God is living vicariously through YOU.

God is living vicariously through YOU!

Yes you read that right.
God is living out what God cannot do on his own. 
He needs YOU to do it for him.

Crazy huh?
But look at this thing called life.
It is all about experience. 
It is all about learning. 
Evolving.
Expanding.

Life is a beautiful gift.
And it is a gift that has been given for us to enjoy to the fullest. 
On top of it we have all the power. 
It is called FREE WILL.

What an amazing gift.

And you know what else?

It was given so that we can experience and expand to our greatest levels just like God does.

God is everywhere.
God is within everything.
The conscious creator of all. 

But the ONE thing God cannot do, 
is LIVE as a human. 

Which means God cannot experience like a human.
And God wants glory.
God wants love.
God wants respect.
God wants joy.
God wants our rapture.

Just like a lover, 
God want to bask in our beauty.

And therefore God wants to feel our full expression in everything that we do. 

You want to give God glory?
You want to show your worth?
You want to show God how deeply you love him?
You want to show your FAITH?

Well the best way to accomplish any and all of these, 
is to fully turn yourself over to the mystery.

Let GO and LET God.

This is where FAITH is shown.
Live unbound and to your fullest, 
this is where you show God’s glory.
Live in complete unconditional love, 
for self, for life, for everyone, 
Live authentically, 
this is where respect and love come from.
It is called integrity my sweet.
Live prosperous, 
Be wealthy.
Be sexual.
Be orgasmic.
Fall in love.
Laugh.
Play.
Allow abundance and blessing to wash all over you.

Because God is counting on you.
God wants to FEEL all of these mysteries.
But he needs YOU to open up and let HIS GREATNESS move through you. 

You are not doing anyone any favors by playing small.
Seriously, how is always accepting less,
always saying no to your heart and soul, 
always turning away from yourself,
serving YOU OR GOD?

It’s not.
Let imagine if Jesus turned away from himself. 
Turned away from God.

Lets imagine if Jesus coward in the face of his own greatness, 
which he KNEW was all God’s.

Lets imagine Jesus being small.

LOL…
That’s just silliness, 
right?

He took on the weight of everything.
And he did it in JOY.
He did it by revealing unconditional love.
He walked in FAITH.
And he let his fathers GLORY be witnessed by all. 
He did this by letting his light SHINE.
He did it by letting God work through him.

Because even the son of God, 
had to open himself to the mysteries of God. 

Had to open himself to the POWER of God. 
And what was the message he left us with my love?

“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” – John 14:6

The message is clear no matter your faith.

If nothing else, Jesus was a man of leadership and deep understanding of the ways of God.

He was on the mission to reveal the truth.
And he stood in the power that he had been given.
He let his light shine.
And he has made it into our history and spiritual beliefs for over 2000 years because of his teachings.

So why not LISTEN?

Why not stand in your own RIGHT.
In your own POWER.
And Let God move through you. 
Let his glory be seen, 
by living your life UNBOUND.

No FEAR.
No DOUBT.
Only CERTAINTY.

Because God is counting on YOU my love. 
God wants to experience this thing called LIFE, 
but he does not want to just get through it….

Hell NO!
He want’s to THRIVE in ABUNDANCE.
He wants the JOY, 
The PROSPERITY,
The LOVE, 
The ORGASM.

So stop effing around already. 
Stop living in shame and misery.

You have all that you need on your side love. 

Just LET GO.
Leap.

Leap into the arms of the greatest lover of all. 
Leap and let God catch you. 

He wants to feel your rapture.

As always, 
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”

Stop fooling around and take the leap that you know that you need.

Stop with all your excuses. 
There are 51 weeks left in 2019, 
how many more will you let pass with the acceptance of lat years attitudes for this years life?

Let’s get you kick started with Boss Life-500
Take advantage of this signature VIP 1:1 Coaching opportunity NOW!

I only have a couple spot’s still open.
And it is YOURS.

What is stopping you? You KNOW you are Worthy at your Core.

Can you say that you are living up to your worthiness?

 
This was a question that I posed to myself this weekend as I moved through some self-inquiry around my current blockages to to my desires.
 
Yes we all have blockages.
No matter who we are, we are still human and we fall prey to our ego’s, our fear, our doubt and the patterns and programs that we have lived thus far in this life.
 
The difference between so many people is not that some have privileged lives and others don’t.
 
It is not that some are smarter, better educated or better looking than others.
 
The one difference that makes ALL the difference is if we stand up to the CALL OF OUR WORTHINESS.
 
I often ask my clients to share a brag with me in their coaching appointments. I ask them to tell me something that makes them in AWE of themselves.
 
And the response is normally,
“WHAT?”
” Wow, this is strange. I don’t know what to say”
 
I watch them squirm.
I watch as they readjust their legs, try and get centered on the chair.
Look any direction but upward or into my eye’s.
I watch their face become flushed, their chest turn red.
 
So many little things happen as they start to grasp that the request is real.
 
F-CK YES!!!!! I want to know what you are PROUD of.
I want you to CLAIM IT.
CALL IT IN DAMN IT!!!!!
 
How do we ever expect to have anything that we are not calling in with passion, certainty and turn on.
 
You have to BELIEVE that you are WORTH it and the thing about worthiness is that we are consistently told that we are not worthy. That instead we are guilty. We should feel shame for this or that and all of our ancestors shit too.
 
Just pile on the bullshit.
 
Whatever you do,
DO NOT BELIEVE that God wants you BLESSED.
 
Our world and teachings have created a bunch of believers in God NOT FAVORING US,
 
FAVORING YOU.
 
We are repeatedly told not to think to much of ourselves.
To not own our power.
To not shine bringht.
 
Well ONLY do these things in the way that are socially acceptable.
 
Not the way that your soul calls you too.
 
The problem with this idea is that anytime we stop listening to our soul and try and follow anything other, we step out of alignment and favor with God’s desire for our life.
 
We say no to our WORTHINESS.
We prevent ourselves from STEPPING INTO OUR GREATNESS.
 
and no duh,
this my love is the reason you are not living the F-ck YES! Life that you claim you want so badly.
 
It is because you are attempting to live YOUR F-CK YES! Life according to someone else’s beliefs, desires, boundaries, ideas and blockages.
 
How are you ever going to CLAIM YOUR Life if you are ALWAYS living through someone else’s?
 
Now you may say,
“Kendal, I don’t do that.”
” I live for me and me alone. ”
” I know my worth. I know who I am. I know what I desire.”
” I believe that I am in God’s favor.”
 
I call bullshit to that statement,
and here is why…..
 
Because if you REALLY did all of these things then your life experience would be different.
 
The life that is showing up in your daily experience is the life that YOU and ONLY YOU are MANIFESTING in your HEART AND MIND.
 
So if you want to have that F-ck YES! Life then you need to start FEELING and THINKING about it ASAP like your Motherf-cking Life depended on it, BECAUSE it does!!!!!
 
And it all starts with your idea’s, beliefs around WORTHINESS.
 
It is not good enough to say that you know you are worthy.
It is not good enough to put in the actions to prove that you are worthy.
It is not good enough to examine why you are worthy.
 
The ONLY thing that matters is CLAIMING IT.
KNOWING IT.
 
UNDERSTAND love that you were born worthy.
You don’t have to act some special way,
look some way,
go to some special training,
or be this or that.
 
YOU DO NOT!!!!!!
( I am screaming this at you now)
 

YOU MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT have to PROVE your worthiness.

 
Just ACCEPT it.
 
That is all God wants you to do,
is to step into your power by accepting your birth right and living up to your worthiness.
 
If you strive to live up to your worthiness, you WILL ALWAYS….
 
A-L-W-A-Y-S…
 
Be enough,
have enough,
share enough,
do the right things,
and live a F-ck YES! Life.
 
Baby you born for greatness!!!!!!
 

Just ACCEPT it.

 

And as always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

For more coaching, truth shares and awakened education join me for 1+1 coaching via phone, zoom or in person. Or follow me on Facebook for my morning FREE Conscious Coffee Broadcasts where I share truth bombs and alignment asskickery.

*photo credit to Photography In Wonderland

Here Comes the KNOWING

Have you ever had one of the moments where you feel like you just KNOW what is going to happen before it does?

One of those moments where you could swear you were psychic even?

Where for whatever reason, God blessed you with a KNOWING?

I get these often in life.
Always have.
The more alignment I get with my soul,
the more they happen too.
I should be grateful for them,
and often I am.

However the pain that comes from some of them is never much fun.

In some crazy way, it does allow for me to prepare for storms.
The thing that many of my “psychic” moments predict is a loss of integrity in relationships.

It is as though those that are the closest to me, also believe that they will not be seen for their truth. And perhaps they would not if there were not these messages being received.

I am amazed in moment’s like this, of how accurate and quick formulating some things are.

It never fails, I always think I am having some crazy ass thought, that makes no sense. I question myself as to where the heck such an image or thought would come from, and then BAM just hours or a few days later these events come to pass. And i am given confirmation.

This KNOWING.
It is soul alignment.
It is a message from soul, alerting us to become more of a witness.
To pay closer attention to what is happening in our midst, and to TRUST.
Trust out intuition.
Trust our gut reactions.
And lean in.

These messages are here to help us prepare.
Help guide us.
So that we are not always operating from a place reaction,
but can become more proactive and on purpose in our dealings.

Now, I get these messages, these soul observations on “good” and “bad”events.

They come through in feelings,
They come through in visions,
They come through in dreams,
They come through in written words,
or even what you could say are signs.

I believe that God is always speaking to us.
His guidance is always with us.

We close ourselves to these messages because they make zero to no sense to our logical mind,
We cannot understand how they are possible so we disregard them,
then act in shock when things come to pass.

These KNOWING moments.
They are a blessings.
Even when they hurt.

It is said that all the great visionaries, leaders and game changers of time learned to trust these events.

SO why don’t we?

Why do we hide from our inner knowing?
Allowing our ego’s to mask what our soul knows.

Here is yet, one more thing.
One more opening,
for evolution.
For personal growth.
For FAITH.

God has our back and speaks to us daily.
The only question to ever ask is,
“Am I open to hear what God has to share?”

As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

Stop Dishonoring God with Your Fear.

Standing at the cliff I looked down.
The water was brilliant,
radiant turquoise waters shimmering from the sun’s light.
Beautiful tropical fish swimming around in a flurry of delight as people swam by them.
The lush backdrop of tropical trees, brilliant colored flowers and the cool ocean air.

There I stood at the cliff,
desiring to jump.
Desiring to leap.
My lover watching from a distance.
Cheering me on.
Ready to snap a picture of me leaping.

There I stood.
Feeling my life.
Feeling the life I had not yet lived.
Looking into the crystal clear waters that just moments before I had been snorkeling in.
I desired to jump.
I desired to show myself and my lover,
everyone around me that I could.

There I stood,
my heart pumping blood more intensely then any other time.
My eye’s witnessing others leaping with delight off this cliff,
squealing with joy as they crashed into the cool water below,
laughter erupting from below from their joy.

THEN…

Then a woman,
she is fearful,
she is anxious,
she is nauseating in her energy.
She questions everything.
I could feel her.
All my fear,
all my hold back,
catching on her doubt and feeding itself.

Here I stood,
looking over this cliff,
wanting to jump.
Wanting to experience the joy,
the freedom,
the free fall into bliss.

Yet I handed my opportunity over to FEAR.
I leaned into this woman’s fears,
I took them on as my own.
I logically supported her words,
her doubts.
And I said, “No.”

No to myself.
No to opportunity.
No to growth.
No to the experience.
No to my desire.
No to the calling.

I said no, not based on my desire or heart,
but no based on a strangers fear and doubt.

Her reflection in me,
overcame my very desire.

Still today, I look back at this experience in Mexico as a game changer. I know that it was a lesson that I felt but did not get in the moment.

I know that it was a test of soul that I failed at that time.
All things happen for a reason,
and when we feel our fears at the cliff of any change,
we decide to either lean and leap toward our calling,
our bliss,
or
we decide to step away from them.

I have processed this moment over and over again,
I have examined the physical feelings that came up in my body. I have shamed myself, sat in regret, said many a mean thing to myself around this.

I have blamed this choice at that time for other events that took place to follow.
Seeing how my lack of not leaping into my fear, preventing me from standing strong in other desires.
Prevented me from moving forward when my soul called out to MOVE.

So I procrastinated.
So I waited.
Waited till God had enough.
Waited until I was thrown out of the nest,
and was forced to fly.

No matter what happens in life,
our lessons come for us.

No matter what happens,
we will be forced to face our fears,
and we will be given the choice to leap into our bliss,
or cower into our suffering.

God will continue to hold out his hands of opportunity.
God will continue to walk us up to these life changing cliff’s.
God will continue to tell us we can fly.

But WE must be the one’s to say YES.
We must be the one’s to OPEN OUR WINGS.

In choosing to allow other’s fears and doubts to over take us like I did in Mexico, we hemorrhage our power.

We bleed out.
And we loose ourselves to this world.

When we allow our feelings to be directed by other’s views, thoughts, opinions and feelings, we say no to the most important person in our life.

We say no to ourselves and we turn our backs on God.
This is why we suffer.
This is why we live with depression.
This is where our anxiety comes from.
This is why we are rageful.

When we deny ourselves,
when we step away from the cliff that is calling our soul to fly,
we dishonor God.

We condemn his greatness.
And we separate ourselves from his glory.

This is one of the greatest sin’s that we can allow.
Yet, here we are.
A society of wantabe obedient believers,
Casting ourselves out of heaven,
separating ourselves from God and all the blessing.

We live in a state of ego,
and ego blinds us to our TRUTH.

The TRUTH,
THAT WE CAN FLY!

So stop listening to the fear,
Stop bleeding out your power,
Stop allowing this world to steal your glory.

Leap Baby.
LEAP.

And feel the abundance.
Feel the JOY.
Feel the Blessings.

You are WORTHY.

I love you.
And as always,
Stop Existing & Start Living

PS – Tomorrow is the day!
Will you be joining me?
I sure the f-ck hope so.
I am so excited about this 10 day experience with you, where we will cover the ten most important areas around getting into soul alignment and creating that F-ck YES! Life that you desire and deserve.

This Facebook Global workshop is focused on alignment asskickery for anyone who wants to leap into their desired life.

Stop F*cking Around has launched and Live training kicks in on July 18th, 2018.
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/stop-f-cking-around/

 

You will not want to miss this event.

Here are some of the thing s that people are saying who have sampled the workshop so far.

” Wow, it is like magic. I accessed the pre-work and instantly felt the changes in my thinking. So powerful.”

“I love your style, you teach and share with such ease, it’s like working with your best friend. I feel like you just get me and where I am at.”

“You make it so easy to just embrace life. I have followed you for years and having this opportunity to work with you is so exciting.”

Stop F*cking Around – 10 days of Alignment Asskickery!
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/stop-f-cking-around/

 

Grab your spot TODAY and get started on creating that F-ck YES! Life Now.

STOP saying you want it, but NEVER take any solid action to GETTING IT.

STOP bouncing around with ton’s of great ideas, but no clarity as to what you really desire.

STOP making excuses, instead CLAIM your AWESOMNESS.

Do you have a calling that is screaming at you?
Do you crave an authentic, blissed out life?
Do you have ton’s of creative energy but no clue what to do with them?
Do you feel like you have tried all these things but are still just standing at the side lines of your life?

Well ….

The answer is simple.

Stop F*cking Around!
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/stop-f-cking-around/

 

SIGN UP NOW.
Start living your Truth.
Start Calling in your blessings.
You deserve it.
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/stop-f-cking-around

 

The Red Carpet Does Not Roll Out at $100k

The red carpet does not roll out on $100k.
I remember the days (it would have been 1996 to be exact) that my husband then and I were working our asses off with a financial service company. Our goal income was to become $100k earners. This was the place everyone wanted to get to. It was the starting point of the lap of luxury.
 
We looked at the six figure earners in the company with awe.
 
Their houses were gorgeous.
They drove the BMW’s, the Mercedes.
Their kids went to the best schools.
They went on multiple trips every year to tropical destinations.
They had freedom in their time.
They wore top quality clothes and accessories.
They were happy.
They had it all going for them.
 
$100k was so impressive.
$100k was where we wanted to be.
There were hardly any worries at this mark.
 
Here we were a young couple with a baby and another one on the way. Working three jobs between us. Our income was less that $24k a year combined.
 
We were on government funded health care.
We were getting WIC for help with food and nutrition.
We relied on the help and support of our families just to get by.
 
But we had a dream.
The dream was $100k.
 
This was 1996.
 
The red carpet does not roll out on $100k anymore.
It did not even back then.
But at least it was a starting point to seeing the red carpet.
At least it showed some material rewards of living a life that was freer than most.
 
Today, 100k is NOTHING.
If you google median household income for the United States you will come up with, $59,000.
 
If you look a bit further you will see that the average person makes between $27k and $41k.
 
You are considered middle class in the USA if you make $42k to $125k.
 
ONLY 20% of Americans make $100k or more.
 
Back in the day, when this number seemed so impressive to me and it was what I strived for but never could achieve, I found myself believing that life would be so much better at 100k than it was where ever I was at.
 
Flash forward to 2018.
Now I am a single woman who makes far more than $100k a year. I run my own business. I raise my children. I travel to tropical destinations. I have shoes that cost more than my summer power bill, my hair cost’s the average mortgage payment.
 
I don’t think twice about spending a few hundred dollars on what seem’s like nothing.
 
The ease I use to spend $5.00 with is now how I spend thousands.
 
Money just flows through me you could say.
My eye is not set on multi six figures, but on multi seven figures.
My income grows expansively each year.
And my time expands with it.
 
In 1996 we worked three jobs to make ends meet plus borrowed from our parents. I spent hours each day stressing over every little dime. I spent hours on the phone doing cold calls, studying and looking for the next thing I needed to do in hopes that it would bring us closer to the 100k mark.
 
None of it did.
Not for lack of effort.
Not for lack of opportunity or company.
Not for lack of understanding the system or product.
 
No the thing I was lacking back then was EASE.
The thing I was lacking back then was BELIEF.
The thing I was lacking back then was a MONEY MINDSET,
the habit of money just flowing effortlessly to me.
 
I spent the next 15+ years dancing around these things.
Ignoring the truth of abundance creation.
 
Then it just happened.
It clicked one day,
and the next month my income went from a $5,000 a month habit to a $13,000 a month habit.
 
I did NOTHING different.
I actually “worked” less.
 
The money just showed up.
Where from?
 
I still don’t really know.
It just does.
Every month, it just shows up.
And increases itself.
 
The more I just RELAX.
The more I tap into saying YES to my SOUL.
The more I FOLLOW MY BLISS.
The more I am just authentically ME.
The more I PLAY.
 
My money habit has changed.
I no longer get up and look at my bank account in dread,
I look with excitement.
I no longer say, ” Mommy cannot afford that.”
I answer from a place of truth of if I think my child needs or should have something, not fearing money.
I no longer say, ” I wish I could….”
Instead I just DO.
 
I no longer put in 45 to 80 hour weeks with my work.
I “work” about 8 to 10 hours at best.
 
I do less in office time for the month than I use to do in a week.
 
INSTEAD, I play.
I laugh.
I ORGASM.
I enjoy life.
I connect.
I FLOW.
I do the things my SOUL calls me to do, and when I do these things, my income GROWS.
 
God SUPPORTS my SOUL’s desires with ABUNDANCE.
I now look at that $100k mark I longed for back in 1996 and laugh.
 
The red carpet most certainly does not roll out at 100k.
It is not even the threshold of luxury.
It might be “getting by” but it is not the be all end all.
 
And if I had to sell my SOUL’s desires to have this 100k I would say F-CK NO!
 
If I had to give up the life that I have created today for it,
I would say F-CK NO!
 
Imagine living a life where your soul’s desires lead you to more abundance?
 
Imagine a life where you are so in alignment to your BLISS that your life expression is ENOUGH to bring you everything that you ever wanted.
 
How would this feel?
Who/what would you be or do?
 
This is what we were born for.
Not to survive the day or week.
Not to live for the weekends and our 2 weeks of holiday.
 
No that is not f-cking living.
We were not born to sacrifice our lives,
our relationships,
our orgasm or joy,
for GETTING BY.

 

We were not born to sacrifice them at all!

 
God is a glorious and abundant SOURCE.
Wanting for your abundance.
 
How can you CLAIM to be a child of God,
and think so little of yourself?
 
I know that it is scary as f-ck to think you may be something GREAT.
 
I know that it takes a massive sh*t storm of COURAGE to go into the land of abundance.
 
I know that you have been told it is not possible.
For a million and one great/not so great reason’s.
 
The truth baby,
the truth,
 
You have a GIFT to give the Mother F-cking World.
 
God is calling you to action,
and the time to act is NOW.
 
All you have to do is SURRENDER to your FLOW.
All you have to do is SAY F-CK YES! To Yourself.
Over
and
Over
and
Over
Again.
 
SO what the f-ck are you waiting for?
 
THIS is your f-cking invitation.
Don’t tell me you can’t because you don’t know where to start.
Because you don’t have the education.
The time.
The money.
The support.
Or any other thing.
 

You were born for THIS SHIT.

 
SO get off your scaredy cat ass and CLAIM YOUR LIFE.
 
 I love you. 
 

And remember,

Stop Existing & Start Living

 
 
PS – Recently I launched my newest online workshop.
It is 10 days of alignment asskickery for anyone who wants to leap into their desired life.
 
Stop F*cking Around has launched and Live training kicks in on July 18th, 2018.
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/stop-f-cking-around/
 
You will not want to miss this event.
 
Here are some of the thing s that people are saying who have sampled the workshop so far.
 
” Wow, it is like magic. I accessed the pre-work and instantly felt the changes in my thinking. So powerful.”
 
“I love your style, you teach and share with such ease, it’s like working with your best friend. I feel like you just get me and where I am at.”
 
“You make it so easy to just embrace life. I have followed you for years and having this opportunity to work with you is so exciting.”
 
Stop F*cking Around – 10 days of Alignment Asskickery!
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/stop-f-cking-around/
 
Grab your spot TODAY and get started on creating that F-ck YES! Life Now.
 
STOP saying you want it, but NEVER take any solid action to GETTING IT.
 
STOP bouncing around with ton’s of great ideas, but no clarity as to what you really desire.
 
STOP making excuses, instead CLAIM your AWESOMNESS.
 
Do you have a calling that is screaming at you?
Do you crave an authentic, blissed out life?
Do you have ton’s of creative energy but no clue what to do with them?
Do you feel like you have tried all these things but are still just standing at the side lines of your life?
 
Well ….
 
The answer is simple.
 
Stop F*cking Around!
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/stop-f-cking-around/
 
SIGN UP NOW.
Start living your Truth.
Start Calling in your blessings.
You deserve it.
https://www.tantrictransformation.com/stop-f-cking-around/

Ode to My Greatest Lover

I wake.
I open myself.
I breathe in deeper.
I feel my fear of this expansion,
of this birthing,
This quaking of my soul as it rattles the cage that it has lived in so long.
My back arches as though my being in is orgasmic rapture,
my hips feel tense and my pussy quivers, tightening, squeezing, releasing.
My heart beats faster and then holds its emotion,
as to not let it escape,
the tears want to be released,
stream down my cheeks and be tasted by my lips.
My lips long to be devoured,
seduced by my lover.
My hands burn,
tremble and shake.
My breath is deep in this moment as I try and relax myself,
Relax from this expansion,
this birthing,
this quaking of my soul.
The cage that once held me so tight,
its bars are no more.
The walls that sheltered me and contained me,
have vanished.
There is nothing.
Nothing more of the me that I have been till now.
I am almost non existent and yet everything.
It is terrifying and brilliant.
I know that I am waking,
that I am becoming,
more.
It is all that I need,
all that I crave,
all that I am.
I am this rapture.
My body opens more,
ready to receive the deepest of penetration,
hungry and wet,
waiting for the teasing touch of my lover in this instant,
My lips full of pulsing blood, my muscles tingle and long for the sensation of being taken,
taken into this climax.
Taken into this rapture.
My soul know’s,
it know’s that there is no escape,
there is no refuge,
this will be orgasmically painful,
and will envelope me.
This will carry me to the greatest of heights,
where I will not be able to move,
I will only be carried.
Carried into the light.
Carried into the joy.
Carried into the bliss.
Carried into the orgasm.
Here, here I will meet my lover.
Here I will wake,
here in the arms of the one that holds me.
Here in the embrace,
I will be penetrated.
Deeper.
Deeper.
And when I feel I can go no further,
when I feel that I have nothing more to give,
nothing more to offer,
when I am exasperated and breathless,
when I am certain that the climax is over,
Deeper.
Deeper.
Till I can not deny.
I cannot hold back any longer.
Where my only option is to surrender.
Where I will become.
The rapture.
My legs open wider,
my knee’s tremble,
deep within my womb there is a fire,
there is creation,
there is a calling.
There is a earning.
Juices are flowing,
I am wet with desire.
I am wet with hunger.
I am salivating…
My lover.
Takes me.
Deeper.
Deeper.
I feel I am too much,
Can I be held if I am too much?
Can I be accepted if I am too much?
Will I frighten my lover?
Will my chaotic, crazy, passion devour him?
 
Yes.
Yes it will devour.
It will eat him up.
He will come to me,
I will drink from him,
I will inhale his essence,
I will absorb his breath.
He will seize to exist,
he will be everything.
And nothing.
This rapture,
This climax.
I sit in it,
fearful.
Intent.
Full.
Hungry.
Here I sit.
In bliss.
Knowing that this is the rapture of my soul.
This is the knowing,
the meeting,
of me.
My lover, he has always been there.
He will NEVER leave.
He is there,
penetrating me.
Deeper.Deeper.
Until I can come no more.
Until my juices have flooded my world,
washed me clean,
and carried him away.
Here,
I wake.
I open myself.
I breathe in deeper.
I feel my fear of this expansion,
of this birthing,
This quaking of my soul as it rattles the cage that it has lived in so long.
I release.
I come.
I surrender.
In the arms of my lover.
In the arms of God.
I can fly.
 

As always,

Stop Existing & Start Living

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3 Men Showed Up.

Arms open wide.
His arms, so open.
So supportive.
So full love.
Of acceptance.
 
I welcomed his embrace with my whole heart and soul.
Needing to be held.
To be carried in this moment.
Needing his witnessing of my soul.
My heart.
My pain.
My fear.
My love.
My gratitude.
 
There we were, a moment that happens often in our relationship. Saying good bye at a car door in a parking lot. Embracing each other with love. With a tender holding of friendship. Of authentic connection.
 
Today was different though.
Today I was breaking in the wake of my life.
I was washed over by the storm of my life and I did not have the strength to hold space for myself.
 
Today, I needed his strength.
I needed the witnessing and loving support of the divine masculine to hold me.
 
A fatherly love.
A lovers love.
A deep friendship of years.
A kindred spirit.
 
I needed to feel God come through him and hold me. Assure me that I was going to not just be fine, but be able to fly again.
 

And here he was.

I love the way he showed up.

 
Present attention.
His inquiry was deep but open.
So understanding.
So empathetic. Compassionate.
Full of love.
 
Soft were his words.
Connective were his communications.
2000 miles may have separated us, but he was there holding my hand. Holding my heart. Sharing his.
 
Months had passed since we saw each other and spoke last, yet these two hours on the phone felt like no time had passed. There was zero distance between our beings.
 
It was perfect.
He was perfect.
His holding and witnessing made him so.
 
I had been able to gift him with this holding in years past, now he was offering it to me and sharing his tales and lessons equally. Together we rose. Together we embraced life in this moment.
 
Our pain.
Our broken hearts.
Our misunderstandings and uncertainty.
Our joy.
Our faith.
 
A fellow soul crusader’s empathy and love.
A lovers love.
A friendship of years.
A kindred spirit.
 
I needed to hear his lessons of love and compassion. I needed his truth in this moment. It supported my own. His words encouraged both of us. God was speaking through him. His statement of, ” I answer to something higher than the law of humankind.”
 
Yes. I too answer to this.
I too align to this.
Our laws of ego and shut down hearts are not my truth.
I needed to hear this. I needed him to assure me that I was not broken. That I would fly again.
 

And here he was.

I loved the way he showed up.

 
His smile.
His embrace.
He walked through the door and just smiled that smile.
He embraced me from behind while I cooked dinner.
Kissing my neck.
Telling me sweet everything’s.
 
Those words.
His arms open wide.
His heart beat assuring me.
His presence witnessing me.
The tears I had cried before, in the parking lot, on the phone. He could see their residue left from my mascara on my cheeks.
He could see my exhaustion.
My fear. My concern.
 
His holding. He shared his breath with me through a kiss.
He assured me that I could fly with his smile.
He cradled my heart as it wept with his presence.
He cradled my aching body with his strength, his warmth.
 
Silence.
Presence.
Love.
 
It was ours.
These were our tales.
This was our truth.
Our moment.
The only moment.
 
A fellow seeker of truth and healing.
A lovers love.
A new friendship.
A kindred spirit.
 
The look in his eye’s. The smile on his face. The laughter he brought into the moment. His light. Telling me that I could have it all. Telling me that I was strong. That I was a mother f*cking Goddess! Telling me that I was radiant. Telling me that I was needed and mattered. Assuring me that I could fly.
 

And here he was.

I loved the way he showed up.

 
This was my day yesterday.
These three gentlemen assuring me,
each in their own way that I could fly.
Each sharing their hearts.
Their love.
Their presence.
 
Helping to heal me.
And I helping to heal them.
Through authenticity and truth.
Through unconditional love and the offering of our presence and witnessing for each other.
 
Here is the dance of the divine masculine and feminine in it’s beauty. Here is the ying and the yang.
 
These three men in less than 24 hours have done more toward the healing of my heart and soul than I can ever communicate in my written words.
 
My gratitude for their love, support, compassion, empathy, connection, guidance, strength, and PRESENCE goes beyond words or actions to be shared.
 
All I can offer in return-
Is my heart and my wings.
 
Thank you for being the wind beneath my wings.
For carrying me to a new space.
Thank you for helping me take a step in restoring my faith in the masculine. In men.
 

Thank you.

 
This is my share today.
It is a share of compassion. Vulnerability and gratitude.
It a share of the great masculine and how it can when it chooses, hold space for the feminine and love her through her storms and messy emotions.
 
This is a share to show all men out there,
 
Thank you to these three men who chose in one day to gift me with their presence and hearts.
 

A remember,

Always –

Stop Existing – Start Living

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Dear God, Please Fix Them…

“Dear God please help heal them so that I will feel better.”

“Dear God please get them to change so that I can feel better.”

 

“Dear God please send your angels down to comfort them so that I can get on with my life, they are bugging me.”

 
Yeah God, can you get on that?
 
Right now, PLEASE!
 
They are not doing what I want.
They are not acting the way that makes me feel good.
They are making choices that make me upset.
 
OMFG!
 
How many times if you get right with yourself do you have to admit that this is exactly what you are meaning when you are praying for someone else, or when you are dealing with a relationship?
 
You may have laughed or found yourself bewildered at my statements above, but if you dare dig into your heart you might be surprised at what you discover.
 
You might have to actually REALIZE that these statements are not far from home for you.
 
I know they are not to far from home for me.
I continuously work at letting go of my need to control a situation and other people’s choices, however I still fall into my ego and catch myself doing just this.
 
I find myself in this pile of sh*t,
a.k.a. DRAMA
 
And then somewhere in the shifting through it I come to realize that I have done it yet again.
 
I went and stuck my nose into someone else’s business or tried to interfere with God’s business.
 
Seem’s goofy, but it is true.

 

If you think you are above this but you:

 
Find yourself worried about the outcome of something,
Find yourself worried or concerned about what choice/action someone else is going to take,
Find yourself sad or in anxiety over a choice or action that someone else did,
Find yourself angry at how someone is not seeing, hearing or understanding you,
Find yourself constantly getting people to show up in your life telling you that you should do this or that,
Or you have constant interactions with people who are, well let’s just call them “haters”

Then GUESS WHAT…

 
You are caught in someone else’s or God’s business.
You are NOT tapping into WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
 
Yesterday, I was on the phone with a young man who I care about, but am very upset with the choices that he has recently made in his life and how they have impacted someone very close to me.
 
I had been requested to reach out to him and hold space, as he was going through some really tough events and needed a “sesh with mom” as it was put to me ( although he is not actually my child, I have the ability to show up and mom him, he will hear it from me).
 
Initially when this request was made of me, I instantly felt myself stepping to ego and thinking to myself, “well he just needs to change because I mad at him for this, this, and this.”
 
I felt VERY JUSTIFIED in my anger toward him too.
Thank goodness for doing your inner work,
because I quickly saw my ego and realized that this was not a reaction from my core, my soul.
 
So I said, yes to the request and asked if there was any insight that I needed before calling him,
 
the response was simple, ” I am going to respect him and let him share everything.”
 
This statement came to me with a gut wrenching feeling and thought that I had no reason to think. It was one of those moments when you find yourself questioning, WHY? would I even think that.
 
Yet, I had this feeling in my gut and this VERY BAD thought of what he was going to share with me. So I texted back the person asking me to hold space for this young man, with okay and I shared quickly what had come into me in that moment. Then said that I prayed I was wrong. The response back gave no answer to my feeling, just said call him.
 
Well, I quickly found out that my feeling and thought were accurate.
 
I had been given a psychic message.
My intuition was dead on correct.
My heart dropped as I listened to the tears, the words and the energy.
 
All my anger still sat there with me for the actions that I was mad about prior, but now I felt deep empathy, compassion and even sadness for what he had been through.
 
My ego tried to creep in here and there with, “Karma is a bitch.”
And perhaps it can be.
 
The truth is that due to a lack of alignment is why this event happened.
It was not punishment.
It was not karma.
It was lack of alignment to himself.
 
And here is the thing…
 
We all get out of alignment.
Matter a fact, many of us are out of alignment MOST OF THE TIME.
 
When we are out of alignment with our core.
Our soul.
Our heart.
we are out of alignment with GOD.
 
From here stems ALL of our pain and suffering.
From here comes our neediness and expectation of others to be some other way to make us happy.
From here comes our sabotage.
From here we finger point, blame, shame and guilt.
From here we reside in ego
NOT in love.
 
When we are in alignment, we can open up to love and compassion.
 
For self and others.
We do not expect ANYONE to fix us,
make us feel someway or another.
 
We do not hate, or even really see the ugliness of humanity.
We see that we are all human.
We see that we are all guilty of all the same shit, just at different levels.
We see our lostness in another.
We see our non-alignment in another.
We see our beauty in another.
We see our divinity in another.
 

No matter how that person is choosing to show up, we see our REFLECTION.

 
I chose to reflect love, compassion, forgiveness and presence for this young man yesterday.
 
I chose to instead of judge and damn, to open my heart and risk.
I chose to instead of shut down and armor up to lean in and hold space.
 
I chose to see myself, feel my pain as well as my GREATNESS and beauty. My fear and trust.
 
In choosing these things,
Perhaps,
just perhaps,
I cracked open a door to healing for this young man.
 
Here is to a day,
a day of living from your heart.
From your core.
From your soul
From alignment.
 

And remember,

Stop Existing & Start Living

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

Risk It All – You Are Worth It

This morning I find myself sitting here feeling some uncalled for tension in my shoulder and neck. I did not wake with it. I was not consciously thinking thoughts of stress, negativity or scarcity. Yet here I sit.
 
I sit in this place and even as I type, I feel tears wanting to come up and be released.
 
The more I inquire and search within for
 
where they are coming from?
why am I feeling this tension?
 
I discover an emptiness.
A lost-ness.
 
There is no answer rising to the surface. Just emotion and physical repercussions of the emotion.
 
So I write.
I turn on one of my favorite Binaural Beats music sound tracks and I listen.
 
Hoping to change my frequency.
Hoping to release this charge of energy that is causing this.
Hoping that my energy will switch back to where I was at waking.
 
So I share.
I share with you to share my intimacy of being human.
I share with you to show that we all have internal work to do.
I share with you to say, it’s okay.
 
It’s okay to get tripped up.
It’s okay to feel pain.
It’s okay to not have the answers.
 
So I feel.
I feel into this space of not knowing and even though it is scary to not know I do KNOW that everything always happens for a reason and works out for my highest and best good.
 
I feel into this dark closet of my emotions and breathe deep and MAKE A DECISION to hold space for myself.
 
I feel into this uncomfortable vibration and realize that it is here to tell me an important message.
 
The message?
The message is that I allowed myself to step out of alignment with God.
 
Out of alignment with my core.
Out of alignment with my joy and well-being.

 

The message is that when we are in alignment, life will flow and FEEL GOOD.

 
The message is that we are ALWAYS being guided,
We often do not see the path,
However we are ALWAYS being guided.
 
The message is to TRUST.
What does Alignment look and feel like?
 
It looks and feels like TRUST.
It looks and feels like SURRENDER.
It looks and feels like LETTING GO.
 
Alignment will appear as RISK.
On the front side I have noticed that anytime I lean in more, trust more, surrender more, that I feel like I am risking everything.
 
And I am risking EVERYTHING.
I am risking what I have ALWAYS KNOWN
for EVERYTHING I HAVE ALWAYS DESIRED.
 
So I write.
I write this to help myself come back into that space of KNOWING.
I write this to support my core and to see the steps that I must take, I am already taking.
I write this because my SOUL needed to SPEAK to my MIND.
 
So I share.
I share this with you this morning to GIVE YOU INSIGHT.
I share this with you this morning to remind you to have compassion for yourself.
I share this with you this morning to remind you that YOU HAVE ALL the answers within you.
 
Is it as easy as just making your mind up to TRUST
To SURRENDER,
To LET GO?
 

Yeppers.

It is!

 

Only in committing to yourself will you ever BECOME who you were BORN TO BE.

 
Trust in your day.
Trust in your heart.
Trust in your soul.
Trust in God.
 
And Risk all that you are COMFORTABLE with For ALL THAT YOU ARE.
 
Stop Settling for Less.
You are WORTH MORE.
 

Leap this morning into the life that your heart desires.

 

It wants you!!!!

 

And Remember,

Stop Existing & Start Living!

Join Kendal TODAY for a F*ck Yes Life experience. Limited time access to 1:1 coaching and online coaching programs to help you master your FREEDOM based life NOW.

The Day the Earth Stood Still.

” There must be alternatives. You must have technology that could solve our problem.”  – Quoted from the 1951 Movie The Day the Earth Stood Still

Breathless I feel my heart clenching, holding on for dear life. My ego throwing a fit beyond measure, wanting to rage and destroy, cry and break beneath the pressure of the pain.  I sit there, just  reading over and over again the words that every cell in my being feared the most. How could this be? Why would this happen? How could the love not withstand, and God deny something so beautiful, powerful, and divine? Why would God not desire for our worship of him to come through our relationship and be a path of grace for others. An example of the blessings and beauty that he desires for us?

Ego chanting words of anger, pain, and fear. The primitive mind running a muck and taunting me to react out of this fear and charge forward, saying things I would be sure to regret and did not mean in my heart or soul. No just the wound would be speaking in this moment and it was just the wound of this drastic blow to my heart that I was standing in the epicenter of.  The storm that blew around me keeping me from feeling my truth, my love. Shrouding me in a darkness that spoke of never leaving.  Monsters lurking, screaming out my fears of abandonment, never being able to hold on to love, not being lovable, not being worthy, not being enough and being to much. Telling me IF I had only done this or that then things would be different. The pain, the shame, the guilt and the feeling of being so naive to love again.

After all it was my stupid little girl who was hopeful and certain that this time things would be different. How could they not? I had never gone so deep with someone before. I had never revealed and explored the layers of my soul like I had in this love. I had never trusted anyone to surrender the way that I had with him.

Perhaps it was to much.

Or I was too much.

My eye’s skimming back across the word, “Goodbye.” Almost meditating on it and watching the sky fall outside the window.  My heart not beating fast at all, in fact feeling like there is no beating at all. Am I dead Lord? Where is my breathe? Where is my heart? I am left with neither, only the haunting of my crazed mind and the laughter from something deep in me, taunting that it knew all along that he would do this.

Only sheer seconds passed I am sure, but it felt like a thousand lifetimes flickered their emptiness before me without him.

Yes today, today the earth stands still.

And with it my heart and soul, withering in a corner unable to move, finding that there is no purpose to hold out for hope, for love, or for life. What reason should I move forward. I have no heart for it in his hands, my soul bound to his and now in darkness lost. There is no purpose to moving forward, no purpose to standing up and going on.

And yet, I must.

There in my chair, I look into the eye’s of the corpse that use to be full of love and life. Realizing that I must dress it up and spray perfume on it to hide its rot so that my children and all those I see will not see my pain, my suffering, my self-hatred for not being worthy and now being a sham too boot.

Authenticity. HA!

Love. HA!

Certainty. HA!

Blessing. HA!

These words that we bask in when things are going great, they do nothing for the broken. They get trampled by the pain, the rage, and the fear. They drown in the sludge of our ego’s as we hide.

Our world does not allow us to embrace our range of emotions. It is only socially acceptable to be “okay and fine” or happy. We hide from mourning. We hide from anger and even condemn it. So, what am I to do here on this day that ended the world as I knew it?

Smile.

Make my list.

Control what I can.

Try to breathe a false breath.

Ignore the pain. That is what one is to do in this situation. Ignore it and carry on. Just as he suggested in his goodbye, it is time for me to walk my own path without him. I suppose I could go off and go on a few dates, have some crazy sexual encounters and try and connect to someone else by the use of my physical body. I could hide by grabbing a bottle or two of my favorite drink. I could crash on the couch and veg in front of Netflix for the next century. I could hide my tears and I could stand strong and act like none of this was happening, just throw myself into my work and my children and carry on.

Or…. I could jump in my car and go and scream in his face. Burst into tears and beg. I could let the wild woman out that loves deeply and passionately and will go to war for her love when he is not strong enough to see his heart from all the mist about him. I could make my case and then that for sure would change everything. Perhaps I would at very least feel better in having him stand there and be the persecutor to my victim in hopes that he would decide to rescue me.

But both of those are based in ego. This is not what my spirit desires and knows to be love or my strength.

No, instead it is time to PAUSE.

It is time to go within and allow myself to feel fully. To embrace the rawness of the wound and the beauty of the love that was shared. It is time, on this day that the earth stands still to take a cue from the divine.

LISTEN.

Listen to the stillness.

Listen to the rhythm of this life.

Listen to the voice off in the distance that is speaking. That voice that sounds of truth and love eternal.

Here there is still hope. There is hope for this broken soul of today to heal and to move forward. It will not happen on my timeline, or on anyone’s.  It will not occur because of pushing through. It will not be touched by my masks, my over analyzation or my fear of the future.

No the only thing that will support it is my surrender.

So here you go kind folks, heartbreak is unavoidable. It chases us all down like ravenous wolves and makes us fear it. We dance around and try our hardest to avoid. We believe that by settling for something less than what our hearts and souls desire that we will be safe.

We hide our faces every day of our lives, we shut our hearts to the love and joy that crave to bless us. We speak words of logic in the face of that that we can never grasp. We follow the darkness as it masks itself as light, telling us that we do this or that and behave that we will avoid.

Avoid pain.

What this enemy does not share is that by being average and ordinary and hiding from our passion to bask in the blessings of God and all the beauty of this physical existence that comes with that, that we forfeit our desire NOT just for this life, but for God as well.

True we are not to worship things of this physical world in place of our worship for the Creator, but things of this world can be used as our worship of God. The simple act of kissing a lover can be an act of worship of God. It is the intent of the heart that is behind it that reveals the beauty.

If we choose to live in fear in our physical world then we show no trust of God. We may claim that we are believers, but do true believers fear this world? Or do they embrace it in desire and on fire with the backing of God?

God wants you to desire life.

God wants you to desire love.

God wants you to desire him.

 

Our fear of stepping forward in faith, is nothing more than blasphemy.

Ask yourself today if you have faith or fear ruling your life?

One is of God the other is the enemy.

“Stop Existing – Start Living.”