To The Man Who’s Sleeping With My Wife.

Adobe Stock Photo.
Dear Brother –
I am in joy. I am also scared.
First, thank you.
Thank you for showing up in her life in the way that you have. You’ll be exchanging eye gazes, sweet energy, laughter, meals, and touch with her. I know this will bring her joy. And her joy is my joy. I know it’s hard to believe, but the freedom for her to explore with you is evidence of my unconditional love for her.
To me, true love means wishing for my beloved to be fulfilled in every possible way, even if that fulfillment comes with some emotional work for me.
You see, we men have existed in a double standard narrative for thousands of years. Men have been mostly respected (or at least tolerated) for having more than one lover. Women have been slut-shamed, punished, and even murdered in some countries for loving more than one.
There is a revolution of this narrative taking place and we can join this wave of change together.
Brother, you are something I can never be. You are other. You are her novelty, her adventure. You are not me. When she shares her life story with you (the story I know oh so well) she will have the chance to be mirrored back with a new
curiosity.
And that feels amazing for me to know.
To try to take this experience away from her would be to exercise a conditional love, a selfish love. If exploring new love can bring her immense joy, then who am I to interfere? Conventional love is conditional love. It says… “I love you, except for this one condition: I will not share you for as long as you are with me.”
So I choose unconventional love, which says… “I love you unconditionally, therefore, your joy is my joy, even if that joy does not come from me.”
If you are reading this, then you likely have shown up in my life as a true brother, open-hearted and caring. She wouldn’t have it any other way. You honor the roots she and I have intertwined and the commitments we have made
to each other. Like us, you’ve done the work to transcend most of your conditioned insecurities.
You’ve aligned yourself with the idea that our core human needs (certainty, love, significance, variety, growth and service) are served by the ideal that we all have the capacity to love more than one, if we do so in a conscious way.
She is a divine feminine goddess. She is beautiful inside and out. She lights up any room she walks into. Her heart is enormous. She is committed to her own personal growth and to leaving this world better than she found it.
She is a woman that I am sworn to protect, yet one that I do not possess.
Despite my patriarchal conditioning, keeping all of her goodness to myself would be a sin. I have chosen the path less traveled in that I honor her freedom to radiate out love and take in love, to be seen for all the good that she is, by other than just me. This freedom means more mirrors to mirror back, which leads to more growth, more healing, and more service for her to experience. All of this makes me happy to imagine.
Still, I am scared.
The little boy in me is scared of being abandoned. The high school kid who was dumped by his girlfriend for the star soccer player right before Prom. And the man who lost two big loves to other men on this road less traveled. This is my wounding.
I am keenly aware that there are many wounded men out there who have not been able to show up for women in the ways they need to flourish. I am afraid that someone new may upset all the healing work we’ve done together, or worse, re-wound her. While I don’t know you well (yet) and only time will tell, I trust that everything will unfold the way it’s meant to unfold. I also trust in her judgment.
I persist with this love-style because it remains my deepest truth. I push forward with the faith that there are others out there (hopefully you) who share in our freedom to love more than one for life. Others who no longer wish to exist in a competitive landscape of disposable relationships or a “zero-sum game” where one’s gain is often another’s loss.
Brother, we are not adversaries, nor are we competing for the heart of this woman. You know this. Her heart belongs to no one but her. This goddess, with her free will, gets to choose how to share her space and her time. If you are ever confused, scared, or not fully expressed, please know that you’re in good company. It will always be my intention to uphold a safe container that is full of heart-centered, open, peaceful communication for everyone involved.
So I thank you for the joy. I thank you for coming into her (and my) world, and I ask that we see each other, love each other, and build our brotherhood from our common ground… this beautiful soul. While nothing is expected from you, I do wish to know you, learn from you, and share with you. I look forward to playing together, creating together and exploring all possibilities in friendship.
AND thank you for scaring me.
Thank you for allowing me to do the work I still need to do. I am human and am still shedding the discomforts that we’ve all been conditioned to carry for many generations. It is my mission to release these discomforts and I am grateful to have you (and her) on this journey with me. Thank you in advance for being patient and for being gentle with me.
Treat her well, brother. She is worthy of and will expect nothing but excellent care, high-quality love, and mindful communication. One benefit of our love-style is that no one gets to settle for mediocrity or complacency. We all are motivated to grow each day and show up as the best versions of ourselves.
Lastly, please remember this: your joy is also my joy. Genuinely.
Love,
Your Brother,
* This essay is a companion to my love’s Letter To The Woman Whose Man I’m Sleeping With. Both letters were inspired by the exquisitely vulnerable essay “A Letter To The Women Who Sleep With My Man” by Wilrieke Sophia. Visit https://freelovediaries.com/all-entries/ for more.
Here to serve,
xoxo
Shai Fishman from LEVELED UP LOVE

The Eneregtics of Heart Disease

 

Energetics_heart

Heart disease covers a wide range of conditions from heart attacks, to vascular issues, high blood pressure to strokes. In fact, heart disease is the number 1 killer in many developed nations. There are many promising lifestyle interventions that can help treat heart disease, but it is important to understand the energetics of it as well. We speak of the heart often in emotional terms, because on some level we appreciate that the heart is more than a pump or an organ. In fact, it is the point of intersection that connects us to all living things.

The Biology of Heart Disease

The function of the heart is to move the blood through the body. In this continual transport process the blood delivers much needed oxygen, nutrients and Prana to the body. Over time, with continued vascular constriction, an increase in pressure and workload, the heart is no longer able to satisfy the metabolic requirements of the body. From a purely physiological standpoint, the heart becomes ineffective in energy production, transfer and utilization. Interesting how energy implications exist on every level, however, this isn’t the whole story. While these biological mechanisms play a key role, it in itself does not guaranteed heart disease.

In fact, research has been around for decades that love and social relationships have a protective effect when it comes to heart disease. You can take two evenly matched individuals, with the same background and risk factors with one difference. One has a loving home to go to at the end of the day and the other goes home to an unloving and emotionally toxic environment. The person with the loving home will have a lower incidence of heart disease. As we explore this connection we can begin to understand why the energetics are so important.

Following Your Heart

The brain and the heart interact in a very interesting way. If you were to consider the question, ‘where does emotion reside, in the heart or the brain?’ The answer is both. The heart and the brain are inextricably connected; many of the same neural structures that exist in the brain are also present in the heart. Imagine that emotions are pulses of pure energy that do not originate from the body, but rather sensed by the heart from the outer field of consciousness. The brain then interprets those pulses of energy and assigns judgment based on previous experiences stored in the subconscious.

The emotion itself is a frequency that exists somewhere on a continuum. The reason this is important is that those value judgments change the frequency and coherence of our heart based on the interpretation rendered by our minds. Now what happens if we were to bypass the ego mind or the trickery of the subconscious and just tune into the frequency sensed by the heart? Is this not the source of our pure intuition? Conversely, what effect does it have when we don’t listen to our hearts?

Bringing Down the Vibration

One of the tenants of Energy medicine is that all disease starts out in the energy field first and moves its way toward the body. Once it reaches the body, this is where we begin to see physical manifestations or symptoms. Disease is a result of continued vibration at a less than optimal frequency. So you can imagine there is nothing more detrimental to the heart than thoughts of isolation, jealousy, hostility and loneliness. Remember, if those feelings are a combination of a heart/mind interaction, what role did your subconscious and/or your ego play in the creation of those low vibrational thoughts? When the heart, mind and body are all in alignment that is called Coherence. The heart cannot be in coherence without a loving intention. Research done by HeartMath has shown us that we strive for coherence not only within ourselves, in our relationships, but with the earth as well. So when a person lives out of alignment; a life without joy and purpose or meaningful relationships, you can see that those low vibrational frequencies will weigh heavy on the heart. From an energetic perspective this is the foundation of heart disease.

Are You Creating a Bridge to Nowhere

Coherence between the mind/body and heart cannot be achieved without a heart focus, a conscious breath and a loving intention. In Yoga, breath is the bridge between our conscious and unconscious. It is a union of body, mind and spirit. In Energy medicine, the heart is the bridge between the material and the spiritual. The center of our energy body. When a break down in communication or incongruence exists between our physicality and our spirituality, we limit our ability for coherence and higher vibrational frequencies such as love.

Why Lifestyle Matters

You may ask yourself, why making enduring lifestyle changes can have such a positive impact on the heart, if it is a matter of energetics? The answer is that the lifestyle choices are a matter of energetics as well. One of the best lifestyle choices someone can make is a change in diet. If you look at the energetics of a heart healthy diet, it primarily relies on lighter, higher vibrational foods. Creating a better vibrational match between the food, our bodies and the heart. Whole foods have far more life force in them then processed ones. Since our hearts are connected to the earth, we should also consider the impact of our inhumane methods of food production, which greatly degrades the Earth’s energy field.

Exercise and stress reductions are other important interventions when it comes to heart disease, and there are good energetic reasons for this as well. Exercise can have the most profound impact when it is done mindfully. For example, in exercise physiology, there is something called Steady State. You may have experienced this while running; that zone where you feel like you could run forever. In this state of active coherence there is a perfect balance between our oxygen needs and our demands. We are in perfect alignment in that moment as long as we are mindful. Stress reduction usually revolves around mindful breathing, awareness development and calming the mind. We bring our awareness into the present which mitigates the impact of our mind made anxieties. Anytime we are present we decrease the impact of the ego mind. There is also a commonality that exists amongst all three because by consciously engaging in self-care, there is no higher act of self-love.

Opening the Heart

Being able to give and receive love openly is imperative for the health of the heart. Self-love is where it all has to start. Our hearts cannot be healed, if it holds no love for one’s self. The second quality of an open heart is one that forgives. Anytime we create resistance or congestion with lower vibrational thoughts we move ourselves out of coherence. Acts of service are another way to boost empathy and compassion and it creates an energetic investment that has a very high return. So appreciate your heart as more than a pump and consider the ways in which you can bring more coherence into your life and consciously heal your heart.

Original Post on OM Times

Angela Levesque is health educator, writer, exercise physiologist and energy healer. She hosts a weekly online radio show called On Health & Healing with Angela Levesque on a2zen.fm. Angela teaches several classes on self care, meditation & weight loss. Visit www.hestiahealth.com for more information. Follow her on https://twitter.com/HestiaHealth and http://www.facebook.com/hestiahealth