Respect your effing time!
Respect your effing time!
Over and over again I am reminded of this lesson.
Through the years I have been asked why I charge for consults?
I often get asked if I can do consults with potential new clients for free or discount.
I get asked if I would consider working at discount because this is a good cause.
If I would do a favor for a friend.
Or since I am such a sweet person, do it all for free.
It is frequently assumed that if I really want to build my business or help others build theirs that I should do the above.
I think not.
My response on some days to this inquiry is simple:
“Would you go to work and put your whole heart and soul into a job for no return?”
“Would you work for your job for free?”
Then why do expect me or anyone else to do this?
The truth is. I love my career. I cannot ever see myself doing anything else. And if this world did not run on the green stuff, then I would do what I do anyway. I often tithe coaching to people who I am called to do so with, but it is soul driven, NOT requested of me.
I respect myself, my time and your journey enough to know that by taking the step forward and putting your money where your mouth is out of play, is only going to cause roadblocks down the road for you and cause respect issues as well.
Years ago I use to do all of the above and then some.
I use to not only do free consults but I would also drive all over the Dallas area to meet these people.
I believed that I had too.
I believed that in order to build my empire I needed to stress.
I needed to put in the time.
I needed to stretch myself like this.
I had to pay the price.
Oh my f-cking God!
I was so effing wrong.
Well still today I occasionally get caught off guard.
I go and do these things.
Every now and again I find myself revising this lesson.
I should know that these maneuvers will never lead me to the life I desire nor will they help the people that look to me for direction.
The lessons need revisted I suppose.
Here I sit at one of my favorite restaurants
Enjoying a Cucumber Basil Smash cocktail and some lobster and shrimp stuffed mushrooms.
Deciding on what to order for lunch.
(I think I am going with the lobster bisque today)
And how did I end up here.
Well I am relearning the above lesson you see.
Yes I did a favor.
And I understand that things come up in life.
With that said,
Respect your effing time!
And mine too.
But you know what I truly think?
To be able to revisit my personal respect for myself and my most valuable treasure, my TIME.
Gratitude for being here at location I love, enjoying the food and drink I have chosen.
Gratitude that I can share with you this lesson, in hopes you can gain from it.
Gratitude that nothing ever really gets me,
Lemons to lemonade.
Here I sit.
A little behind my schedule sure.
Now with my lover,
Enjoying my drink and food on this Sunday.
And knowing that I took a disrespect of my time and turned it into an experience of bliss and positive manifestation.
Here’s to loving your life.
Here’s to honoring your time and life.
And as always,
Stop Existing and Start Living
Claim Your Life.
Join me in October for 5 weeks of intensive coaching on Facebook.
Or for my pre launch of F-ck Yes Life Entrepreneur Business.
Message me for details.
Or become a VIP 1+1client now.
And here he was.
I love the way he showed up.
And here he was.
I loved the way he showed up.
And here he was.
I loved the way he showed up.
Stop Existing – Start Living
Here is why I am a F*ck NO!!!! to working for less then my normal rate and why you should not want me too, or any self- employed, commissioned based or entrepreneur ever too again…
Can I get some advice from you?
I want your opinion on this thing…
These are a few of my NOT so favorite conversations to have with potential clients. Yet, they happen and they happen more often then you may believe.
I am writing this brief article on this topic, NOT to be a bitch about it but to bring to attention the craziness of asking for such things. And I say this as a person who is ALWAYS telling people to ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT!
Here is the thing, you can ask, but asking DOES NOT assure that you will get. Especially, when you are asking someone to provide you with a service at a discounted or free fee.
Over and over again, I am talking like at least three times a week, I have to be a bitch and say, “No, I am sorry I am not working at a discount.” I mean, let’s look at this from the perspective of a salaried employee… or hourly….
You go to work, your boss says, ” Hey Sally or Rick…. listen, you are amazing and you have so much to offer the team. You are so knowledgeable and I really appreciate all that you do for the company, I am so happy that you are here. You are a valuable member to our team. However, listen, I had some set backs come up at home, my refinance did not go through and my kid had to have a surgery, my wife is stressed out and things are tough. So I was wondering if I could get you to keep doing the fantastic job your doing, maybe even take on a little extra responsibility by overseeing this department over here, but I need you to do it for half your normal salary for the next six months to a year and it would be even better if you would consider doing it for free. What do you say?”
So what is your answer?
Come on be serious…..
Yeah, your a F*ck NO!!! Right?
Because….. Your life obstacle or challenge IS NOT reason enough for someone else to earn less, work for less or give a discount. We all have obstacles and challenges.
If you are not a F*ck NO! to the above scenario, then you are a door mat. And that is a whole other issue. For the majority of people out there I am pretty sure that you are an absolute no to this scenario, however when it comes to going out and getting help from someone who is self-employed or on commissions, you may have no real issue having them work for less.
Right, think of your waitress at your favorite restaurant. She depends on your tips for her survival. Think of your car sales man, he depends on your purchase for his survival. Think of the man who sold you your insurance, your roof, or even your refrigerator. Guess what these people all work on commission. Sure some get an hourly rate, but after taxes, it barely covers their taxes. Now let’s look at consultants, coaches and small business owners. We pay up front close to 10k just to have a business, no matter how much we make and then depending on what bracket we fall into, well things just go upward from there in our taxes. Granted we get tax deductions if we keep track, there are plenty of expenses. But here is the thing, those business expenses do not pay our bills.
Now in truth, the taxes and the bottom dollar at the end of the day, has NOTHING to do with someone asking for a scholarship or discounted rate.
Nope, it does not.
But what it will potentially effect if one who ask’s for it get’s it is:
- Your commitment to your own growth.
- The one giving the the discount dedication and attention.
When someone gives something away, or at deep discount then it WILL NOT receive the same attention as the one’s that put full effort in on their side. Often, it is not about the money even. It is about the fact that it has been proven over and over gain, that if you give something away that it has less value to the one receiving it.
I wish this was not true, but it is.
Just this last 90 days, I gave away about $600 in courses to people that I knew needed the help. I actually tried to give away $1,000 but four of the people that I made the free offer too, never even bothered to respond and take me up on it. Out of the six who said, “Sure,” ONLY two accessed the course content so far. From the four who have not accessed the content yet, two have asked me questions and shared down trodden tales of how stressed they are, wanting even more free advice and help, but NEVER thought to access the hours worth of content already given to them that could help.
This is normal. This is how we all are when it comes to free shit.
And yes, it is FREE SHIT!!!
It’s just another download to save on our computer or in drop box.
Here is the thought, “If it was worth something, then they would be charging for it.” – Or- “I will get to it some day.” Hence the massive number of items many of us have downloaded and saved for FREE on our computers… self included.
Well, when we coaches give our shit away at discount or for free, we under value ourselves. We over populate our schedules. And we support our potential clients in remaining stuck in old programs and patterns of scarcity and lack. There is GREAT value in paying for help, education, and service. We value it more, we dedicate more of our time, attention and energy to it and we aim to incorporate the lessons into our lives better.
The way I look at it, is that if I agree to working for less then my normal fee I am doing a dis-service to you PLUS my other clients.
If you feel that working with me in whatever way it may be, is valuable to you and you would benefit from my offer and teaching, then there should be nothing stopping you from making this happen. Where there is a will there is always a way. Granted cost can be a barrier , I get that, I spend well over 25k a year in private coaching myself not including retreats or certification programs or extended education. That is just coaching! So I get that it can be expensive and it can give one butterflies, but here is the gig, every penny I spend on my coaches, I get massive break through’s in my life. Without these phenomenal people’s assistance and insight, I would not be as strong, confident and focused as I am. I would not have the direction that I do.
Nor the FREEDOM that I do.
Or the ability to help YOU.
Imagine if they ONLY gave me 50% of their knowledge, dedication, time, sharing that they do….
Imagine if they chose to not respond to my emails, or pay attention to them…
Coaching is all about moving forward through your shit. No matter what the topic of focus is, your moving through it. Having a coach at your side ensures that you have less set backs, that you get blindsided less, you get the unconditional tough love that you need from someone who HAS BEEN THERE and made it through. Or at least is far enough ahead of where you are at that they can show you how to get through what your in .
Asking for a discount or free service is dishonoring to the person that you are requesting it of. No matter how much you brag them up or tell them how much value you see in the service. Asking for a discount and asking them to over populate their schedule which translates to less time and energy to dedicate to each client, which in turn means that the coach is not able to be 100% their best with each client, but instead more like an over worked social worker who cannot keep a case straight and just wants to quit, has no heart in it anymore, is simply dishonoring to them, to you and all clients they have.
The best coaches out there average 6 to 15 clients max at any given time.
This is one on one clients granted. Group coaching will vary and on line training’s typically do not pull that much over all energy to cause any significant effect.
I have found that I personally cannot handle more than 25 clients on my schedule for one on one consulting without there being issues with me being able to keep up and hitting burn out. My ideal is 10 to 12 private clients.
Here I can make massive impact with the individuals that I am working with, not get burned out, keep my mind, heart and soul in the game and have a lot of SUCCESS STORIES…
And anyone who has worked with me over the years know’s how I LOVE SUCCESS STORIES!!! 🙂
After all, at the end of the day, we coaches don’t coach for the money.
We coach for the Success Stories.
We love seeing your success.
We love seeing you overcome the hurdles of your life challenges.
We love seeing you shining bright.
We love seeing you happy.
We love seeing you turned on, tapped in and tuned in to the F*ck YES!!! Life that you deserve and want at your core.
Yet often the only thing stopping you from having this, is that your being a little bitch about everything.
It’s the excuses or reasons that you give as an alibi as to why you cannot work with a coach and take these strides.
It’s the excuses that you have bought into that you are not good enough, not deserving of, smart enough or some other…
It’s your fear of change.
It’s your fear of failure.
It’s your fear of SUCCESS, that truly holds you back.
And no matter what your alibi is as to why you cannot get started, money most likely being your favorite one to lean on, it will ALWAYS come back to you, making a choice to say yes or to say no, NOT TO ME or any coach, but to YOURSELF.
So the reason I suggest that you NEVER ask for a discount, promotional special, referral discount or scholarship again is because you deserve MORE.
You deserve to say YES to yourself and fight for your YES.
You deserve to know that you want it as much as you claim and that you value the support, education, and guidance as much as you claim.
You need to have some skin in on the game, or you will continue to find other alibi’s to hold you back from your desired life.
Where will you choose to claim your life?
As always, “STOP Surviving and START Living, You only have this life. Claim it NOW”
(noun) 1. a person, in particular a woman, who engages in sexual activity for payment.
The above is Google’s definition of a prostitute, and this is the common definition across many sites. A person engaging in sexual activity for some form of payment. Thus making today’s average woman a prostitute, married, single, doesn’t matter, we have become a gender that sells our bodies.
Let me tell you a little personal story from a few years back… I had been out on three dates with a very nice man. He would take me to some nice restaurants, we would have a good conversation, and on this particular 4th date, he even brought me some beautiful flowers. I liked him as a person and enjoyed our time together, but wasn’t feeling a particular strong sexual connection, and thus, I had not gone there with him. However, I began to feel guilty… he had taken me out on these very nice dates and even started to jokingly mention that he had taken me out, bought me some nice flowers, but yet we still had not had sex. So despite my disinterest in sex with him, on this 4th date, I caved, although not being conscious of my thought process at the time, I felt because of the time/money he had spent on me that I somehow owed him sex if I desired to keep dating him. I let him buy me a beautiful dinner and then afterward let him have sex with me, which was disconnected and meaningless. He, in a way, bought my body at this moment. I had prostituted myself for some food, flowers, conversation, and attention.
Years later, as a Sex & Relationship Coach, I cannot say that I have ever had a woman come into my office that has not sold her sex in some way to a partner. And if I’m brutally honest, married women are often the biggest offenders. It does not matter if you are selling your sex for actual finances (including financial security), physical objects (home, car), experiences (restaurants, events, plays), or in exchange for a false sense of connection. When we use sex as any form of commerce, we are doing just what we shame and demoralize, and technically incarcerate women around the country for daily.
I know there are probably some women out there reading this and thinking, “that’s not the same thing” and you can try to convince yourself with this reason or that, let your Ego use tons of excuses, or separate yourself because you have a diamond ring on your finger, but that does not get you off the hook energetically! The moment our bodies and sex become a bargaining chip, whether for gain, or out of a sense of duty, we are entering the land of prostituting our bodies, minds, and most of all, our spirits.
I’ve had several Christian clients tell me that their “job” from a Christian perspective is to take care of their man in this way and live up to their “wifely duties” in a sense. I am calling bullshit on this. God did not create the beautiful, sensual, and magnificent female body to be sold, but instead to be cherished. The Creator wants us to share ourselves from a deep, meaningful, and purely loving space and not in order to get something in return. Females have been given a uniquely divine power and beauty in our sexuality that when not used from a place pure of heart is diminished, disrespected, and that inevitably leads us to disconnection from self. When we say yes when we either don’t want it or are ambivalent about it, then we are not only using our bodies, but we are also raping ourselves. Harsh, but yet still the truth.
This is not to make all women shame themselves; goodness knows we already do enough of that, but instead to bring awareness. Why is it okay that we incarcerate and shame women that are doing exactly what most women are doing, but just in a more direct way? Being upfront and honest about the fact instead of hiding it under layers of excuses, self-separation, and judgment. From a personal perspective, I have way more respect for a woman that knows that she is using her sexuality as a tool and/or that she desires to use it as a tool than a woman that hides and tries to cover this fact up and doesn’t own her power. At least these women are tapping into themselves in some way as opposed to the woman that has duty sex and gives her body away for things, feelings, experiences, but hides behind religion, obligation, or it coming from a lack of self-empowerment. I would much rather a woman stand in her power and directly ask for money for her body than having obligational duty sex and disempowering herself. Not that it is ideal, but she is at least owning what she is choosing to sell her body, unlike the average woman.
Although I stated at the beginning of this that all women had prostituted themselves in some way, I don’t think all women continue to do this in their lives. I believe the average woman in America does this frequently because we are raised in a society that promotes this type of thinking through media, pornography, religious doctrines, and teaching our girls to separate from their desires, needs, and emotions while teaching our young boys in a backhanded way that sex is something owed.
Though it doesn’t have to be this way for women! The second a woman knows that her sexuality is indeed powerful and begins to live in alignment with her true desires, then she has begun to take a step out of this process. When we start to only have sex when we truly desire it, to not allow sex to be an obligation or something owed, then sex becomes something deeper. By also recognizing and forgiving ourselves when we ‘fall down’ and do indeed use our sex/bodies as a form of commerce, then we also take a step forward. The second we begin to revel in our sexuality and bodies in the way that God meant and for us to delight in our passions and desire, then we also take a step away from this cultural standard. And if you do choose to continue to use commerce in your sexing that you, at the very least, own it! Own it as an empowered choice and something you desire and separate from B.S. excuses.
This all does not mean that you’re not ever going to accept a man buying you a drink, taking you out for an evening, or giving you a gift. No, this means that you allow yourself to be in the feminine and receptive mode, but only step into sex if your heart is in it. It is you asking for what you desire at the moment, whether this be to have sex or not to have sex. It’s if you are married that you don’t give your man oral sex just to get him off your back, or because it is a special occasion. It is allowing yourself to play in your sexuality, sensuality, and allowing it to be powerful, but knowing you do not owe your sex, body, or sensuality to anyone.
This is how we step out of being the average prostitute. Where in your life are you selling yourself? Where are you using your sex and your body as a sense of commerce? And if you are a man, then where might you be expecting the woman in your life to prostitute herself?
You’ll never be what is in your heart
Weep little lion man,
You’re not as brave as you were at the start
Rate yourself and rake yourself,
Take all the courage you have left
Wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn’t I, my dear?
This one is for the ladies in the house!
Oh those sweet words.
Yes those words.
” I just want you to be happy.”
OMFG!!! are you sh*ting me right now? Yes I love you enough to let you go.
This is CRAZY!
He would give you up?
And suffer so you can be happy?
F*ck NO! Ladies and gentlemen who dare read this, lord I hope a few do dare, every time a man says these words to a woman he is calling out to her worst nightmare, her worst fear and that is, ” I am not worth your love.” Perhaps we are all a bunch of silly school girls caught up in our favorite love story by wanting a knight in shinning armor to come whisk us off our feet, but here is the thing, we don’t really want saved. We live in a time where we women are powerful in our masculine and we can earn the big bucks, we can buy the house and the car, we can raise the kids on our own. Shit we can even have great sexual climaxes with ourselves. Sex is more open these days. We can have as many partners as we desire and we can explore all aspects of ourselves. We most certainly do NOT need the knight to come rescue us, but it would be nice to find a man who did not turn into a scared little boy and hide when shit got hard and just let us go so easily.
This is not a statement of strength men, this is a statement of LAZINESS!
And in turn what they are doing is destroying the feminine heart and our trust in the masculine.
” A woman does not want to be an object of duty, she wants to be desired.“- John Eldredge, Journey of Desire
“The way you penetrate your woman, is the way you penetrate life.” – David Deida
” I love you enough to let you go.” Is a statement of a broken masculine.
Ladies, embrace your men with love and wild abandon. Do this through demanding him to stand in his leadership role. STOP feeling like he is trying to conquer you with control and start seeing how his desire is your surrender. If you love your man, TEST YOUR MAN. Without your tests and fires he will never embrace his heart. Until he embraces his heart he will remain lost. Here is where the feminine leads the masculine. We lead him into his heart by opening our own.
In order to do this though….
We women must first regain our connection to our hearts and pussies and become the divine feminine that God created us to be. We women have forgotten our hearts as well and are mad at the masculine for not feeling us, when we ourselves have forgotten our hearts desire and are fearful of receive the blessings that lye there.
The first step to true honoring is this…
LEAN INTO YOUR DEEPEST LOVING HEART.
LEAN INTO YOUR DESIRE.
And F*ck this false version of honor!
“Sex is a risky game, because if you’re not careful, it will cut you wide open.” – from the film Kinsey
This quote is perfect. It is exactly what sex is supposed to do! However in today’s society we have crushed and termed sexual acts taboo. Somewhere along the line we made sex demonic, something that we should only do to conceive a child and should only be done in the missionary position. If we are not married then god forbids we ever explore such an act as sex. We tell our children, “Sex is for a mommy and a daddy to do to show their love for each other. “ “Wait till you are married and only give yourself to your husband or your wife.” Oh and one of my favorite statements. “Wait till your 30.” Good girls and boys don’t have sex in their teens, they don’t fantasize about the hot boy or girl or even their teacher and they certainly DO NOT masturbate. Girls are taught from early on to be “lady like” and to shun their sexuality, their inner erotic creature. Girls are told that they should cover up and not show their breasts at all, be careful of how much booty they show, how tight their clothes are and what their body language is saying. They are taught that it is not ok to be a sensual woman. Boys are taught that girls are property and that the female in society for the most part is of a lower ranking then the male. Boys can go without a shirt in public; it’s even okay for boys to make comments about girls that may not be as tasteful as they could be, after all boys will be boys. And yet it is still taught that sex is not something to empower us but something that is to remain hidden. With all this sort of societal training it is no wonder that our youth for many decades has grown into a sexually dysfunctional culture and our relationships suffer from such issues as jealousy, rage, betrayal, duty sex as well as lack of intimacy. Let alone simple stupidity when it comes to the actual power or act of sex. Our sex education in school is not one that teaches about reality, it only is in place to make sex a scientific study, one that is not of emotional or spiritual connection. High School Sex Ed teaches about sexual diseases and gives plenty of scare but does not teach about integrity, honor, respect or empowerment.
Sex is a risky game. If one opens up to healing their sexuality they discover a deep liberation from the societal bullshit that is accepted across the board. They discover that they are a powerhouse of unconditional love and creative energy. They awaken to empowerment through their sexuality that changes the face of every aspect of their lives where they learn how to develop and maintain healthy relationships with not only their lovers but all people. Sexual liberation is the one thing that can change the face of this world quicker than any other form of healing in my opinion. Until we embrace our sexual power we are sheep being controlled by the rule of men and women who will further take away our rights and freedoms to the point of slavery. Only in our willingness to heal our sexuality and allow our sexing to ‘cut us wide open’ will we be able to embrace our divine aspects and find unconditional love and acceptance for our fellow humans. Being ‘cut wide open’ is stating a deep vulnerability, it is living in this vulnerability to life and accepting that just as when we were in the womb of our mother and everything we ever needed was made available and taken care of this is still so in our adult lives. Our need to control life is only a statement of ego; all our needs are provided for us if we can open ourselves in this beautiful state of orgasmic life flow.
We live in a world where prostitution is for the most part illegal. Sex workers across the world have limited rights and if one is “raped” well then she asked for it, after all she is a sex worker, a woman with little to no morals, yet porn runs ramped in our society and both men and women are learning wrong forms of intimacy and sex without honor. Our expectations of our lover are forever changed as we view these ‘performances’ and then turn to our relationship and find ourselves unsatisfied. Divorce rates are ever increasing as are extramarital affairs.
In a recent study:
- Of young college men over 35% of them said that they would rape a woman if they could get away with it.
- 87% of guys and 79% of girls said sexual assault was acceptable if the man and the woman were married.
- 65% of the boys and 47% of the girls said it was acceptable for a boy to rape a girl if they had been dating for more than six months
- 43% of college-aged men admitted to using coercive behavior to have sex, including ignoring a woman’s protest, using physical aggression, and forcing intercourse.
This societal attitude is accepted, yet prostitution is not. Prostitution is immoral, I forgot, and rape is not? Oh wait only some forms of rape are, the above forms are the exceptions to the rule…Mmmmmhhhmmm. And if a man ventures out and seeks sexual connection from another woman whom he pays for her time and energy then sex is NEVER possibly rape. This immoral woman has no boundaries or say in what happens to her body, after all she is opening herself up to sex and as we already stated “sex is a risky game.” Folks these beliefs and attitude take us only backward in the evolution process. They do nothing for humanity, peace, education or respect. They certainly don’t teach how to love or how to open to the great positive powers of such a divine act as sex.
Our closed minded view points of sexuality have only created a society of sick bastards: men and women alike who repress their desires until they act them out unhealthily or shut themselves off to themselves and their loved ones so that sex is no longer an act of love, intimacy, passion, bliss and creation but one of duty and guilt, or even disgust.
For anyone who wants to know just how contaminated our culture has become I encourage them to take a quick tour on Craigslist.
- Married, curious male looking to suck my first cock. I imagine you will be discreet, older, clean, not very hairy and patient. I am clean cut, professional, very discreet, DDF, 6′, 220#, could stand to lose a few pounds but not too big. You can reciprocate if you want, but this is about me sucking. I’ve fantasized for a long time. You must host or we meet somewhere soon
- Married? Wife refuses to suck cock? Let’s get together for some guy time. Football, beer, and we can suck each other off. Casual relationship. Great if wives can become friends. Must be discreet.
- I love f-cking your wife! Want to surprise the sweetie with your fantasy? I am a MWM, 6′, 210#, 9″ uncut, clean, fit, will do ANY fantasy you want.
- Looking for a male interested in spending their day or night F-cking.
I am a giver who will do ANYTHING to make her man have the biggest explosion of his life.
I will do things your wife doesn’t let you, I will let you take any of my holes and let you blow your load wherever you want.
- Are you a Hot, Sexy & Gorgeous Mother that would be considered a MILF or a Cougar & do you have a Daughter or Daughter’s Living with you that are just as gorgeous as you are?
Are you both submissive & do you Need & Want an Older Dominant White Man to come into your lives?
Are you both submissive Little Whorish Sluts who are sexually out of Control & Do you need to be taken in Hand & Disciplined?
Do you wish to Meet Someone immediately & have your Lives Brought Back to Order?
If you find that any of what has been said in this ad interests you, then TELL ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT EACH OF YOU (Including Your Names & Ages) & SHOW ME JUST ONE GOOD PICTURE OF YOUR FACES.
After I have received your Response with the Required Pictures & Information about yourselves, I will show you My Picture in Return & We Can Move forward from there.
And here is one more for a BIG bang! This came from a picture that i am choosing NOT share.
“Mother and daughter together serving their purpose in life, submitting to cock.”
Serving their purpose in life?
If we only really understood the darkness of what is happening behind closed doors. America has more underground sex slavery then most free sex countries do. Why is this? Why does our society support these acts against human sexuality in their hushing and joining in when no one is looking? Yet when sexuality is discussed in open and healthy sexing is taught by educators these same contributors are neigh sayers to sexual freedom and say that sexual liberation is immoral and against the Bible.
The ego at play yet again. It is up to us though, you and I alike to change this. To take back our sexuality rights and to harness our sexual power in a healthy fashion. It is our right to enjoy our sexing and to heal our physical, emotional, spiritual and mental bodies through sexual empowerment practices.
Your fantasies are natural and even healthy. Your sexual hunger is normal. Your longing to connect in a intimate fashion with another human being weather that is someone of the same sex or not, may it be your wife or husband, boyfriend or a stranger or even in a Ménage à trios or at an orgy is all perfectly right and part of our human experience of sexuality. What is wrong and unhealthy is when these acts of intimate play happen out of expectation, rage and our misunderstanding of intimacy and respect of our fellow human beings. When we start to view another human as an inanimate object there for our pleasuring needs then we fall into the dark shadows where we lose ourselves and with us society as well.
Make a resolution for 2013 to educate yourself on true integrity, unconditional love and the empowerment of sex as well as how sex can liberate and heal our world instead of causing pain and separation in it.
I crossed a stone bridge in the mist and as I came to the other side I was transported into a life I once knew. Gazing down at my feet I saw beautiful gold threads wrapping around them but no shoes. I knew I was a woman. I felt young, happy, and light bodied. Full of energy and love.
I was in love!
I looked around the room, it was just incredible, full of rich colors, reds, gold, browns, many intricate designs embroidered on the materials and lots of sheer curtains. A smell of incense in the air. A large grey beast sat in the middle of my room. It was not an elephant, but large. I never paid attention to its face, although I know it had a head dress on of some sort. At first thought I must be in India or perhaps a similar culture.
I was dancing around in circles.
I had such beautiful long dark hair and there were all these veils of color hanging from my head. My skirt was beautiful, the colors and design swirled around me in a cosmic dance of fashion.
I danced and danced.
Without conscious thought, I was transported to the scene of my death. A large man with rippling muscles stood beside where I lay. As I looked up into his face I could bearly see his eyes for the strange headdress. He was holding my arms above my head firmly, I felt another holding my legs down. I was laying upon some sort of rock/stone alter. There this “high priest” (I am assuming) with a wooden staff that had feathers and beads hanging from it said something about my sacrifice.
Emotions were running wild at this point. I could feel the anxiety in my heart. Why had I wanted this? What was I doing? Was is right? Was it really for a higher purpose or for not?
I was still young and in love.
I recall the damn love. Damning it for the pain I was feeling. The loss I would once again feel. I gazed out over this vast, lush, beautiful green valley where my people stand below. It was a tropical forest created by the hands of the Gods. It was my death place. Looking out into the crowd, tears in my eyes I found the returning look my heart was longing for. Locking in on a young man, incredibly handsome. Dark beautiful skin, muscles toned perfectly, black shiny hair down to his shoulders. He smiled at me and my heart returned the smile as well as my face.
As the smile lifted my soul to the heavens I was quickly reminded of the pain that we can expereince in this realm; a sharp burning sensation below my ribs took over my consciousness….
As though time did not exist I found myself floating above my people. Over my lovers head, looking back from my aerial view I could see a stone pyramid shaped temple. Steps leading up to where I had just died. I heard cheering and then was whisked away and began to come back to an awake state of being in current “reality.”
“Perhaps expereince is the driving force that brings us back. Or perhaps learning something begets the desire to learn more, and learning more begets the desire to learn everything there is to know.” – P.S. Berg, Wheels of a Soul
Our past lives have a way of bringing us valuable lessons in times we least expect it. And with each visit of a past life we will re-learn a lesson and also be invited to awaken to another. This was the exact case for me during my Sacred Voyage to Maui. Little did I expect to be visited by the above past life regression. Years ago I had done massive regression work to release my bondage to certain fears and discover the meaning of some important relationships in this current life that I knew had carried their energies from past. This particular regression opened up some interesting insights; from a fear of dancing to the saga of loosing love that seems to have rippled through lifetimes.
The morning was fresh when we decided it was time to journey away to the first of many sacred vortexes. As Greg “Magick” Bernstein and I drove down the pot hole filled road he looked at me and shared that the sight he was being guided to take me he had not taken anyone for many a year. Uncertain as to why he was being guided to do so, he shared some of the history of the sight. Known as the Temple Gathering Place of the High Supernatural’s, this was the site where the last human sacrifice of Maui was done.
However before we venture into the realm of sacrifice and worship, we must first prepare our physical beings. Protection, Appreciation, Understanding, and Honor. These things he would cover with me in Iao Valley Park. There beneath the trees, beside the running river of time, we sat and talked. Among the tales shared was one perfect for the birthing of the adventure at hand. One that not even Magick knew as of yet.
“Once there was a couple who sat and watched a cat in the weeds and flowers. The woman said, ‘Oh, look honey, the cat is smelling the flowers.’ The man looked over to the cat and said, ‘He is not smelling the flowers, he is peeing on them.’ The woman said,’ Well that is not how I see it in my reality!” (Story adapted from the one Greg shared)
Providing spiritual clarity as to why he was guiding to this temple, I shared my above regression.
Once we were prepared we ventured off to the temple. At our arrival the gates were closed. Magick looked at me and asked me to sense if we were to continue or not. It was my intuitive call. I called out to spirit and was told to move forward. As I crossed through the gates my heart began to hurt. It quickly became unbearable, almost as though it was being ripped out of my chest. As we rounded a curve on the path my eyes set out on the remains of two adjoining temples that commanded a view that when build I am sure was spectacular. Stepped stones that towered above a below stream almost covered in overgrowth, this pyramid like sacrificial mound took in the view of ocean, valley and high country. The energy that released from its blood soiled ground was strangely peaceful and even calming to my being although my heart chakra did not stop vibrating with its intensity until I found my meditation place. Here looking back at the sacrificial site from a vista point of stepped stonework I sat. Back to the sun, breathing in the universe and allowing the four winds to dance with my ethereal being. As my soul danced and listened I heard the call of spirit. Particularly the call of Snake.
There in front of me grew a bush up through the ancient stones. Upon it was a small white pod of sorts. It sorta looked like a wishing weed. Spirit was asking me to take one and eat it. I argued with spirit out of fear, out of doubt. “How crazy to hear spirit telling me to eat some strange plant at a death site. Yeah most likely not the best of all ideas.” But with each argument the winds would blast me from different directions, pressing themselves into me and the vision of snakes within the stones would grow stronger. Spirit was speaking! Loud too.
Finally I asked permission from land and plant to pick the small pod flower. However chose not to eat it. Asking spirit if I had to, I was answered with a vision. The vision was of a dark cave, rocks, fallen trees, moss and tall grasses. I had no idea as to where this was so asked Spirit to share this vision with my guide, Magick.
Through time and space our many lives ripple into each other.
Even science is starting to realize that what we believe is our reality,
more than likely is nothing more than an illusion. Through the awareness
of our previous lives and the lessons that we still need to learn from them
and the strengths that we can harvest, we can not only advance our own
growth and light energy but also our healing. As we heal, accept and learn
to value those things that we in times before thought limiting or nonsense
we too can learn to love and share more freely in this life; creating more positive
manifestations for our current reality.
Through the looking glass of time, I was blessed with a beautiful opportunity to face
self for the birth of a new reality. One where, my heart would no longer carry the fear
it had for so many life times but instead would call out to the heavens and LEAD my
current incarnation. There is only so much wisdom we are allowed to gather at one
given time, and with each drop of this wisdom we must always realize that the birthing
of our new reality will not come without first a death… Here is where we must have
CERTAINTY and KNOW that we are not alone. Perhaps we cannot see all that is to
come to pass with each choice we make, however the Creator can!
“Even the wisest cannot tell that a mirror shows many things. Things that were, things that are and things that have not come to pass.” (Galadriel, Lord of the Rings)
I am no authority on teenagers…there are very few in my life. But I was one once, so certainly I have that under my belt. And as I sit on a plane to Greece, I am surrounded by groups of young people off on their two weeks of binge drinking and stranger shagging. Meanwhile I have my head in a tantra book. As I catch morsels of overheard conversations, I am tempted to turn to them and begin to preach the Gospel of Tantra! Don’t do it kids! Don’t separate your consciousness from your sexuality and begin to condition yourselves to a lifetime of sexual experiences in which you are not present!
But hey, most of us did at some point. Perhaps you have to fall in order to pick yourself up. It was only after three years of excessive drinking that I gave up alcohol once and for all and headed to India to find something else of life aged 18 (yes I gave up drinking once I became the legal age to drink!)
But what would it be like if, when those hormones firsts start pumping, someone came to talk to us about Tantra? What if, instead of the conflicting message of “sex is a biological method of reproduction” versus the Hollywood messages of “everyone has flawless bodies and is having a lot of great sex all the time”, we were given some sort of sharing about how sex is related to love, and that it can create very strong experiences. What if the word “sacred” were even mentioned in the same sentence as the word “sex”. What then?
And how about, as those surges of energy come through the young teenage body, someone explained sexual energy? Imagine that concept helping our youth to understand the overwhelming forces at play within, and perhaps even learning a few basic tools to help deal with all of that energy…a little breathwork to support them through moments of intense energy surge. Imagine if we were teaching our young people to understand their own sexual energy before they connect to the energy of another, and then when they do connect they know a little about energies playing together.
How about explaining polarity to children as suddenly they gain a sense of being different from the other sex. How about marking that shift, from child to young adult, with a rite of passage. Returning to nature, as our distant ancestors once did, with our peers and our elders, to find out what it is to become a man/woman. What if, instead of MTV icons of male- and female-ness, teenagers learned about age-old archtypes, and about masculine and feminine energies in nature and the universe. Perhaps we could teach them about our own unique make-up of energies, of masculine and feminine traits and tendencies…and how to be at ease with ourselves just as we are.
What if teenagers were shown how to respect the other sex? Taught how to honour qualities that they may not themselves embody. How to share the delights of our differences…not to try to steal something from the other, or to dominate or gain power over the other.
And how about if teenagers were shown sex beyond the pornographic hard, edgy, loveless sex? What if they were exposed to sensuous and loving union? What if they saw two human beings in real and deep connection, with open eyes seeing one another and open hearts feeling one another. What if they actually glimpsed what it looks like when lovers are seeing the divine in one another …
And how would it be to show our young people the connections between sexuality and nature…to show that sex is natural; that it mirrors the gushing rivers and burning fires; the animal instinct. That some beautiful energies can flow between two bodies, an experience of deep aliveness…what if we let them know that?
How useful would it be to understand a little of creating safe space? Of boundaries…ever-shifting yet hugely important. Of “yes’s” and “no’s” and even options such as “can we just stop and hold each other?” And imagine if young people were taught to find their inner truth, their inner knowing…and learn to trust that. So they are no longer susceptible to the suggestion of every Tom, Dick and Harry, but able instead to look within and find what is right for them in each fresh new moment. Imagine if someone showed them that!
Because then even the adults could relax a bit. Instead of trying desperately to shield their young from sexuality, working against a natural explosion of hormones, parents could rest a little knowing that their children were actually equipped to enter the world of sexuality with the empowerment they need to begin such an epic journey. Not only that, but they might actually have some of the communication skills to discuss it with their parents. The right education would also create the open-minded atmosphere in which teenagers sexual experiences are not all secretive and hidden from fear of being caught.
Many people seek out tantra in their thirties and forties. But why wait? Imagine what a difference it could make if teenagers were initiated into Tantra. Then perhaps I’d be sat on a plane with a load of youthful beings off to seek connection to nature, learn to open their hearts and discover the joys of being a sexual and alive being.
Original Posting at Shashi Solluna