Balance or Harmony by Alexander Brighton

So many people that I’ve had conversations with have told me that they are seeking balance in their life.    I decided to go look up the word balance on dictionary.com.   It read a state of equilibrium.  Searching further equilibrium means a state of rest due to the equal action of opposing forces.     When you have two or more opposing forces that are exerting equal action you can develop balance.    As we move through our daily lives we have more than 2 opposing forces at any one time.    Rarely do these forces exert equal action or force.     So if you can only have balance with opposing forces exerting equal force then the realization of balance never develops.   

How many times have we been faced with opposing thoughts(forces)?  Here’s an example that we’ve all faced.   I have to go to work, however, I’d much rather stay home and spend time with a loved one.    These are not applying equal action on us.   If the need for money is greater it will exert greater force.     If the need for connection with the loved one is greater than the need  of money then taking the day off would be exerting greater force.   Balance or equilibrium needs opposing forces to be created.    Opposing forces create a duality within us.     That duality rarely ever has equal action on both sides, there for balance is missed and our lives are lopsided.    Like that shopping cart with the one flat spot on the wheel that goes clunk clunk clunk as we walk through the grocery store.

 Whats the alternative then? Harmony.

Again going back to dictionary.com harmony means a consistent, orderly, or pleasing arragment of parts.    When we move away from trying to get opposing forces to exert equal action at the same time, we can start to build harmony in our lives.   Instead of dealing with the duality of opposing forces, build your life so there is agreement with all the different forces in your life.    I will go to work today and then take my loved one out for a nice dinner, or make a nice dinner. Even when something is out of balance it can still be in harmony.    That shopping cart that I mentioned earlier.   If you are out of balance and out of harmony with your life that constant clunk might push you to the point of madness.   

However, if you are out of balance AND in harmony  you might notice that that clunk is in perfect time with the music playing in the store and smile.  Some that I have talked to want to find balance for every aspect of their life.    This is mostly impossible.    Just take gender as an example I hear people all the time state they want to balance their masculine and feminine energy.   These are opposing forms of energy.  Very complementary but opposite.   Whether  you are male or female you have both energies within you.    However they are rarely ever to the point that they are applying or exerting equal action in your life so then how can you balance them.    Working to get the masculine and feminine to be in harmony though, that’s beautiful.   They no longer have to be exerting equal action.   You could be 75% feminine and 25% masculine and still be in harmony.    The energies working in harmony to create the consistent, orderly, or pleasing arrangement of parts or energies in this case.  You give up the battle of duality of trying to be 50% feminine and 50% masculine.   

As you start to apply the harmony principle to your life you will start to find that things may come into balance naturally.   Harmony allows us to take a step back from the constant battle of duality.    It allows us to build ONE life that flows by taking these forces and into a simultaneous combination.    Where each force becomes a note on the music of your life.     A piece of music that you are the author of.  

What do you want the music of your life to sound like?

Honor Your Depth

Honor Your Depth~“Let’s go down by the river where we can be alone and enjoy the stars. I have a blanket in the back of my truck.” Says a young man of 16 to his new girlfriend.

A sweet flirtatious smile crosses her lips as she agrees.

Cuddling, kissing, and playful touching of each other. The lapping of the water along the shore line and the crickets chirping in the cool night air. Two young lovers adventure off to explore the great landscape of each other’s flesh. Without much consciousness the energy whirls around them, haste and excitement of the moment and possibility overcome both. Hands are moving quickly, kissing becomes more passionate. A braw is removed or pushed to the side. Jeans are unzipped. The boy’s hand squeezes its way down the front, between panties and flesh of the princess that lies beside him. Clumsily he tries to arouse her. Flicking here and there, unsure as to what he is to do. It feels strangely good but not what she had dreamed of. Becoming frustrated with the ever expanding bulge in his own pants and the lack of creativity in his skills he makes the move to remove her jeans.

Once revealing herself in the cold night air she now begins to question her longings, her feelings and his. Yet she adores this young man and wants to please him. She wants him to like her. To stay with her and she wants to experience life and her own body as well. She tugs at his pants, loosening them; he helps her and slips them down to his ankles. Giving an okaying pull she welcomes him to come between her legs now. He is overly excited, feeling his passion through a hard throbbing in his erection. He kisses her again on the lips, wanting her to welcome him farther along this joint venture. She kisses him back openly, giggles some and encourages him to take the next step.

Not knowing or even most likely realizing that his girlfriends yoni is not fully aroused yet he pushes clumsily forward. Pressing himself against her, separating the lips of her yoni with his fingers and then guiding himself inside her. Never pausing just moving at a quickening speed forward to the conquest of this young flower. He is inside her warmth, her velvety tight softness. His mind is no longer in his head, nor is it in his heart feeling her. He only feels with his cock in this moment.

The initial stretching and wrapping feeling within her as he glides back and forth in this friction sex feels good, not intensely good but good. There is a certain comfort in this feeling. His warm breath cascading down on her with his movement. His grunts. His words of love as he presses himself deeper, deeper…. Just like he has seen in some porno on line. He thrusts harder thinking that she will enjoy that like the girls in the movies do, he has to admit it feels insanely good to his genitals but, she is not moaning. She lets out a soft whimper. Nervous to speak of the pain she just felt. Repeatedly he bumps up against her young cervix. A heated sensation rising in her belly, a tightening in her yoni, her body is attempting to offset the damage. Trying to protect itself.

The feeling is too much for him to control, as her body contracts with burst of pain and then softens when he is in more pleasurable zones makes him cum. Forcing him to press deep again, against her cervix, this time as he shakes from his orgasm the tip of his cock penetrates through her delicate cervix, tearing it slightly. She feels a strange sensation inside her body but now the moment is ending. He quickly retreats from her body. Seeing blood on his cock.  Not certain as to what has happened he questions her is she alright? Does she have her period? Was she a virgin, (grin on his face)?

She has not her period nor is a virgin. She says she is fine but is scared to admit that she is unsure. They dress again and go home. ~

This story is adapted from a recent tale that was shared with me by my very own daughter. Worried about her friend who had experienced this, who was still after a few days bleeding. Scared to death of what had happened to her body she had nowhere to even turn. You would hope that at least she could turn to her parents or mother, but what if in admittance of the loss of her virginity she would be kicked to the curb? Yes, the human act of exploring our sexuality in our youth can lead to early flight from the nest for many.

What is not shared in this tale is that the young man shared his 11 inch shaft with this petite young woman. Neither intended on it to be a painful event. Yet because of the limited openness between the girl and her parents and her vague experience with a few other boys she had no way of knowing what her depth was. She had no guidance from a woman in her life to share with her about the importance of taking things slow in sex. She did not know how to speak up for what she was feeling. And above all else she did not know how to honor her depth!

The young man, proud of his eleven inch lingam (penis) had only similar knowledge through a few sexual encounters with other girls who most likely suffered from the same restrictive education as this one. He most likely watched a few movies and seeing these adult males with their 9-13 inch lingams pounding their cocks into women who “appeared” to enjoy each plunge of the anaconda thought he was doing everything right. It was her who had issues, not knowing how to receive the pleasure he was sharing. If he had a male role model in his life that was open about sex with him, he could have been told anything from, “you get in there and get it done son, “ or “always make sure she comes first,” or “youth is for exploration, don’t tie yourself down with just one girl, taste all the flavors you can.”

Never did someone share with him that like men’s lingams, women’s yonis are all built differently. Not only are the petals of her flower unique but so are the roots. The depth of her cervix is unique. Exact location of her G-spot is unique. The shape and size, hood cover of her clitoris is unique. All as perfect as the next but when a man and a women come together and do not honor her depth, then his depth can either be too much and cause a possible life-long energetic injury or physical injury and on the reverse leave him feeling inadequate because he is in his eye’s not big enough. Weather a lingam is 4 inches erect or 11 inches erect, they are each perfect.  Size is not a representation of skill, feeling or ability to love. It is not a sign post for, “Damn this guy is going to give me the best Orgasm EVER!”

If young men and women were openly taught to learn about their bodies, what their depth was and where their pleasure spots were then they could learn to move slower into sexual expression with a partner, they could also learn to feel each other and to realize that friction sex is only 1/1000th of the pleasure pie. They would realize that 11 inches is very unique but so are the women that can have the depth to accommodate. If a man with such a lingam chooses to peruse a woman who can only handle the depth of 6 inches then he needs to be aware that he will never be able to enter her fully. Yes she can open to him and allow him in expanding her yoni; and as her cervix softens he may even be able to penetrate through it intensifying pleasure without any pain or bloodshed, but more than likely the reverse will happen. The same is true of a woman with greater depth. If she is longing for the intensity of a cervical orgasm and has the depth to accommodate a 8-9 inch lingam but finds herself in a sexual encounter with a man who has a lingam of 6 inches then she needs to know that he will not be able to rub the cervix softly for the 40 minutes it will take to open her to this intense and healing orgasm. Sex can still be love making and it can still be extremely pleasurable for both, but if they are unconscious as our society supports us to be then falling prey to friction sex and to the constant sabotage of ill behavior and thoughts of what an ideal penis or vagina looks like will be the beginning to a repetitive destructive sexual life. Men will continue to physically and energetically damage the women in their lives as well as themselves. Women will close down to pleasure, to themselves, to sex in general and to their men.

The end of this tale is sad if Tantra is not introduced. This young girl and boy who we started our blog venture with will grow up and slowly shut down. They will limit their own expansion in all areas of life and learn to just accept what little enjoyment life offers. They most likely will marry someone along their path, feel love brush their shoulders for a few years, bring an angel or two into this world and then realize that something is still missing. They will long for fulfillment. They will long for pleasure, for passion for their depth to be felt. Never realizing that they first have to honor their depth, learn to open to love at all cost and expand their souls unions through the allowance of self healing and the healing of their lovers.

Performance Anxiety vs. Presence

I’m worried about getting and maintaining my erections…

 By Mare Simone, Advanced Certified Tantra Educator

I frequently encounter clients who, as they mature and their hormone levels shift, they begin to lose faith in their own sexuality.

Men become victims of the myth of the Perpetual Erection.  It has always existed, but it’s become even more destructive because of the way in which the issue is treated in most pornography, which always features a purported Superman.   That’s not reality.  Often porn stars use Viagra or “fluffers”, women whose job it is to keep them aroused and hard for their performance.

 

It often seems as though performance anxiety and the pressure that goes along with it is the culprit that causes impotency and perpetuates it.  Often I’ve found that when a man doesn’t put pressure on himself nor does his partner, the problem resolves itself, just being present and thoroughly enjoying the moment.

In Tantric sex, it’s not so important how hard your erection is, how long it lasts, or whether or not you are even hard at all.

Not only is it possible to have an orgasm without ejaculating, I have also known men who have had profound full body orgasms and multiples, without even being erect!

There are many other delightful ways that you can join with your partner to create great pleasures together, using your hands or mouth that don’t require an erection.

Tantria teaches you: how to channel your sexual energy throughout your entire body and to your partner’s body…  How to have non-genital, full body orgasms…

How to enter into an exquisite spiritual/sexual state… to feel the energy flowing right through you, into your partner and back into you…  creating a continuous stream of energy that flows between you.  It’s incredibly satisfying!  And you can do all this without necessarily having an erection.

Interestingly I have found that when sexual partners are not so concerned about whether the man has a full erection or not, the problem often ceases on its own, without needing to be fixed.

Taking the pressure off and not having to perform gives way for a deeper more gratifying experience of relaxed arousal and tremendous pleasure.

Mare Simone is an Advanced Certified Tantra Educator through the Source School of Tantra Yoga and lives in Southern California.  She travels the world teaching Tantra.  You can read more about her at www.maresimone.com.

Article Originally Posted on Source Tantra Blog

Tantric Therapy for Premature Ejaculation

Premature ejaculation (PME) is very common in males of all ages. Premature ejaculation is also common in the animal kingdom. In the animal kingdom sometimes fast is good; in order to deliver the sacred seeds of procreation as fast as possible or before someone else does. On the other hand, even in the animal kingdom, a prolonged sexual process creates physiological conditions that evoke specific levels of arousal and lubrication, and optimal positioning and penetration which increase the reception of the sacred seeds of procreation.

According to the “The Pleasure Coach”, “As boys masturbating or with a partner, they often trained themselves to be pre-mature ejeculators as they often do this quickly so as not to get caught. As adults, many men do not realize that extending the pleasure by slowing down can add a whole other dimension to their self-pleasuring.”

The act of sexual union not only provides procreation, but creates intimacy and connectedness.

Traditional professionals debate on the causes and treatment of premature ejaculation in men. Some believe that premature ejaculation is due to inheritance because individuals that experience premature ejaculations often have first-degree relatives that have had similar experiences; whether this is genetic or cultural is debatable.

Other researchers have noted that men who experience premature ejaculation have a faster neurological response in the pelvic muscles. Also, physiological complications such as urethritis, prostatitis, hyperthyroidism, obesity, and erectile dysfunction have been identified as attributed causes of PME. Tension in intimate relationships is commonly documented as causes as well.

Traditional treatments often involve talk therapy, recommended exercises to do at home and sometimes medication. Unfortunately, most traditional therapies focusing on dulling the sensations; psychologically (thinking about something else), physically (use of condoms, creams and analgesics to dull the sensation) and chemically (medication that dulls all sensation mentally and physically).

The Tantric Therapy view is much more holistic, natural and actually engages individuals to expand their sensations and experience.

Tantric Therapy View

First, while there can be a physiological issue, premature ejaculation is totally and completely a natural occurrence. It is nothing to be ashamed off. However, premature ejaculation can limit a man’s intimate connection with himself and add challenging dynamics to relationships.

I have practiced traditional insurance reimbursable psychotherapy for 16-years. Tantric Therapy treats the psychological, physiological and adds a critical spiritualogical component creating a holistic approach. Where traditional therapies can be effective, the holistic approach of Tantric Therapy is 100 times more effective in treating premature ejaculation (PME). I often compare the idea of only doing talk therapy to treat PME to the idea of just talking to someone that really needs physical therapy after an injury or surgery. A physical therapist could tell a person how to best do physical therapy on themselves or even teach a friend or beloved to help them; but most agree it would not be as effective. Actual physical therapy is 100 times more effective in healing physical injuries than talking about; why shouldn’t the treatment of PME?

Tantric Therapy does not treat the symptoms or even the causes of PME. Tantric Therapy focuses on the core of an individual’s frame of reference and center of relativity in their sacred relationship with themselves and with others.

Tantric Therapy

Working with men; I recommend individual counseling, bodywork and couples counseling.

Psycho/Spiritual

Tantric Therapy begins first with gathering an extensive history regarding not only sexual functioning, but also a developmental (childhood to adulthood) history, including a family history and discussion relative to intimate relationships. In addition, a physiological history is also gathered to rule out medical conditions. Also, information is gathered about the person’s spiritual perspectives on relationships and sacred sexuality. This process is not done to identify problems but to get the individual to engage and open themselves up.

In Tantric Therapy, sessions commonly begin with discussing and exploring the concepts of Sacred Sexuality from a psycho/spiritual/sexual perspective. Genuinely acknowledging the Sacredness of relationships often has a profound impact on individual’s views of Sacred Sexuality, intimacy, spirituality and on sexual functioning – including PME.

The experience of Tantra is to open or uncoil the Kundalini within. Awakening the Kundalini within not only elevates our energy and the contact we have the Divine; but sexual energy is not manifested physiologically but spiritually. The sustained spiritual union with oneself and between partners can lead bliss.

In addition, treatment teaches/focuses mental centeredness, relaxation, and awareness.

Also, recommendations are made for diet and regular physical activities; such as yoga.

Bodywork

I often counsel/educate men on the physiology/anatomy of intimacy.

Often the review of male physiology/anatomy includes the functioning of their bodies. I almost always recommend men doing bodywork sessions female practitioners. Bodywork sessions are very intimate and profoundly effective. All body work sessions begin with a developing therapeutic intimacy – creating a safe intimate connection/relationship for sharing and healing.

Most bodywork sessions involve the practitioner bathing and massaging the man to induce relaxation and intimacy. Breathing exercises are incorporated as well; making breathing delicate and slowing the breath. When an agreed level of relaxation and intimacy is established a more intense focus can be explored with the man’s Lingam, perineum, and sacred spot.

During a bodywork session; a practitioner will familiarize a man with his anatomy in a new way or sometimes touch a man in a way that he has only touched or explored himself. During these sessions; it doesn’t matter if the man is erect or not and often men ejaculate early in the session.

The muscles surrounding the perineum, Lingam and anus of massages and relaxed. The exploration of Scrotum elasticity, responsiveness, effects of temperature and sensitivity are explored. In addition, the connectedness of the perineum is explored. The stimulation of the prostate is explored as well; first internally and internally. When erect, the flexibility and positioning of the Lingam is manipulated. Often during sessions, men will become erect and then become un-erect. Ejaculating several times is also common. During sessions, men are taught how to squeeze their muscles around their prostate. This is done with the practitioner feeling the squeeze around the prostate.

Another important aspect is to have a in-depth conversation regarding masturbation. Often men train themsevles to ejaculate quickly; therefore some men are conditioned for PME.

Practitioners work with men in the bathroom; and encourage them to begin to urinate and then stop and continue again helping them become more aware of the internal sensations. While men can be and are instructed to do this by themselves; having a practitioner accompany/instruct them in-person has been more effective. Some practitioners will have men drink a lot of water before and during sessions and then have them stand and urinate into a jar and train them to start and stop.

The most common technique is to massage a man’s Lingam and prostate simultaneously and have the man signal when he feels the sensation that he is coming close to ejaculating and then stop the stimulation and encourage the man to squeeze. This process will not only profoundly help with PME but guide the man to experience multiple orgasms and recirculate his energy.

Overall, the most effective approach is to associate arousal with the connection to the Divine and have ejaculations be a conscious choice rather than a reflex. This is accomplished with Tantric Rituals, teachings of the male multi-orgasmic response and a lot of positive love and support.

Namaste,

Duncan Knight

You may also review Duncan Knights work at www.tantricproviders.com

Dallas, Texas

I have been Tantric Therapist for 15+ years, specializing in helping individuals and couples improve their relationships and make them Sacred. My Tantric Therapy practice is a combination of psychotherapy, massage therapy and spiritual guidance. I consider women Sacred and Divine and guide them to realize their Divinity; and teach couples to worship each other’s Divinity.

Make "Tantra" part of YOUR lovemaking TONIGHT!

Tantric lovemaking incorporates breathing exercises, muscle contractions, music and sound, visualization, affirmations, creation of a sacred loving and safe space and other ceremonial rituals. Points of focus are meditation, stimulating sensual massage, and sexual play. In order to build a high sexual energy  that moves the lovers into ecstatic states of divine connection Tantra encourages extended lovemaking over several hours, experiencing ever expanding levels and waves of pleasure along the way.

Tantra is powerful because you can receive immediate results with limited practice, but the depth and blissful states along with personal transformation that emerge over years of practice or the full life-style change can far exceed what the majority of students expect. Below are a few tantric steps to make your lovemaking tonight more blissful, fullfilling and spiritually deep. Continue reading “Make "Tantra" part of YOUR lovemaking TONIGHT!”

The True Fountain of Youth ~ Sex is Good for Your Health!

The True Fountain of Youth ~ Sex is Good for Your Health!

My Adventure Theme Session with Duncan Knight

From the moment I arrived at the gates of my adventure I knew I was in for an erotic, spiritually opening experience.
“ Knock, knock…”
Duncan came out of the room with a smile and a blind fold in his hand. Gently placing it around my eyes asked me if I was ready? Softly I said “yes.” He took my hand and guided me into the room which quickly transformed into a jungle as I had to walk through vegetation that was growing on the sides of the entry to this explorative venture. Removing the bag I had brought from my shoulder, he informed me that on this journey of Divinity I would need a few items and placed a heavy back pack on my shoulders. Heavily weighted down with stuff that one might feel they would need for such a quest he then hung a rock climbing rope around my upper body. Continue reading “My Adventure Theme Session with Duncan Knight”