WHAT YOU WANT YOU CAN’T GIVE 100% OF THE TIME.

You know what you are looking for in your life?
You know what you are wanting in your relationships?
 
It’s the very thing that is so hard to give.
We all have trouble offering it 100% of the time.
And in truth we simply will never be it 100%.
 
We can’t be it all the time,
because we are works in progress,
always getting to know ourselves a tad bit deeper.
And it is a scary ground to walk on.
But geeze do our souls desire it so.
 
What could I be speaking of beautiful?
 
Well its not more sex.
It’s not even love.
It’s not a pat on the back.
Or more money.
 
No.
 
The thing that we often desire is a little thing that you can not hold in your hands,
you can feel with your skin,
you cannot guarantee ever.
But you want it.
You want it, this I am sure.
 
That thing I speak of beautiful is:
 
TRUTH.
INTEGRITY.
HONESTY.
AUTHENTICITY.
 
So often I hear people say,
” I am an honest person.”
 
” All I want is to know the truth.”
” I hate drama and manipulation.”
” I am a person of their word.”
” I am just being me.”
 
Mmmm- Hmmmmm….
 
Is that so?
Is that true?
 
Perhaps it may feel that way to you.
And perhaps you may actually believe that you are.
And in many moments you most likely are.
But today I offer up the pondering of the possibility that maybe, just maybe you are not as authentically honest and truthful as you believe you are.
 
Perhaps you are human,
just like the rest of us out here.
Perhaps you are on a journey to discover who you are and even though you think you know,
you still find yourself waking up to new aspects of who you actually are each time the shiz hits the fan and you are triggered.
 
Every time someone asks something of you and you make an excuse.
Every time, someone shares something with you in confidence and you share it just once with this good friend over here.
Every time you get triggered and your words escape your mouth before you have thought them through.
Every time you blame and point that finger.
Every time you weep in feeling you are alone and story tell to yourself the lies that support.
Every time someone does not react the way that you desire and so you say something to make them change their mind…
 
Yes every time.
 
Every time you tell your lover something that is not true.
Every time you look down from yourself in the mirror.
Every time you shut down your heart from feeling what you said.
Every time YOU ARE ASKED TO STEP UP and speak your truth.
 
Oh, beautiful every time.
 
These are all moments when we choose to step back from that which we desire so deeply to have.
 
And by stepping back from our own truth,
we lean just a tad into that vibe of illusion.
And we lie to ourselves.
We lie to others as well.
It often feel’s so small,
it should not matter.
But each time we step away from our truth,
we close off AUTHENTIC COMMUNICATION.
 
We shut ourselves down to love.
Because often beautiful,
in moment like these,
love is there.
Just on the other side of our illusions,
where we choose to lift our head,
say no to the ego of trying to get out of something or to manipulate.
 
Yes on the other side we find love.
We find freedom.
We find confidence.
And we regain trust.
 
You will never be a trustworthy person if you cannot stand in your own integrity,
even when you have fallen,
to stand in integrity is to give yourself grace enough to say,
“I was wrong.”
 
Where have you stepped away from that which you desire so much?
 
And how can you step back into authentic relating with those you love and care for?
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Let’s get you to your desired F-ck YES! NOW.
Applications for 1:1 available for a limited time. Message me for application.

BURNING BRIDGES THAT DO NOT NEED BURNT IS A SIGN OF YOUR RESISTANCE TO RECEIVING ALL THAT YOU WANT

BURNING BRIDGES THAT DO NOT NEED BURNT IS A SIGN OF YOUR RESISTANCE TO RECEIVING ALL THAT YOU WANT
 
Here we go again!
Around and around,
the mood pool where you get mad and sad in some crazy eight pattern,
( hey, that is a real thing ya know – the crazy eight cycle).
 
But here we go again beautiful,
you are feeling insecure, irritated, anxiety ridden and abandoned,
you are feeling jealous, vengeful, angry and hurt.
And you have chosen that the way through your crazy eight is the same old pattern that you have always done,
its the same old system of crazy.
But once again you forget that you have visited these grounds so many times before.
 
You are lost beautiful,
and even though you feel it deep at your core,
the suffering is smothering to your life,
you refuse to take responsibility for things,
for YOU.
 
And here we go,
your anger pushes everyone away.
Your fear of loosing has you painting a mirage of fear and pain.
And you light the match.
 
It’s a match that you have lit before,
and so far when you come back to self you discover that the fire that you tried to set,
the scorching of the land that you wanted gone,
is still there,
and when you come back around and breathe,
you are grateful that nothing burned down.
 
But here is the thing beautiful,
you can only lite that match so many times,
You can only throw it down on this bridge and watch the smoke rise,
feel the heat,
and take pride in the false control that you are exhibiting.
Because baby,
you cannot control the fire that you have started.
And every match from the past,
has all the onlookers shook in their trust.
 
They see you darling.
They see your fear.
They see that you desire to control.
They see as does your SOUL,
that you are under some spell.
 
That spell has you believing that you will loose and if you are to loose and be abandoned,
be stepped over in this life and forgotten then damn it,
you will control how you go out.
And drop the match you do,
watch the fire as they burn away your connections.
 
But somewhere down this path beautiful,
when you awaken from this slumber of your ego,
of your illusion,
you will see that no one is casting you aside.
That was ALL YOU…
believing your fear.
 
Instead what you were fearing was not at all the abandonment,
what you were fearing was the connection,
the growth,
the receiving.
And what you missed to realize is that you were on the cusp of something amazing.
The birthing of a new phase in your life.
You were leveling up!
You were elevating to a new you.
 
And it was uncomfortable.
It was a scary and strange feeling.
 
And THAT…
THAT is what activated this fire.
Your fear of success.
 
And so beautiful,
you drop that match.
You drop it and you run,
claiming that you are being attacked,
claiming that you are a victim to this life,
to those who cross your path.
Never recognizing that NOW you have started a raging fire.
And lost the trust,
lost the support,
lost the connection.
And in order for you to have any hope of regaining any part of what you scorched in the flames of your fear,
you will have to work 10x harder.
None will trust who have seen.
None will trust who you have poured your rage out on.
But beautiful,
the answer is always the same.
The answer is to recognize.
To see yourself.
To love yourself.
And to do your healing.
 
“If you don’t heal what hurt you, you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut you” – Author Unknown
 
And this beautiful,
THIS is where your WORK BEGINS.
 
To all of us works in progress out there,
may these words sound truth to your core and bring to you awareness of the responsibility we each have on our lives and the impact that our suffering and fear of moving forward can have on those in our lives.
 
May you pause before you throw the next match.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Let’s get you to your desired F-ck YES! NOW.
Applications for 1:1 available for a limited time. Message me for application.
 
Photography Credit to Photographyinwonderland.