You have a lack of boundaries with yourself beautiful.
Your boundaries for self SUCK.
You cannot even deny it.
You may be under the impression that you got all your shiz together,
that boundaries are goofy or not really needed,
I mean you hear people say all the time with pride that they have none,
or perhaps you have what you consider very hard boundaries,
but baby I got news for you.
Porous or solid,
your self- boundaries suck.
And here is my observation and reasoning for you.
You refuse to commit.
You refuse to stay consistent.
You refuse to do the DAMN THING that you KNOW you must do for yourself.
You keep turning your back on YOU.
And then you have the gumption to b*itch about it and proclaim,
I took that class…
I got that help…
I tried that…
I had patience…
I pushed myself…
I focused on that…
I did that meditation, journaling, “work”….
I did it,
“IT” did not help me.
“IT” did not give me the results that I wanted or expected it too.
you are full of crap right now.
This is all bullsh*t!
“IT” whatever “IT” is or was has NOTHING to do with you having success.
The thing that determines your success is YOU.
Doing this THING that you “tried” is not ever going to get you the results that you want.
“IT” is support, education, a new viewpoint, system, guidance to help you achieve what you want IF….
YOU do the damn THING that you need to do.
And that THING is COMMIT.
That thing is staying consistent.
COMMITMENT + CONSISTENCY
to YOU beautiful.
And what does that look like? 🤔
➡️It looks like you getting up in the morning and stretching,
breathing into your beautiful body and feeling the gratitude that your body supported your life all night without any conscious effort from you instead of dreading the day ahead.
➡️It looks like you NOT choosing to look at the money you do not have in your bank account before you drink your first morning coffee or shower.
➡️It looks like you applying your focus to positive affirmations instead of looking at the bank account.
➡️It looks like you expanding your knowledge around things that turn you on instead of spending your time with things that drain you.
➡️It looks like you believing that you are worthy of love, success, a beautiful body, abundance and safety instead of focusing your fear on the opposite.
➡️It looks like you committing to YOU and not being the people pleaser that you feel you need to be in order to feel connection, love and gain success in any subject of your life.
➡️ It looks like you not making excuses about your money, your emotions, your responsibilities, your health, your support, your time, your vibration or the economy and JUST DOING THE DAMN THING!
➡️It looks like you being strong in who you are and what you want instead making allowances for being weak and stupid and letting your fears and worries dictate you results.
That is what it looks like beautiful.
But no one,
no coach, educator, marketing system or therapist,
no healer or medication,
But your COMMITMENT + CONSISTENCY can get you this.
So back to those boundaries that you seem to be having issues with and you want to ignore so fiercely.
Back to making some things nonnegotiable to your life and how you choose to show up and claim it.
Back to getting real and raw,
that is the hard thing.
That is the challenge.
To recognize and accept that YOU.
you are the one holding the map.
It’s your decision what way to go each step of your path.
And even when you feel like you have some great reason as to why you are going a direction that you know is out of alignment,
that ONLY YOU are making that decision.
And it is NEVER forced on you.
You CHOOSE how you react to any given experience or moment in your timeline.
You CHOOSE what you apply your attention and energy too.
You CHOOSE what you commit too.
But always remember that…
YOU ARE COMMITTING TO SOMETHING.
Where does your commitment lie?
Stop Existing & Start Living
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I most likely “should” not be doing this today, after all I am sick.
I am recovering from this nasty as f*ck cold that took over my voice, my chest, my head, my sinuses. Keeping me awake hours all night and just not letting me sleep like a hungry lover who never is fulfilled.
I most likely “should” just cancel my day and F-ck it!
I most likely “should” go to the doctor and get some med’s to help me bust through this shit quicker.
That is what I most likely “SHOULD” do.
But that is NOT what leaders do.
That is not what high vibe peep’s do.
That is not what those of us who have dreams do.
It sure is f*uck not.
I might be sick.
I certainly need to take some TLC time.
I most defiantly need rest and a few good nights sleep.
But incorporating a practice of “shoulding on myself?”
I am F-CK NO to that one.
That will not heal me quicker or help me reach my goals.
It will not bring my being to a higher VIBE.
It will dilute me.
It will suck me dry from the false judgement,
the resistance of being all of me.
It will prevent me from SHINING my Mother F-cking Light as strong as I WANT to.
The issue is NOT in the things that I say I “should” do or “should not” do.
The issue is the SHOULD.
The statement of should say’s that I am basing…
on what I BELIEVE the world thinks I should do or should not do/be/have.
It is not based on WHO I AM, but on who I think society will accept the most.
There is the issue.
You know this issue, don’t you?
I bet you know it intimately even.
Maybe to intimately to acknowledge even,
keeping this relationship with “SHOULD” in the hiding as much as you can.
Acting as though you are removed from it,
Like you divorced it.
You don’t have that issue any longer.
That was the old you.
The new you is…
I will let you sit there with that.
And I will sit here with mine.
And we can just sit in silence of our hiding our truth for just a second longer.
But here is the issue in that….
I can ONLY sit here a second with it.
I simply don’t have the time to give my life to all the “SHOULD’S and SHOULD NOT’S”
I simply KNOW with CERTAINTY that they will NEVER provide me with anything that I want.
They will only steal my breath.
They will only take my dreams and bury them in the waste land of a life that COULD HAVE BEEN.
They will only fill my soul with REGRET.
I sure as F-CK DO NOT have more than a second of my time to sit here with you, in the silence of not chasing my dreams.
I know with CERTAINTY that God has my back.
I know with CERTAINTY that anything I truly put my mind, heart and attention to will manifest like f-cking magick for me.
I know with CERTAINTY that you can have this too.
First you have to let go of your shoulding nature.
First you have to say goodbye to it,
let yourself cry your tears of mourning of letting go of all that holds you back,
Yes your hold backs, those things that feel so f-cking safe and comfortable.
I KNOW you don’t want to admit it.
I KNOW you want to cringe at the realization of it.
I KNOW that you find yourself holding your breath,
feeling guilt or shame even around it,
But it is F-CKING TRUE.
Imagine if you just FINALLY accepted that you were limitless.
Imagine if you just FINALLY decided to get selfish.
Imagine if you just FINALLY chose to say YES,
Yes to YOU.
Who would you be?
What would you have?
Where would you go?
What would you do?
Imagine if you just stopped shoulding on yourself.
What would it FEEL like with out the should in your life?
I am the one who is SICK AS F-CK here…
I am the one that “should” be crying in my yogurt about how crappy I feel,
How tired I am,
How shitty my body feels today,
How much I still have to do and have no energy for.
You won’t catch me doing that.
Instead you will see me leaning in to the discomfort of
YES, to the most important person in this Mother F-cking world.
YES to ME.
to self care,
telling myself that I am worthy,
that I am lovable,
that I am unf-cking stoppable,
that I am powerful,
Sh*t Ain’t Going To Get Me Down.
I will step past that “Should Pile” and I will put on my shoes,
eat my yogurt and strawberries,
drink my coffee and water,
write out my commandments of manifestation,
BREATHE in Life.
Now the ONLY Question of the day that remains,
Is what will you do with your “should pile?”
STOP Stepping in it!
That is what I highly recommend.
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.
“The ONLY place you need to be – is in your magic zone. We all have a magic zone. We all use our zone. All the time. The trick is being conscious to what we are creating and making sure that our magic zone is being used for all the bliss, joy, play and abundance it was intended instead of the suffering, fear, destruction and chaos so many of us choose to use it for. — What are you creating?” – KW
Be Your Full Potential This Coming Year!
Here we sit yet once again at the end of one year and the ushering into another. You would think that the whole world would be truly celebrating that we as a world society get to move forward into the next arena of life on this planet. You would think that each and every soul on this planet including yourself would be ecstatic with joy and hope for the new year and all it has to offer. After all new years is all about getting a fresh start. Having learned what we needed from the past year we can now move forward with an excitement and expectation of greatness. However it is more common for for us to be experiencing pain, suffering, fear, anger, remorse and almost a desire for this time to not move forward but to somehow reset to the beginning of the current year so that we can travel through it with 20/20 vision and make different choices, see things differently, and act differently.
For more than 80%of the population we may have a desire to make this new year one of all our dreams coming true, or at very least sticking to most of our goals and making some positive life changes so that we can feel accomplished at the end of the day and year. We desire that the feelings we are having and trying to ignore through too much alcohol, food, partying and random excessive entertainment with games and television, we desire not to ignore these feelings but to simply NOT have them to begin with. Therefore we desire CHANGE. Transformation.
There are so many people in my life that I know are experiencing these sensations. I have seen people go through divorce this years end, have been served papers for it or finished a long process with it. Many uncertain as to the standings of their relationship status. I have seen many people loose their jobs, their homes, cars. Not have enough food on their tables for nightly dinner. There are many who I know who are dealing with death this season in one way or another and even some that have been diagnosed with a terminal illness and find themselves feeling like they NOW don’t have the time to give and share all that they thought they were going to be able too. I have seen people question their purpose all year long. I have seen people try and make their purpose their relationship. I have seen people dig and get mad to the point of quitting because they have no clue what to do with what is surfacing and they have no idea how the things coming up serve them healing what they had originally set out to work on.
I have also seen many people discover love. Purpose. Direction.
Everything that I have seen has NOTHING to do with what we choose to typically focus on at this time of the year. That being how many presents we got or gave, or the deal we got or even the president of the USA. None of the things that truly matter are the things that our media or lifestyles has us focusing on.
The things that matter are REALLY SIMPLE.
The bottom line for every human being is the same.
We ALL WANT HAPPINESS.
Everything that we do is an attempt to achieve this sensation.
We change or stay in a relationship because we hope it will make us happy.
We keep a job or strive for a new one because we hope it will lead to happiness.
We exercise and change what our diets are to loose weight or firm up our bodies, not because we truly care what we look like, but because we are hoping that the look and feeling of our bodies will make us happy in some way.
We learn new things to bring more joy into our lives. Weather that is through experience or money.
We offer our helping hand not because we truly believe that it is needed, wanted or should happen (although we convince ourselves of this) but because we hope that in our pursuit to be a “good person” that we will be happier.
EVERYTHING – everything, that we do is about OUR happiness.
So why is it so damn fucking hard to actually do the things that will truly make us happy and give us ever lasting change and the creation of our FUCK YES LIFE?
Why do we choose to find excuses as to not do the things and get the help that we need in life to make the life that we desire?
You know it is said that if you desire something, that the thing desires you as well. In other words, the things we crave at our soul level are calling to us and asking us to do the things that we need to do to grow ourselves and create the consciousness required to connect to our desires.
Each and everyone of us has a the same ability to make the choices that we need to make for ourselves to create the life that we want for this coming New Year.
The only real question’s you need to ask yourself are these:
▪ What are your top 1-3 areas of change/transformation that you know you need or want to work on in this new year?
What is the ONE thing you need to do in life to die happy?
Make this year a year of your full potential.
You deserve your greatness to be revealed.
It is truly fucking time to STOP playing small!
Our world needs YOU!
I can tell you that the world needs more men, women, couple’s turned on, vibrant, living on purpose and by their desires.
The world needs people who are transforming the world through their passion for life. This is ONLY done through opening up NOT to more work – but more PLAY.
The ONLY secret you ever need learn to have the life that you know you deserve and desire is the lesson to ALLOW YOUR OWN PLEASURE.
We have had our ability to receive pleasure in all forms taught right out of us. Our world is so focused on living by scarcity and taunt economics. No great thing every happened without allowing for some deliberate slack. In the slack we prevent the hyperactivity of our minds, energy and drive. In hyperactivity we loose fun, pleasure and joy. Everything becomes work and we cannot breathe or flow.
When we embrace that “slack” equals room to change. Room to grow. To create. We then open the doorway to the creation of our desires.
We gain compassion, understanding, direction.
There most certainly is an art to living in your bliss. But it is a most delicious process. And for those of us who choose to transform our lives and therefore the lives of all on this planet through pleasure, play and happiness we KNOW that it is a venture well worth moving into.
But it requires Your ALL.
▪ Are you ready to make this a year of your full potential?
This and MORE is possible.
Take my hand and take the plunge into your GREATNESS!
Email me about being in the Pre-launch group for my New Fuck Yes to Life Coaching – and discover the top 10 focuses you need to play with to have the life you desire in 2017!!! DON’T Wait. The Pre- launch pricing will only be offered to the first 50 people who si
Let me preface this by saying I’m part of this group, too. Just because I’m a licensed therapist doesn’t mean I don’t need therapy. I have many, many things to work on, one of which is getting back into therapy.
Full disclosure: I haven‘t seen a therapist in years. I understand if you think that makes me a hypocrite, but it is my truth. I would rather be honest than pretend to be someone I am not.
Growth is not a light switch. It’s a lifestyle.
But here’s what I’ve learned from both my personal and professional experiences. Growth is not a light switch. It’s a lifestyle, something we must thread into our daily lives. And therapy can be the needle to guide that thread.
Yes, women need therapy too. But multiple studies and researchers have pointed to the fact that women make up nearly two-thirds of therapy patients, while men arguably benefit more from the process.
We have to let go of what we can’t control and just focus on our own shit.
I believe all men need therapy, including myself. Here are four of the most compelling reasons:
1. This generation doesn’t clearly define the male identity.
You might argue that this lack of definition is about the culture of 2015. Society had a strong definition of “the ideal man” in the ′20s, ′40s, ′50s, etc. But I believe it has to do with the fact that we live in a fatherless nation.
More than ever, our fathers are either physically absent or emotionally unavailable. So, how does a son learn who he is as he crosses into manhood? He doesn’t. The shadow of a suggestion of an identity he struggles after is one learned through advertising, media, and coping.
I worked as a therapist in residential treatment for about six years. I treated teens struggling with addiction, and the vast majority of them had an absent father. The boys clung to me, desperate for a positive male role model. They wanted a guide, a mentor, a man to teach them about life — what all boys crave at that age. I know I did. When deprived of that, they try to fill the void in unhealthy ways.
Therapy is a safe space for men who grew up with absent dads (most of us) to process the loss we’ve suffered, whether we realize it or not, and to create a new, healthy definition of what it means to be a man.
2. Therapy helps you find tools that will exponentially improve your relationships.
Generally speaking, men tend to maneuver more on a logical plane and women on an emotional one. Many men struggle to express their feelings, eventually leaving their partner in the dark, resulting in the two being separated by the unspoken issue(s) between them. Eventually, they grow apart.
I see this all the time in the couples I coach: Men tend to go to “fix-it” mode instead of expressing themselves and holding a safe space for their partner. They struggle with using “I feel” statements and don’t practice building their communication muscles.
Since therapists are trained to help you explore and process feelings, seeing a therapist is like visiting an emotional gym and exercising these expression muscles. Once we have the ability to express ourselves, we can stop trying to fix it. Instead, we can be present, and create a safe space for our partner to talk to us. Then confrontations can turn into healthy conversations, creating closeness, trust, and stronger relationships.
Seeing a therapist doesn’t mean you have problems. It means you want to be a healthier version of yourself. It just means adding more tools to your toolbox. These tools will translate directly into your relationship.
Your partner will see the difference in you and may be inspired to go on his or her own journey. Now we have two pistons pumping. Translation: You’ve stopped the tug-of-war and started to move in the same direction. This is the only way to improve a relationship.
It’s never about the other person. It’s about you.
3. It’s the only way a lot of men ever learn to stop trying to fix everything.
Men tend to think they can do everything by themselves. Not necessarily because of ego. It’s a pressure we put on ourselves to take care of the people we care about. When it comes to relationships, sometimes we don’t realize that we are only 50 percent of the equation.
By thinking we can fix it, we can easily cross the line into controlling behavior without even knowing it. That means we have to let go of what we can’t control, and just focus on our own shit. This is what therapy is all about. Therapists are trained to keep the focus on the client so they can take ownership of their own issues and let go of other people’s.
I believe that with this mindset, the dynamic of the relationship will shift. There will be a lot less pressure and a lot more trust. Of course, women can do the same.
But from coaching hundreds of women, I’ve learned that the majority want their man to take the lead. It gives them hope and builds trust. Then they become inspired to work on anything they need to work on.
We get into a chess game with each other, subconsciously. We won’t change or work on ourselves unless the other person does too. But the only thing that grows in that dynamic is anger and resentment. It’s never about the other person. It’s about you, the kind of person you want to be, and what you want to bring to the relationship.
4. We have a responsibility to be better men than our fathers were.
I know it’s 2015, and much progress has been made. But men still tend to shy away or get embarrassed about seeing therapists. There’s a pervasive misconception that therapy is for people with “real problems.” So, men just talk to their friends, who are biased, and can’t advise them with the same experience, perspective, or authority. Men tend to associate “treatment” with weakness. I think we believe that if we see a therapist, we are admitting defeat. We are admitting we can’t fix it on our own. That last part is true. We can’t. But that’s okay.
Imagine if men went to therapy as much as they go to the gym. How many relationships would be saved? How many sons would have a healthier definition of manhood? And how many daughters would have higher self-esteem and a sharper radar when it came to boys? Imagine how much pain and destruction we could avoid. Then tell me it’s not a good idea.
Photo Credit: Stocksy
Hypertonus of the pelvic floor is extremely common and often treated incorrectly (as general pelvic floor weakness) because many do not understand the biomechanical functions of muscle well. The problem lies here:
1. There is some sort of pelvic floor or low back or hip issue.
2. The pelvic floor is evaluated for “strength” because it is well understood that in order to maintain correct skeletal orientation and pressures on nerves and ligaments and stuff, the pelvic floor is really important.
3. The pelvic floor evaluation comes back as NOT CONTRACTING WELL, as measured by EMG (electromyograph) or by good old fashioned pressure on a finger.
4. The low-force producing pelvic floor is deemed weak and one is typically given strengthening exercises.
This is all very logical, but unfortunately the very large oversight is that tight or hypertonic pelvic floor muscle will register as “weak” because it is unable to generate force due to the fact that this muscle is already in its tightest (and shortest) position.
Currently there is no agreed-upon clinical standard for measurement (i.e. value of EMG or the finger test) that indicates, when the pelvic floor is not performing correctly, if it’s because it is too tight (read: short) or too loose (read: long). The general misunderstanding seems to be that all a weak muscle needs is a little EXERCISE to fix it up. In actuality, research shows that MORE KEGELS, MORE CORE TENSION, AND MORE SUCKING IN THE GUT MAKE THIS PROBLEM WORSE AND NOT BETTER.
Most pelvic floor issues are created not by one-time events like pregnancy or a skiing accident (like falling on a hip), but by habits that accumulate over time — especially those habits we all share — sitting in chairs the bulk of every day, not using a squat throughout a lifetime, exposure to chronic stress, and then, of course, doing extreme correctives and overdeveloping tension in the abdomen and pelvic floor.
This is a letter from my inbox, which the author gave me permission to share with ya’ll:
I was hoping the Pelvic Floor Guru in you would have some pearls of wisdom for me. I am 35, a virgin (sad as that may be, it’s not my main problem!), and have a steel trap for a pelvic floor–not in a good way. There have been times when a pap smear/etc. were in order, but no doctor has been able to get a speculum in. Not even an “infant” size. The smallest of tampons is uncomfortable. You can imagine the implications this has on my life.
If you think of the vagina like a clock, 3 and 9 o’clock (hip to hip) seem fine, but there is NO give at 12 and 6 (front to back). Does that make sense?
I have several of your DVDs and do the “Down There” stretches every day. I’ve talked to a RN, who is also a physical therapist specializing in the female zone, and she says there are some things she could try to help get those muscles to unclench, but, frankly, it sounds the opposite of delightful.
Boy-howdy, do I hope you have some ideas for me! Thank you for any thoughts you may have!
First of all, thank you for writing, lovely reader. Your description of front-to-back tension is very clear — thank you for that. When you have tension in this direction, it is key to learn about the sacrum and how the pelvic floor can act upon it (read more here) as well as understand that the butt muscles are strong force generators that should be keeping the PF muscles supple in the front-to-back direction.
Understanding the roll of the bum to keep the pelvic floor healthy, full-of-blood (not in a vampire/Halloween way, but in a “hey, I’m healthy, used, and full-of-blood kind of way”), and to provide appropriate leverage for the pelvic floor is essential.
No butt, no pelvic floor. Know butt, know pelvic floor.
Someone should make that a bumper sticker. You’d put that on your car’s rear end, yeah?
Anyhow. When hypertonus is diagnosed correctly, there’s usually one option when it comes to what your insurance will cover and that is physical therapy, but most specifically, “internal work.”Internal as in
Checking your oil.
Going under the hood.
Gettin’ one’s hands dirty.
And, a bunch of other euphemisms that seem to relate to cars.
P.S. Isn’t this a great book cover? I just found it on Amazon (click) and think a Do-It-Herself Guide a great graduation gift for any women heading off to the next steps in life!
So, what’s the problem with internal work? Well, if your pelvic floor has developed some sort of chronic issue that is causing you grief, chances you, like the writer of the email, are not very enthralled with the idea of some stranger poking around in your goods.
Because I am the Queen of Down Under,
I will attempt to shed a bit of light on both the process of internal work, my personal experience with it, as well as things you can do that can also improve hypertonus if you’re not ready to get down with your bad self. To help me out, I’ve brought in Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist Susan McLaughlin.
Susan is not only a bad-ass therapist, she’s also a graduate and Master-Teacher-in-Training of our Restorative Exercise™ Whole-Body Alignment program. She does internal work a lot, so I’m going to have her explain what the process is “like” for those who want to know.
So, Susan. Is internal work as creepy as it sounds?
There is a lot of taboo in our culture about genitalia, incontinence and sex and so first of all, it can be an uncomfortable experience to share your pelvic floor issue with your friends or even health care provider. Don’t let that stop you, please! For me, as a practitioner, internal work is a key component to understanding the state and function of the muscles, fascia, potential scar tissue and nerves. So, no, not creepy.
I don’t know, Susan. The word “genitalia” is kind of creepy. But then again, so is the word “creepy,” so I might just be overreacting.
Can you explain a bit about the actual process of internal work? Once when I was getting a facial, I was all relaxed and my face was warm and wet and I had a small fluffy animal placed over my eyes to really make it a spa-like, relaxing experience you know? Then, out of the blue, I hear this sound like someone is being electrocuted, and then I realize that the buzzing and zapping electricity thing is now touching my face, which is wet and my eyes are covered… I had a major freak out that ruined the facial. Even though the therapist knew that the electrical-zappy thing wouldn’t hurt me, I didn’t.
Wow, that was a long story.
But important! Because I, like most people, don’t like to be startled in a session, so I want to know everything that’s going to happen. What is a session with internal work like?
Prior to the internal exam, a superficial assessment is performed.
Sorry to interrupt. Just wanted to clarify that a superficial assessment does not in anyway imply that the practitioner is a shallow person, but that before going in, they take a look around at the surface. You many continue.
The practitioner visually inspects the skin (identifying redness due to inflammation, discoloration, swelling, etc) and observes the perineum for tissue integrity/responsiveness during a pelvic floor contraction, cough and bearing down, as well as palpation of the superficial muscle for tenderness, symmetry. The internal exam is a one finger vaginal (or rectal) assessment. The client is asked to perform a pelvic floor contraction. The quality and strength of the contraction is assessed as well as the ability to return to resting position. If a person is not in a painful state, it is good to assess the endurance of the muscle by having the person hold a pelvic contraction for 10 seconds and then repeat as many repetitions as they can until they fatigue. Quick contractions are assessed by having the client repeat as many as they can in 10 seconds. Again the quality of the muscle activity is important. Some people contract, but never go back to resting position…that is not good. Also the muscles are palpated for tone, tenderness, trigger points. The process is then repeated on the other side.
You sound smart and all clinically and stuff. Do you wear a white coat while you do this?
A lab coat is not my style, though many PTs wear them.
Well, so far it sounds swell. Like a massage, only not But this is what everyone really wants to know: Does it hurt?
Initially, the evaluation and some follow-up visits may be painful. As the muscles and fascia begin to release, the holding patterns let go and many people experience pain relief during the internal work.
As a biomechanist, I’d like to chime in here for a second about the pain thing. Knowing how sensory receptors work and having had internal work myself, would you agree that the amount of pain felt is equal to the amount of tension or resistance to the pressure being applied? Meaning, the therapist might not be pushing at all, it’s the muscles pushing BACK that cause pain. And if one could use the pain as a mental signal — “oh, here is a place that needs to soften” — instead of just thinking — “Damn Woman, stop hurting me!”, wouldn’t the sensation of “pain” instantly lessen?
Yes, actually. I have people practice breathing and mindfully letting the muscles go. I can feel the change in the muscle instantaneously if they are able to do that… and most people can.
Ok. So you’re really just helping people become aware of tension patterns they didn’t even know they had, and open their eyes to a situation that they can actually fix themselves! With a little help, of course…
How does an internal work session compare to a Pap exam? This one time, I thought I’d schedule my annual Pap on my birthday. Which, I just wanted to let everyone know, is not as good of an idea as it sounds. But anyhow, please continue. I just thought you might be interested in knowing the highlights of my Pap history.
Thanks. The sessions are different than a Pap because there is no speculum used. And internal sessions are focused on the re-education of muscles, habits, movements, alignment. If a person is experiencing pain, it is important to teach them how to relax the pelvic muscles. Because these muscle have been held in tension it can be difficult to know how to relax. I have found it very helpful to use a finger inserted at the vaginal opening to assist with the cue to “drop” the pelvic muscle downward/backward. A slight pressure onto the muscle provides stimulus to tell the muscle to let go. This can be helpful for the first few visits until the person has confidence in performing the relaxation on their own. Each therapist has their own manual therapy skills to assist in releasing the muscle/fascia/joint dysfunction.
It sounds very clinical and not that fun. Do you ever laugh at all? I mean, not tell dumb jokes or anything (like me), but would you recommend we pick a therapist they feel comfortable with? To me, a therapist is like a pair of shoes in the store. If they don’t quite fit in the beginning, does the relationship improve? Or, better yet, do people have the right to “interview” an internal therapist for maybe 5 minutes to see if they feel relaxed in general? What are your thoughts?
I am being very clinical right now, my bad. I do actually have a sense of humor and am able to help people feel at ease. I like to explain to people what I will be doing so people know what it going to happen and they can choose whether they feel comfortable or not. Comfort is a big deal. It’s a good idea to call a clinic before you make an appointment and have a quick chat with the therapist to see if it would be a good fit.
Ha ha. You said make sure your vagina therapist is a good fit. Get it? (P.S. If you didn’t laugh at that, then pause, take a breath or two, and see if you can relax your pelvic floor muscles Right Now and read it again!)
Anyways. Do you use equipment? Wires? Electrodes? Headlamps?
Currently I don’t use any equipment. However, many therapists utilize biofeedback, electrical stimulation or TENS.
Oh, right. A TENS. Um, do you want to tell us what a TENS is?
A TENS unit (transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation) is something that clients can use at home for pain. There are external electrodes that stick to your sacral/low back area or on your abdomen. The electric impulses travel through the nerves to the spinal cord and block the pain impulses that go to the brain (basically keeping the secretary busy so she can’t relay the message to the boss that something is going on). This doesn’t hurt and can actually allow some temporary pain relief. You can buy them off of Amazon for like 40 bucks.
Thanks for explaining the TENS. Although I think many people find a nightly glass or two of wine to be effective
Ok, back to internal therapy. How long does it take to work?
Generally, it may take anywhere from 6-8 visits. Of course, this depends on many factors: is the client doing their home play, how long they have experienced the issue, etc.
Ok. So how does internal work work. (Seems like a lot of work.) Are you fixing my muscles for me? What am I supposed to do/feel/change?
Physical therapy can help facilitate joint mobility and release of fascia and muscle trigger points. The client should begin to become more aware of the pelvic floor muscles as well as all muscles. Notice habits like holding breath, sucking in, excessive sitting and begin changing dysfunctional patterns. The key to lasting change is held by the client. In all of my sessions I emphasize whole-body alignment principles, stress reduction/management, exercise and movement, and nutrition when appropriate.
Is there homework?
Always homework! Restorative Exercise™ and every-day alignment principles.
I’d like to jump in and offer my favorite, get-the-heck-off-your-sacrum, you are damaging your pelvic floor tip here — make sure you are sitting in neutral pelvis and not on a slightly tucked one.
What’s internal work like for a practitioner? What are you feeling for?
The practitioner is feeling for muscle tone/twitch, connective tissue mobility, dense thickened bands in the tissue, adhesion, and symmetry between sides.
Most people think of pelvic floor as just the vaj, but after my vaginal delivery, I developed a hematoma that burst and it seemed to send my deep hip rotator on that side into a spasm. No amount of stretching or specific correctives could get to it and I could still feel that something was off in my hips, even though my vaj was fine. During my session, through help in “finding” the tension I was carrying, I was able to let go of the protective mode I’d been in for almost a year. It made me cry, and not because it hurt. It didn’t! But I just had all this feelings — tense, sad, worried, joy, relief — tied up with this one tiny spot and the event of my son’s birth and, who knows what else! Do other people cry or do seemingly unrelated things?
One of our deep hip rotator muscles called the obturator internus can be palpated and accessed easily through the vagina. This muscle can be a key site in pelvic pain syndromes due to the close connection with the pudendal nerve. The pudendal nerve is the nerve to the muscles of the pelvic floor. Its course of travel runs right over this hip rotator muscle. Tension in the hip rotators can cause irritation of the nerve, and then pain.
And the crying?
Candace Pert, MD was the first to scientifically prove the biochemical basis of emotions. And these emotions, she found are neuropeptides residing not just in the limbic system, but flow throughout the whole body in the nervous, musculoskeletal, immune and cardiovascular systems.
You experienced an emotional release through the fascial and muscle memory! It’s cool stuff and I witness this in my office on a regular basis. This is normal and very liberating. I applaud anyone who is able to feel safe enough to let the emotional release happen.
So Susan, tell me. How did you get into vaginas? I mean pelvic floor health?
I landed a job as a spine specialist and they asked me if I had any interest in women’s health and I said “Hell Yes!” I started taking courses toward my specialization. When I was an anatomy teacher’s assistant I had a fascination with the sacrum. I felt that it was a powerful bone and I felt that, because the pelvis is the area of our center of mass, that there has to be a lot going on in there. Also, my favorite color is orange, the color of the second chakra, the pelvic area…my fate was set!
Orange is your favorite color? Mine too! I never thought about it like that, although I’ve been fascinated by the pelvis ever since taking anatomy as an undergraduate. Do you think or natural interest in orange pelvises and vaginas is why we get along so well?
That and our high sense of fashion! <—— This is a very funny joke that is probably only funny if you spent a week going through our similar wardrobes of sweats, track pants, yoga pants, and fancy yoga pants for formal occasions.
What do you love the most about women’s health work? What do you wish more people understood about their pelves?
I love that the pelvis is our center. It is the house of our womb and bowels. I would like women and men to feel more comfortable expressing themselves to healthcare workers and friends, so pain and dysfunction doesn’t go on for years.
Also, I wish people understood that their daily habits and movement patterns contribute to pelvic pain and that there is a way out of pain without meds and surgery, through awareness and movement.
I really love that. The solution to chronic pain — pelvic, in this case, but of course, it’s the same for all tissues — is through awareness and movement. Beautiful.
Ok, last question. To be crystal clear, internal work is not just for women, right? Men develop hypertonicity with the same frequency (if not more) than women and it’s a risk factor for not only pelvic pain but prostatitis, ya?
The pelvic floor and the obturator internus are easily accessed through the rectum. I see men in my practice as well. Prostatitis is usually the diagnosis they get from the urologist, when in fact, the painful symptom and urinary dysfunction is caused by the hypertonicity of the pelvic floor and other alignment factors.
YES! Fellas, don’t let your PF tension get out of control. It’s a major contributing factor to issues of the colon and prostate. This post is just as much for you as it is the ladies. (Hi Dad!)
Thanks for your time in answering my questions! If you’re in the SLC area of Utah, you’re lucky to have Susan as a potential therapist. Find more info about her practice, her classes, and her pregnancy/pelvic health workshops here: www.alignintegrationandmovement.com
Now let’s say for a moment that someone with a pelvic floor issue just can’t bring themselves to sign up for internal work yet. Susan and I have each come up with a few tips that can help with habits that create or perpetuate hypertonus. I’ll post those in the next day or so, because this post is too long already!
and the place where I have landed to begin again feels fresh, exciting, real, scary, joyful, and full! Looking back, I can see how each of my experiences prepared me for this new world. I have learned humility, resilience, forgiveness, strength, resourcefulness.
Just a few weeks ago, I received a list of things for homework from a life coach. One of the first items on the list was to OM. To learn and practice Orgasmic Meditation. This practice is re-shaping me, literally! I feel like an artichoke; with the prickly outer leaves falling away, sensation begins to return to my body and my mind, revealing the softer, fuller leaves on the inside.
I am discovering things about me that have obviously been there all along, just tucked and hidden far from the outer shell that is visible. Music sounds richer, relationships more authentic, eye contact more often, smiles and laughter more abundant, joy more often and in so many little things, feelings more noticeable, activities more purposeful.
All this sounds too good to be true? That’s what I thought, too. At first….but then, slowly, these changes started stacking up, demanding to be noticed. I am so grateful for those trudging steps out of my car into a small coffee shop on a dark cold evening! I am so thankful for a cOMmunity that lives authentically! I am so excited to be peeling away the layers that reveal the center of the artichoke, my heart!
–Patricia G. Dallas, TX. (Orgasm Coaching for Women Client 2014)
Sensual Tantric Massage for Your Health & Pleasure: 7 Reason’s Why Everyone Should Explore This Ancient Art
Wouldn’t it be amazing if our doctors and psychologists of today actually prescribed Tantra and especially tantric massage for someones mental, emotional and even physical ailments?
Imagine walking into a doctor’s office sharing how much anxiety you are having, how you cannot seem to focus on tasks or keep life in order, how you have sleep issues and your digestion is all messed up. Imagine that your doctor after giving you a check up smiled and said, ” I believe I know something that can help you overcome these issues before they worsen and I am pretty sure you will enjoy this prescription…”
What if you had ADD or ADHD?
Chronic Pain? Irregular Menstrual Cycles?
High Blood Pressure? or Irregular Bowl Syndrome?
Hormone Irregularity? Stress? Premature Ejaculation Issues? Inability to Orgasm? Vaginismus or pain during sex?
What if you were seeking help from a counselor for relationship issues, your inability to connect to your partner or sex addiction?
First one might say “Tantra, isn’t that that thing Sting does that makes him last 7 hours? And does’nt it teach you all these crazy sex positions? Why and how can it help me with my health issues?”
To understand how tantric massage and tantric practices can fully change your life for the better and even help heal you of these and other ailments that are common to our modern day living and society, one must first know what tantra is.
Tantra has been practiced for over 9,000 years. It’s origins have been traced back to the Himalayan Mountains in India, where religious leaders believed that sexual ritual was the path to a higher form of ecstasy and liberation. Through this liberation and discovery and acceptance of pure authentic ecstasy, one learns how to “weave or connect together ALL aspects of life,” from spiritual to psychological, from emotional to scientific, from sexual to the embracing of art, music, and nutrition. Simply put there is NOTHING that is NOT tantric in life. Tantra is learning how to connect the dots and be present and authentic in enjoying the connection.
So what are the core benefits of Tantra and especially Sensual Tantric Massage and even Tantric Sex?
Several recent studies point to benefits of massage therapy that help heal the heart.
In 2008, researchers studied 263 volunteers who had a massage for 45 to 60 minutes. Average blood pressure fell by 10 mg Hg and heart rate by 10 beats per minute after one treatment. That’s about as much as you might get from prescribing a new blood pressure medication for life! (MindBodyGreen)
Now that is just from regular deep tissue massage!
Let’s Talk Sexual Massage… yes I just said sexual massage, so blush if you must but stop hiding that little smirk you have from the thought of having someones hands on your genitals for an extended time and you NOT having to give anything back to them…. Yes it is JUST for you and your HEALTH of course!
But it is NOT just about your genitals… And yet it is. The armouring of them that is…
Erections and wet pussies are just common side effects of tantric massage. There is no expectation or orgasm or climax during a massage.
That may have made your head cock to the side (no pun intended… well maybe no pun intended…) but it is true, the beauty behind this ancient healing art is that there is NO EXPECTATION.
The only focus, objective or desire in this massage is a mind/body connection which happens through the learning of body presence and interconnectedness to all of life. Your practitioner (tantric coach/teacher) does this by being the conduit and providing what is called “Sacred Space or Holding Space.” In this safe enviroment a person relaxes fully. Mind, body and spirit become one and your awareness is focused on ONLY the sensations that arise in your being on every level. I say every level here because it is not uncommon for a client to experience orgasmic sensation without the tradition expected results of ejaculation if you are a man or straight on clitorial or vaginal penetration if you are a woman (although these events may occur). It is also, not uncommon for clients to experience emotional release or even a deep meditational state of being.
So what are the KEY 7 Reasons that Everyone Should Explore This Ancient Body Therapy?
1) Tantric Therapy/Massage or even Sex is good for your hormones! Scientific evidence shows that stress causes cortisol to increase in our bodies. Cortisol does a number on every area of our being, from weight gain, to mood swings. It has been linked to even high blood pressure, impaired cognitive performance and lowered immunity. Basically it is the stress hormone and its not good when we are producing too much. Especially for our cardiovascular health.
2) Tantric Teachings/Massage and Sex improves your breathing, therefore reduces stress, helps improve clarity of mind, increases libido, helps increase stamina, teaches orgasm, and improves overall health and immunity levels. Tantric Massage and Sex acts like other similar sister practices such as yoga, Tai Chi and meditation.
3) Tantric Massage and Sex is first and foremost aimed at your emotional and psychological well-being. There certainly are wonderful physical attributes, you can expect even greater results emotionally though. As you learn to truly receive pleasure, self-esteem and self-worth are heightened, leading to a better overall happiness. You also, learn through the increased emotional awareness and release how to overcome and release past trauma which can help one to overcome such issues as Vaginismus, depression, chronic pain and many other trauma related issues.
4) Tantric Massage and Sex teaches a person(s) how to experience more pleasure by teaching how to release our armouring to pleasure. Often we have been programmed to experience pleasure in only certain ways and for only certain time frames, we then say NO to our selves and to pleasure and block our full life experience. Tantra can teach how to ignite our pleasure zones and embrace all of our orgasmic potential.
5) Tantric Massage and Sex helps a person to become more self-aware and present. Many people experience scattered thinking/mental focus or clarity. This is because many of us have never been taught how to stop worrying about the future or living in the past. tantra teaches us how we can fully anchor ourselves into the present moment where life is lived and healing occur’s.
6) Tantric Massage and Sex help people learn boundaries, connect with desires and curb impulses or addictions. It also helps a person learn how to ask for what they want and become good with the answer they are given. Many people who suffered from an inability to orgasm, had premature ejaculation issues or were addicted to sex or porn even mind altering substances discovered that through tantric work they could overcome these issue by learning presence, breathing and true pleasure techniques.
7) Tantric Massage and Sex is good for your bank account! Yes, sex/sexual touch/ sexual healing and money are deeply intertwined. It is becoming more and more common knowledge that the shame and programs we hold about our sex we also hold similar ones about our ability to make or keep money. Tantric practices teach how we can live an abundant life in ALL ways.
Perhaps now, the childish smirk, the blushing and increased heart beat you may have experienced at the start of this article have been washed away with an inquisitive openness and desire to try a tantric approach to your life.
At very worst case scenario, a Tantric Massage will leave you feeling relaxed, rejuvenated and as a few of my VIP clients have stated, “It is like going on a two week holiday and skipping to the second week when I finally was able to release all my work and responsibility stress and just BREATHE in the pleasure.”
ENJOY and Namaste’