WHEN I MAKE LOVE TO YOU.
I make love to me as well.
You open me to depths of my soul that no other has even come close.
I witness my joy,
all in your arms,
and I feel carried in your presence.
As you look at me,
with eyes on fire with passion and admiration,
I feel the sweetness of your heart,
as well as its hunger.
When my breasts touch your chest,
and you pull me closer,
I feel decades passing through us.
There is no time nor space,
it is but only the here and now.
As you enter my body with yours,
I breathe deep with anticipation,
I feel athirst for your nectors that feed my soul.
My chest expands as I surrender,
at your hand,
I am breathless with your touch.
My eagerness to be taken by you is never ending.
My body aches and yearns for your devouring.
And as you breathe,
my flesh tingles,
my mouth waters,
and I am wet.
I am now the ravenous one.
And you are my home.
To all my followers who crave a relationship, a love that penetrates them to their core.
Yearning for the entwinement with “the one” that twin soul, that soulmate, that knows you beyond words or life memories of this time.
These are the images, the feelings and vibrations that we were born to expereince and we are in search for in our love, in our sex, in our relating. We do not hunger for surface level, superficial relationships, no matter how often we choose to settle for them.
What we desire is the fulfillment of what we know is our home.
And you my dear follower/reader can have just this.
But how you may wonder?
If you currently are not looking into the eyes of home, ‘then how can you call that sort of love in?
It’s all about authenticity and integrity with self.
It’s all about loving self beyond your darkness and mistakes.
It’s all about KNOWING that YOU ARE WORTHY,
worthy of this connection.
And in these things your vibrations will meet.
And you too my dear will experience home.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
2020 was a nasty year for relationships.
Couples and singles alike.
Hard to meet new people.
Difficult to do anything with your current partner.
The stress and worry exhausted many relationships,
and I am here to share with you that 2021 does not have to be the same.
Reach out to me today for my exclusive offers for 2021 for couples to bring back the passion, singles to find true love and more.
LIMITED Opportunities to work with me 1:1
IF YOU EVER LOVED ME.
If you ever loved me you would not let me hurt like this.
If you ever loved me you would rethink your actions.
If you ever loved me you would take the time to hear me.
If you ever loved me you would want to share.
If you ever loved me you would give me closure.
If you ever loved me you would make this all go away.
And so many other if you ever statements.
Boy, oh boy do I ever understand the pain of loss.
The pain of break up, divorce, seperation, being lied to and abandoned.
I understand how it feels when our worlds crash,
when our beautiful plans seize to exist,
and it all seems like it happens within a flash of time.
How can this other person who loves us,
or at least proclaimed that they did,
or at very least said that they cared,
just walk away?
How can they turn their backs to us and just keep on living their lives?
Don’t they care?
And so the story of love and loss goes on throughout all time.
And so our hearts expand and we are elated when those that we love are turned toward us,
and when they are no longer by our side we crash into pain and suffering. Feeling abandoned.
Feeling as though we spent all this time in a lie.
It just cannot be so.
It certainly is not fair or right,
and we don’t have it coming to us.
I mean how is it possible that this sort of thing could be of our own doing?
“THAT” other person made those decisions,
acted that way, said those things and lied to us,
after all. We would not bring this upon ourselves.
Well I can tell you this beautiful,
YOU MOST CERTAINLY DID BRING IT UPON YOURSELF.
One of two things happened.
Your vibe either went up past the other person or it crashed below them.
Either way it held there for a long enough period of time and was a great enough difference in frequency that the two of you were no longer in alignment and thus the relationship had to end.
So which direction did you go?
This is actually the important thing to question if you truly give a sh*t about your future and who you are.
If you love yourself that is.
And so many people just don’t.
Hope that this is not you though.
You can tell what direction you went by looking at your thoughts,
your feelings and your actions.
If you are the one who leveled up your frequency then this relationship transition will be pretty smooth and easy. You may be in pain, you may feel a tad lost, you may want closure even but at the end of the day you will recognize that the most loving this you can ever offer someone is space to expand, to be them and to have a beautiful life with or without you and in this case it means without you. That may be a stinger, but a high vibe soul will walk away in love and know that the lessons offered in that relationship were powerful, perfect and have helped them gain clarity in who they are and what they want. A high vibe soul will know that what they need to do now is turn their full attention to themselves and clearing out anything that no longer serves them from within.
A high vibe soul will be in appreciation and gratitude for the relationship and the break up.
Yep I said that.
Gratitude for the break up,
because they see its purpose.
However, a low vibe soul will flounder in pain, suffering and blame.
They will demand attention and stomp around like a three year old having a tantrum. They will act out in childish ways, trying to cause pain in hope of gaining attention from the one they lost. They will not be able to take responsibility for their part in the transition and they will feel as though they simply cannot move forward until the other person does this or that to clear things up for them.
They will focus on fear and they will want the other to feel pain as well.
They will not see the growth and opportunity that the transition brings with it, but instead see destruction and attack.
A low vibe soul cannot see past their own ego to find the love that was there in the relationship and still remains.
A low vibe soul is caught in their own inner hell where they will reside until they choose to view life differently and take responsibility for the events, thoughts and feelings that are all thiers. They will be destined to repeat the drama that they believe is happening to them over and over again, where they will mask themselves from their beauty, their core and alignment to God all in the concept that “it’s not fair.”
So you see beautiful,
It is very important that you know what direction you went in the transition. It says bundles as to where you are now and what you are manifesting for your future.
It shows just how much love you have for yourself and whether you understand how powerful you are.
Because you are powerful.
You co-created this transition for the purpose of becoming more of WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
No matter the direction you went ( up or down in frequency) this fact remains the same.
Now the only thing you need worry about is not if the other loved you, or still does, but if you love you enough to let go and thrive.
You are so f-cking worthy of a F-ck Yes! Life.
It’s time that you recognize that and see that ALL relationships are here to elevate you, educate you and clarify what you want and who you really are.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to kick 2021 off with a high vibe and call in the relationship of your dreams? Meet your soulmate and know that you really got this? Message me for deet’s on what I have in store to make just this happen and more for YOU.
I CAN’T SEE PAST YOU.
I am going to get real with you, raw with you, vulnerable and share something that scares the shit out of me today in this musing.
I sure am not, but here we go anyway 🙂
I recently let down my guards.
I recently decided to just drop the fear of letting love penetrate me to my core,
I recently took down my shield that was protecting my delicate hungry heart,
and I allowed my soul to lead me right into possibly the last relationship of my life.
I possibly opened the floodgates to something that I have craved for, desired and sampled in ways in the past but did not actually believe was possible,
or thought oh that will happen in my golden years if I am lucky.
Folks, I can’t see past him.
WTF am I to do with that?
Never before have I not been able to see a life past someone.
Even my deepest loves in my past I could see life past them,
without them, it may not have been what I wanted for or desired but I could still look past them and know that there was more,
something greater, deeper, more elevating and penetrating.
And here I sit today with the realization that I can’t see past him.
I can’t keep ignoring the words and feelings that rise up in my core,
my soul screams them, my eyes communicate them, my heart shakes and makes me know its desire and to make matters worse he just keeps confirming all of it to me in soft ways and direct ways.
I am done with looking for the gotcha’s.
Done with trying to find what’s wrong, why it would not work, should not work, cannot happen. Done with giving a shit about what the world says….
Sorta taking a Bonnie Raitt approach to this and just going with,
“Let’s give them something to talk about.”
Because the alignment is too f-cking damn good to ignore and turn away from any longer.
I AM ALL ABOUT THE ENERGY.
Everything is energy.
It’s the most potent, important thing when we are looking at anything in our lives. Especially when we are looking at relationships and building a F-ck Yes! Life.
It’s not just chemistry.
Chemistry can fade.
There is New Relationship Energy (NRE) that we all have on the front side of getting together with someone, and it typically lasts anywhere from six months to 3 years if we are lucky, but then it fades and we start to see our partners clearly and as the humans that they are.
We can feel alignment when we are meeting in the wounds of our life and they are sinking up with someone else’s,
We can feel energy when we have physical attraction, mental stimulation, emotional bonding or a feeling that someone “gets us” but true energetic connection goes deeper than all of this.
Real soul alignment is more than that feeling like you are seen or understood.
Energetic Alignment in Intimate relationships is about elevation of the souls.
And it comes from a place of your core.
It comes from two individuals being aligned to who they are first without each other.
Not needing each other, but choosing to add the cherry of the relationship into their already damn good life picture.
True soul alignment is a feeling of coming home.
And when you reach that feeling of coming home you most likely will not be able to see a relationship past this one that elevates you into wanting so much more from life and yourself.
Soul based relating is about expansion in love.
It is about reaching your edge and knowing that you can go further because you are limitless and together you are limitless.
It’s a love that extends past time and space.
My experience over the last six weeks of my life is one of great momentum.
Going zero to 300 you could say.
A hundred years traveled in a little over a month,
the feeling of making up for lifetimes of lost time.
A merger of energy so great that I simply don’t have words to describe.
A shattering of my heart that is breathtaking and welcoming.
And here is something I have recognized in my work with thousands of people through the years who have been through this process of coming into soul aligned relationships of this depth and magnitude:
You can see the steps as to how you arrived right where you are at and how f-cking perfect everything is. How the synchronicities, the crazy little coincidences, how people, places and timelines guided you to this moment, to this relationship and how had you chosen differently you would have set things back or even missed it.
YOU HAD TO BECOME A MATCH TO THIS ENERGY.
And that is the truth.
We forget how WE,
Yes, we and only we can do this for ourselves. That we have to become a match to the person that we want to call into our lives.
All this talk about soulmates, twin flames, etc….
and the thing that we forget to realize is that we only get to have these powerful, dynamic fully turned on passionate and limitless relationships WHEN we choose to do our damn work and get rock solid in our core as to who the f-ck we are and what we want in life.
We have to be unwavering and selfish MF’s to get our energy aligned to this kind of empowered relationship.
Until we do so,
we spend our time learning about ourselves,
about what we want and what we do not want.
We take ourselves through the school of love and relationship and gain our education into SELF.
And then if we become self-aware.
If we become “woke” as some would say,
then without reservation, without even trying you find yourself just lined up to the most precious, yummy, juicy, fully absorbing, ignited relationship that you can imagine.
You will see how you were sampling pieces of it in previous experiences. You were being given the gift of being able to recognize this relationship quickly when you finally decided to become a match to it.
And when it comes for you,
there will just be a KNOWING.
The questions stop.
Your ego may try to put up a fight,
it may attempt to sabotage out of fear of getting hurt again,
but under that you will still have this undeniable feeling of CERTAINTY.
And the world won’t matter.
Your fears will not hold a candle to the power of your heart.
Other opinions, judgement, perceptions you will just turn away from without worry,
because you will just KNOW.
Like you know yourself,
you will recognize this soul aligned relationship.
And you will continue to run forward in faith and enthusiasm.
And you most likely will not be able to look past this relationship.
Beautiful isn’t it?
Intimacy share dear reader:
I sat here the other morning, alone, drinking my coffee, breathing in the crisp morning air, feeling this soul with me energetically even though we were not physically together. I closed my eyes and saw his. And with a breath I fast forwarded through this life,
I sat at the doorstep of death and I took it in.
I felt the goodbye of the physical and I felt his hand in mine.
And I welcomed it because it was a spectacular sharing of a lifetime,
and I knew that not even death could take this from us.
It’s powerful and pure.
It’s limitless and it is what we all crave and desire.
We may settle for logical, smart and fun.
We may settle for “good enough.”
But we always remain hungry until we access our core and get aligned and right with self.
And then leap in faith into life and let ourselves be carried to what we KNOW is home.
“I can see the rest of my breaths in this lifetime in your arms.”
Yes I can.
I encourage you today my love, to look deep within yourself and ask yourself if you are settling or contemplating settling for just “good enough” in your relationship, in your love?
How does that knowing that you are settling make you feel?
Sit with that for a second if you can.
Stop making excuses.
Stop looking for the reasons and focusing on the fear of what if…
Instead know that you are worthy of a great penetrative love.
You are worthy of accessing heaven and experiencing a soul merger that you know at your core can be so,
but you currently have no knowledge or relationship with.
You must be willing to meet yourself though.
You must be willing to let go of your ego based loving ways,
you’re codependent habits and desires,
and you must be willing to be complete and whole in WHO YOU ARE FIRST.
This is your work.
This is the only earning you will ever have to do.
Become elevated to who you are and that soul aligned relationship will magically appear overnight.
what you desire and want,
wants and desires you too.
It’s time that you say F-ck Yes To YOU Love.
Elevate your love.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Ready to elevate your love and life in 2021?
Ready to call in that soul aligned relationship that you cannot see past?
Let’s get you aligned to your core love.
Reach out to me for information on my 1:1 and group coaching programs starting in January 2021 and the early bird discounts for those coming later this month.
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IF….
I WERE TO TELL YOU I WANT YOUR SEX…
HIS SEX… HIS SEX… AND HIS…..
That’s a hard pill to swallow no matter if you are a man or a woman hearing it from your partner.
When the one you have invested your life with,
shared so many firsts with,
are doing this thing called life with,
comes to you and says that they desire to explore another,
or a few others.
The first reaction is fear.
The next anger.
And then you question,
“whats wrong with me, why am I not good enough.”
It feels like your partner has just told you that you mean nothing to them.
It feels like they just drove a million swords into your heart,
into your love and happiness.
And you find yourself not trusting.
feeling lonely, jealous and mad AF!
Whether they have acted on the desire of exploring another or not,
Most people struggle with their partners sharing a hunger for anyone but them.
Most feel threatened that their partner would ever even admire someone else.
Let alone say that they may want to explore someone else.
This goes against everything that we have taught since marriage came into play thousands of years ago.
But I tell you this little tidbit of truth in relationships.
No matter if you are in a monogamous or open relationship,
it is crazy stupid to think that all our desire,
all our noticing of others,
all of our attractions end for anyone else on this planet and is to ONLY be directed toward the one that we have sworn our sex too, our hearts too, our lives with.
The belief that desiring another is not healthy is perhaps one of the most toxic beliefs that can fall into a relationship.
It causes shame, guilt and separation in the relationship.
It prevents each party from being truly authentic with self or each other, and it creates a victim mindset.
Think about it,
In our culture that values but does not uphold monogamy we have programmed ourselves to believe everything that is not coming from love.
We say that we unconditionally love someone.
We say that we value honesty and truth above anything.
we say that we want our partner to shine,
to be happy and feel their best.
We claim that freedom is high on our list of desires.
We say that we do not want to own anyone.
And then we do everything in our power to do just the opposite.
And we start by preventing our partner from feeling their truth.
and ourselves as well.
We start by saying that from here forth we are it for each other.
Neither of us will EVER think about, look at or have a desire for anything or anyone outside of this relationship.
And if one of us do,
well we certainly better never admit it,
but if we do have a thought or feeling and it gets seen by the other then that will cause great jealousy and fear.
It will prove that the desiring partner is not to be trusted.
It will prove that the love was not real.
It will prove that there is a lack of commitment.
Here we have some of the greatest lies told to humans in relationships.
THE LIE THAT JEALOUSY IS NORMAL AND IT IS AN INDICATOR OF LOVE.
Jealousy has zero to do with love and everything to do with fear and lack of self-worth. It is about controlling someone else through emotional warfare to hold them in place to where we remain comfortable and feel safe. Jealousy is a sign of insecurity in the one feeling it and has NOTHING to do with actual love.
THE LIE THAT YOU SHOULD MEET YOUR PARTNERS EVERY NEED AND IF YOU DON’T THEN YOU ARE INADEQUATE OR THEY ARE TOO NEEDY.
This is a most unreal expectation placed on all of us in a relationship.
No one will ever be able to meet someone elses every need. No where else in our life experience are we expected to fulfill every need met for any person in our lives, children, friends or work related, we understand that it takes a village to meet all the needs. However when it comes to our sexual/romantic relationships we believe differently.
Here we get trapped in the concept that our partner MUST be our everything. That they must complete us. And if they do not or we cannot for them then we are not good enough or they are not. If we do everything that we can to fulfill every need and fall short then perhaps our partners are too needy, perhaps they want for too much and are even using us or taking us for granted.
When in truth these expectations are simply unreal, causing shame, guilt and feelings of a lack of worthiness or enoughness in one or both parties.
THE IDEA THAT YOUR INSECURITIES ARE YOUR PARTNER’S RESPONSIBILITY TO TIP TOE AROUND AND NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO WORK ON.
We are told that if our partner loves us then they will do everything in their power to not hurt us. To not harm our feelings and that if our feelings get hurt that it is a direct attack from someone who is being selfish and uncaring. We walk into a relationship expecting the other to magically never trigger us into any negative feelings or thoughts and to be able to read our past memories and current moods and thoughts without us having to say anything to them. And when they do not… OMFG! how disrespectful and uncaring.
The blame game is among one of our favorite games to play because it takes our responsibility away from managing ourselves and allows us to manipulate our partners emotions by having them believe that they are so powerful because of the love that we hold for them to make or break us in any given moment. We expect them to change and to grow, to become better so that we can somehow avoid the hassle of ownership of our own mind, hearts and actions. “You made me feel….” ” You should have known…” etc.
The truth is that NO ONE is responsible for our feelings or thoughts. Our hyperactive sensitivity has nothing to with this world or anyone else in it, instead it shows how insecure we are in ourselves about who we are and how we choose to turn over our power consistently in the pursuit to get what we want the most in that moment… control over someone else’s actions, thoughts and feelings. The only person who can ever help us or change us is the person in the mirror and until we fall in love with that person and fully accept them in all their humanness we will never feel secure in the arms of another.
THE BELIEF THAT COMMITMENT IS SYNONYMOUS WITH EXCLUSIVITY.
Commitment = Exclusivity is the common belief. If you desire or need any other romantic/sexual or emotional relationship then you are not committed. Matter a fact you are considered to have commitment fears and issues. This is sort of like saying if you have more than one child you can only be committed to one child and none of the others. There is only so much love to go around. Only so much concern. If you are committed then you should not ever have any curiosity. You should never feel a connection with anyone else.
And if you do, well you are not committed. You are not to be trusted. And certainly do not value the love that you share.
When the truth is that these two are not the same.
To be committed is to be dedicated and loyal to someone.
That does not mean that you have to exclude every other person from your life and all relationships that may trigger your partner.
Commitment is something that is unique by definition to each individual, because loyalty or dedication means something different to each.
Yet in many relationships we believe that once we are with someone that we can no longer have friends of the opposite sex, that we have to be completely different around the opposite sex, and we have to close off our personalities, close down the things that we enjoy and avoid at all cost or risk the perception that we are not committed in our relationship. This also comes back to the concept that we are responsible for our partners’ insecurities.
But it is not true.
THE IDEA THAT YOUR VALUE TO YOUR PARTNER IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO THE AMOUNT OF TIME AND ENERGY THEY SPEND WITH YOU, AND ZERO-SUM COMPETITION WITH EVERYTHING ELSE THEY VALUE IN LIFE – INCLUDING OTHER RELATIONSHIPS.
When we are in a romantic relationship we feel like we need to attach at the hip. After all, this person is our person. This is our best friend, our lover, our life partner. We should want to spend as much time together as possible, right. And if they care, if they really love us then there will be zero competition with anything else in their lives. They will want to be with us more than they want to learn that new skill, or play with their hobby, more than they want to work on themselves or build their career, and they most certainly will ALWAYS choose us over any other relationship.
Just because we are in a romantic relationship does not mean that all of our desire for everything else should go away. It does not mean that we stop wanting to explore and expand alone. It does not mean that we must spend every possible waking moment together nor that we need to experience every first with each other. These are ridiculous, illogical ideas that can not be manifested without killing desire for our partner and creating boredom.
In order for us to crave our partners we must expand as an individual. We must have a life outside of our mate. So often people feel like they have lost themselves, that they don’t know who they are anymore or that their partner does not see them anymore. This all stems from the fact that they prevented the space for growth as an individual and thus lost the magic of the relationship.
THE IDEA THAT BEING OF VALUE TO YOUR PARTNER SHOULD ALWAYS MAKE UP A LARGE PORTION OF HOW YOU VALUE YOURSELF.
You complete me is a common statement that you hear in romantic relationships. The idea of being completed by someone lends to it the concept that because we feel fulfilled by a relationship that if that person ever changes or needs for something else or more that in turn we are not of as much value to them therefore we lose our own self-value because the thing that shows of the evidence of being worthy and valuable/lovable has changed.
This is crazy. Self-worth, love and value should never be sought for or hinge on anything outside of ourselves and our relationship to self and if we believe in God then to God or Source. The outside world and everyone in it just like ourselves are ever changing. We have no control over what occurs outside of ourselves and if we hinge our value on such we will never be strong in who we are or know ourselves. We will never feel safe or be able to trust.
THE IDEA THAT THERE IS A “ONE” OR SOULMATE AND THAT THIS INSURMOUNTABLE LOVE CAN OVERCOME ANY OBSTACLES OR DIFFERENCES.
We buy into the idea that there is only “one” true love and that when we find it that it will be able to conquer all challenges. However, when that does not happen then we feel shortchanged, untrusting and question if love even exists. The reality is that love, any love has its limits because we do not think of love in an unconditional way. We mix love up with need therefore the love that we desire to achieve in our relationships often comes with many hidden expectations as well as feelings of a need to control it out of fear of losing it.
The concept of “the one” is beautiful and brings with it the idea that we are uniquely made just for someone else, meaning that we are indispensable to our partner. However this like so many other toxic beliefs in relationships is illogical. We each are unique no matter what, however if we are so needed by someone else is that love or need that is ruling our relationship and thus heart and with that is there any room for each individual to grow, change or transform as life will do to all of us? There is not under the guise of this belief. Because if we evolve as individuals then we may grow out of certain needs with our soulmate. Thus creating separation and a disconnect if both are not growing singularly as well as a couple.
In truth what we see with “the one” is that we are each “the one” for RIGHT NOW for someone and they for us. And maybe that relationship is romantic, maybe it is not. But what we are to gain from the relationship experience is a greater knowing of self through the experience of another who challenges us, triggers us and calls us forth to become so much more of who we truly are.
These relationship myths and beliefs are an under current to our society. They are put on pedestals in our culture from movies and songs, to paintings and literature. They are focused upon in our spiritual study and ingrained in us from our pastors, family and friends.
All of them lead us to a false concept of love.
Unreal expectations of relationships for self and our partners and separation of self by preventing us from not owning our hearts, our thoughts and feelings, let alone our desires and needs out of fear of losing what we call love that is actually control over another.
No matter the label that you put on your relationship the question that you should ask of yourself and your partner of RIGHT NOW is,
“Can I be me unapologetically and authentically without a fear of losing you because of me being me? “
If you can both answer yes truthfully then you have love and acceptance of self and each other. These are the building blocks to an ever evolving relationship and life.
If not, then you need to ask yourself if sacrificing yourself for your lifetime will ever bring you the happiness and love that you are hoping it will?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn more about authentic relating and how to develop a relationship based in unconditional love? Reach out to me to learn more about my couples and individual coaching today.
It’s time to realize that you are worthy of a beautiful relationship.
LOVE SHOULD BE PERFECT.
And yet it never is.
A long time ago when I was living in Seattle, Washington I was attending a church in Kent with a pastor that I adored. I learned so much from Pastor Jack. He was focused on teaching the congregation about blessings, about our glory and how that translated into the law of attraction.
I still make use of his teachings today with my clients almost daily and in my shares here with you as well.
Among my favorite things he shared were,
“More than enough with plenty left over.”
Which always commanded in the belief and feeling that we are always provided for,
that we always have more than enough in the things that we need with plenty left to share.
And that the leftovers are there for us to do just that …..SHARE.
And then his other reminder of truth that I have kept in my heart and mind all these years was focused toward relationships….
The relationship of marriage.
And in today’s world,
which even though greatly different than that of just 15 years ago when Pastor Jack was preaching his wisdom to me,
is still all the same.
His words of truth were simple.
“Marry your best friend.”
Those words made me look at my marriage,
and perhaps were words that supported me to divorce a few years later. Although back then I would have felt the need to confirm that I was best friends with my then husband,
the reality was not that we were best friends.
We got along on a ton of items,
but I found that I had to restrict myself in so many ways,
and that was not friendship,
and certainly not best friends.
When I am working with couples today in my coaching practice many come to me troubled and on the cusp of a breaking up because of so many things…
*Not enough sex or bad sex.
*Abuse of one kind or another.
*Lack of sexual desire.
And most couples will start off their tale by telling me that they are best friends with their spouse,
that they can tell them anything,
that they have fantastic communication.
fill in the blank from above list here.
They believe that if they had more sex/better sex or a stronger desire for their partner,
if they were physically attracted more to them,
if they had more money in the bank,
or what have you that their marriage would be perfect.
Now the reality is that if you are in an abusive relationship ( no matter what that looks like) that chances are you need to get out of it because an abusive partner often does not see their wrong and change,
if you are in a relationship that has suffered from infidelity,
There can be work done and you can repair it and even come back stronger than ever before if love and communication/friendship is at the front stage of both parties minds.
The desire for more sex, better sex or having more desire for your partner… .these things can be detrimental if the friendship and love are not there first and if both parties are not open to raw, real discussions based in truth and love to work on these challeneges,
but if both parties are wanting the connection and can be emotionally mature to take responsibility for self and speak their truth and work together on these items,
then you can have a deeply strong bond and the sex and desire can grow from it.
The relationships that come to me wanting these things,
often have one MAJOR obstacle however…
One partner is stubborn and refuses to see the truth.
Refuses to take the matter seriously or take the time and effort required to build this part of the relationship. They don’t believe that it is their problem and that the other partner is to blame for it and needs the fixing.
However that is never the case.
Relationships are always a two way street.
It always requires both people to want to connect and come together. It requires both parties to take responsibility for themselves and to not get caught up in their old wounds from the past.
Unfortunately, this is where the relationship breaks down.
People often don’t want to do this.
They want the easy street and they say,
“Love should be easy.”
“Love should be perfect.”
We are all human.
And there is no such thing as the perfect human.
If you have a list of fifty qualities that you want and count highly important in a mate,
and you believe that you will get ALL of these qualities in one person and until you get them all that you will not settle,
I ask you to look in the mirror and ask of yourself if you exhibit all fifty of them yourself?
You are never going to find someone who is 100% of those qualities a hundred percent of the time.
They are human.
You are human.
And life changes and transforms us.
Some qualities can be developed over time.
Some are just there and a natural part of who we are,
some are based on energetic connections,
while others have everything to do with our gene pool.
If you are counting any of these qualities as love though,
you are mistaken.
Qualities do not define love.
They add to love.
They sweeten the pot.
Love is something that you cannot explain,
nor does it need to be explained.
It just is.
And when it is felt on both sides now you have something special.
LOVE COMES FROM BEING ABLE TO BE YOURSELF WITH SOMEONE ELSE, UNMASKED.
When we can do this with someone,
we feel acceptance and love for self and it translates to “loving someone else” because we see the reflection of what we are feeling for self as what we see coming or going toward another.
When we “fall in love” or catch feels for someone,
what is actually happening is that we are witnessing ourselves in love. We are falling in love with self and this other person is simply helping us see our own beauty.
That is why the best friend statement is so powerful.
In friendship there is an acceptance, an unconditional love.
It goes past all that life can change for us,
like our physical bodies appearance,
our health or financial status,
it looks past our ups and downs and even past the chemical connectors that we have on the front side of a romantic relationship that over the course of three to five years diminish and change.
But for some reason, we humans believe that love should be perfect.
That these connecting chemicals should ALWAYS be there,
that the energy and excitement of the first kiss is the way that we will remain throughout all of time,
that the person who is standing before us perfect in their skin of today will never change,
that the feelings that we are having will just remain unwavering.
Or that if we do not have all these sudden rushes of ignition but that we do deeply care and connect in all other ways that this is not or cannot be real love.
That it is “ONLY FRIENDSHIP” and we in turn lower it to that level and get frustrated that we cannot find Mr. or Mrs. Perfect that checks all of our boxes on our list of fifty all of the time.
And so we remain living in search of something that has been offered to us repeatedly. Believing that if we explore,
if we open ourselves to the love that is there before us and go as deep as we can with it that we are settling,
we are giving up,
that if they don’t have everything that they are not Mr. or Mrs. Perfect and instead are a waste of our precious time.
What we are doing to ourselves in this is denying ourselves the beauty of discovery of love.
Love is a quest of self.
Love is about finding out who we really are through our relating with another.
It is about meeting all aspects of self,
and without relationship we will never meet our authentic selves at any depth.
When we continue to look for perfection in a mate,
What we are actually saying is that we ourselves are not worthy of our own love until we become PERFECT as well.
So how will you ever find Mr. or Mrs. Perfect if you prevent yourself from growing into your whole beautiful self by denying love to be birthed through a relationship with another imperfect human who is there as your teacher of self love?
Chances are your relationship with anyone will not last in a forever sense.
That reality although harsh is still a reality.
We outgrow each other,
and as we change sometimes our mates choose a path of slower or limited growth that creates a breaking point in the relationship,
but if we have come together in friendship and love,
then even the parting is done in the same fashion.
And we each can gain what we need for our own development.
It’s time that we start to view relationships and even marriage as the opportunity to explore self and learn to love deeply through the witnessing of another that rivets us deeper into our truth.
Love is always perfect.
It is always perfect for the moment that the relationship is in.
It is never easy,
but it can always be in flow with who we are.
We create our own obstacles to feeling it by trying to make it perfect in every moment and getting irritated with the reality that love, true love requires each party to grow in connection with self first.
Where does your love stand?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn more about how self-love helps create the grounds to call in your soulmate love today? Reach out to me today for deet’s on 1:1 coaching now.
There I was sitting on my bed naked with my morning cup of coffee when he said it….
I know what he was saying was to be a compliment.
I know that what he meant was that I was amazing and that he loved me.
I logically understand.
But that’s not how it translated after it got grabbed up by a wound from my past.
Okay so let me explain about what I am saying here.
You see in my house we have this thing,
and you simply never know where these conversations will go,
nor how they will get stirred up and be birthed either.
It is drastically different each day.
after some decent sexing,
I found my lover and I in bed,
I was naked drinking my morning cup of coffee,
I opened my phone and saw something on all the pedphillia conversations that are currently bouncing around. It struck a chord with me instantly and I shared with him my utter disgust and anger on the concept that pedaphillia should be accepted as a representation of love. I showed him an image that is being put up in Denver, Colorado right now of a rainbow background and silhouette of a man and small child that might be four years at best chasing butterflies, the image says,
” Pedophiles are people too. Because Love is Love.”
My share to him on this topic was that yeah, pedophiles are people too, but having sexual feelings or engagement toward a child, especially a small child is not love and that a child does not have the emotional/mental or physical maturity to understand. These “people” are stealing not just the innocents of our children but actually causing emotional/mental and physical damage to the child.
And that sure AF is not okay and is NOT love.
After that conversation and agreement on the topic, I told him I needed to get to work and write a musing for the day and that my topic was going to be,
“My boyfriend would be perceived a sex addict if he was dating someone else…”
To this he smiled at me and said,
“If you were with you, you would be a sex addict too.”
And this is where it all went dark folks.
In his compliment he unknowingly triggered an old wound.
Now an average and normal woman would have said something coy, kicked the statement out without too much attention, or done whatever she could to change topics if she were triggered,
but not I…..
took a deep breath and allowed myself to feel the trigger.
To feel this wound that just got scratched.
I looked at the wound,
identified that it was not in current and that he had no ill will in his statement.
However, the truth was it triggered me.
And I did not want to spend my day retracted from him or life in general with this trigger and wound playing tennis in my psyche.
So I spoke up.
“That was a triggering statement you just made.”
And then I shared why.
I shared that four years prior when I was in an open relationship,
I found myself in a threesome with my primary two lovers,
who’s intent was to create a yummie experience one day for me where they would both ravish me and we would play and enjoy one another.
However my ex got so excited he did not apply the time or attention needed to my physical body that I needed him to take.
Even though I was highly turned on,
my physical being was not caught up to my mental and emotional turn on for the experience.
And he quickly grabbed a glass dildo with no lube on it and penetrated me with it,
unfortunately it was rough at entry and because I was not organically lubricated yet it tore the delicate skin of my vaginal lining,
leaving me feeling torn and burning for days to come.
He did not take much time going down on me as he was too excited about the whole event and penetrated me quickly after removing the glass dildo.
His hast and excitement level created the scenario of him being a two pump chump in this moment,
and he came so quickly that I barely even knew what had happened.
He then looked at me and said,
“If you were not so hot I could withhold it better.”
Again, I believe that his intent was to compliment,
but what he actually was doing was blaming me,
making me responsible for his inability to last,
to be in control of his body,
his thoughts and feelings,
his sexual energy.
And he tossed his power over to me and made me responsible.
My feeling after hearing this was,
” I need to not be me.”
I felt like if I did not moan that way,
if I was not playful like I am,
If my body did not look like this,
If I was not open the way I am,
Then he would be able to stay with me longer,
last longer and I too could engage in pleasure in these moments.
It was my fault that my partner has premature ejaculation issues.
Fast forward to current moment and my partner telling me that if I was with me, I would be a sex addict too….
This too speaks that I am responsible for my partners thoughts, actions, desires, habits, feelings, etc.
He is not responsible.
He is innocent and cannot help himself.
It’s my fault for being me the way that i am that causes the issues,
So what should I do if I am not okay with an issue?
Well I need to shut my shit down.
I need to not be as turned on.
I need to guard my moans.
I need to go limp.
I need to not engage in sex.
I need to not dress this way or that.
I need to not be as playful.
I need to change myself so that he can handle being around me.
But THIS is not what men want their women to do in truth.
And most men don’t actually believe that it’s the woman’s fault that they have weak stamina or high turn on.
Not fully that is.
They do however blame her to a degree,
just like she takes responsibility.
It’s because of how we were raised.
Girls are told from a young age that we are responsible for how boys look at us.
How they speak to us.
That if we wear yoga pants then we are at fault for a guy thinking things or desiring things.
If a girl or woman gets raped or any sexual harassment then its her fault typically because she was asking for it based on her looks, choice in clothes, attitude, playfulness, how she blinked or smiled, etc.
And guys are told that,
“Boys will be boys and that they cannot help it.”
This all steals one’s individual power from them.
Men become disempowered by escaping responsibility for their own consciousness or lack thereof, their feelings, desires and actions, they get to turn away from and hand the reins of power over to the woman.
Women lose their power by believing this responsibility transfer and shutting themselves down, changing who they are so to not cause issues.
I believe that Namaste Moore puts its so well,
And her statement is true for ALL subjects of our life.
“People who are not conscious about their OWN power will always sound the alarm about other people’s power. People who recognize their own power… understand that no one has power over them and they have power over no one else. Freedom.”
It’s easy to see the truth in this statement when we look at some of the political and world topics of current,
But can you see its truth in our sexing and relationships as well.
Because it’s there too.
In owning that we get triggered,
In speaking up about what is stirring in us as to prevent separation from self and thus another and life,
We reclaim our power.
In pausing on our words and asking ourselves,
“Is this a statement of love or of fear?”
In looking at what our words are actually speaking,
Because often we try to compliment but in truth a transfer of our power to another is happening.
And when these transfers in power happen we create chaos in our relationships,
In communication we thus create contrast that feels uncomfortable because we are not consciously processing and taking responsibility for our own inner shadow lands.
Today look at your relationships.
Look at your sexing.
Look at your expectations and desires.
And ask yourself if you are owning your power or handing it over to someone else?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to learn how you can claim your power and have a turned on life and relationship?
Reach out to me today for deet’s on couples or individual coaching now.
IT TAKES COURAGE TO HAVE AN AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIP.
I have this belief that ALL…
Yes ALL people who are in an intimate relationship with another need to go through the inquiry and inner work as well and relating work that those who have successful open relationships do.
I believe that no matter how you label your relationship,
that you should explore authentic relating for what it really means.
Most monogamous couples “think” they know each other.
“Think” they love each other unconditionally.
“Think” they are best friends and trust each other.
“Think” they are doing it right and will have success.
Most people who decide to open up their relationships choose to do so at a low period in their primary relationship and “think” that opening up will fix something.
“Think” that you can just overnight shift gears and that this thing called inner work and couples work to set agreements, learn each other and communicate are not needed.
That you can go zero to 100 overnight so to speak.
Both cases are detrimental to the relationship.
And it’s because the number one issue in relationships is communication.
And I am sure you may be among the many who believes that you communicate well with your partner.
You may think that you got this fully taken care of ,
but I ask you, is this true?
98% of couples that I have worked with over the last 15+ years come in telling me that they are good if not great communicators,
that their partner is their bestie and they can tell them anything.
But not three sessions into coaching and the truth is discovered.
They suck at communication.
Because they keep it at a surface level.
There is no depth in relating.
And if they touch on depth,
it causes confrontation,
triggers old wounds and fears,
and both parties end up dancing in their ego’s and speaking from their pain bodies instead of their heart centers.
So they avoid it.
They shut their truth down,
they tell their partners a softer version or nothing at all,
and they hide the best they can from themselves for as long as they can as to not rock the perfect picture of a loving connected relationship that they are wanting to paint.
When the hard fact is that they have challenges.
It takes courage to speak up in a relationship.
It takes courage to be real in a relationship.
It takes courage to listen without trying to change, control or freak out about what might be being shared in a relationship.
It takes courage to remain stable inside yourself when living authentically with another.
And it takes courage to be raw and real with yourself so you can do all the above.
But f-ck is it worth it,
just like you are worth it and so is your relationship.
You see, if you are among the many who are not operating at this level of authentic relationship but desire open communication, unconditional love, acceptance, honesty and truth in the relationship and from your partner,
then how is it ever going to be possible if you live hiding from yourself and basing your feelings and actions in fear of losing your partner?
If you are making your partner responsible for your happiness and worthiness then how can they ever just be themselves and state their truth to you?
If you are holding expectations as to what they need to do, how they need to act then how can they share their truth with you about anything that may pose a difficult conversation? And how is this unconditional love?
If you define yourself based on your relationship,
which simply means you are not strong in WHO YOU ARE,
then how can you be truthful with another?
To be authentic, truthful and honest with another you first must KNOW YOURSELF and be strong at your core so you are not rocked by another.
Remember that humans are fickle.
We ebb and flow,
we all are live waves in our feelings, emotions, thoughts and that we get caught in our wounds as well as our desires.
In authentic relating we understand that
there is your business,
there is my business,
and there is God’s business,
and that we each are ONLY RESPONSIBLE for one of those.
Anything else is sticking our noses where they are not needed.
The most unconditional loving person is the person who knows themselves, loves themselves first, and can embrace their shadow self as well as their glorious light.
They know their worth and it is not dependent on any outside source.
This is a person who can love deeply and unconditionally.
This is a person who can truly be honest and real.
This is a person who is self-empowered and therefore has the ability to allow for their partner to grow, to speak, to change.
As it is so intended.
relationships need to evolve over time.
This means that both parties need to do the same.
Expecting ourselves, our partners or the relationship to remain the same,
causes stagnation to our individual growth and the evolution of our love and relationships.
This is the coward’s path.
And it typically results in two things:
It takes courage to relate authentically.
It takes courage to relate in unconditional love.
It takes courage to catch our control issues in a relationship.
It takes courage to see our fear based actions, feelings and thoughts for what they are… fear of our own inadequacies, fear of our worthiness and lack of value, the lack of personal acceptance cast onto our partner, and fear of abandonment.
But when we stand in courage and face our truth,
love ourselves through our fears,
we open the gates to deep, penetrative love and acceptance with our partner.
THIS is what we all crave and desire.
You are worthy of this beauty.
You are worthy of this sort of love.
Offer it to yourself and your partner today,
by starting with seeing YOURSELF authentically and leaning into those difficult conversations.
Reach out to me if you want information on how to go about just this and more.
Learn authentic relating no matter your relationship title to create an evolved loving relationship that fits your soul’s path now.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”