“You need to feel your man’s trustable presence before you will open your heart and body without guard. It’s a step-by-step process of learning. He learns to be more present, you learn to be more open.” – David Deida
3 Keys To Mastering Female Orgasm
Sex. Sex. Sex. Sometimes I have hormones and the drive of a 16 year old boy. Other days, I am as disconnected from my pussy and her desire for pleasure as my dead aunt Martha, bless her soul. But no matter how turned on, hungry and open I am there are STILL a few key things that have to happen in order to get me to cum.
Granted some things are out of my lovers control and ONLY in my hands, but if I am staying body present, that is out of my analytical, worry focused mind and instead open to surrendering to my lover and to orgasm as well as already turned on then what I need, like many women is for my lover to be conscious and patient enough to take care of three key orgasm stimulators.
Recently I have been blessed with a tad bit of what I would call “okay”- “so-so” – sex not great or gourmet sex. You know not the kind that feeds your whole being, that brings you to a point of total interconnectedness with all of reality, and loads your being with all the yummie hormones that are needed for positive thinking, clarity, health and intimacy.
Yes, gentlemen who are reading this it has been proven scientifically that orgasm does all of this and more for a woman.
More reason for mastery!
In my so-so sexing, which happens to all of us throughout our relationships and life and for numerous reasons I have have been witness to something that I have always known but never gave much credit to outside of key 1. The other two in all honesty, I have always just breathed through and thought that there was not much that could be done.
I have learned through my years that only I am truly responsible for my orgasm, and with that comes the responsibility to witness, learn and communicate such things as I am sharing here.
So are you ready?
Key 1: Slow the f–k down and enjoy some foreplay or I will fake my orgasm to get you off of me quickly.
Its true, all women fake it here and there and one of the main reasons is because many times even the most conscious, adoring, passionate, loving partners fake foreplay. Mainly because of these two reasons: 1) Don’t understand the real importance of foreplay for a woman and for relationship intimacy and 2) sex is being used as a stress release not for connection and joint pleasure. In other words if you are using her vagina as your personal Prozac then yeah…no good!
So guys, if you recognize in my frankness that you have been guilty of one or both of these with your lady then realize that you are forcing her to shut down to you and the repercussions will come out in other areas of your life together and in her interactions with the world.
Foreplay is VITAL! I am not speaking of a few wanna be strokes of her clit either, then a jabbing of penetration with your finger and a singular caress on a breast with a kiss, no. This is NOT foreplay.
Real foreplay should be fun for both parties. It should be a turn on for both. It should make her honestly wet, not wet because you spit on her some to get your finger in her or used lube.
Foreplay is different for each couple.
In general good foreplay consists of:
* kissing on the lips, swapping some spit not just the kissing you give to our grandmother folks, I am talking about messy, heated kisses. Share your breath, share your saliva, share your soul.
* Fondling each other during the kissing. Run those hands gently and firmly everywhere.
* licking and biting.
* Massaging your partners hot spots. This is different for each person so ask where your partner likes touched best.
* Teasing with your tongue, kisses, breath, fingers. Yes get active and take that mouth all around your partners body.
* Oral sex. Take it slow and enjoy your partner. For many women, oral sex is one of the only ways they can get out of their minds and into body presence. It is one of the only ways that they can surrender to orgasm. But you have to want to pleasure your lady as much as you want her to give you a blow job and enjoy it. If your not willing to go down on her then why the hell should she on you? And if you want her to spend the time down there on you then dito back at ya.
* Toys. This is a great way to intensify foreplay and get ready for more. So break out some toys and get playing. Be inquisitive about your partners body. Explore it like it were a magical cave because it is.
Key 2: No Smothering Your Girl! Give her room to breathe! So DO NOT use her as a boogie board. If you don’t have the ability to use your legs, arms and core muscles then stay the f–k off of her!
There is nothing wrong with being close and even to get so close at times that you feel like you may squish each other, but if you are just being lazy and laying on her then think again. Her body will close down to you and orgasm and she will be thinking about how your weight is too much and she wants you off of her. That is all it will take and you will have her faking an orgasm to get just this.
Holding down hands is amazing, pressing deep into her is wonderful, but REMEMBER to adjust your position and know what her favorite position is as well. All women are built differently and position plays a significant role in rubbing the right spot for long enough to achieve REAL orgasm. For example: Personally I am not a fan of being on top, not for any reason other then I feel my partner the least in this position and simply cannot orgasm this way. Although, I know that my lovers enjoy the view and most likely the feel, so yeah you have guessed it. I either fake it, forget about it or have to work really hard at achieving a microscopic feeling. For me personally, I adore flat doggie style (where the woman lays on her stomach while the man penetrates her from behind pressing through her legs and into her. This position hits my G-spot and a few other juicy zones and I can cum almost every time as long as foreplay is good and my lover has some stamina. My other favorite is missionary, I get depth, can adjust my hips, can move with my partner, can touch and be touched, can have my legs in different positions and can kiss. This position is wonderful UNLESS I am being squished for a period of time, Then you lost me!
In order for orgasm to happen your woman needs to be able to move and breathe. If she can’t arch her back, move her arms, hands, legs and head some then she will feel closed and thus shut down to you and orgasm. Now bondage play does not count in this, but this tip should be taken into account even there. Remember that your woman is like the ocean in everything she does. She needs to be able to move.
Key 3: OMG, she is cumming! I think? Maybe. Yeah that is an Orgasm, yeah I am done. Pump, pump eww, goo, pass out!
This is one of the most frustrating events for the majority of women. So let me make it clear to all men reading this. Women are NOT wired like men! We take time and our orgasm builds up like a wave(s). We do NOT just pop!
So most of the time you “think” she had an orgasm when in fact, you teased her with the sensation of the beginning of one and then left her hanging and now she has female blue balls! Yes women get a version of blue balls and any of you gents who have had this painful sensation should understand the frustration, irritation and disconnect from your partner when you get this.
The tip here is simple. Develop stamina and patience. When she is cumming, KEEP GOING! Watch her body, breath, words. If you have done the other two keys then she should be able to surrender to orgasm and have a real one, but NOW she NEEDS you to be her knight in orgasm armor and bring her all the way into rapture. This will only cum from your patience and stamina.
Remember that on average it takes men 2-10 minutes to achieve climax.
It takes most women 25-40 minutes to achieve climax.
Depending on what is happening and what kind of orgasm is coming about the time does vary.
You can shorten the time by seducing her, foreplay, giving her room, knowing her body and how to touch her, varying the sex dance (don’t get caught in a repetitive motion of just thrusting in her, she needs variety.)and your stamina.
So get busy folks, but take your time playing in the vaginal sandbox!