And here he was.
I love the way he showed up.
And here he was.
I loved the way he showed up.
And here he was.
I loved the way he showed up.
Stop Existing – Start Living
☀Sometimes waking up is so f*cking hard to do.☀
Have you had one of those mornings where you just want to continue to hit snooze no matter what 😴But you know if you do that you will not get to adulting today and instead just be a lump in your bed or on the couch? 👨👩👦👩🏫👨💼
Yeah that is where I was at this morning.
The last f*cking thing I wanted to do was get up when my 5:45AM alarm went off. I woke up exhausted from not sleeping well due to my 3 year old son who had a rough night with an upset tummy and bad dreams.
All he wanted was to be held in mommies arms.
But that meant this mommy was not sleeping to well herself. Especially with the consistent up’s and downs.
At 5:45AM I was not thinking about being a good mom.
I was not thinking about my soul’s calling or purpose.
I was not thinking about my responsibilities, my desires, my goals.
I was not thinking about any of this.
What I was thinking about was S-L-E-E-P!!!!!
And how could I get more of it.
But there I lay, saying my morning gratitude prayer instead of doing what I wanted so badly to do.
There I lay focusing my attention into the blessings and opportunities that the day was waiting to gift me with. Instead of the worry, frustration and desire to sleep it off and avoid life.
This was a 5 second decision that changed my life.
Yes my whole life.
If I had fallen prey to that calling of sleep and let myself drift off instead of activating my TRUE desire I would have lost the whole day. 🌞
The first 3-4 hours after we wake make or break our days. It is the mindset work. It is the consciousness training. It is the positive infusion of GRATITUDE and INTENTION setting that we do that creates the tone of the day and the tone of our lives.
We have a choice to allow ourselves to be lead away from our true desires and purpose or not.
We each have a choice EVERY morning to slay the day with our hearts and the divine guidance that they give us or to allow AVERAGE and ORDINARY to slay us and our dreams.
Every time we set up the day by hitting snooze.
Every time that we start our day in fear, worry, anger, panic, negative thoughts.
Every time we wake up not blessing ourselves.
We are ALLOWING the day to slay us.
We are PERMITTING our pain and suffering to rule us.
We are committing to a life of LIMITED LIVING.
Today, I committed, made the 5 second executive decision to STEP yet again AWAY from AVERAGE and into my GREATNESS.
I chose my SOUL.💃💃💃
I chose my HEART. 💖
I chose my PASSION.🔥🔥🔥
I chose GRATITUDE, BLESSING 🙏and the
What did you choose?
I feel so f*cking good, do you?
I sure hope you do.
I feel so AMAZING.
And most of all in GRATITUDE.
Guess what for?
Your determination, curiosity, passion and desire to make this world a better place makes every moment here on this earth more valuable.
Your creative flow, deep emotions and craving for something more than average and ordinary excites my soul as it does many other’s that you touch without ever realizing.
Your strength, vulnerability and turn on to experience life fully and embrace all the blessings that God has in store for you shines brighter than the brightest star and ignites my soul to hold my arms wide in support for you.
Your wild and crazy heart that you so badly long to follow but find yourself stepping gingerly forward on the path that you cannot really see yet, brings a sweet smile to my face as I feel your fear, your nervousness and excitement and commend your courage for taking that step in faith.
Your ability to always remain a student to yourself, continuously searching for new treasures to be uncovered is a reason for the sun to rise everyday and this world to keep spinning.
As you spread your wings to allow the breath of God to carry you to your true destiny and you seek deeper and fiercer within it, is reason for the angels to sing of your glory, your worthiness to live a life of fullness and blessing.
You know at your core you are NOT average and ordinary.
You know who you are.
You are so much more than what you have been showing up as so far.
Open your wings BABY!
10,000 way’s you grace this world with your love, your passion, and your soul.
10,0000 reason’s for you to embrace who you are meant to be.
10,000 reason’s that I say THANK YOU and find my heart and soul in complete rapture for love of how miraculous you are.
You are the ONE,
The one that makes me smile when you share your growth.
Your heart and soul.
You are the one that makes my heart sore when you message me in surrender to your soul’s calling and take that leap.
Yes, BABY, you got this!
You deserve this!
You are love.
And you are loved.
Feel that excitement to take that step forward…
Feel the rush of joy and fear as they blend in your belly when you take that leap into your great unknown and say YES to yourself.
YES to the Life that you were called to live.
Yes to your well-being.
Yes to the relationship you crave.
Yes to the abundance that wants to flow through you.
Yes to the life where you are no longer surviving, but you are turned-on, tapped in and in your flow.
10,000 reasons my beautiful that you can have it, were born for it and that I am thankful for YOU being you.
COME NOW and walk with me, let us see a new day dawning.
Will you say YES?
YES to the most important person here.
You were born for the F*ck YES Life.
Stop Existing & Start Living!
The last few months I have spent a great amount of time looking at my life. I have examined and prayed. I have cried out in joy and suffering. I have rejoiced and I have damned. However through it all I have held gratitude at my core.
It has taken me many a folly to truly understand that gratitude is the one true key to a life full of blessing.
Many years ago I came to realize that our callings, our purpose you might say are buried within our wounds. Those things in life that have caused us so much pain have also served to bring forth, if we allow ourselves to see and feel it, our greatest purpose. It is within these times of great mourning that we discover who we really are and how great the divine is. It is in these supposed weak moments in our lives where we feel perhaps like we have been cast into the shadows and are unwanted and undeserving that we can discover the greatest of love. It is here through the act of self- forgiveness and love that we meet our maker within ourselves.
When we practice the “F” word – FORGIVENESS, we open ourselves up to the miracle of love. Forgiveness is seated with gratitude, and in our ability to find gratitude for even the most evil of ills that our lives might be blessed with we discover our nature. We discover that which can either tear us apart or make us whole.
No two humans will ever suffer the same. We may walk in similar shoes of pain but we will never suffer the same. Therefore it is up to no one to cast judgement on another for how they choose to process through anything, whether it be the loss of a job, a relationship, a child, a rape or something else. But one thing is for certain, in these times of great depression and uncertainty we still have the ability to lean into love. Many of us choose, at least for a time frame to lean into victim-hood and hate. We choose to be conquered by these miseries and to cast an evilness out of ourselves to show our pain. Feeling that there is no love inside of us to attach to, that we had it coming or are not worthy of anything more than suffering we cower to the fear of the chaos that our lives have been thrown into and we lean into our egos. We swear off forgiveness, we turn away from love and we most certainly find no gratitude for the misery that we are sitting in.
This is a natural part of the process of recovering and healing. However shit happens to all of us. There is no one on this planet that will not suffer, and suffer greatly at some point in their existence here on earth. The one thing that we can control is how long we choose to sit in our pain and allow it to run our lives. The next thing that we have control over is how we choose to stand in it. We CAN make the conscious choice to find forgiveness and love or to remain caught in the grasp of hatred and suffering.
Our hatred may seem to make us strong, but it is a false strength. One that is only eating off of our own love and once it succeeds at killing our connection and joy it will parish like ash in a rain storm.
So why put your hope in something that does not serve you but only wishes to control you?
I write this article the day after Thanksgiving and my heart bears with it much pain from recent months and the years that have past. I grieve the loss of moments with my children, the loss of time with my mother who suffers from dementia, I grieve the loss of a love that opened me so wide and the loss of children I will never know. I feel the pain in my womb from a rape by a stranger of many years back and the fear that rolled through me when my lover became a monster and forced himself upon me. I feel the hatred toward my parents for ignoring my cries to be loved and seen, approved of and accepted. I feel the disappointment of loosing a house in foreclosure and having to rob my child’s piggy bank for change to buy milk. I feel the frustration and bitterness of looking a partner in the eye as they drank themselves into oblivion and said I was making it up. I feel the sorrow of having to put a beloved cat down. I feel the terror of breaking a heart that does not deserve to be broken. I feel the worry and fear of potentially loosing a child right in front of my eyes….
I feel all of this pain and more.
And yet I choose LOVE.
I choose GRATITUDE.
I choose FORGIVENESS.
I do not wake with thoughts of all of these things. No, instead I wake and before my feet hit the ground I call out a prayer to God from my heart center in gratitude for waking. I call out a prayer of gratitude for having slept and woke and have all my children do the same. I am thankful in the morning hours for the day that is set out before me filled with hope and opportunity. I set my feet on the floor with a knowing that it is up to me as to how my day goes. Things may test my faith, they may test my courage and love, but ultimately it is still my decision to make as to how my days goes.
Do you know what is said about desire?
It is said that those things that you desire, desire you as well.
The reason we have the desires that we have is because our desires are linked to our path, our purpose and they are waiting for us to reach them.
If we are to have the lives that we deserve and desire, then we must be willing to reach outside of our comfort zones of hatred and fear and lean into the territory of unconditional love, forgiveness and gratitude. We must do what is foreign to us and we must trust in the creator that our highest and greatest good is where we are headed. That anything that might feel as if it is an obstacle to this is actually just a guidance system that is moving us toward our truth. This truth is not that of the victim, it is that of the “blessed.”
We will be pushed by any and all means until we open to our soul vision. This vision is an alignment with our purpose. The divine vision that God has for each of our lives is right before us, yet we cannot see it and we fight it. We cover our eyes in fear to it. We hide in normalcy and we become complacent and numb to the callings of our spirit. The nudges that push on us to be more. Do more. Serve more. Radiate more.
Yet all we have to do is LET GO!
The glory of the creator is right there, waiting to wash us in blessings, love and all our desires if we would just LET GO.
We must let go of the belief that we need to control.
We must let go of the belief that surrender is weakness.
We must let go of our pain and suffering.
This is how we become the alchemist of our lives.
And the first step to letting go….
Make today a day of GRATITUDE and SURRENDER.
Make today GREAT.
Take the first step into the rest of your divine life.
This year is so different then any other for my family and myself, It is hard for me to comprehend even that I don’t have to make a turkey or sides and there is no fancy themed menu planning. Instead I am blessed this year with my beautiful daughter and her man who are hosting and taking care of all of us plus his family. Looking in from the window of experience and life into their world I find myself smiling often at the lessons and experiences that they go through as a young couple. I see the fears, the trauma, the healing, the joy and the hopefulness. I see the self imposed restrictions and the child like awe. It is a beautiful thing to watch and to support.
2015 has been a year that has me counting many blessings. There has been a massive amount of growth for myself, my lovers, my children, my clients and friends. It is a daily event (designed that way BTW, because keeping gratitude at the fore front of our life is a practice that keeps us drawing in more things to be grateful for) for me to run through my list of joy and gratitude. I recall the years gone by that I use to not do this fundamental practice of bliss. Back then I lead a life of misery, pain, suffering, depression, fear, anxiety and just shear blahhhh. Until about 7 years ago now, I discovered the magic of gratitude. I decided that maybe if I turned my focus on the things that were a blessing and really did start counting them that I would at the very least be reminded that there was always something positive in life, no matter how hard the storm clouds hit. SO there I was, a stay at home mother of 5 children, our house had been foreclosed on, my husband was jobless and lost on his path, we were fighting and drinking to much, the light in our eyes and in our children’s was becoming dimmer by the second. Ego was running a muck and on top of it if and when we had sex it was slam bam with no thank you mam but instead the development of a yeast infection, bladder infection or worse the Chrone’s that I had taken on would flare up. Living like this made me internally angry at life. I blamed everyone and everything. Feeling like I was never good enough, strong enough, smart enough, pretty enough. I had myself convinced that I was a piss poor mother and my kids would be better off with someone else. I looked in the mirror and wanted to scream. I hated my reflection. I would actually vocalize my hate to myself by picking on the fine lines I saw, the flabby tummy, the grey hair I would find, the sadness in my eyes, the little crookedness to my lips or the fact that my eye’s are not perfectly the same. Anything that was human I hated on.
The more I hated on my humanness the deeper into the turbulence and depression I crept. It was not until I flipped the the switch and started to appreciate and like even love my humanness AKA myself ,that I found the courage and strength to take care of myself and do the things that were required for me to support the life that I desired at my core.
Once I did this life became more vibrant. But how did I flip the switch?
That is all I did! I started to find things on a daily scale to be thankful for. At first I looked outward and found my thankfulness in my children’s health, in the fact that I did have a roof even if temporary over my head, I had food on the table, I had clothes to wear and my favorite one then and now still is I have opportunity. From there I slowly played with gratitude for things about myself such as I love reading. I am a good cook, and so on and so forth. The list grew until one day I was telling myself that I was a goddess and I was blessed with love and joy. Today my daily gratitudes still have my children’s health and the roof over my head, the air in my lungs, my cozy down feather comforter and pillows but they also include my dynamic relationships, orgasmic sex, full of soul love affairs and empowered clients. Today I look out and I see more opportunity then not and I see a life that manifests luck and a state of bliss instead of suffering and shut down. And here are the incredible things that I have noticed on a physical level from focusing on counting my blessings:
I am stronger and more of life
So on this day of gratitude in the USA take a moment to not just have outward gratitude for the men and women who have fought and given their lives but for the man or woman who is staring back at you in the mirror and accepts the challenge of courageously facing fears, opening up their love center and exploring this glorious thing called life. If you feel like this is not you then all the more reason to pause and analyze the TRUTH.
If you chose to open your eye’s this morning and put your feet on the floor, if you chose to breathe in the air of this morning and take a step forward (even if that was toward the bathroom) then you are showing great courage and willingness to embrace risk and challenges. This life of ours has no guarantee’s. We are offered no more then we are willing to put forth and to give.
Today allow yourself to be gentle with yourself, realize that you are plagued with this disease that everyone else on the planet has as well, HUMANNESS.
And Gosh Dang It, Its a pretty fucking awesome disease too!
Happy Thanksgiving and TODAY start your path with this commitment:
Love Yourself Like Your Life Depended On It.
The other day I was listening to Alexander Brighton speaking during a coaching circle and he was sharing the concept of living in a state of gratitude while remaining hungry for life. This is exactly the high ground of manifestation that we need to come from but we are taught in this life that you must always want more and never be content with where you are. Now I can feel a bunch of people saying, “No, your wrong Kendal, we are not taught this. I was not taught this. I do not teach my children this.” But we are and we do. If it were not the case and we were all living from a state of gratitude and still full of desire then we would not see the rapid onslaught of people self medicating, taking multiple anti-depressants, hiding in video games or TV show’s or walking through their days looking like zombies. Instead we would all be welcoming the start of a new day, we would hungrily charge forth into our activities and rejoice for all the blessing that we have and all those that are still coming to us. We would REALIZE our true divinity and power and accept with a smile the fact that we are creating our reality each moment. We would be teaching our children these universal truths instead of telling them to just get a degree for a white collar job (that may not even be around when they graduate) so that they can pay the bills and survive.
How many times this last month did you feel like you were JUST surviving?
Being a survivor says that you are yes getting by, but not living to your full life capacity. Your not being challenged by life. Your not even really wanting the challenge and your shut down to your bliss. Survival in any form is about suppressing your true authentic divine self. It is about wearing the armor that you feel you need to protect yourself from life’s pains instead of allowing for the full flow of life to carry you into greatness. Surviving is the opposite of living.
If we actually believed that living from a grateful heart was one of the main key points to having and creating a life that we wanted then wouldn’t you think we would do just that. Be grateful. We do “tell” our children to be grateful for the food on the table, the roof over their head, clothes on their backs, etc. But are we modeling this gratitude?
As we “tell” our children to be grateful we also say to them, “be happy with what you have and STOP wanting,” yet we constantly exhibit in our own actions the reverse. We are not completely wrong in this attitude. If we could just get down the gratitude and change the unhappy wanting (unhappy wanting is wanting with the belief that we cannot have, or should not have/want, believing that we are not good enough to be/do/have, belief that things have always been one way and therefore cannot be another, etc.) to desire.
Desire is not about “hoping” that something will happen, it is not even dreaming about something, it is about going deeper to a soul level where we connect to the Source (god, the light, the creator, etc.) and feeling at our core what our life is to be like. What our soul KNOW’S we can achieve and should have. Desire is about living fully and every desire that we have is there to awaken us to what our potential is in this life. When we focus on these soul desires we start to attract to us the people and situations needed to help them materialize. The more we release our old programming (beliefs, thoughts and feelings) toward these desires the quicker we pull them into our life.
Allowing ourselves to experience more bliss in our day to day life instead of focusing on what we do not have and living in a state of scarcity helps put us into the vortex of abundance. There are many ways to get into this state of being:
- Treat yourself to small luxuries each week
- Stop announcing that you are broke. Instead say nothing.
- When you find a penny or a dollar, say aloud, ” I am a money magnet.”
- Smile often.
- Except the kindness of a stranger, friend, lover or other.
- Do not jump out of bed in the morning, instead breathe and paint a picture in your head of how you want your day to go.
- Eliminate these words from your vocabulary: hope, I wish, fine, broke, I don’t have…, I can’t, luck, and if.
- Flirt often and LOT’s.
- Do one thing each week that scares you in a good way.
- Have more orgasms. (to obtain optimal joy the suggested amount of orgasms to have in a week is at least 3, one a day is best.)
- Tell yourself that you love yourself.
And BE in GRATITUDE for and with each breath.
The World English Dictionary defines gratitude as “a feeling of thankfulness or appreciation, as for a gift or favors”.
Yes, gratitude is a feeling, but in my understanding it is so much more. Gratitude can be an action and an attitude as well. Now apply this to your sex. Take a moment, a deep breath, and check in with your gut and your genitals. When I do this I feel a sense of expansion in my pelvic region.
What do you feel?
Now, reflect on your attitude toward your sex. I have felt different ways about my sex at different times in my life. Now is a time for noticing and not judging. For most of my life and even sometimes nowadays I have not been grateful for my sex. My desires don’t fit with what I’ve been trained to believe is good and acceptable. There have been times that my appetite for sex and variety made me feel ashamed. I’ve gotten very frustrated with myself for not being “normal”. I’ve resented myself for a seeming inability to be satisfied with “normal”. I’ve ignored my sex and tried to forget about it so I could be more “normal”. I’ve settled for lackluster experiences so I wouldn’t hurt my partner. I’ve compromised what was true for me so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the sometimes hard work of getting what I really want. I’ve felt ashamed for using my sex to manipulate people. I’ve been self conscious of the way my pussy looked or smelled and of how close it was to my anal area.
How has your attitude toward your sex and sexuality been?
Think about your actions toward your sex. My actions have not always shown my gratitude for my sex. I’ve masturbated hard, even violently, to get it over and done with. I’ve accepted touch from lovers that didn’t feel good – sometimes even hurt – and done nothing about it.
What have your actions toward your sex been?
5 Ways To Develop Gratitude For Your Sex
My path has been more extreme than some so I will share some of the principles and steps that I have integrated and taken along my journey to being grateful for my sex and sexuality.
- Willingness to have a better experience – Without the willingness to experiment and go through the experiences I never would have moved forward with my sexuality.
- Developing my relationship with my Higher Power – We have our own definitions of God. Whether you subscribe to someone else’s definition or have developed your own, find a way to make your sex and sexuality right.
- Self reflection – looking inside myself and finding out how I felt about things. Then, I look at the feeling and see where it’s from – it it’s really from within me or if it is something I feel because I think I should. Getting honest with myself about what is okay with me and what is not.
- Sharing with others in a conscious way – There is a difference between doing something consciously vs. unconsciously. For much of my life I was unconscious about my sex and when I did wake up about it a little bit I would quickly push it down so I wouldn’t have to deal with it. I didn’t know how to deal with it. Now I know that by sharing – verbally, in writing and in person – while staying consciously aware of myself – my feelings, my actions and reactions – I love my sex more and more all the time and part of that love is feeling gratitude.
- Experimentation And Education – The more I know the more I know I don’t know. The learning can go on for infinity just like the expansion of pleasure. The two – learning and expanding pleasure – also go hand in hand. The more you know about your sex the more you will be able to enjoy it.
READ Original Article Post at Nikki Lundberg
Nikki is is an expert in the field of sex education for adults based out out of Las Vegas NV.