LOST IN EMOTION.
sweat rolling between.
Gasping for air.
deep within, my cervix shakes,
my pelvic floor quivers,
my chest cracks,
my g-spot ignites,
and I sigh.
It’s been hours of rolling in these sheets.
My muscles are like jello from all the orgasms,
the energy spasms and the release.
My legs are shaking and I feel like laughing and crying all at the same time.
It is hard to focus my vision,
the ceiling light is spinning as I lay there,
breathing in the intoxicating vibrations of this moment.
I AM DRUNK.
I am vulnerable.
I am raw.
I am open.
I feel so very alive and yet transcended into nothing.
Tears are streaming from my face.
My lover kisses and bites my neck,
grabs my hair at the base of my scalp and pulls me down onto him,
not just entering me but penetrating me.
Penetrating me to the core of my being,
as though he is witnessing my soul from within my very body.
My body quivers and shakes,
I have lost all reason,
I am without care,
here in this space of true bliss,
here in this place that has not been visited to these levels of depth for sometime,
I CAN SURRENDER.
Letting go of the fear,
the worry and the thought.
Letting go of my conditions,
of terms and agreements,
letting go of the physical and just floating in the abyss of nothing yet everything,
and discovering myself yet again.
Here I am .
Here he is.
And together we get lost.
We expand and we explore.
From this land anything is possible.
All can be desired and achieved.
This is the land of alchemy,
the place of magick.
Calling down the blessings from source,
realizing them into here and now.
As I open fully to the deep rowling thunders of each orgasmic wave,
my spirit aligns and I allow.
I allow all to manifest that I have craved for,
and I open my life to receiving it.
My body is awakened,
ignited and ready.
With each sip of air I call out to the universe my desires,
as my lover tousles me around,
pressing firmly inside of me,
pumping my g-spot in rhythmic cycles of ecstasy,
the juices roll from my lips and I pull his hand in further and further.
Fully engulfed inside my cavern,
his subtle moves of hand carry me deeper and deeper,
the pressure is building,
my body becomes tense.
And I see it.
I SEE IT ALL.
I feel the filling of my cup,
as it overflows with abundance,
with love and health,
as my life is changed,
altered for the better.
The shaking of my flesh subsides,
my breath deepens,
my muscles relax.
And I feel him again,
Intensifying my energy,
and I melt.
Dancing with my soul in this expression of truth.
Feeling an ignited calm,
a peace and hunger.
I know that this moment….
Like so many from my past is transformational.
And I am ready.
Let me surrender into you and become nothing and everything.
Yes this is the power of our orgasm.
This is the importance of our sex.
This has been hidden from you for centuries,
known by few.
And it is truth.
It is my truth as it is yours as well,
you can channel your energy and focus it on your desired life.
Manifestation at its finest.
First you must learn its secrets.
Do you dare?
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Happening this Saturday Sept. 12th, 2020 Tantric Sex Magick.
Where you can learn the mysteries and truth behind this sought after knowledge.
Can’t make that?
Reach out to me to explore Tantric Coaching today to learn this and more.
THE ABSENCE OF WHO I AM, REALLY SUCKS! 🤯🤯🤯
Hating on self?
Or maybe you say that you don’t hate yourself.
You don’t dislike yourself even,
you are just frustrated.
Down on self because you are not feeling great in your skin.
And I get it.
I truly do.
We all go through these times.
And hey here is a little secret for you….🤫
I am currently in one of those moments in life where I am a bit down on myself. I am not in this moment in love with my body.
I am not in love with how I am feeling in my own skin,
and I am having issues looking myself in the mirror.
and even feeling sexy.
I sorta feel a bit grossed out by myself.
The way I got here is not really important.
And that is a tough concept to get through our human minds,
because we want to have our reasons, we want to analyze and figure out the reason behind the problem.
But that will never get the solving that we desire of the problem.
Because we are stating that we have a problem to begin with instead of just letting go of all this self-judgement and turning back to our truth.
Now it is important to be aware of habit changes,
of sabotaging thing that we have introduced into our lives,
into our thoughts and emotions,
that may be contributing to the support of this self-disgust.
The reality is that you can say that you love yourself all damn day long but if you are not loving your body enough to get it moving and consuming healthy foods, staying hydrated and getting enough sleep,
plus if you are choosing to stay in toxic relationship that are not feeding your heart and soul,
and you are not leaning into YOU…
then you simply are lieing your f-cking ass off to yourself about loving yourself.
You have to fall in love with yourself.
You have to own up to your power and stop making yourself so damn small.
Stop fearing the impressive, expansive person that YOU ARE.
And that my love is why you are so full of this yuckiness to yourself.
👉The reason that you don’t like yourself is because you’re not up to speed with yourself. 🛸🤯💃
You got that love?
YOU WERE BORN TO BE MARVELOUS.
You were created powerful, worthy and came into this world knowing such,
but it got stolen from you by the “good” lessons that your parents and the adults in your life taught you,
what society and school/church showed you,
and you started to believe that you were not powerful, worthy and abundant.
You started to believe that your light was dim.
and this means that you let go of being marvelous.
And that my dear was YOU.
So now the absence of you, really sucks!
It really does not have you feeling your best.
You are struggling to look into the mirror or make eye contact.
You are feeling frumpy and negative,
hating on your fleshy suit and hating on who you have allowed yourself to become.
When the answer to your problem…
if you want to call it that…
cause us humans love to solve problems, right?
Is that the reason that you are not liking yourself,
let alone in love with yourself ( an me too here),
is because you’re not ALLOWING yourself to be yourself.
You have cast your truth out.
And you sit back in your disgust over who you are right now,
and you maintain powerful focus on what needs to change, needs fixed, where you f-cked it all up at.
The worst thing that you can do though is just this.
Holding yourself in focus and finding a critical thought about you.
Because that action,
that manifestation that you are creating,
TAKES YOU AWAY FROM WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
And you are powerful AF!
You are deserving.
You are beautiful and strong.
You are courageous and loving.
You are intuitive and caring.
You are worthy and abundant.
That is who you are.
That is what you are to be living, RIGHT NOW!
And it is up to only you love to take yourself from this absence of self and get the f-ck lined back up.
Synchronize to your TRUTH.
Here is where you will fall in love with you and become mesmerized by staring into your own eyes,
lost in the sea of you.
You will be captivated at your heart and your beauty and you will not just think that you are worthy,
you will KNOW without a doubt that you are,
because your soul knows.
Your souls never has questioned your worthiness or your power.
That is why you are feeling so bad love,
because you are questioning what your soul deeply is certain of.
And when you come back to YOU and who YOU REALLY ARE,
well that is when whatever the problems you are having with your body and life right now, will just wash away with ease.
Time to start loving on the most important person in your world wouldn’t you say?
And STOP trying to be all this or that for everyone else that is not you.
With all my love, beautiful.
Remember Who You Are.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Want to know more about living an abundant life?
Want to know the secrets to overcoming these little obstacles that can turn into mountains if left in the corners of our minds and rustling around in our energy? Reach out to me about my Asskickery Month of Private 1:1 Global Coaching now, where I will share with you how to overcome and have success in one subject area of your life in the next 4 to 6 weeks.
A hunger that you just can not fill.
This has been something that I have been playing with the last few months.
that’s not true.
It’s been something that I have been dancing around with for years now.
And I am f-cking hungry!
Which makes me irritable.
Makes me depressed some days.
Makes me look out into my life and question all that I have and all that I want,
and makes me look at what I am blessed with and say,
“Is this as good as it gets?”
I sound like a spoiled rotten bitch though when I say that.
And perhaps I have become one.
maybe I am supposed to be one.
maybe you are too.
Maybe, just maybe we are all supposed to want for more in our lives.
In our love and in our sex.
But the fear of being perceived as greedy,
and not appreciative stops us from going after what we want for.
The fear of what others will think.
That is the leading sabotager of our dreams.
And damn we are really good at finding reasons that we cannot be fulfilled in life.
Why we “should” settle,
and why we need to just shut up, sit down and stop searching, stop craving, stop wanting.
We are great at thinking that there is something wrong with us,
that we are bad people because we want for more.
Especially when we are a people of so many blessings.
The reality though love is something totally different.
The reality is that the way that this universe and God evolve and expand is through our wanting.
Our desires birth into existence everything that we currently have and everything that will ever be.
The issue with our desires is that they make those around us uncomfortable.
Especially when we start speaking about our sex and money.
These two things we are damned for no matter which way we turn.
If we want more of them then we are damned and greedy, we are sluts and only focused on gratification of self.
If we want for less of them or allow less of them in our lives then we are told that we are not worthy of everything else in life because we don’t have enough of these two things which means that we are unattractive, stupid, weak, disliked, etc.
So no matter what we do, when it comes to our sex and our money we are f-cked and not in a fun or good fashion.
So what can we do with these unholy hungers that we have and we run and try and hide from but that creep up and make themselves known in the most inopportune moments?
How do we curb our cravings to have the love, the sex, the money and abundance without feeling shameful and guilty for wanting more or better? Or any for that matter.
Or for wanting to change things up and play with what we have to try and create something more robust and expansive?
First we have to KNOW…
I mean truly KNOW with all the certainty that we can muster up that WANTING is natural and healthy.
The craving for something is a showing that our soul wants it for us as well and is already in pursuit for it and has found a path.
The negative emotions that stem from our craving of wanting something more and better reveals that we are out of alignment with our soul and with our power. We would not be able to feel this negative vibe if we were in alignment.
You see when we are in alignment we feel f-cking great.
We are focused,
we are clear minded,
we feel powerful and turned on to life,
We have confidence and are loose in our life, able to flow toward what we are wanting because we are allowing ourselves to be taken to it versus constricting ourselves and causing ourselves to get caught up in worry and fear.
Next we have to realize that ALL things…
Did you read that?
ALL THINGS CHANGE.
They must change.
In order for us to grow,
to gain what we claim we want,
in any subject area of life,
we must allow for evolution to occur.
We cannot have what we want by remaining the same person that we are today.
Even if we have a dynamic relationship,
a bank full of money,
great health and everything that we “think” that we can want for,
we still must allow for evolution to happen within ourselves and our lives as well as within any one of these areas if we want to maintain the area and/or expand/heal it.
You will never find happiness by insisting on things to remain the same.
Just like you cannot expect things to remain at the same level of connection,
the same level of turn on,
or anything else.
Life has its storms,
These storms are about you developing your ideal version of you.
These storms are something for us to learn how to move through in confidence and love,
and that in the storms of life,
we must expect that things will pull from us or push up against us and often this will feel uncomfortable.
But the discomfort is there to alert us to the areas inside of ourselves that we need to learn to lean more into,
speak more truth from,
see more authentically,
reveal in vulnerability more,
and to trust and love on.
These raw spaces that get revealed are the spaces that evolve us to our highest potential.
And thus create the life that we want.
Bringing our dreams into reality.
And it is saying that it is time that you start to pay mother f-cking attention to your SOUL.
It’s time that you start to take notice of that hunger before it becomes a ravenous beast that will destroy you and everything in its path to getting fed.
I am hungry.
I am craving more in all areas of my life and I have an amazingly full and abundant life.
My cup runneth over for sure.
And I want to keep it that way.
Because the truth of the matter is,
only with a full cup can you truly share without fear,
and help others.
Only by valuing yourself to the levels that God values can you give your gift in this world.
And only through the pursuit of evolution through love,
of self can you grow your soul and experience happiness.
Because happiness is not about the things that you have but who you become gaining the things that you have.
Who are you today and what does your tale say about your journey?
Stop existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Join me later this month for an expansive workshop about magick, love, sex and the law of attraction. We are going to be putting together the pieces of your puzzle and breaking down the barriers that have been holding you back from saying yes fully to your desired life.
My heart felt like it was being crushed.
My chest had a weight on it that no matter how I tried to calm my breathing,
no matter the stretching and massaging that I provided my chest,
the pressure and constriction simply would not stop.
There was this low grade level of anxiety rising in my system as I could feel my body fighting with me.
But why was this happening?
I was not fearful of travel.
I was not feeling out of sorts with my lover who was sitting right there with me.
There was nothing that I could consciously come up with in this moment that would support the pain that I was in.
Fast forward a few hours….
We had landed. Gotten our car. And made it to the fauntleroy ferry in West Seattle. I was feeling far calmer now then just a few hours prior in the Uber ride to the airport.
However as soon as our Jeep rolled onto the ferry and we got parked the overwhelming feelings of being crushed and the anxiety made themselves known again.
Breathing deep as I could in the moment I quickly walked myself to the upper deck of the ferry and called my breath as I looked out over the harbor to Vashon Island. The wind encompassed me with the soft smell of sea salt in it,
the waves crashed up against the sides of the ferry, the sun let me feel delicate moments of warmth on the skin that was revealed and here I was in this moment,
There was no reason in this moment to stand here on this ferry and cry,
yet the tears came anyway.
And as they did the release into whatever was holding in my chest and begging me to let it go left with them.
Here on the ferry overlooking the water I surrendered to the unknown.
I let myself go into what logically made no sense.
I was happy.
I was excited to share my love of Washington with my lover for a few days.
I was feeling relaxed until I was not.
And my mind wanted answers.
My mind wanted to become Sherlock Holmes and figure it all out,
make reason for the pain,
and my holding of it.
But my soul and heart understood its truth.
My body and mind had been arguing you could say.
They were not in alignment.
And THAT is what was causing me to suffer.
WIthout realizing it I was not surrendering to the beauty and release of this trip. I was holding onto an old concept,
I was holding onto the version of me who used to live here in Seattle all those years ago and STRUGGLE in life.
who missed so much of the greatness of this place.
Here I was 15 years later, holding onto these fragments of self.
Not letting myself release fully into who I have become.
Who I have grown into being and the life that I have today.
The fear of the old me was actually creating physical pain in the current. The old thought programs and beliefs around money and relationships that I use to try to exist in life were being unmasked in my energy and my current state of who I AM was being asked by my old sabotaging thoughts and ideas to lay down and shut up.
And here was the significant constriction that I was feeling.
The feeling like I could not breathe.
The feeling like my chest was going to explode and my ribs were being broken from the inside out.
The agony in my gut.
And the intense headache that came with it all as my whole being just wanted to flee the idea of this trip I had planned.
I was not surrendering to me.
I was not surrendering to this moment.
I was not surrendering to life or what it was blessing me with.
And I was not surrendering all because of an old concept and old beliefs that were trying to make themselves current.
I was out of alignment.
The issue with my alignment was causing me the pain and the fear.
The only thing that could save me was my own surrender into the depths of the unknown,
into this moment.
into this experience.
into life and what it was offering me.
And as I did so,
the tears streamed down my face,
the wind whipped itself around me,
the waves crashed against the ferry boat,
the sun shone through the clouds and asked to warm my skin,
and I took a deep breath letting it all go.
My world was right again.
My body let go of everything that it was holding,
and it let go of the need to falsely try and control what it could not control.
It let go of this moment in life and allowed the moment to JUST BE.
Without a need to know what was going to come next.
Without the need to hold onto the moment and ask that it never change or leave.
My SOUL was again in the driver’s seat,
and in it I was aligned.
Some would look at moments like this or times that they feel these same constrictions and fears, anxiety and “gut reactions” as signs to turn and go another direction.
and sometimes they can mean just that for sure,
However often they are signs that we are on the tipping edge of everything that we desire to be birthed into our world and our old versions of self are there testing us.
Asking us if we are sure that we truly want everything that we have proclaimed that we do.
Many people at this moment misread what their body, mind and emotions are speaking to them and they turn away from EVERYTHING.
They will say,
“That’s just too risky.”
“I need to see it to believe it.”
“I need to know that this person is as invested as I am.”
” I don’t want to hurt so and so or get hurt.”
“Timing is wrong, I can feel it.”
And they step away from life.
They step away from some of the best moments of living.
They turn away from the experiences that will grow them into that next version and they do it all in the name of “having a feeling.”
They do it based on logic.
They do it because they look at the suffering and pain,
the anxiety as a symbol that THIS IS NOT THE PATH.
When that is not at all what is being said.
Your SOUL is saying this FEAR that you are having right now is here telling you that THIS….
THIS is the perfect path that will transform you into that next beautiful version of who you were born to become.
This fear that you are having is here because you have control issues and life is not for controlling, it is here for you to love and enjoy,
and in your loving and enjoying of each delicate moment and your release into the unknown you BIRTH YOURSELF.
And you BECOME.
But you must SURRENDER.
In the small moments as well as the big ones.
Because the universe/God is not looking at the size of the moments,
but at your ability to be in alignment with SOURCE.
That is the meaning of FAITH.
That is having CERTAINTY that you will always get what you want for and need.
That is how you make MAGICK in your life and THRIVE.
Can you surrender to life?
We are all being asked to do just this.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Message me for deets on the Magick Minute.