DESIRABLE DOES NOT MEAN ACCEPTED.

DESIRABLE DOES NOT MEAN ACCEPTED.

 

Today I was speaking to a man that told me that he thought that I was a highly desirable woman.

 

Yesterday I was having lunch with a man who told me that he just thinks that the rest of the world looks at me the way he does and sees me in that way.

 

A few days ago, I was working with a man who said, “Wow, if I could just find someone like you.”

 

Last week an old lover of mine told me that he never stopped desiring and loving me.

 

And a few years ago a man who crept into my space and heart told me how desirable I was, and he did so daily for some time.

Prior to him, there were a few more men who claimed the same.

And they all said that they loved me for who I was,

for my radiance, my glow, my light.

They loved how playful and turned on I was to life.

They loved witnessing me with my family,

and watching me teach classes.

They loved my out of the box ways, even though it made them breathe, because they knew that it meant that they needed to grow and that they wanted to be a better man by being around me.

 

All of these men said that I awoke them to a greater understanding of who they were,

I brought desire back into their lives,

and they never expected that from a relationship in this way.

 

Each of these men,

beautiful, dynamic men,

from my past are just that…

from my past.

 

They are not in my current nor in my future,

and even though I hold great love and gratitude for each of them for the lessons that we shared and what they awoke inside of me,

they all share one thing in common outside of believing that I am desirable.

 

And that is that they could not ever fully accept me.

Yes that highly desirable woman,

that goddess on her knees,

that siren in the bedroom,

that nurturing caring woman who loves her family dearly,

that coach, presenter, teacher who has passion without edge for her work,

that outspoken, take no shit,

got no f-cks left to give about how you view me desirable woman,

who loves to play, has a big heart,

struggles with her own insecurities and fears,

her own lack of worthiness and shame,

but does her damn work each and every day,

because that is the only thing that keeps her going strong.

 

Yes that desirable woman.

They could not really embrace.

 

They loved all those pieces,

they wanted me to hold them up,

to be all of me.

To shine as bright as the north star in the heavens.

And loved the light that cascaded down on them.

 

But they could not handle it.  They feared it in truth.

That highly desirable woman.

well there was one great issue they had not conceived of yet,

 

that on their arm there I was.

Still highly desirable,

not just by them but by many.

and because my light attracted others,

this they feared.

so without understanding,

they all chose their own way to hide from the light,

or maybe better to dim the light as to make it not as attractive to all the competition.

 

And so the timeless story of boy meets girl,

boy falls in love with girl,

boy gets girl,

boy kills girl,

goes.

 

Not an actual physical death in my case,

but a killing of my radiance over time.

Through fear, shame, guilt, manipulation and falsities,

These men of my past have all fallen prey.

In their deep love and admiration of all that I am and can be,

they could not stand in the light and feel strong in the knowledge that others saw it too.

 

And so they ventured to take the star down from the heavens to keep it safe.

Not understanding that it was the death of the star or of the relationship with the star.

 

Now, some of these men would tell you that they fully accepted me, others would be more truthful and admit that it was too much for them,

they all would say that they had no desire to actually put out or even dim the light.

Because they loved that light and they all wanted me to be the best me that I could ever be.

 

They would tell you that it was not me that they did not fully accept, it was instead some of my ways, some of my beliefs, some of my desires or needs.

 

They would tell you that I triggered their past wounds.

They would tell you that I triggered their insecurity.

They would tell you that I was too outspoken, or out of the box in my relating.

They would tell you that it takes a lot to hang with me,

to breathe into some of the conversations that happen on a daily, moment to moment basis,

or that my flirty natural state of being was concerning.

They would tell you all of these things.

And they would say it was those things that caused the issues.

 

And I say what about those things are any different then the list above that you loved and desired so?

 

Oh yes,

it is the triggers, the wounds, the fears and insecurities.

 

That is what is different.

 

And therefore these beautiful, lovely, dynamic men of my past simply could never accept me for their own inner saga of thoughts turning to emotions and leading down the path of needing me to “just not be so bright.”

 

Well at least not so bright for anyone but them.

Just shine on me.

 

 

because it was the competition,

the fear of losing the highly desirable woman that they had on their arm and in their bed that was actually the issue.

And since that was linked to me,

Well the solution was simple…

 

STOP BEING SO DAMN DESIRABLE.

 

Surely then they would feel safe.

They would be happy.

They could feel strong, stable and confident.

Just so long as I was not so desirable.

So bright.

So wanted by others.

 

Change who you are babe,

but don’t change a thing.

 

Be you 100% babe,

just don’t make me feel insecure by being you.

 

Be confident, playful, sexy babe,

but only behind closed doors where others will not want for you.

 

I love the way you look babe,

But don’t look that way in public.

 

Yes these lovely men from my past,

love them I certainly do,

and so many men out there believe that they love their highly desirable woman fully as well,

but I ask you if that is true?

 

Can you feel strong and confident in her presence?

Can you feel strong and confident in the knowing that she is wanted by others but chooses you?

Can you feel your power more intensely by being with her,

or do you shake inside and feel the need to fight to keep all others at bay?

 

Does her beauty and intelligence scare you?

Her lack of need shakes fear to your core?

Does the fact that you cannot control her fluster and irritate?

 

These are the questions my love.

These you must answer truthfully,

for if you answer in accordance to keep her but it is not your truth,

you will only lose her all  the quicker.

 

THE DESIRABLE IS OFTEN NOT ACCEPTED,

This is the reality of life.

 

we desire to alter to our wishes,

believing that we can hold it without question,

believing that we have what it takes,

and so we lie about our truth,

we fall prey to fear and triggers,

but we forget that the answer is always the same…

 

unconditional love and acceptance,

is the foundation to everything beautiful and long term.

It cannot be forced.

It can not be faked.

 

You either have it or you don’t and if you don’t it means that you need to go within and find it for yourself before you can ever proclaim it for another.

 

As Always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

*Photo Credit @DandeLionImages

Everyday You. That Is All You Have To BE.

“F-ck Yes! You Rock Kendal! Powerful. Intuitive. Compassionate. Funny. Real. Smart. Eye Opening. Thank you for it all and just being you. Keep doing what you do best! Changing lives.” Mike W., Small Business Owner, Florida

 
I love testimonies from my amazing clients.
I do what I do because it is just me.
And it must come out of me.
 
It truly is that simple.
I look into the eye’s of the people that I work with,
and I see their greatness.
I feel their passion.
Their worth, even when they do not.
And this is what I do.
 
I SEE.
I see them.
The SOUL that longs to be revealed.
To be felt.
To be heard.
 
And I encourage.
 
That is all I do really..
See and encourage the soul of those that feel aligned to me to SHINE its truth.
 
And how lovely this is.
What a blessing.
A gift.
 
Blessed I am to be able to have this gift in my life with so many souls.
 
And if you are reading this,
and you wonder what that must feel like.
What it must feel like to feel yourself fully.
To express your soul.
To feel the connection.
To love yourself.
 

TO KNOW YOUR WORTH.

 
Well let me share this with you beautiful.
Let me tell you this fact.
It feels like you are alive.
 
Imagine feeling that way.
 
ALIVE.
 
Not just existing.
Not just getting by.
Paying your bills.
Going to your 9 to 5 and dreading Monday morning.
No.
 
That my beauty is not what you are here to do.
This is not what life is to be about.
It is not suppose to be dull, hard, a struggle.
Life is to be rich, full, complex yet in ease.
 
And the ease is not in you doing nothing.
It is not in being lazy. It is not just lounging about.
The ease is all about you just BEING YOU.
 
It is nothing more than that.
It is that simple.
 
You can thrive by just being you.
Being you is to be just like breathing.
 
Now I know that you may “think” that you are already doing this.
And you may actually believe this bullsh*t.
But I can tell you that if you are struggling,
if you are working hard at getting through.
If you are looking overly forward to the weekends, holidays and vacation,
then you are most certainly NOT living according to your SOUL.
Your soul wants that desire,
that enthusiasm,
that expectation,
and commitment.
In your EVERYDAY.
Not just in those things that your boss may tell you its okay to have it for and only on these days and at these hours.
 
No.
Your SOUL wants you turned on to your life EVERYDAY.
And you achieve this by doing what you do.
By being just you.
EVERYDAY YOU.
 
Without the fear of what others are thinking about you.
Without the concern about if you are getting it right.
(You cannot mess this up beautiful)
 
Just show up in your life,
letting that incredible heart be revealed.
Let yourself be felt.
Let yourself be seen.
 
Yes this is effing vulnerable territory.
I get it.
You may be sayin, ” Oh heck no!”
And I get it.
I truly do.
I have been right there.
I lived the first 31 years of my life just like that matter a fact.
Until one day, I realized that I was not happy.
I got real with the truth that I was hiding from ME.
And that was the ONLY PROBLEM that I had in my life.
All the other crap that was manifesting around me was all stemming from this one core issue.
 
HIDING.
 
And why the eff was I doing this anyway?
Simple, because it is what I saw in the world.
It is what was socially acceptable and almost expected.
But when I also looked out at everything I noticed something.
 
And this was BIG.
 
I noticed that the people that I wanted to be like.
The people that had it all goin’ on.
Who were living the lifestyles that I wanted for myself.
They were UNBOUND.
They were FREEDOM BASED.
They were THRIVING.
By just being EVERYDAY THEMSELVES.
 
WTF!
How is that possible?
 
Well it is and much like my lover said to me just yesterday,
“It’s awesome how you get to be paid for just being you and doing you.”
 
Yes that is freakin’ awesome.
And I get to live this way because I made a choice.
I made a choice to stand out in the crowd and do something that most choose not to do.
 
Be my EVERYDAY SELF.
 
Just BE ME.
 
And yes it is that simple.
But it is scary as f-ck!
It requires one to tap into themselves.
To dive off the deep end,
into a place that most do not want to venture.
Deep into the caverns of self.
And meet self.
Accept self.
 
FALL IN LOVE WITH SELF.
 
And then….
 
LET IT BE SEEN.
 
So come get freaky with me love.
Be daring.
Be adventurous.
And come to the party that is called THRIVING.
Your ticket in?
Is found in your SOUL.
Tap in.
Tune In.
Express and LIVE UNBOUND.
 

Let’s Connect.

And THRIVE.

 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
What are you waiting for love?
Let’s get you back to your EVERYDAY SELF now.
Want to be living UNBOUND?
 
 
” You are so much more than just a sex & relationship coach. You coach people on how to live instead of JUST survive. Thank you for restoring my faith in life and in love and teaching me how to open up to my husband again. ” — Laura J., McKinney TX – (School Teacher)
 
 
” I came to you to heal my shame and guilt wrapped around sex and to restore my relationship with my husband. What I got was this ( and it a work in progress- but you are always there when I need you the most) BUT what I got as a side benefit was discovering my passion and purpose. I went from corporate America 9 to 5, struggling for a moment to breathe or enjoy my life to starting my own business that is now thriving in an industry that I am PASSIONATE about. Health & Well-being! Thank you Kendal for your compassionate, straight forward support and coaching. I could have never taken these steps without you!” — Geanna G. New York, NY.

What Makes You Giggle? Do Share. It Is Vital to Your F-ck Yes! Life

[jwplayer mediaid=”9421″]

To live with a child like soul. 
What does that statement mean to you?

To me….
It means to allow the silly in.
To not be fearful of play.
To embrace your day with enthusiasm and joy.
To get loud.
And passionate.
Let yourself be seen.
And LAUGH.

And most importantly to JUST BE YOU.
You know when a child starts to grow up and loose their life? Its when they get serious about who they are to be instead of who their soul proclaims,
When they start to worry about grades more than happiness and connection,
When they question not what makes them smile but how they are perceived,
When they avoid getting dirty instead jumping in the puddles.

This is when a child starts their transformation into the land of zombie adulthood.

I don’t believe this has to be true.
Back in the day….
Like when I was 25 and taking life so serious.
As a mom of 3 youngster’s back then,
I thought that being a good mom meant that I could not be me.
I thought i had to act,
Dress,
Speak,
Cook,
Etc. Etc.

A certain way.
Because the true me was not good enough.
Wise enough.
Stable enough.
Or anything else.

I thought I had to be more.
Someone I was not.
And I drove myself batty trying to achieve this version of someone that was not real.
A d so far from my soul.

But I looked like I had it all together.
LOL

Fast forward 18 years…
Now a 43 year old mom of 7 babies.
Soon to be grandmom or mimi as I am goin’ with,
And I am still serious.

Serious about BEING ME!
And that means there is no version of me,
Other than just who I am in any moment.
How I choose to show up in my life,
To live,
To raise my children,
Has NOTHING to do with anyone elses opinions or ideas.
It has everything to do,
With FEELING GOOD.

And what feels good?
To live outloud.
Passionate.
Playful.
Silly.
Enthusiastic.
Turned On.
And I now laugh.
At everything.
Especially me.
And my kids.
Like this little munchkin in this video.

Folks.
Its so effing powerful to tap into that inner child.
That inner child dreams.
Believes in magic.
Loves life.
And themselves.
And is fearless being themselves.

All the things needed to be a bada*s in life and THRIVE.

So tell me love…
Share in the comments here.
What makes you giggle?

As always, 
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers.

Let’s talk about accessing your SOUL.
Apply for my 1:1 Private VIP Coaching Now.