God Wants Open Relationships… But You Don’t! from Guest Author Addison Bell

You say that you could never do open relationship.

That you find it wrong and not natural.
You think it could never work and that it isn’t aligned with real intimate relationships.
You point to moral objections within your religious doctrines

Yet, you don’t see where you are already living and loving this way!

You are already in an open relationship baby!!!

Relationships are abound in our world. I’m guessing that you are in relationship with more than just one person in your life and most likely even have intimate emotional connections with more than one person in your life.

Sure, you might not be having sex with anyone else in your world but sex does not always equal intimacy.
I bet you have deep conversations and moments with other friends and family. Moments of sincere appreciation and vulnerability.

(If you don’t then that’s a whole other conversation and some intense coaching)

Are you telling me you aren’t intimate with anyone else?

Are you telling me that you don’t have an intimate relationship with God ?
God has set us free to have intimacy with others but you stand there claiming to desire to mirror God’s love…. preaching spirituality… and yet you don’t think it’s okay to set your partner free.

True freedom is giving your partner a chance to reject you! That is true love. That is true freedom. That is true openness.

Take your friends. Or your kids.
Do you just have one?
Do you restrict your love for one because of another?
Or do you just take the relationship with one for what it is and still love and connect with the other in a different way?

Or does it come down to you verbalizing that you want your partner to have freedom
But really you are ultimately holding jealousy and a desire to control in your heart.
Keeping your heart un-Godlike

Wanting to control their sex.
Wanting to control their feelings.
Wanting to control their ability to feel intimacy and connection.

By holding onto your partners sex you are chaining them in their growth process. Our sex is a driving force in our lives and is a creative force. By holding your partners sex down you are holding their growth as a human being down. Shutting down their ability to experience themselves and the world at a new depth.

Take is from me… every lover provides something juicy yet different.
It is a learning about self.
It is a learning about my spirit.
It is a learning about energy and connection.

By controlling your partners sex you are placing a collar around them as a person.

Real love comes when you give your partner the ability to follow their heart and are trusting that your connection is strong enough that they will come back to you.

That is real love.

Just like God is always trying to woo us and love us… but at the same time has given us the ultimate open relationship.
We have full freewill to reject
We have full freewill to have other relationships
Because there is a faith that the love is strong enough that we will always return.

God didn’t want puppets and yet you stand their trying to create puppets in your own life and using your faith as an excuse.

Open relationships are a very personal decision.
And they aren’t for everyone.
But I ask you to look at the true reasons that it isn’t for you.
Get to the heart of the matter and get real with self.

Because hiding behind false reasons isn’t helping you to expand and grow, nor is it helping your partner.

Love, light, & blessings,
Addison

Learn more from Addison HERE

So You Think You Can Poly? Why so many monogamous couple’s are turning toward open relationship.

So you think you can poly?
You think you can do open relationship?

Right now I have a bunch of couples coming to me with the desire to open their relationship up.
I have a bunch of singles who desire to get into an open relationship as well.
What’s up with all the openness?

I will tell you what’s up with all the openness…
Open relationships are effing amazing!
They are built on an unconditional love and acceptance that most monogamous relationships could only ever dream of.
Open relationships when done right,
are all about each partner giving themselves and each other the permission and support to explore who they really are and to get their needs and desires met how they feel fit without the fear of loosing their primary partner.
Open relationships encourage each partner to truly work on themselves and move through their limiting belief structures,
through their fear based needs and ideas around jealousy and control equalling love.

Open relationships are hardly ever about the sex.
Although sex is a big part of the relationship guidlines and agreements,
sex is never what it is ultimatly about.
And here is why…

Anyone can go get laid pretty easily.
If you are a female,
there is free, easy to get sex around every corner, no matter your age, looks or anything else.
If you are man, yeah it can certainly be a bit harder ( no pun intended..lol- okay maybe intended)
but at the end of the day if you truly desire it and have a bit of confidence then there is a chick who will hand it over pretty easily.

So sex is not difficult to get.
But thats just friction based, empty sex.
There is nothing too it.
No heart, no soul, no connection.
Its just skin rubbing skin ending with a pump, pump ooohhh, goo, moment.

And that is most likely part of the problem in the primary relationship that triggered this whole idea to open the relationship to start.

Heartless, quick, empty, friction based sex on one side or both.

Opening up the relationship is because one partner if not both feels lost in who they are.
They are starving to be seen, felt and understood.
They are hungry for a deep orgasm.
And that deep orgasm can only come about with care,
with some feelings attached to the person they are dancing with.
Or else, its pointless.
It’s empty and in truth sorta traumatizing to the mental and emotional houses.

Opening up is about realizing that not all connection is equal.
Realizing that NO ONE person will ever, or can ever fill all of our needs. That when we are closed that we will live out our lives only meeting one aspect of self as well.
When we open, it is more about us meeting all the facets of who we are, then about getting laid or having an orgasm.
Opening up is about allowing yourself to breathe into self,
to explore different venues of the mind, the emotions, the physical body.

If you have had sex with more than one person in your life,
then you can pause a moment and think about the different ways each partner made you feel. You can think about how you reacted, conversed differently with each person. How each person, taught you new things about life, or revealed different likes or thoughts, even personalities of the self.

This is why people open.
We grow weary and bored with the self.
We become numb to all this beauty we hold in ourselves,
and we forget who we are.
Our candles grow dim and we need someone to strike a match and help light us up again to all the treasure we have within.

A person who lives in fear of loosing their partner prevents themselves and their partner from ever authentically showing up in the relationship or in the sex. Fear creates an energy of neediness,
fear creates a desire to control outcomes,
and a belief that if our partner loved us truly then they would always put us first.
After all we are the primary partner.
We are the significant other.
We are the life mate.

In truth, the relationship that must hold center stage for any person,
is the relationship with self.
And when we choose to disregard the relationship with self,
we close ourselves to all we have to offer this life,
to offer our partner,
our family and friends.
And we slowly die within.

So yes, this may seem like I just said you need to be selfish in relationship and put yourself in front of EVERYONE else,
and I did say that.
It’s true.
You will never be able to fill the needs of those you love if your vessel is empty.
You must put self- care first.
and in open relationship,
this is understood and honored.
We best honor and love our primary partners and all relationships in our lives when we take care of self in all area’s first.
Now, don’t let this statement lead you to believe that open relationship is about partners demanding things left and right without care to anyone else’s feelings or needs.
Only a self- centered person does that.
And self-centeredness and selfishness are vastly different things.

No, in open relationship the partners discuss needs,
discuss ideas on how to best support each other,
and know that in order to remain deeply rooted in each other and keep their relationship primary,
that they MUST set healthy guidelines, boundaries and agreements in place and honor them.
They know the importance of setting aside time for connection daily and weekly with each other,
keeping the relationship that they claim as a primary,
just that…
PRIMARY FOCUS.
but they do so by honoring themselves as well and speaking their needs and desires. Understanding that sometimes their partner cannot give them what they want or need in that moment.

Yes, open relationship equals difficult, real, raw conversations.
Open relationship means a willingness to see and hear your partners truth and know that you cannot always be the one to support them the way they need.
Open relationship understands that intimacy and vulnerability, truth and answers are not always pleasing or easy to step into.
But that it is what is needed if we truly love someone.
Unconditionally.

Today I ask you to look at your relationship,
no matter the label you identify with.
I ask you to look at your relationship and ask yourself these simple questions,

“Am I making my primary relationship, primary? And how am I doing this?”

“Am I acting out of fear and control in my relationship, or am I offering authentic unconditional love and support?”

“Do I feel that my partner owes me anything or is responsible for my feelings? If so how is this serving either of us or our relationship?”

And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Want to learn about opening up in relationship or want to keep it monogamous but practice the conversations and relating skills of an open relationship? Message me today for deet’s on 1:1 coaching opportunities.