My heart felt like it was being crushed.
My chest had a weight on it that no matter how I tried to calm my breathing,
no matter the stretching and massaging that I provided my chest,
the pressure and constriction simply would not stop.
There was this low grade level of anxiety rising in my system as I could feel my body fighting with me.
But why was this happening?
I was not fearful of travel.
I was not feeling out of sorts with my lover who was sitting right there with me.
There was nothing that I could consciously come up with in this moment that would support the pain that I was in.
Fast forward a few hours….
We had landed. Gotten our car. And made it to the fauntleroy ferry in West Seattle. I was feeling far calmer now then just a few hours prior in the Uber ride to the airport.
However as soon as our Jeep rolled onto the ferry and we got parked the overwhelming feelings of being crushed and the anxiety made themselves known again.
Breathing deep as I could in the moment I quickly walked myself to the upper deck of the ferry and called my breath as I looked out over the harbor to Vashon Island. The wind encompassed me with the soft smell of sea salt in it,
the waves crashed up against the sides of the ferry, the sun let me feel delicate moments of warmth on the skin that was revealed and here I was in this moment,
There was no reason in this moment to stand here on this ferry and cry,
yet the tears came anyway.
And as they did the release into whatever was holding in my chest and begging me to let it go left with them.
Here on the ferry overlooking the water I surrendered to the unknown.
I let myself go into what logically made no sense.
I was happy.
I was excited to share my love of Washington with my lover for a few days.
I was feeling relaxed until I was not.
And my mind wanted answers.
My mind wanted to become Sherlock Holmes and figure it all out,
make reason for the pain,
and my holding of it.
But my soul and heart understood its truth.
My body and mind had been arguing you could say.
They were not in alignment.
And THAT is what was causing me to suffer.
WIthout realizing it I was not surrendering to the beauty and release of this trip. I was holding onto an old concept,
I was holding onto the version of me who used to live here in Seattle all those years ago and STRUGGLE in life.
who missed so much of the greatness of this place.
Here I was 15 years later, holding onto these fragments of self.
Not letting myself release fully into who I have become.
Who I have grown into being and the life that I have today.
The fear of the old me was actually creating physical pain in the current. The old thought programs and beliefs around money and relationships that I use to try to exist in life were being unmasked in my energy and my current state of who I AM was being asked by my old sabotaging thoughts and ideas to lay down and shut up.
And here was the significant constriction that I was feeling.
The feeling like I could not breathe.
The feeling like my chest was going to explode and my ribs were being broken from the inside out.
The agony in my gut.
And the intense headache that came with it all as my whole being just wanted to flee the idea of this trip I had planned.
I was not surrendering to me.
I was not surrendering to this moment.
I was not surrendering to life or what it was blessing me with.
And I was not surrendering all because of an old concept and old beliefs that were trying to make themselves current.
I was out of alignment.
The issue with my alignment was causing me the pain and the fear.
The only thing that could save me was my own surrender into the depths of the unknown,
into this moment.
into this experience.
into life and what it was offering me.
And as I did so,
the tears streamed down my face,
the wind whipped itself around me,
the waves crashed against the ferry boat,
the sun shone through the clouds and asked to warm my skin,
and I took a deep breath letting it all go.
My world was right again.
My body let go of everything that it was holding,
and it let go of the need to falsely try and control what it could not control.
It let go of this moment in life and allowed the moment to JUST BE.
Without a need to know what was going to come next.
Without the need to hold onto the moment and ask that it never change or leave.
My SOUL was again in the driver’s seat,
and in it I was aligned.
Some would look at moments like this or times that they feel these same constrictions and fears, anxiety and “gut reactions” as signs to turn and go another direction.
and sometimes they can mean just that for sure,
However often they are signs that we are on the tipping edge of everything that we desire to be birthed into our world and our old versions of self are there testing us.
Asking us if we are sure that we truly want everything that we have proclaimed that we do.
Many people at this moment misread what their body, mind and emotions are speaking to them and they turn away from EVERYTHING.
They will say,
“That’s just too risky.”
“I need to see it to believe it.”
“I need to know that this person is as invested as I am.”
” I don’t want to hurt so and so or get hurt.”
“Timing is wrong, I can feel it.”
And they step away from life.
They step away from some of the best moments of living.
They turn away from the experiences that will grow them into that next version and they do it all in the name of “having a feeling.”
They do it based on logic.
They do it because they look at the suffering and pain,
the anxiety as a symbol that THIS IS NOT THE PATH.
When that is not at all what is being said.
Your SOUL is saying this FEAR that you are having right now is here telling you that THIS….
THIS is the perfect path that will transform you into that next beautiful version of who you were born to become.
This fear that you are having is here because you have control issues and life is not for controlling, it is here for you to love and enjoy,
and in your loving and enjoying of each delicate moment and your release into the unknown you BIRTH YOURSELF.
And you BECOME.
But you must SURRENDER.
In the small moments as well as the big ones.
Because the universe/God is not looking at the size of the moments,
but at your ability to be in alignment with SOURCE.
That is the meaning of FAITH.
That is having CERTAINTY that you will always get what you want for and need.
That is how you make MAGICK in your life and THRIVE.
Can you surrender to life?
We are all being asked to do just this.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Message me for deets on the Magick Minute.
IT’S YOUR BITCHIN’ MOANING AND COMPLAINING.
Truth Time Baby!
I get that 2020 has been a rocky sorta year so far and it looks like the fun is not coming to a stop anytime soon.
I get that you have been just surviving up to this point,
that the news you are listening too has you scared shitless most days,
and questioning what is going on in our world.
Are these the end of days?
Is this how our world goes down?
How humanity comes to an end?
I get that you have been watching all the negative reports about COVID spikes,
about racial issues and wrong doings,
about possible wars,
and let’s not forget the horrors of child sex trafficing and Hollywood.
It’s all just a bunch of hopeless suffering that causes you upset and torment,
makes your heart crumble and makes you want to not believe that it is so.
And so it is that you are finding yourself in 2020 saying that it is a raging shit show of a year,
feeling like our economy is forever changed ( and it is),
and not knowing if you will make it through or if you will become one of the millions who find themselves drowning in the hysteria,
in the loss of a job, savings, house, car and relationship,
and maybe even health.
There is one thing though that can change all of this for you.
It’s something that no one can ever take away,
it’s something that you can always be in control of,
and it is the deciding factor if you are in SOUL ALIGNMENT or NOT.
And that is your ATTITUDE.
Your attitude dictates your emotional response patterns to outside events and to what you are thinking.
Most people react from an emotional level,
they live in a reactive state instead of a proactive state of living.
Most people never realize that they can choose their emotional response to situations,
Including how 2020 is manifesting for our world.
Choosing to focus on feeling good,
on living a life of thriving and love,
abundance and connection,
living your TRUTH is nothing more than a commitment to SELF and a TRUST in the universe/God to deliver it outside of what the world is moving through.
It is choosing to not fall prey to all the negativity.
Now, don’t get me wrong this is not saying to close your eyes and ignore the world topics that are at hand,
often we believe that positivity means to ignore pain, stress and issues and to just put our attention on the good or the desire for good,
but that is not realistic.
You can choose to have an attitude of love, beauty and good vibes and still be AWARE and even outspoken about issues and causes that tug at your heart and soul.
You can still spread knowledge,
be a crusader,
and see the changes that need to occur.
But you will find yourself coming at these things from a different space than those who are focused on complaining, bitching, moaning and fearing about life.
You will be able to stand strong in knowing that YOU…
you are the co-creator of your life expression,
that you get to choose your thoughts,
you get to choose what you apply your focus too,
you get to choose your reactions,
and your feelings.
And you will KNOW that by staying in SOUL ALIGNMENT that your life will be evidence that none of us were ever born to live a life of suffering.
Because you will be walking through this year,
seeing all of its horrors,
counting your blessings from a place of love and gratitude,
not from a place of fear.
You will be connecting to loved ones and strangers,
you will be exploring life as it was always intended in its newness of each day,
you will not be terrified to wake up and feel like you must hide from your life to survive,
but instead you will see the sun shining and breathe deep in the crisp morning air.
You will be making plans of travels and community,
looking at family events and business possibilities,
you will know that you are supported in your TRUST that God/Universe has your back and that by making your ALIGNMENT the most important thing,
that your life will be one of THRIVING in this time of chaos.
But the THRIVING only comes from the alignment to the soul.
And your state of mind and emotion tells you EXACTLY where you are at at any given moment in time.
If you are among the millions who are bitchin’, moaning and complaining,
who are pointing fingers and shaming,
judging and hating,
fearing their neighbours and relatives,
looking at anyone who comes within eyesight range as though they have a gun to your head,
then it’s time that you get real about where your alignment is actually at.
DO YOU FEEL THAT FEAR AND UNREST IN YOUR BEING?
That is a sign that your SOUL feels differently than your fear based ego mind.
That is a sign that you are calling to you all that you do not want for,
but what you fear instead.
That is sign that it’s time love to start TRUSTING in God,
trusting in the laws of the universe,
and in your deepest self wisdom.
It is a sign to stop the insanity and stop adding to the pot of chaos and suffering for 2020 and the future.
It is your bitchin, moaning and complaining that is keeping your desired life of abundance, joy, pleasure, connection and heath at bay.
And you love…
YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN CHANGE IT.
Are you ready to take responsibility for your life and what your experiences are or are you content in the comforts of your suffering?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to know how one minute each day can create the life of your dreams quickly? Reach out to me about the Magick Minute Program to manifest your dream life in 2020.
NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR EVOLVING PAST PEOPLE’S COMFORT ZONES.
It’s challenging to stay the course of your truth.
Our human nature is to want to “fit in” and to be “normal.”
But that is not our soul course.
The soul desires truth, expansion and freedom.
We human’s get caught in our perceptions and ego and want to keep everything in a safe little container where it is easily explained, accepted and does not rattle the cages of our fellow human beings.
Here we feel normal and safe.
And when we see things differently,
we may feel guilty for our views and thoughts as they do not correspond to the majority. People will call us names, accuse of being crazy, nieve, under educated or even fear based.
They will shun and mock,
shame and want to contain you.
But this only show’s their uncomfort in your evolution.
When we step out on the limb of personal evolution we bring forth in other’s their lack of evolution,
we shine a bright light into their darkness and fears,
and by just being ourselves we make them question the reality that they have been raised to believe is truth.
The majority of people will step away from you at this moment.
They will tell you that they can no longer walk alongside you because of a difference of opinion,
because your views are too far out there,
because your lifestyle does not align to what they believe is right,
and that you should care that they are cutting you loose.
Many will argue with you in a pursuit to change your mind and educate you as to “WHAT IS” and want you to listen to their understanding and CHANGE so that you will be living in accordance to what they perceive ass truth,
thus allowing them to feel safe and right once again.
But I tell you this,
to limit your growth and hinder your evolution to make another comfortable will NEVER make you happy,
and it will not prevent people from walking away from you.
All it will ever accomplish is to limit your full potential and create a life that was not lived by soul guidance,
but instead by the judgements, opinions, ideas, and beliefs of others.
You own no one a reason,
and most certainly not an apology for being authentically you.
No matter your beliefs,
no matter your views and fears,
if they feel aligned and good,
if they build you up and make you happy,
then they are in YOUR SOUL ALIGNMENT.
And to be in soul alignment means that you are in alignment with the universe and God as well.
You will never feel good, happy or joyous about any other path.
All other paths will bring about fear, anxiety, frustration,
a desire to control others, hatred,
and have you sitting in your ego,
where you feel trapped by the ways of the world around you.
Our emotions are our GPS to our true path. To our most rewarding, abundant and happy state of living.
If you are happy,
then you know that you are in soul alignment,
and through your joy you will create the life of your dreams.
This will make others extremely uncomfortable though.
And this will pull many away from you.
As you walk in ease and flow,
as you show that you can be aware of the world as they perceive it without getting caught up in it,
and as you continue to thrive,
you will make them extremely uncomfortable,
and most will choose to criticize you,
attempting to break you back down to where they feel comfortable again.
NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR EVOLUTION AND UNDERSTANDING OF THE LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE OR YOUR ABILITY TO BE AUTHENTICALLY YOU.
This is your life.
Live it for you.
Anything else is you giving your life to another,
and existing through their fears and wounds.
If you are reading this musing today then you are already awakening more to your divine nature,
you are starting to see clearly the truth of how our universe works,
and you are questioning your reality.
You have desires,
and you know that there is a power inside of you that wants to be unleashed.
I want you to know that all you need to to tap into that power is to start to say yes to you.
And thank those who turn away and challenge you,
be in gratitude for the naysayers,
they are revealing to you that you are stepping away from average and ordinary thinking and feeling,
they are showing you your evolution,
that you are rising above the norm and stepping into your power.
They are also showing you upfront if they are truly your tribe or not.
Those who evolve past the majority’s comfort zones are always perceived as crazy.
But all great leaders, game changers and visionaries over the course of human history have broken free from the common mindset of their time,
they did not look at the world through average and ordinary eyes.
They chose to be different,
because they knew somewhere inside of them that that was what they must do to achieve their soul’s happiness and do what they came here to do.
Today is your day love.
It’s time for you to step onto your path and say yes to your soul.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Message me for deet’s on how to claim your power and follow your GPS today. You are worthy of a life that is thriving.
It’s a THING.
And it’s a thing that you gotta get some of if you want to have the life that you claim that you want.
We have been raised to have shame over loving ourselves.
We have been raised to believe that it is wrong or even bad to think highly of ourselves,
or to brag.
And it is “selfish” ( meaning bad) to ask for what we want, need or desire.
But instead the correct path to happiness is to look like this so we have been raised to believe…
Talk like shit about yourself,
hate on your body,
on your thoughts,
in your life.
Be SUPER effing critical about everything and never admit to your glory.
Downplay everything good and hype up everything that is not perfect in your life.
Make sure that you are NEVER offending everyone else,
yes you are responsible for everyone else’s feelings, ideas, perceptions, thoughts and actions,
so make sure to never mess up or have an opinion that does not match whomever you are with.
Put others before yourself at all costs.
Exhaust yourself and keep giving,
but don’t bitch that you are at your breaking point.
Suck it up.
Don’t show your emotions,
any of them but “blase.”
Indifference is the best path,
even if it’s not true.
hide because it is too effing much for the world around you.
And know that you are most likely at fault for the crap no matter what,
and if it’s not you then feel offended instantly,
if anyone says different or God forbid
goes against all of these rules of how to live a happy successful life.
And just be happy with it already,
‘cus this baby is what life is all about.
This is living the dream.
This is success.
F-cking crazy as all hell is’nt it?
I mean when I write it out like that,
unless you are blind, dumb and stupid,
then you have to admit that anyone who actually thinks or feels this way is NEVER going to be thriving,
going to experience success or empowerment,
never going to feel confident.
Most likely only be used and hurt frequently,
will have a crappy backbone,
will not know themselves or anyone else for that matter,
and will simply not ever touch happiness.
So what is the answer?
Get a f-cking THRONE-TOOD!
There I said it.
It is high time that you started to value yourself.
Claiming your life, ‘calling in your blessings,
being a conscious co-creator,
manifesting a life that is full of wonder, love and success,
REQUIRES YOU TO PUT YOUR CROWN ON.
As long as you keep disrespecting God’s glory and power and not allowing his power and will to move through your life,
then you will keep falling prey to this stinking thinking love.
As long as you keep believing that God wants you to walk looking down at the ground,
tripping in misery over all that you have lost and ignoring the joy that your life could be,
then you will never feel the wonder of walking with you head held high,
your eyes meeting others in unconditional love and acceptance,
or the witnessing of the miracles that happen daily,
IN YOUR LIFE.
As long as you keep being available for scarcity,
and never picking up that crown that God has handed you,
then you will continue to suffer by your own hand.
And you will forever remain a slave to the enemy known as fear.
Oh, beautiful, don’t you see the path that you are too walk.
Can you not feel the call in your soul?
Now in our world we need more than ever before for you to RISE UP….
But that means that you have to accept that many who choose to remain in darkness and pain will be disgusted by your choice.
They will call you names,
they will hate on you and shame you,
they will want to tear you down in any way they can,
and they will make you doubt your path.
It will require you to have courage,
to love yourself more than you thought possible and to walk in FAITH.
And if you choose to step away from the many who still remain in fear,
if you choose to instead embrace your power,
and the love that the universe/God has for you,
then your life will be one of bliss and glory.
THAT is what we are each to do.
That is how we celebrate life,
Are you ready, love?
Are you ready to finally say F-ck Yes! to yourself and your dreams and stop making excuses and sharing the thousands of reasons as to why you cannot do/be/have?
But instead just step firmly in faith on this path before you that is calling you?
Are you ready to stop giving your power just lip service but acting in faith on it?
I can tell you that many people say they are light workers,
they claim to be abundant,
they proclaim their faith,
and they say they believe in magic and miracles,
they even proudly state that they get manifesting and that they are powerful manifestors….
and they are.
But, if you are struggling,
if you are suffering,
if you are feeling lost, tired and lonely…
Then baby, you are not really claiming your crown.
If you are not happy, (truly)
then you still have not figured it out,
and it YOU that this is written for.
It is you that need to KNOW YOUR WORTH.
It’s time to pick that crown up and have a THRONE-TOOD….
Because the life that you want for DEMANDS IT!
So Get One.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Ready to step forward and say yes to your crown love?
Ready to stop being available for suffering, pain and misfortune?
Let’s speak today about no more reasons and excuses,
and get that crown picked up and put where it rightfully goes.
Message for deet’s.
Blessings are abound my love,
but you refuse to see them.
Your life is expanding,
your fortune is growing,
your soul is speaking to you and guiding you with each breath that you take,
but you my love,
ignore and choose to focus on things of past that do not matter.
You choose to pull forth your fears instead of your blessings and desires.
Why my love?
Why do you insist on living a saga instead of a dream?
Why do you choose to suffer and rage,
to fear and struggle instead just simply letting go of all of those things that you were caught up in yesterday and last month or year,
and instead firmly step into what you want and who you truly are?
You question and huff why good things happen to everyone else and not to you,
you fixate on life being hard.
And ignore the blessings and abundance,
the quick manifestation,
the miracles that just seem to happen each day,
you ask for help and it is always there,
always showing up for you and never being acknowledged,
yet you say how important gratitude is to you,
you say that you are awakened,
you say that you are doing your best,
you say so much,
but what you are doing much of is fearing life.
And that, that you fear will continue to scare you.
You give it reason,
you give it purpose and strength.
You give it life my love.
And no one on this planet can ever help you out of this drama that you so eagerly keep yourself in.
The excuses and reasons,
the finger pointing.
The blame and bitterness,
it is nothing more than resistance to your blessings.
To your worthiness and an ignoring of the glory that is all about you.
But you turn away.
You close your eyes,
just as you may choose to disregard this message and blame the economy,
the world crisis,
your health or another human.
you may blame your broken heart,
or your upbringing,
but all of that blame,
yes all of it,
is your resistance to your birth right of worthiness and well being.
You were not born to struggle.
You were not born to fear.
You were not born to live in such drama and pain.
Wellbeing is who you are.
Wellbeing is what life’s all about,
It is the natural flow of our lives as abundance in all things that we love, and bringing us joy are part of the natural tides of our lives.
So why do you resist your nature my love?
Why do you desire so to not live the glory that God wants for you and offers each moment?
Why do you keep fighting for your lack?
When all you ever need to do is say yes to your blessings.
Yes to you.
yes to everything that is always being offered to best support and love you now.
Get out of your past failures and fears,
step away from the pain and know that you can put it down,
put your attention on what you want.
Bring your heart into alignment with joy.
Into alignment with love.
And let yourself triumph over the fear of yesterday.
You are a king.
You are a queen.
You are the creator of your day.
So say goodbye to reasons and excuses.
Claim your life now,
the way that it has always been intended.
Say Yes — To YOU!
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
WATCH – You Want THIS But You Can’t Have It. Remember to like and leave a comment. 🙂
Take advantage right now of a lifetime opportunity to work with me in my intensive 4 week mastermind where you get to work 1:1 with me to learn the keys that I woke up to back in 2009 and changed my whole life outcome with. Let me guide you through the weeds and to your garden luv, you know that you desire and deserve it. Let’s make it happen. Message me for deet’s