Looking For A Reason To Just F-cking Be You? Here is the Answer Luv.

I absolutely HATE being controlled.
I dislike having to seek approval from another to just f-cking be me.

You know what I mean?

How do you feel about that?
Needing validation from another to be/do/have the things in your life that you just want.
That you enjoy.
That makes your life yours.
That make you,
you?

But this is how we live out our lives.
We run around seeking for validation,
which is just another way of saying that we are asking for others permission to live our life,
or to be us.

And that has ALWAYS seemed a bit crazy to me.
10 year old Kendal, did not want to do this.
16 year old Kendal, certainly did not want to do this,
to the point that I found away to get homeschooled when homeschool was not a thing.
20 year old Kendal, figuring out the adulting thing did not enjoy this and quit her job because of this.
34 year old Kendal hated it so much that she left her husband for it.
And today,
well yeah… that shiz just don’t fly.

I still hate being controlled,
if you want me to do something,
control me in the opposite and I am sure to move the direction away from the control ( unless I see the manipulation and that is a totally different story),
But in truth what I dislike is not so much the control, but having to do what I don’t want to do.

I do not like having to do things that do not feel good to me for where I am at RIGHT NOW.

If it feels good and in alignment,
THEN SIGN ME THE F-CK UP!

If not then know I will change directions on you so quick your head will spin.
And I have been guilty of this all my life.
I have been called naive,
I have been told that I am flighty and flaky,
that I have commitment issues,
that I am lost.

The reality is far simpler than any of these options,
the truth is, I know, like I have always known that if I am not a F-ck Yes! to it then why do it.
And I change gears based on my authentic yes or no to something.

Sometimes that means that I cancel things.
Sometimes that means that I say I am going to get something done and then I do something else.
Sometimes it means that I have to own where I am at that I simply am no longer in alignment to whatever it was that I had agreed too.

And I get that the world does not like it when people operate on these sort of guidelines that I do.,
I understand that it goes compleletly against what we are taught.

But it works.
And for those of us out there that are self learners and thinkers,
that know beyond a doubt that our feelings and thoughts are what create our reality, that are not average and ordinary,
well guess what?

This is often what you will get.

What is often perceived as:

*IRRESPONSIBLE
*IRRATIONAL
*CHAOTIC
*NIEVE
*FLIGHTY
*FLAKY
*COMMITMENT ISSUES
*ATTITUDE
*SELFISH

Because we get that what makes us feel good,
that living according to our souls calling and being fully in alignment to that,
is ALL the F-ck that matters.

We get that being selfish is where it is at.
Because selfishness is not evil,
What is evil is living in fear and scarcity.
That is not of God.

We understand that yes it takes courage to live like this, because the world has not been raised to handle our kind,
the world focused on the sheeple mentality,
the mentality of keeping you in fear and scarcity.
On the concept that you are to put EVERYONE before you and that some effing way THIS will bring you joy, happiness and all your heart desires,
But don’t you ask for anything because that’s wrong.
Think of others ALWAYS first.

Drain yourself.
Take from self until you have nothing more to give.
Until your vessel is so empty you are lost.

This is what you are here for.

And that is all wrong I tell you.

God does not want you living in fear and scarcity.
God wants you to be wanting.
It is in your wanting that the universe expands and evolves,
it is through you that we all grow.

And if you fall prey to the concept that living your life based on the permission of someone else is what you are to do,
that validating yourself through the ideas, beliefs and desires of another is what you are here for,
to be servant to them and cast yourself aside,
then well baby you are simply wrong.

You can never fill another’s glass from your empty pitcher.

This means you MUST approach life from a more selfish manner and learn how to take care of you.

You say that you want to manifest all this abundance,
the love and connection,
the freedom and opportunities,
you say that you want to be able to make a massive impact on the world,
to touch lives,
to help others heal,
or to lead the people in your life to a happy way of being.

Well then you gotta quit on this concept of living from the permission of others.

You will NEVER know your own worthiness or value if you rely on somelese to tell it to you.

If you are looking for the pat on the head from another to tell you that you are on the right path or doing good,
needing that validation,
then you will forever fall for whatever someone else deems acceptable for your life.

Sad but true.

Cuz’ you see baby,
it’s all up to you loving you enough to stop the crazy concept that you need validated and permission for being you.

You were born worthy luv.
You were.
But you gotta accept that.
And it starts with you knowing that by doing all the damn things that you keep doing that you hate,
that makes you feel like shit about yourself,
that makes you fear,
that causes you separation from your truth,
is the culprit to the suffering and void that you feel.

You must start living according to you.
For you.

And no one else.

You see when you feel those negative emotions,
you know,
shame
guilt
anger
jealousy
bitterness
fear
loss
confusion
prejudice
blame
suffering

those emotions are ONLY there to tell you one MF thing.

YOU ARE NOT IN YOUR TRUTH.
YOU ARE NOT LIVING ACCORDING TO YOUR SOUL.
YOU ARE OUT OF ALIGNMENT WITH GOD.

These are not you and they are not for you,
that is why you are feeling like shit baby.

But you have to start interpreting these emotions correctly in order to navigate yourself the right direction.

You must realize that you are here to want and desire.
You are here to love.
You are here to experience.
You are here to connect.
You are here to share.
You are here to BE YOU.

And if you can get this point, ‘then you join the 0.01% of the world that gets it.

You join those of us who are THRIVING and LIVING as intended.

And if you continue to choose otherwise,
but expect different results,
well let’s just say that, that might be kind of silly, right?

Because as long as you keep doing your stinking thinking and needing someone else to validate your existence for you then you will remain unhappy and lost and most likely not very successful in many subject areas of your life.

And I don’t want that for you.
I believe you are worthy.
That we all are worthy.

And that God wants you to THRIVE.

But you have to believe it too.
And want it.
And have the COURAGE to claim it.

SAY AMEN OR YES IN THE COMMENTS IF YOU WANT TO CLAIM THAT LIFE OF YES FOR YOU NOW.

And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Let’s get you saying yes to you once and for all .
You can have it.
You can.
Message me for deet’s on my coaching opportunities available worldwide now.

Watch: HUSTLE ENERGY! This is where the MAGIC is.

Happy Easter from My Quarantined House to Yours.

I know this isn’t the Easter we all expected…

And with everything that’s happened it’s easy to get fixated on all that’s gone wrong and created struggle in our world…

But on this Easter Sunday I feel incredibly GRATEFUL.

And I want to wish you Happy Easter from my family to yours.

Here’s one of the Texas blue bonnet family photo-shoot pictures that we took with an incredible local photograher, also my second eldest daughter who does ALL of my pictures for business and family that I want to share with you.

Now I know that not everyone can get out and grab that annual blue bonnet shoot,
in Texas our blue bonnet shoots mean the world to us,
and even this California girl here can appreciate that.

I did want to share this picture because as I sit here and look at it I am filled with love and gratitude and reminded of how our abundance in life is actually created.

It is hard at difficult times such as these in our world to keep a positive outlook,
and Easter certainly does not feel the same as years gone by,
but as I look at this particular picture I am filled with love and joy.

The look in my own eye and expression toward my youngest child, Rowan says libraries worth on the love that my life is abundant in.
And I understand that this abundance is only possible because of certain principles that I focus on consistently.

Abundance in wealth is not just about the dollar bill that lines our pockets,
its about the abundance and wealth that we can have in all areas of our life.
When we can learn to apprecaite and connect to this wealth we open up the gateway to receiving wealth in magnitude in all areas of our lives as well.
It is about the Law of Circulation.
We get back what we put out.
We receive what we are giving to self and to the world around us,
and if we desire to have a more abundant life,
even in times of struggle and hardship then we must increase our vibration.

And we do this with the simple principle of appreciation.
Thi sis among the top foundational blocks to building a life of abunance and wealth in all things.

What we appreciate, apprecaites.
With that in thought,

On this Easter Sunday, what are YOU most grateful for?

HIT REPLY to let me know…

And if you’ve got an Easter Sunday selfie – I’d love to see it 🙂

Wishing you all the best and sending you lots of love.

Kendal, Steve, Samantha, Nico, Damieon, Rebekah, Zak, Jaison, Kai, Andrew, Zach, Juliana, Levi, Gabriel and Rowan

Beauty in COVID-19.

There is great beauty in awareness.
There is gratitude if you have knowledge.
There is compassion if one let’s themself become educated.
There is hope if we pull together and allow TRUTH be shown without FEAR.
 
 
The question truly falls if we the people of planet earth are willing to do these things though.
 
The beautiful thing about the COVID-19 outbreak is that it is pulling us together as a world society.
 
It is showing our most brilliant aspects but it is also revealing our darkness.
 
And at the end of this plaugue we will be witness to our TRUTH.
 
Now what that truth is,
we currently do not know.
It will only come about when we reach the end of the swing of this pendulum,
and see if the masses focused on FEAR and destruction or if there were enough who chose to focus on love, gratitude, community, healing, courage, passion for life, and pulling back the curtains of the ego.
 
It is being said that we are at the end of days.
It is being said that it is all according to prophecy.
It is being said that it is a conspiracy of leaders to take over the world once and for all and enslave all of humanity.
It is being said that mother nature has had it with us.
It is being said….
and what over and over agian is stated is fear mongering.
The focus and attention to fear,
the belittlement of our greatness,
your greatness.
The threatening of your lives, your well-being, your everything.
And it is so focused upon by ALL,
that if we are not cautious then it will be for certain for many that this will become a tragic world event.
 
As I type this very musing to you,
our child abuse rates are increasing due to this panademic.
Our domestic violence rates are increasing and between these two alone,
our murder tolls are going up.
Suicide is on the rise.
And this is just the start.
 
Not to be a Debbie Downer right now,
but awareness and education show’s these facts.
 
In the face of this horrible panademic,
we are loosing countless thousands more because of our focus on FEAR.
 
It is education that we need.
Not fear.
Fear has never been a good solution.
It has never supported healing or growth.
Fear does not move you through a challenge.
It causes one to flee, hide or fight.
Which is what we are seeing.
 
Abuse increase.
Crime increase.
Alcohol and drug usage increase.
And we are not applying any attention to it.
 
Right now we have an opportunity.
As we sit in our states of isolation,
we have an opportunity to grow ourselves.
To ask the questions of our leaders, our selves and our communities that matter.
We have an opportunity to look at what has not been working,
and explore what could.
 
The answer is certainly not to crash the economy.
Causing our childrens children to suffer from this panademic 100 years from now.
The answer is to not shut down the world and our existance the way we know it, and instill fear into each and every soul, ‘creating a greater seperation.
No, seperration only results in all the above negativity.
The solution….
is AWARENESS.
EDUCATION.
FACTS.
Looking at ALL evidence, not just what media chooses to share.
Really looking at the numbers.
All of them, not just the death numbers.
Remember that statistics can be whatever you want them.
A person who wants to be aware, looks for ALL the facts.
This means,
age.
other issues/disease.
What the COVID-19 virus is really doing in our world – its natural swing,
remember that with all things you can only go so far up in numbers before there is a drastic decline.
Have you looked at this?
Whats the real percentage of people who even get COVID-19?
Have you gone to CDC.com or Worldometers.info and explored? (ALL the numbers)
 
If you claim to say that you are concerned for your health,
the worlds state,
the economy,
THEN DO YOUR PART and get educated outside of media.
 
We don’t have to agree.
We can have vastly different views,
thats awesome actually.
But if you are just blindly listening to media and what is being fed to you,
then know that you don’t have education or awareness on your side.
You are allowing yourself to be brainwashed.
 
And my point is two fold:
1) If you are going to be brainwashed at least CHOOSE what you are ingesting.
2) Fear NEVER fixed anything. And what we have on us right now is a FOCUS on FEAR with this crazy idea that it will be some part of the solution.
 
Its time we focus on something better then FEAR if we are to save our world and create a safe and prosperous planet for our youth.
 
And it is time to find beauty again in the lesson that we are being given from God and Mother Nature.
 
It is not a lesson to seperate and hide from the truth, to toss our hands up and let someone else deal with the solution and pray that they have our best at heart…
 
No.
 
It is a lesson to find gratitude for the life that you were given,
the planet that you were born on,
the world family of humans that ARE smart and creative,
who when they desire to truly come together and find a healthy path,
 
CAN.
 
I for one believe in humanity.
I believe in TRUTH.
I believe in shining a light in the darkest of days.
 
Are you willing to become aware enough to have an actual educated opinion?
 
Or will you continue to ignore and be a victim to this day?
 
Sending you all my love sweet reader,
with many prayers of gratitude for you and this world.
 
Let your light shine.
And as always,
 
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
“Coaching for Grwon A*s Believers”
 
Now accepting applications for 1:1 coaching.
 
Learn how you can let go of that that causes you stress and fear and truly create the life that you’ve always wanted for.
 
Plus inquire about my group coaching for ways to reduce anxiety and stress with a 5 week mastermind on the vagus nerve.

Show Me Your World & I Will Show You Where Your Attention Is Focused.

Show me the money!
Show me your love!
Show me your attention….
 
Yes,
show me your attention.
Because the money and the love,
they will come or they will go,
based on where your attention is.
 
You can claim all damn day long that you are dreaming about the positives.
You can say that you love this and that about your life or your partner,
you can say,
“But, Kendal, I AM – REALLY- I am looking at all my blessings.”
 
And I will look at you and smile.
Because the reality is just such,
if your world is not what you want it to be in love or money,
or any other subject for that matter,
then the ONLY reason that it is not…
 
Is because you BABY,
are looking for the evidence that those things are not there instead of living as though they already are.
 
This is the hardest concept for us humans to get.
We set our goals,
we feel our desires,
we hunger and thirst for them,
we search, chase and keep our head down to the ground working our bumbs off to make it happen.
And we consistently look for our good efforts to reap the rewards that we want.
 
We consistently,
dig those seeds that we are planting up and ask of them,
 
“WHY have you little seed I planted just this morning, foresaken me? Why have you not sprouted?”
 
And this is the issue that we have with goals and dreams.
We keep digging them up.
We keep unearthing them and not having patience for them to sprout.
Something inside of us makes us believe that if we keep looking at what has not sprouted that it will magically make it sprout,
and not just sprout….
 
No it will magically go from seed to full grown tree bearing a whole crop of all the fruit that we hunger for.
 
And when it does not…
we get ill spirited and frustrated,
we go into victim mode.
We point to the lack of sprouting and proclaim,
“You see…. the evidence always shows me the same thing. No sprouts.”
 
And so we support our self-sabotagging beliefs of lack of worthiness, and love. We support the ideas that we cannot have and that we are just not good enough.
 
We tell ourselves,
we are looking at what we want in the positive.
That we are counting our blessings,
showing our gratitude and not having expectations or a need to control how we gain what we desire.
 
Yes, we tell ourselves all of this and more.
But our outside world shows the TRUTH.
 
I ask and encourage you today beautiful,
to take a moment to get REAL,
real with self.
Real with where your true attention is.
Because I promise you that God does not make unworthy things,
it is our powerful ability to create anything that we focus on.
And if you desire to speak into reality a life that is full of magic, love and money,
then speak it baby.
But speak it with the intent,
the words,
and the feeling that it is,
and stop your ill concepts of looking for it to not be there.
 
Watch your words my love.
Watch your actions and your feelings about that,
that you desire so.
 
Show me your world and I will show you where your attention is focused.
 
 
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
 
Want to have more of what you love in yourlife?
Learn the magical secrets of the power that lives within you, and creates through you…
Let’s get you claiming your F-ck Yes! Life Today.
Message me for deet’s on private and group coaching now.

I View All My Clients As Lovers.

It is frequently assumed that I go on many dates with many men..

It is assumed that to be a coach who teaches people how to have more, and deeper better sex that I must be loose or easy to bed.

That sex is something I am addicted too even.

Its often assumed that because I am the mother of seven that I am uncontrollable and quenchless in my thirst for sex or orgasm.

People often say to me,
” you would think that a sex coach would have figured out what causes pregnancy by now.”

Many look at me with horrified questioning eyes as they inquire if I will have any more children or why I am not currently married.

The assumptions roll through thier minds and almost escape thier lips.

Perhaps even you dear reader and follower wonder and question.
Perhaps you are among the assumers.
And I want you to know that I thank you.
I thank you for all that you feel.
All that you think.
And all that you sometimes goofily share in your assumptions.

I see your humanness.
And I do not judge it.
As you judge me.

I know what my truth is.
I know whom I love.
I know that my heart,
My message and my calling is felt and seen by those it is meant for.

Not everyone can be like a taco as my best friend would say.
And even though I may have a body part that resembles,
I am still not a taco.

I write this musing this evening to shed the light on how we judge what we do not understand.
How we cast stones with certainty,
But are enraged when they are thrown back without due reason in our opinion.

Today I share with you from a place I choose to call the labyrinth of mirrors.

This is the place where we can choose to see ourselves in ALL we come in contact with on our life journey,
Or we can turn away from them,
Look downward and become lost in the maze of our own fears and self criticism.

What do you choose my sweet human?
To be judge and jury to all in your life
And that you meet on your path.

Or to be human.
To be human means to be compassionate.
To self and to others.
To know that we do not know what anothers shoes are like.
What the path they have traveled took them through.
To be human means that you stand as witness not judge.
And to witness another is one of the greatest gifts we can ever offer.
To allow ourselves to be witnessed is the next.

Just yesterday I was working with a dear client of mine. This man has love streaming from every energy fiber he has. And yet he struggles with allowing himself the simple pleasure of recieving that love back.

I left him with the words,
” One day I hope you give me the gift of you allowing yourself to recieve my love.”

Now that statement may instantly bring up assumptions and judgments in you about me.
Or my coaching practice.
What does Kendal do with her clients?
Is she in romantic relations with them.

And you can assume.
You can judge.
And you can cast your head down and keep stubling through your maze.

Be my guest.

What I can tell you is that each day it is revealed and I am reminded of the deep intimacy I hold with these souls that are labled my clients.

They are not my clients.
They are my lovers.
I love each of them deeply.
Men.
Women.
Couples.
The intimacy, vulnerability, rawness and depth that they trust me with is without messure one of the greatest gifts of this life time for me.

And yes….
I love my clients.
I love them for thier willingness to stop bouncing off the walls of thier maze and instead to sit still and let them selves be revealed through the mirrors that are presented on thier path.

I love them for thier courage to catch thier inner judge and jury and fire them daily,
While loving themselves at a more intense level.

I love them for the tender moments that they give grace…
TO THEMSELVES.

I love them for the humor and laughter as they learn how to skip through thier errors and self defeating patterns.

Yes they are my lovers.
And I love them for the blessings that they are.

Now back to that dating thing….
I have dated a few men in my time.
And I have dated many at the same time.
But the men of my current…
The men I choose daily.
These men you may or may never meet…
Some can be captured in picture.
Others in story.

More than one?
Yes in deed.

And does it matter whom they are to you?
Well lets just see if you have been listening.
The judge.
The jury.
They have your answer.

But the mirror will never lie.

As Always My Loves,
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers

 

TRAUMA GREW MY ROSE GARDEN AND GRATITUDE WATERS IT.

TRAUMA GREW MY ROSE GARDEN AND GRATITUDE WATERS IT.

Today is a really interesting day for me.
It marks my one year of one of the most traumatic events I have had happen in a relationship so far. It also marks my one year of a massive transformation period, new growth and opportunity blended with trauma and needed healing.

Today I sit here at Starbucks after dropping my youngest son off to his father ( the man I fell out of relationship a year ago today).
It was brutal to drop him off today.
My heart actually still hurts from this mornings exchange.

Our son age four, ran to the back seat of my car as we pulled into daddy’s driveway and he screamed, “I don’t want to go to daddy’s house.” he got so frustrated, clung to the rear seat with all the force his little body could muster and screamed, “No Mommy.”

I grabbed him up, hugged him. Told him that I loved him and that I would see him later today and then he would be back at mommy’s house on Wednesday. He clung to my neck and fought profusely to hold on to me as his father took him out of my arms.

I never wanted any of this for my baby.
I don’t believe that any of us parents ever want this sort of emotional pain on our children. I don’t believe that my ex desires this trauma to come up on our son either.
And yet it still falls here.

Today, I find myself sitting here upset at my son’s pain.
Wishing I could do more for him.
Wishing that us adults who have brought this on him could have communicated better about what we wanted from each other and how we wanted out of our relationship before it came to violence as it did and a nasty, terrorizing breakup that will last a life time for our children emotionally not to mention the physical repercussions that are still being dealt with for myself.

I sit here still wondering how I could not have realized more so as to where my ex was at.
Wondering why he had to act out in violence and rage the way he did one year ago today.
Why it was so important for him to push me and all the children away with such extreme measures.
Why could he just not simply say that he wanted out and we move onto separate paths in peace and harmony, working together for the greatest good of all the children and each other.

I knew he was unhappy in our relationship.
I knew he wanted out.
He did not even desire to want to spend 30 minutes a week with me alone even though this had become a consistent request and desire of mine. He could not stomach to sit by me and watch TV, he wanted nothing to do with cuddling or sex that was two sided, only wanted to get off and be done. Would roll away in disgust after pushing me away like trash after he had reached climax.
He became rageful with friends and emotionally and physically aggressive toward his step-children. He was hateful and I told myself that he was stressed about work, money, health, anything but the truth was what I proclaimed.

The signs were there.
They were in front of my blind eyes and desire to make it all work for us.
The more committed I became to our relationship and requested time and connection,
the more he pushed away in anger.

And now,
a year later I see the truth.
I see his pattern that he had to enforce.
I see the pain that he must be in.
And I am grateful that even though that was a brutal time and experience,
even though there is still much healing that needs done for self and children.

I am grateful that I never lost who I was,
I never lost love,
I never lost my family or friends,
and I can do the healing and I understand at a deep level the power of emotions,
the importance of knowing self and NOT hiding from myself and feelings.
I am grateful that I was given a powerful opportunity last year to stand up and be 100% me.
The last year has offered me so many blessings that would have never come about had he not caved to his patterns and needs to push love away, to push so hard that he was the one to be abandoned in the experience by everyone. To repeat the trauma from his youth. And to create an experience that supported his belief that the feminine always leaves him.

I see now how he had to push that hard.
I am too stubborn to leave when I still love.
I believed it could be fixed,
I believed that he was not lying when he said that he loved me more than anyone else.
I strangely believed in us and in him.

But today,
today I stand in gratitude for the 7 years of learning,
of experience and growth,
for the birth of my two youngest angels that i would not trade for anything.

Today I stand here in gratitude for his push.
Busted up body and everything,
it was worth it.
Because I found my true strength.
I found my heart.
My SOUL.
And tapped into allowing myself, to be me without needing another.
There is great beauty in the darkest of clouds if you allow yourself to see it and you allow time to step you back far enough to see the whole sky and it’s beauty.

Life is one BIG TRUST EXERCISE.
And today,
I am reminded of the trust and faith that I had to muster up at one of my lowest, scariest points in life so far.
Today, I choose to focus on that reminder.
To focus on the gratitude and the opportunities that have come from this event, like any event in our lives.
Today I choose to look at my blessed life.
The steady massive love that I experience from family, friends and the wonderful man I have in my life currently.
The AMAZING tribe that I have developed and all the growth that I am seeing in my business and life.
The wealth of connection, joy and the laughter that resides in my home daily that was not there a year ago or before.
My creativity at an all time high.
The beauty and bounty that is in each step on this journey.

Today I want to say THANK YOU to the man that tossed me to the side last year, who tried to destroy me and all that we had built together.
From that rubble grew a rose garden.

MY ROSE GARDEN.

Thank you for my pain.
Thank you for my suffering.
Thank you for the trauma.
Thank you for the goodbye.
I am so effing happy with my life TODAY!

My question to you that I share this with today is,
what are you doing with your trauma, drama and pain? Does it hold you back or build you up?

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

It’s time that you start to say YES to the most important person in the room beautiful. It’s time that you accept your worth, and step onto this path that your SOUL is calling you too.

I know how hard the steps may appear.
I know that you are fearful, that you doubt if you have what it takes to make this shiz happen for you or not.

But I promise you that YOU can do it.
You can have it.The first step though is to recognize that you must let go and have faith in your process of getting there.

Listen to your SOUL and follow it’s lead.

Imagine having a coach who has been on a similar path guide you, help you discover the deeper meanings of what soul is wanting you to know.

What would it feel like to have that sort of support and guidance?

You can have this.
Message me for deet’s on 1:1 Private mentoring and coaching today.

Damn You 2018! But Thank You.

🍾🥳🎉🎉Happy New Years Eve Everyone!🎉🎉🥳💞

As we go through the last day of 2018 and we enter 2019, I wanted to share some thoughts with you about the bullsh*t that might be holding you back.
And I say all of this in love. And I say it all with the intimacy share that it is true for myself as well.
Stepping into a new year is always a time of contemplation for myself. Perhaps you feel the same, perhaps not.
But I find myself sitting here this morning, drinking my coffee, enjoying the crispness of the morning and playing with our families new little puppy while I ponder all that has taken place in this year of 2018.
Recently I shared that I was in gratitude and happy with where my life is RIGHT NOW. That I was happy with 2018 and all that it has brought with it. And this is true, however I still find myself looking at the year and saying from my depth, “Damn You 2018!”
I am witnessing this same energy and statement from many people that I know, work with and follow. 2018 has been a testing year.
It has tested us in all ways. Physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
And financially for many.
For myself I look at this last year and I can honestly say that I did not see many of the things that occurred coming. I started last January pumped up and excited, anticipating the closure of a separation with a man that I loved deeply, but I “thought” that he would turn toward me, instead he chose differently and with that came new sight into his heart and our relationship. It was a breathtaking and eye opening experience. Turned around and found myself with my other main man flipping out and revealing where he was as well, which lead to physical trauma and financial stress. Watched as my 82 year old mother with dementia went deeper down the rabbit hole of this disease and made choices that were irreversible making it where I no longer to care and support her the way that I once had, to the point where she even ran away from the home that she was living.
Brought on with all of these challenges of 2018 I found myself needing to find a new home ( and did so within 3 days) , get a new car ( and I did so within a week), get healing for my physical body ( which I did with the love and support of my fellow practitioners and friends), get legal help ( which I did with the guidance of God) and wade through the upsets and the trails that would seem to never end.
Yes 2019 with your over $75,000 of additional costs that I did not expect.
You have taught me so much. This single mama still remains strong, happy and in love with her life. In gratitude for all that 2018 has brought, even though it has been some rough lessons.
How can I even have gratitude some ask?It is simple: My life is blessed.I am in love with where I am. I am in love with the truth that has been revealed. And I am in love with myself.
2018 has shown me who I am, my strength, my courage, my fears, my weaknesses, and it has provided me with sight into my soul.


For all the sh*t that has happened in 2018, my list of gratitude’s are far greater.


*More than DOUBLED my income in 2018! BAM!!!💲💲

*Found out I am going to be a grandmother. 🙂 Holy crap its happening!!!!👶*All seven of my kids live close to me or with me.

* Have close relationships with all of my children and good friendships. ( what more can a mama ask for)

*Everyone is healthy.

*Bought my first car without anyone else attached to it. (always have had someone with me i.e. a husband or man)

*Moved into a house that I f-cking LOVE in a neighborhood that is amazing. * My kids are all in GREAT schools and doing good.

* Paid off a third of my over all debt.

*Only spend maybe 8-10 hours a week feeling like I am “working”

*Truly have my time as my time – I AM MY BOSS!

*Love my TRIBE!!!! – You are beautiful. *In love with where my business is going and who it is unveiling me to be.

*My home is always blessed with love and people who I care deeply about.

* Amazing men in my life that know how to hold space for me.

* Deep love.🥰💞💞 I truly feel deep love coming to me and being shared by me, which means I LOVE MYSELF DEEPLY.

*Alignment Awareness. This is a BIG one. I am far more conscious of when I am in alignment and when I am not and I am catching my hold backs quicker than in years past.

*A new focus on LISTENING to my intuition.👂👀 Another BIG one for me. Some days I feel psychic, and whether I am or not is beside the point, it is that I am seeing how accurate my gut is and how powerful I am if I ONLY CHOOSE to LISTEN.

*PEACE.🙏 I have spent the last decade becoming a more peaceful person, I use to be so angry and scared. But something in 2018’s lessons has truly lined me up with PEACE. It is hard to throw me these days, and even if I get a little flustered or tense, there is a current of peace right under it reminding me who I really am. Grateful I can feel that.

*THIS IS WHO THE F-CK I AM! 💃💃💃- Yes even for someone like me who prides myself for being raw and authentic, I still have masks. And I am done dancing at this masquerade ball. It’s been fun, but its time to stop fooling around and just STEP IN TO WHO I AM. This is all about the gratitude for KNOWING self and having the desire and the courage to say F-ck it! I am me. Claim my life once and for all.


Okay there is so much that I could go on and on here with my gratitude’s,
but my message to you beautiful is simple,


Look at my list.


Do you see the things that you are grateful for as well in your life?


Do you recognize the things that you need to step into and embrace?


Does any of it make you stir?Make you want for more?


2018 was here in my opinion to wake us the f-ck up!

To clear out the things that do not serve us.

To provide us with the space to call in our dream life.

We all have been too cramped in our style you could say, no room for what we want.

So 2018, bless you 2018.

You have shown us who we are.

You have helped us clean up our homes.

You have revealed truth.And you have taken out the trash that we were not strong enough to admit needed to be taken out.


So thank you 2018.


And HELLO 2019!!!!! 😍💃💃💃🥂🍾💲Let’s Rock this year with love, abundance, certainly and joy.


Let’s make 2019 about receiving all that wants to come to us. Wants to bless our lives. Open beautiful.

Open to 2019 like it is the lover you have always dreamed of and let it penetrate you with all it has to offer.


You are worth the creative loving forces of God’s blessings.
Just OPEN.

And RECEIVE.


Share in the comments what you want to manifest in 2019.


As Always, Stop Existing & Start Living


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Stop Gripping Your THING.

What are you holding on for?
Why won’t you just simply let go and let it flow?
It really is not that difficult.
But NO….

No, there you are fighting it.
There you are hanging on because you cannot let go.
You say that you are in flow,
you say that you got this alignment thing down.
You say that you are feeling good about it.

Blissed out!
Right?

WRONG!!!

Don’t be trying to fool the world,
cuz’ the world sees you.
You know how you are seen?
Through the eye’s that you see yourself with,
this is how the world sees you too.
It’s in your walk,
it’s in your talk,
your body language,
how you sit,
how you shake hands,
the faces you make,
the tone of voice you have.

You think no one can see that constriction?
LOL

Okay.

Whatever.

Let’s be real,
let’s have some respect for each other and self here,
and just state the facts.

You are scared that if you let go,
and let life catch you,
that you just trust that God has your back,
that you will fall.
That you will fail.
That you will die somehow.

You feel the pain,
the suffering right now,
from this fear.

Don’t you?

I mean look here it is the day after Thanksgiving,
it’s the coming of the end of the year.
The holiday’s are upon you,
the demands are many,
the fininances required to make it through the next 30, 45, or 60 days is massive.
You have choices.
You can go into debt some more,
you can just say,
“No, I am broke, I can’t.”
You can ignore the whole damn thing and drink,
or you can figure out a way to make sh*t happen.

And you want to make sh*t happen.
You want to have a killer holiday season.
You don’t want it to be last year,
or the last ten years.
You want it be fantastic.

You want to wake up on Christmas morning to the faces of your loved one’s and feel good,
you want to experience the love,
the joy,
the excitement.

You want to feel proud.

Don’t you?

But what will it take?
What will it cost you?

Money?
Time?
Energy?

Yeah, all of that is true.
The real cost though is not these things.
The real cost is something far greater.
The cost is why you are not doing it yet.
Why you feel that tugging in your gut,
that constriction in your chest,
that anxiety,
the reason why you are not sleeping so well,
the reason why you are drinking more,
the reason you are distant,

YES.
That is the reason.
That is the THING.

And you know the THING.
The THING that is bringing you the suffering.
That premature suffering for things that have not manifested yet.

Yeppers, that is it.

So why are you giving yourself,
your life to this THING?

Oh you say you have too.
You say that if you let go of that THING that you would perish for sure,
you say that focusing in on this THING is what is going to guarantee you not to experience it?

Mmmmmmmm- Hmmmmmmmmm….

Okay.
Whatever you say.

And with that we have the truth.
It is whatever you say,
REPEATEDLY…
In your own f-cking head.
Yes, that is what shall be.

And what are you saying?
Oh, you are worried about that THING are you.
That beast that you have yet to come up against.
That event that will take you out,
destroy you,
well NEWS FLASH!!!!!!!

It already has destroyed you.

Look at you.
You are stressed out to the max,
and all over that THING that has not happened,
and guess what most likely an 80% + chance that it won’t ever happen either.

But it has already knocked you down.
Because you are sitting around agonizing over IT.

Yes.
So STOP that Mother F-cking Sh*t,
and LET GO.

Instead,
go DO-BE-HAVE the life that you know you crave.
It is all up to you.
It is all up to where you choose to apply your focus.

You want the glass to be half empty,
then so be it.
And you know what that will get you…
the same thing you have been suffering through already.

Or….
You can opt to look at all that you have,
all the blessings,
all the joys,
all the love,
all the abundance.

It is all over you.
If you will just open up to it.
So change that stinking thinking,
and EMBRACE your TRUTH.

The CHOICE is up to you,
It always has been.

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebookfor my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.

Perfect Moments.

Perfect moments.
We all have them.
We all want more of them.
And we often miss them when they are before us.

We miss them because we look for non-perfect moments more than we do perfect ones.
And just like miracles,
which happen frequently,
we believe that they are hard to come by,
and only catch the one’s that shoot off fireworks right in front of our face.

Perfect moments,
yes, this is what my topic of today is on.
As I sit here on this beautiful morning looking over the ocean and the cliffs in front of the plateau am resting on,
the Jamaican sun rises behind me,
a cool tropical breeze blows across me,
There is no one out here currently,
it my little private spot in Jamaica for the moment.

I breathe in this moment,
as I find gratitude for it,
and gratitude for the moments of yesterday.
The souls that crossed my path,
the moments that could have gone one way but went another,
the experiences,
the laughter,
the times of not knowing what to expect,
and breathing into the opportunity for life to bring me something.

Perfect moments.
They are all around us.
If we let them reveal themselves,
we find that they are like lost lovers from our past that we wish we could have another moment with,
they come to us,
they come to us with the expectation to embraced,
they come to us with the desire to awakened in our arms,
they come to us wanting to be seen,
and provided the space,
the awareness to show themselves.

They want us to bask in them,
to taste them,
to dance.
But these perfect moments,
we miss.

We miss the opportunities that they carry with them out of the fear of opening the door to something that we are uncomfortable with,
or the belief that we are not worthy of a perfect moment.
Just like so often we belief that we are not worthy of a perfect lover,
or a perfect financial increase,
or perfect health,
or perfect work.

We carry with us in place of all that tries to make itself known the concept that these things are hard to come by.

The idea, that they are not for us.
They are for the special people,
and that is often not us.

But here is the thing I want to share with you this amazing morning,
the thing is that perfect moments are your reality.

Miracles are your reality.
Opportunities are your reality.
Perfect lovers,
Financial abundance,
Incredible health,
and so much more,
all those things you desire and crave that are good and fulfilling are your reality.

The way to have them manifest consistently for you is through your expectation of them.

You MUST EXPECT.
You MUST KNOW and have clarity around them.
You MUST change your belief structures around what you call into your life,
and this means that if you want to be lucky in life,
then proclaim that you are lucky.
And when your vibration,
your expectation is in alignment and turned on to that that you desire,
it WILL just come to you.
Or maybe I should say you will come to it.
Because it is YOU,
not it that must bring your vibration into alignment.
You will never get what you desire to change its frequency,
It just is.

So what is it that you want in your life?
What do you want to start claiming in this perfect moment for your life?

Know that you are the BOSS BABY!
You always have been and you will never not be.
This world will bend for you,
it will manifest your desires,
and you can always tell where the perfect moments are,
by staying tuned into your vibration,
your flow.

Listen to your heart.
Allow yourself to feel.
And that means to feel the moment.
The perfect moment,
even if it appears to be a perfect storm, ‘it is offering to you of itself,
that which will guide you to the next opportunity,
a step closer to all that you want,
as long as you are in tune to it and willing to see.

Create your desired life today.

Claim it Baby!
You are worthy of a perfect moment.

As always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebook for my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.

Proceed in Gratitude and Grace.

Capitol’s Log
One tequila.
Two tequila.
Three tequila.
Delete.
 
Yeppers that just happened.
So here I sit in Florida at the Casa Noble bar,
I spent the last hour writing an amazing share on travel,
on how it brings forth our authentic selves, ‘our authentic fears,
programs,
expectations and so much more.
I sat here, chatting with airport staff,
with travelers,
and my travel partner.
And I wrote a great article for you.
 
But you will never see it.
Nope this you will not.
Because of tequila.
and a accident with my fingers.
 
Thought I was copying when I was cutting.
Woops.
 
For a moment I was frustrated.
For a moment I was disappointed.
For a moment my ego held me.
It held me in it’s ego grip and it made me mad.
 
I felt stupid.
I felt like a mess up.
 
And then I breathed a little deeper into myself.
Into this moment,
and I laughed.
 
Realizing that accidents happen,
and all this happen for a reason.
 
I laughed it off.
And I went pee.
 
I got a break from my computer screen.
I took a break from what I thought I should be doing,
I took a break from the energetic demands that I had put on myself,
and I allowed myself to just breathe into the reality,
that it was okay.
 
Sure it was a good article.
It was a valuable share.
It was something that you would have liked.
And it was raw, real and from my heart.
It was my noticing’s.
And it was sharing how important travel is for our development as human beings.
 
It was revealing the truth on how travel show’s our truth, through the many issues that can happen when we travel.
 
How we deal with life as it emerges before us.
My noticing’s of fellow travelers,
their stress,
their drama,
their excitement.
 
And as I sit here at my layover to Jamaica,
I watch the people.
I watch all that they have to share with all those that they never will see again.
And those that they cherish.
I watch and I listen.
And what comes to play is our ego.
 
And funny enough,
as soon as I get done writing and get ready to post,
I have a mishap myself and delete my whole post.
 
OMFG!!!!
 
And what am I greeted by?
My ego.
Stepping up to the plate of life withing a 10th of a second.
Here I am.
Here I am to share my frustration.
My disappointment.
 
Here I am.
Don’t you want to merge with me?
Don’t you want to explore this faulse-hood that I want to paint for you?
If you had not drank that last tequila drink,
you would not have effed up.
If you had been more present,
you would have been on top of your game.
But no,
no, you effed up Kendal.
You hit the wrong button on your key pad and lost it all.
 
So do I let ego rule me?
Do I let it cause disappointment?
Do I let it sink it’s teeth into my moment?
 
F-ck NO!!!!!
 
It is moments just like this,
where the feeling of time lost,
moments lost,
shares lost,
disappointment,
frustration,
and whatever else might rise comes in that I am grateful for.
 
Gratitude for the experience of ego.
Gratitude for the presence to witness it.
To know that I have a choice.
Gratitude for the expansion if I so choose to allow it,
by not leaning in toward all that could mess up my day,
could make me feel bad about myself,
Gratitude that I give myself some grace.
In moments like this,
and many others,
that is what we need GRACE.
 
We are each but human,
and in our humanness,
we make mistakes,
we f-ck up left and right.
We hurt others,
we fumble the ball,
we delete masterpieces,
and we have a choice.
 
We have a choice to scold ourselves,
to blame and shame,
or to proceed in love and trust.
 
With gratitude and grace.
 
One tequila,
Two tequila,
Three tequila,
Delete.
 
Yes.
These are the moments that meet ourselves.
How do we react?
How do we choose to proceed?
How quickly can we bound back from our mistakes?
 
Ego,
will grab a hold of us if we let it.
It will rule us and shame us.
It will have us believe that being human is evil and a sin just for breathing,
but it is always our choice as to what we choose to do with our experiences.
 
It is our choice,
to lean into ego’s arms,
or into the love and compassion,
the grace of God and our souls.
 
As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
 
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