I think your a sex addict… are you though?

fantasy sex

So, can sex be a true addiction? I can’t tell you how often people not only ask me this question but also how often I’ll hear people throw the words “Sex Addict” around.

Lately I have seen several articles and been involved in a few conversations with colleagues about Sex Addiction. In my experience people tend to have strong feelings around this topic.

Some people say that sex addiction is just another way to pathologize people and label them. Others say that sex is like a drug and can be used/abused, can be dangerous, and something to be approached with care. I believe both can be and are true.

I personally have worked in the past with people that have been labeled as sex addicts. Some of these individuals I believe were indeed mislabeled and yet others had created severe damage in their lives in the pursuit of sex. I’ve listened to stories from my past clients about going broke, ruining relationships, ending up in jail, and ruining their health in order to find sex.

So to me, the question is not if Sex Addiction (or abuse of sex) is real because I have seen the damage in my clients’ lives. I think the question is what is and what is not sex addiction!

What is Sex Addiction?

            Technically there is no such thing as sex addiction in terms of medical terminology. An addiction of any form is simply a laymen’s term for what the medical and psychological community call abuse/dependence. The closest medical term that has been offered for what society considers Sex Addiction is “Hypersexual Disorder” which was not approved for usage in the latest addition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel (DSM 5), which is where all diagnoses of psychological disorders come from. Some also consider withholding sex a form of sex addition (“Sexual Anorexia”), which would fall under the category of Hypo-sexual disorder. Also, medical professionals have been unable to even determine what sex addiction is because it is often used to define any behavior that deviates from societal norms. This includes “excessive” sexual intercourse, masturbation, viewing of pornography, partners, etc.

            The National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity has defined sexual addiction as “engaging in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior acted out despite increasing negative consequences to self and others.” Since there is no agreed upon definition of what a sex addiction is, I would like to offer what I use with my clients to determine when someone has entered an unhealthy territory in the way of sexual behaviors.

•           Are you able to function in your daily life? (Going to work, taking care of adult     responsibilities, taking care of physical health, etc.)

•           Are you continuing to engage in behaviors despite intense dangers to your physical           health, career, or financial well-being?

•           Are you unable to stop the behaviors despite them no longer bringing you pleasure?

If someone says, “Yes,” to the above situation, then they very well might be stuck in an addictive cycle with sex, porn, or masturbation. Thankfully there are many wonderful therapists/coaches that work with sex addiction and can help determine what emotional needs are trying to be met through these behaviors.

What Sex Addiction is NOT!

Often Sex Addiction is used as a scapegoat for Cheating, Lying, Jealousy, and Taboo behaviors. As long as the below behaviors are not stopping normal adult functioning, a sex addiction is not:

•           Cheating: Just because a partner is enjoying sex with another person(s) does not mean    they are addicted. It means that there is a breakdown somewhere in the communication and the relationship. Often women particularly will struggle emotionally with the thought of a partner cheating and so will label that other person a sex addict. I believe people often see it as a more acceptable/ less embarrassing than having to admit their partner  cheated OR the person engaging in the infidelity finds it easier than having to manage the repercussions of infidelity.  Cheating can cause emotional turmoil on both sides but   that does not make it a sex addiction

•           Polyamory/Open Relationships: Just because a person chooses a different lifestyle does not make them have an addiction. Often people are under the impression that people in   these types of relationships are “sex crazed” and are constantly engaging in dangerous sexual experiences. Research studies have actually shown the exact opposite, that people in these relationships communicate and take more precautions for safety in sex than single/monogamous couples. However, instead of learning about these lifestyles, it is easier to smack a label on a person or think they are just choosing that lifestyle for the sex.

•           Pornography: I do not personally like pornography because I think it can push unhealthy standards but a person does not have an addiction just because they enjoy viewing  pornography. Viewing porn can be a healthy part of adult sexual experiences. Many couples pursue pornography to add spice into a relationship and many single people use it to meet their basic human needs in a safe and healthy manner.

•           Enjoying Sex/Sex-ploration: Many times I will hear people throw the word sex addict out when they hear about a person engaging in more sex then they deem “appropriate.” Based on religious beliefs, upbringing, and our society, many people have strong ideals on what is and is not okay. The truth is we have no right to tell others when their desires/needs have been met or to limit them according to our personal ideals of sex. A person could have a new sex partner every night for a year and still not be a sex addict!

•           Masturbation: Again, masturbation is a super healthy aspect of human sexuality and does not mean a person is a sex addict. Our bodies are meant to be enjoyed and so we don’t get to tell others how often that is okay.

•           Taboo Sex: As we expand as a society, more and more people are venturing into new       sexual territory. There is a reason why 50 Shades of Grey took the nation by storm! In our ignorance of a sexual preference we often label people as having a “problem.” As adults we have the right to explore whatever we like in the privacy of our own bedroom (outside of illegal preferences such as child abuse or animal abuse).  Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t make it an addiction.

Sex Addiction is serious and can very much ruin a person’s life. If a person truly has a sex addiction then they do need help to put their lives back together. In true sexual addiction, the person needs to explore the pain and patterns that are keeping them stuck in a destructive cycle. There are some amazing therapy and treatment centers out there to help these individuals. Though beware because there are some other treatment centers that turn this addiction into a moral issue and will try to shame the addiction out of a person or suggest taking on habits such as celibacy. These treatments are not effective and will often just drive the addict deeper into the addiction long-term.

Sex Addiction is not a scapegoat phrase or something to be thrown around in order to express your dislike of a person’s sexual behaviors. It’s not an excuse for infidelity and not a rationale for someone having a high sexual appetite.

Original Article  by Addison Bell, Tantric Practitioner & Coach

Let’s Take the Shame Out of Masturbation

womanmasturabtionOf all of the forms of sex, masturbation gets an unusually bad rap.

From the time we hit puberty, we, especially boys, hear all kinds of derogatory messages about masturbation. We get the message that masturbation is for guys who can’t get a girl. Some of the worst insults is to call a boy (or a man) a jerk-off, a jack-off or a wanker. As kids, many of us have been told by parents and grandparents that masturbation is wrong, will make you go blind, or grow hair on your palms. As kids, how many people have ever been told that masturbation is a good and healthy form of sexual expression?

On the other hand, girls, especially when I was growing up in a conservative, upper-middle class community in the mid-‘70’s to early ‘80’s, were taught that “good girls don’t” about anything pertaining to sex. I got that message loud and clear from my parents, the way I heard other adults talked, and from my peers.

And God help those kids (and adults) that are influenced by extreme religious beliefs and interpretations.

This past February, Brigham Young University-Idaho released a video as a weapon against porn and masturbation to its students. The photography, music and the narration by BYU-Idaho President Kim B. Clark is quite a slick piece of propaganda. He uses loaded words like “lonely”, “confused” and “spiritually wounded”. Worse yet, he urges students to reach out to rescue fellow students left wounded by the enemy on the battlefield. He makes it sound as if prying into people’s private business and ratting them out is some kind of heroic deed.

It’s not just a Mormon thing. I’ve heard and read the same kinds masturbation demonizing from Catholics, Orthodox Jews, fundamentalist Christians and Muslims.

Being exposed to messages like this before kids are ready to be sexually active explains why so many adults turn out to be sexually clueless and inhibited. There’s no need for this kind of shame.

As adults there are two things we can do to get over our hang ups about masturbation – 1. realize that almost everybody does it, and 2. employ some critical thinking when it comes to making judgments about masturbation.

The human mind and body were designed to enjoy sex. Masturbation is a form of sex. Even if we have a sex partner, we don’t have 24/7 on-demand access to sex. Sometimes masturbation isn’t purely sexual. It’s a great mental and physical de-streser. It makes us happier, more productive, mentally sharp, and makes us sleep better.

And what shame and guilt is there in feeling good? Masturbation is one of many things we can do for ourselves that make us happy like watch a movie, listen to music, run, golf or climb mountains.

Masturbation also helps us be better lovers. How are we supposed to tell our lovers what we like if we don’t experiment with ourselves?

I’d love if it was okay to talk about masturbation and sex in positive and judgment-free ways. We’d learn so much from each other if we could openly talk about which techniques, sex toys or lubes to use the same way we talk about the best way to make macaroni and cheese or which car wax works best.

As far as what makes the best macaroni and cheese, you gotta use a bit of Gruyere for flavor and a good melt. I’m clueless about car wax, but I’m sure someone else can make a recommendation.

Article by Bobbie Morgan on A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind

The Power of Group Masturbation

group masturbation“Jenny! I was supposed to meet you at the door naked!” the gorgeous woman standing before me said before flinging her arms around me. She was almost naked, wearing a thin, white tank that barely covered her behind. “I’m Carlin,” she said.

Carlin Ross is the business partner of famed sex educator Betty Dodson. Betty Dodson, of course, is the author of the insanely bestselling book Sex for One, and the consummate orgasm and masturbation guru since the ’70s. You might call her a founding mother of women’s sexual liberation. I certainly would.

“Come on, let’s get undressed,” Carlin said, like it was the most normal thing in the world. And if you’re there for one of Betty’s famous “BodySex” workshops, it is. I followed her back to the vestibule at the entryway of Betty’s Madison Avenue apartment, and I slipped out of my yoga pants and tee as she slipped out of her tank.

As Carlin greeted the other attendees coming in, I went into the main room, where back jacks were set up in a circle, each with a towel on it, a pillow behind it, and a tray next to it with a box of Kleenex, a glass of water, a bottle of almond oil, a Dodson Vaginal Barbell, and a Mystic Wand vibrator.

As I tried to decide where to sit, I heard someone say, “Jenny. You’re Jenny Block. We know each other.” I panicked for a minute. What if she was a PTA mom from my daughter’s school? What if we didn’t like one another? What if…

“I was at your book signing. In San Francisco. For Open. At Good Vibrations,” she said.

“Oh!” I said, incredibly relieved. She hugged me, and it took me a minute to remember that I didn’t have any clothes on. Already it seemed perfectly reasonable to be naked with strangers.

More women filled the room, and we all began to take our seats. It’s an interesting quandary, trying to decide how to sit naked in a room full of strangers. Legs straight out? Like a pretzel? One knee up? Before I could really decide, Betty entered the room.

I was in awe. Eighty-five years old and she walked in as naked as the rest of us and settled into her back jack as if this scenario were the most common thing in the world, which, to her, it was. Although she has taken a hiatus recently, Betty began doing these workshops in the ’70s.

Betty welcomed us and began sharing some of her philosophy about sex and orgasms and vulvas (not vaginas) and bodies. (Note: What we see externally is the vulva. The vagina is the internal canal. Period.)

We started out by going around the circle, talking about how we felt about our bodies and our orgasms, and then moved on to some breathing exercises.

After a few hours we took a short break, and then it was time. Time for genital show and tell. No need to read that again. It said exactly what you think it said.

It was perhaps one of the most profound moments of my life. Like so many other moments during the workshop, it felt tribal and ancient, as if we were gathered in the red tent to be gifted with the wisdom of our sister elder.

At the same time, I simply could not stop smiling to myself and thinking in my head about how nuts this was, all of us naked and peering between the legs of this famed octogenarian.

Betty went first, and then, one by one, we sat next to her and spread our legs as we looked into the mirror with Betty and admired our pussies. Betty would point out certain features and “style” each of our pussies for a photo.

I have a doughnut pussy, she told me as I sat with my knees falling open and my pussy lips spread wide. A doughnut because I have full outer lips that outline the inner lips.

Your design is perfect,” she said. I’m quite sure I blushed. A perfect pussy, according to Betty Dodson. (“The Dodson,” as Carlin affectionately calls her, and as we began to refer to her too.) “A post-modern pussy,” she continued. I couldn’t help but grin. “And what about a name?” she asked. “Do you have a name for your pussy?”

“I don’t,” I told her.

“Cream Puff,” she said.

And somehow, something that seemed so impossible just a moment before was over and The Dodson was off on her next pussy review. I felt happy and safe and, yes, validated and empowered too. Having other women look at you, really look at you, is a powerful experience.

The next day we stripped down and circled up without pause.

“Play is the most important thing when you’re little,” Betty explained. “You don’t get enough of it when you’re an adult.”

And then, without any ado, Carlin, whom Betty affectionately refers to as her “stunt cunt,” demonstrated Betty’s “rock and roll” method of masturbation while Betty directed and commentated. The method includes vulvar massage, pelvic rocking, focused breathing, a vibrator for the clit and — most importantly, to my mind — slow penetration with Betty’s Vaginal Barbell.

“The body knows a lot more than your head,” Betty explained. “Trust your body. Our heads are monsters.”

After the demonstration and another short exercise, it was time for the main event.

Even right up to the moment where we stood in a circle in the center of the room, holding our Mystic Wands to our pussies with Betty directing us, “More pelvis; fuck forward,” I wasn’t sure I could do it.

But suddenly it seemed equal parts impossible and ridiculous to decline. How could I when I was literally going to be sitting at the feet of the master?

So I went to my towel. I followed the steps. And as time passed, I began to hear some of the other women in the room coming.

One of those women was Betty. I came to find out later that it’s quite rare for Betty to come during a workshop, and it had been two weeks since she had masturbated. I was thrilled that I could be part of the group that inspired her.

I staved off each orgasm that I felt coming up on me until my brain started to interrupt. Was I having performance anxiety? Was the girl writing a book about female orgasm unable to have one in this super-charged setting? Was I past the point of no return?

I raised my hand when I saw Betty stand up, as I had been told to do if I needed help. I figured she would hand me the high-powered Magic Wand and that would do the trick. But instead Betty Dodson, The Dodson, fucked me to orgasm.

She sat next to me, put her hand on my chest, and began to move the Vaginal Barbell in and out of my pussy. Instantly the sensations switched. She instructed me to keep rocking my pelvis, keep breathing, go with it.

She put her fist against my perineum. She looked right at me. She smiled and encouraged, and the tears began to fall as they sometimes do right before, during, and/or after an incredible orgasm. She stopped me from over-arching my back and blocking the power of the orgasm, as I am prone to do.

And then it happened.

Betty stayed with me the whole time, and I collapsed after I’m not sure how many small orgasms and then one grand finale to end all finales.

“Thank you,” I managed.

“Good girl,” she said, patting my chest.

I felt powerful and grateful, as if the greatest gift had just been given to me without the smallest breath of apology or shame.

The workshop ended with us splitting into two groups and performing a group massage on each participant.

I felt imbued with an energy that my body recognized as something for which it was desperately hungry. A sexual energy that could change the world if harnessed. I felt so lucky to have had this incredible experience with these truly incredible women

I went to the workshop because I’m researching female orgasm for my new book. I left the workshop feeling like I had been let in on the true secret of female empowerment: owning our orgasms.

And, yes, I had one hell of a chain of orgasms. Betty Dodson may be 85, but she’s right. She’s got skills. “Give me any woman, any age, and I’ll get ’em off,” Betty told us when the workshop began. Indeed.

ORIGINAL POSTING ON Huffington Post

WRITTEN BY Jenny Block

Check out her website HERE

http://http://www.jennyonthepage.com/

The Benefits of Self- Pleasure

masturbation1I dislike the term “masturbation,” which comes from the Greek root word to “self pollute.” I prefer self pleasuring. Only through self pleasuring can we discover what our bodies are capable of and what really pleases — or pleasures — us. Without that knowledge, we can never let our partners know what we want or what we need to be pleasured by them.

Historically, the United States Patent Office has had over 900 applications for anti-masturbation devices for men. One of those devices even included sandpaper gloves which were meant to prevent nocturnal emissions in young men. Conversely, with the exception of chastity belts, there are few devices to prevent female masturbation – the thought being, of course, is that women neither masturbate nor enjoy sex. YES, THEY DO!

The only things preventing women from enjoying a pleasurable sexual relationship are lack of knowledge of their own bodies; partners who are poorly educated in female pleasure or who simply refuse to give up control; and/or an unwillingness or inability to communicate what they want or need from partners. With self pleasuring, women can acknowledge all orgasms before climax and bring that knowledge to their lovemaking with their partners.

The dichotomy is that we are told not to touch “down there.” As old myths fall we now know that self pleasuring is healthy and constructive. It enhances pleasure when intimate with a partner and adds to mutual pleasuring. YES, it’s ok to reach “down there” and assist a partner in pleasuring you.

masturbation2Some experience their first, and often multi, orgasms with the aid of a vibrator. Pleasure devices have been around since ancient times such as Ben Wa balls, which are now replaced with cordless vibrators. The use of a vibrator to explore one’s body for pleasure is recommended; however, it is never a replacement for lovemaking. One person said they didn’t want a vibrator because “it’s not warm and it doesn’t hug me.” The key point is the more you know about your body, the more pleasure is available to you, and your partner as well.

For men, self pleasuring allows for extended erections and delay of orgasms. Often vibrators extend lovemaking and avoid premature ejaculation. Simply by stroking without allowing ejaculation, men can learn to last longer and longer in their lovemaking.

Although couples can pleasure themselves in front of each other as foreplay or as a learning experience, self pleasuring is different. It is the only time you get to make love to someone you really love — no one can pleasure you like you! Even as you tell your partner how to pleasure you, and he or she pleasures you, it is different. Not better, just different.

Have fun, explore, be pleasured!

Author’s Bio:

Nationally renowned author, teacher, lecturer and inventor Dr. Stuart Bloch, DD, PhD, ChT is one of the nation’s leading experts on sex and sexual relationships. He is the founder of The Institute for Sexual Awareness (www.isasex.org), a research and educational trust whose purpose is to educate people to have more pleasure and satisfaction in relationships. This article is based on Dr. Bloch’s new book, “Conversations with the World’s Greatest Lover” found on Amazon.com.

May Has Cum…Have You? Masturbation Month.

maymasturbationmonth

In case you were wondering, May is National Masturbation Month. The celebration of May as National Masturbation Month began in 1995 in San Francisco as a response to the forced resignation of then U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders.

After a speech at the United Nations World AIDS Day in 1994, an audience member asked Elders about masturbation’s potential for discouraging early sexual activity. She answered,“I think it is something that is part of human sexuality and a part of something that perhaps should be taught.”

That was the end of Elders’ career as America’s first black Surgeon General, but the spark for National Masturbation Month. Offended by Elders’ ouster, the ever progressive, pro-sex staff of San Francisco’s sex toy and education company Good Vibrations decided to find a way to keep the focus on Elders’ unjust firing, and to bring talk about masturbation into the mainstream in just the way Elders had envisioned.

Realizing that large number of folks lacked support and advice to help them enjoy the simple, basic act of masturbation, Good Vibrations sought to provide support, advice, and reassurance for people looking to open their own personal sexual horizons.

And so was born National Masturbation Month. Among the first steps Good Vibrations took was to promote masturbation as healthy, safe and natural way to express one’s sexuality, thereby removing much of the shame and stigma have so long colored the act masturbation.

So, is it true, as so many believe that masturbation is so commonplace, natural, pleasurable and healthy that “ninety-eight percent of us masturbate, and the other two percent are liars?” If so, why do we need an entire month to educate people on something they’re already enjoying?

The answer is twofold: First, to help those already enjoying themselves to delve further. Second, and most importantly, it looks like plenty of people might still benefit from some encouragement and education.

A recent cross sample study of American adults asked the question: “On average, over the past 12 months, how often did you masturbate?” Only 38 percent of women said they’d masturbated at all during the past year, while 61 percent of men had done so.

The data shows that young women seem to warm up to masturbation more slowly. The study showed women from 20- to 39-years old were the most enthusiastic masturbators, with women 18 to 20, and those over 40 masturbating less. The study is the subject of an excellent article by Journalist Michael Castleman in Psychology Today.

Earlier studies have shown that rates of masturbation are higher for both men and women with higher education, more frequent sexual thoughts, sexual experimentation before puberty, and more lifetime sexual partners. Moreover, masturbation has documented physical benefits for both men and women, to say nothing of likely emotional and psychological benefits.

Health Benefits for Men
A 2007 article in Sexual and Relationship Therapy notes that masturbation may help men improve immune system function, build resistance to prostate gland infection, promote overall prostate health. Moreover, Australian researchers have shown that frequent masturbation may lower a man’s risk of developing prostate cancer.

A survey of men found the more frequently a man masturbates between the ages of 20 and 50, the less likely they are to get prostate cancer. In fact, those who masturbated more than five times a week were one-third less likely to develop prostate cancer.

These findings were the subject of a 2003 Doonesbury panel by Pulitzer Prize-winning Garry Trudeau. In the panel, one character alludes to masturbation as “self-dating.” Nearly half of the 700 papers which normally syndicate Doonesbury did not to run that strip, proving that public discussion of masturbation is still a thorny issue for some, and perhaps attesting to the need for an observance like National Masturbation Month.

Health Benefits for Women
Women who masturbate regularly increase their resistance to yeast infections. Masturbation helps women release pre-menstrual tension and other physical discomfort associated with menstrual cycles, like cramps. Masturbation increases blood flow to the pelvic region, which helps to reduce pelvic cramping and related backaches. Masturbation can also help to alleviate chronic back pain and increase a woman’s overall pain threshold.

Health Benefits for Both Men and Women
For both men and women, masturbation is the safest sex possible, with no possibility of sexually transmitted disease, or of unwanted pregnancy. It’s a great way to relieve stress, and release a nice flood of mood boosting endorphins. Masturbation is both a natural energizer, and a good way to help you sleep better, depending on the time of day. Lastly, masturbation helps to build stronger pelvic floor muscles, which can improve sexual performance and enjoyment. The benefits of masturbation for men and women is the subject of an excellent article for Fox News by Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright.

So, don’t just stand there, get out and celebrate National Masturbation Month. I’ll leave the details to you.

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Creating Desire – Cultivating a Sexual Practice

In Tantra and Sexuality Coaching there is much talk about sexual positions and skills. There is also talk about the healing rewards that such practices can bring to an individual or couple but what is often over looked in our western society and teachings is how important it is to develop a desire for MORE, deeper, penetrating, unconditional and healing events (weather they involve intercourse of not). Tantra is a practice. Just like yoga, meditation, or any other physical/emotional/mental training that we need to practice daily or at least a set amount of times per week or month. Tantra can only assist a person or couple to the degree that the individual is willing to put into it. I am often asked when starting a new relationship with a client, “How long is this coaching/counseling/healing/etc. going to take?” Because we operate in a world that is use to deadlines and use to statistics we can hardly fathom that such deep healing and opening has no such box. There are many things that play a role in our transformational process, from how much time and effort we are willing to dedicate to the painful truth that we really have no control over our cellular or spiritual structures and how quickly they release blockages and programs. All we can do from this physical reality is take one step at a time in belief that we will succeed. Listen to our hearts and stay as open to ourselves and the call of spirit as we can. A KEY factor to any healing work is DESIRE. One must first except that they need healing. They must first wake up to the reality that life can be more, it can be blissful and that there is no reason to just except what society says we have to live by. We are Unbound! We are Divine! We are Complete! We are Powerful.

Living Unbound, believing in what may seem taboo, out of the norm or even impossible is what makes us humans so incredible! Yet we fear all of this and for many we allow society and past patterns/blockages to STOP us from living. This is even true when it comes to our love making and our spiritual practices. These two things walk hand in hand with each other and together are great liberators of the human spirit. But how do we start a Sacred Sexual Practice?

Sexual Practices can:

  • Bring you closer as a couple
  • Cultivate more sexual energy that can manifest into life force drive and creative energy
  • Expand your Awareness
  • Empower your intentions (goals/dreams)

Any practices starts with Intention! In a sexual practice you need to ask yourself and if you have a partner, your partner what you would like to set the intention of?

  • Are you wanting to become closer as a couple?
  • Are you wanting to draw into your life a lover?
  • Do you want to feel fulfilled sexually?
  • Increase pleasure?
  • Create a dream life? etc.

Once your intent is set mentally, take a few deep breaths into your lower abdominal area, allow your belly to balloon out, I refer to this as your buddah belly. Pull the intent from your minds eye don your core, into your buddah belly and then as you release the breath feel the intent moving up your spine and into your heart where it expands and takes over your entire body. Do this 3-5 times, each time increasing the expansion of the intent. really feel it. What does life feel like when you embrace living this intent? If you have a partner at this time you should both be seated comfortably, facing each other with your hands on each other chests (heart chakras).

The next step to a Sexual Practice is to Activate Your Body. Activation is key because often in life we tend to loose sensation/feeling to life. We block out pain and thus block out pleasure. Sexual practices help people to regain sensation and reprogram the body so that it can full experience and express.  Without activation an intent remains only a thought, but through activating the senses and learning to open up to life we can move toward our desires.

Activation techniques:

  • Exercise
  • Dance
  • Shaking the body
  • Tensing and releasing the bodies muscles
  • Sensual touch
  • Thai Massage

If you are sitting with your partner this  is a good time to take turns softly stating a body part. Start with your feet and move upward. You can do this is a sitting position or laying down comfortably. If alone slowly move yourself from feet to head while focusing on each body part. As you focus on a body part (left foot, right leg, stomach, chest, shoulders, etc.) tense it with your inhale and then release the tenion with your exhale. Once you have moved your focus through your whole body take a deep breath and tense your entire being then release.  You may feel like shaking the body some. After you shake go internally and feel the vibrations of your life force energy pulsing through your physical being. You are activating.

Once your body is activated it is time to Still the Mind. Granted thought always travels through us the key to “stilling the mind” is to not attach to any of the thought. Watch the thoughts pass through as though you were watching a movie screen. These thoughts do not all come from you, many if not most are coming in from the matrix of all of life and time. These thoughts are completely harmless and can do nothing unless you attach and believe them. The biggest issue humankind has is that believe thought and accept it as our own. We tie ourselves to something that is not even a reality until we marry it. Walking down the path of commitment with a thought that is not from our soul desire is much like going to Las Vegas, getting drunk and waking up the next morning married to a stranger who is now laying next to us in bed and expecting the vowels of our drunken stooper to  be endearing. It is very easy to attach to a thought and it is very easy to watch a thought pass by, but once we have attached it is damn hard to undo the legal abiding paperwork.

In order to manifest your intent (desire) you must learn to still your mind and NOT attach to other thought.

Method’s of Clearing Mind Chatter:

  • meditation
  • deep breathing together or solo (when you focus on your breath and its flow you cannot help but clear the mind. You are being present in the breath.)
  • Couple’s can spoon each other while deep breathing together.

If you are coupled, try synchronizing your breath, then alternate your breath. Do each of these 5-10 times. Exhale with an AWH, so that you fully feel your breath and also share with your partner that you are exhaling. This also opens communication. Breathe in unison.

Solo or coupled: Place the tip of your tounge on the roof of your mouth. Hold it there while breathing to complete the energy circuit of your breath in the body.

Breathe in and out of the nose.

Once you have set your intent, activated your body and then stilled your mind it is time to Arouse Your Sexual Energy!

Our sexual energy is the catalyst to our dreams manifesting. If you look out into this world you will see most of humankind suppressing their desires, their dreams and their sexual energy. Because we are taught that it is not okay to be sexual beings we restrict our true power of being human. If we were meant to be like other mammals on the planet then we would only mate for off spring and we would have a set cycle for this, we would not experience orgasm or ans joy in the mating process. A kiss or touch would not mean so much and certainly not cause the wondrous sensations that they do. But we were not designed to have sexual energy just for the making of babies! We were given bodies that can experience bliss and through our connection with bliss we can manifest our desires. We can set an intent, a goal or visualize a dream and we can supercharge it with our creative life force energy: Our Sex!

Methods of Arousal:

  • Masturbation (but not to climax)
  • Intercourse (but not to climax)
  • Erotic Massage and Play

What feels REALLY arousing to you? We have our turn on’s.

If you are coupled or not an easy exercise is to bring your awareness to your genitals with your eye’s closed. Focus on your root chakra (men this is located between your scrotum and your anus, women this is in your vagina on the back wall), on your inhale contract these muscles and on your exhale release these muscles. Do this 3-5 times. Place a hand or your lovers hand on your genitals now (clothed or not) start to rotate your hips, side to side, back and forth, up and down as though you were making love. Add in some thrusting and sounds as though you were really engaged in sex. Feel your genitals. Focus on the energy/vibration that you feel there, the heat. If you want this is a good place to actually engage further into lovemaking if you have not with yourself or a partner.

The next step to your Sexual Practice is to Transmute Your Sexual Energy.

This means to move the energy that you have aroused and accumulated in your sex organs throughout your entire body. Simple ways to do this are:

  • Breathing
  • Touch Points (Acupressure)
  • Muscle Contractions
  • Visualization

If you are masturbating, making love or just practicing this arousal in a PG fashion with your clothes on in a group environment or outside in nature someplace, at this time contract your root chakra and hold the tension in the muscle. Breathe deep as you can into your groin and buddha belly. When you feel you can take in no more air, take one more sniff and then slowly exhale. Then breath in deep for a 3-5 breaths where you bring air in through your nose, down your front side into your belly and groin and the squeeze your root and let the air travel up your spine, into your head and out through your mouth. Feel your sex becoming more awake, ALIVE, Aroused, Unbound!!!!!!!

You can visualize the energy releasing from your head and spraying out into the universe, birthing your desires (intent) or if you are masturbating or making love with a partner this is the time to bring yourselves to orgasm. Remember though to not get lost in the physical sensations or thoughts/fantasies that are not part of YOUR intent. You must remain present and focused. Fully feeling, fully pressing forward with your lover or self into an orgasmic state of bliss and manifestation. Pull yourself into your heart and fully feel your lover, yourself, your intent. You can choose to release your energy here as you breathe deep and feel your intent manifesting or you can pause and decide to play in this space weather it be for a few moments with your lover or to slow down your sexing and take this incredible energy out into the world space with you and play with it there.

Playing in this Space is all about living and experiencing from the heart center instead of the groin. The above exercises can bring your sexual energy into your heart where  it can be increased by 5,000 fold or more. This allows you to feel deeper into love and into life, expand your sexual energy and use it not just for physical pleasure but for creation of a dream life. In this state of being your body is naturally producing more yummie chemicals that keep you activated in a higher vibration such as oxytocin and PEA. These chemicals are what makes us fall in love, feel bonding and connection and open us to further desire and creation. If you decide to complete your practice in sexual climax or orgasm alone or with your partner you will be super charged from these steps to continue your practice and play into your day and out in the world. Feeling this intense yummie energy rise up from your sex and travel through your body, attaching it to your conscious intention and allowing the life changing vibrations at the cellular level to help you unfold your Unbound Dream Life will bring you into the playing filed of many great leaders of today and times gone by. You can learn more about the power of Transmuting Your Sexual Energy in in the book Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.

–KW (Musing is an Overview of a recent Satsang offered through Tantric Transformation)

 

That Shameful Yoga Ass

Sometimes you have to question the reasoning that people have to allow for such improper events to occur. What am I speaking of?  Parenting choices and the personal level of respect that we help our children to have for themselves. As a mother myself this very thought topic effects many of my choice’s day to day. What sort of example am I setting for them? How do they perceive my happiness, comfort in self, self-esteem and love of self? Are they seeing a strong, morally sound, well centered, loving woman or are they seeing an ill, repressed, confused, emotionally unstable, blaming woman who cannot get through her own garbage?

The fact of the matter in my life is that I have come to a state of being where I am who I am in each moment.  I am an emotional creature as god wired me so, but I am not quick to erupt or tormented by past traumas that I cannot seem to release to the shadows of a time gone by and lessons learned. The harmony outside of my physical body stems from the inner peace, self-love, acceptance and realization that reality is what it is in the present moment.  I have learned through the course of time and many harsh lessons that I am perfect and divine just the way I am and in however I choose to show up in the moment. There is no need to make apologies for being.  This is what I hope to share with my children, peace, acceptance and self awareness.  But how do we share these lessons? How do we make certain that we are walking the walk of the internal guru? How do we really know that our children see and hear these valuable life models of being?

Let me share a story.

yogaass

“It was a cold dreary day and the power kept resetting as the storm blew through causing our clocks to be off by who knows how many minutes. Mornings are always a quick moving, testing time within my home as three of my children have to be awoken from their slumber, eat breakfast, get lunches made, signatures in planners and the biggest ordeal, their shoes on. Like all mornings this was happening except with the time being wrong, we ran late and I decided that I would drive them the two blocks in the rain and wind instead of them getting cold and soaked as well as any later by walking.  We get to the school and they say goodbye and I love you as they slam the car doors shut and make a mad dash to the front doors of the school. Just then my attention goes from mommy mode and taxi driver to a deep breath. As I inhaled my ears opened and I tuned into the radio station that was playing in the car. The hosts on the station were having a deep conversation about some of the current events happening in some of our local schools. They were sharing that a few middle schools and even a high school (I think) were passing new dress codes, as the schools had come to the conclusion that yoga pants should not be allowed to be worn as every day dress.  

One male host shared his take that the parents allowing their daughters to wear yoga pants were just trying to be “cool parents” instead of instilling in their child a proper way of dressing and how when one dresses in this uncouth manner (yoga wear/exercise wear/COMFORT wear) that they are actually causing issues for others.  The focus was not on the girls comfort and ability to JUST BE THEMSELVES but on how the boy’s in school were being tormented by the yoga booties and that girls need to take full responsibility for the boy’s reactions. “

What about jeans?

Who remember’s the perfectly fitting, beautiful ass showing Rocky Mountain Jeans from the 80’s?

sexyjeans

Okay, so I get that I am not the average parent or individual for that matter in my viewing of things and how I process what the world brings to me. I get that I am far more open and a realist to life when it comes to everything especially my children and them growing up. But seriously, this whole talk seemed to be on shaming young women ages 11-18 for wearing yoga pants.  And to this the shame that is being bestowed on this group of young women carries out into the world to ALL women. And effects ALL males.

My questions to this topic of shameful yoga bootie are:

Is there anything that does not turn on or side track a young man when he is in his hormone high season?

What is more empowering to young men and women: teaching that someone else is responsible for our thoughts, feelings and actions (thus happiness or lack thereof) or that we are the creators of our inner world, it is OUR choice to focus on what thought, feeling or action we have or make?

Is socially shaming anyone or a group for something really benefiting the morality of the whole?

If a woman or girl who is wearing “yoga pants” is raped or sexually assaulted should we let the poor blinded boy/man off the hook because it was actually the girls fault?

bindingboobs

By shaming a young woman for this or a young man for something else are we really creating a healthy sexual future for this person(s)?

If we allow tank tops, tighter fitting t-shirts, yoga pants, or whatever else comes up to be illegal attire for everyday wear for young women because it side tracks the boys then should we also start having young women bind their bosoms so that their forming breasts do not side track the young men?

How about we just cover young developing women up from head to toe; only allowing their eyes to be revealed so that the boys can learn how to suppress and get a grip on their hormones and desires?

muslimgirls

The fact of the matter here is we exist in a sexually repressed culture.  One where more and more people are turning inward and shutting down. Depression, anxiety, sexual issues, mental illness, anger, fatigue, and dis-ease are all at an all time high. More and more cases of people suffering from being bipolar, ADD, ADHD, and stress induced illnesses are being reported.  Sexual crimes and abuse in many fashions are also growing at phenomenal rates. Our fear for the young women in yoga pants is that they will fall prey to someone who has not learned how to deal with their sexuality in a healthy fashion. We also fear that if young men are surrounded by too much mental stimulation that they will burst and become one of these ill acting sexually challenged souls.

As parents, teachers and a society we want the best for our youth but we really have no clue of how to create it. The reason for this is because we are all victims raised by victims and has been programmed to believe that our sexuality is the source of all evil. Okay so maybe you were taught that money was the source of all evil, well money and sexuality is what causes ALL the worlds’ pain, suffering and demise.  MmmmHmmmm! Sure.

Pain, suffering, ill behaviors, war, terror, rape, and more are all caused not by money and sexuality but by power hungry ego thoughts that manifest into actions of control. When we start to believe that someone else is responsible for making us happy, providing for our love, our bliss, our stress release and that if they do not do the right things and give us what we “need” then they are causing us suffering in some fashion so we have to TAKE it or at least try taking it (forcing our will onto another), we have the true culprit of suffering.

By teaching our young male population that a girl should not do this, say that, wear this, listen to that or act some certain way we are in fact teaching the young male population that their thoughts and actions should be based on what someone else is “causing” them to feel or think. This is not being proactive for the self. We are also sending mixed teachings to young men saying that it is okay for a man to speak, do, act, go topless, etc.  But not a female, thus teaching that man rules woman. In the same essence we tell boys to respect women and treat them like ladies, yet we pump our media, games and movies full of the reverse. We worry about young men seeing a girl in yoga pants and a t-shirt at school and getting a hard on but we have no worries about the porn he has on his phone, his computer or the virtual women he is in combat with that are almost naked and portraying women in a plastic sense. We tell young men to not act on their sexual desires as they are sinful or sex is only for marriage or a committed relationship, that masturbation is nasty or dirty, yet when we walk into a store or turn on the TV we are bombarded with sexual advertising and shows and games that show the opposite. The same goes for young women.

The policy change on yoga pants for some schools will not prevent boys from being sidetracked or have sexual desires and act on them, but these policies will go to feeding the sexual shame and repression that so many women suffer from. The next generation will have one more lashing of shame to overcome. Sadly the young men of today who are being tormented by this shameful yoga ass will in future years  be tormented in a much more severe way. That once hot yoga ass girl will not be able to open up to deep loving penetration and orgasm with her lover because through the years the suppression of who she was and the ability to be comfortable in herself and in the pants she chose to wear will cause her to block physical and emotional feeling. She will need healing for shame and taught how her sexuality is empowering not sinful. That is IF she awakens to why she feels so lost, so ill, repressed, confused, emotionally unstable, blaming  and possibly even suicidal. IF she can find the courage 20-30 years down the road to deal with her garbage that was tossed into her youth by a sexually repressed and ill society.

Some do, most don’t. Welcome to the world of pharmaceutical drugs, street drugs, alcohol, 70% divorce rates, affairs, domestic abuse and emotional whirl-winds!!!!

–KW