Are you Sexually Empowered?

What exactly is sexual empowerment? Does sexual empowerment mean that you will become some whore, slut or sex goddess/god? Does it mean that you will want to live out your fantasies or move from a once monogamous relationship into some alternative lifestyle with your sexuality? Does it mean that you will start to dress in a more seductive fashion? or watch porn freely?

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Through the years of working with many couples and individuals I have been asked all of these questions, some come to me with great excitement and hope that the answer is “yes” others have a look of terror run across their face and pray that these things will not come to pass. Some are hoping that their mates will change in this fashion so that they can go play the field more without guilt, while others are just wanting to feel secure in themselves and have someone tell them that they are normal in their desires and wants and that what they choose to do in the manifestation of their sexual empowerment is ALL up to them.  In all honesty, there is NO such thing as normal when it comes to our sexuality. There is no right or wrong. There just is the fact that we are sexual creatures and through the understanding and embracing of this incredible power within each of us that we can create a beautiful life. When we suppress our sexuality and hide it under the covers, in darkness or in the closet we are preventing bliss to flow through our lives in all ways. The links between our sexual empowerment and our ability to manifest abundance into our lives is ever so strong. The two are aligned. Napoleon Hill back in the 1930’s wrote the book Think and Grow Rich and in his discovery he found that all great leaders/change agents and millionaires had a few things in common. One of them being a high sex drive and an ability to transmute this power in their lives so that they were not just having incredible sex but that they were using this force  to live out their desires/dreams in other areas of life and pull massive abundance to them. This too is YOUR power. But in order to make use of this universal law you must first learn that sexual empowerment is a must. Healing your sex is how you heal your life and live unbound, liberated and abundant.

It is becoming a more common belief and a well supported one at that, that sex and money are tied together at the hip. For all of you who are wanting to develop that dream business, live your dreams doing what you want, be on purpose and a motivator to the world, then focus on healing, expanding and empowering your sexuality FIRST. The underlying core beliefs that you hold toward sexuality manifest themselves into other core beliefs about life. The way you can surrender into yourself, be comfortable with who you are as a sexual being, ask for what you want, negotiate your desires, communicate your love and/or pain, listen, feel and support your lover as well as yourself and hold space all play a significant role in how well you will achieve your dreams and desires in other areas of your life. When you are all blocked up and addicted to certain beliefs and ways of being, hiding and suppressing in sex you will also do this in your work, spiritual practice, exercise/nutrition, parenting, and over all relating.

So what does a sexually empowered person look like?

  • Is intimately connected to their sexual self
  • Identifies and experiences wants and desires without crossing the boundaries of another
  • Communicates needs, wants and desires without blame or shame
  • Accepts rejection without taking it personally
  • Feels at home in their self and their body
  • Sets authentic boundaries and means it
  • Is educated about how their body, pleasure and relationships “work”
  • Knows and utilizes available options for sexual expression and erotic experience
  • Feels fully sexually expressed and when they are not in full expression, they know how to get there
  • Thoughtfully explores sex and sexuality so that they can make clear distinctions about what’s right for them and what’s not
  • Develops and uses skills to make pleasureful, satisfying, fulfilling sex their norm
  • Forms relationships and develops intimacy that supports the highest expression of their core energy
  • Expresses a range of emotions in healthy ways that do not harm themselves or others
  • Identifies defense patterns in relationships and works to overcome them and replace them with healthy ways of connecting to others
  • Develops healthy coping skills for managing difficult emotions, grief and pain
  • Engages in clean, clear communication
  • Works to heal and release any shame, guilt or trauma about their sexuality
  • Heals the need to be competitive with others and to release patterns of lack, deprivation and feeling like they “can’t have it all”
  • Critically examines cultural messages about sexuality, gender and sex
  • Rejects and challenges sexual stereotypes, assumptions, false ideas and cultural myths that hinder, impair, squash or dim their magnificent sexual self
  • Identifies and experiences erotic authenticity even when socially popular ideas pressure them to do or like something else
  • Explores and develops an authentic sexual identity and does not need to hide or shift that identity to feel comfortable and safe in their life
  • Knows they never have to settle and that choosing one key desire and forsaking another is a false choice
  • Makes authentic sexual decisions
  • Experiences joy and pleasure regularly and as a norm in life
  • Develops their confidence and sexual self-esteem
  • Lives in alignment with their desires
  • Shines their light in its full brightness & juiciness in the world
  • Feels at home in themselves and moves through the world from a place of self-intimacy

As we learn to come out of the societal trap of “we can’t have” the life, the bliss, the love and connection that we dream of and that it is wrong for us to express ourselves in a creative fashion or live in comfort with our sexuality we experience a complete turn around in our lives. Our thinking and expressing is liberated and the weight of the world is released from us. we find ourselves smiling for seemingly no reason, seeing the good and beauty in all and instead of focusing on why the glass is half empty we know that there is a field full of cattle ready to share more milk for us. It is not a deprived, repressed way of living and thinking but instead one that says that in life there is more then enough with plenty left over.

Learn more about how to become sexually empowered through one of my coaching programs or workshops/seminars. After all that’s what I do.  Embrace your authentic sexually empowered self TODAY. Your dreams and life are worth it.  Live Unbound and liberated.

–KW

Empowerment list original posting and writing from Amy Jo Goddard

Creating Desire – Cultivating a Sexual Practice

In Tantra and Sexuality Coaching there is much talk about sexual positions and skills. There is also talk about the healing rewards that such practices can bring to an individual or couple but what is often over looked in our western society and teachings is how important it is to develop a desire for MORE, deeper, penetrating, unconditional and healing events (weather they involve intercourse of not). Tantra is a practice. Just like yoga, meditation, or any other physical/emotional/mental training that we need to practice daily or at least a set amount of times per week or month. Tantra can only assist a person or couple to the degree that the individual is willing to put into it. I am often asked when starting a new relationship with a client, “How long is this coaching/counseling/healing/etc. going to take?” Because we operate in a world that is use to deadlines and use to statistics we can hardly fathom that such deep healing and opening has no such box. There are many things that play a role in our transformational process, from how much time and effort we are willing to dedicate to the painful truth that we really have no control over our cellular or spiritual structures and how quickly they release blockages and programs. All we can do from this physical reality is take one step at a time in belief that we will succeed. Listen to our hearts and stay as open to ourselves and the call of spirit as we can. A KEY factor to any healing work is DESIRE. One must first except that they need healing. They must first wake up to the reality that life can be more, it can be blissful and that there is no reason to just except what society says we have to live by. We are Unbound! We are Divine! We are Complete! We are Powerful.

Living Unbound, believing in what may seem taboo, out of the norm or even impossible is what makes us humans so incredible! Yet we fear all of this and for many we allow society and past patterns/blockages to STOP us from living. This is even true when it comes to our love making and our spiritual practices. These two things walk hand in hand with each other and together are great liberators of the human spirit. But how do we start a Sacred Sexual Practice?

Sexual Practices can:

  • Bring you closer as a couple
  • Cultivate more sexual energy that can manifest into life force drive and creative energy
  • Expand your Awareness
  • Empower your intentions (goals/dreams)

Any practices starts with Intention! In a sexual practice you need to ask yourself and if you have a partner, your partner what you would like to set the intention of?

  • Are you wanting to become closer as a couple?
  • Are you wanting to draw into your life a lover?
  • Do you want to feel fulfilled sexually?
  • Increase pleasure?
  • Create a dream life? etc.

Once your intent is set mentally, take a few deep breaths into your lower abdominal area, allow your belly to balloon out, I refer to this as your buddah belly. Pull the intent from your minds eye don your core, into your buddah belly and then as you release the breath feel the intent moving up your spine and into your heart where it expands and takes over your entire body. Do this 3-5 times, each time increasing the expansion of the intent. really feel it. What does life feel like when you embrace living this intent? If you have a partner at this time you should both be seated comfortably, facing each other with your hands on each other chests (heart chakras).

The next step to a Sexual Practice is to Activate Your Body. Activation is key because often in life we tend to loose sensation/feeling to life. We block out pain and thus block out pleasure. Sexual practices help people to regain sensation and reprogram the body so that it can full experience and express.  Without activation an intent remains only a thought, but through activating the senses and learning to open up to life we can move toward our desires.

Activation techniques:

  • Exercise
  • Dance
  • Shaking the body
  • Tensing and releasing the bodies muscles
  • Sensual touch
  • Thai Massage

If you are sitting with your partner this  is a good time to take turns softly stating a body part. Start with your feet and move upward. You can do this is a sitting position or laying down comfortably. If alone slowly move yourself from feet to head while focusing on each body part. As you focus on a body part (left foot, right leg, stomach, chest, shoulders, etc.) tense it with your inhale and then release the tenion with your exhale. Once you have moved your focus through your whole body take a deep breath and tense your entire being then release.  You may feel like shaking the body some. After you shake go internally and feel the vibrations of your life force energy pulsing through your physical being. You are activating.

Once your body is activated it is time to Still the Mind. Granted thought always travels through us the key to “stilling the mind” is to not attach to any of the thought. Watch the thoughts pass through as though you were watching a movie screen. These thoughts do not all come from you, many if not most are coming in from the matrix of all of life and time. These thoughts are completely harmless and can do nothing unless you attach and believe them. The biggest issue humankind has is that believe thought and accept it as our own. We tie ourselves to something that is not even a reality until we marry it. Walking down the path of commitment with a thought that is not from our soul desire is much like going to Las Vegas, getting drunk and waking up the next morning married to a stranger who is now laying next to us in bed and expecting the vowels of our drunken stooper to  be endearing. It is very easy to attach to a thought and it is very easy to watch a thought pass by, but once we have attached it is damn hard to undo the legal abiding paperwork.

In order to manifest your intent (desire) you must learn to still your mind and NOT attach to other thought.

Method’s of Clearing Mind Chatter:

  • meditation
  • deep breathing together or solo (when you focus on your breath and its flow you cannot help but clear the mind. You are being present in the breath.)
  • Couple’s can spoon each other while deep breathing together.

If you are coupled, try synchronizing your breath, then alternate your breath. Do each of these 5-10 times. Exhale with an AWH, so that you fully feel your breath and also share with your partner that you are exhaling. This also opens communication. Breathe in unison.

Solo or coupled: Place the tip of your tounge on the roof of your mouth. Hold it there while breathing to complete the energy circuit of your breath in the body.

Breathe in and out of the nose.

Once you have set your intent, activated your body and then stilled your mind it is time to Arouse Your Sexual Energy!

Our sexual energy is the catalyst to our dreams manifesting. If you look out into this world you will see most of humankind suppressing their desires, their dreams and their sexual energy. Because we are taught that it is not okay to be sexual beings we restrict our true power of being human. If we were meant to be like other mammals on the planet then we would only mate for off spring and we would have a set cycle for this, we would not experience orgasm or ans joy in the mating process. A kiss or touch would not mean so much and certainly not cause the wondrous sensations that they do. But we were not designed to have sexual energy just for the making of babies! We were given bodies that can experience bliss and through our connection with bliss we can manifest our desires. We can set an intent, a goal or visualize a dream and we can supercharge it with our creative life force energy: Our Sex!

Methods of Arousal:

  • Masturbation (but not to climax)
  • Intercourse (but not to climax)
  • Erotic Massage and Play

What feels REALLY arousing to you? We have our turn on’s.

If you are coupled or not an easy exercise is to bring your awareness to your genitals with your eye’s closed. Focus on your root chakra (men this is located between your scrotum and your anus, women this is in your vagina on the back wall), on your inhale contract these muscles and on your exhale release these muscles. Do this 3-5 times. Place a hand or your lovers hand on your genitals now (clothed or not) start to rotate your hips, side to side, back and forth, up and down as though you were making love. Add in some thrusting and sounds as though you were really engaged in sex. Feel your genitals. Focus on the energy/vibration that you feel there, the heat. If you want this is a good place to actually engage further into lovemaking if you have not with yourself or a partner.

The next step to your Sexual Practice is to Transmute Your Sexual Energy.

This means to move the energy that you have aroused and accumulated in your sex organs throughout your entire body. Simple ways to do this are:

  • Breathing
  • Touch Points (Acupressure)
  • Muscle Contractions
  • Visualization

If you are masturbating, making love or just practicing this arousal in a PG fashion with your clothes on in a group environment or outside in nature someplace, at this time contract your root chakra and hold the tension in the muscle. Breathe deep as you can into your groin and buddha belly. When you feel you can take in no more air, take one more sniff and then slowly exhale. Then breath in deep for a 3-5 breaths where you bring air in through your nose, down your front side into your belly and groin and the squeeze your root and let the air travel up your spine, into your head and out through your mouth. Feel your sex becoming more awake, ALIVE, Aroused, Unbound!!!!!!!

You can visualize the energy releasing from your head and spraying out into the universe, birthing your desires (intent) or if you are masturbating or making love with a partner this is the time to bring yourselves to orgasm. Remember though to not get lost in the physical sensations or thoughts/fantasies that are not part of YOUR intent. You must remain present and focused. Fully feeling, fully pressing forward with your lover or self into an orgasmic state of bliss and manifestation. Pull yourself into your heart and fully feel your lover, yourself, your intent. You can choose to release your energy here as you breathe deep and feel your intent manifesting or you can pause and decide to play in this space weather it be for a few moments with your lover or to slow down your sexing and take this incredible energy out into the world space with you and play with it there.

Playing in this Space is all about living and experiencing from the heart center instead of the groin. The above exercises can bring your sexual energy into your heart where  it can be increased by 5,000 fold or more. This allows you to feel deeper into love and into life, expand your sexual energy and use it not just for physical pleasure but for creation of a dream life. In this state of being your body is naturally producing more yummie chemicals that keep you activated in a higher vibration such as oxytocin and PEA. These chemicals are what makes us fall in love, feel bonding and connection and open us to further desire and creation. If you decide to complete your practice in sexual climax or orgasm alone or with your partner you will be super charged from these steps to continue your practice and play into your day and out in the world. Feeling this intense yummie energy rise up from your sex and travel through your body, attaching it to your conscious intention and allowing the life changing vibrations at the cellular level to help you unfold your Unbound Dream Life will bring you into the playing filed of many great leaders of today and times gone by. You can learn more about the power of Transmuting Your Sexual Energy in in the book Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.

–KW (Musing is an Overview of a recent Satsang offered through Tantric Transformation)

 

La Petite Mort of the Heart

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“At the moment of mutual climax, each as individuals has no more significance to the other than the gates of heaven for the one within.” – Swami Saying

christmas-queen of hearts 049“Breathless we kissed each other, fully intoxicated not only in our love for each other but also for the divine essence of its rapture that we were entering into. His whiskers teased my flesh as his lips tasted my bosom and slowly moved downward across my stomach and then his breath, warm and igniting cascaded across my vulva. A flicker of his tongue here and there, gentle thrusts of it entering the ripples of my yoni’s lips. I could feel my hunger growing as I became wetter and wetter. As he devoured my sacred palace of love and enjoyed its sweet nectars I slowly allowed myself to enter the mystical world of orgasm. A medative state manifested with each releasing moan of pleasure. Soon my flesh wanted to feel more of him, a deeper state of orgasm and full unity of deep penetration into a new realm of mystery, love and liberation. 

Pulling him upward, asking him to enter me with his wand of light, my anticipation grew and time seemed to pause. I could feel the inner realms of my pussy quaking and begging to grab a hold of his hard cock and suck on it as it thrusted within my palace.

 At last the moment of his arrival.

 A deep sense of pleasure, comfort and connection came through my being with each stroke.  Deep penetrative strokes blended with christmas-queen of hearts 048deep penetrative kisses, our hearts began the dance of this love making.  Slow, gentle and almost relaxing as the energy increased our hunger for each other with each quiver of our flesh. Chakras opening and aligning our vibrations. At times he would pause, breathe deep, allowing the orgasm to travel up through his being as well as the energy surging from his cock to pulsate my cervix and upward through my core and into my heart.  Once climax (ejaculation) had been recycled, he continued with rhythmic motion as my vaginal muscles squeezed, massaged and pulsated around him.  Then just as energy was intensifying, he escorted himself out of my pleasure palace and asked if he could penetrate me to a greater depth, teasing my anal rose bud with his cock.

 A deep breath of connection as I opened myself to him in this intense lovemaking fashion. Face to face, heart to heart, he slowly, gently penetrated me. Pausing allowing my muscles to accept and flex as they needed so that they could fully invite him in. Then nudging deeper and deeper within me.  My breath was held for a moment and then overtaken with an intense pleasure that was beyond words. Slow strokes of his member gently allowing me to die into this passionate pleasure of bliss.

christmas-queen of hearts 055Loosing myself with each stroke, my hands uncontained reached over my head, grabbing at pillow, the head board, whatever they could find. The intensity of bliss raptured like a comet coming into contact with the sun. I begged him not to stop, but instead to take me further. I wanted to become so vulnerable to this higher state of consciousness, to this land that we rarely touch. I wanted to feel as though he and I no longer existed, we were nothing and yet everything. Fully united and yet cosmic sparks of the creators bliss. As books, a lamp, a candle and who knows what sprayed off the night stand and onto the floor from my hands gone astray I only could find myself longing for this “la petite mort” to never end. For in this small death of my heart I too was being reborn into a new alignment of greater vibration and climactic understanding of self and of God .”

Many a great student of the sacred sexual arts as well as of spiritual development knows that enlightenment is something that we are all Open UR Heart born with; it is not something to chase after and to attain. The path to what we call enlightenment is held within our own sacred wombs. It is a treasure box of mystery and of bliss that the majority of human kind is scared to open yet craves to experience.  Abram Maslow, through research he conducted involving people who he identified as “self actualized” came to the conclusion that people who reach this level share some commonalities… one being that they “routinely experienced orgasm as a spiritual experience, mystical even.”  Napoleon Hill in his 1938 publication of Think and Grow Rich discovered that all the greats of time shared the ability to transmute their strong sexual energy into a driving force that would allow them to manifest the life that they desired.  He called this transmutation the ability to transform mediocrity into genius.

If we were to explore all the enlightened cultures of the world gone by we would see that they all revered sex and its magical ability to manifest abundance and bring its students to a higher divine state of consciousness.

“The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the heartbeat of the universe. To match your nature with Nature.” Joseph Campbell

Fulfillment in Love

Here is the secret of “The Secret” or the Law of Attraction or Affinity. There are many things that we can do to set ourselves into the vortex of creation but among them the most powerful and most pleasurable as well as fun is to allow ourselves to experience La Petite Mort (the little death) through the life altering state of orgasm. In this state of living expression we destroy our false parts and give birth to our true nature, that being one of a god/goddess; the creator of our own destiny. Many people experience “orgasm” as climax or a high peak that lasts but only a sniffle in time. This is sad that such an alchemizing event is belittled into a momentary muscle spasm of stress release. We view our relationships and our orgasms as something of minor use. In today’s views many people think of their relationships as economic agreements of convenience. These relations are of no real use other than to save money on taxes, get another to feel committed and abide what the contract states or to keep the status quo in good standing for society. Often these contracts are sold to us at youth as a sign of abiding love and something we should desire, but once we grow up and walk down the isle of this lie we discover that most of the time the contract is actually only self imposed shackles that detour us from our true nature and divine ability of create a beautiful world. FACT is our relationships can be significant catalysts to designing the life we desire. They are the harvesting ground for the planting and nurturing of our DREAMS. Each orgasm that we allow to devour us takes us to a new thresh hold of life experience and understanding, bringing us a step, a leap or a bound closer to awakening to the enlightenment of God that lays dormant within our cells.

When we fully surrender to orgasm at this level it becomes what Maslow described in his discovery, “… a spiritual experience, mysticalchristmas-queen of hearts 066 even.” It is in this sacred space of orgasm that we can discover ourselves again and again. Each time at a new vibrational level. To quote Joseph Campbell. “We must be willing to let go of the life that we have planned, in order to accept the life that is waiting for us.” This can only happen through surrender and when we are willing to surrender at this level of living we embrace these multiple mini deaths of self and realization and sometimes even larger, more monumental deaths and we come to the place that Anais Nin spoke of: those who live this deeply have NO fear of physical death.

christmas-queen of hearts 080In orgasm we physiologically change. This is done through hormones and neurotransmitters shifting and being released into our systems. Our physical bodies release fluids that cleanse us and nourish, we for a moment in time escapes the conscious mind and the ego and are liberated into greater parts of the Tree of Life. Yet so many of us allow ourselves to not explore this deep timeless state of surrender and rejuvenation. We prevent ourselves from our maximum capacity to attract all that we long for into our lives by only experiencing superficial orgasms. In a full state of surrender into orgasm we can experience space and time without separation. It is truly this transcendent state that we all crave and try to achieve in any way that is possible. For many though we try and touch this place of mindlessness in an unhealthy way or one that allows us to breathe in life through adrenaline. Weather the vice is an after work drink to relax the nerves and set the conscious mind at bay or an exciting sky diving lesson, it is the experience of life in a higher state of vibration that we are craving. It is the touching of the creator’s big toe that our heart and souls desire to embrace in experience during this physical reality.  M. Scott Peck in his book, “Further Along the Road Less Traveled,” says that in order for us to reach the highest spiritual climax possible, through intercourse naturally there has to be a deep spiritual connection between lovers. Once we reach that “brief peak point of little death” we lose some sense of physical reality no longer completely grounded in the earthly world, a loss of ego, self, separateness… it is a state of ego death.  When we release the ego all that we are left with is LOVE. In this state of blissfulness the world will rearrange itself just for us allowing us to become the great alchemists of it.

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In this spiritual climax we can overcome all obstacles. We can choreograph our life according to our soul’s purpose and heart’s desire and we can call down the blessing from heaven that God longs to share. Here we don’t just exist and make it through another day, content with a mediocre reality, her we excel in life experience and truly LIVE the life that we were destined for. Here in this state of orgasm we reach a new level of mind blowing meditation and climactally embrace the world.

All you have to do is ask yourself if you BELIEVE that YOU are worth your dreams? Or would you rather settle for a life of average and ordinary, one where the after work cocktail and the superficial sniffle of the average orgasm is what you are allowing to be the highlights of your life exploration?

The power in your coming desires to GIVE you the life you always have dreamed of.

–KW

Sacred Sexy Love