Step The F-ck Into Your Life Ans STOP Making Excuses.

Get off your A*s and Get VIBING the way you know you need too.
 
When are you going to get sick and tired of being sick and tired of not living the life that you want?
 
You do realize that the ONLY thing preventing you from having it the way you want it is YOU.
 
It is those damn thoughts of sabotage and fear.
Those beliefs that you are not worthy.
The objections of not having enough money, time or support….
Energy.
 
This is what is holding you back.
It clearly tells God and Universal forces that you are not yet ready to call it in.
It says that you are more content being comfortable in your suffering then committing to what you claim you desire to have for a life.
 
The only question that you every really need to ask yourself on this topic is,
 
” Am I ready to get ready?”
 
And until you are ready to get ready,
you will not have.
 
It is that simple beautiful.
Until you are ready to commit,
and stop your blaming and excuse making,
you will continue to have exactly what you have RIGHT NOW.
 
And if you are not happy with what your life is RIGHT NOW,
then tough.
 
Because obviously you want it to remain the same.
 
You have settled into it and you have made it home.
Perhaps you find some value or excitement in the settling,
the drama that you muster up to make yourself feel alive.
Or the stories that you manifest into your reality to give reason as to WHY you cannot or do not have.
 
You can continue to point out into this world,
and proclaim that you are not THRIVING because of this or that,
or you can find the spaces in your life that you do have it happening.
 
Its all about:
COMMITMENT
FOCUS
APPRECIATION
ACTION
SOUL
 
 
When you get these things,
when you slow down and tap into the messages that you are getting every day from your SOUL,
when you COMMIT to the inner work, and the listening to SOUL,
When you choose to FOCUS on what you want instead of the not having of what you want,
When you APPRECIATE all that you do have,
And when you choose to take ACTION toward what you want,
 
Then you will CALL IT INTO CREATION.
 
Because the universe will bend to your will.
You can command in everything that you desire with a short time frame.
You are WORTHY and POWERFUL.
And what you want, wants you too.
 
But you have to take the first step in FAITH.
 
BABY YOU HAVE TO PUT YOUR A*S ON THE LINE AND STEP THE F-CK IN ALL THE WAY!!!!!!!
 
This is you getting ready to get ready.
 
Most will continue to choose to not step in.
That is the small minded, sheeple of our world.
That is the way of the Average and Ordinary,
In the box thinkers.
 
These same souls will never know the JOY and ABUNDANCE that this life can offer.
 
They will never taste the FREEDOM.
And they will die with REGRET.
 
But that is not you!!!!
 
You are a crusader.
You are a powerful soul who desires to THRIVE.
You insist on greatness from life and from yourself.
And you feel it deep in your core.
It keeps you up at night.
It pains you to see yourself caving to the average way of thinking and being.
You KNOW that God gave you a purpose and you feel like you will loose your life if you die with this music still in you.
 
So what are you waiting for beautiful?
 
Say YES,
Say F-ck YES! To YOU RIGHT NOW.
 
Claim Your Life Today and step the f-ck in.
 
All the way in.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers
 
I know that you may be scared.
I have been in those shoes before all too many time.
But that fear is not going to stop you.
You are powerful.
Introducing 12- weeks of “Unstoppable Power – It’s My Time To Fly!”
This is a once in a life time to work with me 1:1 from anywhere in the world.
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Stop letting everything be an excuse!
You deserve better than those reasons you have to stay trapped in your comfort bubble of suffering.
Let’s level up your life over summer.
Message me for deet’s or leave a comment here.

This is why life is not working for you.

I hear often from people that they love my open, authentic, unapologetic fashion and way of being. So many people come to me and say, “Wow, Kendal I can’t imagine being so out there like you are on these topics. How do you do it?”
 
The truth of my being is this and of my reality as I create it.
I have to be open, authentic and unapologetic in my messaging, coaching and just simply living. If I were being any other way I would not be me.
 
And I don’t try to be like anyone else.
Because there is ONLY one me.
 
I use to sit around and twiddle my thumbs and desire to have or be or do things that someone else was doing. I wanted for this or that person’s life. I would dream about living in the freedom and flexibility of how those I followed and looked up to were living.
 
What I discovered was that in my wanting I was also searching.
 
I was searching for WHO I WAS.
 
I had an identity issue.
I took on other peoples ideas, concepts and roles that they had for me.
I took on the perceptions and images that I was seeing were successful for others.
I would mimic their attitude, their facial expressions, the way they sat or moved their hands and even the things they said and how they said it.
I would mimic their very beliefs.
 
I would mimic anything I could.
 
And to a degree it was good.
Because I was being a student,
I was hungry to learn.
To grow and to discover what worked.
I wanted change.
I wanted to find myself.
And in wanting that I searched through exploration and trying on other peoples personalities and habits.
 
Unfortunately, after a bit of learning all these amazing habits and ways of being, I felt even more lost. I started to loose the luster for life, for my work, the way I was existing and living.
 
I was exhausted.
And my body and emotions were screaming it loud and clear as I started to fall apart at the seams.
 
Why was this?
 
Why in my improving of myself,
in my exploration and focus of taking on better habits,
habits of success and abundance in ways I saw it working was my very body and being fighting me?
 
Here is the issue with what I was doing and perhaps you can relate a tad to my tale today. The answer was pretty simple….
 
I was withering away because I was not being TRUE TO ME.
 
Sure i had some great habits.
I had some awesome beliefs.
I was doing the work.
I was invested in my change.
 
But I was FIGHTING MY TRUTH.
 
And when we play pretend for too long,
our SOUL get’s sick and tired of our nonsense and it decides to give us a wake up call.
 
Get in alignment or else.
 
We can learn from others.
and in order to fully tap into who we are each meant to be,
we MUST BE STUDENTS.
 
We must learn to adapt certain traits and successful mindset programs,
but it must be done without the loss of our SOUL.
 
How can I message, coach and live so open, authentically and unapologetically the way that I do?
 
How can I speak from this real and raw place from deep within and look you in the eye with love and acceptance while revealing intimate aspects of who I am?
 
Because I CHOSE TO FIND MYSELF.
I made a decision to BE ME.
I COMMITTED to stop mimicking everyone else in hopes that their way was my way and that it/them would save me.
 
I decided that I was the most important person in my life and that in order for me to serve this world the best way I could and to THRIVE in life, to have my dreams and desires manifest that I had to simply let go of any desire to try and be something or someone that I was not.
 
I stopped caring what the world thought of me.
I put down the fears,
the concerns and worries of loosing people in my life if I decided to just be me.
I got real with myself.
And I fell in love with who I was.
WHO I AM.
 
If life is not manifesting the way you want it.
If your abundance is falling short like your time, your energy and your focus, then perhaps its time that you stop the insanity of playing the roles that you have painted for yourself in the image of another and just BE YOU.
 
I know how scary that may sound.
I know that you may have no real clue as to who you are even.
But realize that these obstacles are nothing more than a mirage to your truth.
Don’t let your SOUL light burn out because you are too scared to pull back the curtains on your life and reveal your beauty,
your thoughts,
your feelings,
your opinions,
and ideas.
 
You know who you are.
You just have to be willing to slow down enough to spend time with yourself to feel into yourself.
 
And then have the COURAGE to make yourself the most important person in your life.
 
Do this and watch miracles and abundance in all juicy good things flood into your here and now.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
It’s time that you start to say YES to the most important person in the room beautiful. It’s time that you accept your worth, and step onto this path that your SOUL is calling you too.
I know how hard the steps may appear.
I know that you are fearful, that you doubt if you have what it takes to make this shiz happen for you or not.
But I promise you that YOU can do it.
You can have it.The first step though is to recognize that you must let go and have faith in your process of getting there.
Listen to your SOUL and follow it’s lead.
Imagine having a coach who has been on a similar path guide you, help you discover the deeper meanings of what soul is wanting you to know.
What would it feel like to have that sort of support and guidance?
You can have this.
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 Private mentoring and coaching today.

TRAUMA GREW MY ROSE GARDEN AND GRATITUDE WATERS IT.

TRAUMA GREW MY ROSE GARDEN AND GRATITUDE WATERS IT.

Today is a really interesting day for me.
It marks my one year of one of the most traumatic events I have had happen in a relationship so far. It also marks my one year of a massive transformation period, new growth and opportunity blended with trauma and needed healing.

Today I sit here at Starbucks after dropping my youngest son off to his father ( the man I fell out of relationship a year ago today).
It was brutal to drop him off today.
My heart actually still hurts from this mornings exchange.

Our son age four, ran to the back seat of my car as we pulled into daddy’s driveway and he screamed, “I don’t want to go to daddy’s house.” he got so frustrated, clung to the rear seat with all the force his little body could muster and screamed, “No Mommy.”

I grabbed him up, hugged him. Told him that I loved him and that I would see him later today and then he would be back at mommy’s house on Wednesday. He clung to my neck and fought profusely to hold on to me as his father took him out of my arms.

I never wanted any of this for my baby.
I don’t believe that any of us parents ever want this sort of emotional pain on our children. I don’t believe that my ex desires this trauma to come up on our son either.
And yet it still falls here.

Today, I find myself sitting here upset at my son’s pain.
Wishing I could do more for him.
Wishing that us adults who have brought this on him could have communicated better about what we wanted from each other and how we wanted out of our relationship before it came to violence as it did and a nasty, terrorizing breakup that will last a life time for our children emotionally not to mention the physical repercussions that are still being dealt with for myself.

I sit here still wondering how I could not have realized more so as to where my ex was at.
Wondering why he had to act out in violence and rage the way he did one year ago today.
Why it was so important for him to push me and all the children away with such extreme measures.
Why could he just not simply say that he wanted out and we move onto separate paths in peace and harmony, working together for the greatest good of all the children and each other.

I knew he was unhappy in our relationship.
I knew he wanted out.
He did not even desire to want to spend 30 minutes a week with me alone even though this had become a consistent request and desire of mine. He could not stomach to sit by me and watch TV, he wanted nothing to do with cuddling or sex that was two sided, only wanted to get off and be done. Would roll away in disgust after pushing me away like trash after he had reached climax.
He became rageful with friends and emotionally and physically aggressive toward his step-children. He was hateful and I told myself that he was stressed about work, money, health, anything but the truth was what I proclaimed.

The signs were there.
They were in front of my blind eyes and desire to make it all work for us.
The more committed I became to our relationship and requested time and connection,
the more he pushed away in anger.

And now,
a year later I see the truth.
I see his pattern that he had to enforce.
I see the pain that he must be in.
And I am grateful that even though that was a brutal time and experience,
even though there is still much healing that needs done for self and children.

I am grateful that I never lost who I was,
I never lost love,
I never lost my family or friends,
and I can do the healing and I understand at a deep level the power of emotions,
the importance of knowing self and NOT hiding from myself and feelings.
I am grateful that I was given a powerful opportunity last year to stand up and be 100% me.
The last year has offered me so many blessings that would have never come about had he not caved to his patterns and needs to push love away, to push so hard that he was the one to be abandoned in the experience by everyone. To repeat the trauma from his youth. And to create an experience that supported his belief that the feminine always leaves him.

I see now how he had to push that hard.
I am too stubborn to leave when I still love.
I believed it could be fixed,
I believed that he was not lying when he said that he loved me more than anyone else.
I strangely believed in us and in him.

But today,
today I stand in gratitude for the 7 years of learning,
of experience and growth,
for the birth of my two youngest angels that i would not trade for anything.

Today I stand here in gratitude for his push.
Busted up body and everything,
it was worth it.
Because I found my true strength.
I found my heart.
My SOUL.
And tapped into allowing myself, to be me without needing another.
There is great beauty in the darkest of clouds if you allow yourself to see it and you allow time to step you back far enough to see the whole sky and it’s beauty.

Life is one BIG TRUST EXERCISE.
And today,
I am reminded of the trust and faith that I had to muster up at one of my lowest, scariest points in life so far.
Today, I choose to focus on that reminder.
To focus on the gratitude and the opportunities that have come from this event, like any event in our lives.
Today I choose to look at my blessed life.
The steady massive love that I experience from family, friends and the wonderful man I have in my life currently.
The AMAZING tribe that I have developed and all the growth that I am seeing in my business and life.
The wealth of connection, joy and the laughter that resides in my home daily that was not there a year ago or before.
My creativity at an all time high.
The beauty and bounty that is in each step on this journey.

Today I want to say THANK YOU to the man that tossed me to the side last year, who tried to destroy me and all that we had built together.
From that rubble grew a rose garden.

MY ROSE GARDEN.

Thank you for my pain.
Thank you for my suffering.
Thank you for the trauma.
Thank you for the goodbye.
I am so effing happy with my life TODAY!

My question to you that I share this with today is,
what are you doing with your trauma, drama and pain? Does it hold you back or build you up?

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

It’s time that you start to say YES to the most important person in the room beautiful. It’s time that you accept your worth, and step onto this path that your SOUL is calling you too.

I know how hard the steps may appear.
I know that you are fearful, that you doubt if you have what it takes to make this shiz happen for you or not.

But I promise you that YOU can do it.
You can have it.The first step though is to recognize that you must let go and have faith in your process of getting there.

Listen to your SOUL and follow it’s lead.

Imagine having a coach who has been on a similar path guide you, help you discover the deeper meanings of what soul is wanting you to know.

What would it feel like to have that sort of support and guidance?

You can have this.
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 Private mentoring and coaching today.

You Make Me Want To Look Pretty

You make me want to look pretty.
You make me want to dress up and be my best in your presence.
You make me want to smile.
You make me want to be light in my heart.
Open.
and connected.
You make me want to be beautiful.
Because that is what I am.
I am all of this at my core love.
And I know that you can see it.
I know that you feel me at my deepest,
and that you hunger for me to give you more of myself.
You light me up.
You make me feel joyous.
You turn me on at a spiritual level.
You ignite my soul.
Your energy,
your support,
your words of encouragement,
the way you smile and say nothing at all.
You tell me that I am beautiful.
You make me want to reveal my all to you.
I want to spread my wings,
and let you in.
I want to be captured by the light that your eye’s reflect back to me.
I want all of this.
Because I am all of this.
And you see me.
You call me out in my dark hours.
You resist my attempts to hide my beauty.
You dig in my caves and you ask for more treasure.
And you know that it is treasure.
The treasure of my soul.
The treasure of my truth.
And you see me.
You are not blinded by the tales of others.
You are not hindered by the notions of the world around us.
No, you choose.
And you consistently choose,
to see me.
And for this my love,
You make me want to look pretty.
You make me want to dress up and be my best in your presence.
You make me want to smile.
You make me want to be light in my heart.
Open.
and connected.
You make me want to be beautiful.
I want to show you who I am.
I want you to feel me.
I want you to crave me.
To taste more of me.
I want to open,
open wide in love to you.
Because it is with your onlooking,
that I can see myself.
It is through your eye’s that I take down my masks.
The veils of my fear fall to the ground,
they are not needed,
in your embrace.
Yes, my love.
You have that way about you.
You have the presence.
The love.
The attention.
That my soul desires.
I want to suck you up and never let you go,
and I want you to do the same of me.
Absorb me love.
Hold me love.
And savor.
Because this is me.
This is my beauty.
This is my soul.
And it is naked before you.
asking for your presence.
Basking in your sight.
Becoming juicy at your touch.
Yes this my love is me.
And because you see me,
I am standing stronger.
Because the way that you look at me,
I know that you know me.
I know that you feel me.
I know that we are the same.
And so as I stand here,
eye to eye,
you look back from the mirror,
and you say,
” I love you. You are beautiful.”
And yes my love you are correct.
For this is me.
And this is you.
And we are one.
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Damn You 2018! But Thank You.

🍾🥳🎉🎉Happy New Years Eve Everyone!🎉🎉🥳💞

As we go through the last day of 2018 and we enter 2019, I wanted to share some thoughts with you about the bullsh*t that might be holding you back.
And I say all of this in love. And I say it all with the intimacy share that it is true for myself as well.
Stepping into a new year is always a time of contemplation for myself. Perhaps you feel the same, perhaps not.
But I find myself sitting here this morning, drinking my coffee, enjoying the crispness of the morning and playing with our families new little puppy while I ponder all that has taken place in this year of 2018.
Recently I shared that I was in gratitude and happy with where my life is RIGHT NOW. That I was happy with 2018 and all that it has brought with it. And this is true, however I still find myself looking at the year and saying from my depth, “Damn You 2018!”
I am witnessing this same energy and statement from many people that I know, work with and follow. 2018 has been a testing year.
It has tested us in all ways. Physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
And financially for many.
For myself I look at this last year and I can honestly say that I did not see many of the things that occurred coming. I started last January pumped up and excited, anticipating the closure of a separation with a man that I loved deeply, but I “thought” that he would turn toward me, instead he chose differently and with that came new sight into his heart and our relationship. It was a breathtaking and eye opening experience. Turned around and found myself with my other main man flipping out and revealing where he was as well, which lead to physical trauma and financial stress. Watched as my 82 year old mother with dementia went deeper down the rabbit hole of this disease and made choices that were irreversible making it where I no longer to care and support her the way that I once had, to the point where she even ran away from the home that she was living.
Brought on with all of these challenges of 2018 I found myself needing to find a new home ( and did so within 3 days) , get a new car ( and I did so within a week), get healing for my physical body ( which I did with the love and support of my fellow practitioners and friends), get legal help ( which I did with the guidance of God) and wade through the upsets and the trails that would seem to never end.
Yes 2019 with your over $75,000 of additional costs that I did not expect.
You have taught me so much. This single mama still remains strong, happy and in love with her life. In gratitude for all that 2018 has brought, even though it has been some rough lessons.
How can I even have gratitude some ask?It is simple: My life is blessed.I am in love with where I am. I am in love with the truth that has been revealed. And I am in love with myself.
2018 has shown me who I am, my strength, my courage, my fears, my weaknesses, and it has provided me with sight into my soul.


For all the sh*t that has happened in 2018, my list of gratitude’s are far greater.


*More than DOUBLED my income in 2018! BAM!!!💲💲

*Found out I am going to be a grandmother. 🙂 Holy crap its happening!!!!👶*All seven of my kids live close to me or with me.

* Have close relationships with all of my children and good friendships. ( what more can a mama ask for)

*Everyone is healthy.

*Bought my first car without anyone else attached to it. (always have had someone with me i.e. a husband or man)

*Moved into a house that I f-cking LOVE in a neighborhood that is amazing. * My kids are all in GREAT schools and doing good.

* Paid off a third of my over all debt.

*Only spend maybe 8-10 hours a week feeling like I am “working”

*Truly have my time as my time – I AM MY BOSS!

*Love my TRIBE!!!! – You are beautiful. *In love with where my business is going and who it is unveiling me to be.

*My home is always blessed with love and people who I care deeply about.

* Amazing men in my life that know how to hold space for me.

* Deep love.🥰💞💞 I truly feel deep love coming to me and being shared by me, which means I LOVE MYSELF DEEPLY.

*Alignment Awareness. This is a BIG one. I am far more conscious of when I am in alignment and when I am not and I am catching my hold backs quicker than in years past.

*A new focus on LISTENING to my intuition.👂👀 Another BIG one for me. Some days I feel psychic, and whether I am or not is beside the point, it is that I am seeing how accurate my gut is and how powerful I am if I ONLY CHOOSE to LISTEN.

*PEACE.🙏 I have spent the last decade becoming a more peaceful person, I use to be so angry and scared. But something in 2018’s lessons has truly lined me up with PEACE. It is hard to throw me these days, and even if I get a little flustered or tense, there is a current of peace right under it reminding me who I really am. Grateful I can feel that.

*THIS IS WHO THE F-CK I AM! 💃💃💃- Yes even for someone like me who prides myself for being raw and authentic, I still have masks. And I am done dancing at this masquerade ball. It’s been fun, but its time to stop fooling around and just STEP IN TO WHO I AM. This is all about the gratitude for KNOWING self and having the desire and the courage to say F-ck it! I am me. Claim my life once and for all.


Okay there is so much that I could go on and on here with my gratitude’s,
but my message to you beautiful is simple,


Look at my list.


Do you see the things that you are grateful for as well in your life?


Do you recognize the things that you need to step into and embrace?


Does any of it make you stir?Make you want for more?


2018 was here in my opinion to wake us the f-ck up!

To clear out the things that do not serve us.

To provide us with the space to call in our dream life.

We all have been too cramped in our style you could say, no room for what we want.

So 2018, bless you 2018.

You have shown us who we are.

You have helped us clean up our homes.

You have revealed truth.And you have taken out the trash that we were not strong enough to admit needed to be taken out.


So thank you 2018.


And HELLO 2019!!!!! 😍💃💃💃🥂🍾💲Let’s Rock this year with love, abundance, certainly and joy.


Let’s make 2019 about receiving all that wants to come to us. Wants to bless our lives. Open beautiful.

Open to 2019 like it is the lover you have always dreamed of and let it penetrate you with all it has to offer.


You are worth the creative loving forces of God’s blessings.
Just OPEN.

And RECEIVE.


Share in the comments what you want to manifest in 2019.


As Always, Stop Existing & Start Living


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You were born to fish.

Somethings just feels wrong.

 
Don’t they?
 
In life we come up on these points in our live’s where we REALLY want something and it is stripped away, right in what seem’s like the most beautiful part of the experience.
 
You know what I am talking about.
It is the moments that make a significant impact on your heart,
on the course of your life even.
 
It is the moments that break you down to nothing,
leaving you fully exposed and raw.
 
It is the moments where you feel lost without hope,
searching for any little crumb of hope to keep you going.
 
Yes these moments.
 
These moments that you wonder why.
These moments that tear you apart and make you weep for all that is lost, all that will never be experienced, all the dreams that will never come to pass…
 
These are game changing moments of the soul.
 
And on the front side of these moments,
and through the healing process of them,
they feel effing wrong.
 
They feel as though they should not be happening.
That God got it all wrong on this one.
We find ourselves in these moments questioning our hearts, our intuition, our thoughts, our faith, our everything.
 
And the only logical answer yet illogical in the same is that
“I must not deserve this thing I have lost.”
“I must have screwed up and did something wrong.”
“I must have not been good enough.”
 
And so we sit an torture ourselves about how bad a person we are.
 
We come up with lists of things that we need to change,
promises to ourselves about how we will never allow this or that to happen to us again,
we confirm to ourselves that the only safe thing is to shut down.
 
And so we shutdown to love.
And it feels all wrong.
 
The universe is a funny place,
where when these occurrences happen,
we find ourselves haunted by the what if’s, the could have been’s, the dreams and desires that we once had and that still reside inside us deep down.
 
They haunt us like the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future.
 
They haunt us and share with us the things that we still desire.
That our heart cries out for.
That is not.
That cannot be in current.
 
And it feels all wrong.
 
But what if…
WHAT IF?
 
These haunting’s were actually signs from our soul.
Revealing to us that the desires that we had are still there and a possibility,
 
perhaps not in the fashion we had originally intended,
but that they are there and they are ours to manifest.
 
These THINGS that our hearts crave,
that our soul has set it’s eye on,
that God has in store for us.
 
These THINGS.
These BLESSINGS.
 
And the reason that they did not happen the way that we had originally planned was because those events, those people, those things were not in alignment to our highest and best life experience.
 
We had to grow!
Not do something to become worthy.
Not become a better person.
 
No.
We had to grow into the person that could hold those blessings,
 
and share of them the way that God intends for each of us to share.
 
It comes down to the wise statement from Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu, founder of Taoism
“Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime”
 
 
If we had continued to be given the blessings freely as we were living them, then we never would have learned how to handle them properly or gain them in faith and surrender.
 
We would never have expanded our souls ability to receive the beauty of all that is offered to us in this life.
 
No one took anything away from us.
This is the truth.
What you may feel you have lost.
Is not gone.
 
You tasted of its sweetness and now you must go and earn it.
You must go and learn how to fish.
 
In the learning,
you will expand yourself to capacities you can not currently imagine.
 
You will grow.
You will once again gain,
your hearts desires.
Your souls cravings.
 
They are all there waiting for you.
But first you must fish.
 
The lessons of fishing, will lead you to the life that you desire.
You were born worthy of this life.
You must though build your being strong enough to carry all the blessing that is awaiting you.
 

And it feels right.

You were born to fish.

 

As always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

Join me in October for 5 weeks of transformation,
where YOU Claim Your LIFE in 2018 Once and For All.
Message me for details….
or

Sick As Shit, But NOT Accepting This.

I most likely “should” not be doing this today, after all I am sick.
I am recovering from this nasty as f*ck cold that took over my voice, my chest, my head, my sinuses. Keeping me awake hours all night and just not letting me sleep like a hungry lover who never is fulfilled.

I most likely “should” just cancel my day and F-ck it!
I most likely “should” go to the doctor and get some med’s to help me bust through this shit quicker.

Yeppers.
That is what I most likely “SHOULD” do.

But that is NOT what leaders do.
That is not what high vibe peep’s do.
That is not what those of us who have dreams do.

No.
It sure is f*uck not.

I might be sick.
I certainly need to take some TLC time.
I most defiantly need rest and a few good nights sleep.
But incorporating a practice of “shoulding on myself?”
I am F-CK NO to that one.

That will not heal me quicker or help me reach my goals.
It will not bring my being to a higher VIBE.

It will dilute me.
It will suck me dry from the false judgement,
the ego,
the fear,
the resistance of being all of me.

It will prevent me from SHINING my Mother F-cking Light as strong as I WANT to.

The issue is NOT in the things that I say I “should” do or “should not” do.

The issue is the SHOULD.

The statement of should say’s that I am basing…
My life,
My health,
My beliefs,
My goals,
My style,
My attitude,
My sex,
My money,
My LIGHT

on what I BELIEVE the world thinks I should do or should not do/be/have.

It is not based on WHO I AM, but on who I think society will accept the most.

There is the issue.

You know this issue, don’t you?
I bet you know it intimately even.

Maybe to intimately to acknowledge even,
keeping this relationship with “SHOULD” in the hiding as much as you can.
Acting as though you are removed from it,
Like you divorced it.
You don’t have that issue any longer.
That was the old you.

The new you is…

ENLIGHTENED.

Right?

Hahahahahahahahah…..
Okay sure.

I will let you sit there with that.
And I will sit here with mine.
And we can just sit in silence of our hiding our truth for just a second longer.

But here is the issue in that….

I can ONLY sit here a second with it.
I simply don’t have the time to give my life to all the “SHOULD’S and SHOULD NOT’S”

I simply KNOW with CERTAINTY that they will NEVER provide me with anything that I want.

They will only steal my breath.
They will only take my dreams and bury them in the waste land of a life that COULD HAVE BEEN.

They will only fill my soul with REGRET.

No.

I sure as F-CK DO NOT have more than a second of my time to sit here with you, in the silence of not chasing my dreams.

I know with CERTAINTY that God has my back.
I know with CERTAINTY that anything I truly put my mind, heart and attention to will manifest like f-cking magick for me.

I know with CERTAINTY that you can have this too.

But FIRST.
First you have to let go of your shoulding nature.

First you have to say goodbye to it,
let yourself cry your tears of mourning of letting go of all that holds you back,
(she coughs)
Yes your hold backs, those things that feel so f-cking safe and comfortable.

I KNOW you don’t want to admit it.
I KNOW you want to cringe at the realization of it.
I KNOW that you find yourself holding your breath,
feeling guilt or shame even around it,
But it is F-CKING TRUE.

Isn’t it?

Imagine if you just FINALLY accepted that you were limitless.
Imagine if you just FINALLY decided to get selfish.
Imagine if you just FINALLY chose to say YES,
Yes to YOU.

Who would you be?
What would you have?
Where would you go?
What would you do?

Imagine if you just stopped shoulding on yourself.
What would it FEEL like with out the should in your life?

Seriously,
I am the one who is SICK AS F-CK here…
I am the one that “should” be crying in my yogurt about how crappy I feel,
How tired I am,
How shitty my body feels today,
How much I still have to do and have no energy for.

F-CK THAT!
You won’t catch me doing that.

Instead,
Instead you will see me leaning in to the discomfort of
SAYING YES….

YES, to the most important person in this Mother F-cking world.

YES to ME.

Saying YES
to self care,
telling myself that I am worthy,
that I am lovable,
that I am unf-cking stoppable,
that I am powerful,
beautiful,
magnetic
and healthy.

Sh*t Ain’t Going To Get Me Down.
I will step past that “Should Pile” and I will put on my shoes,
eat my yogurt and strawberries,
drink my coffee and water,
write out my commandments of manifestation,
BREATHE in Life.
And SHINE.

Now the ONLY Question of the day that remains,
Is what will you do with your “should pile?”

STOP Stepping in it!
That is what I highly recommend.

And As Always, 
Stop Existing & Start Living

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

God Bless My Ego.

It is one of those days.
One of those days where I find myself wrapped in a cover of doubt. Fear. Overwhelm. Exhaustion.

Uncertainty knocking at my door,
Screaming at me that I will fail.

Screaming at me that there is no f*cking way that I can do this.
Can have this.
Can be this.

My ego parading around in my head taking front row center stage, announcing its victory of kicking me while it perceives I should be down.

It woke me numerous times last night to tell me how shitty I was. To share with me its concerns and fears. To announce to me how everything that I wanted I could not have and how I was not good enough to have it.

My ego.
God bless my ego.

Standing in the shower just moments ago, I found myself being taken on another ego trip.

Feeling like I was scrooge being drug through my life of what had happened, what was happening and what would be.

My ego painted nothing but the most gloomy of pictures.
Assuring me that this was sure to happen.

Telling me that my life would NEVER be what I wanted.
I was for certain not to be HAPPY.
Not to find true LOVE.
Not to HEAL.
Physically or emotionally.
Not to LIVE UNBOUND, full and free.
Telling me that the F*ck Yes! Life that I prescribe too,
PREACH about,
and have been living,
was all a figment of my imagination.

My ego.
God Bless my ego.

Yes it shared with me that ADVENTURE was gone for this lifetime. Only work, work, and more work was in my future.

Yes it shared with me that PLAY was not to be had. Instead it is time to put on my BIG GIRL pants and get serious and STOP desiring play, fun, joy, and bliss.

Yes it shared with me that LOVE was nothing to desire. It does not exist. No one will ever love me. Will ever honor me. Will ever hold space for me. Will ever see me. No, this man does not exist. My SOUL MATCH does not exist. He is a figment of my imagination. I will have to just SETTLE for meeting fragments of him in other men and make due with what I get.

Yes my ego shared that I was stupid.
That I was unhealthy.
That my body now was f*cked up and ugly.
That I looked old, tired, worn out and should just settle for the reality that my light had been squished.

My wings clipped.
Yes it shared that my words, my truth, my message was unwanted and not needed. That it to was stupid, not good enough and silly.

My ego. 
God Bless my ego.

This morning my ego has had a Raging Dance Party in my psyche.

It has been shacking its booty in my face,
Rubbing itself up and down my sides like a horny, drunk person.
It has been pointing its fingers and laughing at my dreams and desires.
It has been taunting me, seducing me and scaring me.

It has been lude, crude and tempting.
It makes its case like the best attorney in court.
Showing evidence of my lack of worthiness.
My lack of FAITH.

Showing me how BAD I have been in life and how I deserve to FAIL.

Yes, my ego.
God Bless my ego.

And F*CK MY EGO!!!!

I watch it dance before me. I hear its serenade.

The reality.
MY REALITY.

Is that a life of EGO is NO LIFE AT ALL.

I know the wolf that is underneath that cloak.
It hungers for my life.
It craves to steal my breath.
It craves to steal my LIGHT.
It tells me my wings are clipped when in FACT my wings are stretched out so far I cannot see their tips.
It tells me I cannot FLY.
That God will not carry me.

My SOUL KNOWS different.
My HEART is CERTAIN of different.

I do not have to look far to SEE the TRUTH.
My TRUTH.

My TRUTH, that is all around me.
Comes through my words.
Through my messages.
Through my energy.
Through the light in my eye’s.

My TRUTH,
that comes through the messages that my TRIBE shares with me.
The vulnerability of not just my expression but that of those I connect with, share with and hold space for.

Yes, my truth.
God Bless my truth.

I will NEVER STOP.
DREAMING.
SHARING.
LIVING.
BELIEVING.

I will NEVER STOP.
LOVING.
OFFERING.
OPENING.
BEING ME.

The ego will try and strip us of our life.
It will try and scare us into submission.
It has tactics that make us feel like we should do this or that.
It will tell us how to be a good person.
It will tell us this is what God wants from you.
It will make us prideful and strip us of our pride all in the same sentence.

None of which is coming from God or our soul.

No.
F*ck the EGO and it’s satanic ways of making us fear LIVING.

F*ck the EGO for attempting to steal our lives and dreams.

Our desires.
Our TRUTH.

I don’t know about you,
But I can tell you that I for one REFUSE to let the EGO LIVE MY LIFE.

This life is mine to live.
This breath is mine to breathe.
This heart is mine to share.

I am Claiming My Life.
Will You Claim Your’s?

Remember,
Stop Existing – Start Living

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

Shaky Knee’s & Stairs

Shaky Knee’s and Stairs.

These two things do not get along well.
And yest they are a match made in heaven.

Looking down from the second floor stairs,
Looking at that first step,
feeling my knee’s tremble at the core.
The energy pulsing from my core.
The cool night breeze, brushing up against my cheek as I took a deep breath in.
My lover behind me.

My knee’s.
My knee’s, shaking from the hours upon hours of pleasure.
Quivering from the core.
My core.

There is this fullness,
This feeling of alignment,
yet fear still resides here.
I can feel it being shaken loose.

That first step,
seeming so far away.
The uncertain feeling of can I make it?
The knowing that it is one of many to follow.

I am tired.
I am so tired.
I am turned on .
So turned on.
I want more.
So much more.

But FIRST, 
that step.

That first step.
Why is it so hard to land that first step.
To find the courage to JUST TAKE IT.

It’s fear.
It’s uncertainty.
It’s lack of faith.
It’s lack of belief in my worthiness.

and

YET, I KNOW that I can land it.
There is this knowing that is deeper than the fear.

This knowing that wants to be known.
It wants to be REMEMBERED.

It is there begging for my attention.
Begging for me to STOP existing in the shadows of what I can be.

It is that quiet voice that is getting loud as the day’s pass.
Saying, “YES YOU CAN.”

But these knee’s…
These shaky knee’s.

They tremble at all that could happen.
They resist the wonders that could be born from the pleasure of saying YES to myself.
They resist the DESIRE that wants to JUST LET GO.
They tremble in fear that something may happen to this me that I know, as the me that I am to be EMERGES.

You would think that hours of pleasure would grant me the confidence to just land the step.
You would think that hours of embracing what I wanted, would give me the faith that I could take the step and KNOW I have it.
You would think that the surrender to success, the depth of orgasmic bliss that I said YES to would show me that this world is for the taking, it is for the embracing and it supports our TRUTH when we lean in, let go and get in flow.

But every moment, I have come to learn is a new moment.
And every moment carries hope and doubt.

It is up to me in this moment to DECIDE, 
To CLAIM what I want to do with it.

It is up to me, and only me to TAKE THE STEP.

Will I let these shaky knee’s lock me up in fear?
Or will I let these shaky knee’s rattle out that fear as I step forward in FAITH?

Yes there are many steps before me.
There is risk,
But my lover is behind me.
His love carries me.

The step’s are suddenly not so steep.
The breeze, it brushes up against my cheek like a lover itself whispering his intentions in my ear.
The night sky, filled with his glory.
Like a lover filling me with his essence in climax.
There is a owl in the distance,
I hear it’s call of the night.
As if to say, “Listen to your soul, my child.”

And so I shall!
I shall LISTEN.
I shall TAKE THE STEP.
In FAITH.
In CERTAINTY.

Here is my courage.
Here is my guidance.
Here, here in this moment of leaving my lovers embrace, I open to true surrender. True guidance.
My angels are around me.

It is TIME.

Step.
Step.
Step.

Ahhhhhhhh…….
The feeling of saying YES, to one’s truth.
It is FREEDOM.

It is bliss.
It is the F*ck YES! Life.

Will you say YES?

And remember, 
Stop Existing & Start Living

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

Popcorn Moments

These moments… Popcorn Moments.

 
These moment’s they tend to drive me effing crazy while they are happening.
 
You most likely know the moments.
It is the times when you are focused, determined, aware and taking action,
 
But there is still no pop corn popped.
You can hear the sizzle in the pan of the kernels getting ready.
You can feel the heat of the fire that you have built and keep tending too.
 
You can smell the warming oil.
And feel the excitement of how good it will be when they pop.
 
Yes the yummieness of the fresh pop corn, its buttery flavor, its comfort and simple complexity.
 

Yes you know these popcorn moments.

 
Every time you make your mind up that you are going to
 
Get serious.
Make it happen.
Plant your stake.
Get COMMITTED.
Become more than what/who you are.
Access your FLOW.
And become ABUNDANT.
 
Yes these moments.
 
This is what I am speaking of.
 
And then what happen’s?
 

I will tell you what happen’s…

Your child comes to you and asks if he can purchase a game online. It is only this small amount of funds.
 
But you find yourself CLAIMING that you don’t have it.
 
Your kid comes to you and ask’s if they can go here or there with a friend and they need just $20, NOW.
 
But you find yourself CLAIMING that you don’t have it.
 
You open your refrigerator or pantry and see that it is time to go grocery shopping again, and you feel this drop in your gut.
 
Because you find yourself CLAIMING that you don’t have it.
 
Your friend say’s let’s grab lunch, and you really need away from everything and get excited about the connection and sharing.
 
But you find yourself CLAIMING that you don’t have it.
 
You really need to take a moment for some self-care and get a massage. You have been working so hard, and you know it is almost mandatory for you to do.
 
But you find yourself CLAIMING that you don’t have it.
 
Your lover snuggle’s up and say’s, “Let’s grab dinner and a movie, go for drinks and chat.” You see the sparkle and turn on in their eye, you feel the need for connection.
 
But you find yourself CLAIMING that you don’t have it.
 

Yes here is what happens.

 
We reach for our goals.
Our dreams and desires.
 
We PROCLAIM that we want them,
That we will DO ANYTHING to achieve them.
 
We send out our rockets of desire and watch as they his they pass through the atmosphere into the hands of God.
 
And then we promptly, swiftly,
 
CLAIM that we don’t have it.
 
It is in our words,
Our actions,
Our thoughts.
 
And all of this makes up our ENERGY.
 
If we are not in the energy of certainty,
the energy of enthusiasm,
the energy of allowing ourselves to receive our desired life.
 
Then can we ever REALLY expect that we will create it.
That the BLESSINGS will come down on us?
 
No, Because it is like looking at that popcorn, sizzling away.
Smelling it getting ready, hearing the kernels in the hot oil.
Even seeing and hearing a few pop,
 

And THEN…

 
Removing it from the heat,
And PROCLAIMING that it was NEVER going to happen.
 
In this we not just take our popcorn off the heat,
we toss it in the trash can.
 
And cry about the waist.
 
We blame the popcorn.
We blame the stove.
We blame the oil.
We say the oil got to hot or not hot enough.
 
And then we land on, ” I did not want popcorn anyway.”
 
Sound familiar?
 
We are all guilty of doing this somewhere.
I write this because I caught myself in my own little popcorn moment this morning.
 
Funny how we sabotage that, that we want so much.
So that we can continue to SETTLE for something less.
 
Our comfort is in the LESS though.
Our SUCCESS is in the MORE.
In the anticipation.
In the waiting with intent.
In the energy of IT IS ALREADY HERE.
 

Where are you coming from this day?

Will you ALLOW your popcorn to pop?

 

And Remember,

Stop Existing & Start Living

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.