Men Who Can’t Lead and Women Who Can’t Submit

GIVE ME YOUR POWER.
I AM THE MAN AND WHAT I SAY GOES.
 
Another laughable topic of today’s time.
The man who acts like this and believes that he is worthy of respect,
worthy of being followed is a MOFO FOOL.
 
I was speaking with a couple of my female clients over the last few weeks about this topic.
 
The topic of LETTING YOUR MAN LEAD,
and actually SUBMITTING ( following) his lead.
 
It’s hard in today’s time to follow our men,
am I right ladies?
 
Multiple things are at play.
 
First being that we woman have been scorned and hurt so much,
our trust has been breached so damn much that we just are no longer willing to keep opening up our hearts and lives to men who do not have our own best interest in mind.
 
And we simply have come to terms with the fact that we are strong AF and don’t really need a man.
 
ESPECIALLY, if he is just going to use us and toss away or lie to us.
 
For us women, we know we can get the sex we may want pretty easily, granted we get that it won’t be as deep or intimate as we may hunger for,
but it still can be damn good and 80% of our sexual needs met.
And when we are in control of it, then we can get it with limited to no emotional damage.
As for needing a man for money…
yeah well #1, most women today pride themselves in making good money and not needing a man to take care of them that way, we don’t want to owe any man anything so that he can hold it over our head and demand from us what we don’t trust to give or feel like giving.
#2, those who do choose to let men finance them typically have figured out how to be the puppeteers of the men by using sex to get what they want and they have no respect or loyalty to the dude, they just look at it as though its commerce and the guy is damn lucky to be getting it at whatever cost it is.
#3, those who are “in a committed relationship and with kids,” well they bounce between heart and fear of messing up their babies lives with a separation so plot for empty nest times and just put their heads down and wait.
 
The second biggest reason we women can’t submit to men of today is that men don’t have a clue what leadership is in relationship.
 
I tell men all the time that they need to led and they respond back with,
 
” I try but she won’t let me.”
” I don’t know how to do that.”
“I do lead, I am the man and she knows it.”
 
The first statement here is two sided,
men you need to be a man that is worthy of be followed first. That means you need to know yourself,
trust yourself,
be capable of making decisions,
and make consistently good choices.
It means that you need to be a man of your word.
It means that you need to be compassionate and understanding.
It means that you need to take responsibility for your wrongs.
It means that you need to KNOW that you are not always right and that’s okay.
It means that you need to have PURPOSE outside of your woman, money, playtime or even work. ( What is your life mission statement men?)
 
But ladies,
we have to learn how to soften ourselves and offer our men an opportunity to do all these things too. We can’t run around shooting them in the knee over everything and getting pissed that they are trying.
 
We have to open up our hearts just a bit and give them an opportunity to touch them with their desire, love and ideas.
 
We have to drop the tough cookie roles and lean in and let our men practice being a gentlemen.
 
We have to allow and even ask for our needs to be met.
We have to stop telling men what we think they should hear and instead speak our integrity to them, tell them the truth, but tell them in compassion.
 
Ladies we have to WANT to attract a better quality man into our lives and know we are worthy of it.
 
The second statement above,
well guys re-read what I just wrote there!
 
Got it?
Got it?
 
I sure AF hope so.
 
And now the third statement above.
 
“I do lead, I am the man and she knows it.”
 
This is NOT leadership.
This is control.
This will not gain you respect, loyalty or love.
And a strong, confident, intelligent woman will NEVER desire this sort of man.
 
We don’t want to babysit our men.
We don’t want to raise you, that was your mama’s job.
But we sure AF don’t want to be owned by you either.
 
This sort of attitude just show’s how damn insecure you are.
How much you NEED someone else to bow before you to make you feel worthy, strong, powerful.
 
This is not real leadership or even real power.
 
This is weakness and ego.
And the women of today can smell this shiz a mile away.
 
The issue with today’s relationships….
with today’s men and women…
 
Is simple.
 
Men have not properly been taught how to be respectful,
men have not been taught how to know their own worth,
they have not been taught how to love, self or other.
Men have no clue what leadership is.
Men have no idea about life purpose.
And most of you men out there DO NOT KNOW WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
 
Lost sheep in a big world where you were never initiated into your man-hood.
 
Instead were told to take, to belittle, to guilt, to retract your love, to be in ego, to play games and that women were not to be trusted.
 
The masculine is lost.
But so is the feminine.
 
Ladies, its time for us to love our men who are trying.
Show appreciation for the men who work at being gentlemen.
Don’t fight them,
but instead support them.
Don’t instantly jump to the conclusion that all men are trying to hurt us, use us or want something from us.
Ladies, receive the compliment with a THANK YOU.
Let him hold your door open.
Ask a man for help in putting a case of water in your grocery store cart.
Smile at a random stranger.
 
By us women knowing our worth and loving ourselves,
by us women speaking our truth in compassion instead of a power struggle,
we will teach the men.
 
And men GROW THE F-ck UP!
And stop making excuses.
Figure out WHO YOU ARE.
 
Every woman LOVES and DESIRES a man on fire,
who has purpose, confidence and passion for his life and KNOWS himself.
 
This is a man who can LEAD the strongest of women.
 
As Always.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Want to level up your relationship and learn how to be a leader as a man? Message me for deet’s on my global private coaching today.
 
Today’s musing inspired by
 
Michael Baisden Live

STOP BEING A YES WHORE.

[jwplayer mediaid=”10519″]

STOP BEING A YES WHORE.

Wow! Kendal that is a harsh statement for a Friday morning.

What do you mean by, “Yes Whore?”

You are guilty beautiful of doing just this.
I am guilty too.
There is not a soul on this planet that has not fallen into the illusion of being a yes whore and believing that it is the road to our happiness.

Every time you say YES to someone and you actually mean NO, you are in an essence whoring yourself out and dishonoring self and the relationship that you are YESSING all over.

Every time that inauthentic YES pops out of your mouth and you find yourself swallowing your own needs, desires, ideas, and value because you feel that you “should” do this or that to be a nice person, to be helpful, to offer support, to show you love, etc. etc.

You sabotage yourself!
You sabotage the relationship.
And you loose respect.

I have been in the business of relationship coaching in one facet or another for two decades now and the one thing that I hear repeatedly is, ” I can’t say no, that would be mean.”

“He is my husband… I love him, I can’t say no.”
“She is so sweet and working so hard, she needs this/needs me… I can’t say no.”
“They are really struggling right now, I can’t say no.”
“They need me.”
“I don’t know how I am going to do it but I can’t say no.”

And following these wonderful words of what seem’s like love and support come…

” I am so exhausted, I just don’t have anything left to give, why can’t they/he/she see that?”

“I just feel like a all people ever want me for is ___________________.”

“You know, I have had it… I have been busting myself open here, doing everything I can, to show how much I care and I ask for one small thing and get told no after everything that I have done.”

“Doesn’t he/she see that I really don’t want to do that/feel like it?

“I would be all alone if I said what I really want or need.”

These and so many other things in so many subjects of our lives.

Just think about all the moments that you actually wanted to respond with NO but opted to say yes because you did not want to hurt the relationship, the other persons feelings or damage your value in the relationship.

Think of all those moments that if you get real with yourself you answered YES because you were answering out of fear and/or lack of self-worth.

Well you see beautiful,
these are the times that you were whoring yourself out.

There is no honor or respect in being out of integrity and not being honest with your answer.

You answered YES in exchange for something that you wanted or needed. You put little value on what is so precious and worth so much in hopes that you could,
if but only for a short time,
buy someones love, time, appreciation,
so that you would feel good.

But the funny thing is,
much like a whore who is just selling off their sex and not looking for anything real, lasting or of value,
you find yourself having to consistently whore yourself out to the point of being used up just to get a taste of what you are actually wanting.
And much like the client of the whore who is trying to fill a void and is just buying the illusion of the intimacy and connection,
you are finding yourself feeling used, abused and alone.

The relationships that you are doing this with are the relationships that you need to GET REAL with yourself on.

If you want to experience true happiness.
If you want to be respected.
If you want to have that soulmate relationship based in love,
if you want to feel supported, safe, understood,
If you want to stop questioning yourself and the relationships that you have,
and just BE YOU-
and THRIVE.

if you want that F-ck YES! Life…

Well is starts by you STOPPING YOURSELF FROM BEING A YES WHORE.

The ONLY person you need to answer YES to ALWAYS….

Is YOU.

And you see, if you answer yes to you 100% of the time,
you will find that you will be living authentically and in integrity.
And guess what that means beautiful?

It means you will gain trust, respect, real love and support.
It means that you will NOT ALWAYS make someone else happy,
that you will respect and love yourself enough to know that you are not responsible for anyone else’s emotional response, mental thoughts or even physical actions.
It means that you will no longer be enabling another’s victim mindset in their unconscious maneuver to control you and feel loved themselves.

It means that you will be one step closer to manifesting the life that you are worthy of.

So Stop Being a YES WHORE and Release Yourself from That Which Binds You.

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

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Wanting to SAY YES! To Yourself?
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Stop Dishonoring Your Soul – It Knows Who You Truly Are and What Step’s Will Make You Happy.

My heart bleeds for all of us in this world.
As a coach through the years I have heard so many tales of horror, of trauma, abuse and misunderstandings.
I have witnessed so many unable to stand in their truth,
scared to speak up for themselves,
and allowing others to run all over them in so many areas of their lives.
For the last 10+ years I have had my practice focused on sex and relationship coaching, helping singles and couples. Couples work has been a passion for me however.

Today my coaching practice has moved more into abundance and prosperity coaching thanks to my beautiful clients who requested my focus to change as they noticed that they would come to me to heal their communication, intimacy and relationship challenges and they had the side benefit of watching their lives change in their finances as well.
They discovered that in doing work around their intimate relationships that they were also lacking in other subject areas and what I was teaching them about their intimacy and sex also applied to money and purpose.

Well, here I am today in 2019,
with a beautiful practice and lovely clients who I adore so much and find myself in gratitude for daily. I woke this morning feeling a wobble in my energy around my practice, in what direction I wanted to focus RIGHT NOW, what was needed from me, where was I to step next to best help these souls that I share with daily and in truth I was lost.

God is amazing I have found.
Always getting those who desire to be in alignment back on path softly when we remain open to the messages.

And so my day has brought me full circle.
Wobble has drifted off and I feel directed, guided and clearer.
Back to where I have ALWAYS been.
No niche!

My niche is SOUL!

And today my message is just about that.

SOUL Niche is where it is at BABY!

I have heard my own mentor speak about no niche,
and I logically got what she was saying and truly believed that I was doing just that,
but today something different has come up from the sea of knowledge and I get it a tad bit more as to what she means when she say’s no niche.

I am a “SOUL Solutions Coach” helping people move through the miscommunications that this world causes for us in ALL subjects of our life.

Bringing it back to humanness.
Bringing it back to love.
Bring it back to what is right will feel right and will not carry with it anger or hatred but love and connection.

When we come into any subject in our lives from SOUL and not ego,
we do not feel threatened,
we do not feel like we must prove anything,
we do not have a desire to control,
to blame, guilt or shame.
And we do not hold putrid thoughts and feelings toward anyone on this planet because their truth is not our truth and they choose to speak it in any fashion.

SOUL is respect for all humans beliefs, ways of being, and showing up.

SOUL is focused on building trust by not attacking with words or actions.

SOUL understands that each individual has boundaries and that we don’t have to agree with them but we do need to respect them.

SOUL understands that our words and actions play a significant role on the emotional, physiological, spiritual and physical bodies of self and others.

SOUL knows that our life is not about segregation but instead unity. Between people and subjects in our lives.

SOUL is about being captivated. Not by control or shame or anything other than SOUL – This being captivated means that you will feel CALLED to what you need, to the steps that you should take, to the lessons that you are to learn and toward love and gratitude, beauty and worthiness.

And so I come full circle today to the realization that I had so many years back,

“One Heart – One Soul”

This is how our world elevates its consciousness.
This is how we elevate our individual lives in all subjects.
To truly understand Namaste.

“I honor the place in you in which the entire universe dwells. I honor the place in you which is of love, of truth, of light, and of peace. When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are one.”

And honoring the light of SOUL is all that we can ever do in some situations as some individuals are eaten up by hatred, fear of their own light and worthiness and desire to control, manipulate and terrify those they claim to love, those they desire to be like and those that test their beliefs and fears.

Still, the most beautiful thing that any of us can ever off is just this HONOR of SOUL.

Speak from here beautiful.
Look from here.
Touch from here.
Communicate from here.

Ignore the fear that your ego will toss before you on this path,
ignore the concept that anyone is better than another,
ignore the concept that you must bow to them and let them have their way even if they are the one you wake next too each morning.

Because the act of hatred will never be love.
The act of taking will never be love.
The act of shaming will never be love.
The act of blaming will never be love.

So never settle or allow yourself to believe that it is.
You are WORTHY.
You are LOVE.

Namaste

And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers

Take Caution Not To Dishonor Your Lover’s Love.

You dishonor who I am.
You dishonor my life.
You dishonor the love I have felt.
You dishonor my choices.
You even dishonor yourself.
And for what?

To proclaim that you are better than,
greater than.
That you know,
you understand,
you are more of a man.
Than he.

You proudly stand before me,
claiming your love.
Never stopping to realize that I have felt a greater love then you can even fathom.
You will never know the love that has captivated my heart,
my soul and carried me into the heavens.
You will never know of it,
or understand it because you refuse to accept that I have ever even been loved.
In your proclamations of how you can show me love.
You can reveal to me how a woman is to be cared for.
What “real dating, courting” is about.
That you, yes you are the gentlemen that knows this better than any other who has ever crossed my path.

As you stand there,
with that glimmer in your eye’s,
with that smirk on your face,
with that smugness in your body,
and you vocalize how it should be.
And how you aim to show me.

You do nothing more than dishonor me.

You state with each word of disbelief,
a declaring that I have never felt anything worth anything,
that I am naive,
unknowing,
and have poor taste in men.

If this is true,
if you truly believe that no man has ever really loved me.
If you really believe that,
then why should I believe that you are any better?
And realize that we all have fears around love and being lovable,
so when you make such assumptions,
in an essence you support this fear that I am just that.
Unlovable.

So if I have felt this deep.
If I have opened up in vulnerability to this level,
surrendered my very soul over to another,
smelled of this loves sweetness and been blessed to inhale the intoxicating scent of roses in my love making.
But none of it is true…

Then what possibly could you offer me sir?

You say I was nothing more than a pretty piece on his arm.
You say he wanted me only for my sex.
You say that he had never an intent of going the distance.
You say that he never brought true life experience to me.
You say that he never romanced me properly,
dated me properly.

You say a lot for man that has no clue.
That is blind.
That is making a lot of judgments based on only your own hopes that this is such.

But I will tell you this sir.
I will tell you that you have not a clue.
And because you come at me in such dishonor,
preaching of your love,
trying to kill what I hold dear.

Realize that you will NEVER succeed at killing off this love.
You will never destroy my heart.
Your fear,
your hunger,
your desire to control,
will never compare to that which I hold dear.

I welcome your childish attempts.
They do nothing but strengthen what has always been.

And so I say this loud and true,
please hear me now blind sir,
you have not a chance at ever captivating this heart of mine.

You refuse to listen.
You refuse to truly feel me.
You refuse to accept that in order to come into my heart that you will have to top this love,
and trying to destroy,
to mock,
or make light of what my soul has felt,
is not the way to penetrate my heart.

But I do assure you,
it is the way out of my life.

You dishonor me with your fear.
You dishonor me with your desire to make me small.
You dishonor me with your hatred of my love.

And so we say goodbye.

—————————————————————————–

I share this intimacy from my heart and soul today to all of you gentlemen and women alike who find a need to discredit someone’s past relationships.

No matter your relationship with someone,
but for sure if you have romantic interest in them,
please take heed to this poem here.

Never try to captivate their heart by attempting to destroy a past love.

This only show’s your weakness.
Your fear.

Instead listen to the sweetness that that love has brought to them,
allow yourself to hear,
learn what another has done and what your lover wants more of.

Do not be foolish enough to believe that because this love they speak of is not present in the here and now,
that it is any less than potentially the love of this person’s life.

Not all love is meant to be held for a life time.
But all love does expand us and transform us.

Never make judgments on another’s heart.
You only weaken or destroy your place in theirs.

Instead be –
Present
Open
Vulnerable
Supportive

And cherish this moment with them.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Want to learn more 1:1 secrets about a woman’s heart and soul and how to captivate a HIGH VIBE woman today?

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You Make Me Want To Look Pretty

You make me want to look pretty.
You make me want to dress up and be my best in your presence.
You make me want to smile.
You make me want to be light in my heart.
Open.
and connected.
You make me want to be beautiful.
Because that is what I am.
I am all of this at my core love.
And I know that you can see it.
I know that you feel me at my deepest,
and that you hunger for me to give you more of myself.
You light me up.
You make me feel joyous.
You turn me on at a spiritual level.
You ignite my soul.
Your energy,
your support,
your words of encouragement,
the way you smile and say nothing at all.
You tell me that I am beautiful.
You make me want to reveal my all to you.
I want to spread my wings,
and let you in.
I want to be captured by the light that your eye’s reflect back to me.
I want all of this.
Because I am all of this.
And you see me.
You call me out in my dark hours.
You resist my attempts to hide my beauty.
You dig in my caves and you ask for more treasure.
And you know that it is treasure.
The treasure of my soul.
The treasure of my truth.
And you see me.
You are not blinded by the tales of others.
You are not hindered by the notions of the world around us.
No, you choose.
And you consistently choose,
to see me.
And for this my love,
You make me want to look pretty.
You make me want to dress up and be my best in your presence.
You make me want to smile.
You make me want to be light in my heart.
Open.
and connected.
You make me want to be beautiful.
I want to show you who I am.
I want you to feel me.
I want you to crave me.
To taste more of me.
I want to open,
open wide in love to you.
Because it is with your onlooking,
that I can see myself.
It is through your eye’s that I take down my masks.
The veils of my fear fall to the ground,
they are not needed,
in your embrace.
Yes, my love.
You have that way about you.
You have the presence.
The love.
The attention.
That my soul desires.
I want to suck you up and never let you go,
and I want you to do the same of me.
Absorb me love.
Hold me love.
And savor.
Because this is me.
This is my beauty.
This is my soul.
And it is naked before you.
asking for your presence.
Basking in your sight.
Becoming juicy at your touch.
Yes this my love is me.
And because you see me,
I am standing stronger.
Because the way that you look at me,
I know that you know me.
I know that you feel me.
I know that we are the same.
And so as I stand here,
eye to eye,
you look back from the mirror,
and you say,
” I love you. You are beautiful.”
And yes my love you are correct.
For this is me.
And this is you.
And we are one.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Just another Gabolie-Gook Moment!

Gabolie-gook!
That’s about all that is in my brain tonight.
It’s just past midnight,
and I feel a need to press forward.
I feel an urgency,
a pressure.
I feel as though if I do not write,
if I just let go of it today that something astronomically horrible will most likely happen to my business,
to my social status,
to my flow
my following,
my life.
 
And so I sat here,
at my breakfast table,
with my mind feeling rummy.
My body tired from the day,
and I sat here,
feeling overwhelm and stress.
 
I played back the conversations of today.
The words and intimacies shared between myself
and clients. Myself and family. Myself and lovers.
And friends.
 
And I felt a call of duty to share something.
Not just something,
but something of value.
A lesson.
A deep thought.
And you know what I found?
 
Gabolie-gook!
 
Nothing more than gabolie-gook.
 
And what do I mean by this?
Or maybe perhaps the better question is,
Why the f-ck am I sharing my gabolie-gook experience with you?
 
I am sharing because we all have times that we feel great pressure to perform.
Great pressure to get something done.
We have deadlines.
We have time lines.
People are waiting on us,
and we have things that must get accomplished in order for the results that we want to happen.
And sometimes,
yes sometimes,
we have nothing more to offer to these moments.
Our minds,
and our hearts,
our creativity,
and our passion are all too tired.
And they leave us with gabolie-gook.
 
And guilt.
And shame.
And a feeling of not being good enough.
 
These gabolie-gook moments can crush us in seconds if we allow them too, or we recognize them for what they are.
 
Our soul saying,
It is time to PAUSE.
 
Time to give yourself space from this,
much like the athlete that has been pressing hard for days or weeks, who’s body will come to a point and demand a break, so that it can have some down time, some times to decompress and let go, so will our minds, our creative energy do the same.
 
Today I spoke with a man,
a business man who works for himself and he shared his frustration around the recent onset of a gaboli-gook moment in his life. He chose to let go of pushing forward on his work to take a little trip,
the trip took over priority in his life to the point that he focused for a few days prior on it more than his work.
Now a few days after his return, he finds himself still dealing with the lingering essence of this trip, causing him a gabolie-gook state of being.
 
Feeling pressure.
Feeling like he is falling behind,
feeling the gnashing of teeth on his heals,
his overwhelm from the gaboli-gook has now caused a state of procrastination.
Faking him out to believe that the ball is not rolling anymore,
that it is too heavy to push and get started up again,
that once dropped, it may not be able to be moved.
 
Here is the issue with gabolie-gook moments.
It is NOT the moment.
 
It is the thoughts and beliefs that we have around allowing ourselves the time to let go.
The fear of being lazy,
creates laziness.
 
And so we stumble in the darkness of our fear,
and we procrastinate.
 
We beat ourselves up for not achieving everything that was on our daily task list.
We look at our agenda’s and we feel exhaustion.
Hopeless in the face of this never ending task list.
This never ending moment of needing to create.
To do.
To build.
To network.
To be turned on.
 
So what is the answer?
The answer is simple.
 
SURRENDER and LOVE.
 
Love the moment.
No matter what it is.
Surrender to the beauty of the moment, no matter what it is.
 
And LET THE F-CK GO!
 
All moments are just that….
moments.
 
Fleeting.
 
They all pass.
They only linger and expand into something more,
when we focus in on them and water them with our thoughts and beliefs.
When we feel into them and manifest them into reality.
Your gaboli-gook moment,
is NOTHING.
 
Unless, you make it something.
So what are you choosing to focus on?
That is always the key.
 
Your thoughts.
Your feelings.
and then
Your actions.
 
 
Never another order.
 
When presented or feeling stuck in a gabolie-gook moment,
much like the one that I was in about 15 minutes ago,
the task to focus in on is to love the moment and accept it as it is,
then look for something to do that will pull your thoughts and feelings a different direction.
 
For example,
I chose to finish dealing with my closet that was getting rearranged,
and I chose move somethings around in my home that I had been waiting for the right time to do,
this gabolie-gook moment gave me that time.
It was a time for me to change up my thinking and feeling,
clear out some space and thus clear out the gabolie-gook moment with it.
 
🙂
 
An d here we are,
after midnight.
 
And my post is done.
And my much like the gabolie-gook,
the moment has passed.
 
Just remember,
As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
*Don’t get Stuck in the Gabolie-Gook!”
 
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Respect your effing time!

Respect your effing time!
Respect your effing time!

Over and over again I am reminded of this lesson.

Through the years I have been asked why I charge for consults?

I often get asked if I can do consults with potential new clients for free or discount.

I get asked if I would consider working at discount because this is a good cause.

If I would do a favor for a friend.
Or since I am such a sweet person, do it all for free.

LOL.

It is frequently assumed that if I really want to build my business or help others build theirs that I should do the above.

WTF?

I think not.

My response on some days to this inquiry is simple:

Would you go to work and put your whole heart and soul into a job for no return?”

“Would you work for your job for free?”

Answer: NO

Then why do expect me or anyone else to do this?

The truth is. I love my career. I cannot ever see myself doing anything else. And if this world did not run on the green stuff, then I would do what I do anyway. I often tithe coaching to people who I am called to do so with, but it is soul driven, NOT requested of me.

I respect myself, my time and your journey enough to know that by taking the step forward and putting your money where your mouth is out of play, is only going to cause roadblocks down the road for you and cause respect issues as well.

———————————————————————————————

Years ago I use to do all of the above and then some.
I use to not only do free consults but I would also drive all over the Dallas area to meet these people.

I believed that I had too.
I believed that in order to build my empire I needed to stress.
I needed to put in the time.
I needed to stretch myself like this.
I had to pay the price.

Oh my f-cking God!
I was so effing wrong.

Well still today I occasionally get caught off guard.
I go and do these things.
Every now and again I find myself revising this lesson.

I should know that these maneuvers will never lead me to the life I desire nor will they help the people that look to me for direction.

Still…
The lessons need revisted I suppose.
Like today.
Here I sit at one of my favorite restaurants
Enjoying a Cucumber Basil Smash cocktail and some lobster and shrimp stuffed mushrooms.
Deciding on what to order for lunch.

(I think I am going with the lobster bisque today)

And how did I end up here.
Alone.

Well I am relearning the above lesson you see.
Yes I did a favor.

And I understand that things come up in life.
With that said,
Respect your effing time!

And mine too.

But you know what I truly think?
And feel?

Gratitude.
To be able to revisit my personal respect for myself and my most valuable treasure, my TIME.

Gratitude for being here at location I love, enjoying the food and drink I have chosen.

Gratitude that I can share with you this lesson, in hopes you can gain from it.

Gratitude that nothing ever really gets me,
Lemons to lemonade.

Here I sit.
A little behind my schedule sure.
Now with my lover,
Enjoying my drink and food on this Sunday.
And knowing that I took a disrespect of my time and turned it into an experience of bliss and positive manifestation.

Here’s to loving your life.
Here’s to honoring your time and life.

And as always,
Stop Existing and Start Living
Claim Your Life.

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3 Men Showed Up.

Arms open wide.
His arms, so open.
So supportive.
So full love.
Of acceptance.
 
I welcomed his embrace with my whole heart and soul.
Needing to be held.
To be carried in this moment.
Needing his witnessing of my soul.
My heart.
My pain.
My fear.
My love.
My gratitude.
 
There we were, a moment that happens often in our relationship. Saying good bye at a car door in a parking lot. Embracing each other with love. With a tender holding of friendship. Of authentic connection.
 
Today was different though.
Today I was breaking in the wake of my life.
I was washed over by the storm of my life and I did not have the strength to hold space for myself.
 
Today, I needed his strength.
I needed the witnessing and loving support of the divine masculine to hold me.
 
A fatherly love.
A lovers love.
A deep friendship of years.
A kindred spirit.
 
I needed to feel God come through him and hold me. Assure me that I was going to not just be fine, but be able to fly again.
 

And here he was.

I love the way he showed up.

 
Present attention.
His inquiry was deep but open.
So understanding.
So empathetic. Compassionate.
Full of love.
 
Soft were his words.
Connective were his communications.
2000 miles may have separated us, but he was there holding my hand. Holding my heart. Sharing his.
 
Months had passed since we saw each other and spoke last, yet these two hours on the phone felt like no time had passed. There was zero distance between our beings.
 
It was perfect.
He was perfect.
His holding and witnessing made him so.
 
I had been able to gift him with this holding in years past, now he was offering it to me and sharing his tales and lessons equally. Together we rose. Together we embraced life in this moment.
 
Our pain.
Our broken hearts.
Our misunderstandings and uncertainty.
Our joy.
Our faith.
 
A fellow soul crusader’s empathy and love.
A lovers love.
A friendship of years.
A kindred spirit.
 
I needed to hear his lessons of love and compassion. I needed his truth in this moment. It supported my own. His words encouraged both of us. God was speaking through him. His statement of, ” I answer to something higher than the law of humankind.”
 
Yes. I too answer to this.
I too align to this.
Our laws of ego and shut down hearts are not my truth.
I needed to hear this. I needed him to assure me that I was not broken. That I would fly again.
 

And here he was.

I loved the way he showed up.

 
His smile.
His embrace.
He walked through the door and just smiled that smile.
He embraced me from behind while I cooked dinner.
Kissing my neck.
Telling me sweet everything’s.
 
Those words.
His arms open wide.
His heart beat assuring me.
His presence witnessing me.
The tears I had cried before, in the parking lot, on the phone. He could see their residue left from my mascara on my cheeks.
He could see my exhaustion.
My fear. My concern.
 
His holding. He shared his breath with me through a kiss.
He assured me that I could fly with his smile.
He cradled my heart as it wept with his presence.
He cradled my aching body with his strength, his warmth.
 
Silence.
Presence.
Love.
 
It was ours.
These were our tales.
This was our truth.
Our moment.
The only moment.
 
A fellow seeker of truth and healing.
A lovers love.
A new friendship.
A kindred spirit.
 
The look in his eye’s. The smile on his face. The laughter he brought into the moment. His light. Telling me that I could have it all. Telling me that I was strong. That I was a mother f*cking Goddess! Telling me that I was radiant. Telling me that I was needed and mattered. Assuring me that I could fly.
 

And here he was.

I loved the way he showed up.

 
This was my day yesterday.
These three gentlemen assuring me,
each in their own way that I could fly.
Each sharing their hearts.
Their love.
Their presence.
 
Helping to heal me.
And I helping to heal them.
Through authenticity and truth.
Through unconditional love and the offering of our presence and witnessing for each other.
 
Here is the dance of the divine masculine and feminine in it’s beauty. Here is the ying and the yang.
 
These three men in less than 24 hours have done more toward the healing of my heart and soul than I can ever communicate in my written words.
 
My gratitude for their love, support, compassion, empathy, connection, guidance, strength, and PRESENCE goes beyond words or actions to be shared.
 
All I can offer in return-
Is my heart and my wings.
 
Thank you for being the wind beneath my wings.
For carrying me to a new space.
Thank you for helping me take a step in restoring my faith in the masculine. In men.
 

Thank you.

 
This is my share today.
It is a share of compassion. Vulnerability and gratitude.
It a share of the great masculine and how it can when it chooses, hold space for the feminine and love her through her storms and messy emotions.
 
This is a share to show all men out there,
 
Thank you to these three men who chose in one day to gift me with their presence and hearts.
 

A remember,

Always –

Stop Existing – Start Living

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Stop Being A Little Bitch About Everything…

Here is why I am a F*ck NO!!!! to working for less then my normal rate and why you should not want me too, or any self- employed, commissioned based or entrepreneur ever too again…

Can I get some advice from you?

I want your opinion on this thing…

Scholarships.

Referral Discounts.

Promotions.

These are a few of my NOT so favorite conversations to have with potential clients. Yet, they happen and they happen more often then you may believe.

I am writing this brief article on this topic, NOT to be a bitch about it but to bring to attention the craziness of asking for such things. And I say this as a person who is ALWAYS telling people to ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT!

Here is the thing, you can ask, but asking DOES NOT assure that you will get. Especially, when you are asking someone to provide you with a service at a discounted or free fee.

Over and over again, I am talking like at least three times a week, I have to be a bitch and say, “No, I am sorry I am not working at a discount.” I mean, let’s look at this from the perspective of a salaried employee… or hourly….

You go to work, your boss says, ” Hey Sally or Rick…. listen, you are amazing and you have so much to offer the team. You are so knowledgeable and I really appreciate all that you do for the company, I am so happy  that you are here. You are a valuable member to our team. However, listen, I had some set backs come up at home, my refinance did not go through and my kid had to have a surgery, my wife is stressed out and things are tough. So I was wondering if I could get you to keep doing the fantastic job your doing, maybe even take on a little extra responsibility by overseeing this department over here, but I need you to do it for half your normal salary for the next six months to a year and it would be even better if you would consider doing it for free. What do you say?”

So what is your answer?

Come on be serious…..

Yeah, your a F*ck NO!!! Right?

Because….. Your life obstacle or challenge IS NOT reason enough for someone else to earn less, work for less or give a discount. We all have obstacles and challenges.

If you are not a F*ck NO! to the above scenario, then you are a door mat. And that is a whole other issue. For the majority of people out there I am pretty sure that you are an absolute no to this scenario, however when it comes to going out and getting help from someone who is self-employed or on commissions, you may have no real issue having them work for less.

Right, think of your waitress at your favorite restaurant. She depends on your tips for her survival. Think of your car sales man, he depends on your purchase for his survival. Think of the man who sold you your insurance, your roof,  or even your refrigerator. Guess what these people all work on commission. Sure some get an hourly rate, but after taxes, it barely covers their taxes.  Now let’s look at consultants, coaches and small business owners. We pay up front close to 10k just to have a business, no matter how much we make and then depending on what bracket we fall into, well things just go upward from there in our taxes.  Granted we get tax deductions if we keep track, there are plenty of expenses. But here is the thing, those business expenses do not pay our bills.

Now in truth, the taxes and the bottom dollar at the end of the day, has NOTHING to do with someone asking for a scholarship or discounted rate.

Nope, it does not.

But what it will potentially effect if one who ask’s for it get’s it is:

  1. Your commitment to your own growth.
  2. The one giving the the discount dedication and attention.

When someone gives something away, or at deep discount then it WILL NOT receive the same attention as the one’s that put full effort in on their side. Often, it is not about the money even. It is about the fact that it has been proven over and over gain, that if you give something away that it has less value to the one receiving it.

I wish this was not true, but it is.

Just this last 90 days, I gave away about $600 in courses to people that I knew needed the help.  I actually tried to give away $1,000 but four of the people that I made the free offer too, never even bothered to respond and take me up on it.  Out of the six who said, “Sure,” ONLY two accessed the course content so far.  From the four who have not accessed the content yet, two have asked me questions and shared down trodden tales of how stressed they are, wanting even more free advice and help, but NEVER thought to access the hours worth of content already given to them that could help.

This is normal. This is how we all are when it comes to free shit.

And yes, it is FREE SHIT!!!

It’s just another download to save on our computer or in drop box.

Here is the thought, “If it was worth something, then they would be charging for it.” – Or- “I will get to it some day.” Hence the massive number of items many of us have downloaded and saved for FREE on our computers… self included.

Well, when we coaches give our shit away at discount or for free, we under value ourselves. We over populate our schedules.  And we support our potential clients in remaining stuck in old programs and patterns of scarcity and lack.  There is GREAT value in paying for help,  education, and service. We value it more, we dedicate more of our time, attention and energy to it and we aim to incorporate the lessons into our lives better.

The way I look at it, is that if I agree to working for less then my normal fee I am doing a dis-service to you PLUS my other clients.

If you feel that working with me in whatever way it may be, is valuable to you and you would benefit from my offer and teaching, then there should be nothing stopping you from making this happen. Where there is a will there is always a way. Granted cost can be a barrier , I get that, I spend well over 25k a year in private coaching myself not including retreats or certification programs or extended education. That is just coaching!  So I get that it can be expensive and it can give one butterflies, but here is the gig, every penny I spend on my coaches, I get massive break through’s in my life. Without these phenomenal people’s assistance and insight, I would not be as strong, confident and focused as I am.  I would not have the direction that I do.

Nor the FREEDOM that I do.

Or the ability to help YOU.

Imagine if they ONLY gave me 50% of their knowledge, dedication, time, sharing that they do….

Imagine if they chose to not respond to my emails, or pay attention to them…

Coaching is all about moving forward through your shit. No matter what the topic of focus is, your moving through it. Having a coach at your side ensures that you have less set backs, that you get blindsided less, you get the unconditional tough love that you need from someone who HAS BEEN THERE and made it through. Or at least is far enough ahead of where you are at that they can show you how to get through what your in .

Asking for a discount or free service is dishonoring to the person that you are requesting it of. No matter how much you brag them up or tell them how much value you see in the service. Asking for a discount and asking them to over populate their schedule which translates to less time and energy to dedicate to each client, which in turn means that the coach is not able to be 100% their best with each client, but instead more like an over worked social worker who cannot keep a case straight and just wants to quit, has no heart in it anymore, is simply dishonoring to them, to you and all clients they have.

The best coaches out there average 6 to 15 clients max at any given time.

This is one on one clients granted.  Group coaching will vary and on line training’s typically do not pull that much over all energy to cause any significant effect.

I have found that I personally cannot handle more than 25 clients on my schedule for one on one consulting without there being issues with me being able to keep up and hitting burn out.  My ideal is 10 to 12 private clients.

Here I can make massive impact with the individuals that I am working with, not get burned out, keep my mind, heart and soul in the game and have a lot of SUCCESS STORIES…

And anyone who has worked with me over the years know’s how I LOVE SUCCESS STORIES!!! 🙂

After all, at the end of the day, we coaches don’t coach for the money.

We coach for the Success Stories.

We love seeing your success.

We love seeing you overcome the hurdles of your life challenges.

We love seeing you shining bright.

We love seeing you happy.

We love seeing you turned on, tapped in and tuned in to the F*ck YES!!! Life that you deserve and want at your core.

Yet often the only thing stopping you from having this, is that your being a little bitch about everything. 

It’s the excuses or reasons that you give as an alibi as to why you cannot work with a coach and take these strides.

It’s the excuses that you have bought into that you are not good enough, not deserving of, smart enough or some other…

It’s your fear of change.

It’s your fear of failure.

It’s your fear of SUCCESS, that truly holds you back.

And no matter what your alibi is as to why you cannot get started, money most likely being your favorite one to lean on, it will ALWAYS come back to you, making a choice to say yes or to say no, NOT TO ME or any coach, but to YOURSELF.

So the reason I suggest that you NEVER ask for a discount, promotional special, referral discount or scholarship again is because you deserve MORE.

You deserve to say YES to yourself and fight for your YES.

You deserve to know that you want it as much as you claim and that you value the support, education, and guidance as much as you claim.

You need to have some skin in on the game, or you will continue to find other alibi’s to hold you back from your desired life.

Where will you choose to claim your life?

As always, “STOP Surviving and START Living, You only have this life. Claim it NOW”

 

 

 

The Average Woman is a Prostitute ( Guest writer Addison Bell)


pros·ti·tute (ˈprästəˌt(y)o͞ot/)

(noun) 1. a person, in particular a woman, who engages in sexual activity for payment.

The above is Google’s definition of a prostitute, and this is the common definition across many sites. A person engaging in sexual activity for some form of payment. Thus making today’s average woman a prostitute, married, single, doesn’t matter, we have become a gender that sells our bodies.

Let me tell you a little personal story from a few years back… I had been out on three dates with a very nice man. He would take me to some nice restaurants, we would have a good conversation, and on this particular 4th date, he even brought me some beautiful flowers. I liked him as a person and enjoyed our time together, but wasn’t feeling a particular strong sexual connection, and thus, I had not gone there with him. However, I began to feel guilty… he had taken me out on these very nice dates and even started to jokingly mention that he had taken me out, bought me some nice flowers, but yet we still had not had sex. So despite my disinterest in sex with him, on this 4th date, I caved, although not being conscious of my thought process at the time, I felt because of the time/money he had spent on me that I somehow owed him sex if I desired to keep dating him. I let him buy me a beautiful dinner and then afterward let him have sex with me, which was disconnected and meaningless. He, in a way, bought my body at this moment. I had prostituted myself for some food, flowers, conversation, and attention.

Years later, as a Sex & Relationship Coach, I cannot say that I have ever had a woman come into my office that has not sold her sex in some way to a partner. And if I’m brutally honest, married women are often the biggest offenders. It does not matter if you are selling your sex for actual finances (including financial security), physical objects (home, car), experiences (restaurants, events, plays), or in exchange for a false sense of connection. When we use sex as any form of commerce, we are doing just what we shame and demoralize, and technically incarcerate women around the country for daily.

I know there are probably some women out there reading this and thinking, “that’s not the same thing” and you can try to convince yourself with this reason or that, let your Ego use tons of excuses, or separate yourself because you have a diamond ring on your finger, but that does not get you off the hook energetically! The moment our bodies and sex become a bargaining chip, whether for gain, or out of a sense of duty, we are entering the land of prostituting our bodies, minds, and most of all, our spirits.

I’ve had several Christian clients tell me that their “job” from a Christian perspective is to take care of their man in this way and live up to their “wifely duties” in a sense. I am calling bullshit on this. God did not create the beautiful, sensual, and magnificent female body to be sold, but instead to be cherished. The Creator wants us to share ourselves from a deep, meaningful, and purely loving space and not in order to get something in return. Females have been given a uniquely divine power and beauty in our sexuality that when not used from a place pure of heart is diminished, disrespected, and that inevitably leads us to disconnection from self. When we say yes when we either don’t want it or are ambivalent about it, then we are not only using our bodies, but we are also raping ourselves. Harsh, but yet still the truth.

This is not to make all women shame themselves; goodness knows we already do enough of that, but instead to bring awareness. Why is it okay that we incarcerate and shame women that are doing exactly what most women are doing, but just in a more direct way? Being upfront and honest about the fact instead of hiding it under layers of excuses, self-separation, and judgment. From a personal perspective, I have way more respect for a woman that knows that she is using her sexuality as a tool and/or that she desires to use it as a tool than a woman that hides and tries to cover this fact up and doesn’t own her power. At least these women are tapping into themselves in some way as opposed to the woman that has duty sex and gives her body away for things, feelings, experiences, but hides behind religion, obligation, or it coming from a lack of self-empowerment. I would much rather a woman stand in her power and directly ask for money for her body than having obligational duty sex and disempowering herself. Not that it is ideal, but she is at least owning what she is choosing to sell her body, unlike the average woman.

Although I stated at the beginning of this that all women had prostituted themselves in some way, I don’t think all women continue to do this in their lives. I believe the average woman in America does this frequently because we are raised in a society that promotes this type of thinking through media, pornography, religious doctrines, and teaching our girls to separate from their desires, needs, and emotions while teaching our young boys in a backhanded way that sex is something owed.

Though it doesn’t have to be this way for women! The second a woman knows that her sexuality is indeed powerful and begins to live in alignment with her true desires, then she has begun to take a step out of this process. When we start to only have sex when we truly desire it, to not allow sex to be an obligation or something owed, then sex becomes something deeper. By also recognizing and forgiving ourselves when we ‘fall down’ and do indeed use our sex/bodies as a form of commerce, then we also take a step forward. The second we begin to revel in our sexuality and bodies in the way that God meant and for us to delight in our passions and desire, then we also take a step away from this cultural standard. And if you do choose to continue to use commerce in your sexing that you, at the very least, own it! Own it as an empowered choice and something you desire and separate from B.S. excuses.

This all does not mean that you’re not ever going to accept a man buying you a drink, taking you out for an evening, or giving you a gift. No, this means that you allow yourself to be in the feminine and receptive mode, but only step into sex if your heart is in it. It is you asking for what you desire at the moment, whether this be to have sex or not to have sex. It’s if you are married that you don’t give your man oral sex just to get him off your back, or because it is a special occasion. It is allowing yourself to play in your sexuality, sensuality, and allowing it to be powerful, but knowing you do not owe your sex, body, or sensuality to anyone.

This is how we step out of being the average prostitute. Where in your life are you selling yourself? Where are you using your sex and your body as a sense of commerce? And if you are a man, then where might you be expecting the woman in your life to prostitute herself?

 

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