It’s all a f-cking head game!
Have you noticed?
Have you come to this conclusion?
I sure the f-ck have.
Here i sit on this sunny Dallas afternoon,
listening to music on the patio of some little cafe eating artichoke dip, having a glass of chardonnay.
The day is beautiful.
I have been blessed with amazing client appointments today.
Blessed with more support than I feel worthy of from family, friends and my lover.
I have been allowed and HAVE allowed
myself to simple just drop the effing reigns
of my life, the last month.
It feels like a lifetime has past.
I have fear.
I have doubt.
I have shame.
In writing this very musing to you.
Yet I know IT IS TIME.
I hear the call of my soul
Saying that I MUST.
I must take the step.
I must take the breath.
I must LET THE F-CK GO.
So very much has taken place the last month.
My world once again,
Has been shaken, rocked and flipped every which way.
Fear has penetrated my inner being on many days.
Causing me to hold myself back.
Back from being a f-ck yes to myself.
Back from doing what i know.
Back from being vulnerable and just revealing myself.
Back from CLAIMING my life.
Lord hold my hand and carry me sweet Jesus through this year.
A year that i KNOW i must find gratitude for.
A year so full of lessons.
A year from this VERY mortal human place I reside in at this moment has been perhaps the best and worst year of my existence.
I have shared some with you on the drama and trauma.
But this is a rabbit hole that keeps going.
I find myself questioning everything.
Trusting not anything.
I feel lost most days.
YET in the same breath i have great PEACE and a strange CERTAINTY.
How can i be both?
This is where it is folks.
Its all a f-cking mind game.
What do I mean by that?
I mean everyday.
Every f-cking day we make choices.
We choose if we let all the garbage of our lives suffocate us or if we plant our feet in the sunshine and sand and connect deeper to our SOUL MESSAGE.
We all have 10,000 reasons
As to why the eff we allow ourselves to be destracted.
Distracted from what really matters.
And sure those crazy, emotional, emergency items that take up our days bang on our mind and hearts.
Sounding off like they should be primary focus.
But I ask you this.
Is that true?
For me at least,
When I really hone in on my TRUTH
I know the reality is that I am AVOIDING
MY Mother F-cking Calling.
I know that i am blocking my desires.
I know that I am resisting my GREATNESS.
I am doing this by letting myself get caught up in everything else.
By putting my attention on the things I don’t desire to manifest and claiming I have no choice.
I say I am tired.
I say I am out of my flow.
I say I am distracted.
Thats all BULLSHIT.
The reality is that I hit a new level of ME.
AND it scared the shit out of me.
How can I.
Little ol’ me.
Shine that bright.
Say that much.
Smile through the storm.
Laugh and orgasm,
While chaos runs around disrupting the world.
Wanting to disrupt mine.
Like a spoiled little 3 year old
Throwing its tantrum.
Who am I?
I need to just drop out of this light.
And be NORMAL.
Do what is expected.
And just give in.
Well its been a month of that shit.
I FELL F-CKING HARD.
And I FORGIVE myself for falling.
Now is the moment.
Take my hand
Lets fly together.
You got your shit.
I got mine.
Sure it stinks.
But it does not have to hold us back.
It does not have to be us.
Its all a f-cking mind game after all.
And I am making my mind up to CLAIM MY LIFE.
Rock it out and realize there is a reason for everything.
So LET IT GO.
Stop Existing & Start Living
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