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Is Your “WHY” The Reason for Your Loss?

We all got them. We all know how bad they are for us. We all still can’t help ourselves. And so we make them. We use them. And we feel like we are justified somehow most of the time.
You know what I am talking about. It’s the damn thing that keeps holding you back. It’s the damn effing thing that you know you need to push right past but don’t.
And why?
Because it’s your child.It’s your mate.It’s your health.It’s your time.It’s your finances. It’s your level of education.It’s yeah, yeah, yeah…..
Alright we get it….You have a great reason.
Don’t we all?

You have a freakin’ great reason as to why you can’t. Why you should not.And how this or that is truly holding you back.Holding you still. You just need to pause. You just need to get out of debt. You just need to get ahead some. You just need your kids all in school. You just need to ease in before you approach your mate. You just need to make sure that you can make the time. You just…..
Yeppers…
That’s all so true.
NOT!!!
Its all bullsh*t.
You don’t need to wait for any of that to live the life you were born to live.
You don’t need any of that to create the abundance, the freedom, the happiness, YOUR DREAMS.
And you sure as f*ck DON’T need to WAIT.
But you are. And the waiting is getting old. The waiting is draining you. The waiting….will the waiting ever be over?
Or will life end before the waiting?
And that is what you should be worried about. You should not be worried about all these things. And if you are striving to have your dreams manifest for some of these excuses which are also your reasons, then why….
why my dear are you still sitting on your thumb waiting?
What do you think waiting will accomplish?
Will you wait long enough and suddenly have enough money to buy that business or write that book?Or will the money just come and go as money always does. And you will still be waiting, wishing you had not waited till now, but willing to wait till later still to do the damn thing that you know that you must do if you will live the life that your soul is calling you to live.
Or will you ever have the time or the energy to just add in another thing and build your dreams with the focus that you know it will take?
Or will you sit there, waiting for the time, waiting for the energy, waiting for the focus, and watch your life drift by. Just like it has been the last five years. The last ten, twenty or whatever the eff it has been…. Don’t you think, that if you had just said yes to yourself maybe somewhere back there, and done the damn thing, just got started that, maybe, maybe you might be closer to your dreams then where waiting has gotten you?
IDK, Maybe I am just being crazy. Maybe I am being irrational. I mean what do I know….
You know what I know…I know that my WHY can also be one of my biggest challenges to success. I know that if I allow my why to become my excuse, that it will quickly. and it will destroy the possibility of me manifesting the life that I want for myself, for my children, for all that I care for. I know that my WHY, can easily grow into a fierce darkness, stopping me from moving forward.
And I can tell you that I love my why enough to tell my why to get the eff out of my way and not hold me back.
I have chosen to make what feels like sacrifices in a way for a short period of time so that I can guarantee my success.
I have set my desires out, and I have written out my goals.I know that the excuses that I might have, and some of them are some damn freakin’ doozies at that, are not here to help me succeed. No matter how logical they may seem. No matter how heart jerking they might be.No matter how “in alignment” they may appear, they are still the DAMN THINGS that prevent.
Prevent us from living the life that God intended.Prevent us from SAYING YES! to ourselves.Prevent us from THRIVING.
So why do you keep allowing them into your world dear?Why do you keep making space for all that, that does not serve you?Why do you keep believing the falsities of this world and denying your power love?
You better figure it out.And when you do, hope you have not waited to long that your dreams became another’s and were lost to you this lifetime.
Because you my dear, came here with a purpose. And purpose was to SHINE.
You will never accomplish that by hiding underneath those beautiful excuses….
I mean reasons. 🙂
So as always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

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You Don’t Own My Sex!

You don’t own my sex!
You think that you want to own my sex. 
You believe that it is love based.
You have been told that if someone loves you that they will not need, desire or be with anyone else. 
You think that ownership is love. 

But since when is slavery of any sort love?
Relationship slavery, 
sexual slavery is no more love than is
to brand and tag another human being and sell them to the highest bidder as though they are live stock.

That may seem offensive to some. 
It may seem extreme to others. 
I am pretty sure that many are flabbergasted in this moment that anyone would say such a thing in today’s world. 

But seriously, owning someone else in any fashion or form is NOT LOVE.

And I can tell you that you have no right to own another persons sex.

It’s far more than the genitals that I speak of here. 
It is one’s core.
It is one’s creative energy.
It is one’s soul.
Their guidance system if they are tapped into it. 
Our alignment to life, 
to our path, 
and all that we can be stems from this place within ourselves. 

Our sex. 
It hubs all that we are. 
It is our primal, 
passionate, 
truth.

Our GPS.

And you think that it is loving to own. 
That it is loving to sign over the papers to such a thing.
That it is someones duty, 
or a rightful expectation to demand that one give this to anyone?

Really?

May I challenge those of you who read this and want to spout back some negative comment, 
some biblical quote, 
some moral statement as you believe it to be, 
may I challenge you to ask yourself this….

“What do I get out of owning another person’s sex?”

You need to get real here.
Because the truth of your desire and your fake love is found in the answer to this question IF….

IF you can be truthful in your answer.

And for those of you who cannot let me answer it for you.

Power.
Control.
Security.

And guess what?
All of these are fake.
Just like the love that you are claiming that “makes” you do it.

Love has nothing to do with ownership.
Love has nothing to do with having power over someones anything.
Love has nothing to do with security.
Let alone demanding and trying to force security.

Love is a risk.
Love is powerful.
Love is freeing.
Love is unconditional. 
And it has NOTHING to do with our sex.

Sure you have far better, 
more orgasmic, 
more connective and intimate, 
sex with love at play then without.

It takes you from two bodies rubbing against each other and enjoying some friction to a true opening, 
and blissed out state. 

But love has nothing to do with sex.
And it DOES NOT mean that we love someone more or less if we have sex with them or not.

Sex is not a barometer for love.
Sex is about feeling ones self in a most pure, authentic, real capacity. 
Through our sexing we meet ourselves. 
We feel ourselves.
And we expand in who we can be. 
Through our sexing we are offered a taste of intimacy into ourselves. 
That is what makes sex so damn intimate.

It is not intimate because we see another person naked.
It is not intimate because we are physically connecting.
It is not intimate because this other being is feeling anything or not.

It is intimate because we are experiencing all of this about OURSELVES with the assistance of another who is doing the same. 

But this form of intimacy. 
INTO – ME- I- SEE
only comes about when we are present with ourselves and no longer hiding from our shadows. 
When we are being responsible for ourselves and not looking for anyone else to fill us in any way. 
Not wanting to be completed by anyone else, 
not wanting to feel loved by anyone, 
or gain our happiness from anyone else. 
This sort of intimacy comes when we are NOT IN NEED.
But in LOVE.

Love of self.
Happy with self.
Intimacy with self.
Whole in self.
Worthy in self.

If you believe that you “need” anyone else to do any of these things for you and that equates love then you are far, far away from true love my dear.

So one more question for you to ask of yourself….

“Do I feel more loved by my partner if they do not have sex with anyone but me?”

okay maybe two questions.

“And if yes, then what about them only having sex with me, makes me feel loved, or guarantees a greater love in your opinion?”

The reality is that we harbor a lot of judgement around our sex and the sex of others. 

We condemn people for wanting sex.
We condemn people for not wanting sex.
We judge and call names, 
label and make opinions into facts that do not exist, 
based on on our judgments to make ourselves feel safe.
Feel right.
Feel moral.
Feel better than.

And if you loved.
Truly loved. 
The way love is to be, 
which is unconditional. 
Than you would see that your judgments on another’s sex and your desire to control it for them, 
is not of love,
but of ego. 
And your own insecurities around your sex and heart.

You aim to protect yourself by controlling another’s actions.
You aim to protect and make sure that pain and suffering does not befall on you, 
as if you were meant to never feel the contrast of pain in your life, 
and as if pain and growth was wrong, 
when in fact when one can lean in, 
and love through the pain. 
Through the fear.
Through all that we paint in our illusions of our ego, 
and SIMPLY LOVE.
Unconditional, 
and allow for the reality that we are to love many in many forms of the word. 
That “relationship” in any aspect is all about LOVE.
And without love, the relationship should not even be. 

So to try and control one’s love or how they choose to connect in any relationship is nothing more than an insecurity based in fear and desire to hide from one’s own expansion and feelings.

It is a fear to experience the beauty of true unconditional loving.

I challenge you today my love, 
to feel your true heart and to expand yourself and do the inquiry work so that you can have relationship based not in need and thus control, but in the beauty of surrendering to unconditional love. 

This is not written to give permission to those who lie and cheat, 
who step out of integrity and say that they just cannot be themselves. No this is not written to give any such permission. 
This is written to challenge all who read it about what sort of love they have based their relationships in and to bring up the empowering discussions of truth and honesty, coming from a place of love and intimacy. 

Communicate in love. 
Not in fear.
Stop allowing your past pains to mask your current heart.
Step out of your desire to have what is not possible, 
that requires faith, grace and communication. 
Step out of that desire, 
the desire for security and guarantee’s, 
where your “love” remains the same and tidy in a box that it was never meant to be kept in.

Because my dear, 
relationship will never be something that does not cause you pain.
It will push you to your limits. 
It will challenge your core. 
It will make you question all that you have believed and known, 
and it will ask you to stand in who you are, 
not of who you were, or will be. 

Yes my dear, 
relationship is just this and nothing more. 
It is a place where we meet ourselves in all, 
where we get to embrace if we allow, 
our hearts and heal our wounds. 
Strengthen our love and KNOW our core. 

You do not own my sex.
And your sex is not owned. 
You are a free soul. 
A free being. 

Remember this my love. 
And….
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers.”

**FUN FACT – There are five loves in this picture. And even though some are still beside me and some are no longer active roles in my life. All are still unconditionally loved by me.**

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Oh Girl…Stop Holding Yourself Back.

Oh girl you are so effing turned on. 
Its like you rounded a corner and now you are hot to trot for every yummie thing that presents itself to you. 
And damn girl you know that you are wanted too. 
You know that what you got is something special. 
You know that if you dare flaunt it just a little, 
you are bound to piss a few peeps off, 
but that’s how it works right?
You piss some peeps off by shining oh so bright. 
And the one’s who love that light of yours will be your tribe.

So why are you holding back girl?
Why are you still hiding there in your shadows. 
Afraid to step all the way out and just go, 
BAMB!!!!!!
Here I am world!
Here I am and you know what?
I am one turned on bad a*s woman. 
There I said it. 
I claimed it. 
I am powerful and I am no longer satisfied with just sticking my toe in the pool. 
I want to swim. 
I want to totally soak up that luscious experience of turn on. 
I want to shine, 
and mask no more. 
hide no more.

Oh girl! just let yourself fly. 
Trust in your wings. 
They are beautiful. 
They are bold. 
They will carry you and they will clear the darkness for so many others who need you to lead them.

You know what I am saying here. 
You can feel it at your core. 
Seriously love. 
Just pause for a moment from all your busy work, 
all that you aim to side track yourself with and effing PAUSE.

So that you can feel. 
Feel that power inside of you. 
It feels like a dragon waking from its slumber does it not. 
Its beautiful.
Its bold.
Its fierce. 
Its strong. 
And it is YOU Baby!

You are that eruption, 
waiting to happen. 
You are that fierce fire that will conquer all those demons that you think are lurking in your shadows but are actually only illusions of others peoples fears that you have been available too.

You know what to do. 
So pause, 
stretch into yourself and FEEL your greatness.

Feel.

You are the light. 
But you must step into your own light before anything else happens.

Claim Yourself Today!
And Always Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

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You Got This!

You got this!
You know you do. 
So why are you so scared. 
Why are your hands shaking, 
your gut tense, and your breathing so shallow.

You got this beautiful. 
You have had it from the get go.
You have done it before.

You know that you were not designed to just sit on the side lines and watch others live their dreams. 
No, you were made to run with the leaders. 
You were made to speak your truth. 
You were made to share that beautiful ass vision that you have in the pretty head of yours.

You have got this. 
And yet you still doubt. 
You doubt your ability. 
You doubt the time that you have. 
You doubt that you have the courage, 
the drive, 
the strength, 
the ability to get it all done and to do it right.

You fear that you will fail. 
And that makes you want to just cringe. 
That makes you want to cry. 
That makes you want to run away and hope that it all just does not follow you.

But at the same time you want it to follow. 
You don’t want to let go.
You don’t want to hide. 
You don’t want to not allow.

And that is what it is really is all about, 
is it not?

Allowing.

Allowing yourself to receive your own effing greatness. 
Allowing yourself to stand out in the crowd. 
Allowing yourself to be who you were born to be.

That f-cking amazing, 
powerful, 
dynamic, 
soul that was born to stand out. 
Born to run with the 1%. 
Those who know who they are. 
Who they want to be. 
How powerful they can be. 
And are not afraid to claim that sh*t. 
To claim all their dreams.

Yes you got this!

And if you just simply settle into having it, 
it will just happen for you.

You know that all you have to do is say mother f-cking yes to yourself.

So what are you waiting for?
What are you sitting around and hoping about, 
when it is all right there in your hands love?

You know what to do. 
So just go do it. 
Stop making those excuses. 
They are not becoming. 
There is no power in them, 
the power my love is all in you.

And you know you got this. 
So just LIVE IT.
Be IT.
And PROCLAIM IT.

Because you are a f-cking powerhouse. 
A bad a*s that knows her heart. 
That feels so much and knows how to claim it.

Nothing can stop you love. 
Unless you allow it too. 
And still the only thing that can stop you truly, 
is YOU.

You got this!
and have it you shall my love.

Because every time you look in the mirror, 
you see your greatness.
It haunts you.
It claims you.

You are not like everyone else, ‘who settles for average and ordinary.

No. 
You are a queen.
Not just any queen, 
you are a queen who knows her deepest truth, 
who desires her grandest heart to be revealed. 
You want to be seen.
You want to make an impact.
You know you have a mission love.

So realize this….
Realize that YOU are powerful.
Your focus is magic.
Your heart is your lead.
And the universe has your back love.

So leap.
Leap into that uncharted land, 
those waters that entice you. 
That you long to swim in. 
And let them carry you love.

Carry you to your dreams. 
You got this!

As Always, 
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers.”

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This is what you want in a partner.

From Guest Author Addison Bell

It’s all fun and games until you actually have to deal with the other side.

You sit and desire certain characteristics of those in your life, and especially out of a romantic partner. Yet, I daresay that many times you are asking for a mess of contradictions.

Its easy to look at some aspirational values and personality traits and think that this is exactly what you want to pull into your life but if you aren’t careful you will end up pulling in exactly what you don’t desire.

And the funny thing is that your Ego would probably throw a tantrum and say, “But I do do desire it, I do want that, I can hold that person” but in the end you really can’t handle it.

You might desire someone who is playful and has that flirty personality that makes you feel all bubbly inside… until they are flirty and playful with others and it smacks right into your jealousy and trust issues.

You might desire someone that knows how to act like a “lady” or “gentleman” when you are out in public and can hold the proper level of poise… until they are always poised and never able to let go of that persona (even in the bedroom).

You might desire someone that has their own life and is more free flowing with the relationship. Someone that isn’t that awful word “clingy”… until they can’t be there and support you the way that you need and you never truly feel held.

And really any trait that you desire in a partner is going to have the opposite side.

It is pretty commonly known from a psychological perspective that in relationships the aspects that often attract you to your partner are also the very same aspects that can cause the greatest struggle.

There is that old saying about how men should want a lady in the streets and a freak in the streets.

We want our partners to be both sides of a coin….
And most of the time it can mean the destruction of a relationship!

Now, thankfully we are complex beings and so are not one thing or the other. If you take the above example of having a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets… I know many women that are able to present one aspect of themselves when out at dinner parties and then turn around and have a mind-blowing sexual evening with a partner. Both are authentically them and both are aspects of who they ae.

Though these women have also worked through the stereotypes that come with both sides of the coin and know where they are authentically.

Though, lets be honest, yes I mean really honest here…

Most people are NOT doing deep personal work on a daily basis. And most people are not willing to look at when their ego’s arise in relationships. So when an aspect that is a turn on in one sense becomes a turn-off… we blame that other person. We don’t look at ourselves and where WE might be the ones that have unspoken expectations.

Many times we even struggle to admit where we struggle in relationships and where our ego’s simply can’t handle something.

You want a partner that is free, playful, open-minded but then when this pushes on your jealousy, your need for attention, and your belief that there is a certain way to “do” relationships…

Can you actually look yourself in the face or actually look that other person and say, “I don’t want you to be so free”. “I wish you weren’t so playful”, “I want you to be open-minded but just not about this topic”.

Most would look at the other person as the issue and not be able to truly say… “I am not able to hold this aspect of you”.

Again, we are complex and hold so many intricacies. Each person, situation, and experience will present a different expression of self. So what fits and is a desire with one partner or relationship could be entirely different than what fits and is a desire in another relationship.

In truth it all comes back (as always) to self and looking deep within ones self authentically. What are we desiring in our relationships? And then looking at if we truly could hold that characteristic in another if it presented to us. Where would our ego get shaken? What are non-negotiable in our relationships?

If you want freedom… how free?
If you want play… how playful?
If you want stable… how stable?
If you want sexy… how sexy?

What can you truly, honestly, at your core hold?
Get honest with yourself! And start doing your inner work to help you be able to look within when situations arise.

And more than even that…
Get honest with self when someone presents something that truly won’t fit with you and your life. Don’t pretend to be okay with something that is a hard NO. This will only push you further and further out of alignment from self.

Most importantly LOVE self first and foremost. When we do this we are most able to be authentic, honest, and love another. Even if the way we are loving that other is by letting them go and be who they are authentically.

Sending you all…

Love, Light, & Blessings,
Addison

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Clarity and Space.

Clarity and space. 
Sometimes you just need one of these to get the other, 
and the other to get one. 

The thing we must acquire in life in order to manifest all that we desire and want is a feeling of satisfaction. 

How do we achieve this though?

Through clarity and space. 

I don’t know if you are anything like me, 
but I often find it difficult to ask for what I need. 
Not for what I want, 
but for what I need. 

There is a difference. 

I have a difficult time asking for what I need because I don’t want to be a bother to those I care for. 
I tend to mother all over everyone in my life and big sister the rest. 
Call it only child syndrome?
Or oldest daughter syndrome?

But I tend to find myself in moments where I am so full that there is no room for God to give me any more. 
I find myself in spaces where I can take on no more. 
My mental, emotional and even physical space is dangerously low. 

Kind of like my cell phone and computer like to tell me frequently about their space too. 
Hmmmm….. maybe that is the universe telling me something huh?

And the issue with being so full in life is that it is hard to have clarity. 

It is harder to find satisfaction with things. 
And it is even harder to manifest the things that you want because simply put….

there is no effing room for them!

Well, here is where I have been the last 90 days. 
OMFG!

I am so full. 
I feel like I have eaten Thanksgiving dinner in every breath I take. My body feels heavy. 
My energy feels stagnant. 
I am in a spiritual food coma. 

Or an abundance coma. 
Where things are now knocking at my door and then looking in and saying, oh no,
No….no….no….. 
you are a hoarder of all that energy. 

You hoard giving too much .
You hoard not saying no when you need to or want to. 
You hoard not asking for space. 
For time. 
For this or that. 

So, now you get to sit there and feel full. 
Oh, so full and unsatisfied. 

So like any good manifesting queen, 
I go after what I want. 
I am a smart woman. 
I know how to do this thing.

And so I go ask for what I want some more. 
And I ask some more. 
And I “claim to be taking time for myself” 
but instead I am really off giving time and energy to someone I care about. 
Putting my focus on them. 
Giving a sh*t too much. 
And allowing my time. 
My energy. 
My space. 
My boundaries. 
To just get trampled for the sake of love….

Or so I claim it to be that. 

But truly its not about love. 
It is about me not wanting to look greedy. 
Not 100% believing that I am worthy of asking for my needs. 
Not wanting to let anyone down. 
“Cus God forbid that I let someone else down, right?”

And then after all of that, 
you know what happens?

Frustration. 
Fear. 
Loss of energy. 
Loss of focus. 
Clarity.
Sanity. 
And I find myself feeling lost. 
Feeling hopeless. 
And feeling like none of it matters anyway. 

And so what is the answer?

How can one in these shoes get back to stable?
How can one move from this overfull state and get into satisfaction?

Pretty simple love. 

Just demand SPACE.

Move yourself into a state of space. 
Away from all who are calling on you, 
even if they mean the best by their checking in, 
even if they are sharing love, 
even if they are concerned and wanting to help. 

Move the F-CK AWAY from them and get some SPACE. 

Realize that that is the ONLY way that you will be able to have what you want. 

And to feel satisfied and get manifesting your dreams. 

You don’t have to step away forever. 
You just need a vacation. 
A detox. 

Space.

So just ask for it. 
And if you suck at asking like I do. 

Then let that only child syndrome that some of us have surface in another way and stamp your feel and pitch a fit and DEMAND IT!

Because darlin’ you are worth it. 
And your dreams are too. 

As Always, 
Stop Existing & Start Living
” Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

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Stop The Hide and Seek With Your Dreams

We create our own misery. 
We manifest our nightmares.
We are truly our own worst enemy.

Look back at the things that have come into your life. 
Really look at the sh*t that has happened. 
Can you see how you called it into existence?

If you are average and ordinary then you will answer this with a big fat NO!

If you are part of the 1% of the population that is awakened, conscious and willing to be responsible for their lives, then you will say YES.

Either way you answer, the truth is still the same. 
We create our own misery.

So why am I speaking about this today?
You see over the last few days of this New Year, 
I have come into contact with a massive awareness circling around me about this.

It stems from our lack of worth. 
It stems from our hidden expectations. 
It stems from our fears.

And let me tell you, 
these three things can sabotage your whole life and all that you desire and that God wants to bestow on you.

Don’t you get it love?
Don’t you see how you are creating all of this sh*t because you are insisting on keeping your focus on what you do not have.

You are sitting there, actively looking for the evidence of something to appear, 
and in doing this what you are ACTUALLY doing is focusing on the VOID of not having it yet.

So no duh, that it is not manifesting for you.
How can it after all when all you do is look at how it is not there.

I know, 
I know, 
you want to argue this. 
I sure as f-ck try arguing it as well, 
all the time.

But love,
the facts are just that FACTS.
And what you are doing is NOT looking at the positive, 
no you are looking at the not having because you are looking at where you want it to manifest, 
how you want it to manifest, 
in the time that you want it to manifest, 
and you are looking dead center into the void of it NOT manifesting yet.

You are waiting for it to happen. 
Right?

You sent out your intentions.
You have been doing the internal work. 
You have journaled, meditated, prayed, talking it up, stayed positive, witnessed your ego yelping at you and backed away from anyone who tried to steal your thunder.

But what you have NOT yet done it just CLAIM IT.

Yes JUST CLAIM IT BABY.

You f-cking deserve to have it, 
and it is already manifested. 
The problem is that you have decided to step into some hide and seek manifesting game with it.

You have decided to WAIT for it to come instead of just living as though it already is.

So this AMAZINGNESS that is there for you has no effing choice but to wait for you to come find it.

It cannot come to you, 
it can not manifest yet, 
because you are not ready.

You are not even getting ready to be ready for it. 
And that sucks.

Because everything you want is having to wait to be received.

And all you have to do love is STOP looking for it.

Stop examining how it is not yet there, 
how it will happen when you do this or this or that, 
stop looking down the mother f-cking road.

And JUST ACCEPT that it already is, 
and guess what?

It IS.

This means that you have to STOP talking about it as though you are waiting for it as well, 
you have to stop yourself from feeling as though you do not have it yet, 
and instead focus on feeling effing amazing RIGHT NOW.

All this good sh*t will manifest AS SOON AS YOU TAKE YOUR EYE and CONSCIOUSNESS OFF OF IT.

Just like a pot being watched.
And you know what the saying is there right?

” A watched pot never boils.”

Well it will boil, 
but it will be SOMEDAY, 
and it don’t have to be that way baby.

It can boil right now.

You gotta just let it.

As Always, 
Stop Existing & Start Living

WATCH Today’s Conscious Coffee – Men, Wine and Christ to hear all about my even deeper take on playing Hide and Seek with Your Dreams.

ONLY a few days left till Boss Life- 500 Closes. 
I have two spot’s still open for this f-cking amazing opportunity to work 1: 1 with me and get your 2019 kick started into greatness.

But maybe you don’t care. 
And that is okay too.

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Damn You 2018! But Thank You.

🍾🥳🎉🎉Happy New Years Eve Everyone!🎉🎉🥳💞

As we go through the last day of 2018 and we enter 2019, I wanted to share some thoughts with you about the bullsh*t that might be holding you back.
And I say all of this in love. And I say it all with the intimacy share that it is true for myself as well.
Stepping into a new year is always a time of contemplation for myself. Perhaps you feel the same, perhaps not.
But I find myself sitting here this morning, drinking my coffee, enjoying the crispness of the morning and playing with our families new little puppy while I ponder all that has taken place in this year of 2018.
Recently I shared that I was in gratitude and happy with where my life is RIGHT NOW. That I was happy with 2018 and all that it has brought with it. And this is true, however I still find myself looking at the year and saying from my depth, “Damn You 2018!”
I am witnessing this same energy and statement from many people that I know, work with and follow. 2018 has been a testing year.
It has tested us in all ways. Physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
And financially for many.
For myself I look at this last year and I can honestly say that I did not see many of the things that occurred coming. I started last January pumped up and excited, anticipating the closure of a separation with a man that I loved deeply, but I “thought” that he would turn toward me, instead he chose differently and with that came new sight into his heart and our relationship. It was a breathtaking and eye opening experience. Turned around and found myself with my other main man flipping out and revealing where he was as well, which lead to physical trauma and financial stress. Watched as my 82 year old mother with dementia went deeper down the rabbit hole of this disease and made choices that were irreversible making it where I no longer to care and support her the way that I once had, to the point where she even ran away from the home that she was living.
Brought on with all of these challenges of 2018 I found myself needing to find a new home ( and did so within 3 days) , get a new car ( and I did so within a week), get healing for my physical body ( which I did with the love and support of my fellow practitioners and friends), get legal help ( which I did with the guidance of God) and wade through the upsets and the trails that would seem to never end.
Yes 2019 with your over $75,000 of additional costs that I did not expect.
You have taught me so much. This single mama still remains strong, happy and in love with her life. In gratitude for all that 2018 has brought, even though it has been some rough lessons.
How can I even have gratitude some ask?It is simple: My life is blessed.I am in love with where I am. I am in love with the truth that has been revealed. And I am in love with myself.
2018 has shown me who I am, my strength, my courage, my fears, my weaknesses, and it has provided me with sight into my soul.


For all the sh*t that has happened in 2018, my list of gratitude’s are far greater.


*More than DOUBLED my income in 2018! BAM!!!💲💲

*Found out I am going to be a grandmother. 🙂 Holy crap its happening!!!!👶*All seven of my kids live close to me or with me.

* Have close relationships with all of my children and good friendships. ( what more can a mama ask for)

*Everyone is healthy.

*Bought my first car without anyone else attached to it. (always have had someone with me i.e. a husband or man)

*Moved into a house that I f-cking LOVE in a neighborhood that is amazing. * My kids are all in GREAT schools and doing good.

* Paid off a third of my over all debt.

*Only spend maybe 8-10 hours a week feeling like I am “working”

*Truly have my time as my time – I AM MY BOSS!

*Love my TRIBE!!!! – You are beautiful. *In love with where my business is going and who it is unveiling me to be.

*My home is always blessed with love and people who I care deeply about.

* Amazing men in my life that know how to hold space for me.

* Deep love.🥰💞💞 I truly feel deep love coming to me and being shared by me, which means I LOVE MYSELF DEEPLY.

*Alignment Awareness. This is a BIG one. I am far more conscious of when I am in alignment and when I am not and I am catching my hold backs quicker than in years past.

*A new focus on LISTENING to my intuition.👂👀 Another BIG one for me. Some days I feel psychic, and whether I am or not is beside the point, it is that I am seeing how accurate my gut is and how powerful I am if I ONLY CHOOSE to LISTEN.

*PEACE.🙏 I have spent the last decade becoming a more peaceful person, I use to be so angry and scared. But something in 2018’s lessons has truly lined me up with PEACE. It is hard to throw me these days, and even if I get a little flustered or tense, there is a current of peace right under it reminding me who I really am. Grateful I can feel that.

*THIS IS WHO THE F-CK I AM! 💃💃💃- Yes even for someone like me who prides myself for being raw and authentic, I still have masks. And I am done dancing at this masquerade ball. It’s been fun, but its time to stop fooling around and just STEP IN TO WHO I AM. This is all about the gratitude for KNOWING self and having the desire and the courage to say F-ck it! I am me. Claim my life once and for all.


Okay there is so much that I could go on and on here with my gratitude’s,
but my message to you beautiful is simple,


Look at my list.


Do you see the things that you are grateful for as well in your life?


Do you recognize the things that you need to step into and embrace?


Does any of it make you stir?Make you want for more?


2018 was here in my opinion to wake us the f-ck up!

To clear out the things that do not serve us.

To provide us with the space to call in our dream life.

We all have been too cramped in our style you could say, no room for what we want.

So 2018, bless you 2018.

You have shown us who we are.

You have helped us clean up our homes.

You have revealed truth.And you have taken out the trash that we were not strong enough to admit needed to be taken out.


So thank you 2018.


And HELLO 2019!!!!! 😍💃💃💃🥂🍾💲Let’s Rock this year with love, abundance, certainly and joy.


Let’s make 2019 about receiving all that wants to come to us. Wants to bless our lives. Open beautiful.

Open to 2019 like it is the lover you have always dreamed of and let it penetrate you with all it has to offer.


You are worth the creative loving forces of God’s blessings.
Just OPEN.

And RECEIVE.


Share in the comments what you want to manifest in 2019.


As Always, Stop Existing & Start Living


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Your Ripple Matters. So Make It Count.

“You are an inspiration to me.

You are beautiful in every sense of the word.

Look at how you radiate love into this world.

Look at all those you touch with your words.

The way that you live, so open, authentic and true.


Yes, you.

You are an inspiration to me.”

– This was written to me from a lover once.


And just today I had two men in my life reach out to share something similar.
In moments when people share how I touch them, how I make them want to be better, how I push them, and even though they may want to tell me to f-ck off, here and there, they still want more.


And you know what?That is what being inspiring is all about.

Having that more flavor in who you are.

In what you stand for.In what you do.

And how you live in this world of ours.


When we are inspiring,

we make others want for more.


And when this happens in my life, I find myself sometimes wondering…


Wondering how this is possible?

Why would someone want to listen to me?

After all, I am only human. I am only a mom, a daughter, a sister, an ex-wife, a lover, a friend, a woman who gets lost just like anyone else.

I am no one.
Right?

I often feel like I have nothing to offer.

And then God speaks through someone and says,

” Hey Kendal, you are needed. – Your words have value. – Your thoughts change lives.”


And I smile as I ponder the reality of changing lives.

Having an IMPACT.

An impact on this world.


The reality baby is simple, we are all influencer’s.
We influence someone, all the time. If no one outside of ourselves, then realize this…

we are constantly influencing ourselves through the thoughts we choose to think and the feelings we choose to have.
And when we choose these thoughts and feelings, we in turn touch others lives as well. Because it is through our thoughts and feelings that we choose how to show up and interact with others.


So we are ALWAYS influencing.


You are an Influencer.


The only question any of us need to ask ourselves is,

” What kind of influence am I?”


Am I a positive or negative inspiration.

Because you could easily be either.


The word inspiration sounds pretty.

Doesn’t it
And it can be.

But we have to be cautious in what we inspire others to believe and desire.
Your words just like mine carry a powerful message within them.


Words do not teach.

But words do make us inquire.


They bring attention to what matters.
We influence through our words.

We influence through our actions.

We influence by the way we live.


And this baby is what you need to embrace.

You must embrace that you matter.

And you must embrace that how you live matters.

You are not too small to be of value. You are not too under educated to not have enlightenment. You are not too young or old to be able to speak the truth. You are not too sinful to be worthy.


No you matter.

And so do your thoughts, feelings, actions.


You matter love.

And you must embrace this fact.
Embrace it in love.

Embrace it with fierceness.

You matter.

And so do your words.


So what does your life message say of you?

Who are the one’s that you touch with your words, actions and thoughts the most?


And how do you witness that which you share with them ripple out into their lives, and thus out into our world?


Every stone you cast has an effect on the pool of life.


Make it count.


As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living


You have wanted to work with me forever.You desire the F-ck Yes! Life.Money. Success. Health. Romance. Freedom!But something has been stopping you.
Finances?
I was listening.


Join me in this exclusive signature VIP 1:1 Coaching opportunity to KICK START Your 2019 NOW.


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Getting Ready to be Ready.

You don’t always have to vibe high. 

You really don’t. 
Some days you have to just accept that your vibe is off. 
That you are feeling hormonal. 
That you are feeling tired. 
Overwhelmed. 
Scared.
And done with the world. 

Some days are like this. 
You ladies out there may understand this a bit better than the men who follow me. 

But its very true. 
Some days you are just low as f-ck vibe. 
And you know what?

It’s OKAY!

There is no soul on this planet that does not have off days.
There is no soul that vibes high ALWAYS. 

Sure they may only show the high vibe. 
But they are not high vibe always. 

The trick to low vibe days is simple. 

Love yourself anyway. 

This is grace folks. 
And I know how hard it can be to allow yourself to be human. 
To allow yourself to just have a low frequency day. 
Especially if you are anything like me. 

I personally pride myself in being able to handle so many moving pieces, 
in not falling apart at the seams under the pressure of life, 
and able to get a massive amount of sh*t done when it seems like I should not be able too. 

It feels good to me to look at my world and see all that I have done. 

Yet some days, 
some days this is not the case. 
Some days I look around and I go OMFG! I think I will just climb back in bed and hide. 

These sorta days, 
I just want to cry. 

And you know what sometimes I do. 
Sometimes I just feel this suffering that I thought up and I allow myself to fully step into the pile of fake sh*t and even bathe in it. 

As much as it stinks, I allow it to happen. 
I allow myself to torture myself with a low day of emotion, 
and I drag my ass across the floor in low vibration. 

Why the eff would I allow this sorta energy to manifest you may be asking yourself?

Well, you see it is simple. 
I have embraced the fact that I am human. 
I have come to terms with the reality that what goes up must come down. 
And that there is beauty in the storm. 

There is a cleansing that happens during this low vibration. It allows for us to empty ourselves out some so that we can breathe and take in more. 

If we just keep trying to fill ourselves with more and more stuff, then at some point we start wasting our blessings you could say. 

When we start to waist our blessings, we can no longer open any further to receiving and so we have to make a choice. 

a) continue to let our cup overflow and waste, thus feel the overwhelm and anxiety of not being able to take any more in and crash from this weight. 

b) pour a little out and receive a little more but then quickly get back to overwhelm and overflow. 

c) tip ourselves over. Empty ourselves the f-ck out, and get ready for the downpour of blessings. 

The trick here is in the being ready to be ready for the blessings. 

This is the hardest of things and yet so simple. 

In order to expand out to that next level of receiving, 
in order to fully take in all the things that we have asked for, 
we must have room for them.

Right?

Pretty logical.

But when we empty ourselves, 
we feel strange, 
we feel naked, vulnerable and revealed. 
We feel scared. 
We feel uncertain. 
We feel as though there is something horribly wrong and we start to try and fill the void with whatever we can. 

This is no good. 
By just looking to fill the void, 
we do not grow. 
In sitting there and listening to all the garbage that comes up from the conscious decision to empty ourselves, we expand. 
In breathing into the uncomfortable feelings of the void. 
And staring our own darkness in the eye, 
we grow. 
And if we look hard enough, 
listen to that voice in the stillness, 
we will begin to feel our truth more. 
We grow. 
We expand. 
We open.

As we lean more into this, 
listen with greater intent, 
we have more desires come to the surface. 
Each desire is a light. 
As we send these desires out into the universe, 
excitement starts to birth from them , 
and we are NOW
getting ready to get ready. 

Because we are still not ready. 
We are still in the darkness. 
And our ego’s are still popping in and causing us to fear, 
to doubt, and make us want to run. 

The storm is upon us in these moments. 
We feel its chill, 
we watch it rain down. 
And we wonder if we will survive. 

Will we sink or swim?

We will swim as long as we open ourselves up. 
Much like swimming, 
if you curl into fetal position while trying to swim you pull yourself in and go under. If you flip yourself over onto your back where you no longer pay attention to that which you fear the most and open your arms, arch your back a bit and take a deep breath, you float. 

Here is where you want to be. 
In ease and grace. 
You can float through the storm. 
But you can only achieve this is you open and breathe it all in. 
Keeping your eye off what you fear and instead look upward to the heavens. 
See the beauty in the clouds, feel the breeze and let it wash you clean. 

You may be still low vibing, 
but you have made a conscious choice to open. 
Therefore you are getting ready to be ready for all that is coming and instead of the low vibe taking you under, 
you in turn have found how it can be a space to relax into and just simply float. 

Here you discover a new kind of flow. 
The flow of love and grace for self.

The flow of the low vibe. 
The flow of accessing your growth.
The surrender to emptying yourself so you no longer gorge yourself with blessings, but cleanse yourself and prepare for all that wants to be shared with you next. 

In these moments take your mind and eye off of everything that might seem to need to be done and in turn allow yourself to just feel. 

Embrace the void, love.
Here is where you grow and are getting to be ready to receive.

As always, 
Stop Existing & Start Living

You have wanted to work with me forever.
You desire the F-ck Yes! Life.
Money. Success. Health. Romance. Freedom!
But something has been stopping you.

Finances?

I was listening.

Join me in this exclusive signature VIP 1:1 Coaching opportunity to KICK START Your 2019 NOW.

No Consult needed. 
Get started TODAY!

Learn More TODAY and Sign UP.
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