterward, my desire to be snuggled and kissed were high and I would lean into these, he on the reverse side would lean away.
Avoiding the post blow job kiss.
Avoiding the post sex snuggle.
Even if he had not cum in my mouth he was challenged by the fact that his cock had been there and would no longer deeply kiss me.
In our sex, after he came, he would retract himself quickly from my body,
he would never venture downward to make sure that I was fulfilled,
and he would want to shower afterward.
Any one of these things, let alone all of them together revealed a deep intimacy issue and acceptance issue.
Not with me primarily, although that was the side effect.
But with himself.
Never allowing him to fully embrace the beauty and turn on of what our relationship could have been and offered.
The end result was a break up.
Because his disconnect to himself created a space that left me feeling it was not safe to surrender to him,
that he found me nasty in some fashion,
and that our sex was not about connection or love,
not even healthy play and f-ck buddies,
but that I was just a masturbation toy to him,
a piece of meat,
that he used and then was disgusted by.
I felt like I was far from accepted.
I felt disgusting.
Yet, with other lovers like the one above,
where he embraced us both,
remained turned on throughout our whole experience,
and accepted us both in all our humanness,
left me feeling beautiful,
wanting him more,
Here is intimacy.
Here is authenticity.
Here is love,
first with self, then with another.
And the ONLY way to have it….
Acceptance of self.
No matter what you may be desiring in life,
the first step toward it is based in this truth.
If we can not accept who we are,
then we do not really know ourselves either.
Therefore, we cannot move forward in soul alignment.
And we will not achieve our desired life.
Have our desired relationships.
Or enjoy the F-ck YES! Life that we crave at our core.
Take this moment to STOP and appreciate yourself.
Look in a mirror,
deep into your own eye’s,
tell yourself that you love yourself.
Notice where your self- criticisms come up, ‘where you harbor pain, anger, frustration about yourself,
and just lean into it with love.
Embrace yourself fully and life will embrace you.
Stop Existing & Start Living
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“Girl!!!!!! WTF are you doing allowing your life to be non-orgasmic? GET YOUR ASS back on the orgasm band wagon and let it rip!”
What does your vibe say about your Orgasm?
Stop Existing & Start Living