Bored with Yourself? Here is How To Tell.

Oh girl you look out into your life and you just feel no sizzle.
You just feel little excitement.
You think to yourself,
why?
As you look around and you see all this good shit happening but it just seems sorta boring.
You know what I mean.
The more comfortable you seem to get the more average and ordinary tends to seep into your daily life and practices.
And the more average your life is,
the more it looses its luster.
But that’s what you have wanted for so long…

NOT the average.
NOT the ordinary.
F-ck NO!!!!!
Never!

But you want the comfort.
The stability.

And now you have it.
So now what?

There is not a whole lot happening is there?
There is just your daily tasks.
That thousand long list of things to get done.
The bills to pay,
and they are on auto pilot so no real interaction there.
They just seem to happen.
Your kids come and go from school.
There is the grocery shopping.
The sports events.
Choir.
The gym.
Woohoo!!!

Oh yeah, there is this guy or that guy.
You know the one’s that hold your attention for a second.
Or even longer.
They are great…
Sometimes.
They are sweet and all wrapped up in you.
But seriously…

You are bored!
You are F-CKING BORED with BEING YOU.

And it is showing up in how you react to experiences.
It is revealing itself in how you choose to show up each day of your life.
It is making itself know in your lack of orgasmic sex,
your lack of depth and surface level blah blah in intimacy…

HaHa… Intimacy.

What is that these days?
It is nothing.
Because you are bored with the level of life that you have been allowing yourself to play at.

You are lusterless.
You are not shining.
You are dull.
And YOU my beautiful are the ONLY mother f-cker that can do anything about it.

It’s high f-cking time that you STOP accepting so little from yourself.
You know you have so much more inside of you.
You know that your voice was meant to be heard.
That your words were meant to touch millions.
You know that you get things at a different level than most.
And this is your effing SUPER POWER.

Yet you keep choosing to play is safe.
To focus on stability.
To be comfortable.
And that is leaving you with this bland taste in your mouth.
It is leaving you wanting for more.
And what once seemed like so much to desire,
now is nothing.
And you are almost ready to shake the boat and if you have to,
tip the mother f-cking thing over so that you can clean yourself off from all of the shit that you have been feeding yourself and crap that you have been living.

Because you were born for so much more.
And many say that they are,
but few actually believe it to a level to do something with it.
To actually make a mother f-cking decision to and CLAIM IT.

And this has somehow become you.
But it hurts.
It is agonizing at a deep soul level.
As it should be.

You know too much.
You understand too much.
You have see the magic that life has to offer.
And you KNOW YOUR POWER.

Turning your back on your power and on your core,
stepping out of your SOULS light is what is causing all this muckiness in your energy.

So just stop it already!

Yes you are bored.
Yes you are bored with yourself.
Yes you are too comfortable.
Even in the bad shit, you are comfortable.
Yes ALLOWING who you really are to be seen is scary.
Yes you want it and you doubt.
But YOU KNOW.

And if you know then all you need do is SAY F-CK YES!!!!! To YOU.

So what is holding you back beautiful?
This comfort of average and ordinary.
This entrapment of what you have.
The fear of loosing what you have so far,
OR….
of becoming EVERYTHING you WANT?

I double dog dare ( yes I just said that… because our 4th grade selves had it right about something, DARE…)
you to SHINE.
To fully step into who you are and stop accepting this piss poor version of you.
Because sure it may feel safer to linger here and be real nice and comfortable,
but I promise you this,
it won’t last.
Because what you are not aware of is that reality that in your comfort you are also fearful of loosing it all.
And this fear will out weigh everything else and make itself a reality.

At the end of the day,
you might as well just step the f-ck up and claim what you want,
take the risk to loose it by asking for it all,
then sitting around and spinning on your average and ordinary f-cking thumbs and loosing it anyway,
because honey,
that is what can happen.
And does OFTEN.
We get stable.
We start to play it safe.
Too safe.
And we get comfortable.
We settle.
And we start to take it all for granted.
Then we fear loosing it.
And BAM as if someone cast some magic spell on us or cursed us,
it is all gone.

But you my love have a choice.
You can grab this magic moment and you can step all the f-ck in on your life.
Without hesitation.
You can get CLEAR.
NOW.

You can set the tone of your day.
Of your mood.
Your week.
And your whole life.
But playing small,
playing safe,
is for those who are pansies.
Who enjoy the average and ordinary,
not YOU!

Your soul wants to take that dare.
It wants to show itself off.
Stand out.
Be BRIGHT.
STUNNING like the diamond that it is.
And it wants it all NOW.

Your SOUL does not need faith.
It resides in the greatness of the eternal.
It KNOWS its power.
Its purpose.

Will you follow your SOULS LEAD?
Claim Your Life Today.

And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Don’t wait another one, two, five, ten years to start THRIVING.
Make 2019 the year of you claiming YOU.
Explore VIP elite coaching today.

Who’s Claiming You Love?

Well F-ck!
There you go again.
Chasing everything that you don’t want because you got caught up in everyone else’s stuff.

Thinking that, that is what you should do if you love them.

And what has happened to you love?
Oh, I know….
you lost yourself.

Yet again you forgot about the most important person in your life.

YOU.

You forgot to make time and space for you.

And look what has come of it.

Your world is in chaos.
Your exhausted and overwhelmed.
You are running on empty.

And as much as you want to point a finger outward,
and say that they made you do it.
Say that you had no choice.

You know that it is bullsh*t!

So what are you going to do about it?

You may want to put your head down and force your will.
You may want to fully retract yourself from everything and go into hiding.
You may think that you cannot stop this cycle and that you have to just keep on going.
You may still believe even that you need to do that.

But the reality,
is far from what you think it is love.
The reality is that it is HIGH time that you PAUSE and take a moment for YOU.

At all cost too.
Because the other cost’s are far too great if you let them manifest into existence.
I mean if you keep doing what you are doing,
what do you think will end up happening?

Suddenly things will change on their own?
Suddenly someone will stop everything and say, “Hey, no don’t keep doing all of this for me and everyone else, let me carry that for you, and you just go take a holiday for yourself…”

That is laughable.
And it won’t happen.
Because you are not allowing it to happen.
Because you somewhere in your crazy thinking and feeling believing that it cannot happen and that you don’t deserve it to happen,
even though at your core,
if you ask yourself what you truly want,
you may be shocked to discover that you believe and almost expect that someone will come save you from the choices that you are making and from the actions that you are taking and all that you are carrying.

And if you get really real with yourself you may even feel some anger or bitterness around this.
I mean look at all that you are doing for everyone else.
Right?

Seriously.
You do it all.
You carry all that load for everyone,
and surly they will notice.
Surely they will see it and want to say thank you.

Not just say thank you,
but REALLY say THANK YOU.

And then you will be happy!

Okay love,
this has got to sound a bit whacked to you.
I mean you know logically that it is not so.
You know that ONLY YOU can make the changes in your life that are needed.

I mean you get that you are responsible for your life.

I hope you do.

Because that is the only f-cking way out of this mess you have yourself in.
The only way out of it,
and the only way that you will be happy,
and feel confident, strong, and in love with your life and yourself is IF you,

YES YOU…

Claim your LIFE TODAY.
And claiming your life is more than just just talking about it.
It is actually meaning it at a deep SOUL LEVEL.
And then HONORING that and taking the steps that you are called to take despite everyone else.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for grown A*s Believers”
www.kendalwilliams.com

Crazy F-cking Gratitude + One Wild Ride.

I am so f-cking grateful.

Are You ⁉️⁉️

I sure the f-ck am.
Today I was driving home from the furniture store where I was buying a new couch for my front room plus bedroom furniture for my munchkins jungle themed room that if I can swing will look like a mini Rainforest Cafe,

And as I was driving I found myself in total gratitude for so many things.

I also found myself laughing out loud,
alone in my car,
over how crazy my year has been.

I mean really f-cking crazy.

Anyone who has been following me know’s the tales of this year but if you are new to the story line,
LET ME CATCH YOU UP…..

Started the year tripling my income after coming out of 2017 with massive emotional stress of figuring out how best to support my aging mom with dementia and all that comes with that.

Then entered the month of love (February) with my heart getting crushed from a man I never thought could ever take me to the low’s that he did in saying good bye abruptly.

Turned around and got my heart and body crushed by my other main man ( as you may have figured out, I am a polyamorous sorta girl on some days or years, and these two gents were my two leading men).

Had a pushed move into a new home, which I manifested in less than three days.

Found myself in a new neighborhood.
New home.
72 hours after a shocking experience.

Then had to deal with a summer of custody issues,
legal battles.

And had to buy a new car.
Furnish a home.
Heal my body.
Stay afloat.
And keep on coaching my beloved clients.

In the process of all of this,
my three eldest children ( age 23, 21 and 19) who were living in Maui moved home and needed to stay with me.

My eldest daughter conceived her first baby while in Maui,
So through all of this,
walking my baby girl through pregnancy as well.

Friendships have been tested.
Intimate relationships have been tested,
some new ones have been birthed,
some old one’s have been reignited in different ways.

And at the end of this day,
I find myself sitting here at my new breakfast nook table,
with my house under construction,
furniture being delivered tomorrow,
my baby boys coming home to me tomorrow,
my house not upside down,
but merging with the energy that I want.

I find my romantic life,
not healed or longing for what was,
but ignited to what can be.
And excited about the souls that have entered my world.

I find myself looking at my family,
as it shrinks in one way,
and expands in another.
Some children move out,
some are here,
some come and go according to a schedule that just is right and best for them and the situation,
while a grand baby ( a baby boy 😊) grows in my daughters womb.

I look at my business,
in its ebbs and flows of this year,
that impress and scare me.
Not because of a low,
but because the low is far higher than my high of last year. 🔥🔥🔥

I look at my life.
I look at my life.
Awe..
Yes in awe.

And my eye’s tear up.
I still feel all of the pain,
all of the trauma.

There is still much to heal.
Much to let go of.

And I SMILE.
In gratitude.
I sit here.

Knowing how f-cking blessed I am.
In gratitude I sit here.
Because sometimes the path to something better,
is painful beyond measure.

Sometimes the path to what we truly desire,
Is birthed on a road of loss and turbulence.

Sometimes the things that will bring us fully into who we are meant to be,
only come about because we had to grow ourselves through the storm that we were lost in.

Sometimes,
Yes, sometimes….

(and so it is in life, that the sometimes is actually most of the time.)

But you know what makes it all better?
You know what can set one out from the crowd?
You know what keeps you in alignment to all that you want,
all that you desire,
all that you know is on the other side?

GRATITUDE.

#1 KEY SECRET to manifesting miracles.
Living a happy life.
Being turned on.
And having it all, even in the storm.

IS GRATITUDE.

I had gratitude the morning I looked in the bank and my account had $32k in it – OVER NIGHT.

I had the same gratitude when the man I was deeply in love with said his goodbyes.

I had the same gratitude when my partner physically assaulted me.

I had gratitude when I paid the attorney.
I had gratitude when an old lover said he wanted to see a smile on my face.
I had gratitude when a new lover shared his heart with me.
I had gratitude when a dear friend told me I am the reason he is alive.
I had gratitude when my friend screamed in her pain at me.
I had gratitude when my daughter told me I was going to be a grandma.
And I had gratitude as I crumbled under the stress.
As I looked in my kindergartner’s eye’s as he screamed how he hated me, when I told him he had to change schools.

And so many more moments over this year.

GRATITUDE.
I am f-cking grateful.

Are you?

I encourage you to take a moment RIGHT NOW,
write down 20 things that you are grateful for.

Read them 3x.
and then repeat this process every morning and every night for 30 days.

See what manifests in your life.
See how you feel about your life.

And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

Join me November 18-21st for my 3 day intensive online workshop.
Ass In The Sand – Facebook Live Workshop for Entrepreneurs Who Want It All
If you are an entrepreneur and you want to know how to take your biz from zero to $100k quickly, for real – then this intensive class is for you.
Pre-registration coming out this next week.
Look for it or message me to get on the pre-launch list.

YOU ARE THE MOTHER F-CKING BOSS OF YOUR WORLD!!!!

If your happy and you know it…

Oh baby you know it is exactly what you crave.

It is what your soul wants for you in every waking moment and with every breath you take.

It is your birth right.
It is how you were designed to be.

And yet you do not have it.

You instead choose to suffer.
You choose to ignore your truth.
You choose to say NO.

And you fall asleep at night wondering why this life does not support you the way you need or desire.

You wake in the mornings with thoughts of fear, stress, and frustration.

Never realizing that YOU,
Yes YOU…

have all the mother f-cking power.

You always have had it.
It has never been any other way.
You are the one.

You are the BOSS.
SO why do you keep allowing what you allow?

Why do you keep disapproving of everything that your soul craves,
that your heart wants.

Why do you turn away from what ignites you?

You know what I am speaking of,
that thing,

that thing that causes a great stir in your core,

that thing that makes your gut burn when you think about it,

that thing that if you leaning a little more into it and you admitted it,

TURNS YOU THE F-CK ON!!!!!

Yes that thing.
That thing that if you allow it to just f-cking sit there for the rest of your life like you have done since its conception so far, will LITERALLY
eat away at your soul.

So why are you willing to sacrifice your everything to avoid that which is your life mission?

Your calling.

Are you really the sort of person who is okay with walking away from your hearts truth?

Are you really good with dying with this sort of regret?

Are you really so f-cking content with your life of scarcity, fear and average and ordinary that you are going to continue to say no?

Or are you one of the .01% who decide to CLAIM THEIR LIVES?

I personally really don’t care what you decide,
I can hope for you,
like I do for everyone,
that you do what is best for your soul,
and in turn that will be best for everyone in your life,
and in our world.

But at the end of the day,
I know that there is no one that can get you to do it,

there is no one that can make a decision for you,

you can blame others,
you can sit around and say,
“Well if so and so had told me, had texted me, had spent more time with me, then I would have the passion, the drive, the knowing, the blah..blah..blah. that I need to embrace the life that I want. To do the things I know I need.”

The reality though is this:

YOU ARE THE MOTHER F-CKING BOSS OF YOUR WORLD!!!!

So start acting like it or don’t.
You can continue to sit around on your thumbs and blame, point fingers and cry in your whatever.

It won’t get you anywhere.
But you can certainly do it.

I can tell you that I won’t be there to support it though.

I won’t feel bad about it either.
I may empathize with you, as I have had plenty of moments like that myself,

but sympathy is a gift I will not bestow on you for your choice to remain a victim to your ego.

We all come into this world with the same opportunities.

You may disagree with me,
because you may look at the material world and think that just because someone is born into a life with money, more freedoms and liberties than another that they have some advantage over you.

But that is not so. 
That is not what I speak of this morning.

Sure those luxuries are nice and may help make one’s experience on the front side more pleasurable,
But they do not make a person

HAPPY.

And they do not guarantee that a person will live their

TRUTH
PURPOSE
or BLISS.

And these are the things your soul wants for you.

These are the things that keep you up,
make you feel the way that you do,
cause you pain, from not living.

Make you wonder if you know yourself,
or if happiness will ever happen for you,
have you feeling lost and though there is always something you must attain more of to try and fill this void that is with in you.

Baby you are wanting what all of us are wanting.

HAPPINESS.

And you are the only person who can provide it for yourself.

You must learn to allow it.
and here is another secret for you,
(since I like to share little secrets with you)

That happiness that you crave from a deep soul level is

THE THING

the very thing…
yeah remember that thing?

the thing that will give you all the abundance,

all the blessing,
that you desire as well.

You will not get the abundance and blessing first.

No you must first find your JOY.
Find your happiness.

And the money,
the sex,
the travel,
the material items,
the relationships,
will then follow.

It does not go the other way.
It is that simple.

SO why the f-ck are you denying yourself of what you were born to live?

Don’t worry, be happy 

Just be it.
Be it now.

And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

Join me in October for 5 weeks of transformation,
where YOU Claim Your LIFE in 2018 Once and For All.
Message me for details….
or
Become a VIP Client NOW!!!

Looking for Mr. Forever – The pressure we SHOULD NOT feel.

I know you want someone to hold you close and handle your heart gently, but put love on hold. You don’t need someone to fall asleep beside. Not yet. You can wait for that.

Finding your forever person shouldn’t be your main priority. Finding yourself should come first.

Find out what brings your passionate side to the surface. Find out what stirs the adrenaline that’s been hibernating in your veins. Find out what convinces you to stay up until 3 AM and wake up at 5 AM. Find out what puts the suicidal thoughts to rest and gives you a burst of appreciation for the living.

Find out why the girl in the mirror looks so sad when she’s alone. What does she want? What is she missing? If it’s a who, what type of person would fill the gap where her smile is supposed to be? Is it a best friend that can make her laugh when she only has the impulse to scream? Is it a semi-stranger to drink with to erase the pain? Is it a mystery voice that tells her they believe in her, that they’re proud of her?

Find out what squeezes your heart until it skips a beat. Find out what sends flutters through your spine. Find out what awakens the butterflies in your stomach. Find out what makes the cliches come to life.

Find out who you are and what you want out of this chaotic world, because you’ve only scratched the surface of your cravings. You want a house in the Hamptons, but what will make that house a home? Degrees to hang on the wall, a baby girl, a puppy flopping through the yard? You want a job in journalism, but what are you hoping to gain from it? Aside from money. Aside from security. What is it you’re hoping life blesses you with?

Find out what you want this universe to deliver to you. And don’t be afraid to sound greedy or selfish or unrealistic. Don’t restrain yourself from having oversized fantasies, because you’ll find important pieces of yourself hidden amongst those dreams. You’ll find out what drives you. What type of human you truly are.

Find out what inspires you, motivates you. Find out what gives you the energy to push through on your worst days. Find out what you’re doing here on this earth, because no matter how worthless you feel, you have a purpose. You have a reason you exist — and it’s beautiful. You’re beautiful.

You have a lifetime to find your forever person, so find yourself first. You deserve to meet her.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE– You Have A Lifetime To Find Your Person, So Find Yourself First by Holly Riordan

Are You A Fuck Yes to Your Full Potential?

“The ONLY place you need to be – is in your magic zone. We all have a magic zone. We all use our zone. All the time. The trick is being conscious to what we are creating and making sure that our magic zone is being used for all the bliss, joy, play and abundance it was intended instead of the suffering, fear, destruction and chaos so many of us choose to use it for. — What are you creating?” – KW

fuckyeah

Be Your Full Potential This Coming Year!

Here we sit yet once again at the end of one year and the ushering into another. You would think that the whole world would be truly celebrating that we as a world society get to move forward into the next arena of life on this planet. You would think that each and every soul on this planet including yourself would be ecstatic with joy and hope for the new year and all it has to offer. After all new years is all about getting a fresh start. Having learned what we needed from the past year we can now move forward with an excitement and expectation of greatness. However it is more common for for us to be experiencing pain, suffering, fear, anger, remorse and almost a desire for this time to not move forward but to somehow reset to the beginning of the current year so that we can travel through it with 20/20 vision and make different choices, see things differently, and act differently.

For more than 80%of the population we may have a desire to make this new year one of all our dreams coming true, or at very least sticking to most of our goals and making some positive life changes so that we can feel accomplished at the end of the day and year. We desire that the feelings we are having and trying to ignore through too much alcohol, food, partying and random excessive entertainment with games and television, we desire not to ignore these feelings but to simply NOT have them to begin with. Therefore we desire CHANGE. Transformation.

There are so many people in my life that I know are experiencing these sensations. I have seen people go through divorce this years end, have been served papers for it or finished a long process with it. Many uncertain as to the standings of their relationship status. I have seen many people loose their jobs, their homes, cars. Not have enough food on their tables for nightly dinner. There are many who I know who are dealing with death this season in one way or another and even some that have been diagnosed with a terminal illness and find themselves feeling like they NOW don’t have the time to give and share all that they thought they were going to be able too. I have seen people question their purpose all year long. I have seen people try and make their purpose their relationship. I have seen people dig and get mad to the point of quitting because they have no clue what to do with what is surfacing and they have no idea how the things coming up serve them healing what they had originally set out to work on.

I have also seen many people discover love. Purpose. Direction.

Everything that I have seen has NOTHING to do with what we choose to typically focus on at this time of the year. That being how many presents we got or gave, or the deal we got or even the president of the USA. None of the things that truly matter are the things that our media or lifestyles has us focusing on.

The things that matter are REALLY SIMPLE.

The bottom line for every human being is the same.

We ALL WANT HAPPINESS.

Everything that we do is an attempt to achieve this sensation.

We change or stay in a relationship because we hope it will make us happy.

We keep a job or strive for a new one because we hope it will lead to happiness.

We exercise and change what our diets are to loose weight or firm up our bodies, not because we truly care what we look like, but because we are hoping that the look and feeling of our bodies will make us happy in some way.

We learn new things to bring more joy into our lives. Weather that is through experience or money.

We offer our helping hand not because we truly believe that it is needed, wanted or should happen (although we convince ourselves of this) but because we hope that in our pursuit to be a “good person” that we will be happier.

EVERYTHING – everything, that we do is about OUR happiness.

So why is it so damn fucking hard to actually do the things that will truly make us happy and give us ever lasting change and the creation of our FUCK YES LIFE?

Why do we choose to find excuses as to not do the things and get the help that we need in life to make the life that we desire?

You know it is said that if you desire something, that the thing desires you as well. In other words, the things we crave at our soul level are calling to us and asking us to do the things that we need to do to grow ourselves and create the consciousness required to connect to our desires.

Each and everyone of us has a the same ability to make the choices that we need to make for ourselves to create the life that we want for this coming New Year.

*

lifepotential

The only real question’s you need to ask yourself are these:

What are your top 1-3 areas of change/transformation that you know you need or want to work on in this new year?
What is the long term impact of not making these changes?
If things stay the same what does it mean to you and what does it look like?
What is different NOW compared to 6 months, a year ago, five years ago?
What is your commitment level to yourself to make these changes?

What is the ONE thing you need to do in life to die happy?

20161214 113543

Make this year a year of your full potential.

You deserve your greatness to be revealed.

It is truly fucking time to STOP playing small!

Our world needs YOU!

I can tell you that the world needs more men, women, couple’s turned on, vibrant, living on purpose and by their desires.

The world needs people who are transforming the world through their passion for life. This is ONLY done through opening up NOT to more work – but more PLAY.

More PLEASURE.

The ONLY secret you ever need learn to have the life that you know you deserve and desire is the lesson to ALLOW YOUR OWN PLEASURE.

We have had our ability to receive pleasure in all forms taught right out of us. Our world is so focused on living by scarcity and taunt economics. No great thing every happened without allowing for some deliberate slack. In the slack we prevent the hyperactivity of our minds, energy and drive. In hyperactivity we loose fun, pleasure and joy. Everything becomes work and we cannot breathe or flow.

When we embrace that “slack” equals room to change. Room to grow. To create. We then open the doorway to the creation of our desires.

We gain compassion, understanding, direction.

There most certainly is an art to living in your bliss. But it is a most delicious process. And for those of us who choose to transform our lives and therefore the lives of all on this planet through pleasure, play and happiness we KNOW that it is a venture well worth moving into.

But it requires Your ALL.

Are you ready to make this a year of your full potential?
Are your ready t o have the Fuck YES Life you deserve?
Are you ready to live out the year having the relationships, the sex, the money, the career, the travel, the health that you want?

This and MORE is possible.

Take my hand and take the plunge into your GREATNESS!

jamaica3

Email me about being in the Pre-launch group for my New Fuck Yes to Life Coaching – and discover the top 10 focuses you need to play with to have the life you desire in 2017!!! DON’T Wait. The Pre- launch pricing will only be offered to the first 50 people who si

Sexuality & Tantra (AKA – The Art of Living Fully)

shivashakti

Often I am asked “What is Tantra?” my answer to this question is – “Tantra is everything!”

But that answer is often to simple yet complex for many people to truly grasp what I am saying. So I have decided to take a moment and share what I mean in this statement of “tantra is everything.”

Tantra is about weaving together all parts of our life. That is why when we teachers/practitioners speak about improving our sexuality and sex lives that we also say that this will affect all other areas of our lives such as our relationships with our parents, siblings, children, co-workers and anyone who walks into our lives. Yet Tantra is NOT about sex alone. Matter a fact if you truly studied tantra and the teachings of the Dali Lama on the matter you would discover that sex is only about 5% to 10% at best of Tantra.

Why does sex get focused on then when we speak about Tantra?

There are a few reasons for this.

1. Sex sells! – Now I know that many of my fellow teachers out there just cringed at me saying this, but I am a realist in many ways and the facts are the facts. Sex is sexy. Sex is captivating and interesting. Sex is something we all desire more of and we are all under educated in. Sex is something that we know at our core is good for us for more reasons then procreation. Sex sells because it turns us on at our deepest levels. It always has and it always will.
2. Sex is normally the final frontier to tackle for even the most spiritual, self-growth focused, courageous, driven soul out there. And it is the one that is most interconnected to every aspect of our lives and to the world in general. Our sexing affects everything. That is why we focus on sexuality when we speak Tantra. Tantra in this area is about making our sex conscious.

Now this may seem different then what you were expecting. Hopefully it is comforting to know that Tantra and sex are NOT about prostitution (although those in this line of work who understand certain groundwork, certainly are sexual healers and not just working to make a quick buck so someone else can relieve some stress). Tantra does not make use of our sexuality so that one can experience a hot “body to body rub” either. Tantra makes use of our sexuality because through our sexing we create or lives. We create the structures of our futures. We manifest our desires, dreams and goals. We learn to face our shadows as well as our light and we learn how to fully love, accept and live in gratitude. Through our sexing we learn the importance of Living Fully, and this is Tantra.

This is why you will hear me speak about Gourmet Sexing verses Fast Food Sexing.

Gourmet sexing is a spiritual practice of deep love and acceptance. Not only of our partner but of ourselves and of all of life.

Gourmet sexing is healing. It can help us to release past programs, trauma and suffering. It can be the creative spark that changes everything and helps us to transform our very existence. Through gourmet sexing we find peace and bliss. This is Conscious Sex!

Fast food sexing is all about using ourselves or another for stress release or power. It is about controlling another. It is about quick fixes, disconnectedness, limited to no intimacy and remaining unconscious to all our levels of being. Fast food sexing is a short circuit to living fully. It prevents us from ever achieving the beauty, connection and authentic loving that we so desire. It disenables us from our true power and thus from bliss.

Perhaps these terms will help you to understand a bit better the significant role that sex plays on our lives and that through the art of Tantra we can achieve what we all desire. A live lived well and full. A life of appreciation, love, acceptance, honor and conscious bliss.

So what is Tantra?

Tantra is the Art of Living Life Fully!

Now the only question is. “Will you accept the journey of conscious living?”

I sure hope so because you my friend ARE WORTH IT!!!!

–KW

Your Imagination Is More Important Than Knowledge or Beliefs

“Everything  you can imagine is real.”-Picasso

AzteckendalYesterday I was once again blessed to work with my creative, beautiful daughter Rebekah who is following her passion and soul by developing her own brand in photography , Photography In Wonderland. In working with her yesterday for a spontaneous shoot I realized a few things about life, love and the pursuit of happiness. These things we value so dearly and all consistently strive for or find ourselves trapped in a morbid abyss of suffering, shame and hatred if we choose to hide from our souls desire, all come back to allowing the creative transformation of our inner realms to dance and merge with those of our outer worlds.  We are the artists of our lives. Picasso, had it right when he said that everything you can imagine is real, because it is. The hidden world that lies within each of us longs to have the light of life, love and happiness shine upon it. Yet trapped in societal conditioning the majority of people have a tough time finding the courage and stamina it requires to open the door to this blossoming of self. The reason it is so scary to allow our authentic selves to be seen in the world is because over the course of time it has been expected and even demanded that we hide these very aspects of self. We have been sheltered in our thinking and told that a strong foundation for life was built on logic and normalcy, not on imagination and unique authenticity. Yet all people over the course of time that have made an impact on our world were far from logical or average in attitude, thinking or actions. Leaders, visionaries, and game changers all fall under a different label. These men and women , are average people with extraordinary courage and desire. Do they posses something unique? Do they have more skill set or knowledge then you or I? Are they a better person therefore deserving of more from life? The answer is no across the board. The only thing that they have that over 80% of the rest of society does not have is a desire to transform. They understand that they are the only ones who can change themselves and they know that life is about growth. These same 20% of “Special People” understand that in order for growth to happen and for them to succeed in fulfilling their inner calling that they MUST overcome the self imposed fears and muster up just a drop of courage to take that first step into greatness. They know that getting into the flow of creative transformation is the life blood of opening up to god, the universe or whatever other name you choose to call the creator of all and letting this source breathe love, life and happiness into their very existence.

A creative transformation is about just this, opening our rusty gates that we have on our hearts and souls and allowing for imagination to flow freely. When we embrace our imagination we lock arms with our true power.  As Einstein stated, “Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.”

edit7It is time to dig into our pockets and pull out the diamonds that are carried there. These treasures that we have been hiding from society, our friends, family and even ourselves. It is time for each of us to stop cheating ourselves and discover that life was not meant to be endured and suffered through. Life is meant to be embraced in love and passion. When we open ourselves to creative transformation and the journey it takes us on we say to life that we desire to be fucked wide open, we desire to dance with the angels and hear our hearts music. We say to the great creator of all that we know that life is a privilege and a mission. It is a mission of letting go of what we think we know and opening up to all that can be. We spread our legs to the universe and we allow it to penetrate our cores like a lover that we will never see again. We say to hell with fear, structure, bondage and rules and thus say YES to ourselves and the art of our lives.

One of the most imaginative teachers of time you could say was Jesus. He taught through stories, he taught through love and he taught through authentic uniqueness. He still remained part of the culture that he was born into, but he was not afraid to throw some tables and show that the universe will bend to your will when you have the desire, courage and faith. His message was one that we all too could do this and so much more (John 14:12) but it is a message of creative transformation that so many are still not ready to hear.

edit9Easter weekend is upon us yet again and many will join in the process of what we call tradition. The painting of the Easter eggs, the hiding of these eggs so that a our young imaginative children can discover them along with trinkets and sweets. We will congregate in churches and holy sanctuaries around the world, celebrating the transformation process of Jesus. We will place this teacher on a pedestal and miss all the messages of the annual opportunity that has been passed down like a torch of great light and universal understanding. The traditions that we celebrate this coming Sunday are not primarily focused on Jesus even, but have been around for many years prior to his teaching. The traditions of Easter  have roots in Pagan beliefs and even go back into world history to the ancient Egyptians, Persians, Phoenicians, and Hindus who all believed the world began with an enormous egg, thus the egg as a symbol of new life has been around for eons. Easter’s true meaning is about rebirth and fertility. Both are things that a creative transformation process blesses us with, but in order for us to experience this process one has to be like a small child  where in the heart, mind and soul their is fertile ground for imagination to bloom and flourish thus bringing the ascension process of the life mission.

Part of my realization in working with Rebekah on photo-shoots was that life and creative energy are things that you must be ready to embrace when the muse of art is dancing with them. The best experiences are often not planned, expected or even considered. Sometimes we can find ourselves on one path and not even see the crossing path that will make all the difference to our journey. Looking back over the course of my own history and transformation I can see now the impact of imagination and how playing on this road that so many choose not to travel on as actually being the essential tool of a successful life. It is the pulse of life itself and with every beat we open our ears to love and happiness, purpose and flow, we open ourselves to being the Messiah of our own life path.

“Whether you succeed or not is irrelevant, there is no such thing. Making your unknown known is the important thing.”

 -Georgia O’Keeffe

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The Art of Being F**ked Wide Open

edit1“My pussy ached from desire. Throbbing sensations quaked through my muscles and into my joints. I could feel heat in my womb as my chest grew tighter. It had been far to long since I felt open, passionate, clear, confident and orgasmic. Every part of my body and soul longed for him or any one of my lovers to just take me. It seemed as though I was meeting resistance from the universe through each man and through myself. The more I hungered for the transformative waves to force me into orgasmic surrender the farther they seemed out of my grasp. The more I became determined to speak of my hunger, to send signals that I was wet with anticipation and desire, the more the men in my life seemed to turn away.

Lost in the illusions of depression, ego was at reign. There were far more important things to deal with then my physical neediness and hunger for bliss. After all, there were bills to pay, children to care for, and duties to tend to. This is what was needed. This is what I had to focus on. The masculine mind was ever present and with it came a discontent, disconnected vibration to life, to love, family, finance and any amount of abundance or joy. How could my desire for sex and the lack of filling it prevent me from experiencing happiness and abundance in other areas  as well?

Feeling as though there was possibly no hope and that these sensations that I had approached and waded through at other low times of my life journey were only raising their head yet again because of some lesson that I had thought I had learned but obviously had not, I decided that my pleasure, my surrender was in no ones hands but my own. A deep dedication to self pleasuring began to happen. At the sight of any form of sexual tension I found myself whisked off to the shower or taking a fifteen minute time out in the bedroom or closet, trying to simply alleviate some of the pinned up energy. Each time I dove into a quick self pleasuring act I felt as though my clit and entire pussy were on fire, as though I had an active ready to blow any minute volcano between my legs. Finding it hard to remain present with myself, facing old programs of shame for touching myself, fear of getting caught I could not even bring myself to relish in a fantasy to increase my pleasure. I was simply jacking off as quickly as I could. Not surrendering to my desire and certainly not allowing myself to fully be penetrated by love or life.  Each 5 to 10 minute masturbation excursion left me even more lost, distant, depressed and hungry for connection and ravishing.

The thing I knew but was ignoring was the simple fact that I was not only malnourished in the act of sexing, but I was depleted from the energy of the deep connection that a gourmet session of sex would give. I was lacking in the life giving nutrients of the positive mood enhancers that orgasm would provide. In my inability to surrender even to myself I had also slammed shut the door  to my lovers, making it physically impossible for me to go deep enough in any sex act offered. The need to be taken was me wanting to give credit or push blame on someone else instead of being proactive and realizing that even in the physical connection process of making love it was up to ONLY me to be open, expansive and happy. My being taken started by my releasing into the now. By  making my sex conscious and staying present with my body and with my partner I could then accept the pleasure and the release that would come from it. Only through this consciousness could I embrace life so strongly that it would use my lovers body to fuck me wide open.

edit6It was with this realization that opportunity was given for me to open up to trust and to orgasm. My desire was not for sex, it was not for release or climax it was only for penetration. To me to be taken meant that I surrendered to life through my lover. There we were snuggled in bed as though it were any other winter night. All these thoughts dancing through my mind wanting  to be vocalized, my heart wanting to be penetrated, to be circumcised.  I could hear the call of my pussy begging my hands to reach out and touch him, to encourage the game to begin. My mouth watered and even though we had been lovers for some time and he knew me passionately and intimately to my core I felt a tremble of fear that he would deny me my desire.  The unspoken words must have been heavy in the air because without hesitation his hand slipped over my naked hip and across my stomach. His fingers danced on the seat of my clit, slowly pulling its hood back so that he could access “the spot.” His hand warm to the touch washed over my vulva, a finger plowing deep into my wetness. I could feel butterflies fluttering from pussy to heart as I leaned into him and gasped for a breath before allowing his tongue to plunge deep into my mouth.

His fingers knew exactly how to play me and with each kiss I felt my body soften. Spreading my legs for him as though I was opening the gates to a great coliseum and he was the gladiator. His fingers stroking not only my clit anymore but now curving upward with each internal stroke, I could feel my G-spot expand  as well as my sponge fill. The time had come, he pressed his hard throbbing cock deep into me. He did not stop to ask, he did not pause at my velvet gates, he just lovingly and forcefully took us both to the next level. His clear direction and focus lead his cock to my outer walls. I desperately wanted to feel him yet deeper in me. I wanted him to fuck my heart. Consciously I lay there beneath him, our bodies swaying in harmony, my pussy tightening and sucking on him with each focused muscle spasm. My desire growing to be fucked wide open in this moment, I knew there was only one way to achieve my desire and pull him deeper. My consciousness became focused on opening the door he was knocking on. With each gentle nudge of his penis head on my cervix I breathed and relaxed, I visualized embracing him like I had not done before. Slowly I felt the pressure release into emotion and heart pounding bliss. It was as if there were a penetration happening within a penetration. The surrender was expansive and I could feel him penetrate my core, my heart, my soul. Tears welled up in my eyes as my heart shook in orgasm.

Life was knocking at my womb.”

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The experience of craving sexual release and to be penetrated like this is nothing new or even unique for most women. It is a well documented fact that women in all actuality are the more sexual half of humankind. Women have the drive and are built for long interludes of sexing. Our bodies are a designer highway that rely on the transport of orgasm to keep our psychological, physiological, spiritual and emotional bodies in an optimum state. An underf**ked woman is a woman who is a fragile shell of herself. She is a woman who is full of emotion, and desire but cannot communicate these things in a strong feminine way without appearing hormonal and out of balance, depressed, co-dependent, fearful, hateful, stressed, caught in her mind and simple dreary. The other aspect of a woman who is not properly f**ked is that she is not allowing for her divine state of being a woman to guide her, her intuition is out of harmony and she distrusts almost everything. Feeling the entire time that she HAS to control her environment and that she will not be cared for in life.

There are many things that can contribute to a woman closing herself to the raptures of orgasm and some of them are things that need medical attention may that be chiropractic or actual surgery to help repair tears or nerves that have been damaged due to a multitude of things such as rape, child birth, or other physically impacting issues and/or accidents. As Naomi Wolf states in her new book Vagina, ” … recent science has found that the vagina’s experiences can – on the level of biology – boost women’s self-confidence, or else can lead to failures of self-confidence; can help unleash female creativity or present blocks to female creativity. These experiences can contribute to a woman’s sense of the joyful interconnectedness of the material and spiritual world – or else to her grieving awareness of the loss of the sense of interconectedness… the latter can lead not only to a decrease in her desire for sex, but also risk a tincture in the rest of her life of what can only be called “existential depression” or “despair.”

How can the vagina and orgasm play such a BIG role in all areas of a woman’s life and well-being? And if this is fact then how can we as a society remain in a prehistoric viewpoint of the vagina with limited terms? The autonomic nervous system prepares the way for the neural impulses that travel from a woman’s vagina, clitoris and labia to her brain and it is this intricate system that regulates her responses creating stimulation and relaxation. Yet we treat the pussy as though it were a cock. We view it in pornographic light and expect that a woman will and should respond in similar fashion as a man does. Only through the focused, slow opening can a woman become comfortable with surrendering in the fashion we are speaking of here. We are told that there are skills that lovers can learn so that they can play a woman’s body like a fine musical instrument, we are taught to focus not on “real orgasm” but on climax, and how many climaxes the lover “CAN GIVE” her. These are all misinformed notions of female sexuality and orgasm. Because we are not taught the art of truly touching a woman deeply, the majority of women’s activation centers are ignored and even when she has sex with her partner or herself she may experience climax, but often will not reap the rewards of real orgasm and certainly not experience the rapture and release necessary to be transported into the heavens where interconnectedness with God happens. She will not be able to be fulfilled and truly be f**ked open by life and love thus only experiencing a superficial aspect of herself, orgasm and connectedness. Leaving her vessel depleted and her heart and pussy locked away in devastation and hope. When a woman is f**ked wide open to the levels that are possible for ALL women and is our  birth right and divine design, then she becomes an expression of beauty, joy, grace, strength, creativity and confidence.

The last word: He said he was leaving. She ignored him.

When Laura Munson’s husband asked for a divorce, she ducked instead of fighting. He needed to learn, she says, that his unhappiness wasn’t really about her.

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Let’s say you have what you believe to be a healthy marriage. You’re still friends and lovers after spending more than half of your lives together. The dreams you set out to achieve in your 20s—gazing into each other’s eyes in candlelit city bistros, when you were single and skinny—have for the most part come true.

Two decades later you have the 20 acres of land, the farmhouse, the children, the dogs and horses. You’re the parents you said you would be, full of love and guidance. You’ve done it all: Disneyland, camping, Hawaii, Mexico, city living, stargazing.

Sure, you have your marital issues, but on the whole you feel so self-satisfied about how things have worked out that you would never, in your wildest nightmares, think you would hear these words from your husband one fine summer day: “I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did. I’m moving out. The kids will understand. They’ll want me to be happy.”

But wait. This isn’t the divorce story you think it is. Neither is it a begging-him-to-stay story. It’s a story about hearing your husband say, “I don’t love you anymore” and deciding not to believe him. And what can happen as a result.

Here’s a visual: Child throws a temper tantrum. Tries to hit his mother. But the mother doesn’t hit back, lecture or punish. Instead, she ducks. Then she tries to go about her business as if the tantrum isn’t happening. She doesn’t “reward” the tantrum. She simply doesn’t take the tantrum personally because, after all, it’s not about her.

Let me be clear: I’m not saying my husband was throwing a child’s tantrum. No. He was in the grip of something else—a profound and far more troubling meltdown that comes not in childhood but in midlife, when we perceive that our personal trajectory is no longer arcing reliably upward as it once did. But I decided to respond the same way I’d responded to my children’s tantrums. And I kept responding to it that way. For four months.

“I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did.”

His words came at me like a speeding fist, like a sucker punch, yet somehow in that moment I was able to duck. And once I recovered and composed myself, I managed to say, “I don’t buy it.” Because I didn’t.

He drew back in surprise. Apparently he’d expected me to burst into tears, to rage at him, to threaten him with a custody battle. Or beg him to change his mind.

So he turned mean. “I don’t like what you’ve become.”

Gut-wrenching pause. How could he say such a thing? That’s when I really wanted to fight. To rage. To cry. But I didn’t.

Instead, a shroud of calm enveloped me, and I repeated those words: “I don’t buy it.”

You see, I’d recently committed to a non-negotiable understanding with myself. I’d committed to “the End of Suffering.” I’d finally managed to exile the voices in my head that told me my personal happiness was only as good as my outward success, rooted in things that were often outside my control. I’d seen the insanity of that equation and decided to take responsibility for my own happiness. And I mean all of it.

My husband hadn’t yet come to this understanding with himself. He had enjoyed many years of hard work, and its rewards had supported our family of four all along. But his new endeavor hadn’t been going so well, and his ability to be the breadwinner was in rapid decline. He’d been miserable about this, felt useless, was losing himself emotionally and letting himself go physically. And now he wanted out of our marriage; to be done with our family.

But I wasn’t buying it.

I said: “It’s not age-appropriate to expect children to be concerned with their parents’ happiness. Not unless you want to create co-dependents who’ll spend their lives in bad relationships and therapy. There are times in every relationship when the parties involved need a break. What can we do to give you the distance you need, without hurting the family?”

“Huh?” he said.

“Go trekking in Nepal. Build a yurt in the back meadow. Turn the garage studio into a man-cave. Get that drum set you’ve always wanted. Anything but hurting the children and me with a reckless move like the one you’re talking about.”

Then I repeated my line, “What can we do to give you the distance you need, without hurting the family?”

“Huh?”

“How can we have a responsible distance?”

“I don’t want distance,” he said. “I want to move out.”

My mind raced. Was it another woman? Drugs? Unconscionable secrets? But I stopped myself. I would not suffer.

Instead, I went to my desk, Googled “responsible separation,” and came up with a list. It included things like: Who’s allowed to use what credit cards? Who are the children allowed to see you with in town? Who’s allowed keys to what?

I looked through the list and passed it on to him.

His response: “Keys? We don’t even have keys to our house.”

I remained stoic. I could see pain in his eyes. Pain I recognized.

“Oh, I see what you’re doing,” he said. “You’re going to make me go into therapy. You’re not going to let me move out. You’re going to use the kids against me.”

“I never said that. I just asked: What can we do to give you the distance you need … ”

“Stop saying that!”

Well, he didn’t move out.

Instead, he spent the summer being unreliable. He stopped coming home at his usual 6 o’clock. He would stay out late and not call. He blew off our entire Fourth of July—the parade, the barbecue, the fireworks—to go to someone else’s party. When he was at home, he was distant. He wouldn’t look me in the eye. He didn’t even wish me “Happy Birthday.”

But I didn’t play into it. I walked my line. I told the kids: “Daddy’s having a hard time, as adults often do. But we’re a family, no matter what.” I was not going to suffer. And neither were they.

My trusted friends were irate on my behalf. “How can you just stand by and accept this behavior? Kick him out! Get a lawyer!”

I walked my line with them, too. This man was hurting, yet his problem wasn’t mine to solve. In fact, I needed to get out of his way so he could solve it.

I know what you’re thinking: I’m a pushover. I’m weak and scared and would put up with anything to keep the family together. I’m probably one of those women who would endure physical abuse. But I can assure you, I’m not. I load 1,500-pound horses into trailers and gallop through the high country of Montana all summer. I went through Pitocin-induced natural childbirth. And a Caesarean section without follow-up drugs. I am handy with a chain saw.

I simply had come to understand that I was not at the root of my husband’s problem. He was. If he could turn his problem into a marital fight, he could make it about us. I needed to get out of the way so that wouldn’t happen.

Privately, I decided to give him time. Six months.

I had good days and I had bad days. On the good days, I took the high road. I ignored his lashing out, his merciless jabs. On bad days, I would fester in the August sun while the kids ran through sprinklers, raging at him in my mind. But I never wavered. Although it may sound ridiculous to say, “Don’t take it personally” when your husband tells you he no longer loves you, sometimes that’s exactly what you have to do.

Instead of issuing ultimatums, yelling, crying, or begging, I presented him with options. I created a summer of fun for our family and welcomed him to share in it, or not—it was up to him. If he chose not to come along, we would miss him, but we would be just fine, thank you very much. And we were.

And, yeah, you can bet I wanted to sit him down and persuade him to stay. To love me. To fight for what we’ve created. You can bet I wanted to.

But I didn’t.

I barbecued. Made lemonade. Set the table for four. Loved him from afar.

And one day, there he was, home from work early, mowing the lawn. A man doesn’t mow his lawn if he’s going to leave it. Not this man. Then he fixed a door that had been broken for eight years. He made a comment about our front porch needing paint. Our front porch. He mentioned needing wood for next winter. The future. Little by little, he started talking about the future.

It was Thanksgiving dinner that sealed it. My husband bowed his head humbly and said, “I’m thankful for my family.”

He was back.

And I saw what had been missing: pride. He’d lost pride in himself. Maybe that’s what happens when our egos take a hit in midlife and we realize we’re not as young and golden anymore.

When life’s knocked us around. And our childhood myths reveal themselves to be just that. The truth feels like the biggest sucker-punch of them all: It’s not a spouse, or land, or a job, or money that brings us happiness. Those achievements, those relationships, can enhance our happiness, yes, but happiness has to start from within. Relying on any other equation can be lethal.

My husband had become lost in the myth. But he found his way out. We’ve since had the hard conversations. In fact, he encouraged me to write about our ordeal. To help other couples who arrive at this juncture in life. People who feel scared and stuck. Who believe their temporary feelings are permanent. Who see an easy out and think they can escape.

My husband tried to strike a deal. Blame me for his pain. Unload his feelings of personal disgrace onto me.

But I ducked. And I waited. And it worked.

This essay originally appeared in The New York Times. Used with permission. All rights reserved.

This post comes from Theweek.com August 13, 2009