I love TRAFFIC!
Seriously, I use to be one of those drivers that dreaded going anywhere because I was frustrated with the traffic issues, long before I ever got into the car. I was always making statements like,
“Oh god, its rush hour, you can’t get anywhere in this mess.”
“Why can’t people just merge?”
“These damn (fill in the state/city) drivers, how did they ever get their drivers license?”
“People can’t drive in the rain/snow…etc.”
And so on…
Then I became
LOL, okay not really but sorta at the same time.
My enlightenment was finding my own guilt of these actions in myself.
My enlightenment came from the realization that everyone on the road was not just a car that was moving to fast or not fast enough, but a human being, with worries, fears, concerns, hope and desires.
My enlightenment came from seeing myself driving ALL these cars.
I realized that I was not a perfect driver.
I realized that I was not a perfect person.
I realized that I was perfectly human.
And with that came mishaps, silliness, stupidity even.
So who was I to cast a stone in the direction of any of my fellow drivers?
Who was I to assume that I knew what was happening in that person’s life to make them swerve the way they did, to zig or zag. To straddle the middle of the road or even slam on the brakes or not see that they needed to merge to exit.
Truth was I have no effing clue what is happening in their lives.
And the reality is that I have made some pretty poor choices behind the wheel in my life.
I am a good driver, a safe driver, a present driver.
For the most part.
But there are plenty of times that I am NONE of these things.
So who am I to cast that stone?
And why am I allowing what is happening in their life to negatively impact my day?
They are not “doing this to me.”
It is not a purposeful act.
And even if it was, it most likely was not for the intent that I believe.
Assumptions are never a good choice.
Giving our power over to others is also never a good choice and that mean’s in this case to become a victim to other people’s driving choices.
They are the drivers of their cars, their lives and they are making choices based on what they feel is best for them in that moment.
Behind the wheel of their car, they are doing what they need to feel like they are getting themselves where they need to be. How they need to be and in the speed they want to get there.
I love traffic!
Traffic carries with it so many life lessons.
Just this morning as I was driving to coffee with a friend I found myself in the center lane, there was this large pick up truck that came up fast on my tale. He had to slam on the breaks and as I looked in the rear-view mirror I saw him hit his steering wheel in frustration of my speed. We were in a 45 MPH zone and I was driving 40 with cars directly in front of me and on both sides.
Traffic was moving comfortably and smoothly.
This man behind me though wanted something different.
He wanted to force his desires onto the traffic and push his way through.
And so he did.
He moved to the left of me and the car in front of him speed up some so he could parallel me, then he decided that if he just leaned into my lane that I should drop my speed and let him in, only issue was that I did not react as fast enough for him, so he got closer to the car he was behind and they went faster, giving him just enough room to push his way between me and the car in front of me. I let off the gas so to not hit him. He quickly got more irritated because he was stuck in the middle lane and the three cars that took up the lanes in front of him were all side by side, driving equal speed’s. He moved himself between the right lane and the center repeatedly, as if saying look at me, I need through.
No one budged.
Finally one car moved to a turn lane and he jumped on the opening and whizzed around the others, only leading to the next snag in the tight but smoothly moving traffic. He continued this process and any opening in traffic allowing him to speed up he did, racing to the line up of cars, where he continued to zig and zag, lean on his horn even and slam his steering wheel in his frustration with traffic not doing what he wanted.
Meanwhile, I remained in the middle lane.
Enjoying the smoothness of traffic and appreciating how I had not hit one red light but instead noticed that the speed I was driving was allowing me to move without stopping almost all the way to my destination.
I was in the FLOW.
It was in this moment that I came upon my first and only red light.
I merged over to the turn lane where I was turning and found myself beside the truck that had spent his whole time zigging and zagging in frustration. There he was flipping the man next to him off in total disgust and slamming his hand on his steering wheel still.
I could not help but just take a breath and smile.
I was not smiling at his frustration and pain,
I was not smiling and thinking, “Ha, that’s what you get.”
No I was smiling because of the lesson.
Just yesterday, my mentor left me a message on voxer reminding me about the importance of FLOW.
The message was to not get caught up in the actions of DOING so much.
To not get caught in the HOW.
To not get caught in the physical ACTIONS.
And the WHAT IS of the now.
But instead to find my soul’s flow and ALLOW it to take me.
I love traffic!
It’s all about FLOW,
Or lack of it.
While so many zig and zag their way through life,
frustrated at the result they are getting,
those who find their flow,
find their soul.
And create their own LUCK.
Create their own DESIRED LIFE.
FLOW + Gratitude = F*ck YES Life Creation!!!!
I love traffic!
Stop Existing & Start Living
Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.
My body slowly let go of it’s need to control and prove itself and just accepted it’s GREATNESS.
What I do know is that I ALWAYS made it through.
I ALWAYS pushed through (pun intended).
And at the day, I got to meet a beautiful new little human.
And more importantly, they had introduced me to my SOUL.
We were built to RISK.
The point is, that YOU were BORN for GREATNESS.
So WAKE THE F*CK UP!
And Remember to Stop Existing & Start Living.
—Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.
Okay folks, here we go! This is one of my favourite topics to talk about – probably because it is the corner stone of a very important life lesson that has been one of the most important in my life thus far. Today we are going to talk about why it’s not only okay, but also why it is essential to your health and wellbeing to be self-’ish’.
Now, before you go all crazy on me and send me angry emails, let me explain what I mean.
As you can see from the graphic I have created above, I have illustrated a spectrum; on one end is selflessness and on the other there is self centeredness. And right in the middle there is selfishness.
Let’s explore these three terms shall we?
Selflessness: This one is a doozy! This term is used to describe someone who has little or no concern for oneself. This is someone who puts others and their needs before their own. They do not consider their happiness to be important, but live to make others happy. This display of altruism is often regarded as pious and honourable. The idea of putting others before yourself is something that is celebrated by some. While it is indeed virtuous to display kindness and generosity to others (I’m not denying this), I want to talk to you about the unhealthy side of selflessness. I want to talk about how, over time, it can actually be the leading cause of burnout and unhappiness in many of our lives.
There are many of us (particularly us women) who have grown up believing that it is important (even essential) to please others and put their needs before our own. This is how many of us have learnt to survive in our relationships – by making others happy. Selflessness has been our ‘currency’ for love and feeling important. This pattern of behaviour, however, has also led us to unhealthy patterns of codependency and the ever life-sucking YES-syndrome.
Do you know what I mean when I say YES-syndrome? It’s when you say yes to everyone else and their needs so often, that you end up saying no to yourself and your needs by default. Worse yet, you become convinced that saying yes to your needs is a bad thing and you feel guilty for any act of self love or self care that you may display.In fact, for some this unbridled benevolence can become pathological to the point of martyrdom. Where some believe that the suffering they feel by putting others first is a righteous thing and that they do not deserve to feel happiness or joy.
To be self-less, implies that there is no self or that you deny yourself. You act as if you do not exist and deny your own wants, needs and desires. To the point that you lose touch with who you really are. Hence why so many of us end up unhappy because we have lost touch with who we are and deprived ourselves of much needed self love and self care. While it is important to love others and show generosity and kindness, it is not healthy to do so to the detriment of oneself.
Selflessness in my opinion, is just as unhealthy as being self-centered.
To be self-centered is the exact opposite of being selfless. It is when you are so self absorbed that you solely focus on your own needs to the detriment of others. This is someone who does what they want and does not care how their actions may affect others. Ironically, the selfless person and the self-centered person make for a match made in dysfunctional relationship heaven!
Now let’s talk about being self-’ish’.
In my mind this is the balance between the two extremes; selflessness and self-centeredness. It is a healthy balance between being considerate of others and their needs, but not sacrificing our own needs. The reality is that if you don’t take care of yourself, you can experience a vast array of health problems, depression, burnout, stress, unhappiness, fatigue, reduced mental functioning, anxiety, frustration, inability to sleep and even death. No joke.
You have to make sure there’s gas in the car if you want to drive it and you can’t get very far driving on fumes.
A great example of this concept is when you fly in an airplane and the flight attendant instructs you to put your oxygen mask on first before helping the person seated next to you. Now for the selfless person, they would think, “But shouldn’t I help the other person first? That seems like the right thing to do.”
The self-centered person thinks, “Heck yeah, I’ll put the mask on myself and only myself. I don’t care about the other person.”
The self-“ish” person puts the oxygen mask on themselves first because they know that they need to take care of themselves to survive. And then, once their needs are taken care of, they can help the person seated next to them. The self-‘ish’ person knows that if you are 10,000ft in the air and run out of oxygen, that they are never going to be able to help anyone else, let along help themselves??!!
All jokes aside, this is an important metaphor for those of us who run around taking care of everything and everyone else except ourselves.
It’s time to ask yourself honestly where you fall on the spectrum. Let go of the excuses and the guilt, and genuinely commit to being more self-“ish”. Because if you are healthy and happy and taken care of, everyone else around you will benefit.
The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn’t already know.
I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned round to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me
with a smile that lit up her entire being. She said, “Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I’m eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?”
I laughed and enthusiastically responded, “Of course you may!” and she gave me a giant squeeze. “Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?” I asked.
She jokingly replied, “I’m here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids…”
“No seriously,” I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.
“I always dreamed of having a college education and now I’m getting one!” she told me.
After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months, we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this “time machine”
as she shared her wisdom and experience with me. Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up. At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I’ll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.
Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, “I’m sorry I’m so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I’ll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know.”
As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, “We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You’ve got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don’t even know it!There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don’t do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn’t take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change.
Have no regrets.
The elderly usually don’t have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those
She concluded her speech by courageously singing “The Rose.”
She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.
At the year’s end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died
peacefully in her sleep. Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it’s never too late to be all you can possibly be .
These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE.
REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.
We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give.