My Mom’s 85th Birthday Lesson To Me & To You

Today is a rough day for me.
I am going to get very human with you dear follower and let my heart be heard here,
Yesterday was mother’s day and I hope that if you are a mother or a woman who cares for others in a nurturing fashion that you allowed yourself a moment at very least to be supported and loved on some,
if not by others,
by yourself.
Because you deserve it.
You deserve it not because Hallmark or society has said that on this day you should be recognized and loved,
but because you are a human being with feelings,
with a heart and desires,
you work your mind and body to support and love on others,
some you may have birthed yourself physically,
others you held space for them in times when they needed held and loved,
allowing them to birth themselves through a difficult challenge,
others you guided and helped point out a new path too,
while others you simply just stood still and let them share.
You deserve to give yourself a moment to breathe,
because all of the mothering that you have been doing has helped make our world a better place,
the souls that you have touched you may never know,
because the ripple that your love has had is great and unseen to your current vantage point.
But you have touched more than you know.
The children that you are raising and have raised,
the children that have crossed through your life as friends of your own babies,
they have been impacted.
Your babies are our future.
And look at them.
You are the mother.
You are the one holding it together so they can learn how to swim.
You do not have to have actually birthed a child to be a mother,
motherhood is something that comes from our hearts,
It is an energy of unconditional love and desire to witness something beautiful awaken in our world.
It is a strength that only a mother can understand,
to stand and witness her child,
the one she cares so deeply for and would sacrifice everything for,
to open their wings and fly.
It is a smile that no one sees,
when you feel proud of that, that you have nurtured.
As many of you are aware,
I am the mother to seven, yes seven children, all that I birthed myself, ranging from 24 years down to 5 years.
These souls that God has blessed me to lead,
blessed me to nurture and raise,
to witness as they grow and become who they are,
are my why for everything that I do.
They are my why to lead,
to constantly get in touch with myself and know who I am and let them see me.
They are my why to show that you can thrive in life and still have deep connection, love and family.
They are my why to reveal that life is for the living not the existing,
that freedom starts in your own head and heart,
that doing what’s right may not always appear to be right to others and may go against the grain of society,
that we are all creators.
No matter our sex, we are manifestors of our lives,
they are my why to constantly focus on my energy,
and lead them to put themselves first and speak from their truth.
And yes I am a proud mama.
Because I have seven very unique children,
confident, focused, true to themselves children.
I see the ripple.
What makes today a tough day though,
is that my own mother, who’s birthday is today is turning 85.
And I am not with her.
You see my mama has dementia and she was moved to a home a distance away from me where I have not been able to see her for some time,
then COVID happened and you cannot visit the elderly.
My mom was already losing who I was a couple years ago,
she was thinking I was her sister and she was falling back into memories of Natzi Germany and concentration camps that they went through,
it became more and more difficult to see her in this state,
my heart would crack to witness her,
and I was struggling. So I had to come to terms with the reality that my mom was passing before my eyes while still “existing physically here.” I had to let her go.
And then I started to notice that she was getting more and more lost in her story lines, she at one point had me getting killed by the Mexican Mafia and told me a horrific tale,
so now, here on the day of her birthday I sit wishing that I could go hug her, tell her,
“Mom, I am doing good, your grandchildren are doing good, your great grandchildren are growing strong and happy, we are all good. We love you.”
But I cannot.
Mainly because of COVID,
but secondly the terror it would cause her to see her daughter resurrected from the dead,
followed with a brief moment of realization that she is not right in the head and that she is losing herself.
To witness her realizing that she cannot recall her life,
her loved ones, her memories or even be present in her current moment is a deep pain to bare,
to hold space for.
And now with COVID I am unsure if I will ever see her again.
And I have guilt and shame around this topic in my life.
I feel bad as though I am a horrible daughter for what appears walking away, staying away,
Letting her go.
Today I mourn my mom.
Today I let her go a bit more.
Today I say goodbye again.
It’s not a happy birthday but a good bye.
And my heart hurts at typing it.
My heart hurts at sharing this little reality with you dear one.
And so it is that all things come to pass.
All things must be let go,
and the lesson that I feel pressed on me,
is to not let your life go until it is time,
to stop existing and making excuses,
living in fear.
Because your days are not promised on this earth,
your memories can be lost while your body still remains.
There is much we must get right with letting go of,
but the moment of NOW is not one of them.
 
Love Now.
Live Now.
Stop Making Excuses.
 
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Lets get you living now! What are you waiting for?
1:1 coaching available globally.

When Traffic Get’s You Down Try This….

I love TRAFFIC!

Seriously, I use to be one of those drivers that dreaded going anywhere because I was frustrated with the traffic issues, long before I ever got into the car. I was always making statements like,

“Oh god, its rush hour, you can’t get anywhere in this mess.”
“Why can’t people just merge?”
“These damn (fill in the state/city) drivers, how did they ever get their drivers license?”
“People can’t drive in the rain/snow…etc.”

And so on…

Then I became
ENLIGHTENED.

LOL, okay not really but sorta at the same time.

My enlightenment was finding my own guilt of these actions in myself.

My enlightenment came from the realization that everyone on the road was not just a car that was moving to fast or not fast enough, but a human being, with worries, fears, concerns, hope and desires.

My enlightenment came from seeing myself driving ALL these cars.

I realized that I was not a perfect driver.
I realized that I was not a perfect person.
I realized that I was perfectly human.

And with that came mishaps, silliness, stupidity even.
So who was I to cast a stone in the direction of any of my fellow drivers?

Who was I to assume that I knew what was happening in that person’s life to make them swerve the way they did, to zig or zag. To straddle the middle of the road or even slam on the brakes or not see that they needed to merge to exit.

Truth was I have no effing clue what is happening in their lives.
And the reality is that I have made some pretty poor choices behind the wheel in my life.

I am a good driver, a safe driver, a present driver.
For the most part.

But there are plenty of times that I am NONE of these things.

So who am I to cast that stone?

And why am I allowing what is happening in their life to negatively impact my day?

They are not “doing this to me.”
It is not a purposeful act.

And even if it was, it most likely was not for the intent that I believe.

Assumptions are never a good choice.
Giving our power over to others is also never a good choice and that mean’s in this case to become a victim to other people’s driving choices.

They are the drivers of their cars, their lives and they are making choices based on what they feel is best for them in that moment.

Behind the wheel of their car, they are doing what they need to feel like they are getting themselves where they need to be. How they need to be and in the speed they want to get there.

I love traffic!

Traffic carries with it so many life lessons.
Just this morning as I was driving to coffee with a friend I found myself in the center lane, there was this large pick up truck that came up fast on my tale. He had to slam on the breaks and as I looked in the rear-view mirror I saw him hit his steering wheel in frustration of my speed. We were in a 45 MPH zone and I was driving 40 with cars directly in front of me and on both sides.

Traffic was moving comfortably and smoothly.
This man behind me though wanted something different.
He wanted to force his desires onto the traffic and push his way through.

And so he did.
He moved to the left of me and the car in front of him speed up some so he could parallel me, then he decided that if he just leaned into my lane that I should drop my speed and let him in, only issue was that I did not react as fast enough for him, so he got closer to the car he was behind and they went faster, giving him just enough room to push his way between me and the car in front of me. I let off the gas so to not hit him. He quickly got more irritated because he was stuck in the middle lane and the three cars that took up the lanes in front of him were all side by side, driving equal speed’s. He moved himself between the right lane and the center repeatedly, as if saying look at me, I need through.

No one budged.

Finally one car moved to a turn lane and he jumped on the opening and whizzed around the others, only leading to the next snag in the tight but smoothly moving traffic. He continued this process and any opening in traffic allowing him to speed up he did, racing to the line up of cars, where he continued to zig and zag, lean on his horn even and slam his steering wheel in his frustration with traffic not doing what he wanted.

Meanwhile, I remained in the middle lane.
Driving 40mph.
Enjoying the smoothness of traffic and appreciating how I had not hit one red light but instead noticed that the speed I was driving was allowing me to move without stopping almost all the way to my destination.

I was in the FLOW.

It was in this moment that I came upon my first and only red light.
I merged over to the turn lane where I was turning and found myself beside the truck that had spent his whole time zigging and zagging in frustration. There he was flipping the man next to him off in total disgust and slamming his hand on his steering wheel still.

I could not help but just take a breath and smile.
I was not smiling at his frustration and pain,
I was not smiling and thinking, “Ha, that’s what you get.”

No I was smiling because of the lesson.
My lesson.

Just yesterday, my mentor left me a message on voxer reminding me about the importance of FLOW.

The message was to not get caught up in the actions of DOING so much.

To not get caught in the HOW.
To not get caught in the physical ACTIONS.
And the WHAT IS of the now.

But instead to find my soul’s flow and ALLOW it to take me.

I love traffic!

It’s all about FLOW, 
Or lack of it.

While so many zig and zag their way through life,
frustrated at the result they are getting,
those who find their flow,
find their soul.
There heart.
Their purpose.
Their JOY.

And create their own LUCK.
Create their own DESIRED LIFE.

FLOW + Gratitude = F*ck YES Life Creation!!!!

I love traffic!
Don’t You?

And remember,
Stop Existing & Start Living 

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

The New Human Lesson on Risk, Fear and Having It All.

I am often so captured by fear, I cannot move forward.

 
There are so many time’s in life where I find myself just pausing, procrastinating and what is without a doubt stuck in FEAR. Some of these instances are actually silly, other’s are understandable. Some I cannot avoid the event sand steps that I most certainly will be taking while yet, other’s I just ignore and act like they are not even there.
 
It’s funny as I write this I come back to the feeling of being pregnant.
 
Not just pregnant but due any day.
Then I slip into the thought of the moments after my water has broken and there is NO TURNING BACK. Once that water breaks your just a few short moments maybe 30 minutes away from contractions happening for real.
 
The clock start ticking on reality.
You realize that your going to have a baby.
And in order to birth this child that there WILL be pain, blood, sweat and tears.
There will be terror going through your veins.
There will be uncertainty mixed with excitement.
 
In this MOMENT you realize, well sh*t, I am stuck now.
Now I have to move through this birth, this transformation and just go with it.
 
Funny thing, I always tried to control it for the first portion of the labor process. Always, trying to act calm, cool and collected, like I had everything in order was superwomen.
 
And the interesting thing was that for the most part I did.
I was.
 
But there were moments in this that I felt great pain,
tears wanted to stream down my face and few choice words wanted to escape my lips.
 
It was NEVER as bad as i thought it was going to be though.
It was NEVER as severe as I had painted in my head those few short moments after my water broke or event the days leading up to that.
 
I often thought, it was going to steal my sanity,
make me look weak.
I often thought that I would not be strong enough to handle the process,
that I was for sure going to fall apart,
and my true self,
that self that I wanted no one to see,
would appear ,
and disappoint everyone,
including me.
 
But the moments came, and the labor built.

My body slowly let go of it’s need to control and prove itself and just accepted it’s GREATNESS.

 
My mind released it’s fear,
perhaps it was the rush of adrenaline,
perhaps it was the faith that God had my back.
Perhaps, I was actually as STRONG as I thought I was story I was trying to tell.
 
Who know’s.
 

What I do know is that I ALWAYS made it through.

I ALWAYS did it naturally.
I ALWAYS did it in GRACE.

I ALWAYS pushed through (pun intended).

 

And at the day, I got to meet a beautiful new little human.

And more importantly, they had introduced me to my SOUL.

 
My COURAGE.
My STRENGTH.
My POWER.
 
This new little human got me to meet myself at a new and more intimate place than before.
 
Experiencing this 7 time’s in my life I can tell you from experience and my heart that there is no difference between giving birth to a new little human being than there is to giving birth to your DREAMS.
 
I feel ALL the same fears, concerns, doubts and pains when I increase my coaching rates as I did when I gave birth.
 
I feel all the same things internally emotionally, when I step up to a new level of who I want to become and have to act on it.
 
I feel all the same things when I decide that I am NOT TURNING BACK from my mission, my calling, my purpose.
 
I feel all the same things when I COMMIT to doing more, BEING more, HAVING more.
 
I feel all the same things when I CLAIM MY LIFE as I did when I was Claiming the life of my new little human.
 
A long time ago a friend looked at me and said, ” Kendal, you are not afraid of anything, I wish I was more like you.”
 

OMFG!

Did she just say that?
 
I responded with, “What? I am afraid of everything, ALL the time.”
 
This was my epiphany.
 
So often fear STOP’s us from our dreams.
Stop’s us from birthing the life that we were born to live.
 
Even though, I was always afraid.
Uncertain.
and scared out of ever lovin’ mind,
 
I ALWAYS was COMMITTED to my SOUL.
I was always willing to step off that cliff and see where it my take me.
I was willing to fall so that I could learn how to get back up.
I was willing to look like a fool if it meant that I would grow.
I was willing to RISK.
 
I always understood that just living meant that we RISK.
And in that we were born to explore,
to discover,
to uncover,
to tap in
and get turned on,
to our hearts desires.
 

We were built to RISK.

And without that RISK, all we ever would be doing was to LIE TO OURSELVES and avoid our DREAMS.
 
Without discomfort, risk and fear.
We become NOTHING in a hurry.
We loose ourselves and our lives.
 
And thus we risk not just a ding to our ego,
but we RISK EVERYTHING.
 
Thank goodness for the little human’s that have guided me to feeling into this space and keeping it real with me every day.
 
Thank goodness that that I was willing to see the lesson,
and actually get it.
 
I want to share this lesson with YOU.
Because whether you have a little human you brought into this world or not is sorta beside the point now.
 

The point is, that YOU were BORN for GREATNESS.

You were meant to have more.
You were meant to STAND OUT.
You were meant to RISK.
 
That is what every BREATH is trying to tell you.
 

So WAKE THE F*CK UP!

 

And Remember to Stop Existing & Start Living.

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

 

Why Being Selfish Is Actually a Good Thing

 cleopatra

Okay folks, here we go! This is one of my favourite topics to talk about – probably because it is the corner stone of a very important life lesson that has been one of the most important in my life thus far. Today we are going to talk about why it’s not only okay, but also why it is essential to your health and wellbeing to be self-’ish’.

Now, before you go all crazy on me and send me angry emails, let me explain what I mean.

As you can see from the graphic I have created above, I have illustrated a spectrum; on one end is selflessness and on the other there is self centeredness. And right in the middle there is selfishness.

Let’s explore these three terms shall we?

Selflessness: This one is a doozy! This term is used to describe someone who has little or no concern for oneself. This is someone who puts others and their needs before their own. They do not consider their happiness to be important, but live to make others happy. This display of altruism is often regarded as pious and honourable. The idea of putting others before yourself is something that is celebrated by some. While it is indeed virtuous to display kindness and generosity to others (I’m not denying this), I want to talk to you about the unhealthy side of selflessness. I want to talk about how, over time, it can actually be the leading cause of burnout and unhappiness in many of our lives.

There are many of us (particularly us women) who have grown up believing that it is important (even essential) to please others and put their needs before our own. This is how many of us have learnt to survive in our relationships – by making others happy. Selflessness has been our ‘currency’ for love and feeling important. This pattern of behaviour, however, has also led us to unhealthy patterns of codependency and the ever life-sucking YES-syndrome.

Do you know what I mean when I say YES-syndrome? It’s when you say yes to everyone else and their needs so often, that you end up saying no to yourself and your needs by default. Worse yet, you become convinced that saying yes to your needs is a bad thing and you feel guilty for any act of self love or self care that you may display.In fact, for some this unbridled benevolence can become pathological to the point of martyrdom. Where some believe that the suffering they feel by putting others first is a righteous thing and that they do not deserve to feel happiness or joy.

To be self-less, implies that there is no self or that you deny yourself. You act as if you do not exist and deny your own wants, needs and desires. To the point that you lose touch with who you really are. Hence why so many of us end up unhappy because we have lost touch with who we are and deprived ourselves of much needed self love and self care. While it is important to love others and show generosity and kindness, it is not healthy to do so to the detriment of oneself.

Selflessness in my opinion, is just as unhealthy as being self-centered.

To be self-centered is the exact opposite of being selfless. It is when you are so self absorbed that you solely focus on your own needs to the detriment of others. This is someone who does what they want and does not care how their actions may affect others. Ironically, the selfless person and the self-centered person make for a match made in dysfunctional relationship heaven!

Now let’s talk about being self-’ish’.

In my mind this is the balance between the two extremes; selflessness and self-centeredness. It is a healthy balance between being considerate of others and their needs, but not sacrificing our own needs. The reality is that if you don’t take care of yourself, you can experience a vast array of health problems, depression, burnout, stress, unhappiness, fatigue, reduced mental functioning, anxiety, frustration, inability to sleep and even death. No joke.

You have to make sure there’s gas in the car if you want to drive it and you can’t get very far driving on fumes.

A great example of this concept is when you fly in an airplane and the flight attendant instructs you to put your oxygen mask on first before helping the person seated next to you. Now for the selfless person, they would think, “But shouldn’t I help the other person first? That seems like the right thing to do.”

The self-centered person thinks, “Heck yeah, I’ll put the mask on myself and only myself. I don’t care about the other person.”

The self-“ish” person puts the oxygen mask on themselves first because they know that they need to take care of themselves to survive. And then, once their needs are taken care of, they can help the person seated next to them. The self-‘ish’ person knows that if you are 10,000ft in the air and run out of oxygen, that they are never going to be able to help anyone else, let along help themselves??!!

All jokes aside, this is an important metaphor for those of us who run around taking care of everything and everyone else except ourselves.

It’s time to ask yourself honestly where you fall on the spectrum. Let go of the excuses and the guilt, and genuinely commit to being more self-“ish”. Because if you are healthy and happy and taken care of, everyone else around you will benefit.

byRachel Corradetti

Are you getting too old?

rosegrannyThe first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn’t already know.
I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned round to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me
with a smile that lit up her entire being. She said, “Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I’m eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?”

I laughed and enthusiastically responded, “Of course you may!” and she gave me a giant squeeze. “Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?” I asked.

She jokingly replied, “I’m here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids…”

“No seriously,” I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

“I always dreamed of having a college education and now I’m getting one!” she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months, we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this “time machine”
as she shared her wisdom and experience with me. 
Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up. At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I’ll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.

Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, “I’m sorry I’m so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I’ll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know.”

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, “We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You’ve got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don’t even know it!There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don’t do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn’t take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change.

Have no regrets.

The elderly usually don’t have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those
with regrets.”

She concluded her speech by courageously singing “The Rose.”

She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.
At the year’s end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died
peacefully in her sleep. 
Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it’s never too late to be all you can possibly be .
These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE.
REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.
We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give.