The sky was coming down on me.
There I lay,
thrown out on the cold, damp grass…
Staring up into the heavens,
the full moon casting its light down on me as though it was encouraging my breakdown.
I felt the earth beneath my body,
firm and cold to my plea,
my plea of not being enough.
This life that I have created,
this life that I love so deeply,
with all of its souls,
all the adventure,
all of the beauty.
Many days I feel that I am not good enough for this life.
I question why God has been so good to me?
Why do I keep reaping blessings,
why do people share such deep love with me,
Why do they value me so?
Don’t they see…
Don’t they see the human that I am.
The girl who still feels that she is not enough.
That pigeon toed wallflower who is lost in this thing called life?
Don’t they see that I fear myself.
I fear my messages.
I fear the spirit that moves through me,
that provides me such intensity at times.
I fear my heart.
That it may be wrong in its judgement,
it may guide me to loss and pain.
I fear that it was my heart that caused all of the pain,
and I know differently.
I know that the pain,
is all based in my desire to control the outcome of my life.
I know that my heart which speaks from the place of deep understanding of soul,
It does not judge.
It knows it truth,
and it just asks that I listen.
But I find on some days I cannot hear it for all the chaos that this beautiful life of mine has in it.
I cannot make out who I am on some days,
for who I am trying to be for everyone else.
And in this,
I become lost.
Just as you.
I snuggle into my humanness,
and I hold myself strong to the course that my head,
that my ego and all of society would tell me to be right and true.
And then in my final moments,
before I LET GO….
I find myself fighting to not drop to my knees,
to not lean in to this call.
This call that is so overpowering,
so enticing and juicy.
This call that I know if I let it pull me will guide me to all that I have wanted.
But I resist just a moment more.
I harden myself to all that I feel,
I toughen up like I have been told,
and I smile though I want to weep.
I say yes when I should say no.
I resist my truth yet some more.
As though it is helping me.
As though this will make me happy,
and solve my worlds problems.
Oh how funny we humans are.
How silly we are to run from all that we want,
all the while claiming we are pushing toward it.
We can not see our path,
as it lays out with each blind step that we take,
we cannot see it,
but if we learn to LET GO,
we can feel it.
It moves through us,
it moves us with each breath,
and those who choose to drop to their knees,
to lean into the call,
and allow our hearts to be seen,
if only for that flicker in time,
we grasp vision from the heavens above,
and we move.
But what you may not want to see,
is the mess,
the mess of this dropping.
The mess of letting go,
it may appear that one is falling apart,
trembling and lost more than ever before,
but this is a moment of expansion.
And a moment of revealing.
A moment where the heart leads.
There are no breakdowns,
But we must allow them to be seen.
As we allow our hearts the same,
and through this process of shattering,
we transform who we are into who we were born to be.
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
Feel like you are lost and falling apart at the seams?
Like you have been working so hard for the life that you want,
but it still is not before you.
Let’s chat! Let’s get you cracked open and expanded so that YOU can call it in NOW.
Reach out to me about deet’s on 1:1 coaching and group now.
Do you ever have a moment in your life where you find your heart swelling with gratitude and love?
Where you are sitting in a state of awe over how effing blessed you are?
Do you ever just find yourself in tears to the magic that this life has to offer?
I have this frequently.
Just this morning my alarm went off a little after 5-AM.
I stretched, drank some water, went to the bathroom.
I came back to bed, snuggled under my furry blanket and wrapped myself up in my satin sheets.
My hand rested beside me and I felt my lovers erection,
he was sleeping, but his member was awake.
I smiled from within,
as I had a hunger to connect with him.
And so we made sweet love.
Wispers of pleasure,
my body was happy to receive him.
I joked that he needed to get going and shower, and get out the door to work,
but that I first demanded that he take care of me as I grabbed him.
The moment was playful,
it was loving and primal.
It was most of all connective,
and more so connective for me to embody myself then to even connect with him.
I found myself needing him to touch me,
needing him to bring me back to my breath,
needing ME to get present in my own flesh,
with my emotions,
and out of my head.
And this moment blessed me with just that.
Afterward, we kissed and he got me my morning coffee.
I sat in bed, breathed deep into my womb and relaxed my chest.
I found myself feeling so much gratitude for my life,
for the opportunities that I have,
I was grateful for the messes that I need to clean up today,
my home that needs tidied for a 3-day event happening in it this coming weekend,
for my children,
their laughter and joy.
I opened up my facebook and I scrolled through pictures and events that happened over the last eight weeks.
I looked at the travel, the birthdays, the dinners, the family and friends,
the authentic smiles,
I saw the blessings and felt JOY.
I felt INSPIRED to focus on just that and keep manifesting more of what feels so good.
I felt PEACE for where I am,
and EXCITEMENT for the path before me.
I felt GRATITUDE for being in my body and the messages that my SOUL shares through my body.
and I felt COMPASSION for self,
and UNDERSTANDING that I am just human.
This is how we create.
This is how we manifest our lives.
We grow and we manifest through being EMBODIED.
But so often we do not fathom what embodiment means,
let along how to achieve it.
We hide in our heads,
where the clutter and chaos of our fears and worries drown out our truth.
We run from our bodies,
and our emotions,
in belief that they will mislead us,
that they are weak and not to be listened too.
Yet as our world evolves,
science is pointing back to what we call spiritualism,
that crazy mystic shiz,
and it is revealing that thier is so much to the
MIND< BODY<SOUL connection.
That in order for us to truly live to our full capasity and expereince maximum well-being that we MUST embody ourselves and not exclude any aspect of this triad.
It is our ability to connect the dots of this three parts that enable us to be the alchemists of our lives.
When we are lost,
when we are full of anxiety,
our pathway of communication between
MIND<BODY<SOUL is disrupted.
Making it it virtually impossible to make correct life choices for ourselves.
We hinder our selves through disassociation to the body and the emotions.
This disassociation causes us to have life happen to us,
verses us creating the life that we want.
In today’s world there are new sciences being created to study just this MIND<BODY<SOUL connection and the pathways that create the communication needed to achieve our full capacity.
The medical field of bioelectronics was formulated just for this sole purpose.
And in it’s study,
the pathway of the Vagus nerve is a focus.
This is just what I speak of today,
and how I have intuitively created my F-ck Yes! Lifestyle.
Through a consistent practicec of activaing, and paying attention to this communication freeway.
Listening to its messages from SOUL to Body, to mind and acting from this KNOWING space.
You can do the same.
SImple steps and unederstanding,
following the guidance of vagus nerve coaching and practices to live your best life.
It really is.
And YOU can expereince the rewards.
Conscious Focus on Appreciation and Compassion.
Letting go of Control Based Thinking.
Becoming Body Present.
These are the steps.
Get activated now.
How do you support your MIND<BODY<SOUL Connection?
And As Always,
Stop Existing & Start Living
“Coaching for Grown A*s Believers”
ANNOUNCING my New Global Group Coaching Program!
5-weeks of intensive yet simple education, strategy and exercises to create your desired life through activation and understanding of the Vagus Nerve.
PM for Pre-Launch interest in Group Vagus Nerve Coaching Program. Learn how to embody and stimulate your vagus nerve in a whole new way.
It is frequently assumed that I go on many dates with many men..
It is assumed that to be a coach who teaches people how to have more, and deeper better sex that I must be loose or easy to bed.
That sex is something I am addicted too even.
Its often assumed that because I am the mother of seven that I am uncontrollable and quenchless in my thirst for sex or orgasm.
People often say to me,
” you would think that a sex coach would have figured out what causes pregnancy by now.”
Many look at me with horrified questioning eyes as they inquire if I will have any more children or why I am not currently married.
The assumptions roll through thier minds and almost escape thier lips.
Perhaps even you dear reader and follower wonder and question.
Perhaps you are among the assumers.
And I want you to know that I thank you.
I thank you for all that you feel.
All that you think.
And all that you sometimes goofily share in your assumptions.
I see your humanness.
And I do not judge it.
As you judge me.
I know what my truth is.
I know whom I love.
I know that my heart,
My message and my calling is felt and seen by those it is meant for.
Not everyone can be like a taco as my best friend would say.
And even though I may have a body part that resembles,
I am still not a taco.
I write this musing this evening to shed the light on how we judge what we do not understand.
How we cast stones with certainty,
But are enraged when they are thrown back without due reason in our opinion.
Today I share with you from a place I choose to call the labyrinth of mirrors.
This is the place where we can choose to see ourselves in ALL we come in contact with on our life journey,
Or we can turn away from them,
Look downward and become lost in the maze of our own fears and self criticism.
What do you choose my sweet human?
To be judge and jury to all in your life
And that you meet on your path.
Or to be human.
To be human means to be compassionate.
To self and to others.
To know that we do not know what anothers shoes are like.
What the path they have traveled took them through.
To be human means that you stand as witness not judge.
And to witness another is one of the greatest gifts we can ever offer.
To allow ourselves to be witnessed is the next.
Just yesterday I was working with a dear client of mine. This man has love streaming from every energy fiber he has. And yet he struggles with allowing himself the simple pleasure of recieving that love back.
I left him with the words,
” One day I hope you give me the gift of you allowing yourself to recieve my love.”
Now that statement may instantly bring up assumptions and judgments in you about me.
Or my coaching practice.
What does Kendal do with her clients?
Is she in romantic relations with them.
And you can assume.
You can judge.
And you can cast your head down and keep stubling through your maze.
Be my guest.
What I can tell you is that each day it is revealed and I am reminded of the deep intimacy I hold with these souls that are labled my clients.
They are not my clients.
They are my lovers.
I love each of them deeply.
The intimacy, vulnerability, rawness and depth that they trust me with is without messure one of the greatest gifts of this life time for me.
I love my clients.
I love them for thier willingness to stop bouncing off the walls of thier maze and instead to sit still and let them selves be revealed through the mirrors that are presented on thier path.
I love them for thier courage to catch thier inner judge and jury and fire them daily,
While loving themselves at a more intense level.
I love them for the tender moments that they give grace…
I love them for the humor and laughter as they learn how to skip through thier errors and self defeating patterns.
Yes they are my lovers.
And I love them for the blessings that they are.
Now back to that dating thing….
I have dated a few men in my time.
And I have dated many at the same time.
But the men of my current…
The men I choose daily.
These men you may or may never meet…
Some can be captured in picture.
Others in story.
More than one?
Yes in deed.
And does it matter whom they are to you?
Well lets just see if you have been listening.
They have your answer.
But the mirror will never lie.
As Always My Loves,
Stop Existing & Start Living
Coaching for Grown A*s Believers