Stop Gripping Your THING.

What are you holding on for?
Why won’t you just simply let go and let it flow?
It really is not that difficult.
But NO….

No, there you are fighting it.
There you are hanging on because you cannot let go.
You say that you are in flow,
you say that you got this alignment thing down.
You say that you are feeling good about it.

Blissed out!
Right?

WRONG!!!

Don’t be trying to fool the world,
cuz’ the world sees you.
You know how you are seen?
Through the eye’s that you see yourself with,
this is how the world sees you too.
It’s in your walk,
it’s in your talk,
your body language,
how you sit,
how you shake hands,
the faces you make,
the tone of voice you have.

You think no one can see that constriction?
LOL

Okay.

Whatever.

Let’s be real,
let’s have some respect for each other and self here,
and just state the facts.

You are scared that if you let go,
and let life catch you,
that you just trust that God has your back,
that you will fall.
That you will fail.
That you will die somehow.

You feel the pain,
the suffering right now,
from this fear.

Don’t you?

I mean look here it is the day after Thanksgiving,
it’s the coming of the end of the year.
The holiday’s are upon you,
the demands are many,
the fininances required to make it through the next 30, 45, or 60 days is massive.
You have choices.
You can go into debt some more,
you can just say,
“No, I am broke, I can’t.”
You can ignore the whole damn thing and drink,
or you can figure out a way to make sh*t happen.

And you want to make sh*t happen.
You want to have a killer holiday season.
You don’t want it to be last year,
or the last ten years.
You want it be fantastic.

You want to wake up on Christmas morning to the faces of your loved one’s and feel good,
you want to experience the love,
the joy,
the excitement.

You want to feel proud.

Don’t you?

But what will it take?
What will it cost you?

Money?
Time?
Energy?

Yeah, all of that is true.
The real cost though is not these things.
The real cost is something far greater.
The cost is why you are not doing it yet.
Why you feel that tugging in your gut,
that constriction in your chest,
that anxiety,
the reason why you are not sleeping so well,
the reason why you are drinking more,
the reason you are distant,

YES.
That is the reason.
That is the THING.

And you know the THING.
The THING that is bringing you the suffering.
That premature suffering for things that have not manifested yet.

Yeppers, that is it.

So why are you giving yourself,
your life to this THING?

Oh you say you have too.
You say that if you let go of that THING that you would perish for sure,
you say that focusing in on this THING is what is going to guarantee you not to experience it?

Mmmmmmmm- Hmmmmmmmmm….

Okay.
Whatever you say.

And with that we have the truth.
It is whatever you say,
REPEATEDLY…
In your own f-cking head.
Yes, that is what shall be.

And what are you saying?
Oh, you are worried about that THING are you.
That beast that you have yet to come up against.
That event that will take you out,
destroy you,
well NEWS FLASH!!!!!!!

It already has destroyed you.

Look at you.
You are stressed out to the max,
and all over that THING that has not happened,
and guess what most likely an 80% + chance that it won’t ever happen either.

But it has already knocked you down.
Because you are sitting around agonizing over IT.

Yes.
So STOP that Mother F-cking Sh*t,
and LET GO.

Instead,
go DO-BE-HAVE the life that you know you crave.
It is all up to you.
It is all up to where you choose to apply your focus.

You want the glass to be half empty,
then so be it.
And you know what that will get you…
the same thing you have been suffering through already.

Or….
You can opt to look at all that you have,
all the blessings,
all the joys,
all the love,
all the abundance.

It is all over you.
If you will just open up to it.
So change that stinking thinking,
and EMBRACE your TRUTH.

The CHOICE is up to you,
It always has been.

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebookfor my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.

Perfect Moments.

Perfect moments.
We all have them.
We all want more of them.
And we often miss them when they are before us.

We miss them because we look for non-perfect moments more than we do perfect ones.
And just like miracles,
which happen frequently,
we believe that they are hard to come by,
and only catch the one’s that shoot off fireworks right in front of our face.

Perfect moments,
yes, this is what my topic of today is on.
As I sit here on this beautiful morning looking over the ocean and the cliffs in front of the plateau am resting on,
the Jamaican sun rises behind me,
a cool tropical breeze blows across me,
There is no one out here currently,
it my little private spot in Jamaica for the moment.

I breathe in this moment,
as I find gratitude for it,
and gratitude for the moments of yesterday.
The souls that crossed my path,
the moments that could have gone one way but went another,
the experiences,
the laughter,
the times of not knowing what to expect,
and breathing into the opportunity for life to bring me something.

Perfect moments.
They are all around us.
If we let them reveal themselves,
we find that they are like lost lovers from our past that we wish we could have another moment with,
they come to us,
they come to us with the expectation to embraced,
they come to us with the desire to awakened in our arms,
they come to us wanting to be seen,
and provided the space,
the awareness to show themselves.

They want us to bask in them,
to taste them,
to dance.
But these perfect moments,
we miss.

We miss the opportunities that they carry with them out of the fear of opening the door to something that we are uncomfortable with,
or the belief that we are not worthy of a perfect moment.
Just like so often we belief that we are not worthy of a perfect lover,
or a perfect financial increase,
or perfect health,
or perfect work.

We carry with us in place of all that tries to make itself known the concept that these things are hard to come by.

The idea, that they are not for us.
They are for the special people,
and that is often not us.

But here is the thing I want to share with you this amazing morning,
the thing is that perfect moments are your reality.

Miracles are your reality.
Opportunities are your reality.
Perfect lovers,
Financial abundance,
Incredible health,
and so much more,
all those things you desire and crave that are good and fulfilling are your reality.

The way to have them manifest consistently for you is through your expectation of them.

You MUST EXPECT.
You MUST KNOW and have clarity around them.
You MUST change your belief structures around what you call into your life,
and this means that if you want to be lucky in life,
then proclaim that you are lucky.
And when your vibration,
your expectation is in alignment and turned on to that that you desire,
it WILL just come to you.
Or maybe I should say you will come to it.
Because it is YOU,
not it that must bring your vibration into alignment.
You will never get what you desire to change its frequency,
It just is.

So what is it that you want in your life?
What do you want to start claiming in this perfect moment for your life?

Know that you are the BOSS BABY!
You always have been and you will never not be.
This world will bend for you,
it will manifest your desires,
and you can always tell where the perfect moments are,
by staying tuned into your vibration,
your flow.

Listen to your heart.
Allow yourself to feel.
And that means to feel the moment.
The perfect moment,
even if it appears to be a perfect storm, ‘it is offering to you of itself,
that which will guide you to the next opportunity,
a step closer to all that you want,
as long as you are in tune to it and willing to see.

Create your desired life today.

Claim it Baby!
You are worthy of a perfect moment.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebook for my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.

Proceed in Gratitude and Grace.

Capitol’s Log
One tequila.
Two tequila.
Three tequila.
Delete.
 
Yeppers that just happened.
So here I sit in Florida at the Casa Noble bar,
I spent the last hour writing an amazing share on travel,
on how it brings forth our authentic selves, ‘our authentic fears,
programs,
expectations and so much more.
I sat here, chatting with airport staff,
with travelers,
and my travel partner.
And I wrote a great article for you.
 
But you will never see it.
Nope this you will not.
Because of tequila.
and a accident with my fingers.
 
Thought I was copying when I was cutting.
Woops.
 
For a moment I was frustrated.
For a moment I was disappointed.
For a moment my ego held me.
It held me in it’s ego grip and it made me mad.
 
I felt stupid.
I felt like a mess up.
 
And then I breathed a little deeper into myself.
Into this moment,
and I laughed.
 
Realizing that accidents happen,
and all this happen for a reason.
 
I laughed it off.
And I went pee.
 
I got a break from my computer screen.
I took a break from what I thought I should be doing,
I took a break from the energetic demands that I had put on myself,
and I allowed myself to just breathe into the reality,
that it was okay.
 
Sure it was a good article.
It was a valuable share.
It was something that you would have liked.
And it was raw, real and from my heart.
It was my noticing’s.
And it was sharing how important travel is for our development as human beings.
 
It was revealing the truth on how travel show’s our truth, through the many issues that can happen when we travel.
 
How we deal with life as it emerges before us.
My noticing’s of fellow travelers,
their stress,
their drama,
their excitement.
 
And as I sit here at my layover to Jamaica,
I watch the people.
I watch all that they have to share with all those that they never will see again.
And those that they cherish.
I watch and I listen.
And what comes to play is our ego.
 
And funny enough,
as soon as I get done writing and get ready to post,
I have a mishap myself and delete my whole post.
 
OMFG!!!!
 
And what am I greeted by?
My ego.
Stepping up to the plate of life withing a 10th of a second.
Here I am.
Here I am to share my frustration.
My disappointment.
 
Here I am.
Don’t you want to merge with me?
Don’t you want to explore this faulse-hood that I want to paint for you?
If you had not drank that last tequila drink,
you would not have effed up.
If you had been more present,
you would have been on top of your game.
But no,
no, you effed up Kendal.
You hit the wrong button on your key pad and lost it all.
 
So do I let ego rule me?
Do I let it cause disappointment?
Do I let it sink it’s teeth into my moment?
 
F-ck NO!!!!!
 
It is moments just like this,
where the feeling of time lost,
moments lost,
shares lost,
disappointment,
frustration,
and whatever else might rise comes in that I am grateful for.
 
Gratitude for the experience of ego.
Gratitude for the presence to witness it.
To know that I have a choice.
Gratitude for the expansion if I so choose to allow it,
by not leaning in toward all that could mess up my day,
could make me feel bad about myself,
Gratitude that I give myself some grace.
In moments like this,
and many others,
that is what we need GRACE.
 
We are each but human,
and in our humanness,
we make mistakes,
we f-ck up left and right.
We hurt others,
we fumble the ball,
we delete masterpieces,
and we have a choice.
 
We have a choice to scold ourselves,
to blame and shame,
or to proceed in love and trust.
 
With gratitude and grace.
 
One tequila,
Two tequila,
Three tequila,
Delete.
 
Yes.
These are the moments that meet ourselves.
How do we react?
How do we choose to proceed?
How quickly can we bound back from our mistakes?
 
Ego,
will grab a hold of us if we let it.
It will rule us and shame us.
It will have us believe that being human is evil and a sin just for breathing,
but it is always our choice as to what we choose to do with our experiences.
 
It is our choice,
to lean into ego’s arms,
or into the love and compassion,
the grace of God and our souls.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
Join me later TODAY for LIVE Global Facebook training from the beach in Jamiaca while I teach Entrepreneurs who want to have it all how to take it from zero to $100k and more quickly.
 
This is the foundational training that anyone who is in business for themselves,
who wants to take their side hustle to a center stage hustle,
who wants to take their business from where ever you are to the next level.
 
Let me share with you the skills,
mindset, and so much more it takes to have a business that can rock you into 2019.
 

Crazy F-cking Gratitude + One Wild Ride.

I am so f-cking grateful.

Are You ⁉️⁉️

I sure the f-ck am.
Today I was driving home from the furniture store where I was buying a new couch for my front room plus bedroom furniture for my munchkins jungle themed room that if I can swing will look like a mini Rainforest Cafe,

And as I was driving I found myself in total gratitude for so many things.

I also found myself laughing out loud,
alone in my car,
over how crazy my year has been.

I mean really f-cking crazy.

Anyone who has been following me know’s the tales of this year but if you are new to the story line,
LET ME CATCH YOU UP…..

Started the year tripling my income after coming out of 2017 with massive emotional stress of figuring out how best to support my aging mom with dementia and all that comes with that.

Then entered the month of love (February) with my heart getting crushed from a man I never thought could ever take me to the low’s that he did in saying good bye abruptly.

Turned around and got my heart and body crushed by my other main man ( as you may have figured out, I am a polyamorous sorta girl on some days or years, and these two gents were my two leading men).

Had a pushed move into a new home, which I manifested in less than three days.

Found myself in a new neighborhood.
New home.
72 hours after a shocking experience.

Then had to deal with a summer of custody issues,
legal battles.

And had to buy a new car.
Furnish a home.
Heal my body.
Stay afloat.
And keep on coaching my beloved clients.

In the process of all of this,
my three eldest children ( age 23, 21 and 19) who were living in Maui moved home and needed to stay with me.

My eldest daughter conceived her first baby while in Maui,
So through all of this,
walking my baby girl through pregnancy as well.

Friendships have been tested.
Intimate relationships have been tested,
some new ones have been birthed,
some old one’s have been reignited in different ways.

And at the end of this day,
I find myself sitting here at my new breakfast nook table,
with my house under construction,
furniture being delivered tomorrow,
my baby boys coming home to me tomorrow,
my house not upside down,
but merging with the energy that I want.

I find my romantic life,
not healed or longing for what was,
but ignited to what can be.
And excited about the souls that have entered my world.

I find myself looking at my family,
as it shrinks in one way,
and expands in another.
Some children move out,
some are here,
some come and go according to a schedule that just is right and best for them and the situation,
while a grand baby ( a baby boy 😊) grows in my daughters womb.

I look at my business,
in its ebbs and flows of this year,
that impress and scare me.
Not because of a low,
but because the low is far higher than my high of last year. 🔥🔥🔥

I look at my life.
I look at my life.
Awe..
Yes in awe.

And my eye’s tear up.
I still feel all of the pain,
all of the trauma.

There is still much to heal.
Much to let go of.

And I SMILE.
In gratitude.
I sit here.

Knowing how f-cking blessed I am.
In gratitude I sit here.
Because sometimes the path to something better,
is painful beyond measure.

Sometimes the path to what we truly desire,
Is birthed on a road of loss and turbulence.

Sometimes the things that will bring us fully into who we are meant to be,
only come about because we had to grow ourselves through the storm that we were lost in.

Sometimes,
Yes, sometimes….

(and so it is in life, that the sometimes is actually most of the time.)

But you know what makes it all better?
You know what can set one out from the crowd?
You know what keeps you in alignment to all that you want,
all that you desire,
all that you know is on the other side?

GRATITUDE.

#1 KEY SECRET to manifesting miracles.
Living a happy life.
Being turned on.
And having it all, even in the storm.

IS GRATITUDE.

I had gratitude the morning I looked in the bank and my account had $32k in it – OVER NIGHT.

I had the same gratitude when the man I was deeply in love with said his goodbyes.

I had the same gratitude when my partner physically assaulted me.

I had gratitude when I paid the attorney.
I had gratitude when an old lover said he wanted to see a smile on my face.
I had gratitude when a new lover shared his heart with me.
I had gratitude when a dear friend told me I am the reason he is alive.
I had gratitude when my friend screamed in her pain at me.
I had gratitude when my daughter told me I was going to be a grandma.
And I had gratitude as I crumbled under the stress.
As I looked in my kindergartner’s eye’s as he screamed how he hated me, when I told him he had to change schools.

And so many more moments over this year.

GRATITUDE.
I am f-cking grateful.

Are you?

I encourage you to take a moment RIGHT NOW,
write down 20 things that you are grateful for.

Read them 3x.
and then repeat this process every morning and every night for 30 days.

See what manifests in your life.
See how you feel about your life.

And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

Join me November 18-21st for my 3 day intensive online workshop.
Ass In The Sand – Facebook Live Workshop for Entrepreneurs Who Want It All
If you are an entrepreneur and you want to know how to take your biz from zero to $100k quickly, for real – then this intensive class is for you.
Pre-registration coming out this next week.
Look for it or message me to get on the pre-launch list.

Mother F*cker Messed Up My Orgasm.

 
I sit here this morning not wanting to open up my text thread with my ex.
The negativity,
the control,
the anger that comes from it,
and that I feel inside just at reading the last words on the thread.
 
“Really?”
 
I already know the tone.
The comments and commands.
I feel disgust at this thread.
 
Late last night I saw his final words,
they hit me like lead in my gut,
Sorrow,
Distrust,
Bitterness,
Anger.
 
It is all here.
Stepping away from an enviroment,
a relationship for a few weeks or months
 

“Really”

 
does show you a person’s truth.
While in the relationship we make excuses,
get caught up in the day to day,
and simply just don’t want change.
We don’t want to have a relationship fail.
We want to make it work.
We want to be accepted, loved and connected.
Even at the cost of our well-being,
Our happiness,
Joy,
Health and freedom.
 
SO we ignore,
hide, ‘cover that shit up and act like it is not there.
 
Truth never stays hidden forever though.
A person’s true color’s ALWAYS come out.
And in my saga, the color’s are not so pretty in this relationship.
 
The truth of the reality is that I masked from myself my partners need to control and dominate. I knew he was an alpha personality walking in, and loved that about him. His strength and ability to hold boundaries was attractive. His assertiveness and masculine power was what I needed and desired. I needed the security of this. I needed the foundation of this. I also loved his calm, cool, collected stance. I loved his seemingly open mindedness and playfulness. He offered what I needed in the moment.
 
It was a season.
There was a reason.
 
Now those were gone.
Now I am left with the flip side.
The control freak, the aggressor, the one who when he does not get his way acts like a 3 year old and retracts himself, his love and says, ” I hate you.” Takes his ball and goes home.
 
Now I am left with his need to try and control me through our children. I wonder if he even notices it, if he is aware of his pattern’s, his actions or if he is just playing the role that is comfortable to him and feel’s safe.
 
Now I am left with the residue of his energy as it wafts through the text message, the facetime, the phone calls and emails.
 
Now I am left with him just ignoring anything he does not want to discuss because of the discomfort and his knowing that it will be emotional and I will speak my truth and he can do nothing to stop it.
 
Now I am left with him proving what his priorities are.
His bottom line is focused on his bank account and not on relationship.
His priority is to pretend that none of his actions had anything to do with anything.
His priority is to run and hide behind his masks, not seeing that he is turning into his worst nightmare. The people he always claimed he did not want to be like he is now mimicking them. He is now becoming the one’s that have since passed and he is honoring the patterns that they taught him as a little boy. He is now honoring a closed heart, a barren soul, a disconnected life.
 
In his desire to control, he does nothing more than share his rage and hatred. His fear.
 

But none of this is reason for him to steal my orgasm.

 
No, that is on me.
 
But I want to cast blame onto him.
I want to point the finger and say he did this to me.
 
Yes, this morning I sit here not wanting to open this thread of text messages between us because I feel all of it.
 
Last night, I did not open it in hopes to avoid it.
I wanted to avoid the negativity of his control.
I wanted to avoid looking at him on facetime with our nightly call for our kids.
I wanted to just not feel him for just one night, one day.
I wanted the freedom that flickers through my days.
I wanted to breathe.
 
But that last statement attached itself to me,
the thread just lingered and my ego ran and played with it.
 

“Really?”

He was inquiring why I had not answered I am sure,
he was frustrated that in his grand attempt to contact everyone in my home to get me to contact him had not worked,
he was upset that he could not control the situation and that I had made a stance to just say no.
 
Our children had not asked to speak to him so I felt no guilt in not speaking tonight.
 
We were busy having fun, connecting and laughing.
We were snuggling.
So why wreck a good moment.
A good memory for his desire to control?
 
Yes, this is the question of the morning.
Why allow him to steal it?
I held firm for my children.
For that moment.
But then I allowed that word, that thread to infiltrate my soul.
I allowed it to poke at me.
And I allowed it to steal the depth of orgasm that I was offered in the night hours with my lover.
 
I pushed myself to open,
I felt pain from doing this.
I shut myself in fear,
fear I would reveal to much.
I got captured by that damn text thread,
over and over again.
 
Into my head,
out of my body.
Away from my deep orgasm.
Keeping it surface.
All the while desiring what I had just tasted 24 hours before.
 

That mother f*cker messed up my orgasm.

F-*-C-K!!!!!!

 
I allowed him to.
Just like I allowed him to control to much of my life in our relationship. Just like I allowed him the power to act the way he did. Just like I allowed myself to stay,
to stay in the enviroment that was not conducive to my purpose,
my heart, my life.
 
YES
 
That mother f*cker messed up my orgasm.
But I made the choice to not release,
to breathe in.
To hold him and his energy
instead of leaning in to my lovers thrusts of passion,
my lovers presence,
my bliss.
 
He only messed it up because I allowed it.
And this morning, I sit here witnessing my ego, my pain, my rage, my holding.
 
Here I sit with my body breaking down.
My body screaming at me, “STOP! – Let that shit go!”
 
Here I sit, witnessing that he not only physically hurt me,
controlled me in ways that I was not aware of,
hid his truth from me,
Held anger toward me and lied to my face about it,
He not only did not love me and may have never,
but he continued to punch me in the heart.
He was willing to try and dominate my life,
the children’s life,
through textbook tactics of an abuser.
 
It is shocking to me.
It is on going.
It is healing to see things from this vantage point.
 

That mother f*cker messed up my orgasm.

And I am in gratitude for it.

 
Thank you Mother F*cker for being you and showing me my strength.
Thank you Mother F*cker for showing who you really are so that I could claim whom I am more.
Thank you Mother F*cker for the season, the reason and the blessings that we shared.
Thank you Mother F*cker for coming into my life and being EXACTLY what I needed.
 
With out you, I would not be me.
Empowered.
Guided.
Desiring more.
Certain.
 
Thank you for supporting my determination and drive.
Thank you for your disconnect to your emotions and heart, and showing what that does to a human, to a relationship, to a life and making me aware of where I meet you there and that…
 
I CHOOSE.
I choose to STOP meeting you there.
I choose instead to open up my heart.
To feel my emotions.
To forgive.
To heal.
To laugh.
To connect.
 

I choose to LIVE.

Unbound, free and on purpose.

 
Cut loose from the chains that you tried to hold me with.
Cut loose from the chains that I held myself with.
Cut loose from the fear.
 
YES
I choose.
I choose to…
 

Stop Existing & Start Living

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

3 Men Showed Up.

Arms open wide.
His arms, so open.
So supportive.
So full love.
Of acceptance.
 
I welcomed his embrace with my whole heart and soul.
Needing to be held.
To be carried in this moment.
Needing his witnessing of my soul.
My heart.
My pain.
My fear.
My love.
My gratitude.
 
There we were, a moment that happens often in our relationship. Saying good bye at a car door in a parking lot. Embracing each other with love. With a tender holding of friendship. Of authentic connection.
 
Today was different though.
Today I was breaking in the wake of my life.
I was washed over by the storm of my life and I did not have the strength to hold space for myself.
 
Today, I needed his strength.
I needed the witnessing and loving support of the divine masculine to hold me.
 
A fatherly love.
A lovers love.
A deep friendship of years.
A kindred spirit.
 
I needed to feel God come through him and hold me. Assure me that I was going to not just be fine, but be able to fly again.
 

And here he was.

I love the way he showed up.

 
Present attention.
His inquiry was deep but open.
So understanding.
So empathetic. Compassionate.
Full of love.
 
Soft were his words.
Connective were his communications.
2000 miles may have separated us, but he was there holding my hand. Holding my heart. Sharing his.
 
Months had passed since we saw each other and spoke last, yet these two hours on the phone felt like no time had passed. There was zero distance between our beings.
 
It was perfect.
He was perfect.
His holding and witnessing made him so.
 
I had been able to gift him with this holding in years past, now he was offering it to me and sharing his tales and lessons equally. Together we rose. Together we embraced life in this moment.
 
Our pain.
Our broken hearts.
Our misunderstandings and uncertainty.
Our joy.
Our faith.
 
A fellow soul crusader’s empathy and love.
A lovers love.
A friendship of years.
A kindred spirit.
 
I needed to hear his lessons of love and compassion. I needed his truth in this moment. It supported my own. His words encouraged both of us. God was speaking through him. His statement of, ” I answer to something higher than the law of humankind.”
 
Yes. I too answer to this.
I too align to this.
Our laws of ego and shut down hearts are not my truth.
I needed to hear this. I needed him to assure me that I was not broken. That I would fly again.
 

And here he was.

I loved the way he showed up.

 
His smile.
His embrace.
He walked through the door and just smiled that smile.
He embraced me from behind while I cooked dinner.
Kissing my neck.
Telling me sweet everything’s.
 
Those words.
His arms open wide.
His heart beat assuring me.
His presence witnessing me.
The tears I had cried before, in the parking lot, on the phone. He could see their residue left from my mascara on my cheeks.
He could see my exhaustion.
My fear. My concern.
 
His holding. He shared his breath with me through a kiss.
He assured me that I could fly with his smile.
He cradled my heart as it wept with his presence.
He cradled my aching body with his strength, his warmth.
 
Silence.
Presence.
Love.
 
It was ours.
These were our tales.
This was our truth.
Our moment.
The only moment.
 
A fellow seeker of truth and healing.
A lovers love.
A new friendship.
A kindred spirit.
 
The look in his eye’s. The smile on his face. The laughter he brought into the moment. His light. Telling me that I could have it all. Telling me that I was strong. That I was a mother f*cking Goddess! Telling me that I was radiant. Telling me that I was needed and mattered. Assuring me that I could fly.
 

And here he was.

I loved the way he showed up.

 
This was my day yesterday.
These three gentlemen assuring me,
each in their own way that I could fly.
Each sharing their hearts.
Their love.
Their presence.
 
Helping to heal me.
And I helping to heal them.
Through authenticity and truth.
Through unconditional love and the offering of our presence and witnessing for each other.
 
Here is the dance of the divine masculine and feminine in it’s beauty. Here is the ying and the yang.
 
These three men in less than 24 hours have done more toward the healing of my heart and soul than I can ever communicate in my written words.
 
My gratitude for their love, support, compassion, empathy, connection, guidance, strength, and PRESENCE goes beyond words or actions to be shared.
 
All I can offer in return-
Is my heart and my wings.
 
Thank you for being the wind beneath my wings.
For carrying me to a new space.
Thank you for helping me take a step in restoring my faith in the masculine. In men.
 

Thank you.

 
This is my share today.
It is a share of compassion. Vulnerability and gratitude.
It a share of the great masculine and how it can when it chooses, hold space for the feminine and love her through her storms and messy emotions.
 
This is a share to show all men out there,
 
Thank you to these three men who chose in one day to gift me with their presence and hearts.
 

A remember,

Always –

Stop Existing – Start Living

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

5 Seconds to Wake the F*ck Up!

Sometimes waking up is so f*cking hard to do.

Have you had one of those mornings where you just want to continue to hit snooze no matter what 😴But you know if you do that you will not get to adulting today and instead just be a lump in your bed or on the couch? 👨‍👩‍👦👩‍🏫👨‍💼

Yeah that is where I was at this morning. 
The last f*cking thing I wanted to do was get up when my 5:45AM alarm went off. I woke up exhausted from not sleeping well due to my 3 year old son who had a rough night with an upset tummy and bad dreams.

All he wanted was to be held in mommies arms.
But that meant this mommy was not sleeping to well herself. Especially with the consistent up’s and downs.

At 5:45AM I was not thinking about being a good mom.
I was not thinking about my soul’s calling or purpose.
I was not thinking about my responsibilities, my desires, my goals.
I was not thinking about any of this.
No.

What I was thinking about was S-L-E-E-P!!!!!
And how could I get more of it.

But there I lay, saying my morning gratitude prayer instead of doing what I wanted so badly to do.

There I lay focusing my attention into the blessings and opportunities that the day was waiting to gift me with. Instead of the worry, frustration and desire to sleep it off and avoid life.

This was a 5 second decision that changed my life.

Yes my whole life.

If I had fallen prey to that calling of sleep and let myself drift off instead of activating my TRUE desire I would have lost the whole day. 🌞

The first 3-4 hours after we wake make or break our days. It is the mindset work. It is the consciousness training. It is the positive infusion of GRATITUDE and INTENTION setting that we do that creates the tone of the day and the tone of our lives.

We have a choice to allow ourselves to be lead away from our true desires and purpose or not.

We each have a choice EVERY morning to slay the day with our hearts and the divine guidance that they give us or to allow AVERAGE and ORDINARY to slay us and our dreams.

Every time we set up the day by hitting snooze.
Every time that we start our day in fear, worry, anger, panic, negative thoughts.
Every time we wake up not blessing ourselves.

We are ALLOWING the day to slay us.
We are PERMITTING our pain and suffering to rule us.
We are committing to a life of LIMITED LIVING.

Today, I committed, made the 5 second executive decision to STEP yet again AWAY from AVERAGE and into my GREATNESS.

I chose my SOUL.💃💃💃
I chose my HEART. 💖
I chose my PASSION.🔥🔥🔥
I chose GRATITUDE, BLESSING 🙏and the

Fu*k YES! Life!!!!!

What did you choose?

And Remember,

Stop Existing & Start Living!

10,000 Reasons

I feel so f*cking good, do you?

I sure hope you do.

I feel so AMAZING.

FREE.

EXCITED.

IN LOVE.

And most of all in GRATITUDE.

Guess what for?

YOU.

Yes, YOU.

Your determination, curiosity, passion and desire to make this world a better place makes every moment here on this earth more valuable.

Your creative flow, deep emotions and craving for something more than average and ordinary excites my soul as it does many other’s that you touch without ever realizing.

Your strength, vulnerability and turn on to experience life fully and embrace all the blessings that God has in store for you shines  brighter than the brightest star and ignites my soul to hold my arms wide in support for you.

Your wild and crazy heart that you so badly long to follow but find yourself stepping gingerly forward on the path that you cannot really see yet, brings a sweet smile to my face as I feel your fear, your nervousness and excitement and commend your courage for taking that step in faith.

Your ability to always remain a student to yourself, continuously  searching for new treasures to be uncovered is a reason for the sun to rise everyday and this world to keep spinning.

As you spread your wings to allow the breath of God to carry you to your true destiny and you seek deeper and fiercer within it, is reason for the angels to sing of your glory, your worthiness to live a life of fullness and blessing.

You know at your core you are NOT average and ordinary.

You know who you are.

You are so much more than what you have been showing up as so far.

Open your wings BABY!

10,000 way’s you grace this world with your love, your passion, and your soul.

10,0000 reason’s for you to embrace who you are meant to be.

10,000 reason’s that I say THANK YOU and find my heart and soul in complete rapture for love of how miraculous you are.

Yes YOU.

You are the ONE,

The one that makes me smile when you share your growth.

Your fear.

Your heart and soul.

You are the one that makes my heart sore when you message me in surrender to your soul’s calling and take that leap.

Yes, BABY, you got this!

You deserve this!

You are love.

And you are loved.

Feel that excitement to take that step forward…

Feel the rush of joy and fear as they blend in your belly when you take that leap into your great unknown and say YES to yourself.

YES to the Life that you were called to live.

Yes to your well-being.

Yes to the relationship you crave.

Yes to the abundance that wants to flow through you.

Yes to the life where you are no longer surviving, but you are turned-on, tapped in and in your flow.

10,000 reasons my beautiful that you can have it, were born for it and that I am thankful for YOU being you.

COME NOW and walk with me, let us see a new day dawning.

YOUR DAY.

Will you say YES?

YES to the most important person here.

You were born for the F*ck YES Life.

Stop Existing & Start Living!

 

#1 Key to the Life You Desire to Live.

The last few months I have spent a great amount of time looking at my life. I have examined and prayed. I have cried out in joy and suffering.  I have rejoiced and I have damned.  However through it all I have held gratitude at my core.

It has taken me many a folly to truly understand that gratitude is the one true key to a life full of blessing.

Many years ago I came to realize that our callings, our purpose you might say are buried within our wounds. Those things in life that have caused us so much pain have also served to bring forth, if we allow ourselves to see and feel it, our greatest purpose. It is within these times of great mourning that we discover who we really are and how great the divine is. It is in these supposed weak moments in our lives where we feel perhaps like we have been cast into the shadows and are unwanted and undeserving that we can discover the greatest of love. It is here through the act of self- forgiveness and love that we meet our maker within ourselves.

When we practice the “F” word – FORGIVENESS, we open ourselves up to the miracle of love.  Forgiveness is seated with gratitude, and in our ability to find gratitude for even the most evil of ills that our lives might be blessed with we discover our nature. We discover that which can either tear us apart or make us whole.

No two humans will ever suffer the same. We may walk in similar shoes of pain but we will never suffer the same. Therefore it is up to no one to cast judgement on another for how they choose to process through anything, whether it be the loss of a job, a relationship, a child, a rape or something else. But one thing is for certain, in these times of great  depression and uncertainty we still have the ability to lean into love. Many of us choose, at least for a time frame to lean into victim-hood and hate. We choose to be conquered by these miseries and to cast an evilness out of ourselves to show our pain. Feeling that there is no love inside of us to attach to, that we had it coming or are not worthy of anything more than suffering we cower to the fear of the chaos that our lives have been  thrown into and we lean into our egos. We swear off forgiveness, we turn away from love and we most certainly find no gratitude for the misery that we are sitting in.

This is a natural part of the process of recovering and healing.  However shit  happens to all of us. There is no one on this planet that will not suffer, and suffer greatly at some point in their existence here on earth. The one thing that we can control is how long we choose to sit in our pain and allow it to run our lives. The next thing that we have control over is how we choose to stand in it. We CAN make the conscious choice to find forgiveness and love or to remain caught in the grasp of hatred and suffering.

Our hatred may  seem to make us strong, but it is a false strength. One that is only eating off of our own love and once it succeeds at killing our connection and joy it will parish like ash in a rain storm.

So why put your hope in something that does not serve you but only wishes to control you?

I write this article the day after Thanksgiving and my heart bears with it much pain from recent months and the years that have past.  I grieve the loss of moments with my children, the loss of time with my mother who suffers from dementia, I grieve the loss of a love that opened me so wide and the loss of children I will never know. I feel the pain in my womb from a rape by a stranger of many years back and the fear that rolled through me when my lover became a monster and forced himself upon me. I feel the hatred toward my parents for ignoring my cries to be loved and seen, approved of and accepted. I feel the disappointment of loosing a house in foreclosure and having to rob my child’s piggy bank for change to buy milk. I feel the frustration and bitterness of looking a partner in the eye as they drank themselves into oblivion and said I was making it up. I feel the sorrow of having to put a beloved cat down. I feel the terror of breaking a heart that does not deserve to be broken. I feel the worry and fear of potentially loosing a child right in front of my eyes….

I feel all of this pain and more.

And yet I choose LOVE.

I choose GRATITUDE.

I choose FORGIVENESS.

I do not wake with thoughts of all of these things. No, instead I wake and before my feet hit the ground I call out a prayer to God from my heart center in gratitude for waking. I call out a prayer of gratitude for having slept and woke and have all my children do the same. I am thankful in the morning hours for the day that is set out before me filled with hope and opportunity. I set my feet on the floor with a knowing that it is up to me as to how my day goes.  Things may test my faith, they may test my courage and love, but ultimately it is still my decision to make as to how my days goes.

Do you know what is said about desire?

It is said that those things that you desire, desire you as well.

The reason we have the desires that we have is because our desires are linked to our path, our purpose and they are waiting for us to reach them.

If we are to have the lives that we deserve and desire, then we must be willing to reach outside of our comfort zones of hatred and fear and lean into the territory of unconditional love, forgiveness and gratitude. We must do what is foreign to us and we must trust in the creator that our highest and greatest good is where we are headed. That anything that might feel as if it is an obstacle to this is actually just a guidance system that is moving us toward our truth.  This truth is not that of the victim, it is that of the “blessed.”

We will be pushed by any and all means until we open to our  soul vision. This vision is an alignment with our purpose. The divine vision that God has for each of our lives is right before us, yet we cannot see it and we fight it. We cover our eyes in fear to it. We hide in normalcy and we become complacent and numb to the callings of our spirit. The nudges that push on us to be more. Do more. Serve more. Radiate more.

Yet all we have to do is LET GO!

The glory of the creator is right there, waiting to wash us in blessings, love and all our desires if we would just LET GO.

We must let go of the belief that we need to control.

We must let go of the belief that surrender is weakness.

We must let go of our pain and suffering.

This is how we become the alchemist of our lives. 

And the first step to letting go….

GRATITUDE.

Make today a day of GRATITUDE and SURRENDER.

Make today GREAT.

Take the first step into the rest of your divine life.

-KW

Number 1 Key to a Life of Bliss

blissboat-1quote

Love Yourself Like Your Life Depended On It.

This year is so different then any other for my family and myself, It is hard for me to comprehend even that I don’t have to make a turkey or sides and there is no fancy themed menu planning. Instead I am blessed this year with my beautiful daughter and her man who are hosting and taking care of all of us plus his family. Looking in from the window of experience and life into their world I find myself smiling often at the lessons and experiences that they go through as a young couple. I see the fears, the trauma, the healing, the joy and the hopefulness. I see the self imposed restrictions and the child like awe. It is a beautiful thing to watch and to support.

2015 has been a year that has me counting many blessings. There has been a massive amount of growth for myself, my lovers, my children, my clients and friends. It is a daily event (designed that way BTW, because keeping gratitude at the fore front of our life is a practice that keeps us drawing in more things to be grateful for) for me to run through my list of joy and gratitude. I recall the years gone by that I use to not do this fundamental practice of bliss. Back then I lead a life of misery, pain, suffering, depression, fear, anxiety and just shear blahhhh. Until about 7 years ago now, I discovered the magic of gratitude. I decided that maybe if I turned my focus on the things that were a blessing and really did start counting them that I would at the very least be reminded that there was always something positive in life, no matter how hard the storm clouds hit. SO there I was, a stay at home mother of 5 children, our house had been foreclosed on, my husband was jobless and lost on his path, we were fighting and drinking to much, the light in our eyes and in our children’s was becoming dimmer by the second. Ego was running a muck and on top of it if and when we had sex it was slam bam with no thank you mam but instead the development of a yeast infection, bladder infection or worse the Chrone’s that I had taken on would flare up. Living like this made me internally angry at life. I blamed everyone and everything. Feeling like I was never good enough, strong enough, smart enough, pretty enough. I had myself convinced that I was a piss poor mother and my kids would be better off with someone else. I looked in the mirror and wanted to scream. I hated my reflection. I would actually vocalize my hate to myself by picking on the fine lines I saw, the flabby tummy, the grey hair I would find, the sadness in my eyes, the little crookedness to my lips or the fact that my eye’s are not perfectly the same. Anything that was human I hated on.

The more I hated on my humanness the deeper into the turbulence and depression I crept. It was not until I flipped the the switch and started to appreciate and like even love my humanness AKA myself ,that I found the courage and strength to take care of myself and do the things that were required for me to support the life that I desired at my core.

Once I did this life became more vibrant. But how did I flip the switch?

GRATITUDE

That is all I did! I started to find things on a daily scale to be thankful for. At first I looked outward and found my thankfulness in my children’s health, in the fact that I did have a roof even if temporary over my head, I had food on the table, I had clothes to wear and my favorite one then and now still is I have opportunity. From there I slowly played with gratitude for things about myself such as I love reading. I am a good cook, and so on and so forth. The list grew until one day I was telling myself that I was a goddess and I was blessed with love and joy. Today my daily gratitudes still have my children’s health and the roof over my head, the air in my lungs, my cozy down feather comforter and pillows but they also include my dynamic relationships, orgasmic sex, full of soul love affairs and empowered clients. Today I look out and I see more opportunity then not and I see a life that manifests luck and a state of bliss instead of suffering and shut down. And here are the incredible things that I have noticed on a physical level from focusing on counting my blessings:

I am stronger and more of life
I see and experience more opportunity
I feel younger and more in awe of life.
I don’t look my age.
My health and metabolism are better.
Money and abundance flows more effortlessly.
I am multi-orgasmic
I have deeper connection in my relationships.
I have more profound loving moments.
I see growth and opportunity where I once saw fear and anxiety.
I truly am on a path of learning how to better love and respect myself.
I support my needs instead of looking for someone else to fill the gap within my own being.
I am content and happy being alone with myself.
I am more creative and free flowing.
I catch my ego more.
I love myself instead of shame myself.
I allow, expect and even find humor in my humanness.
I know without a doubt I AM BLESSED and I deserve it!
I expect and look for miracles.

So on this day of gratitude in the USA take a moment to not just have outward gratitude for the men and women who have fought and given their lives but for the man or woman who is staring back at you in the mirror and accepts the challenge of courageously facing fears, opening up their love center and exploring this glorious thing called life. If you feel like this is not you then all the more reason to pause and analyze the TRUTH.

If you chose to open your eye’s this morning and put your feet on the floor, if you chose to breathe in the air of this morning and take a step forward (even if that was toward the bathroom) then you are showing great courage and willingness to embrace risk and challenges. This life of ours has no guarantee’s. We are offered no more then we are willing to put forth and to give.

Today allow yourself to be gentle with yourself, realize that you are plagued with this disease that everyone else on the planet has as well, HUMANNESS.

And Gosh Dang It, Its a pretty fucking awesome disease too!
You are the creator of your destiny, but the blissed out life and journey ONLY come from learning to be grateful for and Loving YOURSELF.

Happy Thanksgiving and TODAY start your path with this commitment:

Love Yourself Like Your Life Depended On It.

–KW