My monkey’s tried to get me laid.

🙊🙉🤭😈 My monkey’s tried to get me laid. 🔥🔥🙊☺️
Only in my world of crazy does this sort of stuff happen.
Only in my world is it allowed,
Embraced and accepted.
 
In truth, It was a day of frustration, what started out to be a productive, good feeling day quickly shifted gears to frustration and overwhelm. Not only was I just in pain physically from pushing my healing body to do more than what it most likely should have, I was also pushing myself emotionally to work through boxes of old energy from my marriage of 20 years and then my next relationship of almost 7 years.
 
Sorting and cleaning a garage full of memories can have its fair share of painful moments.
 
Really dredging up the past and forcing yourself to let go.
See the truth that you once lived,
and embrace your moment now.
 
This was my Monday.
All because the universe proclaimed that my internet wire would get cut from the yard guy and I would be out of online commission until it was repaired. So, I did the next best thing….
 
Was proactive and started sorting, cleaning and putting my house together.
 
After a long and full day of multiple emotions rising to be siphoned through, I was exhausted, smelly 😱 and just wanting to rest, have a glass of wine or maybe something harder, get my munchkins down for bed and yes…
 

Yes,

I wanted a good orgasm.

 
Lucky for me I had this last part already in the works by inviting my lover over for dinner.
 
And planned on having myself and him for desert. 🔥😜🔥🔥
 
Everything was taking longer, except for what I was wanting to take a long time and that was the nakedness in my bed. But no, instead I was blessed with bedtime item’s and simmering down of little one’s taking MUCH longer than wanted, especially since I sat there, needing to pee, needing to shower, and just wanting to relax in my lovers arms.
 
Instead I was blessed with laughter coming from the other room, where my elder children, my friends and my lover enjoyed themselves and joked, connected and made light in the evening hours while I snuggled down my munchkins, smelt my stench and craved to just let go.
 
Breathing in the moment. I felt my ego on the cusp of just screaming.
 
My 21 year old daughter came and offered to help me, I shot her down, and offered her a not very well disguised guilt trip on poor mom’s mood.
 
My friend came and offered to help, I shot her down and offered another ego based comment, sharing that I had it all under control and that it was F-I-N-E.
 
I heard myself saying this bullsh*t,
I wanted the saving,
I wanted the connection,
The help.
I wanted to effing shower!
I wanted to get these babies down so I could laugh,
enjoy my evening some,
get out of my head and into my body,
and get to what I was really craving.
The orgasm between my sheets.
 
But I denied myself the opportunity to have it sooner than I could receive it.
 
I denied my family and friends the opportunity to help me,
to support me.
 
Instead I wanted to sit in my disgust just a little bit longer.
I was punishing myself,
for something I was not even conscious of.
I felt shame.
I felt rage.
I felt depression.

I felt like a total f*ck up to life.

 
I held my son on my lap as he wiggled and fought sleep,
looking at him and wondering how I could have been so stupid to let myself get caught up in yet another bad relationship with a man who claimed all this and that and in a moments notice could shut out everything, everyone and just walk away. In gratitude for the lives of my children, the reasons, the blessings from my relationship, I could smile but in my heart I felt all of this…
 
And I felt shame.
I felt guilt.
I felt lost.
 
So I punished myself in this moment.
I denied support, love, help and orgasm.
I denied God from helping me achieve my goals.
 
My monkey’s on the other hand refused to listen to my ego.
They refused to let me sink to far.
They refused to let mom crash,
my friends were on board with the plan,
my lover was of course on board…lol
 
My monkey’s decided that it was time for me to take care of me and to go after what I not just wanted but NEEDED.
 
So my daughter’s came in and told me to go shower, to get clean, that they had their little brother’s.
A friend got me drink.
My lover provided a smile and sparkling eye’s with a clear intent.
 
I showered.
I shaved. (because that is what girl’s do when they are needing and wanting certain event’s 😈)
 
Clean,
refreshed,
ready,
lighter in spirit,
I emerged.
My little one’s asleep.
Laughter filled my dinning room,
I was now part of it.
I was fully there.
Sharing,
Connecting,
De-Shaming.
 
My monkey’s tried to get me laid.🙊🙊😜😜🙏
They made a plan.
They figured out who was taking over for night time child care,
who would sleep where, so that mom would not have to worry about children. They discussed it, argued about it and laughed.
 
At the end of it,
My monkey’s tried to get me laid,
and were successful.
 
They created the space for mom to go,
Be,
Do,
Have.
 
What I wanted and NEEDED.
With No Shame.
With No Guilt.
In Truth.
In Harmony.
In Love.
 
They knew how badly I needed to just be able to drop down and connect to my lover,
to myself,
to my orgasm.
 
They supported my well being.
 
My monkey’s.
My circus.
My crazy world.
My family tribe.
 
No Shame.
Only Open, Unconditional.
Love.
 
#lovemygrownassbabies
#fuckyeslife
#shamefree
 

And as always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

5 Seconds to Wake the F*ck Up!

Sometimes waking up is so f*cking hard to do.

Have you had one of those mornings where you just want to continue to hit snooze no matter what 😴But you know if you do that you will not get to adulting today and instead just be a lump in your bed or on the couch? 👨‍👩‍👦👩‍🏫👨‍💼

Yeah that is where I was at this morning. 
The last f*cking thing I wanted to do was get up when my 5:45AM alarm went off. I woke up exhausted from not sleeping well due to my 3 year old son who had a rough night with an upset tummy and bad dreams.

All he wanted was to be held in mommies arms.
But that meant this mommy was not sleeping to well herself. Especially with the consistent up’s and downs.

At 5:45AM I was not thinking about being a good mom.
I was not thinking about my soul’s calling or purpose.
I was not thinking about my responsibilities, my desires, my goals.
I was not thinking about any of this.
No.

What I was thinking about was S-L-E-E-P!!!!!
And how could I get more of it.

But there I lay, saying my morning gratitude prayer instead of doing what I wanted so badly to do.

There I lay focusing my attention into the blessings and opportunities that the day was waiting to gift me with. Instead of the worry, frustration and desire to sleep it off and avoid life.

This was a 5 second decision that changed my life.

Yes my whole life.

If I had fallen prey to that calling of sleep and let myself drift off instead of activating my TRUE desire I would have lost the whole day. 🌞

The first 3-4 hours after we wake make or break our days. It is the mindset work. It is the consciousness training. It is the positive infusion of GRATITUDE and INTENTION setting that we do that creates the tone of the day and the tone of our lives.

We have a choice to allow ourselves to be lead away from our true desires and purpose or not.

We each have a choice EVERY morning to slay the day with our hearts and the divine guidance that they give us or to allow AVERAGE and ORDINARY to slay us and our dreams.

Every time we set up the day by hitting snooze.
Every time that we start our day in fear, worry, anger, panic, negative thoughts.
Every time we wake up not blessing ourselves.

We are ALLOWING the day to slay us.
We are PERMITTING our pain and suffering to rule us.
We are committing to a life of LIMITED LIVING.

Today, I committed, made the 5 second executive decision to STEP yet again AWAY from AVERAGE and into my GREATNESS.

I chose my SOUL.💃💃💃
I chose my HEART. 💖
I chose my PASSION.🔥🔥🔥
I chose GRATITUDE, BLESSING 🙏and the

Fu*k YES! Life!!!!!

What did you choose?

And Remember,

Stop Existing & Start Living!

Hard to Breathe.

Some moments seem too hard to breathe through.

 
Have you ever felt like this?
 
You want to run, but there is no place to hide.
You want to escape this world, this life because your heart is so heavy, so full of pain and it feel’s like there is no purpose behind any of it.
 
The more you try to just go with it, or let it go,
The more you smile and just take steps seemingly forward ,
The more you inquire and sit with the pain in quiet moments alone,
The more you attempt to do WHATEVER it takes to allow yourself to carry on,
 
You feel yourself retracting even more.
You feel yourself shrinking into nothing.
You feel yourself letting go of who you were born to be,
Who you long to be.
 
This is what my last year has been like in so many ways.
And in truth, if I get REALLY REAL with you here, it has been longer.
 
Where did my heart get scared and decide it was not safe?
When did my soul escape the confounds of this being?
When did I turn away?
 
Away from me.
Away from my core.
Away from my love.
Away from my wings.
Away from my worthiness.
 
As I inquire deeper and deeper, I just feel more lost, more overwhelmed, more HOPELESS.
 
In these times of self-awareness I stand with a great uncertainty.
And I SEE just how this life long agony of my heart and soul have lead me from moment to moment.
 
Choice to choice.
 
I see that this pain has been a catalyst and a destroyer.
It has helped me to meet myself at deeper levels.
It has shown me some of the darkest shadows of myself.
It has gotten me intimately connected to my desires.
It has cradled me as I cry and fear that I will NEVER be ENOUGH and yet shudder with the concern of BEING TO MUCH.
 
The dagger in my chest that is pushing itself ALL the WAY through my soul ONLY has life in me giving it mine.
 
It has no purpose of it’s own, it is only here bleeding out my light.
It has NOTHING.
 

NOTHING without my attachment to it.

 
So why then do I desire to hold on to it and keep pushing it deeper into my heart?
 
Why then do I find a fascination in the pain?
 
Why then do I believe I CANNOT exist without this pain?
 
I fear being pain free.
I fear being free.
I fear being whole.
I fear me.
 
I fear my greatness.
I fear my light.
I fear my heart.
I fear my worthiness.
 
The moments that are seemingly too hard to breathe through are the exact moments that expand us.
 
It is these La’ Petite Mort of the heart that we gain GREAT insight and we are
 

Rebirthed.

 
We become a new version of ourselves by our own accepting.
Our own honoring.
 
This that feel’s like it will certainly cause us to parish, most certainly will do JUST THAT.
 
It will cause the old version of us to no longer exist.
And if we embrace what it is here for then we will SHINE BRIGHTER than before.
 
Love deeper than before.
Laugh more than before.
Expand our wings wider than before.
Shine brighter than before.
 
These breathless moments, where we can not capture the air that we need for survival as we are.
 

These are our opportunities for GREATNESS.

 
 
And remember,
 

I am here for YOU!!!

Soul Crusader: A person who know’s they are called to be more and is willing to step into their power and answer the call of their soul.  At all cost!

I am here to support, ignite and cheer YOU on!

Yes You, the Soul Crusader.

You know who you are.

You are the one’s who long to stand out and shine BRIGHT as the star’s in the sky,

You are the one’s who have been told for so long that you are

TOO MUCH.

NOT ENOUGH.

The one’s who don’t fit the mold your career, your relationship, your desires, passions, thoughts.

The one’s who have always cried for more, but was uncertain as to how to ask for it.

I AM HERE to support, ignite and cheer YOU on!

Yes You, the Soul Crusader.

The one who hears the rustle and agony of your soul.

The one who feel’s the passion and fear.

The one who WANTS it all,

but has no clue as to whom YOU can TRULY be.

Who can feel their beauty, but can not fully see it yet.

YES YOU!!!

The one’s who  crave FULFILLMENT,

LOVE

PASSION

and

PURPOSE.

Who NEVER fell in love with the idea’s of giving away their hearts and souls to pay the bills and just be responsible, AVERAGE and ORDINARY.

I AM HERE to support, ignite and cheer YOU on!

Yes You, the Soul Crusader.

The one’s who even though they wake in doubt and fear

take the leap into their greatness.

That blind FAITH leap.

Stepping off the cliff of average with a one foot planted in a courage like no other.

A courage springing forward from soul.

From heart.

From God.

Because these are the people of my TRIBE!

These are the people who want to CLAIM their Lives,

Make changes,

Touch the world.

Expand their wings.

and FLY.

This TRIBE, this tribe know’s it is WORTHY at it’s core. Beside the fear, the doubt, the path they cannot yet see, they KNOW that they have GREATNESS inside of them. They know that they, have music that must be played, words that must be written, talks that must be given, teaching that must be shared, love that must be offered and hearts that must sore!!!!

These are the SOUL CRUSADERS.

I AM here for the one’s who want to be F*cked Wide Open by life and fully expressed in this life time.

I AM here for YOU.

Stop Existing & Start Living!

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

 

I am just NOT a F*ck YES to you…

There he was. He was perfect too. The perfect man.

His smile, the glimmer in his eye’s, the way he stood.

That voice. OMFG! That voice.

Everything about him was my hearts desire.

He had the characteristic’s physically, mentally, spiritually and what seemed like even emotionally that I craved. And he was financially free enough to do what he wanted in life as well.

Every woman’s dream man.

I looked at him and my groins would quack with hunger and enthusiasm.

I knew it was meant to be.

There was only one small problem with him.

He just was not that into me. We were friends, we flirted, we teased, we argued even some. He really seemed to “get me” and I felt so comfortable and seen by him, however when it came down to my desire to move things into a deeper intimacy and change up the relationship, he would suddenly go distant and become very busy. He would not commit to suggestions and ideas about things I had that we could do together and it left me constantly questioning how much he really cared or what I had done wrong.

Then as time went on and I allowed some distance to form, like magic he would resurface somehow and we would pick up right where we left off and all those juicy, yummie feelings would flood back into my heart and body and  I would get amnesia about the disconnect that I had just recently experienced with him.

It did not matter though, because he was here with me now.

He was smiling at me, getting me to laugh and I felt like I was on top of the world.  But I was not on top of the world, I was on a merry go round with this man and my heart and the truth.

The reality was that he did not share the desire, the feelings and emotions that I did. He enjoyed our time together but he knew that it was just what it was, a fun friendship. Good times. He knew at his core that I was not the girl for him, not now, not ever most likely as the feeling were simply not mutual.  As hard as that was for me to stomach, I could not change it no matter how I tried. I could have changed my body to fit his ideal, I could have started speaking and acting like the women he dated and was obviously “in to,” I could have completely let go of who I was in hopes of becoming “the one” that he would desire to be with. But, where would this lead me inevitably?

I would loose me in the process and still most likely not have him, and if I did manage to capture him it would not be real love or mutual authentic connection, turn on. It would be fake because I would be being fake.

So how happy could we really be in the long run?

Well, here is the hard cold facts ladies and gent’s and your most likely not going to want to hear it or accept it. Many people come to me and want help with their relationship, they want some magic bullet to make things go back to the way it use to be. They want the arousal, connection, depth, play, mystery and chemistry that they had the first 18 months to three years of their relationship. They want the sex that they use to have. The understanding. The love feelings that they use have. And the feeling of being desired.  Unfortunately, the main reason you felt that way in the beginning of your relationship was a little thing called “New Relationship Energy. (NRE)”

NRE is intoxicating until its not. Which happens to all of us and to all relationships no matter what the status or type of relationship it is. We get NRE when we have a baby and then our baby becomes a toddler and the NRE declines some with each fit the child has. We get NRE with our new job because we are excited about it possibilities and are hanging from the ceiling about all that we were sold on in this job until two years later the reality that we got passed by on promotion hits and that we are now panicked about annual reviews, our colleagues are chatting back stabbers and our boss is know it all.

No matter what the relationship is, and EVERYTHING is relationship NRE is at the front line of the start of something beautiful and when it starts to decline we feel life itself slipping away and we start to question if it is meant to be.

Well, guess what folks, this NRE also happens in “casual, friendship based” relationship or even “casual sex” relationships. It is there, it is the connecting tissue that keeps it hot, for a time.

With that said and to remain on topic in this post, the issue is that NOT ALL NRE is equal.

Much like my tale above, just because one person is feeling all that yummie NRE, does not mean that the other person is on board with it. More often than not, this is the case.  So we run around with our elementary school kid crush on our friend, colleague, or other in hopes that this feeling is mutual but in FACT, they just are not that f*cking into us. They are just not a F*ck YES to us.

Sad but true, just because we desire something does not always mean that it is meant to be.  At least not meant to be with this person.

What we need to learn from experiences like this is that when we get this crush on someone that this person is showing us characteristics of the person that we do truly want  to be and have in our lives. This person we are crushing on is teaching us what we should feel like all the time, opening up the door way to an aspect of ourselves where we are in alignment to our authentic self. Our radiant self, the self that we are often so fearful of showing to this world. If we look at this experience as a beautiful opportunity to tap further into ourselves and feel what it feels like to enjoy life and a moment like we do when we are in the company of these people who bless us with this desire for them then we can taste our truth.

Sample who we really are when we reveal ourselves fully.

If we choose to get caught up on creating a perfect sales pitch to get this person to see us differently, act differently or be with us more than what they desire then all we are doing is being caught in our own self-centered desires to control another’s heart for our own pleasure.

Where is the love in this act?

There is no love only lust. And lust will never lead anyone to truth.

It will only lead to suffering and failure.

My dear friend Crystal always says, ” Believe them when they first tell you who they are.” I am going to change that a tad here,

“Believe them the first time they tell you how they really feel about your relationship.”

You cannot change someone’s heart but you can honor in love where they are at and be in gratitude for the revealing of your own heart.

As always, STOP surviving and START living, you only have this life.

 

The Lie You Have Been Told and Believe

 

You know the lie.

It’s that lie that you tell yourself everyday of the week, sometimes twice on Sunday because your dreading the following morning.

Yes that lie.

The lie that all you have to do to be happy is:

  1. Work Hard
  2. Get Good Grades
  3. Get into a Great College
  4. Get a Job
  5. Make Money
  6. Buy a House and Car
  7. Get Married

And Voilà Your HAPPY!

I am writing this article because I have a son graduating this year from high school. He is feeling such a tremendous amount of pressure from his peers, teachers, and counselors around HAVING to have his whole life planned out. None of them understand how he can not have a life plan yet. Some are even deeply concerned about his future and ability to do anything “worth while” because he has no plan other than to survive the rest of this school year.

I suppose they are all right, after all he is considered an adult now at age 18. He has had a sufficient amount of years on this earth to know who he is, what he wants and how to go about getting it.  All the other seniors are making their life plans and sending in college applications for education in the industry of their hearts desire or at least have decided on a career path that will pay them well and they will be successful at.

So WTF is wrong with my kid?

Such a looser he is.  Not having any of this stuff figured out.

Funny thing ya know, he is actually planning on packing his bag and moving to Maui, planning on hiking, diving, surfing and enjoying his feet in the sand. Planning on reading books he loves, and just hanging out and embracing life as it comes to him, moment by moment.

The ONLY issue with this plan of his, is that is DOES NOT fit the societal norm of SUCCESS.

And how the hell can anyone be happy if they don’t have a college degree? or 100k in debt? or are not getting up five days a week working for the man?

There is no freaking’ way someone can be legitimately happy just living life without ALL that!

No instead of all that my son has decided that he will work in the food industry while he learns more about himself and life. While he discovers what his passion is. He has decided that he would make some small investments into crypto currency and learn about flipping properties.  Although he does have a passion for art and could easily also look at becoming a tattoo artist if he desired as well. Maybe he will do all of it? Maybe he will do none?

What he does know is that the way the average minded person works hard, goes into debt and gives away their life is NOT what he wants.

He knows that although his passion is with the ocean and marine life that what he really wants to do would take him until he was 40 to get the position he wants and he most likely would end up settling somewhere along the line for something much less than his hearts desire because he “had too.” After all life happens and with it come responsibilities.

Then life becomes all about duty.

Duty to pay the bills.

Duty to take care of the house and car.

Duty to get up and go and make someone else rich.

Duty to be a good person.

Duty to get into a serious relationship.

Duty to make your spouse happy.

Duty, duty, duty!

And then you die!

That is it. That is all this whole existence is about. Doesn’t that sound wonderful. Yes, so I guess he had best have that life plan in order in the next 8 weeks, before life comes charging after him and making him surrender to it’s will of living without passion, without true love, without purpose and without happily ever after.

Yep he had best just stand up and be a man and do what all young men do. Make their parents proud by doing what they are told and getting into the right college and then the right job. The job that will suck the very life from his vein’s and make him wish Monday would never come  again.

Well NOT MY KID!

Guess it is the curse of having a mom who parents like God. I will love him no matter what he chooses to do and I know for certain that he can do anything he puts his mind too. I also know for certain that the lie that we have all been told is just that: A LIE.

I know this because I thought it was truth and I beat myself up for many years not feeling worthy because I had not done what the world said I should do. Instead I ended up becoming a young mother, married early and struggling. It was not a shock as to why I was struggling. I had not followed the plan above.  And then, then I started to paint the picture of the plan and follow it some and guess what?

I was still struggling.

I was still unhappy.

I had the job. The house. The husband. The car.

And the debt.

I was being a  good citizen. A good friend, daughter, mother, and spouse.

So why was I not happy yet?

I was not living for me.

I was not being me.

I was FAKING it all!

Just Like you are. Yep I am calling you out on this RIGHT NOW. I bet that you are within the 85%-90% of the population that is faking their lives. I bet that you dread going to bed on Sunday and getting up on Monday. I bet that you live for the 5 o’clock hour. You live for weekends, vacations and holidays.  I bet that you have your responsibilities taken care of and that you feel like a ATM machine for your kids and family. I bet that you wish you could do something else, but  believe that you could never do it because it would not pay the bills.

Last thing you want is to be irresponsible.

I bet that even though you have that debt, that you are pretty comfortable with it because that debt is a sign that you went to school, got a degree and did it right. It is a sign that you bought the house and the car. It is a sign that you bought the furniture and have credit! Woohoo!!!! for credit.

It is a sign that you are a effing ADULT and your adulting the right way too, damn it!

But does this mean your happy?

Seriously, ask yourself this now.

AM I HAPPY?

Am I happy?

Am I?

Well, are you?

I feel you. I feel that stomach ache. The tension in your neck and shoulders. The mild headache coming on and the fear and the desire for happiness.

Face it you were designed for more.

That is why your not happy with just settling for paying your bills and being responsible.  You were designed for greatness!

The only thing  STOPPING you from this greatness.

Is YOU.

Yes, actually NO. That is the issue, you keep saying NO to yourself. You keep saying that you can’t, that your not worth it, that your not smart enough. That you should not want more. That it is stupid to want more. To be more.

The issue is that you BELIEVE the lie still and you are WAITING for happiness to come from this lie.

The TRUTH BABY is this, that if you want happiness, then you are going to have to CREATE it.

And it DOES NOT come from living a small life, where you have settled for the lie. No it comes from you EMBRACING who you are.

Embracing that you were born WORTHY.

Embracing that you are POWERFUL.

Embracing that it is NOT what you choose to do as a career, but who you choose to be as a person.

Embracing your joy.

Embracing your YES!

And consistently asking yourself, “What makes me happy?”

Consistently,  seeking out new layers of yourself and being curious in life.

Buying the Bullsh*t Lie that we have all been told since we were small, buying into the pain, the suffering, the “worker bee” mentality of average and ordinary, will NEVER make you happy.

So when will you start to say YES to your dreams?

To your heart?

To your joy?

To your happiness?

When will you START to be a F*ck YES to the Most IMPORTANT person you know- YOU?

I hope you say that today is your lucky day.

Because I believe in you.

And so does God.

Stop Existing and Start Living!

 

 

Stop Existing & Start Living

Often I use the words. “Orgasmic Living,” and many people question what I mean by this or assume that I am only speaking of intimate matters when in fact what I am saying is that life can be like an orgasm. It is this sensation of orgasm that we find ourselves searching for in all that we do.

We might call it by many other names such as desire, hunger, passion, purpose, love and even adrenaline.  What we are saying in all of these is that we are craving ORGASM.

I love this time of the year for this very fact.

As a new year rolls around, we humans naturally crave change and the adventure and hope that it brings with it. We openly state our desires because they are masked under the “safety” of resolutions and intentions. Yet, it truly does not matter what we label something, the truth is still the same. We are DESIRING something and at the start of a fresh year we are less fearful to ASK for it. We are less fearful to SEEK it out. We are less fearful to KNOCK on doors of opportunity and to open ourselves to possibilities.

However, as the weeks and months go by,  we find ourselves in doubt.

We find ourselves questioning if the life and desires that we claimed we wanted at the birthing of the new year are even out there and we begin to SETTLE for something LESS.

We sit back night after night, watching our Netflix and the news, playing games on Facebook and scrolling through our feed, wishing that we knew what to do and how to achieve something MORE. In the back of our minds a small voice whispers that it is possible, but the world around us is screaming that it is absurd to want anything other than what we already have. After all, who are we any way?

So we continue on with our lifeless life and allow the beauty of what could be, to be stripped away from our souls yet another year.

Living for the weekends.

Living for the holidays.

Living for that 2 weeks of vacation.

Living for the 5 o’clock hour where we can dart off to our local little watering hole and sit with others who are in the same constricting shoes of this life.

This is NOT Orgasmic Living!

This sure the effing is NOT!

Just writing these words makes my heart hurt like it is caught in chains of eternal torment with satan himself spitting in my face and laughing at the misery. Yet there you have it. There is what it truly is. It is HELL.

We have grown so comfortable to reside here in hell.  We actually have brainwashed ourselves to BELIEVE that this is what living is. We have come to terms with the supposed facts of this delusional state of existing and many of us have no clue how to live outside of this illusion.

So we sign another year long lease and get comfortable in our suffering.

It does not have to be this way though. At any given moment in time we have the ability and choice to WAKE THE F*CK UP! and choose differently. God gave us free will so that we could overcome the evils of this land. The only thing asked of us is to BECOME CONSCIOUS. This is the only step needed to turn the corner to a new life and RECEIVE all the blessings that you crave.

YES! all you have to do to live in orgasm every day and in every moment is to become conscious and choose differently.

You must choose the higher ground which is the ground of not accepting a small life. Not accepting AVERAGE and ORDINARY. Not accepting what the evils of the world would have you believe is living.

You were born for GREATNESS.

You were born for a PURPOSE.

You were born to have DESIRE.

Your were born to ASK.

You were born to SEEK.

You were born to KNOCK.

YOU WERE BORN TO RECEIVE!!!!!

But there is ONE caveat to this,  you must BELIEVE it.

All the desire and want in the world without belief that you can have it, deserve it and that it is your birth right to CLAIM THIS LIFE you were meant for will only lead to the pain of not getting it.

You cannot just say that you believe it either. You must take action, hold strong when times get dim, surrender deeper into your FAITH when you find yourself in the arms of fear. You must shine a bright light on the enemy of doubt and command it to walk away from your presence. You must turn yourself over to the process of receiving, because anytime we ask WE ARE HEARD, and the answers will bring forth great changes in our lives.

Asking God to grant our desires is the surrender that God desires from us. It is our humbleness to say, ” I cannot achieve this on my own, I need your hand to move this mountain, “ that captures the eye of the divine and gets the ball moving. DOUBT in it happening or if we have been heard only muffles the request and makes the journey of receiving more difficult.

The doorway to our FREEDOM is in our LETTING GO.

Once we let go, we fully surrender and receive. In this state of knowing we become the co-creators of our lives and the benefactors of the blessings that we never knew existed.

YOU MUST LET GO.

And fall into the flow of your living through heavens eyes.

This does not mean to just let life take you. NO! Those who just let life take them are guilty of denying their desires and not asking.

Letting go, is surrender to your desires through the hands of God.

STOP buying into the BULLSHIT of the societal norm.

STOP allowing someone else’s beliefs to be your own.

STOP trying to control the outcome of every aspect ( You have no ability to see your life from heavens eyes)

STOP resisting that inner calling and voice.

STOP doubting God.

Instead….

START Living a life of freedom.

START being in who you really are.

START looking for the miracles ( they are everywhere)

START living in gratitude.

START finding a reason to smile.

START loving who you are.

START embracing your power as a co-creator.

START letting go in faith.

Make 2018 a year of you being different. Make 2018 a year where you not just talk about living the life that you desire, but actually open yourself to receiving it. Just the asking for it makes the whole world rearrange itself JUST FOR YOU. So don’t waist the energy of God by doubting.

You are worthy of the blessing!

–Kendal

Composing My New Life- Testimony on Orgasmic Meditation (OM)

openlotus2 years have gone by…

and the place where I have landed to begin again feels fresh, exciting, real, scary, joyful, and full!  Looking back, I can see how each of my experiences prepared me for this new world.  I have learned humility, resilience, forgiveness, strength, resourcefulness.

Just a few weeks ago, I received a list of things for homework from a life coach.  One of the first items on the list was to OM.  To learn and practice Orgasmic Meditation.  This practice is re-shaping me, literally!  I feel like an artichoke; with the prickly outer leaves falling away, sensation begins to return to my body and my mind, revealing the softer, fuller leaves on the inside.

I am discovering things about me that have obviously been there all along, just tucked and hidden far from the outer shell that is visible.  Music sounds richer, relationships more authentic, eye contact more often, smiles and laughter more abundant, joy more often and in so many little things, feelings more noticeable, activities more purposeful.

All this sounds too good to be true?  That’s what I thought, too.  At first….but then, slowly, these changes started stacking up, demanding to be noticed.  I am so grateful for those trudging steps out of my car into a small coffee shop on a dark cold evening!  I am so thankful for a cOMmunity that lives authentically!  I am so excited to be peeling away the layers that reveal the center of the artichoke, my heart!

Yes, I am alive, and my heart is beating, and feeling, and brave, and oh, so real!

–Patricia G. Dallas, TX. (Orgasm Coaching for Women Client 2014)